A Gap Analysis of Me: The Difference Between What is and What Should Be

Carol Warhurst

A Paper Presented in Partial Fulfillment f the !e"uirements of #$AD %&%: #$AD$!S'(P C MM)*(CAT( *+C *F#(CT !$S #)T( * (nstructor: Dr, !onald Beach -une &./ 0.&0

TAB#$ F C *T$*TS Ta1le of Contents 2222222222222222222222222ii (ntroduction 22222222222222222222222222,,, 3 $spoused Theories222222,,,2,,2222222222222,,,,22, % (ntrapersonal 22222222222222222222,,,222,, % (nterpersonal2222222,,2222222222222222,,,, 4 #eadership Communication22222222222222222225 Theories6in6use 22222222222222222222222,22, 7 (ntrapersonal2222222,,,222222222222222227 (nterpersonal 22222222222222222222222,,, &. #eadership Communication2222, 22222222222222, && Conclusion 222222222222222,222222222222,&0 !eferences 222222222222222222222222222,,,&8

Gap Analysis of Me ne of the chief endorsements of a successful leader lies at the top of Maslow9s 'ierarchy of *eeds pyramid :;Mindtools/; &0/ 0.&&< where his theory of self6 actuali=ation mar>s the pinnacle of interpersonal and intrapersonal ?rowth, The

intrapersonal ?rowth flows from a place of >nowin? oneself and 1ein? self6aware enou?h to >now where your stren?ths and wea>nesses lie, (nterpersonal ?rowth is the application of the >nowled?e of self as it applies to the relationships in and around your life in such a way that you can adapt and chan?e 1eha@iors to 1etter suit the needs of others, (nherent in 1oth of these le@els of personal achie@ement is the need for effecti@e communication, (t is important to note that in order to learn to 1e an effecti@e communicator/ 1ein? honest with yourself is the primary en?ine that will help dri@e this personal ?rowth, A*o@elist ',G, Wells held that wealth/ notoriety/ place/ and power are no measures of success whatsoe@er, The only true measure of success is the ratio 1etween what we mi?ht ha@e 1een and what we ha@e 1ecome, (n other words/ success comes as the result of ?rowin? to our potentialB :MaCwell/ &8/ 0..0<, This paper will outline what my espoused theories are in relation to my interpersonal/ intrapersonal and leadership communication needs and compare them to the actual theories that are currently dominatin? my 1eha@ior, ( will outline the ?aps that eCist 1etween where ( ha@e 1een/ what ( am currently doin? and what ( hope to achie@e in the future, ( will also eCplain in detail how ( plan to achie@e these ?oals of personal ?rowth and reach hi?her and hi?her towards that crown of personal and professional leadership achie@ement, -ohn MaCwell eCplains that Acommitment to continual impro@ement is the >ey to reachin? your potential and to 1ein? successful, $ach day you can 1ecome a little 1etter than you were yesterday, And you9ll also find that what you ?et as the result of your

Gap Analysis of Me ?rowth is not nearly as important as what you 1ecome alon? the wayB :MaCwell/ &%/ 0..0<, ( hope to 1ecome more self6aware and thus closer to that elusi@e place of self6

actuali=ation, Where there is meanin? and purpose in e@erythin? 1ecause ( am connected not only to the outcome of tas>s/ 1ut to the people performin? them with me, ( understand that this is a process and not necessarily a destination/ 1ut there is no way to measure success if there are not clearly outlined ?oals and mar>ers for achie@ement, Espoused Theories Intrapersonal Maturity usually comes with a?e and eCperienceD howe@er/ there are some aspects of maturity that one does not ha@e to wait for old a?e or retirement to parta>e in, ( 1elie@e we can ma>e the choice to heed the lessons learned from other people9s li@es and spare oursel@es the need to learn e@erythin? the hard way, (t ta>es a mature person to loo> at the stru??les and mista>es that someone else has endured and choose to operate in maturity and awareness of those lessons, A mature person is hum1le enou?h to ta>e ad@ice/ ma>e o1ser@ations when ad@ice is not offered and eCamine character traits in others that they either wish to aspire to or desire ne@er to repeat, Buildin? upon foundations that others ha@e laid is a sure si?n of maturity, Self6confidence is one of those traits that seem to elude almost e@eryone/ eCcept the people that appear to ha@e no ?ood reason to ha@e it, 'owe@er/ there is somethin? admira1le a1out humility and undesira1le a1out low self6esteem, Bein? self6confident is >nowin? that perfect 1alance of when to propel others forward 1ecause you don9t need to constantly shine the spotli?ht on yourself and >nowin? when to stand up for your

