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    What's a Mother (in-Law) to Do?: 5 Essential Steps to Building a Loving Relationship with Your Son's New Wife
    What's a Mother (in-Law) to Do?: 5 Essential Steps to Building a Loving Relationship with Your Son's New Wife
    What's a Mother (in-Law) to Do?: 5 Essential Steps to Building a Loving Relationship with Your Son's New Wife
    Ebook131 pages1 hour

    What's a Mother (in-Law) to Do?: 5 Essential Steps to Building a Loving Relationship with Your Son's New Wife

    By Jane Angelich

    3.5/5

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    About this ebook

    Just about everyone has heard a terrible joke or a horror story about someone else’s mother-in-law. Blending two families together often creates new and uncomfortable dynamics that will take some time to get used to, and sometimes mothers-in-law behave badly during these transitions. But these don’t need to be wildly uncomfortable transitions, and you don’t need to become the butt of everyone’s jokes.
         With What’s a Mother (In Law) to Do?, author Jane Angelich (a mother-in-law herself) teaches readers how to become the mother-in-law they’ve always wished they had. Rich with sidebars, practical suggestions, and stories of love and encouragement, this is the perfect book for anyone facing this new role or for those seasoned mother-in-laws who are simply seeking tips for improvement. Welcoming your child’s spouse into your life doesn’t have to be difficult, as long as you’re excited about building and nurturing respectful family relationships.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHoward Books
    Release dateJun 2, 2009
    ISBN9781439168349
    What's a Mother (in-Law) to Do?: 5 Essential Steps to Building a Loving Relationship with Your Son's New Wife
    Author

    Jane Angelich

       For over 25 years, Jane Angelich has been a business coach, focusing on women-owned businesses, a writer and a speaker on the topics of lifestyle and family issues. As one of CNBC's recognized experts on work-life balance issues, Angelich has appeared on national television and radio programs many times. She has contributed to Sue Shellenbarger’s Wall Street Journal column on the topic of “Work and Life”, and has written for national trade and general audience magazines. After years in the corporate world that included work for Salomon Brothers and the Gap, she went on to found several companies. Her entrepreneurial success landed her more media exposure, including coverage in Working Woman Magazine and two 2008 Best Product of the Year awards from StartupNation and the Stevie Awards for Women in Business for her company's pet product, the supercollar™.  Jane Angelich is the mother of two sons, ages 33 and 26, and a newly minted mother-in-law.  She is the In-Law Relationship columnist for San Francisco Examiner.com.  She also wrote Picking the Perfect Nanny published in 1986.

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    Reviews for What's a Mother (in-Law) to Do?

