The Adventures of Roderick Random By Tobias Smollett THE AUTHOR'S PRE A!

E Of all kinds of satire" there is none so entertainin# and universally im$rovin#" as that %hich is introduced" as it %ere occasionally" in the course of an interestin# story" %hich brin#s every incident home to life" and by re$resentin# familiar scenes in an uncommon and amusin# $oint of vie%" invests them %ith all the #races of novelty" %hile nature is a$$ealed to in every $articular& The reader #ratifies his curiosity in $ursuin# the adventures of a $erson in %hose favour he is $re$ossessed' he es$ouses his cause" he sym$athises %ith him in his distress" his indi#nation is heated a#ainst the authors of his calamity( the humane $assions are inflamed' the contrast bet%een de)ected virtue and insultin# vice a$$ears %ith #reater a##ravation" and every im$ression havin# a double force on the ima#ination" the memory retains the circumstance" and the heart im$roves by the e*am$le& The attention is not tired %ith a bare catalo#ue of characters" but a#reeably diverted %ith all the variety of invention' and the vicissitudes of life a$$ear in their $eculiar circumstances" o$enin# an am$le field for %it and humour& Romance" no doubt" o%es its ori#in to i#norance" vanity" and su$erstition& +n the dark a#es of the ,orld" %hen a man had rendered himself famous for %isdom or valour" his family and adherents availed themselves of his su$erior -ualities" ma#nified his virtues" and re$resented his character and $erson as sacred and su$ernatural& The vul#ar easily s%allo%ed the bait" im$lored his $rotection" and yielded the tribute of homa#e and $raise" even to adoration' his e*$loits %ere handed do%n to $osterity %ith a thousand e*a##erations' they %ere re$eated as incitements to virtue' divine honours %ere $aid" and altars erected to his memory" for the encoura#ement of those %ho attem$ted to imitate his e*am$le' and hence arose the heathen mytholo#y" %hich is no other than a collection of e*trava#ant romances& As learnin# advanced" and #enius received cultivation" these stories %ere embellished %ith the #races of $oetry" that they mi#ht the better recommend themselves to the attention' they %ere sun# in $ublic" at festivals" for the instruction and deli#ht of the audience' and rehearsed before battle" as incentives to deeds of #lory& Thus tra#edy and the e$ic muse %ere born" and" in the $ro#ress of taste" arrived at $erfection& +t is no %onder that the ancients could not relish a fable in $rose" after they had seen so many remarkable events celebrated in verse by their best $oets' %e therefore find no romance amon# them durin# the era of their e*cellence" unless the !yro$aedia of .eno$hon may be so called' and it %as not till arts and sciences be#an to revive after the irru$tion of the barbarians into Euro$e" that anythin# of this kind a$$eared& But %hen the minds of men %ere debauched by the im$osition of $riestcraft to the most absurd $itch of credulity" the authors of romance arose" and losin# si#ht of $robability" filled their $erformances %ith the most monstrous hy$erboles& +f they could not e-ual the ancient $oets in $oint of #enius& they %ere resolved to e*cel them in fiction" and a$$ly to the %onder" rather than the )ud#ment" of their readers& Accordin#ly" they brou#ht necromancy to their aid" and instead of su$$ortin# the character of their heroes by di#nity of sentiment and $ractice" distin#uished them by their

bodily stren#th" activity" and e*trava#ance of behaviour& Althou#h nothin# could be more ludicrous and unnatural than the fi#ures they dre%" they did not %ant $atrons and admirers' and the %orld actually be#an to be infected %ith the s$irit of kni#ht/errantry" %hen !ervantes" by an inimitable $iece of ridicule" reformed the taste of mankind" re$resentin# chivalry in the ri#ht $oint of vie%" and convertin# romance to $ur$oses far more useful and entertainin#" by makin# it assume the sock" and $oint out the follies of ordinary life& The same method has been $ractised by other S$anish and rench authors" and by none more successfully than by 0onsieur 1e Sa#e" %ho" in his Adventures of 2il Blas" has described the knavery and foibles of life" %ith infinite humour and sa#acity& The follo%in# sheets + have modelled on his $lan" takin# me liberty" ho%ever" to differ from him in the e*ecution" %here + thou#ht his $articular situations %ere uncommon" e*trava#ant" or $eculiar to the country in %hich the scene is laid& The dis#races of 2il Blas are" for the most $art" such as rather e*cite mirth than com$assion' he himself lau#hs at them' and his transitions from distress to ha$$iness" or at least ease" are so sudden" that neither the reader has time to $ity him" nor himself to be ac-uainted %ith affliction& This conduct" in my o$inion" not only deviates from $robability" but $revents that #enerous indi#nation" %hich ou#ht to animate the reader a#ainst the sordid and vicious dis$osition of the %orld& + have attem$ted to re$resent modest merit stru##lin# %ith every difficulty to %hich a friendless or$han is e*$osed" from his o%n %ant of e*$erience" as %ell as from the selfishness" envy" malice" and base indifference of mankind& To secure a favourable $re$ossession" + have allo%ed him the advanta#es of birth and education" %hich in the series of his misfortunes %ill" + ho$e" en#a#e the in#enuous more %armly in his behalf' and thou#h + foresee" that some $eo$le %ill be offended at the mean scenes in %hich he is involved" + $ersuade myself that the )udicious %ill not only $erceive the necessity of describin# those situations to %hich he must of course be confined" in his lo% estate" but also find entertainment in vie%in# those $arts of life" %here the humours and $assions are undis#uised by affectation" ceremony" or education' and the %himsical $eculiarities of dis$osition a$$ear as nature has im$lanted them& But + believe + need not trouble myself in vindicatin# a $ractice authori3ed by the best %riters in this %ay" some of %hom + have already named& Every intelli#ent reader %ill" at first si#ht" $erceive + have not deviated from nature in the facts" %hich are all true in the main" althou#h the circumstances are altered and dis#uised" to avoid $ersonal satire& +t no% remains to #ive my reasons for makin# the chief $ersona#e of this %ork a 4orth Briton" %hich are chiefly these( + could" at a small e*$ense" besto% on him such education as + thou#ht the di#nity of his birth and character re-uired" %hich could not $ossibly be obtained in En#land" by such slender means as the nature of my $lan %ould afford& lit the ne*t $lace" + could re$resent sim$licity of manners in a remote $art of the kin#dom" %ith more $ro$riety than in any $lace near the ca$ital' and lastly" the dis$osition of the Scots" addicted to travellin#" )ustifies my conduct in derivin# an adventurer from that country& That the delicate reader may not be offended at the unmeanin# oaths %hich $roceed from the mouths of some $ersons in these memoirs" + be# leave to $romise" that

+ ima#ined nothin# could more effectually e*$ose the absurdity of such miserable e*$letives" than a natural and verbal re$resentation of the discourse in %hich they occur& APO1O2UE A youn# $ainter" indul#in# a vein of $leasantry" sketched a kind of conversation $iece" re$resentin# a bear" an o%l" a monkey" and an ass' and to render it more strikin#" humorous" and moral" distin#uished every fi#ure by some emblem of human life& Bruin %as e*hibited in the #arb and attitude of an old" toothless" drunken soldier' the o%l $erched u$on the handle of a coffee/$ot" %ith s$ectacle on nose" seemed to contem$late a ne%s$a$er' and the ass" ornamented %ith a hu#e tie/%i# 5%hich" ho%ever" could not conceal his lon# ears6" sat for his $icture to the monkey" %ho a$$eared %ith the im$lements of $aintin#& This %himsical #rou$ afforded some mirth" and met %ith #eneral a$$robation" until some mischievous %a# hinted that the %hole//%as a lam$oon u$on the friends of the $erformer' an insinuation %hich %as no sooner circulated than those very $eo$le %ho a$$lauded it before be#an to be alarmed" and even to fancy themselves si#nified by the several fi#ures of the $iece& Amon# others" a %orthy $ersona#e in years" %ho had served in the army %ith re$utation" bein# incensed at the Su$$osed outra#e" re$aired to the lod#in# of the $ainter" and findin# him at home" 7Hark ye" 0r& 0onkey"7 said he" 7+ have a #ood mind to convince you" that thou#h the bear has lost his teeth" he retains his $a%s" and that he is not so drunk but he can $erceive your im$ertinence&7 7Sblood8 sir" that toothless )a% is a d//ned scandalous libel//but don't yon ima#ine me so cho$fallen as not to be able to che% the cud of resentment&7 Here he %as interru$ted by the arrival of a learned $hysician" %ho" advancin# to the cul$rit %ith fury in his as$ect" e*claimed" 7Su$$ose the au#mentation of the ass's ears should $rove the diminution of the baboon's//nay" seek not to $revaricate" for" by the beard of Aescula$ius8 there is not one hair in this $eri%i# that %ill not stand u$ in )ud#ment to convict thee of $ersonal abuse& 9o but observe" ca$tain" ho% this $itiful little fello% has co$ied the very curls/the colour" indeed" is different" but then the form and foreto$ are -uite similar&7 ,hile he thus remonstrated in a strain of vociferation" a venerable senator entered" and %addlin# u$ to the delin-uent" 7:ackana$es87 cried he" 7+ %ill no% let thee see + can read somethin# else than a ne%s$a$er" and that %ithout the hel$ of s$ectacles( here is your o%n note of hand" sirrah" for money" %hich if + had not advanced" you yourself %ould have resembled an o%l" in not darin# to sho% your face by day" you un#rateful slanderous knave87 +n vain the astonished $ainter declared that he had no intention to #ive offence" or to characterise $articular $ersons( they affirmed the resemblance %as too $al$able to be overlooked' they ta*ed him %ith insolence" malice" and in#ratitude' and their clamours bein# overheard by the $ublic" the ca$tain %as a bear" the doctor an ass" and the senator an o%l" to his dyin# day& ///// !hristian reader" + beseech thee" in the bo%els of the 1ord" remember this e*am$le 7%hile thou art em$loyed in the $erusal of

the follo%in# sheets' and seek not to a$$ro$riate to thyself that %hich e-ually belon#s to five hundred different $eo$le& +f thou shouldst meet %ith a character that reflects thee in some un#racious $articular" kee$ thy o%n counsel' consider that one feature makes not a face" and that thou#h thou art" $erha$s" distin#uished by a bottle nose" t%enty of thy nei#hbours may be in the same $redicament&7

THE A9;E4TURES O RO9ER+!< RA49O0

!HAPTER + Of my Birth and Education + %as born in the northern $art of this united kin#dom" in the house of my #rand& father" a #entleman of considerable fortune and influence" %ho had on many occasions si#nalised himself in behalf of his country' and %as remarkable for his abilities in the la%" %hich he e*ercised %ith #reat success in the station of a )ud#e" $articularly a#ainst be##ars" for %hom he had a sin#ular aversion& 0y father 5his youn#est son6 fallin# in love %ith a $oor relation" %ho lived %ith the old #entleman in -uality of a housekee$er" es$oused her $rivately' and + %as the first fruit of that marria#e& 9urin# her $re#nancy" a dream discom$osed my mother so much that her husband" tired %ith her im$ortunity" at last consulted a hi#hland seer" %hose favourable inter$retation he %ould have secured beforehand by a bribe" but found him incorru$tible& She dreamed she %as delivered of a tennis/ball" %hich the devil 5%ho" to her #reat sur$rise" acted the $art of a mid%ife6 struck so forcibly %ith a racket that it disa$$eared in an instant' and she %as for some time inconsolable for the lost of her offs$rin#' %hen" all on a sudden" she beheld it return %ith e-ual violence" and enter the earth" beneath her feet" %hence immediately s$ran# u$ a #oodly tree covered %ith blossoms" the scent of %hich o$erated so stron#ly on her nerves that she a%oke& The attentive sa#e" after some deliberation" assured my $arents" that their firstborn %ould be a #reat traveller' that he %ould under#o many dan#ers and difficulties" and at last return to his native land" %here he %ould flourish in ha$$iness and re$utation& Ho% truly this %as foretold %ill a$$ear in the se-uel& +t %as not lon# before some officious $erson informed my #randfather of certain familiarities that $assed bet%een his son and housekee$er %hich alarmed him so much that" a fe% days after" he told my father it %as hi#h time for him to think of settlin#' and that he had $rovided a match for him" to %hich he could in )ustice have no ob)ections& 0y father" findin# it %ould be im$ossible to conceal his situation much lon#er" frankly o%ned %hat he had done' and e*cused himself for not havin# asked the consent of his father" by sayin#" he kne% it %ould have& been to no Pur$ose' and that" had his inclination been kno%n" my #randfather mi#ht have taken such measures as %ould have effectually $ut the #ratification of it out of his $o%er( he added" that no e*ce$tions could be taken to his %ife's virtue" birth" beauty" and #ood sense" and as for fortune"

it %as beneath his care& The old #entleman" %ho ke$t all his $assions" e*ce$t one" in e*cellent order" heard him to an end %ith #reat tem$er" and then calmly asked" ho% he $ro$osed to maintain himself and s$ouse= He re$lied" he could be in no dan#er of %antin# %hile his father's tenderness remained" %hich he and his %ife should al%ays cultivate %ith the utmost veneration' and he %as $ersuaded his allo%ance %ould be suitable to the di#nity and circumstances of his family" and to the $rovision already made for his brothers and sisters" %ho %ere ha$$ily settled under his $rotection& 7>our brothers and sisters"7 said my #randfather" 7did not think it beneath them to consult me in an affair of such im$ortance as matrimony' neither" + su$$ose" %ould you have omitted that $iece of duty" had you not some secret fund in reserve' to the comforts of %hich + leave you" %ith a desire that you %ill this ni#ht seek out another habitation for yourself and %ife" %hither" in a short time" + %ill send you an account of the e* $ens + have been at in your education" %ith a vie% of bein# reimbursed& Sir" you have made the #rand tour//you are a $olite #entleman//a very $retty #entleman//+ %ish you a #reat deal of )oy" and am your very humble servant&7 So sayin#" he left my father in a situation easily ima#ined& Ho%ever" be did not lon# hesitate' for" bein# $erfectly %ell ac-uainted %ith his father's dis$osition" he did not doubt that he %as #lad of this $retence to #et rid of him' and his resolves bein# as invariable as the la%s of the 0edes and Persians" he kno% it %ould be to no $ur$ose to attem$t him by $rayers and entreaties' so %ithout any farther a$$lication" he betook himself" %ith his disconsolate bedfello% to a farm/house" %here an old servant of his mother d%elt( there they remained some time in a situation but ill ada$ted to the ele#ance of their desires and tenderness of their love' %hich nevertheless my father chose to endure" rather than su$$licate an unnatural and infle*ible $arent but my mother" foreseein# the inconveniences to %hich she must have been e*$osed" bad she been delivered in this $lace 5and her $re#nancy %as very far advanced6" %ithout communicatin# her desi#n to her husband" %ent in dis#uise to the house of my #rand& father" ho$in# that her tears and condition %ould move him to com$assion" and reconcile him to an event %hich %as no% irrecoverably $ast& She found means to deceive the servants" and #et introduced as an unfortunate lady" %ho %anted to com$lain of some matrimonial #rievances" it bein# my #randfather's $articular $rovince to decide in all cases of scandal& She %as accordin#ly admitted into his $resence" %here" discoverin# herself" she fell at his feet" and in the most affectin# manner im$lored his for#iveness' at the same the same time re$resentin# the dan#er that threatened not only her life" but that of his o%n #randchild" %hich %as about to see the li#ht& He told her he %as sorry that the indiscretion of her and his son had com$elled him to make a vo%" %hich $ut it out of his $o%er to #ive them any assistance' that he had already im$arted his thou#hts on that sub)ect to her husband" and %as sur$rised that they should disturb his $eace %ith any farther im$ortunity& This said" he retired& The violence of my mother's affliction had such an effect on her constitution that she %as immediately sei3ed %ith the $ains of childbed' and had not an old maidservant" to %hom she %as very dear" afforded her $ity and assistance" at the ha3ard of incurrin# my #randfather's dis$leasure" she and the innocent fruit of her %omb

must have fallen miserable victims to his ri#our and inhumanity& By the friendshi$ of this $oor %oman she %as carried u$ to a #arret" and immediately delivered of a man child" the story of %hose unfortunate birth he himself no% relates& 0y father" bein# informed of %hat had ha$$ened" fle% to the embraces of his darlin# s$ouse" and %hile he loaded his offs$rin# %ith $aternal embraces" could not forbear sheddin# a flood of tears on beholdin# the dear $artner of his heart 5for %hose ease he %ould have sacrificed the treasures of the east6 stretched u$on a flock bed" in a miserable a$artment" unable to $rotect her from the inclemencies of the %eather& +t is not to be su$$osed that the old #entleman %as i#norant of %hat $assed" thou#h he affected to kno% nothin# of the matter" and $retended to be very much sur$rised" %hen one of his #randchildren" by his eldest son deceased" %ho lived %ith him as his heir a$$arent" ac-uainted him %ith the affair' he determined therefore to observe no medium" but immediately 5on the third day after her delivery6 sent her a $erem$tory order to be #one" and turned off the servant %ho had $reserved her life& This behaviour so e*as$erated my father that he had recourse to the most dreadful im$recations' and on his bare knees im$lored that Heaven %ould renounce him if ever he should for#et or for#ive the barbarity of his sire& The in)uries %hich this unha$$y mother received from her removal in such circumstances" and the %ant of necessaries %here she lod#ed" to#ether %ith her #rief and an*iety of mind" soon thre% her into a lan#uishin# disorder" %hich $ut an end to her life& 0y father" %ho loved her tenderly" %as so affected %ith her death that he remained si* %eeks de$rived of his senses' durin# %hich time" the $eo$le %here he lod#ed carried the infant to the old man %ho relented so far" on hearin# the melancholy story of his dau#hter/in/la%'s death" and the de$lorable condition of his son" as to send the child to nurse" and he ordered my father to be carried home to his house" %here he soon recovered the use of his reason& ,hether this hardhearted )ud#e felt any remorse for his cruel treatment of his son and dau#hter" or 5%hich is more $robable6 %as afraid his character %ould suffer in the nei#hbourhood" he $rofessed #reat sorro% for his conduct to my father" %hose delirium %as succeeded by a $rofound melancholy and reserve& At len#th he disa$$eared" and" not%ithstandin# all ima#inable in-uiry" could not be heard of' a circumstance %hich confirmed most $eo$le in the o$inion of his havin# made a%ay %ith himself in a fit of des$air& Ho% + understood the $articulars of my birth %ill a$$ear in the course of these memoirs&

!HAPTER ++

+ #ro% u$//am hated by my Relations//sent to School//ne#lected by my 2randfather//maltreated by my 0aster//seasoned to Adversity//+ form !abals a#ainst the Pedant//am debarred Access to my 2randfather//hunted by his Heir//+ demolish the Teeth of his Tutor

There %ere not %antin# some %ho sus$ected my uncles of bein# concerned in my father's fate" on the su$$osition that they %ould all share in the $atrimony destined for him' and this con)ecture %as stren#thened by reflectin# that in all his calamities they never discovered the least inclination to serve him' but" on the contrary" by all the artifices in their $o%er" fed his resentment and su$$orted his resolution of leavin# him to misery and %ant& But $eo$le of )ud#ment treated this insinuation as an idle chimera' because" had my relations been so %icked as to consult their interest by committin# such an atrocious crime" the fate of my father %ould have e*tended to me too %hose life %as another obstacle to their e*$ectation& 0ean%hile" + #re% a$ace" and as + stron#ly resembled my father" %ho %as the darlin# of the tenants" + %anted nothin# %hich their indi#ent circumstances could afford( but their favour %as a %eak resource a#ainst the )ealous enmity of my cousins' %ho the more my infancy $romised" conceived the more im$lacable hatred a#ainst me( and before + %as si* years of a#e" had so effectually blockaded my #randfather that + never sa% him but by stealth" %hen + sometimes made u$ to his chair as he sat to vie% his labourers in the field( on %hich occasion he %ould stroke my head" bid me be a #ood boy" and $romise to take care of me& + %as soon after sent to school at a villa#e hard by" of %hich he had been dictator time out of mind' but as he never $aid for my board" nor su$$lied me %ith clothes" books" and other necessaries + re-uired" my condition %as very ra##ed and contem$tible" and the schoolmaster" %ho" throu#h fear of my #randfather" tau#ht me #ratis" #ave himself no concern about the $ro#ress + made under his instruction& +n s$ite of all these difficulties and dis#races" + became a #ood $roficient in the 1atin ton#ue' and" as soon as + could %rite tolerably" $estered my #randfather %ith letters to such a de#ree that he sent for my master" and chid him severely for besto%in# such $ains on my education" tellin# him that" if ever + should be brou#ht to the #allo%s for for#ery" %hich he had tau#ht me to commit" my blood %ould lie on his head& The $edant" %ho dreaded nothin# more than the dis$leasure of his $atron" assured his honour that the boy's ability %as more o%in# to his o%n #enius and a$$lication than to any instruction or encoura#ement he received' that" althou#h he could not divest him of the kno%led#e he had already imbibed" unless he %ould em$o%er him to disable his fin#ers" he should endeavour" %ith 2od's hel$" to $revent his future im$rovement& And" indeed" he $unctually $erformed %hat he had undertaken' for" on $retence that + had %ritten im$ertinent letters to my #randfather" he caused a board to be made %ith five holes in it" throu#h %hich he thrust the fin#ers and thumb of my ri#ht hand" and fastened it by %hi$cord to my %rist" in such a manner as effectually debarred me the use of my $en& But this restraint + %as freed from in a fe% days" by an accident %hich ha$$ened in a -uarrel bet%een me and another boy' %ho" takin# u$on him to insult my $overty" + %as so incensed at his un#enerous re$roach that %ith one stroke %ith my machine + cut him to the skull" to the #reat terror of myself and schoolfello%s" %ho left him bleedin# on the #round" and ran to inform the master of %hat had ha$$ened& + %as so severely $unished for this tres$ass that" %ere + to live to the a#e of 0ethusalem" the im$ression it made on me %ould not be effaced' the more than the anti$athy and horror + conceived for the merciless tyrant %ho inflicted it& The contem$t

%hich my a$$earance naturally $roduced in all %ho sa% me" the continual %ants to %hich + %as e*$osed" and my o%n hau#hty dis$osition" im$atient of affronts" involved me in a thousand troublesome adventures" by %hich + %as at len#th inured in adversity" and emboldened to undertakin#s far above my years& + %as often inhumanly scour#ed for crimes + did not commit" because" havin# the character of a va#abond in the villa#e" every $iece of mischief" %hose author lay unkno%n" %as char#ed u$on me& + have been found #uilty of robbin# orchards + never entered" of killin# cats + never hunted" of stealin# #in#erbread + never touched" and of abusin# old %omen + never sa%& 4ay" a stammerin# car$enter had elo-uence enou#h to $ersuade my master that + fired a $istol loaded %ith small shot into his %indo%' thou#h my landlady and the %hole family bore %itness that + %as abed fast aslee$ at the time %hen this outra#e %as committed" + %as once flo##ed for havin# narro%ly esca$ed dro%nin#" by the sinkin# of a ferry boat in %hich + %as $assen#er& Another time" for havin# recovered of a bruise occasioned by a horse and cart runnin# over me& A third time" for bein# bitten by a baker's do#& +n short" %hether + %as #uilty or unfortunate" the correction and sym$athy of this arbitrary $eda#o#ue %ere the same& ar from bein# subdued by this informal usa#e" my indi#nation trium$hed over that slavish a%e %hich had hitherto enforced my obedience' and the more my years and kno%led#e increased" the more + $erceived the in)ustice and barbarity of his behaviour& By the hel$ of an uncommon #enius" and the advice and direction of our usher" %ho had served my father in his travels" + made a sur$risin# $ro#ress in the classics" %ritin#" and arithmetic' so that" before + %as t%elve years old" + %as allo%ed by everybody to be the best scholar in the school& This -ualification" to#ether %ith the boldness of tem$er and stren#th of make %hich had sub)ected almost all my contem$oraries" #ave me such influence over them that + be#an to form cabals a#ainst my $ersecutor' and %as in ho$e of" bein# able to bid him defiance in a very short time& Bein# at the head of a faction" consistin# of thirty boys" most of them of my o%n a#e" + %as determined to $ut their mettle to trial" that + mi#ht kno% ho% far they %ere to be de$ended u$on" before + $ut my #rand scheme in e*ecution( %ith this vie%" %e attacked a body of stout a$$rentices" %ho bad taken $ossession of a $art of the #round allotted to us for the scheme of our diversions" and %ho %ere then $layin# at nine$ins on the s$ot' but + had the mortification to see my adherents routed in an instant" and a le# of one of them broke in his fli#ht by the bo%l" %hich one of our adversaries had detached in $ursuit of us& This discomfiture did not hinder us from en#a#in# them after%ards in fre-uent skirmishes" %hich %e maintained by thro%in# stones at a distance" %herein + received many %ounds" the scars of %hich still remain& Our enemies %ere so harassed and interru$ted by these alarms that they at last abandoned their con-uest" and left us to the $eaceable en)oyment of our o%n territories& +t %ould be endless to enumerate the e*$loits %e $erformed in the course of this confederacy" %hich became the terror of the %hole villa#e' insomuch that" %hen different interests divided it" one of the $arties commonly courted the assistance of Roderick Random 5by %hich name + %as kno%n6 to cast the balance" and kee$ the o$$osite faction in a%e& 0ean%hile" + took the advanta#e of every $lay/day to $resent myself before my #randfather" to %hom + seldom found access" by reason of his bein# closely besie#ed by a numerous family of his female #randchildren" %ho" thou#h they $er$etually

-uarrelled amon# themselves" never failed to )oin a#ainst me" as the common enemy of all& His heir" %ho %as about the a#e of ei#hteen" minded nothin# but fo*/huntin#" and indeed %as -ualified for nothin# else" not%ithstandin# his #randfather's indul#ence in entertainin# a tutor for him at home' %ho at the same time $erformed the office of $arish clerk& This youn# Actaeon" %ho inherited his #randfather's anti$athy to everythin# in distress" never sat eyes on me %ithout uncou$lin# his bea#les" and huntin# me into some cotta#e or other" %hither + #enerally fled for shelter& +n this !hristian amusement he %as encoura#ed by his $rece$tor" %ho" no doubt" took such o$$ortunities to in#ratiate himself %ith the risin# sun" observin#" that the old #entleman" accordin# to the course of nature" had not lon# to live" for he %as already on the ver#e of fourscore& The behaviour of this rascally syco$hant incensed me so much" that one day" %hen + %as belea#uered by him and his hounds in a farmer's house" %here + had found $rotection" + took aim at him 5bein# an e*cellent marksman6 %ith a lar#e $ebble" %hich struck out four of his foreteeth" and effectually inca$acitated him from doin# the office of a clerk&

!HAPTER +++

0y 0other's Brother arrives//relieves me//a 9escri$tion of him//he #oes alon# %ith me to the House of my 2randfather//is encountered by his 9o#s//defeats them" after a bloody En#a#ement//is admitted to the old 2entleman//a 9ialo#ue bet%een them About this time my mother's only brother" %ho had been lon# abroad" lieutenant of a man/of/%ar" arrived in his o%n country' %here bein# informed of my condition" he came to see me" and out of his slender finances not only su$$lied me %ith %hat necessaries + %anted for the $resent" but resolved not to leave the country until he had $revailed on my #randfather to settle somethin# handsome for the future& This %as a task to %hich he %as by no means e-ual" bein# entirely i#norant" not only of the )ud#e's dis$osition" but also of the %ays of men in #eneral" to %hich his education on board had ke$t him an utter stran#er& He %as a stron# built man" some%hat bandy le##ed" %ith a neck like that of a bull" and a face %hich 5you mi#ht easily $erceive6 had %ithstood the most obstinate assaults of the %eather& His dress consisted of a soldier's coat altered for him by the shi$'s tailor" a stri$ed flannel )acket" a $air of red breeches s$anned %ith $itch" clean #ray %orsted stockin#s" lar#e silver buckles that covered three/fourths of his shoes" a silver/laced hat" %hose cro%n overlooked the brims about an inch and a half" black bob%i# in buckle" a check shirt" a silk handkerchief" a han#er" %ith a brass handle" #irded to his thi#h by a furnished lace belt" and a #ood oak $lant under his arm& Thus e-ui$$ed" he set out %ith me 5%ho by his bounty made a very decent a$$earance6 for my #randfather's house" %here %e %ere

saluted by :o%ler and !aesar" %hom my cousin" youn# master" had let loose at our a$$roach& Bein# %ell ac-uainted %ith the inveteracy of these curs" + %as about to betake myself to my heels" %hen my uncle sei3ed me %ith one hand" brandished his cud#el %ith the other" and at one blo% laid !aesar s$ra%lin# on the #round' but" findin# himself attacked at the same time in the rear by :o%ler" and fearin# !aesar mi#ht recover" he dre% his han#er" %heeled about" and by a lucky stroke severed :o%ler's head from his body& By this time" the youn# fo*hunter and three servants" armed %ith $itchforks and flails" %ere come to the assistance of the do#s" %hom they found breathless u$on the field' and my cousin %as so $rovoked at the death of his favourites" that he ordered his attendants to advance" and take ven#eance on their e*ecutioner" %hom he loaded %ith all the curses and re$roaches his an#er could su##est& U$on %hich my uncle ste$$ed for%ards %ith an undaunted air" at the si#ht of %hose bloody %ea$ons his anta#onists fell back %ith $reci$itation" %hen he accosted their leader thus( 71ookee" brother" your do#s havin# boarded me %ithout $rovocation" %hat + did %as in my o%n defence& So you had best be civil" and let us shoot a head" clear of you&7 ,hether the youn# s-uire misinter$reted my uncle's desire of $eace" or %as enra#ed at the fate of his hounds beyond his usual $itch of resolution" + kno% not' but he snatched a flail from one of his follo%ers" and came u$ %ith a sho% of assaultin# the lieutenant" %ho" $uttin# himself in a $osture of defence" $roceeded thus( 71ookee" you lubberly son of a %//e" if you come ath%art me" '%are your #in#erbread %ork& +'ll be foul of your -uarter" d//n me&7 This declaration" follo%ed by a flourish of his han#er" seemed to check the $ro#ress of the youn# #entleman's choler" %ho" lookin# behind him" $erceived his attendants had slunk into the house" shut the #ate" and left him to decide the contention by himself& Here a $arley ensued" %hich %as introduced by my cousin's askin#" 7,ho the devil are you= ,hat do you %ant= Some scoundrel of a seaman" + su$$ose" %ho has deserted and turned thief& But don't think you shall esca$e" sirrah//+'ll have you han#'d" you do#" + %ill& >our blood shall $ay for that of my t%o hounds" you ra#amuffin& + %ould not have $arted %ith them to save your %hole #eneration from the #allo%s" you ruffian" you87 74one of your )a%" you s%ab//none of your )a%"7 re$lied my uncle" 7else + shall trim your laced )acket for you& + shall rub you do%n %ith an oaken to%el" my boy" + shall&7 So sayin#" he sheathed his han#er" and #ras$ed his cud#el& 0ean%hile the $eo$le of the house bein# alarmed" one of my female cousins o$ened a %indo%" and asked %hat %as the matter& 7The matter87 ans%ered the lieutenant' 7no #reat matter" youn# %oman' + have business %ith the old #entleman" and this s$ark" belike" %on't allo% me to come alon#side of him"7 that's all& After a fe% minutes $ause %e %ere admitted" and conducted to my #randfather's chamber throu#h a lane of my relations" %ho honoured me %ith very si#nificant looks as + $assed alon#& ,hen %e came into the )ud#e's $resence my uncle" after t%o or three sea/bo%s" e*$ressed himself in this manner' 7>our servant" your servant& ,hat cheer" father= %hat cheer= + su$$ose you don't kno% me//mayha$ you don't& 0y name is Tom Bo%lin#" and this here boy" you look as if you did not kno% him neither' 'tis like you mayn't& He's ne% ri##ed" i'faith' his cloth don't shake in the %ind so much as it %ont to do& 7Tis my

ne$he%" d'y see" Roderick Random//your o%n flesh and blood" old #entleman& 9on't lay a/stern" you do#"7 $ullin# me for%ard& 0y #randfather 5%ho %as laid u$ %ith the #out6 received this relation" after his lon# absence" %ith that coldness of civility %hich %as $eculiar to him' told him he %as #lad to see him" and desired him to sit do%n& 7Thank ye" thank ye" sir" + had as lief stand"7 said my uncle' 7for my o%n $art" + desire nothin# of you' but" if you have any conscience at all" do somethin# for this $oor boy" %ho has been used at a very unchristian rate& Unchristian do + call it= + am sure the 0oors in Barbary have more humanity than to leave their little ones to %ant& + %ould fain kno% %hy my sister's son is more ne#lected than that there fair/%eather :ack7 5$ointin# to the youn# s-uire" %ho %ith the rest of my cousins had follo%ed us into the room6& 7+s not he as near akin to you as the other= +s he not much handsomer and better built than that #reat chucklehead= !ome" come" consider" old #entleman" you are #oin# in a short time to #ive an account of your evil actions& Remember the %ron#s you did his father" and make all the satisfaction in your $o%er before it be too late& The least thin# you can do is to settle his father's $ortion on him7 The youn# ladies" %ho thou#ht themselves too much concerned to contain themselves any lon#er" set u$ their throats all to#ether a#ainst my $rotector//7Scurvy com$anion//saucy tar$aulin//rude" im$ertinent fello%" did he think to $rescribe to #rand$a$a= His sister's brat had been too %ell taken care of& 2rand$a$a %as too )ust not make a difference bet%een an unnatural" rebellious son and his dutiful" lovin# children" %ho took his advice in all thin#s'7 and such e*$ressions %ere vented a#ainst him %ith #reat violence' until the )ud#e at len#th commanded silence& He calmly rebuked my uncle for his unmannerly behaviour" %hich he said he %ould e*cuse on account of his education( he told him he had been very kind to the boy" %hom he had ke$t at school seven or ei#ht years" althou#h he %as informed he made no $ro#ress in his learnin# but %as addicted to all manner of vice" %hich he rather believed" because he himself %as %itness to a barbarous $iece of mischief he had committed on the )a%s of his cha$lain& But" ho%ever" he %ould see %hat the lad %as fit for" and bind him a$$rentice to some honest tradesman or other" $rovided he %ould mend his manners" and behave for the future as became him&7 The honest tar 5%hose $ride and indi#nation boiled %ithin him6 ans%ered my #randfather" that it %as true he had sent him to school" but it had cost him nothin#" for he had never been at one shillin# e*$ense to furnish him %ith food" raiment" books" or other necessaries' so that it %as not much to be %ondered at" if the boy made small $ro#ress' and yet %hoever told him so %as a lyin#" lubberly rascal" and deserved to be keel/haul'd' for thof he 5the lieutenant6 did not understand those matters himself" he %as %ell informed as ho% Rory %as the best scholar of his a#e in all the country' the truth of %hich he %ould maintain" by layin# a %a#er of his %hole half/year's $ay on the boy's head//%ith these %ords he $ulled out his $urse" and challen#ed the com$any( 74either is he $redicted to vice" as you affirm" but rather" left like a %reck" d'ye see" at the mercy of the %ind and %eather" by your ne#lect" old #entleman& As for %hat ha$$ened to your cha$lain" + am only sorry that he did not knock out the scoundrel's brains instead of his teeth& By the 1ord" if ever + come u$ %ith him" he had better be in 2reenland" that's all& Thank you for your courteous offer of bindin# the lad a$$rentice to a tradesman& + su$$ose you %ould make a tailor of him//%ould you= + had rather see him han#'d" d'ye see& !ome alon#" Rory" + $erceive ho% the land lies" my boy//let's tack about" i'faith//%hile + have

a shillin# you shan't %ant a tester& B'%e" old #entleman' you're bound for the other %orld" but + believe damnably ill/$rovided for the voya#e&7 Thus ended our visit' and %e returned to the villa#e" my uncle mutterin# curses all the %ay a#ainst the old shark and the youn# fry that surrounded him&

!HAPTER +;

0y 2randfather makes his ,ill//our second ;isit//he 9ies//his ,ill is read in Presence of all his livin# 9escendants//the 9isa$$ointment of my female !ousins//my Uncle's Behaviour A fe% %eeks after our first visit" %e %ere informed that the old )ud#e" at the end of a fit of thou#htfulness" %hich lasted three days" had sent for a notary and made his %ill' that the distem$er had mounted from his le#s to his stomach" and" bein# conscious of his a$$roachin# end" be had desired to see all his descendants %ithout e*ce$tion& +n obedience to this summons" my uncle set out %ith me a second time" to receive the last benediction of my #randfather( often re$eatin# by the road" 7Ey" ey" %e have brou#ht u$ the old hulk at last& >ou shall see//you shall see the effect of my admonition"7 ,hen %e entered his chamber" %hich %as cro%ded %ith his relations" %e advanced to the bedside" %here %e found him in his last a#onies" su$$orted by t%o of his #randdau#hters" %ho sat on each side of him" sobbin# most $iteously" and %i$in# a%ay the froth and slaver as it #athered on his li$s" %hich they fre-uently kissed %ith a sho% of #reat an#uish and affection& 0y uncle a$$roached him %ith these %ords" 7,hat8 he's not a/%ei#h& Ho% fare ye= ho% fare ye" old #entleman= 1ord have mercy u$on your $oor sinful soul87 U$on %hich" the dyin# man turned his lan#uid eyes to%ards us" and 0r& Bo%lin# %ent on//7Here's $oor Roy come to see you before you die" and to receive your blessin#& ,hat" man8 don't des$air" you have been a #reat sinner" 'tis true"//%hat then= There's a ri#hteous )ud#e above" an't there= He minds me no more than a $or$oise& >es" yes" he's a/#oin#' the land crabs %ill have him" + see that8 his anchor's a/$eak" i'faith&7 This homely consolation scandalised the com$any so much" and es$ecially the $arson" %ho $robably thou#ht his $rovince invaded" that %e %ere obli#ed to retire into another room" %here" in a fe% minutes" %e %ere convinced of my #randfather's decease" by a dismal yell uttered by the youn# ladies in his a$artment' %hither %e immediately hastened" and found his heir" %ho had retired a little before into a closet" under $retence of #ivin# vent to his sorro%" askin#" %ith a countenance beslubbered %ith tears" if his #rand$a$a %as certainly dead= 79ead87 5says my uncle" lookin#" at the body6 7ay" ay" +'ll %arrant him as dead as a herrin#& Odd's fish8 no% my dream is out for all the %orld& + thou#ht + stood u$on the forecastle" and sa% a $arcel of carrion cro%s foul of a dead shark( that floated alon#side" and the devil $erchin# u$on our s$ritsail yard" in the likeness of a blue bear//%ho" d'ye see )um$ed overboard u$on the carcass and carried it to the bottom in his cla%s&7 7Out u$on thee" re$robate7 cries

the $arson 7out u$on thee" blas$hemous %retch8 9ost thou think his honour's soul is in the $ossession of Satan=7 The clamour immediately arose" and my $oor uncle" bein#" shouldered from one corner of the room to the other" %as obli#ed to lu# out in his o%n defence" and s%ear he %ould turn out for no man" till such time as he kne% %ho had the title to send him adrift& 74one of your tricks u$on travellers"7 said he' 7mayha$ old Bluff has left my kinsman here his heir( if he has" it %ill be the better for his miserable soul& Odds bob8 +'d desire no better ne%s& +'d soon make him a clear shin" + %arrant you&7 To avoid any further disturbance" one of my #randfather's e*ecutors" %ho %as $resent" assured 0r& Bo%lin#" that his ne$he% should have all manner of )ustice' that a day should be a$$ointed after the funeral for e*aminin# the $a$ers of the deceased" in $resence of all his relations' till %hich time every desk and cabinet in the house should remain close sealed' and that he %as very %elcome to be %itness to this ceremony" %hich %as immediately $erformed to his satisfaction& +n the meantime" orders %ere #iven to $rovide mournin# for all the relations" in %hich number + %as included' but my uncle %ould not suffer me to acce$t of it" until + should be assured %hether or no + had reason to honour his memory so far& 9urin# this interval" the con)ectures of $eo$le" %ith re#ard to the old #entleman's %ill" %ere various( as it %as %ell kno%n" he had" besides his landed estate" %hich %as %orth ?@AA $er annum" si* or seven thousand $ounds at interest" some ima#ined that the %hole real estate 5%hich he had #reatly im$roved6 %ould #o to the youn# man %hom he al%ays entertained as his heir' and that the money %ould be e-ually divided bet%een my female cousins 5five in number6 and me& Others %ere of o$inion" that" as the rest of the children had been already $rovided for" he %ould only be-ueath t%o or three hundred $ounds to each of his #randdau#hters" and leave the bulk of the sum to me" to atone for his unnatural usa#e of my father& At len#th the im$ortant hour arrived" and the %ill %as $roduced in the midst of the e*$ectants" %hose looks and #estures formed a #rou$ that %ould have been very entertainin# to an unconcerned s$ectator& But" the reader can scarce conceive the astonishment and mortification that a$$eared" %hen an attorney $ronounced aloud" the youn# s-uire sole heir of all his #randfather's estate" $ersonal and real& 0y uncle" %ho had listened %ith #reat attention" suckin# the head of his cud#el all the %hile" accom$anied these %ords of the attorney %ith a stare" and %he%" that alarmed the %hole assembly& The eldest and $ertest of my female com$etitors" %ho had been al%ays very officious about my #randfather's $erson" in-uired" %ith a falterin# accent and visa#e as yello% as an oran#e" 7if there %ere no le#acies=7 and %as ans%ered" 74one at all&7 U$on %hich she fainted a%ay& The rest" %hose e*$ectations" $erha$s" %ere not so san#uine" su$$orted their disa$$ointment %ith more resolution" thou#h not %ithout #ivin# evident marks of indi#nation" and #rief at least as #enuine as that %hich a$$eared in them at the old #entleman's death& 0y conductor" after havin# kicked %ith his heel for some time a#ainst the %ainscot" be#an( 7So there's no le#acy" friend" ha8//here's an old succubus' but somebody's soul ho%ls for it" d//n me87 The $arson of the $arish" %ho %as one of the e*ecutors" and had acted as #hostly director to the old man" no sooner heard this e*clamation than he cried out" 7Avaunt" unchristian reviler8 avaunt8 %ilt thou not allo% the soul of his honour to rest in $eace=7 But this 3ealous $astor did not find himself so %armly seconded" as formerly" by the youn# ladies" %ho no% )oined my uncle a#ainst him" and accused him of havin# acted the $art of a busybody %ith their #rand$a$a %hose ears he

had certainly abused by false stories to their $re)udice" or else he %ould not have ne#lected them in such an unnatural manner& The youn# s-uire %as much diverted %ith this scene" and %his$ered to my uncle" that if he had not murdered his do#s" he %ould have sho%n him #lorious fun" by huntin# a black bad#er 5so he termed the cler#yman6& The surly lieutenant" %ho %as not in a humour to relish this amusement" re$lied" 7>ou and your do#s may be damn'd& + su$$ose you'll find them %ith your old dad" in the latitude of hell& !ome" Rory"//about shi$" my lad" %e must steer another course" + think&7 And a%ay %e %ent&

!HAPTER ;

The Schoolmaster uses me barbarously//+ form a Pro)ect of Reven#e" in %hich + am assisted by my Uncle//+ leave the ;illa#e//am settled at a University by his 2enerosity On our %ay back to the villa#e" my uncle s$oke not a %ord durin# the s$ace of a %hole hour" but %histled %ith #reat vehemence the tune of 7,hy should %e -uarrel for riches"7 etc& his visa#e bein# contracted all the %hile into a most formidable fro%n& At len#th his $ace increased to such a de#ree that + %as left behind a considerable %ay( then he %aited for me' and %hen + %as almost u$ %ith him" called out in a surly tone" 7Bear a hand" damme8 must + brin# to every minute for you" you la3y do#&7 Then" layin# hold of me by the arm" hauled me alon#" until his #ood nature 5of %hich he had a #reat share6 and reflection #ettin# the better of his he said" 7!ome" my boy" don't be cast do%n"//the old rascal is in hell" that's some satisfaction' you shall #o to sea %ith me" my lad& A li#ht heart and a thin $air of breeches #oes throu#h the %orld" brave boys" as the son# #oes//eh87 Thou#h this $ro$osal did not at all suit my inclination" + %as afraid of discoverin# my aversion to it" lest + should disobli#e the only friend + had in the %orld' and he %as so much a seaman that he never dreamt + could have had any ob)ection to his desi#n' conse-uently #ave himself no trouble in consultin# my a$$robation& But this resolution %as soon dro$$ed" by the device of our usher" %ho assured 0r& Bo%lin#" it %ould be a thousand $ities to balk my #enius" %hich %ould certainly one day make my fortune on shore" $rovided it received due cultivation& U$on %hich" this #enerous tar determined 5thou#h he could ill afford it6 to #ive me university education' and accordin#ly settled my board and other e*$enses" at a to%n not many miles distant" famous for its colle#es" %hither %e re$aired in a short time& But" before the day of our de$arture" the schoolmaster" %ho no lon#er had the fear of my #randfather before his eyes" laid aside all decency and restraint" and not only abused me in the #rossest lan#ua#e his rancour could su##est" as a %icked" $roffi#ate" dull" be##arly miscreant" %hom he had tau#ht out of charity' but also invei#hed in the most bitter manner a#ainst the memory of the )ud#e 5%ho by the by had $rocured that settlement for him6" hintin#" in $retty $lain terms" that the old #entleman's soul %as damned to all eternity for his in)ustice in ne#lectin# to $ay for my learnin#&

This brutal behaviour" added to the sufferin#s + had formerly under#one made me think it hi#h time to be reven#ed on this insolent $eda#o#ue& Havin# consulted my adherents" + found them all staunch in their $romises to stand by me' and our scheme %as this(//+n the afternoon $recedin# to the day of our de$arture for the University" + resolved to take the advanta#e of the usher's #oin# out to make %ater 5%hich he re#ularly did at four o'clock6" and shut the #reat door" that he mi#ht not come to the assistance of his su$erior& This bein# done" the assault %as to be be#un by my advancin# to my master and s$ittin# in his face& + %as to be seconded by t%o of the stron#est boys in the school" %ho %ere devoted to me' their business %as to )oin me in dra##in# the tyrant to a bench" over %hich he %as to be laid" and his bare $osteriors heartily flo##ed" %ith his o%n birch" %hich %e $ro$osed to %rest from him in his stru##le' but if %e should find him too many for us all three" %e %ere to demand the assistance of our com$etitors" %ho should be ready to enforce us" or o$$ose anythin# that mi#ht be undertaken for the master's relief& One of my $rinci$al assistants %as called :eremy 2a%ky" son and heir of a %ealthy #entleman in the nei#hbourhood' and the name of the other" Hu#h Stra$" the cadet of a family %hich had #iven shoemakers to the villa#e time out of mind& + had once saved 2a%ky's life" by $lun#in# into a river and dra##in# him on shore" %hen he %as on the $oint of bein# dro%ned& + had often rescued him from the clutches of those %hom his insufferable arro#ance had $rovoked to a resentment he %as not able to sustain' and many times saved his re$utation and $osteriors" by $erformin# his e*ercises at school' so that it is not to be %ondered at" if he had a $articular re#ard for me and my interests& The attachment of Stra$ flo%ed from a voluntary" disinterested inclination" %hich had manifested itself on many occasions in my behalf" he havin# once rendered me the same service that + had rendered 2a%ky" by savin# my life at the risk of his o%n' and often fathered offences that + had committed" for %hich he suffered severely" rather than + should feel the %ei#ht of the $unishment& These t%o cham$ions %ere the more %illin# to en#a#e in this enter$rise" because they intended to leave the school ne*t day" as %ell as +' the first bein# ordered by his father to return into the country" and the other bein# bound a$$rentice to his barber" at a market to%n not far off& +n the meantime" my uncle" bein# informed of my master's behaviour to me" %as enra#ed at his insolence" and vo%ed reven#e so heartily that + could not refrain from tellin# him the scheme + had concerted" %hile he heard %ith #reat satisfaction" at every sentence s-uirtin# out a mouthful of s$ittle" tinctured %ith tobacco" of %hich he constantly che%ed a lar#e -uid& At last" $ullin# u$ his breeches" he cried" 74o" no" 3//ds8 that %on't do neither' ho%soever" 'tis a bold undertakin#" my lad" that + must say" i'faith' but lookee" lookee" ho% do you $ro$ose to #et clear off//%on't the enemy #ive chase" my boy=//ay" ay" that he %ill" + %arrant" and alarm the %hole coast' ah8 2od hel$ thee" more sail than ballast" Rory& 1et me alone for that//leave the %hole to me& +'ll sho% him the foreto$sail" + %ill& +f so be your shi$mates are )olly boys" and %on't flinch" you shall see" yon shall see' e#ad" +'ll $lay him such a salt/%ater trick +'ll brin# him to the #an#%ay& and anoint him %ith a cat/and/nine/tails' he shall have a round do3en doubled" my lad" he shall//and be left lashed to his meditations&7 ,e %ere very $roud of our associate" %ho immediately %ent to %ork" and $re$ared the instrument of his reven#e %ith #reat skill and e*$edition' after %hich" he ordered our ba##a#e to be $acked u$ and sent off" a day

before our attem$t" and #ot horses ready to be mounted" as soon as the affair should be over& At len#th the hour arrived" %hen our au*iliary" sei3in# the o$$ortunity of the usher's absence" bolted in" secured the door" and immediately laid hold of the $edant by his collar %ho ba%led out" 70urder" Thieves&7 %ith the voice of a Stentor& Thou#h + trembled all over like an as$en leaf" + kne% there %as no time to be lost" and accordin#ly #ot u$" and summoned our associates to our assistance& Stra$" %ithout any hesitation" obeyed the si#nal" and seein# me lea$ u$on the master's back" ran immediately to one of his le#s" %hich $ullin# %ith all his force" this dreadful adversary %as humbled to the #round' u$on %hich 2a%ky" %ho had hitherto remained in his $lace" under the influence of a universal tre$idation" hastened to the scene of action" and insulted the fallen tyrant %ith a loud hu33a" in %hich the %hole school )oined& The noise alarmed the usher" %ho" findin# himself shut out" endeavoured" $artly by threats and $artly by entreaties" to $rocure admission& 0y uncle bade him have a little $atience" and he %ould let him in $resently' but if he $retended to stir from that $lace" it should fare the %orse %ith the son of a bitch his su$erior" on %hom he intended only to besto% a little %holesome chastisement" for his barbarous usa#e of Rory" 7to %hich"7 said he" 7you are no stran#er&7 By this time %e had dra##ed the criminal to a $ost" to %hich Bo%lin# tied him %ith a ro$e he had $rovided on $ur$ose' after havin# secured his hands and stri$$ed his back& +n this ludicrous $osture he stood 5to the no small entertainment of the boys" %ho cro%ded about him" and shouted %ith #reat e*ultation at the novelty of the si#ht6" ventin# bitter im$recations a#ainst the lieutenant" and re$roachin# his scholars %ith treachery and rebellion' %hen the usher %as admitted" %hom my uncle accosted in this manner( 7Harkee" 0r& Synta*" + believe you are an honest man" d'ye see//and + have a res$ect for you//but for all that" %e must" for our o%n security" d'ye see" belay you for a short time&7 ,ith these %ords" he $ulled out some fathoms of cord" %hich the honest man no sooner sa% than he $rotested %ith #reat earnestness he %ould allo% no violence to be offered to him" at the same time accusin# me of $erfidy and in#ratitude& But Bo%lin# re$resentin# that it %as in vain to resist" and that he did not mean to use him %ith violence and indecency" but only to hinder him from raisin# the hue and cry a#ainst us before %e should be out of their $o%er" he allo%ed himself to be bound to his o%n desk" %here he sat a s$ectator of the $unishment inflicted on his $rinci$al& 0y uncle" havin# u$braided this arbitrary %retch %ith his inhumanity to me" told him" that he $ro$osed to #ive him a little disci$line for the #ood of his soul" %hich he immediately $ut in $ractice" %ith #reat vi#our and de*terity& This smart a$$lication to the $edant's %ithered $osteriors #ave him such e*-uisite $ain that he roared like a mad bull" danced" cursed" and blas$hemed" like a frantic bedlamite& ,hen the lieutenant thou#ht himself sufficiently reven#ed" he took his leave of him in these %ords( 74o%" friend" you'll remember me the lon#est day you have to live' + have #iven you a lesson that %ill let you kno% %hat flo##in# is" and teach you to have more sym$athy for the future& Shout" boys" shout87 This ceremony %as no sooner over than my uncle $ro$osed they should -uit the school" and convey their old comrade Rory to the $ublic/house" about a mile from the villa#e" %here he %ould treat them all& His offer bein# )oyfully embraced" he addressed himself to 0r& Synta*" and be##ed him to accom$any us' but this invitation he refused %ith #reat disdain" tellin# my benefactor he %as not the

man he took him to be& 7,ell" %ell" old surly"7 re$lied my uncle" shakin# his hand" 7thou art an honest fello% not%ithstandin#' and if ever + have the command of a shi$" thou shalt be our schoolmaster" i'faith&7 So sayin# he dismissed the boys" and lockin# the door" left the t%o $rece$tors to console one another' %hile %e moved for%ards on our )ourney" attended by a numerous retinue" %hom he treated accordin# to his $romise& ,e $arted %ith many tears" and lay that ni#ht at an inn on the road" about ten miles short of the to%n %here + %as to remain" at %hich %e arrived ne*t day" and + found + had no cause to com$lain of the accommodations $rovided for me" in bein# boarded at the house of an a$othecary" %ho had married a distant relation of my mother& +n a fe% days after" my uncle set out for his shi$" havin# settled the necessary funds for my maintenance and education&

!HAPTER ;+

+ make #reat $ro#ress in my Studies//am caressed by Everybody//my female !ousins take notice of me/+ re)ect their +nvitation/they are incensed" and cons$ire a#ainst me/am left destitute by a 0isfortune that befalls my Uncle/2a%ky's Treachery/my Reven#e As + %as no% ca$able of reflection" + be#an to consider my $recarious situation' that + %as utterly abandoned by those %hose duty it %as to $rotect me( and that my sole de$endence %as on the #enerosity of one man" %ho %as not only e*$osed by his $rofession to continual dan#ers" %hich mi#ht one day de$rive me of him for ever' but also 5no doubt6 sub)ect to those vicissitudes of dis$osition %hich a chan#e of fortune usually creates" or %hich a better ac-uaintance %ith the %orld mi#ht $roduce' for + al%ays ascribed his benevolence to the dictates of a heart as yet undebauched by a commerce %ith mankind& Alarmed at these considerations" + resolved to a$$ly myself %ith #reat care to my studies" and en)oy the o$$ortunity in my $o%er( this + did %ith such success that" in the s$ace of three years" + understood 2reek very %ell" %as $retty far advanced in the mathematics" and no stran#er to moral and natural $hiloso$hy( lo#ic + made no account of' but" above all thin#s" + valued myself on my taste in the belles lettres" and a talent for $oetry" %hich had already $roduced some $ieces that had met %ith a favourable rece$tion& These -ualifications" added to a #ood face and sha$e" ac-uired the esteem and ac-uaintance of the most considerable $eo$le in to%n" and + had the satisfaction to find myself in some de#ree of favour %ith the ladies' an into*icatin# $iece of #ood fortune to one of my amorous com$le*ion8 %hich + obtained" or at least $reserved" by #ratifyin# their $ro$ensity to scandal" in lam$oonin# their rivals& T%o of my female cousins lived in this $lace" %ith their mother" since the death of their father" %ho left his %hole fortune e-ually divided bet%een them' so that" if they %ere not the most beautiful"

they %ere at least the richest toasts in to%n' and received daily the addresses of all the beau* and cavaliers of the country& Althou#h + had hitherto been looked u$on by them %ith the most su$ercilious contem$t" my character no% attracted their notice so much that + %as #iven to understand + mi#ht be honoured %ith their ac-uaintance" if + $leased& The reader %ill easily $erceive that this condescension either flo%ed from the ho$e of makin# my $oetical ca$acity subservient to their malice" or at least of screenin# themselves from the lash of my resentment" %hich they had effectually $rovoked& + en)oyed this trium$h %ith #reat satisfaction" and not only re)ected their offer %ith disdain" but in all my $erformances" %hether satire or $ane#yric" industriously avoided mentionin# their names" even %hile + celebrated those of their intimates( this ne#lect mortified their $ride e*ceedin#ly and incensed them to such a de#ree that they %ere resolved to make me re$ent of my indifference& The first stroke of their reven#e consisted in their hirin# a $oor colle#ian to %rite verses a#ainst me" the sub)ect of %hich %as my o%n $overty" and the catastro$he of my unha$$y $arents' but" besides the badness of the com$osition 5of %hich they themselves %ere ashamed6" they did not find their account in endeavourin# to re$roach me %ith those misfortunes %hich they and their relations had brou#ht u$on me' and %hich conse-uently reflected much more dishonour on themselves than on me" %ho %as the innocent victim of their barbarity and avarice& indin# this $lan miscarry" they found means to irritate a youn# #entleman a#ainst me" by tellin# him + had lam$ooned his mistress' and so effectually succeeded in the -uality of incendiaries that this enra#ed lover determined to sei3e me ne*t ni#ht as + returned to my lod#in#s from a friend's house that + fre-uented( %ith this vie%" he %aited in the street" attended by t%o of his com$anions" to %hom he had im$arted his desi#n of carryin# me do%n to the river" in %hich $ro$osed to have me heartily ducked" not%ithstandin# the severity of the %eather" it bein# then about the middle of 9ecember& But this strata#em did not succeed' for" bein# a$$rised of their ambush" + #ot home another %ay" and by the hel$ of my landlord's a$$rentice" dischar#ed a volley from the #arret %indo%" %hich did #reat e*ecution u$on them" and ne*t day occasioned so much mirth at their e*$ense that they found themselves under a necessity of leavin# the to%n" until the adventure should be entirely for#otten& 0y cousins 5thou#h t%ice baffled in their e*$ectation6 did not" ho%ever" desist from $ersecutin# me" %ho had no% enra#ed them beyond a $ossibility of for#iveness by detectin# their malice and $reventin# its effects( neither should + have found them more humane" had + $atiently submitted to their rancour" and borne %ithout murmurin# the ri#our of their unreasonable hate' for + have found by e*$erience" that thou#h small favours may be ackno%led#ed and sli#ht in)uries atoned" there is no %retch so un#rateful as he %hom you have most #enerously obli#ed" and no enemy so im$lacable as those %ho have done you the #reatest %ron#& These #ood/natured creatures" therefore" had recourse to a scheme %hich cons$ired %ith a $iece of bad ne%s + soon after received" to #ive them all the satisfaction they desired( this $lan %as to debauch the faith of my com$anion and confidant" %ho betrayed the trust + re$osed in him" by im$artin# to them the $articulars of my small amours" %hich they $ublished %ith such e*a##erations that + suffered very much in the o$inion of everybody"

and %as utterly discarded by the dear creatures %hose names had been called in -uestion& ,hile + %as busy in tracin# out the author of this treachery" that + mi#ht not only be reven#ed on him" but also vindicate my character to my friends" + one day $erceived the looks of my landlady much altered" %hen + %ent home to my dinner" and in-uirin# into the cause" she scre%ed u$ her mouth" and fi*ed her eyes on the #round" told me her husband had received a letter from 0r& Bo%lin#" %ith one inclosed for me& She %as very sorry for %hat had ha$$ened" both for my sake and his o%n//$eo$le should be more cautious of their conduct//she %as al%ays afraid his brutal behaviour %ould brin# him into some misfortune or other& As for her $art" she should be very ready to befriend me' but she had a small family of her o%n to maintain& The %orld %ould do nothin# for her if she should come to %ant//charity be#ins at home( she %ished + had been bound to some substantial handicraft" such as a %eaver or a shoemaker" rather than loiter a%ay my time in learnin# foolish nonsense" that %ould never brin# me in a $enny but some folks are %ise" and some are other%ise& + %as listenin# to this mysterious discourse %ith #reat ama3ement" %hen her husband entered" and" %ithout s$eakin# a syllable" $ut both the letters into my hand& + received them tremblin#" and read %hat follo%s( 'To 0r& Ro#er Potion 'Sir" 'This is to let you kno% that + have -uitted the Thunder man of %ar" bein# obli#ed to sheer off for killin# my ca$tain" %hich + did fairly on the beach" at !a$e Tiberoon" in the +sland of His$aniola' havin# received his fire and returned it" %hich %ent throu#h his body( and + %ould serve the best man so that ever ste$$ed bet%een stem and stern" if so be that he struck me" as !a$tain Oakum did& + am 5thank 2od6 safe amon# the rench" %ho are very civil" thof + don't understand their lin#o' and + ho$e to be restored in a little time" for all the #reat friends and $arliamentary interest of the ca$tain" for + have sent over to my landlord in 9eal an account of the %hole affair" %ith our bearin#s and distances %hile %e %ere en#a#ed" %hereby + have desired him to lay it before his ma)esty" %ho 52od bless him6 %ill not suffer an honest tar to be %ron#ed& 0y love to your s$ouse" and am your lovin# friend and servant to command" %hile 'Thomas Bo%lin#"' 'To Roderick Random '9ear Rory" '9on't be #rieved at my misfortune" but mind your book" my lad& + have #ot no money to send you" but %hat of that= 0r& Potion %ill take care of you for the love he bears to me" and let you %ant for nothin#' and it shall #o hard but + %ill see him one day re$aid& 4o more at $resent" but rests

'>our dutiful uncle 'and servant" till death" 'Thomas Bo%lin#&' This letter 5%hich" %ith the other" %as dated from Port 1onis" in His$aniola6 + had no sooner read than the a$othecary" shakin# his head" be#an( 7+ have a very #reat re#ard for 0r& Bo%lin# that's certain' and could be %ell content//but times are very hard& There's no such thin# as money to be #ot' + believe 'tis all vanished under #round" for my $art& Besides" + have been out of $ocket already" havin# entertained you since the be#innin# of this month" %ithout receivin# a si*$ence" and 2od kno%s if ever + shall' for + believe it %ill #o hard %ith your uncle& And more than that" + %as thinkin# of #ivin# you %arnin#" for + %ant your a$artment for a ne% $rentice" %hom + e*$ect from the country every hour& So + desire you %ill this %eek $rovide yourself %ith another lod#in#&7 The indi#nation %hich this haran#ue ins$ired #ave me s$irits to su$$ort my reverse of fortune" and to tell him + des$ised his mean selfish dis$osition so much that + %ould rather starve than be beholden to him for one sin#le meal& U$on %hich" out of my $ocket money" + $aid him to the last farthin# of %hat + o%ed" and assured him" + %ould not slee$ another ni#ht under his roof& This said" + sallied out in a trans$ort of ra#e and sorro%" %ithout kno%in# %hither to fly for shelter" havin# not one friend in the %orld ca$able of relievin# me" and only three shillin#s in my $urse& After #ivin# %ay for a fe% minutes to the dictates of my ra#e" + %ent and hired a small bedroom" at the rate of one shillin# and si*$ence $er %eek" %hich + %as obli#ed to $ay $er advance" before the landlord %ould receive me( thither + removed my lu##a#e' and ne*t mornin# #ot u$" %ith a vie% of cravin# the advice and assistance of a $erson %ho had on all occasions loaded me %ith caresses and made fre-uent offers of friendshi$" %hile + %as under no necessity of acce$tin# them& He received me %ith his %onted affability" and insisted on my breakfastin# %ith him" a favour %hich + did not think fit to refuse& But %hen + communicated the occasion of my visit" he a$$eared so disconcerted that + concluded him %onderfully affected %ith the misery of my condition and looked u$on him as a man of the most e*tensive sym$athy and benevolence& He did not leave me lon# under this mistake' for" recoverin# himself from his confusion" he told me he %as #rieved at my misfortune" and desired to kno% %hat had $assed bet%een my landlord" 0r& Potion" and me& ,hereu$on + recounted the conversation' and" %hen + re$eated the ans%er + made to his un#enerous remonstrance %ith re#ard to my leavin# his house" this $retended friend affected a stare" and e*claimed" 7+s it $ossible you could behave so ill to the man %ho had treated you so kindly all alon#=7 0y sur$rise at hearin# this %as not at all affected" %hatever his mi#ht be' and + #ave to understand %ith some %armth" that + did not ima#ine he %ould so unreasonably es$ouse the cause of a scoundrel %ho ou#ht to be e*$elled from every social community& This heat of mine #ave him all the advanta#e he desired over me" and our discourse" after much altercation" concluded in his desirin# never to see me a#ain in that $lace' to %hich desire + yielded my consent" assurin# him" that" had + been as %ell ac-uainted %ith his $rinci$les formerly as + %as no%" he never should have had an o$$ortunity of

makin# that re-uest& And thus %e $arted& On my return" + met my comrade" S-uire 2a%ky" %hom his father had sent" some time a#o" to to%n" for his im$rovement in %ritin#" dancin#" fencin#" and other modish -ualifications& As + had lived %ith him since his arrival on the footin# of our old intimacy" + made no scru$le of informin# him of the lo%ness of my circumstances" and askin# a small su$$ly of money" to ans%er my $resent e*$ense' u$on %hich he $ulled out a handful of half$ence %ith a shillin# or t%o amon# them" and s%ore that %as all he had to kee$ his $ocket till ne*t -uarter/day he havin# lost the #reatest $art of his allo%ance the ni#ht before at billiards& Thou#h this assertion mi#ht very %ell be true" + %as e*tremely mortified at his indifference( for he neither e*$ressed any sym$athy for my misha$ nor desire of alleviatin# my distress' and accordin#ly + left him %ithout utterin# one %ord( but" %hen + after%ards understood that he %as the $erson %ho had formerly betrayed me to the malice of my cousins" to %hom like%ise he had carried the tidin#s of my forlorn situation" %hich afforded them #reat matter of trium$h and e*ultation" + determined %ith myself to call him to a severe account for %hich $ur$ose + borro%ed a s%ord" and %rote a challen#e" desirin# him to meet me at a certain time and $lace" that + mi#ht have an o$$ortunity of $unishin# his $erfidy" at the e*$ense of his blood& He acce$ted the invitation" and + betook myself to the field" thou#h not %ithout feelin# considerable re$u#nance to the combat" %hich fre-uently attacked me in cold s%eats by the %ay' but the desire of reven#e" the shame of retractin#" and ho$e of con-uest" cons$ired to re$el these unmanly sym$toms of fear' and + a$$eared on the $lain %ith a #ood #race( there + %aited an hour beyond the time a$$ointed" and %as not ill $leased to find he had no mind to meet me" because + should have an o$$ortunity of e*$osin# his co%ardice" dis$layin# my o%n coura#e" and of beatin# him soundly %heresoever + should find" %ithout any dread of the conse-uence& Elevated %ith these su##estions" %hich entirely banished all thou#hts of my de$lorable condition" + %ent directly to 2a%ky's lod#in#s" %here + %as informed of his $reci$itate retreat" he havin# set out for the country in less than an hour after he had received my billet' and + %as vain enou#h to have the %hole story inserted in the ne%s" althou#h + %as fain to sell a #old laced hat to my landlord for less than half/$rice" to defray the e*$enses and contribute to my subsistence&

!HAPTER ;++

+ am entertained by 0r& !rab//a descri$tion of him//+ ac-uire the Art of Sur#ery//consult !rab's 9is$osition//become necessary to him//an Accident ha$$ens//he advises me to launch out into the %orld//assists me %ith 0oney/+ set out for 1ondon The fumes of my resentment bein# dissi$ated" as %ell as the vanity

of my success" + found myself deserted to all the horrors of e*treme %ant" and avoided by mankind as a creature of a different s$ecies" or rather as a solitary bein#" no%ays com$rehended %ithin the scheme or $rotection of Providence& 0y des$air had rendered me almost -uite stu$ified" %hen + %as one day told" that a #entleman desired to see me at a certain $ublic/house" %hither immediately + re$aired' and %as introduced to one 0r& 1auncelot !rab" a sur#eon in to%n" %ho %as en#a#ed %ith t%o more in drinkin# a li-uor called $o$/in" com$osed by mi*in# a -uartern of brandy %ith a -uart of small beer& Before + relate the occasion of this messa#e" + believe it %ill not be disa#reeable to the reader" if + describe the #entleman %ho sent for me" and mention some circumstances of his character and conduct %hich may illustrate %hat follo%s" and account for his behaviour to me& This member of the faculty %as a#ed fifty" about five feet hi#h" and ten round the belly' his face %as as ca$acious as a full moon" and much of the com$le*ion of a mulberry( his nose" resemblin# a $o%der/horn" %as s%elled to an enormous si3e" and studded all over %ith carbuncles' and his little #ray eyes reflected the rays in such an obli-ue manner that" %hile he looked a $erson full in the face" one %ould have ima#ined he %as admirin# the buckle of his shoe& He had lon# entertained an im$lacable resentment a#ainst Potion" %ho" thou#h a youn#er $ractitioner" %as better em$loyed than he" and once had the assurance to $erform a cure" %hereby he disa$$ointed and dis#raced the $ro#nostic of the said !rab& This -uarrel %hich %as at one time u$on the $oint of bein# made u$" by the inter$osition and mediation of friends" had been lately inflamed beyond a $ossibility of reconciliation by the res$ective %ives of the o$$onents" %ho" chancin# to meet at a christenin#" disa#reed about $recedence" $roceeded from invectives to blo%s" and %ere %ith #reat difficulty" by the #ossi$s" $revented from convertin# the occasion of )oy into a scene of lamentation& The difference bet%een these rivals %as in the hei#ht of rancour" %hen + received the messa#e of !rab" %ho received me as civilly as + could have e*$ected from one of his dis$osition' and" after desirin# me to sit" in-uired into the $articulars of my leavin# the house of Potion' %hich %hen + had related" he said" %ith a malicious #rin" 7There's a sneakin# do#8 + al%ays thou#ht him a fello% %ithout a soul" d//n me" a cantin# scoundrel" %ho has cre$t into business by his hy$ocrisy" and kissin# the a//e of every body&7//7Ay" ay"7 says another" 7one mi#ht see %ith half an eye that the rascal has no honesty in him" by his #oin# so re#ularly to church&7 This sentence %as confirmed by a third" %ho assured his com$anions that Potion %as never kno%n to be dis#uised in li-uor but once" at a meetin# of the #odly" %here he had distin#uished himself by an e*tem$ore $rayer an hour lon#& After this $reamble" !rab addressed himself to me in these %ords( 7,ell" my lad" + have heard a #ood character of you" and +'ll do for you& >ou may send your thin#s to my house %hen you $lease& + have #iven orders for your rece$tion& Bounds8 ,hat does the booby stare at= +f you have no mind to embrace my courteous offer" you may let it alone" and be d//d&7 + ans%ered %ith a submissive bo%" that + %as far from re)ectin# his friendly offer" %hich + %ould immediately acce$t" as soon as he should inform me on %hat footin# + %as to be entertained& 7,hat footin#8 9//n my blood"7 cried he" 7d'ye e*$ect to have a footman and a cou$le of horses ke$t for you=7 74o" sir"7 + re$lied" 7my e*$ectations

are not -uite so san#uine& That + may be as little burthensome as $ossible" + %ould %illin#ly serve in your sho$" by %hich means + may save you the e*$ense of a )ourneyman" or $orter at least" for + understand a little $harmacy" havin# em$loyed some of my leisure hours in the $ractice of that art" %hile + lived %ith 0r& Potion' neither am + alto#ether i#norant of sur#ery" %hich + have studied %ith #reat $leasure and a$$lication&7//7Oho8 you did"7 says !rab& 72entlemen" here is a com$lete artist8 Studied sur#ery8 ,hat= in books" + su$$ose& + shall have you dis$utin# %ith me one of these days on $oints of my $rofession& >ou can already account for muscular motion" + %arrant" and e*$lain the mystery of the brain and nerves//ha8 >ou are too learned for me" d//n me& But let's have no more of this stuff& !an you blood and #ive a clyster" s$read a $laster" and $re$are a $otion=7 U$on my ans%erin# in the affirmative" he shock his head" tellin# me" he believed he should have little #ood of me" for all my $romises' but" ho%ever" he %ould take me in for the sake of charity& + %as accordin#ly that very ni#ht admitted to his house" and had an a$artment assi#ned to me in the #arret" %hich + %as fain to $ut u$ %ith" not%ithstandin# the mortification my $ride suffered in this chan#e of circumstances& + %as soon convinced of the real motives %hich induced !rab to receive me in this manner' for" besides the #ratification of his reven#e" by e*$osin# the selfishness of his anta#onist" in o$$osition to his o%n #enerosity" %hich %as all affectation" he had occasion for a youn# man %ho understood somethin# of the $rofession" to fill u$ the $lace of his eldest a$$rentice" lately dead" not %ithout violent sus$icion of foul $lay from his master's brutality& The kno%led#e of this circumstance" to#ether %ith his daily behaviour to his %ife and the youn# a$$rentice" did not at all contribute to my en)oyin# my ne% situation %ith ease' ho%ever" as + did not $erceive ho% + could besto% myself to better advanta#e" + resolved to study !rab's tem$er %ith all the a$$lication" and mana#e it %ith all the address in my $o%er& And it %as not lon# before + found out a stran#e $eculiarity of humour %hich #overned his behaviour to%ards all his de$endents& + observed" %hen he %as $leased" he %as such a ni##ard of his satisfaction that" if his %ife or servants betrayed the least sym$tom of $artici$ation" he %as offended to an insu$$ortable de#ree of choler and fury" the effects of %hich they seldom failed to feel& And %hen his indi#nation %as roused" submission and soothin# al%ays e*as$erated it beyond the bounds of reason and humanity& + therefore $ursued a contrary $lan' and one day" %hen he honoured me %ith the names of i#norant %hel$ and la3y ra#amuffin" + boldly re$lied" + %as neither i#norant nor la3y" since + both understood and $erformed my business as %ell as he could do for his soul' neither %as it )ust to call me ra#amuffin" for + had a %hole coat on my back" and %as descended from a better family than any he could boast an alliance %ith& He #ave tokens of #reat ama3ement at this assurance of mine" and shook his cane over my head" re#ardin# me all the time %ith a countenance truly diabolical& Althou#h + %as terribly startled at his menacin# looks and $osture" + yet had reflection enou#h left to convince me + had #one too far to retract" and that this %as the critical minute %hich must decide my future lot in his service' + therefore snatched u$ the $estle of a mortar" and s%ore" if he offered to strike me %ithout a cause" + should see %hether his skull or my %ea$on %as hardest&

He continued silent for some time" and at last broke forth into these e)aculations( 7This is fine usa#e from a servant to his master//very fine8 damnation8 but no matter" you shall $ay for this" you do#" you shall' +'++ do your business//yes" yes" +'ll teach you to lift your hand a#ainst me&7 So sayin#" he retired" and left me under dreadful a$$rehensions" %hich vanished entirely at our ne*t meetin#" %hen he behaved %ith unusual com$lacency" and treated me %ith a #lass of $unch after dinner& By this conduct + #ot the ascendancy over him in a short time" and became so necessary to him" in mana#in# his business %hile he %as en#a#ed at the bottle" that fortune be#an to %ear a kinder as$ect' and + consoled myself for the disre#ard of my former ac-uaintance" %ith the kno%led#e + daily imbibed by a close a$$lication to the duties of my em$loyment" in %hich + succeeded beyond my o%n e*$ectation& + %as on very #ood terms %ith my master's %ife" %hose esteem + ac-uired and cultivated" by re$resentin# 0rs& Potion in the most ridiculous li#hts my satirical talents could invent" as %ell as by renderin# her some !hristian offices" %hen she had been too familiar %ith the dram bottle" to %hich she had oftentimes recourse for consolation" under the affliction she suffered from a barbarous husband& +n this manner + lived" %ithout hearin# the least tidin#s of my uncle for the s$ace of t%o years" durin# %hich time + ke$t little or no com$any" bein# neither in a humour to relish nor in a ca$acity to maintain much ac-uaintance' for the 4abal my master allo%ed me no %a#es" and the small $er-uisites of my station scarcely su$$lied me %ith the common necessaries of life& + %as no lon#er a $ert unthinkin# co*comb" #iddy %ith $o$ular a$$lause" and elevated %ith the e*trava#ance of ho$e( my misfortunes had tau#ht me ho% little the caresses of the %orld" durin# a man's $ros$erity" are to be valued by him' and ho% seriously and e*$editiously he ou#ht to set about makin# himself inde$endent of them& 0y $resent a$$earance" therefore" %as the least of my care" %hich %as %holly en#rossed in layin# u$ a stock of instruction that mi#ht secure me a#ainst the ca$rice of fortune for the future& + became such a sloven" and contracted such an air of austerity" that everybody $ronounced me crestfallen' and 2a%ky returned to to%n %ithout runnin# any risk from my resentment" %hich %as by this time $retty much cooled" and restrained by $rudential reasons so effectually that + never so much as thou#ht of obtainin# satisfaction for the in)uries be had done me& ,hen + deemed myself sufficiently master of my business + be#an to cast about for an o$$ortunity of launchin# into the %orld" in ho$e of findin# some $rovision that mi#ht make amends for the difficulties + had under#one' but" as this could not be effected %ithout a small sum of money to e-ui$ me for the field" + %as in the utmost $er$le*ity ho% to raise it" %ell kno%in# that !rab" for his o%n sake" %ould never $ut me in a condition to leave him" %hen his interest %as so much concerned in my stay& But a small accident" %hich ha$$ened about this time" determined him in my favour& This %as no other than the $re#nancy of his maidservant" %ho declared her situation to me" assurin# me at the same time that + %as the occasion of it& Althou#h + had no reason to -uestion the truth of this im$utation" + %as not i#norant of the familiarities %hich had $assed bet%een her master and her" takin# the advanta#e of %hich + re$resented

to her the folly of layin# the burden at my door" %hen she mi#ht dis$ose of it to much better $ur$ose %ith 0r& !rab& She listened to my advice" and ne*t day ac-uainted him %ith the $retended success of their mutual endeavours& He %as far from bein# over)oyed at this $roof of his vi#our" %hich he foresa% mi#ht have very troublesome conse-uences' not that he dreaded any domestic #rumblin#s and re$roaches from his %ife" %hom he ke$t in $erfect sub)ection' but because he kne% it %ould furnish his rival Potion %ith a handle for insultin# and underminin# his re$utation" there bein# no scandal e-ual to that of uncleanness" in the o$inion of those %ho inhabit the $art of the island %here he lived& He therefore took a resolution %orthy of himself" %hich %as" to $ersuade the #irl that she %as not %ith child" but only afflicted %ith a disorder incidental to youn# %omen" %hich he could easily remove( %ith this vie% 5as he $retended6 he $rescribed for her such medicines as he thou#ht %ould infallibly $rocure abortion' but in this scheme he %as disa$$ointed" for the maid" bein# advertised by me of his desi#n" and at the same time %ell ac-uainted %ith her o%n condition" absolutely refused to follo% his directions' and threatened to $ublish her situation to the %orld if he %ould not immediately take some method of $rovidin# for the im$ortant occasion" %hich she e*$ected in a fe% months& +t %as not lon# before + #uessed the result of his deliberation" by his addressin# himself to me one day in this manner( 7+ am sur$rised that a youn# fello% like you discovers no inclination to $ush his fortune in the %orld& Before + %as of your a#e + %as broilin# on the coast of 2uinea& 9//e8 %hat's to hinder you from $rofitin# by the %ar %hich %ill certainly be declared in a short time a#ainst S$ain= >ou may easily #et on board of a kin#'s shi$ in -uality of sur#eon's mate" %here you %ill certainly see a #reat deal of $ractice" and stand a #ood chance of #ettin# $ri3e/money&7 + laid hold of this declaration" %hich + had lon# %ished for" and assured him + %ould follo% his advice %ith $leasure" if it %ere in my $o%er' but that it %as im$ossible for me to embrace an o$$ortunity of that kind" as + had no friend to advance a little money to su$$ly me %ith %hat necessaries + should %ant" and defray the e*$enses of my )ourney to 1ondon& He told me that fe% necessaries %ere re-uired' and" as for the e*$ense of my )ourney" he %ould lend me money" sufficient not only for that $ur$ose" but also to maintain me comfortably in 1ondon until + should $rocure a %arrant for my $rovision on board of some shi$& + #ave him a thousand thanks for his obli#in# offer 5althou#h + %as very %ell a$$rised of his motive" %hich %as no other than a desi#n to lay the bastard to my char#e after my de$arture6" and accordin#ly set out in a fe% %eeks for 1ondon' my %hole fortune consistin# of one suit of clothes" half a do3en ruffled shirts" as many $lain" t%o $air of %orsted and a like number of threaded stockin#s' a case of $ocket instruments" a small edition of Horace" ,iseman's Sur#ery" and ten #uineas in cash' for %hich !rab took my bond" bearin# five $er cent interest' at the same time #ivin# me a letter to a member of $arliament for our to%n" %hich he said %ould do my business effectually&

!HAPTER ;+++

+ arrive at 4e%castle//meet %ith my old Schoolfello% Stra$//%e determine to %alk to#ether to 1ondon//set out on our :ourney//$ut u$ at a solitary Alehouse//are disturbed by a stran#e Adventure in the 4i#ht There is no such convenience as a %a##on in this country" and my finances %ere too %eak to su$$ort the e*$ense of hirin# a horse( + determined therefore to set out %ith the carriers" %ho trans$ort #oods from one $lace to another on horseback' and this scheme + accordin#ly $ut in e*ecution on the Cst day of Se$tember" C@DE" sittin# u$on a $ack/saddle bet%een t%o baskets" one of %hich contained my #oods in a kna$sack& But by the time %e arrived at 4e%castle/u$on/Tyne + %as so fati#ued %ith the tediousness of the carria#e" and benumbed %ith the coldness of the %eather" that + resolved to travel the rest of my )ourney on foot" rather than $roceed in such a disa#reeable manner& The ostler of the inn at %hich %e $ut u$" understandin# + %as bound for 1ondon" advised me to take my $assa#e in a collier %hich %ould be both chea$ and e*$editious and %ithal much easier than to %alk u$%ards of three hundred miles throu#h dee$ roads in the %inter time" a )ourney %hich he believed + had not stren#th enou#h to $erform& + %as almost $ersuaded to take his advice" %hen one day" ste$$in# into a barber's sho$ to be shaved" the youn# man" %hile he lathered my face" accosted me thus( 7Sir" + $resume you are a Scotchman&7 + ans%ered in the affirmative& 7Pray"7 continued he" 7from %hat $art of Scotland=7 + no sooner told him" than he discovered #reat emotion" and not confinin# his o$eration to my chin and u$$er li$" besmeared my %hole face %ith #reat a#itation& + %as so offended at this $rofusion that startin# u$" + asked him %hat the d//l he meant by usin# me so= He be##ed $ardon" tellin# me his )oy at meetin# %ith a countryman had occasioned some confusion in him" and craved my name& But" %hen + declared my name %as Random" he e*claimed in ra$ture" 7Ho%8 Rory Random=7 7The same"7 + re$lied" lookin# at him %ith astonishment& 7,hat87 cried he" 7don't you kno% your old schoolfello%" Hu#h Stra$=7 At that instant recollectin# his face" + fle% into his arms" and in the trans$ort of my )oy" #ave him back one/half of the suds he had so lavishly besto%ed on my countenance' so that %e made a very ludicrous a$$earance" and furnished a #reat deal of mirth for his master and sho$mates" %ho %ere %itnesses of this scene& ,hen our mutual caresses %ere over + sat do%n a#ain to be shaved" but the $oor fello%'s nerves %ere so discom$osed by this une*$ected meetin# that his hand could scarcely hold the ra3or" %ith %hich" nevertheless" he found means to cut me in three $laces in as many strokes& His master" $erceivin# his disorder" bade another su$$ly his $lace" and after the o$eration %as $erformed" #ave Stra$ leave to $ass the rest of the day %ith me& ,e retired immediately to my lod#in#s" %here" callin# for some beer" + desired to be informed of his adventures" %hich contained nothin# more than that his master dyin# before his time %as out" he had come to 4e%castle about a year a#o" in e*$ectation of

)ourney%ork" alon# %ith three youn# fello%s of his ac-uaintance %ho %orked in the keels' that he had the #ood fortune of bein# em$loyed by a very civil master" %ith %hom he intended to stay till the s$rin#" at %hich time he $ro$osed to #o to 1ondon" %here he did not doubt of findin# encoura#ement& ,hen + communicated to him my situation and desi#n" he did not a$$rove of my takin# a $assa#e by sea" by reason of the dan#er of a %inter voya#e" %hich is very ha3ardous alon# that coast" as %ell as the $recariousness of the %ind" %hich mi#ht $ossibly detain me a #reat %hile" to the no small detriment of my fortune' %hereas" if + %ould venture by land" he %ould bear me com$any" carry my ba##a#e all the %ay" and if %e should be fati#ued before %e could $erform the )ourney it %ould be no hard matter for us to find on the road either return horses or %a##ons" of %hich %e mi#ht take the advanta#e for a very triflin# e*$ense& + %as so ravished at this $ro$osal that + embraced him affectionately" and assured him he mi#ht command my $urse to the last farthin#' but he #ave me to understand he had saved money sufficient to ans%er his o%n occasions' and that he had a friend in 1ondon %ho %ould soon introduce him into business in that ca$ital" and $ossibly have it in his $o%er to serve me also& Havin# concerted the $lan and settled our affairs that ni#ht" %e de$arted ne*t mornin# by daybreak" armed %ith a #ood cud#el each 5my com$anion bein# char#ed %ith the furniture of us both crammed into one kna$sack6" and our money se%ed bet%een the linin#s and %aistbands of our breeches" e*ce$t some loose silver for our immediate e*$enses on the road" ,e travelled all day at a round $ace" but" bein# i#norant of the $ro$er sta#es" %ere beni#hted at a #ood distance from any inn" so that %e %ere com$elled to take u$ our lod#in# at a small hed#e alehouse" that stood on a byroad" about half/a/mile from the hi#h%ay( there %e found a $edlar of our o%n country" in %hose com$any %e re#aled ourselves %ith bacon and e##s" and a #lass of #ood ale" before a comfortable fire" conversin# all the %hile very sociably %ith the landlord and his dau#hter" a hale bu*om lass" %ho entertained us %ith #reat #ood humour" and in %hose affection + %as vain enou#h to believe + had made some $ro#ress& About ei#ht o'clock %e %ere all three" at our o%n desire" sho%n into an a$artment furnished %ith t%o beds" in one of %hich Stra$ and + betook ourselves to rest" and the $edlar occu$ied the other" thou#h not before he had $rayed a considerable time e*tem$ore" searched into every corner of the room" and fastened the door on the inside %ith a stron# iron scre%" %hich he carried about %ith him for that use& + sle$t very sound till midni#ht %hen + %as disturbed by a violent motion of the bed" %hich shook under me %ith a continual tremor& Alarmed at this $henomenon" + )o##ed my com$anion" %hom" to my no small ama3ement" + found drenched in s%eat" and -uakin# throu#h every limb' he told me" %ith a lo% falterin# voice" that %e %ere undone' for there %as a bloody hi#h%ayman" loaded %ith $istols" in the ne*t room' then" biddin# me make as little noise as $ossible" he directed me to a small chink in the board $artition throu#h %hich + could see a thick/set bra%ny fello%" %ith a fierce countenance" sittin# at a table %ith our youn# landlady" havin# a bottle of ale and a brace of $istols before him& + listened %ith #reat attention" and heard him say" in a terrible

tone" 79//n that son of a b//h" Smack& the coachman' he has served me a fine trick" indeed8 but d//ion sei3e me" if + don't make him re$ent it8 +'ll teach the scoundrel to #ive intelli#ence to others %hile he is under articles %ith me&7 Our landlady endeavoured to a$$ease this e*as$erated robber" by sayin# he mi#ht be mistaken in Smack" %ho $erha$s ke$t no corres$ondence %ith the other #entleman that robbed his coach' and that" if an accident had disa$$ointed him to/day" he mi#ht soon find o$$ortunities enou#h to atone for his lost trouble& 7+'ll tell thee %hat" my clear Bet"7 re$lied he" 7+ never had" nor ever shall" %hile my name is Rifle" have such a #lorious booty as + missed to/day& B//s8 there %as ?FAA in cash to recruit men for the kin#'s service" besides the )e%els" %atches" s%ords" and money belon#in# to the $assen#ers& Had it been my fortune to have #ot clear off %ith so much treasure" + %ould have $urchased a commission in the army" and made you an officer's lady" you )ade" + %ould&7 7,ell" %ell"7 cries Betty" 7%e must trust to Providence for that& But did you find nothin# %orth takin# %hich esca$ed the other #entlemen of the road=7 74ot much" faith"7 said the lover' 7+ #leaned a fe% thin#s" such as a $air of $o$s" silver mounted 5here they are6( + took them loaded from the ca$tain %ho had the char#e of the money" to#ether %ith a #old %atch %hich he had concealed in his breeches& + like%ise found ten Portu#al $ieces in the shoes of a -uaker" %hom the s$irit moved to revile me %ith #reat bitterness and devotion' but %hat + value myself mostly for is" this here $urchase" a #old snuffbo*" my #irl" %ith a $icture on the inside of the lid' %hich + untied out of the tail of a $retty lady's smock&7 Here" as the devil %ould have it" the $edlar snored so loud" that the hi#h%ayman" snatchin# his $istols" started u$" cryin#" 7Hell and d/n/n8 + am betrayed8 ,ho's that in the ne*t room=7 0rs& Betty told him he need not be uneasy( there %ere only three $oor travellers" %ho" missin# the road" had taken u$ their lod#in#s in the house" and %ere aslee$ lon# a#o& 7Travellers"7 says he" 7s$ies" you b//ch8 But no matter' +'ll send them all to hell in an instant87 He accordin#ly ran to%ards our door' %hen his s%eetheart inter$osin#" assured him" there %as only a cou$le of $oor youn# Scotchmen" %ho %ere too ra% and i#norant to #ive him the least cause of sus$icion' and the third %as a $resbyterian $edlar of the same nation" %ho had often lod#ed in the house before& This declaration satisfied the thief" %ho s%ore he %as #lad there %as a $edlar" for he %anted some linen& Then" in a )ovial manner" he $ut about the #lass" min#lin# his discourse to Betty %ith caresses and familiarities" that s$oke him very ha$$y in his amours& 9urin# that $art of the conversation %hich re#arded this" Stra$ had cre$t under the bed" %here he lay in the a#onies of fear' so that it %as %ith #reat difficulty + $ersuaded him our dan#er %as over" and $revailed on him to a%ake the $edlar" and inform him of %hat he had seen and heard& The itinerant merchant no sooner felt somebody shakin# him by the shoulder" than he started u$" called" as loud as he could" 7Thieves" thieves8 1ord have mercy u$on us87 And Rifle" alarmed at this e*clamation" )um$ed u$" cocked one of his $istols" and turned to%ards the door to kill the first man that should enter' for he verily believed himself beset( %hen his 9ulcinea" after an immoderate fit of lau#hter" $ersuaded him that the $oor $edlar" dreamin# of

thieves" had only cried out in his slee$& 0ean%hile" my comrade had undeceived our fello%/lod#er" and informed him of his reason for disturbin# him' u$on %hich" #ettin# u$ softly" he $ee$ed throu#h the hole" and %as so terrified %ith %hat he sa%" that" fallin# do%n on his bare knees" he $ut u$ a lon# $etition to Heaven to deliver him from the hands of that ruffian" and $romised never to defraud a customer for the future of the value of a $in's $oint" $rovided he mi#ht be rescued from the $resent dan#er& ,hether or not his disburthenin# his conscience afforded him any ease + kne% not" but he sli$$ed into bed a#ain" and lay very -uiet until the robber and his mistress %ere aslee$" and snored in concert' then" risin# softly" he untied a ro$e that %as round his $ack" %hich makin# fast to one end of it" he o$ened the %indo% %ith as little noise as $ossible" and lo%ered his #oods into the yard %ith #reat de*terity( then he moved #ently to our bedside and bade us fare%ell" tellin# us that" as %e ran no risk %e mi#ht take our rest %ith #reat confidence" and in the mornin# assure the landlord that %e kne% nothin# of his esca$e" and" lastly" shakin# us by the hands" and %ishin# us all manner of success" he let himself dro$ from the %indo% %ithout any dan#er" for the #round %as not above a yard from his feet as he hun# on the outside& Althou#h + did not think $ro$er to accom$any him in his fli#ht" + %as not at all free from a$$rehension %hen + reflected on %hat mi#ht be the effect of the hi#h%ayman's disa$$ointment' as he certainly intended to make free %ith the $edlar's %are& 4either %as my com$anion at more ease in his mind& but on the contrary" so $ossessed %ith the dreadful idea of Rifle" that he solicited me stron#ly to follo% our countryman's e*am$le" and so elude the fatal resentment of that terrible adventurer" %ho %ould certainly %reak his ven#eance on us as accom$lices of the $edlar's elo$ement& But + re$resented to him the dan#er of #ivin# Rifle cause to think %e kno% his $rofession" and su##ested that" if ever he should meet us a#ain on the road" he %ould look u$on us as dan#erous ac-uaintance" and find it his interest to $ut us out of the %ay& + told him" %ithal" my confidence in Betty's #ood nature" in %hich he ac-uiesced' and durin# the remainin# $art of the ni#ht %e concerted a $ro$er method of behaviour" to render us unsus$ected in the mornin#& +t %as no sooner day than Betty" enterin# our chamber" and $erceivin# our %indo% o$en" cried out" 7Odds/bobs8 sure you Scotchmen must have hot constitutions to lie all ni#ht %ith the %indo% o$en in such cold %eather&7 + fei#ned to start out of slee$" and" %ithdra%in# the curtain" called" 7,hat's the matter=7 ,hen she sho%ed me" + affected sur$rise" and said" 7Bless me8 the %indo% %as shut %hen %e %ent to bed&7 7+'ll be han#ed" said she" 7if Sa%ney ,addle" the $edlar" has not #ot u$ in a dream and done it" for + heard him very obstro$ulous in his slee$" Sure + $ut a chamber$ot under his bed8 ,ith these %ords she advanced to the bed" in %hich he lay" and" findin# the sheets cold" e*claimed" 72ood lackadaisy8 The ro#ue is fled&7 7 led"7 cried +" %ith fei#ned ama3ement" 72od forbid8 Sure he has not robbed us87 Then" s$rin#in# u$" + laid hold of my breeches" and em$tied all my loose money into my hand' %hich havin# reckoned" + said" 7Heaven be $raised" our money is all safe8 Stra$" look to the kna$sack&7 He did so" and found all %as ri#ht& U$on %hich %e asked" %ith seemin# concern" if he had stolen nothin# belon#in# to the house& 74o" no"7 re$lied she" 7he has stole nothin#

but his reckonin#'7 %hich" it seems" this $ious $edlar had for#ot to dischar#e in the midst of his devotion& Betty" after a moment's $ause %ithdre%" and immediately %e could hear her %aken Rifle" %ho no sooner heard of ,addle's fli#ht than he )um$ed out of bed and dressed" ventin# a thousand e*ecrations" and vo%in# to murder the $edlar if ever he should set eyes on him a#ain( 7 or"7 said he 7the scoundrel has by this time raised the hue and cry a#ainst me&7 Havin# dressed himself in a hurry" he mounted his horse" and for that time rid us of his com$any and a thousand fears that %ere the conse-uence of it& ,hile %e %ere at breakfast" Betty endeavoured" by all the cunnin# she %as mistress of" to learn %hether or no %e sus$ected our fello%/lod#er" %hom %e sa% take horse' but" as %e %ere on our #uard" %e ans%ered her sly -uestions %ith a sim$licity she could not distrust' %hen" all of a sudden" %e heard the tram$lin# of a horse's feet at the door& This noise alarmed Stra$ so much" %hose ima#ination %as %holly en#rossed by the ima#e of Rifle" that" %ith a countenance as $ale as milk" he cried" 7O 1ord8 there is the hi#h%ayman returned87 Our landlady" starin# at these %ords" said" 7,hat hi#h%ayman" youn# man= 9o you think any hi#h%aymen harbour here=7 Thou#h + %as very much disconcerted at this $iece of indiscretion in Stra$" + had $resence of mind enou#h to tell her %e had met a horseman the day before" %hom Stra$ had foolishly su$$osed to be a hi#h%ayman" because he rode %ith $istols' and that he had been terrified at the sound of a horse's feet ever since& She forced a smile at the i#norance and timidity of my comrade' but + could $erceive" not %ithout #reat concern" that this account %as not at all satisfactory to her& !HAPTER +. ,e $roceed on our :ourney//are overtaken by a Hi#h%ayman %ho fires at Stra$//is $revented from shootin# me by a !om$any of Horsemen" %ho ride in $ursuit of him//Stra$ is $ut to Bed at an +nn//Adventures at that +nn After havin# $aid our score and taken leave of our hostess" %ho embraced me tenderly at $artin#" %e $roceeded on our )ourney" blessin# ourselves that %e had come off so %ell& ,e bad not %alked above five miles" %hen %e observed a man on horseback #allo$in# after us" %hom %e in a short time reco#nised to be no other than this formidable hero %ho had already #iven us so much ve*ation& He sto$$ed hard by me" and asked if + kne% %ho he %as= 0y astonishment had disconcerted me so much that + did not hear his -uestion" %hich he re$eated %ith a volley of oaths and threats' but + remained as mute as before& Stra$" seein# my discom$osure" fell u$on his knees in the mud" utterin#" %ith a lamentable voice" these %ords( 7 or !hrist's sake" have mercy u$on us" 0r& Rifle8 %e kno% you very %ell&7 7Oho87 cried

the thief" 7you do8 But you never shall be evidence a#ainst me in this %orld" you do#87 So sayin#" he dre% a $istol" and fired it at the unfortunate shaver" %ho fell flat u$on the #round %ithout s$eakin# one %ord& 0y comrade's fate and my o%n situation riveted me to the $lace %here + stood" de$rived of all sense and reflection' so that + did not make the least attem$t either to run a%ay or de$recate the %rath of this barbarian" %ho sna$$ed a second $istol at me' but" before he had time to $rime a#ain" $erceivin# a com$any of horsemen comin# u$" he rode off" and left me standin# motionless as a statue" in %hich $osture + %as found by those %hose a$$earance had saved my life& This com$any consisted of three men in livery" %ell armed" %ith an officer" %ho 5as + after%ards learned"6 %as the $erson from %hom Rifle had taken the $ocket $istols the day before' and %ho" makin# kno%n his misfortune to a nobleman he met on the road" and assurin# him his non/resistance %as alto#ether o%in# to his consideration for the ladies in the coach" $rocured the assistance of his lordshi$'s servants to #o in -uest of the $lunderer& This holiday ca$tain scam$ered u$ to me %ith #reat address" and asked %ho fired the $istol %hich he had heard& As + had not yet recovered my reason" he" before + could ans%er" observed a body lyin# on the #round" at %hich si#ht his colour chan#ed" and he $ronounced" %ith a falterin# ton#ue" 72entlemen" here's murder committed8 1et us ali#ht&7 74o" no"7 said one of his follo%ers" 7let us rather $ursue the murderer& ,hich %ay %ent he" youn# man=7 By this time + had recollected myself so far as to tell them that he could not be a -uarter of a mile before' and to be# one of them to assist me in conveyin# the cor$se of my friend to the ne*t house" in order to it bein# interred& The ca$tain" foreseein# that" in case he should $ursue" he must soon come to action" be#an to curb his horse" and #ave him the s$ur at the same time" %hich treatment makin# the creature rear u$ and snort" he called out" his horse %as fri#htened" and %ould not $roceed' at the same time %heelin# him round and round" strokin# his neck" %histlin# and %heedlin# him %ith 7Sirrah" sirrah//#ently" #ently&7 etc& 7B//ds87" cried one of the servants" 7sure my lord's Sorrel is not resty87 ,ith these %ords he besto%ed a lash on his buttocks" and Sorrel" disdainin# the rein s$ran# for%ard %ith the ca$tain at a $ace that %ould have soon brou#ht him u$ %ith the robber" had not the #irtle 5ha$$ily for him6 #iven %ay" by %hich means he landed in the dirt' and t%o of his attendants continued their $ursuit" %ithout mindin# his situation& 0ean%hile one of the three %ho remained at my desire" turnin# the body of Stra$" in order to see the %ound %hich had killed him" found him still %arm and breathin#( u$on %hich" + immediately let him blood" and sa% him" %ith ine*$ressible )oy" recover' he havin# received no other %ound than %hat his fear had inflicted& Havin# raised him u$on his le#s" %e %alked to#ether to an inn" about half a mile from the $lace" %here Stra$" %ho %as not -uite recovered" %ent to bed' and in a little time the third servant returned %ith the ca$tain's horse and furniture" leavin# him to cra%l after as %ell as he could& This #entleman of the s%ord" u$on his arrival" com$lained #rievously of the bruise occasioned by his fall' and" on the recommendation

of the servant" %ho %arranted my ability" + %as em$loyed to bleed him" for %hich service he re%arded me %ith half/a/cro%n& The time bet%een this event and dinner + $assed in observin# a #ame at cards bet%een t%o farmers" an e*ciseman" and a youn# fello% in a rusty #o%n and cassock" %ho" as + after%ards understood" %as curate of a nei#hbourin# $arish& +t %as easy to $erceive that the match %as not e-ual' and that the t%o farmers" %ho %ere $artners" had to do %ith a cou$le of shar$ers" %ho stri$$ed them of all their cash in a very short time& But %hat sur$rised me very mach" %as to hear this cler#yman re$ly to one of the countrymen" %ho seemed to sus$ect foul $lay" in these %ords( 79//n me" friend" d'ye -uestion my honour=7 + did not at all %onder to find a cheat in canonicals" this bein# a character fre-uent in my o%n country' but + %as scandalised at the indecency of his behaviour" %hich a$$eared in the oaths he s%ore" and the ba%dy son#s %hich he sun#& At last" to make amends in some sort" for the dama#e he had done to the un%ary boors" he $ulled out a fiddle from the linin# of his #o%n" and" $romisin# to treat them at dinner" be#an to $lay most melodiously" sin#in# in concert all the %hile& This #ood humour of this $arson ins$ired the com$any %ith so much #lee that the farmers soon for#ot their losses" and all $resent %ent to dancin# in the yard& ,hile %e %ere a#reeably amused in this manner" our musician" s$yin# a horseman a ridin# to%ards the inn" sto$$ed all of a sudden" cryin# out" 72ad so8 #entlemen" + be# your $ardon" there's our do# of a doctor comin# into the inn&7 He immediately commended his instrument" and ran to%ards the #ate" %here he took hold of the vicar's bridle" and hel$ed him off" in-uirin# very cordially into the state of his health& This rosy son of the church" %ho mi#ht be about the a#e of fifty& havin# ali#hted and entrusted the curate %ith his horse" stalked %ith #reat solemnity" into the kitchen" %here sittin# do%n by the fire" he called for a bottle of ale and a $i$e' scarce dei#nin# an ans%er to the submissive -uestions of those %ho in-uired about the %elfare of his family& ,hile he indul#ed himself in this state" amidst a $rofound silence" the curate" a$$roachin# him %ith #reat reverence" asked him if he %ould not be $leased to honour him %ith his com$any at dinner= To %hich interro#ation he ans%ered in the ne#ative" sayin#" he had been to visit S-uire Bum$kin" %ho had drank himself into a hi#h fever at the last assi3es' and that he had" on leavin# his o%n house" told Betty he should dine at home& Accordin#ly %here be had made an end of his bottle and $i$e" he rose" and moved %ith $relatical di#nity to the door" %here his )ourneyman stood ready %ith his na#& He had no sooner mounted than the facetious curate" comin# into the kitchen" held forth in this manner( 7There the old rascal #oes" and the d//l #o %ith him& >ou see ho% the %orld %a#s" #entlemen& By #ad" this ro#ue of a vicar does not deserve to live' and yet he has t%o livin#s %orth four hundred $ounds $er annum" %hile $oor + am fain to do all his drud#ery" and ride t%enty miles every Sunday to $reach//for %hat= %hy" truly" for t%enty $ounds a year& + scorn to boast of my o%n -ualifications but//com$arisons are odious& + should be #lad to kno% ho% this %a#/bellied doctor deserves to be more at ease than me& He can loll in his elbo% chair at home" indul#e himself in the best of victuals and %ine and en)oy the conversation of Betty" his housekee$er& >ou

understand me" #entlemen& Betty is the doctor's $oor kins%oman" and a $retty #irl she is' but no matter for that' ay" and dutiful #irl to her $arents" %hom she visits re#ularly every year" thou#h + must o%n + could never learn in %hat county they live" 0y service t'ye" #entlemen&7 By this time dinner bein# ready" + %aked my com$anion" and %e ate alto#ether %ith #reat cheerfulness& ,hen our meal %as ended" and every man's share of the reckonin# ad)usted" the curate %ent out on $retence of some necessary occasion" and" mountin# his house" left the t%o farmers to satisfy the host in the best manner they could& ,e %ere no sooner informed of this $iece of finesse" than the e*ciseman" %ho had been silent hitherto" be#an to o$en %ith a malicious #rin( 7Ay" ay this is an old trick of Shuffle' + could not hel$ smilin# %hen he talked of treatin#& >on must kno% this is a very curious fello%& He $icked u$ some scra$s of learnin# %hile he served youn# 1ord Trifte at the university& But %hat he most e*cels in is $im$in#& 4o one kno%s his talents better than +" for + %as valet/de/chambre to S-uire Tattle an intimate com$anion of Shuffle's lord& He #ot him self into a scra$e by $a%nin# some of his lordshi$'s clothes on %hich account he %as turned a%ay' but" as he %as ac-uainted %ith some $articular circumstances of my lord's conduct" he did not care to e*as$erate him too much" and so made interest for his receivin# orders" and after%ards recommended him to the curacy %hich he no% en)oys& Ho%ever" the fello% cannot be too much admired for his de*terity in makin# a comfortable livelihood" in s$ite of such a small allo%ance& >ou hear he $lays a #ood stick" and is really divertin# com$any' these -ualifications make him a#reeable %herever he #oes' and" as for $layin# at cards there is not a man %ithin three counties for him& The truth is" he is a d//able cheat" and can shift a card %ith such address that it is im$ossible to discover him&7 Here he %as interru$ted by one of the farmers" %ho asked" %hy he had not )ustice enou#h to ac-uaint them %ith these $articulars before they en#a#ed in $lay& The e*ciseman re$lied" %ithout any hesitation" that it %as none of his business to intermeddle bet%een man and man' besides" he did not kno% they %ere i#norant of Shuffle's character" %hich %as notorious to the %hole country& This did not satisfy the other" %ho ta*ed him %ith abettin# and assistin# the curate's knavery" and insisted on havin# his share of the %innin#s returned' this demand the e*ciseman as $ositively refused affirmin# that" %hatever slei#hts Shuffle mi#ht $ractise on other occasions" he %as very certain that he had $layed on the s-uare %ith them" and %ould ans%er it before any bench in !hristendom' so sayin#" he #ot u$ and" havin# $aid his reckonin#" sneaked off& The 1andlord" thrustin# his neck into the $assa#e to see if he %as #one" shook his head" sayin#" 7Ah8 1ord hel$ us8 if every sinner %as to have his deserts& ,ell" %e victuallers must not disobli#e the e*cisemen& But + kno% %hat' if $arson Shuffle and he %ere %ei#hed to#ether" a stra% thro%n into either scale %ould make the balance kick the beam& But" masters" this is under the rose"7 continued Boniface %ith a %his$er&

!HAPTER .

