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    On Stranger Tides
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    On Stranger Tides
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    On Stranger Tides
    Ebook442 pages7 hours

    On Stranger Tides

    By Tim Powers

    4/5

    ()

    Currently unavailable

    Currently unavailable

    About this ebook

    “Powers writes action and adventure that Indiana Jones could only dream of.”
    —Washington Post

    “Tim Powers is a brilliant writer.”
    —William Gibson

    The remarkable Tim Powers—who ingeniously married the John Le Carrè spy novel to the otherworldly in his critically acclaimed Declare—brings us pirate adventure with a dazzling difference. On Stranger Tides features Blackbeard, ghosts, voodoo, zombies, the fable Fountain of Youth…and more swashbuckling action than you could shake a cutlass at, as reluctant buccaneer John Shandy braves all manner of peril, natural and supernatural, to rescue his ensorcelled love. Nominated for the Locus and World Fantasy Awards, On Stranger Tides is the book that inspired the motion picture Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides—non-stop, breathtaking fiction from the genius imagination that conceived Last Call, Expiration Date, and Three Days to Never.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperCollins
    Release dateApr 26, 2011
    ISBN9780062091369
    Unavailable
    On Stranger Tides
    Author

    Tim Powers

    Tim Powers is the author of numerous novels including Hide Me Among the Graves, Three Days to Never, Declare, Last Call, and On Stranger Tides, which inspired the feature film Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. He has won the Philip K. Dick Memorial Award twice, and the World Fantasy Award three times. He lives in San Bernardino, California.

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    Reviews for On Stranger Tides

    4/5

    488 ratings31 reviews

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    • 5/5
      This book was the basis of the fourth of Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean. On the one hand, it's surprising they took so long to notice it--this was originally published in 1987. On the other hand, Powers doesn't write the same thing over and over, and this is his only "pirates of the Caribbean" novel.

      Also, the movie is based very loosely on the book.

      John Chandagnac is the son of a French puppeteer, who eventually left his father's business to become an accountant with an English merchant company. He's on his way to the Caribbean to track down his uncle, Sebastian, who cheated his father of his rightful inheritance when the ship, Vociferous Carmichael, is attacked by pirates. It's not long before he's pressed into pirate service, and renamed Jack Shandy.

      And not long after that, working with the most famous pirate of all: Blackbeard.

      Vodun, or voodoo, magic is a big part of this story, with dire consequences for quite a few people Jack comes to care about. On his trip out, he'd met Elizabeth Hurwood and her father, Benjamin, who turns out to have really dire plans for her. Hurwood's partner in magic, Leo Friend, has his own terrible plans for Elizabeth.

      So does Blackbeard.

      Jack at least wants to have better plans for her.

      If he can outwit three powerful magicians.

      The plot takes many interesting twists and turns, and Jack finds some very unexpected use for his puppetry skills.

      This is, as always with Powers, smart, well-written, creative, clever, and thoughtful. The characters keep surprising the reader in ways that are utterly plausible and convincing. Powers also never fails to do his research, giving the novel an overall depth and reality that just can't be counted on in freewheeling historical fantasy.

      I loved it.

      Highly recommended.

      I bought this audiobook.
    • 4/5
      This pirate book is gripping fun for pirate lovers! Arrrrgh! Of course you must be ready for adventure on the Caribbean high seas, voodoo magic, incredible antics, gruesome swordfights, and the power of iron and blood. Don't try to make the fantasy real while reading this. Allow Powers' tale-telling to make a bit of real into a lot of fantastic! The interweaving of the story's many threads brings you to a satisfying, open-ended conclusion... for now...
    • 3/5
      Nicht schlecht, aber zu sehr in die Länge gezogen. Hätte auch etwas mehr Zug und Spannung vertragen. Ansonsten eine nette Zombie-Geschichte aus der Südsee.
    • 4/5
      Pirates, voodoo, the caribbean, black magic... stop me if you've heard this story.

      But OST is much more than a cobbled together version of a Disney ride. Powers has created a swashbuckling epic, and has enough ideas for any three other novels. There's epic sea battles, drunken sailors, some extremely nasty vilains, and a nightmarish trip to the Fountain of Youth that is worth a read all on its own.

