COACHING i n t e r n a t i o n a l

NUGGET

Empowering you to Empower Others!

ILS EMPOWER LLL

Learning Objectives
We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. Epictetus

What is LLL?
? Understand

whatLLL is Have an ? overview of LLL as a self coaching and coaching process See why we use ? LLL Comprehend ? how to use LLL

LLL stands for look, listen and love. Look - sometimes we just need to really look at something, to transform it into its natural positive state. Shedding awareness and truth on something illuminates it, like turning on the light switch in a dark room. So the first step of this 3 part process is to look. Listen - once we have seen it's time to listen. Not to the story, not to excuses, but to the deeper truth. Listen for solutions and revolutions. Listen for what will transform, integrate and liberate. Listen for truth to set you free. Love - if you have looked deeply, and listened well, love arises naturally. Not romantic love, or sentimental feelings, but the love of full acceptance, compassion and understanding. Why do we use LLL? To end the war inside your self, to know your wholeness and live with this knowing. Combine this with your work using the ILS nuggets - Masks, Wholeness and Equal to. How do we use LLL? Here is an ILS process called the "Polarity Line", we add LLL to the heart of this process. To work with this, you will need to choose a quality and its opposite. This quality can be any that you want to work with to get fully equal to or to transform to a positive. It could for example be one that you have discovered is a mask, or is suppressed, or is causing you pain, or is an inner obstacle to your progress and success... Etc. Here are examples of quality pairs so that you get the idea: Selfish - Selfless Strong - Weak Happy - Sad Beauty - Ugly Saying yes - Saying no Responsible Irresponsible In control - Out of control Aggressive - Passive Kind - Unkind Successful - Failure Ordinary - Special Aloof - Sentimental Free - Trapped Secure - Insecure Trust - Suspicion

Written by Colleen-Joy Page Copyright 2011 www.innerlifeskills.com

COACHING i n t e r n a t i o n a l

NUGGET

Empowering you to Empower Others!

ILS EMPOWER LLL part 1

Learning Objectives
We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. Epictetus

THE POLARITY LINE AND LLL

? Comprehend

how to use LLL continued

With an imaginary line on the floor, place pieces of paper to represent the following. One paper per element: At the centre of the line. The word for the quality placed on one side of the line, about in the middle of the line. The opposite quality, placed on the other side of the line, about in the middle of the line. So now you have 3 papers that are spaced out. There should be space to the left and right of all the papers. .......x (quality).......x (centre).......x (opposite quality)...... We are going to be completing 4 more papers. Each will have a list on thatwhich we will excavate. Place 4 blank papers in the spaces on the floor between the written ones. That means on the line you have: Blank.... Quality.....blank.....centre....blank....opposite....blank. Label each as follows:
? Far outer extreme left blank paper = unhealthy extreme expression ? Far outer extreme right blank paper = unhealthy extreme expression ? Inner left blank = healthy balanced expression ? Inner right blank = healthy balanced expression

Now we coach out and stretch ourselves to discover a list of words for each of these 4 papers. EXTREMES We will start with the outer extreme papers. First choose from the quality pair, the quality you dislike the most. And stand on that paper. Describe the physical experience of imagining being this quality. Once you are in touch with the quality, take a small step outward, to stand in the "unhealthy extreme expression" paper. Now write a word or two, or phrases for if the quality was even more extreme, unhealthier and more exaggerated. When you have a few words, take it even further and write words for even more extreme! Do this until you can't take it further. Write all the extreme words down and place the paper on the floor.

Written by Colleen-Joy Page Copyright 2011 www.innerlifeskills.com

COACHING i n t e r n a t i o n a l

NUGGET

Empowering you to Empower Others!

ILS EMPOWER LLL part 2

Learning Objectives
We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. Epictetus

? Comprehend

how to use LLL continued

Now go to the opposite side of the line and stand on that qualities paper. Describe the feeling of imagining being that quality. Get in touch with this quality and when you feel ready take a step outwards to the other "unhealthy extreme expression paper". Now if you 'like' the quality you have just stood on, you may need to stretch yourself here and challenge your mind. We are not looking for more "good" words; we want unhealthy, extreme words or phrases. So if that quality was taken into extremes, much, much more of it, so much of the same quality that it became unhealthy, what would that be? Example, extreme unhealthy kindness could be fake humility, or victim, carrying others burdens or interference. Find your own best words, unpack this. Once done, exaggerate it even more; go to even further extremes, building on what you have so far. Write these down. Feel the words and get in touch with the extreme unhealthy side of this quality. Take it as far as you can. INNER HEALTHY CORE When you are done with the outer extremes, cross back over to the other side of the line, to stand again on the quality there. Get in touch with the way it feels again. And when you are ready move on. Now instead of stepping outwards, you are going to step inwards, to stand on the "healthy balanced expression". So imagine the quality you were on, but a little less and still healthy. Careful to not make opposite words. Rather imagine you are writing your own synonyms and finding similar qualities that are just a little less extreme. More neutral. Write down your ideas and list as many as you can. Example: the quality kindness, the "healthy balanced expression" more neutral words could include - open, giving, compassion, care, etc. Once you are done, it's time to do the same for the other side. Now you must mention that many people have blind spots for the positive attributes for the quality they don't like. They struggle to find the "good in the bad" so to speak. But this is extremely valuable to do. So take your time here, stretch yourself. Seek the positive intention in the quality. Stand on the quality and take a tiny step into towards the centre. Ask yourself, "If this was just less extreme what positive could this be?" Example: quality = aggression. Healthy balanced expression could be = assertion, confidence, fire. Etc. So spend time here and find the words, then take it further, even healthier, and even more neutral. Make a list of many words and phrases. Do this until you feel complete.

Written by Colleen-Joy Page Copyright 2011 www.innerlifeskills.com

COACHING i n t e r n a t i o n a l

NUGGET

Empowering you to Empower Others!

ILS EMPOWER LLL part 3

Learning Objectives
We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. Epictetus

LLL
? Comprehend

how to use LLL continued Gain several ? LLL coaching questions

Step off the line and look at all of the papers that have been completed. Ask yourself these questions and answer.
? How have you been missing the healthy

expression of the quality you saw as "bad"?

? How have you been missing the good in the

quality you saw as bad?

? How could you include more of both inner

qualities?
? Really take a moment to look at the quality you

didn't like, now that you see its healthy expression, what do you see now? ? If the quality you didn't like could speak to you now, with wisdom, what might it say? ? How has it felt to only live on one side of this line? ? How has it felt to sometimes express the extreme unhealthy expressions of the quality you liked? Find a few words now to thank each quality for what each is trying to bring you (inner qualities). How can you embrace and include both aspects of yourself? (Both qualities) in a healthy way?

This process is nicely combined with the ILS Pendulum nugget and for coaching around inner obstacles.

Written by Colleen-Joy Page Copyright 2011 www.innerlifeskills.com