    3.5/5

    13 ratings13 reviews

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    • 4/5
      I have to admit, I really liked this book. I did have to wait for it for almost a year and had even given up on it, but despite that, I really liked it. My teenage children are beginning to bring their boyfriends and girlfriends around the house, and when I was reading the book, I thought that I could even apply the principles the author suggests to male children-in-law, too. Recommended reading for any woman that has to face that daunting task of letting her children go
    • 5/5
      This was an interesting book to read. Just have to say thanks for writing something like this. Some much to read and undterstand.
    • 5/5
      This is a well-written book with an intelligent, conversational style, clear thoughts, some research, and well-organized thoughts and highlighted points and summaries. This book is NOT a "bash your in-laws" book and really stays on the positive side of the issue or dealing with families. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who is becoming an in-law. Although written for women, this book contains sound personal relationship advice for all adult members of an extended family and would be outstandingly good for the son and father-in-law to read too. The only down-side to this book is that the people who need to read it the most and get and practice its message would never pick up this book!
    • 4/5
      I have to admit, I really liked this book. I did have to wait for it for almost a year and had even given up on it, but despite that, I really liked it. My teenage children are beginning to bring their boyfriends and girlfriends around the house, and when I was reading the book, I thought that I could even apply the principles the author suggests to male children-in-law, too. Recommended reading for any woman that has to face that daunting task of letting her children go.
    • 4/5
      This is a good little book that is a reminder of what to do and what not to do in order to have a good relationship with your daughter-in-law. It is not really anything I haven't heard and some of it is just common sense, but it is a nice book. I like the way the author uses examples of both good and bad mother-in-law/daughter-in-law situations.
    • 2/5
      This book is designed to help mothers -in-law develop positive relationships with their daughters-in-law. It's based primarily on anecdotal information from the internet wedding site "The Knot." The book grew out of the author's need for guidance on the occassion of her son's marriage. It's curious that a book about relationships only addresses one side of the relationship. It would have been worthwhile to broaden the scope of the book to include what daughters-in-law can do to improve relationships with their mothers-in-law. It's a slight book (you can read in one sitting)not only in volume but also in content. The advice is largely commonsense and could have been offered without the "research" conducted via "the Knot". Overall I found it a fairly shallow treatment of a subject that must surely has more depth and nuance than what's provided in this book.
    • 2/5
      Angelich, Jane. What's a Mother (in-law) To Do?: 5 Essential Steps to Building a Loving Relationship with Your Son's New Wife. New York: Howard Books, 2009.I have to start off by saying this was a May 2009 Early Review book from LibraryThing. That means roughly a year ago I was supposed to read and review this book. I received it in the mail today. Today. June 26th, 2010. I am assuming this has already hit book stores and doesn't really need my promotion. However, because I respect the program and the review process I am still going to write about it.My first impression of What's a Mother (in-law) To Do? was, "wow, this is short!" Indeed, it's an odd little book. Hardcover yet the size of a paperback and only 130 pages long. As a librarian I automatically went to the back pages to look for a bibliography of sorts. If this is a book that involved research I expected to see a works cited page. There wasn't one.In the end I was disappointed by What's a Mother (in-law) to Do? because I felt like it was something any old MIL could write: all she would have to do is fill 131 pages with a variety of stories from other in-laws (mothers and daughters), sprinkle in a few personal experiences, and add a layer of common sense advice. What would have been really interested (and cater to a larger audience)is if Angelich researched building a relationship with your child's new spouse. In other words, remove the specificity of the subject and make it work for any in-law relationship.I honestly couldn't take What's a Mother (in-law) To Do? seriously. Angelich talks about conducting research but doesn't provide real sources. She talks about taking advice from experts but doesn't elaborate on how she solicited this advice. In short, I didn't believe her "research." This is a book I would have picked up and immediately put back, writing it off as "fluff" or pop psychology. I would recommend it for someone with a fair to mediocre relationship with their new daughter-in-law, but not to someone with a strained or terribly difficult one.
    • 3/5
      For the subject matter, this book makes a point of taking a positive tack. The author makes it clear that her book will not be a venue for frustrated women to air their grievances. Instead the focus is on positive examples - success stories - and practical solutions for building a respectful and even loving relationship between mother and daughter-in-law. It is primarily aimed at mothers. It explains the common mistakes made and ways to avoid alienating the newest member of their family. Even though it doesn't much address the daughter, it helped me personally to understand some of the motives of my mother-in-law's behavior. Seeing it from her perspective helped me forgive and heal some old wounds.
    • 3/5
      This is for the mother of the groom, not for the mother of the bride, although the advice is still generally good.A feel good book which can essentially be summed up thus: "Mamas in law, keep your opinions to yourselves unless asked, and then go gently. Plus, smile and be supportive."As obvious as that advice sounds, it's harder to be the Mama-in-law than I thought it would be, and we can all use reminders now and then.
    • 3/5
      “What's a Mother (in-Law) to Do?” is a campy look at what processes new or future mothers-in-law can expect to establish a relationship with their in-laws. While this book relies heavily on blurbs and second-person comments, it does not distract from the book. In the same breath, however, it doesn’t add much either. The book is cute, but by no means a treasured asset. This book is likely to be received at a bridal shower, but hardly ever cracked open by the recipient. There is little connection the reader has with the author, and much of the “wisdom” is common knowledge. “What's a Mother (in-Law) to Do?” is a miss.
    • 2/5
      This is a small, short (131 pages) book which can be finished in an afternoon. There are only five chapters: 1 Hold Your Tongue, 2 Embrace Her, 3 Keep Out, 4 Don't Ask, Don't Tell and 5 Be a Role Model. Angelich's advice is basically be flexible, don't expect your son and daughter-in-law to do things your way and give them some privacy. There really isn't much new here; if you care enough to want to have a good relationship with your son's wife, you will probably be doing most of this already. (Don't expect them to spend EVERY holiday with you or pressure her to change her religion as my MIL did.). Apparently Angelich hopes to write a follow-up book, because at the end she invites readers to share their stories. She also includes a few thoughts about the possible effect of birth order on relationships.Decades ago, a new mother-in-law wrote to Ann Landers asking for advice about being a good MIL. Her pithy reply was "Keep your purse open and your mouth shut. That still works.
    • 3/5
      I received this book, despite being a male. I found it useful-- or as useful as I could, being male. I gave it to my mother who is enjoying it.
    • 3/5
      This book is just OK. But I'm not a mother-in-law so I might have felt different if I were. I am a daughter-in-law though, and I really enjoyed the MIL horror stories. I think the author was a little too light on the advice and a little too heavy on "this is the fantastic way I do things so just be like me and you'll be fine" for me.