      Powers has a fantastic imagination, and the skill to get it all onto the page. I'm in awe of his talent.
    • 4/5
      Interesting blend of sorcery and pirates!
    • 3/5
      Well, I had to read this, because, you know, Pirates. Of the Caribbean or not, pirate adventures must be read.
      And also, zombie voodoo!
      How could any story with these elements not be good?

      It wasn't bad, but I have to admit, I kept wishing it was better. I think, after reading both this and The Anubis Gates, that something about Powers' writing style is just not for me. I find the way he writes distancing - I never felt like I knew or emotionally identified with the characters. In order to enjoy it, I had to visually picture the (lots of) swashbuckling action and imagine that I was watching it, like a movie. The story really does have lots of great visual elements, and i do hope they use a lot of it in the upcoming movie - I think it will work out well.
    • 4/5
      Pirates and voodoo? It can't be bad! And we'll it's not bad, just.... not really interesting. I mean the story is entertaining and well written but neither that neither the two dimensional characters were unable to grab my attention.
    • 5/5
      This is a great book. Well written with a solid story. It's full of magic, excitement, romance and all of the elements of a great fantasy novel.
    • 4/5
      How could I resist a book about pirates, zombies, voodoo, and sailing on the high seas? I didn’t, of course. I love a good swordfight aboard a sailing ship on a tumultuous sea and there are plenty in ON STRANGER TIDES. Throw in zombies and I’ve got goosebumps! Tim Powers has just enough storyline to bind the adventurous parts together.
      The main character, Jack Shandy, is out to avenge his father but is distracted by a woman. Yuck. That whole “saving the damsel in distress” storyline was a distraction. The part about traveling through thick swampland to and from the Fountain of Youth was darn near hallucinogenic. The problem with that was that it seemed wrong for the book. It needed to be either expanded (my vote is expansion) or not in the book at all.
      The fourth PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN movie is based on this book but I’ve not seen the movie. As soon as the pirate Captain Davies appears in the story I couldn’t see anyone else but Johnny Depp playing him, even though he isn’t the main character. His humor and energy made him my favorite.
      I really enjoyed the book, even with its small faults, because its a good adventure story full of derring-do. It even has a very satisfying ending. Recommended for pirate enthusiasts!
    • 3/5
      On Stranger Tides by Tim Powers shares its title with the third of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies but inspired (helped fill in the gaps) the basic mechanics of the Curse of the Black Pearl (the first film). That said, the book has about as much to do with its cinematic spawn as The Club Dumas by Arturo Perez-Reverte does with The Ninth Gate.In place of Elizabeth Swann, Will Turner, and Cap'n Jack Sparrow, there is puppet-maker John Chandagnac. If he has any movie equivalent he'd take the place of Bootstrap Turner in the often spoken about backstory.Along the crossing of the ocean, John Chandagnac's ship is attacked by pirates. Turns out these pirates are cursed and are now ZOMBIES. So this is basically the story of how John takes inventory of his life and decides being part of a cursed pirate ship might be more rewarding that working with puppets.
    • 4/5
      If you are into swashbuckling pirate adventures, then you may enjoy this book. It has a good mix of piracy, voodoo magic and talking skulls. Does anyone else suddenly feel like playing the Adventures of Monkey Island?
    • 4/5
      The entire time I was reading On Stranger Tides, the soundtrack of Pirates of the Caribbean was stuck in my head. And with good reason. This is basically a more intelligent, more creative version of the Pirates franchise. Pirates, fighting dead men, skeletons, blood curses, captured girls,...this book's got them all. The major difference: Powers fitted his story seamlessly into the real time period and the ancient legends of the region. Oh, and no Jack Sparrow. Anyway, a fun and wild ride.

      When John Chandagnac steps aboard ship, he little realizes how much his life will change. As he sets out on a voyage of revenge to restore the fortune that his uncle absconded with, he is soon distracted by the beautiful Elizabeth Hurwood. John begins to sense that something is wrong: Elizabeth is oddly listless, thoroughly controlled by her eccentric father and overbearing doctor. Already conflicted by his interest for the girl, John's life irrevocably alters when pirates attack and take the ship. John's brave and rather idiotic actions during the attack lead to him being offered The Choice: join the pirates or die. Deciding that discretion is the better part of valour, John joins the crew as Jack Shandy. Now a pirate, he discovers that the New World is full of mystery, danger, and literal magic. Beth's father and the fearsome Blackbeard have concocted a horrifying scheme involving powerful Voduun magic and blood sacrifice. Jack, torn between his sense of honour and loyalty, sets himself a new goal: to protect and rescue Beth. The story hits climax after climax, and sorcery and swordfights abound.