Gap Analysis of Me

opinions and let your @oice 1e heard, (t is operatin? with the >nowled?e that who ( am is ?ood enou?h and who ( want to 1e is always within reach, Creati@ity is an increasin?ly important trait to ha@e in today9s ?rowin? ?lo1al mar>etplace, (nno@ation and ima?ination are "uic>ly replacin? the need for a technically s>illed wor>force, With human capital 1ecomin? the rare commodity that many companies are searchin? for/ it is @ery important to >eep our minds sharp and always 1rainstormin? for new and 1etter ways of doin? thin?s, Determination and am1ition play an important role in the de@elopment of leaders as well, (n order to moti@ate others/ one must 1e a1le to internally stay moti@ated and dri@en towards ?oals and o1Eecti@es, There will not always 1e an ample supply of supporters cheerin? you on in life/ so it is important to ha@e that dri@e from within to >eep ?oin? in the face of ad@ersity and trials, There will most definitely 1e o1stacles alon? the way that ma>e accomplishments difficult/ 1ut ha@in? that determination and am1ition can ensure a smooth transition, The a1ility to for?i@e oneself is crucial for any ?ood leader, 'oc>er and Wilmot eCplain that Afor?i@in? oneself can 1e particularly difficult 1ecause it first re"uires that we reconcile two different ima?es of oursel@es: the person we thin> we are and the person who caused someone harm, To accept for?i@eness/ whether from someone else or from oneself/ is a form of admission that/ yes/ we are 1oth these people F the one who finds such actions a1horrent and the one who did themB :Wilmot G 'oc>er/ 0.&./ 80&<, Without 1ein? a1le to eCtend that le@el of mercy to yourself/ it will 1e near impossi1le to offer it to others, Hou would 1e in dan?er of 1ein? cynical and coerci@e/ which is not the most moti@atin? leadership style,

Gap Analysis of Me Interpersonal 'onesty and transparency cannot 1e ?i@en enou?h attention in today9s or?ani=ations, Fran>lin Co@ey stated that AEust as trust is the >ey to all relationships/ so also is trust the ?lue of or?ani=ations, (t is the cement that holds the 1ric>s to?etherB :Co@ey/ &34/ 0..3<, (f there is little to no trust 1etween leaders and followers/ an ar?ument can 1e made that there are indeed no followers at all 1ecause people will not

follow someone they do not trust, Trust in@ol@es 1ein? open and transparent with people and not su?ar coatin? thin?s or ma>in? thin?s appear worse than they are, (t ?oes hand in hand with communication and authenticity, The a1ility to inspire and moti@ate others is important for any leader, AAchie@in? ?rand @isions always re"uires an occasional 1urst of ener?y, Moti@ation and inspiration ener?i=e people/ not 1y pushin? them in the ri?ht direction as control mechanisms do 1ut 1y satisfyin? 1asic human needs for achie@ement / a sense of 1elon?in?/ reco?nition/ self6 esteem/ a feelin? of control o@er one9s life/ and the a1ility to li@e up to one9s ideals, Such feelin?s touch us deeply and elicit a powerful responseB :'B!/ 35, &775<, Coercion is hardly e@er the method of choice for moti@atin? others, (nspiration must come from a place of authentic communication of the @ision of the or?ani=ation and throu?h a system of reward and cele1ration of successes, A ?ood leader must 1e relia1le and capa1le, !elia1ility is somethin? that couples with trustworthiness and opens the door for followers to put their faith in you and 1elie@e that you will pro@ide the resources they need to 1e successful as well, Bein? resourceful helps to ensure that you are percei@ed as relia1le and capa1le to do what need to 1e done,