    Book preview

    What's a Mother (in-Law) to Do? - Jane Angelich

    What’s a Mother (in-law) to Do?

    What’s a Mother (in-law) to Do?

    5 Essential Steps to Building a Loving Relationship with Your Son’s New Wife

    Jane Angelich

    Our purpose at Howard Books is to:

    Increase faith in the hearts of growing Christians

    Inspire holiness in the lives of believers

    Instill hope in the hearts of struggling people everywhere

    Because He’s coming again!

    What’s a Mother (in-Law) to Do? © 2009 by Jane Angelich

    All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address Permission Department, Simon & Schuster, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

    Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

    Angelich, Jane.

      What’s a mother (in-law) to do? : five essential steps to building a loving relationship with your son’s new wife / Jane Angelich.

          p. cm.

    1. Mothers-in-law—Psychology. 2. Mothers-in-law—Family relationships. 3. Family 4. Interpersonal relations. I. Title.

      HQ759.25.A64 2009

      646.7'8—dc22

    2008044982

    ISBN-13: 978-1-4391-6834-9

    ISBN-10: 1-4391-6834-2

    HOWARD colophon is a registered trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

    Edited by Between the Lines

    Scripture taken from the New American Standard Bible®, copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org

    Visit us on the Web:

    http://www.SimonandSchuster.com

    Amanda, when you got engaged, I told everybody I ran into that my son was marrying a wonderful woman, and I was looking forward to having a great relationship with her.

    And that is how this book was born. After congratulations, the reactions to my announcement repeatedly came with a warning. People told me that because most daughters-in-law dislike their mothers-in-law, I should be ready to accept a lackluster relationship at best.

    Well, I refused to believe it, since we both love the same person—your husband and my son, Erik.

    So I set out to disprove them all by profiling women who have warm, loving relationships with their mothers-in-law, like I had with my late mother-in-law, Dolores. I wanted to find out their secrets for making it work. I figure that if you and I know the formula for a successful relationship, then all three of us—you, Erik, and I—will win.

    So, Amanda, this book is a belated wedding gift, dedicated to you. I believe that our relationship will continue to grow closer over the coming years and that your marriage to my son will be as strong and loving as my marriage to my husband, Mark.

    Welcome to our family.