The Hi#h%ayman is taken//%e are detained as Evidence a#ainst him//$roceed to the ne*t villa#e//he esca$es//%e arrive at another inn" %here %e #o to Bed//in the 4i#ht %e are a%aked by a dreadful Adventure/ne*t ni#ht %e lod#e at the house of a Schoolmaster//our Treatment there Stra$ and + %ere about to de$art on our )ourney" %hen %e $erceived a cro%d on the road comin# to%ards us" shoutin# and hallooin# all the %ay& As it a$$roached" %e could discern a man on horseback in the middle" %ith his hands tied behind him" %hom %e soon kne% to be Rifle& The hi#h%ayman" not bein# so %ell mounted as the t%o servants %ho %ent in $ursuit of him" %as soon overtaken" and" after havin# dischar#ed his $istols" made $risoner %ithout any further o$$osition& They %ere carryin# him in trium$h" amidst the acclamations of the country $eo$le" to a )ustice of $eace in a nei#hbourin# villa#e" but sto$$ed at our inn to )oin their com$anions and take refreshment& ,hen Rifle %as dismounted and $laced in the yard" %ithin a circle of $easants" armed %ith $itchforks" + %as ama3ed to see %hat a $itiful de)ected fello% he no% a$$eared" %ho had but a fe% hours before filled me %ith such terror and confusion& 0y com$anion %as so much encoura#ed by this alteration in his a$$earance that" #oin# u$ to the thief" he $resented his clenched fists to his nose" and declared he %ould either cud#el or bo* %ith the $risoner for a #uinea" %hich he immediately $roduced" and be#an to stri$" but %as dissuaded from this adventure by me" %ho re$resented to him the folly of the undertakin#" as Rifle %as no% in the hands of )ustice" %hich %ould" no doubt" #ive us all satisfaction enou#h& But %hat made me re$ent of our im$ertinent curiosity %as our bein# detained by the ca$tors" as evidence a#ainst him" %hen %e %ere )ust #oin# to set for%ard& Ho%ever" there %as no remedy' %e %ere obli#ed to com$ly" and accordin#ly )oined in the cavalcade" %hich luckily took the same road that %e had $ro$osed to follo%& Abort the t%ili#ht %e arrived at the $lace of our destination" but as the )ustice %as #one to visit a #entleman in the country& %ith %hom 5%e understood6 he %ould $robably stay all ni#ht" the robber %as confined in an em$ty #arret" three stories hi#h" from %hich it seemed im$ossible for him to esca$e' this" nevertheless" %as the case' for ne*t mornin# %hen they %ent u$ stairs to brin# him before the )ustice" the bird %as flo%n" havin# #ot out at the %indo% u$on the roof from %hence he continued his route alon# the to$s of the ad)oinin# houses" and entered another #arret %here he skulked until the family %ere aslee$& at %hich time he ventured do%n stairs" and let himself out by the street/door" %hich %as o$en& This event %as a #reat disa$$ointment to those that a$$rehended him" %ho %ere flushed %ith the ho$es of the re%ard' but #ave me #reat )oy" as + %as $ermitted no% to continue my )ourney" %ithout any further molestation& Resolvin# to make u$ for the small $ro#ress %e had hitherto made" %e this day travelled %ith #reat vi#our and before ni#ht reached a market to%n& t%enty miles from the $lace

from %hence %e set out in the mornin#" %ithout meetin# any adventure %orth notice& Here havin# taken u$ our lod#in# at an in" + found myself so fati#ued that + be#an to des$air of $erformin# our )ourney on foot" and desired Stra$ to in-uire if there %ere any %a##on" return horses" or any chea$ carria#e in this $lace" to de$art for 1ondon ne*t day& He %as informed that the %a##on from 4e%castle to 1ondon had halted there t%o ni#hts a#o" and that it %ould be an easy matter to overtake it" if not the ne*t day" at farthest" the day after the ne*t& This $iece of ne%s #ave us some satisfaction' and" after havin# made a hearty su$$er on hashed mutton" %e %ere sho%n to our room" %hich contained t%o beds" the one allotted for us" and the other for a very honest #entleman" %ho" %e %ere told" %as then drinkin# belo%& Thou#h %e could have very %ell dis$ensed %ith his com$any" %e %ere #lad to submit to this dis$osition" as there %as not another bed em$ty in the house' and accordin#ly %ent to rest" after havin# secured our ba##a#e under the bolster& About t%o or three o'clock in the mornin# + %as a%aked out of a very $rofound slee$ by a dreadful noise in the chamber" %hich did not fail to thro% me into an a#ony of consternation" %hen + heard these %ords $ronounced %ith a terrible voice( 7Blood and %ounds8 run the halbert into the #uts of him that's ne*t you" and +'ll blo% the other's brains out $resently&7 This dreadful salutation had no sooner reached the ears of Stra$ than" startin# out of bed" he ran a#ainst somebody in the dark" and overturned him in an instant' at the same time ba%lin# out" 7 ire8 murder8 fire87 a cry %hich in a moment alarmed the %hole house" and filled our chamber %ith a cro%d of naked $eo$le& ,hen li#hts %ere brou#ht" the occasion of all this disturbance soon a$$eared' %hich %as no other than a fello% lod#er" %hom %e found lyin# on the floor" scratchin# his head" %ith a look testifyin# the utmost astonishment at the concourse of a$$aritions that surrounded him& This honest #entleman %as" it seems" a recruitin# ser#eant" %ho" havin# listed t%o country fello%s over ni#ht" dreaded they had mutinied" and threatened to murder him and the drummer %ho %as alon# %ith him& This made such an im$ression on his ima#ination" that he #ot u$ in his slee$ and e*$ressed himself as above& ,hen our a$$rehension of dan#er vanished" the com$any beheld one another %ith #reat sur$rise and mirth' but %hat attracted the notice of everyone %as our landlady" %ith nothin# on her but her shift and a lar#e $air of buckskin breeches" %ith the backside before" %hich she had sli$$ed on in the hurry" and her husband %ith her $etticoat about his shoulders' one had %ra$$ed himself in a blanket" another %as covered %ith a sheet" and the drummer" %ho had #iven his only shirt to be %ashed" a$$eared in cuer$o %ith a bolster rolled about his middle& ,hen this affair %as discussed" everybody retired to his o%n a$artment" the ser#eant sli$$ed into bed" and my com$anion and + sle$t %ithout any further disturbance till mornin#" %hen %e #ot u$" %ent to breakfast" $aid our reckonin#" and set for%ard in e*$ectation of overtakin# the %a##on' in %hich ho$e" ho%ever" %e %ere disa$$ointed for that day& As %e e*erted ourselves more than usual" + found myself -uite s$ent %ith fati#ue" %hen %e entered a small villa#e in the t%ili#ht& ,e in-uired for a $ublic/house" and %ere directed to one of a very sorry a$$earance& At our entrance the landlord" %ho seemed to be a venerable old man" %ith lon# #ray hair" rose from a table $laced by a lar#e fire in a very neat $aved kitchen"

and %ith a cheerful countenance accosted us in these %ords( 7Salvete" $ueri& +n#redimini&7 + %as not a little $leased to hear our host s$eak 1atin" because + %as in ho$e of recommendin# myself to him by my kno%led#e in that lan#ua#e' + therefore ans%ered" %ithout hesitation" 79issolve fri#us" li#na su$er foco//lar#e re$onens&7 + had no sooner $ronounced these %ords" than the old #entleman" runnin# to%ards me" shook me by the hand" cryin#" 7 ili mi dilectissime8 unde venis=//a su$eris" ni fallor=7 +n short" findin# %e %ere both read in the classics" he did not kno% ho% to testify his re#ard enou#h' but ordered his dau#hter" a )olly rosy/cheeked damsel %ho %as his sole domestic" to brin# us a bottle of his -uadrimum" re$eatin# from Horace at the same time" 79e$rome -uadrimum sabina" O Tholiarche" merum diota&7 This %as e*cellent ale of his o%n bre%in#" of %hich he told us he had al%ays an am$hora four years old" for the use of himself and friends& +n the course of our conversation" %hich %as interlarded %ith scra$s of 1atin" %e understood that this facetious $erson %as a schoolmaster" %hose income bein# small" he %as fain to kee$ a #lass of #ood li-uor for the entertainment of $assen#ers by %hich he made shift to make the t%o ends of the year meet& 7+ am this day"7 said he" 7the ha$$iest old fello% in his ma)esty's dominions& 0y %ife" rest her soul" is in heaven& 0y dau#hter is to be married ne*t %eek' but the t%o chief $leasures of my life are these 5$ointin# to the bottle and a lar#e edition of Horace that lay on the table6& + am old" 'tis true//%hat then= the more reason + should en)oy the small share of life that remains" as my friend laccus advises( 'Tu ne -uaesieris 5scire nefas6 -uem mihi" -uem tibi finem dii dederint& !ar$e diem" -uam minimum credula $ostero&'7 As he %as very in-uisitive about our affairs" %e made no scru$le of ac-uaintin# him %ith our situation" %hich %hen he had learned" he enriched us %ith advices ho% to behave in the %orld" tellin# us that he %as no stran#er to the deceits of mankind& +n the meantime he ordered his dau#hter to lay a fo%l to the fire for su$$er" for he %as resolved this ni#ht to re#ale his friends//$ermittens divis caetera& ,hile our entertainment %as $re$arin#" our host recounted the adventures of his o%n life" %hich" as they contained nothin# remarkable" + forbear to rehearse& ,hen %e had fared sum$tuously" and drunk several bottles of his + e*$ressed a desire of #oin# to rest" %hich %as %ith some difficulty com$lied %ith" after he had informed us that %e should overtake the %a##on by noon ne*t day' and that there %as room enou#h in it for half/a/do3en" for there %ere only four $assen#ers as yet in that convenience& Before my comrade and + fell aslee$" %e had some conversation about the #ood humour of our landlord" %hich #ave Stra$ such an idea of his benevolence" that he $ositively believed %e should $ay nothin# for our lod#in# and entertainment& 79on't you observe"7 said he" 7that he has conceived a $articular affection for us//nay" even treated us at su$$er %ith e*traordinary fare" %hich" to be sure" %e should not of ourselves have called for=7 + %as $artly of Stra$'s o$inion' but the e*$erience + had of the %orld made me sus$end my belief till the mornin#" %hen" #ettin# u$ betimes" %e breakfasted %ith our host and his dau#hter on hasty/$uddin# and ale" and desired to kno% %hat %e had to $ay& 7Biddy %ill let you kno%" #entlemen"7 said he' 7for + never mind these matters& 0oney matters are beneath the concern of one %ho lives u$on the Horatian

$lan//!rescentum se-uitur cura $ecuniam&7 0ean%hile" Biddy" havin# consulted a slate that hun# in the corner" told us our reckonin# came to Gs& @d& 7Ei#ht shillin#s and seven $ence87 cried Stra$" 7'tis im$ossible8 you must be mistaken" youn# %oman&7 7Reckon a#ain" child"7 says her father" very deliberately' 7$erha$s you have miscounted&7 74o" indeed"7 re$lied she" 7+ kno% my business better&7 + could contain my indi#nation no lon#er" but said it %as an unconscionable bill" and demanded to kno% the $articulars' u$on %hich the old man #ot u$" mutterin#" 7Ay" ay" let us see the $articulars//that's but reasonable&7 And" takin# $en" ink" and $a$er" %rote the follo%in# items( To bread and beer AH To a fo%l and sausa#es IH To four bottles of -uadrim& I A To fire and tobacco A@ To lod#in# IA To breakfast CA //// G@ As he had not the a$$earance of a common $ublican" and had raised a sort of veneration in me by his demeanour the $recedin# ni#ht" it %as not in my $o%er to u$braid him as he deserved' therefore" + contented myself %ith sayin# + %as sure he did not learn to be an e*tortioner from Horace& He ans%ered" + %as but a youn# man and did not kno% the %orld" or + %ould not ta* him %ith e*tortion" %hose only aim %as to live contentus $arvo" and kee$ off im$ortuna $au$eries& 0y fello% traveller could not so easily $ut u$ %ith this im$osition' but s%ore he should either take one/third of the money or #o %ithout& ,hile %e %ere en#a#ed in this dis$ute" + $erceived the dau#hter #o out" and" con)ecturin# the occasion" immediately $aid the e*orbitant demand" %hich %as no sooner done than Biddy returned %ith t%o stout fello%s" %ho came in on $retence of takin# their mornin# drau#ht" but in reality to fri#hten us into com$liance& :ust as %e de$arted" Stra$" %ho %as half/distracted on account of this $iece of e*$ense" %ent u$ to the schoolmaster" and" #rinnin# in his face" $ronounced %ith #reat em$hasis//7Sem$er avarus e#et&7 To %hich the $edant re$lied" %ith a malicious smile//7Animum re#e" -ui" nisi $aret" im$erat&7

!HAPTER .+

,e descry the ,a##on//#et into it//arrive at an inn//our ello% Travellers described//a 0istake is committed by Stra$" %hich $roduces stran#e thin#s ,e travelled half/a/mile %ithout e*chan#in# one %ord' my thou#hts bein# en#rossed by the knavery of the %orld" to %hich + must be daily e*$osed" and the contem$lation of my finances" %hich be#an sensibly to diminish& At len#th" Stra$" %ho could hold no lon#er"

addressed me thus( 7,ell" fools and their money are soon $arted& +f my advice had been taken" that old skin/flint should have been d//n'd before he had #ot more than the third of his demand& 'Tis a sure si#n you came easily by your money" %hen you s-uander it a%ay in this manner& Ah8 2od hel$ you" ho% many bristly beards must + have mo%ed before + earned four shillin#s and three$ence/half$enny" %hich is all thro%n to the do#s8 Ho% many days have + sat %eavin# hair till my toes %ere numbed by the cold" my fin#ers cram$ed" and my nose as blue as the si#n of the $eri%i# that hun# over the door8 ,hat the devil %as you afraid of= + %ould have en#a#ed to bo* %ith any one of those fello%s %ho came in for a #uinea//+'m sure//+ have beat stouter men than either of them&7 And" indeed" my com$anion %ould have fou#ht anybody %hen his life %as in no dan#er' but he had a mortal aversion to fire/arms and all instruments of death& +n order to a$$ease him" + assured him no $art of this e*traordinary e*$ense should fall u$on his shoulders' at %hich declaration he %as affronted" and told me he %ould have me to kno% that" althou#h he %as a $oor barber's boy" yet he had a soul to s$end bi# money %ith the best s-uire of the land& Havin# %alked all day at a #reat $ace" %ithout haltin# for a refreshment" %e descried" to%ard the evenin#" to our ine*$ressible )oy" the %a##on about a -uarter of a mile before us' and" by that time %e reached it" %ere both of us so %eary that + verily believe it %ould have been im$racticable for us to have %alked one mile farther& ,e" therefore" bar#ained %ith the driver" %hose name %as :oey" to #ive us a cast to the ne*t sta#e for a shillin#' at %hich $lace %e should meet the master of the %a##on" %ith %hom %e mi#ht a#ree for the rest of the )ourney& Accordin#ly the convenience sto$$ed" and :oey havin# $laced the ladder" Stra$ 5bein# loaded %ith our ba##a#e6 mounted first' but" )ust as he %as #ettin# in" a tremendous voice assailed his ears in these %ords( 72od's fury8 there shall no $assen#ers come here&7 The $oor shaver %as so disconcerted at this e*clamation" %hich both he and + ima#ined $roceeded from the mouth of a #iant" that he descended %ith #reat velocity and a countenance as %hite as $a$er& :oey" $erceivin# our astonishment" called" %ith an arch sneer" 7,aunds" co$tain" %hay %oant yau sooffer the $oor %a##oneer to meake a $enny= !oom" coom" youn# man" #et oo$" #et oo$" never moind the co$tain' +'se not afeard of the co$tain&7 This %as not encoura#ement sufficient to Stra$" %ho could not be $revailed u$on to venture u$ a#ain' u$on %hich + attem$ted" thou#h not %ithout a -uakin# heart" %hen + heard the same voice mutterin#" like distant thunder//7Hell and the devil confound me" if + don't make you smart for this87 Ho%ever" + cre$t in" and by accident #ot an em$ty $lace in the stra%" %hich + immediately took $ossession of" %ithout bein# able to discern the faces of my fello%/travellers in the dark& Stra$ follo%in#" %ith the kna$sack on his back" chanced to take the other side" and" by a )olt of the carria#e" $itched directly u$on the stomach of the ca$tain" %ho bello%ed out" in a most dreadful manner" 7Blood and thunder8 %here's my s%ord=7 At these %ords my fri#hted comrade started u$" and" at one s$rin#" bounced a#ainst me %ith such force that + thou#ht he %as the su$$osed son of Anak" %ho intended to $ress me to death& +n the meantime a female voice cried" 7Bless me8 %hat is the matter" my dear=7 7The matter"7 re$lied the ca$tain" 7d//n my blood8 my #uts are s-uee3ed into a $ancake by that Scotchman's hum$&7 Stra$" tremblin# all the

%hile at my back" asked him $ardon" and laid the blame of %hat had ha$$ened u$on the )oltin# of the %a##on' and the %oman %ho s$oke before %ent on( 7Ay" ay" my dear" it is our o%n fault' %e may thank ourselves for all the inconveniences %e meet %ith& + thank 2od + never travelled so before& + am sure if my lady or Sir :ohn %ere to kno% %here %e are they %ould not slee$ this ni#ht for ve*ation& + %ish to 2od %e had %rit for the chariot' + kno% %e shall never be for#iven&7 7!ome" come" my dear"7 re$lied the ca$tain" 7it don't si#nify frettin# no%' %e shall lau#h it over as a frolic' + ho$e you %ill not suffer in your health& + shall make my lord very merry %ith our adventures in this dili#ence&7 The discourse #ave me such a hi#h notion of the ca$tain and his lady that + durst not venture to )oin in the conversation' but immediately after another female voice be#an( 7Some $eo$le #ive themselves a #reat many needless airs' better folks than any here have travelled in %a##ons before no%& Some of us have rode in coaches and chariots" %ith three footmen behind them" %ithout makin# so much fuss about it& ,hat then= ,e are no% all u$on a footin#' therefore let us be sociable and merry& ,hat do you say" +saac= +s not this a #ood motion" you dotin# ro#ue= S$eak" you old cent $er cent fornicator= ,hat des$erate debt are you thinkin# of= ,hat mort#a#e are you $lannin#= ,ell" +saac" $ositively you shall never #ain my favour till you turn over a ne% leaf" #ro% honest" and live like a #entleman& +n the meantime #ive me a kiss" you old fumbler&7 These %ords" accom$anied %ith a hearty smack" enlivened the $erson to %hom they %ere addressed to such a de#ree that he cried" in trans$ort" thou#h %ith a falterin# voice" 7Ah8 you %anton ba##a#e//u$on my credit" you are a %a##ish #irl//he" he" he87 This lau#h introduced a fit of cou#hin#" %hich almost suffocated the $oor usurer 5such %e after%ards found %as the $rofession of this our fello%/traveller6& About this time + fell aslee$" and en)oyed a comfortable na$ till such time as %e arrived at the inn %here %e $ut u$& Here" havin# ali#hted from the %a##on" + had an o$$ortunity of vie%in# the $assen#ers in order as they entered& The first %ho a$$eared %as a brisk" airy #irl" about t%enty years old" %ith a silver/laced hat on her head instead of a ca$" a blue stuff ridin#/suit" trimmed %ith silver very much tarnished" and a %hi$ in her hand& After her came" lim$in#" an old man" %ith a %orsted ni#htca$ buttoned under his chin" and a broad/brimmed hat slouched over it" an old rusty blue cloak tied about his neck" under %hich a$$eared a bro%n surtout" that covered a threadbare coat and %aistcoat" and" as he after%ards discerned" a dirty flannel )acket& His eyes %ere hollo%" bleared" and #ummy' his face %as shrivelled into a thousand %rinkles" his #ums %ere destitute of teeth" his nose shar$ and droo$in#" his chin $eaked and $rominent" so that" %hen he mum$ed or s$oke" they a$$roached one another like a $air of nutcrackers( he su$$orted himself on an ivory/headed cane and his %hole fi#ure %as a )ust emblem of %inter" famine" and avarice& But ho% %as + sur$rised" %hen + beheld the formidable ca$tain in the sha$e of a little thin creature" about the a#e of forty" %ith a lon# %ithered visa#e" very much resemblin# that of a baboon" throu#h the u$$er $art of %hich t%o little #ray eyes $ee$ed( he %ore his o%n hair in a -ueue that reached to his rum$" %hich immoderate len#th" + su$$ose& %as the occasion of a baldness that a$$eared on the cro%n of his head %hen he dei#ned to take off his hat" %hich %as very much of the si3e and cock of Pistol's&

Havin# laid aside his #reat/coat" + could not hel$ admirin# the e*traordinary make of this man of %ar( he %as about five feet and three inches hi#h" si*teen inches of %hich %ent to his face and lon# scra##y neck( his thi#hs %ere about si* inches in len#th" his le#s resemblin# s$indles or drumsticks" five feet and a half" and his body" %hich $ut me in mind of e*tension %ithout substance" en#rossed the remainder( so that on the %hole" he a$$eared like a s$ider or #rassho$$er erect" and %as almost a vo* et $raeterea nihil& His dress consisted of a frock of %hat is called bearskin" the skirts of %hich %ere about half a foot lon#" an hussar %aistcoat" scarlet breeches reachin# half %ay do%n his thi#hs" %orsted stockin#s rolled u$ almost to his #roin" and shoes %ith %ooden heels at least t%o inches hi#h' he carried a s%ord very near as lon# as himself in one hand" and %ith the other conducted his lady" %ho seemed to be a %oman of his o%n a#e" and still retained some remains of an a#reeable $erson" but so ridiculously affected" that" had + not been a novice in the %orld" + mi#ht have easily $erceived in her the de$lorable vanity and second/hand airs of a lady's %oman& ,e %ere all assembled in the kitchen" %hen !a$tain ,ea3el 5for that %as his name6 desired a room %ith a fire for himself and s$ouse" and told the landlord they %ould u$ by themselves& The innkee$er re$lied that he could not afford them a room by themselves' and as for su$$in#" he had $re$ared victuals for the $assen#ers in the %a##on" %ithout res$ect of $ersons" but if he could $revail on the rest to let him have his choice in a se$arate manner" he should be very %ell $leased& This %as no sooner said than all of us declared a#ainst the $ro$osal" and 0iss :enny 5our other female $assen#er6" observed that" if !a$tain ,ea3el and his lady had a mind to su$ by themselves" they mi#ht %ait until %e should have done& At this hint the ca$tain $ut on a martial fro%n" and looked very bi#" %ithout s$eakin#' %hile his yokefello%" %ith a disdainful toss of her nose" muttered somethin# about 7!reature87 %hich 0iss :enny overhearin#" ste$$ed u$ to her" sayin#" 74one of your names" #ood 0rs& Abi#ail& !reature" -uotha//+'ll assure you no such creature as you neither//no ten/$ound sneaker//no -uality/cou$ler&7 Here the ca$tain inter$osed" %ith a 79//e" madam" %hat do you mean by that=7 79//n you sir" %ho are you=7 re$lied 0iss :enny" 7%ho made you a ca$tain" you $itiful" trencher/scra$in#" $im$in# curler= 7Sdeath8 the army is come to a fine $ass" %hen such fello%s as you #et commissions& ,hat" + su$$ose you think + don't kno% you= E#ad" you and your hel$mate are %ell met//a cast/off mistress and a bald valet/de/chambre are %ell yoked to#ether&7 7Blood and %ounds8 cried ,ea3el" 7d'ye -uestion the honour of my %ife" madam= Hell and d/ion8 4o man in En#land durst say so much//+ %ould flay him" carbonado him8 ury and destruction8 + %ould have his liver for my su$$er&7 So sayin#" he dre% his s%ord and flourished %ith it" to the #reat terror of Stra$' %hile 0iss :enny" sna$$in# her fin#ers" told him she did not value his resentment a louse& +n the midst of this -uarrel the master of the %a##on ali#hted" %ho" understandin# the cause of the disturbance" and fearin# the ca$tain and his lady %ould take umbra#e and leave his carria#e" %as at #reat $ains to have everythin# made u$" %hich he at last accom$lished" and %e sat do%n to su$$er alto#ether& At bedtime %e %ere sho%n to our a$artments' the old usurer" Stra$" and +" to one room' the ca$tain" his %ife" and 0iss :enny" to another& About midni#ht" my com$anion's bo%els bein# disordered" he #ot u$" in order

to #o back%ard" but in his return" mistakin# one door for another" entered ,ea3el's chamber" and %ithout any hesitation %ent to bed to his %ife" %ho %as fast aslee$" the ca$tain bein# at another end of the room #ro$in# for some em$ty vessel" in lieu of his o%n chamber$ot" %hich %as leaky( as he did not $erceive Stra$ comin# in" he %ent to%ards his o%n bed" after havin# found a convenience' but no sooner did he feel a rou#h head" covered %ith a cotton ni#htca$" than it carne into his mind that he had mistaken 0iss :enny's bed instead of his o%n" and that the head he felt %as that of some #allant" %ith %hom she had made an assi#nation& ull of his con)ecture" and scandalised at the $rostitution of his a$artment" he snatched u$ the vessel he had )ust before filled" and em$tied it at once on the astonished barber and his o%n %ife" %ho %akin# at that instant" broke forth into lamentable cries" %hich not only alarmed the husband beyond measure" but fri#hted $oor Stra$ almost out of his senses' for he verily believed himself be%itched" es$ecially %hen the incensed ca$tain sei3ed him by the throat" %ith a volley of oaths" askin# him ho% he durst have the $resum$tion to attem$t the chastity of his %ife& Poor Stra$ %as so ama3ed and confounded" that he could say nothin# but//7+ take 2od to %itness she's a vir#in for me&7 0rs& ,ea3el" enra#ed to find herself in such a $ickle throu#h the $reci$itation of her husband" arose in her shift" and %ith the heel of her shoe %hich she found by the bedside" belaboured the ca$tain's bald $ate till he roared 70urder&7 7+'ll teach you to em$ty your stink$ots on me"7 cried she" 7you $itiful ho$/o'/my/thumb co*comb& ,hat" + %arrant you're )ealous" you man of lath& ,as it for this + condescended to take you to my bed" you $oor" %ithered" sa$less t%i#=7 The noise occasioned by this adventure had brou#ht the master of the %a##on and me to the door" %here %e overheard all that $assed %ith #reat satisfaction& +n the meantime %e %ere alarmed %ith the cry of 7Ra$e8 0urder8 Ra$e87 %hich :enny $ronounced %ith #reat vociferation& 7Oh8 >ou vile abominable old villain"7 said she" 7%ould you rob me of my virtue= But +'ll be reven#ed of you" you old #oat8 + %ill8 Hel$8 for heaven's sake8 hel$8 + shall be ravished8 ruined8 hel$87 Some servants of the inn" hearin# this cry" came runnin# u$stairs %ith li#hts" and such %ea$ons as chance afforded' %hen %e beheld a very divertin# scene& +n one corner stood the $oor ca$tain shiverin# in his shirt" %hich %as all torn to ra#s( %ith a %oeful visa#e" scratched all over by his %ife" %ho had by this time %ra$$ed the counter$ane about her" and sat sobbin# on the side of her bed& At the other end lay tile old usurer" s$ra%lin# on 0iss :enny's bed" %ith his flannel )acket over his shirt" and his ta%ny mea#re limbs e*$osed to the air' %hile she held him fast by the t%o ears" and loaded him %ith e*ecrations& ,hen he asked %hat %as the matter" she affected to %ee$" told us she %as afraid that %icked ro#ue had ruined her in her slee$" and bade us take notice of %hat %e sa%" for she intended to make use of our evidence a#ainst him& The $oor %retch looked like one more dead than alive" and be##ed to be released' a favour %hich he had no sooner obtained than he $rotested she %as no %oman" but a devil incarnate//that she had first seduced his flesh to rebel" and then betrayed him& 7>es" cockatrice"7 continued he" 7you kno% you laid this snare fur me//but you shan't succeed//for + %ill han# myself before you shall #et a farthin# of me&7 So sayin#" he cra%led to his o%n bed" #roanin# all the %ay& ,e then advanced to the !a$tain" %ho told

us" 72entlemen" here has been a d//d mistake' but +'ll be reven#ed on him %ho %as the cause of it& That Scotchman %ho carries the kna$sack shall not breathe this vital air another day" if my name be ,ea3el& 0y dear" + ask you ten thousand $ardons' you are sensible" + could mean no harm to you&7 7+ kno% not %hat you meant"7 re$lied she" si#hin#" 7but + kno% + have #ot enou#h to send me to my #rave&7 At len#th they %ere reconciled& The %ife %as com$limented %ith a share of 0iss :enny's bed 5her o%n bein# overflo%ed6" and the master of the %a##on invited ,ea3el to slee$ the remainin# $art of the ni#ht %ith him& + retired to mine" %here + found Stra$ mortally afraid" he havin# stolen a%ay in the dark %hile the ca$tain and his lady %ere at lo##erheads&

!HAPTER .++

!a$tain ,ea3el challen#es Stra$" %ho declines the !ombat//an Affair bet%een the !a$tain and me//the Usurer is fain to #ive 0iss :enny five 2uineas for a Release//%e are in 9an#er of losin# a 0eal//the Behaviour of ,ea3el" :enny" and :oey" on that Occasion//an Account of !a$tain ,ea3el and his 1ady//the !a$tain's !oura#e tried//+saac's mirth at the !a$tain's E*$ense 4e*t mornin# + a#reed to #ive the master of the %a##on ten shillin#s for my $assa#e to 1ondon" $rovided Stra$ should be allo%ed to take my $lace %hen + should be dis$osed to %alk& At the same time + desired him to a$$ease the incensed ca$tain" %ho had entered the kitchen %ith a dra%n s%ord in his hand" and threatened %ith many oaths to sacrifice the villain %ho attem$ted to violate his bed' but it %as to no $ur$ose for the master to e*$lain the mistake" and assure him of the $oor lad's innocence" %ho stood tremblin# behind me all the %hile( the more submission that a$$eared in Stra$" the more im$lacable seemed the resentment of ,ea3el" %ho s%ore he must either fi#ht him or he %ould instantly $ut him to death& + %as e*tremely $rovoked at this insolence" and told him" it could not be su$$osed that a $oor barber lad %ould en#a#e a man of the s%ord at his o%n %ea$on' but + %as $ersuaded he %ould %restle or bo* %ith him& To %hich $ro$osal Stra$ immediately #ave assent" by sayin#" 7he %ould bo* %ith him for a #uinea&7 ,ea3el re$lied %ith a look of disdain" that it %as beneath any #entleman of his character to fi#ht like a $orter" or even to $ut himself on a footin#" in any res$ect" %ith such a fello% as Stra$& 7Odds bodikins87 cries :oey" 7sure" co$tain" ya% %ould not commit moorder8 Here's a $oor lad that is %illin# to make atonement for his offence' and an that %oan't satisfie ya%" offers to fi#ht ya% fairly& And ya% %oan't bo*" + dare say" he %ill cood#el %ith ya%& ,oan't ya%" my lad=7 Stra$" after some hesitation" ans%ered" 7>es" yes" +'ll cud#el %ith him&7 But this e*$edient bein# also re)ected by the ca$tain" + be#an to smell his character" and" ti$$in# Stra$ the %ink" told the ca$tain that + had al%ays heard it said" the $erson %ho receives a challen#e should have the choice of the %ea$ons' this therefore bein# the rule in $oint of honour" + %ould venture to $romise on

the head of my com$anion" that he %ould even fi#ht !a$tain ,ea3el at shar$s' but it should be %ith such shar$s as Stra$ %as best ac-uainted %ith" namely" ra3ors& At my mentionin# ra3ors( + could $erceive the ca$tain's colour chan#e %hile Stra$" $ullin# me by the sleeve" %his$ered %ith #reat ea#erness( 74o" no" no' for the love of 2od" don't make any such bar#ain&7 At len#th" ,ea3el" recoverin# himself" turned to%ards me" and %ith a ferocious countenance asked" 7,ho the devil are you= ,ill you fi#ht me=7 ,ith these %ords" $uttin# himself in a $osture" + %as #rievously alarmed at seein# the $oint of a s%ord %ithin half a foot of my breast' and" s$rin#in# to one side" snatched u$ a s$it that stood in the chimney/corner" %ith %hich + ke$t my formidable adversary at bay" %ho made a #reat many half/lon#es" ski$$in# back%ard at every $ush" till at last + $inned him u$ in a corner" to the no small diversion of the com$any& ,hile he %as in this situation his %ife entered" and" seein# her husband in these dan#erous circumstances" uttered a dreadful scream( in this emer#ency" ,ea3el demanded a cessation" %hich %as immediately #ranted' and at last %as contented %ith the submission of Stra$" %ho" fallin# on his knees before him" $rotested the innocence of his intention" and asked $ardon for the mistake he had committed& This affair bein# ended %ithout bloodshed" %e %ent to breakfast" but missed t%o of our com$any" namely" 0iss :enny and the usurer& As for the first" 0rs& ,ea3el informed us" that she had ke$t her a%ake all ni#ht %ith her #roans' and that %hen she rose in the mornin#" 0iss :enny %as so much indis$osed that she could not $roceed on her )ourney& At that instant" a messa#e came from her to the master of the %a##on" %ho immediately %ent into her chamber" follo%ed by us all& She told him in a lamentable tone" that she %as afraid of a miscarria#e" o%in# to the fri#ht she received last ni#ht from the brutality of +saac' and" as the event %as uncertain" desired the usurer mi#ht be detained to ans%er for the conse-uence& Accordin#ly" this ancient Tar-uin %as found in the %a##on" %hither he had retired to avoid the shame of last ni#ht's dis#race" and brou#ht by force into her $resence& He no sooner a$$eared than she be#an to %ee$ and si#h most $iteously" and told us" if she died" she %ould leave her blood u$on the head of that ravisher& Poor +saac turned u$ his eyes and hands to heaven" $rayed that 2od %ould deliver him from the machinations of that :e3ebel' and assured us" %ith tears in his eyes" that his bein# found in bed %ith her %as the result of her o%n invitation& The %a##oner" understandin# the case" advised +saac to make it u$" by #ivin# her a sum of money( to %hich advice he re$lied %ith #reat vehemence" 7A sum of money8//a halter for the cockatrice87 7Oh8 'tis very %ell"7 said 0iss :enny' 7+ see it is in vain to attem$t that flinty heart of his by fair means& :oey" be so #ood as to #o to the )ustice" and tell him there is a sick $erson here" %ho %ants to see him on an affair of conse-uence&7 At the name of )ustice +saac trembled" and biddin# :oey stay" asked %ith a -uaverin# voice" 7,hat she %ould have= She told him that" as he had not $er$etrated his %icked $ur$ose" she %ould be satisfied %ith a small matter& And thou#h the dama#e she mi#ht sustain in her health mi#ht be irre$arable" she %ould #ive him a release for a hundred #uineas&7 7A hundred #uineas87 cried he in an ecstacy" 7a hundred furies8 ,here should a $oor old %retch like me have a hundred #uineas= +f + had so much money" d'ya think + should be found travellin# in a %a##on" at this season of the year=7 7!ome" come7 re$lied :enny" 7none of your miserly artifice here& >ou think + don't kno% +saac Ra$ine" the money/broker" in the 0inories& Ah8 you old ro#ue8 many a $a%n have you had of me and my ac-uaintance" %hich %as never redeemed&7

+saac" findin# it %as in vain to dis#uise himself" offered t%enty shillin#s for a dischar#e" %hich she absolutely refused under fifty $ounds( at last" ho%ever" she %as brou#ht do%n to five" %hich he $aid %ith #reat reluctancy" rather than be $rosecuted for a ra$e& After %hich accommodation" the sick $erson made a shift to #et into the %a##on" and %e set for%ard in #reat tran-uillity' Stra$ bein# accommodated %ith :oey's horse" the driver himself choosin# to %alk& The mornin# and forenoon %e %ere entertained %ith an account of the valour of !a$tain ,ea3el" %ho told us he had once knocked do%n a soldier that made #ame of him' t%eaked a dra%er by the nose" %ho found fault %ith his $ickin# his teeth %ith a fork" at another time' and that he had moreover challen#ed a cheesemon#er" %ho had the $resum$tion to be his rival( for the truth of %hich e*$loits he a$$ealed to his %ife& She confirmed %hatever he said" and observed" 7The last affair ha$$ened that very day on %hich + received a love/letter from S-uire 2obble" and don't you remember" my dear" + %as $rodi#iously sick that very ni#ht %ith eatin# ortolans" %hen my 1ord 9iddle took notice of my com$le*ion's bein# altered" and my lady %as so alarmed that she had %ell ni#h fainted=7 7>es" my dear"7 re$lied the ca$tain" 7you kno% my lord said to me" %ith a sneer" 7Billy" 0rs& ,ea3el is certainly breedin#& 7And + ans%ered cavalierly" 70y lord" + %ish + could return the com$liment& 7U$on %hich the %hole com$any broke out into an immoderate fit of lau#hter' and my lord" %ho loves a re$artee dearly" came round and bussed me&7 ,e travelled in this manner five days" %ithout interru$tion or meetin# anythin# %orth notice( 0iss :enny" %ho soon recovered her s$irits" entertainin# us every day %ith divertin# son#s" of %hich she could sin# a #reat number' and rallyin# her o%n #allant" %ho" not%ithstandin#" %ould never be reconciled to her& On the si*th day" %hile %e %ere about to sit do%n to dinner" the innkee$er came and told us" that three #entlemen" )ust arrived" had ordered the victuals to be carried to their a$artment" althou#h he had informed them that they %ere bes$oke by the $assen#ers in the %a##on& To %hich information they had re$lied" 7the $assen#ers in the %a##on mi#ht be d//d" their betters must be served before them' they su$$osed it %ould be no hardshi$ on such travellers to dine u$on bread and cheese for one day&7 This %as a terrible disa$$ointment to us all' and %e laid our heads to#ether ho% to remedy it' %hen 0iss :enny observed that !a$tain ,ea3el" bein# by $rofession a soldier" ou#ht in this case to $rotect and $revent us from bein# insulted& But the !a$tain e*cused himself" sayin#" he %ould not for all the %orld be kno%n to have travelled in a %a##on8 s%earin# at the same time" that could he a$$ear %ith honour" they should eat his s%ord sooner than his $rovision& U$on this declaration" 0iss :enny" snatchin# his %ea$on" dre% it" and ran immediately into the kitchen" %here she threatened to $ut the cook to death if be did not send the victuals into our chamber immediately& The noise she made brou#ht the three stran#ers do%n" one of %hom no sooner $erceived her than he cried" 7Ha8 :enny Ram$er8 %hat the devil brou#ht thee hither=7 70y dear :ack Rattle87 re$lied she" runnin# into his arms" 7is it you= Then ,ea3el may #o to hell for a dinner//+ shall dine %ith you&7 They consented to this $ro$osal %ith a #reat deal of )oy' and %e %ere on the $oint of bein# reduced to a very uncomfortable meal" %hen :oey" understandin# the %hole affair" entered the kitchen %ith a $itchfork in his hand" and s%ore he %ould be the death of any man %ho should $retend to sei3e the victuals $re$ared for the %a##on& The menace had like to have $roduced fatal conse-uences'

the three stran#ers dra%in# their s%ords" and bein# )oined by their servants" and %e ran#in# ourselves on the side of :oey' %hen the landlord" inter$osin#" offered to $art %ith his o%n dinner to kee$ the $eace" %hich %as acce$ted by the stran#ers' and %e sat do%n at table %ithout any further molestation& +n the afternoon" + chose to %alk alon# %ith :oey" and Stra$ took my $lace& Havin# entered into a conversation %ith this driver" + soon found him to be a merry" facetious" #ood/natured fello%" and %ithal very arch' he informed me" that 0iss :enny %as a common #irl u$on the to%n" %ho" fallin# into com$any %ith a recruitin# officer" he carried her do%n in the sta#e coach from 1ondon to 4e%castle" %here he bad been arrested for debt" and %as no% in $rison' u$on %hich she %as fain to return to her former %ay of life" by this conveyance& He told me like%ise" that one of the #entleman's servants" %ho %ere left at the inn" havin# accidentally seen ,ea3el" immediately kne% him" and ac-uainted :oey %ith some $articulars of his character& That he had served my 1ord ri33le in -uality of valet/de/chambre many years" %hile be lived se$arate from his lady' but" u$on their reconciliation" she e*$ressly insisted u$on ,ea3el's bein# turned off" as %ell as the %oman he ke$t( %hen his lordshi$" to #et rid of them both %ith a #ood #race" $ro$osed that he should marry his 0istress" and he %ould $rocure a commission for him in the army( this e*$edient %as a#reed to" and ,ea3el is no%" by his lordshi$'s interest" ensi#ned in //'s re#iment& + found he and + had the same sentiments %ith re#ard to ,ea3el's coura#e" %hich he resolved to $ut to the trial" by alarmin# the $assen#ers %ith the cry of a 'hi#h%ayman8' as soon as a horseman should a$$ear& This scheme %e $ut in $ractice" to%ards the dusk" %hen %e descried a man on horseback a$$roachin# us& :oey had no sooner intimated to the $eo$le in the %a##on" that he %as afraid %e should be all robbed than a #eneral consternation arose( Stra$ )um$ed out of the %a##on" and hid himself behind a hed#e& The usurer $ut forth e)aculations" and made a rustlin# amon# the stra%" %hich made us con)ecture he had hid somethin# under it& 0rs& ,ea3el" %rin#in# her hands uttered lamentable cries( and the ca$tain" to our #reat ama3ement" be#an to snore' but this artifice did not succeed' for 0iss :enny" shakin# him by the shoulder" ba%led out" 7Sdeath8 ca$tain" is this a time to snore" %hen %e are #oin# to be robbed= 2et u$ for shame" and behave like a soldier and man of honour87 ,ea3el $retended to be in a #reat $assion for bein# disturbed" and s%ore he %ould have his na$ out if all the hi#h%aymen in En#land surrounded him& 79//n my blood8 %hat are you afraid of=7 continued he' at the same time tremblin# %ith such a#itation that the %hole carria#e shook& This sin#ular $iece of behaviour incensed 0iss Ram$er so much that she cried" 79//n your $itiful soul" you are as arrant a $oltroon" as ever %as drummed out of a re#iment& Sto$ the %a##on" :oey//let me out" and by 2//d" if + have rhetoric enou#h" the thief shall not only take your $urse" but your skin also&7 So sayin# she lea$ed out %ith #reat a#ility& By this time the horseman came u$ and ha$$ened to be a #entleman's servant %ell kno%n to :oey" %ho communicated the scheme" and desired him to carry it on a little further" by #oin# into the %a##on" and -uestionin# those %ithin& The stran#er" consentin# for the sake of diversion" a$$roached it" and in a terrible tone demanded" 7,ho have %e #ot here=7 +saac re$lied" %ith a lamentable voice" 7Here's a $oor miserable sinner" %ho has #ot a small family to maintain" and nothin# in the %orld %here%ithal" but these fifteen shillin#s %hich if you rob me of %e must all starve to#ether&7 7,ho's that sobbin# in the other

corner=7 said the su$$osed hi#h%ayman& 7A $oor unfortunate %oman"7 ans%ered 0rs& ,ea3le" u$on %hom + be# you" for !hrist's sake" to have com$assion&7 7Are you maid or %ife"7 said he& 7,ife" to my sorro%"7 said she& 7,ho" or %here is your husband=7 continued he& 70y husband"7 re$lied 0rs& ,ea3el" is an officer in the army and %as left sick at the last inn %here %e dined&7 7>ou must be mistaken" madam"7 said he" 7for + myself sa% him #et into the %a##on this afternoon& But $ray %hat smell is that= Sure your la$do# has befouled himself' let me catch hold of the nasty cur" +'ll teach him better manners&7 Here he laid hold of one of ,ea3el's le#s" and $ulled him out from under his %ife's $etticoat" %here he had concealed himself& The $oor tremblin# ca$tain" bein# detected in his in#lorious situation" rubbed his eyes" and affectin# to %ake out of slee$" cried" 7,hat's the matter= ,hat's the matter=7 7The matter is not much"7 ans%ered the horseman' 7+ only called in to in-uire after your health" and so adieu" most noble ca$tain&7 He cla$$ed s$urs to his horse" and %as out of si#ht in a moment& +t %as some time before ,ea3el could recollect himself" but at len#th reassumin# the bi# look" he said" 79//n the fello%8 %hy did he ride a%ay before + had time to ask him ho% his lord and lady do += 9on't you remember Tom" my dear=7 addressin# himself to his %ife& 7>es"7 re$lied she" 7+ think + do remember somethin# of the fello%" but you kno% + seldom converse %ith $eo$le of his station&7 7Hey/day87 cried :oey" 7do ya% kna% the youn# mon" co$tain=7 7<no% him"7 said ,ea3el" 7many a time has he filled a #lass of Bur#undy for me" at my 1ord Tri$$ett's table&7 7And %hat may his name be" co$tain=7 said :oey& 7His name8//his name"7 re$lied ,ea3el" 7is Tom Rinser&7 7,aunds"7 cried :oey" 7a has chan#ed his o%n neame then8 for +'se lay a %a#er he %as christened :ohn Trotter&7 This observation raised a lau#h a#ainst the ca$tain" %ho seemed very much disconcerted' %hen +saac broke silence" and said" 7+t is no matter %ho or %hat he %as" since he has not $roved the robber %e sus$ected" and %e ou#ht to bless 2od for our narro% esca$e&7 7Bless 2od"7 said ,ea3el" 7bless the devil8 for %hat= Had he been a hi#h%ayman" + should have eaten his blood" body" and #uts" before he had robbed me" or any one in this dili#ence&7 7Ha" ha" ha"7 cried 0iss :enny" 7+ believe you %ill eat all you kill" indeed" ca$tain&7 The usurer %as so %ell $leased at the event of this adventure" that he could not refrain from bein# severe" and took notice that !a$tain ,ea3el seemed to be a #ood !hristian" for he had armed himself %ith $atience and resi#nation" instead of carnal %ea$ons' and %orked out his salvation %ith fear and tremblin#& This $iece of satire occasioned a #reat deal of mirth at ,ea3el's e*$ense" %ho muttered a #reat many oaths" and threatened to cut +saac's throat& The usurer" takin# hold of this menace" said" 72entlemen and ladies" + take you all to %itness" that in my life is in dan#er from this bloody/minded officer' +'ll have him bound over to the $eace&7 This second sneer $roduced another lau#h a#ainst him" and he remained crestfallen durin# the remainin# $art of our )ourney&

!HAPTER .+++

Stra$ and + are terrified by an A$$arition//Stra$'s !on)ecture//the 0ystery e*$lained by :oey//%e arrive in 1ondon/our 9ress and A$$earance described//%e are insulted in the Street//an Adventure in an Alehouse//%e are im$osed u$on by a %a##ish ootman//set to ri#hts by a Tobacconist//take 1od#in#s//dive for a 9inner//an Accident at our Ordinary ,e arrived at our inn" su$$ed" and %ent to bed' but Stra$'s distem$er continuin#" he %as obli#ed to rise in the middle of the ni#ht" and takin# the candle in his hand" %hich he had left burnin# for the $ur$ose" he %ent do%n to the house of office" %hence in a short time he returned in a #reat hurry" %ith his hair standin# on end" and a look betokenin# horror and astonishment& ,ithout s$eakin# a %ord" he set do%n the li#ht and )um$ed into bed behind me" %here he lay and trembled %ith #reat violence& ,hen + asked him %hat %as the matter" he re$lied" %ith a broken accent" 72od have mercy on us8 + have seen the devil87 Thou#h my $re)udice %as not -uite so stron# as his" + %as not a little alarmed at this e*clamation" and much more so %hen + heard the sound of bells a$$roachin# our chamber" and felt my bedfello% clin# close to me" utterin# these %ords" 7!hrist have mercy u$on us' there he comes87 At that instance a monstrous over#ro%n raven entered our chamber" %ith bells at his feet" and made directly to%ards our bed& As this creature is reckoned in our country a common vehicle for the devil and %itches to $lay their $ranks in" + verily believed %e %ere haunted' and" in a violent fri#ht" shrank under the bedclothes& This terrible a$$arition lea$ed u$on the bed" and after #ivin# us several severe dabs %ith its beak& throu#h the blankets" ho$$ed a%ay" and vanished& Stra$ and + recommended ourselves to the $rotection of heaven %ith #reat devotion" and" %hen %e no lon#er heard the noise" ventured to $ee$ u$ and take breath& But %e had not been lon# freed from this $hantom" %hen another a$$eared" that had %ell ni#h de$rived us both of our senses& ,e $erceived an old man enter the room" %ith a lon# %hite beard that reached to his middle' there %as a certain %ild $eculiarity in his eyes and countenance that did not savour of this %orld' and his dress consisted of a bro%n stuff coat" buttoned behind and at the %rists" %ith an odd/fashioned ca$ of the same stuff u$on his head& + %as so ama3ed that + had not $o%er to move my eyes from such a #hastly ob)ect" but lay motionless& and sa% him come strai#ht u$ to me( %hen he reached the bed" he %run# his hands" and cried" %ith a voice that did not seem to belon# to a human creature" 7,here is Ral$h=7 + made no re$ly( u$on %hich he re$eated" in an accent still more $reternatural" 7,here is Ral$ho=7 He had no sooner $ronounced these %ords than + heard the sound of the bells at a distance' %hich the a$$arition" havin# listened to" tri$$ed a%ay" and left me almost $etrified %ith fear& +t %as a #ood %hile before + could recover myself so far as to s$eak' and" %hen at len#th + turned to Stra$" + found him in a fit" %hich" ho%ever" did not last lon#& ,hen he came to himself" + asked his o$inion of %hat had ha$$ened' and he assured me that the first must certainly be the soul of some $erson damned" %hich a$$eared by the chain about his le#s 5for his fears had ma#nified the creature to the bi#ness of a horse" and the sound of small morice/bells to the clankin# of massy chains6& As for the old man" he took it to be the s$irit of somebody murdered lon# a#o in this $lace" %hich had $o%er #ranted to forment the assassin in the sha$e of a raven" and that Ral$ho %as the name of the said murderer& Althou#h + had not much faith

in this inter$retation" + %as too much troubled to en)oy any slee$( and in all my future adventures never $assed a ni#ht so ill& +n the mornin# Stra$ im$arted the %hole affair to :oey" %ho" after an immoderate fit of lau#hter" e*$lained the matter" by tellin# him that the old man %as the landlord's father" %ho had been an idiot some years" and diverted himself %ith a tame raven" %hich" it seems" had ho$$ed a%ay from his a$artment in the ni#ht" and induced him to follo% it to our chamber" %here he had in-uired after it under the name of Ral$ho& 4othin# remarkable ha$$ened durin# the remainin# $art of our )ourney" %hich continued si* or seven days lon#er( at len#th %e entered the #reat city" and lod#ed all ni#ht at the inn %here the %a##on $ut u$& 4e*t mornin# all the $assen#ers $arted different %ays" %hile my com$anion and + sallied out to in-uire for the member of $arliament" to %hom + had a letter of recommendation from 0r& !rab& As %e had dischar#ed our lod#in# at the inn" Stra$ took u$ our ba##a#e and" marched behind me in the street %ith the kna$sack on his back" as usual" so that %e made a very %himsical a$$earance& + had dressed myself to the #reatest advanta#e' that is" $ut on a clean ruffled shirt" and my best thread stockin#s( my hair 5%hich %as of the dee$est red6 hun# do%n u$on my shoulders" as lank and strai#ht as a $ound of candles' and the skirts of my coat reached to the middle of my le#' my %aistcoat and breeches %ere of the same $iece" and cut in the same taste' and my hat very much resembled a barber's basin" in the shallo%ness of the cro%n and narro%ness of the brim& Stra$ %as habited in a much less a%k%ard manner( but a short cro$/eared %i#" that very much resembled Scrub's in the $lay" and the kna$sack on his back" added to %hat is called a -ueer $hi3" occasioned by a lon# chin" a hook nose" and hi#h cheek bones" rendered him" on the %hole" a very fit sub)ect of mirth and $leasantry& As he %alked alon#" Stra$" at my desire" in-uired of a carman" %hom %e met" %hereabouts 0r& !rin#er lived( and %as ans%ered by a stare" accom$anied %ith the %ord 7Anan87 U$on %hich + came u$" in order to e*$lain the -uestion" but had the misfortune to be unintelli#ible like%ise" the carman damnin# us for a lousy Scotch #uard" %hi$$in# his horses %ith a 72ee ho87 %hich nettled me to the -uick" and roused the indi#nation of Stra$ so far that" after the fello% %as #one a #ood %ay" he told me he %ould fi#ht him for a farthin#& ,hile %e %ere deliberatin# u$on %hat %as to be done" a hackney coachman" drivin# softly alon#" and $erceivin# us standin# by the kennel" came u$ close to us" and callin#" 7A coach" master87 by a de*terous mana#ement of the reins made his horses stumble in the %et" and bedaub us all over %ith mud& After %hich e*$loit he drove on" a$$laudin# himself %ith a hearty lau#h" in %hich several $eo$le )oined" to my #reat mortification' but one" more com$assionate than the rest" seein# us stran#ers" advised me to #o into an alehouse" and dry myself& + thanked him for his advice" %hich + immediately com$lied %ith' and" #oin# into the house he $ointed out" called for a $ot of beer" and sat do%n by a fire in the $ublic room& %here %e cleaned ourselves as %ell as %e could& +n the meantime" a %a#" %ho sat in a bo*" smokin# his $i$e" understandin#" by our dialect" that %e %ere from Scotland" came u$ to me& and" %ith a #rave countenance asked ho% lon# + had been cau#ht& As + did not kno% the meanin# of this -uestion" + made no ans%er' and he %ent on" sayin# it could not be a #reat %hile" for my tail %as not yet cut' at the same time takin# hold of my hair" and ti$$in# the %ink to the

rest of the com$any" %ho seemed hi#hly entertained %ith his %it& + %as incensed at this usa#e" but afraid of resentin# it" because + ha$$ened to be in a stran#e $lace" and $erceived the $erson %ho s$oke to me %as a bra%ny fello%" for %hom + thou#ht myself by no means a match& Ho%ever" Stra$" havin# either more coura#e or less caution" could not $ut u$ %ith the insults + suffered" but told him in a $erem$tory tone" 7He %as an uncivil fello% for makin# so free %ith his betters&7 Then the %it #oin# to%ard him" asked him %hat he had #ot in his kna$sack= 7+s it oatmeal or brimstone" Sa%ney=7 said he" sei3in# him by the chin" %hich he shook" to the ine*$ressible diversion of all $resent& 0y com$anion" feelin# himself assaulted in such an o$$robrious manner" disen#a#ed himself in a trice" and lent his anta#onist such a bo* on the ear as made him sta##er to the other side of the room' and" in a moment" a rin# %as formed for the combatants& Seein# Stra$ be#innin# to stri$" and my blood bein# heated %ith indi#nation" %hich banished all other thou#hts" + undressed myself to the skin in an instant" and declared" that as the affront that occasioned the -uarrel %as offered to me" + %ould fi#ht it out myself' u$on %hich one or t%o cried out" 7That's a brave Scotch boy' you shall have fair $lay&7 His assurance #ave me fresh s$irits" and" #oin# u$ to my adversary" %ho by his $ale countenance did not seem much inclined to the battle" + struck him so hard on the stomach" that he reeled over a bench" and fell to the #round& Then + attem$ted to kee$ him do%n" in order to im$rove my success" accordin# to the manner of my o%n country" but %as restrained by the s$ectators" one of %hom endeavoured to raise u$ my o$$onent" but in vain' for he $rotested he %ould not fi#ht" for he %as not -uite recovered of a late illness& + %as very %ell $leased %ith this e*cuse" and immediately dressed myself" havin# ac-uired the #ood o$inion of the com$any for my bravery" as %ell as of my comrade Stra$" %ho shook me by the hand" and %ished me )oy of the victory& After havin# drunk our $ot" and dried our clothes" %e in-uired of the landlord if he kne% 0r& !rin#er" the member of $arliament" and %ere ama3ed at his re$lyin# in the ne#ative' for %e ima#ined he must be alto#ether as cons$icuous here as in the borou#h he re$resented' but he told us %e mi#ht $ossibly hear of him as %e $assed alon#& ,e betook ourselves therefore to the street" %here seein# a footman standin# at the door" %e made u$ to him" and asked if he kne% %here our $atron lived= This member of the $articoloured fraternity" surveyin# us both very minutely" said he kne% 0r& !rin#er very %ell" and bade us turn do%n the first street on our left" then turn to the ri#ht" and then to the left a#ain" after %hich $erambulation %e %ould observe a lane" throu#h %hich %e must $ass" and at the other end %e should find an alley that leads to another street" %here %e should see the si#n of the Thistle and Three Pedlars" and there he lod#ed& ,e thanked him for his information" and %ent for%ards" Stra$ tellin# me" that he kne% this $erson to be an honest friendly man by his countenance" before he o$ened his mouth' in %hich o$inion + ac-uiesced" ascribin# his #ood manners to the com$any he daily sa% in the house %here he served& ,e follo%ed his directions $unctually" in turnin# to the left" and to the ri#ht" and to the left a#ain' but instead of seein# a lane before us" found ourselves at the side of the river" a circumstance that $er$le*ed us not a little' and my fello%/traveller ventured to $ronounce" that %e bad certainly missed our %ay& By this time %e %ere $retty much fati#ued %ith our %alk" and not kno%in# ho%

to $roceed" + %ent into a small snuff/sho$ hard by" encoura#ed by the si#n of the Hi#hlander" %here + found" to my ine*$ressible satisfaction" the sho$kee$er %as my countryman& He %as no sooner informed of our $ere#rination" and the directions %e had received from the footman" than he informed us %e had been im$osed u$on" tellin# us" 0r& !rin#er lived in the other end of the to%n and that it %ould be to no $ur$ose for us to #o thither to/day" for by that time he %as #one to the House& + then asked" if he could recommend us a lod#in#& He really #ave us a line to one of his ac-uaintance %ho ke$t a chandler's sho$ not far from St& 0artin's 1ane' there %e hired a bed/room" u$ t%o $air of stairs" at the rate of t%o shillin#s $er %eek" so very small" that %hen the bed %as let do%n" %e %ere obli#ed to carry out every other $iece of furniture that belon#ed to the a$artment" and use the bedstead by %ay of chairs& About dinner/time" our landlord asked ho% %e $ro$osed to live= to %hich interro#ation %e ans%ered" that %e %ould be directed by him& 7,ell" then"7 says he" 7there are t%o %ays of eatin# in this to%n for $eo$le of your condition//the one more creditable and e*$ensive than the other( the first is to dine at an eatin#/house fre-uented by %ell/dressed $eo$le only' and the other is called divin#" $ractised by those %ho are either obli#ed or inclined to live fru#ally&7 + #ave him to understand that" $rovided the last %as not infamous" it %ould suit much better %ith our circumstances than the other& 7+nfamous87 cried he" 7not at all' there are many creditable $eo$le" rich $eo$le" ay" and fine $eo$le" that dive every day& + have seen many a $retty #entleman %ith a laced %aistcoat dine in that manner very comfortably for three $ence half$enny" and #o after%ards to the coffee/house" %here he made a fi#ure %ith the best lord in the land' but your o%n eyes shall bear %itness//+ %ill #o alon# %ith you to/day and introduce you&7 He accordin#ly conducted us to a certain lane" %here sto$$in#" he bade us observe him" and do as he did" and" %alkin# a fe% $aces" dived into a cellar and disa$$eared in an instant& + follo%ed his e*am$le" and descendin# very successfully" found myself in the middle of a cook's sho$" almost suffocated %ith the steams of boiled beef" and surrounded by a com$any of hackney coachmen" chairmen" draymen" and a fe% footmen out of $lace or on board/%a#es' %ho sat eatin# shin of beef" tri$e" co%/heel" or sausa#es" at se$arate boards" covered %ith cloths %hich turned my stomach& ,hile + stood in ama3e" undetermined %hether to sit do%n or %alk u$%ards a#ain" Stra$" in his descent" missin# one of the sto$s" tumbled headlon# into this infernal ordinary" and overturned the cook as she carried a $orrin#er of sou$ to one of the #uests& +n her fall" she dashed the %hole mess a#ainst the le#s of a drummer belon#in# to the foot/#uards" %ho ha$$ened to be in her %ay" and scalded him so miserably" that he started u$" and danced u$ and do%n" utterin# a volley of e*ecrations that made my hair stand on end& ,hile he entertained the com$any in this manner" %ith an elo-uence $eculiar to himself" the cook #ot u$" and after a hearty curse on the $oor author of this mischance" %ho lay under the table %ith a %oful countenance" em$tied a salt/cellar in her hand" and" stri$$in# do%n the $atient's stockin#" %hich brou#ht the skin alon# %ith it" a$$lied the contents to the sore& This $oultice %as scarce laid on" %hen the drummer" %ho had be#un to abate of his e*clamations" broke forth into such a hideous yell as made the %hole com$any tremble" then" sei3in# a $e%ter $int $ot that stood by him" s-uee3ed

the sides of it to#ether" as if it had been made of $liant leather" #rindin# his teeth at the same time %ith a most horrible #rin& 2uessin# the cause of this violent trans$ort" + bade the %oman %ash off the salt" and bathe the $art %ith oil" %hich she did" and $rocured him immediate ease& But here another difficulty occurred" %hich %as no other than the landlady's insistin# on his $ayin# for the $ot he had rendered useless& He said" he %ould $ay for nothin# but %hat he had eaten" and bade her be thankful for his moderation" or else he %ould $rosecute her for dama#es& Stra$" foreseein# the %hole affair %ould lie at his door" $romised to satisfy the cook" and called for a dram of #in to treat the drummer" %hich entirely a$$eased him" and com$osed all animosities& After this accommodation" our landlord and %e sat do%n at a board" and dined u$on shin of beef most deliciously' our reckonin# amountin# to t%o$ence half$enny each" bread and small beer included&

!HAPTER .+;

,e visit Stra$'s friend//a descri$tion of him//his advice//%e #o to 0r& !rin#er's house//are denied admittance//an Accident befalls Stra$//his behaviour thereu$on//an e*traordinary adventure occurs" in the course of %hich + lose all my money +n the afternoon my com$anion $ro$osed to call at his friend's house" %hich" %e %ere informed" %as in the nei#hbourhood" %hither %e accordin#ly %ent" and %ere so lucky as to find him at home& This #entleman" %ho had come from Scotland three or four years before" ke$t a school in to%n" %here he tau#ht the 1atin" rench" and +talian lan#ua#es' but %hat he chiefly $rofessed %as the $ronunciation of the En#lish ton#ue" after a method more s$eedy and uncommon than any $ractised heretofore" and" indeed" if his scholars s$oke like their master" the latter $art of his undertakin# %as certainly $erformed to a tittle( for althou#h + could easily understand every %ord of %hat + had heard hitherto since + entered En#land" three $arts in four of his dialect %ere as unintelli#ible to me as if he had s$oken in Arabic or +rish& He %as a middle/si3ed man" and stoo$ed very much" thou#h not above the a#e of forty' his face %as fri#htfully $itted %ith the small/$o*" and his mouth e*tended from ear to ear& He %as dressed in a ni#ht/#o%n of $laid" fastened about his middle %ith a ser#eant's old sash" and a tie/$eri%i# %ith a foreto$ three inches hi#h" in the fashion of <in# !harles the Second's rei#n& After he had received Stra$" %ho %as related to him" very courteously" he in-uired of him %ho + %as' and bein# informed" he took me by the hand" tellin# me he %as at school %ith my father& ,hen he understood my situation" he assured me that he %ould do me all the service in his $o%er" both by his advice and other%ise" and %hile he s$oke these %ords eyed me %ith #reat attention" %alkin# round me several times" and mutterin#" 7Oh" dear8 Oh" dear8 fat a sai#ht is here87 + soon #uessed the reason of his e)aculation" and

said" 7+ su$$ose" sir" you are not $leased %ith my dress&7 79ress"7 ans%ered he" 7you may caal it fat you $lease in your country" but + vo% to 2ad 'tis a mas-uerade here& 4o !hristian %ill admit such a fi#ure into his house& U$on my conscience" + %onder the do#s did not hunt you& 9id you $ass throu#h St& :ames's market= Bless my eyesai#ht8 you are like a cousin/#erman of an ouran#outan#&7 + be#an to be a little serious at this discourse" and asked him" if he thou#ht + should obtain entrance to/morro% at the house of 0r& !rin#er" on %hom + chiefly de$ended for an introduction into business= 70r& !rin#er" 0r& !rin#er"7 re$lied he" scratchin# his cheek" 7may be a very honest #entleman//+ kno% nothin# to the contrary' but is your sole de$endence u$on him= ,ho recommended you to him=7 + $ulled out 0r& !rab's letter" and told him the foundation of my ho$es" at %hich he stared at me" and re$eated 7Oh dear8 Oh dear87 + be#an to conceive bad omens from this behaviour of his" and be##ed he %ould assist me %ith his advice" %hich he $romised to #ive very frankly' and as a s$ecimen" directed us to a $eri%i# %arehouse in the nei#hbourhood" in order to be accommodated' layin# stron# in)unctions on me not to a$$ear before 0r& !rin#er till + had $arted %ith my carroty locks" %hich" he said" %ere sufficient to be#et an anti$athy a#ainst me in all mankind& And as %e %ere #oin# to $ursue this advice" he called me back and bade me be sure to deliver my letter into 0r& !rin#er's o%n hand& As %e %alked alon#" Stra$ trium$hed #reatly in our rece$tion %ith his friend" %ho" it seems" had assured him he %ould in a day or t%o $rovide for him %ith some #ood master' + and no%"7 says he" 7+ you %ill see ho% + %ill fit you %ith a %i#& There's ne'er a barber in 1ondon 5and that's a bold %ord6 can $alm a rotten caul" or a $enny%ei#ht of dead hair" u$on me&7 And" indeed" this 3ealous adherent did %ran#le so lon# %ith the merchant" that he %as desired t%enty times to leave the sho$" and see if lie could #et one chea$er else%here& At 7len#th + made choice 5if a #ood handsome bob6" for %hich + $aid ten shillin#s" and returned to our lod#in#" %here Stra$ in a moment rid me of that hair %hich had #iven the schoolmaster so much offence& ,e #ot u$ ne*t day betimes" havin# been informed that 0r& !rin#er #ave audience by candle/li#ht to all his de$endents" he himself bein# obli#ed to attend the levee of my 1ord Terrier at break of day" because his lordshi$ made one at the minister's bet%een ei#ht and nine o'clock& ,hen %e came to 0r& !rin#er's door" Stra$" to #ive me all instance of his $oliteness& ran to the knocker" %hich he em$loyed so loud and so lon#" that he alarmed the %hole street' and a %indo% o$enin# in the second story of the ne*t house" a vessel %as dischar#ed u$on him so successfully" that the $oor barber %as %et to the skin" %hile +" bein# luckily at some distance" esca$ed the unsavoury delu#e& +n the meantime" a footman o$enin# the door" and seein# nobody in the street but us" asked" %ith a stern countenance" if it %as + %ho made such a noise" and %hat + %anted& + told him + had business %ith his master" %hom + desired to see& U$on %hich he sla$$ed the door in my face" tellin# me + must learn better manners before + could have access to his master& ;e*ed at this disa$$ointment" + turned my resentment a#ainst Stra$" %hom + shar$ly re$rimanded for his $resum$tion' but he" not in the least re#ardin# %hat + said" %run# the %et out of his $eri%i#" and liftin# u$ a lar#e stone" flun# it %ith such force a#ainst the street door of that house from %hence he had been bede%ed" that the lock #ivin# %ay" it fle% %ide o$en" and he took to his heels" leavin# me to

follo% him as + could& +ndeed" there %as no time for deliberation' + therefore $ursued him %ith all the s$eed + could e*ert" until %e found ourselves about the da%n in a street %e did not kno%& Here" as %e %andered alon# #a$in# about" a very decent sort of a man" $assin# by me" sto$$ed of a sudden and took u$ somethin#" %hich havin# e*amined" he turned and $resented to me %ith these %ords( 7Sir" you have dro$$ed half/a/cro%n&7 + %as not a little sur$rised at this instance of honesty" and told him it did not belon# to me' but he bade me recollect" and see if all my money %as safe' u$on %hich + $ulled out my $urse" for + had bou#ht one since + came to to%n" and" reckonin# my money in my hand" %hich %as no% reduced to five #uineas seven shillin#s and t%o$ence" assured him + had lost nothin#& 7,ell" then" says he" so much the better' this is a #odsend" and as you t%o %ere $resent %hen + $icked it u$" you are entitled to e-ual shares %ith me&7 + %as astonished at these %ords" and looked u$on this $erson to be a $rodi#y of inte#rity" but absolutely refused to take any $art of the sum& 7!ome" #entlemen"7 said he" 7you are too modest//+ see you are stran#ers" but you shall #ive me leave to treat you %ith a %het this cold ra% mornin#&7 + %ould have declined the invitation" but Stra$ %his$ered to me that the #entleman %ould be affronted" and + com$lied& 7,here shall %e #o=7 said the stran#er' 7+ am -uite i#norant of this $art of the to%n&7 + informed him that %e %ere in the same situation' u$on %hich he $ro$osed to #o into the first $ublic/house %e should find o$en' and as %e %alked to#ether" he be#an in this manner( 7+ find by your ton#ues you are from Scotland" #entlemen' my #randmother by the father's side %as of your country" and + am so $re$ossessed in its favour" that + never meet a Scotchman but my heart %arms& The Scots are very brave $eo$le& There is scarce a #reat family in the kin#dom that cannot boast of some e*$loits $erformed by its ancestors many hundred years a#o& There's your 9ou#lasses" 2ordons" !am$bells" Hamiltons& ,e have no such ancient families here in En#land& Then you are all very %ell educated& + have kno%n a $edlar talk in 2reek and Hebre% as %ell as if they had been his mother/ton#ue& And for honesty//+ once had a servant" his name %as 2re#or 0ac#re#or" + %ould have trusted him %ith untold #old&7 This eulo#ium of my native country #ained my affections so stron#ly" that + believe + could have #one to death to serve the author' and Stra$'s eyes s%am in tears& At len#th" as %e $assed throu#h a dark narro% lane" %e $erceived a $ublic/house" %hich %e entered" and found a man sittin# by the fire" smokin# a $i$e" %ith a $int of $url before him& Our ne% ac-uaintance asked us if ever %e had drunk e##/fli$= To %hich -uestion %e ans%erin# in the ne#ative" he assured us of a re#ale" and ordered a -uart to be $re$ared" callin# for $i$es and tobacco at the same time& ,e found this com$osition very $alateable" and drank heartily' the conversation" %hich %as introduced by the #entleman" turnin# u$on the snares that youn# ine*$erienced $eo$le are e*$osed to in this metro$olis& He described a thousand cheats that are daily $ractised u$on the i#norant and un%ary" and %arned us of them %ith so much #ood nature and concern" that %e blessed the o$$ortunity %hich thre% us in his %ay& After %e had $ut the can about for some time" our ne% friend be#an to ya%n" tellin# us he had been u$ all ni#ht %ith a sick $erson' and $ro$osed %e should have recourse to some diversion to kee$ him a%ake& 7Su$$ose"7 said he" 7%e should take a hand at %hist for $astime& But let me see( that %on't do" there's only three of us' and + cannot $lay at any other #ame& The truth is" + seldom or never $lay" but out of com$laisance" or at such a time as this" %hen +

am in dan#er of fallin# aslee$"7 Althou#h + %as not much inclined to #amin#" + felt no aversion to $ass an hour or t%o at cards %ith a friend' and kno%in# that Stra$ understood as much of the matter as +" made no scru$le of sayin#" 7+ %ish %e could find a fourth hand&7 ,hile %e %ere in this $er$le*ity the $erson %hom %e found in the house at our entrance" overhearin# our discourse" took the $i$e from his mouth very #ravely" and accosted us thus( 72entlemen" my $i$e is out" you see"7 shakin# the ashes into the fire" 7and rather than you should be balked" + don't care if + take a hand %ith you for a trifle//but remember + %on't $lay for anythin# of conse-uence&7 ,e acce$ted his $roffer %ith $leasure& Havin# cut for $artners" it fell to my lot to $lay %ith him a#ainst our friend and Stra$" for three$ence a #ame& ,e %ere so successful" that in a short time + %as half/a/cro%n #ainer' %hen the #entleman %hom %e had met in the street observin# he had no luck to/day" $ro$osed to leave off" or chan#e $artners& By this time + %as inflamed %ith my #ood fortune and the e*$ectation of im$rovin# it" as + $erceived the t%o stran#ers $layed but indifferently' therefore + voted for #ivin# him his reven#e( and cuttin# a#ain" Stra$ and +" to our mutual satisfaction" ha$$ened to be $artners& 0y #ood fortune attended me still" and in less than an hour %e had #ot thirty shillin#s of their money" for as they lost they #re% the keener" and doubled stakes every time& At last the inconstant #oddess be#an to veer about" and %e %ere very soon stri$$ed of all our #ains" and about forty shillin#s of our o%n money& This loss mortified me e*tremely" and had a visible effect on the muscles of Stra$'s face" %hich len#thened a$ace' but our anta#onists $erceivin# our condition" kindly $ermitted us to retrieve our loss" and console ourselves %ith a ne% ac-uisition& Then my com$anion %isely su##ested& it %as time to be #one' u$on %hich the $erson %ho bad )oined us in the house be#an to curse the cards" and muttered that %e %ere indebted to fortune only for %hat %e had #ot" no $art of our success bein# o%in# to our #ood $lay& This insinuation nettled me so much that + challen#ed him to a #ame at $i-uet for a cro%n( and he %as %ith difficulty $ersuaded to acce$t the invitation& This contest ended in less than an hour to my ine*$ressible affliction" %ho lost every shillin# of my o%n money" Stri$ absolutely refusin# to su$$ly me %ith a si*$ence& The #entleman at %hose re-uest %e bad come in" $erceivin# by my disconsolate looks the situation of my heart& %hich %ell ni#h burst %ith #rief and resentment" %hen the other stran#er #ot u$" and %ent a%ay %ith my money" be#an in this manner(//7+ am truly afflicted at your bad luck& and %ould %illin#ly re$air it" %ere it in my $o%er& But %hat in the name of #oodness could $rovoke you to tem$t your fate so lon#= +t is al%ays a ma*im %ith #amesters to $ursue success as far us it %ill #o" and to sto$ %henever fortune shifts about& >ou are a youn# man" and your $assions are too im$etuous' you must learn to #overn them better& Ho%ever" there is no e*$erience like that %hich is bou#ht' you %ill be the better for this the lon#est day you have to live& As for the fello% %ho has #ot your money" + don't half like him& 9id not you see me ti$ you the %ink to leave off in time=7 + ans%ered" 74o&7 74o"7 continued he' 7you %as too ea#er to mind anythin# but the #ame& But" harkee"7 said he in a %his$er" 7are you satisfied of that youn# man's honesty= His looks are a little sus$icious//but + may be mistaken' he made a #reat many #rimaces %hile he stood behind you" this is a very %icked to%n&7 + told him + %as very %ell convinced of my comrade's inte#rity and"

that the #rimaces he mentioned %ere doubtless o%in# to his an*iety of my loss& 7Oh ho8 if that be the case" + ask his $ardon& 1andlord" see %hat's to $ay&7 The reckonin# amounted to ei#hteen$ence" %hich" havin# dischar#ed" the #entleman shook us both by the hand" and" sayin# he should be very #lad to see us a#ain" de$arted&

!HAPTER .;

Stra$ moralises//$resents his $urse to me//%e inform our landlord of our misfortune//he unravels the mystery//+ $resent myself to !rin#er//he recommends and turns me over to 0r& Stayta$e//+ become ac-uainted %ith a fello% de$endent" %ho e*$lains the character of !rin#er and Stayta$e//and informs me of the method to be $ursued at the 4avy Office and Sur#eons' Hall//Stra$ is em$loyed +n our %ay to our lod#in#" after a $rofound silence on both sides" Stra$" %ith a hideous #roan" observed that %e had brou#ht our $i#s to a fine market& To this observation + made no re$ly" and he %ent on( 72od send us %ell out of this $lace' %e have not been in 1ondon ei#ht and forty hours" and + believe %e have met %ith ei#ht and forty thousand misfortunes& ,e have been )eered" re$roached" buffeted" and at last stri$t of our money' and + su$$ose by and bye %e shall be stri$t of our skins& +ndeed as to the money $art of it" that %as o%in# to our o%n folly&//Solomon says" 'Bray a fool in a mortar" and he %ill never be %ise&' Ah8 2od hel$ us" an ounce of $rudence is %orth a $ound of #old&7 This %as no time for him to tam$er %ith my dis$osition" already mad %ith my loss" and inflamed %ith resentment a#ainst him for havin# refused me a little money to attem$t to retrieve it& + therefore turned to%ards him %ith a stern countenance" and asked" %ho he called fool= Bein# alto#ether unaccustomed to such looks from me" he stood still" and stared in my face for some time' then" %ith some confusion" uttered" 7 ool8 + called nobody fool but myself' + am sure + am the #reatest fool of the t%o" for bein# so much concerned at other $eo$le's misfortunes' but '4emo omnibus horis sa$it'//that's all" that's all&7 U$on %hich a silence ensued" %hich brou#ht us to our lod#in#" %here + thre% myself u$on the bed in an a#ony of des$air" resolved to $erish rather than a$$ly to my com$anion" or any other body" for relief' but Stra$" %ho kne% my tem$er" and %hose heart bled %ithin him for my distress" after some $ause came to the bedside" and" $uttin# a leathern $urse into my hand" burst into tears" cryin#" 7+ kno% %hat you think" but + scorn your thou#ht& There's all + have in the %orld" take it" and +'ll $erha$s #et more for you before that be done& +f not" +'ll be# for you" steal for you" #o throu#h the %ide %orld %ith you" and stay %ith you' for thou#h + be a $oor cobbler's son" + am no scout&7 + %as so much touched %ith the #enerous $assion of this $oor creature" that + could not refrain from %ee$in# also" and %e min#led our tears to#ether for some time& U$on e*aminin# the $urse" + found in it t%o half/#uineas and half/a/cro%n" %hich + %ould have returned to him" sayin#" he kne% better than + ho% to mana#e it" but he" absolutely refused

my $ro$osal and told me it %as more reasonable and decent that he should de$end u$on me" %ho %as a #entleman" than that + should be controlled by him& After this friendly contest %as over" and our minds more at ease" %e informed our landlord of %hat had ha$$ened to us" takin# care to conceal the e*tremity to %hich %e %ere reduced& He no sooner heard the story" than he assured us %e had been #rievously im$osed u$on by a cou$le of shar$ers" %ho %ere associates' and that this $olite" honest" friendly" humane $erson" %ho had treated us so civilly" %as no other than a rascally money/dro$$er" %e made it his business to decoy stran#ers in that manner to one of his o%n haunts" %here an accom$lice or t%o %ere al%ays %aitin# to assist in $illa#in# the $rey he had run do%n& Here the #ood man recounted a #reat many stories of $eo$le %ho has been seduced" cheated" $ilfered" beat//nay" even murdered by such villains& + %as confounded at the artifice and %ickedness of mankind' and Stra$" liftin# u$ his eyes and hands to heaven" $rayed that 2od %ould deliver him from such scenes of ini-uity" for surely the devil had set u$ his throne in 1ondon& Our landlord bein# curious to kno% %hat rece$tion %e had met %ith at 0r& !rin#er's" %e ac-uainted him %ith the $articulars" at %hich he shook his head" and told us %e had not #one the ri#ht %ay to %ork' that there %as nothin# to be done %ith a member of $arliament %ithout a bribe' that the servant %as commonly infected %ith the master's disease" and e*$ected to be $aid for his %ork" as %ell as his betters& He therefore advised me to #ive the footman a shillin# the ne*t time + should desire admittance to my $atron" or else + should scarce find an o$$ortunity to deliver my letter& Accordin#ly" ne*t mornin#" %hen the door %as o$ened" + sli$$ed a shillin# into his hand" and told him + had a letter for his master& + found the #ood effect of my liberality' for the fello% let me in immediately" and" takin# the letter out of my hand" desired me to %ait in a kind of $assa#e for an ans%er& +n this $lace + continued standin# for three/-uarters/of/an/hour" durin# %hich time + sa% a #reat many youn# fello%s %hom + formerly kne% in Scotland $ass and re$ass" %ith an air of familiarity" in their %ay to and from the audience/chamber' %hile + %as fain to stand shiverin# in the cold" and turn my back to them that they mi#ht not $erceive the lo%ness of my condition" At len#th" 0r& !rin#er came out to see a youn# #entleman to the door" %ho %as no other than S-uire 2a%ky" dressed in a very #ay suit of clothes' at $artin# 0r& !rin#er shook him by the hand and told him he ho$ed to have the $leasure of his com$any at dinner& Then turnin# about to%ards me" asked %hat %ere my commands= ,hen he understood + %as the $erson %ho had brou#ht the letter from 0r& !rab" he affected to recollect my name" %hich" ho%ever" he $retended he could not do till he had consulted the letter a#ain' to save him the trouble" + told him my name %as Random& U$on %hich he %ent on" 7Ay" ay" Random" Random" Random//+ think + remember the name(7 and very %ell he mi#ht" for this very individual" 0r& !rin#er" had many a time rode before my #randfather's cloak/ba#" in -uality of a footman& 7,ell"7 says he" 7you $ro$ose to #o on board a man/of/%ar as sur#eon's mate&7 + re$lied by a lo% bo%& 7+ believe it %ill be a difficult matter"7 continued he" 7to $rocure a %arrant" there bein# already such a s%arm of Scotch sur#eons at the 4avy Office" in e*$ectation of the ne*t vacancy" that the commissioners are afraid of bein# torn to $ieces" and have actually a$$lied for a #uard to $rotect them& Ho%ever" some shi$s %ill soon be $ut in commission" and then %e shall see %hat's to be done&7 So sayin#" he left me" e*ceedin#ly mortified at the

different rece$tion 0r& 2a%ky and + had met %ith from this u$start" $roud" mean member" %ho" + ima#ined" %ould have been #lad of an o$$ortunity to be #rateful for the obli#ations he o%ed to my family& At my return" + %as sur$rised %ith the a#reeable ne%s of Stra$'s bein# em$loyed" on the recommendation of his friend" the schoolmaster" by a $eri%i#/maker in the nei#hbourhood" %ho allo%ed him five shillin#s $er %eek besides bed and board& + continued to dance attendance every other mornin# at the levee of 0r& !rin#er" durin# a fortni#ht' in %hich time + became ac-uainted %ith a youn# fello% of my o%n country and $rofession" %ho also de$ended on the member's interest" but %as treated %ith much more res$ect than +" both by the servants and master" and often admitted into a $arlour" %here there %as a fire for the convenience of the better sort of those %ho %aited for him& Thither + %as never $ermitted to $enetrate" on account of my a$$earance" %hich %as not at all fashionable' but %as obli#ed to stand blo%in# my fin#ers in a cold lobby" and take the first o$$ortunity of 0r& !rin#er's #oin# to the door to s$eak %ith him& One day" %hile + en)oyed this occasion a $erson %as introduced" %hom 0r& !rin#er no sooner sa%" than" runnin# to%ards him" he saluted him %ith a lo% bo% to the very #round" and after%ards shakin# him by the hand %ith #reat heartiness and familiarity" called him his #ood friend" and asked very kindly after 0rs& Stayta$e and the youn# ladies' then" after a %his$er" %hich continued some minutes" %herein + overheard the %ord 'honour' re$eated several times %ith #reat em$hasis" 0r& !rin#er introduced me to this #entleman" as to a $erson %hose advice and assistance + mi#ht de$end u$on' and havin# #iven me his direction" follo%ed me to the door" %here he told me + need not #ive myself the trouble to call at his house any more" for 0r& Stayta$e %ould do my business& At that instant& my fello%/de$endent" comin# out after me" overheard the discourse of 0r& !rin#er" and" makin# u$ to me in the street" accosted me very civilly( this address + looked u$on as no small honour" considerin# the fi#ure he made" for he %as dressed in a blue frock %ith a button" a #reen silk %aistcoat" trimmed %ith #old" black velvet breeches" %hite silk stockin#s" silver buckles" a #old/laced hat" a s$encer/%i#" and a silver/hilted han#er" %ith a fine clouded can in his hand& 7+ $erceive"7 says he" 7you are but lately come from Scotland' $ray %hat may your business %ith 0r& !rin#er be= + su$$ose it is no secret and + may $ossibly #ive you some advice that %ill be serviceable" for + have been sur#eon's second mate on board of a seventy/#un shi$" and conse-uently kno% a #ood deal of the %orld&7 + made no scru$le to disclose my situation" %hich" %hen he had learned" he shook his head" and told me he had been $retty much" in the same circumstances about a year a#o( that he had relied on !rin#er's $romises" until his money 5%hich %as considerable6 as %ell as his credit" %as -uite e*hausted' and %hen he %rote to his relations for a fresh su$$ly" instead of money he received nothin# but re$roaches" and the e$ithets of idle" debauched fello%& That after he had %aited at the 4avy Office many months for a %arrant to no $ur$ose" he %as fain to $a%n some of his clothes" %hich raised a small sum %here%ith he bribed the secretary" %ho soon $rocured a %arrant for him" not%ithstandin# he had affirmed the same day" that there vas not one vacancy& That he had #one on board" %here he remained nine months" at the end of %hich the shi$ %as $ut out of commission" and he said the com$any %ere to be $aid off in Broad

Street the very ne*t day& That relations bein# reconciled to him" had char#ed him to $ay his devoirs re#ularly to 0r& !rin#er" %ho had informed them by letter that his interest alone had $rocured the %arrant' in obedience to %hich command he came to his levee every mornin#' as + sa%" thou#h he looked u$on him to be a very $itiful scoundrel& +n conclusion" he asked me if + had yet $assed at Sur#eons' Hall= To %hich -uestion + ans%ered" + did not so much as kno% it %as necessary& 74ecessary(7 cried he" 7Oh then + find + must instruct you( come alon# %ith me" and +'ll #ive you information about that matter&7 So Sayin#" he carried me into an ale/house" %here + called for some beer" and bread and cheese" on %hich %e breakfasted& ,hile %e sat in this $lace" he told me + must first #o to the 4avy Office" and %rite to the Board" desirin# them to order a letter for me to Sur#eon's Hall" that + mi#ht be e*amined" touchin# my skill in sur#ery& That the sur#eons" after havin# e*amined me" %ould #ive me my -ualification sealed u$ in form of a letter directed to the commissioners" %hich -ualification + must deliver to the secretary of the Board" %ho %ould o$en it in my $resence" and read the contents' after %hich + must em$loy my interest to be $rovided for as soon as $ossible& That the e*$ense of his -ualification for second mate of a third/rate" amounted to thirteen shillin#s" e*clusive of the %arrant" %hich cost him half/a/#uinea and half/a/cro%n" besides a $resent to the secretary" %hich consisted of a three/$ound t%elve $iece& This calculation %as like a thunderbolt to me" %hose %hole fortune did not amount to t%elve shillin#s& + accordin#ly made him ac-uainted %ith this $art of my distress" after havin# thanked him for his information and advice& He condoled me on this occasion' but bade me be of #ood cheer" for he had conceived a friendshi$ for me" and %ould make all thin#s easy& He %as ran out at $resent" but to/morro% or ne*t day" he %as certain of receivin# a considerable sum' of %hich he %ould lend me %hat %ould be sufficient to ans%er my e*i#encies& This frank declaration $leased me so much" that + $ulled out my $urse" and em$tied it before him" be##in# him to take %hat he $leased for $ocket/e*$ense" until he should receive his o%n money& ,ith a #ood deal of $ressin#" he %as $revailed u$on to take five shillin#s tellin# me that he mi#ht have %hat money he %anted at any time for the trouble of #oin# into the city' but as he had met %ith me" he %ould defer his #oin# thither till tomorro%" %hen + should #o alon# %ith him" and he %ould $ut me in the %ay of actin# for myself" %ithout a servile de$endence on that rascal !rin#er" much less on the tailor to %hom he heard him turn me over& 7Ho%87 cried +" 7is 0r& Stayta$e a tailor&7 74o less" + assure you"7 ans%ered he" 7and" + confess" more likely to serve you than the member' for" $rovided you can entertain him %ith $olitics and conundrums" you may have credit %ith him for as many and as rich clothes as you $lease&7 + told him" + %as utterly i#norant of both" and so incensed at !rin#er's usa#e" that + %ould never set foot %ithin his door a#ain& After a #ood deal more conversation" my ne% ac-uaintance and + $arted" havin# made an a$$ointment to meet ne*t day at the same $lace' in order to set out for the city& + %ent immediately to Stra$ and related everythin# %hich had ha$$ened" but he did not at all a$$rove of my bein# so for%ard to lend money to a stran#er" es$ecially as %e had already been so much im$osed u$on by a$$earances& 7Ho%ever"7 said he" 7if you are sure he is a Scotchman" + believe you are safe&7

!HAPTER .;+

0y ne% ac-uaintance breaks an a$$ointment//+ $roceed" by myself" to the 4avy Office//address me to a $erson there" %ho assists me %ith advice//%rite to the Board" they #rant me a letter to the Sur#eons at the Hall//am informed of the beau's name and character//find him//he makes me his confidant in an amour//desires me to $a%n my linen for his occasions//recover %hat + lent him//some curious observations on Stra$ on that occasion//his vanity& +n the mornin# + rose and %ent to the $lace of rende3vous" %here + %aited t%o hours in vain" and %as so e*as$erated a#ainst him for breakin# his a$$ointment" that + set out for the city by myself" in ho$e of findin# the villain" and bein# reven#ed on him for his breach of $romise& At len#th + found myself at the 4avy Office" %hich + entered" and sa% cro%ds of youn# fello%s %alkin# belo%" many of %hom made no better a$$earance than myself& + consulted the $hysio#nomy of each" and at last made u$ to one %hose countenance + liked" and asked" if he could instruct me in the form of the letter %hich %as to be sent to the Board to obtain an order for e*amination= He ans%ered me in broad Scotch" that he %ould sho% me the co$y of %hat he had %rit for himself" by direction of another %ho kno% the form" and accordin#ly $ulled it out of his $ocket for my $erusal' and told me that" if + %as e*$editious" + mi#ht send it into the Board before dinner" for they did no business in the afternoon& He then %ent %ith me to coffee/house hard by" %here + %rote the letter" %hich %as immediately delivered to the messen#er" %ho told me + mi#ht e*$ect an order to/morro% about the same time& Havin# transacted this $iece of business" my mind %as a #ood deal com$osed' and as + had met %ith so much civility from the stran#er" + desired further ac-uaintance %ith him" fully resolved" ho%ever" not to be deceived by him so much to my $re)udice as + had been by the beau& He a#reed to dine %ith me at the cook's sho$ %hich + fre-uented' and on our %ay thither carried me to '!han#e" %here + %as in ho$es of findin# 0r& :ackson 5for that %as the name of the $erson %ho had broke his a$$ointment6" + sou#ht him there to no $ur$ose" and on our %ay to%ards the other end of the to%n im$arted to my com$anion his behaviour to%ards me' u$on %hich he #ave me to understand" that he %as no stran#er to the name of Bean :ackson 5so he %as called at the 4avy Office6" althou#h he did not kno% him $ersonally' that he had the character of a #ood/natured careless fello%" %ho made no scru$le of borro%in# from any that %ould lend' that most $eo$le %ho kne% him believed he had a #ood $rinci$le at bottom" but his e*trava#ance %as such" he %ould $robably never have it in his $o%er to manifest the honesty of his intention& This made me s%eat for my five shillin#s" %hich + nevertheless did not alto#ether des$air of recoverin#" $rovided + could find out the debtor& This youn# man like%ise added another circumstance of S-uire :ackson's history" %hich %as" that bein# destitute of all means to

e-ui$ himself for sea" %hen he received his last %arrant" he had been recommended to a $erson %ho lent him a little money" after he had si#ned a %ill entitlin# that $erson to lift his %a#es %hen they should become due" as also to inherit his effects in case of his death& That he %as still under the tutora#e and direction of that #entleman" %ho advanced him small sums from time to time u$on this security" at the rate of fifty $er cent& But at $resent his credit %as very lo%" because his funds %ould do little more than $ay %hat he had already received" this moderate interest included& After the stran#er 5%hose name %as Thom$son6 had entertained me %ith this account of :ackson" he informed me that he himself had $assed for third mate of a third/rate" about four months a#o' since %hich time he had constantly attended at the 4avy Office" in ho$e of a %arrant" havin# been assured from the be#innin#" both by a Scotch member" and one of the commissioners to %hom the member recommended him" that he should be $ut into the first vacancy' not%ithstandin# %hich $romise" he had the mortification to see si* or seven a$$ointed in the same station almost every %eek//that no%& bein# utterly im$overished" his sole ho$e consisted in the $romise of a friend lately come to to%n" to lend him a small matter" for a $resent to the secretary' %ithout %hich he %as $ersuaded he mi#ht %ait a thousand years to no $ur$ose& + conceived a mi#hty likin# for this youn# fello%" %hich 5+ believe6 $roceeded from the similitude of our fortunes& ,e s$ent the %hole day to#ether' and as he lived at ,a$$in# + desired him to take a share of my bed& 4e*t day %e returned to the 4avy Office" %here" after bein# called before the Board" and -uestioned about the $lace of my nativity and education" they ordered a letter to be made out for me" %hich" u$on $ayin# half/a/cro%n to the clerk" + received" and delivered into the hands of the clerk at Sur#eons' Hall" to#ether %ith a shillin# for his trouble in re#isterin# my name& By this time my %hole stock %as diminished to t%o shillin#s" and + sa% not the least $ros$ect of relief" even for $resent subsistence" much less to enable me to $ay the fees at Sur#eons' Hall for my e*amination" %hich %ould come on in a fortni#ht& +n this state of $er$le*ity" + consulted Stra$" %ho assured me he %ould $a%n everythin# he had in the %orld" even to his ra3ors" before + should %ant( but this e*$edient + absolutely re)ected" tellin# him" + %ould a thousand times rather list for a soldier" of %hich + had some thou#hts" than be any lon#er a burden to him& At the %ord soldier" he #re% $ale as death" and be##ed on his knees + %ould think no more of that scheme& 72od $reserve us all in our ri#ht %its87 cried he" 7%ould you turn soldier" and $erha$s be sent abroad a#ainst the S$aniards" %here you must stand and be shot at like a %oodcock= Heaven kee$ cold lead out of my carcase" and let me die in a bed like a !hristian" as all my forefathers have done& ,hat si#nifies all earthly riches and honour" if one en)oys not content= and" hereafter" there is no res$ect of $ersons& Better be a $oor honest barber %ith a #ood conscience" and time to re$ent of my sins u$on my death/bed" than be cut off 52od bless us86 by a musket/shot" as it %ere in the very flo%er of one's a#e" in the $ursuit of riches and fame& ,hat si#nify riches" my dear friend= do they not make unto themselves %in#s and fly a%ay= as the %ise man saith& + could also mention many other sayin#s in contem$t of riches" both from the Bible and other #ood books' but + kno% you are not very fond of those thin#s" + shall only assure you" that if you take on to be a soldier" + %ill do the same' and then if %e should both be slain" you %ill not only have your o%n blood to ans%er for" but mine also( and $eradventure the lives

of all those %hom %e shall kill in battle& Therefore + $ray you" consider %hether you %ill sit do%n contented %ith small thin#s and share the fruits of my industry in $eace" till Providence shall send better tidin#s' or" by your des$air" $lun#e both our souls and bodies into everlastin# $erdition" %hich 2od of his infinite mercy forbid87 + could not hel$ smilin# at this haran#ue" %hich %as delivered %ith #reat earnestness" the tears standin# in his eyes all the time" and $romised to do nothin# of that sort %ithout his consent and concurrence& He %as much comforted %ith this declaration' and told me in a fe% days he should receive a %eek's %a#es" %hich should be at my service" but advised me in the meantime to #o in -uest of :ackson" and recover" if $ossible" %hat he had borro%ed of me& + accordin#ly trud#ed about from one end of the to%n to the other" for several days" %ithout bein# able to learn anythin# certain concernin# him( and" one day bein# e*tremely hun#ry" and allured by the steams that re#aled my nostrils from a boilin# cellar" + %ent do%n %ith an intention to #ratify my a$$etite %ith a t%o$enny%orth of beef' %hen to my no small sur$rise found 0r& :ackson sittin# at dinner %ith a footman& He no sooner $erceived me than he #ot u$ and shook me by the hands sayin#" he %as #lad to see me" for he intended to have called at my lod#in#s in the afternoon& + %as so %ell $leased at this rencounter& and the a$olo#ies he made for not kee$in# his a$$ointment" that + for#ot my resentment" and sat do%n to dinner" %ith the ha$$y e*$ectation of not only recoverin# my o%n money before %e should $art" but also of rea$in# the benefit of his $romise to lend me %here%ithal to $ass e*amination' and this ho$e my san#uine com$le*ion su##ested" thou#h the account Thom$son #ave me of him ou#ht to have moderated my e*$ectation& ,hen %e had feasted sum$tuously" he took his leave of the footman" and ad)ourned %ith me to an ale/house hard by" %here" after shakin# me by the hand a#ain" he be#an thus( 7+ su$$ose you think me a sad do#" 0r& Random" and + do confess that a$$earances are a#ainst me& But + dare say you %ill for#ive me %hen + tell you" my not comin# at the time a$$ointed %as o%in# to a $erem$tory messa#e + received from a certain lady" %hom" harkee8 5but this is a #reat secret6 + am to marry very soon& >ou think this stran#e" $erha$s" but it is not less true for all that//a five thousand $ounder" +'ll assure you" besides e*$ectations& or my o%n $art" devil take me if + kno% %hat any %oman can see en#a#in# about me//but a %him" you kno%//and then one %ould not balk one's #ood fortune& >ou sa% that footman %ho dined %ith us//he's one of the honestest fello%s that ever %ore livery& >ou must kno% it %as by his means + %as introduced to her" for he made me first ac-uainted %ith her %oman" %ho is his mistress//ay" many a cro%n has he and his s%eetheart had of my money//but %hat of that= thin#s are no% brou#ht to a bearin#& + have//5come a little this %ay6 + have $ro$osed marria#e" and the day is fi*ed//she's a charmin# creature" and %rites like an an#el8 She can re$eat all the En#lish tra#edies as %ell as ever a $layer in 9rury 1ane8/and" indeed" is so fond of $lays" that to be near the sta#e she has taken lod#in#s in a court hard by the theatre' but you shall see//you shall see//here's the last letter she sent me&7 ,ith these %ords" he $ut it into my hand" and + read 5to the best of my remembrance6 as follo%s( '9ear !reeten//As you are the animable ho$)ack of my contem$layshins" your aydear is infernally skimmin# before my keymerycal fansee" %hen 0urfy sends his $u$$ies to the heys of sli$$in# mortals' and %hen ebus shines from his merry dyin#

throne' %hereu$on + shall canseif old time has lost his $inners" as also cubit his harro%s" until thou en)oy s%eet $ro$ose in the loafseek harms of thy very faithfool to commend" !layrender ,in#ar >ard" 9rury 1ane" :anuary CIth&' ,hile + %as readin#" he seemed to be in an ecstasy" rubbin# his hands" and burstin# out into fits of lau#hter' at last he cau#ht hold of my hand" and s-uee3in# it" cried" 7There//a style for you8 ,hat do you think of this billet/dou*=7 + ans%ered" 7+t mi#ht be ablime for au#ht + kne%" for it %as alto#ether above my com$rehension&7 7Oh" ho87 said he" 7+ believe it is//both tender and sublime' she's a divine creature8 and so doats u$on me8 1et me see//%hat shall + do %ith this money" %hen + have once #ot it into my hands= +n the first $lace" + shall do for you& +'m a man of fe% %ords///but say no more that's determined' %hether %ould you advise me" to $urchase some $ost" by %hich + may rise in the state" or lay out my %ife's fortune in land" and retire to the country at once=7 + #ave my o$inion %ithout hesitation" that he could not do better than buy an estate and im$rove' es$ecially since he had already seen so much of the %orld& Then + launched out into the $raises of a country life" as described by the $oets %hose %orks + had read& He seemed to relish my advice" but %ithal told me" that althou#h he had seen a #reat deal of the %orld both at land and sea" havin# cruised three %hole months in the !hannel" yet he should not be satisfied until he had visited rance" %hich he $ro$osed to do before he should settle' and to carry his %ife alon# %ith him& + had nothin# to ob)ect to his $ro$osal' and asked ho% soon he ho$ed to be ha$$y& 7As to that"7 he re$lied" 7nothin# obstructs my ha$$iness but the %ant of a little ready cash' for you must kno%" my friend in the city has #one out of to%n for a %eek or t%o" but + unfortunately missed my $ay at Broad Street" by bein# detained too lon# by the dear charmer//but there %ill he a recall at !hatham ne*t %eek" %hither the shi$'s books are sent" and + have commissioned a friend in that $lace to receive the money&7 7+f that be all"7 said +" 7there's no #reat harm in deferrin# your marria#e a fe% days&7 7>es" faith& but there is"7 said he' 7you don't kno% ho% many rivals + have" %ho %ould take all advanta#es a#ainst me& + %ould not balk the im$atience of her $assion for the %orld//the least a$$earance of coldness or indifference %ould ruin all' and such offers don't occur every day&7 + ac-uiesced in this observation" and in-uired ho% he intended to $roceed& At this -uestion he rubbed his chin" and said" 7,hy" truly" + must be obli#ed to some friend or other//do you kno% nobody that %ould lend me a small sum for a day or t%o=7 + assured him" + %as such an utter stran#er in 1ondon" that + did not believe + could borro% a #uinea if my life de$ended u$on it& 74o87 said he" 7that's hard//that's bard8 + %ish + had anythin# to $a%n//u$on my soul" you have #ot e*cellent linen 5feelin# the sleeve of my shirt6' ho% many shirts of that kind have you #ot=7 + ans%ered" 7Si* ruffled" and si* $lain&7 At %hich he testified #reat sur$rise" and declared that no #entleman ou#ht to have more than four& 7Ho% many d'ye think + have #ot=7 continued he' 7but this and another" as + ho$e to be saved8 and + dare say %e shall be able to raise a #ood sum out of your su$erfluity( let me see//let me see//each of these shirts is %orth si*teen shillin#s at a moderate com$utation//no%" su$$ose %e $a%n them for half/$rice//ei#ht times ei#ht is si*ty/four" that's three $ounds four' that %ill do//#ive me your hand&7 7Softly"

softly" 0r& :ackson"7 said +' 7don't dis$ose of my linen %ithout my consent( first $ay me the cro%n you o%e me" and then %e shall talk of other matters&7 He $rotested that he had not above one shillin# in his $ocket" but that he %ould $ay me out of the first of the money raised from the shirts& This $iece of assurance incensed me so much that + s%ore + %ould not $art %ith him until + had received satisfaction for %hat + had lent him' and as for the shirts" + %ould not $a%n one of them to save him from the #allo%s& At this e*$ression he lau#hed aloud" and then com$lained it %as very hard that + should refuse him a trifle that %ould infallibly enable him not only to make his o%n fortune but mine also& 7>ou talk of $a%nin# my shirts"7 said +' 7su$$ose you should sell this han#er" 0r& :ackson& + believe it %ould fetch a #ood round sum&7 74o" han# it87 said he" 7+ can't a$$ear decently %ithout my han#er" lest it should #o&7 Ho%ever" seein# me infle*ible %ith re#ard to my linen" he at len#th unbuckled his han#er" and" sho%in# me the three blue balls" desired me to carry it thither and $a%n it for t%o #uineas& This office + %ould by no means have $erformed" had + seen any likelihood of havin# my money other%ise' but not %illin#" out of a $iece of false delicacy" to ne#lect the only o$$ortunity + should $erha$s ever have" + ventured into a $a%nbroker's sho$" %here + demanded t%o #uineas on the $led#e" in the name of Thomas ,illiams& 7T%o #uineas87 said the $a%nbroker" lookin# at the han#er' 7this $iece of #oods has been here several times before for thirty shillin#s( ho%ever" since + believe the #entleman to %hom it belon#s %ill redeem it" he shall have %hat he %ants' and accordin#ly he $aid me the money" %hich + carried to the house %here + had left :ackson' and" callin# for chan#e" counted out to him seven and thirty shillin#s" reservin# the other five for myself&7 After lookin# at the money some time" he said" 7,ell8 it don't si#nify//this %on't do my business' so you may as %ell take half/a/#uinea" or a %hole one" as the five shillin#s you have ke$t&7 + thanked him kindly" but refused to acce$t of any more than %as my due" because + had no $ros$ect of re$ayin# it& U$on %hich declaration" he stared in my face" and told me" + %as e*cessively ra% or + %ould not talk in that manner& 7U$on my %ord"7 cried he" 7+ have a very bad o$inion of a youn# fello% %ho %on't borro% of his friend %hen he is in %ant//'tis the si#n of a sneakin# s$irit& !ome" come" Random" #ive me back the five shillin#s" and take this half/#uinea" and if ever you are able to $ay me" + believe you %ill( if not" + shall never ask it&7 ,hen + reflected u$on my $resent necessity" + suffered myself to be $ersuaded" and after makin# my ackno%led#ments to 0r& :ackson" %ho offered to treat me %ith a $lay" + returned to my lod#in#s %ith a much better o$inion of this #entleman than + had in the mornin#' and at ni#ht im$arted my day's adventure to Stra$" %ho re)oiced at my #ood luck" sayin#" 7+ told you if he %as a Scotchman you %as safe enou#h//and %ho kno%s but this marria#e may make us all& >ou have heard" + su$$ose" as ho% a countryman of ours" a )ourneyman baker" ran a%ay %ith a #reat lady of this to%n" and no% kee$s his coach& + say nothin#' but yesterday mornin# as + %as shavin# a #entleman at his o%n house" there %as a youn# lady in the room" and she thre% so many shee$'s eyes at a certain $erson %hom + shall not name" that my heart %ent knock" knock" knock" like a fullin# mill" and my hand sh/sh/shook so much that + sliced a $iece of skin off the #entleman's nose' %hereby he uttered a deadly oath" and %as #oin# to horse%hi$ me" %hen she $revented him" and made my

$eace& +s not a )ourneyman barber as #ood as a )ourneyman baker= The only difference is" the baker uses flour for the belly" and the barber rises it for the head( and as the head is a more noble member than the belly" so is a barber more noble than a baker//for %hat's the belly %ithout the head= Besides" + am told" he could neither read nor %rite' no% you kno% + can do both" and moreover" s$eak 1atin//but + %ill say no more" for + des$ise vanity//nothin# is more vain than vanity&7 ,ith these %ords" he $ulled out of his $ocket a %a*/candleJs end" %hich he a$$lied to his forehead' and u$on e*amination" + found had combed his o%n hair over the tou$ee of his %i#" and %as" indeed" in his %hole dress" become a very smart shaver& + con#ratulated him on his $ros$ect %ith a satirical smile" %hich he understood very %ell' and" shakin# his head" observed" + had very little faith" but the truth %ould come to li#ht in s$ite of my incredulity&

!HAPTER .;++

+ #o to Sur#eons' Hall" %hen + meet 0r& :ackson/am e*amined//a fierce dis$ute arises bet%een t%o of the e*aminers//:ackson dis#uises himself to attract res$ect//irises himself to attract res$ect//is detected//in ha3ard of bein# sent to Bride%ell//he treats us at a Tavern//carries us to a 4i#ht/house//A troublesome adventure there//%e are committed to the Round/house//carried before a :ustice//his behaviour ,ith the assistance of this faithful adherent" %ho #ave me almost all the money he earned" + $reserved my half/#uinea entire till the day of e*amination" %hen + %ent %ith a -uakin# heart to Sur#eons' Hall" in order to under#o that ceremony& Amon# a cro%d of youn# fello%s %ho %alked in the out%ard hall" + $erceived 0r& :ackson" to %hom + immediately %ent u$' and" in-uirin# into the state of his love affair" understood it %as still undetermined" by reason of his friend's absence" and the delay of the recall at !hatham" %hich $ut it out of his $o%er to brin# it to a conclusion& + then asked %hat his business %as in this $lace' he re$lied" he %as resolved to have t%o strin#s to his bo%" that in case the one failed" he mi#ht use the other' and" %ith this vie%" he %as to $ass that ni#ht for a hi#her -ualification& At that instant" a youn# fello% came out from the $lace of e*amination" %ith a $ale countenance" his li$ -uiverin#" and his looks as %ild as if he had seen a #host& He no sooner a$$eared" than %e all flocked about him %ith the utmost ea#erness to kno% %hat rece$tion he had met %ith' %hich" after some $ause" he described" recountin# all the -uestions they had asked" %ith the ans%ers he made& +n this manner %e obli#ed no less than t%elve to reca$itulate" %hich" no% the dan#er %as $ast" they did %ith $leasure" before it fell to my lot( at len#th the beadle called my name" %ith a voice that made me tremble& Ho%ever" there %as no remedy& + %as conducted into a lar#e hall" %here + sa% about a do3en of #rim faces sittin# at a lon# table( one of %hom bade me come for%ard" in such an im$erious tone" that + %as actually for

a minute or t%o bereft of my senses& The first -uestion he $ut to me %as" 7,here %as you born=7 To %hich + ans%ered" 7+n Scotland&7 7+n Scotland"7 said he' 7+ kno% that very %ell//%e have scarce any other countrymen to e*amine here//you Scotchmen have overs$read us of late as the locusts did E#y$t& + ask you in %hat $art of Scotland %as you born=7 + named the $lace of my nativity" %hich he had never heard of' he then $roceeded to interro#ate me about my a#e" the to%n %here + served my time" %ith the term of my a$$renticeshi$' and %hen + informed him that + served three years only" he fell into a violent $assion" s%ore it %as a shame and a scandal to send such ra% boys into the %orld as sur#eons' that it %as #reat $resum$tion in me" and all affront u$on the En#lish" to $retend sufficient skill in my business" havin# served so short a time" %hen every a$$rentice in En#land %as bound seven years at least( that my friends %ould have done better if they had made me a %eaver or shoemaker' but their $ride %ould have me a #entleman" he su$$osed" at any rate" and their $overty could not afford the necessary education& This e*ordium did not at all contribute to the recovery of my s$irits' but on the contrary" reduced me to such a situation that + %as scarcely able to stand' %hich bein# $erceived by a $lum$ #entleman %ho sat o$$osite to me %ith a skull before him" he said" 0r& Snarler %as too severe u$on the youn# man' and" turnin# to%ards me" told me + need not be afraid" for nobody %ould do me any harm( then" biddin# me take time to recollect myself" he e*amined me" touchin# the o$eration of the tre$an" and %as very %ell satisfied %ith my ans%ers& The ne*t $erson %ho -uestioned me %as a %a#" %ho be#an by askin# if + had ever seen am$utation $erformed' and + re$lyin# in the affirmative" he shook his head and said" 7,hat8 u$on a dead sub)ect" + su$$ose=7 7+f"7 continued he" 7durin# an en#a#ement at sea" a man should be brou#ht to you %ith his head shot off" ho% %ould you behave=7 After some hesitation" + o%ned such a case had never come under my observation" neither did + remember to have seen any method of care $ro$osed for such an accident" in any of the systems of sur#ery + had $erused& ,hether it %as o%in# to the sim$licity of my ans%er" or the archness of the -uestion" + kno% not" but every member at the board dei#ned to smile" e*ce$t 0r& Snarler" %ho seemed to have very little of the 'animal risible' in his constitution& The facetious member" encoura#ed by the success of his last )oke" %ent on thus( 7Su$$ose you %as called to a $atient of a $lethoric habit" %ho has been bruised by a fall" %hat %ould you do=7 + ans%ered" 7+ %ould bleed him immediately&7 7,hat87 said he" 7before you had tied u$ his arm=7 But this stroke of %it not ans%erin# his e*$ectation" he desired me to advance to the #entleman %ho sat ne*t him' and %ho" %ith a $ert air" asked" %hat method of cure + %ould follo% in %ounds of the intestines& + re$eated the method of care as it is $rescribed by the best chirur#ical %riters" %hich he heard to an end" and then said %ith a su$ercilious smile" 7So you think %ith such treatment the $atient mi#ht recover=7 + told him + sa% nothin# to make me think other%ise& 7That may be"7 resumed he' 7+ %on't ans%er for your foresi#ht" but did you ever kno% a case of this kind succeed=7 + ackno%led#ed + did not" and %as about to tell him + had never seen a %ounded intestine' but he sto$t me" by sayin#" %ith some $reci$itation" 74or never %ill8 + affirm that all %ounds of the intestines" %hether #reat or small" are mortal&7 7Pardon me" brother"7 says the fat #entleman" 7there is very #ood authority//7 Here he %as interru$ted by the other %ith//7Sir" e*cuse me" + des$ise all authority//4ullius in verbo//+ stand on my o%n bottom&7 7But sir" sir"7 re$lied his

anta#onist" 7the reason of the thin# sho%s//7 7A fi# for reason"7 cries this sufficient member' 7+ lau#h at reason' #ive me ocular demonstratio&7 The cor$ulent #entleman be#an to %a* %arm" and observed" that no man ac-uainted %ith the anatomy of the $arts %ould advance such an e*trava#ant assertion& This inuendo enra#ed the other so much" that he started u$" and in a furious tone e*claimed( 7,hat" Sir8 do you -uestion my kno%led#e in anatomy=7 By this time" all the e*aminers had es$oused the o$inion of one or other of the dis$utants" and raised their voices alto#ether" %hen the chairman commanded silence" and ordered me to %ithdra%& +n less than a -uarter of an hour" + %as called in a#ain" received my -ualification scaled u$" and %as ordered to $ay five shillin#s& + laid do%n my half/#uinea u$on the table" and stood some time" until one of them bade me be#one' to this + re$lied" 7+ %ill %hen + have #ot my chan#e(7 u$on %hich another thre% me five shillin#s and si*$ence" sayin#" + should not be a true Scotchman if + %ent a%ay %ithout my chan#e& + %as after%ards obli#ed to #ive three shillin#s and si*$ence to the beadles" and a shillin# to an old %oman %ho s%e$t the hall( this disbursement sank my finances to thirteen/$ence half$enny" %ith %hich + %as sneakin# off" %hen :ackson" $erceivin# it" came u$ to me" and be##ed + %ould tarry for him" and he %ould accom$any me to the other end of the to%n" as soon as his e*amination should be over& + could not refuse this to a $erson that %as so much my friend' but + %as astonished at the chan#e of his dress %hich %as varied in half/an/hour from %hat + have already described to a very #rotes-ue fashion& His head %as covered %ith an old smoke tie/%i# that did not boast one crooked hair" and a slouched hat over it" %hich %ould have very %ell become a chimney/s%ee$er" or a dustman' his neck %as adorned %ith a black cra$e" the ends of %hich he had t%isted" and fi*ed in the button/hole of a shabby #reatcoat that %ra$$ed u$ his %hole body' his %hite silk stockin#s %ere converted into black %orsted hose( and his countenance %as rendered venerable by %rinkles" and a beard of his o%n $aintin#& ,hen + e*$ressed my sur$rise at this metamor$hosis" he lau#hed" and told me it %as done by the advice and assistance of a friend" %ho lived over the %ay" and %ould certainly $roduce somethin# very much to his advanta#e' for it #ave him the a$$earance of a#e" %hich never fails of attractin# res$ect& + a$$lauded his sa#acity" and %aited %ith im$atience for the effects of it& At len#th he %as called in' but %hether the oddness of his a$$earance e*cited a curiosity more than small in the board" or his behaviour %as not suitable to his fi#ure" + kno% not" he %as discovered to be an im$oster" and $ut into the hands of the beadle in order to be sent to Bride%ell& So that instead of seein# him come out %ith a cheerful countenance" and a sur#eon's -ualification in his hand" + $erceived him led throu#h the outer hall as a $risoner' and %as very much alarmed" and an*ious to kno% the occasion' %hen he called %ith a lamentable voice" and a $iteous as$ect to me" and some others %ho kno% him" 7 or 2od's sake" #entlemen bear %itness that + am the same individual :ohn :ackson %ho served as sur#eon's second mate on board the Eli3abeth" or else + shall #o to Bride%ell87 +t %ould have been im$ossible for the most austere hermit that ever lived to have refrained from lau#hin# at his a$$earance and address( %e therefore indul#ed ourselves a #ood %hile at his e*$ense" and after%ards $leaded his cause so effectually %ith the beadle %ho %as #ratified %ith half/a/cro%n" that the $risoner %as dismissed" and in a fe% moments rene%ed his former #aiety//s%earin#" since the

board had refused his money" he %ould s$end every shillin# before he %ent to bed" in treatin# his friends' at the same time invitin# us all to favour him %ith our com$any& +t %as no% ten o'clock at ni#ht" and" as + had a #reat %ay to %alk throu#h streets that %ere utterly unkno%n to me" + %as $revailed on to be of their $arty" in ho$es he %ould after%ards accom$any me to my lod#in#s" accordin# to his $romise& He conducted me to his friend's house" %ho ke$t a tavern over the %ay %here %e continued drinkin# $unch" until the li-uor mounted u$ to our heads" and made us all e*tremely frolicsome& +" in $articular" %as so much elevated" that nothin# %ould serve me but a %ench' at %hich demand :ackson e*$ressed much )oy" and assured me + should have my desire before %e $arted Accordin#ly" %hen he had $aid the reckonin#" %e sallied out" roarin# and sin#in#' and %ere conducted by our leader to a $lace of nocturnal entertainment" %here 0r& :ackson's dress attracted the assiduities of t%o or three nym$hs" %ho loaded him %ith caresses" in return for the arrack $unch %ith %hich he treated them" till at len#th slee$ be#an to e*ert his $o%er over us all" and our conductor called 7To $ay&7 ,hen the bill %as brou#ht" %hich amounted to t%elve shillin#s" he $ut his hand in his $ocket" but mi#ht have saved himself the trouble" for his $urse %as #one& This accident disconcerted him a #ood deal at first' but after some recollection" he sei3ed the t%o ladies %ho sat by him" one in each hand" and s%ore if they did not immediately restore his money he %ould char#e a constable %ith them& The #ood lady at the bar" seein# %hat $assed" %his$ered somethin# to the dra%er" %ho %ent out' and then %ith #reat com$osure" asked %hat %as the matter= :ackson told her he %as robbed" and s%ore if she refused him satisfaction" he %ould have her and her female friends committed to Bride%ell& 7Robbed87 cried she" 7robbed in my house8 2entlemen and 1adies" + take you all to %itness" this $erson has scandalised my re$utation&7 At that instant" seein# the constable and %atch enter" she $roceeded 7,hat8 you must not only endeavour by your false as$ersions to ruin my character" but even commit an assault u$on my family8 0r& !onstable" + char#e you %ith this uncivil $erson" %ho has been #uilty of a riot here' + shall take care and brin# an action a#ainst him for defamation&7 ,hile + %as reflectin# on this melancholy event" %hich had made me -uite sober" one of the ladies" bein# $i-ued at some re$artee that $assed bet%een us" cried" 7They are all concerned87 and desired the constable to take us all into custody' an arrest %hich %as $erformed instantly" to the utter astonishment and des$air of us all" e*ce$t :ackson" %ho havin# been often in such scra$es" %as very little concerned" and char#ed the constable" in his turn" %ith the landlady and her %hole bevy' u$on %hich %e %ere carried alto#ether $risoners to the round/house" %here :ackson after a %ord of comfort to us" informed the constable of his bein# robbed" to %hich he said he %ould s%ear ne*t mornin# before the )ustice& +n a little time the constable" callin# :ackson into another room" s$oke to him thus( 7+ $erceive that you and your com$any are stran#ers" and am very sorry for your bein# involved in such an u#ly business& + have kno%n this %oman a #reat %hile' she has ke$t a notorious house in the nei#hbourhood this many years' and althou#h often com$lained of as a nuisance" still esca$es throu#h her interest %ith the )ustices" to %hom she and all of her em$loyment $ay contribution -uarterly for $rotection& As she char#ed me %ith you first" her com$laint %ill have the $reference" and she can $rocure evidence to s%ear %hatsoever she shall $lease to desire of them' so that" unless you can make it u$ before mornin#" you and your com$anions

may think yourselves ha$$ily -uit for a month's hard labour in Bride%ell& 4ay" if she should s%ear a robbery or an assault a#ainst you" you %ill be committed to 4e%#ate and tried at the ne*t session at the Old Bailey for your life&7 This last $iece of information had such an effect u$on :ackson" that he a#reed to make it u$" $rovided his money mi#ht be restored& The constable told him" that" instead of retrievin# %hat he had lost" he %as $retty certain it %ould cost him some more before they could come to any com$osition& But" ho%ever" he had com$assion on him" and %ould" if he $leased" sound them about a mutual release& The unfortunate beau thanked him for his friendshi$" and returnin# to us" ac-uainted us %ith the substance of this dialo#ue' %hile the constable" desirin# to s$eak in $rivate %ith our adversary" carried her into the ne*t room" and $leaded" our cause so effectually" that she condescended to make him um$ire( he accordin#ly $ro$osed an arbitration" to %hich %e #ave our assent' and he fined each $arty in three shillin#s" to be laid out in a bo%l of $unch" %herein %e dro%ned all animosities" to the ine*$ressible )oy of my t%o late ac-uaintances and me" %ho had been e*tremely uneasy ever since :ackson mentioned Bride%ell and 4e%#ate& By the time %e had finished our bo%l//to %hich" by the bye" + had contributed my last shillin#//it %as mornin#" and + $ro$osed to move home%ard" %hen the constable #ave me to understand" he could dischar#e no $risoners but by order of the )ustice" before %hom %e must a$$ear& This rene%ed my cha#rin" and + cursed the hour in %hich + had yielded to :ackson's invitation& About nine o'clock" %e %ere escorted to the house of a certain )ustice not many miles distant from !ovent 2arden" %ho no sooner sa% the constable enter %ith a train of $risoners at his heels" than he saluted him as follo%s( 7So 0r& !onstable& you are a dili#ent man& ,hat den of ro#ues have you been scourin#=7 Then lookin# at us" %ho a$$eared very much de)ected" he continued( 7Ay" ay" thieves& + see//old offenders' oh" your humble servant" 0rs& Harridan8 + su$$ose these fello%s have been taken robbin# your house& >es" yes" here's an old ac-uaintance of mine& >ou have used e*$edition"7 said he to me" 7in returnin# from trans$ortation' but %e shall save you that trouble for the future//the sur#eons %ill fetch you from your ne*t trans$ortation" at their e*$ense&7 + assured his %orshi$ he %as mistaken in me" for he had never seen me in his life before& To this declaration he re$lied" 7Ho%8 you im$udent rascal" dare you say so to my face= 9o you think + am to be im$osed u$on by that northern accent" %hich you have assumed= But it shan't avail you//you shall find me too far north for you& Here" clerk" %rite this fello%'s mittimus& His name is Patrick 2a#ha#an&7 Here 0r& :ackson inter$osed" and told him + %as a Scotchman lately come to to%n" descended of a #ood family" and that my name %as Random& The )ustice looked u$on this assertion as an outra#e u$on his memory" on %hich he valued himself e*ceedin#ly' and struttin# u$ to :ackson" %ith a fierce countenance" $ut his hands in his side" and said" 7,ho are you" sir= 9o you #ive me the lie= Take notice" #entlemen" here's a fello% %ho affronts me u$on the bench but +'ll lay you fast" sirrah" + %ill//for not%ithstandin# your laced )acket" + believe you are a notorious felon&7 0y friend %as so much abashed at this menace" %hich %as thundered out %ith #reat vociferation" that he chan#ed colour" and remained s$eechless& This confusion his %orshi$ took for a sym$tom of #uilt" and" to com$lete the discovery" continued his threats" 74o%" + am convinced you are a thief//your face discovers it" you tremble all over" your conscience %on't lie still//you'll be han#ed" sirrah"7 raisin# his voice" 7you'll be

han#ed' and ha$$y had it been for the %orld" as %ell as for your o%n miserable soul" if you had been detected" and cut off in the be#innin# of your career& !ome hither" clerk" and take this man's confession&7 + %as in an a#ony of consternation" %hen the constable" #oin# into another room %ith his %orshi$" ac-uainted him %ith the truth of the story' %hich havin# learned" he returned %ith a smilin# countenance" and" addressin# himself to us all" said& it %as al%ays his %ay to terrify youn# $eo$le %hen they came before him" that his threats mi#ht make a stron# im$ression on their minds" and deter them from en#a#in# in scenes of riot and debauchery" %hich commonly ended before the )ud#e& Thus" havin# cloaked his o%n %ant of discernment under the dis#uise of $aternal care" %e %ere dismissed" and + found myself as much li#htened as if a mountain had been lifted off my breast&

!HAPTER .;+++

+ carry my -ualification to the 4avy Office//the nature of it//the behaviour of the Secretary//Stra$'s concern for my absence//a battle bet%i*t him a blacksmith//the troublesome conse-uences of it//his haran#ue to me//his friend the schoolmaster recommends me to a rench A$othecary" %ho entertains me as a )ourneyman + %ould most %illin#ly have #one home to slee$" but %as told by my com$anions" that %e must deliver our letters of -ualification at the 4avy office" before one o'clock& Accordin#ly" %e %ent thither" and #ave them to the secretary" %ho o$ened and read them" and + %as mi#htily $leased to find myself -ualified for second mate of a third/rate& ,hen he had stuck them all to#ether on a file" one of our com$any asked if there %ere any vacancies' to %hich interro#ation he ans%ered 74o87 Then + ventured to in-uire if may shi$s %ere to be $ut in commission soon& At %hich -uestion he surveyed me %ith a look of ineffable contem$t' and" $ushin# us out of his office" locked the door %ithout dei#nin# us another %ord& ,e %ent do%n stairs" and conferred to#ether on our e*$ectations" %hen + understood that each of them had been recommended to one or other of the commissioners" and each of them $romised the first vacancy that should fall' but that none of them relied solely u$on that interest" %ithout a $resent to the secretary" %ith %hom some of the commissioners %ent snacks& or %hich reason" each of them had $rovided a small $urse' and + %as asked %hat + $ro$osed to #ive This %as a ve*atious -uestion to me %ho 5far from bein# in a ca$acity to #ratify a ravenous secretary6 had not %here%ithal to $urchase a dinner& + therefore ans%ered" + had not yet determined %hat to #ive' and sneaked off to%ard my o%n lod#in#" lamentin# my fate all the %ay" and invei#hin# %ith much bitterness a#ainst the barbarity of my #randfather" and the sordid avarice of my relations" %ho left me a $rey to contem$t and indi#ence& ull of these disa#reeable reflections" + arrived at the house %here + lod#ed" and relieved my landlord from #reat an*iety on my

account' for this honest man believed + had met %ith some dismal accident" and that he never should see me a#ain& Stra$" %ho had come to visit me in the mornin#" understandin# + had been abroad all ni#ht" %as almost distracted" and after havin# obtained leave of his master" had #one in -uest of me" thou#h he %as even more i#norant of the to%n than +& 4ot bein# %illin# to inform the landlord of my adventure" + told him + had met an ac-uaintance at Sur#eons' Hall" %ith %hom + s$ent the evenin# and ni#ht' but bein# very much infested %ith bu#s" + had not sle$t much" and therefore intended to take a little re$ose' so sayin#" + %ent to bed" and desired to be a%akened if Stra$ should ha$$en to come %ile + should be aslee$& + %as accordin#ly roused by my friend himself" %ho entered my chamber about three o'clock in the afternoon" and $resented a fi#ure to my eyes that + could scarce believe real& +n short" this affectionate shaver" settin# out to%ards Sur#eons' Hall" had in-uired for me there to no $ur$ose( from %hence he found his %ay to the 4avy Office" %here he could hear no tidin#s of me" because + %as unkno%n to everybody then $resent' he after%ards %ent u$on '!han#e" in ho$es of seein# me u$on the Scotch %alk" but %ithout success& At last" bein# almost in des$air of findin# me" he resolved to ask everybody he met in the street" if $erchance anyone could #ive him information about me8 and actually $ut his resolution in $ractice" in s$ite of the scoffs" curses" and re$roaches %ith %hich he %as ans%ered' until a blacksmith's '$rentice seein# him sto$ a $orter %ith a burden on his back" and hearin# his -uestion" for %hich he received a hearty curse" called to him" and asked if the $erson he in-uired after %as not a Scotchman= Stra$ re$lied %ith #reat ea#erness" 7>es" and had on a bro%n coat" %ith lon# skirts&7 7The same87 said the blacksmith& 7+ sa% him $ass by an hour a#o"7 79id you so=7 cried Stra$" rubbin# his hands" 7Odd8 + am very #lad of that//%hich %ay %ent he=7 7To%ards Tyburn in a cart"7 said he" 7if you make #ood s$eed" you may #et thither time enou#h to see him han#ed&7 This $iece of %it incensed my friend to such a de#ree" that he called the blacksmith scoundrel" and $rotested he %ould fi#ht him for half/a/farthin#& 74o" no87 said the other" stri$$in#' 7+'ll have none of your money//you Sootchmen seldom carry anythin# about you' but +'ll fi#ht you for love&7 ,ere %as a rin# immediately formed by the mob( and Stra$" findin# he could not #et off honourably %ithout fi#htin#" at the same time burnin# %ith resentment a#ainst his adversary" -uitted his clothes to the care of the multitude" and the battle be#an %ith #reat violence on the side of Stra$" %ho in a fe% minutes e*hausted his breath and s$irits on his $atient anta#onist" %ho sustained the assault %ith #reat coolness" till findin# the barber -uite s$ent" he returned the blo%s he had lent him" %ith such interest" that Stra$" after havin# received three falls on the hard stones" #ave out" and allo%ed the blacksmith to be the better man& The victory bein# thus decided" it %as $ro$osed to ad)ourn to a cellar hard by" and drink friends& But %hen my friend be#an to #ather u$ his clothes" he $erceived that some honest $erson or other had made free %ith his shirt" neckcloth" hat" and %i#" %hich %ere carried off' and $robably his coat and %aistcoat %ould have met %ith the same fate" had they been %orth stealin#& +t %as in vain for him to make a noise" %hich only yielded mirth to the s$ectators' he %as fain to #et off in this manner" %hich he accom$lished %ith much difficulty and a$$eared before me all besmeared %ith blood and dirt& 4ot%ithstandin# this misfortune" such %as his trans$ort at findin# me safe and sound" that he had almost stifled and stunk

me to death %ith his embraces& After he had cleaned himself" and $ut on one of my shirts" and a %oollen& ni#htca$" + recounted to him the $articulars of my ni#ht's cam$ai#n" %hich filled him %ith admiration" and made him re$eat %ith #reat ener#y an observation %hich %as often in his mouth" namely" 'that surely 1ondon is the devil's dra%in#/room&' As neither of us had dined" he desired me to #et u$" and the milk%oman comin# round at that instant" he %ent do%nstairs" and brou#ht u$ a -uart" %ith a $enny loaf" on %hich %e made a comfortable meal& He then shared his money %ith me" %hich amounted to ei#hteen/$ence" and left me %ith an intention to borro% an old %i# and hat of his friend the schoolmaster& He %as no sooner #one" than + be#an to consider my situation %ith #reat uneasiness" and revolved all the schemes my ima#ination could su##est" in order to choose and $ursue some one that %ould $rocure me bread' for it is im$ossible to e*$ress the $an#s + felt" %hen + reflected on the miserable de$endence in %hich + lived at the e*$ense of a $oor barber's boy" 0y $ride took the alarm" and havin# no ho$es of succeedin# at the 4avy Office" + came to a resolution of enlistin# in the foot/#uards ne*t day" be the event %hat it %ould& This e*trava#ant desi#n" by flatterin# my dis$osition" #ave #reat satisfaction' and + %as char#in# the enemy at the head of my o%n re#iment" %hen Stra$'s return interru$ted my reverie& The schoolmaster had made him a $resent of the tie/%i# %hich he %ore" %hen + %as introduced to him" to#ether %ith an old hat" %hose brims %ould have overshado%ed a !olossus& Thou#h Stra$ had ventured to %ear them in the dusk" he did not choose to entertain the mob by day' therefore %ent to %ork immediately" and reduced them both to a moderate si3e& ,hile he %as em$loyed in this office" he addressed me thus( 7To be sure" 0r& Random" you are born a #entleman" and have a #reat deal of learnin#//and" indeed" look like a #entleman' for" as to $erson" you may hold u$ your head %ith the best of them& On the other hand" + am a $oor but honest cobbler's son( my mother %as as industrious a %oman as ever broke bread" till such time as she took to drinkin#" %hich you very %ell kno%' but everybody has failin#s//Humanum est errare& 4o% myself" + am a $oor )ourneyman barber" tolerably %ell made and understand some 1atin" and have a smatterin# of 2reek' but %hat of that= Perha$s + mi#ht also say" that + kno% a little of the %orld' but that is to no $ur$ose"//thou#h you be #entle" and + sim$le" it does not follo%" but that + %ho am sim$le may do a #ood office to you %ho are #entle& 4o% this is the case( my kinsman" the schoolmaster//$erha$s you did not kno% he ho% nearly he is related to me//+'ll satisfy you in that $resently' his mother and my #randmother's sister's ne$he%//no" that's not it8//my #randfather's brother's dau#hter//rabbit it8 + have for#ot the de#ree& But this + kno%" he and + are cousins seven times removed&7 0y im$atience to kno% the #ood office he had done me" #ot the better of my tem$er" and + interru$ted him at this $lace %ith the e*clamation" 7+f the schoolmaster or you can be of any advanta#e to me" %hy don't you tell me %ithout all this $reamble=7 ,hen + $ronounced these %ords %ith some vehemence" Stra$ looked at me for same time %ith a #rave countenance" and then %ent on( 7+'m very sorry to see such an alteration in your tem$er of late' you %ere al%ays fiery" but no% you are #ro%n as crabbed as old Peri%inkle the drunken tinker" on %hom you and + 52od for#ive us86 $layed so many unlucky tricks %hile %e %ere at school//but + %ill no lon#er detain you in sus$ense" because 5doubtless6 nothin# is more uneasy than doubt//9ubio $rocul dubio nil dubius& 0y friend or relation" or %hich you %ill" or both" the schoolmaster" bein# informed of

the re#ard + have for you' for you may be sure + did not fail to let him kno% of your #ood -ualities//by the bye" he has undertaken to teach you the $ronunciation of the En#lish ton#ue" %ithout %hich" he says" you %ill be unfit for business in this country//+ say my relation has s$oke in your behalf to a rench a$othecary %ho %ants a )ourneyman' and on his recommendation you may have fifteen $ounds a year" bed and board" %henever you $lease&7 + %as too much interested in this $iece of ne%s to entertain it %ith indifference' but" )um$in# u$" insisted on Stra$'s immediately accom$anyin# me to the house of his friend" that + mi#ht not lose this o$$ortunity throu#h the least delay or ne#lect on my $art& ,e %ere informed" that the schoolmaster %as in com$any at a $ublichouse in the nei#hbourhood" %hither %e re$aired" and found him drinkin# %ith the very individual a$othecary in -uestion& ,hen he %as called to the door at our desire" and observed my im$atience" he broke out into his usual term of admiration& 7Oh8 + su$$ose" %hen you heard of this offer" you did not take leisure enou#h to come do%nstairs" but lea$ed out of the %indo%( did you overturn no $orter nor oyster/%oman in your %ay= +t %as a mercy of 2od you did not knock your brains out a#ainst some $ost in your career& Oh" my conscience8 + believe" had + been in the inmost recesses of my habitation//the very $enetralia//your ea#erness %ould have surmounted bolts" bars" decency" and everythin#& The den of !acus" or sanctum sanctorum" could not have hid me from you& But come alon# the #entleman of %hom + s$oke is in the house' + %ill $resent you to him forth%ith&7 ,hen + entered the room" + $erceived four or five $eo$le smokin#" one of %hom the schoolmaster accosted thus( 70r& 1avement" here's the youn# man of %hom + s$oke to you&7 The a$othecary" %ho %as a little old %ithered man" %ith a forehead about an inch hi#h" a nose turned u$ at the end" lar#e cheek/bones that hel$ed to form a $it for his little #ray eyes" a #reat ba# of loose skin han#in# do%n on each side in %rinkles" like the alfor)os of a baboon" and a mouth so much accustomed to that contraction %hich $roduces #rinnin#" that he could not $ronounce a syllable %ithout discoverin# the remains of his teeth" %hich consisted of four yello% fan#s" not im$ro$erly" by anatomists" called canine& This $erson" + say" after havin# eyed me some time" said" 7Oho" 'tis ver %ell" 0onsieur !oncordance' youn# man" you are ver %elcome" take one cou$ of bierre//and come to mine house to/morro% mornin#' 0onsieur !oncordance vil sho% you de %ay&7 U$on this + made my bo%" and as + %ent out of the room could hear him say" 70a foi8 c'est un beau #arcon' c'est un #aillard&7 As + had by my o%n a$$lication" %hile + served !rab" ac-uired the rench ton#ue %ell enou#h to read authors %ritten in that lan#ua#e and understand anythin# that occurred in conversation" + determined to $retend i#norance to my ne% master" that he and his family" %hom + su$$osed to be of the same country" not bein# on the reserve before me" + mi#ht $ossibly discover somethin# in discourse" %hich %ould either yield me amusement or advanta#e& 4e*t mornin# 0r& !oncordance carried me to the a$othecary's house" %here the bar#ain %as made" and orders #iven to $rovide an a$artment for me immediately& But before + entered u$on business& the schoolmaster recommended me to his tailor" %ho #ave me credit for a suit of clothes" to be $aid out of the first moiety of my %a#es" and they %ere be#un u$on that very day' he after%ards accommodated me %ith a ne% hat on the same term( so that in a fe% days + ho$ed to make a very fashionable a$$earance& +n the meantime" Stra$ conveyed my ba##a#e to the $lace allotted for me" %hich %as a back room u$

t%o $air of stairs" furnished %ith a $allet for me to lie u$on" a chair %ithout a back" a bottle by %ay of candlestick" and a trian#ular $iece of #lass instead of a mirror' the rest of its ornaments havin# been lately removed to one of the #arrets" for the convenience of the servant of an +rish ca$tain" %ho lod#ed in the first floor&

!HAPTER .+.