      Considering that the male lead's name is Jack, the female's is Elizabeth, pirates are after a hidden treasure, blood sacrifices are central to the plot, and undead pirates end up battling aboard ship, comparisons with Pirates of the Caribbean: The Black Pearl are pretty much unavoidable*. My issue with the story was the same as the one I had with Pirates of the Caribbean. The very mechanics of the plot meant I could not examine the contents too closely. I have a somewhat inflexible moral compass, and one little thought kept slipping into my head: that a man who pillages and murders, no matter how affable he might be, is not a good guy. The narration appears to cast the "good" pirates as neutral and Shandy as heroic and noble, and like Will Turner in Pirates, neither Shandy nor the narrator reflect much on what it means to join, aid, and be loyal to the pirate crew. I didn't like Will much, and Shandy really, really reminds me of him, with his self-righteous arrogance and his overarching obsession with a woman that we've only seen him speak a few words to. However, morality has little to do with likeability, and like Shandy, I find the pirate captain, Davies, to be an incredibly engaging and enjoyable character. He reminds me of Barbossa, my absolute favourite character of Pirates, but he has an even more wicked sense of humour. I couldn't really empathize with any of the characters, but I liked most of them. I also loved the characterization of Blackbeard as incredibly cold, scary, smart, and charismatic.

      The only aspect I think the movie got better was Elizabeth. Elizabeth Hurwood has the worst case of the damsels I think I've ever come across. She spends the entire book as someone's hostage, and her personality remains entirely undeveloped. I think all of her words together might fit on one page, and they are all reactions to circumstance and declarations of affection or fear. She is explicitly considered by the men around her to be merely an object, a vessel to be utilized for the pleasure or convenience of others. The story also uses the "weepy weakling woman threatened with rape" trope way too much and way too graphically for me to be happy. Since Elizabeth appears to have been born with the backbone of a jellyfish and other forces continually use multiple means to control and subdue her, she is little more than a blank-eyed doll, and is actually described as such at several points in the story.

      The fight scenes are pulse-racing and oddly realistic, considering most of them involve spells cast by Bokur (Vodou witch-doctors) and zombies joining in the fun. They actually forced me to realize that although I have a fascination with the grotesque, I have an incredibly weak stomach for the gruesome. I never really realized just how wimpy I was until some of the graphic fight scenes in the story. Guhhhk.

      My favourite aspect of the story was the way that it intertwined the history and myths of the region. Powers definitely did the research. His New World is vivid and enjoyable, and Powers never rewrites history, something I really appreciate. He adds carefully engineered additional details which not only fit with all the known facts but feel both fitting and creative. For example, in this story, Blackbeard is a Vodun Bokur, which explains some of his fantastic adventures and odd foibles. Other fantastic stories, from Ponce de Leon's fountain of youth to iron's effect on magic, are deftly woven into the tale. Overall, On Stranger Tides is a perfect read for anyone who likes quite a bit of blood, gore, and battle, enjoyed the lurid tales of The Pirate's Own Book, and wants a better-crafted rendition of Pirates of the Caribbean. Bizarre and fantastic, in this book, you're off the edge of the map, mate. Here there be monsters.

      *I'm comparing On Stranger Tides solely to Pirates of the Caribbean: The Black Pearl; apparently a later Pirates movie was directly based on On Stranger Tides, but I didn't get that far in the Pirates franchise.
    • 4/5
      [An updated review]

      A while back I picked up On Stranger Tides. I had heard that it would be the template for the next installment in Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean franchise (#4) and because I'm such a huge fan (not, really). It was a whim, one I thought that would pass after just a few pages, as whims often.

      Boy, was I wrong.

      Within just the first couple pages, John Chandagnac has been captured by pirates, stabbed and nearly killed the pirate captain, and been "invited" to either join the pirate crew or, proverbially speaking, to walk the plank.

      "Adopt our purposes as your own," the bleeding pirate tells him, or die "where you stand." Pretty standard pirate fare, right?

