Still Single: Are You Making Yourself Unavailable When You Don't Want to Be?
()
About this ebook
Happily Ever After isn't working for you--but why? This surprisingly effective new approach to dating from Casey Maxwell Clair identifies the ways people keep themselves single, sometimes without even realizing it--and what they can do to find the loves of their lives.
After ending a painful five-year affair, author Casey Maxwell Clair came to the surprising realization that being married isn't the only way potential partners make themselves unavailable. In fact, men and women can be emotionally, legally, and sexually unavailable for happy, healthy relationships in dozens of ways. Casey Clair's new book, Still Single: Are You Making Yourself Unavailable When You Don't Want to Be?, is filled with startling revelations and indispensable advice on how to conquer this all-too-common dilemma.
Through real-life examples and interviews you'll learn how to:
*Identify behavioral patterns that can be obstacles to a committed relationship
*Ask the questions that will reveal the true nature of someone's intentions
*Eliminate the "unavailable" ones in all their many disguises
*Identify the ways men and women sabotage their own relationships and discover a whole new approach to dating
*Find new ways of understanding yourself that will help you to find the kind of relationship you're looking for
Casey found her true love by following the principles presented in this book. It changed her life, and it can change yours too.
Casey Maxwell Clair
Casey Maxwell Clair has worked in the entertainment industry for over twenty years. She began her career designing major motion picture campaigns, and subsequently served as the Director of Advertising for both Warner Bros. and ABC Motion Pictures, as well as the Vice President of Advertising and Promotions for CBS Television Network. A successful comedy writer and television producer for the last decade, Clair lives in Los Angeles with her fiancé, producer and screenwriter Christopher Beaumont. She has two grown daughters.
Related to Still Single
Related ebooks
You Deserve It: A True Story of Learning to Say No in Order to Say Yes to Big Love Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSecrets of the Ultimate Husband Hunter: How to Attract Men, Enjoy Dating and Recognize the Love of Your Life Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Breaking Up and Bouncing Back: Moving On to Create the Love Life You Deserve Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSingle is the New Black: Don't Wear White 'til it's Right Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Power of WOW: A Guide to Unleashing the Confident, Sexy You Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsCrash Course in Love Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Be Honest--You're Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5How Did She Get Him? Become Girlfriend Material & Ditch the One Night Stand or Friend Zone Label Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Sabotage; Recognize Commitment Phobia and Experience a Healthy Relationship Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A Man's Mind: Wouldn't You Want to Know? Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I Used To Miss Him...But My Aim Is Improving: Not Your Ordinary Breakup Survival Guide Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Why "We" Didn't Choose You, Vol. I: A Relationship Handbook for Women (and Men) Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMillennial Muddles: The Heartbreak Handbook: Millennial Muddles, #1 Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Single Girl Problems: Why Being Single Isn't a Problem to Be Solved Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5SIZZLE Be a HOT Date for a Perfect Mate: With The ABC Magnetic Attraction Formula Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBeing Single in a Couple's World: How to Be Happily Single While Looking for Love Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Ghosted and Breadcrumbed: Stop Falling for Unavailable Men and Get Smart about Healthy Relationships Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Dump 'Em: How to Break Up with Anyone from Your Best Friend to Your Hairdresser Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Love Lost, Love Found: A Woman's Guide to Letting Go of the Past and Finding New Love Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Boys Before Business: The Single Girl's Guide to Having It All Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMadly in Love with ME: The Daring Adventure of Becoming Your Own Best Friend Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Beauty in Chaos: An Inner Journey to Restoring Love, Hope, and Freedom Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsIs It Any Wonder You're Single! Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBoy, Bye: You Just Got Cut Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5911 Breakup Survival How To Get Over A Breakup And Love Again, Like It's The First Time Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsIT Is What YOU Say IT Is: YOU Determine Your Worth! Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsA Break-Up Survival Guide: How Women Can Recover After a Break-Up Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Relationships For You
She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I'm Glad My Mom Died Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Big Book of 30-Day Challenges: 60 Habit-Forming Programs to Live an Infinitely Better Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex: Creating a Marriage That's Both Holy and Hot Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A Child Called It: One Child's Courage to Survive Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Codependence and the Power of Detachment: How to Set Boundaries and Make Your Life Your Own Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: The Narcissism Series, #1 Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Art of Loving Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/58 Rules of Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Princess Bride: S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5All About Love: New Visions Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Unfuck Your Intimacy: Using Science for Better Relationships, Sex, and Dating Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Your Brain's Not Broken: Strategies for Navigating Your Emotions and Life with ADHD Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Unoffendable: How Just One Change Can Make All of Life Better (updated with two new chapters) Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Boundaries Workbook: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Reviews for Still Single
0 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
Still Single - Casey Maxwell Clair
PART I
Who’s Unavailable?