The character of 0r& 1avement" his %ife and dau#hter//some anecdotes of the family//the mother and dau#hter rivals//+ am #uilty of a mistake that #ives me $resent satisfaction" but is attended %ith troublesome conse-uences 4e*t day& %hile + %as at %ork in the sho$" a bouncin# damsel %ell dressed came on $retence of findin# a vial for some use or other' and takin# an o$$ortunity" %hen she thou#ht + did not mind her" of observin# me narro%ly" %ent a%ay %ith a silent look of disdain& + easily #uessed her sentiments" and my $ride took the resolution of entertainin# the same indifference and ne#lect to%ards her& At dinner the maids" %ith %hom + dined in the kitchen" #ave me to understand that this %as my master's only dau#hter" %ho %ould have a very handsome fortune" on account of %hich" and her beauty" a #reat many youn# #entlemen made their addresses to her//that she had been t%ice on the brink of marria#e" but disa$$ointed by the stin#iness of her father" %ho refused to $art %ith a shillin# to $romote the match' for %hich reason the youn# lady did not behave to her father %ith all the filial veneration that mi#ht be e*$ected& +n $articular she harboured the most $erfect hatred for his countrymen' in %hich dis$osition she resembled her mother" %ho %as an En#lish/%oman' and" by the hints they dro$$ed" + learned the #ray mare %as the better horse//that she %as a matron of a hi#h s$irit" %hich %as often manifested at the e*$ense of her de$endents' that she loved diversions" and looked u$on miss as her rival in all $arties//%hich %as indeed the true cause of her disa$$ointments' for had the mother been hearty in her interest" the father %ould not have ventured to refuse her demands& Over and above this intelli#ence" +" of myself" soon made more discoveries& 0r& 1avement's si#nificant #rins at his %ife" %hile she looked another %ay" convinced me that he %as not at all content %ith his lot' and his behaviour in $resence of the ca$tain made me believe his chief torment %as )ealousy& As for my o%n $art" + %as considered in no other li#ht than that of a menial servant" and had been already si* days in the house %ithout bein# honoured %ith one %ord from either mother or dau#hter' the latter 5as + understood from the maids6 havin# at table one day e*$ressed some sur$rise that her $a$a should entertain such an a%k%ard mean/lookin# )ourneyman& + %as nettled at this $iece of information" and ne*t Sunday 5it bein# my turn to take my diversion6 dressed myself in my ne% clothes to the #reatest advanta#e" and" vanity a$art" made no contem$tible fi#ure& After havin# s$ent most $art of the day in com$any %ith Stra$ and

some of his ac-uaintance" + came home in the afternoon" and %as let in by miss" %ho not kno%in# me" dro$$ed a lo% curtsey as + advanced" %hich + returned %ith a $rofound bo%" and shut the door& By the time + had turned about" she had $erceived her mistake" and chan#ed colour" but did not %ithdra%& The $assa#e bein# narro%" + could not #et a%ay %ithout )oltin# her' so + %as forced to remain %here + %as %ith my eyes fi*ed to the #round" and my face #lo%in# %ith blushes& At len#th" her vanity comin# to her assistance" she %ent a%ay titterin#" and + could hear her $ronounce the %ord 'creature8' rom this day for%ard" she came into the sho$ fifty times" every day u$on various $retences" and $ut in $ractice so many ridiculous airs" that + could easily $erceive her o$inion of me %as chan#ed" and that she did not think me alto#ether an un%orthy con-uest& But my heart %as so steeled a#ainst her charms by $ride and resentment" %hich %ere t%o chief in#redients in my dis$osition" that + remained insensible to all her arts' and not%ithstandin# some advances she made" could not be $revailed u$on to yield her the least attention& This ne#lect soon banished all the favourable im$ressions she felt for me" and the ra#e of a sli#hted %oman took $lace in her heart' this she manifested not only in all the su##estions her malice could invent to my $re)udice %ith her father" but also in $rocurin# for me such servile em$loyments as she ho$ed %ould sufficiently humble my s$irit& One day in $articular" she ordered me to brush my master's coat' but + refusin#" a smart dialo#ue ensued" %hich ended in her burstin# into tears of ra#e' %hen her mother inter$osin#" and e*aminin# into the merits of the cause" determined it in my favour( and this #ood office + o%ed not to any esteem or consideration she had for me" but solely to the desire of mortifyin# her dau#hter" %ho on this occasion observed" that let $eo$le be never so much in the ri#ht" there %ere some folks %ho %ould never do them )ustice" but" to be sure" they had their reasons for it" %hich some $eo$le %ere i#norant of" althou#h they des$ised their little arts& This insinuation of some $eo$le and some folks $ut me u$on observin# the behaviour of my mistress more narro%ly for the future( and it %as not lon# before + had reason to believe that she looked u$on her dau#hter as a rival in the affections of !a$tain O'9onnell" %ho lod#ed in the house& +n the meantime" my industry and kno%led#e #ained me the #ood%ill of my master" %ho %ould often say in rench" 70ardy8 c'est un bon #arcon&7 He had a #reat deal of business' but he %as mostly em$loyed amon# his fello% refu#ees" his $rofits %ere small& Ho%ever" his e*$ense for medicines %as not #reat' for he %as the most e*$ert man at a succedaneum of any a$othecary in 1ondon" so that + have been sometimes ama3ed to see him" %ithout the least hesitation" make u$ a $hysician's $rescri$tion" thou#h he had not in his sho$ one medicine mentioned in it& Oyster/shells he could convert into crab's eyes' common oil into oil of s%eet almonds' syru$ of su#ar into balsamic syru$' Thames %ater into a-ua cinnamoni' and a hundred more costly $re$arations %ere $roduced in an instant" from the chea$est and coarsest dru#s of the materia medica( and %hen any common thin# %as ordered for a $atient" he al%ays took care to dis#uise it in colour or taste" or both" in such a manner that it could not $ossibly be kno%n' for %hich $ur$ose cochineal and oil of cloves %ere of #reat service& 0r& 1avement had attem$ted more than once to introduce a ve#etable diet into his family" by launchin# out into the $raise of roots and #reens" and decryin# the use of flesh" both as a $hysician and $hiloso$her' but all his rhetoric could not make one $roselyte to his o$inion" and even the %ife of his bosom declared

a#ainst the $ro$osal& One afternoon" %hen her husband %as abroad& and his dau#hter #one to visit" this lady ordered me to call a hackney/coach" in %hich she and the ca$tain drove to%ards !ovent 2arden& 0iss came home in the evenin#" and" su$$in# at her usual hour" %ent to bed& About eleven o'clock my master entered" and asked if his %ife %as #one to slee$( u$on %hich + told him" my mistress %ent out in the afternoon" and %as not yet returned& This %as like a cla$ of thunder to the $oor a$othecary" %ho startin# back" cried" 70ort de ma vie8 vat you tell a me= 0y vife not at home87 At that instant a $atient's servant arrived %ith a $rescri$tion for a drau#ht" %hich my master takin#" %ent into the sho$ to make it u$ %ith his o%n hand& ,hile he rubbed the in#redients in a #lass mortar" he in-uired of me" %hether or no his %ife %ent out alone' and no sooner heard that she %as in com$any %ith the ca$tain" than %ith one blo% he s$lit the mortar into a thousand $ieces" and #rinnin# like the head of a bass viol" e*claimed" 7Ah" traitresse87 +t %ould have been im$ossible for me to have $reserved my #ravity a minute lon#er" %hen + %as ha$$ily relieved by a ra$ at the door" %hich + o$ened" and $erceived my mistress comin# out of the coach& She flounced immediately into the sho$" and addressed her husband thus( 7+ su$$ose you thou#ht + %as lost" my dear& !a$tain O'9onnell has been so #ood as to treat me %ith a $lay&7 The re$ly" it may be su$$osed" %as anythin# but courteous but the ca$tain" %ho had been all the time at the door dischar#in# the coach" entered" and 0r& 1avement" chan#in# his tone" saluted him %ith all the usual $olitesse of a renchman& Shortly after this event" by the kno%led#e %hich + ac-uired of the family secrets" my life became much more a#reeable' and as + every day im$roved in my kno%led#e of the to%n + shook off my a%k%ard air by de#rees" and ac-uired the character of a $olite )ourneyman a$othecary&

!HAPTER ..

+ am assaulted and dan#erously %ounded/sus$ect O'9onnell" and am confirmed in my o$inion//concert a scheme of reven#e" and $ut it into e*ecution//O'9onnell robs his o%n servant and disa$$ears//make my addresses to a lady" and am miraculously delivered from her snare One ni#ht" at about t%elve o'clock" as + returned from visitin# a $atient at !helsea" + received a blo% on my head from an unseen hand" that stretched me senseless on the #round' and %as left for dead %ith three stabs of a s%ord in my body& The #roans + uttered %hen + recovered the use of my reason alarmed the $eo$le of a solitary alehouse that stood near the s$ot %here + lay( and they %ere humane enou#h to take me in" and send for a sur#eon" %ho dressed my %ounds" and assured me they %ere not mortal& One of them $enetrated throu#h the skin and muscles of one side of my belly in

such a manner" that doubtless the assassin ima#ined he had run me throu#h the entrails& The second slanted alon# one of my ribs' and the last" %hich %as intended for the finishin# stroke" havin# been directed to my heart" the s%ord sna$$ed u$on my breast/bone" and the $oint remained stickin# in the skin& ,hen + reflected u$on this event" + could not $ersuade myself that + had been assaulted by a common foot$ad" because it is not usual for such $eo$le to murder thou#h they rob" es$ecially %hen they meet %ith no resistance' and + found my money" and everythin# else about me but my carcase" safe& + concluded" therefore" that + must either have been mistaken for another" or obli#ed to the $rivate resentment of some secret enemy for %hat had ha$$ened' and as + could remember nobody %ho had the least cause of com$laint a#ainst me" e*ce$t !a$tain O'9onnell and my master's dau#hter" my sus$icion settled u$on them" thou#h + took care to conceal it" that + mi#ht the sooner arrive at confirmation& ,ith this vie%" + %ent home in the chair about ten o'clock in the mornin#' and as the chairman su$$orted me into the house" met the ca$tain in the $assa#e" %ho no sooner sa% me than he started back and #ave evident si#ns of #uilty confusion" %hich he %ould have accounted for from sur$rise occasioned by the seein# me in such a condition& 0y master havin# heard my story" condoled me %ith a #ood deal of sym$athy" and %hen he understood my %ounds %ere not dan#erous" ordered me to be carried u$stairs to bed' thou#h not %ithout some o$$osition from his %ife" %ho %as of o$inion that it %ould be better for me to #o to an hos$ital" %here + should be more carefully attended& 0y meditation %as em$loyed in concertin# %ith myself some method of reven#e a#ainst S-uire O'9onnell and his inamorata" %hom + looked u$on as the author of my misfortune' %hen miss" %ho %as not at home at my arrival" entered my chamber" and sayin# she %as sorry for the accident that had befallen me" asked if + sus$ected anybody to be the assassin' u$on %hich + fi*ed my eyes steadfastly u$on her and ans%ered" 7>es&7 She discovered no sym$tom of confusion" but re$lied hastily" 7+f that be the case" %hy don't you take out a %arrant" to have him a$$rehended= +t %ill cost but a trifle//if you have no money" +'ll lend you&7 This frankness not only cured me of my sus$icion %ith res$ect to her" but even sta##ered my belief %ith re#ard to the ca$tain" of %hose #uilt + resolved to have further $roof before + should enter$rise anythin# in the %ay of reven#e& + thanked her kindly for her #enerous offer" %hich" ho%ever" + had no occasion to acce$t" bein# determined to do nothin# rashly( for thou#h + could $lainly $erceive the $erson %ho attacked me to be a soldier" %hose face + thou#ht %as familiar to me" + could not s%ear %ith a safe conscience to any $articular man' and" #rantin# + could" my $rosecution of him %ould not much avail& This uncertainty + $retended" lest the ca$tain" hearin# from her that + kne% the $erson %ho %ounded me" mi#ht think $ro$er to %ithdra% before + could be in a condition to re-uite him& +n t%o days + %as u$ and able to do a little business" so that 0r& 1avement made shift to carry on his $ractice %ithout hirin# another )ourneyman in my room& The first thin# + attem$ted to%ards a certain discovery of my secret enemy" %as to #et into O'9onnell's a$artment" %hile he %as abroad in an undress" and e*amine his s%ord" the $oint of %hich bein# broken off" + a$$lied the fra#ment that %as found stickin# in my

body" and found it ans%ered the fractured $art e*actly& There %as no room left for doubt' and all that remained %as to fi* u$on a scheme of reven#e" %hich almost solely en#rossed my thou#hts durin# the s$ace of ei#ht ni#hts and days& Sometimes + %as tem$ted to fall u$on him in the same manner as he had $ractised u$on me" and kill him outri#ht& But this assault my honour o$$osed as a $iece of barbarous co%ardice" in %hich he %as not to be imitated& At other times + entertained thou#hts of demandin# satisfaction in an honourable %ay' but %as diverted from this undertakin# by considerin# the uncertainty of the event" and the nature of the in)ury he had done me" %hich did not entitle him to such easy terms& At last + determined to $ursue a middle course" and actually $ut my desi#n in e*ecution after this manner& Havin# secured the assistance of Stra$ and t%o of his ac-uaintance %hom he could de$end u$on" %e $rovided ourselves %ith dis#uises" and + caused the follo%in# letter to be delivered to him by one of our associates in livery" one Sunday evenin#(// 7Sir//+f + may be allo%ed to )ud#e from a$$earance" it %ill not be disa#reeable for you to hear that my husband is #one to Ba#shot to visit a $atient" and %ill not return till to/morro% ni#ht' so that" if you have anythin# to $ro$ose to me 5as your behaviour on many occasions has seemed to insinuate6" you %ill do %ell to embrace the $resent o$$ortunity of seein#" >ours" etc&7 This letter %as si#ned %ith the 9ame of an a$othecary's %ife %ho lived in !helsea" of %hom + bad heard O'9onnell %as an admirer& Everythin# succeeded to our %ish& The hero hastened to%ards the $lace of a$$ointment" and %as encountered by us in the very $lace %here he had assaulted me& ,e rushed u$on him all at once" secured his s%ord" stri$$ed off his clothes even to the skin" %hich %as scour#ed %ith nettles till he %as blistered from head to foot" not%ithstandin# all the elo-uence of his tears and su$$lications& ,hen + %as satisfied %ith the stri$es + had besto%ed" %e carried off his clothes" %hich %e hid in a hed#e near the $lace" and left him stark naked to find his %ay home in the best manner he could" %hile + took care to be there before him& + after%ards understood that" in his %ay to the lod#in#s of a friend" %ho lived in the skirts of the to%n" he %as $icked u$ by the %atch" %ho carried him to the round/house" from %hence he sent for clothes to his lod#in#s" and ne*t mornin# arrived at the door in a chair" %ra$t u$ in a blanket he had borro%ed' for his body %as so sore and s%elled" that he could not bear to be confined in his %earin# a$$arel& He %as treated %ith the utmost tenderness by my mistress and her dau#hter" %ho vied %ith each other in their care and attendance of him' but 1avement himself could not forbear e*$ressin# his )oy" by several malicious #rins" %hile he ordered me to $re$are an un#uent for his sores& As to myself" nobody can doubt my #ratification" %hen + had every day an o$$ortunity of seein# my reven#e $rotracted on the body of my adversary" by the ulcers of %hich + had been the cause' and" indeed" + not only en)oyed the satisfaction of havin# flea'd him alive" but another also %hich + had not foreseen& The story of his bein# attacked and stri$$ed in such a $lace havin# been inserted in the ne%s" #ave information to those %ho found his clothes ne*t day" %hither to brin# them' and accordin#ly he retrieved everythin# he had lost e*ce$t a fe% letters" amon# %hich %as that %hich + had %rit to him in the name of the a$othecary's %ife& This" and the others" %hich %ere all on the sub)ect of love 5for this Hibernian hero %as one of those $eo$le %ho are called fortune/hunters6" fell into the hands of a certain female author" famous for the scandal

she has $ublished' %ho" after havin# embellished them %ith some ornaments of her o%n invention" #ave them to the to to%n in $rint& + %as very much shocked on reflection" that + mi#ht $ossibly be the occasion of a %hole family's unha$$iness on account of the letter + had %ritten' but %as eased of that a$$rehension" %hen + understood that the !helsea a$othecary had commenced a la%suit a#ainst the $rinter for defamation" and looked u$on the %hole as a $iece of for#ery committed by the author" %ho had disa$$eared& But %hatever mi#ht he his o$inion of the matter" our t%o ladies seemed to entertain a different idea of it( for as soon as the $am$hlet a$$eared" + could $erceive their care of their $atient considerably diminish" till at last it ended in a total ne#lect& +t %as im$ossible for him to be i#norant of this chan#e" any more than of the occasion of it' but as he %as conscious to himself of havin# deserved %orse than contem$t at their hands" he %as #lad to come off so chea$ly" and contented himself %ith mutterin# curses and threats a#ainst the a$othecary" %ho" as he ima#ined" havin# #ot an inklin# of the a$$ointment %ith his %ife" had taken reven#e of him in the manner described& By the time he had #ot a ne% scarf skin his character %as become so notorious" that he thou#ht it hi#h time for him to decam$' and his retreat he $erformed in one ni#ht" %ithout beat of drum" after havin# robbed his o%n servant of everythin# that belon#ed to him e*ce$t the clothes he had on his back& A fe% days after he disa$$eared" 0r& 1avement" for his o%n security" took into his custody a lar#e old trunk %hich he had left' and as it %as very heavy" made no -uestion that the contents %ere sufficient to indemnify him for %hat O'9onnell o%ed in lod#in#& But a month bein# ela$sed %ithout hearin# any tidin#s of this adventurer" and my master bein# im$atient to kno% %hat the trunk contained" he ordered me to break it o$en in his $resence" %hich task + $erformed %ith the $estle of our #reat mortar" and discovered" to his ine*$ressible astonishment and mortification" a hea$ of stones& About this time" my friend Stra$ informed me of an offer he had to #o abroad %ith a #entleman in -uality of valet de chambre and at the same time assured me that" %hatever advanta#e he mi#ht $ro$ose to himself from this $ros$ect" he could not bear the thou#hts of $artin# from me" so much %as he attached to my fortune& +n s$ite of all the obli#ations + o%ed to this $oor" honest fello%" in#ratitude is so natural to the heart of man" that + be#an to be tired of his ac-uaintance( and no% that + had contracted other friendshi$s %hich a$$eared more creditable" %as even ashamed to see a )ourneyman barber in-uirin# after me %ith the familiarity of a com$anion& + therefore" on $retence of consultin# his %elfare" insisted u$on his acce$tin# the $ro$osal" %hich he at last determined to embrace" %ith #reat reluctance" and in a fe% days" took his leave of me" sheddin# a flood of tears" %hich + could not behold %ithout emotion& + no% be#an to look u$on me as of a #entleman in reality' learned to dance" fre-uented $lays durin# the holidays' became the oracle of an ale/house" %here every dis$ute %as referred to my decision' and at len#th contracted an ac-uaintance %ith a youn# lady" %ho found means to make a con-uest of my heart" and u$on %hom + $revailed" after much attendance and solicitation" to #ive me a $romise of marria#e& As this beautiful creature $assed for a rich heiress" + blessed my #ood fortune" and %as actually on the $oint of cro%nin# all my %ishes by matrimony" %hen + made such a discovery as effectually turned me from my desi#n" and + abandoned all thou#hts of marria#e for the future&

!HAPTER ..+

S-uire 2a%ky comes to lod#e %ith my master//is involved in a troublesome affair" out of %hich he is e*tricated by me//he marries my master's dau#hter//they cons$ire a#ainst me//+ am found #uilty of theft" dischar#ed//deserted by my friends" + hire a room in St& 2ile's//%here" by accident" + find the lady to %hom + $aid my addresses in a miserable condition//+ relieve her ,hen + en)oyed myself at lar#e in this tem$er of mind" 1avement let his first floor to my countryman and ac-uaintance" S-uire 2a%ky" %ho by this time had #ot a lieutenancy in the army" and such a martial ferocity in his a$$earance that + %as afraid he %ould remember %hat ha$$ened bet%een us in Scotland" and atone for his breach of a$$ointment then by his $unctuality no%' but %hether he had actually for#ot me" or %as %illin# to make me believe so" he betrayed not the least sym$tom of reco#nition at si#ht of me" and + remained -uite cured of my a$$rehension' thou#h + had occasion not lon# after to be convinced" that ho%soever his e*ternals mi#ht be altered" he %as at bottom the same individual 2a%ky" %hom + have already described& or comin# home late one ni#ht from the house of a $atient" + heard a noise in the street" and as + a$$roached& $erceived t%o #entlemen in custody" of three %atchmen& The $risoners" %ho %ere miserable" disfi#ured %ith dirt" com$lained bitterly of the loss of their hats and %i#s' and one of them" %hom by his ton#ue + kno% to be a Scotchman" lamented most $iteously" offerin# a #uinea for his liberty" %hich the %atchman refused" alle#in# that one of his com$anions %as %ounded #rievously" and that he must stand to the conse-uence& 0y $re)udice in favour of my native country %as so stron#" that + could not bear to see anybody belon#in# to it in distress" and therefore" %ith one blo% of my faithful cud#el" knocked do%n the %atchman %ho had hold of the $erson for %hom + %as chiefly concerned& He %as no sooner disen#a#ed" than he betook himself to his heels" and left me to maintain the dis$ute as + should think $ro$er' and" indeed" + came off but scurvily" for" before + could avail myself of my s$eed" + received a blo% on the eye" from one of the other t%o" that had %ell ni#h de$rived me of the use of that or#an& Ho%ever" + made shift to #et home" %here + %as informed of !a$tain 2a%ky's bein# robbed and abused by a com$any of foot$ads" and %as ordered by my master to $re$are an emollient #lyster and $are#oric drau#ht" in order to allay and com$ose the ferment of his s$irits" occasioned by the barbarous treatment he had under#one" %hile he took t%elve ounces of blood from him immediately& ,hen + in-uired into the $articulars of this adventure" and understood by the servant that he came in )ust before me" %ithout hat and %i#" + made no scru$le of believin# him to be the $erson + had released" and %as confirmed in my belief u$on hearin# his voice" to %hich 5before that event6 + had lon# been a stran#er&

0y eye bein# considerably s%elled and inflamed" + could not reflect u$on my enter$rise %ithout cursin# my o%n folly" and even resolvin# to declare the truth the truth of the %hole story in order to be reven#ed on the co%ardly %retch for %hom + had suffered( accordin#ly" ne*t day after he had told" in $resence of my master" his %ife and dau#hter" %ho came to him" a thousand lies concernin# the $ro%ess he had sho%n in makin# his esca$e" + ventured to e*$lain the mystery" and" callin# in the evidence of my contused eye" u$braided him %ith co%ardice and in#ratitude& 2a%ky %as so astonished at this that he could not ans%er one %ord" and the rest of the com$any stared at one another' till at len#th my mistress re$rimanded me for my insolent behaviour" and threatened to turn me a%ay for my $resum$tion& U$on %hich" 2a%ky 5havin# recollected himself6 observed" as the youn# man mi#ht have mistaken another $erson for him" he could for#ive his insinuations" more es$ecially as he seemed to have suffered for his incivility' but advised me to be more certain in my con)ectures for the future" before + ventured to $ublish them to the $re)udice of any man& 0iss a$$lauded the !a$tain's #enerosity in $ardonin# one %ho had so villainously as$ersed him" and + be#an to ima#ine her $raise %as not at all disinterested& But the a$othecary" %ho $erha$s had more $enetration or less $artiality than his %ife and dau#hter" differed from them in their sentiments of the matter" and e*$ressed himself to me in the sho$ in this manner( 7Ah mon $auvre Roderi-ue8 you have more of de veracite dan of de $rudence//bot mine vife and dater be diablement sa#e" and 0onsieur le !a$itaine un fanfaron" $ardieu87 This eulo#ium on his %ife and dau#hter" thou#h s$oken ironically by him" %as nevertheless literally )ust' by es$ousin# the cause of 2a%ky" the one obli#ed a valuable lod#er" and the other ac-uired a husband at a )uncture %hen one %as absolutely necessary& The youn# lady insinuated herself so artfully into the affection of this ne% lod#er" that in less than a fortni#ht" on $retence of #oin# to the $lay" they drove a%ay to#ether to the leet" %here they %ere married' and in the mornin# came home" %here they asked her father's and mother's blessin#& The $rudent $arents" not%ithstandin# the $reci$itation %ith %hich the match %as carried on" did not think fit to refuse their a$$robation' for the a$othecary %as not ill $leased to find his dau#hter married to a youn# man of a #ood $ros$ect" %ho had not mentioned one syllable on the article of her do%ry' and his %ife %as re)oiced at bein# rid of a rival and a s$y u$on her& ,hatever face 2a%ky $ut on the matter" my discovery of the adventure before related" and the re$roaches + vented a#ainst him" had stun# him to the soul" and cherished the seeds of enmity so stron#ly in his breast" that he im$arted his indi#nation to his %ife" %ho bein# as desirous as himself to accom$lish the ruin of one that not only sli#hted her caresses" but %as able on any occasion to discover $articulars not at all advanta#eous to her character" readily )oined in a cons$iracy a#ainst me" %hich 5had it taken effect as they e*$ected6 %ould infallibly have brou#ht me to an i#nominious death& 0y master havin# several times missed lar#e -uantities of medicines" of %hich + could #ive no account" at last lost all $atience" and in $lain terms ta*ed me %ith havin# embe33led them for my o%n use& As + could only o$$ose my sin#le asseveration to his sus$icion" he told me one day" 7>our vord not be #ive me de satisfaction//me find necessaire to chercher for my medicine' $ardonne3 moi//il faut chercber//me demand le clef of your coffre a cette heure&7 Then

raisin# his voice to conceal the fri#ht he %as in lest + should make any o$$osition" he %ent on" 7Oui8 + char#e you rende3 le clef of your cofrre//moi//si" moi -ui vous $arle&7 + %as fired %ith so much resentment and disdain at this accusation" that + burst into tears" %hich he took for a si#n of #uilt' and $ullin# out my key" told him he mi#ht satisfy himself immediately" thou#h he %ould not find it so easy to satisfy me for the in)ury my re$utation had suffered from his un)ust sus$icion& He took the key and mounted u$ to my chamber" attended by the %hole family" sayin#" 7Eh bien" nous verrons//nous verrons&7 But %hat %as my horror and ama3ement" %hen" o$enin# my chest" he $ulled out a handful of the very thin#s that %ere missin#" and $ronounced" 7Ah" ha" vous etes bienvenu//mardy" 0ons& Roderi-ue" you be fort innocent87 + had not $o%er to utter one %ord in my o%n vindication" but stood motionless and silent" %hile everybody $resent made their res$ective remarks on %hat a$$eared a#ainst me& The servants said they %ere sorry for my misfortune" and %ent a%ay re$eatin#" 7,ho %ould have thou#ht it=7 0y mistress took occasion from this detection to rail a#ainst the $ractice of em$loyin# stran#ers in #eneral' and 0rs& 2a%ky" after havin# observed that she never had a #ood o$inion of my fidelity" $ro$osed to have me carried before the )ustice and committed to 4e%#ate immediately& Her husband %as actually u$on the stairs in his %ay for a constable" %hen 0r& 1avement kno%in# the cost ant trouble of a $rosecution to %hich he must bind himself" and at the same time dreadin# lest some $articulars of my confession mi#ht affect his $ractice" called out& 7Reste3" mon fils8 reste3" it be veritablement one #rand crime %hich dis $auvre diable have committed//bot $eut/etre de #ood 2od #ive him de $enitence" and me vill not have u$on mine head de blood of one sinner&7 The ca$tain and his lady used all the !hristian ar#uments their 3eal could su##est to $revail u$on the a$othecary to $ursue me to destruction" and re$resented the in)ustice he did to the community of %hich he %as a member" in lettin# a villain esca$e" %ho %ould not fail of doin# more mischief in the %orld %hen he should reflect on his comin# off so easily no%' but their elo-uence made no im$ression on my master" %ho turnin# to me said" 72o" miserable" #o from mine house -uick" -uick8//and make re$aration for your mauvaise actions&7 By this time my indi#nation had roused me from the stu$efaction in %hich + had hitherto remained and + be#an in this manner(//7Sir" a$$earances + o%n condemn me' but you are im$osed u$on as much as + am abused( + have fallen a sacrifice to the rancour of that scoundrel7 5$ointin# to 2a%ky6 7%ho has found means to convey your #oods hither" that the detection of them mi#ht blast my re$utation" and accom$lish my destruction& His hatred to me is o%in# to a consciousness of his havin# %ron#ed me in my o%n country//for %hich in)ury he in a co%ardly manner" refused me the satisfaction of a #entleman' he kno%s" moreover" that + am no stran#er to his dastardly behaviour in this to%n" %hich + have recounted before" and he is un%illin# that such a testimony of his in#ratitude and $usillanimity should live u$on the earth' for this reason he is #uilty of the most infernal malice to brin# about my ruin& And + am afraid" madam 5turnin# to 0rs& 2a%ky6 you have too easily entered into the sentiments of your husband& + have often found you my enemy" and am %ell ac-uainted %ith the occasion of your bein# so" %hich + don't at $resent think $ro$er to declare' but + %ould advise you" for your o%n sake" not to drive me to e*tremity&7 This address enra#ed her so much that %ith a face as red us scarlet and the eyes of a fury" she strutted u$ to me and $uttin# her hands in her side" s$at in my face" sayin#" + %as a scandalous villain" but she defied my malice' and that unless her

$a$a %ould not $rosecute me like a thief as + %as" she %ould not stay another ni#ht under his roof& At the same time" 2a%ky assumin# a bi# look" told me" he scorned %hat lies + could invent a#ainst him' but that" if + $retended to as$erse his %ife" he %ould $ut me to death" To this threat + ans%ered" 7+ %ish + could meet %ith thee in a desert" that + mi#ht have an o$$ortunity of $unishin# thee for thy $erfidy to%ards me" and rid the %orld of such a rascal& ,hat hinders me this moment"7 said +" sei3in# an old bottle that stood by" 7from doin# myself that )ustice=7 + had no sooner armed myself in this manner" than 2a%ky and his father/in/la% retired in such a hurry" that the one overturned the other" and they rolled to#ether do%n stairs" %hile my mistress s%ooned a%ay %ith fear" and her dau#hter asked if + intended to murder her& + #ave her to understand" that nothin# %as farther from my intention" that + %ould leave her to the stin#s of her o%n conscience' but %as firmly resolved to slit her husband's nose" %henever fortune should offer a convenient o$$ortunity& Then #oin# do%n stairs" + met 1avement comin# u$ tremblin# %ith the $estle in his hand" and 2a%ky behind armed %ith his s%ord" $ushin# him for%ard& + demanded a $arley( and havin# assured him of my $acific dis$osition" 2a%ky e*claimed" 7Ah" villain8 you have killed my dear %ife&7 And the a$othecary cried" 7Ah" co-uin8 vere is my shild=7 7The lady"7 said +" 7is above stairs" unhurt by me" and %ill" a fe% months hence" + believe re%ard your concern&7 Hero she called to them" and desired they %ould let the %retch #o" and trouble themselves no further about him& To %hich re-uest her father consented" observin#" nevertheless" that my conversation %as 'very mysterious&' indin# it im$ossible to vindicate my innocence" + left the house immediately" and %ent to the schoolmaster" %ith an intention of clearin# myself to him" and askin# his advice %ith re#ard to my future conduct' but" to my ine*$ressible ve*ation" he %as #one to the country" %here he %ould stay t%o or three days& + returned %ith a desi#n of consultin# some ac-uaintance + had ac-uired in the nei#hbourhood' but my story had taken air throu#h the officiousness of the servants" and not one of my friends %ould vouchsafe me a hearin#& Thus + found myself" by the ini-uity of mankind" in a much more de$lorable condition than ever( for thou#h + had been formerly as $oor" my re$utation %as %ithout blemish" and my health unim$aired till no%' but at $resent my #ood name %as lost" my money #one" my friends %ere alienated" my body %as infected by an odious distem$er' and my faithful Stra$" %ho alone could yield me $ity and assistance" absent + kne% not %here& The first resolution + could take in this melancholy con)uncture" %as to remove my clothes to the house of the $erson %ith %hom + had formerly lod#ed" %here + remained t%o days in ho$es of #ettin# another $lace by the interest of 0r& !oncordance" to %hom + made no doubt of bein# able to vindicate my character' but in this su$$osition + reckoned %ithout my best" for 1avement took care to be beforehand %ith me' and %hen + attem$ted to e*$lain the %hole affair to the schoolmaster" + found him so $re$ossessed a#ainst me" that he %ould scarce hear me to an end' but %hen + had finished my )ustification" shook his head" and be#innin# %ith his usual e*clamation said" 7That %on't #o do%n %ith me& + am very sorry + should have the misfortune of bein# concerned in the affair" but" ho%ever" shall be more cautious for the future& + %ill trust no man from hencefor%ard//no" not my father %ho be#at me" nor the brother %ho lay %ith me in my mother's %omb( should 9aniel rise from the

dead" + %ould think him an im$ostor' and %ere the #enius of truth to a$$ear" %ould -uestion its veracity87 + told him" that one day it %as $ossible he mi#ht be convinced of the in)ury + had suffered" and re$ent of his $remature determination& To %hich remark he ans%ered" the $roof of my innocence %ould make his bo%els vibrate %ith )oy' 7but till that shall ha$$en"7 continued he" 7+ mast be# to have no manner of connection %ith you//my re$utation is at stake& + shall be looked u$on as your accom$lice and abettor//$eo$le %ill say :onathan ,ild %as but a ty$e of me/boys %ill hoot at me as + $ass alon#' and the cinder/%enches belch forth re$roaches %afted in a #ale im$re#nated %ith #in( + shall be notorious//the very butt of slander" and sink of infamy87 + %as not in a humour to relish the clima* of e*$ressions u$on %hich this #entleman valued himself in all his discourses' but" %ithout any ceremony" took my leave" cursed %ith every sentiment of horror %hich my situation could su##est& + considered" ho%ever" in the intervals of my des$ondence" that + must" in some sha$e suit my e*$ense to my calamitous circumstances" and %ith that vie% hired an a$artment in a #arret near St& 2iles's" at the rate of nine/$ence $er %eek& + one day" %hen + sat in this solitary retreat musin# u$on the unha$$iness of my fate" %as alarmed by a #roan that issued from s chamber conti#uous to mine" into %hich + immediately ran" and found a %oman stretched on a miserable truckle bed" %ithout any visible si#ns of life& Havin# a$$lied a smellin# bottle to her nose" the blood be#an to revisit her cheeks" and she o$ened her eyes' but" #ood heaven8 %hat %ere the emotions of my soul" %hen + discovered her to be the same individual lady %ho had trium$hed over my heart" and to %hose fate + had almost been inse$arably )oined8 Her de$lorable situation filled my breast %ith com$assion& She kne% me immediately' and" strainin# me #ently in her arms" shed a torrent of tears" %hich + could not hel$ increasin#& At len#th" castin# a lan#uishin# look at me" she $ronounced %ith a feeble voice" 79ear 0r& Random" + do not deserve this concern at your hands( + am a vile creature" %ho had a base desi#n u$on your $erson//suffer me" to e*$iate that" and all my other crimes" by a miserable death" %hich %ill not fail to overtake me in a fe% hour&7 + encoura#ed her as much as + could" told her + for#ave all her intentions %ith re#ard to me' and that" althou#h my circumstances %ere e*tremely lo%" + %ould share my last farthin# %ith her& + be##ed in the meantime to kno% the immediate cause of that fit from %hich she had )ust recovered" and said" + %ould endeavour by my skill to $revent any more such attacks& She seemed very much affected %ith this e*$ression" took my hand" and $ressed it to her li$s" sayin#" 7>ou are too #enerous8 + %ish + could live to e*$ress my #ratitude//but alas8 + $erish for %ant&7 Then shuttin# her eyes" she rela$sed into another s%oon& Such e*tremity of distress must have %aked the most obdurate heart to sym$athy and com$assion' %hat effect then must it have had on mine" that %as naturally $rone to every tender $assion= + ran do%nstairs" and sent my landlady to a chemist's sho$ for some cinnamon %ater" %hile +" returnin# to this unfortunate creature's chamber" used all the means in my $o%er to brin# her to herself' this aim %ith much difficulty + accom$lished" and made her drink a #lass of the cordial to recruit her s$irits( then + $re$ared a little mulled red vine and a toast" %hich havin# taken" she found herself thorou#hly revived" and informed me" that she had not tasted food for ei#ht and forty hours before& As + %as im$atient to kno% the occasion and nature of her calamity" she #ave me to understand" that she %as a %oman of the to%n by $rofession' that in the course

of her adventures she found herself dan#erously infected %ith a distem$er" to %hich all of her class are $articularly sub)ect' that her malady #ainin# #round every day" she became loathsome to herself and offensive to others( %hen she resolved to retire to some obscure corner %here she mi#ht be cured %ith as little noise and e*$ense as $ossible' that she had accordin#ly chosen this $lace of retreat" and $ut herself into the hands of an advertisin# doctor" %ho havin# fleeced her of all the money she had" or could $rocure" left her three days a#o in a %orse condition than that in %hich he found her' that e*ce$t the clothes on her back" she had $a%ned or sold everythin# that belon#ed to her to satisfy that ra$acious -uack" and -uiet the clamour of her landlady" %ho still $ersisted in her threats to turn her out into the street& After havin# moralised u$on these $articulars" + $ro$osed that she should lod#e in the same room %ith me" an e*$edient that %ould save some money( and assured her" + %ould undertake to cure her as %ell as my o%n" durin# %hich she should $artake of all the conveniences that + could afford to myself& She embraced my offer %ith unfei#ned ackno%led#ment" and + be#an to $ut it in $ractice immediately& + found her not only an a#reeable com$anion" %hose conversation #reatly alleviated my cha#rin" but also a careful nurse" %ho served me %ith the utmost fidelity and affection& One day" %hile + testified my sur$rise that a %oman of her beauty" #ood sense" and education 5for she had a lar#e $ortion of each6" could be reduced to such an infamous and miserable %ay of life" she ans%ered %ith a si#h" 7These very advanta#es %ere the cause of my undoin#&7 This remarkable re$ly inflamed my curiosity to such a de#ree" that + be##ed she %ould favour me %ith the $articulars of her story" and she com$lied in these %ords& !HAPTER ..++ The History of 0iss ,illiams '0y father %as an eminent merchant in the city %ho havin#" in the course of trade" suffered very considerable losses" retired in his old a#e %ith his %ife to a small estate in the country" %hich he had $urchased %ith the remains of his fortune& At that time" + bein# but ei#ht years of a#e" %as left in to%n for the convenience of education" boarded %ith an aunt" %ho %as a ri#id $resbyterian" and confined me so closely to %hat she called the duties of reli#ion" that in time + #re% %eary of her doctrines" and by de#rees received an aversion for the #ood books" she daily recommended to my $erusal& As + increased in a#e" and a$$eared %ith a $erson not disa#reeable" + contracted a #ood deal of ac-uaintance amon# my o%n se*' one of %hom" after havin# lamented the restraint + %as under from the narro%ness of my aunt's sentiments" told me + must no% thro% off the $re)udices of o$inion imbibed under her influence and e*am$le" and learn to think for myself' for %hich $ur$ose she advised me to read Shaftsbury" Tindal" Hobbes" and all the authors that are remarkable for their deviation from the old %ay of thinkin#" and by com$arin# one %ith the other" + should soon be able to form a system of my o%n& + follo%ed her advice' and %hether it %as o%in# to my $re$ossession a#ainst %hat + had formerly read" or the clearness of ar#ument in these my ne% instructors" + kno% not' but + studied them %ith $leasure" and in a short time became a $rofessed freethinker& Proud of my im$rovement" + ar#ued in all com$anies"

and that %ith such success" that + soon ac-uired the re$utation of a $hiloso$her" and fe% $eo$le durst undertake me in a dis$ute& + #re% vain u$on my #ood fortune" and at len#th $retended to make my aunt a $roselyte to my o$inion' but she no sooner $erceived my drift than" takin# the alarm" she %rote to my father an account of my heresy" and con)ured him" as he tendered the #ood of my soul" to remove me immediately from the dan#erous $lace %here + had contracted such sinful $rinci$les& Accordin#ly" my father ordered me into the country" %here + arrived in the fifteenth year of my a#e" and" by his command #ave him a detail of all the articles of my faith" %hich he did not find so unreasonable as they had been re$resented& indin# myself suddenly de$rived of the com$any and $leasures of the to%n" + #re% melancholy and it %as some time before + could relish my situation& But solitude became every day more and more familiar to me and + consoled myself in my retreat %ith the en)oyment of a #ood library" at such times as %ere not em$loyed in the mana#ement of the family 5for my mother had been dead three years6" in visitin#" or some other $arty of rural diversion& Havin# more ima#ination than )ud#ment" + addicted myself too much to $oetry and romance' and" in short" %as looked u$on as a very e*traordinary $erson by everybody in the country %here + resided& '+ had one evenin# strayed" %ith a book in my hand" into a %ood that bordered on the hi#h road" at a little distance from my father's house" %hen a certain drunken s-uire" ridin# by" $erceived me" and cryin#" 7Holloa" there's a charmin# creature87 ali#hted in a moment" cau#ht me in his arms" and treated me so rudely that + shrieked as loud as + could" and in the meantime o$$osed his violence %ith all the stren#th that ra#e and resentment could ins$ire& 9urin# this stru##le" another horseman came u$" %ho" seein# a lady so un%orthily used" dismounted" and fle% to my assistance& The s-uire" mad %ith disa$$ointment" or $rovoked %ith the re$roaches of the other #entleman" -uitted me" and runnin# to his horse" dre% a $istol from the saddle" and fired it at my $rotector" %ho ha$$ily receivin# no dama#e" %ent u$" and" %ith the butt/end of his %hi$ laid him $rostrate on the #round before he could use the other" %hich his anta#onist immediately sei3ed" and" cla$$in# to the s-uire's breast" threatened to $ut him to death for his co%ardice and treachery& +n this dilemma + inter$osed and be##ed his life" %hich %as #ranted to my re-uest" after he had asked $ardon" and s%ore his intention %as only to obtain a kiss& Ho%ever" my defender thou#ht $ro$er to unload the other $istol" and thro% a%ay the flints" before he #ave him his liberty& This courteous stran#er conducted me home" %here my father havin# learned the si#nal service he had done me" loaded him %ith caresses" and insisted on his lod#in# that ni#ht at our house& +f the obli#ation he had conferred u$on me )ustly ins$ired me %ith sentiments of #ratitude" his a$$earance and conversation seemed to entitle him to some%hat more" He %as about the a#e of t%o/and/t%enty" amon# the tallest of the middle si3e' had chestnut/coloured hair" %hich he %ore tied u$ in a ribbon' a hi#h $olished forehead" a nose inclinin# to the a-uiline" lively blue eyes" red $outin# li$s" teeth as %hite as sno%" and a certain o$enness of countenance//but %hy need + describe any more $articulars of his $erson= + ho$e you %ill do me the )ustice to believe + do not flatter" %hen + say he %as the e*act resemblance of you' and if + had not been %ell ac-uainted %ith his family and de#ree" + should have made no scru$le of concludin# that you %as his brother& He s$oke and seemed to have no reserve( for %hat he said %as in#enuous" sensible" and uncommon& +n short"7 said she" burstin# into tears"

7he %as formed for the ruin of our se*& His behaviour %as modest and res$ectful" but his looks %ere so si#nificant" that + could easily observe he secretly blessed the occasion that introduced him to my ac-uaintance& ,e learned from his discourse that he %as the eldest son of a %ealthy #entleman in the nei#hbourhood" to %hose name %e %ere no stran#ers//that he had been to visit an ac-uaintance in the country" from %hose house he %as returnin# home" %hen my shrieks brou#ht him to my rescue& 'All ni#ht lon# my ima#ination formed a thousand ridiculous e*$ectations( there %as so much of kni#ht/errantry in this #entleman's comin# to the relief of a damsel in distress" %ith %hom he immediately became enamoured" that all + had read of love and chivalry recurred to my fancy' and + looked u$on myself as a $rincess in some re#ion of romance" %ho bein# delivered from the $o%er of some brutal #iant or satyr" by a #enerous Oroondates" %as bound in #ratitude" as %ell as led by inclination" to yield u$ my affections to him %ithout reserve& +n vain did + endeavour to chastise these foolish conceits by reflections more reasonable and severe( the amusin# ima#es took full $ossession of my mind" and my dreams re$resented my hero si#hin# at my feet" in the lan#ua#e of a des$airin# lover& 4e*t mornin# after breakfast he took his leave" %hen my father be##ed the favour of further ac-uaintance %ith him' to %hich re-uest he re$lied by a com$liment to him" and a look to me so full of elo-uence and tenderness" that my %hole soul received the soft im$ression& +n a short time he re$eated his visit' and as a recital of the $articular ste$s he $ursued to ruin me %ould be tedious and im$ertinent" let it suffice to say" he made it his business to insinuate himself into my esteem" by convincin# me of his o%n #ood sense" and at the same time flatterin# my understandin#& This task he $erformed in the most artful manner" by seemin# to contradict me often throu#h misa$$rehension" that + mi#ht have an o$$ortunity of clearin# myself the more to my o%n honour& Havin# thus secured my #ood o$inion" he be#an to #ive me some tokens of a $articular $assion" founded on a veneration of the -ualities of my mind" and" as an accidental ornament" admired the beauties of my $erson' till at bein# fully $ersuaded of his con-uest" he chose a $ro$er season for the theme" and disclosed his love in terms so ardent and sincere" that it %as im$ossible for me to dis#uise the sentiments of my heart" and he received my a$$robation %ith the most lively trans$ort& After this mutual declaration" %e contrived to meet more fre-uently in $rivate intervie%s" %here %e en)oyed the conversation of one another" in all the elevation of fancy and im$atience of ho$e that reci$rocal adoration can ins$ire& He $rofessed his honourable intentions" of %hich + made no -uestion' lamented the avaricious dis$osition of his father" %ho had destined him for the arms of another" and vo%ed eternal fidelity %ith such an a$$earance of candour and devotion//that + became a du$e to his deceit& !ursed be the day on %hich + #ave a%ay my innocence and $eace8 !ursed be my beauty that first attracted the attention of the seducer8 !ursed be my education" that" by refinin# my sentiments" made my heart the more susce$tible8 !ursed be my #ood sense" that fi*ed me to one ob)ect" and tau#ht me the $reference + en)oyed %as but my due8 Had + been u#ly" nobody %ould have tem$ted me' had + been i#norant" the charms of my $erson %ould not have atoned for the coarseness of my conversation' had + been #iddy" my vanity %ould have divided my inclinations" and my ideas %ould have been so diffused" that + should never have listened to the enchantments of one alone&

But to return to my unfortunate story& After some months" the visits of my lover became less fre-uent" and his behaviour less %arm( + $erceived his coldness" my heart took the alarm" my tears re$roached him" and + insisted u$on the $erformance of his $romise to es$ouse me" that" %hatever should ha$$en" my re$utation mi#ht be safe& He seemed to ac-uiesce in my $ro$osal" and left me on $retence of findin# a $ro$er cler#yman to unite us in the bands of %edlock& But alas8 the inconstant had no intention to return& + %aited a %hole %eek %ith the utmost im$atience' sometimes doubtin# his honour" at other times inventin# e*cuses for him" and condemnin# myself for harbourin# sus$icions of his faith& At len#th + understood from a #entleman %ho dined at our house" that this $erfidious %retch %as on the $oint of settin# out for 1ondon %ith his bride" to buy clothes for their a$$roachin# nu$tials& This information distracted me8 Ra#e took $ossession of my soul' + denounced a thousand im$recations" and formed as many schemes of reven#e a#ainst the traitor %ho had undone me& Then my resentment %ould subside to silent sorro%& + recalled the tran-uillity + lost" + %e$t over my infatuation" and sometimes a ray of ho$e %ould intervene" and for a moment cheer my droo$in# heart' + %ould revolve all the favourable circumstances of his character" re$eat the vo%s he made" ascribe his absence to the vi#ilance of a sus$icious father %ho com$elled him to a match his soul abhorred" and comfort myself %ith the e*$ectation of seein# him before the thin# should be brou#ht to any terms of a#reement& But ho% vain %as my ima#ination8 That villain left me %ithout remorse" and in a fe% days the ne%s of his marria#e %ere s$read all over the country& 0y horror %as then inconceivable' and had not the desire of reven#e diverted the resolution" + should infallibly have $ut an end to my miserable life& 0y father observed the sym$toms of my des$air( and thou#h + have #ood reason to believe he #uessed the cause" %as at a #reat deal of $ains to seem i#norant of my affliction" %hile he endeavoured %ith $arental fondness to alleviate my distress& + sa% his concern" %hich increased my an#uish" and raised my fury a#ainst the author of my calamity to an im$lacable de#ree& 7Havin# furnished myself %ith a little money" + made an elo$ement from this unha$$y $arent in the ni#ht/time" and about break of day arrived at a small to%n" from %hence a sta#e coach set out for 1ondon" in %hich + embarked" and ne*t day ali#hted in to%n' the s$irit of reven#e havin# su$$orted me all the %ay a#ainst every other reflection" 0y first care %as to hire a lod#in#" in %hich + ke$t myself very retired" assumed a fei#ned name" that my character and situation mi#ht be better concealed& +t %as not lon# before + found out the house of my lover" %hither + immediately re$aired in a trans$ort of ra#e" determined to act some des$erate deed for the satisfaction of my des$air" thou#h the hurry of my s$irits %ould not $ermit me to concert or resolve u$on a $articular $lan& ,hen + demanded admission to 1othario 5so let me call him6" + %as desired to send u$ my name and business' but this + refused" tellin# the $orter + had business for his master's $rivate ear' u$on %hich + %as conducted into a $arlour until he should be informed of my re-uest& There + remained about a -uarter of an hour" %hen a servant entered and told me his master %as en#a#ed %ith com$any" and be##ed to be e*cused at that time& 0y tem$er could hold out no lon#er& + $ulled out a $oniard from my bosom" %here + had concealed it" and rushin# out fle% u$ stairs like a fury" e*claimin#" 7,here's this $erfidious villain= could + $lun#e this da##er into his false heart" + should then die satisfied87 The noise + made alarmed not

only the servants" but the com$any also" %ho hearin# my threats came for%ard to the staircase to see %as the matter& + %as sei3ed" disarmed" and %ithheld by t%o footmen' and in this situation felt the most e*-uisite torture in beholdin# my undoer a$$roach %ith his youn# %ife& + could not endure the si#ht" %as de$rived of my senses" and fell into a severe fit" durin# %hich + kno% not ho% + %as treated' but %hen + recovered the use of reflection" found myself on a bed in a $altry a$artment" %here + %as attended by an old %oman" %ho asked a thousand im$ertinent -uestions relatin# to my condition" and informed me that my behaviour had thro%n the %hole family into confusion' that 1othario affirmed + %as mad" and $ro$osed to have me sent to Bedlam' but my lady $ersuaded herself there %as more in my conduct than he cared should be kno%n" and had taken to her bed on bare sus$icion" havin# first ordered that + should be narro%ly looked to& + heard all she said %ithout makin# any other re$ly than desirin# she %ould do me the favour to call a chair' but this she told me could not be done %ithout her master's consent" %hich" ho%ever" %as easily $rocured" and + %as conveyed to my lod#in#s in a state of mind that baffles all descri$tion& The a#itation of my thou#hts $roduced a fever" %hich brou#ht on a miscarria#e' and + believe it is %ell for my conscience that heaven thus dis$osed of my burden' for let me o%n to you %ith $enitence and horror" if + had brou#ht a livin# child into the %orld" my fren3y %ould have $rom$ted me to sacrifice the little innocent to my resentment of the father's infidelity& 7After this event my ra#e abated" and my hate became more deliberate and calm( %hen one day my landlady informed me that there %as a #entleman belo% %ho desired to see me" he havin# somethin# of conse-uence to im$art" %hich he %as sure %ould contribute to my $eace of mind& + %as e*ceedin#ly alarmed at this declaration" %hich + attem$ted to inter$ret a thousand %ays' and before + came to any determination he entered my room" %ith an a$olo#y for intrudin# %ithout my kno%led#e or consent& + surveyed him some time" and not bein# able to recollect his face" demanded" %ith a falterin# accent" %hat his business %as %ith me= U$on %hich he desired + %ould #ive him a $articular audience" and he did not doubt of communicatin# somethin# that %ould conduce to my satisfaction and re$ose& As + thou#ht myself sufficiently #uarded a#ainst any violence" + #ranted his re-uest" and bade the %oman %ithdra%& The stran#er" then advancin#" #ave me to understand that he %as %ell ac-uainted %ith the $articulars of my story" havin# been informed of them from 1othario's o%n mouth//that from the time he kne% my misfortunes he had entertained a detestation for the author of them" %hich had of late been increased and inflamed to a desire of reven#e" by a $iece of dishonourable conduct to%ards him//that hearin# of my melancholy situation" he had come %ith an intention of offerin# his assistance and comfort" and %as ready to es$ouse my -uarrel" and forth%ith take ven#eance on my seducer" $rovided + %ould #rant him one consideration" %hich" he ho$ed" + should see no reason to refuse& Had all the artifice of hell been em$loyed in com$osin# a $ersuasive" it could not have had a more instantaneous or favourable effect than this discourse had u$on me& + %as trans$orted %ith a delirium of #loomy )oy& The contract %as made' he devoted himself to my reven#e" undertook to murder 1othario that very ni#ht" and to brin# me an account of his death before mornin#& Accordin#ly" about t%o of the clock" he %as introduced to my chamber" and assured me that my $erfidious lover %as no more( that althou#h he %as not entitled to such an honourable $roceedin#" he had fairly challen#ed him to

the field" %here he u$braided him %ith his treachery to%ards me" for %hom" he told me" his s%ord %as dra%n" and after a fe% $asses left him %elterin# in his blood& + %as so sava#ed by my %ron#s" that + deli#hted in the recital of this adventure" made him re$eat the $articulars& and feasted my eyes on the blood that remained on his clothes and s%ord& 0y ima#ination %as so en#rossed by these ideas" that in my slee$ + dreamed 1othario a$$eared before me $ale" man#led" and bloody" blamed my rashness" $rotested his innocence" and $leaded his cause so $athetically" that + %as convinced of his fidelity" and %aked in a fit of horror and remorse& + dro$$ed aslee$ a#ain" and the same a$$arition recurred to my fancy& +n short" + $assed the ni#ht in #reat misery" and looked u$on my aven#er %ith such abhorrence" that in the mornin#" $erceivin# my aversion" he insinuated there %as still a $ossibility of 1othario's recovery( it %as -uite true he left him %ounded on the #round" but not -uite dead" and $erha$s his hurts mi#ht not be mortal& At these %ords + started u$" bade him fly for intelli#ence" and if he could not brin# me tidin#s of 1othario's safety" at least consult his o%n" and never return' for + %as resolved to surrender myself to )ustice" and declare all + kne% of the affair" that" if $ossible + mi#ht e*$iate my o%n #uilt" by incurrin# the ri#ours of a sincere re$entance and i#nominious death& He very coolly re$resented the unreasonableness of my $re)udice a#ainst him" %ho had done nothin# but %hat his love of me ins$ired" and honour )ustified( that no% he had" at the risk of his life" been subservient to my reven#e" + %as about to discard him as an infamous a#ent" occasionally necessary' and that" even if he should be so lucky as to brin# ne%s of 1othario's safety" it %as $robable my former resentment mi#ht revive" and + %ould u$braid him %ith havin# failed in his undertakin#& + assured him" that on the contrary" he should be dearer to me than ever" as + then should be convinced he acted more on the $rinci$les of a man of honour than on those of a mercenary assassin" and scorned to take a%ay the life of an adversary" ho% inveterate soever" %hich fortune had $ut in his $o%er& 7,ell" then madam"7 said he" %hatever may have ha$$ened" + shall find it no difficult matter to ac-uit myself in $oint of honour'7 and took his leave in order to in-uire into the conse-uences of his duel& + %as no% more sensible than ever of the de#rees of #uilt and misery' all the affliction + had suffered hitherto %as o%in# to my o%n credulity and %eakness" and my conscience could only accuse me of venial crimes' but no% that + looked u$on myself as a murderer" it is im$ossible to e*$ress the terrors of my ima#ination" %hich %as incessantly haunted by the ima#e of the deceased" and my bosom stun# %ith the most e*-uisite a#onies" of %hich + sa% no end& At len#th" Horatio 5for so + shall call my ne% friend6 returned" and tellin# me + had nothin# to fear" delivered into my hands a billet containin# these %ords& 70adam" 7As + understand it is of conse-uence to your $eace" + take this liberty to inform you" that the %ounds + received from Horatio are not mortal& This satisfaction my humanity could not deny" even to a $erson %ho has endeavoured to disturb the re$ose as %ell as the life of 1othario&7 'Bein# %ell ac-uainted %ith this hand" + had no reason to sus$ect an im$osition in this letter" %hich + read over and over %ith a trans$ort of )oy" and caressed Horatio so much that he a$$eared the ha$$iest man alive& Thus %as + %on from des$air by the menaces

of a #reater misfortune than that %hich de$ressed me& 2riefs are like usur$ers"//the most $o%erful de$oses all the rest& But my ra$tures %ere not lastin#( that very letter %hich in a manner re/established my tran-uillity" in a little time banished my $eace& His un)ust re$roaches" %hile they %aked my resentment" recalled my former ha$$iness" and filled my soul %ith ra#e and sorro%& Horatio" $erceivin# the situation of my mind" endeavoured to divert my cha#rin" by treatin# me %ith all the amusements and entertainments of the to%n& + %as #ratified %ith every indul#ence + could desire' introduced into the com$any of %omen in my o%n situation" by %hom an uncommon deference %as $aid to me' and + be#an to lose all remembrance of my former condition" %hen an accident brou#ht it back to my vie% %ith all its interestin# circumstances& 9ivertin# myself one day %ith some ne%s$a$ers" %hich + had not before $erused" the follo%in# advertisement attracted my attention( '7,hereas a youn# #entle%oman disa$$eared from her father's house in the county of //" about the end of Se$tember" on account 5as is su$$osed6 of some uneasiness of mind" and has not been as yet heard of& ,hoever %ill #ive any information about her to 0r& // of 2ray's +nn" shall be handsomely re%arded' or if she %ill return to the arms of her disconsolate $arent" she %ill be received %ith the utmost tenderness" %hatever reason she may have to think other%ise" and may be the means of $rolon#in# the life of a father already %ei#hed do%n almost to the #rave %ith a#e and sorro%&7 'This $athetic remonstrance had such an effect on me" that + %as fully resolved to return" like the $rodi#al son" and im$lore the for#iveness of him %ho #ave me life' but" alas8 U$on in-uiry" + found he had $aid his debt to nature a month before" lamentin# my absence to his last hour" havin# left his fortune to a stran#er" as a mark of his resentment of my unkind and undutiful behaviour& Penetrated %ith remorse on this occasion" + sank into the most $rofound melancholy" and considered myself as the immediate cause of his death& + lost all relish for com$any' and" indeed" most of my ac-uaintances no sooner $erceived my chan#e of tem$er" than they abandoned me& Horatio" dis#usted at my insensibility" or from some other cause" became colder and colder every day" till at last he left me alto#ether" %ithout makin# any a$olo#y for his conduct" or securin# me a#ainst the miseries of %ant" as a man of honour ou#ht to have done" considerin# the share he had in my ruin' for + after%ards learned" that the -uarrel bet%een 1othario and him %as a story trum$ed u$ to rid the one of my im$ortunities" and #ive the other a recommendation to me" %hich" it seems" he desired" u$on seein# me at the house of my seducer& Reduced to this e*tremity" + cursed my o%n sim$licity" uttered horrid im$recations a#ainst the treachery of Horatio' and& as + became every day more and more familiarised to the loss of innocence" resolved to be reven#ed on the se* in #eneral" by $ractisin# their o%n arts u$on themselves& 4or %as an o$$ortunity lon# %antin#( an old #entle%oman" under $retence of sym$athisin#" visited me" and after havin# condoled me on my misfortunes" and $rofessed a disinterested friendshi$" be#an to dis$lay the art of her occu$ation" in encomiums on my beauty" and invectives a#ainst the %retch %ho had forsaken me' insinuatin# %ithal" that it %ould be my o%n fault if + did not still make my fortune by the e*traordinary -ualifications %ith %hich nature had endo%ed me& + soon understood her drift" and #ave her such encoura#ement to e*$lain herself" that %e came to an a#reement immediately to divide %hatever $rofits mi#ht accrue from such

#allants as she should introduce to my ac-uaintance& The first stroke of my dissimulation %as $ractised u$on a certain )ud#e" to %hom + %as recommended by this matron as an innocent creature )ust arrived from the country&' !HAPTER ..+++ 0iss ,illiams interru$ted by a bailiff" %ho carries her to the 0arshalsea//+ accom$any her//$rove she is not the $erson named in the %rit//the bailiff is fain to dischar#e her//%e shift our lod#in#//her story" and my reflections thereu$on/$ro#ress of a common %oman of the to%n//resolves to -uit that %ay of life Her story %as here interru$ted by a ra$ at the door" %hich + no sooner o$ened" than three or four terrible fello%s rushed in" one of %hom accosted my fello%/lod#er thus( 70adam" your servant//you must do me the favour to come alon# %ith me" + have a %rit a#ainst you&7 ,hile the bailiff 5for so he %as6 s$oke thus" his follo%ers surrounded the $risoner" and be#an to handle her very rou#hly& This treatment incensed me so much" that + snatched u$ the $oker and %ould certainly have used it in defence of the lady" %ithout any re#ard to the stren#th and number of her adversaries" had she not be##ed me" %ith a com$osure of countenance for %hich + could not account" to use no violence on her behalf" %hich could be of no service to her" but mi#ht be very detrimental to myself& Then turnin# to the leader of this formidable troo$" she desired to see the %rit" and havin# $erused it" said %ith a falterin# voice" 7+ am not the $erson %hose name is here mentioned" arrest me at your $eril&7 7Ay" ay" madam"7 re$lied the catch$ole& 7,e shall $rove your identity& +n the meantime" %hither %ill you be $leased to be carried" to my house" or to )ail=7 7+f + must be confined"7 said she" 7+ %ould rather be in your house than in a common )ail&7 7,ell" %ell"7 ans%ered he" 7if you have money enou#h in your $ocket" you shall be entertained like a $rincess&7 But %hen she ac-uainted him %ith her $overty" he s%ore he never #ave credit" and ordered one of his myrmidons to call a coach" to carry her to the 0arshalsea at once& ,hile they %aited for the convenience" she took me aside" and bade me be under no concern on her account" for she kne% ho% to e*tricate herself from this difficulty very soon" and $erha$s #ain somethin# by the occasion& Althou#h her discourse %as a mystery to me" + %as very %ell $leased %ith her assurance' and %hen the coach came to the door" + offered to accom$any her to $rison" to %hich $ro$osal" after much entreaty" she consented& ,hen %e arrived at the #ate of the 0arshalsea" our conductor ali#hted" and havin# demanded entrance" $resented the %rit to the turnkey" %ho no sooner $erceived the name of Eli3abeth !ary than he cried" 7Ah" ah( my old ac-uaintance Bet8 +'m #lad to see thee %ith all my heart&7 So sayin#" he o$ened the coach door" and hel$ed her to dismount' but %hen he observed her face" he started back" sayin#" 7,ho have %e #ot here=7 The bailiff" alarmed at this interro#ation" cried %ith some emotion" 7,ho should it be but the $risoner" Eli3abeth !ary=7 The turnkey re$lied" 7That Eli3abeth !ary8 +'ll be han#ed if that's Eli3abeth !ary more than my #randmother&7 Here the lady thou#ht fit to inter$ose" and tell the catch$ole" if he had taken her %ord for it at first" he mi#ht have saved himself and her a #reat deal of trouble& 7+t may be so"7 ans%ered he" 7but +'ll have further evidence that you are not the $erson" before you

and + $art&7 7>es" yes"7 said she" 7you shall have further evidence" to your cost&7 Then %e ad)ourned into the lod#e" and called for a bottle of %ine" %here my com$anion %rote a direction to t%o of her ac-uaintance" and be##ed the favour of me to #o to their lod#in#s" and re-uest them to come to her immediately& + found them to#ether at a house in Bryd#es Street" 9rury 1ane" and as they %ere luckily unen#a#ed" they set out %ith me in a hackney/coach %ithout hesitation" after + had related the circumstances of the affair" %hich flattered then %ith ho$es of seein# a bailiff trounced' for there is an anti$athy as natural bet%een %omen of that class and bailiffs" as that subsistin# bet%een mice and cats& Accordin#ly" %hen they entered the lod#e" they embraced the $risoner very affectionately by the name of 4ancy ,illiams" and asked ho% lon# she had been nabbed" and for %hat= On hearin# the $articulars of her adventure re$eated" they offered to s%ear before a )ustice of $eace that she %as not the $erson mentioned in the %rit" %hom" it seems" they all kne%' but the bailiff" %ho %as by the time convinced of his mistake" told them he %ould not $ut them to that trouble& 71adies"7 said he" 7there's no harm done//you shall #ive me leave to treat you %ith another bottle" and then %e'll $art friends&7 This $ro$osal %as not at all relished by the sisterhood( and 0iss ,illiams told him" sure he did not ima#ine her such a fool as to be satisfied %ith a $altry #lass of sour %ine= Here the turnkey interru$ted her by affirmin# %ith an oath" that the %ine %as as #ood as ever %as ti$$ed over ton#ue& 7,ell"7 continued she" 7that maybe' but %ere it the best of cham$a#ne" it is no recom$ense for the dama#e + have suffered both in character and health" by bein# %ron#fully dra##ed to )ail' at this rate" no innocent $erson is safe" since an officer of )ustice" out of malice" $rivate $i-ue" or mistake" may in)ure and o$$ress the sub)ect %ith im$unity' but" thank heaven" + live under the $rotection of la%s that %ill not suffer such insults to $ass un$unished" and + kno% very %ell ho% to $rocure redress&7 0r& ;ulture" for that %as the bailiff's name" findin# he had to deal %ith one %ho %ould not be im$osed u$on" be#an to look very sullen and $er$le*ed" and" leanin# his forehead on his hand" entered into a deliberation %ith himself" %hich lasted a fe% minutes" and then broke out in a volley of dreadful curses a#ainst the old )ade our landlady" as he called her" for havin# misinformed him& After much %ran#lin# and s%earin#" the matter %as referred to the decision of the turnkey" %ho callin# for the other bottle" mulcted the bailiff in all the li-uor that had been drunk" coach hire" and a cou$le of #uineas for the use of the $laintiff& The money %as immediately de$osited' 0iss ,illiams #ratified the t%o evidences %ith one half" and $uttin# the other in her $ocket drove borne %ith me" leavin# the catch$ole #rumblin# over his loss" yet $leased in the main" for havin# so chea$ly #ot clear of a business that mi#ht have cost him ten times the sum" and his $lace to boot& This #uinea %as a very seasonable relief to us" %ho %ere reduced to #reat necessity" si* of my shirts" and almost all my clothes" e*ce$t those on my back" havin# been either $a%ned or sold for our maintenance before this ha$$ened& As %e resented the behaviour of our landlady" our first care %as to $rovide ourselves %ith another lod#in#" %hither %e removed ne*t day" %ith an intention to kee$ ourselves as retired as $ossible" until our cure should be com$leted& ,hen %e %ere fi*ed in our ne% habitation" + entreated her to finish the story of her life" %hich she $ursued in this manner(// 'The success of our e*$eriment on the )ud#e encoura#ed us to

$ractice the same deceit on others' but this harvest lasted not lon#" my character takin# air" and my directress desertin# me for some ne% #ame& Then + took lod#in#s near !harin#/!ross" at t%o #uineas a %eek" and be#an to entertain com$any in a $ublic manner' but my income bein# too small to defray my e*$enses" + %as obli#ed to retrench" and enter into articles %ith the $orters of certain taverns" %ho undertook to find em$loyment enou#h for me" $rovided + %ould share my $rofits %ith them& Accordin#ly" + %as almost every ni#ht en#a#ed %ith com$any" amon# %hom + %as e*$osed to every mortification" dan#er" and abuse" that flo% from drunkenness and brutality& As my s$irit %as not sufficiently humbled to the %ill" nor my tem$er calculated for the conversation of my #allants" it %as im$ossible for me to overcome an aversion + felt for my $rofession" %hich manifested itself in a settled #loom on my countenance" and dis#usted those sons of mirth and riot so much" that + %as fre-uently used in a shockin# manner" and kicked do%n stairs %ith dis#race& The messen#ers" seein# me disa#reeable to their benefactors and em$loyers" seldom troubled me %ith a call" and + be#an to find myself almost totally ne#lected& 'To contribute to%ards my su$$ort + %as fain to sell my %atch" rin#s" trinkets" %ith the best $art of my clothes' and + %as one evenin# musin# by myself on misery before me %hen + received a messa#e from a tavern" %hither + re$aired in a chair" and %as introduced to a #entleman dressed like an officer" %ith %hom + su$$ed in a sum$tuous manner& +n the mornin#" %hen + a%oke" + found my #allant had #ot u$" and" dra%in# aside the curtain" could not $erceive him in the room& + %aited a full hour for his return" and then in the #reatest $er$le*ity" rose u$ and ran# the bell& ,hen the %aiter came to the door" he found it locked" and desired admittance" %hich + #ranted" after observin#" %ith #reat sur$rise" that the key remained on the inside" as %hen %e %ent to bed& + no sooner in-uired for the ca$tain" than the fello%" starin# %ith a distracted look" cried" 7Ho%" madam" is he not abed=7 And %hen he %as satisfied as to that $articular" ran into a closet ad)oinin# to the chamber" the %indo% of %hich he found o$en& Throu#h this the adventurer had #ot u$on a %all" front %hence he dro$$ed do%n into a court and esca$ed" leavin# me to be ans%erable not only for the reckonin#" but also for a lar#e silver tankard and $osset/bo%l" %hich he had carried off %ith him& '+t is im$ossible to describe the consternation + %as under" %hen + sa% myself detained as a thief's accom$lice' for + %as looked u$on in that li#ht" and carried before a )ustice" %ho mistakin# my confusion for a si#n of #uilt committed me" after a short e*amination" to Bride%ell" havin# admonished me" as the only means to save my life" to turn evidence" and im$each my confederate& + no% concluded the ven#eance of Heaven had overtaken me" and that + must soon finish my career by an i#nominious death& This reflection sank so dee$ into my soul" that + %as for some days de$rived of my reason" and actually believed myself in hell" tormented by fiends& +ndeed" there needs not a very e*trava#ant ima#ination to form that idea( for of all the scenes on earth that of Bride%ell a$$roaches nearest the notion + had al%ays entertained of the re#ions& Here + sa% nothin# but ra#e" an#uish and im$iety" and heard nothin# but #roans" curses" and blas$hemy& +n the midst of this hellish cre%" + %as sub)ected to the tyranny of a barbarian" %ho im$osed u$on me tasks that + could not $ossibly $erform" and then $unished my inca$acity %ith the utmost ri#our and inhumanity& + %as often

%hi$$ed into a s%oon" and lashed out of it 5durin# %hich miserable interval" + %as robbed by my fello%/$risoners of everythin# about me" even to my ca$" shoes" and stockin#s6( + %as not only destitute of necessaries" but even of food" so that my %retchedness %as e*treme& 4ot one of my ac-uaintance to %hom + im$arted my situation" %ould #rant me the least succour or re#ard" on $retence of my bein# committed for theft" and my landlord refused to $art %ith some of my o%n clothes %hich + sent for" because + %as indebted to him for a %eek's lod#in#& 'Over%helmed %ith calamity" + #re% des$erate" and resolved to $ut an end to my #rievances and life to#ether( for this $ur$ose + #ot u$ in the middle of the ni#ht" %hen + thou#ht everybody around me aslee$" and fi*in# one end of a lar#e hook in the ceilin#" that su$$orted the scales on %hich the hem$ is %ei#hed" + stood u$on a chair" and makin# a noose on the other end" $ut my neck into ii %ith an intention to han# myself' but before + could ad)ust the knot + %as sur$rised and $revented by t%o %omen" %ho had been a%ake all the %hile and sus$ected my desi#n& +n the mornin#" my attem$t %as $ublished amon# the $risoners and $unished %ith thirty stri$es" the $ain of %hich" co/o$eratin# %ith my disa$$ointment and dis#race" bereft me of my senses" and thre% me into an ecstacy of madness" durin# %hich + tore the flesh from my bones %ith my teeth" and dashed my head a#ainst the $avement' so that they %ere obli#ed to set a %atch over me" to restrain me from doin# further mischief to myself and others& This fit of fren3y continued three days" at the end of %hich + #re% calm and sullen( but as the desire of makin# a%ay %ith myself still remained" + came to a determination of starvin# myself to death" and %ith that vie% refused all sustenance& ',hether it %as o%in# to the %ant of o$$osition" or to the %eakness of nature" + kno% not' but on the second day of my fast" + found my resolution considerably im$aired" and the calls of hun#er almost insu$$ortable& At this critical con)uncture a lady %as brou#ht into the $rison" %ith %hom + had contracted an ac-uaintance %hile + lived %ith Horatio' she %as then on the same footin# as + %as" but after%ards -uarrellin# %ith her #allant" and not findin# another to her mind" altered her scheme of life" and set u$ a coffee/house amon# the hundreds in 9rury" %here she entertained #entlemen %ith claret" arrack" and the choice of half/a/do3en damsels %ho lived in her house& This serviceable matron havin# ne#lected to #ratify a certain )ustice for the connivance she en)oyed" %as indicted at the -uarter sessions" in conse-uence of %hich her bevy %as dis$ersed" and herself committed to Bride%ell& She had not been lon# there before she learned my disaster" and comin# u$ to me" after a com$liment of condolence" in-uired into the $articulars of my fate& ,hile %e %ere en#a#ed in discourse to#ether" the master came and told me" that the fello% on %hose account + had suffered %as taken" that he had confessed the theft" and cleared me of any concern in the affair' for %hich reason he" the master" had orders to dischar#e me" and that + %as from that moment free& 'This $iece of ne%s soon banished all thou#hts of death" and had such an instantaneous effect on my countenance" that 0rs& !ou$ler 5the lady then $resent6" ho$in# to find her account in me" very #enerously offered to furnish me %ith %hat necessaries + %anted" and take me into her o%n house as soon as she could com$romise matters %ith the )ustices& The conditions of her offer %ere" that + should $ay three #uineas %eekly for my board" and a reasonable

consideration besides" for the use of such clothes and ornaments as she should su$$ly me %ith" to be deducted from the first $rofits of my occu$ation& These %ere hard terms" but not to be re)ected by one %ho %as turned out hel$less and naked into the %ide %orld" %ithout a friend to $ity or assist her& + therefore embraced her $ro$osal" and she bein# bailed in a fe% hours" took me home %ith her in a coach& As + %as by this time conscious of havin# formerly dis#usted my admirers by my reserved loud hau#hty behaviour" + no% endeavoured to con-uer that dis$osition" and the sudden chan#e of my fortune #ivin# me a flo% of s$irits" + a$$eared in the most %innin# and #ay manner + could assume& Havin# the advanta#e of a #ood voice and education" + e*erted my talents to the uttermost" and soon became the favourite %ith all com$any& This success alarmed the $ride and )ealousy of 0rs& !ou$ler" %ho could not bear the thou#hts of bein# ecli$sed( she therefore made a merit of her envy" and %his$ered amon# the customers that + %as unsound& There needed no more to ruin my re$utation and blast my $ros$erity' everybody shunned me %ith marks of aversion and disdain" and in a very short time + %as as solitary as ever& ,ant of #allants %as attended %ith %ant of money to satisfy my malicious landlady" %ho havin# $ur$osely #iven me credit to the amount of eleven $ounds" took out a %rit a#ainst me and + %as arrested in her o%n house& Thou#h the room %as cro%ded %ith $eo$le %hen the bailiff entered" not one of them had com$assion enou#h to mollify my $rosecutri*" far less to $ay the debt' they even lau#hed at my tears" and one of them bade me be of #ood cheer" for + should not %ant admirers in 4e%#ate& 'At this instant a sea/lieutenant came in" and seein# my $li#ht" be#an to in-uire into the circumstances of my misfortune& 7Harkee" my #irl"7 he in-uired 7ho% far have you overrun the constable=7 + told him that the debt amounted to eleven $ounds" besides the e*$enses of the %rit& 7An that be all"7 said he" 7you shan't #o to the bilboes this bout&7 And takin# out his $urse" he $aid the money" dischar#ed the bailiff" and tellin# me + had #ot into the %ron# $ort" advised me to seek out a more convenient harbour" %here + could be safely hove do%n' for %hich $ur$ose he made me a $resent of five #uineas more& + %as so touched %ith this sin#ular $iece of #enerosity" that for some time + had not $o%er to thank him& Ho%ever" as soon as + recollected myself" + be##ed the favour of him to #o %ith me to the ne*t tavern" %here + e*$lained the nature of my disaster" and convinced him of the falsehood of %hat %as re$orted to my $re)udice so effectually" that he from that moment attached himself to me" and %e lived in #reat harmony to#ether" until he %as obli#ed to #o to sea" %here he $erished in a storm& 'Havin# lost my benefactor" and almost consumed the remains of his bounty" + sa% myself in dan#er of rela$sin# into my former necessity" and be#an to be very uneasy at the $ros$ect of bailiffs and )ails8 %hen one of the sisterhood advised me to take lod#in#s in a $art of the to%n %here + %as unkno%n" and $ass for an heiress" by %hich artifice + mi#ht entra$ somebody to be my husband" %ho %ould $ossibly be able to allo% me a handsome maintenance" or at %orst screen me from the dread and dan#er of a $rison" by becomin# liable for %hatever debts + should contract& + a$$roved of this scheme" to%ards the e*ecution of %hich my com$anion clubbed her %ardrobe" and undertook to live %ith me in -uality of my maid" %ith the $roviso that she should be reimbursed and handsomely considered out of the $rofits of my success& She %as immediately detached to look out for a

convenient $lace" and that very day hired a #enteel a$artment in Park Street" %hither + moved in a couch loaded %ith her ba##a#e" and my o%n& + made my first a$$earance in a blue ridin# habit trimmed %ith silver' and my maid acted her $art so artfully" that in a day or t%o my fame s$read all over the nei#hbourhood" and + %as said to be a rich heiress )ust arrived from the country& This re$ort brou#ht a s%arm of #ay youn# fello%s about me' but + soon found them to be all indi#ent adventurers like myself" %ho cro%ded to me like cro%s to a carrion" %ith a vie% of $reyin# u$on my fortune& + maintained" ho%ever" the a$$earance of %ealth as lon# as $ossible" in ho$es of #ainin# some admirer more for my $ur$ose" and at len#th attracted the re#ard of one %ho %ould have satisfied my %ishes" and mana#ed matters so %ell" that a day %as actually fi*ed for our nu$tials& +n the interim" he be##ed leave to introduce an intimate friend to me" %hich re-uest" as + could not refuse" + had the e*treme mortification and sur$rise to see" ne*t ni#ht" in that friend" my old kee$er Horatio" %ho no sooner beheld me than he chan#ed colour" but had $resence of mind to advance and salute me" biddin# me 5%ith a lo% voice6 be under no a$$rehension" for he %ould not e*$ose me& +n s$ite of his assurance" + could not recover myself so far as to entertain them" but %ithdre% to my chamber on $retence of a severe headache" to the no small concern of my adorer" %ho took his leave in the tenderest manner" and %ent off %ith his friend& 'Havin# im$arted my situation to my com$anion" she found it hi#h time for us to decam$" and that %ithout any noise" because %e %ere not only indebted to our landlady" but also to several tradesmen in the nei#hbourhood& Our retreat" therefore" %as concerted and e*ecuted in this manner( Havin# $acked u$ all our clothes and moveables in small $arcels" she 5on $retence of fetchin# cordials for me6 carried them at several times to the house of an ac-uaintance" %here she like%ise $rocured a lod#in#" to %hich %e retired in the middle of the ni#ht" %hen every other body in the house %as aslee$& + %as no% obli#ed to aim at lo%er #ame" and accordin#ly s$read my nets amon# trades$eo$le" but found them all too $hle#matic or cautious for my art and attractions" till at last + became ac-uainted %ith you" on %hom + $ractised all my de*terity' not that + believed you had any fortune" or e*$ectation of me" but that + mi#ht transfer the burden of such debts as + had incurred" or should contract" from myself to another" and at the same time aven#e myself of your se*" by renderin# miserable one %ho bore such resemblance to the %retch %ho ruined me' but Heaven $reserved you from my snares by the discovery you made" %hich %as o%in# to the ne#li#ence of my maid in leavin# the chamber/door unlocked %hen she %ent to buy su#ar for breakfast& ,hen + found myself detected and forsaken by you" + %as fain to move my lod#in#" and d%ell t%o $air of stairs hi#her than before& 0y com$anion" bein# disa$$ointed in her e*$ectations" left me" and + had no other resource than to venture forth" like the o%ls in the dark" to $ick u$ a $recarious and uncomfortable subsistence& + have often sauntered bet%een 1ud#ate Hill and !harin# !ross a %hole %inter ni#ht" e*$osed not only to the inclemency of the %eather" but like%ise to the ra#e of hun#er and thirst" %ithout bein# so ha$$y as to meet %ith one du$e" then cree$ u$ to my #arret" in a de$lorable dra##led condition" sneak to bed" and try to bury my a$$etite and sorro%s in slee$& ,hen + li#hted on some rake or tradesman reelin# home drunk" + fre-uently suffered the most brutal treatment" in s$ite of %hich + %as obli#ed to affect #aiety and #ood humour" thou#h my soul %as stun# %ith resentment and disdain" and my heart loaded %ith #rief and affliction& +n the course of

these nocturnal adventures" + %as infected %ith the disease" that in a short time rendered me the ob)ect of my o%n abhorrence" and drove me to the retreat %here your benevolence rescued me from the )a%s of death&' So much candour and #ood sense a$$eared in this lady's narration" that + made no scru$le of believin# every syllable of %hat she said" and e*$ressed my astonishment at the variety of miseries she had under#one in so little time" for all her misfortunes had ha$$ened %ithin the com$ass of t%o years' + com$ared her situation %ith my o%n" and found it a thousand times more %retched& + had endured hardshi$s" 'tis true//my %hole life had been a series of such' and %hen + looked for%ard" the $ros$ect %as not much bettered" but then they %ere become habitual to me" and conse-uently + could bear them %ith less difficulty& +f one scheme of life should not succeed" + could have recourse to another" and so to a third" veerin# about to a thousand different shifts" accordin# to the emer#encies of my fate" %ithout forfeitin# the di#nity of my character beyond a $o%er of retrievin# it" or sub)ectin# myself %holly to the ca$rice and barbarity of the %orld& On the other hand" she had kno%n and relished the s%eets of $ros$erity" she had been brou#ht u$ under the %in#s of an indul#ent $arent" in all the delicacies to %hich her se* and rank entitled her' and %ithout any e*trava#ance of ho$e" entertained herself %ith the vie% of uninterru$ted ha$$iness throu#h the %hole scene of life& Ho% fatal then" ho% tormentin#" ho% intolerable" must her reverse of fortune be8//a reverse" that not only robs her of these e*ternal comforts" and $lun#es her into all the miseries of %ant" but also murders her $eace of mind" and entails u$on her the curse of eternal infamy8 Of all $rofessions + $ronounced that of a courtesan the most de$lorable" and her of all courtesans the most unha$$y& She allo%ed my observation to be )ust in the main" but at the same time affirmed that not%ithstandin# the dis#races %hich had fallen to her share" she had not been so unlucky in the condition of a $rostitute as many others of the same community& 7+ have often seen"7 said she" 7%hile + strolled about the streets at midni#ht" a number of naked %retches reduced to ra#s and filth" huddled to#ether like s%ine" in the corner of a dark alley" some of %hom" but ei#hteen months before" + had kno%n the favourites of the to%n" rollin# in affluence" and #litterin# in all the $om$ of e-ui$a#e and dress& 0iserable %retch that + am8 $erha$s the same horrors are decreed for me87 74o87 cried she" after some $ause" 7+ shall never live to such e*tremity of distress' my o%n hand shall o$en a %ay for my deliverance" before + arrive at that forlorn $eriod87 Her condition filled me %ith sym$athy and com$assion( + revered her -ualifications" looked u$on her as unfortunate" not criminal" and attended her %ith such care and success" that in less than t%o months her health" as %ell as my o%n" %as $erfectly re/established& As %e often conferred u$on our mutual affairs" and interchan#ed advice" a thousand different $ro)ects %ere formed" %hich" u$on further canvassin#" a$$eared im$racticable& ,e %ould have #ladly #one to service" but %ho %ould take us in %ithout recommendation= At len#th an e*$edient occurred to her" of %hich she intended to lay hold' and this %as" to $rocure %ith the first money she should earn" the homely #arb of a country %ench" #o to some villa#e at a #ood distance from to%n" and come u$ in a %a##on" as a fresh #irl for service( by %hich means she mi#ht be $rovided for" in a manner much more suitable to her inclination than her $resent %ay of life&

!HAPTER ..+; + am reduced to a #reat misery//assaulted on To%er Hill by a $ress/#an#" %ho $ut me on board a tender//my usa#e there//my arrival on board at a man/of/%ar" %here + am $ut in irons" and released by the #ood offices of 0r& Thom$son" %ho recommends me as assistant to the sur#eon///he relates his o%n story//characters of the ca$tain" sur#eon" and first mate + a$$lauded the resolution of 0iss ,illiams" %ho a fe% days after" %as hired in -uality of bar/kee$er" by one of the ladies %ho had %itnessed in her behalf at the 0arshalsea" and %ho since that time had #ot credit %ith a %ine merchant" %hose favourite she %as" to set u$ a convenient house of her o%n& Thither my fello%/lod#er re$aired" after havin# taken leave of me %ith a torrent of tears" and a thousand $rotestations of eternal #ratitude' assurin# me she %ould remain in this situation no lon#er than she could $ick u$ money sufficient to $ut her other desi#n in e*ecution& As for my o%n $art" + sa% no resource but the army or navy" bet%een %hich + hesitated so lon# that + found myself reduced to a starvin# condition& 0y s$irit be#an to accommodate itself to my be##arly fate" and + became so mean as to #o do%n to%ards ,a$$in#" %ith an intention to in-uire for an old schoolfello%" %ho" + understood" had #ot the command of a small coastin# vessel then in the river" and im$lore his assistance& But my destiny $revented this ab)ect $iece of behaviour' for as + crossed To%er ,harf" a s-uat ta%ny fello% %ith a han#er by his side" and a cud#el in his hand came u$ to me" callin#" 7>o ho8 brother" you must come alon# %ith me&7 As + did not like his a$$earance" instead of ans%erin# his salutation" + -uickened my $ace" in ho$e of riddin# myself of his com$any' u$on %hich he %histled aloud" and immediately another sailor a$$eared before me" %ho laid hold of me by the collar" and be#an to dra# me alon#& 4ot bein# in a humour to relish such treatment" + disen#a#ed myself of the assailant" and" %ith one blo% of my cud#el" laid him motionless on the #round' and $erceivin# myself surrounded in a trice by ten or a do3en more" e*erted myself %ith such de*terity and success" that some of my o$$onents %ere fain to attack me %ith dra%n cutlasses' and after an obstinate en#a#ement" in %hich + received a lar#e %ound on my head" and another on my left cheek" + %as disarmed" taken $risoner" and carried on board a $ressin# tender" %here" after bein# $inioned like a malefactor" + %as thrust do%n into the hold amon# a $arcel of miserable %retches" the si#ht of %hom %ell ni#h distracted me& As the commandin# officer had not humanity enou#h to order my %ounds to be dressed" and + could not use my o%n hands" + desired one of my fello% ca$tives %ho %as unfettered" to take a handkerchief out of my $ocket" and tie it round my head" to sto$ the bleedin#& He $ulled out my handkerchief" 'tis true" but instead of a$$lyin# it to the use for %hich + desi#ned it" %ent to the #ratin# of the hatch%ay" and" %ith astonishin# com$osure" sold it before my face to a bumboat %oman KCL then on board" for a -uart of #in" %ith %hich he treated his com$anions" re#ardless of my circumstances and entreaties& KCL A Bumboat %oman is one %ho sells bread" cheese" #reens" li-uor" and fresh $otatoes to the sailors" in a small boat that lies alon#side the shi$

+ com$lained bitterly of this robbery to the midshi$man on deck" tellin# him at the same time" that unless my hurts %ere dressed" + should bleed to death& But com$assion %as a %eakness of %hich no man could )ustly accuse this $erson" %ho" s-uirtin# a mouthful of dissolved tobacco u$on me throu#h the #ratin#s" told me 7+ %as a mutinous do#" and that + mi#ht die for anythin# he cared87 indin# there %as no other remedy" + a$$ealed to $atience" and laid u$ this usa#e in my memory" to be called at a more fittin# o$$ortunity& +n the meantime" loss of blood" ve*ation" and %ant of food" contributed" %ith the noisome stench of the $lace" to thro% me into a s%oon" out of %hich + %as recovered by a t%eak of the nose" administered by the tar %ho stood sentinel over us" %ho at the same time re#aled me %ith a drau#ht of fli$" and comforted me %ith the ho$es of bein# $ut on board of the Thunder ne*t day" %here + should be freed of my handcuffs" and cured of my %ounds by the doctor& + no sooner beard him name the Thunder" than + asked if he had belon#ed to that shi$ lon#' and be #ivin# me to understand he had belon#ed to her five years" + in-uired if he kne% 1ieutenant Bo%lin#= 7<no% 1ieutenant Bo%lin#87 said he" 7Odds my life8 and that + do' and a #ood seaman he is as ever ste$$ed u$on forecastle" and a brave fello% as ever cracked biscuit//none of your 2uinea $i#s" nor your fresh %ater" %ish/%ashy" fair/%eather fo%ls& 0any a tau#t #ale of %ind have honest Tom Bo%lin# and + %eathered to#ether& Here's his health" %ith all my heart( %herever he is" a/loft" or a/lo%" the lieutenant needs not be ashamed to sho% himself&7 + %as so much affected %ith this eulo#ium" that + could not refrain from tellin# him that + %as 1ieutenant Bo%lin#'s kinsman' in conse-uence of %hich connection" he e*$ressed his inclination to serve me" and %hen he %as relieved" brou#ht some cold boiled beef in a $latter" and biscuit" on %hich %e su$$ed $lentifully" and after%ards drank another can of fli$ to#ether& ,hile %e %ere thus en#a#ed" he recounted a #reat many e*$loits of my uncle" %ho" + found" %as very much beloved by the shi$'s com$any" and $itied for the misfortune that had ha$$ened to him in His$aniola" %hich + %as very #lad to be informed %as not so #reat as + ima#ined' for !a$tain Oakum had recovered of his %ounds" and actually at that time commanded the shi$& Havin# by accident" in my $ocket" my uncle's letter" %ritten from Port 1ouis" + #ave it my benefactor 5%hose name %as :ack Rattlin6 for his $erusal' but honest :ack told me frankly he could not read" and desired to kno% the contents" %hich + immediately communicated& ,hen he heard that $art of it in %hich he says he had %ritten to his landlord in 9eal" he cried" 7Body o' me8 that %as old Ben Block' he %as dead before the letter came to hand& Ey" ey" had Ben been alive" 1ieutenant Bo%lin# %ould have had no occasion to skulk so lon#& Honest Ben %as the first man that tau#ht him to hand" reef" and steer& ,ell" %ell" %e must all die" that's certain//%e must all come to $ort sooner or later" at sea or on shore//%e must be fast moored one day( death's like the best bo%er anchor" as the sayin# is//it %ill brin# us all u$&7 + could not but si#nify my a$$robation of the )ustness of :ack's reflections" and in-uired into the occasion of the -uarrel bet%een !a$tain Oakum and my uncle" %hich he e*$lained in this manner( 7!a$tain Oakum" to be sure" is a #ood man enou#h//besides" he's my commander' but %hat's that to me= + do my duty" and value no man's an#er of a ro$e's end& 4o% the re$ort #oes" as ho% he's a lord" or baron kni#ht's brother" %hereby 5d'ye see me"6 he carries a strai#ht arm" and kee$s aloof from his officers" thof mayha$ they may be as #ood men in the main as he&

4o% %e lyin# at anchor in Tuberon Bay" 1ieutenant Bo%lin# had the middle %atch" and as he al%ays ke$t a #ood look out" he made 5d'ye see6 three li#hts in the offin#" %hereby he ran do%n to the #reat cabin for orders" and found the ca$tain aslee$' %hereu$on he %aked him" %hich $ut him in a main hi#h $assion" and he s%ore %oundily at the lieutenant" and called him lousy Scotch son of a %hore 5for" + bein# then sentinel in the steera#e" heard all6" and s%ab" and lubber" %hereby the lieutenant returned the salute" and they )a%ed to#ether fore and aft a #ood s$ell" till at last the ca$tain turned out" and" layin# hold of a rattan" came ath%art 0r& Bo%lin#'s -uarter( %hereby he told the ca$tain that" if he %as not his commander" he %ould heave him overboard" and demanded satisfaction ashore' %hereby in the mornin# %atch" the ca$tain %ent ashore in the $innace" and after%ards the lieutenant carried the cutter ashore" and so they" leavin# the boats' cre%s on their oars" %ent a%ay to#ether' and so 5d'ye see6 in less than a -uarter of an hour %e heard firin#" %hereby %e made for the $lace" and found the ca$tain lyin# %ounded on the beach" and so brou#ht him on board to the doctor" %ho cured him in less than si* %eeks& But the lieutenant cla$$ed on all the sail he could bear" and had #ot far enou#h ahead before %e kne% anythin# of the matter' so that %e could never after #et si#ht of him" for %hich %e %ere not sorry" because the ca$tain %as mainly %rath" and %ould certainly have done him a mischief' for he after%ards caused him to be run on the shi$'s books" %hereby he lost all his $ay" and" if he should be taken" %ould be tried as a deserter&7 This account of the ca$tain's behaviour #ave me no advanta#eous idea of his character' and + could not hel$ lamentin# my o%n fate" that had sub)ected me to such a commander& Ho%ever" makin# a virtue of necessity" + $ut a #ood face on the matter" and ne*t day" %as" %ith the other $ressed men" $ut on board of the 7Thunder"7 lyin# at the 4ore& ,hen %e came alon#side" the mate" %ho #uarded us thither" ordered my handcuffs to be taken off" that + mi#ht #et on board the easier' this circumstance bein# $erceived by some of the com$any %ho stood u$on the #an#board to see us enter" one of them called to :ack Rattlin" %ho %as busied in doin# this friendly office for me" 7Hey" :ack" %hat 4e%#ate #alley have you boarded in the river as you came alon#= Have %e not thieves eno% amon# us already=7 Another" observin# my %ounds" %hich remained e*$osed to the air" told me" my seams %ere uncaulked" and that + must be ne% $ayed& A third" seein# my hair clotted to#ether %ith blood" as it %ere into distinct cords" took notice" that my bo%s %ere mended %ith the red ro$es" instead of my side& A fourth asked me" if + could not kee$ my yards s-uare %ithout iron braces= And" in short" a thousand %itticisms of the same nature %ere $assed u$on me before + could #et u$ the shi$'s side& After %e had been all entered u$on the shi$'s books" + in-uired of one of my shi$mates %here the sur#eon %as" that + mi#ht have my %ounds dressed" and had actually #ot as far as the middle deck 5for our shi$ carried ei#hty #uns6" in my %ay to the cock$it" %hen + %as met by the same midshi$man %ho had used me so barbarously in the tender( he" seein# me free from my chains" asked" %ith an insolent air" %ho had released me= To this -uestion" + foolishly ans%ered" %ith a countenance that too $lainly declared the state of my thou#hts" 7,hoever did it" + am $ersuaded did not consult you in the affair&7 + had no sooner uttered these %ords" than he cried" 79amn you" you saucy son of a hitch" +'ll teach you to talk so to your officer&7 So sayin#" he besto%ed on me several severe

stri$es %ith a su$$le )ack he had in his hand( and" #oin# to the commandin# officer" made such a re$ort of me" that + %as immediately $ut in irons by the master/at/arms" and a sentinel $laced over me& Honest Rattlin" as soon as he heard of my condition" came to me" and administered all the consolation he could" and then %ent to the sur#eon in my behalf" %ho sent one of his mates to dress my %ounds& This mate %as no other than my old friend Thom$son" %ith %hom + became ac-uainted at the 4avy Office" as before mentioned& +f + kne% him at first si#ht" it %as not easy for him to reco#nise me" disfi#ured %ith blood and dirt" and altered by the misery + had under#one& Unkno%n as + %as to him" he surveyed me %ith looks of com$assion" and handled my sores %ith #reat tenderness& ,hen he had a$$lied %hat he thou#ht $ro$er" and %as about to leave me" + asked him if my misfortunes had dis#uised me so much that he could not recollect my face= U$on this address he observed me %ith #reat earnestness for some time" and at len#th $rotested he could not recollect one feature of my countenance& To kee$ him no lon#er in sus$ense" + told him my name" %hich %hen he heard" he embraced me %ith affection" and $rofessed his sorro% at seein# me in such a disa#reeable situation& + made him ac-uainted %ith my story" and" %hen he heard ho% inhumanly + had been used in the tender" he left me abru$tly" assurin# me + should see him a#ain soon& + had scarce time to %onder at his sudden de$arture" %hen the master/at/arms came to the $lace of my confinement" and bade me follo% him to the -uarter/deck" %here + %as e*amined by the first lieutenant" %ho commanded the shi$ in the absence of the ca$tain" touchin# the treatment + had received in the tender from my friend the midshi$man" %ho %as $resent to confront me& + recounted the $articulars of his behaviour to me" not only in the tender" but since my bein# on board the shi$" $art of %hich bein# $roved by the evidence of :ack Rattlin and others" %ho had no #reat devotion for my o$$ressor" + %as dischar#ed from confinement" to make %ay for him" %ho %as delivered to the master/at/arms to take his turn in the bilboes& And this %as not the only satisfaction + en)oyed" for + %as" at the re-uest of the sur#eon" e*em$ted from all other duty than that of assistin# his mates" in makin# and administerin# medicines to the sick& This #ood office + o%ed to the friendshi$ of 0r& Thom$son" %ho had re$resented me in such a favourable li#ht to the sur#eon" that be demanded me of the lieutenant to su$$ly the $lace of his third mate" %ho %as lately dead& ,hen + had obtained this favour" my friend Thom$son carried me do%n to the cock$it" %hich is the $lace allotted for the habitation of the sur#eon's mates' and %hen he had sho%n me their berth 5as he called it6" + %as filled %ith astonishment and horror" ,e descended by divers ladders to a s$ace as dark as a dun#eon" %hich" + understood" %as immersed several feet under %ater" bein# immediately above the hold& + had no sooner a$$roached this dismal #ul$h" than my nose %as saluted %ith an intolerable stench of $utrified cheese and rancid butter" that issued from an a$artment at the foot of the ladder" resemblin# a chandler's sho$" %here" by the faint #limmerin# of a candle" + could $erceive a man %ith a $ale" mea#re countenance" sittin# behind a kind of desk" havin# s$ectacles on his nose" and a $en in his hand& This 5+ learned of 0r& Thom$son6 %as the shi$'s ste%ard" %ho sat there to distribute $rovision to the several messes" and to mark %hat each received& He therefore $resented my name to him" and desired + mi#ht be entered in his mess' then" takin# a li#ht in his hand" conducted me to the $lace of his residence" %hich %as a s-uare of about si* feet" surrounded %ith the medicine/chest"

that of the first mate" his o%n" and a board by %ay of table fastened to the after $o%der room' it %as also inclosed %ith canvas nailed round to the beams of the shi$" to screen us from the cold" as %ell as from the vie% of the midshi$men and -uartermaster" %ho lod#ed %ithin the cable/tiers on each side of us& +n this #loomy mansion he entertained me %ith some cold suit $ork" %hich he brou#ht from a sort of locker" fi*ed above the table( and callin# for the boy of the mess" sent for a can of beer" of %hich he made e*cellent fli$ to cro%n the ban-uet& By this time + be#an to recover my s$irits" %hich had been e*ceedin#ly de$ressed %ith the a$$earance of everythin# about me" and could no lon#er refrain from askin# the $articulars of 0r& Thom$son's fortune since + had seen him in 1ondon& He told me" that bein# disa$$ointed in his e*$ectations of borro%in# money to #ratify the ra$acious s//t//ry at the 4avy Office" he found himself utterly unable to subsist any lon#er in to%n" and had actually offered his service" in -uality of mate" to the sur#eon of a merchant shi$" bound to 2uinea on the slavin# trade' %hen" one mornin#" a youn# fello%" of %hom he had some ac-uaintance" came to his lod#in#s" and informed him that he had seen a %arrant made out in his name at the 4avy Office" for sur#eon's second mate of a third/rate& This une*$ected $iece of #ood ne%s he could scarcely believe to be true" more es$ecially as he had been found -ualified at Sur#eons' Hall for third mate only' but that he mi#ht not be %antin# to himself" he %ent thither to be assured" and actually found it so( %hereu$on" demandin# his %arrant" it %as delivered to him" and the oaths administered immediately& That very afternoon he %ent to 2ravesend in the tilt/boat" from %hence he took $lace in the tide/coach for Rochester' ne*t mornin# #ot on board the 7Thunder"7 for %hich he %as a$$ointed" then lyin# in the harbour at !hatham' and the same day %as mustered by the clerk of the chec-ue& And %ell it %as for him that such e*$edition %as used' for" in less than t%elve hours after his arrival" another ,illiam Thom$son came on board" affirmin# that he %as the $erson for %hom the %arrant %as e*$edited" and that the other %as an im$ostor& 0y friend %as #rievously alarmed at this accident" the more so" as his namesake had very much the advanta#e over him both in assurance and dress& Ho%ever" to ac-uit himself of the sus$icion of im$osture" he $roduced several letters %ritten from Scotland to him in that name" and" recollectin# that his indentures %ere in a bo* on board" he brou#ht them u$" and convinced all $resent that he had not assumed a name %hich did not belon# to him& His com$etitor" enra#ed that they should hesitate in doin# him )ustice 5for to be sure the %arrant had been desi#ned for him6" behaved %ith so much indecent heat" that the commandin# officer 5%ho %as the same #entleman + had seen6 and the sur#eon %ere offended at his $resum$tion" and makin# a $oint of it %ith their friends in to%n" in less than a %eek #ot the first confirmed in his station& 7+ have been on board"7 said he" 7ever since' and" as this %ay of life is becomin# familiar to me" have no cause to com$lain of my situation& The sur#eon is a #ood/natured" indolent man' the first mate 5%ho is no% on shore on duty6 is indeed a little $roud and choleric" as all ,elshmen are" but in the main a friendly honest fello%& The lieutenants + have no concern %ith' and" as for the ca$tain" he is too much of a #entleman to kno% a sur#eon's mate" even by si#ht&7 !HAPTER ..;

The behaviour of 0r& 0or#an//his $ride" dis$leasure" and #enerosity//the economy of our mess described//Thomson's further friendshi$//the nature of my duty e*$lained//the situation of the sick ,hile he %as thus discoursin# to me" %e heard a voice on the cock$it ladder $ronounce %ith #reat vehemence" in a stran#e dialect" 7The devil and his dam blo% me from the to$ of 0onchdenny" if + #o to him before there is somethin# in my $elly& 1et his nose be as yello% as saffron" or as $lue as a $ell 5look you6" or as #reen as a leek" 'tis all one&7 To this declaration somebody ans%ered" 7So it seems my $oor messmate must $art his cable for %ant of a little assistance& His foreto$sail is loose already' and besides the doctor ordered you to overhaul him' but + see you don't mind %hat your master says&7 Here he %as interru$ted %ith" 7S$lutter and cons8 you lousy to#" %ho do you call my master= 2et you #one to the doctor" and tell him my birth" and education" and my abilities' and moreover" my behaviour is as #ood as his" or any shentleman's 5no dis$ara#ement to him"6 in the %hole %orld& !ot $less my soul + does he think" or conceive" or ima#ine" that + am a horse" or an ass" or a #oat" to trud#e back%ards and for%ards" and u$%ards and do%n%ards" and by sea and by land' at his %ill and $leasure= 2o your %ays" you ra$scallion" and tell 9octor Atkins that + desire and re-uest that he %ill #ive a look u$on the tyin# man" and order somethin# for him" if he be dead or alive" and + %ill see him take it by and by" %hen my cravin# stomach is satisfied" look you&7 At this" the other %ent a%ay" sayin#" 7that if they should serve him so %hen he %as dyin#" by 2od he %ould be foul of them in the other %orld&7 Here 0r& Thom$son let me kno%" that the $erson %e heard %as 0r& 0or#an" the first mate" %ho %as )ust come on board from the hos$ital" %hither he had attended some of the sick in the mornin#' at the same time + sa% him come into the berth& He %as a short thick man" %ith a face #arnished %ith $im$les" a snub nose turned u$ at the end" an e*cessive %ide mouth" and little fiery eyes" surrounded %ith skin $uckered u$ in innumerable %rinkles& 0y friend immediately made him ac-uainted %ith my case' %hen he re#arded me %ith a very lofty look" but %ithout s$eakin#" set do%n a bundle he had in his hand" and a$$roached the cu$board" %hich" %hen he had o$ened" he e*claimed in a #reat $assion" 7!ot is my life" all the $ork is #one" as + am a !hristian87 Thom$son then #ave him to understand" that" as + had been brou#ht on board half famished" he could do no less than to entertain me %ith %hat %as in the locker" and the rather as he had bid the ste%ard enter me in the mess& ,hether this disa$$ointment made 0r& 0or#an more $eevish than usual" or he really thou#ht himself too little re#arded by his fello% mate" + kno% not" but after some $ause" he %ent on in this manner( 70r& Thom$son" $erha$s you do not use me %ith all the #ood manners" and com$laisance" and res$ect 5look you"6 that becomes you" because you have not vouchsafed to advise %ith me in this affair& + have in my time 5look you"6 been a man of some %ei#ht" and substance" and consideration" and have ke$t house and home" and $aid scot and lot" and the kin#'s ta*es' ay" and maintained a family to boot& And moreover" also" + am your senior" and your older" and your $etter" 0r& Thom$son&7 70y elder" +'ll allo% you to be" but not my better87 cried Thom$son" %ith some heat& 7!ot is my Saviour" and %itness too"7 said 0or#an" %ith #reat vehemence" 7that + am more elder" and therefore more $etter by many years than you&7 earin# this dis$ute mi#ht be attended %ith some bad conse-uence" + inter$osed" and told 0r& 0or#an + %as

very sorry for havin# been the occasion of any difference bet%een him and the second mate' and that" rather than cause the least breach in their #ood understandin#" + %ould eat my allo%ance to myself" or seek admission into some other com$any& But Thom$son" %ith more s$irit than discretion 5as + thou#ht6" insisted u$on my remainin# %here he had a$$ointed me' and observed that no man" $ossessed of #enerosity and com$assion" %ould have any ob)ection to it" considerin# my birth and talents" and the misfortunes + had of late so un)ustly under#one& This %as touchin# 0r& 0or#an on the ri#ht key" %ho $rotested %ith #reat earnestness" that he had no ob)ection to my bein# received in the mess' but only com$lained that the ceremony of askin# his consent %as not observed& 7As for a sheltenman in distress"7 said he" shakin# me by the hand" 7+ lofe him as + lofe my o%n $o%els( for" !ot hel$ me8 + have had ve*ations enou#h u$on my o%n $ack&7 And as + after%ards learned" in so sayin#" he s$oke no more than %hat %as true' for he had been once settled in a very #ood situation in 2lamor#anshire" and %as ruined by bein# security for an ac-uaintance& All differences bein# com$osed" he untied his bundle" %hich consisted of three bunches of onions" and a #reat lum$ of !heshire cheese" %ra$$ed u$ in a handkerchief( and" takin# some biscuit from the cu$board" fell to %ith a keen a$$etite" invitin# us to share of the re$ast& ,hen he had fed heartily on his homely fare" he filled a lar#e cu$" made of a cocoa/nut shell" %ith brandy" and" drinkin# it off" told us" 7Prandy %as the best menstruum for onions and sheese&7 His hun#er bein# a$$eased" he be#an to be in better humour' and" bein# in-uisitive about my birth" no sooner understood that + %as descended of a #ood family" than he discovered a $articular #ood/%ill to me on that account" deducin# his o%n $edi#ree in a direct line from the famous !aractacus" kin# of the Britons" %ho %as first the $risoner" and after%ards the friend of !laudius !aesar& Perceivin# ho% much + %as reduced in $oint of linen" he made me a $resent of t%o #ood ruffled shirts" %hich" %ith t%o more of check %hich + received from 0r& Thom$son" enabled me to a$$ear %ith decency& 0ean%hile the sailor" %hom 0r& 0or#an had sent to the doctor" brou#ht a $rescri$tion for his messmate" %hich %hen the ,elshman had read" he #ot u$ to $re$are it" and asked" 7if the man %as dead or alive&7 79ead87 re$lied :ack' 7if he %as dead" he %ould have no occasion for doctor's stuff& 4o" thank 2od" death han't as yet boarded him& But they have been yard/arm and yard/arm these three #lasses&7 7Are his eyes o$en"7 continued the mate& 7His starboard eye"7 said the sailor" 7is o$en" but fast )ammed in his head( and the haulyards of his under )a% have #iven %ay&7 7Passion of my heart87 cried 0or#an" 7the man is as $ad as one %ould desire to be8 9id you feel his $ulses87 To this the other re$lied %ith 7Anan87 U$on %hich this !ambro Briton" %ith #reat earnestness and humanity" ordered the tar to run to his messmate" and kee$ him alive till he should come %ith the medicine" 7and then"7 said he" 7you shall $eradventure $ehold %hat you shall see&7 The $oor fello%" %ith #reat sim$licity" ran to the $lace %here the sick man lay" but in less than a minute returned %ith a %oful countenance" and told us his comrade had struck& 0or#an" hearin# this" e*claimed" 70ercy u$on my salvation8 %hy did you not sto$ him till + came=7 7Sto$ him87 said the other' 7+ hailed him several times" but he %as too far on his %ay" and the enemy had #ot $ossession

of his close -uarters' so that he did not mind me&7 7,ell" %ell"7 said he" 7%e all o%e heaven a teath& 2o your %ays" you ra#amuffin" and take an e*am$le and a %arnin#" look you" and re$ent of your misteets&7 So sayin#" he $ushed the seaman out of the berth& ,hile %e entertained us %ith reflections suitable to this event" %e heard the boats%ain $i$e to dinner' and immediately the boy belon#in# to our mess ran to the locker" from %hence he carried off a lar#e %ooden $latter" and" in a fe% minutes" returned %ith it full of boiled $eas" cryin# 7Scaldin#s7 all the %ay as he came& The cloth" consistin# of a $iece of an old sail" %as instantly laid" covered %ith three $lates" %hich by the colour + could %ith difficulty discern to be metal" and as many s$oons of the same com$osition" t%o of %hich %ere curtailed in the handles" and the other abrid#ed in the li$& 0r& 0or#an himself enriched this mess %ith a lum$ of salt butter scoo$ed from an old #alli$ot" and a handful of onions shorn" %ith some $ounded $e$$er& + %as not very much tem$ted %ith the a$$earance of this dish" of %hich" nevertheless" my messmates ate heartily" advisin# me to follo% their e*am$le" as it %as banyan day and %e could have no meat till ne*t noon" But + had already laid in sufficient for the occasion" and therefore desired to be e*cused( e*$ressin# a curiosity to kno% the meanin# of banyan day& They told me" that" on 0ondays" ,ednesdays" and ridays" the shi$'s com$any had no allo%ance of meat" and that these mea#re days %ere called banyan days" the reason of %hich they did not kno%' but + have since learned they take their denomination from a sect of devotees in some $arts of the East +ndies" %ho never taste flesh& After dinner Thom$son led me round the shi$" sho%ed me the different $arts" described their uses" and" as far as he could" made me ac-uainted %ith the $articulars of the disci$line and economy $ractised on board& He then demanded of the boats%ain a hammock for me" %hich %as slun# in a very neat manner by my friend :ack Rattlin' and" as + had no bed/clothes" $rocured credit for me %ith the $urser" for a mattress and t%o blankets& At seven o'clock in the evenin# 0or#an visited the sick" and" havin# ordered %hat %as $ro$er for each" + assisted Thom$son in makin# u$ his $rescri$tions( but %hen + follo%ed him %ith the medicines into the sick berth" or hos$ital" and observed the situation of the $atients" + %as much less sur$rised that $eo$le should die on board" than that a sick $erson should recover& Here + sa% about fifty miserable distem$ered %retches" sus$ended in ro%s" so huddled one u$on another" that not more than fourteen inches s$ace %as allotted for each %ith his bed and beddin#' and de$rived of the li#ht of the day" as %ell as of fresh air' breathin# nothin# but a noisome atmos$here of the morbid steams e*halin# from their o%n e*crements and diseased bodies" devoured %ith vermin hatched in the filth that surrounded them" and destitute of every convenience necessary for $eo$le in that hel$less condition& !HAPTER ..;+ A disa#reeable accident ha$$ens to me in the dischar#e of my office//0or#an's nose is offended//a dialo#ue bet%een him and the Shi$'s ste%ard/u$on e*amination" + find more causes of com$laint than one//my hair is cut off//0or#an's cookery//the manner of slee$in# on board/+ am %aked in the ni#ht by a dreadful noise

!ould not com$rehend ho% it %as $ossible for the attendants to come near those %ho hun# on the inside to%ards the sides of the shi$" in order to assist them" as they seemed barricadoed by those %ho lay on the outside" and entirely out of the reach of all visitation' much less could + conceive ho% my friend Thom$son %ould be able to administer clysters" that %ere ordered for some" in that situation' %hen + sa% him thrust his %i# in his $ocket" and stri$ himself to his %aistcoat in a moment" then cree$ on all fours under the hammocks of the sick" and" forcin# u$ his bare $ate bet%een t%o" kee$ them asunder %ith one shoulder" until he had done his duty& Ea#er to learn the service" + desired he %ould #ive me leave to $erform the ne*t o$eration of that kind' and he consentin#" + undressed myself after his e*am$le" and cra%lin# alon#" the shi$ ha$$ened to roll( this motion alarmin# me" + laid hold of the first thin# that came %ithin my #ras$ %ith such violence" that + overturned it" and soon found" by the smell that issued u$on me" that + had unlocked a bo* of the most delicious $erfume& +t %as %ell for me that my nose %as none of the most delicate" else + kno% not ho% + mi#ht have been affected by this va$our" %hich diffused itself all over the shi$" to the utter discom$osure of everybody %ho tarried on the same dock8 neither %as the conse-uence of this dis#race confined to my sense of smellin# only' for + felt my misfortune more %ays than one& That + mi#ht not" ho%ever" a$$ear alto#ether disconcerted in this my first essay" + #ot u$" and" $ushin# my head %ith #reat force bet%een t%o hammocks" to%ards the middle" %here the #reatest resistance %as" + made an o$enin# indeed" but" not understandin# the knack of de*terously turnin# my shoulder to maintain my advanta#e" had the mortification to find myself stuck u$" as it %ere" in a $illory" and the %ei#ht of three or four $eo$le bearin# on each side of my neck" so that + %as in dan#er of stran#ulation& ,hile + remained in this defenceless $osture" one of the sick men" rendered $eevish by his distem$er" %as so enra#ed at the smell + had occasioned and the rude shock he had received from me in my elevation" that" %ith many bitter re$roaches" he sei3ed me by the nose" %hich he t%eaked so unmercifully" that + roared %ith an#uish& Thom$son" $erceivin# my condition" ordered one of the %aiters to my assistance" %ho" %ith much difficulty" disen#a#ed me from this situation" and hindered me from takin# ven#eance on the sick man" %hose indis$osition %ould not have screened him from the effects of my indi#nation& After havin# made an end of our ministry for that time" %e descended to the cock$it" my friend comfortin# me for %hat had ha$$ened %ith a homely $roverb" %hich + do not choose to re$eat& ,hen %e had descended half/%ay do%n the ladder" 0r& 0or#an" before he sa% us" havin# intelli#ence by his nose of the a$$roach of somethin# e*traordinary" cried" 7!ot have mercy u$on my senses8 + $elieve the enemy has $oarded us in a stink$ot87 Then" directin# his discourse to the ste%ard" from %hence he ima#ined the odour $roceeded" he re$rimanded him severely for the freedoms he took amon# #entlemen of birth" and threatened to smoke him like a $ad#er %ith sul$hur" if ever be should $resume to offend his nei#hbours %ith such smells for the future& The ste%ard" conscious of his o%n innocence" re$lied %ith some %armth" 7+ kno% of no smells but those of your o%n makin#&7 This re$artee introduced a smart dialo#ue" in %hich the ,elshman undertook to $rove" that" thou#h the stench he com$lained of did not flo% from the ste%ard's o%n body" he %as nevertheless the author of it" by servin# out dama#ed $rovisions to the shi$'s com$any' and" in $articular" $utrified cheese" from the use of

