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    Manos: The Hands of Fate
    Manos: The Hands of Fate
    Manos: The Hands of Fate
    Ebook181 pages2 hours

    Manos: The Hands of Fate

    By Stephen D. Sullivan

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    2015 SCRIBE AWARD WINNER - BEST ADAPTED NOVEL!

    “I’ve enjoyed reading this really fun version of my “family movie,” and I know you will too.” – Jackey Neyman Jones (Debbie from Manos - from her Foreword.)

    “The worst movie ever made.” - Entertainment Weekly

    Mike, Margaret, their young daughter Debbie, and toy poodle Pepe drive into the West Texas countryside looking forward to a relaxing family vacation. Instead, they discover an evil cult of undead polygamists led by The Master and his half-human servant, Torgo. Can the family make it out of the desert alive with both the cultists and the Hands of Fate against them?

    Based on the “so-bad-it’s-good” cult horror classic, Manos: The Hands of Fate is the first of two novelizations by award-winning author Stephen D. Sullivan. In this laugh-a-minute edition, Sullivan has captured all the zaniness of the “classic” low-budget feature -- including all of the original dialog. Fans of MST3K, RiffTrax, or bad movies in general are in for a real treat!

    (Sullivan swears that the second book -- due for fall 2015 release -- will be a “serious horror” novel.)

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherStephen D. Sullivan
    Release dateOct 16, 2015
    ISBN9781310540486
    Manos: The Hands of Fate
    Author

    Stephen D. Sullivan

    Stephen D. Sullivan has written more than 50 books across many genres: fantasy, SF, horror, detective, movie adaptations, and more. Readers the world over enjoy his fast-moving prose style and hard-hitting action sequences. He has won numerous awards for his work, including the 2016 Scribe Award for his horror-comedy novel, Manos: The Hands of Fate.Not sure where to start? Try these:NEW! Manos: Talons of FateBEST SELLER: Manos: The Hands of Fate (2016 Scribe Award Winner)HORROR & MONSTERS: Daikaiju AttackFANTASY: Tournament of Death novelsSCIENCE FICTION: Heart of Steam & RustADULT: Elf Erotica (Elf Princess on Mars)OVERVIEW: Martian Knights & Other TalesThere are plenty of others to choose from, too. (Including some books from other authors published by Steve's Company, Walkabout Publishing.)Browse! Buy! Enjoy!

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      Book preview

      Manos - Stephen D. Sullivan

      CONTENTS

      Foreword

      Author’s Introduction

      ONE – Family Vacation

      TWO – Cop Stop

      THREE – Dusty Road to Danger

      FOUR – Torgo

      FIVE – The Master’s House

      SIX – Howls in the Night

      SEVEN – One Down, Three to Go

      EIGHT – Torgo’s Intentions

      NINE – Trapped in the Master’s House

      TEN – Doom in the Darkness

      ELEVEN – Hound & Master

      TWELVE – Torgo’s Plans & Dreams

      THIRTEEN – The Master Rises

      FOURTEEN – Catfight

      FIFTEEN – In Torgo’s Room

      SIXTEEN – Dark Desires

      SEVENTEEN – The Torture of Torgo

      EIGHTEEN – The Hand of Manos

      NINETEEN – Chase in the Desert

      TWENTY – The Final Confrontation

      TWENTY-ONE – Epilogue

      Afterword

      Music to Read By

      The Cast

      About the Author

      Preview of Manos: Talons of Fate

      FOREWORD

      Manos: The Hands of Fate is an interesting film precisely because it is so un-interesting that it feels as though it must have a higher purpose. Like obscure runes, or ancient Chinese teachings, the story seems to taunt and demand deeper study.

      For me, Manos is a personal time capsule from a significant moment in my childhood.

      During the filming, I was a little girl spending precious hours with her busy dad. But, for the adult actors and crew, the shoot became something to endure until all of them were released from their unpaid contracts. After the humiliating premiere, when the participants were again free to remain anonymous in the world of cinema, all hoped that Manos was behind them forever.

      Fate had a different idea.

      As a person with an above-average interest in all things related to the film, I follow many Manos-inspired projects. Because of that, I can say with some authority that Manos has become much more than a bad film since MST3K first aired it to an unsuspecting world in 1993.

