Peer Editing Sheet for This I Believe Proclamation Writers name: Olivia Sandy Peer Editors name: Tom

Northington Peer Editors name: Eric Tohay

1) Clarity: How clearly is the belief communicated? Highlight one place where the writer is very clearly articulating his/her belief and one place where the clarity could be improved. Olivias belief is very clear; she believes that she must work hard in order to have whatever she wants Clear in her belief, and the lifestyle that goes along with her belief 2) Persuasiveness: Are you persuaded to agree with the belief or to at least say, Ok, I can respect that? Why/Why not? Highlight the places where this takes place such as vivid details, memorable anecdotes, or striking phrases. I am very much so persuaded. After reading her paper I believe that you must work hard for what you want too. I respect her belief very much. She highlights some key points of why she has to work hard. 3) Introduction & Conclusion Strengths: Does the introduction invite you into the essay and interest you? Why/why not? Does the conclusion wrap up the belief and leave you with a higher level of understanding? Why/why not? Explain. The introduction caught my attention and made me want to keep reading. I agree with the other reviewer, I think Olivias introduction/conclusion are very strong. 4) Style: Read the paper aloud to yourself. How does it sound when read aloud? Does the writers voice come through with a unique and personal message? Highlight a place where the sentences flowed particularly well or where the writer used a style of writing such as metaphor, simile, and parallel structure. If there is none suggest a place in the writing that could benefit from this Olivia can use some more metaphors in her body paragraphs to connect real life situations to her belief. I think she needs to explain herself a bit more throughout her paper 5) Best of show: what is the most successful part of the paper? Highlight the passage of 1-4 sentences that is most successful in the paper and explain here why it works so well

The most successful part of her paper would have to be the introduction. The introduction caught my attention and made me keep reading I think the best part of Olivias paper is her honesty, she uses real life examples to clarify and explain her belief. 6) Open Thread: Practice the art of critical review: record your statement of what you feel, think, or want to share regarding the draft, giving details and concrete information which should be beneficial to the writer Olivias paper is very good but she could explain some of her belief topics more so I could understand better.

Tom Northington 11/11/13 Eric Tohey 11/11/13