Gap Analysis of Me $mpowerment comes from power and power comes from ha@in? control of yourself and your eCpected outcomes, Bein? empathetic towards the people in your life is a hi?hly @alued "uality in

leaders, People want to >now that they are understood and not Eust feel li>e the people in authority o@er them are always tryin? to ma>e them understand, Many 1oo>s ha@e 1een written a1out emotional intelli?ence and practicin? empathy is one way that leaders can ha@e more effecti@e relationships in the wor>place, Daniel Coleman eCplains that Asensin? what others feel without their sayin? so captures the essence of empathy, thers rarely tell us in words what they feelD instead they tell us in their tone of @oice/ facial eCpression/ or other non@er1al ways, The a1ility to sense these su1tle communications 1uilds on more 1asic competencies/ particularly self6awareness and self6 controlB :Coleman/ &8%/ 0..I<, $mpathy is somethin? that can 1e learned/ and it 1est practiced re?ularly to ha@e the most lastin? effect, Leadership Communication $ffecti@e communication re"uires that leaders 1e candid and sincere, People >now when con@ersations are filled with fluff and unimportant propa?anda, *o one li>es to feel misled and approachin? communication with open and honest dialo?ue ensures that followers will ha@e that essential 1uy6in that is re"uired to moti@ate and lead, Another aspect of communication that is often for?otten is the importance of 1ein? an acti@e listener, The role of leaders is to ?i@e @oice to the masses and you cannot ?i@e @oice when you are not listenin? to what that @oice is sayin?, There is also a certain de?ree of self6control that is re"uired in communication 1ecause you will always ha@e to 1attle the ur?e to spea> your mind and interrupt or interEect with your own thou?hts,

Gap Analysis of Me 'owe@er/ this does not ma>e people feel heard or @alued and must 1e carefully 1alanced with personal needs and leadership demands, #earnin? to 1e asserti@e in speech is also important for leaders, AAsserti@e communication is usually the most appropriate communication style, There are times

when we all feel somewhat passi@e or e@en a??ressi@e, But for the most part/ it9s a ?ood idea to learn to 1e firm a1out your needs and to insist on those needs 1ein? metB :-anas=/ &%./ 0.&0<, Jnowin? when to spea> up and when to let others spea> is an important distinction in leadership, Hou cannot 1e the @oice for others if you are not a1le to ma>e your own @oice 1e heard, Therefore/ asserti@eness is a >ey component in effecti@e communication, Theories-in-use Intrapersonal When it comes to maturity/ ( ha@e always 1een one to act much older than my a?e, Perhaps it is the natural tendency for some to feel as thou?h they9@e wal>ed this earth 1efore and rather than feel the need to learn e@erythin? anew/ you are simply tryin? to remem1er lessons already learned, This is why ( put so much stoc> in watchin? people/ learnin? from people/ loo>in? for tri??ers to Eo? your memory and perhaps spare yourself the an?uish of lessons learned the hard way, ( admire maturity in leaders 1ecause it shows that they are aware that sometimes the 1est leader must rise up from the ran>s of 1est followers, Part of this eCperience is the a1ility to loo> at and emulate the maturity in others/ 1ut also to reco?ni=e si?ns of immaturity and to an in@entory of self to ensure that those pitfalls are a@oided, ( ?ot married when ( was se@enteen and had my first two >ids 1efore ( turned twenty, My hus1and was in the military so we tra@elled

