Memorandum

To: Professor Schab From: Ross Kuhn Date: 9-10-2013 Subject: Assignment 1 Prose

Prose Writing is different from other types of writing because of its, get to the point mentality. The paper should be concise, correct, use tone and voice correctly and professionally, and be absent of un-needed information. These are just a few guidelines of prose writing. For the first assignment I chose a report about the two sides of Occupy Wall Street. At the end of this Memo I will have analyzed and made adjustments to Occupied or Unoccupied, will be a much more readable assignment. Being Concise An improvement I need in writing is being more concise. It didnt take me long to find where being more concise could have bettered this paper. Here are the corrections I have made to my introduction. Bold lettering in parentheses is added, and underlined is deleted. I will continue this correction method throughout the paper.
The Occupy Movement began September 17th (2011)of this year, when an activist group began protesting in Zucotti Par , which is !ocate" in the #a!! Street $inancia! %istrict in &ew 'or (ity, &ew 'or ) The protests began because of the recent "ownfa!! of our economy an" the increase of separation between *merica+s high c!ass an" the mi""!e an" !ower c!asses) The movement ,uic !y gaine" popu!arity among mi""!e an" !ower c!ass citi-ens throughout the .nite" States) *!most three months !ater, the movement has sprea" from &'( to rough!y 1// .S cities) 0ven a few other countries have starte" having protests "ue to the popu!arity of occupy) *s of now the po!!s are !ea"ing towar" the occupiers compare" to the peop!e who oppose the occupying but these statistics aren+t entire!y accurate because ,uite a few peop!e have no opinion on the sub1ect) 2t is sti!! impressive on how much an" how ,uic !y the movement has sprea" (Rapidly in just the) past few months) The Occupy has both strengths an" wea nesses (.) but 2+!! get into "etai!s with those soon enough) 3

Actors/Subjects and Action Verbs In my papers I tend to not make many mistakes when it comes to misuse of Subjects and Action verbs. I would consider this one of my strengths in writing. After reviewing this report several times, I found no abundance of errors involving Action verbs and Subjects.

Being Correct /Correct Punctuation Another weakness I seem to have in this paper is my lack of editing grammar and punctuation. I dont know whether the mistakes of editing are due to carelessness or just being too excited I am finished with the report. The following paragraphs show just a few of the many mistakes in incorrect grammar and bad punctuation.
3Some of the main arguments of supporters are(;) that they want #a!! Street !ea"ers (Leaders)who they thin are part!y responsib!e for our current recession, they wou!" !i e to see ta4es raise" for the 15 (,)so their annua! income is c!oser to that of the average *merican) They wou!" a!so !i e to see !ess corporation inf!uence in po!itics (,)an" have the ban s be reforme") Some of the opposing si"es arguments is (are) that (;) the occupier+s wants are too much(,) an" instea" of focusing on one topic(,) they are aim!ess) *!so, if the wants of the occupiers were actua!!y passe"(,) an" reforme"(,) it cou!" cause "amage to innocent peop!e who earne" their money fair an" s,uare) an" even those that support the occupiers now) Opposers say these changes can "o 670*T07 "amages than the fe!!ows who inspire" the protesters to occupy)8

Unpacking Sentences/ too much information For a lot of reports I tend to add a lot of unimportant or useless information. I normally see me doing this when I dont enjoy to the topic, or I am burnt out of writing and need filler space. In more technical writing, such as lab reports, I do not do this. But as I re-analyzed this report, it became obvious I wanted to fulfill the length requirements rather than provide quality information. For example, the quoted passage below was used as a quote in my report. Not only did I not edit out the non important information, I used a bias source. I should have not included it in my report.
Anyone who says he has no idea what these folks are protesting is not being truthful. Whether we agree with them or not, we all know what they are upset about, and we all know that there are investment bankers working on Wall Street getting richer while things for most of the rest of us are getting tougher. What upsets banking's defenders and politicians alike is the refusal of this movement to state its terms or set its goals in the traditional language of campaigns... hey mean to show that there is an inappropriate and correctable disconnect between the abundance America produces and the scarcity its markets manufacture!"ouglass #ushcoff ((&&)+

Active Voice/Passive Voice In Occuppied or Unoccupied, I believe that the voice I used is correct

since it is a report on a current(then) issue where there is many opinions from different people. If it was a lab report, I could see where passive voice could be used in some areas and Active in others.

Tone. One of my biggest concerns when it comes to Prose Writing is my tone. In all of my writings I see myself trying to make the writer laugh, or inserting sarcastic comments. In some cases this could be a good technique, but on the other hand I can picture myself being the only one laughing after reading my papers. I also tend to overly express my opinion when it isnt suppose to be about my opinion, but others. This tone will definitely not be acceptable in Technical Writing. Here are a few excerpts,showing my unprofessional tone, that should be removed from my report.
3*n ana!ogy is see(maybe a bit too e4treme) is the 7oman 0mpire, but instea" of as ing too much they obtaine" too much, so much that the barbarians starte" pic ing at the wea nesses an" bro e through an" cause" the who!e empire to imp!o"e) * bit e4treme, but somewhat accurate )8, 3#e !ive content, !iveab!e, S*&2T*7' !ives) 'es, there are some har"times, but we get through it an" move on with our !ives) 2f peop!e worrie" more about !iving amongst their means or not being pic y about where to wor then 2+m sure things wou!" turn out at!east satisfactory, 3

Conclusion I would give my Report a B- on readability but a D on Technicality. I believe I made it enjoyable to read by certain readers, but it lacks in most of the categories of Prose Writing. This assignment made me quite embarrassed to call this work mine. I had so many fillers and extra words. My tone was way too lax. I needed better organization and needed to be more concise.