      The plot only gets weird from there. But I shouldn't be surprised, right? Because we're talking pirates, right?

      Before he knows it, Chandagnac, or Jack Shandy as he is dubbed by his new crew, is plotting his escape back to respectability and lawful society, hoping to take with him the lovely, and also kidnapped, Beth Hurwood. Just as he's about to effect his escape, he finds himself, unwittingly, the quartermaster to his captor embarking on an expedition to the fabled Fountain of Youth.

      With stops to Jamaica, Haiti, Florida, the Carolinas, and an odd assortment of Caribbean blink-and-you-miss-it islands, not to mention a supporting actor/villain/antagonist role played by the most famous pirate of all--Blackbeard--On Stranger Tides proves to be a creative ride of a story that I thoroughly enjoyed. If it's not one thing happening to Chandagnac, it's another, and the leaps are as fantastical as any that made their way into Disney's adaptation. Powers has a talent for showing with subtle but colorful language that reflects end of an era at the closing of the 17th century and the birth of the 18th. Or at least it so seems to this reader, separated by several centuries from Caribbean swashbuckling in the dawn of the New World.

      My only regret? That Disney would be working its limited magic to diminish the fun and fantastic that Power's pirate tale gives to the reader. It's unfortunate, and it is why I suspect that this is one book that cannot be improved by cinematography or Johnny Depp. (Spoiler alert: the book is much better than the movie).
    • 5/5
      This book is set in the 18th century on the open sea around the Caribbean. The book is filled with all the pirates, magic, voodoo and villains you can take. Very entertaining.
    • 1/5
      I tried to concentrate on what was happening, but I couldn't delve into the details that this book offered. My unfortunate reading experience reflects the score of this flawed book. The prologue and epilogue are the most well written and most climactic parts, respectively. There's something wrong with the author's style, as far as I'm concerned. It's like an ill tuned radio. Nothing really comes out of the pages and grabs you. One of those books I would have- indeed once did - abandoned reading.It's a well written book though, and it must have fans that swear by it. The same book that enchants others made me despair. I wish I could get any inkling what I'm missing. But despite the fact that I read every single word of this doomed book, I'll never know. Now, to the next book!
    • 3/5
      I might just be a little burned out on all things pirates having just read Michael Crichton's Pirate Latitudes before this one (my reading selection is often dictated by what has to go back to the library soon), but I enjoyed On Stranger Tides much less than I enjoyed the other Tim Powers book I've read, The Anubis Gates. It was fun, but by the end, I was skimming through fight after fight while trying to keep track of what each antagonist's motivation was.
    • 4/5
      Holds up decently well, though some nautical details (ranging from Royal Navy uniforms to how quickly Shandy becomes a competent sailor) are now, having devoured O’Brian, obviously incorrect or impossible. And even though they’re sorcerors, some characters have a deeper understanding of quantum physics than most 21st century Americans. None of which makes the story any less fun.
    • 3/5
      I didn't get on with this one. Despite some fairly exciting sequences, this novel could not decide whether it was a historical adventure story or a fantasy novel. I could enjoy one or the other (the former rather more so) but not this amalgam. Also, I couldn't make myself care about any of the characters. Have stopped reading this two thirds of the way through. The latest Pirates of the Caribbean film apparently borrowed some ideas from this novel. 3/5
    • 4/5
      I love Tim Powers. Tim Powers was, in fact, the first writer I ever wanted to marry. Not that I'd met the man, I'd just read his work, but that's how it is. (Tim Powers was eventually supplanted in my affections by Neil Gaiman, but now that Neil has fallen from his perch, I'm open to reuniting.) I'm not saying that simply to gush -- I am notifying you folks that I have a bias toward this man. I pretty much love everything he writes. And, yes, I loved this book. I am not claiming that it is perfect. In fact, Tim Powers does not write perfect books, but that always seems to be part of the charm. Sometimes he leaves you breathless with the pace of action, sometimes puzzled because a piece seems to be missing, until of course you stumble across it in the next chapter and realize that the book was just taunting you... but here's the key: you are always engaged. This particular novel engages the reader in piracy, in fact. Interestingly enough, though the novel "suggested" the fourth installment of the tired "Pirates of the Caribbean" franchise, it is not at all the bloodless, artless affair the film depicts. In fact, by "suggested" apparently the Disney folks mean that the book and the film have