Gap Analysis of Me

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from 1ase to 1ase and ( was always the youn?est mom on the 1loc>, 'owe@er/ ( learned how to watch people/ how to model 1eha@iors so as not to tell my a?e 1y re@ealin? my immaturity and ineCperience with life, To this day ( still do this/ e@en thou?h ( am far from 1ein? the youn?est person on the 1loc>, ( watch my elders/ and those who come up 1ehind me and loo> for clues and ways to saturate my mind with their eCperience, Self6confidence is a stru??le for me, Perhaps it is a product of my up1rin?in? or a result of my personal history/ 1ut either way it is a necessity for any leader and one area that ( thin> hold me 1ac> more than any other, My current 1oss/ and pre@ious 1osses in my recent past/ ha@e all ac>nowled?ed that this is a maEor area of concern and a potential road 1loc> to my future ?rowth, While ( am someone that more often than not wants to champion the success of others/ ( am also someone that allows myself to 1e trampled as others rise up around me, ( reco?ni=e this as a wea>ness and pay close attention to how it plays itself out in my personal and professional life, Before ( e@en wal> into a room ( notice that ( already feel inferior and insecure, This is such an acute area of concern that needs my utmost attention if ( am ?oin? to 1ecome the leader ( want to 1e, Many people would say that creati@ity decreases with a?e 1ut ( would ma>e the ar?ument that ha@in? >ids >eep you creati@e, May1e it is 1ecause ( am always attemptin? to li@e @icariously throu?h others/ 1ut ( ha@e 1ecome more and more creati@e as ( ?et older, ( learn new thin?s and implement new ideas and 1ecome a 1etter pro1lem sol@er, 'owe@er/ ( do reco?ni=e that ( am the eCception and not the rule, ( am a >id at heart and tend to see thin?s as a challen?e to 1e con"uered rather than a fear to 1e a@oided, Therefore/ creati@ity is an important component to findin? new and different ways to do thin?s, ( ha@e adapted to chan?e my entire life, Growin? up in a military family and then

Gap Analysis of Me

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marryin? a military man has ?i@en me endless opportunities to increase my creati@ity 1y learnin? from all the di@erse people that ( meet and interact with in my life, (t must 1e a conscious choice to let others teach you and instruct you on different and often 1etter ways of doin? thin?s, Creati@ity is learnin? how to adapt to an e@er chan?in? en@ironment and is crucial for leaders in any or?ani=ation, (f determination is any Eud?e of potential leadership success/ ( should 1e the neCt -oan of Arc, ( >now this must sound prideful and a 1it li>e ( am tootin? my own horn/ howe@er ( must confess that ( thin> my inner determination is one of my 1est "ualities, (t has 1ecome a method of sur@i@al for me to empower myself from within, 'a@in? endured a @ery cripplin? tra?edy at a @ery youn? a?e/ ( had to 1ecome determined to sur@i@e/ despite a lac> of support or encoura?ement from eCternal forces, ( returned to colle?e after an uneCpected and life alterin? di@orce 1ac> in 0..4, ( wor>ed full6time at one Eo1 and part6time at two others/ went to school full6time and mana?ed to >eep my children ali@e as a sin?le mom with little to no support, ( finished my de?ree in four years with hi?hest honors, This will always 1e one of the 1i??est milestones of my life 1ecause ( >now that what led me to that place was my own self6determination, ( o@ercome insurmounta1le odds and pro@ed to myself and my children that anythin? is possi1le, ne other area that is possi1ly one of my 1i??est stru??les in my Eourney to authentic leadership is learnin? how to and 1e willin? to for?i@e myself, (t is not 1ecause ( ha@e participated in some unspea>a1le act that ser@es as an eternal damnation of my soul/ it is simply 1ecause ( am always stru??lin? with feelin? li>e ( should 1e 1etter/ do 1etter/ and >now 1etter, ( reco?ni=e that ( need to 1e a little more ?racious with myself,

Gap Analysis of Me Interpersonal 'onesty can ser@e as either the foundation or the earth"ua>e that destroys any relationship, ( consider myself to 1e a fairly trustworthy person and ha@e always 1een