%hich only" he affirmed" such unsavoury steams could arise& Then he launched out into the $raise of #ood cheese" of %hich he #ave the analysis' e*$lained the different kinds of that commodity" %ith the methods $ractised to make and $reserve it" concluded in observin#" that" in yieldin# #ood cheese" the county of 2lamor#an mi#ht vie %ith !heshire itself" and %as much su$erior to it in the $roduce of #oats and $utter& + #athered from this conversation" that" if + entered in my $resent $ickle" + should be no %elcome #uest" and therefore desired 0r& Thom$son to #o before" and re$resent my calamity' at %hich the first mate" e*$ressin# some concern" %ent u$on deck immediately" takin# his %ay throu#h the cable/tier and the main hatch%ay" to avoid encounterin# me' desirin# me to clean myself as soon as $ossible( for he intended to re#ale himself %ith a dish of salma#undy and a $i$e& Accordin#ly" + set about this disa#reeable business" and soon found + had more causes of com$laint than + at first ima#ined' for + $erceived some #uests had honoured me %ith their com$any" %hose visit + did not think seasonable( neither did they seem inclined to leave me in a hurry" for they %ere in $ossession of my chief -uarters" %here they fed %ithout reserve at the e*$ense of my blood& But" considerin# it %ould be easier to e*tir$ate the ferocious colony in the infancy of their settlement" than after they should be multi$lied and naturalised to the soil" + took the advice of my friend" %ho" to $revent such misfortunes" %ent al%ays close shaved" and made the boy of our mess cut off my hair" %hich had been #ro%in# since + left the service of 1avement' and the second mate lent me an old bob%i# to su$$ly the loss of that coverin#& This affair bein# ended" and everythin# ad)usted in the best manner my circumstances %ould $ermit" the descendant of !aractacus returned" and" orderin# the boy to brin# a $iece of salt beef from the brine" cut off a slice" and mi*ed it %ith an e-ual -uantity of onions" %hich seasonin# %ith a moderate $ro$ortion of $e$$er and salt" he brou#ht it to a consistence %ith oil and vine#ar' then" tastin# the dish" assured us it %as the best salma#undy that ever he made" and recommended it to our $alate %ith such heartiness that + could not hel$ doin# honour to his $re$aration& But + had no sooner s%allo%ed a mouthful" than + thou#ht my entrails %ere scorched" and endeavoured %ith a delu#e of small/beer to allay the heat it occasioned& Su$$er bein# over" 0r& 0or#an havin# smoked a cou$le of $i$es" and su$$lied the moisture he had e*$ended %ith as many cans of fli$" of %hich %e all $artook" a certain ya%nin# be#an to admonish me that it %as hi#h time to re$air by slee$ the in)ury + had suffered from %ant of rest the $recedin# ni#ht' %hich bein# $erceived by my com$anions" %hose time of re$ose %as no% arrived" they $ro$osed %e should turn in" or in other %ords" #o to bed& Our hammocks" %hich hun# $arallel to one another" on the outside of the berth" %ere immediately unlashed" and + beheld my messmates s$rin# %ith #reat a#ility into their res$ective nests" %here they seemed to lie concealed" very much at their ease& But it %as some time before + could $revail u$on myself to trust my carcase at such a distance from the #round" in a narro% ba#" out of %hich" + ima#ined" + should be a$t" on the least motion in my slee$" to tumble do%n at the ha3ard of breakin# my bones& + suffered myself" ho%ever" to be $ersuaded" and takin# a lea$ to #et in" thre% myself -uite over" %ith such violence" that had + not luckily #ot hold of Thom$son's hammock" + should have $itched u$on my head on the other side" and in all likelihood fractured my skull&

After some fruitless efforts" + succeeded at last' but the a$$rehension of the )eo$ardy in %hich + believed myself %ithstood all the attacks of slee$ till to%ards the mornin# %atch" %hen" in s$ite of my fears" + %as over$o%ered %ith slumber" thou#h + did not lon# en)oy this comfortable situation" bein# aroused %ith a noise so loud and shrill" that + thou#ht the drums of my ears %ere burst by it' this %as follo%ed by a dreadful summons $ronounced by a hoarse voice" %hich + could not understand& ,hile + %as debatin# %ith myself" %hether or not + should %ake my com$anion and in-uire into the occasion of this disturbance" + %as informed by one of the -uartermasters %ho $assed by me %ith a lantern in his hand" that the noise %hich alarmed me %as occasioned by the boats%ain's mates %ho called u$ the larboard %atch" and that + must lay my account %ith such an interru$tion every mornin# at the same hour& Bein# no% more assured of my safety" + undressed myself a#ain to rest" and sle$t till ei#ht o'clock" %hen risin#" and breakfastin# %ith my comrades on biscuit and brandy" the sick %ere visited and assisted as before' after %hich visitation my #ood friend Thom$son e*$lained and $erformed another $iece of duty" to %hich + %as a stran#er& At a certain hour in the mornin#" the boy of the mess %ent round all the decks" rin#in# a small hand/bell" and" in rhymes com$osed for the occasion" invited all those %ho had sores to re$air before the mast" %here one of the doctor's mates attended" %ith a$$lications to dress them& !HAPTER ..;++ + ac-uire the friendshi$ of the Sur#eon" %ho $rocures a %arrant for me" and makes me a $resent of clothes//a battle bet%een a 0idshi$man and me//the Sur#eon leaves the shi$//the !a$tain comes on board %ith another Sur#eon//a dialo#ue bet%een the !a$tain and 0or#an//the sick are ordered to be brou#ht u$on the Muarter/deck and e*amined//the conse-uences of that order//a 0adman accuses 0or#an" and is set at liberty by command of the !a$tain" %hom he instantly attacks" and $ummels %ithout mercy ,hile + %as busied %ith my friend in the $ractice& The doctor chanced to $ass by the $lace %here %e %ere" and sto$$in# to observe me a$$eared very %ell satisfied %ith my a$$lication' and after%ards sent for me to his cabin" %here" havin# e*amined me touchin# my skill in sur#ery" and the $articulars of my fortune" he interested himself so far in my behalf" as to $romise his assistance in $rocurin# a %arrant for me" seein# + had already been found -ualified at Sur#eons' Hall for the station + filled on board' and in this #ood office he the more cordially en#a#ed %hen he understood + %as ne$he% to lieutenant Bo%lin#" for %hom he e*$ressed a $articular re#ard& +n the meantime" + could learn from his discourse that he did not intend to #o to sea a#ain %ith !a$tain Oakum" havin#" as he thou#ht" been indifferently used by him durin# the last voya#e& ,hile + lived tolerably easy" in e*$ectation of $referment" + %as not alto#ether %ithout mortifications" %hich + not only suffered from the rude insults of the sailors and $etty officers" amon# %hom + %as kno%n by the name of 1oblolly Boy" but also from the dis$osition of 0or#an" %ho" thou#h friendly in the main" %as often very troublesome %ith his $ride" %hich e*$ected a #ood deal of submission from me" and deli#hted in reca$itulatin# the favours + had received at his hands&

About si* %eeks after my arrival on board" the sur#eon" biddin# me to follo% him into his cabin" $resented a %arrant to me" by %hich + %as a$$ointed sur#eon's third mate on board the Thunder& This he had $rocured by his interest at the 4avy Office' as also another for himself" by virtue of %hich he %as removed into a second/rate& + ackno%led#ed his kindness in the stron#est terms my #ratitude could su##est" and $rofessed my sorro% at the $ros$ect of losin# so valuable a friend" to %hom + ho$ed to have recommended myself still further" by my res$ectful and dili#ent behaviour& But his #enerosity rested not here' for before he left the shi$ he made me a $resent of a chest and some clothes that enabled me to su$$ort the rank to %hich he had raised me& + found my s$irit revive %ith my #ood fortune' and" no% + %as an officer" resolved to maintain the di#nity of my station" a#ainst all o$$osition or affronts' nor %as it lon# before + had occasion to e*ert my resolution& 0y old enemy" the midshi$man 5%hose name %as !ram$ley6" entertainin# an im$lacable animosity a#ainst me for the dis#race he had suffered on my account" had since that time taken all o$$ortunities of revilin# and ridiculin# me" %hen + %as not entitled to retort this bad usa#e' and" even after + had been rated on the books" and mustered as sur#eon's mate" did not think fit to restrain his insolence& +n $articular" bein# one day $resent %hile + dressed a %ound in a sailor's le#" he be#an to sin# a son#" %hich + thou#ht hi#hly in)urious to the honour of my country" and therefore si#nified my resentment" by observin# that the Scots al%ays laid their account %ith findin# enemies amon# the i#norant" insi#nificant" and malicious& This une*$ected $iece of assurance enra#ed him to such a de#ree" that he lent me a blo% on the face" %hich + verily thou#ht had demolished my cheek/bone& + %as not slo% in returnin# the obli#ation" and the affair be#an to be very serious" %hen by accident 0r& 0or#an" and one of the master's mates" comin# that %ay" inter$osed" and" in-uirin# into the cause" endeavoured to $romote a reconciliation' but" findin# us both e*as$erated to the uttermost" and bent a#ainst accommodation" they advised us either to leave our difference undecided" till %e should have an o$$ortunity of terminatin# it on shore" like #entlemen" or else choose a $ro$er $lace on board" and brin# it to an issue by bo*in#& The last e*$edient %as #reedily embraced by us both' and" bein# forth%ith conducted to the #round $ro$osed" %e stri$$ed in a moment" and be#an a furious contest" in %hich + soon found myself inferior to my anta#onist" not so much in stren#th and a#ility" as in skill" %hich he had ac-uired in the school of Hockley/in/the/Hole at Tottenham/court& 0any cross buttocks did + sustain" and $e#s on the stomach %ithout number" till at last my breath bein# -uite #one" as %ell as my vi#our %asted" + #re% des$erate" and collectin# all my stren#th in one effort" thre% in at once" head" hands" and feet" %ith such violence" that + drove my anta#onist three $aces back%ard into the main hatch%ay" do%n %hich he fell" and $itchin# u$on his head and ri#ht shoulder" remained %ithout sense and motion& 0or#an" lookin# do%n" and seein# him lie in that condition" cried" 7U$on my conscience" as + am a !hristian sinner" 5look you"6 + believe his $attles are all ofer' but + take you all to %itness that there %as no treachery in the case" and that he has suffered by the chance of %ar&7 So sayin# he descended to the deck belo%" to e*amine into the situation of my adversary" and left me very little $leased %ith my victory" as + found myself not only terribly bruised" but like%ise in dan#er of bein# called to account for

the death of !ram$ley' but this fear vanished %hen my fello%/mate havin#" by bleedin# him in the )u#ular" brou#ht him to himself" and in-uired into the state of his body" called u$ to me to be under no concern" for the midshi$man had received no other dama#e than as $retty a lu*ation of the os humeri as one %ould desire to see on a summer's day& U$on this information + cra%led do%n to the cock/$it" and ac-uainted Thom$son %ith the affair" %ho" $rovidin# himself %ith banda#es" etc" necessary for the occasion" %ent u$ to assist 0r& 0or#an in the reduction of the dislocation& ,hen this %as successfully $erformed" they %ished me )oy of the event of the combat' and the ,elshman" after observin#" that" in ail likelihood" the ancient Scots and Britons %ere the same $eo$le" bade me 7$raise !ot for $uttin# mettle in my $elly" and stren#th in my limbs to su$$ort it&7 + ac-uired such re$utation by this rencontre" %hich lasted t%enty minutes" that everybody became more cautious in behaviour to%ards me' thou#h !ram$ley" %ith his arm in a slin#" talked very hi#h" and threatened to sei3e the first o$$ortunity of retrievin# on shore the honour he had lost by an accident" from %hich + could )ustly claim no merit& About this time" !a$tain Oakum" havin# received sailin# orders" came on board" and brou#ht alon# %ith him a sur#eon of his o%n country" %ho soon made us sensible of the loss %e suffered in the de$arture of 9octor Atkins' for he %as #rossly i#norant" and intolerably assumin#" false" vindictive" and unfor#ivin#' a merciless tyrant to his inferiors" an ab)ect syco$hant to those above him& +n the mornin# after the ca$tain came on board" our first mate" accordin# to custom" %ent to %ait on him %ith a sick list" %hich" %hen this #rim commander had $erused" he cried %ith a stern countenance" 7Blood and cons8 si*ty/one sick $eo$le on board of my shi$8 Harkee" you sir" +'ll have no sick in my shi$" by 2//d&7 The ,elshman re$lied" 7he should be very #lad to find no sick $eo$le on board( but" %hile it %as other%ise" he did no more than his duty in $resentin# him %ith a list&7 7>ou and your list may be d//n'd"7 said the ca$tain" thro%in# it at him' 7+ say" there shall be no sick in this shi$ %hile + have the command of her&7 0r& 0or#an" bein# nettled at this treatment" told him his indi#nation ou#ht to be directed to !ot Almi#hty" %ho visited his $eo$le %ith distem$ers" and not to him" %ho contributed all in his $o%er to%ards their cure& The basha%" not bein# used to such behaviour in any of his officers" %as enra#ed to fury at this satirical insinuation" and" stam$in# %ith his foot" called him insolent scoundrel" threatenin# to have him $inioned to the deck" if he should $resume to utter another syllable& But the blood of !aractacus bein# thorou#hly heated" disdained to be restricted by such a command" and be#an to manifest itself in" 7!a$tain Oakum" + am a shentleman of birth and $arenta#e 5look you6" and $eradventure + am moreover&7 Here his haran#ue %as broken off by the ca$tain's ste%ard" %ho" bein# 0or#an's countryman" hurried him out of the cabin before he had time to e*as$erate his master to a #reater de#ree" and this %ould certainly have been the case' for the indi#nant ,elshman could hardly be hindered by his friend's ar#uments and entreaties from re/enterin# the $resence/chamber" and defyin# !a$tain Oakum to his teeth& He %as" ho%ever a$$eased at len#th" and came do%n to the berth" %here" findin# Thom$son and me at %ork $re$arin# medicines" he bade us leave off our la$our to #o to $lay" for the ca$tain" by his sole %ord" and $o%er" and command" had driven sickness a $e##in# to the tevil" and there %as no more malady on board& So sayin#" he drank off a #ill of brandy si#hed #rievously three times" $oured

fort an e)aculation of 7!ot $less my heart" liver" and lun#s87 and then be#an to sin# a ,elsh son# %ith #reat earnestness of visa#e" voice" and #esture& + could not conceive the meanin# of this sin#ular $henomenon" and sa% by the looks of Thom$son" %ho at the same time shook his head" that he sus$ected $oor !ad%allader's brains %ere unsettled& He" $erceivin# our ama3ement" told us he %ould e*$lain the mystery' but at the same time bade us take notice" that he had lived $oy" $atchelor" married man" and %ido%er" almost forty years" and in all that time there %as no man" nor mother's son in the %hole %orld %ho durst use him so ill as !a$tain Oakum had done& Then he ac-uainted us %ith the dialo#ue that $assed bet%een them" as + have already related it( and had no sooner finished this narration than he received a messa#e from the sur#eon" to brin# the sick/list to the -uarter/deck" for the ca$tain had ordered all the $atients thither to be revie%ed& This inhuman order shocked us e*tremely" as %e kne% it %ould be im$ossible to carry some of them on the deck" %ithout imminent dan#er of their lives( but" as %e like%ise kne% it %ould be to no $ur$ose for us to remonstrate a#ainst it" %e re$aired to the -uarter/deck in a body" to see this e*traordinary muster' 0or#an observin# by the %ay" that the ca$tain %as #oin# to send to the other %orld a #reat many evidences to testify a#ainst himself& ,hen %e a$$eared u$on deck" the ca$tain bade the doctor" %ho stood bo%in# at his ri#ht hand" look at these la3y lubberly sons of bitches" %ho %ere #ood for nothin# on board but to eat the kin#'s $rovision" and encoura#e idleness in the skulkers& The sur#eon #rinned a$$robation" and" takin# the list" be#an to e*amine the com$laints of each as they could cra%l to the $lace a$$ointed& The first %ho came under his co#ni3ance %as a $oor fello% )ust freed of a fever" %hich bad %eakened him so much that he could hardly stand& 0r& 0ackshane 5for that %as the doctor's name6" havin# felt his $ulse" $rotested he %as as %ell as any man in the %orld' and the ca$tain delivered him over to the boats%ain's mate" %ith orders that be should receive a round do3en at the #an#%ay immediately" for counterfeitin# himself sick' but" before the disci$line could be e*ecuted" the man dro$$ed do%n on the deck" and had %ell ni#h $erished under the hands of the e*ecutioner& The ne*t $atient to be considered" laboured under a -uartan a#ue" and" bein# then in his interval of health" discovered no other sym$toms of distem$er than a $ale mea#re countenance and emaciated body' u$on %hich he %as declared fit for duty" and turned over to the boats%ain' but" bein# resolved to dis#race the doctor" died u$on the forecastle ne*t day" durin# his cold fit& The third com$lained of a $leuritic stitch" and s$ittin# of blood" for %hich 9octor 0ackshane $rescribed e*ercise at the $um$ to $romote e*$ectoration8 but %hether this %as im$ro$er for one in his situation" or that it %as used to e*cess" + kno% not" but in less than half/an/hour he %as suffocated %ith a delu#e of blood that issued from his lun#s& A fourth" %ith much difficulty" climbed to the -uarter/deck" bein# loaded %ith a monstrous ascites" or dro$sy" that invaded his chest so much" he could scarce fetch his breath' but his disease bein# inter$reted into fat" occasioned by idleness and e*cess of eatin#" he %as ordered" %ith a vie% to $romote $ers$iration and enlar#e his chest" to #o aloft immediately& +t %as in vain for this un%ieldy %retch to alle#e his utter inca$acity' the boats%ain's driver %as commanded to %hi$ him u$ %ith the cat/and/nine/tails' the smart of this a$$lication made him e*ert himself so much" that he actually arrived at the $uttock shrouds' but %hen the enormous %ei#ht of his body

had nothin# else to su$$ort than his %eakened arms" either out of s$ite or necessity" he -uitted his hold" and $lun#ed into the sea" %here he must have been dro%ned" had not a sailor" %ho %as in a boat alon#side" saved his life" by kee$in# him afloat till he %as hoisted on board by a tackle& +t %ould be tedious and disa#reeable to describe the fate of every miserable ob)ect that suffered by the inhumanity and i#norance of the ca$tain and sur#eon" %ho so %antonly sacrificed the lives of their fello%/creatures& 0any %ere brou#ht u$ in the hei#ht of fevers" and rendered delirious by the in)uries they received in the %ay& Some #ave u$ the #host in the $resence of their ins$ectors' and others" %ho %ere ordered to their duties" lan#uished a fe% days at %ork amon# their fello%s" and then de$arted %ithout any ceremony& On the %hole" the number of the sick %as reduced to less than a do3en' and the authors of this reduction %ere a$$laudin# themselves for the services they had done to their kin# and country" %hen the boats%ain's mate informed his honour" that there %as a man belo% lashed to his hammock" by direction of the doctor's mate" and that he be##ed hard to be released' affirmin#" he had been so maltreated only for a #rud#e 0r& 0or#an bore him" and that he %as as much in his senses as any man aboard& The ca$tain hearin# this" darted a severe look at the ,elshman" and ordered the man to be brou#ht u$ immediately' u$on %hich" 0or#an $rotested %ith #reat fervency" that the $erson in -uestion %as as mad as a 0arch hare' and be##ed for the love of !ot" they %ould at least kee$ his arms $inioned durin# his e*amination" to $revent him from doin# mischief& This re-uest the commander #ranted for his o%n sake" and the $atient %as $roduced" %ho insisted u$on his bein# in his ri#ht %its %ith such calmness and stren#th of ar#ument" that everybody $resent %as inclined to believe him" e*ce$t 0or#an" %ho affirmed there %as no trustin# to a$$earances' for he himself had been so much im$osed u$on by his behaviour t%o days before" that he had actually unbound him %ith his o%n hands" and had %ell ni#h been murdered for his $ains( this %as confirmed by the evidence of one of the %aiters" %ho declared he had $ulled this $atient from the doctor's mate" %hom he had #otten do%n" and almost stran#led& To this the man ans%ered" that the %itness %as a creature of 0or#an's" and suborned to #ive his testimony a#ainst him by the malice of the mate" %hom the defendant had affronted" by discoverin# to the $eo$le on board" that 0r& 0or#an's %ife ke$t a #in/sho$ in Ra#fair& This anecdote $roduced a lau#h at the e*$ense of the ,elshman" %ho" shakin# his head %ith some emotion" said" 7Ay" ay" 'tis no matter& !ot kno%s" it is an arrant falsehood&7 !a$tain Oakum" %ithout any farther hesitation" ordered the fello% to be unfettered' at the same time" threatenin# to make 0or#an e*chan#e situations %ith him for his s$ite' but the Briton no sooner heard the decision in favour of the madman" than he #ot u$ to the mi3en/shrouds" cryin# to Thom$son and me to #et out of his reach" for %e should see him $lay the devil %ith a ven#eance& ,e did not think fit to disre#ard his caution" and accordin#ly #ot u$ on the $oo$" %hence %e beheld the maniac 5as soon as he %as released6 fly at the ca$tain like a fury" cryin#" 7+'ll let you kno%" you scoundrel" that + am commander of this vessel"7 and $ummel him %ithout mercy& The sur#eon" %ho %ent to the assistance of his $atron" shared the same fate' and it %as %ith the utmost difficulty that he %as mastered at last" after havin# done #reat e*ecution amon# those %ho o$$osed him& !HAPTER ..;+++

The !a$tain enra#ed" threatens to $ut the 0adman to death %ith his o%n hand//is diverted from that resolution by the ar#uments and $ersuasion of the first 1ieutenant and Sur#eon/%e set sail for St& Helen's" )oin the fleet under the command of Sir !// O//#le" and $roceed for the ,est +ndies//are overtaken by a terrible tem$est//my friend :ack Rattlin has his le# broke by a fall from the mainyard//the behaviour of 0r& 0ackshane/:ack o$$oses the am$utation of his limb" in %hich he is seconded by 0or#an and me" %e undertake the cure and $erform it successfully The ca$tain %as carried into his cabin" so enra#ed %ith the treatment he had received" that he ordered the fello% to be brou#ht before him" that he mi#ht have the $leasure of $istolin# him %ith his o%n hand' and %ould certainly have satisfied his reven#e in this manner" had not the first lieutenant remonstrated a#ainst it" by observin# that" in all a$$earances" the fello% %as not mad" but des$erate' that he had been hired by some enemy of the ca$tain's to him" and therefore ou#ht to be ke$t in irons till he could be brou#ht to a court/martial" %hich" no doubt" %ould sift the affair to the bottom 5by %hich means im$ortant discoveries mi#ht be made6" and then sentence the criminal to a death accordin# to his demerits& This su##estion" im$robable as it %as" had the desired effect u$on the ca$tain" bein# e*actly calculated for the meridan of his intellects' more es$ecially as 9r& 0ackshane es$oused this o$inion" in conse-uence of his $revious declaration that the man %as not mad& 0or#an findin# there %as no more dama#e done" could not hel$ discoverin# by his countenance the $leasure he en)oyed on this occasion' and" %hile he bathed the doctor's face %ith an embrocation" ventured to ask him" %hether he thou#ht there %ere more fools or madmen on board= But he %ould have been %iser in containin# this sally" %hich his $atient carefully laid u$ in his memory" to be taken notice of at a more fit season& 0ean%hile %e %ei#hed anchor" and" on our %ay to the 9o%ns" the madman" %ho %as treated as a $risoner" took an o$$ortunity" %hile the sentinel attendin# him %as at the head" to lea$ and frustrate the reven#e of the ca$tain& ,e stayed not lon# at the 9o%ns" but took the benefit of the first easterly %ind to #o round to S$ithead( %here" havin# received $rovisions on board for si* months" %e sailed from St& Helen's in the #rand fleet bound for the ,est +ndies" on the ever/memorable e*$edition of !artha#ena& +t %as not %ithout #reat mortification + sa% myself on the $oint of bein# trans$orted to such a distant and unhealthy climate" destitute of every convenience that could render such a voya#e su$$ortable" and under the dominion of an arbitrary tyrant" %hose command %as almost intolerable' ho%ever" as these com$laints %ere common to a #reat many on board" + resolved to submit $atiently to my fate" and contrive to make myself as easy as the nature of the case %ould allo%& ,e #ot out of the channel %ith a $ros$erous bree3e" %hich died a%ay" leavin# us becalmed about fifty lea#ues to the %est%ard of the 1i3ard( but this state of inaction did not last lon#' for ne*t ni#ht our mainto$/sail %as s$lit by the %ind" %hich" in the mornin#" increased to a hurricane& + %as a%akened by a most horrible din" occasioned by the $lay of the #un carria#es u$on the decks above" the crackin# of cabins" the ho%lin# of the %ind throu#h the shrouds" the confused noise of the shi$'s cre%" the $i$es of the boats%ain and his mates" the trum$ets of the lieutenants" and

the clankin# of the chain $um$s& 0or#an %ho had never been at sea before" turned out in a #reat hurry" cryin#" 7!ot have mercy and com$assion u$on us8 + believe" %e have cot u$on the confines of 1ucifer and the d//n'd87 %hile $oor Thom$son lay -uakin# in his hammock" $uttin# u$ $etitions to heaven for our safety& + rose and )oined the ,elshman" %ith %hom 5after havin# fortified ourselves %ith brandy6 + %ent above' but if my sense of hearin# %as startled before" ho% must my si#ht have been a$alled in beholdin# the effects of the storm8 The sea %as s%elled into billo%s mountain/hi#h" on the to$ of %hich our shi$ sometimes hun# as if it %ere about to be $reci$itated to the abyss belo%8 Sometimes %e sank bet%een t%o %aves that rose on each side hi#her than our to$mast/head" and threatened by dashin# to#ether to over%helm us in a moment8 Of all our fleet" consistin# of a hundred and fifty sail" scarce t%elve a$$eared" and these drivin# under their bare $oles" at the mercy of the tem$est& At len#th the mast of one of them #ave %ay" and tumbled overboard %ith a hideous crash8 4or %as the $ros$ect in our o%n shi$ much more a#reeable' a number of officers and sailors ran back%ard and for%ard %ith distraction in their looks" halloain# to one another" and undetermined %hat they should attend to first& Some clun# to the yards" endeavourin# to unbend the sails that %ere s$lit into a thousand $ieces fla$$in# in the %ind' others tried to furl those %hich %ere yet %hole" %hile the masts" at every $itch" bent and -uivered like t%i#s" as if they %ould have shivered into innumerable s$linters8 ,hile + considered this scene %ith e-ual terror and astonishment" one of the main braces broke" by the shock %hereof t%o sailors %ere flun# from the yard's arm into the sea" %here they $erished" and $oor :ack Rattlin thro%n do%n u$on the deck" at the e*$ense of a broken le#& 0or#an and + ran immediately to his assistance" and found a s$linter of the shin/bone thrust by the violence of the fall throu#h the skin' as this %as a case of too #reat conse-uence to be treated %ithout the authority of the doctor + %ent do%n to his cabin to inform him of the accident" as %ell as to brin# u$ dressin#s %hich %e al%ays ke$t ready $re$ared& + entered his a$artment %ithout any ceremony" and" by the #limmerin# of a lam$" $erceived him on his knees before somethin# that very much resembled a crucifi*' but this + %ill not insist u$on" that + may not seem too much a slave to common re$ort" %hich indeed assisted my con)ecture on this occasion" by re$resentin# 9r& 0ackshane as a member of the church of Rome& Be this as it %ill" he #ot u$ in a sort of confusion" occasioned 5+ su$$ose6 by his bein# disturbed in his devotion" and in a trice snatched the sub)ect of my sus$icion from my si#ht& After makin# an a$olo#y for my intrusion" + ac-uainted him %ith the situation of Rattlin" but could by no means $revail u$on him to visit him on deck" %here he lay' he bade me desire the boats%ain to order some of the men to carry him do%n to the cock$it" 7and in the meantime"7 said he" 7+ %ill direct Thom$son to #et ready the dressin#s&7 ,hen + si#nified to the boats%ain the doctor's desire" he s%ore a terrible oath" that he could not s$are one man from deck" because he e*$ected the mast %ould #o by the board every minute& This $iece of information did not at all contribute to my $eace of mind' ho%ever" as my friend Rattlin com$lained very much" %ith the assistance of 0or#an + su$$orted him to the lo%er deck" %hither 0r& 0ackshane" after much entreaty" ventured to come" attended by Thom$son" %ith a bo* full of dressin#s" and his o%n servant" %ho carried a %hole set of ca$ital instruments& He e*amined the fracture and the %ound" and concludin#" from a livid colour e*tendin# itself

u$on the limb" that mortification %ould ensue" resolved to am$utate the le# immediately& This %as a dreadful sentence to the $atient" %ho" recruitin# himself %ith a -uid of tobacco" $ronounced %ith a %oful countenance" 7,hat8 is there no remedy" doctor8 must + be dock'd= can't you s$lice it=7 7Assuredly" 9octor 0ackshane"7 said the first mate" 7%ith submission" and deference" and veneration" to your su$erior a$ilities" and o$$ortunities" and stations" look you" + do a$$rehend" and con)ure" and aver" that there is no occasion nor necessity to smite off this $oor man's le#&7 72od Almi#hty bless you" dear ,elshman87 cried Rattlin" 7may you have fair %ind and %eather %heresoever you're bound" and come to an anchor in the road of heaven at last87 0ackshane" very much incensed at his mate's differin# in o$inion from him" so o$enly" ans%ered" that he %as not bound to #ive an account of his $ractice to him' and in a $erem$tory tone" ordered him to a$$ly the tourni-uet& At the si#ht of %hich" :ack" startin# u$" cried" 7Avast" avast8 9//n my heart" if you cla$ your ni$$ers on me" till + kno% %herefore8 0r& Random" %on't you lend a hand to%ards savin# my $recious limb8 Odd's heart" if 1ieutenant Bo%lin# %as here" he %ould not suffer :ack Rattlin's le# to be cho$$ed off like a $iece of old )unk&7 This $athetic address to me" )oined to my inclination to serve my honest friend" and the reasons + had to believe there %as no dan#er in delayin# the am$utation" induced me to declare myself of the first mate's o$inion" and affirm that the $reternatural colour of the skin %as o%in# to an inflammation" occasioned by a contusion" and common in all such cases" %ithout any indication of an a$$roachin# #an#rene& 0or#an" %ho had a #reat o$inion of my skill" manifestly e*ulted in my fello%shi$" and asked Thom$son's sentiments in the matter" in ho$es of stren#thenin# our association %ith him too' but he" bein# of a meek dis$osition" and either dreadin# the enmity of the sur#eon" or s$eakin# the dictates of his o%n )ud#ment" in a modest manner es$oused the o$inion of 0ackshane" %ho by this time havin# consulted %ith himself" determined to act in such a manner as to screen himself from censure" and at the same time reven#e himself on us" for our arro#ance in contradictin# him& ,ith this vie%" he asked if %e %ould undertake to cure the le# at our $eril( that is" be ans%erable for the conse-uence& To this -uestion" 0or#an re$lied" that the lives of his creatures are at the hands of !ot alone' and it %ould be #reat $resum$tion in him to undertake for an event that %as in the $o%er of his 0aker" no more than the doctor could $romise to cure all the sick to %hom he administered his assistance' but if the $atient %ould $ut himself under our direction" %e %ould do our endeavour to brin# his distem$er to a favourable issue" to %hich at $resent %e sa% no obstruction& + si#nified my concurrence' and Rattlin %as so over)oyed that" shakin# us both by the hands" he s%ore nobody else should touch him" and" if he died" his blood should be u$on his o%n head& 0r& 0ackshane" flatterin# himself %ith the $ros$ect of our miscarria#e" %ent a%ay" and left us to mana#e it as %e should think $ro$er' accordin#ly" havin# sa%ed off $art of the s$linter that stuck throu#h the skin" %e reduced the fracture" dressed the %ound" a$$lied the ei#hteen/tailed banda#e" and $ut the le# in a bo*" secundam artem& Everythin# succeeded accordin# to our %ish" and %e had the satisfaction of not only $reservin# the $oor fello%'s le#" but like%ise of renderin# the doctor contem$tible amon# the shi$'s com$any" %ho had all their eyes on us durin# the course of this cure" %hich %as com$leted in si* %eeks&

!HAPTER ..+. 0ackshane's malice//+ am taken u$ and im$risoned for a s$y//0or#an meets %ith the same fate//Thom$son is tam$ered %ith to turn evidence a#ainst us//disdains the $ro$osal" and is maltreated for his inte#rity//0or#an is released to assist the Sur#eon durin# an en#a#ement %ith some rench shi$s/of/%ar//+ remain fettered on the $oo$" e*$osed to the enemy's shot" and #ro% delirious %ith fear//am comforted after the battle by 0or#an" %ho s$eaks freely of the ca$tain" is overheard by the sentinel" %ho informs a#ainst him" and a#ain im$risoned//Thom$son #ro%s des$erate" and" not%ithstandin# the remonstrances of 0or#an and me" #oes overboard in the ni#ht +n the meantime the storm subsided into a brisk #ale" that carried us into the %arm latitudes" %here the %eather became intolerable" and the cre% very sickly& The doctor left nothin# unattem$ted to%ards the com$letion of his ven#eance a#ainst the ,elshman and me& He %ent amon# the sick under $retence of in-uirin# into their #rievances" %ith a vie% of $ickin# u$ com$laints to our $re)udice' but" findin# himself frustrated in that e*$ectation by the #ood%ill %e bad $rocured from the $atients by our dili#ence and humanity" he took the resolution of listenin# to our conversation" by hidin# himself behind the canvas that surrounded our berth' here too he %as detected by the boy of our mess" %ho ac-uainted us %ith this $iece of behaviour" and one ni#ht" %hile %e %ere $ickin# a lar#e bone of salt beef" 0or#an discerned somethin# stir on the outside of our han#in#s" %hich immediately inter$retin# to be the doctor" he ti$$ed me the %ink" and $ointed to the $lace" %here + could $erceive somebody standin#' u$on %hich" + snatched u$ the bone" and levelled it %ith all my force at him" sayin#" 7,hoever you are" take that for your curiosity&7 +t had the desired effect" for %e heard the listener tumble do%n" and after%ards cra%l to his o%n cabin& + a$$lauded myself much for this feat" %hich turned out one of the most unlucky e*$loits of my life" 0ackshane" from that time" markin# me out for destruction& About a %eek after this e*$loit" as + %as #oin# my rounds amon# the sick" + %as taken $risoner" and carried to the $oo$ by the master/at/arms" %here + %as loaded %ith irons" and sta$led to the deck" on $retence that + %as a s$y on board" and had cons$ired a#ainst the ca$tain's life& Ho% ridiculous soever this im$utation %as" + did not fail to suffer by it all the ri#our that could be sho%n to the %orst of criminals" bein# e*$osed in this miserable condition to the scorchin# heat of the sun by day" and the un%holesome dam$s by ni#ht" durin# the s$ace of t%elve days" in %hich + %as neither brou#ht to trial" nor e*amined touchin# the $robability of the char#e& + had no sooner recovered the use of my reflection" %hich had been -uite overthro%n by this accident" than + sent for Thom$son" %ho" after condolin# me on the occasion" hinted" that + o%ed this misfortune to the hatred of the doctor" %ho had #iven an information a#ainst me to the ca$tain" in conse-uence of %hich + %as arrested" and all my $a$ers sei3ed& ,hile + %as cursin# my ca$ricious fate" + sa% 0or#an ascend the $oo$" #uarded by t%o cor$orals" %ho made him sit do%n by me" that he mi#ht be $inioned in the same machine& 4ot%ithstandin# my situation" + could scarce refrain from lau#hin# at the countenance of my fello% $risoner" %ho" %ithout s$eakin# one %ord" allo%ed his feet to be inclosed in the

rin#s $rovided for that $ur$ose' but" %hen they $retended to fasten him on his back he #re% outra#eous" and dra%in# a lar#e couteau from his side/$ocket" threatened to ri$ u$ the belly of the first man that should a$$roach him" in order to treat him in such an un%orthy manner& They %ere $re$ared to use him very rou#hly" %hen the lieutenant on the -uarter/deck called u$ to them to let him remain as he %as& He then cre$t to%ards me" and" takin# me by the hand" bade me 7$ut my trust in !ot&7 And lookin# at Thom$son" %ho sat by us tremblin#" %ith a $ale visa#e' told him there %ere t%o more rin#s for his feet" and he should be #lad to find him in such #ood com$any& But it %as not the intention of our adversary to include the second mate in our fate( him he e*$ected to be his drud#e in attendin# the sick and" if $ossible" his evidence a#ainst us( %ith this vie% he sounded him afar off" but" findin# his inte#rity incorru$tible" harrassed him so much out of s$ite" that in a short time this mild creature #re% %eary of his life& ,hile + and my fello% $risoner comforted each other in our tribulation" the admiral discovered four sail to lee%ard and made si#nal for our shi$ and four more to chase( hereu$on everythin# %as cleared for an en#a#ement" and 0ackshane" foreseein# he should have occasion for more assistants than one obtained 0or#an's liberty" %hile + %as let in this de$lorable $osture to the chance of battle& +t %as almost dark %hen %e came u$ %ith the sternmost chase" %hich %e hailed" and in-uired %ho they %ere& They #ave us to understand they %ere rench men/of/%ar" u$on %hich !a$tain Oakum commanded them to send their boat on board of him8 but they refused" tellin# him" if he had any business %ith them" to come on board of their shi$( he then threatened to $our in a broadside u$on them" %hich they $romised to retain& Both sides %ere as #ood as their %ord" and the en#a#ement be#an %ith #reat fury& The reader may #uess ho% + $assed my time" lyin# in this hel$less situation" amidst the terrors of a sea/fi#ht' e*$ectin# every moment to be cut asunder" or dashed in $ieces by the enemy's shot8 + endeavoured to com$ose myself as much as $ossible" by reflectin# that + %as not a %hit more e*$osed than those %ho %ere stationed about me' but" %hen + beheld them em$loyed %ithout intermission in annoyin# the foe" and encoura#ed by the society and behaviour of one another" + could easily $erceive a %ide difference bet%een their condition and mine( ho%ever" + concealed my a#itation as %ell as + could till the head of the officer of marines %ho stood near me" bein# shot off" bounced from the deck ath%art my face" leavin# me %ell ni#h blinded %ith brains& + could contain myself no lon#er" but be#an to bello% %ith all the stren#th of my lun#s' %hen a drummer" comin# to%ards me asked if + %as %ounded" and" before + could ans%er" received a #reat shot in his belly" %hich tore out his entrails" and he fell flat on my breast& This accident entirely bereft me of all discretion' + redoubled my cries" %hich %ere dro%ned in the noise of the battle' and" findin# myself disre#arded" lost all $atience" and& became frantic& + vented my ra#e in oaths and e*ecrations" till my s$irits" bein# -uite e*hausted" + remained -uiet" as insensible of the load that o$$ressed me& The en#a#ement lasted till broad day" %hen !a$tain Oakum" findin# he %as like to #ain neither honour nor advanta#e by the affair" $retended to be undeceived by seein# their colours' and" hailin# the shi$ %hom he had fou#ht all ni#ht" $rotested he believed them S$aniards' and the #uns bein# silenced on each side" ordered the bar#e to be hoisted out" and %ent on board the rench commodore&

Our loss amounted to ten killed" and ei#hteen %ounded" most $art of %hom after%ards died& 0y fello%/mates bad no sooner des$atched their business in the cock/$it" than" full of friendly concern" they came to visit me& 0or#an" ascendin# first" and seein# my face almost covered %ith brains and blood" concluded + %as no lon#er a man for this %orld' and" callin# to Thom$son %ith #reat emotion" bade him come u$" and take his last fare%ell of his comrade and countryman" %ho %as $osted to a better $lace" %here there %ere no 0ackshanes nor Oakums to as$erse and torment him& 74o"7 said he" takin# me by the hand" 7you are #oin# to a country %here there is more res$ect so%n to unfortunate shentlemen" and %here you %ill have the satisfaction of $eholdin# your adversaries tossin# u$on $illo%s of $urnin# $rimstone&7 Thom$son" alarmed at this a$ostro$he" made haste to the $lace %here + lay" and sittin# do%n by me" %ith tears in his eyes in-uired into the nature of my calamity& By this time + had recollected myself so far as to be able to converse rationally %ith my friends" %hom" to their #reat satisfaction" + immediately undeceived %ith re#ard to their a$$rehension of my bein# mortally %ounded& After + had #ot myself disen#a#ed from the carna#e in %hich + %allo%ed" and $artaken of a refreshment %hich my friends brou#ht alon# %ith them" %e entered into discourse u$on the hardshi$s %e sustained" and s$oke very freely of the author of our misery' but our discourse bein# overheard by the sentinel %ho #uarded me" he %as no sooner relieved than he re$orted to the ca$tain every syllable of our conversation" accordin# to the orders he had received& The effect of this information soon a$$eared in the arrival of the master/at/arms" %ho re$laced 0or#an in his former station" and #ave the second mate a caution to kee$ a strict #uard over his ton#ue" if he did not choose to accom$any us in our confinement& Thom$son" foreseein# that the %hole slavery of attendin# the sick and %ounded" as %ell as the cruelty of 0ackshane" must no% fall u$on his shoulders" #re% des$erate at the $ros$ect" and" thou#h + never heard him s%ear before" im$recated dreadful curses on the heads of his o$$ressors" declarin# that he %ould rather -uit life alto#ether than be much lon#er under the $o%er of such barbarians& + %as not a little startled at his vivacity" and endeavoured to alleviate his com$laints" by re$resentin# the sub)ect of my o%n" %ith as much a##ravation as it %ould bear" by %hich com$arison he mi#ht see the balance of misfortune lay on my side" and take an e*am$le from me of fortitude and submission" till such time as %e could $rocure redress" %hich + ho$ed %as not far off" considerin# that %e should $robably be in a harbour in less than three days" %here %e should have an o$$ortunity of $referrin# our com$laints to the admiral& The ,elshman )oined in my remonstrance" and %as at #reat $ains to demonstrate that it %as every man's duty as %ell as interest to resi#n himself to the divine %ill" and look u$on himself as n sentinel u$on duty" %ho is by no means at liberty to leave his $ost before he is relieved& Thom$son listened attentively to %hat he said" and at last" sheddin# a flood of tears" shook his hand" and left us %ithout makin# any re$ly& About eleven at ni#ht he came to see us a#ain %ith a settled #loom on his countenance" and #ave us to understand that he had under#one e*cessive toil since he sa% us" and in recom$ense had been #rossly abused by the doctor" %ho ta*ed him %ith bein# confederate %ith us" in a desi#n of takin# a%ay his life and that of the ca$tain& After some time s$ent in mutual e*hortation" he #ot u$" and s-uee3in# me by the hand %ith uncommon fervour" cried" 72od bless you both87 and left us to %onder at his

sin#ular manner of $artin# %ith us" %hich did not fail to make a dee$ im$ression on us both& 4e*t mornin#" %hen the hour of visitation came round" the unha$$y youn# man %as missin#" and" after strict search" su$$osed to have #one overboard in the ni#ht' and this %as certainly the case& !HAPTER ... ,e lament the fate of our com$anion//the !a$tain offers 0or#an his liberty" %hich he refuses to acce$t//%e are brou#ht before him and e*amined//0or#an is sent back into custody" %hither also + am remanded after a curious trial The ne%s of this event affected my fello% $risoner and me e*tremely" as our unfortunate com$anion had )ustly ac-uired by his amiable dis$osition the love and esteem of us both' and the more %e re#retted his untimely fate" the #reater horror %e conceived for the villain %ho %as undoubtedly the occasion of it& This abandoned miscreant did not discover the least sym$tom of concern for Thom$son's death" althou#h he must have been conscious to himself of havin# driven him by ill usa#e to the fatal resolution" but desired the ca$tain to set 0or#an at liberty a#ain to look after the $atients& Accordin#ly one of the cor$orals %as sent u$ to unfetter him" but he $rotested he %ould not be released until he should kno% for %hat he %as confined' nor %ould he be a tennisball" nor a shuttlecock" nor a trud#e" nor a scullion" to any ca$tain under the sun& Oakum" findin# him obstinate" and fearin# it %ould not be in his $o%er to e*ercise his tyranny much lon#er %ith im$unity" %as %illin# to sho% some a$$earance of )ustice and therefore ordered us both to be brou#ht before him on the -uarter/deck" %here he sat in state" %ith his cleric on one side" and his counsellor 0ackshane on the other& ,hen %e a$$roached" he honoured us %ith this salutation( 7So" #entlemen" d//n my blood8 many a ca$tain in the navy %ould have ordered you both to be tucked u$ to the yard's arm" %ithout either )ud#e or )ury" for the crimes you have been #uilty of' but" d//n my blood" + have too much #ood nature in allo%in# such do#s as you to make defence&7 7!a$tain Oakum"7 said my fello%/sufferer" 7certainly it is in your $o%er 5!ot hel$ the %hile6 to tack us all u$ at your %ill" desire" and $leasures& And $erha$s it %ould be $etter for some of us to be tucked u$ than to under#o the miseries to %hich %e have been e*$osed& So may the farmer han# his kids for his diversion" and amusement" and mirth' but there is such a thin# as )ustice" if not u$on earth" surely in heaven" that %ill $unish %ith fire and $rimstone all those %ho take a%ay the lives of innocent $eo$le out of %antonness" and $ar$arity 5look you6& +n the mean time& + shall be #lad to kno% the crimes laid to my char#e" and see the $erson %ho accuses me&7 7That you shall"7 said the ca$tain' 7here" doctor" %hat have you to say=7 0ackshane" ste$$in# for%ard" hemmed a #ood %hile" in order to clear his throat" and" before he be#an" 0or#an accosted him thus( 79octor 0ackshane" look in my face//look in the face of an honest man" %ho abhors a false %itness as he abhors the tevil" and !ot be )ud#e bet%een you and me&7 The doctor" not mindin# this con)uration" made the follo%in# s$eech& as near as + can remember( 7+'ll tell you %hat" 0r& 0or#an' to be sure %hat you say is )ust" in re#ard to an honest man" and if so be it a$$ears as ho% you are an honest man" then it is my o$inion that you deserve to be ac-uitted" in relation to that there affair"

for + tell you %hat" !a$tain Oakum is resolved for to do everybody )ustice& As for my o%n $art" all that + have to alle#e is" that + have been informed you have s$oken disres$ectful %ords a#ainst your ca$tain" %ho" to be sure" is the most honourable and #enerous commander in the kin#'s service" %ithout as$ara#ement or acce$tion of man" %oman" or child&7 Havin# uttered this ele#ant haran#ue" on %hich he seemed to $lume himself" 0or#an re$lied" 7+ do $artly #uess" and conceive" and understand your meanin#" %hich + %ish could be more e*$licit' but" ho%ever" + do su$$ose" + am not to be condemned u$on bare hearsay' or" if + am convicted of s$eakin# disres$ectfully of !a$tain Oakum" + ho$e there is no treason in my %ords&7 7But there's mutiny" by 2//d" and that's death by the articles of %ar87 cried Oakum( 7+n the meantime" let the %itnesses be called&7 Hereu$on 0ackshane's servant a$$eared" and the boy of our mess" %hom they had seduced and tutored for the $ur$ose& The first declared" that 0or#an as he descended the cock$it/ladder one day" cursed the ca$tain" and called him a sava#e beast" sayin#" he ou#ht to be hunted do%n as an enemy to mankind& 7This"7 said the clerk" 7is a stron# $resum$tion of a desi#n" formed a#ainst the ca$tain's life& or %hy= +t $resu$$oses malice aforethou#ht" and a criminal intention a $riori&7 7Ri#ht"7 said the ca$tain to this miserable #rub" %ho had been an attorney's boy" 7you shall have la% enou#h( here's !ook and 1ittle)ohn to it&7 This evidence %as confirmed by the boy" %ho affirmed" he heard the first mate say" that the ca$tain had no more bo%els than a bear" and the sur#eon had no more brain than an ass& Then the sentinel" %ho heard our discourse on the $oo$ %as e*amined" and informed the court that the ,elshman assured me" !a$tain Oakum and 9octor 0ackshane %ould toss u$on billo%s of burnin# brimstone in bell for their barbarity& The clerk observed" that there %as an evident $re)udication" %hich confirmed the former sus$icion of a cons$iracy a#ainst the life of !a$tain Oakum' for" because" ho% could 0or#an so $ositively $ronounce that the ca$tain and sur#eon %ould d//n'd" unless he had intention to make a%ay %ith them before they could have time to re$ent= This sa#e e*$lanation had #reat %ei#ht %ith our noble commander" %ho e*claimed" 7,hat have you to say to this" Taffy= yon seem to be taken all a/back" brother" ha87 0or#an %as too much of a #entleman to diso%n the te*t" althou#h he absolutely denied the truth of the comment& U$on %hich the ca$tain" struttin# u$ to him %ith a ferocious countenance" said" 7So 0r& son of a bitch" you confess you honoured me %ith the names of bear and beast" and $ronounced my damnation= 9//n my heart8 + have a #ood mind to have you brou#ht to a court/martial and han#'d" you do#&7 Here 0ackshane" havin# occasion for an assistant" inter$osed" and be##ed the ca$tain to $ardon 0r& 0or#an %ith his %onted #oodness" u$on condition that he the delin-uent should make such submission as the nature of his misdemeanour demanded& U$on %hich the !ambro/Briton" %ho on this occasion %ould have made no submission to the 2reat 0o#ul" surrounded %ith his #uards" thanked the doctor for his mediation" and ackno%led#ed himself in the %ron# for callin# the ima#e of !ot a $east& 7but"7 said he" 7+ s$oke by meta$hor" and $arable" and com$arison" and ty$es' as %e si#nify meekness by a lamb" lechery by a #oat" and craftiness by a fo*' so %e liken i#norance to an ass" and brutality to a bear" and fury to a ti#er' therefore + made use of these similes to e*$ress my sentiments 5look you6" and %hat + said before !ot" + %ill not unsay before man nor $east neither&7 Oakum %as so $rovoked at this insolence 5as he termed it"6 that he

ordered him forth%ith to be carried to the $lace of his confinement" and his clerk to $roceed on the e*amination of me& The first -uestion $ut to me %as touchin# the $lace of my nativity" %hich + declared to be the north of Scotland& 7The north of +reland more like87 cried the ca$tain' 7but %e shall brin# you u$ $resently&7 He then asked %hat reli#ion + $rofessed' and %hen + ans%ered 7the Protestant"7 s%ore + %as an arrant Roman as ever %ent to mass& 7!ome" come" clerk"7 continued he" 7catechise him a little on this sub)ect&7 But before + relate the $articulars of the clerk's in-uiries" it %ill not be amiss to inform the reader that our commander himself %as an Hibernian" and" if not shre%dly belied" a Roman !atholic to boot& 7>ou say" you are a Protestant"7 said the clerk' 7make the si#n of the cross %ith your fin#er" so" and s%ear u$on it to that affirmation&7 ,hen + %as about to $erform the ceremony" the ca$tain cried %ith some emotion" 74o" no" d//me8 +'ll have no $rofanation neither& But #o on %ith your interro#ations&7 7,ell then"7 $roceeded my e*aminer" 7ho% many sacraments are there=7 To %hich + re$lied" 7T%o&7 7,hat are they=7 said he& + ans%ered" 7Ba$tism and the 1ord's Su$$er&7 7And so you %ould e*$lode confirmation and marria#e alto#ether=7 said Oakum& 7+ thou#ht this fello% %as a rank Roman&7 The clerk" thou#h he %as bred under an attorney" could not refrain from blushin# at this blunder" %hich he endeavoured to conceal" by observin#" that these decoys %ould not do %ith me" %ho seemed to be an old offender& He %ent on %ith askin#" if + believed in transubstantiation' but + treated the notion of real $resence %ith such disres$ect" that his $atron %as scandalised at my im$iety" and commanded him to $roceed to the $lot& ,hereu$on this miserable $ettifo##er told me" there %as #reat reason to sus$ect me of bein# a s$y on board" and that + had entered into a cons$iracy %ith Thom$son" and others not yet detected" a#ainst the life of !a$tain Oakum" %hich accusation they $retended to su$$ort by the evidence of our boy" %ho declared he had often heard the deceased Thom$son and me %his$erin# to#ether" and could distin#uish the %ords" 7Oakum" rascal" $oison" $istol'7 by %hich e*$ressions it a$$eared" %e did intend to use sinister means to accom$lish his destruction& That the death of Thom$son seemed to confirm this con)ecture" %ho" either feelin# the stin#s of remorse for bein# en#a#ed in such a horrid confederacy" or fearin# a discovery" by %hich he must have infallibly suffered an i#nominious death" had $ut a fatal $eriod to his o%n e*istence& But %hat established the truth of the %hole %as" a book in cy$hers found amon# my $a$ers" %hich e*actly tallied %ith one found in his chest" after his disa$$earance& This" he observed" %as a $resum$tion very near $ositive $roof" and %ould determine any )ury in !hristendom to find me #uilty& +n my o%n defence" + alle#ed" that + had been dra##ed on board at first very much a#ainst my inclination" as + could $rove by the evidence of some $eo$le no% in the shi$" conse-uently could have no desi#n of becomin# s$y at that time' and ever since had been entirely out of the reach of any corres$ondence that could )ustly entail that sus$icion u$on me& As for cons$irin# a#ainst my ca$tain's life" it could not be su$$osed that any man in his ri#ht %its %ould harbour the least thou#ht of such an undertakin#" %hich he could not $ossibly $erform %ithout certain infamy and ruin to himself" even if he had all the inclination in the %orld& That" allo%in# the boy's evidence to be true 5%hich + affirmed %as false and malicious6" nothin# conclusive could be #athered from a fe% incoherent %ords' neither %as the fate of 0r& Thom$son a circumstance more favourable for the char#e' for + had in my $ocket a letter %hich too %ell e*$lained that mystery" in a very different manner from that %hich %as su$$osed& ,ith these

%ords" + $roduced the follo%in# letter" %hich :ack Rattlin brou#ht to me the very day after Thom$son disa$$eared' and told me it %as committed to his care by the deceased" %ho made him $romise not to deliver it sooner& The clerk" takin# it out of my hand" read aloud the contents" %hich %ere these' '9ear riend"//+ am so much o$$ressed %ith the fati#ue + daily and ni#htly under#o" and the barbarous usa#e of 9octor 0ackshane" %ho is bent on your destruction as %ell as mine" that + am resolved to free myself from this miserable life" and" before you receive this" shall be no more& + could have %ished to die in your #ood o$inion" %hich + am afraid + shall forfeit by the last act of my life' but" if you cannot ac-uit me" + kno% you %ill at least $reserve some re#ard for the memory of an unfortunate youn# man %ho loved you& + recommend it to you" to be%are of 0ackshane" %hose reven#e is im$lacable& + %ish all $ros$erity to you and 0r& 0or#an" to %hom $ray offer my last res$ects" and be# to be remembered as your unha$$y friend and countryman" ',illiam Thom$son&' This letter %as no sooner read" than 0ackshane" in a trans$ort of ra#e" snatched it out of the clerk's hands" and tore it into a thousand $ieces" sayin#" it %as a villainous for#ery" contrived and e*ecuted by myself& The ca$tain and clerk declared themselves of the same o$inion" althou#h + insisted of havin# the remains of it com$ared %ith other %ritin#s of Thom$son" %hich they had in their $ossession' and + %as ordered to ans%er the last article of my accusation" namely" the book of ci$hers found amon# my $a$ers& 7That is easily done"7 said +& 7,hat you are $leased to all ci$hers" are no other than the 2reek characters" in %hich" for my amusement" + kee$ a diary of everythin# remarkable that has occurred to my observation since the be#innin# of the voya#e" till the day in %hich + %as $ut in irons' and the same method %as $ractised by 0r& Thom$son" %ho co$ied mine&7 7A very likely story"7 cried 0ackshane' 7%hat occasion %as there for usin# 2reek characters" if you %ere not afraid of discoverin# %hat you had %rote= But %hat d'ye talk of 2reek characters= 9'ye think + am so i#norant of the 2reek lan#ua#e" as not to distin#uish its letters from these" %hich are no more 2reek than !hinese= 4o" no" + %ill not #ive u$ my kno%led#e of the 2reek for you" nor none that ever came from your country&7 So sayin#" %ith an un$aralleled effrontery" he re$eated some #ibberish" %hich by the sound seemed to be +rish" and made it $ass for 2reek %ith the ca$tain" %ho" lookin# at me %ith a contem$tuous sneer" e*claimed" 7Ah" ah8 have you cau#ht a tartar=7 + could not hel$ smilin# at the consummate assurance of this Hibernian" and offered to refer the dis$ute to anybody on board %ho understood the 2reek al$habet& U$on %hich 0or#an %as brou#ht back" and" bein# made ac-uainted %ith the affair" took the book" and read a %hole $a#e in En#lish" %ithout hesitation" decidin# the controversy in my favour& The doctor %as so far from bein# out of countenance at this detection" that he affirmed 0or#an %as in the secret" and re$eated from his o%n invention& Oakum said" 7Ay" ay" + see they are both in a story'7 and dismissed my fello%/mate to his cockloft" althou#h + $ro$osed that he and + should read and translate" se$arately" any cha$ter or verse in the 2reek Testament in his $ossession" by %hich it %ould a$$ear %hether %e or the sur#eon s$oke truth& 4ot bein# endued %ith elo-uence enou#h to convince the ca$tain that there

could be no )u##le nor confederacy in this e*$edient" + be##ed to be e*amined by some unconcerned $erson on board" %ho understood 2reek& Accordin#ly" the %hole shi$'s com$any" officers and all" %ere called u$on deck" amon# %hom it %as $roclaimed that" if anyone of them could s$eak 2reek" he or they so -ualified should ascend the -uarter/deck immediately& After some $ause" t%o foremast men came u$" and $rofessed their skill in that lan#ua#e" %hich" they said" they ac-uired durin# several voya#es to the 1evant" amon# the 2reeks of the 0orea& The ca$tain e*ulted much in this declaration" and $ut my )ournal book into the hands of one of them" %ho candidly o%ned he could neither read nor %rite' the other ackno%led#ed the same de#ree of i#norance" but $retended to s$eak the 2reek lin#o %ith any man on board' and" addressin# himself to me" $ronounced some sentences of a barbarous corru$ted lan#ua#e" %hich + did not understand& + asserted that the modern 2reek %as as different from that s$oken and %ritten by the ancients" as the En#lish used no% from the old Sa*on s$oke in the time of Hen#ist( and" as + had only learned the true ori#inal ton#ue" in %hich Homer" Pindar" the Evan#elists" and other #reat men of anti-uity %rote" it could not be su$$osed that + should kno% anythin# of an im$erfect 2othic dialect that rose on the ruins of the former" and scarce retained any traces of the old e*$ression( but" if 9octor 0ackshane" %ho $retended to be master of the 2reek lan#ua#e" could maintain a conversation %ith these seamen" + %ould retract %hat + had said" and be content to suffer any $unishment be should think $ro$er to inflict& + had no sooner uttered these %ords than the sur#eon" kno%in# one of the fello%s to be his countryman" accosted him in +rish" and %as ans%ered in the same bro#ue' then a dialo#ue ensued bet%een them" %hich they affirmed to be in 2reek" after havin# secured the secrecy of the other tar" %ho had his cue in the lan#ua#e of the 0orea" from his com$anion" before they %ould venture to assert such an intre$id falsehood& 7+ thou#ht"7 said Oakum" 7%e should discover the im$osture at last& 1et the rascal be carried back to his confinement& + find he must dan#le&7 Havin# nothin# further to ur#e in my o%n behalf" before a court so $re)udiced %ith s$ite" and fortified %ith i#norance a#ainst truth" + suffered myself to be reconducted $eaceably to my fello%/$risoner" %ho" hearin# the $articulars of my trial" lifted u$ his hands and eyes to Heaven" and uttered a dreadful #roan( and" not darin# to disburden his thou#hts to me by s$eech" lest he mi#ht be overheard by the sentinel" burst forth into a ,elsh son#" %hich he accom$anied %ith a thousand contortions of face and violent #estures of body& !HAPTER ...+ + discover a subornation a#ainst me" by means of a -uarrel bet%een t%o of the evidences' in conse-uence of %hich + am set at liberty" and $revail u$on 0or#an to acce$t of his freedom on the same terms//0ackshane's malice//%e arrive at :amaica" from %hence in a short time %e beat u$ to His$aniola" in con)unction %ith the ,est +ndia s-uadron//%e take in %ater" sail a#ain" and arrive at !artha#ena//Reflections on our conduct there 0ean%hile" a -uarrel ha$$enin# bet%een the t%o modern 2reeks" the one" to be reven#ed of the other" came and discovered to us the mystery of 0ackshane's dialo#ue" as + have e*$lained it above& This detection comin# to the ears of the doctor" %ho %as sensible that 5no% %e %ere in si#ht of :amaica6 %e should have an o$$ortunity of

clearin# ourselves before a court/martial" and" at the same time" of makin# his malice and i#norance cons$icuous" he interceded for us %ith the ca$tain so effectually" that in a fe% hours %e %ere set at liberty" and ordered to return to our duty& This %as a ha$$y event for me" my %hole body bein# blistered by the sun" and my limbs benumbed by %ant of motion( but + could scarce $ersuade the ,elshman to acce$t of this indul#ence" he $ersisted in his obstinacy to remain in irons" until he should be dischar#ed by a court/martial" %hich" he believed& %ould also do him )ustice on his enemies& At len#th + re$resented to him the $recarious issue of a trial" the $o%er and interest of his adversaries" and flattered his reven#e %ith the ho$e of %reakin# his resentment %ith his o%n hands u$on 0ackshane after our return to En#land& This last ar#ument had more %ei#ht %ith him than all the rest" and $revailed u$on him to re$air %ith me to the cock$it" %hich + no sooner entered" than the idea of my de$arted friend $resented itself to my remembrance" and filled my eyes %ith tears& ,e dischar#ed from our mess the boy %ho had acted so $erfidiously" not%ithstandin# his tears" intreaties" and of $enitence for %hat he had done' but not before he had confessed that the sur#eon had bribed him to #ive evidence a#ainst us" %ith a $air of stockin#s and a cou$le of old check shirts" of %hich his servant had since $lundered him& The keys of our chests and lockers bein# sent to us by the doctor" %e detained the messen#er until %e had e*amined the contents' and my fello%/mate" findin# all his !heshire cheese consumed to a crust" his brandy e*hausted" and his onions #one" %as sei3ed %ith a fit of choler" %hich he dischar#ed on 0ackshane's man in oaths and e*ecrations" threatenin# to $rosecute him as a thief& The fello% s%ore in his turn" that he never had the keys in his $ossession till that time" %hen he received them from his master %ith orders to deliver them to us& 7As !ot is my )ud#e"7 cried 0or#an" 7and my salfation" and my %itness' %hosoever has $ilfered my $rovisions is a lousy" $e##arly" rascally knave8 and by the soul of my #randsire" + %ill im$each" and accuse" and indict him" of a ro$$ery" if + did but kno% %ho he is&7 Had this misfortune ha$$ened at see" %here %e could not re$air the loss" in all $robability this descendant of !aractacus %ould have lost his %its entirely' but" %hen + observed ho% easy it %ould be to remedy this $altry mischance" he became more calm" and reconciled himself to the occasion& A little %hile after this trans$ort the sur#eon came into the birth" under $retence of takin# somethin# out of the medicine chest" and" %ith a smilin# as$ect" %ished us )oy of our deliverance" %hich" he said" he had been at #reat $ains to obtain of the ca$tain" %ho %as very )ustly incensed at our behaviour' but he" the doctor" had $assed his %ord for our future conduct" and he ho$ed %e should #ive him no cause to re$ent of his kindness& He e*$ected" no doubt" an ackno%led#ment from us for this $retended $iece of service" as %ell as a #eneral amnesty of %hat %as $ast' but he had to do %ith $eo$le %ho %ere not -uite so a$t to for#ive in)uries as he ima#ined" or to for#et that" if our deliverance %as o%in# to his mediation" our calamity %as occasioned by his malice' + therefore sat silent" %hile my com$anion ans%ered" 7Ay" ay" 'tis no matter" !ot kno%s the heart' there is a time for all thin#s" as the %ise man saith' there is a time for thro%in# a%ay stones" and to #ather them u$&7 He seemed to be disconcerted at this re$ly" and %ent a%ay in a $et" mutterin# somethin# about 7+n#ratitude"7 and 7 ello%s"7 of %hich %e did not think fit to take any notice&

Our fleet" havin# )oined another that %aited for us" lay at anchor about a month in the harbour of Port Royal in :amaica" durin# %hich time somethin# of conse-uence %as certainly transacted' not%ithstandin# the insinuations of some" %ho affirmed %e had no business at all in that $lace' that" in order to take the advanta#e of the season $ro$er for our enter$rise" the ,est +ndia s-uadron" %hich had $revious notice of our comin#" ou#ht to have )oined us at the %est end of His$aniola" %ith necessary stores and refreshments" from %hence %e could have sailed directly for !artha#ena" before the enemy could $ut themselves in a #ood $osture of defence" or" indeed" have an inklin# of our desi#n& Be this as it %ill" %e sailed from :amaica" and" in ten days or a fortni#ht" beat u$ a#ainst the %ind as far as the +sle of ;ache" %ith an intention" as %as said" to attack the rench fleet" then su$$osed to be lyin# near that $lace' but before %e arrived" they had sailed for Euro$e" havin# first dis$atched an advice/boat to !artha#ena" %ith an account of our bein# in those seas" as also of our stren#th and destination& ,e loitered here some days lon#er" takin# in %ood and brackish %ater" in the use %hereof" ho%ever" our admiral seemed to consult the health of the men" by restrictin# each to a -uart a day& At len#th %e set sail" and arrived in a bay to the %ind%ard of !artha#ena" %here %e came to an anchor" and lay at our ease ten days lon#er& Here" a#ain" certain malicious $eo$le took occasion to blame the conduct of their su$eriors" by sayin#" that in so doin# they not only un$rofitably %asted time" %hich %as very $recious" considerin# the a$$roach of the rainy season" but also allo%ed the S$aniards to recollect themselves from a terror occasioned by the a$$roach of an En#lish fleet" at least three times as numerous as ever a$$eared in that $art of the %orld before& But if + mi#ht be allo%ed to #ive my o$inion of the matter" + %ould ascribe this delay to the #enerosity of our chiefs" %ho scorned to take any advanta#e that fortune mi#ht #ive them even over an enemy& At last" ho%ever" %e %ei#hed" and anchored a#ain some%hat nearer the harbour's mouth" %here %e made shift to land our marines" %ho encam$ed on the beach" in des$ite of the enemy's shot" %hich knocked a #ood many of them on the head& This $iece of conduct" in choosin# a cam$ under the %alls of an enemy's fortification" %hich + believe never ha$$ened before" %as $ractised" + $resume" %ith a vie% of accustomin# the soldiers to stand fire" %ho %ere not as yet much used to disci$line" most of them havin# been taken from the $lou#h/tail a fe% months before& This e*$edient" a#ain" has furnished matter for censure a#ainst the ministry" for sendin# a fe% ra% recruits on such an im$ortant enter$rise" %hile so many veteran re#iments lay inactive at home& But surely our #overnors had their reasons for so doin#" %hich $ossibly may be disclosed %ith other secrets of the dee$& Perha$s they %ere loth to risk their best troo$s on such des$erate service" or the colonel and the field officers of the old cor$s" %ho" #enerally s$eakin#" en)oyed their commissions as sinecures or $ensions" for some domestic services rendered to the court" refused to embark in such a dan#erous and $recarious undertakin#' for %hich refusal" no doubt" they are to be much commended& !HA TER ..++ Our 1and orces bein# disembarked" erect a fascine battery/our shi$ is ordered" %ith four more" to batter the $ort of Bocca

!hica//0ackshane's co%ardice/the !ha$lain's fren3y//honest Rattlin loses one hand//his heroism and reflections on the battle//!ram$ley's behaviour to me durin# the heat of the i#ht Our forces bein# landed and stationed as + have already mentioned" set about erectin# a fascine battery to cannonade the $rinci$al fort of the enemy' and in somethin# more than three %eeks" it %as ready to o$en& That %e mi#ht do the S$aniards as much honour as $ossible" it %as determined" in a council of %ar" that five of our lar#est shi$s should attack the fort on one side" %hile the battery" stren#thened by t%o mortars and t%enty/four cohorns" should $ly it on the other& Accordin#ly" the si#nal for our shi$ to en#a#e" amon# others" %as hoisted" %e bein# advertised" the ni#ht before" to make everythin# clear for that $ur$ose' and" in so doin#" a difference ha$$ened bet%een !a$tain Oakum and his %ell/beloved cousin and counsellor 0ackshane" %hich had %ell ni#h terminated in an o$en ru$ture& The doctor" %ho had ima#ined there %as no more dan#er of bein# hurt by the enemy's shot in the cock$it than in the centre of the earth" %as lately informed that a sur#eon's mate had been killed in that $art of the shi$ by a cannon/ball from t%o small redoubts that %ere destroyed before the disembarkation of our soldiers' and therefore insisted u$on havin# a $latform raised for the convenience of the sick and %ounded in the after/hold" %here he deemed himself more secure than on the deck above& The ca$tain" offended at this e*traordinary $ro$osal" accused him of $usillanimity" and told him" there %as no room in the hold for such an occasion( or" if there %as" he could not e*$ect to be indul#ed more than the rest of the sur#eons of the navy" %ho used the cock$it for that $ur$ose& ear renderin# 0ackshane obstinate" he $ersisted in his demand" and sho%ed his instructions" by %hich it %as authorised' the ca$tain s%ore these instructions %ere dictated by a $arcel of la3y $oltroons %ho %ere never at sea' nevertheless he %as obli#ed to com$ly" and sent for the car$enter to #ive him orders about it& But" before any such measure could be taken" our si#nal %as thro%n out" and the doctor com$elled to trust his carcass in the cock$it" %here 0or#an and + %ere busy in $uttin# our instruments and dressin#s in order& Our shi$" %ith others destined for this service" immediately %ei#hed" and in less than half/an/hour came to an anchor before the castle of Bocca !hica" %ith a s$rin# u$on our cable" and the cannonadin# 5%hich indeed %as dreadful6 be#an& The sur#eon" after havin# crossed himself" fell flat on the deck' and the cha$lain and $urser" %ho %ere stationed %ith us in -uality of assistants" follo%ed his e*am$le" %hile the ,elshman and + sat u$on a chest lookin# at one another %ith #reat discom$osure" scarce able to refrain from the like $rostration& And that the reader may kno% it %as not a common occasion that alarmed us thus" + must inform him of the $articulars of this dreadful din that astonished us& The fire of the S$aniards $roceeded from ei#hty/four #reat #uns" besides a mortar and small arms" in Bocca !hica' thirty/si* in ort St& :ose$h' t%enty in t%o fascine batteries" and four men/of/%ar" mountin# si*ty/four #uns each& This %as ans%ered by our land/battery mounted %ith t%enty/ono cannon" t%o mortars" and t%enty/four cohorns" and five #reat shi$s of seventy or ei#hty #uns" that fired %ithout intermission& ,e had not been many minutes en#a#ed" %hen one of the sailors brou#ht

another on his back to the cock$it" %here he tossed him do%n like a ba# of oats" and $ullin# out his $ouch" $ut a lar#e che% of tobacco in his mouth %ithout s$eakin# a %ord& 0or#an immediately e*amined the condition of the %ounded man" and cried out" 7As + shall ans%er no%" the man is as tead as my #reat #randfather&7 79ead"7 said his comrade' 7he may be dead no%" for au#ht + kno%" but +'ll be d//d if he %as not alive %hen + took him u$&7 So sayin#" he %as about to return to his -uarters" %hen + bade him carry the body alon# %ith him" and thro% it overboard& 79//n the body87 said he" 7+ think 'tis fair enou#h if + take care of my o%n&7 0y fello% mate" snatchin# u$ the am$utation knife" $ursued him half/%ay u$ the cock/$it ladder" cryin#" 7>ou lousy rascal" is this the churchyard" or the charnel/house" or the se$ulchre" or the #ol#otha" of the shi$=//but %as sto$$ed in his career by one callin#" 7>o he" avast there//scaldin#s87 7Scaldin#s87 ans%ered 0or#an' 7!ot kno%s 'tis hot enou#h indeed( %ho are you= 7Here's one87 re$lied the voice' and + immediately kne% it to be that of my honest friend :ack Rattlin" %ho comin# to%ards me" told me" %ith #reat deliberation" he %as come to be docked at last" and discovered the remains of one hand" %hich had been shattered to $ieces %ith a #ra$e shot& + lamented %ith unfei#ned sorro% his misfortune" %hich he bore %ith heroic coura#e" observin#" that every shot had its commission( 7+t %as %ell it did not take him in the head8 or if it had" %hat then= he should have died bravely" fi#htin# for his kin# and country& 9eath %as a debt %hich every man o%ed" and must $ay' and that no% %as as %ell as another time&7 + %as much $leased and edified %ith the ma*ims of this sea/$hiloso$her" %ho endured the am$utation of his left hand %ithout shrinkin#" the o$eration bein# $erformed 5at his re-uest6 by me" after 0ackshane" %ho %as %ith difficulty $revailed to lift his head from the deck" had declared there %as a necessity for his losin# the limb& ,hile + %as em$loyed in dressin# the stum$" + asked :ack's o$inion of the battle" %ho" shakin# his head" frankly told me" he believed %e should do no #ood( 7 or %hy= because" instead of dro$$in# anchor close under shore" %here %e should have to deal %ith one corner of Bocca !hica only" %e had o$ened the harbour" and e*$osed ourselves to the %hole fire of the enemy from their shi$$in# and ort St& :ose$h" as %ell as from the castle %e intended to cannonade' that" besides" %e lay at too #reat a distance to dama#e the %alls" and three $arts in four of our shot did not take $lace' for there %as scarce anybody on board %ho understood the $ointin# of a #un& Ah8 2od hel$ us87 continued he" 7+f your kinsman" 1ieutenant Bo%lin#" had been here" %e should have had other #uess %ork&7 By this time" our $atients had increased to such a number" that %e did not kno% %hich to be#in %ith' and the first mate $lainly told the sur#eon" that if he did not #et u$ immediately and $erform his duty" he %ould com$lain of his behaviour to the admiral" and make a$$lication for his %arrant& This remonstrance effectually roused 0ackshane" %ho %as never deaf to an ar#ument in %hich he thou#ht his interest %as concerned' he therefore rose u$" and in order to stren#then his resolution" had recourse more than once to a case/bottle of rum" %hich he freely communicated to the cha$lain" and $urser" %ho had as much need of such e*traordinary ins$iration as himself& Bein# thus su$$orted" he %ent to %ork" and arms and le#s %ere he%ed do%n %ithout mercy& The fumes of the li-uor mountin# into the $arson's brain" cons$ired" %ith his former a#itation of s$irits" to make him -uite delirious' he stri$$ed himself to the skin' and" besmearin# his body %ith blood" could scarce be %ithheld from runnin# u$on deck in that condition& :ack Rattlin" scandalised at this de$ortment"

endeavoured to allay his trans$orts %ith reason' but findin# all he said ineffectual" and #reat confusion occasioned by his frolics" he knocked him do%n %ith his ri#ht hand" and by threats ke$t him -uiet in that state of humiliation& But it %as not in the $o%er of rum to elevate the $urser" %ho sat on the floor %rin#in# his hands" and cursin# the hour in %hich he left his $eaceable $rofession of a bre%er in Rochester" to en#a#e in such a life of terror and dis-uiet& ,hile %e diverted ourselves at the e*$ense of this $oor devil" a shot ha$$ened to take us bet%een %ind and %ater" and 5its course bein# throu#h the $urser's store room6 made a terrible havoc and noise amon# the )ars and bottles in its %ay" and disconcerted 0ackshane so much" that he dro$$ed his scal$el" and fallin# do%n on his knees" $ronounced his Pater/noster aloud( the $urser fell back%ard" and lay %ithout sense or motion' and the cha$lain #re% so outra#eous" that Rattlin %ith one hand could not kee$ him under' so that %e %ere obli#ed to confine him in the sur#eon's cabin" %here he %as no doubt #uilty of a thousand e*trava#ancies& 0uch about this time" my old anta#onist" !ram$ley" came do%n" %ith e*$ress orders" as he said" to brin# me u$ to the -uarter/deck" to dress a sli#ht %ound the ca$tain had received by a s$linter( his reason for honourin# me in $articular %ith this $iece of service" bein#" that in case + should be killed or disabled by the %ay" my death or mutilation %ould be of less conse-uence to the shi$'s com$any than that of the doctor or his first mate& At another time" $erha$s" + mi#ht have dis$uted this order" to %hich + %as not bound to $ay the least re#ard' but as + thou#ht my re$utation de$ended u$on my com$liance" + %as resolved to convince my rival that + %as no more afraid than he of e*$osin# myself to dan#er& ,ith this vie% + $rovided myself %ith dressin#s" and follo%ed him immediately to the -uarter/deck" throu#h a most infernal scene of slau#hter" fire" smoke" and u$roar& !a$tain Oakum" %ho leaned a#ainst the mi3en/mast" no sooner sa% me a$$roach in my shirt" %ith the sleeves tucked u$ to my arm$its" and my hands dyed %ith blood" than he si#nified his dis$leasure by a fro%n" and asked %hy the doctor himself did not come= + told him that !ram$ley had sin#led me out" as if by e*$ress command' at %hich re$ly he seemed sur$rised" and threatened to $unish the midshi$man for his $resum$tion" after the en#a#ement& +n the meantime" + %as sent back to my station" and ordered to tell 0ackshane" that the ca$tain e*$ected him immediately& + #ot safe back" and delivered my commission to the doctor" %ho flatly refused to -uit the $ost assi#ned to him by his instructions' %hereu$on 0or#an" %ho + believe" %as )ealous of my re$utation for coura#e" undertook the affair" and ascended %ith #reat intre$idity& The ca$tain" findin# the sur#eon obstinate" suffered himself to be dressed" and s%ore he %ould confine 0ackshane as soon as the service should be over& !HAPTER ...+++ A breach bein# made in the %alls" our soldiers #ive the assault" and take the $lace %ithout o$$osition//our sailors at the same time" become masters of all the other stren#ths near Bocca !hica" and take $ossession of the harbour//the #ood conse-uence of this success//%e move nearer the to%n//find t%o forts deserted" and the !hannel blocked u$ %ith sunk vessels' %hich ho%ever %e find means to clear//land our soldiers at 1a Muinta//re$ulse a body of militia//attack the castle of St& 1a3ar" and are forced to retreat %ith #reat loss/the remains of our army are re/embarked//an effort

of the Admiral to take the to%n//the economy of our e*$edition described Havin# cannonaded the fort durin# the s$ace of four hours" %e %ere all ordered to sli$ our cables" and sheer off' but ne*t day the en#a#ement %as rene%ed" and continued from the mornin# till the afternoon" %hen the enemy's fire from Bocca !hica slackened" and to%ards evenin# %as -uite silenced& A breach bein# made on the other side" by our land battery" lar#e enou#h to admit a middle/si3ed baboon" $rovided he could find means to climb u$ to it" our #eneral $ro$osed to #ive the assault that very ni#ht" and actually ordered a detachment on that duty& Providence stood our friend u$on this occasion" and $ut it into the hearts of the S$aniards to abandon the fort" %hich mi#ht have been maintained by resolute men till the day of )ud#ment a#ainst all the force %e could e*ert in the attack& And %hile our soldiers took $ossession of the enemy's ram$arts %ithout resistance" the same #ood luck attended a body of sailors" %ho made themselves masters of ort St& :ose$h" the fascine batteries" and one S$anish man/of/%ar' the other three bein# burnt or sunk by the foe" that they mi#ht not fall into our hands& The takin# of these forts" in the stren#th of %hich the S$aniards chiefly confided" made us masters of the out%ard harbour" and occasioned #reat )oy amon# us" as %e laid our accounts at findin# little or no o$$osition from the to%n( and indeed" if a fe% #reat shi$s had sailed u$ immediately" before they had recovered from the confusion and des$air that our une*$ected success had $roduced amon# them" it is not im$ossible that %e mi#ht have finished the affair to our satisfaction" %ithout any more bloodshed' but this ste$ our heroes disdained as a barbarous insult over the enemy's distress" and #ave them all the res$ite they could desire" in order to recollect themselves& +n the meantime" 0ackshane" takin# the advanta#e of this #eneral e*ultation" %aited on our ca$tain" and $leaded his o%n cause so effectually that he %as re/established in his #ood #races' and as for !ram$ley" there %as no more notice taken of his behaviour to%ards me durin# the action& But of all the conse-uences of the victory" none %as more #rateful than $lenty of fresh %ater" after %e had lan#uished five %eeks on the allo%ance of a $urser's -uart $er day for each man in the Torrid Bone" %here the sun %as vertical" and the e*$ense of bodily fluid so #reat" that a #allon of li-uor could scarce su$$ly the %aste of t%enty/four hours' es$ecially as our $rovision consisted of $utrid salt beef" to %hich the sailors #ave the name of +rish horse' salt $ork" of 4e% En#land" %hich" thou#h neither fish nor flesh" savoured of both' bread from the same country" every biscuit %hereof" like a $iece of clock%ork" moved by its o%n internal im$ulse" occasioned by the myriads of insects that d%elt %ithin it' and butter served out by the #ill" that tasted like train oil thickened %ith salt& +nstead of small beer" each man %as allo%ed three half/-uarterns of brandy or rum" %hich %ere distributed every mornin#" diluted %ith a certain -uantity of his %ater" %ithout either su#ar or fruit to render it $alatable" for %hich reason" this com$osition %as by the sailors not ine$tly styled 4ecessity& 4or %as this limitation of sim$le element o%in# to a scarcity of it on board" for there %as at this time %ater enou#h in the shi$ for a voya#e of si* months" at the rate of half/a/#allon $er day to each man( but this fast must" + su$$ose" have been en)oined by %ay of $enance on the shi$'s com$any for their sins' or rather %ith a vie% to mortify them into a contem$t of life" that they mi#ht thereby become more resolute

and re#ardless of dan#er& Ho% sim$ly then do those $eo$le ar#ue" %ho ascribe the #reat mortality amon# us" to our bad $rovision and %ant of %ater' and affirm" that a #reat many valuable lives mi#ht have been saved" if the useless trans$orts had been em$loyed in fetchin# fresh stock" turtle" fruit" and other refreshments from :amaica and other ad)acent islands" for the use of the army and fleet8 seein# it is to be ho$ed" that those %ho died %ent to a better $lace" and those %ho survived %ere the more easily maintained& After all" a sufficient number remained to fall before the %alls of St& 1a3ar" %here they behaved like their o%n country mastiffs" %hich shut their eyes" run into the )a%s of a bear" and have their heads crushed for their valour& But to return to my narration& After havin# $ut #arrisons into the forts %e had taken" and re/embarked our soldiers and artillery 5a $iece of service that detained us more than a %eek6" %e ventured u$ to the mouth of the inner harbour" #uarded by a lar#e fortification on one side" and a small redoubt on the other" both of %hich %ere deserted before our a$$roach" and the entrance of the harbour blocked u$ by several old #alleons" and t%o men/of/%ar that the enemy had sunk in the channel& ,e made shift" ho%ever" to o$en a $assa#e for some shi$s" that favoured a second landin# of our troo$s at a $lace called 1a Muinta" not far from the to%n" %here" after a faint resistance from a body of S$aniards" %ho o$$osed their disembarkation" they encam$ed %ith a desi#n of besie#in# the castle of St& 1a3ar" %hich overlooked and commanded the city& ,hether our reno%ned #eneral had nobody in his army %ho kne% ho% to a$$roach it in form" or that he trusted entirely to the fame of his arms" + shall not determine' but" certain it is" a resolution %as taken in a council of %ar" to attack the $lace %ith musketry only& This %as $ut in e*ecution" and succeeded accordin#ly' the enemy #ivin# them such a hearty rece$tion" that the #reatest $art of their detachment took u$ their everlastin# residence on the s$ot& Our chief" not relishin# this kind of com$laisance in the S$aniard's" %as %ise enou#h to retreat on board %ith the remains of his army" %hich" from ei#ht thousand able men landed on the beach near Bocca !hica" %as no% reduced to fifteen hundred fit for service& The sick and %ounded %ere s-uee3ed into certain vessels" %hich thence obtained the name of hos$ital shi$s" thou#h methinks they scarce deserved such a creditable title" seein# fe% of them could boast of their sur#eon" nurse" or cook' and the s$ace bet%een decks %as so confined that the miserable $atients had not room to sit u$ri#ht in their beds& Their %ounds and stum$s" bein# ne#lected" contracted filth and $utrefaction" and millions of ma##ots %ere hatched amidst the corru$tion of their sores& This inhuman disre#ard %as im$uted to the scarcity of sur#eons' thou#h it is %ell kno%n that every #reat shi$ in the fleet could have s$ared one at least for this duty" an e*$edient %hich %ould have been more than sufficient to remove this shockin# inconvenience& But $erha$s our #eneral %as too much of a #entleman to ask a favour of this kind from his fello% chief" %ho" on the other hand" %ould not dero#ate so much from his o%n di#nity" as to offer such assistance unasked' for" + may venture to affirm" that by this time the 9emon of 9iscord" %ith her sooty %in#s" had breathed her influence u$on our councils' and it mi#ht be said of these #reat men 5+ ho$e they %ill $ardon the com$arison6 as of !esar and Pom$ey" the one could not brook a su$erior" and the other %as im$atient of an e-ual' so that" bet%een the $ride of one and insolence of another" the enter$rise

miscarried" accordin# to the $roverb" 7Bet%een t%o stools the backside falls to the #round&7 4ot that + %ould be thou#ht to liken any $ublic concern to that o$$robrious $art of the human body" thou#h + mi#ht %ith truth assert" if + durst use such a vul#ar idiom" that the nation did han# on arse at its disa$$ointment on this occasion' neither %ould + $resume to com$are the ca$acity of our heroic leaders to any such %ooden convenience as a )oint/stool or a close/stool' but only to si#nify by this simile" the mistake the $eo$le committed in trustin# to the union of t%o instruments that %ere never )oined& A day or t%o after the attem$t on St& 1a3ar" the admiral ordered one of the S$anish men/of/%ar %e had taken to be mounted %ith si*teen #uns" and manned %ith detachments from our #reat shi$s" in order to batter the to%n' accordin#ly" she %as to%ed into the inner harbour in the ni#ht" and moored %ithin half a mile of the %alls" a#ainst %hich she be#an to fire at daybreak' and continued about si* hours e*$osed to the o$$osition of at least thirty $ieces of cannon" %hich at len#th obli#ed our men to set her on fire" and #et off as %ell as they could in their boats& This $iece of conduct afforded matter of s$eculation to all the %its" either in the army or navy" %ho %ere at last fain to ackno%led#e it a stroke of $olicy above their com$rehension& Some entertained such an irreverent o$inion of the admiral's understandin#" as to think he e*$ected the to%n %ould surrender to his floatin# battery of si*teen #uns( others ima#ined his sole intention %as to try the enemy's stren#th" by %hich he should be able to com$ute the number of #reat shi$s that %ould be necessary to force the to%n to a ca$itulation& But this last con)ecture soon a$$eared #roundless" inasmuch as no shi$s of any kind %hatever %ere after%ards em$loyed on that service& A third sort s%ore" that no other cause could be assi#ned for this undertakin# than that %hich induced 9on Mui*ote to attack the %indmill& A fourth class 5and that the most numerous" thou#h" %ithout doubt" com$osed of the san#uine and malicious6" $lainly ta*ed this commander %ith %ant of honesty as %ell as sense' and alle#ed that he ou#ht to have sacrificed $rivate $i-ue to the interest of his country' that" %here the lives of so many brave fello%/citi3ens %ere concerned" he ou#ht to have concurred %ith the #eneral %ithout bein# solicited or even desired" to%ards their $reservation and advanta#e" that" if his ar#uments could not dissuade him from a des$erate enter$rise" it %as his duty to have rendered it as $racticable as $ossible" %ithout runnin# e*treme ha3ard' that this could have been done" %ith a #ood $ros$ect of success" by orderin# five or si* lar#e shi$s to batter the to%n" %hile the land forces stormed the castle' by these means a considerable diversion %ould have been made in favour of those troo$s" %ho" in their march to the assault and in the retreat" suffered much more from the to%n than from the castle8 that the inhabitants" seein# themselves vi#orously attacked on all hands" %ould have been divided" distracted" and confused" and in all $robability" unable to resist the assailants& But all these su##estions surely $roceeded from i#norance or malevolence" or else the admiral %ould not have found it such an easy matter" at his return to En#land" to )ustify his conduct to a ministry at once so u$ri#ht and discernin#& True it is" that those %ho undertook to vindicate him on the s$ot" asserted" that there %as not %ater enou#h for our #reat shi$s near the to%n( thou#h this %as a little unfortunately ur#ed" because there ha$$ened to be $ilots in the fleet $erfectly %ell ac-uainted %ith the soundin#s of the harbour" %ho affirmed there %as %ater enou#h for five ei#hty/#un shi$s to lie abreast almost u$ to the

very %alls& The disa$$ointments %e suffered occasioned a universal de)ection" %hich %as not at all alleviated by the ob)ects that daily and hourly entertained our eyes" nor by the $ros$ect of %hat must have inevitably ha$$ened" had %e remained much lon#er in this $lace& Such %as the economy in some shi$s that" rather than be at the trouble of interrin# the dead" their commanders ordered their men to thro% their bodies overboard" many %ithout either ballast or %indin#/sheet' so that numbers of human carcases floated in the harbour" until they %ere devoured by sharks and carrion cro%s" %hich afforded no a#reeable s$ectacle to those %ho survived" At the same time the %et season be#an" durin# %hich a delu#e of rain falls" from the risin# to the settin# sun" %ithout intermission" and that no sooner ceases than it be#ins to thunder" and li#hten %ith such continued flashin#" that one can see to read a very small $rint by the illumination& !HAPTER ...+; An e$idemic ever ra#es amon# us//%e abandon our !on-uests//+ am sei3ed %ith 9istem$er//%rite a Petition to the !a$tain" %hich is re)ected//+ am in dan#er of Suffocation throu#h the 0alice of !ram$ley" and relieved by a Ser)eant//my ever increases//the !ha$lain %ants to confess me//+ obtain a favourable !risis/0or#an's Affection for me $roved//the Behaviour of 0ackshane and !ram$ley to%ards me//!a$tain Oakum is removed into another Shi$ %ith his beloved 9octor//our ne% !a$tain described//An Adventure of 0or#an The chan#e of the atmos$here" occasioned by this $henomenon" cons$ired" %ith the stench that surrounded us" the heat of the climate" our o%n constitutions" im$overished by bad $rovisions" and our des$air" to introduce the bilious fever amon# us" %hich ra#ed %ith such violence" that three/fourths of those %hom it invaded died in a de$lorable manner' the colour of their skin bein#" by the e*treme $utrefaction of the )uices" chan#ed into that of soot& Our conductors" findin# thin#s in this situation" $erceived it %as hi#h to relin-uish our con-uests" and this %e did" after havin# rendered their artillery useless" and blo%n u$ their %alls %ith #un$o%der& :ust as %e sailed from Bocca !hica" on our return to :amaica" + found myself threatened %ith the sym$toms of this terrible distem$er' and kno%in# very %ell that + stood no chance for my life" if + should be obli#ed to be in the cock$it" %hich by this time %as #ro%n intolerable" even to $eo$le in health" by reason of the heat and un%holesome smell of decayed $rovision" + %rote a $etition to the ca$tain" re$resentin# my case" and humbly im$lorin# his $ermission to be amon# the soldiers in the middle deck" for the benefit of the air( but + mi#ht have s$ared myself the trouble' for this humane commander refused my re-uest" and ordered me to continue in the $lace allotted for the sur#eon's mates" or else be contented to be in the hos$ital" %hich" by the by" %as three de#rees more offensive and more suffocatin# than our o%n berth belo%& Another" in my condition" $erha$s" %ould have submitted to his fate" and died in a $et' but + could not brook the thou#ht of $erishin# so $itifully" after + had %eathered so many #ales of hard fortune( + therefore" %ithout mindin# Oakum's in)unction" $revailed u$on the soldiers 5%hose #ood/%ill + had ac-uired6 to admit my hammock amon# them' and actually con#ratulated myself u$on my comfortable situation' %hich !ram$ley no sooner

understood" than he si#nified to the ca$tain my contem$t of his orders" and %as invested %ith $o%er to turn me do%n a#ain into my $ro$er habitation& This barbarous $iece of reven#e incensed me so much a#ainst the author" that + vo%ed" %ith bitter im$recations" to call him to a severe account" if ever it should be in my $o%er' and the a#itation of my s$irits increased my fever to a violent de#ree& ,hile + lay #as$in# for breath in this infernal abode" + %as visited by a ser#eant" the bones of %hose nose + had reduced and set to ri#hts" after they had been demolished by a s$linter durin# our last en#a#ement' he" bein# informed of my condition" offered me the use of his berth in the middle deck" %hich %as enclosed %ith canvas" and %ell aired by a $ort/hole that remained o$en %ithin it& + embraced this $ro$osal %ith )oy" and %as immediately conducted to the $lace" %here + %as treated" %hile my illness lasted" %ith the utmost tenderness and care by this #rateful halberdier" %ho had no other bed for himself than a hencoo$ durin# the %hole $assa#e& Here + lay and en)oyed the bree3e" not%ithstandin# %hich my malady #ained #round" and at len#th my life %as des$aired of" thou#h + never lost ho$es of recovery" even %hen + had the mortification to see" from my cabin/%indo%" si* or seven thro%n overboard every day" %ho died of the same distem$er& This confidence" + am $ersuaded" conduced a #reat deal to the $reservation of my life" es$ecially %hen )oined to another resolution + took at the be#innin#" namely" to refuse all medicine" %hich + could not hel$ thinkin# co/o$erated %ith the disease" and" instead of resistin# $utrefaction" $romoted a total de#eneracy of the vital fluid& ,hen my friend 0or#an" therefore" brou#ht his dia$horetic bolases" + $ut them into my month" 'tis true" but %ithout any intention of s%allo%in# them( and" %hen he %ent a%ay" s$it them out" and %ashed my mouth %ith %ater/#ruel& + seemin#ly com$lied in this matter" that + mi#ht not affront the blood of !aractacus" by a refusal %hich mi#ht have intimated a diffidence of his $hysical ca$acity" for he acted as my $hysician' 9octor 0ackshane never once in-uirin# about me" or even kno%in# %here + %as& ,hen my distem$er %as at the hei#ht" 0or#an thou#ht my case des$erate" and" after havin# a$$lied a blister to the na$e of my neck" s-uee3ed my hand" biddin# me" %ith a %oful countenance" recommend myself to !ot and my Reteemer' then" takin# his leave" desired the cha$lain to come and administer some s$iritual consolation to me' but" before he arrived" + made shift to rid myself of the troublesome a$$lication the ,elshman had besto%ed on my back& The $erson" havin# felt my $ulse" in-uired into the nature of my com$laints" hemmed a little" and be#an thus( 70r& Random" 2od out of his infinite mercy has been $leased to visit you %ith a dreadful distem$er" the issue of %hich no man kno%s& >ou may be $ermitted to recover and live many days on the face of the earth' and" %hich is more $robable" you may be taken a%ay" and cut off in the flo%er of your youth& +t is incumbent on you" therefore" to $re$are for the #reat chan#e" by re$entin# sincerely of your sins' of this there cannot be a #reater si#n" than an in#enuous confession" %hich + con)ure you to make %ithout hesitation or mental reservation' and" %hen + am convinced of your sincerity" + %ill then #ive you such comfort as the situation of your soul %ill admit of& ,ithout doubt" you have been #uilty of numberless trans#ressions to %hich youth is sub)ect" as s%earin#" drunkenness" %horedom" and adultery( tell me therefore" %ithout reserve" the $articulars of each" es$ecially of the last" that + may be ac-uainted %ith the true state of your conscience' for no $hysician %ill $rescribe for his $atient until

he kno%s the circumstances of his disease&7 As + %as not under any a$$rehensions of death" + could not hel$ smilin# at the cha$lain's in-uisitive remonstrance" %hich + told him savoured more of the Roman than of the Protestant church" in recommendin# auricular confession' a thin#" in my o$inion" not at all necessary to salvation" and %hich" for that reason" + declined& This re$ly disconcerted him a little' ho%ever" he e*$lained a%ay his meanin#" in makin# learned distinctions bet%een %hat %as absolutely necessary and %hat %as only convenient' then $roceeded to ask %hat reli#ion + $rofessed& + ans%ered" that + had not as yet considered the difference of reli#ions" conse-uently had not fi*ed on any one in $articular" but that + %as bred a Presbyterian& At this %ord the cha$lain e*$ressed #reat astonishment" and said" he could not com$rehend ho% a $resbyterian %as entitled to any $ost under the En#lish #overnment& Then he asked if + had ever received the sacrament" or taken the oaths' to %hich -uestions" + re$lyin# in the ne#ative" he held u$ his hands" assured me he could do me no service" %ished + mi#ht not be in a state of re$robation" and returned to his messmates" %ho %ere makin# merry in the %ard/room" round a table %ell stored %ith bumboKIL and %ine& KILbumbo is a li-uor com$osed of rum" su#ar" %ater" and nutme# This insinuation" terrible as it %as" had not such an effect u$on me as the fever" %hich" soon after he had left me" #re% outra#eous& + be#an to see stran#e chimeras and concluded myself u$on the $oint of bein# delirious' in the meantime" bein# in #reat dan#er of suffocation" + started u$ in a kind of frantic fit" %ith an intention to $lun#e myself into the sea' and" as my friend the ser#eant %as not $resent" %ould certainly have cooled myself to some $ur$ose" had + not $erceived a moisture u$on my thi#h" as + endeavoured to #et out of my hammock( the a$$earance of this revived my ho$es" and + had reflection and resolution enou#h to take the advanta#e of this favourable sym$tom" by tearin# the shirt from my body" and the sheets from my bed" and %ra$$in# myself in a thick blanket" in %hich inclosure" for about a -uarter of an hour" felt all the $ains of hell( but it %as not lon# before + %as recom$ensed for my sufferin# by a $rofuse s%eat" that" burstin# from the %hole surface of my skin" in less than t%o hours" relieved me from all my com$laints e*ce$t that of %eakness' and left me as hun#ry as a kite& + en)oyed a very comfortable na$" after %hich + %as re#alin# myself %ith the a#reeable reverie of future ha$$iness" %hen + heard 0or#an" on the outside of the curtain" ask the ser#eant if + %as alive still= 7Alive87 cried the other" 72od forbid he should be other%ise8 he has lain -uiet these five hours" and + do not choose to disturb him" for slee$ %ill do him #reat service&7 7Ay"7 said my fello%/mate" 7he slee$s so sound 5look you6" that he %ill not %aken till the #reat trum$ $lo%s//!ot be merciful to his soul& He has $aid his debt like an honest man//ay" and moreover" he is at rest from all $ersecutions" and troubles" and afflictions" of %hich" !ot kno%s" and + kno%" he had his o%n share//Ochree8 Ochree8 he %as a $romisin# youth indeed87 So sayin# he #roaned #rievously" and be#an to %hine in such a manner" as $ersuaded me he had a real friendshi$ for me& The ser#eant" alarmed at his %ords" came into the berth" and" %hile he looked u$on me" + smiled" and ti$$ed him the %ink( he immediately #uessed my meanin# and remainin# silent"

0or#an %as confirmed in his o$inion of my bein# dead' %hereu$on he a$$roached" %ith tears in his eyes" in order to indul#e his #rief %ith a si#ht of the ob)ect( and + counterfeited death so %ell" by fi*in# my eyes and dro$$in# my under/)a%" that he said" 7There he lies" no $etter than a lum$ of clay" !ot hel$ me87 and observed" by the distortion of my face" that + must have had a stron# stru##le& + should not have been able to contain myself much lon#er" %hen he be#an to $erform the last duty of a friend" in closin# my eyes and my mouth" u$on %hich + suddenly sna$$ed at his fin#ers and discom$osed him so much that he started back" turned $ale as ashes" and stared like the $icture of horror' althou#h + could not hel$ lau#hin# at his a$$earance" + %as concerned for his situation" and stretched out my hand" tellin# him + ho$ed to live and eat some salma#undy of his makin# in En#land& +t %as some time before he could recollect himself so far as to feel my $ulse" and in-uire into the $articulars of my disease' but %hen he found + had en)oyed a favourable crisis" he con#ratulated me u$on my #ood fortune' not failin# to ascribe it" under !ot" to the blister he had a$$lied to my back" at his last visit' %hich" by the bye" said he" must no% be removed and dressed' he %as actually #oin# to fetch dressin#s" %hen +" fei#nin# astonishment" said" 7Bless me8 sure you never a$$lied a blister to me//there is nothin# on my back" + assure you&7 But he could not be convinced till he had e*amined it" and then endeavoured to conceal his confusion" by e*$ressin# his sur$rise in findin# the skin untouched and the $laster missin#& +n order to e*cuse myself for $ayin# so little re#ard to his $rescri$tion" + $retended to have been insensible %hen it %as $ut on" and to have $ulled it off after%ards in a fit of delirium& This a$olo#y satisfied my friend" %ho" on this occasion" abated a #ood deal of his stiffness in re#ard to $unctilio' and as %e %ere no% safely arrived at :amaica" %here + had the benefit of fresh $rovisions and other refreshments" + recovered stren#th every day" and" in a short time" my health and vi#our %ere $erfectly re/established& ,hen + #ot u$ at first" and %as )ust able to cra%l about the deck %ith a staff in my hand" + met 9octor 0ackshane" %ho $assed by me %ith a disdainful look" and did not vouchsafe to honour me %ith one %ord& After him came !ram$ley" %ho" struttin# u$ to me %ith a fierce countenance" $ronounced" 7Here's fine disci$line on/board" %hen such la3y" skulkin# sons of bitches as you are allo%ed" on $retence of sickness" to lollo$ at your ease" %hile your betters are ke$t to hard duty87 The si#ht and behaviour of this malicious scoundrel enra#ed me so much that + could scarce refrain from layin# my cud#el across his $ate' but %hen + considered my $resent feebleness" and the enemies + had in the shi$" %ho %anted only a $retence to ruin me" + restrained my $assion" and contented myself %ith tellin# him" + had not for#ot his insolence and malice" and that + ho$ed %e should meet one day on shore& At this declaration he #rinned" shook his fist" and s%ore he lon#ed for nothin# more than such an o$$ortunity& 0ean%hile our shi$ %as ordered to be heaved do%n" victualled" and %atered" for her return to En#land' and our ca$tain" for some reason or other" not thinkin# it convenient for him to revisit his native country at this time" e*chan#ed %ith a #entleman" %ho" on the other hand" %ished for nothin# so much as to be safe %ithout the tro$ic( all his care and tenderness of himself bein# insufficient to $reserve his com$le*ion from the in)uries of the sun and %eather&

Our tyrant havin# left the shi$" and carried his favourite 0ackshane alon# %ith him" to my ine*$ressible satisfaction" our ne% commander came on board in a ten/oared bar#e" overshado%ed %ith a vast umbrella" and a$$eared in everythin# the reverse of Oakum" bein# a tall" thin youn# man" dressed in this manner( a %hite hat" #arnished %ith a red feather" adorned his head" from %hence his hair flo%ed u$on his shoulders" in rin#lets tied behind %ith a ribbon& His coat" consistin# of $ink/coloured silk" lined %ith %hite" by the ele#ance of the cut retired back%ard" as it %ere" to discover a %hite satin %aistcoat embroidered %ith #old" unbuttoned at the u$$er $art to dis$lay a brooch set %ith #arnets" that #littered in the breast of his shirt" %hich %as of the finest cambric" ed#ed %ith ri#ht 0echlin( the knees of his crimson velvet breeches scarce descended so lo% as to meet his silk stockin#s" %hich rose %ithout s$ot or %rinkle on his mea#re le#s" from shoes of blue 0ero-uin" studded %ith diamond buckles that flamed forth rivals to the sun8 A steel/hilted s%ord" inlaid %ith #old" and decked %ith a knot of ribbon %hich fell do%n in a rich tassel" e-ui$$ed his side' and an amber/headed cane hun# dan#lin# from his %rist& But the most remarkable $arts of his furniture %ere" a mask on his face" and %hite #loves on his hands" %hich did not seem to be $ut on %ith an intention to be $ulled off occasionally" but %ere fi*ed %ith a curious rin# on the little fin#er of each hand& +n this #arb" !a$tain ,hiffle" for that %as his name" took $ossession of the shi$" surrounded %ith a cro%d of attendants" all of %hom" in their different de#rees" seemed to be of their $atron's dis$osition' and the air %as so im$re#nated %ith $erfumes" that one may venture to affirm the climate of Arabia eli* %as not half so s%eet/scented& 0y fello%/mate" observin# no sur#eon amon# his train" thou#ht he had found an occasion too favourable for himself to be ne#lected' and" rememberin# the old $roverb" 7S$are to s$eak" and s$are to s$eed"7 resolved to solicit the ne% ca$tain's interest immediately" before any other sur#eon could be a$$ointed for the shi$& ,ith this vie% he re$aired to the cabin in his ordinary dress" consistin# of a check shirt and trousers" a bro%n linen %aistcoat" and a ni#htca$ of the same 5neither of them very clean"6 %hich" for his further misfortune" ha$$ened to smell stron# of tobacco& Enterin# %ithout any ceremony into this sacred $lace" he found !a$tain ,hiffle re$osin# u$on a couch" %ith a %ra$$er of fine chint3 about his body" and a muslin ca$ bordered %ith lace about his head' and after several lo% con#ees be#an in this manner( 7Sir" + ho$e you %ill for#ive" and e*cuse" and $ardon" the $resum$tion of one %ho has not the honour of bein# kno%n to you" but %ho is" nevertheless a shentleman $orn and $red" and moreover has had misfortunes" !ot hel$ me" in the %orld&7 Here he %as interru$ted by the ca$tain" %ho" on seein# him" had started u$ %ith #reat ama3ement" at the novelty of the a$$arition' and" havin# recollected himself" $ronounced %ith a look and tone si#nifyin# disdain" curiosity and sur$rise" 7Bauns8 %ho art thou=7 7+ am sur#eon's first mate on board of this shi$"7 re$lied 0or#an( 7and + most vehemently desire and beseech you" %ith all submission" to be $leased to condescend and vouchsafe to in-uire into my character" and my $ehaviour" and my deserts" %hich" under !ot" + ho$e" %ill entitle me to the vacancy of sur#eon&7 As he $roceeded in his s$eech" he continued advancin# to%ards the ca$tain" %hose nostrils %ere no sooner saluted %ith the aromatic flavour that e*haled from him" than he cried %ith #reat emotion" 7Heaven $reserve

me8 + am suffocated8 ello%" fello%" a%ay %ith thee8 !urse thee" fello%8 2et thee #one8 + shall be stunk to death87 At the noise of his outcries" his servants ran into his a$artment" and he accosted them thus( 7;illains8 cut/throats8 traitors8 + am betrayed8 + am sacrificed8 ,ill you not carry that monster a%ay= or must + be stifled %ith the stench of him= oh" oh87 ,ith these inter)ections he sank do%n u$on his settee in a fit( his valet/de/chambre $lied him %ith a smellin#/bottle" one footman chafed his tem$les %ith Hun#ary %ater" another s$rinkled the floor %ith s$irits of lavender" a third $ushed 0or#an out of the cabin' %ho comin# to the $lace %here + %as" sat do%n %ith a demure countenance and" accordin# to his custom" %hen he received any indi#nity %hich he durst not reven#e" be#an to sin# a ,elsh ditty& + #uessed he %as under some a#itation of s$irits and desired to kno% the cause' but" instead of ans%erin# me directly" he asked %ith #reat emotion" if + thou#ht him a monster and a stinkard= 7A monster and a stinkard87 said +" %ith some sur$rise( 7did anybody call you so=7 7!ot is my )ud#e"7 re$lied be" 7!a$tain ifle did call me both' ay" and all the %aters in the Ta%y %ill not %ash it out of my remembrance& + do affirm and avouch" and maintain" %ith my soul" and my $ody" and my $lood" look you" that + have no smells a$out me" but such as a !hristian ou#ht to have" e*ce$t the effluvia of tobacco" %hich is a ce$halic" odoriferous" aromatic herb' and he is a son of a mountain #oat %ho says other%ise& As for my bein# a minister" let that be as it is( + am as !ot %as $leased to create me" %hich" $eradventure" is more than + shall ever aver of him %ho #ave me that title' for + %ill $roclaim it before the %orld" that he is dis#uised" and transfi#ured" and transmo#rified" %ith affectation and %himseys' and that he is more like a $a$oon than of the human race&7 !HAPTER ...; !a$tain ,hiffle sends for me//his situation described//his sur#eon arrives" $rescribes for him" and $uts him to bed//a bed is $ut u$ for 0r& Sim$er conti#uous to the state room" %hich" %ith other $arts of the ca$tains behaviour" #ives the shi$'s com$any a very unfavourable idea of their commander//+ am detained in the ,est +ndies by the admiral" and #o on board of the 1i3ard sloo$ of %ar in -uality of sur#eon's mate" %here + make myself kno%n to the sur#eon" %ho treats me very kindly//+ #o on shore" sell my ticket" $urchase necessaries" and" at my return on board" am sur$rised at the si#ht of !ram$ley" %ho is a$$ointed lieutenant of the sloo$//%e sail on a cruise/take a $ri3e in %hich + arrive at Port 0orant under the command of my messmate" %ith %hom + live in #reat harmony He %as #oin# on %ith an eulo#ium u$on the ca$tain" %hen + received a messa#e to clean myself" and #o u$ to the #reat cabin( and %ith this command + instantly com$lied" s%eetenin# myself %ith rose%ater from the medicine chest& ,hen + entered the room" + %as ordered to stand by the door" until !a$tain ,hiffle had reconnoitered me at a distance %ith a s$y/#lass& He" havin# consulted one sense in this manner" bade me advance #radually" that his nose mi#ht have intelli#ence before it could be much offended( + therefore a$$roached %ith #reat caution and success" and he %as $leased to say" 7Ay" this creature is tolerable&7 + found him lollin# on his couch %ith a lan#uishin# air" his head su$$orted by his valet/de/chambre" %ho

from time to time a$$lied a smellin#/bottle to his nose& 7;er#ette"7 said he in a s-ueakin# tone" 7dost think this %retch 5meanin# me6 %ill do me no in)ury= 0ay + venture to submit my arm to him=7 7Pon my %ord"7 re$lied the valet" 7+ do tink dat dere be #reat occasion for your honour losin# a small -uantite of blodt' and the youn# man ave -uel-ue chose of de bonne mine&7 7,ell" then"7 said his master" 7+ think + must venture&7 Then" addressin# himself to me" 7Hast thou ever blooded anybody but brutes= But + need not ask thee" for thou %ilt tell me a most d//able lie"7 7Brutes" sir87 ans%ered +" $ullin# do%n his #love" in order to feel his $ulse" 7+ never meddle %ith brutes&7 7,hat the devil art thou about=7 cried he" 7dost thou intend to t%ist off my hand= 2ad's curse8 my arm is benumbed u$ to the very shoulder8 Heaven have mercy u$on me8 must + $erish under the hands of sava#es= ,hat an unfortunate do# %as + to come on board %ithout my o%n sur#eon" 0r& Sim$er&7 + craved $ardon for havin# handled him so rou#hly" and" %ith the utmost care" and tenderness" tied u$ his arm %ith a fillet of silk& ,hile + %as feelin# for the vein" he desired to kno% ho% much blood + intended to take from him" and" %hen + ans%ered" 7not above t%elve ounces"7 started u$ %ith a look full of horror" and bade me be #one" s%earin# + had a desi#n u$on his life& ;er#ette a$$eased him %ith difficulty" and" o$enin# a bureau" took out a $air of scales" in one of %hich %as $laced a small cu$' and $uttin# them into my hand" told me" the ca$tain never lost above an ounce and three drams at one time& ,hile + $re$ared for this im$ortant evacuation" there came into the cabin a youn# man #aily dressed" of a very delicate com$le*ion %ith a kind of lan#uid smile on his face( %hich seemed to have been rendered habitual by a lon# course of affectation& The ca$tain no sooner $erceived him" than" risin# hastily" he fle% into his arms" cryin#" 7O" my dear Sim$er" + am e*cessively disordered8 + have been betrayed" fri#hted" murdered" by the ne#li#ence of my servants" %ho suffered a beast" a mule" a bear" to sur$rise me" and stink me into convulsions %ith the fumes of tobacco&7 Sim$er" %ho by this time" + found" %as obli#ed to act for the clearness of his com$le*ion" assumed an air of softness and sym$athy" and lamented %ith many tender e*$ressions of sorro%" the sad accident that had thro%n him into that condition' then" feelin# his $atient's $ulse on the outside of his #love" #ave it as his o$inion" that his disorder %as entirely nervous" and that some dro$s of tincture of castor" and li-uid laudanum" %ould be of more service to him than bleedin#" by bridlin# the inordinate sallies of his s$irits" and com$osin# the fermentation of his bile& + %as therefore sent to $re$are this $rescri$tion" %hich %as administered in a #lass of sack $osset" after the ca$tain had been $ut to bed" and orders sent to the officers on the -uarter/deck" to let nobody %alk on that side under %hich he lay& ,hile the ca$tain en)oyed his re$ose the doctor %atched over him" and indeed became so necessary" that a cabin %as made for him conti#uous to the state room %here ,hiffle sle$t" that he mi#ht be at hand in case of accidents in the ni#ht& 4e*t day" our commander bein# ha$$ily recovered" #ave orders that none of the lieutenants should a$$ear u$on deck %ithout a %i#" s%ord" and ruffles' nor any midshi$man" or other $etty officer" he seen %ith a check shirt or dirty linen& He also $rohibited any $erson %hatever" e*ce$t Sim$er and his o%n servants" from comin# into the #reat cabin %ithout first sendin# in to obtain leave& These sin#ular re#ulations did not

$re$ossess the shi$'s com$any in his favour( but" on the contrary" #ave scandal an o$$ortunity to be very busy %ith his character" and accuse him of maintainin# a corres$ondence %ith his sur#eon not fit to be named& +n a fe% %eeks" our shi$ bein# under sailin# orders" + %as in ho$e of revisitin# my native country" in a very short time" %hen the admiral's sur#eon came on board" and" sendin# for 0or#an and me to the -uarter/deck" #ave us to understand there %as a #reat scarcity of sur#eons in the ,est +ndies' that he %as commanded to detain one mate out of every #reat shi$ that %as bound for En#land' and desired us to a#ree bet%een ourselves" before the ne*t day at that hour" %hich of us should stay behind& ,e %ere thunderstruck at this $ro$osal" and stared at one another some time %ithout s$eakin#' at len#th the ,elshman broke silence" and offered to remain in the ,est +ndies" $rovided the admiral %ould #ive him a sur#eon's %arrant immediately' but he %as told there %as no %ant of chief sur#eons" and that he must be contented %ith the station of mate" till he should be further $rovided for in due course& ,hereu$on 0or#an flatly refused to -uit the shi$ for %hich the commissioners of the navy had a$$ointed him' and the other told him as $lainly" that if %e could not determine the affair by ourselves before to/morro% mornin#" he must cast lots" and abide by his chance& ,hen + recalled to my remembrance the miseries + had under#one in En#land" %here + had not one friend to $romote my interest" or favour my advancement in the navy" and the same time reflected on the $resent dearth of sur#eons in the ,est +ndies" and the unhealthiness of the climate" %hich every day almost reduced the number" + could not hel$ thinkin# my success %ould be much more certain and e*$editious by my stayin# %here + %as" than by returnin# to Euro$e& + therefore resolved to com$ly %ith a #ood #race" and ne*t day" %hen %e %ere ordered to thro% dice" told 0or#an he needed not trouble himself" for + %ould voluntarily submit to the admiral's $leasure& This frank declaration %as commended by the #entleman" %ho assured me" it should not fare the %orse %ith me for my resi#nation& +ndeed he %as as #ood as his %ord" and that very afternoon $rocured a %arrant" a$$ointin# me sur#eon's mate of the 1i3ard sloo$/of/%ar" %hich $ut me on a footin# %ith every first mate in the service& 0y ticket bein# made out" + $ut my chest and beddin# on board a canoe that lay alon#side" and" havin# shook hands %ith my trusty friend the ser#eant" and honest :ack Rattlin" %ho %as bound for 2reen%ich Hos$ital" + took my leave of 0or#an %ith many tears" after %e had e*chan#ed our sleeve buttons as remembrances of each other& Havin# $resented my ne% %arrant to the ca$tain of the 1i3ard" + in-uired for the doctor" %hom + no sooner sa% than + recollected him to be one of those youn# fello%s %ith %hom + had been committed to the round/house" durin# our frolic %ith :ackson" as + have related before& He received me %ith a #ood deal of courtesy" and" %hen + $ut him in mind of our former ac-uaintance" e*$ressed #reat )oy at seein# me a#ain" and recommended me to an e*ceedin# #ood mess" com$osed of the #unner and master's mate& As there %as not one sick $erson in the shi$" + #ot leave to #o ashore ne*t day %ith the #unner" %ho recommended me to a :e%" that bou#ht my ticket at the rate of forty $er cent discount' and" havin# furnished myself %ith the necessaries + %anted" returned on board in the evenin#" and" to my sur$rise" found my old anta#onist !ram$ley %alkin# u$on deck& Thou#h + did not fear his enmity" + %as shocked at his

a$$earance" and communicated my sentiments on that sub)ect to 0r& Tomlins the sur#eon" %ho told me that !ram$ley" by dint of some friends about the admiral" had $rocured a commission" constitutin# him lieutenant on board the 1i3ard' and advised me" no% he %as my su$erior officer" to behave %ith some res$ect to%ards him" or else he %ould find a thousand o$$ortunities of usin# me ill& This advice %as a bitter $otion to me" %hom $ride and resentment had rendered utterly inca$able of the least submission to" or even of a reconciliation %ith" the %retch %ho had" on many occasions" treated me so inhumanly( ho%ever" + resolved to have as little connection as $ossible %ith him" and to in#ratiate myself as much as + could %ith the rest of the officers" %hose friendshi$ mi#ht be a bul%ark to defend me from the attem$ts of his malice& +n less than a %eek %e sailed on a cruise" and havin# %eathered the east end of the island" had the #ood fortune to take a S$anish barcolon#o" %ith her $ri3e" %hich %as an En#lish shi$ bound for Bristol" that sailed from :amaica a fortni#ht before" %ithout convoy& All the $risoners %ho %ere %ell" %e $ut onshore on the north side of the island' the $ri3es %ere manned %ith En#lishmen" and the command of the barcolon#o #iven to my friend the master's mate" %ith orders to carry them into Port 0orant" and there to remain until the 1i3ard's cruise should be ended" at %hich time she %ould touch at the same $lace in her %ay to Port Royal& ,ith him + %as sent to attend the %ounded S$aniards as %ell as En#lishmen" %ho amounted to si*teen" and to take care of them on shore in a house that %as to be hired as an hos$ital& This destination #ave me a #reat deal of $leasure" as + should" for some time" be freed from the arro#ance of !ram$ley" %hose inveteracy a#ainst me had already broken out on t%o or three occasions since he %as become a lieutenant& 0y messmate" %ho very much resembled my uncle" both in fi#ure and dis$osition" treated me on board of the $ri3e %ith the utmost civility and confidence( and" amon# other favours" made me a $resent of a silver/hilted han#er" and a $air of $istols mounted %ith the same metal" %hich fell to his share in $lunderin# the enemy& ,e arrived safely at 0orant" and" #oin# on shore" $itched u$on an em$ty storehouse' %hich %e hired for the rece$tion of the %ounded" %ho %ere brou#ht to it ne*t day" %ith beds and other necessaries' and four of the shi$'s com$any a$$ointed to attend them and obey me& !HAPTER ...;+ A stran#e adventure//in conse-uence of %hich + am e*tremely ha$$y//!ram$ley does me in offices %ith the !a$tain' but his malice is defeated by the #ood/nature and friendshi$ of the sur#eon//%e return to Port Royal//our !a$tain #ets the command of a lar#er shi$" and is succeeded by an old man//Brayl is $rovided for//%e receive orders to sail for En#land ,hen my $atients %ere all in a fair %ay" my com$anion and commander" %hose name %as Brayl" carried me u$ the country to the house of a rich $lanter" %ith %hom he %as ac-uainted" %here %e %ere sum$tuously entertained" and in the evenin# set out on our return to the shi$& ,hen %e had %alked about a mile by moonli#ht" %e $erceived a horseman behind us" %ho comin# u$" %ished us #ood even" and asked %hich %ay %e %ent= His voice" %hich %as -uite familiar to me"

no sooner struck my ear" than in s$ite of all my resolution and reflection" my hair bristled u$" and + %as sei3ed %ith a violent fit of tremblin#" %hich Brayl misinter$retin#" bade me be under no concern& + told him he %as mistaken in the cause of my disorder' and" addressin# myself to the $erson on horseback said" 7+ could have s%orn by your voice" that you %ere a dear friend of mine" if + had not been certain of his death&7 To this address" after some $ause" he re$lied" 7There are many voices as %ell as faces that resemble one another' but" $ray" %hat %as your friend's name&7 + satisfied him in that $articular" and #ave a short detail of the melancholy fate of Thom$son" not %ithout many si#hs and some tears& A silence ensued" %hich lasted some minutes" and then the conversation turned on different sub)ects" till %e arrived at a house on the road" %here the horseman ali#hted" and be##ed %ith so much earnestness that %e %ould #o in and drink a bo%l of $unch %ith him" that %e could not resist& But" if + %as alarmed at his voice" %hat must my ama3ement be" %hen + discovered by the li#ht the very $erson of my lamented friend8 Perceivin# my confusion" %hich %as e*treme" he clas$ed me in his arms" and bede%ed my face %ith tears& +t %as some time ere + recovered the use of my reason" over$o%ered %ith this event" and lon#er still before + could s$eak& So that all + %as ca$able of %as to return his embraces" and to min#le the overflo%in#s of my )oy %ith his' %hilst honest Brayl" affected %ith the scene" %e$t as fast as either of us" and si#nified his $artici$ation of our ha$$iness by hu##in# us both" and ca$erin# about the room like a madman& At len#th" + retrieved the use of my ton#ue" and cried" 7+s it $ossible8 you can be my friend Thom$son= 4o certainly" alas8 he %as dro%ned' and + am no% under the dece$tion of a dream87 He %as at #reat $ains to convince me of his bein# the individual $erson %hom + re#retted" and biddin# me sit do%n and com$ose myself" $romised to e*$lain his sudden disa$$earance from the Thunder" and to account for his bein# at $resent in the land of the livin#& This task he ac-uitted himself of" after + had drunk a #lass of $unch" and recollected my s$irits" by informin# us" that %ith a determination to rid himself of a miserable e*istence" he bad #one in the ni#ht/time to the head" %hile the shi$ %as on her %ay" from %hence he sli$$ed do%n as softly as he could" by the bo%s into the sea" %here" after he %as heartily ducked" he be#an to re$ent of his $reci$itation' and" as he could s%im very %ell" ke$t himself above %ater" in ho$es of bein# taken u$ by some of the shi$s astern' that" in this situation" he hailed a lar#e vessel" and be##ed to be taken in" but %as ans%ered that she %as a heavy sailer" and therefore they did not choose to lose time by brin#in# to' ho%ever" they thre% an old chest overboard for his convenience" and told him" that some of the shi$s astern %ould certainly save him' that no other vessel came %ithin si#ht or cry of him for the s$ace of three hours" durin# %hich time he had the mortification to find himself in the middle of the ocean alone" %ithout other su$$ort or restin#/$lace" but %hat a fe% cra3y boards afforded' till at last be discerned a small sloo$ steerin# to%ards him" u$on %hich he set u$ his throat" and had the #ood fortune to be heard and rescued from the dreary %aste by their boat" %hich %as hoisted out on $ur$ose& 7+ %as no sooner brou#ht on board"7 continued he" 7than + fainted" and" %hen + recovered my senses" found myself in bed" re#aled %ith a most noisome smell of onions and cheese" %hich made me think at first that + %as in my o%n hammock" alon#side of honest 0or#an" and that all %hich had $assed %as no more than a dream& U$on in-uiry"