exactly one character and one plot point in common. Never judge a book by its loosely-affiliated movie. The book is much more interesting, much more adventurous. All that is exactly as it should be, because this is a Tim Powers book. Naturally, our protagonist, the unintentionally piratical Jack Shandy, roams all over the Caribbean and Gulf of Mexico encountering not only pirates, but also vodun/voodoo and the sometimes awful and sometimes miraculous magic that it produces. Jack's multiple antagonists are, in fact, almost all practitioners of this mysterious art, which makes things tough for a former puppeteer. Yes, you read that correctly. Jack was raised as a traveling puppeteer. Not the sort of background one sees every day, even in a fictional character, but that is another wonderful element of a Tim Powers novel -- they are all deeply odd, in one way or another. With the pirates -- some of whom are the stuff of legend, like Blackbeard, and some of whom are purely invented creatures -- Powers has the room to play broadly with peculiarity. The result is a novel that artfully balances authentic emotion and sometimes disturbing violence, including some gruesome death and reanimation sequences, with a wry humor that never carries one too far over the top. Powers also has a talent for descriptions that -- with similar balance -- create a rich, real visual but don't distract from the movement of the story. There is a genuine pleasure in a book like this, one that offers so much, stitched together so well. The stitches may show in places, but this is the sort of book that becomes an old friend -- the kind of friend who wears old clothes comfortably and walks around in scuffed shoes, but always takes you on the best adventures.
    • 5/5
      Far, far better than the movie it inspired, this tale of pirates, and magic, and the fountain of youth is a gripping read. So many of the details are historically accurate, from what I've read about pirates of the early 1700s, and the characters are fully developed people that leap into action in the numerous sea battles. A treat for anyone who wants to read a gripping yarn about pirates.
    • 2/5
      This book gained notoriety as being a supposed basis for the fourth "Pirates of the Caribbean" film, and this novel certainly lived up to that franchise's sloppy and hokey reputation for muddled fantasy adventure. This book was maddeningly confusing, not just on the overall big levels of plot and characters that don't make sense, but even down to tiny moments of style and language that are just plain difficult to decipher what exactly is happening at any given moment. As a story full of magic, the plot conveniently relies on the unbelievably coincidental and convenient to push the story forward. I could only recommend the title to strict enthusiasts of both the pirate and fantasy genres. But this book was certainly strange, as I have so rarely encountered a piece of literature so poorly rendered on a fundamental level with clunky imagery and syntax.
    • 3/5
      The idea is interesting - magic/voodoo is real, in the time of pirates (particularly Blackbeard). But the execution was weak. There is really only one developed character, the protagonist, and everyone else is at best a sketch of an object with one particular objective. I suppose one is supposed to get a bit of a sense they are all puppets of great forces, but that's no excuse for wooden characterisations.There are a number of issues with the specifics of the book too. A Spanish Conquistador of that era would not be talking about atoms, and a European puppeteer certainly wouldn't have understood such talk. Let alone the previously deranged man having a long convenient multi-page period of lucidity when he explains in detail how to stop the main enemies. There was another key moment of the plot in which a gunshot is fired rather improbably in order to set up a particular outcome.The protagonist also seems to have a quite remarkable ability to learn new skills, apparently becoming an expert pirate on land in something like three weeks, and a master of sailing a pirate ship in 5 hours.It's a nice mashup of some different ideas, but it would benefit from being shorter with better defined characters, rather than in the end a definitely dramatic but almost clockwork-like closing of all the plot arcs.
    • 4/5
      Part pulp adventure, part alternate history, and part horror novel, This book should probably have something for everyone. The descriptions of everyday voodooism in the caribbean, holywoodish as it may be, is really evocative and genuinly interesting.On the negative side, it is slightly disjointed and episodic - you never get the feel for the entire arc of the story as it jerkingly jumps from place to place, never really settling into rythm. It is also a bit to technical for my taste when it comes to sailing, and the sailing jargon is a bit hard to penetrate at times, but this might be because english is not my first language. Both these objections are minor. A must for evey fan of pirate fiction that is also a fantasy or horror enthusiast, and well worth the time of everyone else too, for that matter.