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@ery trustin?, To the point ( ha@e more often than not earned myself the la1el of AnaK@e,B Perhaps it is due to the fact that ( 1elie@e e@eryone deser@es a healthy amount of ?race and for?i@eness/ or may1e it9s 1ecause ( understand that e@ery1ody lies and when they do it is usually for a ?reater ?ood or a decent enou?h reason to Eustify the act, 'owe@er/ ( >now that it is crucial to earn the trust of others and to foster relationships that feel comforta1le 1ein? honest, ( ha@e always 1een an empathetic person and ( 1elie@e this is a stren?th as it applies to leadership, ( am always willin? to ?et into the pit with people/ especially when ( can sense that they don9t want me to offer them help out, Sometimes the only way to ?et someone to ta>e the rope/ is to ?et in the pit with them and show them that there is a way out, My collea?ue and roommate at wor> sometimes has days when she is eCtremely frustrated and needs to @ent, (f ( were to approach her with correction/ ad@isin? her not to 1e ne?ati@e and Eust ?et o@er it/ it would Eust create more resentment within her, 'owe@er/ ( let her @ent and feel her pain and frustration with her, ( let her >now ( understand and ( am so sorry that she feels that way, Before we >now it/ we are 1oth lau?hin? a?ain and the ne?ati@ity has e@aporated into the @ents, Leadership Communication ( >now that ( need to wor> on 1ein? more candid and sincere in my communication efforts, This ?oes hand in hand with my low self6esteem, ( don9t tend to spea> up for myself/ or others and ( don9t practice ha@in? a @oice, (nstead of 1ein? 1lunt

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and honest/ ( am timid and reser@ed with my speech and my intentions, This inherently causes a lac> of trust in relationships 1ecause people will always fill in the 1lan>s you lea@e in con@ersations with thin?s that follow their own a?enda, ( do 1elie@e ( am an acti@e listener 1ecause ( truly en?a?ed with others when they are tal>in? and ( ha@e 1een told 1y close friends and old ac"uaintances that one of the thin?s they li>e a1out me the most is that ( am always such a ?ood listener, This may also 1e 1ecause ( do not let myself ha@e a @ery su1stantial @oice and often consider others @oice to 1e more important than my own, 'owe@er/ ( ha@e learned how to en?a?e my entire 1ody and 1e reactionary to others rather than defensi@e, (f someone says somethin? ( disa?ree with/ ( am willin? and a1le to hear them out/ repeat what ( heard them say and how ( interpreted it and then offer my own commentary, ( ha@e to do this "uite often at wor> 1ecause ( am ser@in? on so many different wor> teams and we always ha@e a healthy amount of conflict 1orn from the fact that we all represent different departments, Bein? asserti@e does not come naturally for me, ( tend to ta>e the 1ac> seat on most issues and this causes more pro1lems for me in the lon? run, My 1oss tells me all the time that ( need to learn to say out loud what (9m sayin? in my head 1ecause it9s not fair to eCpect people to read my mind, ( >now that ( do this 1ecause my collea?ue is the eCact opposite and ( truly @alue and learn from watchin? her 1e asserti@e, (t does ?et thin?s done and allows you to 1e more efficient and producti@e, (f ( am ?oin? to learn to 1e a ?ood leader/ ( am ?oin? to need to learn to 1e more asserti@e for myself and for others,

Gap Analysis of Me Conclusion ( am confident that ( will 1e a1le to accomplish chan?e and impro@e my