+ understood that + %as on board of a schooner belon#in# to Rhode +sland" bound for :amaica" %ith a car#o of #eese" $i#s" onions" and cheese" and that the master's name %as Robertson" by birth a 4orth Briton" %hom + kne% at first si#ht to be an old sohoolfello% of mine& ,hen + discovered myself to him" he %as trans$orted %ith sur$rise and )oy" and be##ed to kno% the occasion of my misfortune" %hich + did not think fit to disclose" because + kne% his notions %ith re#ard to reli#ion %ere very severe and confined' therefore contented myself %ith tellin# him + fell overboard by accident' but made no scru$le of e*$lainin# the nature of my disa#reeable station" and of ac-uaintin# him %ith my determined $ur$ose never to return to the Thunder man/of/%ar& Althou#h he %as not of my o$inion in that $articular" kno%in# that + must lose my clothes and %hat $ay %as due to me" unless + %ent back to my duty' yet" %hen + described the circumstances of the hellish life + led under the tyrannic s%ay of Oakum and 0ackshane' and" amon# other #rievances" hinted a dissatisfaction at the irreli#ious de$ortment of my shi$mates" and the %ant of the true $resbyterian #os$el doctrine' he chan#ed his sentiments" and con)ured me %ith #reat vehemence and 3eal to lay aside all thou#ht of risin# in the navy' and" that he mi#ht sho% ho% much he had my interest at heart" undertook to $rovide for me in some sha$e or other" before he should leave :amaica& This $romise he $erformed to my heart's desire" by recommendin# me to a #entleman of fortune" %ith %hom + have lived ever since in -uality of sur#eon and overseer to his $lantations& He and his lady are no% at <in#ston" so that + am" for the $resent" master of this house" to %hich" from my soul" + bid you %elcome" and ho$e you %ill favour me %ith your com$any durin# the remainin# $art of the ni#ht&7 + needed not a second invitation' but 0r& Brayl" %ho %as a dili#ent and e*cellent officer" could not be $ersuaded to slee$ out of the shi$' ho%ever" he su$$ed %ith us" and" after havin# drank a" cheerful #lass" set out for the vessel" %hich %as not above three miles from the $lace" escorted by a cou$le of stout ne#roes" %hom& 0r& Thom$son ordered to conduct him& 4ever %ere t%o friends more ha$$y in the conversation of each other than %e" for the time it lasted& + related to him the $articulars of our attem$t u$on !artha#ena" of %hich he bad heard but an im$erfect account' and he #ratified me %ith a narration of every little incident of his life since %e $arted& He assured me" it %as %ith the utmost difficulty he could resist his inclination of comin# do%n to Port Royal" to see 0or#an and me" of %hom he had heard no tidin#s since the day of our se$aration( but that he %as restrained by the fear of bein# detained as a deserter& He told me that" %hen he heard my voice in the dark" he %as almost as much sur$rised as + %as at seein# him after%ards( and" in the confidence of friendshi$" disclosed a $assion he entertained for the only dau#hter of the #entleman %ith %hom he lived" %ho" by his descri$tion" %as a very amiable youn# lady" and did not disdain his addresses' that he %as very much favoured by her $arents' and did not des$air of obtainin# their consent to the match" %hich %ould at once render him inde$endent of the %orld& + con#ratulated him on his #ood fortune" %hich he $rotested should never make him for#et his friends' and" to%ards mornin#" %e betook ourselves to rest& 4e*t day he accom$anied me to the shi$" %here 0r& Brayl entertained him at dinner" and %e havin# s$ent the afternoon to#ether" he took his leave of us in the evenin#" after he had forced u$on me ten $istoles" as a small token of his affection& +n short" %hile he

stayed here" %e sa% one another every day" and #enerally ate at the same table" %hich %as $lentifully su$$lied by him %ith all kinds of $oultry" butcher's meat" oran#es" limes" lemons" $ine/a$$les" 0adeira %ine" and e*cellent rum' so that this small interval of ten days %as by far the most a#reeable $eriod of my life& At len#th the 1i3ard arrived' and my $atients bein# all fit for duty" they and + %ere ordered on board of her" %here + understood from 0r& Tomlins that there %as a shyness bet%een the lieutenant and him on my account' the rancorous villain havin# taken the o$$ortunity of my absence to fill the ca$tain's ears %ith a thousand scandalous stories to my $re)udice' amon# other thin#s affirmin#" that + had been once trans$orted for theft" and that %hen + %as in the Thunder man/of/%ar" + had been %hi$$ed for the same crime& The sur#eon" on the other hand" havin# heard my %hole story from my o%n mouth" defended me strenuously" and in the course of that #ood/natured office recounted all the instances of !ram$ley's malice a#ainst me %hile + remained on board of that shi$& ,hich declaration" %hile it satisfied the ca$tain of my innocence" made the lieutenant as much my defender's enemy as mine& The infernal behaviour of !ram$ley" %ith re#ard to me" added such fuel to his former resentment" that" at certain times" + %as -uite beside myself %ith the desire of reven#e" and %as even tem$ted to $istol him on the -uarter/deck" thou#h an infamous death must inevitably have been my re%ard& But the sur#eon" %ho %as my confidant" ar#ued a#ainst such a des$erate action so effectually" that + stifled the flame %hich consumed me for the $resent" and resolved to %ait for a more convenient o$$ortunity& +n the meantime" that 0r& Tomlins mi#ht be the more convinced of the %ron#s + suffered by this fello%'s slander" + be##ed he %ould #o and visit 0r& Thom$son" %hose %onderful esca$e + had made him ac-uainted %ith" and in-uire of him into the $articulars of my conduct" %hile he %as my fello%/mate& This re-uest the sur#eon com$lied %ith" more throu#h curiosity to see a $erson %hose fate had been so e*traordinary" than to confirm his #ood o$inion of me" %hich he assured me %as already firmly established& He therefore set out for the d%ellin#/$lace of my friend" %ith a letter of introduction from me' and bein# received %ith all the civility and kindness + e*$ected" returned to the shi$" not only satisfied %ith my character beyond the $o%er of doubt or insinuation" but also charmed %ith the affability and conversation of Thom$son" %ho loaded him and me %ith $resents of fresh stock" li-uors" and fruit& As he %ould not venture to come and see us on board" lest !ram$lay should kno% and detain him' %hen the time of our de$arture a$$roached" + obtained leave to #o and bid him fare%ell& After %e had vo%ed an everlastin# friendshi$" he $ressed u$on me a $urse" %ith four doubloons" %hich + refused as lon# as + could %ithout #ivin# umbra#e' and" havin# cordially embraced each other" + returned on board" %here + found a small bo*" %ith a letter directed for me" to the care of 0r& Tomlins& <no%in# the su$erscri$tion to be of Thom$son's hand%ritin#" + o$ened it %ith some sur$rise" and learned that this #enerous friend" not content %ith loadin# me %ith the $resents already mentioned" had sent" for my use and acce$tance" half a do3en fine shirts" and as many linen %aistcoats and ca$s" %ith t%elve $air of ne% thread stockin#s& Bein# thus $rovided %ith money and all necessaries for the comfort of life" + be#an to look u$on myself as a #entleman of some conse-uence" and felt my $ride dilate a $ace&

4e*t day %e sailed for Port Royal" %here %e arrived safely %ith our $ri3es' and" as there %as nothin# to do on board" + %ent ashore" and havin# $urchased a laced %aistcoat" %ith some other clothes" at a sale" made a s%a##erin# fi#ure for some days amon# the taverns" %here + ventured to $lay a little at ha3ard" and came off %ith fifty $istoles in my $ocket& 0ean%hile our ca$tain %as $romoted to a shi$ of t%enty #uns" and the command of the 1i3ard #iven to a man turned of fourscore" %ho had been lieutenant since the rei#n of <in# ,illiam" and" not%ithstandin# his lon# service" %ould have $robably died in that station" had he not a$$lied some $ri3e/money he had lately received" to make interest %ith his su$eriors& 0y friend Brayl %as also made an officer about the same time" after he had served in -uality of a midshi$man and mate for five and t%enty years& Soon after these alterations" the admiral $itched u$on our shi$ to carry home dis$atches for the ministry' and %e set sail for En#land" havin# first scrubbed her bottom" and taken in $rovision and %ater for the occasion& !HAPTER ...;++ ,e de$art for Euro$e//a misunderstandin# arises bet%een the !a$tain and the Sur#eon" throu#h the scandalous as$ersions of !ram$ley//the !a$tain dies//!ram$ley tyrannises over the sur#eon" %ho falls a ;ictim for his !ruelty//+ am also ill/used//the Shi$ strikes//the behaviour of !ram$ley and the Seamen on that occasion///+ #et on shore" challen#e the !a$tain to sin#le combat//am treacherously knocked do%n" %ounded" and robbed 4o% that + could return to my native country in a creditable %ay" + felt e*cessive $leasure in findin# myself out of si#ht of that fatal island" %hich has been the #rave of so many Euro$eans( and" as + %as accommodated %ith everythin# to make the $assa#e a#reeable" + resolved to en)oy myself as much as the insolence of !ram$ley %ould $ermit& This insidious slanderer had found means already to cause a misunderstandin# bet%een the sur#eon and ca$tain" %ho" by his a#e and infirmities" %as rendered intolerably $eevish" his dis$osition havin# also been soured by a lon# course of disa$$ointments& He had a $articular aversion to all youn# men" es$ecially to sur#eons" %hom he considered unnecessary animals on board of a shi$' and" in conse-uence of these sentiments" never consulted the doctor" not%ithstandin# his bein# sei3ed %ith a violent fit of the #out and #ravel" but a$$lied to a cask of Holland #in" %hich %as his soverei#n $rescri$tion a#ainst all distem$ers( %hether he %as at this time too s$arin#" or took an overdose of his cordial" certain it is" he de$arted in the ni#ht" %ithout any ceremony" %hich indeed %as a thin# he al%ays des$ised" and %as found stiff ne*t mornin#" to the no small satisfaction of !ram$ley" %ho succeeded to the command of the vessel& or that very reason" 0r& Tomlins and + had no cause to re)oice at this event" fearin# that the tyranny of our ne% commander %ould no% be as unlimited as his $o%er& The first day of his command )ustified our a$$rehensions( for" on $retence that the decks %ere too much cro%ded" he ordered the sur#eon's hencoo$s" %ith all his fo%ls" to be thro%n overboard' and at the same time $rohibited him and me from %alkin# on the -uarter/deck& 0r& Tomlins could not hel$ com$lainin# of these in)uries" and in the course of his e*$ostulation dro$$ed some hasty %ords" of %hich !ram$ley takin# hold" confined him to his cabin" %here" in a fe%

days" for %ant of air he %as attacked by a fever" %hich soon $ut an end to his life" after he had made his %ill" by %hich he be-ueathed all his estate" $ersonal and real" to his sister" and left to me his %atch and instruments as memorials of his friendshi$& + %as $enetrated %ith #rief on this melancholy occasion' the more because there %as nobody on board to %hom + could communicate my sorro%s" or of %hom + could receive the least consolation or advice& !ram$ley %as so far from discoverin# the least remorse for his barbarity" at the ne%s of the sur#eon's death" that he insulted his memory in the most abusive manner" and affirmed he had $oisoned himself out of $ure fear" dreadin# to be brou#ht to a court/martial for mutiny' for %hich reason he %ould not suffer the service of the dead to be read over his body before it %as thro%n overboard& 4othin# but a s$eedy deliverance could have su$$orted me under the brutal s%ay of this basha%" %ho" to render my life more irksome" si#nified to my messmates a desire that + should be e*$elled from their society& This %as no sooner hinted" than they #ranted his re-uest' and + %as fain to eat in a solitary manner by myself durin# the rest of the $assa#e" %hich" ho%ever" soon dre% to a $eriod& ,e had been seven %eeks at sea" %hen the #unner told the ca$tain that" by his reckonin#" %e must be in soundin#s" and desired he %ould order the lead to be heaved& !ram$ley s%ore he did not kno% ho% to kee$ the shi$'s %ay" for %e %ere not %ithin a hundred lea#ues of soundin#s" and therefore he %ould not #ive himself the trouble to cast the lead& Accordin#ly %e continued our course all that afternoon and ni#ht" %ithout shortenin# sail" althou#h the #unner $retended to discover Scilly li#ht' and ne*t mornin# $rotested in form a#ainst the ca$tain's conduct" for %hich he %as $ut in confinement" ,e discovered no land all that day" and !ram$ley %as still so infatuated as to ne#lect soundin#' but at three o'clock in the mornin# the shi$ struck" and remained fast on a sand/bank& This accident alarmed the %hole cre%' the boat %as immediately hoisted out" but as %e could not discern %hich %ay the shore lay" %e %ere obli#ed to %ait for dayli#ht& +n the meantime" the %ind increased" and the %aves beat a#ainst the sloo$ %ith such violence" that %e e*$ected she %ould have #one to $ieces& The #unner %as released and consulted( he advised the ca$tain to cut a%ay the mast" in order to li#hten her' this e*$edient %as $erformed %ithout success( the sailors" seein# thin#s in a des$erate situation" accordin# to custom" broke u$ the chests belon#in# to the officers" dressed themselves in their clothes" drank their li-uors %ithout ceremony" and drunkenness" tumult" and confusion ensued& +n the midst of this u$roar" + %ent belo% to secure my o%n effects" and found the car$enter's mate he%in# do%n the $urser's cabin %ith his hatchet" %histlin# all the %hile %ith #reat com$osure& ,hen + asked his intention in so doin#" he re$lied" very calmly" 7+ only %ant to taste the $urser's rum" that's all" master&7 At that instant the $urser comin# do%n" and seein# his effects #oin# to %reck" com$lained bitterly of the in)ustice done to him" and asked the fello% %hat occasion he had for li-uor %hen" in all likelihood" he %ould be in eternity in a fe% minutes& 7All's one for that"7 said $lunderer" 7let us live %hile %e can&7 70iserable %retch that thou art87 cried the $urser" 7%hat must be thy lot in another %orld" if thou diest in the commission of robbery=7 7,hy" hell" + su$$ose"7 re$lied the other" %ith #reat deliberation" %hile the $urser fell on his knees" and be##ed of Heaven that %e mi#ht not all $erish

for the sake of :onas& 9urin# this dialo#ue + clothed myself in my bed a$$arel" #irded on my han#er" stuck my $istols" loaded" in my belt" dis$osed of all my valuable moveables about my $erson" and came u$on deck %ith a resolution of takin# the first o$$ortunity to #et on shore" %hich" %hen the day broke" a$$eared at the distance of three miles ahead& !ram$ley" findin# his efforts to #et the shi$ off ineffectual" determined to consult his o%n safety" by #oin# into the boat" %hich he had no sooner done" than the shi$'s com$any follo%ed so fast" that she %ould have sunk alon#side" had not some one %iser than the rest cut the ro$e and $ut off& But before this ha$$ened" + had made several attem$ts to #et in" and %as al%ays balked by the ca$tain" %ho %as so ea#er in e*cludin# me" that he did not mind the endeavours of any other body& Enra#ed at this inhuman $artiality" and seein# the ro$e cut" + $ulled one of my $istols from my belt" and cockin# it" s%ore + %ould shoot any man %ho %ould $resume to obstruct my entrance& So sayin#" + lea$ed %ith my full e*ertion" and #ot on board of the boat %ith the loss of the skin of my shins& + chanced in my descent to overturn !ram$ley" %ho no sooner #ot u$ than he struck at me several times %ith a cutlass" and ordered the men to thro% me overboard' but they %ere too an*ious about their o%n safety to mind %hat he said& Thou#h the boat %as very dee$ly loaded" and the sea terribly hi#h" %e made shift to #et u$on dry land in less than an hour after %e $arted from the sloo$& As soon as + set my foot on terra firma" my indi#nation" %hich bad boiled so lon# %ithin me" broke out a#ainst !ram$ley" %hom + immediately challen#ed to sin#le combat" $resentin# my $istols" that he mi#ht take his choice( he took one %ithout hesitation" and" before + could cock the other" fired in my face" thro%in# the $istol after the shot& + felt myself stunned" and ima#inin# the bullet had entered my brain" dischar#ed mine as -uick as $ossible" that + mi#ht not die unreven#ed( then flyin# u$on my anta#onist" knocked out several of his fore/teeth %ith the butt/end of the $iece" and %ould certainly have made an end of him %ith that instrument" had he not disen#a#ed himself" and sei3ed his cutlass" %hich he had #iven to his servant %hen he received the $istol& Seein# him armed in this manner" + dre% my han#er" and" havin# flun# my $istol at his head" closed %ith him in a trans$ort of fury" and thrust my %ea$on into his mouth" %hich it enlar#ed on one side to his ear& ,hether the smart of this %ound disconcerted him" or the unevenness of the #round made him reel" + kno% not" but he sta##ered some $aces back( + follo%ed close" and %ith one stroke cut the tendons of the back of his hand" U$on %hich his cutlass dro$$ed" and he remained defenceless& + kno% not %ith %hat cruelty my ra#e mi#ht have ins$ired me" if + had not at that instant been felled to the #round by a blo% on the back $art of my head" %hich de$rived me of all sensation& +n this de$lorable situation" e*$osed to the ra#e of an incensed barbarian" and the ra$ine of an inhuman cre%" + remained for some time' and %hether any dis$utes arose amon# them durin# the state of my annihilation" + cannot $retend to determine' but in one $articular they seemed to have been unanimous" and acted %ith e-ual de*terity and dis$atch' for %hen + recovered the use of my understandin#" + found myself alone in a desolate $lace" stri$$ed of my clothes" money" %atch" buckles" and everythin# but my shoes" stockin#s" breeches and shirt& ,hat a discovery must this have been to me" %ho" but an hour before" %as %orth si*ty #uineas in cash8 + cursed the hour of my birth" the $arents that #ave me bein#" the sea that did not s%allo% me u$" the $oniard of the enemy" %hich could not find the

%ay to my heart" the villainy of those %ho had left me in that miserable condition' and in the ecstacy of des$air resolved to be still %here + %as" and $erish& !HAPTER ...;+++ + #et u$ and cra%l into a barn" %here + am in dan#er of $erishin#" throu#h the fear of the country $eo$le//their inhumanity//+ am succoured by a re$uted %itch//her story//her advice//she recommends me as a valet to a sin#le lady" %hose character she e*$lains But as + lay ruminatin#" my $assion insensibly abated' + considered my situation in -uite another li#ht" from that in %hich it a$$eared to me at first" and the result of my deliberation %as to rise if + could" and cra%l to the ne*t inhabited $lace for assistance& ,ith some difficulty + #ot u$on my le#s" and havin# e*amined my body" found + had received no other in)ury than t%o lar#e contused %ounds" one on the fore and another on the hinder $art of my head" %hich seemed to be occasioned by the same %ea$on" namely" the butt/end of a $istol& + looked to%ards the sea" but could discern no remains of the shi$' so that + concluded she %as #one to $ieces" and that those %ho remained in her had $erished( but" as + after%ards learned" the #unner" %ho had more sa#acity than !ram$ley" observin# that it %as flood %hen he left her" and that she %ould $robably float at hi#h %ater" made no noise about #ettin# on shore" but continued on deck" in ho$es of brin#in# her safe into some harbour" after her commander should have deserted her" for %hich $iece of service he e*$ected" no doubt" to be handsomely re%arded& This scheme he accordin#ly e*ecuted" and %as $romised #reat thin#s by the Admiralty for savin# his 0a)esty's shi$( but + never heard he rea$ed the fruits of his e*$ectation& As for my o%n $art" + directed my course to%ards a small cotta#e + $erceived" and in the road $icked u$ a seaman's old )acket" %hich + su$$ose the thief %ho dressed himself in my clothes had thro%n a%ay( this %as a very comfortable ac-uisition to me" %ho %as almost stiff %ith cold( + therefore $ut it on' and" as my natural heat revived" my %ounds" %hich had left off bleedin#" burst out afresh' so that" findin# myself e*cessively e*hausted" + %as about to lie do%n in the fields" %hen + discovered a barn on my left hand" %ithin a fe% yards of me' thither + made shift to sta##er" and findin# the door o$en" %ent in" but sa% nobody' ho%ever" + thre% myself u$on a truss of stra%" ho$in# to be soon relieved by some $erson or other& + had not lain here many minutes" %hen + sa% a countryman come in %ith a $itchfork in his hand" %hich he %as u$on the $oint of thrustin# into the stra% that concealed me" and in all $robability %ould have done my business" had + not uttered a dreadful #roan" after havin# essayed in vain to s$eak& This melancholy note alarmed the clo%n" %ho started back" and discoverin# a body all besmeared %ith blood" stood tremblin#" %ith the $itchfork e*tended before him" his hair bristlin# u$" his eyes starin#" his nostrils dilated" and his mouth %ide o$en& At another time + should have been much diverted by this fi#ure" %hich $reserved the same attitude very near ten minutes" durin# %hich time + made many unsuccessful efforts to im$lore his com$assion and assistance' but my ton#ue failed me" and my lan#ua#e %as only a re$etition of #roans& At len#th an old man arrived" %ho" seein# the other in such a $osture" cried" 70ercy u$on en8 the leaad's be%itched8 %hy" 9ick" beest thou besayd thyself87 9ick" %ithout movin# his eyes from the ob)ect that terrified him" re$lied" 7O vather8 vatber8 here be

either the devil or a dead mon( + doant kno% %hich o'en" but a #roans %oundily&7 The father" %hose eyesi#ht %as none of the best" $ulled out his s$ectacles" and" havin# a$$lied them to his nose reconnoitered me over his son's shoulder( but no sooner did he behold me" than he %as sei3ed %ith a fit of shakin#" even more violent than 9ick's" and" %ith a broken accent" addressed me thus( 7+n the name of the ;ather" Bun" and Holy 2host" + char#e you" an you been Satan" to be #one to the Red Ben' but an you be a moordered mon" s$eak" that you may have a !hristom burial&7 As + %as not in a condition to satisfy him in this $articular" he re$eated his con)uration to no $ur$ose" and they continued a #ood %hile in the a#onies of fear& At len#th the father $ro$osed that the son should dra% nearer" and take a more distinct vie% of the a$$arition' but 9ick %as of o$inion that his father should advance first" he bein# an old man $ast his labour and" if he received any mischief" the loss %ould be the smaller' %hereas he himself mi#ht esca$e" and be useful" in his #eneration& This $rudential reason had no effect u$on the senior" %ho still ke$t 9ick bet%een me and him& +n the meantime + endeavoured to raise one hand as a si#nal of distress" but had only stren#th sufficient to $roduce a rustlin# amon# the stra%" %hich discom$osed the youn# $easant so much" that he s$ran# out at the door" and overthre% his father in his fli#ht& The old #entleman %ould not s$end time in #ettin# u$" but cra%led back%ards like a crab" %ith #reat s$eed" till he had #ot over the threshold" mumblin# e*orcisms all the %ay& + %as e*ceedin#ly mortified to find myself in dan#er of $erishin# throu#h the i#norance and co%ardice of these clo%ns' and felt my s$irits decay a$ace" %hen an old %oman entered the barn" follo%ed by the t%o fu#itives and %ith #reat intre$idity advanced to the $lace %here + lay" sayin#" 7+f it be the devil + fearen not" and for a dead mon a can do us no harm&7 ,hen she sa% my condition" she cried" 7Here be no devil" but in your en fool's head& Here be a $oor miserable %retch bleedin# to death" and if a dies" %e must be at the char#e of buryin# him' therefore" 9ick" #o vetch the old %heelbarro% and $ut en in" and carry en to #oodman Hod#e's backdoor' he is more able than %e to $ay out money u$on $oor va#rants&7 Her advice %as taken" and immediately $ut in e*ecution' + %as rolled to the other farmer's door" %here + %as tumbled out like a hea$ of dun#' and should certainly have fallen a $rey to the ho#s" if my #roans had not disturbed the family" and brou#ht some of them out to vie% my situation& But Hod#e resembled the :e% more than the #ood Samaritan" and ordered me to be carried to the house of the $arson" %hose business it %as to $ractise as %ell as to $reach charity' observin# that it %as sufficient for him to $ay his -uota to%ards the maintenance of the $oor belon#in# to his o%n $arish& ,hen + %as set do%n at the vicar's #ate" he fell into a mi#hty $assion" and threatened to e*communicate him %ho sent" as %ell as those %ho brou#ht me" unless they %ould move me immediately to another $lace& About this time + fainted %ith the fati#ue + had under#one" and after%ards understood that + %as bandied from door to door throu#h a %hole villa#e" nobody havin# humanity enou#h to administer the least relief to me" Until an old %oman" %ho %as sus$ected of %itchcraft by the nei#hbourhood" hearin# of my distress" received me into her house" and" havin# dressed my %ounds" brou#ht me to myself %ith cordials of her o%n $re$arin#& + %as treated %ith #reat care and tenderness by this #rave matron" %ho" after + had recovered some stren#th" desired to kno% the $articulars of my last disaster& This $iece of satisfaction + could not refuse to one %ho had saved my life" therefore related

all my adventures %ithout e*a##eration or reserve& She seemed sur$rised at the vicissitudes + had under#one" and dre% a ha$$y $resa#e of my future life from my $ast sufferin#" then launched out into the $raise of adversity" %ith so much ardour and #ood sense" that + concluded she %as a $erson %ho had seen better days" and conceived a lon#in# desire to hear her story& She $erceived my drift by some %ords + dro$$ed" and smilin# told me" there %as nothin# either entertainin# or e*traordinary in the course of her fortune' but" ho%ever" she %ould communicate it to me" in consideration of the confidence + had re$osed in her& 7+t is of little conse-uence"7 said she" 7to tell the names of my $arents" %ho are dead many years a#o' let it suffice to assure you" they %ere %ealthy" and had no other child than me' so that + %as looked u$on as heiress to a considerable estate" and teased %ith addresses on that account& Amon# the number of my admirers" there %as a youn# #entleman of no fortune" %hose sole de$endence %as on his $romotion in the army" in %hich" at that time" he bore a lieutenant's commission& + conceived an affection for this amiable officer" %hich" in a short time" increased to a violent $assion& and %ithout enterin# into minute circumstances" married him $rivately& ,e had not en)oyed one another lon# in stolen intervie%s" %hen he %as ordered %ith his re#iment to landers' but" before he set out" it %as a#reed bet%een us" that %e should declare our marria#e to my father by letter" and im$lore his $ardon for the ste$ %e had taken %ithout his a$$robation& This discovery %as made %hile + %as abroad visitin#" and )ust as + %as about to return home" + received a letter from my father" im$ortin# that" since + had acted so undutifully and meanly as to marry a be##ar" %ithout his $rivity or consent" to the dis#race of his family as %ell as the disa$$ointment of his ho$es" he renounced me to the miserable fate + had entailed u$on myself" and char#ed me never to set foot %ithin his doors a#ain& This ri#id sentence %as confirmed by my mother" %ho" in a $ostscri$t" #ave me to understand that her sentiments %ere e*actly conformable to those of my father" and that + mi#ht save myself the trouble of makin# any a$$lications" for her resolutions %ere unalterable& Thunderstruck %ith my evil fortune + called a coach" and drove to my husband's lod#in#s" %here + found him %aitin# the event of his letter& Thou#h he could easily divine by my looks the issue of his declaration" he read %ith #reat steadiness the e$istle + had received' and %ith a smile full of tenderness" %hich + shall never for#et" embraced me" sayin#" 7+ believe the #ood lady your mother mi#ht have s$ared herself the trouble of the last $art of her $ostscri$t& ,ell" my dear Betty" you must lay aside all thou#hts of a coach" till + can $rocure the command of a re#iment&7 This unconcerned behaviour" %hile it enabled me to su$$ort my reverse of fortune" at the same time endeared him to me the more" by convincin# me of his disinterested vie%s in es$ousin# me& + %as ne*t day boarded in com$any %ith the %ife of another officer" %ho had lon# been the friend and confidant of my husband" at a villa#e not far from 1ondon" %here they $arted %ith us in the most meltin# manner" %ent to landers" and %ere killed in si#ht of one another at the battle of the ,ood& 7,hy should + tire you %ith a descri$tion of our unutterable sorro% at the fatal ne%s of this event" the remembrance of %hich no% fills my a#ed eyes %ith tears8 ,hen our #rief subsided a little" and reflection came to our aid" %e found ourselves deserted by the %hole %orld" and in dan#er of $erishin# by %ant' %hereu$on %e made a$$lication for the $ension" and %ere $ut u$on the list& Then" vo%in# eternal friendshi$" sold our )e%els and su$erfluous clothes"

retired to this $lace 5%hich is in the county of Susse*6 bou#ht this little house" %here %e lived many years in a solitary manner" indul#in# our mutual sorro%" till it $leased Heaven to call a%ay my com$anion t%o years a#o' since %hich time + have lin#ered out an unha$$y bein#" in ho$es of a s$eedy dissolution" %hen + $romise myself the eternal re%ard of all my cares& +n the meantime"7 continued she" 7+ must inform you of the character + bear amon# my nei#hbours& 0y conversation bein# different from that of the inhabitants of the villa#e" my recluse %ay of life" my skill in curin# distem$ers" %hich + ac-uired from books since + settled here" and lastly" my a#e havin# made the common $eo$le look u$on me as somethin# $reternatural" and + am actually" at this hour" believed to be a %itch& The $arson of the $arish" %hose ac-uaintance + have not been at much $ains to cultivate" takin# umbra#e at my su$$osed disres$ect" has contributed not a little to%ards the confirmation of this o$inion" by dro$$in# certain hints to my $re)udice amon# the vul#ar" %ho are also very much scandalised at my entertainin# this $oor tabby cat %ith the collar about her neck" %hich %as a favourite of my deceased com$anion&7 The %hole behaviour of this venerable $erson %as so $rimitive" innocent" sensible" and humane" that + contracted a filial res$ect for her" and be##ed her advice %ith re#ard to my future conduct" as soon as + %as in a condition to act for myself& She dissuaded me from a desi#n + had formed of travellin# to 1ouder" in ho$es of retrievin# my clothes and $ay" by returnin# to my shi$" %hich by this time + read in the ne%s$a$er %as safely arrived in the River Thames( 7because"7 said she" 7you run the ha3ard of bein# treated not only as a deserter in -uittin# the sloo$" but also as a mutineer" in assaultin# your commandin# officer" to the malice of %hose reven#e you %ill moreover be e*$osed&7 She then $romised to recommend me" as servant to a sin#le lady of her ac-uaintance" %ho lived in the nei#hbourhood %ith her ne$he%" %ho %as a youn# fo*hunter of #reat fortune" %here + mi#ht be very ha$$y" $rovided + could bear %ith the dis$osition and manners of my mistress" %hich %ere some%hat %himsical and $articular& But" above all thin#s" she counselled me to conceal my story" the kno%led#e of %hich %ould effectually $oison my entertainment' for it %as a ma*im" amon# most $eo$le of condition" that no #entleman ou#ht to be admitted into a family as a domestic" lest he become la3y" and insolent& + %as fain to embrace this humble $ro$osal" because my affairs %ere des$erate' and in a fe% days %as hired by this lady" to serve in -uality of her footman" havin# been re$resented by my hostess as a youn# man %ho %as bred u$ to the sea by his relations a#ainst his %ill" and had suffered shi$%reck" %hich had increased his dis#ust to that %ay of life so much" that he rather chose to #o to service on shore" than enter himself on board of any other shi$& Before + took $ossession of my ne% $lace" she #ave me a sketch of my mistress's character" that + mi#ht kno% better ho% to re#ulate my conduct& 7>our lady"7 said she" 7is a maiden of forty years" not so remarkable for her beauty as her learnin# and taste" %hich is famous all over the country& +ndeed" she is a $erfect female virtuoso" and so ea#er after the $ursuit of kno%led#e that she ne#lects her $erson even to a de#ree of sluttishness' this ne#li#ence" to#ether %ith her contem$t of the male $art of the creation" #ives her ne$he% no #reat concern" as by these means he %ill $robably kee$ her fortune" %hich is considerable& in the family& He therefore $ermits her to live in her o%n %ay" %hich is somethin# e*traordinary" and #ratifies her

in all her %himsical desires& Her a$artment is at some distance from the other inhabited $arts of the house' and consists of a dinin#/room" bedchamber" and study' she kee$s a cook maid" a %aitin#/%oman" and footman" of her o%n" and seldom eats or converses %ith any of the family but her niece" %ho is a very lovely creature" and humours her aunt often to the $re)udice of her o%n health by sittin# u$ %ith her %hole ni#hts to#ether' for your mistress is too much of a $hiloso$her to be s%ayed by the custom of the %orld" and never slee$s nor eats like other $eo$le& Amon# other odd notions" she $rofesses the $rinci$les of Rosicrucius" and believes the earth" air" and sea" are inhabited by invisible bein#s" %ith %hom it is $ossible for the human s$ecies to entertain corres$ondence and intimacy" on the easy condition of livin# chaste& As she ho$es one day to be admitted into an ac-uaintance of this kind" she no sooner heard of me and my cat" than she $aid me a visit" %ith a vie%" as she has since o%ned" to be introduced to my familiar' and %as #reatly mortified to find herself disa$$ointed in her e*$ectation& Bein# by this visionary turn of mind abstracted as it %ere from the %orld" she cannot advert to the common occurrences of life' and therefore is fre-uently so absent as to commit very stran#e mistakes and e*trava#ancies" %hich you %ill do %ell to rectify and re$air" as your $rudence shall su##est&7 !HAPTER ...+. 0y Rece$tion by that 1ady//+ become enamoured of 4arcissa//recount the $articulars of my last misfortune/ac-uire the #ood o$inion of my 0istress//an Account of the youn# S-uire//+ am made ac-uainted %ith more $articulars of 4arcissa's Situation//conceive a mortal hatred a#ainst Sir Timothy//e*amine my 1ady's library and $erformances//her e*trava#ant behaviour rau#ht %ith these useful instructions" + re$aired to the $lace of her habitation" and %as introduced by the %aitin#/%oman to the $resence of my lady" %ho had not before seen me& She sat in her study" %ith one foot on the #round" and the other u$on a hi#h stool at some distance from her seat' her sandy locks hun# do%n" in a disorder + cannot call beautiful" from her head" %hich %as de$rived of its coif" for the benefit of scratchin# %ith one hand" %hile she held the stum$ of a $en in the other& Her forehead %as hi#h and %rinkled' her eyes %ere lar#e" #ray" and $rominent' her nose %as lon#" and a-uiline( her mouth of vast ca$acity" her visa#e mea#re and freckled" and her chin $eaked like a shoemaker's $arin# knife' her u$$er li$ contained a lar#e -uantity of $lain S$anish" %hich" by continual fallin#" had embroidered her neck" that %as not naturally very %hite" and the breast of her #o%n" that flo%ed loose about her %ith a ne#li#ence that %as truly $oetic" discoverin# linen that %as very fine" and" to all a$$earance" never %ashed but in !astalian streams& Around her lay hea$s of books" #lobes" -uadrants" telesco$es" and other learned a$$aratus' her snuff/bo* stood at her ri#ht hand( at her left hand lay her handkerchief" sufficiently used" and a convenience to s$it in a$$eared on one side of her chair& She bein# in a reverie %hen %e entered" the maid did not think $ro$er to disturb her' so that %e %aited some minutes unobserved" durin# %hich time she bit the -uill several times" altered her $osition" made many %ry faces" and" at len#th" %ith an air of trium$h" re$eated aloud(

74or dare th'immortal #ods my ra#e o$$ose87 Havin# committed her success to $a$er" she turned to%ards the door" and $erceivin# us" cried" 7,hat's the matter=7 7Here's the youn# man"7 re$lied my conductress" 7%hom 0rs& Sa#ely recommended as a footman to your ladyshi$&7 On this information she stared in my face for a considerable time" and then asked my name" %hich + thou#ht $ro$er to conceal under that of :ohn Bro%n& After havin# surveyed me %ith a curious eye" she broke out into" 7O8 ay" thou %ast shi$%recked" + remember& ,hether didst thou come on shore on the back of a %hale or a dol$hin=7 To this + ans%ered" + had s%am ashore %ithout any assistance& Then she demanded to kno% if + had ever been at the Helles$ont" and s%am from Sestos to Abydos& + re$lied in the ne#ative' u$on %hich she bade the maid order a suit of ne% livery for me" and instruct me in the articles of my duty( so she s$it in her snuff/bo*" and %i$ed her nose %ith her ca$" %hich lay on the table" instead of a handkerchief& ,e returned to the kitchen" %here + %as re#aled by the maids" %ho seemed to vie %ith each other in e*$ressin# their re#ard for me' and from them + understood" that my business consisted in cleanin# knives and forks" layin# the cloth" %aitin# at table" carryin# messa#es" and attendin# my lady %hen she %ent abroad& There %as a very #ood suit of livery in the house" %hich had belon#ed to my $redecessor deceased" and it fitted me e*actly' so that there %as no occasion for em$loyin# a tailor on my account& + had not been lon# e-ui$$ed in this manner" %hen my lady's bell run#' u$on %hich" + ran u$ stairs" and found her stalkin# about the room in her shift and under $etticoat only' + %ould immediately have retired as became me" but she bade me come in" and air a clean shift for her' %hich o$eration + havin# $erformed %ith some back%ardness" she $ut it on before me %ithout any ceremony" and + verily believe %as i#norant of my se* all that time" as bein# -uite absorbed in contem$lation& About four o'clock in the afternoon + %as ordered to lay the cloth" and $lace t%o covers" %hich + understood %ere for my mistress and her niece" %hom + had not as yet seen& Thou#h + %as not very de*terous at this %ork" + $erformed it $retty %ell for a be#inner" and" %hen dinner %as u$on the table" sa% my mistress a$$roach" accom$anied by the youn# lady" %hose name for the $resent shall be 4arcissa& So much s%eetness a$$eared in the countenance and carria#e of this amiable a$$arition" that my heart %as ca$tivated at first si#ht" and %hile dinner lasted" + #a3ed u$on her %ithout intermission& Her a#e seemed to be seventeen" her stature tall" her sha$e une*ce$tionable" her hair" that fell do%n u$on her ivory neck in rin#lets" black as )et' her arched eyebro%s of the same colour' her eyes $iercin#" yet tender' her li$s of the consistence and hue of cherries' her com$le*ion clear" delicate and healthy' her as$ect noble" in#enuous" and humane' and the %hole $erson so ravishin#ly deli#htful" that it %as im$ossible for any creature endued %ith sensibility" to see %ithout admirin#" and admire %ithout lovin# her to e*cess& + be#an to curse the servile station that $laced me so far beneath the re#ard of this idol of my adoration8 and yet + blessed my fate" that enabled me to en)oy daily the si#ht of so much $erfection8 ,hen she s$oke + listened %ith $leasure' but %hen she s$oke to me" my soul %as thrilled %ith an e*tacy of tumultuous )oy& + %as even so ha$$y as to be the sub)ect of their conversation' for 4arcissa" havin# observed me" said to her aunt" 7+ see your ne% footman is come&7 Then addressin# herself to me" asked" %ith ineffable com$lacency" if + %as the $erson %ho had been

so cruelly used by robbers= ,hen + had satisfied her in this' she e*$ressed a desire of kno%in# the other $articulars of my fortune" both before and since my bein# shi$%recked( hereu$on 5as 0rs& Sa#ely had counselled me6 + told her that + had been bound a$$rentice to the master of a shi$" contrary to my inclination" %hich shi$ had foundered at sea' that + and four more" %ho chanced to be on deck %hen she %ent do%n" made shift to s%im to the shore" %hen my com$anions" after havin# over$o%ered me" stri$$ed me to the shirt" and left me" as they ima#ined" dead of the %ounds + received in my o%n defence& Then + related the circumstances of bein# found in a barn" %ith the inhuman treatment + met %ith from the country $eo$le and $arson' the descri$tion of %hich" + $erceived" dre% tears from the charmin# creature's eyes& ,hen + had finished my recital" my mistress" said" 70a foi8 le #arcon est bien fait87 To %hich o$inion 4arcissa assented" %ith a com$liment to my understandin#" in the same lan#ua#e" that flattered my vanity e*tremely& The conversation" amon# other sub)ects" turned u$on the youn# s-uire" %hom my lady in-uired after under the title of the Sava#e' and %as informed by her niece that he %as still in bed" re$airin# the fati#ue of last ni#ht's debauch" and recruitin# stren#th and s$irits to under#o a fo* chase to/morro% mornin#" in com$any %ith Sir Timothy Thicket" S-uire Bum$er" and a #reat many other #entlemen of the same stam$" %hom he had invited on that occasion8 so that by daybreak the %hole house %ould be in an u$roar& This %as a very disa#reeable $iece of ne%s to the virtuoso" %ho $rotested she %ould stuff her ears %ith cotton %hen she %ent to bed" and take a dose of o$ium to make her slee$ the more sound" that she mi#ht not be disturbed and distracted by the clamour of the brutes& ,hen their dinner %as over" + and my fello% servants sat do%n to ours in the kitchen" %here + understood that Sir Timothy Thicket %as a %ealthy kni#ht in the nei#hbourhood" bet%een %hom and 4arcissa a match had been $ro)ected by her brother" %ho $romised at the same time to es$ouse Sir Timothy's sister' by %hich means" as their fortunes %ere $retty e-ual" the youn# ladies %ould be $rovided for" and their brothers be never the $oorer' but that the ladies did not concur in the scheme" each of them entertainin# a hearty contem$t for the $erson allotted to her for a husband by this a#reement& This information be#at in me a mortal aversion to Sir Timothy" %hom + looked u$on as my rival" and cursed in my heart for his $resum$tion& 4e*t mornin#" by daybreak" bein# a%akened by the noise of the hunters and hounds" + rose to vie% the cavalcade" and had a si#ht of my com$etitor" %hose accom$lishments 5the estate e*cluded6 did not seem brilliant enou#h to #ive me much uneasiness %ith res$ect to 4arcissa" %ho" + flattered myself" %as not to be %on by such -ualifications as he %as master of" either as to $erson or mind& 0y mistress" not%ithstandin# her $recaution" %as so much disturbed by her ne$he%'s com$any" that she did not rise till five o'clock in the afternoon' so that + had an o$$ortunity of e*aminin# her study at leisure" to %hich e*amination + %as stron#ly $rom$ted by my curiosity& Here + found a thousand scra$s of her o%n $oetry" consistin# of three" four" ten" t%elve" and t%enty lines" on an infinity of sub)ects" %hich" as %him ins$ired" she had be#un" %ithout constancy or ca$acity to brin# to any de#ree of com$osition( but" %hat %as very e*traordinary in a female $oet" there %as not the least mention made of love in any of her $erformances& + counted

fra#ments of five tra#edies" the titles of %hich %ere 7The Stern Philoso$her"7 7The 9ouble"7 7The Sacrile#ious Traitor"7 7The all of 1ucifer"7 and 7The 1ast 9ay&7 rom %hence + #athered" that her dis$osition %as #loomy" and her ima#ination deli#hted %ith ob)ects of horror& Her library %as com$osed of the best En#lish historians" $oets" and $hiloso$hers' of all the rench critics and $oets" and of a fe% books in +talian" chiefly $oetry" at the head of %hich %ere Tasso and Ariosto" $retty much used& Besides these" translations of the classics into rench" but not one book in 2reek or 1atin' a circumstance that discovered her i#norance in these lan#ua#es& After havin# taken a full vie% of this collection" + retired" and at the usual time %as $re$arin# to lay the cloth" %hen + %as told by the maid that her mistress %as still in bed" and had been so affected %ith the notes of the hounds in the mornin#" that she actually believed herself a hare beset by the hunters" and be##ed a fe% #reens to munch for breakfast& ,hen + e*$ressed my sur$rise in this unaccountable ima#ination she #ave me to understand that her lady %as very much sub)ect to %hims of this nature' sometimes fancyin# herself an animal" sometimes a $iece of furniture" durin# %hich conceited transformations it %as very dan#erous to come near her" es$ecially %hen she re$resented a beast' for that lately" in the character of a cat" she had flo%n at her" and scratched her face in a terrible manner( that some months a#o" she $ro$hesied the #eneral confla#ration %as at hand" and nothin# %ould be able to -uench it but her %ater" %hich therefore she ke$t so lon#" that her life %as in dan#er" and she must needs have died of the retention" had they not found an e*$edient to make her evacuate" by kindlin# a bonfire under her chamber %indo% and $ersuadin# her that the house %as in flames( u$on %hich" %ith #reat deliberation" she bade them brin# all the tubs and vessels they could find to be filled for the $reservation of the house" into one of %hich she immediately dischar#ed the cause of her distem$er& + %as also informed that nothin# contributed so much to the recovery of her reason as music" %hich %as al%ays administered on those occasions by 4arcissa" %ho $layed $erfectly %ell on the har$sichord" and to %hom she 5the maid6 %as )ust then #oin# to intimate her aunt's disorder& She %as no sooner #one than + %as summoned by the bell to my lady's chamber" %here + found her sittin# s-uat on her hands on the floor" in the manner of $uss %hen she listens to the outcries of her $ursuers& ,hen + a$$eared" she started u$ %ith an alarmed look" and s$ran# to the other side of the room to avoid me" %hom" %ithout doubt" she mistook for a bea#le thirstin# after her life& Perceivin# her e*treme confusion" + retired" and on the staircase met the adorable 4arcissa comin# u$" to %hom + im$arted the situation of my mistress' she said not a %ord" but smilin# %ith uns$eakable #race" %ent into her aunt's a$artment" and in a little time my ears %ere ravished %ith the efforts of her skill& She accom$anied the instrument %ith a voice so s%eet and melodious" that + did not %onder at the sur$risin# chan#e it $roduced on the s$irits of my mistress %hich com$osed to $eace and sober reflection& About seven o'clock" the hunters arrived %ith the skins of t%o fo*es and one bad#er" carried before them as tro$hies of their success' and %hen they %ere about to sit do%n to dinner 5or su$$er6 Sir Timothy Thicket desired that 4arcissa %ould honour the table %ith her $resence' but this re-uest" not%ithstandin# her brother's threats and entreaties" she refused" on $retence of attendin# her

aunt" %ho %as indis$osed' so + en)oyed the satisfaction of seein# my rival mortified( but this disa$$ointment made no #reat im$ression on him" %ho consoled himself %ith the bottle" of %hich the %hole com$any became so enamoured that" after a most horrid u$roar of lau#hin#" sin#in#" s%earin#" and fi#htin#" they %ere all carried to bed in a state of utter oblivion& 0y duty bein# alto#ether detached from the s-uire and his family" + led a $retty easy and comfortable life" drinkin# daily into*icatin# drau#hts of love from the charms of 4arcissa" %hich bri#htened on my contem$lation every day more and more& +n#lorious as my station %as" + became blind to my o%n un%orthiness" and even conceived ho$es of one day en)oyin# this amiable creature" %hose" affability #reatly encoura#ed these $resum$tuous thou#hts& !HAPTER .1 0y mistress is sur$rised at my learnin#//communicates her $erformances to me//+ im$art some of mine to her//am mortified at her faint $raise//4arcissa a$$roves of my conduct//+ #ain an involuntary con-uest over the cook%ench and dairymaid//their mutual resentment and insinuations//the )ealousy of their lovers 9urin# this season of love and tran-uillity" my muse" %hich had lain dormant so lon#" a%oke" and $roduced several small $erformances on the sub)ect of my flame& But as it concerned me nearly to remain undiscovered in my character and sentiments" + %as under a necessity of mortifyin# my desire of $raise" by confinin# my %orks to my o%n $erusal and a$$lause& +n the meantime + strove to insinuate myself into the #ood o$inion of both ladies' and succeeded so %ell" by my dili#ence and dutiful behaviour" that in a little time + %as at least a favourite servant' and fre-uently en)oyed the satisfaction of hearin# myself mentioned in rench and +talian" %ith some de#ree of %armth and sur$rise by the dear ob)ect of all my %ishes" as a $erson %ho had so much of the #entleman in my a$$earance and discourse" that she could not for her soul treat me like a common lac-uey& 0y $rudence and modesty %ere not lon# $roof a#ainst these be%itchin# com$liments& One day" %hile + %aited at dinner" the conversation turned u$on a knotty $assa#e of Tasso's 2ierusalem" %hich" it seems" had $u33led them both( after a #reat many unsatisfactory con)ectures" my mistress" takin# the book out of her $ocket" turned u$ the $lace in -uestion" and read the sentence over and over %ithout success' at len#th" des$airin# of findin# the author's meanin#" she turned to me" sayin#" 7!ome hither" Bruno' let us see %hat fortune %ill do for us( + %ill inter$ret to thee %hat #oes before" and %hat follo%s this obscure $ara#ra$h" the $articular %ords of %hich + %ill also e*$lain" that thou mayst" by com$arin# one %ith another" #uess the sense of that %hich $er$le*es us&7 + %as too vain to let sli$ this o$$ortunity of dis$layin# my talents' therefore" %ithout hesitation" read and e*$lained the %hole of that %hich had disconcerted them" to the utter astonishment of both& 4arcissa's face and lovely neck %ere overs$read %ith blushes" from %hich + dre% a favourable o$inion" %hile her aunt" after havin# stared at me a #ood %hile %ith a look of ama3ement" e*claimed" 7+n the name of heaven %ho art thou=7 + told her + had $icked u$ a smatterin# of +talian" durin# a voya#e u$ the Straits& At this e*$lanation she shook her head" and observed that no smatterer could read as + had done& She then desired to kno% if + understood rench& To %hich -uestion + ans%ered in the affirmative& She asked if + %as

ac-uainted %ith the 1atin and 2reek= + re$lied" 7A little&7 7Oho87 continued she" 7and %ith $hiloso$hy and mathematics" + su$$ose=7 + o%ned + kne% somethin# of each& Then she re$eated her stare and interro#ation& + be#an to re$ent of my vanity" and in order to re$air the fault + committed" said" it %as not to be %ondered at if + had a tolerable education" for learnin# %as so chea$ in my country" that every $easant %as a scholar' but" + ho$ed her 1adyshi$ %ould think my understandin# no e*ce$tion to my character& 74o" no" 2od forbid&7 But durin# the rest of the time they sat at table" they behaved %ith remarkable reserve& This alteration #ave me #reat uneasiness' and + $assed the ni#ht %ithout slee$" in melancholy reflections on the vanity of youn# men" %hich $rom$ts them to commit so many foolish actions" contrary to their o%n sober )ud#ment& 4e*t day" ho%ever" instead of $rofitin# by this self/condemnation" + yielded still more to the dictates of the $rinci$le + had endeavoured to chastise" and if fortune had not befriended me more than $rudence could e*$ect" + should have been treated %ith the contem$t it deserved& After breakfast my lady" %ho %as a true author" bade me follo% her into the study" %here she e*$ressed herself thus( 7Since you are so learned" you cannot be void of taste' therefore + am to desire your o$inion of a small $erformance in $oetry" %hich + lately com$osed& >ou must kno% that + have $lanned a tra#edy" the sub)ect of %hich shall be" the murder of a $rince before the altar" %here he is busy at his devotions& After the deed is $er$etrated" the re#icide %ill haran#ue the $eo$le %ith the bloody da##er in his hand' and + have already com$osed a s$eech" %hich" + think" %ill suit the character e*tremely& Here it is&7 Then" takin# u$ a scra$ of $a$er" she read" %ith violent em$hasis and #esture" as follo%s(// 7Thus have + sent the sim$le <in# to hell" ,ithout or coffin" shroud" or $assin# bell( To me %hat are divine and human la%s= + court no sanction but my o%n a$$lause8 Ra$es" robberies" treasons" yield my soul deli#ht" And human carna#e #ratifies my si#ht( + dra# the $arent by the hoary hair" And toss the s$ra%lin# infant on the s$ear" ,hile the fond mother's cries re#ale my ear& + fi#ht" + van-uish" murder friends and foes' 4or dare the immortal #ods my ra#e o$$ose&7 Thou#h + did #reat violence to my understandin# in $raisin# this unnatural rha$sody" + nevertheless e*tolled it as a $roduction that of itself deserved immortal fame' and besou#ht her ladyshi$ to bless the %orld %ith the fruits of those uncommon talents Heaven had besto%ed u$on her& She smiled %ith a look of self/com$lacency" and encoura#ed by the incense + had offered" communicated all her $oetical %orks %hich + a$$lauded" one by one" %ith as little candour as + had sho%n at first& Satiated %ith my flattery" %hich + ho$e my situation )ustified" she could not in conscience refuse me an o$$ortunity of shinin# in my turn( and" therefore" after a com$liment to my nice discernment and taste" observed" that doubtless + must have $roduced somethin# in that %ay myself" %hich she desired to see& This %as tem$tation + could by no means resist& + o%ned that %hile + %as at colle#e + %rote some detached $ieces" at the desire

of a friend %ho %as in love' and at her re-uest re$eated the follo%in# verses" %hich indeed my love for 4arcissa had ins$ired(// On !elia" Playin# on the har$sichord and sin#in#& ,hen Sa$$ho struck the -uiverin# %ire" The throbbin# breast %as all on fire( And %hen she raised the vocal lay" The ca$tive soul %as charm'd a%ay& But had the nym$h $ossessed %ith these Thy softer" chaster" $o%er to $lease' Thy beauteous air of s$ri#htly youth" Thy native smiles of artless truth' The %orm of #rief had never $reyed On the forsaken love/sick maid( 4or had she mourn'd a ha$less flame" 4or dash'd on rocks her tender frame& 0y mistress $aid me a cold com$liment on the versification" %hich" she said" %as ele#ant enou#h" but" the sub)ect beneath the $en of a true $oet& + %as e*tremely nettled at her indifference" and looked at 4arcissa" %ho by this time had )oined us" for her a$$robation' but she declined #ivin# her o$inion" $rotestin# she %as no )ud#e of these matters' so that + %as forced to retire very much balked in my e*$ectation" %hich %as #enerally a little too san#uine& +n the afternoon" ho%ever" the %aitin#/maid assured me that 4arcissa had e*$ressed her a$$robation of my $erformance %ith #reat %armth" and desired her to $rocure a co$y of it as for herself" that she 54arcissa6 mi#ht have an o$$ortunity to $eruse it at $leasure& + %as elated to an e*trava#ant $itch at this intelli#ence" and immediately transcribed a fair co$y of my Ode" %hich %as carried to the dear charmer" to#ether %ith another on the same sub)ect" as follo%s(// Thy fatal shaft unerrin# move' + bo% before thine altar" 1ove8 + feel thou soft resistless flame 2lide s%ift throu#h all my vital frame8 or %hile + #a3e my bosom #lo%s" 0y blood in tides im$etuous flo%s' Ho$e" fear" and )oy alternate roll" And floods of trans$orts '%helm my soul8 0y falterin# ton#ue attem$ts in vain +n soothin# murmurs to com$lain' 0y ton#ue some secret ma#ic ties" 0y murmurs sink in broken si#hs& !ondemn'd to nurse eternal care" And ever dro$ the silent tear" Unheard + mourn" unkno%n + si#h"

Unfriended live" un$itied die8 ,hether or not 4arcissa discovered my $assion" + could not learn from her behaviour" %hich" thou#h al%ays benevolent to me %as henceforth more reserved and less cheerful& ,hile my thou#hts as$ired to a s$here so far above me" + had un%ittin#ly made a con-uest of the cook%ench and dairymaid" %ho became so )ealous of each other that" if their sentiments had been refined by education" it is $robable one or other of them %ould have had recourse to $oison or steel to be aven#ed of her rival' but" as their minds %ere ha$$ily ada$ted to their humble station" their mutual enmity %as confined to scoldin# and fistcuffs" in %hich e*ercise they %ere both %ell skilled& 0y #ood fortune did not lon# remain a secret' for it %as disclosed by the fre-uent broils of these heroines" %ho ke$t no decorum in their encounters& The coachman and #ardener" %ho $aid their devoirs to my admirers" each to his res$ective choice" alarmed at my success" laid their heads to#ether" in order to concert n $lan of reven#e' and the former" havin# been educated at the academy at Tottenham !ourt" undertook to challen#e me to sin#le combat& He accordin#ly" %ith many o$$robrious invectives" bade me defiance" and offered to bo* me for t%enty #uineas& + told him that" althou#h + believed myself a match for him even at that %ork + %ould not descend so far belo% the di#nity of a #entleman as to fi#ht like a $orter' but if he had anythin# to say to me" + %as his man at blunderbuss" musket" $istol" s%ord" hatchet" s$it" cleaver" fork" or needle' nay" + s%ore" that should he #ive his ton#ue any more saucy liberties at my e*$ense" + %ould cro$ his ears %ithout any ceremony& This rhodomontade" delivered %ith a stern countenance and resolute tone" had the desired effect u$on my anta#onist" %ho" %ith some confusion" sneaked off" and #ave his friend an account of his rece$tion& The story" takin# air amon# the servants" $rocured for me the title of 2entleman :ohn" %ith %hich + %as sometimes honoured" even by my mistress and 4arcissa" %ho had been informed of the %hole affair by the chambermaid& +n the meantime" the rival -ueens e*$ressed their $assion by all the %ays in their $o%er( the cook entertained me %ith choice bits" the dairymaid %ith strokin#s( the first %ould often encoura#e me to declare myself" by com$limentin# me u$on my coura#e and learnin#" and observin#" that if she had a husband like me" to maintain order and kee$ accounts" she could make a #reat deal of money" by settin# u$ an eatin#/house in 1ondon for #entlemen's servants on board %a#es& The other courted my affection by sho%in# her o%n im$ortance" and tellin# me that many a substantial farmer in the nei#hbourhood %ould be #lad to marry her" but she %as resolved to $lease her eye" if she should $la#ue her heart& Then she %ould launch out into the $raise of my $ro$er $erson" and say" she %as sure + %ould make a #ood husband" for + %as very #ood/natured& + be#an to be uneasy at the im$ortunities of these inamoratas" %hom" at another time $erha$s" + mi#ht have $leased %ithout the disa#reeable sauce of matrimony" but" at $resent" my %hole soul %as en#rossed by 4arcissa' and + could not bear the thou#hts of doin# anythin# dero#atory to the $assion + entertained for her& !HAPTER .1+ 4arcissa bein# in dan#er from the brutality of Sir Timothy" is rescued by me" %ho reven#e myself on my rival//+ declare my $assion" and retreat to the seaside//am surrounded by smu##lers" and carried

to Boulo#ne//find my Uncle 1ieutenant Bo%lin# in #reat distress" and relieve him//our conversation At certain intervals my ambition %ould revive' + %ould des$ise myself for my tame resi#nation to my sordid fate" and revolve a hundred schemes for assumin# the character of a #entleman" to %hich + thou#ht myself entitled by birth and education& +n these fruitless su##estions time stole a%ay un$erceived" and + had already remained ei#ht months in the station of a footman" %hen an accident ha$$ened that $ut an end to my servitude" and" for the $resent" banished all ho$es of succeedin# in my love& 4arcissa %ent one day to visit 0iss Thicket" %ho lived %ith her brother %ithin less than a mile of our house" and %as $ersuaded to %alk home in the cool of the evenin#" accom$anied by Sir Timothy" %ho" havin# a #ood deal of the brute in him" %as insti#ated to use some unbecomin# familiarities %ith her" encoura#ed by the solitariness of a field throu#h %hich they $assed& The lovely creature %as incensed at his rude behaviour for %hich she re$roached him in such a manner that he lost all re#ard to decency" and actually offered violence to this $attern of innocence and beauty& But Heaven %ould not suffer so much #oodness to be violated" and sent me" %ho" $assin# by accident near the $lace" %as alarmed %ith her cries" for her succour& ,hat %ere the emotions of my soul" %hen + beheld 4arcissa almost sinkin# beneath the brutal force of this satyr8 + fle% like li#htnin# to her rescue" and he" $erceivin# me" -uitted his $rey" and dre% his han#er to chastise my $resum$tion& 0y indi#nation %as too hi#h to admit one thou#ht of fear" so that" rushin# u$on him" + struck his %ea$on out of his hand" and used my cud#el so successfully that he fell to the #round" and lay" to all a$$earance" %ithout sense& Then + turned to 4arcissa" %ho had s%ooned" and sittin# do%n by her" #ently raised her head" and su$$orted it on my bosom" %hile" %ith my hand around her %aist" + ke$t her in that $osition& 0y soul %as thrilled %ith tumultuous )oy" at feelin# the ob)ect of my dearest %ishes %ithin my arms' and" %hile she lay insensible" + could not refrain from a$$lyin# my cheeks to hers" and ravishin# a kiss& +n a little time the blood be#an to revisit her face" she o$ened her enchantin# eyes" and" havin# recollected her late situation" said" %ith a look full of tender ackno%led#ment" 79ear :ohn" + am eternally obli#ed to you87 So sayin# she made an effort to rise" in %hich + assisted her" and she $roceeded to the house" leanin# u$on me all the %ay& + %as a thousand times tem$ted by this o$$ortunity to declare my $assion" but the dread of disobli#in# her restrained my ton#ue& ,e had not moved a hundred $aces from the scene of her distress" %hen + $erceived Sir Timothy rise and %alk home%ard//a circumstance %hich" thou#h it #ave me some satisfaction" inasmuch as + thereby kne% + had not killed him" filled me %ith )ust a$$rehension of his resentment" %hich + found myself in no condition to %ithstand' es$ecially %hen + considered his intimacy %ith our s-uire" to %hom + kne% he could )ustify himself for %hat he had done" by im$utin# it to his love" and desirin# his brother Bruin to take the same liberty %ith his sister" %ithout any fear of offence& ,hen %e arrived at the house" 4arcissa assured me she %ould e*ert all her influence in $rotectin# me from the reven#e of Thicket" and like%ise en#a#e her aunt in my favour" At the same time" $ullin# out her $urse" offered it as a small consideration for the service

+ had done her& But + stood too much u$on the $unctilios of love to incur the least sus$icion of bein# mercenary" and refused the $resent" by sayin# + had merited nothin# by barely doin# my duty& She seemed astonished at my disinterestedness" and blushed( + felt the same suffusion" and" %ith a do%ncast eye and broken accent" told her + had one re-uest to make" %hich" if her #enerosity %ould #rant" + should think myself fully recom$ensed" for an a#e of misery& She chan#ed colour at this $reamble" and" %ith #reat confusion" re$lied" she ho$ed my #ood sense %ould hinder me from askin# anythin# she %as bound in honour to refuse" and therefore bade me si#nify my desire& U$on %hich + kneeled" and en#a#ed to kiss her hand& She immediately" %ith an averted look" stretched it out( + im$rinted on it an ardent kiss" and" bathin# it %ith my tears" cried" 79ear 0adam" + am an unfortunate #entleman" and love you to distraction" but %ould have died a thousand deaths rather than make this declaration under such a servile a$$earance" %ere + not determined to yield to the ri#our of my fate" to fly from your be%itchin# $resence" and bury my $resum$tuous $assion in eternal silence&7 ,ith these %ords + rose" and %ent a%ay before she could recover her s$irits so far as to make any re$ly& 0y first care %as to #o and consult 0rs& Sa#ely" %ith %hom + had entertained a friendly corres$ondence ever since + left her house& ,hen she understood my situation" the #ood %oman" %ith real concern" condoled %ith me on my unha$$y fate" and a$$roved of my resolution to leave the country" as bein# $erfectly %ell ac-uainted %ith the barbarous dis$osition of my rival" 7%ho" by this time"7 said she" 7has no doubt meditated a scheme of reven#e& +ndeed" + cannot see ho% you %ill be able to elude his ven#eance' bein# himself in the commission" he %ill immediately #rant %arrants for a$$rehendin# you' and" as almost all the $eo$le in this country are de$endent on him or his friend" it %ill be im$ossible for you to find shelter amon# them& +f you should be a$$rehended" he %ill commit you to )ail" %here you may $ossibly in #reat misery lan#uish till the ne*t assi3es" and then be trans$orted for assaultin# a ma#istrate&7 ,hile she thus %arned me of my dan#er" %e heard a knockin# at the door" %hich thre% us both into #reat consternation" as in all $robability" it %as occasioned by my $ursuers' %hereu$on this #enerous old lady" $uttin# t%o #uineas into my hand" %ith tears in her eyes" bade me" for 2od's sake" #et out at the back/door and consult my safety as Providence should direct me& There %as no time for deliberation& + follo%ed her advice" and esca$ed by the benefit of a dark ni#ht to the seaside" %here" %hile + ruminated on my ne*t e*cursion" + %as all of a sudden surrounded by armed men" %ho" havin# bound my hands and feet" bade me make no noise on $ain of bein# shot" and carried me on board of a vessel" %hich + soon $erceived to be a smu##lin# cutter& This discovery #ave me some satisfaction at first" because + concluded myself safe from the resentment of Sir Timothy' but" %hen + found myself in the hands of ruffians" %ho threatened to e*ecute me for a s$y" + %ould have thou#ht myself ha$$ily -uit for a year's im$risonment" or even trans$ortation" +t %as in vain for me to $rotest my innocence( + could not $ersuade them that + had taken a solitary %alk to their haunt" at such an hour" merely for my o%n amusement' and + did not think it my interest to disclose the true cause of my retreat" because + %as afraid they %ould have made their $eace %ith )ustice by surrenderin# me to the $enalty of the la%& ,hat confirmed their sus$icion %as" the a$$earance of a custom/house yacht" %hich #ave

them chase" and had %ell ni#h made a $ri3e of their vessel' %hen they %ere delivered from their fears by a thick fo#" %hich effectually screened them" and favoured their arrival at Boulo#ne& But" before they #ot out of si#ht of their $ursuer" they held a council of %ar about me" and some of the most ferocious amon# them %ould have thro%n me overboard as a traitor %ho had betrayed them to their enemies' but others" more considerate" alle#ed" that if they $ut me to death" and should after%ards be taken" they could e*$ect no mercy from the le#islature" %hich %ould never $ardon outla%ry a##ravated by murder& +t %as therefore determined by a $lurality of votes" that + should be set on shore in rance" and left to find my %ay back to En#land" as + should think $ro$er" this bein# $unishment sufficient for the bare sus$icion of a crime in itself not ca$ital& Althou#h this favourable determination #ave me #reat $leasure" the a$$rehension of bein# robbed %ould not suffer me to be $erfectly at ease& To $revent this calamity" as soon as + %as untied" in conse-uence of the aforesaid decision" + tore a small hole in one of my stockin#s" into %hich + dro$$ed si* #uineas" reservin# half a $iece and some silver in my $ocket" that" findin# somethin#" they mi#ht not be tem$ted to make any further in-uiry& This %as a very necessary $recaution" for" %hen %e came %ithin si#ht of the rench shore" one of the smu##lers told me" + must $ay for my $assa#e& To this declaration + re$lied" that my $assa#e %as none of my o%n seekin#' therefore they could not e*$ect a re%ard from me for trans$ortin# me into a stran#e country by force& 79/me87 said the outla%" 7none of your $alaver' but let me see %hat money you have #ot&7 Ss sayin#" he thrust his hand into my $ocket %ithout any ceremony" and em$tied it of the contents' then" castin# an eye at my hat and %i#" %hich ca$tivated his fancy" he took them off" cla$$in# his o%n on my head" declared" that a fair e*chan#e %as no robbery& + %as fain to $ut u$ %ith this bar#ain" %hich %as by no means favourable to me' and a little %hile after %e %ent all on shore to#ether& + resolved to take my leave of those des$eradoes %ithout much ceremony" %hen one of them cautioned me a#ainst a$$earin# to their $re)udice if ever + returned to En#land" unless + had a mind to be murdered' for %hich service" he assured me" the #an# never %anted a#ents& + $romised to observe his advice" and de$arted for the U$$er To%n" %here + in-uired for a cabaret" or $ublic/house" into %hich + %ent" %ith an intention of takin# some refreshment& +n the kitchen" five 9utch sailors sat at breakfast %ith a lar#e loaf" a firkin of butter" and a ke# of brandy" the bun# of %hich they often a$$lied to their mouths %ith #reat $erseverance and satisfaction& At some distance from them + $erceived another $erson in the same #arb" sittin# in a $ensive solitary manner" entertainin# himself %ith a %hiff of tobacco" from the stum$ of a $i$e as black as )et& The a$$earance of distress never failed to attract my re#ard and com$assion& + a$$roached this forlorn tar %ith a vie% to offer him my assistance" and" not%ithstandin# the alteration of dress and dis#uise of a lon# beard" + discovered in him my lon# lost and lamented uncle and benefactor" 1ieutenant Bo%lin#8 2ood Heaven8 %hat %ere the a#itations of my soul" bet%een the )oy of findin# a#ain such a valuable friend" and the sorro% of seein# him in such a lo% condition8 The tears #ushed do%n my cheeks' + stood motionless and silent for some time& At len#th" recoverin# the use of s$eech" + e*claimed" 72racious 2od8 0r& Bo%lin#87 0y uncle no sooner heard

his name mentioned" than he started u$" cryin#" %ith some sur$rise" 7Holla87 and" after havin# looked at me steadfastly" %ithout bein# able to recollect me" said" 79id you call me" brother"7 + told him + had somethin# e*traordinary to communicate" and desired him to #ive me the hearin# for a fe% minutes in another room' but he %ould by no means consent to this $ro$osal" sayin#" 7Avast there" friend( none of your tricks u$on travellers'//if you have anythin# to say to me" do it above board'//you need not be afraid of bein# overheard'//here are none %ho understand our lin#o&7 Thou#h + %as loth to discover myself before com$any" + could no lon#er refrain from tellin# him + %as his o%n ne$he%" Roderick Random& On this information" he considered me %ith #reat earnestness and astonishment" and" recallin# my features" %hich" thou#h enlar#ed" %ere not entirely altered since he had seen me" came u$" and shook me by the hand very cordially" $rotestin# he %as #lad to see me %ell& After some $ause" he %ent on thus' 7And yet" my lad" + am sorry to see you under such colours' the more so" as it is not in my $o%er" at $resent" to chan#e them for the better" times bein# very hard %ith me"7 ,ith these %ords + could $erceive a tear trickle do%n his furro%ed cheek" %hich affected me so munch that + %e$t bitterly& +ma#inin# my sorro% %as the effect of my o%n misfortunes" he comforted me %ith observin#" that life %as a voya#e in %hich %e must e*$ect to meet %ith all %eathers' sometimes %as calm" sometimes rou#h' that a fair #ale often succeeded a storm' that the %ind did not al%ays sit one %ay" and that des$air si#nified nothin#' that resolution and skill %ere better than a stout vessel( for %hy= because they re-uire no car$enter" and #ro% stron#er the more labour they under#o& + dried u$ my tears" %hich + assured him %ere not shed for my o%n distress" but for his" and be##ed leave to accom$any him into another room" %here %e could converse more at our ease& There + recounted to him the un#enerous usa#e + had met %ith from Potion' at %hich relation he started u$" stalked across the room three or four times in a #reat hurry" and" #ras$in# his cud#el" cried" 7+ %ould + %ere alon#side of him//that's all//+ %ould + %ere alon#side of him87 + then #ave him a detail of my adventures and sufferin#s" %hich affected him more than + could have ima#ined' and concluded %ith tellin# him that !a$tain Oakun %as still alive" and that he mi#ht return to En#land %hen he %ould to solicit his affairs" %ithout dan#er or molestation& He %as %onderfully $leased %ith this $iece of information" of %hich" ho%ever" he said he could not at $resent avail himself" for %ant of money to $ay for his $assa#e to 1ondon& This ob)ection + soon removed" by $uttin# five #uineas into his hand" and tellin# him + thou#ht myself e*tremely ha$$y in havin# an o$$ortunity of manifestin# my #ratitude to him in his necessity& But it %as %ith the utmost difficulty + could $revail u$on him to acce$t of t%o" %hich he affirmed %ere more than sufficient to defray the necessary e*$ense& After this friendly contest %as over" he $ro$osed %e should have a mess of somethin#' 7 or"7 said he" 7it has been banyan day %ith me a #reat %hile& >ou must kno% + %as shi$%recked" five days a#o" near a $lace called 1isieu*" in com$any %ith those 9utchmen %ho are no% drinkin# belo%' and havin# but little money %hen + came ashore" it %as soon s$ent" because + let them have share and share %hile it lasted& Ho%somever" + should have remembered the old sayin#" every ho# his o%n a$$le' for %hen they found my hold unsto%ed" they %ent all hands to shoolin# and be##in#' and" because + %ould not take a s$ell at the same duty" refused to #ive me the least

assistance' so that + have not broke bread these t%o days&7 + %as shocked at the e*tremity of his distress" and ordered some bread" cheese" and %ine" to be brou#ht immediately" to allay his hun#er" until a fricassee of chickens could be $re$ared& ,hen he had recruited his s$irits %ith this homely fare" + desired to kno% the $articulars of his $ere#rination since the accident at !a$e Tiberoon" %hich %ere briefly these( The money he had about him bein# all s$ent at Port 1ouis" the civility and hos$itality of the rench cooled to such a de#ree" that he %as obli#ed to list on board one of their kin#'s shi$s as a common foremast man" to $revent himself from starvin# on shore& +n this situation he continued t%o years" durin# %hich time he had ac-uired some kno%led#e of their lan#ua#e" and the re$utation of a #ood seaman' the shi$ he belon#ed to %as ordered home to rance" %here she %as laid u$ as unfit for service" and he %as received on board one of 0onsieur 9'Antin's s-uadron" in -uality of -uartermaster' %hich office he $erformed in a voya#e to the ,est +ndies" %here he en#a#ed %ith our shi$" as before related' but his conscience u$braidin# him for servin# the one enemies of his country" he -uitted the shi$ at the same $lace %here he first listed" and #ot to !uracoa in a 9utch vessel' there he bar#ained %ith a ski$$er" bound to Euro$e" to %ork for his $assa#e to Holland" from %hence he %as in ho$es of hearin# from his friends in En#land' but %as cast a%ay" as he mentioned before" on the rench coast" and must have been reduced to the necessity of travellin# on foot to Holland" and be##in# for his subsistence on the road" or of enterin# on board of another rench man/of/%ar" at the ha3ard of bein# treated as a deserter" if Providence had not sent me to his succour& 7And no%" my lad"7 continued he" 7+ think + shall steer my course directly to 1ondon" %here + do not doubt of bein# re$laced" and of havin# the R taken off me by the 1ords of the Admiralty" to %hom + intend to %rite a $etition" settin# forth my case' if + succeed" + shall have %here%ithal to #ive you some assistance" because" %hen + left the shi$" + had t%o years' $ay due to me" therefore + desire to kno% %hither you are bound( and besides" $erha$s" + may have interest enou#h to $rocure a %arrant a$$ointin# you sur#eon's mate of the shi$ to %hich + shall belon#//for the beadle of the Admiralty is my #ood friend( and he and one of the under clerks are s%orn brothers" and that under clerk has a #ood deal to say %ith one of the u$$er clerks" %ho is very %ell kno%n to the under secretary" %ho" u$on his recommendation" + ho$e" %ill recommend my affair to the first secretary' and he a#ain %ill s$eak to one of the lords in my behalf' so that you see + do not %ant friends to assist me on occasion& As for the fello% !raam$ley" thof + kno% him not" + am sure he is neither seaman nor officer" by %hat you have told me" or else he could never be so much mistaken in his reckonin#" as to run the shi$ on shore on the coast of Susse* before he believed himself in soundin#s' neither" %hen that accident ha$$ened" %ould he have left the shi$ until she had been stove to $ieces" es$ecially %hen the tide %as makin#' %herefore" by this time" + do su$$ose" he has been tried by a court/martial" and e*ecuted for his co%ardice and misconduct&7 + could not hel$ smilin# at the descri$tion of my uncle's ladder" by %hich he $ro$osed to climb to the attention of the board of admiralty' and" thou#h + kne% the %orld too %ell to confide in such de$endence myself" + %ould not discoura#e him %ith doubts" but asked if he had no friend in 1ondon" %ho %ould advance a small sum of money to enable him to a$$ear as he ou#ht" and make a small $resent to the under secretary" %ho mi#ht $ossibly dis$atch his

business the sooner on that account& He scratched his head" and after some recollection" re$lied" 7,hy" yes" + believe 9aniel ,hi$cord" the shi$/chandler in ,a$$in#" %ould not refuse me such a small matter& + kno% + can have %hat credit + %ant for lod#in#" li-uor" and clothes' but as to money" + %on't be $ositive& Had honest Block been livin#" + should not have been at loss&7 + %as heartily sorry to find a %orthy man so destitute of friends" %hen he had such need of them" and looked u$on my o%n situation as less miserable than his" because + %as better ac-uainted %ith the selfishness and ro#uery of mankind" conse-uently less liable to disa$$ointment and im$osition& !HAPTER .1++ He takes his $assa#e in a cutter for 9eal//%e are accosted by a Priest" %ho $roves to be a Scotchman//his $rofession on friendshi$//he is affronted by the 1ieutenant" %ho after%ards a$$eases him by submission//my uncle embarks//+ am introduced by a Priest to a !a$uchin" in %hose com$any + set out for Paris//the character of my fello% traveller//on adventure on the road//+ am shocked at his behaviour ,hen our re$ast %as ended" %e %alked do%n to the harbour" %here %e found a cutter that %as to sail for 9eal in the evenin#" and 0r& Bo%lin# a#reed for his $assa#e& +n the meantime" %e sauntered about the to%n to satisfy our curiosity" our conversation turnin# on the sub)ect of my desi#ns" %hich %ere not as yet fi*ed( neither can it be su$$osed that my mind %as at case" %hen + found myself reduced almost to e*treme $overty" in the midst of forei#ners" amon# %hom + had not one ac-uaintance to advise or befriend me& 0y uncle %as sensible of my forlorn condition" and $ressed me to accom$any him to En#land" %here he did not doubt of findin# some sort of $rovision for me' but besides the other reasons + had for avoidin# that kin#dom" + looked u$on it" at this time" as the %orst country in the universe for a $oor honest man to live in' and therefore determined to remain in rance" at all events& + %as confirmed in this resolution by a reverend $riest" %ho" $assin# by at this time" and overhearin# us s$eak En#lish" accosted us in the same lan#ua#e" tellin# us he %as our countryman" and %ishin# it mi#ht be in his $o%er to do us any service& ,e thanked this #rave $erson for his courteous offer" and invited him to drink a #lass %ith us" %hich he did not think $ro$er to refuse" and %e %ent alto#ether into a tavern of his recommendin#& After havin# drunk to our healths in a bum$er of #ood Bur#undy" he be#an to in-uire into our situation" $articularly the $lace of our nativity" %hich %e no sooner named than he started u$" and" %rin#in# our hands %ith #reat fervour" shed a flood of tears" cryin#" 7+ come from the same $art of the country8 $erha$s you are my o%n relations&7 + %as on my #uard a#ainst his caresses" %hich + sus$ected very much" %hen + remembered the adventure of the money/dro$$er' but" %ithout any a$$earance of diffidence" observed" that" as he %as born in that $art of the country" he must certainly kno% our families" %hich 5ho%soever mean our $resent a$$earance mi#ht be6 %ere none of the most obscure or inconsiderable& Then + discovered our names" to %hich + found he %as no stran#er' he had kno%n my #randfather $ersonally' and" not%ithstandin# an absence of fifty years from Scotland" recounted so many $articulars of the families in the nei#hbourhood" that my scru$les %ere entirely removed" and + thou#ht

myself ha$$y in his ac-uaintance& +n the course of our conversation" + disclosed my condition %ithout reserve" and dis$layed my talents to such advanta#e" that the old father looked u$on me %ith admiration" and assured me" that" if + stayed in rance" and listened to reason" + could not fail of makin# my fortune" to %hich he %ould contribute all in his $o%er& 0y uncle be#an to be )ealous of the Priest's insinuation" and very abru$tly declared" that if ever + should renounce my reli#ion" he %ould break off all connection and corres$ondence %ith me' for it %as his o$inion" that no honest man %ould s%erve from his $rinci$les in %hich he %as bred" %hether Turkish" Protestant" or Roman& The father" affronted at this declaration" %ith #reat vehemence be#an a lon# discourse" settin# forth the dan#er of obstinacy" and shuttin# one's eyes a#ainst the li#ht& He said" that i#norance %ould be no $lea to%ards )ustification" %hen %e had o$$ortunities of bein# better informed' and" that" if the minds of $eo$le had not been o$en to conviction" the !hristian reli#ion could not have been $ro$a#ated in the %orld" and %e should no% be in a state of Pa#an darkness and barbarity( he endeavoured to $rove" by some te*ts of Scri$ture and many -uotations from the athers" that the Po$e %as the successor of St& Peter" and vicar of :esus !hrist' that the church of Rome %as the true" holy" catholic church' and that the Protestant faith %as an im$ious heresy and damnable schism" by %hich many millions of souls %ould suffer everlastin# $erdition& ,hen he had finished his sermon" %hich + thou#ht he $ronounced %ith more 3eal than discretion" he addressed himself to my uncle" desired to kno% his ob)ections to %hat had been said& The lieutenant" %hose attention had been %holly en#rossed by his o%n affairs" took the $i$e out of his mouth" and re$lied" 7As for me" friend" d'ye see" + have no ob)ection to %hat you say' it may be either truth or false" for %hat + kno%' + meddle %ith nobody's affairs but my o%n' the #unner to his linstock" and the steersman to the helm" as the sayin# is& + trust to no creed but the com$ass" and do unto every man as + %ould be done by' so that + defy the Po$e" the 9evil" and the Pretender' and ho$e to be saved as %ell as another&7 This association of $ersons #ave #reat offence to the friar" %ho $rotested" in a mi#hty $assion" that if 0r& Bo%lin# had not been his countryman" he %ould have caused him to be im$risoned for his insolence' + ventured to disa$$rove of my uncle's rashness" and a$$eased the old #entleman" by assurin# him there %as no offence intended by my kinsman" %ho" by this time sensible of his error" shook the in)ured $arty by the hand" and asked $ardon for the freedom he had taken& 0atters bein# amicably com$romised" he invited us to come and see him in the afternoon at the convent to %hich he belon#ed" and took his leave for the $resent' %hen my uncle recommended it stron#ly to me to $ersevere in the reli#ion of my forefathers" %hatever advanta#es mi#ht $ro$ose to myself by a chan#e" %hich could not fail of dis#racin# myself" and dishonourin# my family& + assured him no consideration %ould induce me to forfeit his friendshi$ and #ood o$inion on that score' at %hich assurance he discovered #reat satisfaction" and $ut me in mind of dinner" %hich %e immediately bes$oke" and %hen it %as ready" ate to#ether& + ima#ined my ac-uaintance %ith the Scottish $riest if $ro$erly mana#ed" mi#ht turn out to my advanta#e" and therefore resolved to cultivate it as much as + could& ,ith this vie% %e visited him at his convent" accordin# to his invitation" %here he treated us %ith %ine and s%eetmeats" and sho%ed us everythin# that %as remarkable

in the monastery& Havin# been thus entertained" %e took our leave" thou#h not before + had $romised to see him ne*t day" and the time fi*ed for my uncle's embarkin# bein# come" + accom$anied him to the harbour" and sa% him on board& ,e $arted not %ithout tears" after %e had embraced and %ished one another all manner of $ros$erity( and he entreated me to %rite to him often" directin# to 1ieutenant Bo%lin#" at the si#n of the Union la#" near the Hermita#e" 1ondon& + returned to the house in %hich %e had met" %here + $assed the ni#ht in a very solitary manner" reflectin# on the severity of my fate" and endeavourin# to $ro)ect some likely scheme of life for the future' but my invention failed me' + sa% nothin# but insurmountable difficulties in my %ay" and %as ready to des$air at the miserable $ros$ect8 That + mi#ht not" ho%ever" ne#lect any $robable reason" + #ot u$ in the mornin#" and %ent directly to the father" %hose advice and assistance + im$lored& He received me very kindly" and #ave me to understand" that there %as one %ay of life in %hich a $erson of my talents could not fail of makin# a #reat fi#ure& + #uessed his meanin#" and told him" once for all" + %as fully determined a#ainst any alteration in $oint of reli#ion' therefore if his $ro$osal re#arded the church" he mi#ht save himself the trouble of e*$lainin# it& He shook his head and si#hed" sayin#" 7Ah8 son" son" %hat a #lorious $ros$ect is here s$oiled by your stubborn $re)udice8 Suffer yourself to be $ersuaded by reason" and consult your tem$oral %elfare" as %ell as the concerns of your eternal soul& + can" by my interest $rocure your admission as a noviciate to this convent" %here + %ill su$erintend and direct you %ith a truly $aternal affection&7 Then he launched out into the $raises of a monastic life" %hich no noise disturbs" no cares molest" and no dan#er invades//%here the heart is %eaned from carnal attachments" the #rosser a$$etite subdued and chastised" and the soul %afted to divine re#ions of $hiloso$hy and truth" on the %in# of studious contem$lation& But his elo-uence %as lost u$on me" %hom t%o considerations enabled to %ithstand his tem$tation' namely" my $romise to my uncle" and my aversion to an ecclesiastical life' for as to the difference of reli#ion" + looked u$on it as a thin# of too small moment to come in com$etition %ith a man's fortune& indin# me immovable on this head" he told me" he %as more sorry than offended at my noncom$liance" and still ready to em$loy his #ood offices in my behalf& 7The same erroneous ma*ims"7 said he" 7 that obstruct your $romotion in the church" %ill infallibly $revent your advancement in the army' but" if you can brook the condition of a servant" + am ac-uainted %ith some $eo$le of rank at ;ersailles" to %hom + can #ive you letters of recommendation" that you may be entertained by some one of them in -uality of maitre d'hotel' and + do not doubt that your -ualifications %ill soon entitle you to a better $rovision&7 + embraced his offer %ith #reat ea#erness" and he a$$ointed me to come back in the afternoon" %hen he %ould not only #ive me letters" but like%ise introduce me to a ca$uchin of his ac-uaintance" %ho intended to set out for Paris ne*t mornin# in %hose com$any + mi#ht travel" %ithout bein# at the e*$ense of one livre durin# the %hole )ourney& This $iece of #ood ne%s #ave me infinite $leasure' + ackno%led#ed my obli#ation to the benevolent father in the most #rateful e*$ressions' and he $erformed his $romise to a tittle" in deliverin# the letters" and makin# me ac-uainted %ith the ca$uchin" %ith %hom + de$arted ne*t mornin# by break of day& +t %as not lon# before + discovered my fello% traveller to be

a merry facetious fello%" %ho" not%ithstandin# his $rofession and a$$earance of mortification" loved #ood eatin# and drinkin# better than his rosary" and $aid more adoration to a $retty #irl than to the ;ir#in 0ary" or St& 2enevieve& He %as a thick bra%ny youn# man" %ith red eyebro%s" a hook nose" a face covered %ith freckles' and his name %as rere Baltha3ar& His order did not $ermit him to %ear linen" so that" havin# little occasion to undress himself" he %as none of the cleanliest animals in the %orld' and his constitution %as naturally so stron#ly scented that + al%ays thou#ht it convenient to kee$ to the %ind%ard of him in our march& As he %as $erfectly %ell kno%n on the road" %e fared sum$tuously %ithout any cost" and the fati#ue of our )ourney %as much alleviated by the #ood humour of my com$anion" %ho san# an infinite number of catches on the sub)ects of love and %ine& ,e took u$ our lod#in# the first ni#ht at a $easant's house not far from Abbeville" %here %e %ere entertained %ith an e*cellent ra#out" cooked by our landlord's dau#hters" one of %hom %as very handsome& After havin# eaten heartily and drank a sufficient -uantity of small %ine" %e %ere conducted to a barn" %here %e found a cou$le of car$ets s$read u$on clean stra% for our rece$tion& ,e had not lain in this situation above half/an/hour" %hen %e heard somebody knock softly at the door" u$on %hich Baltha3ar #ot u$" and let in our host's t%o dau#hters" %ho %anted to have some $rivate conversation %ith him in the dark& ,hen they had %his$ered to#ether some time" the ca$uchin came to me" and asked if + %as insensible to love" and so hard/hearted as to refuse a share of my bed to a $retty maid %ho had a tendre for me= + must o%n to my shame" that + suffered myself to be overcome by my $assion" and %ith #reat ea#erness sei3ed the occasion" %hen + understood that the amiable 4anette %as to be my bedfello%& +n vain did my reason su##est the res$ect that + o%ed to my dear mistress 4arcissa' the idea of that lovely charmer rather increased than allayed the ferment of my s$irits' and the youn# $aysanne had no reason to com$lain of my remembrance& Early in the mornin#" the kind creatures left us to our re$ose" %hich lasted till ei#ht o'clock %hen %e #ot u$" and %ere treated at breakfast %ith chocolate and l'eau/de/vie by our $aramours" of %hom %e took a tender leave" after my com$anion had confessed and #iven them absolution& ,hile %e $roceeded on our )ourney" the conversation turned u$on the ni#ht's adventure" bein# introduced by the ca$uchin" %ho asked me ho% + liked my lod#in#' + declared my satisfaction" and talked in ra$ture of the a#reeable 4anette" at %hich he shook his head" and smilin# said" she %as a morceau $our la bonne bouche& 7+ never valued myself"7 continued he" 7u$on anythin# so much as the con-uest of 4anette' and" vanity a$art" + have been $retty fortunate in my amours&7 This information shocked me not a little" as + %as %ell convinced of his intimacy %ith her sister' and thou#h + did not care to ta* him %ith do%nri#ht incest" + $rofessed my astonishment at his last ni#ht's choice" %hen" + su$$osed" the other %as at his devotion& To this hint he ans%ered that" besides his natural com$laisance to the se*" he had another reason to distribute his favours e-ually bet%een them" namely" to $reserve $eace in the family" %hich could not other%ise be maintained' that" moreover" 4anette had conceived an affection for me" and he loved her too %ell to balk her inclination' more es$ecially" %hen he had an o$$ortunity of obli#in# his friend at the same time& + thanked him for this instance of his friendshi$" thou#h + %as e*tremely dis#usted at his %ant of delicacy" and cursed the occasion that thre% me in his %ay& 1ibertine as + %as" + could not bear to see a man behave so

%ide of the character he assumed& + looked u$on him as a $erson of very little %orth or honesty" and should even have ke$t a %ary eye u$on my $ocket" if + had thou#ht he could have had any tem$tation to steal& But + could not conceive the use of money to a ca$uchin" %ho is obli#ed" by the rules of his order" to a$$ear like a be##ar" and en)oy all other necessaries of life #ratis' besides" my fello% traveller seemed to be of a com$le*ion too careless and san#uine to #ive me any a$$rehension on that score' so that + $roceeded %ith #reat confidence" in e*$ectation of bein# soon at my )ourney's end& !HAPTER .1+++ ,e lod#e at a House near Amiens" %here + am robbed by the !a$uchin" %ho esca$es %hile + am aslee$//+ #o to 4oyons in search of him" but %ithout Success//make my !ondition kno%n to several Peo$le" but find no Relief//#ro% des$erate//find a !om$any of Soldiers//Enlist in the Re#iment of Picardy//%e are ordered into 2ermany//+ find the ati#ues of the 0arch almost intolerable//Muarrel %ith my !omrade in a dis$ute about Politics//he challen#es me to the ield//%ounds and disarms me The third ni#ht of our $il#rima#e %e $assed at a house near Amiens" %here bein# unkno%n" %e su$$ed u$on indifferent fare and sour %ine" and %ere fain to be in a #arret u$on an old mattress" %hich" + believe had been in the $ossession of ten thousand myriads of fleas time out of mind& ,e did not invade their territory %ith im$unity' in less than a minute %e %ere attacked by stin#s innumerable" in s$ite of %hich" ho%ever" + fell fast aslee$" bein# e*cessively fati#ued %ith our day's march" and did not %ake till nine ne*t mornin#" %hen" seein# myself alone" + started u$ in a terrible fri#ht" and" e*aminin# my $ockets" found my $resa#in# fear too true8 0y com$anion had made free %ith my cash" and left me to seek my %ay to Paris by myself8 + ran do%n stairs immediately' and" %ith a look full of #rief and ama3ement" in-uired for the mendicant" %ho" they #ave me to understand" had set out four hours before" after havin# told them + %as a little indis$osed" and desired + mi#ht not be disturbed" but be informed %hen + should %ake" that he had taken the road to 4oyons" %here he %ould %ait for my comin#" at the !o- d'Or& + s$oke not a %ord" but %ith a heavy heart directed my course to that $lace" at %hich + arrived in the afternoon" faintin# %ith %eariness and hun#er' but learned to my utter confusion" that no such $erson had been there8 +t %as ha$$y for me that + had a #ood deal of resentment in my constitution" %hich animated me on such occasions a#ainst the villainy of mankind" and enabled me to bear misfortunes" other%ise intolerable& Boilin# %ith indi#nation" + discovered to the host my de$lorable condition" and invei#hed %ith #reat bitterness a#ainst the treachery of Baltha3ar' at %hich he shru##ed u$ his shoulders" and %ith a $eculiar #rimace on his countenance" said" he %as sorry for my misfortune" but there %as no remedy like $atience& At that instant some #uests arrived" to %hom he hastened to offer his service" leavin# me mortified at his indifference" and fully $ersuaded that an innkee$er is the same sordid animal all the %orld over& ,hile + stood in the $orch forlorn and undetermined" ventin# e)aculations of curses a#ainst the thief %ho had robbed me" and the old $riest %ho recommended him to my friendshi$" a youn# #entleman richly dressed" attended by a valet de chambre and t%o servants in

livery" arrived at the inn& + thou#ht + $erceived a #reat deal of s%eetness and #ood/nature in his countenance' therefore& he had no sooner ali#hted than + accosted him" and" in a fe% %ords" e*$lained my situation( he listened %ith #reat $oliteness" and" %hen + made an end of my story" said" 7,ell" monsieur" %hat %ould you have me to do=7 + %as effectually abashed at this interro#ation" %hich" + believe" no man of common sense or #enerosity could make" and made no other com$liment than a lo% bo%( he returned the com$liment still lo%er" and tri$$ed into an a$artment" %hile the landlord let me kno% that my standin# there to interru$t com$any #ave offence" and mi#ht do him infinite $re)udice& He had no occasion to re$eat his insinuation' + moved from the $lace immediately" and %as so much trans$orted %ith #rief" an#er" and disdain" that a torrent of blood #ushed from my nostrils& +n this ecstacy" + -uitted 4oyons" and betook myself to the fields" %here + %andered about like one distracted" till my s$irits %ere -uite e*hausted" and + %as obli#ed to thro% myself do%n at the root of a tree" to rest my %earied limbs& Here my ra#e forsook me( + be#an to feel the im$ortunate cravin#s of nature" and rela$sed into silent sorro% and melancholy reflection& + revolved all the crimes + had been #uilty of and found them too fe% and venial" that + could not com$rehend the )ustice of that Providence" %hich" after havin# e*$osed me to so much %retchedness and dan#er" left me a $rey to famine at last in a forei#n country" %here + had not one friend or ac-uaintance to close my eyes" and do the last offices of humanity to my miserable carcass& A thousand times + %ished myself a bear" that + mi#ht retreat to %oods and deserts" far from the inhos$itable haunts of man" %here + could live by my o%n talents" inde$endent of treacherous friends and su$ercilious scorn& As + lay in this manner" #roanin# over my ha$less fate" + heard the sound of a violin" and raisin# my head" $erceived a com$any of men and %omen dancin# on the #rass at some distance from me& + looked u$on this to be a favourable season for distress to attract com$assion" %hen every selfish thou#ht is banished" and the heart dilated %ith mirth and social )oy' %herefore + #ot u$" and a$$roached those ha$$y $eo$le" %hom + soon discovered to be a $arty of soldiers" %ith their %ives and children" unbendin# and divertin# themselves at this rate" after the fati#ue of a march& + had never before seen such a $arcel of scarecro%s to#ether" neither could + reconcile their mea#re and #aunt looks" their s-ualid and ra##ed attire" and every other e*ternal sym$tom of e*treme %oe" %ith this a$$earance of festivity& + saluted them" ho%ever" and %as received %ith #reat $oliteness' after %hich they formed a rin#" and danced around me& This )ollity had a %onderful effect u$on my s$irits& + %as infected %ith their #aiety" and in s$ite of my dismal situation" for#ot my cares" and )oined in their e*trava#ance& ,hen %e had recreated ourselves a #ood %hile at this diversion" the ladies s$read their manteaus on the #round" u$on %hich they em$tied their kna$sacks of some onions" coarse bread" and a fe% flasks of $oor %ine( bein# invited to a share of the ban-uet" + sat do%n %ith the rest" and" in the %hole course of my life" never made a more comfortable meal& ,hen our re$ast %as ended" %e #ot u$ a#ain to dance" and" no% that + found myself refreshed + behaved to the admiration of everybody' + %as loaded %ith a thousand com$liments and $rofessions of friendshi$( the men commended my $erson and a#ility" and the %omen %ere loud in the $raise of my bonne #race' the ser#eant in $articular e*$ressed so much re#ard for me" and described the $leasures of a soldier's life to me %ith so much art" that + be#an to listen to

his $ro$osal of enlistin# me in the service' and the more + considered my o%n condition" the more + %as convinced of the necessity + %as under to come to a s$eedy determination& Havin#" therefore" maturely %ei#hed the circumstances $ro and con + si#nified my consent" and %as admitted into the re#iment of Picardy" said to be the oldest cor$s in Euro$e& The com$any to %hich this commander belon#ed %as -uartered at a villa#e not far off" %hither %e marched ne*t day" and + %as $resented to my ca$tain" %ho seemed very %ell $leased %ith my a$$earance" #ave me a cro%n to drink" and ordered me to be accommodated %ith clothes" arms" and accoutrements& Then + sold my livery suit" $urchased linen" and" as + %as at #reat $ains to learn the e*ercise" in a very short time became a com$lete soldier& +t %as not lon# before %e received orders to )oin several more re#iments" and march %ith all e*$edition into 2ermany" in order to reinforce 0areschal 9uc de 4oailles" %ho %as then encam$ed %ith his army on the side of the river 0ayne" to %atch the motions of the En#lish" Hanoverians" Austrians" and Hessians" under the command of the Earl of Stair& ,e be#an our march accordin#ly" and then + became ac-uainted %ith that $art of a soldier's life to %hich + had been hitherto a stran#er& +t is im$ossible to describe the hun#er and thirst + sustained" and the fati#ue + under%ent in a march of so many hundred miles' durin# %hich" + %as so much chafed %ith the heat and motion of my limbs" that in a very short time the inside of my thi#hs and le#s %ere de$rived of skin" and + $roceeded in the utmost torture& This misfortune + o%ed to the $lum$ness of my constitution" %hich + cursed" and envied the %ithered condition of my comrades" %hose bodies could not s$are )uice enou#h to su$$ly a common issue" and %ere indeed $roof a#ainst all manner of friction& The continual $ain + felt made me fretful" and my $eevishness %as increased by the mortification of my $ride in seein# those miserable %retches" %hom a hard #ale of %ind %ould have scattered throu#h the air like chaff" bear those toils %ith alacrity under %hich + %as ready to sink& One day" %hile %e en)oyed a halt" and the soldiers %ith their %ives had #one out to dance" accordin# to custom" my comrade stayed at home %ith me on $retence of friendshi$" and insulted me %ith his $ity and consolation8 He told me that" thou#h + %as youn# and tender at $resent" + should soon be seasoned to the service' and he did not doubt but + should have the honour to contribute in some measure to the #lory of the kin#& 7Have coura#e" therefore" my child"7 said he" 7and $ray to the #ood 2od" that you may be as ha$$y as + am" %ho have had the honour of servin# 1ouis the 2reat" and of receivin# many %ounds" in hel$in# to establish his #lory&7 ,hen + looked u$on the contem$tible ob)ect that $ronounced these %ords" + %as ama3ed at the infatuation that $ossessed him' and could not hel$ e*$ressin# my astonishment at the absurdity of a rational %ho thinks himself hi#hly honoured" in bein# $ermitted to encounter ab)ect $overty" o$$ression" famine" disease" mutilation" and evident death merely to #ratify the vicious ambition of a $rince" by %hom his sufferin#s %ere disre#arded" and his name utterly unkno%n& + observed that" if his situation %ere the conse-uence of com$ulsion" + %ould $raise his $atience and fortitude in bearin# his lot( if he had taken u$ arms in defence of his in)ured country" he %as to be a$$lauded for his $atriotism( or if he had fled to this %ay of life as a refu#e from a #reater evil" he %as )ustifiable in his o%n conscience 5thou#h

+ could have no notion of misery more e*treme than he suffered6' but to $ut his condition on the footin# of conducin# to the #lory of his $rince" %as no more than $rofessin# himself a des$erate slave" %ho voluntarily under%ent the utmost %retchedness and $eril" and committed the most fla#rant crimes" to soothe the barbarous $ride of a fello%/creature" his su$erior in nothin# but the $o%er he derived from the submission of such %retches as him& The soldier %as very much affronted at the liberty + took %ith his kin#" %hich" he said" nothin# but my i#norance could e*cuse( he affirmed that the characters of $rinces %ere sacred" and ou#ht not to be $rofaned by the censure of their sub)ects" %ho %ere bound by their alle#iance to obey their commands" of %hat nature soever" %ithout scru$le or re$inin#' and advised me to correct the rebellious $rinci$les + had imbibed amon# the En#lish" %ho" for their insolence to their kin#s" %ere notorious all over the %orld" even to a $roverb& +n vindication of my countrymen" + re$eated all the ar#uments commonly used to $rove that every man has a natural ri#ht to liberty' that alle#iance and $rotection are reci$rocal' that" %hen the mutual tie is broken by the tyranny of the kin#" he is accountable to the $eo$le for his breach of contract" and sub)ect to the $enalties of the la%' and that those insurrections of the En#lish" %hich are branded %ith the name of rebellion by the slaves of arbitrary $o%er" %ere no other than #lorious efforts to rescue that inde$endence %hich %as their birthri#ht" from the ravenous cla%s of usur$in# ambition& The renchman" $rovoked at the little deference + $aid to the kin#ly name" lost all $atience" and re$roached me in such a manner that my tem$er forsook me" + clenched my fist" %ith an intention to #ive him a hearty bo* on the ear& Perceivin# my desi#n" he started back and demanded a $arley' u$on %hich + checked my indi#nation" and he #ave me to understand that a renchman never for#ave a blo%' therefore" if + %ere not %eary of my life" + %ould do %ell to s$are him that mortification" and do him the honour of measurin# his s%ord %ith mine" like a #entleman& + took his advice and follo%ed him to a field hard by" %here indeed + %as ashamed at the $itiful fi#ure of my anta#onist" %ho %as a $oor little shiverin# creature" decre$it %ith a#e" and blind of one eye& But + soon found the folly of )ud#in# from a$$earances' bein# at the second $ass %ounded in the s%ord hand" and immediately disarmed %ith such a )erk" that + thou#ht the )oint %as dislocated& + %as no less confounded than enra#ed at this event" es$ecially as my adversary did not bear his success %ith all the moderation that mi#ht have been e*$ected' for he insisted u$on my askin# $ardon for affrontin# his kin# and him& This $ro$osal + %ould by no means com$ly %ith" but told him" it %as a mean condescension" %hich no #entleman in his circumstances ou#ht to $ro$ose" nor any in my situation ou#ht to $erform' and that" if he $ersisted in his un#enerous demand" + %ould in my turn claim satisfaction %ith my musket" %hen %e should be more u$on a $ar than %ith the s%ord" of %hich he seemed so much master& !HAPTER .1+; +n order to be reven#ed" + learn the Science of 9efence//%e )oin 0areschal 9uc de 4oailles" are en#a#ed %ith the Allies of 9ettin#en" and $ut to fli#ht//the behaviour of the rench soldiers on that occasion//+ industriously seek another combat %ith the old 2ascon" and van-uish him in my turn//our re#iment is $ut into ,inter Muarters at Rheims" %here + find my friend Stra$//our Reco#nition//he su$$lies

me %ith 0oney" and $rocures my 9ischar#e//%e take a tri$ to Paris' from %hence" by the %ay of landers" %e set out for 1ondon' %here %e safely arrive He %as disconcerted at this declaration" to %hich he made no re$ly" but re$aired to the dancers" amon# %hom he recounted his victory %ith many e*a##erations and #asconades' %hile +" takin# u$ my s%ord" %ent to my -uarters" and e*amined my %ound" %hich + found %as of no conse-uence& The same day an +rish drummer" havin# heard of my misfortune" visited me" and after havin# condoled me on the chance of %ar" #ave me to understand" that he %as master of the s%ord" and %ould in a very short time instruct me so thorou#hly in that noble science" that + should be able to chastise the old 2ascon for his insolent boastin# at my e*$ense& This friendly office he $roffered on $retence of the re#ard he had for his countrymen' but + after%ards learned the true motive %as no other than a )ealousy he entertained of a corres$ondence bet%een the renchman and his %ife" %hich he did not think $ro$er to resent in $erson& Be this as it %ill" + acce$ted his offer and $ractised his lessons %ith such a$$lication" that + soon believed myself a match for my con-ueror& +n the meantime %e continued our march" and arrived at the !am$ of 0areschal 4oailles the ni#ht before the battle at 9ettin#en( not%ithstandin# the fati#ue %e had under#one" our re#iment %as one of those that %ere ordered ne*t day to cross the river" under the command of the 9uc de 2rammont" to take $ossession of a narro% defile" throu#h %hich the allies must of necessity have $assed at a #reat disadvanta#e" or remain %here they %ere" and $erish for %ant of $rovision" if they %ould not condescend to surrender at discretion& Ho% they suffered themselves to be $ent u$ in this manner it is not my $rovince to relate' + shall only observe that" %hen %e had taken $ossession of our #round" + heard an old officer in conversation %ith another e*$ress a sur$rise at the conduct of 1ord Stair" %ho had the re$utation of a #ood #eneral& But it seems" at this time" that nobleman %as overruled" and only acted in an inferior character' so that no $art of the blame could be im$uted to him" %ho declared his disa$$robation of the ste$" in conse-uence of %hich the %hole army %as in the utmost dan#er' but Providence or destiny acted miracles in their behalf" by dis$osin# the 9uc de 2rammont to -uit his advanta#eous $ost" $ass the defile" and attack the En#lish" %ho %ere dra%n u$ in order of battle on the $lain" and %ho handled us so rou#hly that" after havin# lost a #reat number of men" %e turned our backs %ithout ceremony" and fled %ith such $reci$itation that many hundreds $erished in the river throu#h $ure fear and confusion( for the enemy %ere so #enerous that they did not $ursue us one inch of #round' and" if our consternation %ould have $ermitted" %e mi#ht have retreated %ith #reat order and deliberation& But" not%ithstandin# the royal clemency of the kin# of 2reat Britain" %ho headed the allies in $erson" and" no doubt" $ut a sto$ to the carna#e" our loss amounted to five thousand men" amon# %hom %ere many officers of distinction& Our miscarria#e o$ened a $assa#e for the foe to Haynau" %hither they immediately marched" leavin# their sick and %ounded to the care of the rench" %ho ne*t day took $ossession of the field of battle" buried the dead" and treated the livin# %ith humanity& This circumstance %as a #reat consolation to us" %ho thence took occasion to claim the victory' and the #enius of the rench nation never a$$eared more cons$icuous than no%" in the rhodomontades they

uttered on the sub)ect of their #enerosity and coura#e& Every man 5by his o%n account6 $erformed feats that ecli$sed all the heroes of anti-uity& One com$ared himself to a lion retirin# at leisure from his co%ardly $ursuers" %ho kee$ at a %ary distance" and #all him %ith their darts& Another likened himself to a bear that retreats %ith his face to the enemy" %ho dare not assail him' and the third assumed the character of a des$erate sta#" that turns u$on the hounds and kee$s them at bay& There %as not a $rivate soldier en#a#ed %ho had not by the $ro%ess of his sin#le arm demolished a %hole $latoon" or $ut a s-uadron of horse to fli#ht' and" amon# others" the mea#re 2ascon e*tolled his e*$loits above those of Hercules or !harlema#ne& As + still retained my resentment for the dis#race + suffered in my last rencontre %ith him" and" no% that + the thou#ht myself -ualified" lon#ed for an o$$ortunity to retrieve my honour" + ma#nified the valour of the En#lish %ith all the hy$erboles + could ima#ine" and described the $usillanimity of the rench in the same style" com$arin# them to hares flyin# before #reyhounds" or mice $ursued by cats' and $assed an ironical com$liment on the s$eed he e*erted in his fli#ht" %hich" considerin# his a#e and infirmities + said %as sur$risin#& He %as stun# to the -uick by this sarcasm" and" %ith an air of threatenin# disdain" bade me kno% myself better" and remember the correction + had already received from him for my insolence' for he mi#ht not al%ays be in the humour of s$arin# a %retch %ho abused his #oodness& To this inuendo + made no re$ly but by a kick on the breech" %hich overturned him in an instant& He started u$ %ith %onderful a#ility" and" dra%in# his s%ord" attacked me %ith #reat fury& Several $eo$le inter$osed" but" %hen he informed them of its bein# an affair of honour" they retired" and left us to decide the battle by ourselves& + sustained his onset %ith little dama#e" havin# only received a small scratch on my ri#ht shoulder" and" seein# his breath and vi#our almost e*hausted" assaulted him in my turn" closed %ith him" and %rested his s%ord out of his hand in the stru##le& Havin# thus ac-uired the victory" + desired him to be# his life' to %hich demand he made no ans%er" but shru##ed u$ his shoulders to his ears" e*$anded his hands" elevated the skin on his forehead and eyebro%s" and de$ressed the corners of his mouth in such a manner" that + could scarce refrain from lau#hin# aloud at his #rotes-ue a$$earance& That + mi#ht" ho%ever" mortify his vanity" %hich trium$hed %ithout bounds over my misfortune" + thrust his s%ord u$ to the hilt in somethin# 5it %as not a tansy6" that lay smokin# on the $lain" and )oined the rest of the soldiers %ith an air of tran-uillity and indifference& There %as nothin# more of moment attem$ted by either of the armies durin# the remainin# $art of the cam$ai#n" %hich bein# ended" the En#lish marched back to the 4etherlands' $art of our army %as detached to rench landers" and our re#iment ordered into %inter -uarters in !ham$a#ne& +t %as the fate of the #renadier com$any" to %hich + no% belon#ed" to lie at Rheims" %here + found myself in the utmost %ant of everythin#" my $ay" %hich amounted to five sols a day" far from su$$lyin# me %ith necessaries" bein# scarce sufficient to $rocure a %retched subsistence to kee$ soul and body to#ether' so that + %as" by hun#er and hard duty" brou#ht do%n to the mea#re condition of my fello%/soldiers" and my linen reduced from three tolerable shirts to t%o $air of sleeves and necks" the bodies havin# been lon# a#o converted into s$atterdaches' and after all" + %as better $rovided than any $rivate man in the re#iment& +n this ur#ency of my affairs" + %rote to my uncle in En#land" thou#h my ho$es from that -uarter %ere not at all san#uine" for the

reasons + have already e*$lained' and in the meantime had recourse to my old remedy $atience" consolin# myself %ith the flatterin# su##estions of a lively ima#ination" that never abandoned me in my distress& One day" %hile + stood sentinel at the #ate of a #eneral officer" a certain nobleman came to the door" follo%ed by a #entleman in mournin#" to %hom" at $artin#" + heard him say" 7>ou may de$end u$on my #ood offices&7 This assurance %as ans%ered by a lo% bo% of the $erson in black" %ho" turnin# to #o a%ay" discovered to me the individual countenance of my old friend and adherent Stra$& + %as so much astonished at the si#ht" that + lost the $o%er of utterance" and" before + could recollect myself" he %as #one %ithout takin# any notice of me& +ndeed" had he stayed" + scarcely should have ventured to accost him' because" thou#h + %as $erfectly %ell ac-uainted %ith the features of his face" + could not be $ositively certain as to the rest of his $erson" %hich %as very much altered for the better since he left me at 1ondon" neither could + conceive by %hich means he %as enabled to a$$ear in the s$here of a #entleman" to %hich" %hile + kne% him" he had not even the ambition to as$ire& But + %as too much concerned in the affair to ne#lect further information" and therefore took the first o$$ortunity of askin# the $orter if he kne% the #entleman to %hom the mar-uis s$oke& The S%iss told me his name %as 0onsieur d'Estra$es" that he had been valet/de/chambre to an En#lish #entleman lately deceased" and that he %as very much re#arded by the mar-uis for his fidelity to his master" bet%een %hom and that nobleman a very intimate friendshi$ had subsisted& 4othin# could be more a#reeable to me than this $iece of intelli#ence" %hich banished all doubt of its bein# my friend" %ho had found means to frenchify his name as %ell as his behaviour since %e $arted& As soon" therefore" as + %as relieved" + %ent to his lod#in#" accordin# to a direction #iven me by the S%iss" and had the #ood fortune to find him at home& That + mi#ht sur$rise him the more" + concealed my name and business" and only desired the servant of the house to tell 0onsieur d'Estra$es that + be##ed the honour of half/an/hour's conversation %ith him& He %as confounded and dismayed at this messa#e" %hen he understood it %as sent by a soldier' thou#h he %as conscious to himself of no crime" all that he had heard of the Bastille a$$eared to his ima#ination %ith a##ravated horror" but it %as not before + had %aited a considerable time that he had resolution enou#h to bid the servant sho% me u$/stairs& ,hen + entered his chamber" he returned my bo% %ith #reat civility" and endeavoured" %ith forced com$laisance" to dis#uise his fear" %hich a$$eared in the $aleness of his face" the %ildness of his looks" and the shakin# of his limbs& + %as diverted at his consternation" %hich redoubled" %hen + told him in rench" + had business for his $rivate ear and demanded a $articular audience& The valet bein# %ithdra%n" + asked in the same lan#ua#e if his name %as d'Estra$es" to %hich he ans%ered %ith a falterin# ton#ue" 7The same" at your service&7 7Are you a renchman=7 Said +& 7+ have not the honour of bein# a renchman born"7 re$lied he" 7but + have an infinite veneration for the country&7 + then desired he %ould do me the honour to look at me" %hich he no sooner did than" struck %ith my a$$earance" he started back" and cried in En#lish" 7O :esus8//sure it can't8 4o 'tis im$ossible87 + smiled at his inter)ections" sayin#" 7+ su$$ose you are too much of a #entleman to o%n your friend in adversity&7 ,hen he heard me $ronounce these %ords in our o%n lan#ua#e" he lea$ed u$on me in a trans$ort of )oy" hun# about

my neck" kissed me from ear to ear" and blubbered like a #reat schoolboy %ho had been %hi$$ed& Then" observin# my dress" he set u$ his throat" cryin#" 7O 1ord8 O 1ord8 that ever + should live to see my dearest friend reduced to the condition of a foot soldier in the rench service8 ,hy did you consent to my leavin# you=//but + kno% the reason//you thou#ht you had #ot more creditable friends" and #re% ashamed of my ac-uaintance& Ah8 1ord hel$ us8 thou#h + %as a little short/si#hted" + %as not alto#ether blind( and thou#h + did not com$lain" + %as not the less sensible of your unkindness" %hich %as indeed the only thin# that induced me to ramble abroad" the 1ord kno%s %hither' but + must o%n it has been a lucky ramble for me" and so + for#ive you" and may 2od for#ive you8 O 1ord8 1ord8 is it come to this=7 + %as nettled at the char#e" %hich" thou#h )ust" + could not hel$ thinkin# unseasonable" and told him %ith some tartness that" %hether his sus$icions %ere %ell or ill #rounded" he mi#ht have chosen a more convenient o$$ortunity of introducin# them' and that the -uestion no% %as %hether or no he found himself dis$osed to lend me any assistance& 79is$osed87 re$lied he %ith #reat emotion' 7+ thou#ht you had kno%n me so %ell as to assure yourself %ithout askin#" that +" and all that belon#s to me" are at your command& +n the meantime you shall dine %ith me" and + %ill tell you somethin# that" $erha$s" %ill not be dis$leasin# unto you&7 Then" %rin#in# my hand" he said" 7+t makes my heart bleed to see you in that #arb87 + thanked him for his invitation" %hich" + observed" could not be un%elcome to a $erson %ho had not eaten a comfortable meal these seven months' but + had another re-uest to make" %hich + be##ed he %ould #rant before dinner" and that %as the loan of a shirt' for althou#h my back had been many %eeks a stran#er to any comfort of that kind" my skin %as not yet familiarised to the %ant of it& He stared in my face" %ith a %oful countenance" at this declaration" %hich he could scarce believe" until + e*$lained it by unbuttonin# my coat and disclosin# my naked body//a circumstance %hich shocked the tender/hearted Stra$" %ho" %ith tears in his eyes" ran to a chest of dra%ers" and takin# out some linen" $resented to me a very fine ruffled Holland shirt and cambric neckcloth" assurin# me he had three do3en of the same kind at my service& + %as ravished at this $iece of #ood ne%s and" havin# accommodated myself in a moment" hu##ed my benefactor for his #enerous offer" sayin#" + %as over)oyed to find him undebauched by $ros$erity" %hich seldom fails to corru$t the heart& He bes$oke for dinner some sou$ and bouilli" a cou$le of $ullets roasted" and a dish of as$ara#us" and in the interim entertained me %ith biscuit and Bur#undy" after %hich re$ast he entreated me to #ratify his lon#in# desire of kno%in# every circumstance of my fortune since his de$arture from 1ondon& This re-uest + com$lied %ith" be#innin# at the adventure of 2a%ky" and relatin# every $articular event in %hich + had been concerned from that day to the $resent hour& 9urin# the recital" my friend %as stron#ly affected" accordin# to the various situations described& He stared %ith sur$rise" #lo%ed %ith indi#nation" #a$ed %ith curiosity" smiled %ith $leasure" trembled %ith fear" and %e$t %ith sorro%" as the vicissitudes of my life ins$ired these different $assions' and" %hen my story %as ended" si#nified his ama3ement on the %hole" by liftin# u$ his eyes and hands and $rotestin# that" thou#h + %as a youn# man" had suffered more than all the blessed martyrs& After dinner" + desired in my turn to kno% the $articulars of his $ere#rination" and he satisfied me in a fe% %ords" by #ivin# me to

understand that he had lived a year at Paris %ith his master" %ho" in that time havin# ac-uired the lan#ua#e" as %ell as the fashionable e*ercises to $erfection" made a tour of rance and Holland" durin# %hich e*cursion he %as so unfortunate as to meet %ith three of his o%n countrymen on their travels" in %hose com$any he committed such e*cesses" that his constitution failed" and he fell into a consum$tion' that by the advice of $hysicians" he %ent to 0ont$elier for the benefit of #ood air" and recovered so %ell in si* %eeks" that he returned to Rheims seemin#ly in #ood health" %here he had not continued above a month" %hen he %as sei3ed %ith a looseness that carried him off in ten days" to the uns$eakable sorro% of all %ho kne% him and es$ecially of Stra$" %ho had been very ha$$y in his service" and #iven such satisfaction" that his master" on his death/bed recommended him to several $ersons of distinction for his dili#ence" sobriety" and affection" and left him by %ill his %earin# a$$arel" #old %atch" s%ord" rin#s" ready money" and all the moveables he had in rance" to the value of three hundred $ounds 7%hich + no%"7 said he" 7in the si#ht of 2od and man" surrender to your absolute dis$osal( here are my keys' take them" + beseech you" and 2od #ive you )oy of the $ossession&7 0y brain %as almost turned by this sudden chan#e of fortune" %hich + could scarce believe real( ho%ever" + $ositively refused this e*trava#ant $roffer of my friend" and $ut him in mind of my bein# a soldier' at %hich hint he started" cryin#" 7Odso8 that's true8 %e must $rocure your dischar#e& + have some interest %ith a nobleman %ho is able to do me that favour&7 ,e consulted about this affair" and it %as determined that 0onsieur d'Estra$es should %ait u$on the 0ar-uis in the mornin#" and tell him he had by accident found his brother" %hom he had not seen for many years before" a $rivate soldier in the re#iment of Picardy" and im$lore that nobleman's interest for his dischar#e& +n the meantime" %e en)oyed ourselves over a bottle of #ood Bur#undy" and s$ent the evenin# in concertin# schemes for our future conduct" in case + should be so lucky as to #et rid of the army& The business %as to make ourselves easy for life by means of his le#acy" a task very difficult" and" in the usual methods of layin# out money" alto#ether im$racticable" so that" after much canvassin#" %e could come to no resolution that ni#ht" but %hen %e $arted" recommended the matter to the serious attention of each other& As for my o%n $art" + $u33led my ima#ination to no $ur$ose& ,hen + thou#ht of turnin# merchant" the smallness of our stock" and the risk of seas" enemies" and markets" deterred me from that scheme& +f + should settle as a sur#eon in my o%n country" + %ould find the business already overstocked' or" if + $retended to set u$ in En#land" must labour under %ant of friends and $o%erful o$$osition" obstacles insurmountable by the most shinin# merit( neither should + succeed in my endeavours to rise in the state" inasmuch as + could neither flatter nor $im$ for courtiers" nor $rostitute my $en in defence of a %icked and contem$tible administration& Before + could form any feasible $ro)ect" + fell aslee$" and my fancy %as blest %ith the ima#e of the dear 4arcissa" %ho seemed to smile u$on my $assion" and offer her hand as a re%ard for all my toils& Early in the mornin#" + %ent to the lod#in#s of my friend" %hom + found e*ultin# over his ha$$y invention8 for + no sooner entered his a$artment" than he addressed himself to me in these %ords" %ith a smile of self/a$$lause( 7,ell" 0r& Random" a lucky thou#ht may come into a fool's head sometimes& + have hit it//+'ll hold

you a button my $lan is better than yours" for all your learnin#& But you shall have the $reference in this as in all other thin#s' therefore $roceed" and let us kno% the effects of your meditation' and then + %ill im$art my o%n sim$le e*co#itations&7 + told him" that not one thou#ht had occurred to me %hich deserved the least notice" and si#nified my im$atience to be ac-uainted %ith the fruits of his reflection& 7As %e have not"7 said he" 7money sufficient to maintain us durin# a tedious e*$ectation" it is my o$inion that a bold $ush must be made' and + see none so likely to succeed as your a$$earin# in the character of a #entleman 5%hich is your due6" and makin# your addresses to some lady of fortune" %ho can render you inde$endent at once& 4ay" don't stare//+ affirm that this scheme is both $rudent and honourable' for + %ould not have you thro% yourself a%ay u$on an old toothless %hee3in# dame" %hose breath %ould stink you into a consum$tion in less than three months" neither %ould + advise you to assume the character of a %ealthy s-uire" as your common fortune/hunters do" by %hich means many a $oor lady is cheated into matrimony" and instead of en)oyin# the $om$ and #randeur that %as $romised" sees her do%ry sei3ed by her husband's ra$acious creditors" and herself reduced to misery and des$air& 4o" + kno% you have a soul that disdains such im$osition' and are master of -ualifications" both of mind and body" %hich alone entitle you to a match that %ill set you above the %orld& + have clothes in my $ossession that a duke need not be ashamed to %ear& + believe they %ill fit you as they are" if not there are $lenty of tailors in rance& 1et us take a short tri$ to Paris" and $rovide ourselves %ith all other necessaries" then set out for En#land" %here + intend to do myself the honour of attendin# you in -uality of a valet& This e*$edient %ill save you the e*$ense of a servant" shavin#" and dressin#' and + doubt not but" by the blessin# of 2od" %e shall brin# matters to a s$eedy and fortunate issue&7 E*trava#ant as this $ro$osal %as" + listened to it %ith $leasure" because it flattered my vanity" and indul#ed a ridiculous ho$e + be#an to entertain of ins$irin# 4arcissa %ith a mutual flame& After breakfast" 0onsieur d'Estra$es %ent to $ay his devoirs to the mar-uis" and %as so successful in his a$$lication" that + obtained a dischar#e in a fe% days" u$on %hich %e set out for Paris& Here + had time to reflect and con#ratulate myself u$on this sudden transition of fate" %hich to bear %ith moderation re-uired some de#ree of $hiloso$hy and self/denial& This truth %ill be more obvious" if + #ive a detail of the $articulars" to the -uiet $ossession of %hich + %as raised in an instant" from the most ab)ect misery and contem$t& 0y %ardrobe consisted of five fashionable coats full mounted" t%o of %hich %ere $lain" one of cut velvet" one trimmed %ith #old" and another %ith silver lace" t%o frocks" one of %hite drab" %ith lar#e $late buttons" the other of blue %ith #old bindin#' one %aistcoat of #old brocade' one of blue satin" embroidered %ith silver' one of #reen silk" trimmed %ith fi#ured broad #old lace' one of black silk" %ith frin#es' one of %hite satin" one of black cloth" and one of scarlet' si* $air of cloth breeches' one $air of crimson" and another of black velvet' t%elve $air of %hite silk stockin#s" as many of black silk" and the same number of %hite cotton' one hat" laced %ith #old $oint d'Es$a#ne" another %ith silver lace scollo$ed" a third %ith #old bindin#" and a fourth $lain' three do3en of fine ruffled shirts" as many neckcloths' one do3en of cambric handkerchiefs" and the like number of silk& The other moveables" %hich + $ossessed by the #enerosity and friendshi$ of Stra$" %ere a #old %atch %ith a chased case" t%o valuable diamond

rin#s" t%o mournin# s%ords" one %ith a silver handle" and a fourth cut steel inlaid %ith #old" a diamond stock buckle" and a set of stone buckles for the knees and shoes' a $air of silver/mounted $istols %ith rich housin#s' a #old/headed cane" and a snuff/bo* of tortoiseshell" mounted %ith #old" havin# the $icture of a lady in the to$& The #entleman left many other thin#s of value" %hich my friend had converted into cash before + met %ith him' so that" over and above these $articulars" our stock in ready money amounted to somethin# more than t%o hundred $ounds& Thus e-ui$$ed" + $ut on the #entleman of fi#ure" and" attended by my honest friend" %ho %as contented %ith the station of my valet" visited the 1ouvre" e*amined the #allery of 1u*embour#" and a$$eared at ;ersailles" %here + had the honour of seein# his 0ost !hristian 0a)esty eat a considerable -uantity of olives& 9urin# the month + s$ent at Paris" + %ent several times to court" the +talian comedy" o$era" and $layhouse" danced at a mas-uerade" and" in short" sa% everythin# remarkable in and about that ca$ital& Then %e set out for En#land by the %ay of landers" $assed throu#h Brussels" 2hent" and Bru#es" and took shi$$in# at Ostend" from %hence" in fourteen hours" %e arrived at 9eal" hired a $ostchaise" and in t%elve hours more #ot safe to 1ondon" havin# dis$osed of our heavy ba##a#e in the %a##on& !HAPTER .1; + in-uire for my Uncle" and understand he is #one to sea//take 1od#in#s at !harin# !ross//#o to the Play" %here + meet %ith an adventure/9ine at an ordinary//the 2uests described//become ac-uainted %ith 0edlar and 9octor ,a#tail As soon as %e ali#hted at the inn" + dis$atched Stra$ to in-uire for my uncle at the Union la# in ,a$$in#' and he returned in a little time" %ith an account of 0r& Bo%lin#'s havin# #one to sea" mate of a merchant shi$" after a lon# and unsuccessful a$$lication attendance at the Admiralty' %here" it seems" the interest he de$ended u$on %as not sufficient to reinstate him" or recover the $ay that %as due to him %hen he -uitted the Thunder& 4e*t day + hired very handsome lod#in#s not far from !harin# !ross' and in the evenin# dressed myself in a $lain suit of the true Paris cut" and a$$eared in a front bo* at the $lay" %here + sa% a #ood deal of com$any" and %as vain enou#h to believe that + %as observed %ith an uncommon de#ree of attention and a$$lause& This silly conceit into*icated me so much" that + %as #uilty of a thousand ridiculous co-uetries' and + dare say" ho% favourable soever the thou#hts of the com$any mi#ht be at my first a$$earance" they %ere soon chan#ed by my absurd behaviour into $ity or contem$t& + rose and sat do%n" covered and uncovered my head t%enty times bet%een the acts' $ulled out my %atch" cla$$ed it to my ear" %ound it u$" set it" #ave it the hearin# a#ain' dis$layed my snuff/bo*" affected to take snuff" that + mi#ht have all o$$ortunity of sho%in# my brilliant" and %i$ed my nose %ith $erfumed handkerchief' then dan#led my cane" and ad)usted my s%ord/knot" and acted many more fooleries of the same kind" in ho$es of obtainin# the character of a $retty fello%" in the ac-uirin# of %hich + found t%o considerable obstructions in my dis$osition//namely" a natural reserve and )ealous sensibility& ain %ould + have entered into conversation %ith the $eo$le around

me( but + %as restrained by the fear of bein# censured for my assurance" as %ell as by reflectin# that + %as more entitled to a com$liment of this kind from them" than they to such condescension from a stran#er like me& Ho% often did + redden at the fre-uent %his$ers and loud lau#hter of my fello% beau*" %hich + ima#ined %ere e*cited by me' and ho% often did + envy the ha$$y indifference of those choice s$irits" %ho behold the distress of the scene %ithout discoverin# the least sym$tom of a$$robation or concern& 0y attention %as en#a#ed in s$ite of myself" and + could not hel$ %ee$in# %ith the heroine of the sta#e" thou#h + $ractised a #reat many shifs to conceal this $iece of un$olite %eakness& ,hen the $lay %as ended" + sat %aitin# for an o$$ortunity of handin# some lady to her coach' but everyone %as attended by such a number of officious #allants" that for a lon# time + %as balked in my e*$ectation& At len#th" ho%ever" + $erceived a very handsome creature" #enteelly dressed" sittin# by herself in a bo*" at some distance from me' u$on %hich + %ent u$ to her" and offered my service& She seemed to be in some confusion" thanked me for my com$laisance" and %ith a tender look declined #ivin# me the trouble( lookin# at her %atch" and testifyin# her sur$rise at the ne#li#ence of her footman %hom she had ordered to have a chair ready for her at that hour& + re$eated my entreaty %ith all the elo-uence and com$liment + %as master of' and" in the event" she %as $revailed u$on to acce$t of a $ro$osal + made" to send my servant for a chair or coach( accordin#ly" Stra$ %as detached for that $ur$ose" and returned %ithout success& By this time the $layhouse %as -uite em$ty" and %e %ere obli#ed to retire& As + led her throu#h the $assa#e" + observed five or si* youn# fello%s of fashion standin# in a corner" one of %hom" as + thou#ht" ti$$ed my charmer the %ink" and %hen %e %ere $assed" + heard a loud lau#h& This note aroused my attention" and + %as resolved to be fully satisfied of this lady's character" before + should have any nearer connection %ith her& As no convenience a$$eared" + $ro$osed to conduct her to a tavern" %here %e mi#ht stay a fe% minutes" until my servant could fetch a coach from the Strand& She seemed $articularly shy of trustin# herself in a tavern %ith a stran#er" but at last yielded to my $athetic remonstrances" rather than endan#er her health by remainin# in a cold" dam$ thorou#hfare& Havin# thus far succeeded" + be##ed to kno% %hat %ine she %ould be $leased to drink a #lass of' but she $rofessed the #reatest aversion to all sorts of stron# li-uors" and it %as %ith much difficulty that + could $ersuade her to eat a )elly& +n the meantime" + endeavoured to alleviate the uneasiness she discovered" by sayin# all the a#reeable thin#s + could think of' at %hich she %ould often si#h" and re#ard me %ith a lan#uishin# look" that seemed" ho%ever" too near akin to the le%d leer of a courtesan& This discovery added to my former sus$icion" %hile it $ut me u$on my #uard a#ainst her arts" divested me of reserve" and enabled me to entertain her %ith #aiety and freedom& +n the course of our conversation" + $ressed her to allo% me the honour of %aitin# u$on her ne*t day at her lod#in#s" a re-uest %hich she" %ith many a$olo#ues" refused" lest it should #ive umbra#e to Sir :ohn" %ho %as of a dis$osition a$t to be fretted %ith trifles& This information" by %hich + %as to understand that her husband %as a kni#ht" did not check my addresses" %hich became more and more im$ortunate" and + %as even hardy enou#h to ravish a kiss& But" O heavens8 instead of ban-uetin# on the ambrosial flavour" that her delicacy of com$le*ion $romised" + %as almost suffocated %ith the steams of 2eneva8 An

e*halation of this kind" from a mouth %hich had )ust before declared an utter abhorrence of all s$irituous li-uors" not only chan#ed my doubts into certainty" but my ra$tures into loathin#' and it %ould have been im$ossible for me to have $reserved common com$laisance five minutes lon#er" %hen my servant returned %ith a coach& + took the advanta#e of this occasion" and $resented my hand to the lady" %ho $ut in $ractice a#ainst me the %hole artillery of her charms" o#lin#" lan#uishin#" si#hin#" and s-uee3in#" %ith so little reserve that Stra$ $erceived her tenderness" and rubbed his hands %ith )oy as he follo%ed us to the door' but + %as $roof a#ainst all her endearments" and handed her into the coach %ith an intention to take my leave immediately& She #uessed my desi#n" and invited me to her house" %his$erin#" that no% Sir :ohn %as #one to bed" she could have the $leasure of my conversation for half/an/hour %ithout interru$tion& + told her there %as no mortification + %ould not under#o" rather than endan#er the re$ose of her ladyshi$' and" biddin# the coachman drive on" %ished her a #ood ni#ht& She lost all tem$er at my indifference" and" sto$$in# the coach" at the distance of about t%enty yards from me" $o$$ed out her head" and ho%led %ith the lun#s of a fish%oman" 79//n you" you do#" %on't you $ay the coach/hire=7 As + made no ans%er" she held forth a#ainst me %ith an elo-uence $eculiar to herself' callin# me $itifull fello%" scoundrel" and a hundred such a$$ellations' concludin# %ith an oath" that" for all my a$$earance" she believed + had #ot no money in my $ocket& Havin# thus vented her indi#nation" she ordered her coachman to $roceed" and + returned to the tavern" %here + bes$oke somethin# for su$$er" very %ell $leased at the issue of this adventure& + dis$ensed %ith the attendance of the %aiter at table" on $retence that my o%n servant %as $resent" and" %hen %e %ere alone" said to Stra$" 7,ell" 0onsieur d'Estra$es" %hat d'ye think of this lady=7 0y friend" %ho had not o$ened his mouth since her de$arture" could make no other re$ly than the monosyllable 7Think87 %hich he $ronounced %ith a note of fear and astonishment& Sur$rised at this em$hasis" + surveyed my valet" and" $erceivin# a %ildness in his looks" asked if he had seen his #randfather's #host= 72host87 said he" 7+ am sure + have seen a devil incarnate8 ,ho %ould have thou#ht that so much devilish malice and Billin#s#ate could lurk under so much s%eetness of countenance and modesty of behaviour= Ah8 2od hel$ us8 ronti nulla fides//nimium ne crede colori//but %e ou#ht to do%n on our knees" and bless 2od for deliverin# us from the )a%s of that $ainted se$ulchre87 + %as $retty much of Stra$'s o$inion" and" thou#h + did not believe myself in any dan#er from the allurements of that sisterhood" + determined to act %ith #reat circums$ection for the future" and shun all commerce of that kind" as e-ually $re)udicial to my $urse and constitution& 0y ne*t care %as to introduce myself into a set of #ood ac-uaintance( for %hich $ur$ose + fre-uented a certain coffee/house" noted for the resort of #ood com$any" En#lish as %ell as forei#ners" %here my a$$earance $rocured all the civilities and advances + could desire& As there %as an ordinary in the same house" + %ent u$stairs to dinner %ith the other #uests" and found myself at a table %ith thirteen $eo$le" the #reatest $art of %hom %ere better dressed than myself& The conversation" %hich %as mostly carried on in rench" turned chiefly on $olitics' and + soon found the %hole com$any %ere in the rench interest" myself e*ce$ted" and a testy old #entleman" %ho contradicted everythin# that %as advanced in favour of his 0ost

