Renae Curless EDUC 629 Inquiry Project 3 November 25, 2013 Context This students, KD, writing was

for my seventh grade English class. We are reading Elijah of Buxton, which is set in 1856 at the freed slave settlement of Buxton, Canada. Elijah, the books titular title character, is the first freeborn child in Buxton; all of his family members, and most of the adults in the Settlement, have escaped from slavery. In the middle of the novel, the shady Preacher takes Elijah to a visiting carnival to have Elijah help the Preacher scam money with Elijahs rock chunking. When the Preacher talks to the owners of the carnival, he learns that a boy Elijahs age, MaWee, was bought from a plantation in Alabama, has no parents, does not attend school, and works for his keep. The Preacher also sees a sign that advertises MaWee: Chief of the Picaninnys and hurriedly leaves the carnival, muttering, It isnt what I thought it was.. The next day, Elijah and the other children go to school and see a sobbing and clean MaWee. MaWee tells Elijah that the previous night, the Preacher went back to the carnival, threatened the men with a gun, and kidnapped MaWee. Elijah asks MaWee if he is happy to be free, and MaWee replies that he does not feel that way. In class, we have been dealing with the tricky morality of slavery, and this lesson was followed by a lesson about the true story of Margaret Garner, inspiration for Beloved, who murdered her infant daughter instead of going back to slavery. For this assignment, students wrote a page-long response to this question, MaWee says, "How's I supposed to be free when they tolt me I ain't got no choice but to go to school? How's I free when they got that Johnny boy and his momma watching over me like a sheriff?" (152). Respond to this quote. Do you agree with MaWee, or do you think he's free? Is MaWee better
Comment [FF1]: Good presentation of context for writing assignment in this section.

Curless 2

off with Sir Charles and the carnival? What do you think of the Preacher's decision to kidnap MaWee? Write a personal narrative about what freedom means to you in your life. Hint: The first part of your response could be a direct, textual response to the quote (do you agree with MaWee), and the second part could be your personal narrative. Analysis MaWee Response I believe that MaWee is free even though he doesnt view it that way. MaWee is a very uneducated boy because he has been traveling with the carnival for nearly his whole life. In his mind he thinks that he was better off with the carnival because he was brainwashed and forced to think that way by the carnival. This traveling has not only affected his education and knowledge, but also the overall development of his mind. He is very nave and ignorant and thinks he is better off with Sir Charles even though he was treated like a slave. Now that the Preacher kidnapped him, I think that the boy is finally free from slavery by Sir Charles and the carnival. I think that the Preachers decision to capture MaWee was a good decision because he freed the boy from slavery and saved him from years of potential agony and suffering. aWee might think of freedom as not going to school and living a life of no work and laziness, This transition to the narrative part of the writing was unique: most students chose to keep the textbased paragraph separate from the personal narrative. Here, the second part of the novel-based prompt is addressed: whether or not the Preacher was right to kill MaWee. This is where we discussed tricky morality during slavery. This is the thesis statement of the first part of the piece.
Comment [FF2]: I liked that you used the double-entry journal format for this inquiry (as was suggested in the guidelines). I think it would have been helpful to see who said The first paragraph discusses KDs thoughts on what about this students writing with much more narrative detail about what the group whether or not MaWee is free. KD writes that MaWee described about this piece. You mention is free in Buxton and was a slave at the carnival; Christians comments towards the close of your analysis, but I think that had you MaWee no longer has to work and travel. referenced the group more explicitly throughout, the analysis would have been a bit stronger. members as discussants of this text would The line about MaWees development was interesting have supported this inquiry in a significant in that it considered MaWees ignorant statements way because in this project (like in Project 2) youre really engaging in a form of about a lack of schooling and even knowledge of his age from his point of view. KD paints MaWee as ateacher research, and it is important to convey the methods that supported the data helpless victim of Sir Charles and his crew. gathering for it as fully as possible in your analysis. The negotiation of ideas that takes is a big part of the methodology that drives this inquiry, and making it evident in the write-up adds to the richness of the paper. Making apparent the presence of your group

There is repetition and rephrasing in this paragraphplace during the descriptive review process

Curless 3

but that is not what I believe. In my life, freedom is the ability to determine what action I shall take without any restraint. However, these actions must be reasonable. I cant murder anyone or steal anything because there are laws in place to obstruct people from doing that. In my life, my parents and the law stop me from doing anything I want. This leads me to my other point, which is that there is no absolute freedom. Absolute freedom is the ability to do anything you want. This means you can murder others, rob stores and people, and do anything else you wish to do and not suffer any type of consequence. Absolute freedom is impossible to exercise because we live in civilized societies. This is true because, as I stated earlier, there are laws in society. This doesnt mean that the person wont commit the crime, but they will have to suffer severe consequences, which can be prison time or, in some cases, death. In other words, our freedom can ultimately lead to the end of itself. We have the ability to do anything that we want, which can lead to foolish decisions. These foolish decisions can make a path to the end our freedom. Even if you wouldnt live in a civilized society, you can still be breaking cultural and moral laws. For me, the freedom I have is enough to keep me satisfied. I dont

KDs personal freedom narrative begins here. He discusses a higher level of freedom, that of relative moral freedom. He discusses murder and robbery as two examples of how there is no absolute freedom, in his life or anyone elses.

