Student X Mr.

Armitage English 3/11/13 Violent Struggle Historical revolutions: from the Tran Cao Rebellion in Vietnam to the many French revolutions may, in theory, be depicted as revolutions emerging from social and economic class struggle and inequality within society. Karl Marx, as well as Frederick Engels, developed a philosophy in which power struggle and the unjust allocation of wealth and resources create tensions between the bourgeoisie, the wealthy upper class, and the proletariat, the lower class (Blunden). According to Marx, the bourgeoisie attempts to oppress the proletariat in order to live a better lifestyle and to maintain the bourgeoisie power. The proletariat, on the other hand, begins to desire this power and ultimately, a violent revolution erupts from the class struggle for power (Blunden). Mary Shelley depicts the struggle of the proletariat, or the Frankenstein monster, in her novel, Frankenstein. Once Frankensteins monster tries to find human compassion and connection in the human world, he finds himself subject to prejudice due to his appearance and lack of wealth. When unsuccessful to conform to society, the Frankenstein monster takes power into his own hands by rebelling against the bourgeoisie. He further proves that the oppressed proletariat will initiate a revolution until either the demands of the proletariat are met, or, ultimately, the proletariat overthrows the bourgeoisie.
Comment [JA2]: This is all great stuff, and I see a burgeoning idea here, but what is your main argument that you want your reader to know as she or he reads your paper? Comment [JA1]: Page number?

The division between the proletariat and the bourgeoisie is the distinction of wealth, appearance, and resources. Frankenstein creates the monster and soon realizes that he does not wish to have any kind of connection with the monster due to the monsters unnatural features, the beauty of the dream vanished, and breathless horror and disgust filled my heart. Unable to endure the aspect of the being I had created, I rushed out of the room, and continued a long time traversing my bedchamber (Shelley, 35). From the moment the creature takes his first breath, he becomes a victim of classification based on his appearance. The appearance of the proletariat is one of the main distinctions between the two classes; the bourgeoisies wealth allows the class to access luxurious clothing, perfumes, and makeup and, in todays world, body reconstruction or plastic surgery. The monster does not have, to begin with, any wealth or social/ economic standing, he but is ultimately forced into the proletariat class due to Victors refusal to nurture and provide the monster with all of the materials necessary for him to lead a better lifestyle. Even when the monster gains the ability to speak properly, the bourgeoisie further rejects the monster despite the monsters his efforts to conform to society. As the monster attempts to utilize his newfound knowledge of speech to socialize with the old De Lacey, he is further rejected by society due to his appearance, : Who could describe their horror and consternation on beholding meFelix darted forward, and with supernatural force tore me from his father, to whose knees I clung; in a transport of fury, he dashed me to the ground and struck me violently with a stick (97). Felix blindly treats the monster with an act of violence based solely on the monsters appearance. The moment Felix initiates violence between
Comment [JA5]: This is a powerful claim, but you need evidence, which Im sure you can find easily. Comment [JA4]: Very good! You put this concisely and analytically. I would say, however, that this is really the main idea of this paragraph, wouldnt you? In terms of organization, then, you may want to put it at the beginning of this paragraph. Comment [JA3]: I would try to connect this main idea more directly with events and/or character from Frankenstein in this first sentence.