!hristian 0a)esty" %ith a surliness truly En#lish& But this trusty $atriot" %ho had never been out of his o%n country" and dre% all his ma*ims and notions from $re)udice and hearsay" %as very une-ual to his anta#onists" %ho %ere su$erior to him in learnin# and e*$erience" and often took the liberty of travellers in assertin# thin#s %hich %ere not strictly true" because they thou#ht themselves in no dan#er of bein# detected by him& The claim of the Mueen Of S$ain to the Austrian dominions in +taly %as fully e*$lained and vindicated" by a $erson %ho sat o$$osite to me" and" by the solemnity of his manner and the richness of his a$$arel" seemed to be a forei#n ambassador& This dissertation $roduced another on the Pra#matic Sanction" handled %ith #reat %armth by a youn# #entleman at my ri#ht hand" dressed in a #reen frock" trimmed %ith #old" %ho )ustified the rench kin# for his breach of that contract' and affirmed that he could not have observed it %ithout in)urin# his o%n #lory& Althou#h + %as not at all convinced by this #entleman's ar#uments" + could not hel$ admirin# his vivacity %hich" + ima#ined" must be the effect of his illustrious birth and noble education" and accordin#ly rated him" in my con)ecture" as a youn# $rince on his travels& The discourse %as after%ards shifted by an old #entleman" of a very martial a$$earance" to the last cam$ai#n" %hen the battle of 9ettin#en %as fou#ht over a#ain" %ith so many circumstances to the honour of the rench and disadvanta#es if the Allies" that + be#an to entertain some doubts of my havin# been there in $erson" and took the liberty to mention some ob)ections to %hat he advanced& This freedom introduced a dis$ute" %hich lasted a #ood %hile" to the mortification of all $resent' and %as at last referred to the determination of a #rave $erson" %hom they styled 9octor" and %ho" under a sho% of #reat moderation" decided it a#ainst me" %ith so little re#ard to truth" that + ta*ed him %ith $artiality in $retty severe terms" to the no small entertainment of the true En#lish $olitician" %ho re)oiced at my defence of a cause he had so often es$oused %ithout success& 0y o$$onent" $leased %ith the victory he had #ained" affected a #reat deal of candour" and told me" he should not have been so $ositive" if he had not been at #reat $ains to inform himself of each $articular& 7+ndeed"7 said he" 7+ am convinced that the $revious ste$s considered" thin#s could not ha$$en other%ise' for %e #enerals %ho have seen service" thou#h %e may not be on the s$ot ourselves" kno% by the least sketch of the dis$osition %hat must be the event&7 He then censured" %ith #reat freedom" every circumstance of the conduct of those %ho commanded the Allies' from thence made a transition to the ministry" %hich he honoured %ith many invectives for em$loyin# $eo$le %ho had neither e*$erience nor ca$acity" to the $re)udice of old officers" %ho had been distin#uished for both' dro$$ed many hints of his o%n im$ortance" and concluded %ith observin#" that the rench and S$aniards kne% better ho% to value #enerals of merit' the #ood effects of %hich are seen in the con-uests they #ain" and the disci$line of their troo$s" %hich are at the same time better clothed and $aid than any soldiers in the universe& These remarks furnished the #reen kni#ht %ith an o$$ortunity of launchin# out in the $raise of the rench #overnment in #eneral" civil as %ell as military' on %hich occasion he made many odious com$arisons to the disadvanta#e of the En#lish& Everybody" almost" assented to the observations he made" and the doctor #ave his sanction" by sayin#" the $eo$le of rance %ere undoubtedly the ha$$iest sub)ects in the %orld& + %as so much astonished and confounded at their infatuation and effrontery" that + had not

$o%er to utter one %ord in o$$osition to their assertions' but my morose associate could not $ut u$ %ith the indi#nity that %as offered to Old En#land" and therefore %ith a satirical #rin addressed himself to the #eneral in these %ords( 7Sir" sir" + have often heard it said" She's a villainous bird that befouls her o%n nest& As for %hat those $eo$le %ho are forei#ners say" + don't mind it' they kno% no better' but you %ho %ere bred and born" and have #ot your bread" under the En#lish #overnment" should have more re#ard to #ratitude" as %ell as truth in censurin# your native country& +f the ministry have thou#ht fit to lay you aside" + su$$ose they have their o%n reasons for so doin#' and you ou#ht to remember" that you still live on the bounty of this nation& As for these #entlemen 5meanin# the $rince and ambassador6" %ho make so free %ith our constitution" la%s" and #enius of our $eo$le" + think they mi#ht sho% a little more res$ect for their benefactors" %ho" + must o%n" are to blame in harbourin# and $rotectin#" and encoura#in# such un#rateful va#rants as they are&7 At these %ords" the chevalier in #reen started u$ in a #reat $assion" and layin# his hand on the hilt of his han#er" e*claimed" 7Ah8 foutre87 The En#lishman on the other hand" #ras$in# his cane cried" 79on't foutre me" sirrah" or by 2//d +'ll knock you do%n&7 The com$any inter$osed" the renchman sat do%n a#ain" and his anta#onist $roceeded//71ookey" 0onsieur" you kno% very %ell that had you dared to s$eak so freely of the administration of your o%n country in Paris as you have done of ours in 1ondon" you %ould have been sent to the Bastille %ithout ceremony" %here you mi#ht have rotted in a dun#eon" and never seen the li#ht of the sun a#ain& 4o%" sir" take my %ord for it" althou#h our constitution screens us from such o$$ression" %e %ant not la%s to chastise the authors of seditious discourse" and if + hear another syllable out of your mouth in contem$t or $re)udice of this kin#dom" + %ill #ive you a convincin# $roof of %hat + advance" and have you laid by the heels for your $resum$tion&7 This declaration had an effect on the com$any as sudden as sur$risin#& The youn# $rince became as su$$le as a s$aniel" the ambassador trembled" the #eneral sat silent and abashed" and the doctor" %ho it seems" had felt the rod of $o%er" #re% $ale as death" and assured us all" that he had no intention to affront any $erson or $eo$le& 7>our $rinci$les" doctor"7 resumed the old #entleman" 7are no secret//+ have nothin# to say u$on that head' but am very much sur$rised" that a man %ho des$ises us so much" should not%ithstandin# live amon# us" %hen he has no visible motive for so doin#& ,hy don't you take u$ your habitation in your beloved rance" %here you may rail at En#land %ithout censure=7 To this remonstrance the doctor thou#ht $ro$er to make no re$ly" and an unsocial silence ensued' %hich + $erceivin#" took notice" that it %as $ity such idle dis$utes" maintained very often throu#h %him or diversion" should create any misunderstandin# amon# #entlemen of #ood sense" and $ro$osed to drink do%n all animosity in another bottle" This motion %as a$$lauded by the %hole com$any& The %ine %as brou#ht" and the En#lish cham$ion" declarin# he had no s$leen a#ainst any man for differin# in o$inion from him" any more than for difference of com$le*ion" drank to the #ood health of all $resent' the com$liment %as returned" and the conversation once more became unreserved thou#h more #eneral than before& Amon# other to$ics" the sub)ect of %ar %as introduced" on %hich the #eneral declaimed %ith #reat elo-uence" recountin# many of his o%n e*$loits by %ay of illustration& +n the course of his haran#ue he ha$$ened to mention the %ord e$aulement" u$on %hich the testy #entleman asked the meanin#" of that

term& 7+'ll tell you %hat an e$aulement is"7 re$lied he" 7+ never sa% an e$aulement but once" and that %as at the sie#e of 4amur& +n a council of %ar" 0onsieur !ohorn" the famous en#ineer" affirmed that the $lace could not be taken&7 7>es"7 said the Prince of ;andemont" 7it may be taken by an e$aulement&7 7This %as immediately $ut into e*ecution" and in t%enty/four hours 0areschal Boufflers %as fain to ca$itulate&7 Here he made a full sto$" and the old #entleman re$eated the -uestion" 7But $ray %hat is an e$aulement=7 To this interro#ation the officer made no immediate re$ly" but ran# the bell" and called for the bill" %hich bein# brou#ht" he thre% do%n his $ro$ortion of the reckonin#" and" tellin# the com$any he %ould sho% them an e$aulement %hen his ma)esty should think fit to entrust him %ith the command of our army abroad" strutted a%ay %ith #reat di#nity& + could not ima#ine %hy he %as so shy of e*$lainin# one of the most sim$le terms of fortification" %hich + forth%ith described as a side/%ork com$osed of earth" #abions" or fascines' but + %as very much sur$rised %hen + after%ards understood that his reserve $roceeded from his i#norance& Havin# $aid our bill" %e ad)ourned to the coffee/room" %here my fello%/labourer insisted on treatin# me %ith a dish" #ivin# me to understand" at the same time" that + had ac-uired his #ood o$inion" both %ith res$ect to my $rinci$les and understandin#& + thanked him for his com$liment" and" $rofessin# myself an utter stran#er in this $art of the %orld" be##ed he %ould have the #oodness to inform me of the -uality and characters of the $eo$le %ho dined above& This re-uest %as a real favour to one of his dis$osition" %hich %as no less communicative than curious' he therefore com$lied %ith #reat satisfaction" and told me" to my e*treme astonishment" that the su$$osed youn# $rince %as a dancer at one of the theatres" and the ambassador no other than a fiddler belon#in# to the o$era& 7The doctor"7 said he 7is a Roman !atholic $riest" %ho sometimes a$$ears in the character of an officer" and assumes the name of ca$tain' but more #enerally takes the #arb" title" and behaviour of a $hysician" in %hich ca$acity he %heedles himself into the confidence of %eak/minded $eo$le" and by ar#uments no less s$ecious than false" converts them from their reli#ion and alle#iance& He has been in the hands of )ustice more than once for such $ractices" but he is a sly do#" and mana#es matters %ith so much craft" that hitherto he has esca$ed for a short im$risonment& As for the #eneral" you may see he has o%ed his $romotion more to his interest than his ca$acity' and" no% that the eyes of the ministry are o$ened" his friends dead or become inconsiderable" he is struck off the list" and obli#ed to $ut u$ %ith a yearly $ension& +n conse-uence of this reduction" he is become malcontent" and invei#hs a#ainst the #overnment in all com$anies" %ith so little discretion" that + am sur$rised at the lenity of the administration" in overlookin# his insolence" but the truth of the matter is" he o%es his safety to his %eakness and %ant of im$ortance& He has seen a little" and but a little" service" and yet" if you %ill take his %ord to it" there has not been a #reat action $erformed in the field since the Revolution" in %hich he %as not $rinci$ally concerned& ,hen a story is told of any #reat #eneral" he immediately matches it %ith one of himself" thou#h he is often unha$$y in his invention" and commits such #ross blunders in the detail" that everybody is in $ain for him& !aesar" Pom$ey" and Ale*ander the 2reat" are continually in his mouth' and" as he reads a #ood deal %ithout any )ud#ment to di#est it" his ideas are confused" and his haran#ues as unintelli#ible as infinite' for" if once he be#in" there is no chance of his

leavin# off s$eakin# %hile one $erson remains to yield attention' therefore the only e*$edient + kno%" for $uttin# a sto$ to his lo-uacity" is to lay hold of some incon#ruity he has uttered" and demand an e*$lanation' or ask the meanin# of some difficult term that he kno%s by name' this method %ill effectually $ut him to silence" if not to fli#ht" as it ha$$ened %hen + in-uired about an e$aulement& Had he been ac-uainted %ith the si#nification of that %ord" his trium$h %ould have been intolerable" and %e must have -uitted the field first" or been %orried %ith im$ertinence&7 Havin# thus #ratified my curiosity" the old #entleman be#an to discover his o%n" in -uestions relatin# to myself" to %hich + thou#ht $ro$er to return ambi#uous ans%ers& 7+ $resume" Sir"7 said he" 7you have travelled&7 + ans%ered" 7>es&7 7+ dare say you have found it very e*$ensive"7 said he& + re$lied" 7To be sure" one cannot travel %ithout money&7 7That + kno% by e*$erience"7 said he" 7for + myself take a tri$ to Bath or Tunbrid#e every season' and one must $ay sauce for %hat he has on the road" as %ell in other countries as in this& That's a $retty stone in your rin#//#ive me leave" sir//the rench have attained to a %onderful skill in makin# com$ositions of this kind& ,hy" no%" this looks almost as %ell as a diamond&7 7Almost as %ell" Sir87 said +" 7,hy not alto#ether= + am sure if you understand anythin# of )e%els" you must $erceive" at first si#ht" that this stone is a real diamond" and that of a very fine %ater& Take it in your hand and e*amine it&7 He did so %ith some confusion" and returned it" sayin#" 7+ ask your $ardon' + see it is a true brilliant of immense value&7 + ima#ined his res$ect to me increased after this in-uiry' therefore to ca$tivate his esteem the more" + told him" + %ould sho% him a seal of com$osition" en#raved after a very valuable anti-ue' u$on %hich + $ulled out my %atch %ith a rich #old chain" adorned %ith three seals set in #old" and an o$al rin#" He vie%ed each of them %ith #reat ea#erness" handled the chain" admired the chased case" and observed that the %hole must have cost me a vast sum of money& + affected indifference" and re$lied in a careless manner" 7Some trifle of si*ty or seventy #uineas&7 He stared in my face for some time" and then asked if + %as an En#lishman= + ans%ered in the ne#ative& 7>ou are from +reland then" Sir" + $resume"7 said he& + made the same re$ly& 7Oh8 $erha$s"7 said he 7you %ere born in one of our settlements abroad&7 + still ans%ered 4o& He seemed very much sur$rised" and said" he %as sure + %as not a forei#ner& + made no re$ly" but left him u$on the tenter/hooks of im$atient uncertainty& He could not contain his an*iety" but asked $ardon for the liberties he had taken and" to encoura#e me the more to disclose my situation" dis$layed his o%n %ithout reserve& 7+ am"7 said he" 7a sin#le man" have a considerable annuity" on %hich + live accordin# to my inclination" and make the ends of the year meet very comfortably& As + have no estate to leave behind" + am not troubled %ith the im$ortunate officiousness of relations or le#acy hunters" and + consider the %orld as made for me" not me for the %orld& +t is my ma*im" therefore" to en)oy it %hile + can" and let futurity shift for itself&7 ,hile he thus indul#ed his o%n talkative vein" and at the same time" no doubt" e*$ected retaliation from me" a youn# man entered" dressed in black velvet and an enormous tie/%i#" %ith an air in %hich natural levity and affected solemnity %ere so )umbled to#ether" that on the %hole he a$$eared a burles-ue on all decorum& This ridiculous oddity danced u$ to the table at %hich %e sat" and" after a thousand #rimaces" asked my friend by the name of 0r& 0edlar"

if %e %ere not en#a#ed u$on business& 0y com$anion $ut on a surly countenance" and re$lied 74o #reat business" doctor//but ho%ever//7 7Oh8 then"7 cried the $hysician' 7+ must be# your indul#ence a little' $ray $ardon me" #entlemen&7 7Sir"7 said he" addressin# himself to me" 7your most humble servant& + ho$e you %ill for#ive me" sir//+ must be# the favour to sit//sir//sir//+ have somethin# of conse-uence to im$art to my friend 0r& 0edlar//sir" + ho$e you %ill e*cuse my freedom in %his$erin#" sir"7 Before + had time to #ive this com$laisant $erson my $ermission" 0r& 0edlar cried" 7+'+l have no %his$erin#//if you have anythin# to say to me" s$eak %ith an audible voice&7 The doctor seemed a little disconcerted at this e*clamation" and" turnin# a#ain to me" made a thousand a$olo#ies for $retendin# to make a mystery of anythin#" a $iece of caution %hich he said %as o%in# to his i#norance of my connection %ith 0r& 0edlar' but no% he understood + %as a friend" and %ould communicate %hat he had to say in my hearin#& He then be#an" after t%o or three hems" in this manner( 7>ou must kno%" sir" + am )ust come from dinner at my 1ady lareit's 5then addressin# himself to me6" a lady of -uality" sir" at %hose table + have the honour of dinin# sometimes& There %as 1ady Stately and my 1ady 1arum" and 0rs& 9ainty" and 0iss Biddy 2i##ler" u$on my %ord" a very #ood/natured youn# lady" %ith a very $retty fortune sir& There %as also my 1ord Straddle& Sir :ohn Shru#" and 0aster Billy !hatter" %ho is actually a very facetious youn# #entleman& So" sir" her ladyshi$ seein# me e*cessively fati#ued" for she %as the last of fifteen $atients 5$eo$le of distinction" sir6 %hom + had visited this forenoon" insisted u$on my stayin# dinner" thou#h u$on my %ord + $rotest + had no a$$etite' ho%ever" in com$liance %ith her ladyshi$'s re-uest" sir" + sat do%n" and the conversation turnin# on different sub)ects" amon# other thin#s" 0r !hatter asked very earnestly %hen + sa% 0r& 0edlar& + told him + had not had the $leasure of seein# you these nineteen hours and a half' for you may remember" sir" it %as nearly about that time' + %on't be $ositive as to a minute&7 74o"7 says he" 7then + desire you %ill #o to his lod#in#s immediately after dinner" and see %hat's the matter %ith him" for he must certainly be very bad from havin# eaten last ni#ht such a vast -uantity of ra% oysters&7 The crusty #entleman" %ho" from the solemnity of his delivery" e*$ected somethin# e*traordinary" no sooner heard his conclusion" than he started u$ in a testy humour" cryin#" 7Psha%" $sha%8 9//n your oysters87 and %alked a%ay" after a short com$liment of" 7>our servant sir"7 to me& The doctor #ot u$ also" sayin#" 7+ vo% and $rotest" u$on my %ord" + am actually ama3ed'7 and follo%ed 0r& 0edlar to the bar" %hich %as hard by" %here he %as $ayin# for his coffee( there he %his$ered so loud that + could overhear" 7Pray %ho is this #entleman=7 His friend re$lied hastily" 7+ mi#ht have kno%n that before no%" if it had not been for your im$ertinent intrusion"7//and %alked off very much disa$$ointed& The ceremonious $hysician returned immediately and sat do%n by me" askin# a thousand $ardons for leavin# me alone( and #ivin# me to understand that %hat he had communicated to 0r& 0edlar at the bar" %as an affair of the last im$ortance" that %ould admit of no delay& He then called for some coffee" and launched out into the virtues of that berry" %hich" he said" in cold $hle#matic constitutions" like his" dried u$ the su$erfluous moisture" and braced the rela*ed nerves& He told me it %as utterly unkno%n to the ancients' and derived its name from an Arabian %ord" %hich + mi#ht easily $erceive by the sound and termination& rom this to$ic he transferred his dis-uisitions to the verb drink" %hich he affirmed %as im$ro$erly a$$lied to the takin# of coffee" inasmuch as $eo$le did not drink" but si$ or si$$le that li-uor'

that the #enuine meanin# of drinkin# is to -uench one's thirst" or commit a debauch by s%allo%in# %ine' that the 1atin %ord" %hich conveyed the same idea" %as bibere or $otare" and that of the 2reeks $inein or $oteein" thou#h he %as a$t to believe they %ere differently used on different occasions( for e*am$le//to drink a vast -uantity" or" as the vul#ar e*$ress it" to drink an ocean of li-uor" %as in 1atin $otare" and in 2reek $oteein' and" on the other hand" to use it moderately" %as bibere and $inein'//that this %as only a con)ecture of his" %hich" ho%ever" seemed to be su$$orted by the %ord bibulous" %hich is $articularly a$$lied to the $ores of the skin" and can only drink a very small -uantity of the circumambient moisture" by reason of the smallness of their diameters'//%hereas" from the verb $oteein is derived the substantive $otamos" %hich si#nifies a river" or vast -uantity of li-uor& + could not hel$ smilin# at this learned and im$ortant investi#ation' and" to recommend myself the more to my ne% ac-uaintance" %hose dis$osition + %as by this time %ell informed of" + observed that" %hat he alle#ed" did not" to the best of my remembrance" a$$ear in the %ritin#s of the ancients' for Horace uses the %ords $oto and bibo indifferently for the same $ur$ose" as in the t%entieth Ode of his first Book& 7;ile $otabis modicis sabinum cantharis// //Et $raelo domitam caleno tu bibes uvam&7 That + had never heard of the verb $oteein" but that $otamos" $otema" and $otos" %ere derived from $ino" $oso" $e$oka" in conse-uence of %hich" the 2reek $oets never use any other %ord for festal drinkin#& Homer describes 4estor at his cu$s in these %ords" 74estora d'ouk elathen )ache $inonta $crem$es&7 And Anacreon mentions it on the same occasion al%ays in every $a#e& 7Pinonti de oinon hedun& Otan $ino ton oinon& O$li3' e#o de $ino&7 And in a thousand other $laces& The doctor %ho doubtless intended by his criticism to #ive me a hi#h idea of his erudition" %as infinitely sur$rised to find himself schooled by one of my a$$earance' and after a considerable $ause cried" 7U$on my %ord" you are in the ri#ht" sir//+ find + have not considered this affair %ith my usual accuracy&7 Then" accostin# me in 1atin" %hich he s$oke very %ell" the conversation %as maintained full t%o hours" on a variety of sub)ects" in that lan#ua#e' and indeed he s$oke so )udiciously" that + %as convinced" not%ithstandin# his %himsical a$$earance and attention to trifles" that he %as a man of e*tensive kno%led#e" es$ecially in books' he looked u$on me" as + after%ards understood from 0r& 0edlar" as a $rodi#y in learnin#" and $ro$osed that very ni#ht" if + %ere not en#a#ed" to introduce me to several youn# #entlemen of fortune and fashion" %ith %hom + had an a$$ointment at the Bedford coffee house& !HAPTER .1;+ ,a#tail introduces me to set of fine 2entlemen %ith %hom + s$end the Evenin# at a Tavern//our !onversation//the !haracters of my ne% !om$anions//the 9octor is roasted//our +ssue of our 9ebauch

+ acce$ted his offer %ith $leasure" and %e %ent thither in a hackney coach %here + sa% a #reat number of #ay fi#ures flutterin# about" most of %hom s$oke to the doctor %ith #reat familiarity& Amon# the rest stood a #rou$ of them round the fire %hom + immediately kne% to be the very $ersons %ho had the ni#ht before" by their lau#hin#" alarmed my sus$icion of the lady %ho had $ut herself under my $rotection& They no sooner $erceived me enter %ith 9r& ,a#tail 5for that %as my com$anion's name6 than they tittered and %his$ered one to another" and + %as not a little sur$rised to find that they %ere the #entlemen to %hose ac-uaintance he desi#ned to recommend me' for" %hen he observed them to#ether" he to told me %ho they %ere" and desired to kno% by %hat name he should introduce me& + satisfied him in that $articular" and he advanced %ith #reat #ravity" sayin#" 72entlemen" your most obedient servant(//#ive me leave to introduce my friend 0r& Random to your society&7 Then" turnin# to me" 70r& Random" this is 0r& Bra#%ell//0r& Banter" sir//0r& !hatter//my friend 0r& Slyboot" and 0r& Ranter sir&7 + saluted each of then in order" and %hen + came to take 0r& Slyboot by the hand" + $erceived him thrust his ton#ue in his cheek" to the no small entertainment of the com$any' but + did not think $ro$er to take any notice of it on this occasion& 0r& Ranter too 5%ho + after%ards learned %as a $layer6 dis$layed his talents" by mimickin# my air" features" and voice" %hile he returned my com$liment( this feat + should not have been so sensible of" had + not seen him behave in the same manner to my friend ,a#tail" %hen he made u$ to them at first& But for once + let him en)oy the fruits of his de*terity %ithout -uestion or control" resolved ho%ever to chastise his insolence at a more convenient o$$ortunity& 0r& Slyboot" #uessin# + %as a stran#er" asked if + had been lately in rance= and %hen + ans%ered in the affirmative" in-uired if + had seen the 1u*embour# 2allery= + told him + had considered it more than once %ith #reat attention( u$on this a conversion ensued" in %hich + discovered him to be a $ainter& ,hile %e %ere discoursin# u$on the $articulars of this famous $erformance" + overheard Banter ask 9r& ,a#tail" %here he had $icked u$ this 0r& Random& To %hich -uestion the $hysician ans%ered" 7U$on my %ord" a mi#hty $retty sort of a #entleman//a man of fortune" sir//he has made the #rand tour" and seen the best com$any in Euro$e" air&7 7,hat" he told you so" + su$$ose=7 said the other( 7+ take him to be neither more nor less than a rench valet/de/chambre&7 7O barbarous" barbarous87 cried the doctor' 7this is actually" u$on my %ord" alto#ether unaccountable& + kno% all his family $erfectly %ell" sir' he is of the Randoms of the north//a very ancient house sir" and a distant relation of mine&7 + %as e*tremely nettled at the con)ecture of 0r& Banter" and be#an to entertain a very indifferent o$inion of my com$any in #eneral' but" as + mi#ht $ossibly by their means ac-uire a more e*tensive and a#reeable ac-uaintance" + determined to bear these little mortifications as lon# as + could %ithout in)urin# the di#nity of my character& After havin# talked for some time on the %eather" $lays" $olitics" and other coffee/house sub)ects" it %as $ro$osed that %e should s$end the evenin# at a noted tavern in the nei#hbourhood" %hither %e re$aired in a body& Havin# taken $ossession of a room" called for rench %ine" and bes$oke su$$er" the #lass %ent about $retty freely" and the characters of my associates o$ened u$on me more and more& +t soon a$$eared that

the doctor %as entertained as butt for the $ainter and $layer to e*ercise their %it u$on" for the diversion of the com$any& 0r& Ranter be#an the #ame by askin# him %hat %as #ood for a hoarseness" lo%ness of s$irits" and in di#estion" for he %as troubled %ith all these com$laints to a very #reat de#ree& ,a#tail immediately undertook to e*$lain the nature of his case" and in a very $roli* manner haran#ued u$on $ro#nostics" dia#nostics" sym$tomatics" thera$eutics" inanition" and re$letion' then calculated the force of the stomach and lun#s in their res$ective o$erations' ascribed the $layer's malady to a disorder in these or#ans" $roceedin# from hard drinkin#s and vociferations" and $rescribed a course of stomachics" %ith abstinence from venery" %ine" loud s$eakin#" lau#hin#" sin#in#" cou#hin#" snee3in#" or hallooin#& 7Pah" $ah87 cried Ranter" interru$tin# him" 7the remedy is %orse than the disease//+ %ish + kne% %here to find some tinder %ater&7 7Tinder %ater87 said the doctor' 7U$on my %ord" + don't a$$rehend you" 0r& Ranter&7 7,ater e*tracted from tinder"7 re$lied the other" 7a universal s$ecific for all distem$ers incident to man& +t %as invented by a learned 2erman monk" %ho" for a valuable consideration" im$arted the secret to Paracelsus&7 7Pardon me"7 cried the $ainter" 7it %as first used by Solomon" as a$$ears by a 2reek manuscri$t in his civil hand%ritin#" lately found at the foot of 0ount 1ebanon" by a $easant %ho %as di##in# for $otatoes//7 7,ell"7 said ,a#tail" 7in all my vast readin#" + never met %ith such a $re$aration8 neither did + kno% till this minute" that Solomon understood 2reek" or that $otatoes #re% in Palestine&7 Here Banter inter$osed" sayin#" he %as sur$rised that 9r& ,a#tail should make the least doubt of Solomon's understandin# 2reek" %hen he is re$resented to us as the %isest and best/educated $rince in the %orld' and as for $otatoes" they %ere trans$lanted thither from +reland" in the time of the !rusade" by some kni#hts of that country& 7+ $rofess"7 said the doctor" 7there is nothin# more likely& + %ould actually #ive a vast sum for a si#ht of that manuscri$t" %hich must be inestimable' and" if + understood the $rocess" %ould set about it immediately&7 The $layer assured him the $rocess %as very sim$le//that he must cram a hundred/%ei#ht of dry tinder into a #lass retort" and" distillin# it by the force of animal heat" it %ould yield half a scru$le of insi$id %ater" one dro$ of %hich is a full dose& 7U$on my inte#rity87 e*claimed the incredulous doctor" 7this is very ama3in# and e*traordinary8 that a ca$ut mortuum should yield any %ater at all& + must o%n + have al%ays been an enemy to s$ecifics %hich + thou#ht inconsistent %ith the nature of the animal economy' but certainly the authority of Solomon is not to be -uestioned& + %onder %here + shall find a #lass retort lar#e enou#h to contain such a vast -uantity of tinder" the consum$tion of %hich must" undoubtedly" raise the $rice of $a$er" or %here shall + find animal heat sufficient even to %arm such a mass=7 Slyboot informed him" that he mi#ht have a retort blo%n for him as bi# as a church( and" that the easiest method of raisin# the va$our by animal heat" %ould be to $lace it in the middle of an infirmary for feverish $atients" %ho mi#ht he u$on mattresses around and in contact %ith it& He had he sooner $ronounced these %ords" than ,a#tail e*claimed in a ra$ture" 7An admirable e*$edient" as + ho$e to be saved8 + %ill $ositively $ut it in $ractice&7 This sim$licity of the $hysician furnished e*cellent diversion for the com$any" %ho" in their turns" sneered at him in ironical com$liments" %hich his vanity s%allo%ed as the #enuine sentiments

of their hearts& 0r& !hatter" im$atient of so lon# a silence" no% broke out and entertained us %ith a catalo#ue of all the $eo$le %ho danced at the last Ham$stead assembly" %ith a most circumstantial account of the dress and ornaments of each" from the la$$ets of the ladies to the shoe/buckles of the men' concludin# %ith tellin# Bra#%ell" that his mistress 0elinda %as there" and seemed to miss him( and solicitin# his com$any at the ne*t occasion of that kind& 74o" d//mm"7 said Bra#%ell" 7+ have somethin# else to mind than dan#lin# after a $arcel of #iddy/headed #irls' besides& you kno% my tem$er is so unruly" that + am a$t to involve myself in scra$es %hen a %oman is concerned& The last time + %as there" + had an affair %ith Tom Tri$$it&7 7Oh8 + remember that87 cried Banter' 7>ou lu##ed out before the ladies' and + commend you for so doin#" because you had an o$$ortunity of sho%in# your manhood %ithout runnin# any risk& 7Risk87 said the other %ith a fierce countenance" d//n my blood8 + fear no risks& + an't afraid of lu##in# out a#ainst any man that %ears a head" d/me8 'Tis %ell kno%n that + have dra%n blood more than once" and lost some too' but %hat does that si#nify=7 The $layer be##ed this cham$ion to em$loy him as his second the ne*t time he intended to kill" for he %anted to see a man die of a stab" that he mi#ht kno% ho% to act such an art the more naturally on the sta#e& 79ie87 re$lied the hero( 74o" by 2//8 + kno% better thin#s than to incur the verdict of a 0iddlese* )ury//+ should look u$on my fencin#/master to be an i#norant son of a b//h" if he had not tau#ht me to $rick any of my anta#onist's body that + $lease to disable&7 7Oho87 cried Slyboot" 7if that be the case" + have a favour to ask& >ou must kno% + am em$loyed to $aint a :esus on the cross' and my $ur$ose is to re$resent him at that $oint of time %hen the s$ear is thrust into his side& 4o% + should be #lad if you %ould" in my $resence" $ink some im$ertinent fello% into convulsions" %ithout endan#erin# his life" that + may have an o$$ortunity of takin# a #ood clever a#ony from nature( the doctor %ill direct you %here to enter and ho% far to #o" but $ray let it be as near the left side as $ossible&7 ,a#tail" %ho took this $ro$osal seriously" observed" that it %ould be a very difficult matter to $enetrate into the left side of the thora* %ithout hurtin# the heart" and in conse-uence killin# the $atient' but he believed it %as $ossible for a man of a very nice hand and e*act kno%led#e of anatomy" to %ound the dia$hra#ma some%here about the skirts" %hich mi#ht induce a sin#ultus" %ithout bein# attended %ith death( that he %as ready to demonstrate the insertion of that muscle to 0r& Bra#%ell' but desired to have no concern %ith the e*$eriment" %hich mi#ht essentially $re)udice his re$utation" in case of a miscarria#e& Bra#%ell %as as much im$osed u$on by the $ainter's %a##ery as the doctor" and declined en#a#in# in the affair" sayin# he held a very #reat re#ard for 0r" Slyboot" but had laid it do%n as a ma*im" never to fi#ht e*ce$t %hen his honour %as en#a#ed& A thousand )okes of this kind %ere uttered' the %ine circulated" su$$er %as served in" %e ate heartily" returned to the bottle" Bra#%ell became noisy and troublesome" Banter #re% more and more severe" Ranter rehearsed" Slyboot made faces at the %hole com$any" + san# rench catches" and !hatter kissed me %ith #reat affection' %hile the doctor" %ith a %ofull countenance" sat silent like a disci$le of Pytha#oras& At len#th" it %as $ro$osed by Bra#%ell" that %e should scour the hundreds" s%eat the constable" maul the %atch" and then reel soberly to bed& ,hile %e deliberated u$on this e*$edition" the %aiter came into

the room" and asked for 9octor ,a#tail( %hen he understood he %as $resent" he told him there %as a lady belo% to in-uire for him" at %hich messa#e the $hysician started from his melancholy contem$lation" and" %ith a look of e*treme confusion" assured the com$any he could not $ossibly be the $erson %anted" for he bad no connection %ith any lady %hatever" and bade the dra%er tell her so& 7 or shame87 cried Banter' 7%ould you be so im$olite as to refuse a lady a hearin#= $erha$s she comes for a consultation& +t must be some e*traordinary affair that brin#s a lady to a tavern at this time of ni#ht& 0r& Ranter" $ray do the doctor's base/mains to the lady" and s-uire her hither&7 The $layer immediately sta##ered out" and returned" leadin# in %ith much ceremony" a tall stra$$in# %ench" %hose a$$earance $roclaimed her occu$ation& ,e received her %ith the utmost solemnity" and %ith a #ood deal of entreaty she %as $ersuaded to sit" %hen a $rofound silence ensued" durin# %hich she fi*ed her eyes" %ith a disconsolate look" u$on the doctor" %ho %as utterly confounded at her behaviour" and returned her melancholy fourfold' at len#th" after a #ood many $iteous si#hs" she %i$ed her eyes" and accosted him thus( 7,hat8 not one %ord of comfort= ,ill nothin# soften that stony heart of thine= 4ot all my tears8 not all my affliction8 not the inevitable ruin thou hast brou#ht u$on me8 ,here are thy vo%s" thou faithless" $er)ured man= Hast thou no honour//no conscience//no remorse for thy $erfidious conduct to%ards me= Ans%er me" %ilt thou at last do me )ustice" or must + have recourse to heaven or hell for my reven#e=7 +f $oor ,a#tail %as ama3ed before she s$oke" %hat must his confusion be on hearin# this address8 His natural $aleness chan#ed into a #hastly clay colour" his eyes rolled" his li$ trembled" and he ans%ered in an accent not to be described" 7U$on my %ord" honour" and salvation" madam" you are actually mistaken in my $erson& + have a most $articular veneration for your se*" and" am actually inca$able of in)urin# any lady in the smallest de#ree" madam' besides" madam" to the best of my recollection" + never had the honour of seein# you before" as + ho$e to be saved" madam87 7Ho%" traitor87 cried she" 7dost thou diso%n me then= 0istaken8 no" too %ell + kno% that fair be%itchin# face8 too %ell + kno% that false enchantin# ton#ue8 Alas8 #entlemen" since the villain com$els me by his unkindness" to e*$ose myself and him" kno% that this betrayer" under the s$ecious $retence of honourable addresses" %on my heart" and takin# advanta#e of his con-uest" robbed me of my vir#in treasure" and after%ards abandoned me to my fate8 + am no% four months #one %ith child by him" turned out of doors by my relations" and left a $rey to misery and %ant8 >es" thou barbarian"7 said she" turnin# to ,a#tail" 7thou ti#er" thou succubus8 too %ell thou kno%est my situation& But + %ill tear out thy faithless heart" and deliver the %orld from such a monster&7 So sayin#" she s$ran# for%ard at the doctor" %ho %ith incredible a#ility" )um$ed over the table" and ran behind Bra#%ell" %hile the rest of us endeavoured to a$$ease the furious heroine& Althou#h everybody in the com$any affected the utmost sur$rise" + could easily $erceive it %as a scheme concerted amon# them to $roduce diversion at the doctor's e*$ense" and bein# under no concern about the conse-uence" + entered into the confederacy" and en)oyed the distress of ,a#tail" %ho %ith tears in his eyes be##ed the $rotection of the com$any" declarin# himself as innocent of the crime laid to his char#e as the foetus in utero' and hintin# at the same time" that nature had not $ut it in his $o%er to be #uilty of such a tres$ass& 74ature87 cried the lady" 7there %as no nature in the case' he abused me by the hel$ of charms and s$ells' else ho% is it $ossible that any %oman could have listened to the addresses

of such a scarecro%= ,ere these o%lish eyes made for o#lin#' that carrion com$le*ion to be admired' or that mouth" like a horse/shoe" to be kissed= 4o" no" you o%e your success to your $hiltres" to your dru#s and incantations' and not to your natural talents" %hich are" in every res$ect" mean and contem$tible&7 The doctor thou#ht he had #ot an o$$ortunity of vindicatin# himself effectually' and desired the com$lainant to com$ose herself but for half/an/hour" in %hich he undertook to $rove the absurdity of believin# in the $o%er of incantations" %hich %ere only idle dreams of i#norance and su$erstition& He accordin#ly $ronounced a very learned discourse u$on the nature of ideas" the $o%er and inde$endence of the mind" the $ro$erties of stimulatin# medicines" the difference bet%een a $roneness to venery" %hich many sim$les %ould create" and a $assion limited to one ob)ect" %hich can only be the result of sense and reflection' and concluded %ith a $athetic remonstrance" settin# forth his unha$$iness in bein# $ersecuted %ith the resentment of a lady %hom he had never in)ured" nor even seen before that occasion" and %hose faculties %ere" in all likelihood" so much im$aired by her misfortunes that an innocent $erson %as in dan#er of bein# ruined by her disorder& He had no sooner finished his haran#ue" than the forlorn $rincess rene%ed her lamentations" and cautioned the com$any a#ainst his elo-uence" %hich" she said" %as able to bias the most im$artial bench in !hristendom& Ranter advised him to es$ouse her immediately" as the only means to save his re$utation" and offered to accom$any him to the leet for that $ur$ose' but Slyboot $ro$osed that a father should be $urchased for the child" and a comfortable alimony settled on the mother& Ranter $romised to ado$t the infant #ratis& ,a#tail %as ready to %orshi$ him for his #enerosity" and" thou#h he $ersisted in $rotestin# his innocence" condescended to everythin# rather than his unblemished character should be called into -uestion& The lady re)ected the $ro$osal" and insisted on matrimony& Bra#%ell took u$ the cud#els for the doctor" and undertook to rid him of her im$ortunity for half/a/#uinea' u$on %hich ,a#tail" %ith #reat ea#erness" $ulled out his $urse" and $ut it into the hand of his friend" %ho" takin# half a $iece out of it" #ave it to the $laintiff" and bade her thank 2od for her #ood fortune& ,hen she had received this bounty" she affected to %ee$" and be##ed" since the $hysician had renounced her" he %ould at least vouchsafe her a $artin# kiss' this he %as $revailed u$on to #rant %ith #reat reluctance" and %ent u$ %ith his usual solemnity to salute her" %hen she laid hold of his cheek %ith her teeth" and held fast" %hile he roared %ith an#uish" to the uns$eakable diversion of all $resent& ,hen she thou#ht $ro$er to release him" she dro$$ed a lo% courtesy to the com$any" and -uitted the room" leavin# the doctor in the utmost horror" not so much on account of the $ain" as the a$$rehension of the conse-uence of the bite' for" by this time" he %as convinced of her bein# mad& Banter $rescribed the actual cautery" and $ut the $oker in the fire to be heated" in order to sear the $lace& The $layer %as of o$inion that Bra#%ell should scoo$ out the $art affected& %ith the $oint of his s%ord' but the $ainter $revented both these dreadful o$erations by recommendin# a balsam he had in his $ocket" %hich never failed to cure the bite of a mad do#' so sayin#" he $ulled out a small bladder of black $aint" %ith %hich he instantly anointed not only the sore" but the #reatest $art of the $atient's face" and left it in a fri#htful condition& +n short" the $oor creature %as so harassed %ith fear and ve*ation" that + $itied him e*tremely" and sent him home in a chair" contrary to the inclination of

everybody $resent& This freedom of mine #ave umbra#e to Bra#%ell" %ho testified his dis$leasure by s%earin# a fe% threats" %ithout makin# any a$$lication' %hich" bein# $erceived by Slyboot" %ho sat by me" he" %ith a vie% of $romotin# a -uarrel" %his$ered to me" that he thou#ht Bra#%ell used me very ill" but every man %as the best )ud#e of his o%n affairs& + ans%ered aloud" that + %ould neither suffer 0r& Bra#%ell nor him to use me ill %ith im$unity' and that + stood in no need of his counsel in re#ard to the re#ulation of my conduct& He thou#ht $ro$er to ask a thousand $ardons" and assure me he meant no offence' %hile Bra#%ell fei#ned himself aslee$" that he mi#ht not be obli#ed to take notice of %hat $assed& But the $layer" %ho had more animal s$irits and less discretion than Slyboot" un%illin# to let the affair rest %here he had dro$$ed it" )o##ed 0r& Bra#%ell and told him softly that + had called him names" and threatened to cud#el him& This $articular + understood by his startin#" u$ and cryin#" 7Blood& and %ounds" you lie8 4o man durst treat me so i#nominiously& 0r& Random" did you call me names" and threaten to drub me=7 + denied the im$utation" and $ro$osed to $unish the scoundrel %ho endeavoured to foment disturbance in the com$any& Bra#%ell si#nified his a$$robation" and dre% his s%ord' + did the same" and accosted the actor in these %ords( 71ookee" 0r& Ranter' + kno% you $ossess all the mimicry and mischievous -ualities of an a$e" because + have observed you $ut them all in $ractice more than once to/ni#ht" on me and others' no% + %ant to see if you resemble one in nimbleness also' therefore" + desire you lea$ over this s%ord %ithout hesitation&7 So sayin#" + held it $arallel to the hori3on" at the distance of about three feet from the floor" and called" 7 Once/t%ice/thrice//and a%ay87 but" instead of com$lyin# %ith my demand" he snatched his hat and han#er" and" assumin# the looks" s%a##er" and $hrase of Pistol" burst out into the follo%in# e*clamation" 7Ha8 must + then $erform in#lorious $rank of sylvan a$e in mountain forest cau#ht8 9eath rock me aslee$" abrid#e my doleful days" and lay my head in fury's la$//Have %e not Hiren here=7 This buffoonery did not ans%er his e*$ectation" for" by this time" the com$any %as bent on seein# him in a ne% character& 0r& Banter desired me to hold my s%ord a foot or t%o hi#her" that he mi#ht have the better o$$ortunity of e*ertin# himself& The $ainter told him" if he $erformed %ell" he %ould recommend him as a vaulter to the $ro$rietors of Sadler's ,ells' and Bra#%ell cryin#" 71ea$ for the <in#87 a$$lied the $oint of his s%ord to the $layer's $osteriors %ith such success" that he s$ran# over in a trice" and" findin# the door un#uarded" vanished in a t%inklin#' #lad" no doubt" of havin# $aid his share of the reckonin# so easily& +t bein# no% near t%o o'clock in the mornin#" %e dischar#ed the bill" and sallied out into the street& The $ainter slunk a%ay %ithout takin# his leave& Billy !hatter" bein# unable to s$eak or stand" %as sent to a ba#nio' and Banter and + accom$anied Bra#%ell to 0oll <in#'s coffee/house" %here after he had kicked half a do3en hun#ry %hores" %e left him aslee$ on a bench" and directed our course to%ards !harin#/cross" near %hich $lace both he and + lod#ed& The natural dryness of my com$anion bein# overcome by li-uor" he honoured me by the %ay %ith many com$liments and $rofessions" of friendshi$" for %hich + made suitable ackno%led#ments" and told him + thou#ht myself ha$$y in havin#" by my behaviour" removed the

unfavourable o$inion he entertained of me at first si#ht& He %as sur$rised at this declaration" and be##ed me to e*$lain myself' u$on %hich + mentioned %hat + had overheard him say of me to ,a#tail in the coffee/house& He lau#hed" and made an a$olo#y for his freedom" assurin# me" that my a$$earance had very much $re$ossessed him in my favour' and %hat he said %as only intended as a )oke on the doctor's solemnity& + %as hi#hly $leased at bein# undeceived in this $articular" and not a little $roud of the #ood o$inion of this %it" %ho shook me by the hand at $artin#" and $romised to meet me the ne*t day at the ordinary& !HAPTER .1;++ Stra$ communicates to me a con-uest he had made of a !handler's ,ido%//finds himself miserably mistaken//+ #o to the O$era//admire 0elinda//am cautioned by Banter//#o to the Assembly at Ham$stead//dance %ith that youn# lady//receive an insolent messa#e from Bra#%ell" %hose mettle is soon cooled//am in favour %ith my 0istress" %hom + visit ne*t day" and am bubbled out of ei#hteen #uineas at cards//Stra$ trium$hs at my success" but is astonished at my e*$ense//Banter comes to my lod#in#" is very sarcastic at my e*$ense" and borro%s five #uineas from me" as a $roof of his friendshi$ +n the mornin#" before + #ot u$" Stra$ came into my chamber" and" findin# me a%ake" hemmed several times" scratched his head" cast his eyes u$on the #round" and" %ith a very foolish kind of sim$er u$on his face #ave me to understand he had somethin# to communicate& 7By your countenance"7 said +" 7+ e*$ect to hear #ood tidin#s&7 7+ndifferently"7 re$lied he" titterin#" 7that is" hereafter as it shall be& >ou must kno%" + have some thou#hts of alterin# my condition&7 7,hat87 cried +" astonished" 7a matrimonial scheme= O rare Stra$8 thou hast #ot the heels of me at last&7 74//no less" + assure you"7 said he" burstin# into a lau#h of self/a$$robation( 7 a tallo% chandler's %ido% that lives hard by" has taken a likin# to me" a fine )olly dame" as $lum$ as a $artrid#e& She has a %ell/furnished house" a brisk trade" and a #ood deal of the ready& + may have her for the askin#& She told a friend of mine" a brother footman" that she %ould take me out of a stinkin# clout& But + refused to #ive my final ans%er" till + kne% your o$inion of the matter&7 + con#ratulated 0onsieur d'Estra$es u$on his con-uest" and a$$roved of the scheme" $rovided he could be assured of those circumstances of her fortune' but advised him to do nothin# rashly" and #ive me an o$$ortunity of seein# the lady before matters should be brou#ht to a conclusion& He assured me he %ould do nothin# %ithout my consent and a$$robation" and that very mornin#" %hile + %as at breakfast" introduce his inamorata to my ac-uaintance& She %as a short thick %oman" about the a#e of thirty/si*" and had a $articular $rominence of belly" %hich + $erceived at first si#ht" not %ithout some sus$icion of foul $lay& + desired her" ho%ever" to sit" and treated her %ith a dish of tea' the discourse turnin# on the #ood -ualities of Stra$" %hom + re$resented as a $rodi#y of sobriety" industry and virtue& ,hen she took her leave" he follo%ed her to the door" and returned lickin# his li$s" and askin# if + did not think she %as a luscious creature& + made no mystery of my a$$rehension" but declared my sentiments of her %ithout reserve' at %hich he %as not sur$rised" tellin# me he had observed the same sym$tom" but %as informed by his friend that she %as only liver#ro%n and %ould in fe% months be as small in the %aist as ever& 7 >es"7 said +"

7a fe% %eeks" + believe" %ill do the business& +n short" Stra$" it is my o$inion" that you are e#re#iously im$osed u$on' and that this friend is no other than a rascal %ho %ants to $alm his trull u$on you for a %ife" that he may at once deliver himself from the im$ortunities of the mother and the e*$ense of her bantlin#' for %hich reason + %ould not have you trust im$licitly to the re$ort he makes of her %ealth" %hich is inconsistent %ith his behaviour" nor run your head $reci$itately into a noose" that you may after%ards %ish e*chan#ed for the han#man's&7 He seemed very much startled at my insinuation" and $romised to look t%ice before he lea$ed' sayin#" %ith some heat" 7Odds" if + find his intention is to betray me" %e shall see %hich of us is the better man&7 0y $rediction %as verified in less than a fortni#ht" her #reat belly $roducin# an infant" to the uns$eakable ama3ement of Stra$" %ho %as before this ha$$ened" inclinable to believe + had refined a little too much in my $enetration& His false friend disa$$eared' and a fe% days after an e*ecution %as issued a#ainst her #oods and household furniture" %hich %ere sei3ed by the creditors& 0ean%hile + met my friend Banter at the ordinary" and in the evenin# %ent to the O$era %ith him and 0r !hatter" %ho $ointed out 0elinda in one of the bo*es" and offered to introduce me to her" observin# at the same time" that she %as a rei#nin# toast %orth ten thousand $ounds& This $iece of information made my heart bound %ith )oy" and + discovered #reat ea#erness to acce$t the $ro$osal' u$on %hich he assured me + should dance %ith her at the ne*t assembly" if he had any influence in that -uarter( so sayin#" he %ent round" s$oke to her some minutes" and" as + ima#ined" $ointed at me' then returnin#" told me" to my ine*$ressible $leasure" that + mi#ht de$end u$on %hat he had $romised" for she %as no% en#a#ed as my $artner& Banter in a %his$er" #ave me to understand that she %as an incorri#ible co-uette" %ho %ould #rant the same favour to any youn# fello% in En#land of a tolerable a$$earance" merely to en#a#e him amon# the herd of her admirers" that she mi#ht have the $leasure of seein# them daily increase' that she %as of a cold insensible dis$osition" dead to every $assion but vanity" and so blind to merit" that he %ould lay any %a#er the %ealthiest fool %ould carry her at last& + attributed a #ood deal of this intelli#ence to the satirical turn of my friend" or resentment for havin# himself suffered a rebuff from the lady in -uestion& and" at any rate" trusted so much to my o%n accom$lishments as to believe no %oman could resist the ardour of my addresses& ull of this confidence + re$aired to Ham$stead in com$any %ith Billy !hatter" my 1ord Hobble" and 9octor ,a#tail& There + sa% a very brilliant assembly" before %hom + had the honour to %alk a minuet %ith 0elinda" %ho charmed me %ith her frank manner and easiness of behaviour& Before the country dances be#an" + received a messa#e by a $erson + did not kno% from Bra#%ell" %ho %as $resent" im$ortin# that nobody %ho kne% him $resumed to dance %ith 0elinda %hile he %as there in $erson" that + %ould do %ell to relin-uish her %ithout noise" because he had a mind to lead u$ a country dance %ith her& This e*traordinary intimation" %hich %as delivered in the lady's hearin#" did not at all discom$ose me" %ho" by this time" %as $retty %ell ac-uainted %ith the character of my rival& + therefore" %ithout the least sym$tom of concern bade the #entleman tell 0r& Bra#%ell" that since + %as so ha$$y as to obtain the lady's consent" + should not be solicitous about his' and desired the bearer himself to brin# me no such im$ertinent messa#es for the future& 0elinda"

affected a sort of confusion" and $retended to %onder that 0r& Bra#%ell should #ive himself such liberties %ith re#ard to her" %ho had no manner of connection %ith the fello%& + laid hold of this o$$ortunity to dis$lay my valour" and offered to call him to an account for his insolence" a $ro$osal %hich she absolutely refused" under $retence of consultin# my safety' thou#h + could $erceive" by the s$arklin# of her eyes" that she %ould not have thou#ht herself affronted by bein# the sub)ect of a duel& + %as by no means $leased %ith this discovery of her thou#hts" %hich not only ar#ued the most un)ustifiable vanity" but like%ise the most barbarous indifference' ho%ever" + %as allured by her fortune" and resolved to #ratify her $ride" in makin# her the occasion of a $ublic -uarrel bet%een me and Bra#%ell" %ho" + %as $retty certain" %ould never drive matters to a dan#erous e*tremity& ,hile %e danced to#ether" + observed this formidable rival at one end of the room" encircled %ith a cluster of beau*" to %hom he talked %ith #reat vehemence" castin# many bi# looks at me from time to time& + #uessed the sub)ect of his discourse" and as soon as + had handed my $artner to her seat" strutted u$ to the $lace %here he stood" and" cockin# my hat in his face" demanded aloud" if he had anythin# to say to me& He ans%ered %ith a sullen tone" 74othin#" at $resent" sir'7 and turned about u$on his heel& 7,ell"7 said +" 7you %here + am to be found at any time&7 His com$anions stared at one another" and + returned to the lady" %hose features bri#htened at my a$$roach" and immediately a %his$er ran throu#h the %hole room' after %hich so many eyes %ere turned u$on me that + %as ready to sink %ith confusion& ,hen the ball broke u$" + led her to her coach" and" like a true rench #allant" %ould have #ot u$ behind it" in order to $rotect her from violence on the road" but she absolutely refused my offer" and e*$ressed her concern that there %as not an em$ty seat for me %ithin the vehicle& 4e*t day" in the afternoon" + %aited on her at her lod#in#s" by $ermission" in com$any %ith !hatter" and %as very civilly received by her mother" %ith %hom she lived& There %ere a #ood many fashionable $eo$le $resent" chiefly youn# fello%s" and immediately after tea" a cou$le of card tables %ere set" at one of %hich + had the honour to $lay %ith 0elinda" %ho in less than three hours" made shift to $lunder me of ei#ht #uineas& + %as %ell enou#h content to lose a little money %ith a #ood #race" that + mi#ht have an o$$ortunity in the meantime to say soft thin#s" %hich are still most %elcome %hen attended %ith #ood luck' but + %as by no means satisfied of her fair $lay" a circumstance that shocked me not a little" and #reatly im$aired my o$inion of her disinterestedness and delicacy& Ho%ever" + %as resolved to $rofit by this behaviour" and treat her in my turn %ith less ceremony' accordin#ly" + laid close sie#e to her" and" findin# her not at all dis#usted %ith the #ross incense + offered" that very ni#ht made a declaration of love in $lain terms& She received my addresses %ith #reat #aiety" and $retended to lau#h them off" but at the same time treated me %ith such $articular com$lacency that + %as $ersuaded + had made a con-uest of her heart" and concluded myself the ha$$iest man alive& Elevated %ith these flatterin# ideas" + sat do%n a#ain to cards after su$$er" and %ith #reat cheerfulness suffered myself to be cheated of ten #uineas more& +t %as late before + took my leave" after bein# favoured %ith a #eneral invitation' and" %hen + #ot into bed" the adventures of

the day hindered me from slee$in#& Sometimes + $leased myself %ith the ho$es of $ossessin# n fine %oman %ith ten thousand $ounds' then + %ould ruminate on the character + had heard of her from Banter" and com$are it %ith the circumstances of her conduct to%ards me" %hich seemed to bear too #reat a resemblance to the $icture he had dra%n& This introduced a melancholy reflection on the e*$ense + had under#one" and the smallness of my funds to su$$ort it" %hich" by/the/by" %ere none of my o%n& +n short" + found myself involved in doubts and $er$le*ities" that ke$t me a%ake the #reatest $art of the ni#ht& +n the mornin#" Stra$" %ith %hom + had not conversed for t%o days" $resented himself %ith the utensils for shavin# me' u$on %hich" + asked his o$inion of the lady he had seen me conduct to her coach at Ham$stead& 7Odds8 she's a delicious creature87 cried he" 7and" as + am informed" a #reat fortune& + am sorry you did not insist on #oin# home %ith her& + dare say" she %ould not have refused your com$any' for she seems to be a #ood/humoured soul&7 7There's a time for all thin#s"7 said +& 7you must kno%" Stra$" + %as in com$any %ith her till one o'clock this mornin#&7 + had no sooner $ronounced these %ords than he be#an to ca$er about the room" and sna$ his fin#ers" cryin# in a trans$ort" 7The day's our o%n//the day's our o%n87 + #ave him to understand that his trium$h %as a little $remature" and that + had more difficulties to surmount than he %as a%are of' then + recounted to him the intelli#ence + had received from Banter& At %hich he chan#ed colour" shook his head" and observed there %as no faith in %oman& + told him + %as resolved to make a bold $ush not%ithstandin#" althou#h + foresa% it %ould lead me into a #reat e*$ense' and bade him #uess the sum + had lost last ni#ht at cards& He scratched his chin" and $rotested his abhorrence of cards" the very name of %hich bein# mentioned" made him s%eat %ith ve*ation" as it recalled the money/dro$$er to his remembrance& 7But" ho%ever"7 said he" 7you have to do %ith other #uess $eo$le no%& ,hy" + su$$ose" if you had a bad run last ni#ht" you %ould scarce come off for less than ten or t%elve shillin#&7 + %as mortified at this $iece of sim$licity" %hich + ima#ined" at that time" %as all affected by %ay of re$rimand for my folly' and asked %ith some heat if he thou#ht + had s$ent the evenin# in a cellar %ith chairmen and bunters' #ivin# him to kno%" at the same time" that my e*$ense had amounted to ei#hteen #uineas& +t %ould re-uire the $encil of Ho#arth to e*$ress the astonishment and concern of Stra$ on hearin# this $iece of ne%s' the basin" in %hich he %as $re$arin# the lather for my chin" dro$$ed out of his hands" and he + remained some time immovable in that ludicrous attitude" %ith his mouth o$en" and his eyes thrust for%ard considerably beyond their station' but" rememberin# my dis$osition" %hich %as touchy" and im$atient of control" he smothered his cha#rin" and attem$ted to recollect himself& ,ith this vie% he endeavoured to lau#h" but in s$ite if his teeth" broke out in a %him$er" took u$ his %ash/ball and $e%ter/$ot" scrubbed my beard %ith the one" and dischar#ed the other u$on my face& + took no notice of this confusion" but after he had fully recovered himself" $ut him in mind of his ri#ht" and assured him of my readiness to surrender my effects %henever he should think $ro$er to demand them& He %as nettled at my insinuation" %hich he thou#ht $roceeded from my distrust of his friendshi$' and be##ed + %ould never talk to him in that strain a#ain" unless + had a mind to break his heart&

This #ood creature's unalterable friendshi$ for me affected me %ith the most #rateful sentiments" and acted as a s$ur to my resolution of ac-uirin# a fortune" that + mi#ht have it in my $o%er to manifest my #enerosity in my turn& or this $ur$ose" + determined to brin# matters to a s$eedy conclusion %ith 0elinda' %ell kno%in# that a fe% such ni#hts as the last %ould effectually inca$acitate me from $rosecutin# that or any other advanta#eous amour& ,hile my meditation %as busied in $lannin# out my future conduct" 0r& Banter favoured me %ith a visit" and after breakfast asked ho% + had $assed the $recedin# evenin#& + ans%ered + %as very a#reeably entertained at a $rivate house& 7>es"7 said he" %ith a sarcastic smile" 7you deserve somethin# e*traordinary for the $rice you $aid&7 + %as sur$rised at this remark" and $retended i#norance of his meanin#& 7!ome" come" 0r& Random"7 continued he" 7you need not make a mystery of it to me' the %hole to%n has it& + %ish that foolish affair bet%een you and Bra#%ell at Ham$stead had been less $ublic& +t has set all the busybodies at %ork to find out your real character and situation' and you cannot ima#ine %hat con)ectures have already circulated at your e*$ense& One sus$ects you to be a :esuit in dis#uise' another thinks you are an a#ent from the Pretender' a third believes you to be an u$start #amester" because nobody kno%s anythin# of your family or fortune' a fourth is of o$inion that you are an +rish fortune/hunter&7 This last hy$othesis touched me so nearly that" to conceal my confusion" + %as fain to interru$t his detail" and damn the %orld for an envious meddlin# community" that %ould not suffer a #entleman to live %ithout molestation& He took no notice of this a$ostro$he" but %ent on& 7 or my o%n $art" + neither kno% nor desire to kno% %ho or %hat you are& This + am certain of" that fe% $eo$le make a mystery of their ori#in or situation" %ho can boast of anythin# advanta#eous in either' and my o%n o$inion of the matter is that you have raised yourself" by your industry" from nothin# to the a$$earance you no% maintain" and %hich you endeavour to su$$ort by some matrimonial scheme&7 Here he fi*ed his eyes steadfastly u$on me and $erceivin# my face covered %ith blushes" told me" ho% he %as confirmed in his o$inion& 71ook ye" Random"7 said he" 7+ have divined your $lan" and am confident it %ill never succeed& >ou are too honest and too i#norant of the to%n to $ractise the necessary cheats of your $rofession" and detect the cons$iracies that %ill be formed a#ainst you& Besides" you are do%nri#ht bashful& ,hat the devil8 set u$ for a fortune hunter before you have con-uered the sense of shame8 Perha$s you are entitled by your merit" and + believe you are" to a richer and a better %ife than 0elinda' but take my %ord for it" she is not to be %on at that rate'//or" if you are so lucky as to carry her" bet%een you and me" you may say" as Tea#ue said" By my soul" + have #ained a loss8 She %ould take care to s$end her fortune in a t%inklin#" and soon make you sick of her e*trava#ance&7 + %as alarmed by his discourse" %hile + resented the freedom of it" and e*$ressed my dis#ust by tellin# him" he %as mistaken in my intentions" and desirin# he %ould #ive me leave to re#ulate my conduct accordin# to the dictates of my o%n reason& He made no a$olo#y for the liberty he had taken" and ascribed it to the %armth of his friendshi$ for me' as an uncommon instance of %hich he borro%ed five #uineas" assurin# me there %ere very fe% $eo$le in the %orld %ho %hom he could so far favour %ith his confidence& + #ave him the money" and $rofessed myself so %ell convinced of his sincerity" that he had no occasion to $ut it to such e*traordinary $roofs for

the future& 7+ thou#ht"7 said he" 7to have asked five $ieces more" but hearin# you %ere bubbled of ei#hteen last ni#ht" + $resumed you mi#ht he out of cash" and resolved to model my demand accordin#ly&7 + could not hel$ admirin# the cavalier behaviour of this s$ark" of %hom + desired to kno% his reason for sayin# + %as bubbled& He then #ave me to understand" that before he came to my lod#in#s" he had beat u$ Tom Tossle" %ho" bein# $resent" informed him of the $articulars" rehearsed all the fine thin#s + said to 0elinda" %ith %hich he $ro$osed to entertain the to%n" and amon# other circumstances" assured him my mistress cheated %ith so little art" that nobody but a mere novice could be im$osed u$on& The thou#hts of becomin# a sub)ect of raillery for co*combs" and losin# my money to boot" stun# me to the -uick' but + made a virtue of my indi#nation" and s%ore that no man should %ith im$unity either as$erse the character of 0elinda" or turn my behaviour into ridicule& He re$lied in a dry manner" that + %ould find it a Herculean task to chastise everybody %ho should lau#h at my e*$ense' and" as for the character of 0elinda" he did not see ho% it could suffer by %hat %as laid to her char#e' for that cheatin# at cards" far from bein# reckoned a blemish amon# $eo$le of fashion" %as looked u$on as an honourable indication of su$erior #enius and address& 7But let us %aive this sub)ect"7 said he" 7and #o to the coffee/house" in order to make a $arty for dinner&7 !HA TER .1;+++ ,e re$air to the coffee/house" %here %e overhear a curious dis$ute bet%een ,a#tail and 0edlar" %hich is referred to our decision//the 9octor #ives an account of his e*$eriment//0edlar is roasted by Banter at the ordinary//the old #entleman's advice to me Bein# as %illin# to dro$ the theme as he %as to $ro$ose it" + accom$anied him thither" %here %e found 0r& 0edlar and 9r& ,a#tail dis$utin# u$on the %ord !ustard" %hich the $hysician affirmed should be s$elt %ith a 2" observin# that it %as derived from the 1atin verb #ustare" 7to taste'7 but 0edlar $leaded custom in behalf of !" observin#" that" by the 9octor's rule" %e ou#ht to chan#e $uddin# into buddin#" because it is derived from the rench %ord boudin' and in that case %hy not retain the ori#inal ortho#ra$hy and $ronunciation of all the forei#n %ords %e have ado$ted" by %hich means our lan#ua#e %ould become a dissonant )ar#on %ithout standard or $ro$riety= The controversy %as referred to us' and Banter" not%ithstandin# his real o$inion to the contrary" decided it in favour of ,a#tail' u$on %hich the $eevish annuitant arose" and utterin# the monosyllable $ish8 %ith #reat em$hasis" removed to another table& ,e then in-uired of the doctor" %hat $ro#ress he had made in the e*$eriment of distillin# tinder/%ater' and he told us he had been at all the #lass/houses about to%n" but could find nobody %ho %ould undertake to blo% a retort lar#e enou#h to hold the third $art of the -uantity $rescribed' but he intended to try the $rocess on as much as %ould $roduce five dro$s" %hich %ould be sufficient to $rove the s$ecific" and then he %ould make it a $arliamentary affair' that he had already $urchased a considerable %ei#ht of ra#s" in reducin# %hich to tinder" he had met %ith a misfortune" %hich had obli#ed him to chan#e his lod#in#s' for he had #athered them in

a hea$ on the floor" and set fire to them %ith a candle" on the su$$osition that the boards %ould sustain no dama#e" because it is the nature of flame to ascend' but" by some very e*traordinary accident" the %ood %as invaded" and be#an to bla3e %ith #reat violence" %hich disordered him so much" that he had not the $resence of mind enou#h to call for assistance" and the %hole house must have been consumed %ith him in the midst of it" had not the smoke that rolled out of the %indo%s in clouds alarmed the nei#hbourhood" and brou#ht $eo$le to his succour( that he had lost a $air of black velvet breeches and a tie/%i# in the hurry" besides the e*$ense of the ra#s" %hich %ere rendered useless by the %ater used to -uench the flame" and the dama#e of the floor" %hich he %as com$elled to re$air' that his landlord" believin# him distracted" had insisted on his -uittin# his a$artment at a minute's %arnin#" and he %as $ut to incredible inconvenience' but no% he %as settled in a very comfortable house" and had the use of a lar#e $aved yard for $re$arin# his tinder' so that he ho$ed in a very short time to rea$ the fruits of his labour& After havin# con#ratulated the doctor on his $ros$ect" and read the $a$ers" %e re$aired to an auction of $ictures" %here %e entertained ourselves an hour or t%o' from thence %e ad)ourned to the 0all" and" after t%o or three turns" %ent back to dinner" Banter assurin# us" that he intended to roast 0edlar at the ordinary' and" indeed" %e %ere no sooner set than this cynic be#an to e*ecute his $ur$ose" by tellin# the old #entleman that he looked e*tremely %ell" considerin# the little slee$ he had en)oyed last ni#ht& To this com$liment 0edlar made no re$ly" but by a stare" accom$anied %ith a si#nificant #rin' and Banter %ent on thus' 7+ don't kno% %hether most to admire the charity of your mind" or the vi#our of your body& U$on my soul" 0r& 0edlar" you do #enerous thin#s %ith the best taste of any man + kno%8 >ou e*tend your com$assion to real ob)ects" and e*act only such returns as they are ca$able of makin#& >ou must kno%" #entlemen"7 said he" turnin# to the com$any" 7+ had been u$ most $art of the ni#ht %ith a friend %ho is ill of a fever" and" on my return home this mornin#" chanced to $ass by a #in sho$ still o$en" %hence issued a confused sound of mirth and )ollity( u$on %hich" + $o$$ed in my head" and $erceived 0r& 0edlar dancin# bareheaded in the midst of ten or t%enty ra##ed bunters" %ho re)oiced at his e*$ense& But indeed" 0r& 0edlar" you should not sacrifice your constitution to your benevolence& !onsider" you #ro% old a$ace' and" therefore" have a reverend care of your health" %hich must certainly be very much im$aired by these nocturnal e*$editions&7 The testy senior could no lon#er contain himself" but cried hastily" 7'Tis %ell kno%n that your ton#ue is no slanderer&7 7+ think"7 said the other" 7 you mi#ht s$are that observation" as you are very sensible" that my ton#ue has done you si#nal service on many occasions& >ou may remember" that" %hen you made your addresses to the fat %ido% %ho ke$t a $ublic/house at +slin#ton" there %as a re$ort s$read very much to the $re)udice of your manhood" %hich comin# to the ears of your mistress" you %ere discarded immediately( and + brou#ht matters to a reconciliation" by assurin# her you had three bastards at nurse in the country& Ho% you ruined your o%n affair after%ards" it is neither my business nor inclination to relate&7 This anecdote" %hich had no other foundation than in Banter's o%n invention" afforded a #ood deal of mirth to everybody $resent" and $rovoked 0r& 0edlar beyond all sufferance' so that he started

u$ in a mi#hty $assion" and" for#ettin# that his mouth %as full" bes$attered those %ho sat ne*t to him" %hile he dischar#ed his indi#nation in a volley of oaths" and called Banter insi#nificant $u$$y" im$ertinent )ackana$es" and a hundred such a$$ellations' tellin# the com$any he had invented these false and malicious as$ersions" because he %ould not lend him money to s-uander a%ay u$on rooks and %hores& 7A very likely story"7 said Banter" 7that + should attem$t to borro% money of a man %ho is obli#ed to $ractise a thousand shifts to make his %eekly allo%ance hold out till Saturday ni#ht& Sometimes he slee$s four/and/t%enty hours at a stretch" by %hich means he saves three meals" besides coffee/house e*$ense& Sometimes he is fain to $ut u$ %ith bread and cheese and small beer for dinner' and sometimes he re#ales on t%o$enny%orth of o* cheek in a cellar&7 7>ou are a lyin# miscreant87 cried 0edlar" in an ecstacy of ra#e' 7+ can al%ays command money enou#h to $ay your tailor's bill" %hich + am sure is no trifle' and + have a #ood mind to #ive you a convincin# $roof of my circumstances" by $rosecutin# you for defamation" sirrah&7 By this time the violence of his %rath had de$rived him of his a$$etite" and he sat silent" unable to s%allo% one mouthful" %hile his tormentor en)oyed his mortification" and increased his cha#rin" by advisin# him to lay in $lentifully for his ne*t day's fast& 9inner bein# ended" %e came do%n stairs to the coffee room" and Banter %ent a%ay to kee$ an a$$ointment" sayin#" he su$$osed he should see ,a#tail and me in the evenin# at the Bedford !offee/house& He %as no sooner #one than the old #entleman took me aside" and said" he %as sorry to see me so intimate %ith that fello%" %ho %as one of the most #raceless rakes about to%n" and had already %asted a #ood estate and constitution u$on harlots' that he had been the ruin of many a youn# man" by introducin# them into debauched com$any" and settin# a le%d e*am$le of all manner of %ickedness' and that" unless + %ere on my #uard" he %ould stri$ me in a short time both of my money and re$utation& + thanked him for his information" and $romised to conduct myself accordin#ly" %ishin#" ho%ever" his caution had been a fe% hours more early" by %hich means + mi#ht have saved five #uineas& 4ot%ithstandin# this intelli#ence" + %as inclinable to im$ute some $art of the char#e to 0edlar's reven#e for the liberties taken %ith him at dinner' and therefore" as soon as + could disen#a#e myself" a$$lied to ,a#tail for his o$inion of the character in -uestion" resolved to com$are their accounts" allo%in# for the $re)udice of each" and to form my )ud#ment u$on both" %ithout adherin# strictly to either& The doctor assured me" that he %as a very $retty #entleman of family and fortune' a scholar" a %it" a critic" and $erfectly %ell ac-uainted %ith the to%n' that his honour and coura#e %ere un-uestionable" thou#h some e*trava#ances he had been #uilty of" and his talents for satire had $rocured him enemies" and made some $eo$le shy of his ac-uaintance& rom these different sketches" + concluded that Banter %as a youn# fello% of some $arts" %ho had s$ent his fortune" but retained his a$$etites" and fallen out %ith the %orld" because he could not en)oy it to his %ish& + %ent to the Bedford !offee/house in the evenin#" %here + met my friends" from thence $roceeded to the $lay" and after%ards carried them home to my lod#in#s" %here %e su$$ed in #reat #ood humour& !HAPTER .1+.

+ receive a !hallen#e//the !onse-uence of it//the Muarrel bein# made u$" am $ut in Arrest by the !are and Affection of Stra$//but immediately released u$on e*$lainin# my Affair//the Behaviour of 0r& Ore#an and his t%o riends//+ visit 0elinda" %hom + divert %ith an account of the 9uel//$ro$ose 0arria#e//she refers the 0atter to her 0other" of %hom + make a solemn 9emand of her 9au#hter//the old 1ady's behaviour//+ am discarded///resent their 9isdain ,hen + %as ready to #o abroad ne*t day" Stra$ brou#ht me a letter" To 0r& Random" Es-&" these' %hich" u$on o$enin#" + found contained a challen#e conceived in these very e*traordinary terms( 7Sir"//,hereas + am informed that you make love to 0iss 0elinda 2oosetra$" this is to let you kno% that she is under $romise of marria#e to me' and that + am at this $resent %aitin# at the back of 0onta#ue House" %ith a $air of #ood $istols in my hand' and if you %ill kee$ your a$$ointment" + %ill make your ton#ue confess 5after the breath is out of your body6 that you do not deserve her so %ell as >ours" etc& Rourk Ore#an&7 + #uessed" from the style and su$erscri$tion of this billet" that my rival %as a true 0ilesian" and %as not a little uneasy at the contents' es$ecially that $art" in %hich he asserted his ri#ht to my mistress by $romise" a circumstance + did not not kno% ho% to reconcile to her #ood sense and $enetration& Ho%ever" this %as no time for me to decline the defiance" because the success of my addresses in a #reat measure de$ended u$on my behaviour in that affair& + therefore immediately loaded my $istols" and betook myself in a hackney coach to the $lace a$$ointed" %here + found a tall ra%/boned man" %ith a hard/featured countenance and black bushy beard" %alkin# by himself" %ra$$ed u$ in a shabby #reen coat" over %hich his o%n hair descended in leathern -ueue from his head" that %as covered %ith a #reasy hat trimmed %ith a tarnished $ointe d'Es$a#ne& He had no sooner $erceived me advancin# than he $ulled a $istol from his bosom" and" $resentin# it at me" sna$$ed it %ithout the least $reamble& Alarmed at this rude salutation" + made a stand" and" before he could ad)ust his other $iece" fired one of mine at him" %ithout doin# any dama#e" By this time he %as ready %ith his second" that flashed in the $an %ithout #oin# off' u$on %hich he called" %ith a true Ti$$erary cadence" 7 ire a%ay" honey87 and be#an to hammer his flint %ith #reat deliberation& But + %as resolved to make use of the advanta#e fortune had #iven me" and therefore ste$$ed u$ %ithout thro%in# a%ay my fire" desirin# him to ask his life" or $re$are for another %orld' but this stout Hibernian refused to condescend" and com$lained bitterly of my havin# -uitted my #round before he could return my shot( sayin# + ou#ht to #o back to my station" and let him have an e-ual chance %ith me& + endeavoured to $ersuade him that + had #iven him a double chance already( and it %as my business to $revent him from en)oyin# a third' but no%" since + had an o$$ortunity" + demanded a $arley" and desired to kno% his condition and reason for callin# me to the field" %ho" to the best of my remembrance" far from havin# done him any in)ury" had never before seen him& He told me that he %as a #entleman of fortune" %ho had s$ent all he had" and" hearin# that 0elinda had #ot ten thousand $ounds" he intended to make himself master of that sum by es$ousin# her" and he %as determined" in an honourable %ay" to cut the throats of all those %ho stood bet%een him and his ho$es&

+ then demanded to kno% the foundation of his ho$es' and no% that + had seen him" bein# more and more astonished at the circumstance of the $romise" desired that he %ould e*$lain that mystery& He #ave me to understand" that he trusted entirely to his birth and $ersonal merit' that he had fre-uently %ritten to 0elinda" settin# forth his claim and $retensions" but she %as never kind enou#h to send an ans%er" or even to admit him into her $resence' and that the $romise he mentioned in his letter %as made by his friend 0r& 2aha#an" %ho assured him that no %oman could resist a man of his a$$earance& + could not forbear lau#hin# to e*cess at the sim$licity of my rival" %ho did not seem to relish my mirth" but be#an to be very serious( u$on %hich + endeavoured to a$$ease him" by #ivin# him my %ord and honour that" far from $re)udicin# his addresses to the lady" + %ould re$resent him to her in the most favourable li#ht + could %ith any re#ard to truth' but he must not be sur$rised if she should remain blind to his deserts" for nothin# %as more ca$ricious than a %oman's mind" and the affection of that se* %as seldom $urchased %ith virtue alone& That my declaration mi#ht have the better effect" + took notice of his deshabille" and" $rofessin# sorro% at seein# a #entleman reduced" sli$$ed t%o #uineas into his hand" at si#ht of %hich he thre% a%ay his $istols" and hu##in# me in his arms" cried" 7Arrah" by :asus" no%" you are the best friend + have met %ith these seven lon# years87 ,hen + had suffered some minutes in his embrace" he -uitted me" and $ickin# u$ his rusty arms" %ished the devil mi#ht burn him if ever he should #ive me any further trouble about %omankind& The -uarrel bein# thus amicably com$osed" + be##ed leave to look at his $istols" %hich + found so cra3y and so foul" that + believe it %as ha$$y for him neither of them %as dischar#ed" for one of them %ould certainly have s$lit in the #oin# off" and he %ould" in all $robability" have lost his hand in the e*$losion' but %hat #ave me a lively idea of the man's character %as" to find" u$on e*amination" that one of them had been loaded %ithout bein# $rimed" and the other $rimed %ithout a char#e& ,hile %e %alked home to#ether" + e*$ressed a desire of kno%in# my ne% friend's history' and he informed me of his havin# served in the 2erman army as a volunteer a#ainst the Turks' that for his behaviour at the sie#e of Bel#rade" he had been honoured %ith an ensi#n's commission" and after%ards $romoted to the rank of lieutenant" in %hich station it %as his misfortune to affront his ca$tain" %ho challen#ed him to the field" and %as killed in the duel" u$on %hich he %as obli#ed to retreat' that he had been in En#land some years solicitin# his friends for $rovision in the British army' but bein# hitherto unsuccessful" %as desired by 0r& 2aha#an to turn his thou#hts to matrimony" and make his fortune by an advanta#eous match' in conse-uence of %hich advice" he had made u$ to 0elinda( and" havin# heard by means of an +rish footman in the family" that + %as her chief favourite" had called me out in ho$es of removin# by my death the #reatest obstruction to his desires' but no% he %as convinced of my honour and #enerosity" he s%ore by the blessed ;ir#in" he %ould think of her no more" if there %ere not another %oman in the %orld& As a further $roof of his veracity" %hich + did not at all doubt" he o$ened an old iron snuff/bo*" and $ulled out his commission in the +m$erial army" and his ca$tain's challen#e" %hich he $reserved as testimonials of his character& + %as so %ell convinced of this $oor man's honesty and coura#e" that + determined

to s$eak in his behalf to some of my ac-uaintance" %ho mi#ht recommend his case to the consideration of those %ho could $rovide for him' and in the meantime to accommodate him %ith a fe% clothes" by %hich his a$$earance %ould be much mended" and himself enabled to rene% his solicitations in $erson& As %e %alked alon# conversin# socially to#ether" %e %ere met by a file of musketeers" and Stra$ at their head" %ho no sooner a$$roached than" %ith a frantic look" he cried" 7Sei3e them8 +n the name of 2od sei3e them87 ,e %ere accordin#ly surrounded" and + $ut in arrest by the cor$oral" %ho %as commandin# officer' but !a$tain Ore#an disen#a#ed himself" and ran %ith such s$eed to%ards Tottenham !ourt Road that he %as out of si#ht in a moment& ,hen my arms %ere delivered u$" and myself secured" Stra$ became a little more com$osed" and asked $ardon for the liberty he had taken" %hich he ho$ed + %ould e*cuse" as it $roceeded from his affection& He then told me that" sus$ectin# the letter 5%hich by the by %as brou#ht by the author himself6 contained somethin# e*traordinary" he had $ee$ed throu#h the keyhole" and seen me load my $istols' u$on %hich he ran do%n to ,hitehall" and a$$lied to the officer on #uard for a $arty to $ut me in arrest" but before he returned" + %as #one in a coach' that he had in-uired %hich %ay + %ent" and" havin# heard that duels %ere commonly fou#ht at the back of 0onta#ue House" he conducted the #uard to this $lace" %here he thanked 2od for havin# found me safe and sound& + #ave him to understand that + for#ave his officious concern for once" but cautioned him in $retty severe terms for makin# me the sub)ect of idle conversation for the future' then turnin# to the cor$oral" thanked him for his care" and #ave him a cro%n to drink %ith his men" assurin# him that the rencontre %as over lon# before he came u$" and everythin# com$romised" as he mi#ht have observed by our behaviour' as a farther $roof of %hich" he %ould find u$on e*amination that one of my $istols had been dischar#ed( but this civil $erson" %ithout #ivin# himself or me any farther trouble" received the bounty %ith a thousand bo%s and ackno%led#ments" and" returnin# the $istols" released me immediately& He %as not #one a hundred yards" %hen my friend Ore#an came u$ in order to rescue me" %ith t%o tatterdemalions" %hom he had en#a#ed for that $ur$ose about the $urlieus of St& 2iles's& One of them %as armed %ith a musket that %anted a lock" and another %ith a rusty broads%ord" but their dress sur$assed all descri$tion& ,hen he understood + %as already free& he made an a$olo#y for his abru$t de$arture" and introduced me to his t%o com$anions( irst" to !ounsellor it3clabber" %ho" he told me" %as then em$loyed in com$ilin# a history of the kin#s of 0inster" from +rish manuscri$ts' and then to his friend 0r& 2aha#an" %ho %as a $rofound $hiloso$her and $olitician" and had $ro)ected many e*cellent schemes for the #ood of his country& But it seems these literati had been very ill re%arded for their in#enious labours' for" bet%een them both" there %as but one shirt" and half a $air of breeches& + thanked them very kindly for their readiness to assist me" and" havin# offered my service in my turn" bade them #ood morro%" desirin# Ore#an to accom$any me to my lod#in#s" %here he %as fitted %ith decent clothes from my %ardrobe" so much to his satisfaction" that he s%ore eternal #ratitude and friendshi$ to me" and" at my re-uest" recounted all the adventures of his life& +n the afternoon" + %aited on 0elinda" %ho received me %ith #reat kindness and familiarity" and lau#hed e*cessively at my adventure

%ith the +rishman" to %hose %ishes she %as no stran#er" havin# more than a do3en letters in her $ossession" %hich he had %ritten to her on the sub)ect of love" and %hich" for my entertainment" she submitted to my $erusal& Havin# made ourselves merry at the e*$ense of this $oor admirer" + sei3ed the o$$ortunity of her mother's #oin# out of the room" and introduced my o%n $assion" %hich + recommended to her %ith all the ardour and elo-uence + %as master of& + flattered" si#hed" s%ore" entreated" and acted a thousand e*trava#ancies" in ho$es of makin# some im$ression on her heart' but she heard everythin# + said %ithout discoverin# the least emotion' and other com$any came in before she %ould vouchsafe one serious re$ly& After tea" the cards %ere brou#ht in accordin# to custom" and it %as my #ood fortune to have 0elinda for my $artner' by %hich means" instead of losin#" + came off %ith five #uineas clear #ain& + soon became ac-uainted %ith a #ood many $eo$le of fashion" and s$ent my time in the modish diversions of the to%n" such as $lays" o$eras" mas-uerades" drums" assemblies" and mu$$et/sho%s' chiefly in com$any %ith 0elinda" %hom + cultivated %ith all the ea#erness and address that my $ros$ect could ins$ire" and my education afford& + s$ared neither my $erson nor my $urse to #ratify her vanity and $ride' my rivals %ere intimidated" and indeed outshone' and" after all" + be#an to fear that the dear creature had not a heart to lose& At last" findin# myself unable to su$$ort the e*$ense of this amour much lon#er" + %as determined to brin# the matter to a crisis' and one evenin#" %hile %e %ere to#ether by ourselves" com$lained of her indifference" described the tortures of sus$ense to a love/sick mind" and $ressed her to disclose her sentiments of matrimony and me %ith such earnestness" that she could not" %ith all her art" shift the sub)ect" but %as obli#ed to come to an eclaircissement& She told me" %ith a careless air" that she had no ob)ection to my $erson" and if + could satisfy her mother in other $articulars" + should not find her averse to the match' but she %as resolved to do nothin# in such a momentous concern %ithout the advice and consent of her $arent& This %as no very a#reeable declaration to me" %hose aim had been to %in her inclination first" and then secure my con-uest by a $rivate marria#e" to %hich + flattered myself she %ould e*$ress no reluctance& That + mi#ht not" ho%ever" desert my cause before it %as des$erate" + %aited on her mother' and" %ith #reat formality" demanded the dau#hter in marria#e& The #ood lady" %ho %as a very notable %oman" behaved %ith #reat state and civility' thanked me for the honour + intended her family' and said" she did not doubt that + %as in all res$ects -ualified to make a %oman ha$$y' but it concerned her as a $arent an*ious about the %elfare of her child" to in-uire into the $articulars of my fortune" and kno% %hat settlement + $ro$osed to make& To this intimation" %hich %ould have utterly disconcerted me if + had not e*$ected it" + re$lied" %ithout hesitation that" thou#h my fortune %as very small" + %as a #entleman by birth and education" %ould maintain her dau#hter in the s$here of a #entle%oman" and settle her o%n do%ry on her and her heirs for ever& This careful matron did not seem to relish my $ro$osal" but observed" % h a demure countenance" that there %as no necessity for settlin# that u$on her child %hich %as her o%n already' ho%ever" if + $leased" her la%yer should confer %ith mine u$on the matter' and" in the meantime" she desired + %ould favour her %ith a $erusal of my rent/roll& 4ot%ithstandin# the ve*ation + %as under" + could scarce forbear lau#hin# in her face at the

mention of my rent/roll" %hich %as indeed a severe $iece of satire u$on my $retensions& + frankly o%ned + had no landed estate' and told her that + could not e*actly s$ecify the sum + %as master of" until + had re#ulated my affairs" %hich %ere at $resent in some disorder' but that + %ould take an o$$ortunity of satisfyin# her on that head very soon& +t %as not lon# before + took my leave" and returned to my lod#in#s in a very melancholy mood" $ersuaded that + had nothin# more to e*$ect from that -uarter& + %as confirmed in this o$inion ne*t day" %hen + %ent back %ith a vie% of e*$lainin# myself more fully to the old #entle%oman' and %as told by the footman that his ladies %ere not at home" althou#h + had seen 0elinda throu#h the blinds at a $arlour %indo%" as + %ent u$ to the door& +ncensed at this affront" + -uitted the door %ithout sayin# one %ord" and as + re$assed the $arlour" bo%ed to 0iss" %ho still remained in the same situation" securely screened" as she thou#ht" from my vie%& This disa$$ointment #ave me more uneasiness on Stra$'s account than my o%n" for + %as in no dan#er of dyin# for love of 0elinda' on the contrary" the remembrance of my charmin# 4arcissa %as a continual check u$on my conscience durin# the %hole course of my addresses' and $erha$s contributed to the bad success of my scheme" by controllin# my ra$tures and condemnin# my desi#n& There %as a necessity for informin# my com$anion of everythin# that ha$$ened to me and + $erformed this $iece of duty in an affected $assion" s%earin# + %ould be his $ack/horse no lon#er" and desirin# him to take the mana#ement of his affairs into his o%n hands& This finesse had the desired effect" for" instead of #rumblin# over my miscarria#e" Stra$ %as fri#htened at the $assion + fei#ned" and be##ed me" for the love of 2od" to be a$$eased' observin# that" althou#h %e had suffered a #reat loss" it %as not irre$arable' and if ortune fro%ned to day" she mi#ht $erha$s smile to/morro%& + $retended to ac-uiesce in his remarks" $raise his e-uanimity" and $romised to im$rove my misfortune& He" on the other hand" $retended to be $erfectly %ell satisfied %ith my conduct" and con)ured me to follo% the dictates of my o%n reflection' but" in s$ite of all his affectation" + could $erceive his in%ard affliction" and his visa#e sensibly increased in lon#itude from that day& !HAPTER 1 + lon# to be reven#ed on 0elinda//a$$ly to Banter for his Assistance//he contrives a scheme for that $ur$ose//%hich is $ut in E*ecution %ith #reat Success//+ make an Attem$t u$on the Heart of 0iss 2ri$e%ell" but am disa$$ointed//#ro% melancholy at my 9isa$$ointment" and have recourse to the Bottle//receive a Billet/dou*//am ravished %ith the !ontents//find myself involved in +ntri#ue" %hich + ima#ined %ould make my ortune//am confounded at my mistake" %hich banishes all Thou#hts of 0atrimony +n the meantime" my attention %as %holly en#rossed in search of another mistress" and the desire of bein# reven#ed on 0elinda" in both %hich schemes + %as very much assisted by Billy !hatter" %ho %as such a necessary creature amon# the ladies" that in all $rivate dances he en#a#ed the men& To him therefore + a$$lied" desirin#

he %ould introduce me to a $artner of some fi#ure" at the ne*t $rivate assembly" for the sake of a frolic" the intention of %hich + %ould after%ards communicate& Billy" %ho had heard somethin# of a difference bet%een 0elinda and me" immediately smoked $art of my desi#n" and" thinkin# + only %anted to alarm her )ealousy a little" $romised to #ratify my desire" by matchin# me %ith a $artner %orth thirty thousand $ounds" %hom the ladies of this end of the to%n had lately taken under their mana#ement and $rotection& U$on further in-uiry" + found this $erson's name %as 0iss Biddy 2ri$e%ell' that her father" %ho had been a $a%nbroker" died intestate" by %hich means all his substance descended to his dau#hter" %ho %as so little a favourite that" could the old man have $revailed %ith his o%n ra$acious dis$osition to $art %ith as much money as %ould have $aid the e*$ense of a %ill" she %ould not have inherited the si*th $art of his fortune' that durin# his life" far from bein# educated in a %ay suitable to such #reat e*$ectations" she %as obli#ed to live like a servant %ench" and do the most menial offices in the family& But his funeral %as no sooner $erformed" than she assumed the fine lady" and found so many $eo$le of both se*es to flatter" caress" and instruct her" that" for %ant of discretion and e*$erience" she %as #ro%n insufferably vain and arro#ant" and $retended to no less than a duke or earl at least for her husband' that she had the misfortune to be ne#lected by the En#lish -uality" but a certain $oor Scottish lord %as then makin# interest to be introduced to her ac-uaintance& +n the meantime" she %as fallen into the hands of a notable lady" %ho had already dis$osed of her to a lieutenant of foot" a distant relation of her ladyshi$'s" thou#h 0iss as yet kne% nothin# of the affair' and lastly that if + $ro$osed to dance %ith her" + must #ive him leave to re$resent me as a kni#ht" or forei#n count at least& + %as ravished at this $iece of information" and consented for one ni#ht" to $ersonate a rench mar-uis" that + mi#ht the easier fulfil my reven#e& Havin# made the a$$ointment %ith !hatter + %ent to Banter's lod#in#s" as + had by this time conceived a #reat o$inion of his $enetration and kno%led#e' and" after + had en)oined secrecy" told him every circumstance of my dis#race %ith 0elinda" and im$arted the $lan + had $ro)ected to mortify that $roud co-uette" desirin# his advice in $rovin#" and assistance in e*ecutin# the scheme& 4othin# could be more a#reeable to his misanthro$ical tem$er than an account of her behaviour and my resentment( he a$$lauded my resolution" and $ro$osed that + should not only $rovide myself %ith a $ro$er $artner" but also $rocure such a one for 0iss 2oosetra$" as should infallibly entail u$on her the ridicule of all her ac-uaintance& or this $ur$ose he mentioned his barber %ho he said" %as an e*ceedin# co*comb lately come from Paris" %hose absurd affectation and #rimace" %ould easily $ass u$on her for the s$ri#htly $olitesse of a #entleman im$roved by travel& + hu##ed him for this hint' and he assured me it %ould be no difficult matter to make him believe" that 0elinda" havin# seen him by accident" %as ca$tivated by his a$$earance" and be##ed for his ac-uaintance& He actually en#a#ed him on this $retence" and $ainted his #ood fortune in such colours that the $oor shaver %as -uite beside himself %ith )oy& He %as immediately fitted %ith a ta%dry suit of clothes belon#in# to Banter" and by him recommended to !hatter as a very $retty fello%" )ust returned from his travels& 0aster Billy" %ho acted as a #entleman usher to a #reat many of the fair se* in and about to%n" undertook at once to bes$eak 0elinda in his behalf' and everythin# ha$$ened accordin# to my %ish&