    • 4/5
      Good read, entertaining but couldn't quite connect some how.
    • 4/5
      This pirate book is gripping fun for pirate lovers! Arrrrgh! Of course you must be ready for adventure on the Caribbean high seas, voodoo magic, incredible antics, gruesome swordfights, and the power of iron and blood. Don't try to make the fantasy real while reading this. Allow Powers' tale-telling to make a bit of real into a lot of fantastic! The interweaving of the story's many threads brings you to a satisfying, open-ended conclusion... for now...
    • 3/5
      Why can't I find a scifi book that doesn't leave me wishing it had 100 less pages? I picked up On Stranger Tides because Cory Doctrow mentioned on BoingBoing that it was going to be the basis of the upcoming Pirates of the Caribbean and came replete with zombies, pirates, & magic--who could ask for more? The book starts as a promising storyline of a young man seeking to revenge his father's betrayal, only to be shanghaied by pirates and forced to join in with their lot, leading him to taking on zombies, pirates, magicians, and Blackbeard the magical pirate. Eventually I found myself losing enthusiasm, however, as the narrative gets drawn out with the young man having to contend with several magicians, mutineering pirates, voodoo gods, the British navy, and his affections for the damsel in distress. What could have been a very good story told in less space gets a little bogged down, but it wasn't a total disappointment.
    • 3/5
      I must have read this one years and years ago, as I didn't remember it but while reading it came back to me. Obviously it didn't make a big impression on me then, and I like Powers enough to pick up something old. This is from the period of time when Powers was working out his own brand of fantasy and magic and story telling using the framework of existing mythologies (Pirates, Vampires and so forth). They aren't his best books, in my opinion, because he is constrained in how he wants to treat the supernatural by the framework. That said, On Stranger Tides is well written and the characters are interesting. The story is clearly Powers's own take on immortal pirates and ships crewed by the dead. Jack Shandy must transform himself from mild-mannered puppeteer to pirate to voodoo magician to thwart powerful pirates and sorcerers seeking immortality. Jack's motivations are a little muddy. He may be doing it to thwart evil, to save the love of his life (though he hardly knows her), or to get revenge on the uncle who betrayed his father. Mostly the motives don't matter that much. Jack just moves from plot point to plot point.It seems at times that the story suffers from an excess of antagonists: Blackbeard, Benjamin Hurwood, Leo Friend, the thieving uncle. Certainly a substantial cast and the eventual downfall of evil as the evildoers turn on one another is not uncommon in a Powers story, but at 326 pages On Stranger Tides just doesn't have room for all of them. In later, longer books all the stories and sub-plots have a little more time and space to play out.All in all it is a fun book, and if you like Powers or you like swashbucklers, you'll probably enjoy this one.
    • 2/5
      One of Powers' early novels, recently reprinted. I can see now why it was out of print. Did not hold my interest at all. Returned it to the library after 100 pages.
    • 5/5
      Puppeteer John Chandagnac was sailing to Jamaica to confront his uncle who stole his father’s inheritance. While en route, his ship is waylaid by pirates who give him the option of joining them or being put to death. He chooses to become a pirate and his adventures begin.Tim Powers is a great action adventure writer who includes historical characters and events in his stories. The plot includes real pirates, Blackbeard, Stede Bonnett, and genuine historical incidences; such as Woode Rogers’s arrival at New Providence with royal pardons for the pirates. This isn’t just a pirate story; it is a fantasy story with dueling sorcerers who use magic to gain power, immortality and to bring back loved ones from the dead. They raise ghost vessels and crews from the sea and use zombies as their servants. The narrative is fast paced with many sword fights and cannon battles between ships. This was a thoroughly enjoyable read.
    • 5/5
      This book ties together two of the things that spring to mind when you think of the Caribbean and its history: Pirates and Voodoo. At first this might seem like an uneasy marriage, but it works incredibly well.Powers takes well documented actual facts, such as Blackbeard wearing smouldering fuzes in his beard "to make him more fearsome" and the sinking of Port Royal and invests them magical significance and ties it all into a compelling story.Well worth the read, and some fascinating ideas come out of the fusion, deftly handled as you would expect from the author of other books that do similar things such as "The Stress of her Regard" and "The Anubis Gates." Absolutely well worth it, and not a long read - it's too likely to make you not put it down for that!