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approaches to leadership and conflict resolution outlined in this paper 1y applyin? some of the timely lessons that ( ha@e learned from this course, The maEor ?aps that eCist 1etween my espoused theories and my actual theories in practice are in the areas self6 confidence/ self6 for?i@eness and 1ein? an asserti@e and candid communicator, My plan to continue to ?row in the area of self6confidence is to learn to empower myself and ta>e the ad@ice of -anas=/ Dowd G Schneider and Aunderstand your need for dependency F and let ?o of it, When you empower yourself/ you set the ?oals and the rules and you e@aluate your performance, *o one will tell you what to do or whether you were successful, Belie@e in yourself and your capa1ilities to succeed, When you do/ you can ha@e pride in your accomplishments and the >nowled?e that you made it happenB :-anas=/ 30&/ 0.&&<, This is definitely somethin? ( was not practicin? in my own life, #earnin? to set personal ?oals and then most importantly cele1rate those successes and own my own role in them will help 1uild that all elusi@e self6confidence, My plan to continue to ?row in the area of personal for?i@eness is to constantly remind myself of the stru??le that ( >now is 1efore me and not let myself ?et discoura?ed 1y it, Wilmot and 'oc>er eCplained that Athe stru??le to for?i@e may 1e arrested at almost and point/ 1e completed only partially/ or come so easily that some sta?es seem unnecessary, Whether we decide to for?i@e and then ha@e to wor> throu?h the emotions later/ or wor> throu?h the emotions 1efore decidin? to for?i@e/ for?i@eness can 1e 1oth a decision and a processB :Wilmot/ 8&&/ 0.&.<, As lon? as ( can >eep remindin? myself that it doesn9t ha@e to 1e a feelin? or a one6time e@ent/ it9s o>ay for it to 1e a process that

Gap Analysis of Me ( ha@e to chec> in on re?ularly and >eep in the forefront of my mind, ( can continue to for?i@e myself for not 1ein? e@erythin? ( thin> ( should 1e,

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ne of the 1est ta>e6aways that ( had from the readin? for this course came from the chapter on communicatin? effecti@ely, ( do reali=e that ( need to 1e more asserti@e and learn to 1e more confident and candid in my communications with others, The ad@ice that meant the most to me and ( plan to use to 1ecome a 1etter communicator is to ta>e responsi1ly and use A(B messa?es, -ans= said that Awhen con@ersin? with another person/ remem1er to clarify assumptions/ and 1e willin? to accept at least some of the responsi1ility for any am1i?uity in the communicationB :-anas=/ &%&/ 0.&&<, This may sounds simple and trite 1ut to me it is truly re@olutionary, For someone that stru??les as much as ( do with asserti@eness in my speech/ allowin? myself these rules of thum1 can point me in the ri?ht direction to effecti@e communication, ( ha@e listed se@eral thin?s that ( 1elie@e ( currently @alue and utili=e in my own life as it pertains to leadership and conflict resolution, 'owe@er/ ( also reco?ni=e that there are se@eral areas that still need my careful attention if ( am ?oin? to continue to ?row and 1ecome a 1etter @ersion of me, ( am encoura?ed and eCcited a1out the potential for personal ?rowth throu?h the eCposure ( ha@e had in this class,

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!eferences:
De-anas= S,/ Dowd J,/ Schneider B, , :0.&&< , (nterpersonal S>ills in r?ani=ations 3th $d, Colum1us/ ': McGraw6'ill, Wilmot/ W,W,/ 'oc>er/ -, #, :0.&.<, Interpersonal conflict, :5th ed<, Colum1us: ': McGraw6'ill, Co@ey/ S, !, :&770<, Principle-centered leadership, :p, 75<, *ew Hor>: Free Press, Mint=1er?/ ',/ Jotter/ -, P,/ G Lale=ni>/ A, :&775<, Harvard business review on leadership, :pp, &7I6&74<, Boston: 'ar@ard Business Press, Coleman/ D, :&775<, Working with emotional intelligence, :p, 003<, *ew Hor>: Bantam, Co@ey/ S, !, :0..3<, Eighth habit, :p, 0&5<, *ew Hor>: Free Pr, MaCwell/ -, C, :0..0<, Your road map for success, *ash@ille/ T*: Thomas *elson/ (nc,
Mindtools. (2011). Retrieved from http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newLDR_ 2.htm