At the time a$$ointed + a$$eared dressed to the best advanta#e' and" in the character of a 0ar-uis" bad the honour of o$enin# the ball %ith the rich heiress" %ho attracted the eyes of the %hole com$any by the $rodi#ious number of )e%els %ith %hich she %as adorned& Amon# others + $erceived 0elinda" %ho could not more conceal her envy than astonishment at my success' her curiosity %as still more fla#rant and tormentin#" for she had never seen 0iss 2ri$e%ell before' and !hatter" %ho alone could #ive her any satisfaction on that head" %as en#a#ed in conversation at the other end of the room& + observed her im$atience" and e*ulted in her cha#rin' and after my $artner %as set" took the o$$ortunity of $assin# by her to make a sli#ht bo% %ithout sto$$in#" %hich com$leted my trium$h and her indi#nation& She chan#ed colour" bridled u$" assumed an air of disdain" and flirted her fan %ith such a fury" that it %ent to $ieces in a moment" to the no small entertainment of those %ho sat near and observed her& At len#th the metamor$hosed barber took her out" and acted his $art %ith such ridiculous e*trava#ance that the mirth of the %hole com$any %as e*cited at his e*$ense" and his $artner %as so much ashamed that" before the country dances be#an" she retired in #reat confusion" under $retence of bein# taken suddenly ill" and %as follo%ed by her #allant" %ho no doubt ima#ined her indis$osition %as nothin# but love' and laid hold of the occasion of conductin# her home" to comfort her" %ith an assurance of his entertainin# a reci$rocal $assion& They %ere no sooner #one than an in-uisitive %his$er of 7,ho is he=7 ran round the room' and !hatter could #ive them no other intelli#ence about him than that he %as a man of fortune )ust returned from his travels& +" %ho alone %as ac-uainted %ith his real -uality" affected i#norance %ell kno%in# that female curiosity %ould not rest satisfied %ith such a #eneral account" and that the discovery %ould $roceed %ith a better #race from anybody than me& 0ean%hile" + %as tem$ted by the richness of the $ri3e to $ractise u$on 0iss 2ri$e%ell's heart" but soon found it too %ell fortified %ith $ride and indifference to yield to any efforts in my o%n character" and + neither %ould nor could $reserve the title + had borro%ed lon#er than that ni#ht& As + e*$ected" everythin# came to li#ht ne*t day& The barber" in $ure sim$licity of heart" detected himself to 0elinda" and discovered the foundation of his ho$es' she sickened at the affront" and %as ashamed to sho% her face in $ublic for many %eeks after this accident& Poor !hatter found it im$ossible to )ustify himself to her satisfaction' %as in utter dis#race %ith 0iss 2ri$e%ell" for havin# im$osed me u$on her as a nobleman' and suffered very much in his character and influence amon# the ladies in #eneral& indin# my finances diminished more than one/half" and my $ro)ect as little advanced as on the first day of my arrival in to%n" + be#an to des$air of my success" and #re% melancholy at the $ros$ect of a$$roachin# %ant& To dis$el the horrors of this fiend + had recourse to the bottle" and ke$t more com$any than ever& + became $articularly attached to the $layhouse" conversed %ith the actors behind the scenes" #re% ac-uainted %ith a body of tem$lars" and in a short time commenced a $rofessed %it and critic& +ndeed" + may say" %ithout vanity" that + %as much better -ualified than any one

of my com$anions" %ho %ere" #enerally s$eakin#" of all the creatures + ever conversed %ith" the most i#norant and assumin#& By means of these avocations + #ot the better of care" and learned to se$arate my ideas in such a manner that" %henever + %as attacked by a #loomy reflection" + could shove it aside" and call in some a#reeable reverie to my assistance& This %as not the case %ith Stra$" %ho $ractised a thousand shifts to conceal the sorro% that $reyed u$on his carcass" and reduced him to the resemblance of a mere skeleton& ,hile + thus $osted" in a thou#htless manner" to%ards $overty" + one day received" by the $enny $ost" a letter %ritten in a %oman's hand" containin# a #reat many hi#h/flo%n com$liments" %arm $rotestations of love" couched in a very $oetical style" an earnest desire of kno%in# %hether or not my heart %as en#a#ed" by leavin# an ans%er at a certain $lace" directed to R& B&" and the %hole subscribed 7>our inco#nita&7 + %as trans$orted %ith )oy on readin# the contents of this billet/dou*" %hich + admired as a master$iece of tenderness and ele#ance" and %as already u$ to my ears in love %ith the author" %hom my ima#ination re$resented as a lady of fortune" in the bloom of youth and beauty& Elevated %ith this con)ecture" + %ent to %ork" and e*hausted my invention in com$osin# an ans%er suitable to the sublimity of her style and the ardour of her sentiments& + e*$ressed my admiration of her %it in terms the most hy$erbolical" and %hile + ackno%led#ed myself un%orthy of her re#ard" declared myself enamoured of her understandin#' and in the most $athetic manner im$lored the honour of an intervie%& Havin# finished this $erformance" and communicated it to Stra$" %ho ski$$ed about for )oy" + dis$atched him %ith it to the $lace a$$ointed" %hich %as the house of a milliner not far from Bond Street" and desired him to kee$ %atch near the door for some time" that he mi#ht discover the $erson %ho should call for it& +n less than an hour he returned %ith a )oyful countenance" and told me that" soon after he had delivered the letter" a chairman %as called" to %hom it %as #iven" %ith directions to carry it to the house of a rich #entleman in the nei#hbourhood" %hither he 5Stra$6 follo%ed him" and sa% him $ut it into the hands of a %aitin#/%oman" %ho $aid the messen#er" and shut the door' that" u$on in-uiry at an alehouse hard by" %here he called for a $int of beer" he understood the #entleman to %hom the house belon#ed had an only dau#hter" very handsome" %ho %ould inherit his %hole estate' and %ho certainly %as the author of the billet + had received& + %as of the same o$inion" and" hu##in# myself in the ha$$y $ros$ect" dressed immediately" and $assed in #reat state the house that contained my unkno%n admirer& 4or %as my vanity disa$$ointed' for + $erceived a beautiful youn# creature standin# at one of the %indo%s of the dinin#/room" %ho" + ima#ined" observed me %ith more than common curiosity& That + mi#ht indul#e her vie%" and at the same time feast my o%n" + affected to sto$" and #ave orders to Stra$" in the street" )ust o$$osite to her station" by %hich means + had an o$$ortunity of seein# her more distinctly" and of con#ratulatin# myself on havin# made a con-uest of so much $erfection& +n a fe% moments she retired" and + betook myself to the ordinary in a ra$ture of ho$e" %hich de$rived me of my a$$etite for that meal" and sent me home in the evenin# to indul#e my contem$lation& Early ne*t day" + %as favoured %ith another e$istle from my unkno%n admirer" si#nifyin# her unutterable )oy at the recei$t of mine" %hich" %hile it made a tender of my heart" convinced her of the value of it& Above all thin#s" she $rofessed her e*treme $leasure in findin# me so much attached to her understandin#" a circumstance

that not only flattered her in the most sensible $art" but at the same time ar#ued my o%n sa#acity& As for the intervie% + desired" she assured me" that + could not be more ea#er for such an occasion than she' but she must not only sacrifice little more to decorum" but be satisfied of my honourable intentions" before she could #rant that re-uest& 0ean%hile she #ave me to understand that" althou#h she mi#ht o%e some deference to the o$inion of certain $ersons" she %as resolved" in an affair that so nearly concerned her ha$$iness" to consult her o%n inclination" $referable to the advice of the %hole %orld' es$ecially as she %as ur#ed to such condescension by no consideration of fortune" %hat she de$ended u$on bein# her o%n %ithout restriction or control& Struck %ith admiration at the $hiloso$hy and self/denial of my mistress" %ho seemed insensible of the beauty she $ossessed" and in $articular ravished %ith that $iece of intelli#ence by %hich + learned her fortune %as inde$endent' + resumed the $en" launched out into encomiums on the di#nity of her sentiments" affected to undervalue the charms of e*ternal beauty" $retended to #round my $assion on the -ualities of her mind" com$lained of her ri#our in sacrificin# my re$ose to an overscru$ulous re#ard to decorum" and declared the $urity of my desi#ns in the most solemn and $athetic vo%s& This $erformance bein# sealed and directed" %as sent to the $lace a$$ointed by Stra$" %ho" that %e mi#ht be still the more confirmed in our belief" rene%ed his %atch" and in a little time brou#ht back the same information as before" %ith this addition" that 0iss S$arkle 5the name of my corres$ondent6" lookin# out at the %indo%" no sooner sa% the messen#er arrive& than she shut the casement in a sort of beautiful confusion" and disa$$eared" ea#er no doubt to hear from the dear ob)ect of her love& 0y doubts no% vanished" the lon#/e*$ected $ort a$$eared" and + looked u$on myself as $erfectly secure of that ha$$iness + had been in -uest of so lon#& After dinner" + sauntered in com$any %ith 9r& ,a#tail" to that $art of the to%n in %hich my inamorata lived' and" as he %as a mere re#ister" in-uired of him into the name" character" and fortune of everybody %ho $ossessed a #ood house in the streets throu#h %hich %e $assed& ,hen it came to his turn to mention Sir :ohn S$arkle" he re$resented him as a man of an immense estate and narro% dis$osition" %ho me%ed u$ his only child" a fine youn# lady" from the conversation of mankind" under the strict %atch and ins$ection of an old #overnante" %ho %as either so honest" envious" or insatiable" that nobody had been as yet able to make her a friend" or #et access to her char#e" thou#h numbers attem$ted it every day' not so much on account of her e*$ectations from her father" %ho" bein# a %ido%er" mi#ht marry a#ain and have sons" as for a fortune of t%elve thousand $ounds left her by an uncle" of %hich she could not be de$rived& This $iece of ne%s" e*actly tallyin# %ith the last $art of the letter + had been honoured %ith in the mornin#" had such an effect on me" that any man e*ce$t ,a#tail mi#ht have observed my emotion' but his attention %as too much en#rossed by the contem$lation of his o%n im$ortance to suffer him to be affected %ith the de$ortment of any other body" unless it ha$$ened to be so $articular that he could not hel$ takin# notice of it& ,hen + had disen#a#ed myself from him" %hose conversation #re% insi$id to me" + %ent home" and made Stra$ ac-uainted %ith the fruit of my researches& This faithful s-uire %as almost choked %ith trans$ort" and even %e$t %ith )oy' but %hether on account of himself or me" + shall not $retend to determine& 4e*t day a third billet/dou* %as brou#ht to me" containin# many e*$ressions of

tenderness" min#led %ith some affectin# doubts about the artifice of man" the inconstancy of youth" and the )ealousy often attendin# the most sincere $assion' %ithal desirin# + %ould e*cuse her" if she should try me a little lon#er" before she declared herself beyond the $o%er of retractin#& These interestin# scru$les added fuel to my flame and im$atience to my ho$e' + redoubled my com$laints of her indifference" and $ressed her to an assi#nation %ith such fervent entreaties" that in a fe% days she consented to meet me at the house of that milliner %ho had for%arded all my letters& 9urin# the interval bet%een the date of her $romise and the hour of a$$ointment" my $ride soared beyond all reason and descri$tion' + lost all remembrance of the #entle 4arcissa" and my thou#hts %ere %holly em$loyed in $lannin# trium$hs over the malice and contem$t of the %orld& At len#th the ha$$y hour arrived& + fle% to the $lace of rende3vous" and %as conducted into an a$artment" %here + had not %aited ten minutes" %hen + heard the rustlin# of silk" and the sound of feet ascendin# the stairs' my heart took the alarm" and beat -uick' my cheeks #lo%ed" my nerves thrilled" and my knees shook %ith ecstacy8 + $erceived the door o$enin#" sa% a #old brocade $etticoat advance" and s$ran# for%ard to embrace my charmer& Heaven and earth8 ho% shall + $aint my situation" %hen + found 0iss S$arkle converted into a %rinkled ha# turned of seventy8 + %as struck dumb %ith ama3ement" and $etrified %ith horror8 This ancient Ur#anda" $erceived my disorder" and" a$$roachin# %ith a lan#uishin# air" sei3ed my hand" askin# in a s-ueakin# tone" if + %as indis$osed& Her monstrous affectation com$leted the dis#ust + had conceived for her at her first a$$earance" and it %as a lon# time before + could command myself so much as to behave %ith common civility( at len#th" ho%ever" + recollected myself" and $ronounced an a$olo#y for my behaviour" %hich + said $roceeded from a di33iness that sei3ed me all of a sudden& 0y hoary 9ulcinea" %ho" no doubt" had been alarmed at my confusion" no sooner learned the cause to %hich + no% ascribed it" than she discovered her )oy in a thousand amorous co-uetries" and assumed the s$ri#htly airs of a #irl of si*teen& One %hile she o#led me %ith her dim eyes" -uenched in rheum' then" as if she %as ashamed of that freedom" she affected to look do%n" blush" and $lay %ith her fan' then toss her head that + mi#ht not $erceive a $alsy that shook it" ask some childish -uestions %ith a lis$in# accent" #i##le and #rin %ith her mouth shut to conceal the rava#e of time u$on her teeth" leer u$on me a#ain" si#h $iteously" flin# herself about in her chair to sho% her a#ility" and act a #reat many more absurdities that youth and beauty can alone e*cuse& Shocked as + %as at my disa$$ointment" my dis$osition %as inca$able of affrontin# any $erson %ho loved me' + therefore endeavoured to $ut a #ood face to the matter for the $resent" resolved to dro$ the %hole affair as soon as + should #et clear of her com$any' %ith this vie%" + uttered some civil thin#s" and in $articular desired to kno% the name and condition of the lady %ho had honoured me so much& She told me her name %as ,ithers" that she lived %ith Sir :ohn S$arkle in -uality of #overness to his only dau#hter" in %hich situation she had $icked u$ a comfortable sufficiency to make her easy for life' that she had the $leasure of seein# me at church" %here my a$$earance and de$ortment made such an im$ression u$on her heart" that she could en)oy no ease until she had in-uired into my character" %hich she found so amiable in all res$ects" that she yielded to the violence of her inclination" and ventured to declare her $assion %ith too little re#ard $erha$s to the decorum of her se*' but she

ho$ed + %ould for#ive a tres$ass of %hich + myself %as in some measure the cause" and im$ute her intrusion to the irresistible dictates of love& 4o decayed rake ever s%allo%ed a bolus %ith more reluctance than + felt in makin# a re$ly suitable to this com$liment" %hen" instead of the )e%el" + found the cra3y casket only in my $o%er' and yet my ho$es be#an to revive a little" %hen + considered" that" by carryin# on the a$$earance of an intri#ue %ith the duenna" + mi#ht $ossibly obtain access to her char#e& Encoura#ed by this su##estion" my tem$er #re% more serene" my reserve %ore off" + talked en cavalier" and even made love to this anti-uated co-uette" %ho seemed e*tremely ha$$y in her adorer" and s$read all her allurements to make her ima#ined con-uest more secure& The #ood %oman of the house treated us %ith tea and s%eetmeats" and after%ards %ithdre%" like a civil e*$erienced matron as she %as& 1eft thus to our mutual endearments" 0iss ,ithers 5for she %as still a maiden6 be#an to talk of matrimony" and e*$ressed so much im$atience in all her behaviour that" had she been fifty years youn#er" + mi#ht $ossibly have #ratified her lon#in# %ithout havin# recourse to the church' but this ste$ my virtue as %ell as interest forbade& ,hen the inclinations of an old maid settle u$on a youn# fello%& he is $ersecuted %ith her addresses' but" should he once #rant her the favour" he %ill never be able to disentan#le himself from her im$ortunities and re$roaches& +t %as my business to defer the ceremony as lon# as $ossible" under the most s$ecious $retences" %ith a vie% of becomin# ac-uainted %ith 0iss S$arkle in the meantime' and + did not des$air of success" %hen + considered" that in the course of our corres$ondence" + should + all $robability be invited to visit my mistress in her o%n a$artment" and by these means have an o$$ortunity of conversin# %ith her charmin# %ard& Pleased %ith this $ros$ect" my heart dilated %ith )oy' + talked in ra$tures to the state #overnante" and kissed her shrivelled hand %ith #reat devotion" She %as so much trans$orted %ith her #ood fortune" that she could not contain her ecstacy" but fle% u$on me like a ti#ress" and $ressed her skinny li$s to mine' %hen 5as it %as no doubt concerted by her evil #enius6 a dose of #arlic she had s%allo%ed that mornin#" to dis$el %ind" + su$$ose" be#an to o$erate %ith such a sudden e*$losion" that human nature" circumstanced as + %as" could not endure the shock %ith any de#ree of tem$er& + lost all $atience and reflection" flun# a%ay from her in an instant" snatched my hat and cane" and ran do%nstairs as if the devil had me in $ursuit" and could scarcely retain the convulsion of my bo%els" %hich %ere #rievously offended by the $erfume that assaulted me& Stra$" %ho %aited my return %ith im$atience" seein# me arrive in the utmost disorder" stood motionless %ith a$$rehension" and durst not in-uire into the cause& After + had %ashed my mouth" more than once" and recruited my s$irits %ith a #lass of %ine" + recounted to him every $articular of %hat had ha$$ened' to %hich he made no other re$ly for some time than liftin# u$ his eyes" clas$in# his hands" and utterin# a hollo% #roan& At len#th he observed" in a melancholy tone" that it %as a thousand $ities my or#ans %ere so delicate as to be offended %ith the smell of #arlic& 7Ah8 2od hel$ us"7 said he" 7'tis not the steams of #arlic" no" nor of somethin# else" that %ould #ive me the least uneasiness//see %hat it is to be a cobler's son87 + re$lied hastily" 7+ %ish then you %ould #o and retrieve my miscarria#e&7 At this su##estion he started" forced a smile" and left the room" shakin# his head& ,hether the old #entle%oman resented

my abru$t de$arture so much that her love chan#ed into disdain" or %as ashamed to see me on account of her infirmity" + kno% not' but + %as never troubled a#ain %ith her $assion& !HAPTER 1+ + cultivate an Ac-uaintance %ith t%o 4oblemen//am introduced to earl Strut%ell//his kind Promise and +nvitation//the Behaviour of his Porter and 1ac-uey//he receives me %ith an A$$earance of uncommon Affection//undertakes to s$eak in my Behalf to the 0inister//informs me of his Success" and %ishes me :oy//introduces a !onversation about etronius Arbiter//falls in 1ove %ith my ,atch" %hich + $ress u$on him//+ make a $resent of a 9iamond Rin# to 1ord Straddle//im$art my #ood ortune to Stra$ and Banter" %ho disabuses me" to my utter 0ortification Baffled hitherto in my matrimonial schemes" + be#an to -uestion my talents for the science of fortune/huntin#" and to bend my thou#hts to%ards some em$loyment under the #overnment& ,ith the vie% of $rocurin# %hich" + cultivated the ac-uaintance of 1ords Straddle and S%ill$ot" %hose fathers %ere men of interest at court& + found these youn# noblemen as o$en to my advances as + could desire' + accom$anied them in their midni#ht rambles" and often dined %ith them at taverns" %here + had the honour of $ayin# the reckonin#& + one day took the o$$ortunity" %hile + %as loaded %ith $rotestations of friendshi$" to disclose my desire of bein# settled in some sinecure" and to solicit their influence in my behalf& S%ill$ot" s-uee3in# my hand" said" + mi#ht de$end u$on his service by 2//& The other s%ore that no man %ould be more $roud than he to run my errands& Encoura#ed by these declarations" + ventured to e*$ress an inclination to be introduced to their fathers" %ho %ere able to do my business at once& S%ill$ot frankly o%ned he had not s$oken to his father these three years' and Straddle assured me" his father" havin# lately disobli#ed the minister by subscribin# his name to a $rotest in the house of $eers" %as thereby rendered inca$able of servin# his friends at $resent' but he undertook to make me ac-uainted %ith Earl Strut%ell" %ho %as hand and #love %ith a certain $erson %ho ruled the roast& This offer + embraced %ith many ackno%led#ments" and $lied him so closely" in s$ite of a thousand evasions" that he found himself under a necessity of kee$in# his %ord" and actually carried me to the levee of this #reat man" %here he left me in a cro%d of fello%/de$endents" and %as ushered to a $articular closet audience' from %hence" in a fe% minutes" he returned %ith his lordshi$" %ho took me by the hand" assured me he %ould do me all the service he could" and desired to see me often& + %as charmed %ith my rece$tion" and" althou#h + had heard that a courtier's $romise is not to be de$ended u$on" + thou#ht + discovered so much s%eetness of tem$er and candour in this earl's countenance" that + did not doubt of findin# my account in his $rotection& + resolved therefore to $rofit by this $ermission" and %aited on him ne*t audience day" %hen + %as favoured %ith a $articular smile" s-uee3e of the hand" and a %his$er" si#nifyin# that he %anted half/an/hour's conversation %ith me in $rivate" %hen he should be disen#a#ed" and for that $ur$ose desired me to come and drink a dish of chocolate %ith him to/morro% mornin#& This invitation" %hich did not a little flatter my vanity and

e*$ectation" + took care to observe" and %ent to his lordshi$'s house at the time a$$ointed& Havin# ra$$ed at the #ate" the $orter unbolted and ke$t it half o$en" $lacin# himself in the #a$" like soldiers in the broach" to dis$ute my $assa#e& + asked if his lord %as stirrin#= He ans%ered %ith a surly as$ect" 7 4o&7 7At %hat hour does he commonly rise=7 said +& 7Sometimes sooner" sometimes later"7 said he" closin# the door u$on me by de#rees& + then told him + %as come by his lordshi$'s o%n a$$ointment" to %hich intimation this !erberus re$lied" 7+ have received no orders about the matter"7 and %as u$on the $oint of shuttin# me out" %hen + recollected myself all of a sudden" and sli$$in# a cro%n into his hand" be##ed as a favour that he %ould in-uire" and let me kno% %hether or not the earl %as u$& The #rim )anitor relented at the touch of my money" %hich he took %ith all the indifference of a ta*#atherer" and sho%ed me into a $arlour" %here" he said" + mi#ht amuse myself till such time as his lord should be a%ake& + had not sat ten minutes in this $lace" %hen a footman entered" and" %ithout s$eakin#" started at me' + inter$reted this $iece of his behaviour into" 7Pray" sir" %hat is your business=7 and asked the same -uestion + had $ut to the $orter" %hen + accosted him first& The lac-uey made the same re$ly" and disa$$eared before + could #et any further intelli#ence& +n a little time he returned" on $retence of $okin# the fire" and looked at me a#ain %ith #reat earnestness' u$on %hich + be#an to $erceive his meanin#" and" ti$$in# him %ith half/a/cro%n" desired he %ould be so #ood as to fall u$on some method of lettin# the earl kno% that + %as in the house& He made a lo% bo%" said" 7>es" sir"7 and vanished& This bounty %as not thro%n a%ay" for in an instant he came back" and conducted me to a chamber" %here + %as received %ith #reat kindness and familiarity by his lordshi$" %hom + found )ust risen" in his mornin#/#o%n" and sli$$ers& After breakfast" he entered into a $articular conversation %ith me about my travels" the remarks + had made abroad" and e*amined me to the full e*tent of my understandin#& 0y ans%ers seemed to $lease him very much" he fre-uently s-uee3ed my hand" and" lookin# at me %ith a sin#ular com$lacency in his countenance" bade me de$end u$on his #ood offices %ith the ministry in my behalf& 7>oun# men of your -ualifications"7 said he" 7ou#ht to be cherished by every administration& or my o%n $art" + see so little merit in the %orld" that + have laid it do%n as a ma*im" to encoura#e the least a$$earance of #enius and virtue to the utmost of my $o%er( you have a #reat deal of both' and %ill not fail of makin# a fi#ure one day" if + am not mistaken' but you must lay your account %ith mountin# by #radual ste$s to the summit of your fortune& Rome %as not built in a day& As you understand the lan#ua#es $erfectly %ell" ho% %ould you like to cross the sea as secretary to an embassy=7 + assured his lordshi$" %ith #reat ea#erness" that nothin# could be more a#reeable to my inclination( u$on %hich he bade me make myself easy" my business %as done" for he had a $lace of that kind in his vie%& This $iece of #enerosity affected me so much" that + %as unable for some time to e*$ress my #ratitude" %hich at len#th broke out in ackno%led#ments of my o%n un%orthiness" and encomiums on his benevolence& + could not even hel$ sheddin# tears at the #oodness of this noble lord" %ho no sooner $erceived them than he cau#ht me in his arms" and hu##ed and kissed me %ith a seemin#ly $aternal affection& !onfounded at this uncommon instance of fondness for a stran#er" + remained a fe% moments silent and ashamed' then rose and took my leave" after he had assured me that he %ould s$eak to the minister in my favour that very day' and desired that + %ould not for the future #ive myself the trouble of attendin# at his levee" but come at the same

hour every day" %hen he should be at leisure" that is" three times a %eek& Thou#h my ho$es %ere no% very san#uine" + determined to conceal my $ros$ect from everybody" even from Stra$" until + should be more certain of success( and in the meantime #ive my $atron no res$ite from my solicitations& ,hen + rene%ed my visit" + found the street/door o$ened to me as if by enchantment' but in my $assa#e to%ards the $resence/room" + %as met by the valet/de/chambre" %ho cast some furious looks at me the meanin# of %hich + could not com$rehend& The earl saluted me at entrance %ith a tender embrace" and %ished me )oy of his success %ith the Premier" %ho" he said" had $referred his recommendation to that of t%o other noblemen very ur#ent in behalf of their res$ective friends" and absolutely $romised that + should #o to a certain forei#n court in -uality of secretary to an ambassador and $leni$otentiary %ho %as to set out in a fe% %eeks an affair of vast im$ortance to the nation& + %as thunderstruck %ith my #ood fortune" and could make no other re$ly than kneel and attem$t to kiss my benefactor's hand" %hich submission he %ould not $ermit' but" raisin# me u$" $ressed me to his breast %ith sur$risin# emotion" and told me he had no% taken u$on himself the care of makin# my fortune& ,hat enhanced the value of the benefit still the more" %as his makin# li#ht of the favour" and shiftin# the conversation to another sub)ect& Amon# other to$ics of discourse" that of the Belles 1ettres %as introduced" u$on %hich his lordshi$ held forth %ith #reat taste and erudition and discovered an intimate kno%led#e of the authors of anti-uity" 7Here's a book"7 said he" takin# one from his bosom" 7%ritten %ith #reat ele#ance and s$irit' and" thou#h the sub)ect may #ive offence to some narro%/minded $eo$le" the author %ill al%ays be held in esteem by every $erson of %it and learnin#&7 So sayin#" he $ut into my hand Petronius Arbiter" and asked my o$inion of his %it and manner& + told him" that" in my o$inion" he %rote %ith #reat ease and vivacity" but %as %ithal so le%d and indecent that he ou#ht to find no -uarter or $rotection amon# $eo$le of morals and taste& 7+ o%n"7 re$lied the earl" 7that his taste in love is #enerally decried" and indeed condemned by our la%s' but $erha$s that may be more o%in# to $re)udice and misa$$rehension than to true reason and deliberation& The best man amon# the ancients is said to have entertained that $assion' one of the %isest of their le#islators has $ermitted the indul#ence of it in his common%ealth' the most celebrated $oets have not scru$led to avo% it& At this day it $revails not only over all the East" but in most $arts of Euro$e' in our o%n country" it #ains #round a$ace" and in all $robability %ill become in a short time a more" fashionable vice than sim$le fornication& +ndeed there is somethin# to be said in vindication of it' for" not%ithstandin# the severity of the la% a#ainst offenders in this %ay" it must be confessed that the $ractice of this $assion is unattended %ith that curse and burthen u$on society %hich $roceeds from a race of miserable and deserted bastards" %ho are either murdered by their $arents" deserted to the utmost %ant and %retchedness" or bred u$ to $rey u$on the common%ealth( and it like%ise $revents the debauchery of many a youn# maiden" and the $rostitution of honest men's %ives' not to mention the consideration of health" %hich is much less liable to be im$aired in the #ratification of this a$$etite" than in the e*ercise of common venery" %hich" by ruinin# the constitutions of our youn# men" has $roduced a $uny $ro#eny that de#enerates from #eneration to #eneration& 4ay" +

have been told" that there is another motive $erha$s more $o%erful than all these" that induces $eo$le to cultivate this inclination' namely" the e*-uisite $leasure attendin# its success&7 rom this discourse + be#an to be a$$rehensive that his lordshi$" findin# + had travelled" %as afraid + mi#ht have been infected %ith this s$urious and sordid desire abroad" and took this method of soundin# my sentiments on the sub)ect& ired at this su$$osed sus$icion" + ar#ued a#ainst it %ith #reat %armth" as an a$$etite unnatural" absurd" and of $ernicious conse-uence' and declared my utter detestation and abhorrence of it in these lines of the satirist(// Eternal infamy the %retch confound ,ho $lanted first that vice on British #round8 A vice8 That s$ite of nature and sense rei#ns" And $oisons #enial love" and manhood stains& The earl smiled at my indi#nation" and told me he %as #lad to find my o$inion of the matter so conformable to his o%n" and that %hat he had advanced %as only to $rovoke me to an ans%er" %ith %hich he $rofessed himself $erfectly %ell $leased& After + had en)oyed a lon# audience" + ha$$ened to look at my %atch" in order to re#ulate my motions by it' and his lordshi$" observin# the chased case" desired to see the device" and e*amine the e*ce$tion" %hich he a$$roved %ith some e*$ressions of admiration& !onsiderin# the obli#ations + lay under to his lordshi$" + thou#ht there could not be a fitter o$$ortunity than the $resent to manifest" in some sha$e" my #ratitude' + therefore be##ed he %ould do me the honour to acce$t of the %atch as a small testimony of the sense + had of his lordshi$'s #enerosity' but" he refused it in a $erem$tory manner" and said he %as sorry + should entertain such a mercenary o$inion of him' observin# at the same time" that it %as the most beautiful $iece of %orkmanshi$ he had ever seen" and desirin# to kno% %here he could have such another& + be##ed a thousand $ardons for the freedom + had taken" %hich + ho$ed he %ould im$ute to nothin# else than the hi#hest veneration for his $erson//told him" that" as it came to my hand by accident in rance" + could #ive him no information about the maker" for there %as no name on the inside' and once more humbly entreated that he %ould indul#e me so far as to use it for my sake& He %as still $ositive in refusin# it' but %as $leased to thank me for my #enerous offer" sayin#" it %as a $resent that no nobleman need be ashamed of receivin#( thou#h he %as resolved to sho% his disinterestedness %ith re#ard to me" for %hom he had conceived a $articular friendshi$' and insisted 5if + %ere %illin# to $art %ith the %atch6 u$on kno%in# %hat it had cost" that he mi#ht at least indemnify me" by refundin# the money& On the other hand" + assured his lordshi$ that + should look u$on it as an uncommon mark of distinction" if he %ould take it %ithout further -uestion' and" rather than disobli#e me" he %as at last $ersuaded to $ut it in his $ocket" to my no small satisfaction" %ho took my leave immediately" after havin# received a kind s-uee3e" and an in)unction to de$end u$on his $romise& Buoyed u$ %ith this rece$tion" my heart o$ened' + #ave a%ay a #uinea" amon# the lac-ueys" %ho escorted me to the door" fle% to the lod#in#s of 1ord Straddle" u$on %hom + forced my diamond rin# as an ackno%led#ment for the #reat service he had done me" and from thence hied me home" %ith an intent of sharin# my ha$$iness %ith

honest Stra$& + determined" ho%ever" to hei#hten his $leasure" by de$ressin# his s$irits at first" and then brin#in# in #ood ne%s %ith double relish& or this $ur$ose" + affected the a$$earance of disa$$ointment and cha#rin" and told him in an abru$t manner that + had lost the %atch and diamond& Poor Hu#h" %ho had been already harassed into a consum$tion by intelli#ence of this sort" no sooner heard these %ords" than" unable to contain himself" he cried" %ith distraction in his looks" 72od in heaven forbid87 + could carry on the farce no lon#er' but" lau#hin# in his face" told him everythin# that had $assed" as above recited& His features %ere immediately unbended" and the transition %as so affectin#" that he %e$t %ith )oy" callin# my 1ord Strut%ell by the a$$ellations of :e%el" Phoeni*" Rara avis' and $raisin# 2od" that there %as still some virtue left amon# our nobility& Our mutual con#ratulations bein# over" %e #ave %ay to our ima#ination" and antici$ated our ha$$iness by $rosecutin# our success throu#h the different ste$s of $romotion" till + arrived at the rank of a $rime minister" and he to that of my first secretary& +nto*icated %ith these ideas" + %ent to the ordinary" %here" meetin# %ith Banter" + communicated the %hole affair in confidence to him" concludin# %ith an assurance that + %ould do him all the service in my $o%er& He heard me to an end %ith #reat $atience" then re#ardin# me a #ood %hile %ith a look of disdain" $ronounced" 7So your business is done" you think=7 7As #ood as done& + believe"7 said +& 7+'ll tell you"7 re$lied he" 7%hat %ill do it still more effectually//a halter8 'Sdeath8 if + had been such a #ull to t%o such scoundrels as Strut%ell and Straddle" + %ould" %ithout any more ado" tuck myself u$&7 Shocked at this e*clamation" + desired him %ith some confusion to e*$lain himself' u$on %hich he #ave me to understand that Straddle %as a $oor contem$tible %retch" %ho lived by borro%in# and $im$in# for his fello%/$eers' that in conse-uence of this last ca$acity" he had doubtless introduced me to Strut%ell" %ho %as so notorious for a $assion for his o%n se* that he %as ama3ed his character had never reached my ears' and that" far from bein# able to obtain for me the $ost he had $romised" his interest at court %as so lo%" that he could scarce $rovide for a su$erannuated footman once a year in the customs or e*cise' that it %as a common thin# for him to amuse stran#ers" %hom his )ackals ran do%n" %ith such assurances and caresses as he had besto%ed on me" until he had stri$$ed them of their cash" and everythin# valuable about them" very often of their chastity" and then leave them a $rey to %ant and infamy( that he allo%ed his servants no other %a#es than that $art of the s$oil %hich they could #lean by their industry' and the %hole of his conduct to%ards me %as so #larin#" that nobody %ho kne% anythin# of mankind could have been im$osed u$on by his insinuations& + leave the reader to )ud#e ho% + relished this $iece of information" %hich $reci$itated me from the most e*alted $innacle of ho$e to the lo%est abyss of des$ondence" and %ell ni#h determined me to take Banter's advice and finish my cha#rin %ith a halter& + had no room to sus$ect the veracity of my friend" because" u$on recollection" + found every circumstance of Strut%ell's behaviour e*actly tallyin# %ith the character he had described' his hu#s" embraces" s-uee3es" and ea#er looks" %ere no% no lon#er a mystery' no more than his defence of Petronius" and the )ealous fro%n of his valet/de/chambre" %ho" it seems" had been the favourite $athic of his lord& !HAPTER 1++

+ attem$t to recover my ,atch and :e%el" but to no Pur$ose//resolve to reven#e myself on Strut%ell by my +m$ortunity//am reduced to my last 2uinea//obli#ed to inform Stra$ of my 4ecessity" %ho is almost distracted %ith the 4e%s" but nevertheless obli#ed to $a%n my best S%ord for $resent Subsistence//that small Su$$ly bein# e*hausted" + am almost stu$ified %ith my 0isfortunes//#o to the 2amin# Table by the Advice of Banter" and come off %ith une*$ected Success//Stra$'s Ecstacy//0rs& 2a%ky %aits u$on me" $rofesses Remorse for her Perfidy" and im$lores my Assistance//+ do myself a Piece of :ustice by her 0eans" and after%ards reconcile her to her ather + %as so confounded that + could make no re$ly to Banter" %ho re$roached me %ith #reat indi#nation for havin# thro%n a%ay u$on rascals that %hich" had it been converted into ready money" %ould have su$$orted the rank of a #entleman for some months" and enabled me" at the same time" to obli#e my friends& Stu$ified as + %as" + could easily divine the source of his concern" but sneaked a%ay in a solitary manner" %ithout yieldin# the least ans%er to his e*$ostulations' and be#an to deliberate %ithin myself in %hat manner + should attem$t to retrieve the movables + had so foolishly lost& + should have thou#ht it no robbery to take them a#ain by force" could + have done it %ithout any dan#er of bein# detected' but" as + could have no such o$$ortunity" + resolved to %ork by finesse" and #o immediately to the lod#in#s of Straddle" %here + %as so fortunate as to find him& 70y 1ord"7 said +" 7+ have )ust no% recollected" that the diamond + had the honour of $resentin# to you is loosened a little in the socket" and there is a youn# fello% )ust arrived from Paris" %ho is reckoned the best )e%eller in Euro$e' + kne% him in rance' and" if your lordshi$ %ill #ive me leave" %ill carry the rin# to him to be set to ri#hts&7 His lordshi$ %as not to be cau#ht in this snare' he thanked me for my offer" and told me" that" havin# himself observed the defect" he had sent it to his o%n )e%eller to be mended' and" indeed" by this time + believe it %as in the )e%eller's hands" thou#h not in order to be mended" for it stood in need of no alteration& Balked in this $iece of $olitics" + cursed my sim$licity' but resolved to $lay a surer #ame %ith the earl" %hich + thus devised& + did not doubt of bein# admitted into familiar conversation %ith him" as before" and ho$ed by some means to #et the %atch into my hand' then" on $retence of %indin# or $layin# %ith it" dro$ it on the floor" %hen" in all $robability" the fall %ould disorder the %ork so as to sto$ its motion' this event %ould furnish me %ith an o$$ortunity of insistin# u$on carryin# it a%ay in order to be re$aired" and then + should be in no hurry to brin# it back& ,hat $ity it %as + could not find an occasion of $uttin# this fine scheme in e*ecution8 ,hen + %ent to rene% my visit to his lordshi$" my access to the $arlour %as as free as ever' but after + had %aited for some time" the valet/de/chambre came in %ith his lord's com$liments" and a desire to see me to/morro% at his levee" he bein# at $resent so much indis$osed that he could not see com$any& + inter$reted this messa#e into a bad omen" and came a%ay mutterin# curses a#ainst his lordshi$'s $oliteness" and ready to #o to lo##erheads %ith myself for bein# so e#re#iously du$ed& But" that + mi#ht have some satisfaction for the loss + had sustained" + besie#ed him so closely at his levee" and $ersecuted him %ith my solicitations' not %ithout faint ho$es" indeed" of rea$in# somethin# more from my industry

than the bare $leasure of makin# him uneasy' thou#h + could never obtain another $rivate hearin# the %hole course of my attendance' neither had + resolution enou#h to undeceive Stra$" %hose looks in a little time %ere so %hetted %ith im$atience" that %henever + came home" his eyes devoured me" as it %ere" %ith ea#erness of attention& At len#th" ho%ever" findin# myself reduced to my last #uinea" + %as com$elled to disclose my necessity" thou#h + endeavoured to s%eeten the discovery by rehearsin# to him the daily assurances + received from my $atron& But these $romises %ere not of efficacy sufficient to su$$ort the s$irits of my friend" %ho no sooner understood the lo%ness of my finances" than" utterin# a dreadful #roan" he e*claimed" 7+n the name of 2od" %hat shall %e do=7 +n order to comfort him" + said" that many of my ac-uaintances" %ho %ere in a %orse condition than %e" su$$orted" not%ithstandin#" the character of #entlemen' and advisin# him to thank 2od that as yet %e had incurred no debt" $ro$osed he should $a%n my s%ord of steel" inlaid %ith #old" and trust to my discretion for the rest& This e*$edient %as %orm%ood and #all to $oor Stra$" %ho" in s$ite of his invincible affection for me" still retained notions of economy and e*$ense suitable to the narro%ness of his education' nevertheless he com$lied %ith my re-uest" and raised seven $ieces on the s%ord in a t%inklin#& This su$$ly" inconsiderable as it %as" made me as ha$$y for the $resent" as if + had ke$t five hundred $ounds in bank' for by this time + %as so %ell skilled in $rocrastinatin# every troublesome reflection" that the $ros$ect of %ant seldom affected me very much" let it be ever so near& And no% indeed it %as nearer than + ima#ined& 0y landlord" havin# occasion for money" $ut me in mind of my bein# indebted to him five #uineas in lod#in#' and" tellin# me he had a sum to make u$" be##ed + %ould e*cuse his im$ortunity" and dischar#e the debt& Thou#h + could ill s$are so much cash" my $ride took the resolution of disbursin# it& This + did in a cavalier manner" after he had %ritten a dischar#e" tellin# him %ith an air of scorn and resentment" + sa% he %as resolved that + should not be lon# in his books' %hile Stra$" %ho stood by" and kne% my circumstances" %run# his hands in secret" #na%ed his nether li$" and turned yello% %ith des$air& ,hatever a$$earance of indifference my vanity enabled me to $ut on" + %as thunderstruck %ith this demand" %hich + had no sooner satisfied" than + hastened into com$any" %ith a vie% of be#uilin# my cares %ith conversation" or dro%nin# them %ith %ine& After dinner" a $arty %as accordin#ly made in the coffee/house" from %hence %e ad)ourned to the tavern" %here" instead of sharin# the mirth of the com$any" + %as as much cha#rined at their #ood humour as a damned soul in hell %ould be at a #lim$se of heaven& +n vain did + s%allo% bum$er after bum$er8 the %ine had lost its effect u$on me" and" far from raisin# my de)ected s$irits" could not even lay me aslee$& Banter" %ho %as the only intimate + had 5Stra$ e*ce$ted6" $erceived my an*iety" and" %hen %e broke u$" re$roached me %ith $usillanimity" for bein# cast do%n at my disa$$ointment that such a rascal as Strut%ell could be the occasion of& + told him + did not at all see ho% Strut%ell's bein# a rascal alleviated my misfortune' and #ave him to understand that my $resent #rief did not so much $roceed from that disa$$ointment" as from the lo% ebb of my fortune" %hich %as sunk to somethin# less than t%o #uineas& At this declaration he cried" 7Psha8 is that all=7 and assured me there %ere a thousand %ays of livin# in to%n %ithout a fortune" he himself havin# subsisted many years entirely by his %it& + e*$ressed

an ea#er desire of bein# ac-uainted %ith some of these methods" and he" %ithout farther e*$ostulation" bade me follo% him& He conducted me to a house under the $ia33as in !overt 2arden" %hich %e entered" and havin# delivered our s%ords to a #rim fello% %ho demanded them at the foot of the staircase" ascended to the second story" %here + sa% multitudes of $eo$le standin# round t%o #amin#/tables" loaded" in a manner" %ith #old and silver& 0y conductor told me this %as the house of a %orthy Scotch lord" %ho" usin# the $rivile#e of his $eera#e" had set u$ $ublic #amin# tables" from the $rofits of %hich he dre% a comfortable livelihood& He then e*$lained difference the bet%een the sitters and the bettors' characterised the first as old rooks" and the last as bubbles' and advised me to try my fortune at the silver table" by bettin# a cro%n at a time& Before + %ould venture anythin#" + considered the com$any more $articularly" and there a$$eared such a #rou$ of villanous faces" that + %as struck %ith horror and astonishment at the si#ht8 + si#nified my sur$rise to Banter" %ho %his$ered in my ear" that the bulk of those $resent %ere shar$ers" hi#h%aymen" and a$$rentices" %ho" havin# embe33led their master's cash" made a des$erate $ush in this $lace to make u$ their deficiencies& This account did not encoura#e me to ha3ard any $art of my small $ittance( but" at len#th" bein# teased by the im$ortunities of my friend" %ho assured me there %as no dan#er of bein# ill/used" because $eo$le %ere hired by the o%ner to see )ustice done to everybody" + be#an by riskin# one shillin#" and" in less than an hour" my %innin# amounted to thirty& !onvinced by this time of the fairness of the #ame" and animated %ith success" there %as no need of further $ersuasion to continue the $lay( + lent Banter 5%ho seldom had any money in his $ocket6 a #uinea" %hich he carried to the #old table" and lost in a moment& He %ould have borro%ed another" but findin# me deaf to his ar#uments" %ent a%ay in a $et& 0ean%hile my #ain advanced to si* $ieces" and my desire of more increased in $ro$ortion( so that + moved to the hi#her table" %here + laid half/a/#uinea on every thro%" and fortune still favourin# me" + became a sitter" in %hich ca$acity + remained until it %as broad day' %hen + found myself" after many vicissitudes" one hundred and fifty #uineas in $ocket& Thinkin# it no% hi#h time to retire %ith my booty" + asked if anybody %ould take my $lace" and made a notion to rise' u$on %hich an old 2ascon" %ho sat o$$osite to me" and of %hom + had %on a little money" started u$ %ith fury in his looks" cryin#" 7Reste3" foutre" reste38 il faut donner moi mon ravanchio87 At the same time" a :e%" %ho sat near the other" insinuated that + %as more beholden to art than fortune for %hat + had #ot' that he had observed me %i$e the table very often" and that some of the divisions a$$eared to be #reasy& This intimation $roduced a #reat deal of clamour a#ainst me" es$ecially amon# the losers" %ho threatened %ith many oaths and im$recations" to take me u$ by a %arrant as a shar$er" unless + %ould com$romise the affair by refundin# the #reatest $art of my %innin#& Thou#h + %as far from bein# easy under his accusation" + relied u$on my innocence" threatened in my turn to $rosecute the :e%" for defamation" and boldly offered to submit my cause to the e*amination of any )ustice in ,estminster' but they kne% themselves too %ell to $ut their characters on that issue" and findin# that + %as not to be intimidated into any concession" dro$$ed their $lea" and made %ay for me to %ithdra%& + %ould not" ho%ever" stir from the table until the +sraelite had retracted %hat he had said to my disadvanta#e" and asked $ardon before the %hole assembly&

As + marched out %ith my $ri3e" + ha$$ened to tread on the toes of a tall ra%/boned fello%" %ith a hooked nose" fierce eyes" black thick eyebro%s" a $i#tail %i# of the same colour" and a formidable hat $ulled over his forehead" %ho stood #na%in# his fin#ers in the cro%d" and he sooner felt the a$$lication of my shoe heel" than he roared out in a tremendous voice" 7Blood and %ounds8 you son of a %hore" %hat's that for=7 + asked $ardon %ith a #reat deal of submission" and $rotested + had no intention of hurtin# him' but the more + humbled myself the more he stormed" and insisted on #entlemanly satisfaction" at the same time $rovokin# me %ith scandalous names that + could not $ut u$ %ith' so that + #ave loose to my $assion" returned his Billin#s#ate" and challen#ed him do%n to the $ia33as& His indi#nation coolin# as mine %armed" he refused my invitation" sayin# he %ould choose his o%n time" and returned to%ards the table mutterin# threats" %hich + neither dreaded nor distinctly beard' but" descendin# %ith #reat deliberation" received my s%ord from the door/kee$er" %hom + #ratified %ith a #uinea" accordin# to the custom of the $lace" and %ent home in a ra$ture of )oy& 0y faithful valet" %ho had set u$ all ni#ht in the utmost uneasiness on my account" let me in %ith his face beslubbered %ith tears" and follo%ed me to my chamber" %here he stood silent like a condemned criminal" in e*$ectation of hearin# that every shillin# %as s$ent" + #uessed the situation of his thou#hts" and" assumin# a sullen look" bade him fetch me some %ater to %ash& He re$lied" %ithout liftin# his eyes from the #round" 7+n my sim$le con)ecture" you have more occasion for rest" not havin# 5+ su$$ose6 sle$t these four/and/t%enty hours&7 7Brin# me some %ater87 said +" in a $erem$tory tone' u$on %hich he sneaked a%ay shru##in# his shoulders& Before he returned" + had s$read my %hole stock on the table in the most ostentatious manner' so that" %hen it first saluted his vie%" he stood like one entranced' and" havin# rubbed his eyes more than once" to assure himself of his bein# a%ake" broke out into" 71ord have mercy u$on us" %hat a vast treasure is here87 7'Tis all our o%n" Stra$"7 said +' 7take %hat is necessary" and redeem the s%ord immediately&7 He advanced to%ards the table" sto$$ed short by the %ay" looked at the money and me by turns" and %ith a %ildness in his countenance" $roduced from )oy checked by distrust" cried" 7+ dare say it is honestly come by&7 To remove his scru$les" + made him ac-uainted %ith the %hole story of my success" %hich" %hen he heard" he danced about the room in an ecstacy" cryin#" 72od be $raised8//a %hite stone8//2od be $raised8//a %hite stone87 So that + %as afraid the chan#e of fortune bad disordered his intellects" and that he %as run mad %ith )oy& E*tremely concerned at this event" + attem$ted to reason him out of his fren3y" but to no $ur$ose' for %ithout re#ardin# %hat + said" he continued to frisk u$ and do%n" and re$eat his rha$sody" of 72od be $raised8//a %hite stone87 At last" + rose in the utmost consternation" and" layin# violent hands u$on him" $ut a sto$ to his e*trava#ance by fi*in# him do%n to a settee that %as in the room& This constraint banished his delirium' he started as if )ust a%oke" and terrified at my behaviour" cried" 7,hat is the matter87 ,hen he learned the cause of my a$$rehension" he %as ashamed of his trans$orts" and told me" that in mentionin# the %hite stone" he alluded to the 9ies fast of the Romans" alibi la$$ed knotty& Havin# no inclination to slee$" + secured my cash" dressed" and %as )ust #oin# abroad" %hen the servant of the house told me" there %as

a #entle%oman at the door %ho %anted to s$eak %ith me& Sur$rised at this information" + made Stra$ sho% her u$" and in less than a minute" sa% a youn# %oman of a shabby decayed a$$earance enter my room& After half/a/do3en curtsies" she be#an to sob" and told me her name %as 2a%ky' u$on %hich information + immediately recollected the features of 0iss 1evement" %ho had been the first occasion of my misfortunes& Thou#h + had all the reason in the %orld to resent her treacherous behaviour to me" + %as moved at her distress" and $rofessin# my sorro% at seein# her so reduced desired her to sit" and in-uired into the $articulars of her situation& She fell u$on her knees and im$lored my for#iveness for the in)uries she had done me" $rotestin# before 2od" that she %as forced" a#ainst her inclination" into that hellish cons$iracy %hich had almost de$rived me of my life" by the entreaties of her husband" %ho" havin# been after%ards renounced by his father on account of his marria#e %ith her" and unable to su$$ort a family on his $ay" left his %ife at her father's house" and %ent %ith the re#iment to 2ermany" %here he %as broke for misbehaviour at the battle of 9ettin#en' since %hich time she had heard no tidin#s of him& She then #ave me to understand" %ith many sym$toms of $enitence" that it %as her misfortune to bear a child four months after marria#e" by %hich event her $arents %ere so incensed" that she %as turned out of doors %ith the infant" that died soon after( and had hitherto subsisted in a miserable indi#ent manner" on the e*torted charity of a fe% friends" %ho %ere no% -uite tired of #ivin#' that" not kno%in# %here or ho% to su$$ort herself one day lon#er" she had fled for succour even to me" %ho" of all mankind" had the least cause to assist her" relyin# u$on the #enerosity of my dis$osition" %hich" she ho$ed" %ould be $leased %ith this o$$ortunity of aven#in# itself in the noblest manner on the %retch %ho had %ron#ed me& + %as very much affected %ith her discourse and" havin# no cause to sus$ect the sincerity of her re$entance" raised her u$" freely $ardoned all she had done a#ainst me" and $romised to befriend her as much as lay in my $o%er& Since my last arrival in 1ondon" + had made no advances to the a$othecary" ima#inin# it %ould be im$ossible for me to make my innocence a$$ear" so unha$$ily %as my accusation circumstanced( Stra$ indeed had laboured to )ustify me to the schoolmaster' but" far from succeedin# in his attem$t" 0r& !oncordance dro$$ed all corres$ondence %ith him" because he refused to -uit his connection %ith me& Thin#s bein# in this situation" + thou#ht a fairer o$$ortunity of vindicatin# my character could not offer than that %hich no% $resented itself' + therefore sti$ulated %ith 0rs& 2a%ky" that before + %ould yield her the least assistance" she should do me the )ustice to clear my re$utation by e*$lainin# u$on oath before a ma#istrate the %hole of the cons$iracy" as it had been e*ecuted a#ainst me& ,hen she had #iven me this satisfaction" + $resented her %ith five #uineas" a sum so much above her e*$ectation" that she could scarce believe the evidence of her senses" and %as ready to %orshi$ me for my benevolence& The declaration" si#ned %ith her o%n hand" + sent to her father" %ho" u$on recollectin# and com$arin# the circumstances of my char#e" %as convinced of my inte#rity" and %aited on me ne*t day" in com$any %ith his friend the schoolmaster" to %hom he had communicated my vindication& After mutual salutation" 0onsieur 1avement be#an a lon# a$olo#y for the un)ust treatment + had received' but + saved him a #ood deal of breath by interru$tin# his haran#ue" and assurin# him that" far from entertainin# a resentment a#ainst him" + thou#ht myself obli#ed to his lenity" %hich allo%ed

me to esca$e" after such stron# assum$tions of #uilt a$$eared a#ainst me& 0r& !oncordance" thinkin# it no% his turn to s$eak" observed that 0r& Random had too much candour and sa#acity to be disobli#ed at their conduct" %hich" all thin#s considered" could not have been other%ise %ith any honesty of intention& 7+ndeed"7 said he" 7if the $lot had been unravelled to us by any su$ernatural intelli#ence' if it had been %his$ered by a #enius" communicated by dream" or revealed by an an#el from on hi#h" %e should have been to blame in creditin# ocular demonstration' but as %e %ere left in the midst of mortality" it cannot be e*$ected %e should be inca$able of im$osition& + must assure you" 0r& Random" no man on earth is more $leased than + am at this trium$h of your character( and" as the ne%s of your misfortune $an#ed me to the very entrails" this manifestation of your innocence makes my midriff -uiver %ith )oy&7 + thanked him for this concern" desired them to undeceive those of their ac-uaintance %ho )ud#ed harshly of me" and" havin# treated them %ith a #lass of %ine" re$resented to 1avement the de$lorable condition of his dau#hter" and $leaded her cause so effectually" that he consented to settle a small annuity on her for life( but could not be $ersuaded to take her home" because her mother %as so much incensed" that she %ould never see her& !HAPTER 1+++ + $urchase ne% !lothes//re$rimand Strut%ell and Straddle//Banter $ro$oses another matrimonial Scheme//+ acce$t of his Terms//set out to Bath in the Sta#e/coach %ith the youn# 1ady and her 0other//the Behaviour of an Officer and 1a%yer//our fello% Travellers described//a smart dialo#ue bet%een my 0istress and the !a$tain Havin# finished this affair to my satisfaction" + found myself $erfectly at ease' and" lookin# u$on the #amin#/table as a certain resource for a #entleman in %ant" became more #ay than ever& Althou#h my clothes %ere almost as #ood as ne%" + #re% ashamed of %earin# them" because + thou#ht everybody by this time had #ot an inventory of my %ardrobe& or %hich reason + dis$osed of a #ood $art of my a$$arel to a salesman in 0onmouth Street for half the value" and bou#ht t%o ne% suits %ith the money& + like%ise $urchased a $lain #old %atch" des$airin# of recoverin# that %hich + had so foolishly #iven to Strut%ell" %hom" not%ithstandin#" + still continued to visit at his levee" until the ambassador he had mentioned set out %ith a secretary of his o%n choosin#& + thou#ht myself then at liberty to e*$ostulate %ith his lordshi$" %hom + treated %ith #reat freedom in a letter" for amusin# me %ith vain ho$es" %hen he neither had the $o%er nor inclination to $rovide for me& 4or %as + less reserved %ith Straddle" %hom + in $erson re$roached for misre$resentin# to me the character of Strut%ell" %hich + did not scru$le to aver %as infamous in every res$ect& He seemed very much enra#ed at my freedom" talked a #reat deal about his -uality and honour" and be#an to make some com$arisons %hich + thou#ht so in)urious to mine" that + demanded an e*$lanation %ith #reat %armth" and he %as mean enou#h to e-uivocate" and condescend in such a manner that + left him %ith a hearty contem$t of his behaviour& About this time" Banter" %ho had observed a sur$risin# and sudden alteration in my a$$earance and dis$osition" be#an to in-uire very minutely into the cause" and" as + did not think fit to let him kno% the true state of the affair" lest he mi#ht make free %ith my

$urse" on the stren#th of havin# $ro$osed the scheme that filled it" + told him that + had received a small su$$ly from a relation in the country" %ho at the same time had $roffered to use all his interest 5%hich %as not small6 in solicitin# some $ost for me that should make me easy for life& 7+f that be the case"7 said Banter" 7$erha$s you %on't care to mortify yourself a little in makin# your fortune another %ay& + have a relation %ho is to set out for Bath ne*t %eek" %ith an only dau#hter" %ho bein# sickly and decre$it" intends to drink the %aters for the recovery of her health& Her father" %ho %as a rich Turkey merchant" died about a year a#o" and left her %ith a fortune of t%enty thousand $ounds" under the sole mana#ement of her mother" %ho is my kins%oman& + %ould have $ut in for the $late myself" but there is a breach at $resent bet%een the old %oman and me& >ou must kno%" that some time a#o + borro%ed a small sum of her and $romised" it seems" to $ay it before a certain time' but bein# disa$$ointed in my e*$ectation of money from the country" the day ela$sed %ithout my bein# able to take u$ my note' u$on %hich she %rote a $erem$tory letter" threatenin# to arrest me" if + did not $ay the debt immediately& 4ettled at this $recise behaviour" + sent a d//d severe ans%er" %hich enra#ed her so much that she actually took out a %rit a#ainst me& ,hereu$on" findin# the thin# #ro% serious" + #ot a friend to advance the money for me" dischar#ed the debt" %ent to her house" and abused her for her unfriendly dealin#& She %as $rovoked by my re$roaches" and scolded in her turn& The little deformed urchin )oined her mother %ith such virulence and volubility of ton#ue" that + %as fain to make a retreat" after havin# been honoured %ith a #reat many scandalous e$ithets" %hich #ave me $lainly to understand that + had nothin# to ho$e from the esteem of the one" or the affection of the other& As they are both utter stran#ers to life" it is a thousand to one that the #irl %ill be $icked u$ by some scoundrel or other at Bath" if + don't $rovide for her other%ise& >ou are a %ell/lookin# fello%" Random" and can behave as demurely as a -uaker& +f you %ill #ive me an obli#ation of five hundred $ounds" to be $aid si* months after your marria#e" + %ill $ut you in a method of carryin# her in s$ite of all o$$osition&7 This $ro$osal %as too advanta#eous for me to be refused& The %ritin# %as immediately dra%n u$ and e*ecuted' and Banter" #ivin# me notice of the time %hen" and the sta#e coach in %hich they %ere to set out" + bes$oke a $lace in the same convenience' and" havin# hired a horse for Stra$" %ho %as cha#rined %ith the $ros$ect" set for%ard accordin#ly& As %e embarked before day" + had not the $leasure for some time of seein# 0iss Sna$$er 5that %as the name of my mistress6" nor even of $erceivin# the number and se* of my fello% travellers" althou#h + #uessed that the coach %as full" by the difficulty + found in seatin# myself& The first five minutes $assed in a #eneral silence" %hen" all of a sudden" the coach heelin# to one side" a boisterous voice $ronounced" 7To the ri#ht and left" cover your flanks" d//me8 %hi387 + easily discovered by the tone and matter of this e*clamation that it %as uttered by a son of 0ars' neither %as it hard to conceive the $rofession of another $erson %ho sat o$$osite to me" and observed that %e ou#ht to have been %ell satisfied of our security before %e entered u$on the $remises& These t%o sallies had not the desired effect& ,e continued a #ood %hile as mute as before" till at len#th the #entleman of the s%ord" im$atient of lon#er silence" made a second effort" by s%earin# he had #ot into

a meetin# of -uakers& 7+ believe so too"7 said a shrill female voice at my left hand" 7for the s$irit of folly be#ins to move&7 7Out %ith it then" madam87 re$lied the soldier& 7>ou seem to have no occasion for a mid%ife"7 cried the lady& 79//mn my blood87 e*claimed the other" 7a man can't talk to a %oman" but she immediately thinks of a mid%ife&7 7True sir"7 said she" 7+ lon# to be delivered&7 7,hat of//a mouse" madam=7 said lie& 74o" Sir"7 said she" 7of a fool&7 7Are you far #one %ith a fool=7 said he& 71ittle more than t%o miles"7 said she& 7By 2ad" you're a %it" madam"7 cried the officer" 7+ %ish + could %ith any )ustice return the com$liment"7 said the lady& 7Bounds" + have done"7 said he& 7>our bolt is soon shot" accordin# to the old $roverb"7 said she& The %arrior's $o%der %as -uite s$ent' the la%yer advised him to dro$ the $rosecution" and a #rave matron" %ho sat on the left hand of the victorious %it" told her she must not let her ton#ue run so fast amon# stran#ers& This re$rimand" softened %ith the a$$ellation of child" convinced me that the satirical lady %as no other than 0iss Sna$$er" and + resolved to re#ulate my conduct accordin#ly& The cham$ion" findin# himself so smartly handled" chan#ed his battery" and be#an to e*$atiate on his o%n e*$loits& 7>ou talk of shot" madam"7 said he' 7d//me8 + have both #iven and received some shot in my time//+ %as %ounded in the shoulder by a $istol ball at 9ettin#en" %here//+ say nothin#//but by 2//d8 if it had not been for me//all's one for that//+ des$ise boastin#" d/me8 %hi387 So sayin#" he %histled one $art and hummed another" of the Black :oke' then" addressin# himself to the la%yer" %ent on thus' 7,ouldn't you think it d//d hard" after havin#" at the risk of your life" recovered the standard of a re#iment that had been lost" to receive no $referment for your $ains= + don't choose to name no names" sink me8 but" ho%somever" this + %ill refer" by 2//d8 and that is this//a musketeer of the rench #uards" havin# a standard from a certain cornet of a certain re#iment" d//e8 %as retreatin# %ith his $ri3e as fast as his horse's heels could carry him" sink me8 U$on %hich" + snatched u$ firelock that belon#ed to a dead man" d//me8 ,hi38 and shot his horse under him" d//n my blood8 The fello% #ot u$on his feet" and be#an to re$ose me" u$on %hich + char#ed my bayonet breast hi#h" and ran him throu#h the body by 2//8 One of his comrades" comin# to his assistance" shot me in the shoulder" as + told you before' and another #ave me a contusion on the head %ith the butt/end of his carbine' but" d//me" that did not si#nify& + killed one" $ut the other to fli#ht" and takin# u$ the standard" carried it off very deliberately& But the best )oke of all %as the son of a b//ch of a cornet" %ho had surrendered it in a co%ardly manner" seein# it in my $ossession" demanded it from me in the front of the line& 79//n my blood87 says he" 7%here did you find my standard=7 says he& 79//n my blood87 said +" 7%here"7 said +" 7did you lose it=7 said +& 7That's nothin# to you"7 says he" 7'tis my standard"7 says he7 and by 2//d +'ll have it"7 says he& 79//nation sei3e me"7 says +" 7if you shall"7 says +" 7till + have first delivered it to the #eneral"7 says +' and accordin#ly + %ent to the head-uarters after the battle" and delivered it to my 1ord Stair" %ho $romised to do for me& But + am no more than a $oor lieutenant still" d//n my blood&7 Havin# vented this re$etition of e*$letives" the la%yer o%ned he had not been re-uited accordin# to his deserts' observed that the labourer is al%ays %orthy of his hire" and asked if the $romise %as made before %itnesses" because in that case the la% %ould com$el the #eneral to $erform it' but understandin# that the $romise %as made over a bottle" %ithout bein# restricted to time or terms"

he $ronounced it not valid in la%" $roceeded to in-uire into the $articulars of the battle" and affirmed that" althou#h the En#lish had dra%n themselves into $remunire at first" the rench mana#ed their cause so lamely in the course of the dis$ute" that they %ould have been utterly nonsuited" had they not obtained a nolli $rose-ui& +n s$ite of these enlivenin# touches" the conversation %as like to suffer another lon# interru$tion" %hen the lieutenant" un%illin# to conceal any of his accom$lishments that could be dis$layed in his $resent situation" offered to re#ale the com$any %ith a son#' and" inter$retin# our silence into a desire of hearin#" be#an to %arble a fashionable air the first stan3a of %hich he $ronounced thus( 7,ould you task the moon/tide hair" To yon fla#rant beau re$air& ,here %avin# %ith the $o$lin vo%" The bantlin# fine %ill shelter you"7 etc& The sense of the rest he $erverted as he %ent on %ith such sur$risin# facility that + could not hel$ thinkin# he had been at some $ains to burles-ue the $erformance& 0iss Sna$$er ascribed it to the true cause" namely i#norance' and" %hen he asked her ho% she relished his music" ans%ered that" in her o$inion" the music and the %ords %ere much of a $iece& 7Oh" d//n my blood87 said he 7+ take that as a hi#h com$liment' for everybody allo%s the %ords are d//able fine&7 7They may be so"7 re$lied the lady" 7for au#ht + kno%" but they are above my com$rehension&7 7+ an't obli#ed to find you com$rehension" madam" curse me87 cried he& 74o" nor to s$eak sense neither"7 said she& 79//n my heart"7 said he" 7+'ll s$eak %hat + $lease&7 Here the la%yer inter$osed" by tellin# him" there %ere some thin#s he must not s$eak' and u$on bein# defied to #ive an instance" mentioned treason and defamation& 7As for the kin#"7 cried the soldier" 72od bless him//+ eat his bread" and have lost blood in his cause" therefore + have nothin# to say to him//but" by 2//d" + dare say anythin# to any other man&7 74o"7 said the la%yer" 7you dare not call me ro#ue&7 79//me" for %hat=7 said the other& 7Because"7 re$lied the counsellor" 7+ should have it #ood action a#ainst you" and recover&7 7,ell" %ell"7 cried the officer" 7if + dare not call you ro#ue" + dare think you one" d//me87 This stroke of %it he accom$anied %ith a loud lau#h of self/a$$robation" %hich unluckily did not affect the audience" but effectually silenced his anta#onist" %ho did not o$en his mouth for the s$ace of an hour" e*ce$t to clear his $i$e %ith three hems" %hich ho%ever" $roduced nothin#& !HAPTER 1+; 9ay breakin#" + have the Pleasure of vie%in# the Person of 0iss Sna$$er" %hom + had not seen before//the Soldier is %itty u$on me//is offended//talks much of his ;alour//is re$rimanded by a #rave 2entle%oman//%e are alarmed by the cry of Hi#h%aymen//+ #et out of the !oach" and stand in my o%n defence//they ride off %ithout havin# attacked us//+ $ursue them//one of them is thro%n from his Horse and taken//+ return to the !oach//am com$limented by 0iss Sna$$er//the !a$tain's Behaviour on this Occasion//the Prude re$roaches me in a Solilo-uy//+ u$braid her in the same 0anner//the Behaviour of 0iss Sna$$er" at Breakfast" disobli#es me//the 1a%yer is %itty u$on the Officer" %ho threatens him

+n the meantime" the day breakin# in u$on us" discovered to one another the faces of their fello% travellers( and + had the #ood fortune to find my mistress not -uite so deformed nor disa#reeable as she had been re$resented to me& Her head" indeed" bore some resemblance to a hatchet" the ed#e bein# re$resented by her face' but she had a certain delicacy in her com$le*ion" and a #reat deal of vivacity in her eyes" %hich %ere very lar#e and black' and" thou#h the $rotuberance of her breast" %hen considered alone" seemed to dra# her for%ards" it %as easy to $erceive an e-uivalent on her back %hich balanced the other" and ke$t her body in e-uilibrio& On the %hole" + thou#ht + should have #reat reason to con#ratulate myself if it should be my fate to $ossess t%enty thousand $ounds encumbered %ith such a %ife& + be#an therefore to deliberate about the most $robable means of ac-uirin# the con-uest" and %as so much en#rossed by this idea" that + scarce took any notice of the rest of the $eo$le in the coach" but revolved my $ro)ect in silence' %hile the conversation %as maintained as before by the ob)ect of my ho$es" the son of 0ars" and the barrister" %ho by this time recollected himself" and talked in terms as much as ever& At len#th a dis$ute ha$$ened" %hich ended in a %a#er" to be determined by me" %ho %as so much absorbed in contem$lation" that + neither heard the reference nor the -uestion %hich %as $ut to me by each in his turn& Affronted at my su$$osed contem$t" the soldier %ith #reat vociferation s%ore + %as either dumb or deaf if not both" and that + looked as if + could not say Bo to a #oose& Aroused at this observation" + fi*ed my eyes u$on him" and $ronounced %ith em$hasis the inter)ection Bo8 U$on %hich he cocked his hat in a fierce manner" and cried" 79//me sir7 %hat d'ye mean by that&7 Had + intended to ans%er him" %hich by the by %as not my desi#n" + should have been antici$ated by 0iss" %ho told him" my meanin# %as to sho%" that + could cry Bo to a #oose' and lau#hed very heartily at my laconic re$roof& Her e*$lanation and mirth did not hel$ to a$$ease his %rath" %hich broke out in several martial insinuations" such as//+ do not understand such freedoms" d//me8 9//n my blood8 +'m a #entleman" and bear the kin#'s commission& 'Sblood8 some $eo$le deserve to have their noses $ulled for their im$ertinence&7 + thou#ht to have checked these e)aculations by a fro%n' because he had talked so much of his valour that + had lon# a#o rated him as an ass in a lion's skin' but this e*$edient did not ans%er my e*$ectation" he took umbra#e at the contraction of my bro%" s%ore he did not value my sulky looks a fi#'s end" and $rotested he feared no man breathin#& 0iss Sna$$er said" she %as very #lad to find herself in com$any %ith a man of so much coura#e" %ho" she did not doubt" %ould $rotect her from all the attem$ts of hi#h%aymen durin# our )ourney& 70ake yourself $erfectly easy on that head" madam"7 re$lied the officer& 7+ have #ot a $air of $istols 5here they are6" %hich + took from a horse officer at the battle of 9ettin#en' they are double loaded" and if any hi#h%ayman in En#land robs you of the value of a $in %hile + have the honour of bein# in your com$any" d//n my heart&7 ,hen he had e*$ressed himself in this manner" a $rim #entle%oman" %ho had sat silent hitherto" o$ened her mouth" and said" she %ondered ho% any man could be so rude as to $ull out such %ea$ons before ladies& 79//me" madam"7 cried the cham$ion" 7if you are so much afraid at the si#ht of a $istol" ho% d'ye $ro$ose to stand fire if there should be occasion=7 She then told him that" if she thou#ht he could be so unmannerly as to use fire/arms in her $resence" %hatever mi#ht be the occasion" she %ould #et out of the coach immediately" and %alk to the ne*t villa#e" %here she mi#ht $rocure

a convenience to herself& Before he could make any ans%er" my 9ulcinea inter$osed" and observed that" far from bein# offended at a #entleman's usin# his arms in his o%n defence" she thou#ht herself very lucky in bein# alon# %ith one by %hose valour she stood a #ood chance of savin# herself from bein# rifled& The $rude cast a disdainful look at 0iss" and said that $eo$le" %ho have but little to lose" are sometimes the most solicitous about $reservin# it& The old lady %as affronted at this inuendo" and took notice" that $eo$le ou#ht to be very %ell informed before they s$eak sli#htin#ly of other $eo$le's fortune" lest they discover their o%n envy" and make themselves ridiculous& The dau#hter declared" that she did not $retend to vie %ith anybody in $oint of riches' and if the lady" %ho insisted u$on non/resistance" %ould $romise to indemnify us all for the loss %e should sustain" she %ould be one of the first to $ersuade the ca$tain to submission" in case %e should be attacked& To this $ro$osal" reasonable as it %as" the reserved lady made no other re$ly than a scornful #lance and a toss of her head& + %as very %ell $leased %ith the s$irit of my youn# mistress" and even %ished for an o$$ortunity of distin#uishin# my coura#e under her eye" %hich + believed could not fail of $re$ossessin# her in my favour" %hen all of a sudden Stra$ rode u$ to the coach door" and told us in a #reat fri#ht" that t%o men on horseback %ere crossin# the heath 5for by this time %e had $assed Hounslo%6" and made directly to%ards us& This $iece of information %as no sooner delivered" than 0rs& Sna$$er be#an to scream" her dau#hter #re% $ale" the old lady $ulled out her $urse to be in readiness" the la%yer's teeth chattered" %hile he $ronounced" 7'Tis no matter//%e'll sue the county and recover&7 The ca$tain #ave evident si#ns of confusion( and +" after havin# commanded the coachman to sto$" o$ened the door" )um$ed out" and invited the %arrior to follo% me& But" findin# him back%ard and astonished" + took his $istols" and" #ivin# them to Stra$" %ho had by this time ali#hted and trembled very much" + mounted on horseback' and" takin# my o%n 5%hich + could better de$end u$on6 from the holsters" cocked them both" and faced the robbers" %ho %ere no% very near us& Seein# me ready to o$$ose them on horseback" and another man armed a/foot" they made a halt at some distance to reconnoitre us( and after havin# rode round us t%ice" myself still facin# about as they rode" %ent off the same %ay they came" at a hand #allo$& A #entleman's servant comin# u$ %ith a horse at the same time" + offered him a cro%n to assist me in $ursuin# them" %hich he no sooner acce$ted" than + armed him %ith the officer's $istols" and %e #allo$ed after the thieves" %ho" trustin# to the s%iftness of their horses" sto$$ed till %e came %ithin shot of them and then" firin# at us" $ut their na#s to the full s$eed& ,e follo%ed them as fast as our beasts could carry us' but" not bein# so %ell mounted as they" our efforts %ould have been to little $ur$ose" had not the horse of one of them stumbled" and thro%n his rider %ith such violence over his head" that he lay senseless %hen %e came u$" and %as taken %ithout the least o$$osition' %hile his comrade consulted his o%n safety in fli#ht" %ithout re#ardin# the distress of his friend& ,e scarce had time to make ourselves masters of his arms" and tie his hands to#ether" before he recovered his senses" %hen" learnin# his situation he affected sur$rise" demanded to kno% by %hat authority %e used a #entleman in that manner" and had the im$udence to threaten us %ith a $rosecution for robbery& +n the meantime" %e $erceived Stra$ comin# u$ %ith a cro%d of $eo$le" armed u$ %ith different kinds of %ea$ons' and amon# the rest a farmer" %ho

no sooner $erceived the thief" %hom %e had secured" than he cried %ith #reat emotion" 7There's the fello% %ho robbed me an hour a#o of t%enty $ounds" in a canvas ba#&7 He %as immediately searched" and the money found e*actly as it had been described' u$on %hich %e committed him to the char#e of the countryman" %ho carried him to the to%n of Hounslo%" %hich" it seems" the farmer had alarmed' and +" havin# satisfied the footman for his trouble" accordin# to $romise" returned %ith Stra$ to the coach" %here + found the ca$tain and la%yer busy in administerin# smellin# bottles and cordials to the #rave lady" %ho had #one into a fit at the noise of firin#& ,hen + had taken my seat" 0iss Sna$$er" %ho from the coach had seen everythin# that ha$$ened' made me a com$liment on my behaviour" and said she %as #lad to see me returned %ithout havin# received any in)ury' her mother too o%ned herself obli#ed to my resolution( the la%yer told me" that + %as entitled by act of $arliament to a re%ard of forty $ounds" for havin# a$$rehended a hi#h%ayman& The soldier observed" %ith a countenance in %hich im$udence and shame stru##lin#" $roduced some disorder" that if + had not been in such a d//d hurry to #et out of the coach" he %ould have secured the ro#ues effectually" %ithout all this bustle and loss of time" by a scheme" %hich my heat and $reci$itation ruined& 7 or my o%n $art"7 continued he" 7+ am al%ays e*tremely cool on these occasions& 7So it a$$eared" by your tremblin#"7 said the youn# lady& 79eath and d//ion87 cried he" your se* $rotects you" madam' if any man on earth durst tell me so much" +'d send him to hell" d//n my heart8 in an instant&7 So sayin#" he fi*ed his eyes u$on me" and asked if + had seen him tremble= + ans%ered %ithout hesitation" 7>es&7 79//me" sir87 said he" 7d'ye doubt my coura#e=7 + re$lied" 7;ery much&7 This declaration -uite disconcerted him& He looked blank" and $ronounced %ith a falterin# voice" 7Oh8 it's very %ell( d//n my blood8 + shall find a time&7 + si#nified my contem$t of him" by thrustin# my ton#ue in my cheek" %hich humbled him so much" that he scarce s%ore another oath aloud durin# the %hole )ourney& The $recise lady" havin# recruited her s$irits by the hel$ of some stron# %aters" be#an a solilo-uy" in %hich she %ondered that any man" %ho $retended to maintain the character of a #entleman" could" for the sake of a little $altry coin" thro% $ersons of honour into such -uandaries as mi#ht endan#er their lives' and $rofessed her sur$rise that %omen %ere not ashamed to commend such brutality& At the same time vo%in# that for the future she %ould never set foot in a sta#e coach" if a $rivate convenience could be had for love or money& 4ettled at her remarks" + took the same method of conveyin# my sentiments" and %ondered in my turn" that any %oman of common sense should be so unreasonable as to e*$ect that $eo$le" %ho had neither ac-uaintance nor connection %ith her" %ould tamely allo% themselves to be robbed and maltreated" merely to indul#e her ca$ricious humour& + like%ise confessed my astonishment at her insolence and in#ratitude in ta*in# a $erson %ith brutality" %ho deserved her a$$robation and ackno%led#ment' and vo%ed that" if ever she should be assaulted a#ain" + %ould leave her to the mercy of the s$oiler" that she mi#ht kno% the value of my $rotection& This $erson of honour did not think fit to carry on the altercation any further" but seemed to che% the cud of her resentment %ith the crestfallen ca$tain" %hile + entered into discourse %ith my charmer"

%ho %as the more $leased %ith my conversation" as she had conceived a very indifferent o$inion of my intellects from my former silence& + should have had cause to be e-ually satisfied %ith the s$ri#htliness of her #enius" could she have curbed her ima#ination %ith )ud#ment' but she laboured under such a $rofusion of talk" that + dreaded her unruly ton#ue" and felt by antici$ation the horrors of an eternal clack8 Ho%ever" %hen + considered" on the other hand" the )oys attendin# the $ossession of t%enty thousand $ounds" + for#ot her im$erfections" sei3ed occasion by the forelock" and tried to insinuate myself into her affection& The careful mother ke$t a strict %atch over her and thou#h she could not hel$ behavin# civilly to me" took fre-uent o$$ortunities of discoura#in# our communication" by re$rimandin# her for bein# so free %ith stran#ers" and tellin# her she must learn to s$eak less and think more& Abrid#ed of the use of s$eech" %e conversed %ith our eyes" and + found the youn# lady very elo-uent in this kind of discourse& +n short" + had reason to believe that she %as sick of the old #entle%oman's tuition" and that + should find it no difficult matter to su$ersede her authority& ,hen %e arrived at the $lace %here %e %ere to breakfast" + ali#hted" and hel$ed my mistress out of the coach" as %ell as her mother %ho called for a $rivate room to %hich they %ithdre% in order to eat by themselves& As they retired to#ether" + $erceived that 0iss had #ot more t%ists from nature than + had before observed for she %as bent side%ays into the fi#ure of an S" so that her $ro#ression very much resembled that of a crab& The $rude also chose the ca$tain for her messmate" and ordered breakfast for t%o only" to be brou#ht into another se$arate room( %hile the la%yer and +" deserted by the rest of the com$any" %ere fain to $ut u$ %ith each other& + %as a #ood deal cha#rined at the stately reserve of 0rs& Sna$$er" %ho" + thou#ht" did not use me %ith all the com$laisance + deserved' and my com$anion declared that he had been a traveller for t%enty years" and never kne% the sta#e coach rules so much infrin#ed before& As for the honourable #entle%oman + could not conceive the meanin# of her attachment to the lieutenant' and asked the la%yer if he kne% for %hich of the soldier's virtues she admired him= The counsellor facetiously re$lied" 7+ su$$ose the lady kno%s him to be an able conveyancer" and %ants him to make a settlement in tail&7 + could not hel$ lau#hin# at the archness of the barrister" %ho entertained me durin# breakfast %ith a #reat deal of %it of the same kind" at the e*$ense of our fello% travellers' and amon# other thin#s said" he %as sorry to find the youn# lady saddled %ith such incumbrances& ,hen %e had made an end of our re$ast" and $aid our reckonin#" %e %ent into the coach" took our $laces" and bribed the driver %ith si*$ence to reven#e us on the rest of his fare" by hurryin# them a%ay in the midst of their meal& This task he $erformed to our satisfaction" after he had disturbed their en)oyment %ith his im$ortunate clamour& The mother and dau#hter obeyed the summons first" and" comin# to the coach door" %ere obli#ed to desire the coachman's assistance to #et in" because the la%yer and + had a#reed to sho% our resentment by our ne#lect& They %ere no sooner seated" than the ca$tain a$$eared" as much heated as if he had been $ursued a do3en miles by an enemy' and immediately after him came the lady" not %ithout some marks of disorder& Havin# hel$ed her u$" he entered himself" #ro%lin# a fe% oaths a#ainst the coachman for his im$ertinent interru$tion' and the la%yer comforted him by sayin#" that if he had suffered a nisi $rius throu#h the obstinacy of the defendant" he mi#ht have an o$$ortunity to )oin issue

at the ne*t sta#e& This last e*$ression #ave offence to the #rave #entle%oman" %ho told him" if she %as a man" she %ould make him re$ent of such obscenity" and thanked 2od" he had never been in such com$any before& At this insinuation the ca$tain thou#ht himself under a necessity of es$ousin# the lady's cause' and accordin#ly threatened to cut off the la%yer's ears" if he should #ive his ton#ue any such liberties for the future& The $oor counsellor be##ed $ardon" and universal silence ensued& !HAPTER 1; + resolve to in#ratiate myself %ith the 0other" and am favoured by accident//the Precise 1ady finds her husband" and -uit the !oach//the !a$tain is disa$$ointed of his dinner//%e arrive at Bath//+ accom$any 0iss Sna$$er to the 1on#/room" %here she is attacked by beau 4ash" and" turns the 1au#h a#ainst him//+ make love to her" and receive a check//S-uire her to an Assembly" %here + am blessed %ith a Si#ht of my dear 4arcissa" %hich discom$oses me so much" that 0iss Sna$$er" observin# my disorder" is at $ains to discover the !ause//is $i-ued at the Occasion" and" in our %ay home" $ays me a sarcastic !om$liment//+ am met by 0iss ,illiams" %ho is the maid and !onfidante of 4arcissa//she ac-uaints me %ith her 1ady's re#ard for me %hile under the dis#uise of a Servant" and describes the Trans$orts of 4arcissa on seein# me at the Assembly" in the !haracter of a 2entleman//+ am sur$rised %ith an Account of her Aunt's 0arria#e" and make an A$$ointment to meet 0iss ,illiams the ne*t day 9urin# this unsocial interval" my $ride and interest maintained a severe conflict on the sub)ect of 0iss Sna$$er" %hom the one re$resented as un%orthy of notice" and the other $ro$osed as the ob)ect of my %hole attention( the advanta#es and disadvanta#es of such a match %ere o$$osed to one another by my ima#ination' and" at len#th" my )ud#ment #ave it so much in favour of the first" that + resolved to $rosecute my scheme %ith all the address in my $o%er& + thou#ht + $erceived some concern in her countenance" occasioned by my silence" %hich she" no doubt" im$uted to my dis#ust at her mother's behaviour' and" as + believed the old %oman could not fail of ascribin# my muteness to the same motive" + determined to continue that sullen conduct to%ards her" and fall u$on some other method of manifestin# my esteem for the dau#hter" nor %as it difficult for me to make her ac-uainted %ith my sentiments by the e*$ression of my looks" %hich + modelled into the character of humanity and love' and %hich %ere ans%ered by her %ith all the sym$athy and a$$robation + could desire& But %hen + be#an to consider" that" %ithout further o$$ortunities of im$rovin# my success" all the $ro#ress + had hitherto made %ould not much avail" and that such o$$ortunities could not be en)oyed %ithout the mother's $ermission" + concluded it %ould be re-uisite to van-uish her coldness and sus$icion by my assiduities and res$ectful behaviour on the road' and she %ould" in all likelihood" invite me to visit her at Bath" %here + did not fear of bein# able to cultivate her ac-uaintance as much as %ould be necessary to the accom$lishment of my $ur$ose& And indeed accident furnished me %ith an o$$ortunity of obli#in# her so much that she could not" %ith any a$$earance of #ood manners" forbear to #ratify my inclination& ,hen %e arrived at our dinin#/$lace" %e found all the eatables at the inn bes$oke by a certain nobleman" %ho bad #ot the start of us

and" in all likelihood" my mistress and her mother must have dined %ith 9uke Hum$hrey" had + not e*erted myself in their behalf" and bribed the landlord %ith a #lass of %ine to curtail his lordshi$'s entertainment of a cou$le of fo%ls and some bacon" %hich + sent %ith my com$liments to the ladies& They acce$ted my treat %ith a #reat many thanks" and desired + %ould favour them %ith my com$any at dinner" %here + amused the old #entle%oman so successfully" by maintainin# a seemin#ly disinterested ease in the midst of my civility" that she si#nified a desire of bein# better ac-uainted" and ho$ed + %ould be so kind as to see her sometimes at Bath& ,hile + en)oyed myself in this manner" the $recise lady had the #ood fortune to meet %ith her husband" %ho %as no other than #entleman" or" in other %ords" valet/de/chambre" to the very nobleman %hose coach stood at the door& Proud of the interest she had in the house" she affected to sho% her $o%er by introducin# the ca$tain to her s$ouse as a $erson %ho had treated her %ith #reat civility u$on %hich he %as invited to a share of their dinner' %hile the $oor la%yer" findin# himself utterly abandoned" made a$$lication to me" and %as throu#h my intercession admitted into our com$any& Havin# satisfied our a$$etites" and made ourselves merry at the e*$ense of the $erson of honour" the civil ca$tain" and com$laisant husband" + did myself the $leasure of dischar#in# the bill by stealth" for %hich + received a #reat many a$olo#ies and ackno%led#ments from my #uests" and %e re/embarked at the first %arnin#& The officer %as obli#ed" at last" to a$$ease his hun#er %ith a luncheon of bread and cheese" and a $int bottle of brandy" %hich he dis$atched in the coach" cursin# the ina$$etence of his lordshi$" %ho had ordered dinner to be $ut back a %hole hour& 4othin# remarkable ha$$ened durin# the remainin# $art of our )ourney" %hich %as finished ne*t day" %hen + %aited on the ladies to the house of a relation" in %hich they intended to lod#e" and" $assin# that ni#ht at the inn" took lod#in#s in the mornin# for myself& The forenoon %as s$ent in visitin# everythin# that %as %orth seein# in the $lace" in com$any %ith a #entleman to %hom Banter had #iven me a letter of introduction' and in the afternoon + %aited on the ladies" and found 0iss a #ood deal indis$osed %ith the fati#ue of their )ourney& As they foresa% they should have occasion for a male ac-uaintance to s-uire them at all $ublic $laces" + %as received %ith #reat cordiality" and had the mother's $ermission to conduct them ne*t day to the 1on# Room" %hich %e no sooner entered" than the eyes of everybody $resent %ere turned u$on us" and" %hen %e had suffered the martyrdom of their looks for some time" a %his$er circulated at our e*$ense" %hich %as accom$anied %ith many contem$tuous smiles and titterin# observations" to my utter shame and confusion& + did not so much conduct as follo% my char#e to a $lace %here she seated her mother and herself %ith astonishin# com$osure not%ithstandin# the unmannerly behaviour of the %hole com$any" %hich seemed to be assumed merely to $ut her out of countenance& The celebrated 0r& 4ash" %ho commonly attends in this $lace" as master of the ceremonies" $erceivin# the dis$osition of the assembly" took u$on himself the task of #ratifyin# their ill/nature further" by e*$osin# my mistress to the ed#e of his %it& ,ith this vie% he a$$roached us" %ith many bo%s and #rimaces" and" after havin# %elcomed 0iss Sna$$er to the $lace" asked her in the hearin# of all $resent" if she could inform him of the name of Tobit's do#& 0iss %as so much incensed at his insolence" that +

should certainly have kicked him %here he stood %ithout ceremony" had not the youn# lady $revented the effects of my indi#nation" by re$lyin# %ith the utmost vivacity" 7His name %as 4ash" and an im$udent do# he %as&7 This re$artee so une*$ected and )ust" raised such a universal lau#h at the a##ressor" that all his assurance %as insufficient to su$$ort him under their derision' so that" after he had endeavoured to com$ose himself by takin# snuff and forcin# a smile" he %as obli#ed to sneak off in a ludicrous attitude" %hile my 9ulcinea %as a$$lauded to the skies for the brilliancy of her %it" and her ac-uaintance immediately courted by the best $eo$le of both se*es in the room& This event" %ith %hich + %as indefinitely $leased at first" did not fail of alarmin# me" u$on further reflection" %hen + considered" that the more she %as caressed by $ersons of distinction" the more her $ride %ould be inflamed" and conse-uently" the obstacles to my success multi$lied and enlar#ed& 4or %ere my $resa#in# fears untrue& That very ni#ht + $erceived her a little into*icated %ith the incense she had received" and" thou#h" she still behaved %ith a $articular civility to me" + foresa%" that" as soon as her fortune should be kno%n" she %ould be surrounded %ith a s%arm of admirers" some of %hom mi#ht $ossibly" by e*cellin# me on $oint of %ealth" or in the arts of flattery and scandal" su$$lant me in her esteem" and find means to make the mother of his $arty& + resolved therefore to lose no time" and" bein# invited to s$end the evenin# %ith them" found an o$$ortunity" in s$ite of the old #entle%oman's vi#ilance" to e*$lain the meanin# of my #lances in the coach" by $ayin# homa#e to her %it" and $rofessin# myself enamoured of her $erson& She blushed at my declaration and in a favourable manner disa$$roved of the liberty + had taken" $uttin# me in mind of our bein# stran#ers to each other" and desirin# + %ould not be the means of interru$tin# our ac-uaintance" by any such unseasonable strokes of #allantry for the future& 0y ardour %as effectually checked by this re$rimand" %hich %as" ho%ever" delivered in a #entle manner" that + had no cause to be disobli#ed' and the arrival of her mother relieved me from a dilemma in %hich + should not have kno%n ho% to demean myself a minute lon#er& 4either could + resume the easiness of carria#e %ith %hich + came in' my mistress acted on the reserve" and the conversation be#innin# to fla#" the old lady introduced her kins%oman of the house" and $ro$osed a hand at %hist& ,hile %e amused ourselves at this diversion" + understood from the #entle%oman" that there %as to be an assembly ne*t ni#ht at %hich + be##ed to have the honour of dancin# %ith 0iss& She thanked me for the favour + intended her" assured me she never did dance" but si#nified a desire of seein# the com$any" %hen + offered my service" %hich %as acce$ted" not a little $roud of bein# e*em$ted from a$$earin# %ith her in a situation" that" not%ithstandin# my $rofession to the contrary" %as not at all a#reeable to my inclination& Havin# su$$ed" and continued the #ame" till such time as the successive ya%ns of the mother %arned me to be #one" + took my leave" and %ent home" %here + made Stra$ very ha$$y %ith an account of my $ro#ress& 4e*t day + $ut on my #ayest a$$arel" and %ent to drink tea at 0rs& Sna$$er's" accordin# to a$$ointment" %hen + found" to my ine*$ressible satisfaction" that she %as laid u$ %ith the toothache" and that 0iss %as to be intrusted to my care& Accordin#ly" %e set out for the ball/room $retty early in the evenin#" and took $ossession of a commodious $lace" %here %e had not sat lon#er than

a -uarter of an hour" %hen a #entleman" dressed in a #reen frock" came in" leadin# a youn# lady" %hom + immediately discovered to be the adorable 4arcissa8 2ood heaven8 %hat %ere the thrillin#s of my soul at that instant8 my reflection %as over%helmed %ith a torrent of a#itation8 my heart throbbed %ith sur$risin# violence8 a sudden mist overs$read my eyes" my ears %ere invaded %ith a dreadful sound8 + $anted for %ant of breath" and" in short" %as for some moments entranced8 This first tumult subsidin#" a cro%d of flatterin# ideas rushed u$on my ima#ination& Everythin#" that %as soft" sensible" and en#a#in#" in the character of that dear creature recurred to my remembrance" and every favourable circumstance of my o%n -ualifications a$$eared in all the a##ravation of self/conceit" to hei#hten my e*$ectation8 4either %as this trans$ort of lon# duration& The dread of her bein# already dis$osed of intervened" and overcast my enchantin# reverie8 0y $resa#in# a$$rehension re$resented her encircled in the arms of some ha$$y rival" and in conse-uence for ever lost to me& + %as stun# %ith this su##estion" and" believin# the $erson %ho conducted her to be the husband of this amiable youn# lady" already devoted him to my fury" and stood u$ to mark him for my ven#eance" %hen + recollected" to my uns$eakable )oy" her brother the fo*/hunter" in the $erson of her #allant& Undeceived so much to my satisfaction in this $articular" + #a3ed in a fren3y of deli#ht on the irresistible charms of his sister" %ho no sooner distin#uished me in the cro%d" than her evident confusion afforded a ha$$y omen to my flame& At si#ht of me she started" the roses instantly vanished from her $olished cheeks" and returned in a moment %ith a double #lo%" that overs$read her lovely neck" %hile her enchantin# bosom heaved %ith stron# emotion& + hailed these favourable sym$toms" and" lyin# in %ait for her looks" did homa#e %ith my eyes& She seemed to a$$rove my declaration" by the com$lacency of her as$ect' and + %as so trans$orted %ith the discovery" that more than once + %as on the $oint of makin# u$ to her" to disclose the throbbin#s of my heart in $erson" had not that $rofound veneration" %hich her $resence al%ays ins$ired" restrained the unseasonable im$ulse& All my $o%ers bein# en#rossed in this manner" it may easily be ima#ined ho% ill + entertained 0iss Sna$$er on %hom + could not no% turn my eyes" %ithout makin# com$arisons very little to her advanta#e& +t %as not even in my $o%er to return distinct ans%ers to the -uestions she asked from time to time" so that she could not hel$ observin# my absence of mind' and havin# a turn for observation" %atched my #lances" and" tracin# them to the divine ob)ect" discovered the cause of my disorder& That she mi#ht" ho%ever" be convinced of the truth of her con)ecture" she be#an to interro#ate me %ith re#ard to 4arcissa" and" not%ithstandin# all my endeavours to dis#uise my sentiments" $erceived my attachment by my confusion( u$on %hich" she assumed a stateliness of behaviour" and sat silent durin# the remainin# $art of the entertainment& At any other time" her sus$icion %ould have alarmed me( but no% + %as elevated by my $assion above every other consideration& The mistress of my soul havin# retired %ith her brother" + discovered so much uneasiness at my situation" that 0iss Sna$$er $ro$osed to #o home' and" %hile + conducted her to a chair" told me she had too #reat a re#ard for me to kee$ me any lon#er in torment& + fei#ned i#norance of her meanin#" and havin# seen her safely at her lod#in#s" took my leave" and %ent home in an ecstasy" %here + disclosed everythin# that had ha$$ened to my confidant and humble servant" Stra$" %ho did not relish the accident so %ell as + e*$ected' and observed" that a bird in the hand is %orth t%o in the bush& 7But" ho%ever"7

said he" 7you kno% best//you kno% best&7 4e*t day" as" + %ent to the Pum$ Room" in ho$es of seein# or hearin# some tidin#s of my fair enslaver" + %as met by a #entle%oman" %ho" havin# looked hard at me" cried" 7O !hrist" 0r& Random87 Sur$rised at this e*clamation" + e*amined the countenance of the $erson %ho s$oke" and immediately reco#nised my old s%eetheart and fello% sufferer" 0iss ,illiams& + %as mi#htily $leased to find this unfortunate %oman under such a decent a$$earance" $rofessed my )oy at seein# her so %ell" and desired to kno% %here + should have the $leasure of her conversation& She %as as heartily re)oiced at the a$$arent easiness of my fortune" and #ave me to kno% that she" as yet" had no habitation that she could $ro$erly call her o%n' but %ould %ait on me at any $lace + should $lease to a$$oint& Understandin# that she %as unen#a#ed for the $resent" + sho%ed her the %ay to my lod#in#s" %here" after a very affectionate salutation" she informed me of her bein# very ha$$y in the service of a youn# lady to %hom she %as recommended by a former mistress deceased" into %hose family she had recommended herself by the honest deceit she had concerted" %hile she lived %ith me in the #arret at 1ondon& She then e*$ressed a vehement desire to be ac-uainted %ith the vicissitudes of my life since %e $arted" and e*cused her curiosity on account of the concern she had for my interest& + forth%ith #ratified her re-uest" and" %hen + described my situation in Susse*" $erceived her to attend to my story %ith $articular ea#erness& She interru$ted me" %hen + had finished that $eriod" %ith" 72ood 2od8 is it $ossible=7 and then be##ed + %ould be so #ood as to continue my relation' %hich + did as briefly as + could" burnin# %ith im$atience to kno% the cause of her sur$rise" about %hich + had already formed a very interestin# con)ecture& ,hen + had brou#ht my adventures do%n to the $resent day" %ho seemed very much affected %ith the different circumstances of my fortune' and sayin#" %ith a smile" she believed my distresses %ere no% at a $eriod" $roceeded to inform me that the lady %hom she served %as no other than the charmin# 4arcissa" %ho had honoured her %ith her confidence for some time' in conse-uence of %hich trust" she had often re$eated the story of :ohn Bro%n %ith #reat admiration and re#ard' that she loved to d%ell u$on the $articulars of his character" and did not scru$le to o%n a tender a$$robation of his flame& + became delirious at this $iece of intelli#ence" strained 0iss ,illiams in my embrace" called her the an#el of my ha$$iness" and acted such e*trava#ances" that she mi#ht have been convinced of my sincerity" had she not been satisfied of my honour before& As soon as %as in condition to yield attention" she described the $resent situation of her mistress" %ho had no sooner reached her lod#in#s the ni#ht before" than she closeted her" and in a ra$ture of )oy #ave her to kno% that she had seen me at the ball" %here + a$$eared in the character %hich she al%ays thou#ht my due" %ith such advanta#e of transformation that" unless my ima#e had been en#raven on her heart" it %ould have been im$ossible to kno% me for the $erson %ho had %orn her aunt's livery' that by the lan#ua#e of my eyes" she %as assured of the continuance of my $assion for her" and conse-uently of my bein# unen#a#ed to any other' and that" thou#h she did not doubt + %ould s$eedily fall u$on some method of bein# introduced" she %as so im$atient to hear of me" that she 50iss ,illiams6 had been sent abroad this very mornin#" on $ur$ose to learn the name and character + at $resent bore& 0y bosom had been hitherto a stran#er to such a flood of )oy as no% rushed u$on it' my faculties %ere overborne by the tide' it %as some time before +

could o$en my mouth" and much lon#er ere + could utter a coherent sentence& At len#th" + fervently re-uested her to lead me immediately to the ob)ect of my adoration' but she resisted my im$ortunity" and e*$lained the dan#er of such $remature conduct& 7Ho% favourable soever"7 said she" 7my lady's inclination to%ards you may be" you may de$end u$on it" she %ill not commit the smallest tres$ass on decorum" either in disclosin# her o%n" or in receivin# a declaration of your $assion( and" althou#h the #reat veneration + have for you has $rom$ted me to reveal %hat she communicated to me in confidence" + kno% so %ell the severity of her sentiments %ith res$ect to the $unctilios of her se* that" if she should learn the least surmise of it" she %ould not only dismiss me as a %retch un%orthy of her benevolence" but also for ever shun the efforts of your love&7 + assented to the )ustness of her remonstrance" and desired she %ould assist me %ith her advice and direction( u$on %hich it %as concerted bet%een us" that for the $resent + should be contented %ith her tellin# 4arcissa that" in the course of her in-uiries" she could only learn my name( and that" if" in a day or t%o" + could fall u$on no other method of bein# introduced to her mistress" she %ould deliver a letter from me" on $retence of consultin# her ha$$iness( and say that + met her in the streets" and bribed her to this $iece of service& 0atters bein# thus ad)usted" + ke$t my old ac-uaintance to breakfast" and learned from her conversation" that my rival Sir Timothy had drunk himself into an a$o$le*y" of %hich he died five months a#o' that the sava#e %as still unmarried and that his aunt had been sei3ed %ith a %him %hich he little e*$ected" and chosen the schoolmaster of the $arish for her lord and husband( but matrimony not a#reein# %ith her constitution she had been hectic and dro$sical a #ood %hile" and %as no% at Bath" in order to drink the %aters for the recovery of her health' that her niece had accom$anied her thither at her re-uest" and attended her %ith the same affection as before" not%ithstandin# the mistake she had committed( and that the ne$he%" %ho had been e*as$erated at the loss of her fortune" did not #ive his attendance out of #ood %ill" but $urely to have an eye on his sister" lest she should like%ise thro% herself a%ay %ithout his consent or a$$robation& Havin# en)oyed ourselves in this manner" and made an assi#nation to meet ne*t day at a certain $lace" 0iss ,illiams took her leave' and Stra$'s looks bein# very in-uisitive about the nature of the communication subsistin# bet%een us" + made him ac-uainted %ith the %hole affair" to his #reat astonishment and satisfaction& !HAPTER 1;+ + become ac-uainted %ith 4arcissa's brother" %ho invites me to his House" %here + am introduced to that adorable !reature//after dinner" the S-uire retires to take his na$// reeman" #uessin# the Situation of my Thou#ht" %ithdra%s like%ise" on $retence of Business//+ declare my $assion for 4arcissa//am %ell/received//charmed %ith her !onversation//the S-uire detains us to Su$$er//+ elude his desi#n by a Strata#em" and #et home sober +n the afternoon" + drank tea at the house of 0r& reeman" to %hom + had been recommended by Banter' %here + had not sat five minutes" till the fo*hunter came in" and by his familiar behaviour a$$eared to be intimate %ith my friend& + %as" at first" under some concern" lest he should recollect my features' but %hen + found myself introduced to him as a #entleman from 1ondon" %ithout bein# discovered"

+ blessed the o$$ortunity that brou#ht me into his com$any' ho$in# that" in the course of my ac-uaintance" he %ould invite me to his house' nor %ere my ho$es frustrated" for" as %e s$ent the evenin# to#ether" he #re% e*tremely fond of my conversation" asked a #reat many childish -uestions about rance and forei#n $arts' and seemed so hi#hly entertained %ith my ans%ers" that in his cu$s he shook me often by the hand" $ronounced me an honest fello%" and in fine desired our com$any at dinner ne*t day" at his civil house& 0y ima#ination %as so much em$loyed in antici$atin# the ha$$iness + %as to en)oy ne*t day" that + sle$t very little that ni#ht' but" risin# early in the mornin#" %ent to the $lace a$$ointed" %here + met my she/friend" and im$arted to her my success %ith the s-uire& She %as very much $leased at the occasion" 7%hich"7 she said" 7could not fail of bein# a#reeable to 4arcissa" %ho" in s$ite of her $assion for me" had mentioned some scru$les relatin# to my true situation and character" %hich the delicacy of her sentiments su##ested" and %hich she believed + %ould find it necessary to remove" thou#h she did not kno% ho%&7 + %as a #ood deal startled at this insinuation" because + foresa% the difficulty + should find in barely doin# myself )ustice( for" althou#h it never %as my intention to im$ose myself u$on any %oman" much less on 4arcissa" + laid claim to the character of a #entleman by birth" education" and behaviour' and yet 5so unlucky had the circumstances of my life fallen out6 + should find it a very hard matter to make #ood my $retensions even to these" es$ecially to the last" %hich %as the most essential& 0iss ,illiams %as as sensible as + of this my disadvanta#e" but comforted me %ith observin# that" %hen once a %oman has besto%ed her affections on a man" she cannot hel$ )ud#in# of him in all res$ects %ith a $artiality easily influenced in his favour( she remarked that" althou#h some situations of my life had been lo%" yet none of them had been infamous' that my indi#ence had been the crime not of me" but of fortune' and that the miseries + had under#one" by im$rovin# the faculties both of mind and body" -ualified me the more for any di#nified station' and %ould of conse-uence recommend me to the #ood #races of any sensible %oman( she therefore advised me to be al%ays o$en and unreserved to the in-uiries of my mistress" %ithout unnecessarily betrayin# the meanest occurrences of my fate' and trust to the stren#th of her love and reflection for the rest& The sentiments of this sensible youn# %oman on this" as %ell as on almost every other sub)ect" $erfectly a#reed %ith mine& + thanked her for the care she took of my interests" and" $romisin# to behave myself accordin# to her directions %e $arted" after she had assured me that + de$end u$on her best offices %ith her mistress" and that she %ould from time to time communicate to me such intelli#ence as she could $rocure" relatin# to my flame& Havin# dressed myself to the best advanta#e" + %aited for the time of dinner %ith the most fearful im$atience' and" as the hour dre% near" my heart beat %ith such increased velocity" and my s$irits contracted such disorder" that + be#an to sus$ect my resolution" and even to %ish myself disen#a#ed& At last 0r& reeman called at my lod#in#s in his %ay" and + accom$anied him to the house %here all my ha$$iness %as de$osited& ,e %ere very kindly received by the s-uire" %ho sat smokin# his $i$e in a $arlour" and asked if %e chose to drink any thin# before dinner( thou#h + never had more occasion for a cordial" + %as ashamed to acce$t his offer" %hich %as also refused" by my friend& ,e sat do%n" ho%ever" entered into conversation" %hich lasted half/an hour" so that + had time to recollect myself' and 5so ca$ricious %ere my thou#hts6 even to ho$e that 4arcissa %ould

not a$$ear//%hen" all of a sudden" a servant comin# in" #ave us notice that dinner %as u$on the table" and my $erturbation returned %ith such violence that + could scarcely conceal it from the com$any" as + ascended the staircase& ,hen + entered the dinin#/room" the first ob)ect that saluted my ravished eyes %as the divine 4arcissa" blushin# like Aurora" adorned %ith all the #races that meekness" innocence" and beauty can diffuse8 + %as sei3ed %ith a #iddiness" my knees tottered and + scarce had stren#th enou#h to $erform the ceremony of salutation" %hen her brother" sla$$in# me on the shoulder" cried" 70easure Randan" that there is my sister&7 + a$$roached her %ith ea#erness and fear' but in the moment of our embrace" my soul %as a#oni3ed %ith ra$ture8 +t %as a lucky circumstance for us both" that my entertainer %as not endued %ith an uncommon stock of $enetration' for our mutual confusion %as so manifest that 0r& reeman $erceived it" and as %e %ent home to#ether" con#ratulated me on my #ood fortune& But so far %as Bruin from entertainin# the least sus$icion" that he encoura#ed me to be#in a conversation %ith my mistress in a lan#ua#e unkno%n to him" by tellin# her" that he had a #entleman %ho could )abber %ith her in rench and other forei#n lin#oes as fast as she $leased' then" turnin# to me" said" 7Odds bobs8 + %ish you %ould hold discourse %ith her in your rench or +talian" and tell me if she understands it as %ell as she %ould be thou#ht to do& There's her aunt and she %ill chatter to#ether %hole days in it" and + can't have a mouthful of En#lish for love or money&7 + consulted the look of my amiable mistress and found her averse to his $ro$osal" %hich indeed she declined %ith a s%eetness of denial $eculiar to herself" as a $iece of disres$ect to that $art of the com$any %hich did not understand the lan#ua#e in -uestion& As + had the ha$$iness of sittin# o$$osite to her" + feasted my eyes much more than my $alate %hich she tem$ted in vain %ith the most delicious bits carved by her fair hand" and recommended by her $ersuasive ton#ue' but all my other a$$etites %ere s%allo%ed u$ in immensity of my love" %hich + fed by #a3in# incessantly on the deli#htful ob)ect& 9inner %as scarcely ended" %hen the s-uire became very dro%sy" and after several dreadful ya%ns" #ot u$" stretched himself" took t%o or three turns across the room" be##ed %e %ould allo% him to take a short na$" and" havin# laid a stron# in)unction on his sister to detain us till his return" %ent to his re$ose %ithout further ceremony& He had not been #one many minutes" %hen reeman" #uessin# the situation of my heart" and thinkin# he could not do me a #reater favour than to leave me alone %ith 4arcissa" $retended to recollect himself all of a sudden" and" startin# u$" be##ed the lady $ardon for half/an/hour" for he had unluckily remembered an en#a#ement of some conse-uence" that he must $erform at that instant( so sayin#" he took his leave" $romisin# to come back time enou#h for tea" leavin# my mistress and me in #reat confusion& 4o% that + en)oyed an o$$ortunity of disclosin# the $aintin#s of my soul" + had not the $o%er to use it& + studied many $athetic declarations" but" %hen + attem$ted to #ive them utterance" my ton#ue denied its office and she sat silent %ith a do%ncast look full of an*ious alarm" her bosom heavin# %ith e*$ectation of some #reat event& At len#th + endeavoured to $ut an end to this solemn $ause" and be#an %ith" 7+t is very sur$risin#" madam" madam7//here the sound dyin# a%ay" + made a full sto$' %hile 4arcissa" startin#" blushed" and" %ith a timid accent ans%ered" 7Sir=7 !onfounded at this note of interro#ation" + $ronounced %ith the most shee$ish bashfulness" 70adam87 To %hich she re$lied" 7+ be# $ardon//+ thou#ht

you had s$oken to me&7 Another $ause ensued//+ made another effort" and" thou#h my voice faltered very much at the be#innin#" made shift to e*$ress myself in this manner( 7+ say" madam" it is very sur$risin# that love should act so inconsistently %ith itself" as to de$rive its votaries of the use of their faculties" %hen they have most need of them& Since the ha$$y occasion of bein# alone %ith you $resented itself" + have made many unsuccessful attem$ts to declare a $assion for the loveliest of her se*//a $assion %hich took $ossession of my soul" %hile my cruel fate com$elled me to %ear a servile dis#uise so unsuitable to my birth" sentiments" and let me add" my deserts' yet favourable in one res$ect" as it furnished me %ith o$$ortunities of seein# and adorin# your $erfections& >es" madam" it %as then your dear idea entered my bosom" %here it has lived unim$aired in the midst of numberless cares" and animated me a#ainst a thousand dan#ers and calamities87 ,hile + s$oke thus" she concealed her face %ith her fan" and %hen + ceased s$eakin#" recoverin# herself from the most beautiful confusion" told me she thou#ht herself very much obli#ed by my favourable o$inion of her" and that she %as very sorry to hear + had been unfortunate& Encoura#ed by this #entle re$ly" + $roceeded" o%ned myself sufficiently recom$ensed by her kind com$assion for %hat + had under#one" and declared the future ha$$iness of my life de$ended solely u$on her& 7Sir"7 said she" 7+ should be very un#rateful" if after the si#nal $rotection you once afforded me" + should refuse to contribute to%ards your ha$$iness in any reasonable condescension&7 Trans$orted at this ackno%led#ment + thre% myself at her feet" and be##ed she %ould re#ard my $assion %ith a favourable eye& She %as alarmed at my behaviour" entreated me to rise lest her brother should discover me in that $osture" and to s$are her for the $resent u$on a sub)ect for %hich she %as alto#ether un$re$ared& +n conse-uence of this remonstrance" + rose" assurin# her + %ould rather die than disobey her( but in the meantime be##ed her to consider ho% $recious the minutes of this o$$ortunity %ere" and %hat restraint + $ut u$on my inclinations" in sacrificin# them to her desire& She smiled %ith uns$eakable s%eetness" and said there %ould be no %ant of o$$ortunities" $rovided + could maintain the #ood o$inion her brother had conceived of me" and +" enchanted by her charms" sei3ed her hand" %hich + %ell ni#h devoured %ith kisses& But she checked my boldness %ith a severity of countenance" and desired + %ould not so far for#et myself to her" as to endan#er the esteem she had for me' she reminded me of our bein# almost stran#ers to each other" and of the necessity there %as for her kno%in# me better" before she could take any resolution in my favour' and" in short" min#led so much #ood sense and com$lacency in her re$roof" that + became as much enamoured of her understandin# as + had been before of her beauty" and asked $ardon for my $resum$tion %ith the utmost reverence of conviction& She for#ave my offence %ith her usual affability" and sealed my $ardon %ith a look so full of be%itchin# tenderness" that" for some minutes" my senses %ere lost in ecstacy8 + after%ards endeavoured to re#ulate my behaviour accordin# to her desire" and turn the conversation u$on a more indifferent sub)ect' but her $resence %as an insurmountable obstacle to my desi#n' %hile + beheld so much e*cellence" + found it im$ossible to call my attention from the contem$lation of it8 + #a3ed %ith unutterable fondness8 + #re% mad %ith admiration8 70y condition is insu$$ortable87 cried +( 7+ am distracted %ith $assion8 ,hy are you so e*-uisitely fair=//%hy are you so enchantin#ly #ood=//%hy has nature di#nified you %ith charms so much above the standard of

%oman= and" %retch that + am" ho% dare my un%orthiness as$ire to the en)oyment of such $erfection87 She %as startled at my ravin#s" reasoned do%n my trans$ort" and by her irresistible elo-uence" soothed my soul into a state of tran-uil felicity' but" lest + mi#ht suffer a rela$se" industriously $romoted other sub)ects to entertain my ima#ination& She chid me for havin# omitted to in-uire about her aunt %ho 5she assured me6" in the midst of all her absence of tem$er" and detachment from common affairs" often talked of me %ith uncommon %armth& + $rofessed my veneration for the #ood lady" e*cused my omission" by im$utin# it to the violence of my love" %hich en#rossed my %hole soul" and desired to kno% the situation of her health& U$on %hich" the amiable 4arcissa re$eated %hat + had heard before of her marria#e" %ith all the tenderness for her re$utation that the sub)ect %ould admit of' told me she lived %ith her husband hard by" and %as so much afflicted %ith the dro$sy" and %asted by a consum$tion" that she had small ho$es of her recovery& Havin# e*$ressed my sorro% for her distem$er" + -uestioned her about my #ood friend" 0rs" Sa#ely" %ho" + learned to my #reat satisfaction" %as in #ood health" and %ho had by the encomiums she besto%ed u$on me after + %as #one" confirmed the favourable im$ression my behaviour at $artin# had made on 4arcissa's heart& This circumstance introduced an in-uiry into the conduct of Sir Timothy Thicket" %ho 5she informed me6 had found means to incense her brother so much a#ainst me that she found it im$ossible to undeceive him( but" on the contrary" suffered very much in her o%n character by his scandalous insinuations' that the %hole $arish %as alarmed" and actually in $ursuit of me' so that she had been in the utmost consternation on my account" %ell kno%in# ho% little my o%n innocence and her testimony %ould have %ei#hed %ith the i#norance" $re)udice" and brutality of those %ho must have )ud#ed me" had + been a$$rehended' that Sir Timothy" havin# been sei3ed %ith a fit of a$o$le*y" from %hich %ith #reat difficulty he %as recovered" be#an to be a$$rehensive of death" and to $re$are himself accordin#ly for that #reat event' as a ste$ to %hich he sent for her brother" o%ned %ith #reat contrition the brutal desi#n he had u$on her" and in conse-uence ac-uitted me of the assault" robbery" and corres$ondence %ith her" %hich he had laid to my char#e' after %hich confession he lived about a month in a lan#uishin# condition" and %as carried off by a second assault& Every %ord that this dear creature s$oke" riveted the chains %ith %hich she held me enslaved8 0y mischievous fancy be#an to %ork" and the tem$est of my $assion to %ake a#ain" %hen the return of reeman destroyed the tem$tin# o$$ortunity" and enabled me to -uell the risin# tumult& A little %hile after" the s-uire sta##ered into the room" rubbin# his eyes" and called for his tea" %hich he drank out of a small bo%l" -ualified %ith brandy' %hile %e took it in the usual %ay" 4arcissa left us in order to visit her aunt' and %hen reeman and + $ro$osed to take our leave" the fo*hunter insisted on our s$endin# the evenin# at his house %ith such obstinacy of affection" that %e %ere obli#ed to com$ly& or my o%n $art" + should have been #lad of the invitation" by %hich" in all likelihood" + should be blessed %ith more of his sisters com$any" had + not been afraid of riskin# her esteem" by enterin# into a debauch of drinkin# %ith him" %hich" from the kno%led#e of his character" + foresa% %ould ha$$en( but there %as no remedy& + %as forced to rely u$on the stren#th of my constitution" %hich + ho$ed %ould resist into*ication lon#er than the s-uire's" and to trust to the #ood nature and

discretion of my mistress for the rest& Our entertainer" resolvin# to be#in by times" ordered the table to be furnished %ith li-uor and #lasses immediately after tea" but %e absolutely refused to set in for drinkin# so soon' and $revailed u$on him to $ass a%ay an hour or t%o at %hist" in %hich %e en#a#ed as soon as 4arcissa returned& The sava#e and + ha$$ened to be $artners at first" and" as my thou#hts %ere %holly em$loyed in a more interestin# #ame" + $layed so ill that he lost all $atience" s%ore bitterly" and threatened to call for %ine" if they %ould not #rant him another associate& This desire %as #ratified" and 4arcissa and + %ere of a side' he %on for the same reason that made him lose before' + %as satisfied" my lovely $artner did not re$ine" and the time sli$$ed a%ay very a#reeably" until %e %ere told that su$$er %as served in another room& The s-uire %as enra#ed to find the evenin# so un$rofitably s$ent" and %reaked his ven#eance on the cards" %hich he tore" and committed to the flames %ith many e*ecrations' threatenin# to make us redeem our loss %ith a lar#e #lass and -uick circulation' and indeed %e had no sooner su$$ed" and my charmer %ithdra%n" than he be#an to $ut his threat in e*ecution& Three bottles of $ort 5for he drank no other sort of %ine6 %ere $laced before us" %ith as many %ater #lasses" %hich %ere immediately filled to the brim" after his e*am$le" by each out of his res$ective allo%ance" and em$tied in a trice to the best in !hristendom& Thou#h + s%allo%ed this" and the ne*t" as fast as the #lass could be re$lenished" %ithout hesitation or sho% of reluctance" + $erceived that my brain %ould not be able to bear many bum$ers of this sort" and dreadin# the $erseverance of a cham$ion %ho be#an %ith such vi#our" + determined to make u$ for the deficiency of my stren#th by a strata#em" %hich + actually $ut in $ractice %hen the second course of bottles %as called for& The %ine bein# stron# and heady" + %as already a #ood deal discom$osed by the dis$atch %e had made& reeman's eyes be#an to reel" and Bruin himself %as elevated into a son#" %hich he uttered %ith #reat vociferation& ,hen + therefore sa% the second round brou#ht in" + assumed a #ay air" entertained him %ith a rench catch on the sub)ect of drinkin#" %hich" thou#h he did rot understand it" deli#hted him hi#hly' and" tellin# him your choice s$irits at Paris never troubled themselves %ith #lasses" asked if he had not a bo%l or cu$ in the house that %ould contain a %hole -uart of %ine& 7Odds ni##ers87 cried he" 7+ have a silver candle cu$ that holds )ust the -uantity" for all the %orld' fetch it hither" 4um$s&7 The vessel bein# $roduced" + bade him decant his bottle into it" %hich he havin# done" + nodded in a very deliberate manner" and said" 7Pled#e you&7 He stared at me for some time" and cryin#" 7,hat8 all at one $ull" 0easter Randan=7 + ans%ered" 7At one $ull" Sir" you are no milk/so$//%e shall do you )ustice&7 7Shall you=7 said he" shakin# me by the hand' 7odds then" +'ll see it out" an't %ere a mile to the bottom( here's to our better ac-uaintance" measter Randan"7 So sayin#" he a$$lied it to his li$s" and em$tied it in a breath& + kne% the effect of it %ould be almost instantaneous' therefore takin# the cu$" be#an to dischar#e my bottle into it" tellin# him he %as no% -ualified to drink %ith the !ham of Tartary& + had no sooner $ronounced these %ords than he took umbra#e at them" and after several attem$ts to s$it" made shift to stutter" 7A f//t for your !hams of T//Tartary8 + am a f//f//freeborn En#lishman" %orth th//three thousand a/year" and v//value no man" d//me&7 Then" dro$$in# his )a%" and fi*in# his eyes" he hiccu$ed aloud" and fell u$on the floor as mute as n

flounder& 0r& reeman" heartily #lad at his defeat" assisted me in carryin# him to bed" %here %e left him to the care of his servants" and %ent home to our res$ective habitations" con#ratulatin# each other on our #ood fortune& !HAPTER 1;++ 0iss ,illiams informs me of 4arcissa's A$$robation of my lame//+ a$$ease the S-uire//%rite to my 0istress//am blessed %ith an Ans%er//be# 1eave of her Brother to dance %ith her at a Ball//obtain his !onsent and hers//en)oy a $rivate !onversation %ith her//am $er$le*ed %ith Reflections//have the Honour of a$$earin# her Partner at a Ball//%e are com$limented by a certain 4obleman//he discovers some Sym$toms of a Passion for 4arcissa//+ am stun# %ith :ealousy//4arcissa" alarmed" retires//+ observe 0elinda in the com$any//the S-uire is ca$tivated by her Beauty + %as met ne*t mornin# at the usual $lace by 0iss ,illiams" %ho #ave me )oy of the $ro#ress + had made in the affection of her mistress" and blessed me %ith an account of that dear creature's conversation %ith her" after she had retired the ni#ht before from our com$any& + could scarce believe her information" %hen she recounted her e*$ressions in my favour" so much more %arm and $assionate %ere they than my most san#uine ho$es had $resa#ed' and %as $articularly $leased to hear that she a$$roved of my behaviour to her brother after she %ithdre%& Trans$orted at the ne%s of my ha$$iness" + $resented my rin# to the messen#er as a testimony of my #ratitude and satisfaction' but she %as above such mercenary considerations" and refused my com$liment %ith some resentment" sayin#" she %as not a little mortified to see my o$inion of her so lo% and contem$tible& + did myself a $iece of )ustice by e*$lainin# my behaviour on this head" and to convince her of my esteem" $romised to be ruled by her directions in the $rosecution of the %hole affair" %hich + had so much at heart" that the re$ose of my life de$ended u$on the conse-uence& As + fervently %ished for another intervie%" %here + mi#ht $our out the effusion of my love %ithout dan#er of bein# interru$ted" and $erha$s ree$ some endearin# return from the -ueen of my desires" + im$lored her advice and assistance in $romotin# this event( but she #ave me to understand" that 4arcissa %ould make no $reci$itate com$liances of this kind" and + %ould do %ell to cultivate her brother's ac-uaintance" in the course of %hich + should not %ant o$$ortunities of removin# that reserve %hich my mistress thou#ht herself obli#ed to maintain durin# the infancy of our corres$ondence& +n the meantime she $romised to tell her lady that + had endeavoured by $resents and $ersuasions" to $revail u$on her 50iss ,illiams6 to deliver a letter from me" %hich she had refused to char#e herself %ith" until she should kno% 4arcissa's sentiments of the matter' and said" by these means she did not doubt of bein# able to o$en a literary communication bet%een us" %hich could not fail of introducin# more intimate connections& + a$$roved of her counsel" and" our a$$ointment bein# rene%ed for the ne*t day" left her %ith an intent of fallin# u$on some method of bein# reconciled to the s-uire" %ho" + su$$osed" %ould be offended %ith the trick %e had $ut u$on him& ,ith this vie% + consulted reeman" %ho" from his kno%led#e of the fo*hunter's dis$osition"

assured me there %as no other method of $acifyin# him" than that of sacrificin# ourselves for one ni#ht to an e-ual match %ith him in drinkin#& This e*$edient + found myself necessitated to com$ly %ith for the interest of my $assion" and therefore determined to commit the debauch at my o%n lod#in#s" that + mi#ht run no risk of bein# discovered by 4arcissa" in a state of brutal de#eneracy& 0r& reeman" %ho %as to be of the $arty" %ent" at my desire" to the s-uire" in order to en#a#e him" %hile + took care to furnish myself for his rece$tion& 0y invitation %as acce$ted" my #uests honoured me %ith their com$any in the evenin#" %hen Bruin #ave me to understand that he had drunk many tons of %ine in his life" but %as never served such a trick as + had $layed u$on him the ni#ht before& + $romised to atone for my tres$ass" and" havin# ordered to every man his bottle" be#an the contest %ith a bum$er to the health of 4arcissa& The toasts circulated %ith #reat devotion" the li-uor be#an to o$erate" our mirth #re% noisy" and" as reeman said" + had the advanta#e of drinkin# small rench claret" the sava#e %as effectually tamed before our senses %ere in the least affected" and carried home in an a$o$le*y of drunkenness& + %as ne*t mornin#" as usual" favoured %ith a visit from my kind and $unctual confidante" %ho" tellin# me she %as $ermitted to receive my letters for her mistress" + took u$ the $en immediately" and" follo%in# the first dictates of my $assion" %rote as follo%s( 79ear 0adam" ,ere it $ossible for the $o%ers of utterance to reveal the soft emotions of my soul" the fond an*iety" the #lo%in# ho$es" the chillin# flame" that rule my breast by turns" + should need no other %itness than this $a$er" to evince the $urity and ardour of that flame your charms have kindled in my heart" But alas8 e*$ression %ron#s my love8 + am ins$ired %ith conce$tions that no lan#ua#e can convey8 >our beauty fills me %ith %onder" your understandin# %ith ravishment" and your #oodness %ith adoration8 + am trans$orted %ith desire" distracted %ith doubts" and tortured %ith im$atience& Suffer me then" lovely arbitress of my fate" to a$$roach you in $erson" to breathe in soft murmurs my $assion to your ear" to offer the sacrifice of a heart overflo%in# %ith the most #enuine and disinterested love" to #a3e %ith ecstacy on the divine ob)ect of my %ishes" to hear the music of her enchantin# ton#ue" and to re)oice in her smiles of a$$robation" %hich %ill banish the most intolerable sus$ense from the bosom of 7>our enra$tured" R// R//&7 Havin# finished this effusion" + committed it to the care of my faithful friend" %ith an in)unction to second my entreaty %ith all her elo-uence and influence" and in the meantime %ent to dress" %ith an intention of visitin# 0rs& Sna$$er and 0iss" %hom + had utterly ne#lected" and indeed almost for#otten" since my dear 4arcissa had resumed the em$ire of my soul& The old #entle%oman received me very kindly" and 0iss affected a frankness and #aiety %hich" ho%ever" + could easily $erceive %as forced and dissembled( amon# other thin#s" she $retended to )oke me u$on my $assion for 4arcissa" %hich she averred %as no secret" and asked if + intended to dance %ith her at the ne*t assembly& + %as a #ood deal concerned to find myself become the to%n talk on this sub)ect" lest the s-uire" havin# notice of my inclinations" should disa$$rove of them" and" by breakin# off all corres$ondence %ith me" de$rive me of the o$$ortunities + no% en)oyed& But + resolved to use the interest

+ had %ith him" %hile it lasted' and that very ni#ht" meetin# him occasionally" asked his $ermission to solicit her com$any at the ball" %hich he very readily #ranted" to my ine*$ressible satisfaction& Havin# been ke$t a%ake the #reatest $art of the ni#ht by a thousand deli#htful reveries that took $ossession of my fancy" + #ot u$ by times" and" flyin# to the $lace of rende3vous" had in a little time the $leasure of seein# 0iss ,illiams a$$roach %ith a smile on her countenance" %hich + inter$reted into a #ood omen& 4either %as + mistaken in my $resa#e& She $resented me %ith a letter from the idol of my soul" %hich" after havin# kissed it devoutly" + o$ened %ith the utmost ea#erness" and %as blessed %ith her a$$robation in these terms( 7Sir" 7To say + look u$on you %ith indifference %ould be a $iece of dissimulation %hich + think no decorum re-uires" and no custom can )ustify& As my heart never felt an im$ression that my ton#ue %as ashamed to declare" + %ill not scru$le to o%n myself $leased %ith your $assion' confident of your inte#rity" and so %ell convinced of my o%n discretion" that + should not hesitate in #rantin# you the intervie% you desire" %ere + not overa%ed by the $ryin# curiosity of a malicious %orld" the censure of %hich mi#ht be fatally $re)udicial to the re$utation of >our 4arcissa&7 4o anchorite in the ecstacy of devotion ever adored a relic %ith more fervour than that %ith %hich + kissed this inimitable $roof of my charmer's candour" #enerosity" and affection8 + read it over a hundred times" %as ravished %ith her confession in the be#innin#' but the subscri$tion of >our 4arcissa yielded me such deli#ht as + had never felt before8 0y ha$$iness %as still increased by 0iss ,illiams" %ho blessed me %ith a re$etition of her lady's tender e*$ressions in my favour" %hen she received and read my letter& +n short" + had all the reason in the %orld to believe that this #entle creature's bosom %as $ossessed by a $assion for me" as %arm" thou#h $erha$s not so im$etuous as mine for her& + informed my friend of the s-uire's consent to my dancin# %ith 4arcissa at the ball and desired her to tell her mistress" that + %ould do myself the honour of visitin# her in the afternoon" in conse-uence of his $ermission" %hen + ho$ed to find her as indul#ent as her brother had been com$laisant in that $articular& 0iss ,illiams e*$ressed a #ood deal of )oy at hearin# + %as so much in favour %ith the fo*hunter" and ventured to assure me" that my visit %ould be very a#reeable to my mistress" the rather because Bruin %as en#a#ed to dine abroad& This %as a circumstance %hich" + scarce need say" $leased me& + %ent immediately to the 1on# Room" %here + found him" and" affectin# to kno% nothin# of his en#a#ement" told him" + %ould do myself the $leasure to %ait u$on him in the afternoon" and to $resent his sister %ith a ticket for the ball& He shook me by the band" accordin# to custom" and" #ivin# me to understand that he %as to dine abroad" desired me to #o and drink tea %ith 4arcissa not%ithstandin#" and $romised to $re$are her for my visit in the meantime& Everythin# succeedin# thus to my %ish" + %aited %ith incredible im$atience for the time" %hich no sooner arrived than + hastened to the scene" %hich my fancy had $reoccu$ied lon# before& +