      My dad, the Master, and I are astounded at the myriad ways Manos chooses to express itself. And luckily for us all, Manos has a terrific sense of humor. A play, puppet theater, opera, coloring book, video game, artwork, prequel, sequel, remake, and now two novelizations are among the many Manos-inspired projects birthed by talented, creative individuals.

      Through it all, I’ve had the great honor to meet many of these people and be invited to participate in their creations. It’s a blast!

      This novelization of Manos: The Hands of Fate by Steve Sullivan is one such endeavor—and a labor of love. Steve has been a friend and supporter of Manos (and of me and Dad) for a while now, and I am thrilled he made the decision to focus his writing skills on bringing the story into greater detail.

      I’ve enjoyed reading this really fun version of my family movie, and I know you will too.

      – Jackey Neyman Jones

      (Debbie from Manos)

      AUTHOR’S INTRODUCTION

      This book is based on what many consider the Worst Film of All Time, 1966’s Manos: The Hands of Fate—a movie so bad that it’s laughably good.

      In this comedic adaptation, I’ve tried to play up that awfulness, and perhaps even enhance it with a wicked Horror-Host-style omniscient narrator.

      Any over-the-top wretchedness in the writing is, therefore, completely deliberate.

      Some familiarity with the movie—or at least the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version—may add to the comic effect, but you can always jump right in without knowing anything. (The filmmakers certainly did!)

      The dialog is taken directly from the movie itself.

      Aside from a few set-up lines appearing previous to We’re almost there, honey, (the first actual dialog in the public domain copy of the film), no spoken words have been added or changed.

      Yes, each of those repeated phrases and goofy speeches are really in the movie, folks.

      I’ve included nearly all the wacky scene breaks and confusing edits as well.

      Sure, Manos is a mess—but it’s a glorious mess!

      Enjoy!

      *

      Always give 110% in everything you do.

      If you don't give it your all, there is no sense in doing it at all.

      – Harold P. Hal Warren

      MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE

      ONE – Family Vacation

      Read on, foolish mortals, and despair! How brief are your lives! How meaningless your existence! Moment by moment your death grows nearer. You are no more significant than a mayfly.

      But Manos is eternal!

      He Who Waits in the Outer Darkness watches you even now… Even as you try to get away from it all and find a little peace and relaxation…

      Even in this very moment… you are DOOMED!

      Even…

      Yeah, okay. Enough of that doom and gloom crap. Sorry. I forgot my audience for a moment there.

      You came here to be entertained—not to be given a religious sales pitch—right?

      Okay, so dig this…

      Here’s an ordinary American family swerving through the traffic on a typical West Texas highway. We’ll call them our heroes, even though they’re not really on the side of our lord and master, Manos.

      Not yet, anyway.

      The driver of the car is Michael, but you can call him Mike, like his wife does. (Except when she’s mad at him—or scared, which happens a lot in this story.) Mike’s a middle-aged insurance salesman trying to work his way to the top.

      The dish sitting next to him is his young bride Margaret—Maggie, if you will—a housewife who volunteers at the local hospital. How did they meet? What’s the story with the difference between their ages? Who cares! It’s not important to this tale. What’s important is that this charming May-September couple has loaded their little girl, Debbie, and their family dog, Pepe, into their 1966 Ford Galaxie 500 for what they all hope will be a thrilling family vacation.

      (And let me tell you, they’re going to get a lot more thrills than they bargained for! Lucky for you and me! But we still have intro stuff to finish before we get there, so let’s keep going…)

      Every member of the family is dressed casually, because Texas summers are hot, and they’ve still got a ways to travel. Mike is decked out in tan chino slacks, a blue striped shirt, and a white sweater. He’s included the sweater ’cause even on a muggy day like today, the wind blowing through the convertible can get chilly.

      Brrrrr!

      Driving with the top down is also why Margaret has tied a white kerchief over her pretty auburn hair. No sense ruining a $7 hairdo when you’re going on vacation, right, Maggie? She’s sporting a sleeveless blue flower-print dress that flatters her twenty-something figure.

      Debbie’s summer wardrobe is the peak of fashion for a young girl: a plaid dress with short sleeves and shiny red buttons down the front. Unfortunately, this outfit is not so great for sitting in the back seat of a windy convertible… as we shall soon see.

