COACHING i n t e r n a t i o n a l

NUGGET

Empowering you to Empower Others!

ILS EMPOWER Subcontracting

Learning Objectives
We subcontract the buried parts of ourselves for others to be for us. Colleen-Joy

What is Subcontracting?
? Understand what

Subcontracting is Have an ? overview of Subcontracting as a self coaching and coaching process See why we use ? Subcontracting Comprehend ? how to use Subcontracting

When we believe that parts of ourselves are lacking, we subcontract the "lacking" qualities to others to be these qualities for us! We subcontract the evicted and suppressed qualities in us to others to live out for us. We do this unconsciously. This happens for a full range of qualities, likes and dislikes, e.g. strength, anger, free spirited, gentleness, wild, responsible, caring, assertion, confident, peaceful, wise, focused, successful, different, ugly, stupid, irresponsible, weak and creative, etc. Why do we use Subcontracting? While we are unconscious about our subcontracting to others to be for us what we are unwilling to be for ourselves, we are open to relationship problems and don't live as the wholeness that we are. By becoming conscious of what we subcontract, we can take ownership of all aspects of the personality, good and bad. This reminds us of our true wholeness and diffuses relationship problems. How do we use Subcontracting? The objective is to collapse the plus/minus dynamic that holds certain qualities in a state of suppression (minus) and their opposites in a state of exaggeration (plus). We then unconsciously subcontract the lacking suppressed quality to others, seeking to complete ourselves via other people. We then depend on others to supply aspects of ourselves. Never knowing that we are that which we seek in others. For some qualities this is easier to spot, especially qualities that are socially acceptable.
? Example, Mary is attracted to Simon because he is so strong and she doesn't

always feel strong. But when the qualities are less desirable it may be more difficult to see our subcontracting.
? Example, Mary has tried to evict her anger, she puts on a mask of kindness, she

can't understand why she keeps attracting angry and even aggressive men. Remember that with these polarity qualities there is a full range of positive and negative expressions for each. It's not only one extreme and the other.
? Example:

Aggression>>>>> anger >>>>>>assertion >>>>>> confidence >>>>>>><<compassion <<<<< gentleness <<<<<<<submissive <<<<<<<doormat<<<<<<<victim

Written by Colleen-Joy Page Copyright 2011 www.innerlifeskills.com

COACHING i n t e r n a t i o n a l

NUGGET

Empowering you to Empower Others!

ILS EMPOWER Subcontracting

Learning Objectives
We subcontract the buried parts of ourselves for others to be for us. Colleen-Joy

? Comprehend

how to use Subcontracting continued

Coaching the Polarity Line work found in the LLL nugget is helpful for unpacking and reframing subcontracted qualities in relationship dynamics. Using the AA lists is also helpful to excavate the qualities polarities.

Written by Colleen-Joy Page Copyright 2011 www.innerlifeskills.com