This is a transition to a new point.

KD switches between using you and we. This indicates that he is referring to himself, as well as the population as a whole.

This is an interesting line that discusses the line between free will and freedom in society.

The foolish decisions may refer to the aforementioned murder and robbery as alternatives to civilization.

Curless 4

have the urge to do anything illegal so I have the perfect amount of freedom. Some people, like MaWee, might think otherwise, but in the end, nobody can have absolute freedom.

Here, KD brings the piece back to freedom in his own life. He is restrained both by his parents and the law, but he does not necessarily need this constraint because of his satisfaction with his life.

KDs piece attempts to analyze character action, that of the Preacher, in Elijah of Buxton and make personal connections between themes in the text and his own life. In the first paragraph, KD clearly states his position on MaWees freedom. This paragraph is significantly shorter than the second, implying that KD preferred to discuss or had more to contribute to the personal narrative. The second half of the paper is not so much a personal narrative as a piece about what freedom means to society. He attempts to elevate the question from himself and apply it to the world. In this piece, the two parts, KDs thoughts on MaWee and the Preacher, and his personal narrative about freedom, made a complete writing. Throughout the personal narrative, KD mentioned lines about what MaWee would think, like in his last line, which tied the two parts together into a cohesive unit instead of two related but distinct essays. There could have been three parts to this essay where he transitions to his main point about absolute freedom, but the two parts of the response meshed well with each other. KDs intentional intended reader is me as the teacher, as these essays were not shared with the rest of the class. However, his tone indicates a more casual writing rather than formal. He speaks in first, second, and third person, indicating that he is writing both a personal, reflective piece and a more academic piece. The use of contractions also gives the piece a casual, conversational tone.
Comment [FF4]: Was this a point of discussion in the descriptive review session or is this your own editorial perspective? Comment [FF3]: Maybe. Could there be other reasons why the paragraph is the length that it is? Was there discussion of this in the group?

Curless 5

The next draft could benefit from revision to eliminate repetition. Although the sentences are worded differently, many say the same message. Fo r example, the line, he was brainwashed and forced to think that way by the carnival is very similar in meaning to, affected his education and knowledge, but also the overall development of his mind. Both of them refer to a brainwashing process in which MaWee does not know what true freedom means. Another draft could include more about other types of moral freedom. KD only refers to freedom as the ability to murder and rob, which has elevated his response from a personal what does freedom mean to me essay to general thoughts about society. This is different from many of his classmates, who wrote about the freedom to play video games after completing all homework assignments. This is a definite strength in the paper: KD considers what freedom means to other people, which is important when thinking about the implications of slavery. He could also consider the importance of education to freedom, and whether or not more education makes a person more free. He touches on this point and writes that MaWee was not free just because of his lack of schooling, but it is difficult to see the connection between MaWees lazy freedom and KDs idea of freedom as unrestricted action. KD states that he disagrees with MaWee, but the difference between attending school and murder as types of freedom is a large one, and one that is not clear in this piece. The matter of fact and straightforward tone works well in this piece, and is indicative of KDs personality. Though there is repetition, each sentence is concise and clear without seeming choppy. While I initially thought that this piece did not give enough of KDs voice because of the concise wording, Christian made the comment that KD was a lawyer in the making. I realized that KD is always asking me to clarify quiz and test questions and speaks

Curless 6

well in class. Word economy is important to writing, so as he gains vocabulary, he can hopefully craft sentences that are both concise and precise. Ideas for Supporting the Writer Comment for the Writer: This is a thoughtful and concise piece! I like that you elevated the narrative from your own experience to what freedom means in our society. Your sentences also flow together, and you use transitions very well. More specific textual support, like direct quotations, would help support your initial points about why MaWee is Sir Charless slave. Watch for repetition: when you proofread, try reading your piece aloud to yourself and circling that is a rephrasing of the previous sentence. Then, choose which phrasing you like the best and delete the other. Writing Conference: Before the writing conference, I would ask KD to reread his work, underline specific lines that he thinks are strong or weak, write down strengths and weaknesses of this specific writing, and write down general strengths and struggles when doing other writing, like informal journals or past papers. This would start the conferencing process with his immediate input, and also help me see his perspective on his writing. I would write down notes for the first two aspects of the paper as well. I would begin by sharing our notes and dividing the conference into two parts: ideas and mechanics. I would then tell KD what I perceive as the intent and message of the piece, which is a general comment on societys freedom and morality, and ask if he agrees or disagrees with what I have said. If he disagrees, I would ask him to tell me what his purpose is, and how he thinks he could make this clearer. We could then work through what KD wants to say in the piece, instead of a teacher-led dictation on what to change.
Comment [FF6]: I think this choice is particularly interesting. Getting some baseline input from the writer about his perspectives on his own work might be a really successful way to preface a conversation with KD. Comment [FF7]: Nice approach here. Comment [FF5]: This may be the best moment in your analysis because I get a much better sense of the evolution of your thinking about this writing and how it was influenced by the conversation you had.