      Pepe, the toy poodle, has got it made. Oh, the joys of being a dog!

      His thick coat of curly black hair is ideal for winter- or summer-wear, whether running through snow drifts (which they really don’t have in West Texas) or bouncing happily with his tongue hanging out on the back seat of the family convertible.

      The road ahead of Mike’s Ford Galaxie 500 is wide, and the car’s got enough power to handle whatever might come their way. It’s the best that Detroit has to offer (at least in 1966), and the late afternoon sun sets the car’s deep-blue paint to sparkling.

      This whole crew lives in Texas in the United States of America, which only adds to their sense of hope and optimism. It’s 1966, their country is the Master of the World, and all of them—even the dog—are the captains of their own fates.

      So, right now, you might be thinking: This family’s got it made!

      But you’d be wrong!

      Have you forgotten that they’re doomed?!

      Well, don’t worry, ’cause they don’t know it either… yet.

      Right now, they have only the barest hints that maybe the Hands of Fate are turning against them.

      ’Cause Mike is feeling a bit stuck in his job. The boss works him too hard and hasn’t come through with that promised raise. Margaret’s caught in the pinch because budgets are tight, and Mike’s been pretty moody and not very romantic lately.

      Plus, there’s all that usual 1960s jazz of men and women’s roles in the family changing. How’s a couple to cope?

      Debbie can sense that something’s not quite right with Mommy and Daddy, but she’s only seven, so she has no idea what’s really going on. Lucky her!

      Pepe’s a dog. He doesn’t get any of this. (Even luckier for him!) Any anxiety he feels lasts only until his next meal, the next throw of a ball, or the next hug from Debbie. Besides, is there any problem in the world that can’t be solved by sticking your head out of the car and letting your tongue taste the wind?

      Well, is there?

      I guess we’re about to find out…

      Oh, Mike, pull over! Margaret says.

      Not another bathroom break! Mike thinks. But he follows his wife’s command, steers the Galaxie to the rest stop at the side of the highway, and parks.

      Isn’t the view wonderful? Margaret asks, her voice brimming with optimism.

      Yep. She has no idea that their lives are all about to turn to crap.

      Mike doesn’t either.

      All he sees is the sprawling city of El Paso—and beyond that farms and West Texas desert. You can see a long way from atop this bluff, though…

      Mike looks for the family’s destination—The Valley Lodge—but can’t find anything that might be a vacation spot among the sand, dry scrub, and stunted trees beyond the city.

      Guess the place must be hard to locate from up here. (And from everywhere else, too!)

      Yeah, great, he lies.

      Are we there yet, Mommy? Debbie asks from the back seat. Pepe, lying beside the girl, barks in anticipation. Debbie pats the dog’s head.

      Margaret smiles at her daughter. We’re almost there, honey. Just a little while longer and your vacation starts.

      The child squirms uncomfortably. I’m getting cold, Mother… she whines, …and hungry. The summer breeze tugs at her hair, and that of the dog—who, naturally, isn’t bothered by the wind at all.

      Mike, comfortable in his sweater, doesn’t take the complaint very seriously. Nice guy.

      We should be pretty close right now, he tells his wife. The agent said it was about twelve miles from Highway Ten, and that was Highway Ten back there. He hooks his thumb the way they just came.

      Margaret frowns. "But you know we should have asked for better directions at the last gas station!"

      Now, I don’t know about you, but if I were Mike right now, I’d consider dumping the nagging wife and kid and just doing this holiday by myself. This is not the way to start a relaxing vacation. (Maybe I’d still take the dog along.)

      Listen, I’ve never gotten us lost before! Mike replies sharply, in case his wife needs a little reminder.

      But before Margaret can object, Debbie pipes up again.

      Mommy, I’m cold, the child repeats.

      Pepe barks, as if to punctuate his tiny mistress’ point.

      Mike forces a grin. Clearly, they’re all against him—as usual.

      Okay, Debbie, he concedes. I’ll put the top up. He reaches for the door, as if to get out and start the complicated procedure of raising the roof (remember, this is a 1966 convertible we’re taking about), but Margaret lays a hand on his shoulder, stopping him.

      Never mind, Mike, she says. Debbie can come up and sit between us.

      This notion delights the child and, with her

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