himself and the monster; , the monster realizes that the human world will not accept him into society because he is much too different from humans. Furthermore, the monster takes power into his own hands in order to confront Victor so that Victors power may be allocated between the proletariat and the bourgeoisie. After failing to conform to society, the proletariat attempts to barter with the bourgeoisie for improved living and working conditions. The monster attempts to convince Victor that it is Victors obligation to aid the monster due to Victors more fortunate lifestyle and Victors access to resources , Oh! My creator, make me happy; let me feel gratitude towards you for one benefit! Let me see that I excite the sympathy of some existing thing; do not deny me any request! (105). The monster feels as if Victor must accommodate him in order to compensate for the Victors harsh treatment the creature endured due to Victors lack of compassion for the creatureand lack of compassion for the creature. The creature desires a female counterpart, so that he finds compassion and connection with another member of the proletariat. As Victor prepares to create the female counterpart, he decides to not create the monster due to the fact that Victor would not want more members of the proletariat, a fact which might threaten the power of the bourgeoisie. When Victor fails to create the wretch, the monster warns Victor of the consequences if he fails to comply with the monsters request, Slave, I before reasoned with you, but you have proved yourself unworthy of my condescension. Remember that I have power; you believe yourself miserable, but I can make you so wretched that the light of day will be hateful to you (122). The monster assures Victor that if Victor fails to comply with the monsters request, the monster does have the power to demolish
Comment [JA10]: Again, great analytic insight. Youre creating a wonderful synthesis here, finding deeper meanings in Victors motivations. However, this sentence is awkwardly put, so I would definitely rephrase it so that it has more force. Comment [JA6]: I think I see where youre going here, but you need to explain both what you mean by such a claim and how it fits into the rest of your analysis in this paragraph. Comment [JA7]: Again, as I said above, this is a wonderful idea, but you need to contextualize it within the novel. See if you can combine the first and second sentences of this paragraph. Moreover, you may want to modify what the proletariat the monster - is asking for: not working conditions, but..... Comment [JA8]: Try to be less choppy with your language here. Youve said Victors three times! Comment [JA9]: Good evidence, but you may want to specify what kinds of benefits, and/or goods, commodities, the creature is asking for.

Victors lifestyle. The monster, after giving Victor the warning, initiates a series of violent events in order to shatter Victors power, and ultimately, to destroy Victor. The creature slowly takes Victors power away via destroying Victors friends and loved ones. By deciding to kill Elizabeth, the creature forces Victors power to significantly collapse, I have reached their acme, and what I must now relate can but be tedious to you. Know that, one by one, my friends were snatched away; I was left desolate. My own strength is exhausted (146). The monster takes Victors power by destroying Victors fragile psyche when all Victor had for support was Elizabeth. Therefore, through a violent revolution, the proletariat receives power over the bourgeoisie. The monster comments that his work is nearly complete (165) because he establishes his power over Victor and the human world. The monster proves his strength over mankind through his success in destroying Victor, ultimately proving the proletariats ability to overthrow the bourgeoisie altogether. The monsters struggle to ac hieve the status of bourgeoisie is a series of events starting from the desire to conform and ending with a violent revolution. All of the events in the monsters journey to destroy Victor illustrate the struggle of the proletariat within society. The proletariat begins to realize the unjust allocation of wealth in society. The bourgeoisie oppresses the proletariat to keep the wealthy bourgeoisie lifestyle; upon realizing this, the proletariat instigates a movement, but due to the bourgeoisies desire to remain in control, the bourgeoisie further oppresses the proletariat (often through violence). As depicted in Frankenstein, the

Comment [JA11]: Elaborate on what you mean here. Why is it important that the monster has the power? How does this relate to your comments on the proletariat/bourgeoisie divide? Link this back up with what you said in your opening paragraph about revolution and overthrow.

Comment [JA12]: Excellent Evidence.

Comment [JA13]: Home run point here!

Comment [JA14]: You may want to make a comment, perhaps earlier in your paper, that the proletariat youre talking about is different from the one present in human society, that the monster is victim of a class division on an entirely different plane.

proletariat then initiates a violent revolution in which the bourgeoisies power deteriorates.
Comment [JA15]: Conclusion could be better.

Student X, This paper is strong, both in terms of your conceptual framework and analysis/evidence. I think where you run into a few problems is with sentence structure and clarification of some of your claims. I also think you need to concisely articulate your thesis. Other than that, this paper has some very strong moments. One suggestion: I would have gone a bit more into Victors affluent background. It would have strengthened your argument profoundly. So if we just work on stylistic issues and writing for clarity, you will be in good shape going into college next year.

Essay: 90 A-

Sources Cited

Blunden, Andy. The Value of Knowledge: A Miniature Library of Philosophy http://www.marxists.org/reference/subject/philosophy/help/marxism.htm

Comment [JA16]: Not cited correctly.

Shelley, Mary Wollstonecraft. Frankenstein. New York: Dover Publications Inc., 1994.