Curless 7

With regards to mechanics, I would ask KD to rewrite a few sentences that he thought were confusing. We could discuss word choice and precise adjectives. Because the piece is short, I would like to orally read the paper together so that he could look for repetitive phrases and excessive commas. I would also ask where he thought the second paragraph could be separated into two more paragraphs, and how this would help the flow of the piece. Hopefully, this collaborative process would allow KD, or whichever student I meet with, to feel that I am not evaluating whether their work is good or bad. Rather, I am trying to understand the connection between the words on the page and what the student wants to convey. This attitude is similar to one of Crone-Blevinss concluding thoughts, which is that each written piece should be looked at with interest and without judgment (97). Reflection At first, I thought that the process of reading through KDs work line by line, then paraphrasing line by line, and then analyzing each section of the paper was tedious, and so did my group. Unfortunately for me, I later realized the benefit while they did not, so I did not get as much analysis from them as I wanted. This assignment emphasized the importance of understanding what a student is trying to write about when analyzing student work, as the constant review and paraphrasing helped break down and rehash the work to discover more than if the paper is organized. This assignment made me care a lot about this response that I was originally not that thrilled about. I wanted to do a collaborative Edmodo discussion, but I could not get a laptop cart in time, so I had to assign this response for students to individually write. As Linda Christensen (2009) writes, Students need to feel that their work is important, relevant, and meaningful (p. 272). Students should care about what they write. The deep analysis that I did for KDs writing made me care more about his work and to read more of it. Hopefully, the
Comment [FF10]: This is an interesting comment that seems to relate very specifically to your position at the moment as a pre-service teacher. However, it may also bear relevance for other teachers who must follow a heavily scripted curriculum. Perhaps a process like descriptive review might reveal the possibilities available to assignments that seem inherently problematic. Comment [FF9]: So did you feel like your initial stance toward it affected their stance toward the process as well? What was the level of engagement? Comment [FF8]: Nice way to incorporate the Crone-Blevins piece.

Curless 8

same effect would happen with students. Even if they are not immediately drawn to the topic, as sometimes happens in school, by treating every writing assignment as important and worthy of extensive discussion, students can feel ownership over their writing and care about what they have said. When I teach a writing unit, I want my students to be able to edit their own work and help their peers. I have to model how to self-edit through individual conferences and mini-lessons, but I would like to eventually undertake a mini Inquiry Project with my students about their own writing. So many students are resistant to even re-reading their own work, but it is such a helpful and necessary process. I can only imagine how helpful to future writing it would be for students to spend so much time dissecting their own language and interpreting their writing. As well, peer editing is usually not more than an evaluative grammar check, so I would like to teach peer editing skills in a way that the students are not relying on the teacher to evaluate their writing for a final draft, and in a way that they learn analytic skills to apply to their own writing. I hope to develop trust among my students, both trust in their peers that their work will be read seriously and carefully, and trust that they can produce meaningful writing.

Comment [FF11]: Are you saying here that your investment in reading and responding to your students writing will translate to their own investment in reading and writing? It reads here as though youre suggesting that they use this process as well. Maybe both? You might want to clarify this.

Comment [FF12]: See my above comment. It seems as though you were suggesting both there?

Curless 9

Works Cited Christensen, L. M. (2009). Teaching for joy and justice: Re-imagining the language arts classroom. Milwaukee, WI: Rethinking Schools. Crone-Blevins, D. E. (2002, July). The art of response. English Journal, 91(6), 93-98.

Curless 10

Education 629 Fall 2013 Inquiry Project III: Inquiry into Student Writing Feedback for Renae Curless A check indicates your paper meets this expectation. A check + indicates you met this expectation particularly well.

Description/explanation of how and why student writing was selected and through what context Description/analysis and response to the students text and clear plans for supporting students development as a writer Connections with teaching frameworks in course readings: Analysis demonstrates making problematic key concepts such as literacy, learning, teaching, language, adolescence, culture, reading, writing; methods are considered in light of critical framework. Insights/questions/issues raised about English/language and literacy teaching in middle/secondary schools

Additional Comments: Renae, youve a nice job with this inquiry. There were definitely some areas that I thought could use some building going into revision for your final portfolio. I spoke to these via my tracked comments, so I wont belabor them here, but try to be as detailed as possible (if youre able to look back and elaborate) about what was said in the descriptive review session. I can really see your abilities as an ELA teacher developing through each if these projects. You are especially talented, I think, when it comes to relating to your students (as is evident in the section where you discussed your plan for conferencing). I also want to support your development in terms of the teacher researcher role that we are also asking you to take on a part of the TEP program. As such, some of my comments are geared toward helping you to develop the ways in which you write-up your findings and the level of rigor and detail that you bring to analysis. Look over my tracked comments. I think youll find enough there to support your reflection for the final portfolio for this class. If you have any questions, just get in touch. I am really looking forward to seeing how all of these IPs come together for you at the close of the semester!