    Contents

    Foreword

    Acknowledgments

    Introduction: How It All Began

    Step 1: Hold Your Tongue (Let Them Find Their Own Way)

    Step 2: Embrace Her! (But Give Her Room to Breathe)

    Step 3: Keep Out (Or at Least Call First)

    Step 4: Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (They’ll Start a Family When They’re Ready)

    Step 5: Be a Role Model (By Having a Life Independent of Theirs)

    Epilogue: It Doesn’t Just Happen

    Afterword: Share Your Story

    Appendix: Thoughts on Birth Order and Relationships

    Let us make one point,

    that we meet each other with a smile,

    when it is difficult to smile.

    Smile at each other,

    make time for each other

    in your family.

    —Mother Teresa

    Foreword

    As deputy editor of WeddingChannel.com, I’ve become quite accustomed to seeing statements like these on our daily message boards: I really don’t want her there. If my future husband put his mom before me I would cancel the wedding! My mother-in-law is still getting used to me…she still has a hard time accepting that her ‘baby’ is married. She has told me this—I’m not just guessing.

    Unfortunately, weddings tend to bring out the best and the worst in people. The term bridezilla is somewhat new, but the art of dealing with in-laws is actually really old news—as in ancient (just check out the Book of Ruth in the Bible and read the account of Ruth and her mother-in-law, Naomi, who had lost her husband and her son). These two women were hit with several adverse situations that could have made them bitter enemies, but they stuck together making their story an incredible example to millions of people over millennia.

    What’s the moral of the story? Your son or daughter is starting a new chapter in his or her life, and while you may play a supporting role, the spotlight sits squarely on the bride and groom. Most mothers have no problem with that notion—they understand their child’s need for space and independence. Unfortunately, it’s the few moms out there that struggle with losing control of their children that make every bride hope her future MIL isn’t actively auditioning for the lead in Monster-in-Law 2!

    This book offers practical learning tools on how to avoid situations that can cause tension for many years, citing typical mother-in-law/daughter-in-law pitfalls. You’ll be challenged to look beneath the surface of your issues and encouraged to offer up respect, honesty, empathy, understanding, and courtesy at every opportunity. Whether you’re a mother-in-law already, or just one in training, this book will be your guide to building a better relationship with the newest addition to your family.

    —Summer Krecke, deputy editor, WeddingChannel.com

    Motherhood:

    All love begins and ends there.

    —Robert Browning

    Acknowledgments

    Thanks and appreciation to Chrys Howard for her faith in my dream; to my editor, Dawn Brandon, for making my writing life much easier; and to my fabulous agent, Penny Nelson, who has been with me every step of this journey.

    And to my family—my dad; my husband, Mark; my terrific sons, Erik and Alex; and my sister, Jill—I couldn’t have done it without your love, support, and patience.

    Most important, to Amanda: without you, there would be no book to write.

    The bonds that link your true family

    are not one of blood,

    but of respect and joy

    in each other’s life.

    Rarely do members of one family

    grow up under the same roof.

    —Richard Bach

    Introduction

    How It All Began

    Listen to ten of your married female friends, and you’ll soon discover that at least six of them struggle in their relationships with either their mother-in-law or their daughter-in-law. How can it be that in 2008, the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law duo is still one of the most maligned and feared relationships for more than 36 million married women? As 2.4 million women say I do each and every year, statistics suggest that more than a million of these new recruits join the army of malcontents waging war against their husband’s mother every year. That is such a shame, given that the two women at war were brought together in the first place by their shared love for one man—the son of one and the husband of the other.

    What’s a Mother (in-Law) to Do? Five Essential Steps to Building a Loving Relationship with Your Son’s New Wife began for me on vacation, in a hotel room in Boston, during the 2004 World Series. My husband and I knew that our son, Erik, was going to propose to his girlfriend, Amanda, because he had flown home to California two months earlier to go ring shopping with us. They called us from their home state of Virginia and told us the all details of popping the question.

    I wanted to hear directly from the women who have figured out how to tackle the thorny issues of everyday in-law life and come away still liking each other.

    I began calling everyone I knew to tell them the

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