IDENTIFYING THE PROBLEM
They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.
—ANDY WARHOL
When you’re convinced there’s nothing you want more in this world than to be in a wonderful, loving relationship, it’s almost impossible to believe that you could be the one who’s stopping you. But, all too often, it’s true.
As I mentioned in my introduction, the episode that forced me to look at my life and reassess the way I approached relationships, was a shameful affair with a married man. The whole time I was having the affair, I told myself that we were star-crossed lovers, just unlucky to have met at the wrong time. (Not very original, but neither, in the end, is infidelity. It’s called cheating for a reason; we cheat ourselves as well as the other person.) Now I know that I chose David because there was no chance of ever being in a relationship with him. Not only was he married, he was also incredibly wrong for me. I wonder what on earth I would have done if he had actually left his wife and we had gotten together. Our values were different. Our interests were different. So, what was the attraction? I came to realize that, by picking David, I was fulfilling a subconscious desire not to be in a loving relationship. That was our unspoken agreement. He wouldn’t leave his wife and I wouldn’t leave him, because then I would be available for a real relationship. Just as he chose me because he was unable to have a real, complete relationship with his wife, I chose him in order to avoid a real relationship with an available man. As I said, we cheat ourselves as much as we cheat on another person.
In the case of David and me, our pathologies fit perfectly for a very long time. We were both unavailable and unaware that we wanted to be. To this day I don’t know what David’s true agenda was and, I suspect, neither does he. If we had ever had those types of conversations, then we would have had the beginnings of a real relationship, wouldn’t we? And we certainly couldn’t have that. I only found the strength to dig deep and discover my own motivation after my heartache and shame sent me in search of the self-destructive patterns in my life. David certainly wasn’t my first unavailable
relationship, only the most obvious and painful one. After my seventeen-year marriage to a man who repeatedly cheated on me, I couldn’t believe that I had managed to become involved in a similar type of triangle.
It took a long time to even see my patterns. I had dated such different types of men, or so I thought. The more diverse your dating history is, the harder it is to identify a pattern. The truth is, you don’t need to be aware of the dynamics for the agreement to work—but it demands your awareness to make a change.
Step One in determining whether you are unavailable or not is to take an inventory of your own history. (There will be much talk of lists
and inventories
in this book. They can be tough at times, but they can also be incredibly useful in that they force you to think, write, and focus on the true nature of your patterns.) Think about this; if your relationships include a year with a workaholic who never had time for you, another year with someone who lived clear across the country, and an additional year with a person who was waiting for his children to grow up, you would’ve spent three years not getting what you want—unless what you want is to stay single!
Remember, I’m not talking about dating for fun. If that’s what you’re doing, then, by all means, date all kinds of different people and enjoy the ride. But you may not find intimacy. What I’m talking about in this book is the search for a healthy and meaningful relationship. Not that that shouldn’t be fun, but along with the fun comes the responsibility of awareness.
In the following pages I will try to profile some types
you should watch out for. Keep in mind, like most rules or guidelines, there are always exceptions. These are intended to be signposts that inspire new insights into your