%as introduced accordin#ly to the dear enchantress" %hom + found accom$anied by 0iss ,illiams" %ho" on $retence of orderin# tea" retired at my a$$roach& This favourable accident" %hich alarmed my %hole soul" disordered her also& + found myself actuated by an irresistible im$ulse' + advanced to her %ith ea#erness and a%e' and" $rofitin# by the confusion that $revailed over her" clas$ed the fair an#el in my arms" and im$rinted a #lo%in# kiss u$on her li$s" more soft and fra#rant than the de%y rosebud )ust burstin# from the stem8 Her face %as in an instant covered %ith blushes" her eyes s$arkled %ith resentment' + thre% myself at her feet" and im$lored her $ardon& Her love became advocate in my cause' her look softened into for#iveness' she raised me u$" and chid me %ith so much s%eetness of dis$leasure that + could have been tem$ted to re$eat the offence" had not the comin# in of the servant %ith the tea/board $revented my $resum$tion& ,hile %e %ere sub)ect to be interru$ted or overheard" %e conversed about the a$$roachin# ball" at %hich she $romised to #race me as a $artner" but" %hen the e-ui$a#e %as removed" and %e %ere left alone" + resumed the more interestin# theme" and e*$ressed myself %ith such trans$ort and a#itation" that my mistress" fearin# + should commit some e*trava#ance" ran# the bell for her maid" %hom she detained in the room" as a check u$on my vivacity& + %as not sorry for this $recaution" because + could unbosom myself %ithout reserve before 0iss ,illiams" %ho %as the confidante of us both& + therefore #ave a loose to the ins$irations of my $assion" %hich o$erated so successfully u$on the tender affections of 4arcissa" that she laid aside the constraint she had hitherto %orn" and blessed me %ith the most meltin# declaration of her mutual flame8 +t %as im$ossible for me to forbear takin# the advanta#e of this endearin# condescension& She no% #ently yielded to my embraces' %hile +" encirclin# all that + held dear %ithin my arms" tasted in advance the )oys of that $aradise + ho$ed in a little time %holly to $ossess8 ,e s$ent the afternoon in all the ecstacy of ho$e that the most fervent love e*chan#ed by mutual vo%s could ins$ire' and 0iss ,illiams %as so much affected %ith our chaste caresses" %hich recalled the sad remembrance of %hat she %as" that her eyes %ere filled %ith tears& The evenin# bein# $retty far advanced" + forced myself from the dear ob)ect of my flame" %ho indul#ed me in a tender embrace at $artin#" and" re$airin# to my lod#in#s" communicated to my friend Stra$ every circumstance of my ha$$iness" %hich filled him %ith so much $leasure" that it ran over at his eyes' and he $rayed heartily" that no envious devil mi#ht" as formerly" dash the cu$ of blessin# from my li$& ,hen + reflected on %hat had ha$$ened" and es$ecially on the unreserved $rotestations of 4arcissa's love" + could not hel$ bein# ama3ed at her omittin# to in-uire into the $articular circumstances of life and fortune of one %hom she had favoured %ith her affection" and + be#an to be a little an*ious about the situation of her finances' %ell kno%in# that + should do an irre$arable in)ury to the $erson my soul held most dear" if + should es$ouse her %ithout bein# able to su$$ort her in the rank %hich %as certainly her due& + bad heard" indeed" %hile + served her aunt" that her father had left her a considerable sum' and that everybody believed she %ould inherit the #reatest $art of her kins%oman's do%ry" but + did not kno% ho% far she mi#ht be restricted by the old #entleman's %ill in the en)oyment of %hat he left her( and + %as too %ell informed of the virtuoso's late conduct" to think my mistress could have any e*$ectation from that -uarter& + confided" ho%ever" in the #ood sense and $olicy of my charmer" %ho" + %as sure" %ould not

consent to unite her fate %ith mine" before she had fully considered and $rovided for the conse-uence& The ball ni#ht bein# arrived" + dressed myself in a suit + had reserved for some #rand occasion' and" havin# drunk tea %ith 4arcissa and her brother" conducted my an#el to the scene" %here she" in a moment" ecli$sed all her female com$etitors for beauty" and attracted the admiration of the %hole assembly& 0y heart dilated %ith $ride on this occasion" and my trium$h re)ected all bounds" %hen" after %e had danced to#ether" a certain nobleman" remarkable for his fi#ure" and influence in the beau monde" came u$" and in the hearin# of all $resent" honoured us %ith a very $articular com$liment u$on our accom$lishments and a$$earance' but this trans$ort %as soon checked" %hen + $erceived his lordshi$ attach himself %ith #reat assiduity to my mistress" and say some %arm thin#s" %hich" + thou#ht" savoured too much of $assion& +t %as then + be#an to feel the $an#s of )ealousy' + dreaded the $o%er and address of my rival' + sickened at his discourse' %hen she o$ened her li$s to ans%er" my heart died %ithin me' %hen she smiled" + felt the $ains of the damned8 + %as enra#ed at his $resum$tion( + cursed her com$laisance( at len#th he -uitted her" and %ent to the other side of the room& 4arcissa" sus$ectin# nothin# of the ra#e that inflamed me" $ut some -uestions to me as soon as he %as #one" to %hich + made no re$ly" but assumed a #rim look" %hich too %ell denoted the a#itation of my breast" and sur$rised her not a little& She no sooner observed my emotion than she chan#ed colour" and asked %hat ailed me= but before + could make ans%er" her brother" $ullin# me by the sleeve" bade me take notice of a lady %ho sat frontin# us" %hom + immediately" to my vast astonishment" distin#uished to be 0elinda" accom$anied by her mother" and an elderly #entleman" %hom + did not kno%& 7,ounds8 0r& Randan"7 cried the s-uire" 7is she not a delicate $iece of stuff= 'Sdeath8 + have a #ood mind//if + thou#ht she %as a sin#le $erson&7 4ot%ithstandin# the $er$le*ity + %as in" + had reflection enou#h to foresee that my $assion mi#ht suffer #reatly by the $resence of this lady" %ho" in all $robability" %ould reven#e herself u$on me" for havin# formerly dis#raced her" by s$readin# re$orts to my $re)udice& + %as therefore alarmed at these sym$toms of the S-uire's admiration' and for some time did not kno% %hat re$ly to make" %hen he asked my o$inion of her beauty' at len#th + came to a determination" and told him that her name %as 0elinda" that she had a fortune of ten thousand $ounds" and %as said to be under $romise of marria#e to a certain lord" %ho deferred his nu$tials a fe% mouths until he should be of a#e& + thou#ht this $iece of intelli#ence" %hich + had myself invented" %ould have hindered him effectually from entertainin# any further thou#hts of her' but + %as e#re#iously mistaken& The fo*hunter had too much self/sufficiency to des$air of success a#ainst any com$etitor on earth& He therefore made li#ht of her en#a#ement" sayin#" %ith a smile of self/a$$robation" 70ayha$ she %ill chan#e her mind' %hat si#nifies his bein# a lord= + think myself as #ood a man as e'er a lord in !hristendom" and +'ll see if a commoner %orth three thousand a year %on't serve her turn&7 This determination startled me not a little' + kne% he %ould soon discover the contrary of %hat + advanced' and as + believed he %ould find her ear o$en to his addresses" did not doubt of meetin# %ith every obstacle in my amour that her malice could invent" and her influence e*ecute& This reflection increased my cha#rin//my ve*ation %as evident& 4arcissa insisted on #oin# home immediately(

and" as + led her to the door" her noble admirer" %ith a look full of lan#uishment" directed to her a $rofound bo%" %hich stun# me to the soul& Before she %ent into the chair" she asked" %ith an a$$earance of concern" %hat %as the matter %ith me= and + could $ronounce no more than 7By heaven" + am distracted87 !HAPTER 1;+++ Tortured %ith :ealousy" + #o Home" and abuse Stra$//receive a 0essa#e from 4arcissa" in !onse-uence of %hich + hasten to her A$artment" %here her endearin# Assurances banish all my 9oubts and A$$rehensions//in my Retreat discover Somebody in the 9ark" %hom" sus$ectin# to be a S$y" + resolve to kill" but" to my #reat Sur$rise" am convinced of his bein# no other than Stra$//0elinda slanders me//+ become ac-uainted %ith 1ord Muiver%it" %ho endeavours to sound me %ith re#ard to 4arcissa//the S-uire is introduced to his 1ordshi$" and #ro%s cold to%ards me//+ learn from my !onfidante" that this 4obleman $rofesses honourable 1ove to my 0istress" %ho continues faithful to me" not%ithstandin# the scandalous Re$orts she had heard to my Pre)udice//+ am mortified %ith an Assurance that her %hole ortune de$ends u$on the Pleasure of her Brother/0r& reeman condoles me on the 9ecline of my !haracter" %hich + vindicate so much to his satisfaction" that he undertakes to combat ame on my behalf Havin# uttered this e*clamation" at %hich she si#hed" + %ent home in the condition of a frantic Bedlamite( and" findin# the fire in my a$artment almost e*tin#uished" vented my fury u$on $oor Stra$" %hose ear + $inched %ith such violence" that he roared hideously %ith $ain' and" %hen + -uitted my hold" looked so foolishly a#hast" that no unconcerned s$ectator could have seen him %ithout bein# sei3ed %ith an immoderate fit of lau#hter& +t is true" + %as soon sensible of the in)ury + had done" and asked $ardon for the outra#e + had committed' u$on %hich my faithful valet" shakin# his head" said" 7+ for#ive you" and may 2od for#ive you87 But he could not hel$ sheddin# some tears at my unkindness& + felt uns$eakable remorse for %hat + had done" cursed my o%n in#ratitude" and considered his tears as a re$roach that my soul" in its $resent disturbance" could not bear& +t set all my $assions into a ferment( + s%ore horrible oaths %ithout meanin# or a$$lication& + foamed at the mouth" kicked the chairs about the room" and $layed abundance of mad $ranks that fri#htened my friend almost out of his senses& At len#th my trans$ort subsided" + became melancholy" and %e$t insensibly& 9urin# this state of de)ection" + %as sur$rised %ith the a$$earance of 0iss ,illiams" %hom Stra$" blubberin# all the %hile" had conducted into the chamber %ithout #ivin# me $revious notice of her a$$roach& She %as e*tremely affected %ith my condition" %hich she had learned from him" be##ed me to moderate my $assion" sus$end my con)ectures" and follo% her to 4arcissa" %ho desired to see me forth%ith& That dear name o$erated u$on me like a charm8 + started u$" and" %ithout o$enin# my li$s" %as conducted into her a$artment throu#h the #arden" %hich %e entered by a $rivate door& + found the adorable creature in tears' + %as melted at the si#ht//%e continued silent for some time//my heart %as too full to s$eak//her sno%y bosom heaved %ith fond resentment' at last she sobbin# cried" 7,hat have + done to disobli#e you=7 0y heart %as $ierced %ith the tender -uestion& + dre% near %ith the utmost reverence of affection& + fell u$on my knees before her" and" kissin# her hand" e*claimed"

7Oh8 thou art all #oodness and $erfection8 + am undone by %ant of merit' + am un%orthy to $ossess thy charms" %hich heaven bath destined for the arms of some more favourite bein#&7 She #uessed the cause of my dis-uiet" u$braided me #ently for my sus$icion" and #ave me such flatterin# assurances of her eternal fidelity" that all my doubts and fears forsook me" and $eace and satisfaction rei#ned %ithin my breast& At midni#ht + left the fair nym$h to her re$ose" and" bein# let out by 0iss ,illiams at the #arden #ate by %hich + entered" be#an to e*$lore my %ay home%ard in the dark" %hen + heard at my back a noise like that of a baboon %hen he me%s and chatters& + turned instantly" and" $erceivin# somethin# black" concluded + %as discovered by some s$y" em$loyed to %atch for that $ur$ose' aroused at this con)ecture" by %hich the re$utation of the virtuous 4arcissa a$$eared in )eo$ardy" + dre% my s%ord" and %ould have sacrificed him to her fame" had not the voice of Stra$ restrained my arm" it %as %ith #reat difficulty he could $ronounce" 79//d//d/do8 mum//um//um//murder me if you $lease&7 Such an effect had the cold u$on his )a%s" that his teeth rattled like a $air of castanets& Pleased to be thus undeceived" + lau#hed at his consternation" and asked %hat brou#ht him thither= U$on %hich he #ave me to understand" that his concern for me had induced him to follo% me to that $lace" %here the same reason had detained him till no%" and he frankly o%ned" that" in s$ite of the esteem he had for 0iss ,illiams& he be#an to be very uneasy about me" considerin# the dis$osition in %hich + %ent abroad' and" if + had stayed much lon#er" %ould certainly have alarmed the nei#hbourhood in my behalf& The kno%led#e of this his intention confounded me& + re$resented to him the mischievous conse-uences that %ould have attended such a rash action" and" cautionin# him severely a#ainst any such desi#n for the future" concluded my admonition %ith an assurance" that" in case he should ever act so madly" + %ould" %ithout hesitation" $ut him to death& 7Have a little $atience87 cried he" in a lamentable tone' 7your dis$leasure %ill do the business" %ithout your committin# murder&7 + %as touched %ith this re$roach' and" as soon as %e #ot home" made it my business to a$$ease him" by e*$lainin# the cause of that trans$ort durin# %hich + had used him so un%orthily& 4e*t day %hen + %ent into the 1on# Room" + observed several %his$ers circulate all of a sudden" and did not doubt that 0elinda had been busy %ith my character' but + consoled myself %ith the love of 4arcissa" u$on %hich + rested %ith the most $erfect confidence' and #oin# u$ to the ro%ly/$o%ly table" %on a fe% $ieces from my sus$ected rival" %ho" %ith an easy $oliteness" entered into conversation %ith me" and" desirin# my com$any to the coffee/house" treated me %ith tea and chocolate& + remembered Strut%ell" and #uarded a#ainst his insinuatin# behaviour' nor %as my sus$icion %ron# $laced' he artfully turned the discourse u$on 4arcissa" and endeavoured by hintin# at an intri#ue he $retended to be en#a#ed in else%here" to learn %hat connection there %as bet%een her and me& But all his finesse %as ineffectual" + %as convinced of his dissimulation" and #ave such #eneral ans%ers to his in-uiries" that he %as forced to dro$ the sub)ect" and talk of somethin# else& ,hile %e conversed in this manner" the sava#e came in %ith another #entleman" %ho introduced him to his lordshi$" and he %as received %ith such $eculiar marks of distinction" that + %as $ersuaded the courtier intended to use him in some sha$e or other' and from

thence + dre% an unlucky omen& But + had more cause to be dismayed the follo%in# day" %hen + sa% the s-uire in com$any %ith 0elinda and her mother" %ho honoured me %ith several disdainful #lances' and %hen + after%ards thre% myself in his %ay" instead of the cordial shake of the hand" he returned my salute %ith a cold re$etition of 7Servant" servant87 %hich he $ronounced %ith such indifference or rather contem$t" that if he had not been 4arcissa's brother" + should have affronted him in $ublic& These occurrences disturbed me not a little' + foresa% the broodin# storm" and armed myself %ith resolution for the occasion' but 4arcissa" bein# at stake" + %as far from bein# resi#ned& + could have renounced every other comfort of life %ith some de#ree of fortitude" but the $ros$ect of losin# her disabled all my $hiloso$hy" and tortured my soul into madness& 0iss ,illiams found me" ne*t mornin#" full of an*ious tumult" %hich did not abate %hen she told me that my 1ord Muiver%it" havin# $rofessed honourable intentions" had been introduced to my lovely mistress by her brother" %ho had" at the same time" from the information of 0elinda" s$oken of me as an +rish fortune/hunter" %ithout either birth or estate' %ho su$$orted myself in the a$$earance of a #entleman by shar$in# and other infamous $ractices' and %ho %as of such an obscure ori#in" that + did not even kno% my o%n e*traction& Thou#h + e*$ected all this malice" + could not hear it %ith tem$er" es$ecially as truth %as so blended %ith falsehood in the assertion" that it %ould be almost im$ossible to se$arate the one from the other in my vindication& But + said nothin# on this head" bein# im$atient to kno% ho% 4arcissa had been affected %ith the discovery& That #enerous creature" far from believin# these im$recations" %as no sooner %ithdra%n %ith her confidante" than she invei#hed %ith #reat %armth a#ainst the malevolence of the %orld" to %hich only she ascribed the %hole of %hat had been said to my disadvanta#e" and" callin# every circumstance of my behaviour to her into revie% before her" found everythin# so $olite" honourable" and disinterested" that she could not harbour the least doubt of my bein# the #entleman + assumed& 7+ have indeed"7 said she" 7$ur$osely forborne to ask the $articulars of his life" lest the reca$itulation of some misfortunes" %hich he has under#one" should #ive him $ain' and" as to the article of his fortune" + o%n myself e-ually afraid of in-uirin# into it" and of discoverin# the state of my o%n" lest %e should find ourselves both unha$$y in the e*$lanation' for" alas8 my $rovision is conditional" and de$ends entirely on my marryin# %ith my brother's consent&7 + %as thunderstruck %ith this intelli#ence" the li#ht forsook my eyes" the colour vanished from my cheeks" and + remained in a state of universal tre$idation8 0y female friend" $erceivin# my disorder" encoura#ed me %ith assurances of 4arcissa's constancy" and the ho$e of some accident favourable to our love' and" as a further consolation" #ave me to understand" that she had ac-uainted my mistress %ith the outlines of my life( and that" althou#h she %as no stran#er to the $resent lo% state of my finances" her love and esteem %ere rather increased than diminished by the kno%led#e of my circumstances& + %as #reatly comforted by this assurance" %hich saved me a %orld of confusion and an*iety' for + must have im$arted my situation one day to 4arcissa" and this task + could not have $erformed %ithout shame and disorder&

As + did not doubt that by this time the scandalous as$ersions of 0elinda %ere diffused all over the to%n" + resolved to collect my %hole stren#th of assurance" to bro%beat the efforts of her malice" and to $ublish her adventure %ith the frenchified barber by %ay of re$risal& +n the meantime" havin# $romised to be at the #arden/#ate about midni#ht" 0iss ,illiams took her leave" biddin# me re$ose myself entirely on the affection of my dear 4arcissa" %hich %as as $erfect as inviolable& Before + %ent abroad" + %as visited by reeman" %ho came on $ur$ose to inform me of the infamous stories that %ere raised at my e*$ense& + heard them %ith #reat tem$er" and in my turn disclosed everythin# that had ha$$ened bet%een 0elinda and me' and amon# other circumstances entertained him %ith the story of the barber" lettin# him kno% %hat share his friend Banter had in that affair& He %as convinced of the in)ury my re$utation had suffered' and" no lon#er doubtin# the fountain from %hence this delu#e of slander had flo%ed u$on me" undertook to undeceive the to%n in my behalf" and roll the stream back u$on its source' but in the meantime" cautioned me from a$$earin# in $ublic" %hile the $re$ossession %as so stron# a#ainst me" lest + should meet %ith some affront that mi#ht have bad conse-uences& !RAPTER 1+. + receive an e*traordinary 0essa#e at the 9oor of the 1on# Room" %hich" ho%ever" enter" and affront the S-uire" %ho threatens to take the 1a% of me//Rebuke 0elinda for her 0alice//she %ee$s %ith ;e*ation//1ord Muiver%it is severe u$on me//+ retort his Sarcasm//am received %ith the utmost Tenderness by 4arcissa" %ho desires to hear the Story of my 1ife//%e vo% eternal !onstancy to other//+ retire//am %aked by a 0essen#er" %ho brin#s a !hallen#e from Muiver%it" %hom + meet" en#a#e" and van-uish + thanked him for his advice" %hich" ho%ever" my $ride and resentment %ould not $ermit me to follo%' for he no sooner left me" in order to do )ustice to my character amon# his friends and ac-uaintance" than + sallied out" and %ent directly to the 1on# Room& + %as met at the door by a servant" %ho $resented a billet to me %ithout a subscri$tion" im$ortin# that my $resence %as disa#reeable to the com$any" and desirin# + %ould take the hint %ithout further disturbance" and besto% myself else%here for the future& This $erem$tory messa#e filled me %ith indi#nation& + follo%ed the fello% %ho delivered it" and" sei3in# him by the collar in $resence of all the com$any" threatened to $ut him instantly to death" if he did not discover the scoundrel %ho had char#ed him %ith such an im$udent commission" that + mi#ht $unish him as he deserved& The messen#er" affri#hted at my menaces and furious looks" fell u$on his knees" and told me" that the #entleman %ho ordered him to deliver the letter %as no other than 4arcissa's brother" %ho" at that time" stood at the other end of the room" talkin# to 0elinda& + %ent u$ to him immediately" and in the hearin# of his inamorata" accosted him in these %ords' 71ookee" s-uire" %ere it not for one consideration that $rotects you from my resentment" + %ould cane you %here you stand" for havin# had the $resum$tion to send me this scurrilous intimation'7 %hich + tore to $ieces and thre% in his face( at the same time dartin# an an#ry re#ard at his mistress" + told her" + %as sorry she had $ut it out of my $o%er to com$liment her u$on her invention" but at the e*$ense of her #ood nature and veracity& Her admirer" %hose coura#e never rose" but in $ro$ortion to the

%ine he had s%allo%ed" instead of resentin# my address in %hat is called an honourable %ay" threatened to $rosecute me for an assault" and took %itnesses accordin#ly( %hile she" $i-ued at his $usillanimous behaviour" and enra#ed at the sarcasm + had uttered a#ainst her" endeavoured to make her -uarrel a $ublic cause" and %e$t aloud %ith s$ite and ve*ation& The tears of a lady could not fail of attractin# the notice and concern of the s$ectators to %hom she com$lained of my rudeness %ith #reat bitterness" sayin#" if she %ere a man" + durst not use her so& The #reatest $art of the #entlemen" already $re)udiced a#ainst me" %ere offended at the liberty + had taken" as a$$eared from their looks' thou#h none of them si#nified their dis#ust any other %ay e*ce$t my 1ord Muiver%it" %ho ventured to say" %ith a sneer" that + %as in the ri#ht to establish my o%n character" of %hich he had no% no lon#er any doubt& 4ettled at this severe e-uivocation" %hich raised a lau#h at my e*$ense" + re$lied %ith some %armth" 7+ am $roud of havin# in that $articular #ot the start of your lordshi$&7 He made no ans%er to my re$artee" but %ith a contem$tuous smile %alked off" leavin# me in a very disa#reeable situation& +n vain did + make u$ to several $eo$le of my ac-uaintance" %hose conversation" + ho$ed" %ould banish my confusion' everybody shunned me like a $erson infected" and + should not have been able to bear my dis#race" had not the idea of the ever faithful and fond 4arcissa come to my relief& + -uitted the scene of my mortification" and" saunterin# about the to%n" ha$$ened to %ake from my contem$lation" %hen + found myself )ust o$$osite to a toy/sho$" %hich + entered" and $urchased a rin# set %ith a ruby in the form of a heart" surrounded by diamond s$arks" for %hich + $aid ten #uineas" intendin# it for a $resent to the charmer of my soul& + %as introduced" at the hour a$$ointed" to this divine creature" %ho" not%ithstandin# %hat she had heard to my disadvanta#e" received me %ith the utmost confidence and tenderness' and" havin# been informed of the #eneral sketches of my life by 0iss ,illiams" e*$ressed a desire" of kno%in# the $articular circumstances" %hich + related %ith #reat candour" omittin#" ho%ever" some thin#s %hich + concluded alto#ether im$ro$er for her ear" and %hich the reader's reflection %ill easily su##est& As my story %as little else than a recital of misfortunes" the tear of sym$athy ceased not to trickle from her enchantin# eyes durin# the %hole of the narration" %hich" %hen + had finished" she recom$ensed me for my trouble %ith the most endearin# $rotestations of eternal love& She be%ailed her restricted condition" as it %as the means of retardin# my ha$$iness' told me that 1ord Muiver%it" by her brother's $ermission" had been to drink tea %ith her that very afternoon" and actually $ro$osed marria#e' and" seein# me e*tremely affected %ith this $iece of information" offered to #ive me a convincin# $roof of her affection" by es$ousin# me in $rivate" and leavin# the rest to fate& + %as $enetrated %ith this instance of her re#ard" but" that + mi#ht not be outdone in #enerosity" resisted the be%itchin# tem$tation in consideration of her honour and interest' at the same time + $resented my rin# as a $led#e of my inviolable attachment" and" on my knees" im$lored Heaven to sho%er its curses on my head" if ever my heart should entertain one thou#ht un%orthy of the $assion + then avo%ed& She received my token" #ave me in return her $icture in miniature" e*-uisitely dra%n and set in #old' and" in the same $osture" called Heaven to %itness and to )ud#e her flame& Our vo%s bein# thus reci$rocally breathed" a confidence of ho$e ensued" and

our mutual fondness becomin# as intimate as innocence %ould allo%" + #re% insensible of the $ro#ress of time" and it %as mornin# before + could tear myself from this darlin# of my soul8 0y #ood an#el foresa% %hat %ould ha$$en" and $ermitted me to indul#e myself on this occasion" in consideration of the fatal absence + %as doomed to suffer& + %ent to bed immediately on my return to my lod#in#" and" havin# sle$t about t%o hours" %as %aked by Stra$" %ho in #reat confusion told me there %as a footman belo% %ith a letter" %hich he %ould deliver to nobody but myself& Alarmed at this $iece of ne%s" + desired my friend to sho% him into my chamber" and received the follo%in# letter" %hich" he said" re-uired an immediate ans%er( 7Sir"// ,hen any man in)ures my honour" let the difference of rank bet%een us be ever so #reat" + am contented to %ave the $rivile#e of my -uality" and to seek re$aration from him on e-ual terms& The insolence of your re$ly to me yesterday" in the 1on# Room" + mi#ht have overlooked" had not your $resum$tive emulation in a much more interestin# affair" and %hich + made this mornin#" concurred in $ersuadin# me to chastise your audacity %ith my s%ord& +f you therefore have s$irit enou#h to su$$ort the character you assume" you %ill not fail to follo% the bearer immediately to a convenient $lace" %here you shall be met by 7Muiver%it&7 ,hether + %as enervated by the love and favour of 4arcissa" or a%ed by the su$erior station of my anta#onist" + kno% not" but + never had less inclination to fi#ht than at this time& Ho%ever" findin# there %as a necessity for vindicatin# the re$utation of my mistress" as %ell as for assertin# my o%n honour" + forth%ith rose" and" dressin# in a hurry" $ut on my s%ord" bade Stra$ attend me" and set out %ith my conductor" cursin# my bad fortune all the %ay" for havin# been observed in my return from my an#el' for so + inter$reted his lordshi$'s discovery& ,hen + came %ithin si#ht of my rival" his lac-uey told me he had orders to sto$' u$on %hich + commanded Stra$ to halt also" %hile + %alked for%ard' resolvin#" if $ossible" to come to an e*$lanation %ith my challen#er" before %e should come to battle& 4or %as an o$$ortunity %antin#' for + no sooner a$$roached than be asked" %ith a stern countenance" %hat business + had in 0r& To$ehall's #arden so early in the mornin#= 7+ don't kno%" my lord"7 said +" 7ho% to ans%er a -uestion $ut to me %ith such ma#isterial hau#htiness& +f your lordshi$ %ill $lease to e*$ostulate calmly" you %ill have no cause to re$ent of your condescension' other%ise + am not to be intimated into any confession&7 7There is no room for denial"7 ans%ered he' 7+ sa% you come out %ith my o%n eyes&7 79id any other see me=7 said +& 7+ neither kno% nor care"7 said he' 7+ %ant no other evidence than that of my o%n senses&7 Pleased to hear that the sus$icion %as confined to him alone" + endeavoured to a$$ease his )ealousy" by o%nin# an intri#ue %ith the %aitin# maid( but he had too much discernment to be so easily im$osed u$on" and told me there %as only one %ay to convince him of the truth of %hat + alle#ed" %hich %as no other than renouncin# all claim to 4arcissa u$on oath" and $romisin#" u$on honour" never to s$eak to her for the future& E*as$erated at this $ro$osal" + unsheathed my s%ord" sayin#" 7Heavens8 %hat title have you" or any man on earth" to im$ose such terms on me=7 He did the same" and makin# to%ards me %ith a contracted bro%" said + %as a villain"

and had dishonoured 4arcissa& 7He's a villain"7 + re$lied" in a trans$ort of fury" 7%ho brands me %ith that im$utation8 She is a thousand times more chaste than the mother that bore you' and + %ill assert her honour %ith my heart's blood87 So sayin#" + rushed u$on him %ith more ea#erness than address" and" endeavourin# to #et %ithin his $oint" received a %ound in my neck" %hich redoubled my ra#e& He e*celled me in tem$er as %ell as in skill" by %hich means he $arried my thrusts %ith #reat calmness" until + had almost e*hausted my s$irits' and" %hen he $erceived me be#innin# to fla#" attacked me fiercely in his turn& indin# himself" ho%ever" better o$$osed than he e*$ected" he resolved to follo% his loun#e" and close %ith me' accordin#ly" his s%ord entered my %aistcoat" on the side of the breast bone" and" runnin# u$ bet%een my shirt and skin" a$$eared over my left shoulder& + ima#ined that his %ea$on had $erforated my lun#s" and of conse-uence that the %ound %as mortal' therefore" determined not to die unreven#ed" + sei3ed his shell" %hich %as close to my breast" before he could disentan#le his $oint" and" kee$in# it fast %ith my left hand" shortened my o%n s%ord %ith my ri#ht" intendin# to run him throu#h the heart' but he received the thrust in the left arm" %hich $enetrated u$ to the shoulder blade& 9isa$$ointed at this e*$ectation" and afraid still that death %ould frustrate my reven#e" + #ra$$led %ith him" and" bein# much the stron#er" thre% him u$on the #round" %here + %rested his s%ord out of his hand" and" so #reat %as my confusion" that instead of turnin# the $oint u$on him" struck out three of his foreteeth %ith the hilt& +n the meantime" our servants" seein# us fall" ran u$ to se$arate and assist us' but before their a$$roach + %as u$on my feet" and had discovered that my su$$osed mortal %ound %as only a sli#ht scratch& The kno%led#e of my o%n safety disarmed me of a #ood deal of my resentment" and + be#an to in-uire %ith soma concern into the situation of my anta#onist" %ho remained on the #round bleedin# $lentifully at his mouth and arm& + hel$ed his footman to raise him" and" havin# bound u$ his %ound %ith my handkerchief" assured it %as not dan#erous' + like%ise restored his s%ord" and offered to su$$ort him to his house& He thanked me %ith an air of sullen di#nity( and %his$erin# that + should hear from him soon" %ent a%ay" leanin# on his servant's shoulder& + %as sur$rised at this $romise" %hich + construed into a threat" and resolved" if ever he should call me out a#ain" to use %hatever advanta#e fortune mi#ht #ive me over him in another manner& +n the meantime + had leisure to take notice of Stra$" %ho seemed -uite stu$ified %ith horror( + comforted him %ith an assurance" that + had received no dama#e" and e*$lained the nature of this affair as %e %alked home%ard& By the time + had #ot into my a$artment" + found the %ound in my neck stiff and uneasy" and a #ood deal of clotted blood ran do%n u$on my shirt' u$on %hich + $ulled off my coat and %aistcoat" and unbuttoned my collar" that + mi#ht dress it %ith more ease& 0y friend no sooner $erceived my shirt -uite dyed %ith blood" than" ima#inin# + had #ot at least t%enty thousand %ounds" he cried" 7O :esus87 and fell flat on the floor& + sto$$ed the bleedin# %ith a little dry lint" and" a$$lyin# a $laster over it" cleaned myself from the #ore" shifted" and dressed" %hile he lay senseless at my feet" so that %hen he recovered" and sa% me $erfectly %ell" he could scarce believe his o%n eyes& 4o% that the dan#er %as $assed" + %as very %ell $leased %ith %hat had ha$$ened" ho$in# that it %ould soon become kno%n" and conse-uently di#nify my character not a little in this $lace& + %as also $roud of havin# sho%n myself" in some sha$e" %orthy of the love of 4arcissa& %ho"

+ %as $ersuaded" %ould& not think the %orse of me for %hat + had done& !HAPTER 1. + am visited by reeman" %ith %hom + a$$ear in Public" and am caressed/am sent for by 1ord Muiver%it" %hose Presence + -uit flun#//4arcissa is carried off by her Brother//+ intend to $ursue him" and am dissuaded by my riend//en#a#e in Play" and lose all my 0oney//set out for 1ondon//try my ortune at the 2amin# Table %ithout success//receive a letter from 4arcissa//bilk my Tailor ,hile + entertained myself %ith these reflections" the ne%s of the duel" bein# communicated by some unkno%n channel" s$read all over the to%n& + %as visited by reeman" %ho testified his sur$rise at findin# me' for it %as told" that 1ord Muiver%it bein# dead of his %ounds" + had absconded" in order to avoid the co#ni3ance of the la%& + asked" if $eo$le #uessed the occasion of the -uarrel' and" understandin# it %as attributed to his lordshi$'s resentment of my re$ly in the 1on# Room" confirmed that con)ecture" #lad to find 4arcissa unsus$ected& 0y friend" after + had assured him that my anta#onist %as in no dan#er" %ished me )oy of the event" than %hich" he said" nothin# could ha$$en more o$$ortunely to su$$ort the idea he had #iven of my character to his friends" amon# %hom he had been very assiduous in my behalf& On the stren#th of this assurance" + %ent %ith him to the coffee/house" %here + %as saluted by a #reat many of those very $ersons %ho had shunned me the $recedin# day' and + found everybody makin# merry %ith the story of 0elinda's rench #allant& ,hile + remained in this $lace" + received a messa#e from 1ord Muiver%it" desirin#" if + %ere not en#a#ed" to see me at his house& Thither + immediately re$aired" and %as conducted to an a$artment %here + %as received by his lordshi$ in bed& ,hen %e %ere left by ourselves" he thanked me in very $olite terms for havin# used the advanta#e fortune had #iven me over him %ith such moderation" and asked $ardon for any offence his resentment mi#ht have $rom$ted him to commit& 7+ %ould %illin#ly"7 said he" 7make you my friend' but" as it is im$ossible for me to divest myself of my $assion for 4arcissa" + am too %ell convinced of your sentiments" to think %e shall ever a#ree on that sub)ect& + took the liberty" therefore" of sendin# for you" in order to o%n candidly" that + cannot hel$ o$$osin# your success %ith that youn# lady' thou#h" at the same time + $romise to re#ulate my o$$osition by the dictates of )ustice and honour& This" ho%ever" + think $ro$er to advertise you of" that she has no inde$endent fortune' and" if you should even succeed in your addresses" you %ill have the mortification to see her reduced to indi#ence" unless you have %here%ithal to su$$ort her//and + am credibly informed of your inca$acity that %ay//nay" + %ill confess" that" ur#ed by this consideration" + have actually sent notice to her brother of the $ro#ress + sus$ect you have made in her affection" and desired him to take his $recautions accordin#ly&7 Alarmed and $rovoked at this information" + told his lordshi$" that + did not see ho% he could reconcile that $iece of conduct %ith his $rofession of o$en dealin#" and flun# a%ay from him in a $assion& As + %alked home%ard" in ho$e of hearin# from my mistress as usual

by means of 0iss ,illiams" + %as sur$rised %ith the %avin# of a handkerchief from the %indo% of a coach/and/si* that $assed by me at full s$eed( and u$on further observation" + sa% a servant on horseback ridin# after it" %ho" + kne% by his livery" belon#ed to the s-uire& Thunderstruck %ith this discovery" the kno%led#e of my misfortune rushed all at once u$on my reflection8 + #uessed immediately that the si#nal %as made by the dear hand of 4arcissa" %ho" bein# hurried a%ay in conse-uence of 1ord Muiver%it's messa#e to her brother" had no other method of relatin# her distress" and im$lorin# my assistance& rantic %ith this con)ecture" + ran to my lod#in#s" snatched my $istols" and ordered Stra$ to #et $ost/horses" %ith such incoherence of s$eech and disorder" that the $oor valet" terrified %ith the sus$icion of another duel" instead of $rovidin# %hat + desired" %ent forth%ith to reeman" %ho" bein# informed of my behaviour" came strai#ht to my a$artment" and con)ured me so $athetically to make him ac-uainted %ith the cause of my uneasiness" that + could not refuse tellin# him my ha$$iness %as fled %ith 4arcissa" and that + must retrieve her or $erish& He re$resented the madness of such an undertakin#" and endeavoured to divert me from it %ith #reat stren#th of friendshi$ and reason& But all his ar#uments %ould have been ineffectual" had he not $ut me in mind of the de$endence + ou#ht to have on the love of 4arcissa" and the attachment of her maid" %ho could not fail of findin# o$$ortunities to advertise me of their situation' and at the same time demonstrated the in)ury my charmer's re$utation must suffer from my $reci$itate retreat& + %as convinced and com$osed by these considerations( + a$$eared in $ublic %ith an air of tran-uillity" %as %ell received by the best com$any in to%n" and" my misfortune takin# air" condoled accordin#ly( %hile + had the satisfaction of seein# 0elinda so universally discountenanced that she %as fain to return to 1ondon" in order to avoid the scoffs and censure of the ladies at Bath& But" thou#h the ho$e of hearin# from the darlin# of my soul su$$orted my s$irits a little %hile" + be#an to be very uneasy" %hen" at the end of several %eeks + found that e*$ectation disa$$ointed& +n short" melancholy and des$ondence took $ossession of my soul' and" re$inin# at that $rovidence %hich" by actin# the ste$mother to%ards me" ke$t me from the fruition of my %ishes" + determined" in a fit of des$air" to risk all + had at the #amin# table" %ith a vie% of ac-uirin# a fortune sufficient to render me inde$endent for life' or of $lun#in# myself into such a state of misery" as %ould effectually crush every ambitious ho$e that no% tortured my ima#ination& Actuated by this fatal resolution" + en#a#ed in $lay" and" after some turns of fortune found myself" at the end of three days" %orth a thousand $ounds' but it %as not my intention to sto$ there" for %hich cause + ke$t Stra$ i#norant of my success" and continued my career until + %as reduced to five #uineas" %hich + %ould have ha3arded also" had + not been ashamed to fall from a bet of t%o hundred $ounds to such a $etty sum& Havin# thus e*ecuted my scheme" + %ent home" ama3ed to find myself so much at ease" and informed my friend Stra$ of my mischance %ith such calmness" that he" ima#inin# + )oked" affected to receive the tidin#s %ith #reat e-uanimity& But both he and + found ourselves mistaken very soon& + had misinter$reted my o%n stu$idity into deliberate resi#nation" and he had reason to believe me in earnest %hen he sa% me ne*t mornin# a#itated %ith the most violent des$air" %hich he endeavoured to alleviate %ith all the consolation in his $o%er&

+n one of my lucid intervals" ho%ever" + char#ed him to take a $lace in the sta#e coach for 1ondon' and" in the meantime" $aid my debts in Bath" %hich amounted to thirty shillin#s only& ,ithout takin# leave of my friends" + embarked" Stra$ havin# the #ood fortune to find a return horse" and arrived in to%n" %ithout havin# net %ith anythin# remarkable on the road& ,hile %e crossed Ba#shot Heath" + %as sei3ed %ith a sort of inclination to retrieve my fortune" by layin# $assen#ers under contribution in some such $lace& 0y thou#hts %ere so circumstanced at this time" that + should have di#ested the crime of robbery" so ri#hteously had + concerted my $lan" and ventured my life in the e*ecution" had + not been deterred by reflectin# u$on the infamy that attends detection& The a$artment + formerly lived in bein# unen#a#ed" + took $ossession of it" and ne*t day %ent in -uest of Banter" %ho received me %ith o$en arms" in e*$ectation of havin# his bond dischar#ed to his likin#( but %hen he understood %hat had ha$$ened" his countenance chan#ed of a sudden" and he told me" %ith a dryness of dis$leasure $eculiar to himself" that" if he %ere in my $lace" he %ould $ut it out of fortune's $o%er to $lay him such another trick" and be aven#ed of his o%n indiscretion at once& ,hen + desired him to e*$lain his meanin#" he $ointed to his neck" raised himself on his ti$toes" and %as #oin# a%ay %ithout any further ceremony" %hen + $ut him in mind of my indi#ence" and demanded the five #uineas + had formerly lent him& 7 ive #uineas=7 cried he' 73ounds8 had you acted %ith common $rudence" you mi#ht have had t%enty thousand in your $ocket by this time& + de$ended u$on five hundred from you" as much as if + had had notes for it in the bank' and by all the rules of e-uity" you are indebted to me for that sum&7 + %as neither $leased nor convinced by this com$utation" and insisted on my ri#ht %ith such determined obstinacy" that he %as fain to alter his ton" and a$$ease my clamour by assurin# me" that he %as not master of five shillin#s& Society in distress #enerally $romotes #ood understandin# amon# $eo$le' from bein# a dun + descended to be a client" and asked his advice about re$airin# my losses& He counselled me to have recourse a#ain to the #amin# table" %here + succeeded so %ell before" and $ut myself in a condition by sellin# my %atch& + follo%ed his directions" and" havin# accommodated him %ith a fe% $ieces" %ent to the $lace" %here + lost every shillin#& Then + returned to my lod#in#s full of des$erate resolution" and havin# made Stra$ ac-uainted %ith my fate" ordered him to $a%n my s%ord immediately" that + mi#ht be enabled to make another effort& This affectionate creature no sooner understood my $ur$ose" than" sei3ed %ith insu$$ortable sorro% at the $ros$ect of my misery" he burst into tears" and asked %hat + $ro$osed to do after the small sum he could raise on the s%ord should be s$ent& 7On my o%n account7 said he" 7+ am -uite unconcerned' for" %hile 2od s$ares me health and these ten fin#ers" + can earn a comfortable subsistence any%here' but %hat must become of you" %ho have less humility to stoo$" and more a$$etites to #ratify=7 Here + interru$ted him" by sayin#" %ith a #loomy as$ect" + should never %ant a resource %hile + had a loaded $istol in $ossession& Stu$ified %ith horror at this dreadful insinuation" he stood mute for some time and then broke out into 72od of his infinite mercy enable you to %ithstand that tem$tation of the devil8 !onsider your immortal soul//there's no re$entance in the #rave8 O 1ord8 that %e ever should have come to this8 Are %e not en)oined to resi#n ourselves to the %ill of Heaven=//%here

is your $atience=//9urum $atientia fran#o//you are but a youn# man//there may be many #ood thin#s in store for you//accidit in $uncto -uo non s$eratur in anno//remember your uncle" 0r& Bo%lin#' $erha$s he is no% on his voya#e home%ard" $leasin# himself %ith the ho$es of seein# and relievin# you' nay" $eradventure" he has already arrived" for the shi$ %as e*$ected about this time&7 A ray of ho$e shot ath%art my soul at this su##estion' + thanked my friend for this seasonable recollection" and" after havin# $romised to take no resolution till his return" dismissed him to ,a$$in# for intelli#ence& +n his absence + %as visited by Banter" %ho" bein# informed of my bad luck at $lay" told me that fortune %ould $robably be one day %eary of $ersecutin# me& 7+n the meantime"7 said he" 7here's a letter for you" %hich + received )ust no% inclosed in one from reeman&7 + snatched it %ith ea#erness" and kno%in# the su$erscri$tion to be of 4arcissa's hand%ritin#" kissed it %ith trans$ort" and" havin# o$ened it" read" 7+t is %ith #reat difficulty that + have stolen" from the observation of those s$ies %ho are set over me" this o$$ortunity of tellin# you" that + %as suddenly carried a%ay from Bath by my brother" %ho %as informed of our corres$ondence by 1ord Muiver%it %hom" + since understand" you have %ounded in a duel on my account& As + am fully convinced of your honour and love" + ho$e + shall never hear of such des$erate $roofs of either for the future& + am so strictly %atched that it %ill be im$ossible for you to see me" until my brother's sus$icion shall abate" or Heaven contrive some other unforeseen event in our behalf& +n the meantime" you may de$end on the constancy and affection of 7>our o%n 4arcissa& 7P& S& 0iss ,illiams" %ho is my fello% $risoner" desires to be remembered to you& ,e are both in #ood health" and only in $ain for you" es$ecially as it %ill be im$racticable for you to convey any messa#e or letter to the $lace of our confinement' for %hich reason& $ray desist from the attem$t" that" by miscarryin#" mi#ht $rolon# our ca$tivity& 74//&7 This kind letter afforded me #reat consolation( + communicated it to Banter" and" at the same time" sho%ed him her $icture( he a$$roved of her beauty and #ood sense" and could not hel$ o%nin# that my ne#lect of 0iss Sna$$er %as e*cusable" %hen such a fine creature en#rossed my attention& + be#an to be reconciled to my fate" and ima#ined" that" if + could contrive means of subsistin# until my uncle should arrive" in case he %ere not already at home" he %ould enable me to do somethin# effectual in behalf of my love and fortune' + therefore consulted Banter about a $resent su$$ly" %ho no sooner understood that + had credit" %ith a tailor" than he advised me to take off t%o or three suits of rich clothes" and convert them into cash" by sellin# them at half/$rice to a salesman in 0onmouth Street& + %as startled at this $ro$osal" %hich + thou#ht savoured a little of fraud' he rendered it $alatable" by observin# that" in a fe% months" + mi#ht be in a condition to do everybody )ustice' and" in the meantime" + %as ac-uitted by the honesty of my intention& + suffered myself to be $ersuaded by his salvo" by %hich my necessity" rather than my

)ud#ment" %as convinced' and" %hen + found there %ere no accounts of the shi$ in %hich my uncle embarked" actually $ut the scheme in $ractice" and raised by it five/and/t%enty #uineas" $ayin# him for his advice %ith the old five& !HAPTER 1.+ + am arrested//carried to the 0arshalsea//find my old Ac-uaintance beau :ackson in that :ail//he informs me of his Adventures//Stra$ arrives" and %ith difficulty is comforted//:ackson introduces me to a Poet//+ admire his !onversation and !a$acity//am dee$ly affected %ith my 0isfortune//Stra$ hires himself as a :ourneyman Barber But this e*$edient %as in a fe% %eeks follo%ed %ith a conse-uence + did not foresee& A $layer" havin# $urchased one of the suits that %ere e*$osed to sale" a$$eared in it on the sta#e one ni#ht" %hile my tailor unfortunately ha$$ened to be $resent& He kne% it immediately" and" in-uirin# minutely into the affair" discovered my %hole contrivance( u$on %hich he came into my lod#in#s" and tellin# me that he %as very much strai#htened for %ant of money" $resented his bill" %hich amounted to fifty $ounds& Sur$rised at %hich une*$ected address" + affected to treat him cavalierly" s%ore some oaths" asked if he doubted my honour" and tellin# him + should take care %hom + dealt %ith for the future" bade him come a#ain in three days& He obeyed me $unctually" demanded his money" and findin# himself amused %ith bare $romises" arrested me that very day in the street& + %as not much shocked at this adventure" %hich" indeed" $ut an end to a state of horrible e*$ectation( but + refused to #o to a s$on#in#/house" %here + heard there %as nothin# but the most fla#rant im$osition( and" a coach bein# called" %as carried to the 0arshalsea" attended by a bailiff and his follo%er" %ho %ere very much disa$$ointed and cha#rined at my resolution& The turnkey" #uessin# from my a$$earance that + had money in my $ocket" received me %ith the re$etition of the 1atin %ord de$one" and #ave me to understand" that + must $ay beforehand for the a$artment + should choose to d%ell in& + desired to see his conveniences" and hired a small $altry bed/chamber for a cro%n a %eek" %hich" in any other $lace" %ould not have let for half the money& Havin# taken $ossession of this dismal habitation" + sent for Stra$" and my thou#hts %ere busied in collectin# matter of consolation to that faithful s-uire" %hen somebody knocked at my door" %hich + no sooner o$ened" than a youn# fello% entered in very shabby clothes and marvellous foul linen& After a lo% bo%" he called me by name" and asked if + had for#otten him& His voice assisted me in recollectin# his $erson" %hom + soon reco#nised to be my old ac-uaintance" :ackson" of %hom mention is made in the first $art of my memoirs& + saluted him cordially" e*$ressed my satisfaction at findin# him alive" and condoled him on his $resent situation" %hich" ho%ever" did not seem to affect him much" for he lau#hed very heartily at the occasion of our meetin# so une*$ectedly in this $lace& Our mutual com$liments bein# $ast" + in-uired about his amour %ith the lady of fortune" %hich seemed to be so near a ha$$y conclusion %hen + had the $leasure of seein# him last( and" after an immoderate fit of lau#hter" he #ave me to understand that he had been e#re#iously bit in that affair& 7>ou must kno%"7 said he" 7that a fe% days after our adventure %ith the ba%d" and her b//ches" + found means to be married to that same blue lady you s$eak of" and $assed the

ni#ht %ith her at her lod#in#s" so much to her satisfaction" that early in the mornin#" after a #ood deal of snivellin# and sobbin#" she o%ned" that" far from bein# an heiress of #reat fortune" she %as no other than a common %oman of the to%n" %ho had decoyed me into matrimony" in order to en)oy the $rivile#e of a femme couverte' and that" unless + made my esca$e immediately" + should be arrested for a debt of her contractin#" by baili#s em$loyed and instructed for that $ur$ose& Startled at this intimation" + rose in a t%inklin#" and takin# leave of my s$ouse %ith several hearty damns" #ot safe into the ver#e of the court" %here + ke$t snu#" until + %as a$$ointed sur#eon's mate of a man/of/%ar at Portsmouth' for %hich $lace + set out on Sunday" %ent on board of my shi$" in %hich + sailed to the Straits" %here + had the #ood fortune to be made sur#eon of a sloo$ that came home a fe% months after" and %as $ut out of commission( %hereu$on" + came to 1ondon" ima#inin# myself for#otten" and freed from my %ife and her creditors" but had not been in to%n a %eek" before + %as arrested for a debt of hers" amountin# to t%enty $ounds" and brou#ht to this $lace" %here + have been fi*ed by another action since that time& Ho%ever" you kno% my dis$osition" + defy care and an*iety' and bein# on the half/$ay list" make shift to live here tolerably easy&7 + con#ratulated him on his $hiloso$hy" and" rememberin# that + %as in his debt" re$aid the money he formerly lent me" %hich" + believe" %as far from bein# unseasonable& + then in-uired about the economy of the $lace" %hich he e*$lained to my satisfaction' and" after %e had a#reed to mess to#ether" he %as )ust no% #oin# to #ive orders for dinner %hen Stra$ arrived& + never in my life sa% sorro% so e*trava#antly e*$ressed in any countenance as in that of my honest friend" %hich %as" indeed" $articularly ada$ted by nature for such im$ressions& ,hen %e %ere left by ourselves" + communicated to him my disaster" and endeavoured to console him %ith the same ar#uments he had formerly used to me" %ithal re$resentin# the fair chance + had of bein# relieved in a short time by 0r& Bo%lin#& But his #rief %as unutterable( he seemed to #ive attention %ithout listenin#" and %run# his hands in silence' so that + %as in a fair %ay of bein# infected by his behaviour" %hen :ackson returned" and" $erceivin# the deference + $aid to Stra$" althou#h in a footman's habit" distributed his crumbs of comfort %ith such mirth" )ollity and unconcern" that the features of the distressed s-uire rela*ed by de#rees' he recovered the use of s$eech" and be#an to be a little more reconciled to this lamentable event& ,e dined to#ether on boiled beef and #reens" brou#ht from a cook's sho$ in the nei#hbourhood" and" althou#h this meal %as served u$ in a manner little corres$ondin# %ith the s$here of life in %hich + had lately lived" + made a virtue of necessity" ate %ith #ood a$$etite" and treated my friends %ith a bottle of %ine" %hich had the desired effect of increasin# the #ood humour of my fello% $risoner" and e*hilaratin# the s$irits of Stra$" %ho no% talked cavalierly of my misfortune& After dinner :ackson left us to our $rivate affairs' %hen + desired my friend to $ack u$ all our thin#s" and carry them to some chea$ lod#in#s he should choose for himself in the nei#hbourhood of the 0arshalsea" after he had dischar#ed my lod#in#s" for %hich $ur$ose + #ave him money& + like%ise recommended to him the kee$in# my misfortune secret" and sayin# to my landlord" or any other %ho should in-uire for me" that + %as #one into the country for a fe% %eeks( at the same time + laid stron# in)unctions u$on him to call

every second day u$on Banter" in case he should receive any letter for me from 4arcissa" by the channel of reeman' and by all means to leave a direction for himself at my uncle's lod#in#s in ,a$$in#" by %hich + mi#ht be found %hen my kinsman should arrive& ,hen he de$arted to e*ecute these orders 5%hich by the bye %ere $unctually $erformed that very ni#ht6" + found myself so little seasoned to my situation" that + dreaded reflection" and sou#ht shelter from it in the com$any of the beau" %ho" $romisin# to re#ale me %ith a lecture u$on taste" conducted me to the common side" %here + sa% a number of naked miserable %retches assembled to#ether& ,e had not been here many minutes" %hen a fi#ure a$$eared" %ra$$ed in a dirty ru#" tied about his loins %ith t%o $ieces of list" of different colours" knotted to#ether' havin# a black bushy beard" and his head covered %ith a hu#e mass of bro%n $eri%i#" %hich seems to have been ravished from the cro%n of some scarecro%& This a$$arition" stalkin# in %ith #reat solemnity" made a $rofound bo% to the audience" %ho si#nified their a$$robation by a #eneral res$onse of 7Ho% d'ye do" doctor87 He then turned to%ards us" and honoured :ackson %ith a $articular salutation" u$on %hich my friend" in a formal manner" introduced him to me by the name of 0r& 0elo$oyn& This ceremony bein# over" he advanced into the middle of the con#re#ation" %hich cro%ded around him" and hemmin# three times" to my utter astonishment" $ronounced %ith #reat si#nificance of voice and #esture" a very ele#ant and in#enious discourse u$on the difference bet%een #enius and taste" illustratin# his assertions %ith a$t -uotations from the best authors" ancient as %ell as modern& ,hen he had finished his haran#ue" %hich lasted a full hour" he bo%ed a#ain to the s$ectators' not one of %hom 5+ %as informed6 understood so much as a sentence of %hat he had uttered& They manifested" ho%ever" their admiration and esteem by voluntary contributions" %hich :ackson told me" one %eek %ith another" amounted to ei#hteen $ence& This moderate sti$end" to#ether %ith some small $resents that he received for makin# u$ differences and decidin# causes amon#st the $risoners" )ust enabled him to breathe and %alk about in the #rotes-ue fi#ure + have described& + understood also" that he %as an e*cellent $oet" and had com$osed a tra#edy" %hich %as allo%ed by everybody %ho had seen it to be a $erformance of #reat merit( that his learnin# %as infinite" his morals une*ce$tionable" and his modesty invincible& Such a character could not fail of attractin# my re#ard' + lon#ed im$atiently to be ac-uainted %ith him" and desired :ackson %ould en#a#e him to s$end the evenin# in my a$artment& 0y re-uest %as #ranted' he favoured us %ith his com$any" and" in the course of our conversation $erceivin# that + had a stron# $assion for the Belles 1ettres" ac-uitted himself so %ell on that sub)ect" that + e*$ressed a fervent desire of seein# his $roductions& +n this $oint too he #ratified my inclination' he $romised to brin# his tra#edy to my room ne*t day" and in the meantime" entertained me %ith some detached $ieces" %hich #ave me a very advanta#eous idea of his $oetical talent& Amon# other thin#s + %as $articularly $leased %ith some ele#ies" in imitation of Tibullus' one of %hich + be# leave to submit to the reader as a s$ecimen of his com$le*ion and ca$acity(// ,here no% are all my flatterin# dreams of )oy= 0onimia" #ive my soul her %onted rest'// Since first thy beauty fi*ed my rovin# eye" heart/#na%in# cares corrode my $ensive breast8

1et ha$$y lovers fly %here $leasures call" ,ith festive son#s be#uile the fleetin# hour" 1ead beauty throu#h the ma3es of the ball" Or $ress her %anton in love's roseate bo%er( or me" no more +'ll ran#e the em$ur$led mead" ,here she$herd's $i$e and vir#ins dance around" 4or %ander throu#h the %oodbine's fra#rant shade" To hear the music of the #rove resound& +'ll seek some lonely church" or dreary hall" ,here fancy $aints the #limmerin# ta$er blue" ,here dam$s han# moulderin# on the ivy'd %all" And sheeted #hosts drink u$ the midni#ht de%" There" lea#ued %ith ho$eless an#uish and des$air" A %hile in silence o'er my fate re$air( Then" %ith a lon# fare%ell to love and care" To kindred dust my %eary limbs consi#n& ,ilt thou" 0onimia" shed a #racious tear On the cold #rave %here all my sorro%s rest= Stre% vernal flo%ers" a$$laud my love sincere" And bid the turf lie easy on my breast= + %as %onderfully affected %ith this $athetic com$laint" %hich seemed so %ell calculated for my o%n disa$$ointment in love" that + could not hel$ attachin# the idea of 4arcissa to the name of 0onimia" and of formin# such melancholy $resa#es of my $assion" that + could not recover my tran-uillity( and %as fain to have recourse to the bottle" %hich $re$ared me for a $rofound slee$ that + could not other%ise have en)oyed& ,hether these im$ressions invited and introduced a train of other melancholy reflections" or my fortitude %as all e*hausted in the effort + made a#ainst des$ondence" durin# the first day of my im$risonment" + cannot determine' but + a%oke in the horrors" and found my ima#ination haunted %ith such dismal a$$aritions" that + %as ready to des$air( and + believe the render %ill o%n" + had no #reat cause to con#ratulate myself" %hen + considered my situation& + %as interru$ted in the midst of these #loomy a$$rehensions by the arrival of Stra$" %ho contributed not a little to the re/establishment of my $eace" by lettin# me kno% that he had hired himself as a )ourneyman barber' by %hich means he %ould be able not only to save me a considerable e*$ense" but even make shift to lay u$ somethin# for my subsistence" after my money should be s$ent" in case + should& not be relieved before& !HAPTER 1.++ + read 0elo$oyn's Tra#edy" and conceive a vast O$inion of his 2enius//he recounts his Adventures ,hile %e ate our breakfast to#ether" + made him ac-uainted %ith the character and condition of the $oet" %ho came in %ith his $lay at that instant" and" ima#inin# %e %ere en#a#ed about business" could not be $revailed u$on to sit' but" leavin# his $erformance" %ent a%ay& 0y friend's tender heart %as melted at the si#ht of a #entleman and !hristian 5for he had a #reat veneration for both

these e$ithets6 in such misery' and assented %ith #reat cheerfulness to a $ro$osal + made of clothin# him %ith the our su$erfluities' a task %ith %hich he char#ed himself" and de$arted immediately to $erform it& He %as to sooner #one than + locked my door" and sat do%n to the tra#edy' %hich + read to the end %ith vast $leasure" not a little ama3ed at conduct of the mana#ers %ho had re)ected it& The fable" in my o$inion" %as %ell chosen and naturally conducted" the incidents interestin#" the characters beautifully contrasted" stron#ly marked" and %ell su$$orted' the diction $oetical" s$irited and correct' the unities of the drama maintained %ith the most scru$ulous e*actness' the o$enin# #radual and en#a#in#" the $eri$eteia sur$risin#" and the catastro$he affectin#" +n short" + )ud#ed it by the la%s of Aristotle and Horace" and could find nothin# in it e*ce$tionable but a little too much embellishment in some fe% $laces" %hich ob)ection he removed to my satisfaction" by a -uotation of Aristotle's $oetics" im$ortin#" that the least interestin# $arts of a $oem ou#ht to be raised and di#nified by the charms and ener#y of diction& + revered his #enius" and %as sei3ed %ith an ea#er curiosity to kno% the $articular events of a fortune so un%orthy of his merit& At that instant Stra$ returned %ith a bundle of clothes" %hich + sent %ith my com$liments to 0r& 0elo$oyn" as s small token of my re#ard" and desired the favour of his com$any to dinner& He acce$ted my $resent and invitation" and in less than half/an/hour made his a$$earance in a decent dress" %hich altered his fi#ure very much to his advanta#e& + $erceived by his countenance that his heart %as bi# %ith #ratitude" and endeavoured to $revent his ackno%led#ments" by askin# $ardon for the liberty + had taken' he made no re$ly" but" %ith an as$ect full of admiration and esteem" bo%ed to the #round" %hile the tears #ushed from his eyes& Affected %ith these sym$toms of an in#enuous mind" + shifted the conversation" and com$limented him on his $erformance" %hich + assured him afforded me infinite $leasure& 0y a$$robation made him ha$$y& 9inner bein# served" and :ackson arrived" + be##ed their $ermission for Stra$ to sit at table %ith us" after havin# informed them that he %as a $erson to %hom + %as e*tremely obli#ed' they %ere kind enou#h to #rant that favour" and %e ate to#ether %ith #reat harmony and satisfaction& Our meal bein# ended" + e*$ressed my %onder at the little re#ard 0r& 0elo$oyn had met %ith from the %orld( and si#nified a desire of hearin# ho% he had been treated by the mana#ers of the $layhouses" to %hom + understood from :ackson" he had offered his tra#edy %ithout success& 7There is so little entertainin# in the incidents of my life"7 said he" 7that + am sure the recital %ill not recom$ense your attention' but" since you discover an inclination to kno% them + understand my duty too %ell to disa$$oint your desire& 70y father" %ho %as a curate in the country" bein# by the narro%ness of his circumstances hindered from maintainin# me at the university" took the char#e of my education u$on himself" and laboured %ith such industry and concern in the undertakin#" that + had little cause to re#ret the %ant of $ublic masters& Bein# at #reat $ains to consult my natural bias" He discovered in me betimes an inclination for $oetry' u$on %hich he recommended to me an intimate ac-uaintance %ith the classics" in the cultivation of %hich he assisted me %ith a $aternal 3eal and uncommon erudition& ,hen he thou#ht me

sufficiently ac-uainted %ith the ancients" he directed my studies to the best modern authors" rench and +talian as %ell as En#lish" and laid" and laid a $articular in)unction u$on me make myself master of my mother ton#ue& 7About the a#e of ei#hteen" + #re% ambitious of undertakin# a %ork of some conse-uence' and" %ith my father's a$$robation" actually $lanned the tra#edy you have read' but" before + had finished four acts" that indul#ent $arent died" and left my mother and me in very indi#ent circumstances& A near relation" com$assionatin# our distress" took us into his family" %here + brou#ht my fable to a conclusion' and" soon after that $eriod my mother -uitted this life& ,hen my sorro% for this melancholy event had subsided" + told my kinsman" %ho %as a farmer" that" havin# $aid my last duty to my $arent" + had no% no attachment to detain me in the country" and therefore %as resolved to set out for 1ondon" and offer my $lay to the sta#e" %here + did not doubt of ac-uirin# a lar#e share of fame as %ell as fortune' in %hich case + should not be unmindful of my friends and benefactors& 0y cousin %as ravished %ith the $ros$ect of my felicity" and %illin#ly contributed to%ards the e*$ense of fittin# me out for my e*$edition& 7Accordin#ly + took a $lace in the %a##on" and arrived in to%n" %here + hired an a$artment in a #arret" %illin# to live as fru#ally as $ossible" until + should kno% %hat + had to e*$ect from the mana#er" to %hom + intended to offer my $lay& or" thou#h + looked u$on myself as $erfectly secure of a #ood rece$tion" ima#inin# that a $atentee %ould be as ea#er to receive as + to $resent my $roduction" + did not kno% %hether or not he mi#ht be $re/en#a#ed in favour of another author" a circumstance that %ould certainly retard my success& On this consideration" too" + determined to be s$eedy in my a$$lication" and even to %ait u$on one of the mana#ers the very ne*t day& or this $ur$ose" + in-uired my landlord if he kne% %here either or both of them lived( and he" bein# curious to kno% my business" and at the same time a$$earin# to be a very honest friendly man 5a tallo% chandler6" + made him ac-uainted %ith my desi#n" u$on %hich he told me that + %ent the %ron# %ay to %ork' that + %ould not find such easy access to a mana#er as + ima#ined' and that if + delivered my $erformance %ithout $ro$er recommendation" it %ould be as one to a thousand if ever it %ould be minded& 7Take my advice"7 said he" 7and your business is done& One of the $atentees is a #ood catholic" as + am" and uses the same father %ho confesses me& + %ill make you ac-uainted %ith this #ood $riest" %ho is an e*cellent scholar" and if he should a$$rove of your $lay" his recommendation %ill #o a #reat %ay in determinin# 0r& Su$$le to brin# it on the sta#e&7 + a$$lauded his e*$edient" and %as introduced to the friar" %ho" havin# $erused the tra#edy" %as $leased to si#nify his a$$robation" and commended me in $articular for havin# avoided all reflections u$on reli#ion& He $romised to use all his influence %ith his son Su$$le in my behalf" and to inform himself that very day at %hat time it %as $ro$er for me to %ait u$on him %ith the $iece& He %as $unctual in $erformin# his en#a#ement" and ne*t mornin# #ave me to understand that he had mentioned my affair to the mana#er" and that + had nothin# more to do than to #o to his house any time in the forenoon" and make use of his name" u$on %hich + should find immediate admittance& + took his advice" $ut my $erformance in my bosom" and" havin# received directions" %ent immediately to the house of 0r& Su$$le" and knocked at the door" %hich had a %icket in the middle" faced %ith a net/%ork of iron&

Throu#h this a servant havin# vie%ed me for some time" demanded to kno% my business& + told him my business %as %ith 0r& Su$$le" and that + came from 0r& O';arnish& He e*amined my a$$earance once more" then %ent a%ay" returned in a fe% minutes" and said his master %as busy" and could not be seen& Althou#h + %as a little mortified at my disa$$ointment" + %as $ersuaded that my rece$tion %as o%in# to 0r& Su$$le's i#norance of my errand( and" that + mi#ht meet %ith no more obstructions of the same kind" + desired 0r& O';arnish to be my introductor the ne*t time& He com$lied %ith my re-uest" and obtained immediate admittance to the mana#er" %ho received me %ith the utmost civility" and $romised to read my $lay %ith the first convenience& By his o%n a$$ointment + called a#ain in a fortni#ht" but he %as #one out( + returned in a %eek after" and the $oor #entleman %as e*tremely ill( + rene%ed my visit in a fortni#ht after that" and he assured me he had been so much fati#ued %ith business" that he had not been able as yet to read it to an end" but he %ould take the first o$$ortunity( and" in the meantime" observed that %hat he had yet seen of it %as very entertainin#& + comforted myself %ith this declaration a fe% %eeks lon#er" at the end of %hich + a$$eared a#ain before his %icket" %as let in" and found him laid u$ %ith the #out& + no sooner entered his chamber than" lookin# at me %ith a lan#uishin# eye" he said" 70r& 0elo$oyn" +'m heartily sorry for an accident that has ha$$ened durin# my illness& >ou must kno% that my eldest boy" findin# your manuscri$t u$on the table in the dinin#/room" %here + used to read it" carried it into the kitchen" and leavin# it there" a ne#li#ent %ench of a cook/maid" mistakin# it for %aste $a$er" has e*$ended it but a fe% leaves in sin#in# fo%ls u$on the s$it& But + ho$e the misfortune is not irre$arable" since" no doubt" you have several co$ies&7 7+ $rotest to you" my #ood friend" 0r& Random" + %as e*tremely shocked at this information' but the #ood/natured #entleman seemed to be so much affected %ith my misfortune" that + su$$ressed my concern" and told him that" althou#h + had not another co$y" + should be able to retrieve the loss by %ritin# another from my memory" %hich %as very tenacious& >ou cannot ima#ine ho% %ell $leased 0r& Su$$le %as at this assurance' he be##ed + %ould set about it immediately" and carefully revolve and recollect every circumstance before + $retended to commit it to $a$er" that it mi#ht be the same individual $lay that he had $erused& Encoura#ed by this in)unction" %hich $lainly demonstrated ho% much he interested himself in the affair" + tasked my remembrance and industry" and in three %eeks $roduced the e*act ima#e of the former" %hich %as conveyed to him by my #ood friend ather O';arnish" %ho told me ne*t day" that 0r& Su$$le %ould revise it su$erficially" in order to )ud#e of its sameness %ith the other" and then #ive his final ans%er& or this e*amination + allotted a %eek( and" in full confidence of seein# it acted in a little %hile" demanded an audience of the mana#er" %hen that term %as e*$ired& But" alas8 the season had sli$$ed a%ay insensibly& He convinced me" that if my $lay had been $ut into rehearsal at the time" it could not have been ready for $erformin# until the end of 0arch" %hen the benefit ni#hts came on' conse-uently" it %ould have interfered %ith the interest of the $layers" %hom it %as not my business to disobli#e& 7+ %as fain to ac-uiesce in these reasons" %hich" to be sure" %ere e*tremely )ust' and to reserve my $erformance for the ne*t season" %hen he ho$ed + %ould not be so unlucky& Althou#h it %as a #rievous disa$$ointment to me" %ho" by this time" be#an to %ant both money

and necessaries' havin# on the stren#th of my e*$ectation from the theatre" launched out into some e*trava#ances" by %hich the sum + brou#ht to to%n %as already almost consumed& +ndeed" + ou#ht to be ashamed at this circumstance of my conduct' for my finances %ere sufficient" %ith #ood economy" to have maintained me comfortably a %hole year& >ou %ill $erha$s be ama3ed %hen + tell you that" in si* months" + e*$ended not a farthin# less than ten #uineas( but" %hen one considers the tem$tations to %hich a youn# man is e*$osed in this #reat city" es$ecially if he be addicted to $leasure" as + am" the %onder %ill vanish" or at least abate& 4or %as the cause of my concern limited to my o%n situation entirely( + had %ritten an account of my #ood rece$tion to my kinsman the farmer" and desired him to de$end u$on me for the money he had kindly accommodated me %ith about the end of ebruary" %hich $romise + no% found myself unable to $erform& Ho%ever" there %as no remedy but $atience( + a$$lied to my landlord" %ho %as a very #ood/natured man" candidly o%ned my distress" and be##ed his advice in layin# do%n some $lan for my subsistence' he readily $romised to consult his confessor on this sub)ect" and" in the meantime" told me" + %as %elcome to lod#e and board %ith him until fortune should $ut it in my $o%er to make restitution& 70r& O';arnish" bein# informed of my necessity" offered to introduce me to the author of a %eekly $a$er" %ho" he did not doubt" %ould em$loy me in that %ay" $rovided he should find me duly -ualified' but" u$on in-uiry" + understood that this )ournal %as calculated to foment divisions in the common%ealth" and therefore + desired to be e*cused from en#a#in# in it& He then $ro$osed that + should %rite somethin# in the $oetical %ay" %hich + mi#ht dis$ose of to a bookseller for a $retty sum of ready money" and" $erha$s" establish my o%n character into the bar#ain& This event %ould infallibly $rocure friends" and my tra#edy %ould a$$ear ne*t season to the best advanta#e" by bein# su$$orted both by interest and re$utation& + %as charmed %ith this $ros$ect" and havin# heard %hat friends 0r& Po$e ac-uired by his $astorals" set about a %ork of that kind" and in less than si* %eeks com$osed as many eclo#ues" %hich + forth%ith offered to an eminent bookseller" %ho desired me to leave them for his $erusal" and he %ould #ive an ans%er in t%o days& At the end of that time" + %ent to him" %hen he returned the $oems" tellin# me" they %ould not ans%er his $ur$ose" and s%eetened his refusal by sayin# there %ere some #ood clever lines in them& 4ot a little de)ected at this rebuff" %hich" + learned from 0r& O';arnish" %as o%in# to the o$inion of another author %hom this bookseller al%ays consulted on these occasions" + a$$lied to another $erson of the same $rofession" %ho told me the to%n %as cloyed %ith $astorals" and advised me" if + intended to $rofit by my talents" to %rite somethin# satirical or luscious" such as the Button Hole" Shockey and To%ner" The 1eaky ;essel" etc" and yet this %as a man in years" %ho %ore a reverend $eri%i#" looked like a senator" and %ent re#ularly to church& Be that as it %ill" + scorned to $rostitute my $en in the manner $ro$osed" and carried my $a$ers to a third" %ho assured me that $oetry %as entirely out of his %ay' and asked me if + had #ot never a $iece of secret history" thro%n into a series of letters" or a volume of adventures" such as those of Robinson !rusoe" and !olonel :ack" or a collection of !onundrums" %here%ith to entertain the $lantations& Bein# -uite unfurnished for this dealer" + had recourse to another %ith as little success' and + verily believe" %as re)ected by the %hole trade&

7+ %as after%ards $ersuaded to offer myself as a translator" and accordin#ly re$aired to a $erson %ho %as said to entertain numbers of that class in his $ay' he assured me" he had already a #reat deal of that %ork on his hands" %hich he did not kno% %hat to do %ith' observed that translations %ere a mere dru#" that branch of literature bein# overstocked %ith an inundation of authors from 4orth Britain' and asked %hat + %ould e*$ect $er sheet for renderin# the 1atin classics into En#lish& That + mi#ht not make myself too chea$" + determined to set a hi#h $rice u$on my -ualifications" and demanded half/a/#uinea for every translated sheet& 7Half/a/#uinea87 cried he" starin# at me' then $aused a little" and said" he had no occasion for my service at $resent& + found my error" and" resolvin# to make amends" fell one/half in my demand' u$on %hich he stared at me and told me his hands %ere full& + attem$ted others %ithout findin# em$loyment" and %as actually reduced to a very uncomfortable $ros$ect" %hen + bethou#ht myself of offerin# my talents to the $rinters of half/$enny ballads and other such occasional essays" as are ha%ked about the streets& ,ith this in vie% + a$$lied to one of the most noted and vociferous of this tribe" %ho directed me to a $erson %hom + found entertainin# a %hole cro%d of them %ith #in" bread" and cheese' he carried me into a little back $arlour" very neatly furnished" %here + si#nified my desire of bein# enrolled amon# his %riters' and %as asked %hat kind of com$osition + $rofessed& Understandin# that my inclination leaned to%ards $oetry" he e*$ressed his satisfaction" tellin# me one of his $oets had lost his senses" and %as confined in Bedlam" and the other %as become do3ed %ith drinkin# drams' so that he had not done anythin# tolerable these many %eeks& ,hen + $ro$osed that %e should enter into terms of a#reement" he #ave me to understand that his bar#ains %ere al%ays conditional" and his authors $aid in $ro$ortion to the sale of their %orks& 7Havin# therefore settled these conditions" %hich 5+ do assure you6 %ere not very advanta#eous to me" he assi#ned me a sub)ect for ballad" %hich %as to be finished in t%o hours' and + retired to my #arret in order to $erform his in)unction& As the theme ha$$ened to suit my fancy" + com$leted a $retty sort of an ode %ithin the time $rescribed" and brou#ht it to him" bi# %ith ho$e of $rofit and a$$lause& He read it in a t%inklin#" and" to my utter astonishment" told me it %ould not do' thou#h indeed he o%ned + %rote a #ood hand" an s$elled very %ell" but my lan#ua#e %as too hi#h flo%n" and of conse-uence not at all ada$ted to the ca$acity and taste of his customers& + $romised to rectify that mistake and in half an hour humbled my style to the com$rehension of vul#ar readers' he a$$roved of the alteration" and #ave me some ho$es of succeedin# in time" thou#h he observed that my $erformance %as very deficient in the -uaintness of e*$ression that $leases the multitude( ho%ever" to encoura#e me" he ventured the e*$ense of $rintin# and $a$er" and" if + remember ari#ht" my share of the sale amounted to four$ence half$enny& 7 rom that day + studied the 2rub Street manner %ith #reat dili#ence" and at len#th became such a $roficient that my %orks %ere in #reat re-uest amon# the most $olite of the chairmen" draymen" hackney/coachmen" footmen" and servant maids( nay" + have en)oyed the $leasure of seein# my $roductions adorned %ith cuts" $asted u$on the %alls as ornaments in beer cellars and cobblers' stalls' and have actually heard them sun# in clubs of substantial tradesmen//but em$ty $raise 5you kno%" my dear friend6 %ill not su$$ly the cravin#s

nature& + found myself in dan#er of starvin# in the midst of all my fame' for of ten son#s + com$osed" it %as %ell if t%o had the #ood fortune to $lease& or this reason + turned my thou#hts to $rose" and" durin# a tract of #loomy %eather" $ublished an a$$arition" on the substance of %hich + subsisted very comfortably a %hole month' + have made many a #ood meal u$on a monster' a ra$e has often afforded me #reat satisfaction' but a murder" %ell timed" %as my never/failin# resource& ,hat then= + %as almost a slave to my em$loyers" %ho e*$ected to be furnished at a minute's %arnin# %ith $rose and verse" )ust as they thou#ht the circumstances of the times re-uired" %hether the inclination %as absent or $resent& U$on my sincerity" 0r& Random" + have been so much $estered and besie#ed by those children of clamour" that life became a burden to me&7 !HAPTER 1.+++ The !ontinuation and !onclusion of 0r& 0elo$oyn's Story '+ made shift" not%ithstandin#" to maintain myself till the be#innin# of ne*t %inter" %hen + rene%ed my addresses to my friend 0r& Su$$le" and %as most #raciously received& 7+ have been thinkin# of your affair" 0r& 0elo$oyn"7 said he" 7and am determined to sho% ho% far + have your interest at heart" by introducin# you to a youn# nobleman of my ac-uaintance" %ho is remarkable for his fine taste in dramatic %ritin#s" and is besides a man of such influence that" if once he should a$$rove of your $lay" his $atrona#e %ill su$$ort it a#ainst all the efforts of envy and i#norance' for" + do assure you" that merit alone %ill not brin# success& + have already s$oken of your $erformance to 1ord Rattle" and if you %ill call at my house in a day or t%o" you shall have a letter of introduction to his lordshi$&7 + %as sensibly touched %ith this mark of 0r& Su$$le's friendshi$' and lookin# u$on my affair as already done" %ent home and im$arted my #ood fortune to my landlord" %ho" to render my a$$earance more acce$table to my $atron" $rocured a suit of ne% clothes for me on his o%n credit& 74ot to trouble you %ith idle $articulars" + carried my tra#edy to his lordshi$'s lod#in#s" and sent it u$ alon# %ith 0r& Su$$le's letter by one of his servants" %ho desired me" by his lord's order" to return in a %eek& + did so" and %as admitted to his lordshi$" %ho received me very courteously" told me he had $erused my $lay" %hich he thou#ht" on the %hole" %as the best cou$ d'essai he had ever seen' but that he had marked some $laces in the mar#in" %hich he ima#ined mi#ht be altered for the better& + %as trans$orted %ith this rece$tion" and $romised 5%ith many ackno%led#ments of his lordshi$'s #enerosity6 to be #overned solely by his advice and direction&7 7,ell" then"7 said he" 7%rite another fair co$y %ith the alterations + have $ro$osed" and brin# it to me as soon as $ossible' for + am resolved to have it brou#ht on the sta#e this %inter&7 >ou may be sure + set about this task %ith alacrity' and althou#h + found his lordshi$'s remarks much more numerous and of less im$ortance than + e*$ected" + thou#ht it %as not my interest to dis$ute u$on trifles %ith my $atron' therefore ne% modelled it accordin# to his desire in less than a month& 7,hen + %aited u$on him %ith the manuscri$t" + found one of the

actors at breakfast %ith his lordshi$" %ho immediately introduced him to my ac-uaintance" and desired him to read a scene of my $lay& This task he $erformed very much to my satisfaction" %ith re#ard to em$hasis and $ronunciation' but he si#nified his dis#ust at several %ords in every $a#e" %hich + $resumin# to defend" 1ord Rattle told me" %ith a $erem$tory look" + must not $retend to dis$ute %ith him" %ho had been a $layer these t%enty years" and understood the economy of the sta#e better than any man livin#& + %as forced to submit' and his lordshi$ $ro$osed the same actor should read the %hole $lay in the evenin#" before some #entlemen of his ac-uaintance" %hom he %ould convene to his lod#in#s for that $ur$ose& 7+ %as $resent at the readin#' and + $rotest to you" my dear friend" + never under%ent such a severe trial in the %hole course of my life at that )uncture' for althou#h the $layer mi#ht be a very honest man and a #ood $erformer" he %as e*cessively illiterate and assumin#" and made a thousand frivolous ob)ections" %hich + %as not $ermitted to ans%er& Ho%ever" the $iece %as very much a$$lauded on the %hole' the #entlemen $resent" %ho" + understood" %ere men of fortune" $romised to countenance and su$$ort it as much as they could' and 1ord Rattle" assurin# me that he %ould act the $art of a careful nurse to it" desired me to carry it home" and alter it immediately accordin# to their remarks& + %as fain to ac-uiesce in his determination" and fulfilled his in)unctions %ith all the e*$edition in my $o%er' but" before + could $resent the ne% co$y" my #ood friend 0r& Su$$le had dis$osed of his $ro$erty and $atent to one 0r& Brayer' so that fresh interest %as to be made %ith the ne% mana#er& This task 1ord Rattle undertook" havin# some ac-uaintance %ith him" and recommended my $erformance so stron#ly that it %as received& 7+ looked u$on myself no% as u$on the eve of rea$in# the fruits of all my labour& + %aited a fe% days in e*$ectation of its bein# $ut in rehearsal" and %onderin# at the delay" a$$lied to my %orthy $atron" %ho e*cused 0r& Brayer on account of the multi$licity of business in %hich he %as involved" and bade me be%are of teasin# the $atentee& + treasured u$ this caution" and e*erted my $articular three %eeks lon#er' at the end of %hich his lordshi$ #ave me to understand that 0r& Brayer had read my $lay" and o%ned it had indubitable merit' but" as he had lon# been $re/en#a#ed to another author" he could not $ossibly re$resent it that season' thou#h" if + %ould reserve it for the ne*t" and in the interim make such alterations as he had $ro$osed by observations on the mar#in" + mi#ht de$end u$on his com$liance& 7Thunderstruck at this disa$$ointment" + could not" for some minutes" utter one syllable& At len#th" ho%ever" + com$lained bitterly of the mana#er's insincerity in amusin# me so lon#" %hen he kne% from the be#innin# that he could not #ratify my desire& But his lordshi$ re$rimanded me for my freedom" said 0r& Brayer %as a man of honour" and im$uted his behaviour %ith res$ect to me nothin# else but for#etfulness& And indeed + have had some reason" since that time" to be convinced of his bad memory' for" in s$ite of a$$earances" + %ill not allo% myself to inter$ret his conduct in any other %ay& 1ord Rattle observin# me very much affected %ith my disa$$ointment" offered his interest to brin# on my $lay at the other house" %hich + ea#erly acce$tin#" he forth%ith %rote a letter of recommendation to 0r& Bello%er" actor and $rime minister to 0r& ;andal" $ro$rietor of that theatre" and desired me to deliver it %ith my tra#edy"

%ithout loss of time& Accordin#ly" + hastened to his house" %here after havin# %aited a %hole hour in the lobby" + %as admitted to his $resence" and my $erformance received %ith #reat state& He told me he %as e*tremely busy at $resent" but he %ould $eruse it as soon as $ossible" and bade me to call a#ain in a %eek& + took my leave" not a little astonished at the $ert and su$ercilious behaviour of this sta#e $layer" %ho had not treated me %ith #ood manners' and be#an to think the di#nity of a $oet #reatly im$aired since the days of Euri$ides and So$hocles' but all this %as nothin# in com$arison of %hat + have since observed& 7,ell" 0r& Random" + %ent back at the a$$ointed time" and %as told that 0r& Bello%er %as en#a#ed" and could not see me" + re$eated my visit a fe% days after" and havin# %aited a considerable time %as favoured %ith an audience" durin# %hich" he said" he had not as yet read my $lay& 4ettled at this usa#e" + could contain myself no lon#er" but" tellin# him" + ima#ined he %ould have $aid more deference to 1ord Rattle's recommendation" demanded my manuscri$t %ith some e*$ression of resentment& 7Ay"7 said he in a theatrical tone" 7%ith all my heart&7 Then $ullin# out the dra%er of the bureau at %hich he sat" he took out a bundle" and thre% it u$on a table that %as near him" $ronouncin# the %ord" 7There87 %ith #reat disdain& + took it u$" and $erceivin# %ith some sur$rise" that it %as a comedy" told him it did not belon# to me' u$on %hich he offered another %hich + also disclaimed& A third %as $roduced" and re)ected for the same reason& At len#th he $ulled out a %hole bundle" and s$read them before me" sayin#" 7There are seven//take %hich you $lease//or take them all&7 + sin#led out my o%n" and %ent a%ay" struck dumb %ith admiration at %hat + had seen//not so much on account of his insolence" as of the number of ne% $lays %hich from this circumstance + concluded %ere yearly offered to the sta#e& >ou may be sure" + did not fail to carry my com$laint to my $atron" %ho did not receive it %ith all the indi#nation + e*$ected' but ta*ed me %ith $reci$itation" and told me + must lay my account %ith bearin# %ith the humours of the $layers" if + intended to %rite for the sta#e& 7There is no% no other remedy"7 he said" 7but to kee$ it till the ne*t season for 0r& Brayer" and alter it at your leisure" in the summer" accordin# to his directions&7 + %as no% reduced to a terrible alternative" either to -uit all ho$es of my tra#edy" from %hich + had all alon# $romised myself a lar#e share of fortune and re$utation" or to encounter ei#ht lon# months of adversity in $re$arin# for and e*$ectin# its a$$earance& This last $enance" $ainful as it %as" seemed most eli#ible to my reflection at that time" and therefore + resolved to under#o it& 7,hy should + tire you %ith $articulars of my conse-uence= + %restled %ith e*treme $overty until the time of my $robation %as e*$ired' and %ent to my 1ord Rattle in order to remind him of my affair" %hen + understood" to my #reat concern" that his lordshi$ %as )ust on the $oint of #oin# abroad" and %hich %as still more unfortunate for me" 0r& Brayer had #one into the country' so that my #enerous $atron had it not in his $o%er to introduce me $ersonally" as he intended( ho%ever" he %rote a very stron# letter to the mana#er in my favour" and $ut him in mind of the $romise he had made in behalf of my $lay& 7As soon as + %as certified of Brayer's return" + %ent to his house %ith this letter" but %as told he %as #one out& + called a#ain ne*t day early in the mornin#" received the same ans%er" and %as

desired to leave my name and business( + did so" and returned the day after" %hen the servant still affirmed that his master %as #one abroad' thou#h + $erceived him" as + retired" observin# me throu#h a %indo%& +ncensed at this discovery" + %ent to a coffee/house hard by" and" inclosin# his lordshi$'s letter in one from myself" demanded a cate#orical ans%er& + sent it to his house by a $orter" %ho returned in a fe% minutes" and told me 0r& Brayer %ould be #lad to see me at that instant& + obeyed the summons" and %as received %ith such $rofusion of com$liments and a$olo#ies" that my resentment immediately subsided" and + %as even in $ain for the concern %hich this holiest man sho%ed at the mistake of his servant" %ho" it seems" had been ordered to deny him to everybody but me& He e*$ressed the utmost veneration for his #ood and noble friend" 1ord Rattle" %hom he should al%ays be $roud to serve' $romised to $eruse the $lay %ith all dis$atch" and #ive me a meetin# u$on it( and" as a testimony of his esteem" made me a $resent of a #eneral order for the season" by %hich + should be admitted to any $art of the theatre& This %as a very a#reeable com$liment to ma" %hose #reatest $leasure consisted in seein# dramatic $erformances" and you need not doubt that + often availed myself of my $rivile#e& As + had an o$$ortunity of bein# behind the scenes %hen + $leased" + fre-uently conversed %ith 0r& Brayer about my $lay" and asked %hen he meant to $ut it into rehearsal' but he had al%ays so much business u$on his hands" that it remained %ith him uno$ened a considerable %hile' and + became very uneasy about the season" that %asted a$ace" %hen + sa% in the $a$ers another ne% $lay advertised" %hich had been %ritten" offered" acce$ted" and rehearsed" in the com$ass of three months& >ou may easily #uess ho% much + %as confounded at this event8 + o%n to you that" in the first trans$orts of my an#er" + sus$ected 0r& Brayer of havin# acted to%ards me in the most $itiful $erfidious manner' and %as actually #lad at his disa$$ointment in the success of his favourite $iece" %hich" by the stren#th of art" lin#ered till the third ni#ht" and then died in a de$lorable manner& But no% that $assion has no share in my reflection" + am %illin# to ascribe his behaviour to his %ant of memory or %ant of )ud#ment" %hich" you kno%" are natural defects" that are more %orthy of com$assion than re$roach& 7About this time + ha$$ened to be in com$any %ith a #entle%oman" %ho" havin# heard of my tra#edy" told me" she %as %ell ac-uainted %ith the %ife of a #entleman %ho %as very %ell kno%n to a lady" %ho had #reat interest %ith a $erson %ho %as intimate %ith Earl Sheer%it( and that" if + $leased" she %ould use her influence in my behalf& As this nobleman had the character of a 0aecenas in the nation" and could stam$ a value u$on any %ork by his sole countenance and a$$robation" + acce$ted her offer %ith ea#erness" in full confidence of seein# my re$utation established" and my %ishes fulfilled in a very short time" $rovided that + should have the #ood fortune to $lease his lordshi$'s taste& + %ithdre% the manuscri$t from the hands of 0r& Brayer" and committed it to the care of this #entle%oman" %ho laboured so effectually in my interest" that in less than a month it %as conveyed to the earl" and in a fe% %eeks after" + had the satisfaction to hear that he had read and a$$roved it very much& Trans$orted %ith this $iece of intelli#ence" + flattered myself %ith the ho$es of his interestin# himself in its favour" but" hearin# no more of this matter in three %hole months" + be#an 52od for#ive me86 to sus$ect the veracity of the $erson %ho brou#ht me the #ood tidin#s' for + thou#ht it im$ossible that a man of his rank and character" %ho kne% the difficulty of %ritin#

a #ood tra#edy" and understood the di#nity of the %ork" should read and a$$laud an essay of this kind" %ithout feelin# an inclination to befriend the author" %hom his countenance alone could raise above de$endence& But it %as not lon# before + found my friend very much %ron#ed by my o$inion& 7>ou must kno%" that the civilities + had received from 1ord Rattle" and the desire he manifested to $romote the success of my $lay" encoura#ed me to %rite an account of my bad fortune to his lordshi$" %ho condescended so far as to desire" by letter" a youn# s-uire of a #reat estate" %ith %hom he %as intimate" to es$ouse my cause" and" in $articular" make me ac-uainted %ith one 0r& 0armo3et" a celebrated $layer" %ho had lately a$$eared on the sta#e %ith astonishin# eclat" and bore such s%ay in the house %here he acted" that the mana#ers durst not refuse anythin# he recommended& The youn# #entleman" %hom 1ord Rattle had em$loyed for this $ur$ose" bein# diffident of his o%n interest %ith 0r& 0armo3et" had recourse to a nobleman of his ac-uaintance" %ho" at his solicitation" %as so #ood as to introduce me to him' and the conversation turnin# u$on my $erformance" + %as not a little sur$rised" as %ell as $leased" to hear that Earl Sheer%it had s$oken very much in its $raise" and even sent 0r& 0armo3et the co$y" %ith a messa#e" e*$ressin# a desire that he %ould act in it ne*t season& 4or %as this favourite actor back%ard in commendin# the $iece" %hich he mentioned %ith such e*$ressions of re#ard" that + do not choose to re$eat( assurin# me that he %ould a$$ear in it" $rovided he should be en#a#ed to $lay at all durin# the ensuin# season& +n the meantime" he desired + %ould #ive him leave to $eruse it in the country" %hither he intended to remove ne*t day" that he mi#ht have leisure to consider and $oint out such alterations as mi#ht" $erha$s" be necessary for its re$resentation' and took my direction" that he mi#ht communicate by letter the observations he should make& Trustin# to these assurances" and the interest %hich had been made in my behalf" + hu##ed myself in the e*$ectation of seein# it not only acted" but acted to the #reatest advanta#e" and this + thou#ht could not fail of recom$ensin# me in am$le manner for the an*iety and affliction + had under#one' but si* %eeks bein# ela$sed" + did not kno% ho% to reconcile 0r& 0armo3et's silence %ith his $romise of %ritin# to me in ten days after he set out for the country' ho%ever" + %as at last favoured %ith a letter" im$ortin# that he had made some remarks on my tra#edy" %hich he %ould freely im$art at meetin#" and advised me to $ut it" %ithout loss of time" into the hands of that mana#er" %ho had the best com$any' as he himself %as -uite uncertain %hether or not he should be en#a#ed that %inter& + %as a #ood deal alarmed at this last $art of his letter" and advised about it %ith a friend" %ho told me" it %as a $lain indication of 0r& 0armo3et's desire to #et rid of his $romise' that his $retended uncertainty about actin# ne*t %inter %as no other than a scandalous evasion' for" to his certain kno%led#e" he %as already en#a#ed" or at least in terms" %ith 0r& ;andal' and that his desi#n %as to disa$$oint me" in favour of a ne% comedy" %hich he had $urchased of the author" and intended to brin# u$on the sta#e for his o%n advanta#e& 7+n short" my dear sir" this $erson" %ho" + must o%n" is if a san#uine com$le*ion" handled the moral character of 0r& 0armo3et %ith such severity" that + be#an to sus$ect him of some $articular $re)udice" and $ut myself u$on my #uard a#ainst his insinuations& + ou#ht to crave $ardon for this tedious narration of trivial

circumstances" %hich" ho%ever interestin# they may be to me" must certainly be very dry and insi$id to the ear of one unconcerned in the affair& But + understand the meanin# of your looks" and %ill $roceed& 7,ell" sir" 0r& 0armo3et" u$on his return to to%n" treated me %ith uncommon com$laisance" and invited me to his lod#in#s" %here he $ro$osed to communicate his remarks" %hich" + confess" %ere more unfavourable than + e*$ected' but + ans%ered his ob)ections" and" as + thou#ht" brou#ht him over to my o$inion' for" on the %hole" he si#nified the hi#hest a$$robation of the $erformance& +n the course of our dis$ute" + %as not a little sur$rised to find this $oor #entleman's memory so treacherous" as to let him for#et %hat he had said to me" before he %ent out of to%n" in re#ard to Earl Sheer%it's o$inion of my $lay" %hich he no% $rofessed himself i#norant of' and + %as e*tremely mortified at hearin# from his o%n mouth" that his interest %ith 0r& ;andal %as so very lo% as to be insufficient of itself to brin# a ne% $iece u$on the sta#e& + then be##ed his advice" and he counselled me to a$$ly to Earl Sheer%it" for a messa#e in my favour to the mana#er" %ho %ould not $resume to refuse anythin# recommended by so #reat man' and he %as so kind as to $romise to second this messa#e %ith all his $o%er& + had immediate recourse to the %orthy #entle%oman my friend" already mentioned" %ho o$ened the channels of her conveyance %ith such e*$edition" that in a fe% days + had a $romise of the messa#e" $rovided + could assure myself of 0r& ;andal's bein# unen#a#ed to any other %riter' for his lordshi$ did not choose to condescend so far" until he should understand that there %as a $robability 5at least6 of succeedin#' at the same time that blessed me %ith this $iece of ne%s" + %as startled at another" by the same channel of communication' %hich %as" that 0r& 0armo3et" before he advised me to this a$$lication" had informed the earl that he had read my $lay" and found it alto#ether unfit for the sta#e& Thou#h + could not doubt the certainty of this intelli#ence" + believed there %as some ina$$rehension in the case' and" %ithout takin# any notice of it" told 0r& 0armo3et the ans%er + had been favoured %ith' and he $romised to ask 0r& ;andal the -uestion $ro$osed& + %aited u$on him in a day or t%o" %hen he #ave me to understand" that 0r& ;andal havin# $rofessed himself free of all en#a#ements" he had $ut my $lay into his hands" and re$resented it as a $iece stron#ly recommended by Earl Sheer%it" %ho 5he assured him6 %ould honour him %ith a messa#e in its favour' and he desired me to call for an ans%er at 0r& ;andal's house in three days& + follo%ed his directions" and found the mana#er" %ho bein# made ac-uainted %ith my business" o%ned that 0r& 0armo3et had #iven him a manuscri$t $lay" but denied that he had mentioned Earl Sheer%it's name& ,hen + informed him of the circumstances of the affair" he said" he had no en#a#ement %ith any author' that he %ould read my tra#edy forth%ith' and did not believe he should venture to re)ect it in contradiction to his lordshi$'s o$inion" for %hich he had the utmost veneration" but $ut it into rehearsal %ithout loss of time& + %as so much into*icated %ith this encoura#ement" that + overlooked the mysterious conduct of 0r& 0armo3et" and attended the mana#er at the time a$$ointed" %hen" to my infinite confusion" he $ronounced my $lay im$ro$er for the sta#e" and re)ected it accordin#ly& As soon as + could recollect myself from the disorder into %hich this une*$ected refusal had thro%n me" + e*$ressed a desire of hearin# his ob)ections" %hich %ere so #roundless" indistinct" and unintelli#ible" that + $ersuaded myself he had not at all $erused the $iece" but had been $rom$ted

by somebody %hose lessons he had not ri#htly retained& Ho%ever" + have been since informed that the $oor man's head" %hich %as not naturally very clear" had been disordered %ith su$erstition" and that he laboured under the tyranny of a %ife" and the terrors of hellfire at the same time& 7Preci$itated in this manner from the hi#hest $innacle of ho$e to the abyss of des$ondence" + %as ready to sink under the burden of my affliction" and" in the bitterness of my an#uish" could not hel$ entertainin# some doubts of 0r& 0armo3et's inte#rity" %hen + recollected and com$ared the circumstances of his conduct to%ards me& + %as encoura#ed in this sus$icion by bein# told that my 1ord Sheer%it had s$oken of his character %ith #reat contem$t( and" in $articular" resented his insolence in o$$osin# his o%n taste to that of his lordshi$" concernin# my tra#edy& ,hile + hesitated bet%een different o$inions of the matter" that friend" %ho 5as + told you before6 %as a little hot/headed" favoured me %ith a visit" and" havin# heard a circumstantial account of the %hole affair" could not contain his indi#nation" but affirmed %ithout ceremony that 0r& 0armo3et %as the sole occasion of my disa$$ointment' that he acted from first to last %ith the most $erfidious dissimulation" ca)olin# me %ith insinuatin# civilities" %hile he underhand em$loyed all his art and influence to $re)udice the i#norant mana#er a#ainst my $erformance' that nothin# could e-ual his hy$ocrisy but his avarice" %hich en#rossed the faculties of his soul so much" that he scru$led not to be #uilty of the meanest $ractices to #ratify that sordid a$$etite' that" in conse-uence of this dis$osition" he had $rostituted his honour in betrayin# my ine*$erience" and in underminin# the interest of another author of established re$utation" %ho had also offered a tra#edy to the sta#e" %hich he thou#ht %ould interfere %ith the success of the comedy he had bou#ht" and determined to brin# on at all events& 7+ %as shocked at the descri$tion of such a monster" %hich + could not believe e*isted in the %orld" bad as it is" and ar#ued a#ainst the asseverations of my friend" by demonstratin# the bad $olicy of such behaviour" %hich could not fail of entailin# infamy u$on the author' and the small tem$tation that a man of 0r& 0armo3et's fi#ure and success could have to consult his interest in such a #rovellin# manner" %hich must create contem$t and abhorrence of him in his $atrons" and effectually de$rive him of the countenance and $rotection he no% en)oys in such an eminent de#ree& He $retended to lau#h at my sim$licity" and asked" if + kne% for %hich of his virtues he %as so much caressed by the $eo$le of fashion& 7+t is not"7 said he" 7for the -ualities of his heart" that this little $arasite is invited to the tables of dukes and lords" %ho hire e*traordinary cooks for his entertainment& His avarice they see not" his in#ratitude they feel not" his hy$ocrisy accommodates itself to their humours" and is of conse-uence $leasin#' but he is chiefly courted for his buffoonery" and %ill be admitted into the choicest $arties of -uality for his talent of mimickin# Punch and his %ife :oan" %hen a $oet of the most e*cellent #enius is not able to attract the least re#ard&7 2od forbid" 0r& Random" that + should credit assertions that de#rade the di#nity of our su$eriors so much" and re$resent the $oor man as the most ab)ect of all bein#s8 4o" + looked u$on them as the hy$erboles of $assion' and thou#h that comedy of %hich he s$oke did actually a$$ear" + dare not doubt the innocence of 0r& 0armo3et" %ho" + am told" is as much as ever in favour %ith the earl' a circumstance that" surely" could not be" unless he had

vindicated his character to the satisfaction of his lordshi$& Pray for#ive this lon# di#ression" and #ive me the hearin# a little lon#er' for" thank heaven8 + am no% near the #oal& 7Baffled in all my attem$ts" + des$aired of seein# my $lay acted' and bethou#ht myself of choosin# some em$loyment that mi#ht afford a sure" thou#h mean subsistence' but my landlord" to %hom + %as by this time considerably indebted" and %ho had laid his account %ith havin# his money $aid all in a hea$ from the $rofits of my third ni#ht" could not brook his disa$$ointment" therefore made another effort in my behalf" and" by dint of interest" $rocured a messa#e from a lady of fashion to 0r& Brayer" %ho had al%ays $rofessed a #reat veneration for her" desirin# that he %ould set u$ my $lay forth%ith" and assurin# him that she and all her friends %ould su$$ort it in the $erformance& To stren#then my interest" she en#a#ed his best actors in my cause' and" in short" e*erted herself so much" that it %as a#ain received" and my ho$es be#an to revive& But 0r& Brayer" honest man" %as so much en#rossed by business of vast conse-uence" thou#h to a$$earance he had nothin# at all to do" that he could not find time to read it until the season %as $retty far advanced' and read it he must" for not%ithstandin# his havin# $erused it before" his memory did not retain one circumstance of the matter& 7At len#th he favoured it %ith his attention" and havin# $ro$osed certain alterations" sent his duty to the lady %ho $atronised it" and $romised" on his honour" to brin# it on ne*t %inter" $rovided these alterations should be made" and the co$y delivered to him before the end of A$ril& ,ith an achin# heart" + submitted to these conditions" and $erformed them accordin#ly( but fortune o%ed me another unforeseen mortification' 0r& 0armo3et" durin# the summer" became )oint $atentee %ith 0r& Brayer" so that %hen + claimed $erformance of articles" + %as told he could do nothin# %ithout the consent of his $artner" %ho %as $re/en#a#ed to another author& 70y condition %as rendered des$erate by the death of my #ood friend and landlord" %hose e*ecutors obtained a )ud#ment a#ainst my effects" %hich they sei3ed" turned me out into the streets naked" friendless" and forlorn( there + %as arrested at the suit of my tailor" and thro%n into the $rison" %here + have made shift to live these five %eeks on the bounty of my fello% $risoners" %ho" + ho$e" are not the %orse for the instruction and #ood offices by %hich + manifest my #ratitude' but in s$ite of all their charitable endeavours" my life %as scarce tolerable" until your uncommon benevolence enabled me to en)oy it %ith comfort&7 !HAPTER 1.+; + am sei3ed %ith a dee$ 0elancholy" and become a Sloven//am relieved by my Uncle//he $revails u$on me to en#a#e %ith his O%ners" as a Sur#eon of the Shi$ %hich he commands//he makes me a considerable Present//entertain Stra$ as his ste%ard//+ take leave of my riends" and #o on Board//the Shi$ arrives in the 9o%ns + shall not make any reflection on this story" in the course of %hich the reader must $erceive ho% e#re#iously the sim$licity and milky dis$osition of this %orthy man had been du$ed and abused by a set of scoundrels" %ho %ere so habituated to falsehood and

e-uivocation" that + verily believed they %ould have found the utmost difficulty in utterin# one syllable of truth" thou#h their lives had de$ended u$on their sincerity& 4ot%ithstandin# all + had suffered from the knavery and selfishness of mankind" + %as ama3ed and incensed by the base indifference %hich suffered such uncommon merit as he $ossessed to lan#uish in obscurity" and stru##le %ith all the miseries of a loathsome #aol' and should have blessed the occasion that secluded me from such a $erfidious %orld" had not the remembrance of my amiable 4arcissa $reserved my attachment to a society of %hich she constituted a $art& The $icture of that lovely creature %as the constant com$anion of my solitude& Ho% often did + contem$late the resemblance of those enchantin# features that first ca$tivated my heart8 ho% often did + %ee$ over those endearin# scenes %hich her ima#e recalled8 and ho% often did + curse my $erfidious fate for havin# robbed me of the fair ori#inal8 +n vain did my ima#ination flatter me %ith schemes of future ha$$iness( surly reason al%ays inter$osed" and in a moment overthre% the unsubstantial fabric" by chastisin# the e*trava#ance of my ho$e" and re$resentin# my unha$$y situation in the ri#ht $oint of vie%& +n vain did + fly for refu#e to the amusements of the $lace" and en#a#e in the $arties of :ackson at cards" billiards" nine/$ins" and fives' a train of melancholy thou#hts took $ossession of my soul" %hich even the conversation of 0elo$oyn could not divert& + ordered Stra$ to in-uire every day at Banter's lod#in#s" in e*$ectation of hearin# a#ain from my charmer' and my disa$$ointment considerably" au#mented my cha#rin& 0y affectionate valet %as infected %ith my sorro%" and often sat %ith me %hole hours %ithout s$eakin#" utterin# si#h for si#h" and sheddin# tear for tear& This fello%shi$ increased our distem$er' he became inca$able of business" and %as discarded by his master' %hile +" seein# my money melt a%ay %ithout any certainty of deliverance" and" in short" all my ho$es frustrated" #re% ne#li#ent of life" lost all a$$etite" and de#enerated into such a sloven& that durin# the s$ace of three months + %as neither %ashed" shifted" nor shaved' so that my face" rendered mea#re %ith abstinence" %as obscured %ith dirt" and overshado%ed %ith hair" and my %hole a$$earance s-ualid and even fri#htful' %hen" one day" Stra$ brou#ht me notice" that there %as a man belo% %ho %anted to s$eak %ith me& Roused at this intelli#ence" and in full ho$es of receivin# a letter from the dear ob)ect of my love" + ran do%nstairs %ith the utmost $reci$itation& And found to my infinite sur$rise my #enerous uncle" 0r& Bo%lin#8 Trans$orted at the si#ht" + s$ran# for%ard to embrace him& U$on %hich he started aside %ith #reat a#ility" dre% his han#er" and $ut himself u$on his #uard" cryin#" 7Avast" brother" avast8 Sheer off& >o ho8 you turnkey" %hy don't you kee$ a better look out= Here's one of your cra3y $risoners broke from his lashin#s" + su$$ose&7 + could not hel$ lau#hin# heartily at his mistake' but this + soon rectified by my voice" %hich he instantly recollected" and shook me by the hand %ith #reat affection" testifyin# his concern at seein# me in such a miserable condition& + conducted him to my a$artment" %here" in $resence of Stra$" %hom + introduced to him as one of my best friends" he #ave me to understand" that he %as )ust arrived from the !oast Of 2uinea" after havin# made a $retty successful voya#e" in %hich he had acted as mate" until the shi$ %as attacked by a rench $rivateer" that the ca$tain bein# killed durin# the en#a#ement" he had taken the command" and %as so fortunate as to sink the enemy' after %hich e*$loit he fell in %ith a merchant shi$ from 0artinico" laden

%ith su#ar" indi#o and some silver and by virtue of his letter of mar-ue" attacked" took" and carried her safe into <insale in +reland" %here she %as condemned as a la%ful $ri3e' by %hich means he had not only #ot a $retty sum of money" but also ac-uired the favour of his o%ners" %ho had already conferred u$on him the command of a lar#e shi$" mounted %ith t%enty nine/$ounders" ready to sail u$on a very advanta#eous voya#e" %hich he %as not at liberty to discover& And he assured me that it %as %ith the #reatest difficulty he found me" in conse-uence of a direction left for him at his lod#in#s at ,a$$in#& + %as re)oiced beyond measure at this account of his #ood fortune' and" at his desire" recounted all the adventures that had ha$$ened to me since %e $arted& ,hen he understood the $articulars of Stra$'s attachment to me" he s-uee3ed his hand very cordially" and $romised to make a man of him' then" #ivin# me ten #uineas for my $resent occasion" took a direction for the tailor %ho arrested me" and %ent a%ay in order to dischar#e the debt& tellin# me at $artin#" that he %ould soon fetch u$ all my lee%ay %ith a %et sail& + %as utterly confounded at this sudden transition" %hich affected me more than any reverse + had formerly felt' and a cro%d of incoherent ideas rushed so im$etuously u$on my ima#ination" that my reason could neither se$arate nor connect them' %hen Stra$" %hose )oy had manifested itself in a thousand fool/cries" came into my room %ith his shavin# utensils" and %ithout any $revious intimation" be#an to lather my beard" %histlin# %ith #reat emotion all the %hile& + started from my reverie" and" bein# too %ell ac-uainted %ith Stra$ to trust myself in his hands %hile he %as under such a#itation" desired to be e*cused" sent for another barber" and suffered myself to be trimmed& Havin# $erformed the ceremony of ablution" + shifted" and dressin# in my #ayest a$$arel" %aited for the return of my uncle" %ho %as a#reeably sur$rised at my sudden transformation& This beneficent kinsman had satisfied my creditor" and obtained an order for my dischar#e" so that + %as no lon#er a $risoner' but" as + had some reluctance to $art %ith my friends and fello%s in distress" + $revailed u$on 0r& Bo%lin# to favour us %ith his com$any" and invited 0r& 0elo$oyn and :ackson to s$end the evenin# at my a$artment" %here + re#aled them %ith a su$$er" #ood %ine" and the ne%s of my release" on %hich they heartily con#ratulated me" not%ithstandin# the loss of my com$any" %hich" they %ere $leased to say" they should severely feel& As for :ackson" his misfortune made so little im$ression on himself" and he %as alto#ether so loose" indifferent" and indiscreet" that + could scarce $ity his situation( but + had conceived a veneration and friendshi$ for the $oet" %ho %as" in all res$ects" an ob)ect much more %orthy of com$assion and re#ard& ,hen our #uests %ithdre%" and my uncle had retired" %ith an intention of visitin# me ne*t mornin#" + made u$ a bundle of some linen and other necessaries' and" biddin# Stra$ carry them to 0r& 0elo$oyn's lod#in#s" %ent thither myself" and $ressed it u$on his acce$tance" %ith five #uineas" %hich" %ith much difficulty" he received" assurin# me at the same time" that he should never have it in his $o%er to make satisfaction& + then asked if + could serve him in any other %ay' to %hich be ans%ered" 7>ou have already done too much'7 and" unable to contain the emotions of his soul any lon#er" burst into tears" and %e$t aloud& 0oved at this s$ectacle" + left him to his re$ose" and" %hen

my uncle returned in the mornin#" re$resented his character in such a favourable li#ht" that the honest seaman %as affected %ith his distress" and determined to follo% my e*am$le" in $resentin# him %ith five $ieces more' u$on %hich" that + mi#ht save him some confusion" + advised 0r& Bo%lin# to inclose it in a letter to be delivered by Stra$" after %e should be #one& This %as accordin#ly done& + took a formal leave of all my ac-uaintance in the #aol' and" )ust as + %as about to ste$ into a hackney coach at the #ate" :ackson callin# me" + returned" and he asked me in a %his$er" if + could lend him a shillin#8 His demand bein# so moderate" and in all likelihood the last he %ould make u$on me" + sli$$ed a #uinea into his hand" %hich he no sooner $erceived" than he cried" 7O :esus" a #uinea87 then layin# hold of a button of my coat" broke out into lau#hter' and %hen his immoderate fit of convulsion %as ended" told me + %as an honest fello%" and let me #o& The coachman %as ordered to drive to 0r& Bo%lin#'s lod#in#s" %here" %hen %e arrived" he entered into a serious discourse %ith me" on the sub)ect of my situation" and $ro$osed that + should sail %ith him in -uality of his sur#eon' in %hich case he %ould $ut me in a method of #ettin# a fortune in a fe% years by my o%n industry' and assured me" that + mi#ht e*$ect to inherit all that he should die $ossessed of" $rovided + should survive him& Thou#h + %as $enetrated %ith a sense of his #enerosity" l %as startled at a $ro$osal that offered violence to my love" and si#nified my sentiments on that head" %hich he did not seem to relish' but observed that love %as the fruit of idleness" that %hen once + should be em$loyed in business" and my mind en#a#ed in makin# money" + should be no more troubled %ith these silly notions" %hich none but your fair/%eathered :acks" %ho have nothin# but their $leasure to mind" ou#ht to entertain& + %as $i-ued at this insinuation" %hich + looked u$on as a re$roach" and" %ithout #ivin# myself time to deliberate" acce$ted his offer& He %as over)oyed at my com$liance" carried me immediately to his chief o%ner" %ith %hom a bar#ain %as struck' so that then + could not retract %ith honour" had + been ever so much averse to the a#reement& That + mi#ht not have time to cool" he bade me dra% out a list of medicines for a com$lement of five hundred men" ada$ted to the distem$ers of hot climates& and sufficient for a voya#e of ei#hteen months' and carry it to a certain %holesale a$othecary" %ho %ould also $rovide me in t%o %ell/-ualified mates& ,hile + %as thus em$loyed Stra$ came in" and looked very blank" %hen he understood my resolution( ho%ever" after a $ause of some minutes" he insisted u$on #oin# alon# %ith me' and at my desire %as made shi$'s ste%ard by !a$tain Bo%lin#" %ho $romised to be at the e*$ense of fittin# him out" and to lend him t%o hundred $ounds to $urchase an adventure& ,hen + had delivered my list of medicines" chosen a cou$le of my o%n countrymen for mates" and bes$oke a set of chirur#ical instruments" my uncle told me" that by his last voya#e he had cleared almost three thousand $ounds" one/third of %hich he %ould immediately make over and $ut into my hands' that he %ould $rocure for me credit to the value of as much %ore in such #oods as %ould turn to best account in the country to %hich %e %ere bound' and that" althou#h he looked u$on my interest as his o%n" he %ould kee$ the remainin# $art of his fortune in his o%n dis$osal" %ith a vie% of $reservin# his inde$endence" and the $o%er of $unishin# me" in case + should not make a #ood use of %hat he had already besto%ed& ,ithout troublin# the reader %ith an account of the effect %hich

this sur$risin# #enerosity had u$on my mind" + shall only say" that his $romises %ere instantly $erformed" and an invoice of merchandise $ro$er for the voya#e $resented to me" that + mi#ht $urchase the #oods" and shi$ them %ith all e*$edition& +n the midst of this hurry" the remembrance of my charmin# 4arcissa often inter$osed" and made me the most miserable of all mortals& + %as distracted %ith the thou#ht of bein# torn from her" $erha$s for ever' and thou#h the ho$e of seein# her a#ain mi#ht have su$$orted me under the torments of se$aration" + could not reflect u$on the an#uish she must feel at $artin# %ith me" and the incessant sorro%s to %hich her tender bosom %ould be e*$osed durin# my absence" %ithout bein# $ierced %ith the dee$est affliction8 As my ima#ination %as daily and ni#htly u$on the rack to invent some method of miti#atin# this cruel stroke" or at least of ac-uittin# my love and honour in the o$inion of this #entle creature" + at len#th stumbled u$on an e*$edient" %ith %hich the reader %ill be made ac-uainted in due time' and" in conse-uence of my determination" became less uneasy and disturbed& 0y business bein# finished" and the shi$ really to sail" + resolved to make my last a$$earance amon# my ac-uaintance at the other end of the to%n" %here + had not been since my im$risonment' and as + had" by the advice of my uncle" taken off some very rich clothes for sale" + $ut on the #ayest suit in my $ossession" and %ent in a chair to the coffee/house + used to fre-uent" %here + found my friend Banter so confounded at the ma#nificence of my dress" that" %hen + made u$ to him" he #a3ed at me %ith a look of astonishment" %ithout bein# able" for some minutes" to o$en his li$s' then $ullin# me aside by the sleeve" and fi*in# his eyes on mine" accosted me thus( 7Random" %here the devil have you been8 eh= ,hat is the meanin# of all this finery= Oho8 + understand you& >ou are )ust arrived from the country8 %hat" the roads are #ood" eh= ,ell" Random" you are a bold fello%" and a lucky fello%8 but take care" the $itcher #oes often to the %ell" but is broke at last&7 So sayin#" he $ointed to his collar' by %hich #esture" and the broken hints he had e)aculated" + found he sus$ected me of havin# robbed on the hi#h%ay' and + lau#hed very heartily at his su$$osition& ,ithout e*$lainin# myself any further" + told him be %as mistaken in his con)ecture' that + had been for some time $ast %ith the relation of %hom he had fre-uently heard me s$eak' and that" as + should set out ne*t day u$on my travels" + had come to take my leave of my friends" and to receive of him the money he had borro%ed from me" %hich" no% that + %as #oin# abroad" + should certainly have occasion for& He %as a little disconcerted at this demand' but" recollectin# himself in a moment" s%ore in an affected $assion" that + had used him e*tremely ill" and he %ould never for#ive me for havin#" by this short %arnin#" $ut it out of his $o%er to free himself of an obli#ation he could no lon#er bear& + could not hel$ smilin# at this $retended delicacy" %hich + commended hi#hly" tellin# him he needed not to be uneasy on that score" for + %ould #ive him a direction to a merchant in the city" %ith %hom + %ould leave a dischar#e on the sum" to be delivered u$on $ayment& He $rofessed much )oy at this e*$edient" and %ith #reat ea#erness asked the $erson's name and $lace of abode" %hich he forth%ith %rote in his $ocket/book" assurin# me" that he should not be lon# in my debt& This affair" %hich + kne% he should never after think of" bein# settled to his satisfaction" + sent cards to all my friends" desirin# the favour of their com$any at a tavern in the evenin#" %hen they honoured my invitation" and + had the $leasure of treatin# them in

a very ele#ant manner" at %hich they e*$ressed e-ual admiration as a$$lause& Havin# en)oyed ourselves till midni#ht" + took my leave of them" and %as %ell ni#h stifled %ith caresses( ne*t day" + set out %ith Stra$ in a $ostchaise for 2ravesend" %here %e %ent on beard' and the %ind servin#" %ei#hed anchor in less than t%elve hours& ,ithout meetin# %ith any accident" %e reached the 9o%ns" %here %e %ere obli#ed to come to an anchor" and %ait for an easterly %ind to carry us out of the !hannel& !HAPTER 1.; + set out for Susse*//consult 0rs& Sa#ely//achieve an +ntervie% %ith 4arcissa//return to the Shi$//%e #et clear of the !hannel//+ learn our 9estination//%e are chased by a lar#e Shi$//the com$any are dismayed" and encoura#ed by the !a$tain's s$eech//our $ursuer ha$$ens to be an En#lish 0an of ,ar//%e arrive at the !oast of 2uinea" $urchase four hundred 4e#roes//sail for Para#uay" #et safe into the River of Plate" and sell our !ar#o to #reat Advanta#e +t %as no% + $ut in e*ecution the scheme + had $ro)ected at 1ondon' and askin# leave of the ca$tain for Stra$ and me to stay on shore till the %ind should become favourable" my re-uest %as #ranted" because he had orders to remain in the 9o%ns until he should receive some dis$atches from 1ondon" %hich he did not e*$ect in less than a %eek& Havin# im$arted my resolution to my trusty valet" %ho 5thou#h he endeavoured to dissuade me from such a rash undertakin#6 %ould not -uit me in the enter$rise" + hired horses" and set out immediately for that $art of Susse* %here my charmer %as confined" %hich %as not above thirty miles distant from 9eal" %here %e mounted& As + %as $erfectly %ell ac-uainted %ith the e*tent of the s-uire's estate and influence" + halted %ithin five miles of his house" %here %e remained till the t%ili#ht" at %hich time %e set for%ard" and" by the favour of a dark ni#ht" reached a co$se about half/a/mile from the villa#e %here 0rs& Sa#ely lived& Here %e left our horses tied to a tree" and %ent directly to the house of my old benefactress" Stra$ tremblin# all the %ay" and ventin# e)aculatory $etitions to heaven for our safety& Her habitation bein# -uite solitary" %e arrived at the door %ithout bein# observed" %hen + ordered my com$anion& to enter by himself' and" in case there should be com$any %ith her" deliver a letter %hich + had %rit for that $ur$ose" and say that a friend of hers in 1ondon" understandin# that he intended to travel this road" had committed it to his care& He ra$$ed at the door" to %hich the #ood old matron comin#" told him that" bein# a lone %oman" he must e*cuse her" if she did not o$en it" until he had declared his name and business& He ans%ered" that his name %as unkno%n to her" and that his business %as to deliver a letter" %hich 5to free her from all a$$rehension6 he %ould convey to her throu#h the s$ace bet%een the door and threshold& This he instantly $erformed( and she no sooner read the contents" %hich s$ecified my bein# $resent" than she cried" 7+f the $erson %ho %rote this letter be at hand" let him s$eak" that + may be assured by his voice %hether or not + may safely admit him&7 + forth%ith a$$lied my mouth to the keyhole" and $ronounced" 79ear mother" you need not be afraid" it is +" so much indebted to your #oodness" %ho no% crave admittance&7 She kne% my voice" and o$enin# the door immediately" received me %ith a truly maternal affection" manifestin#" by the tears she let fall" her concern lest + should be discovered" for she had been informed of everythin# that had ha$$ened bet%een 4arcissa and me

from the dear ca$tive's o%n mouth& ,hen + e*$lained the motive of my )ourney" %hich %as no other than a desire of seein# the ob)ect of my love before + should -uit the kin#dom" that + mi#ht in $erson convince her of the necessity + %as under to leave her" reconcile her to that event" by describin# the advanta#es that in all $robability %ould attend it" re$eat my vo%s of eternal constancy" and en)oy the melancholy $leasure of a tender embrace at $artin#& + say" %hen + had thus si#nified my intention" 0rs& Sa#ely told me" that 4arcissa" u$on her return from Bath" had been so strictly %atched that nobody but one or t%o of the servants devoted to her brother" %as admitted to her $resence" that after%ards she had been a little enlar#ed" and %as $ermitted to see com$any' durin# %hich indul#ence" she had been several times at the cotta#e' but of late she had been betrayed by one of the servants" %ho discovered to the s-uire" that he had once carried a letter from her to the $ost/house directed to me' u$on %hich information she %as no% more confined than ever" and that + could have no chance of seein# her" unless + %ould run the risk of #ettin# into the #arden" %here she and her maid %ere every day allo%ed to take the air" and lie hid until + should have an o$$ortunity of s$eakin# to them//an adventure attended %ith such dan#er" that no man in his ri#ht %its %ould attem$t it& This enter$rise" ha3ardous as it %as" + resolved to $erform" in s$ite of all the ar#uments of 0rs& Sa#ely" %ho reasoned" chid" and entreated by turns' and the tears and $rayers of Stra$" %ho con)ured me on his knees" to have more re#ard to myself as %ell as to him" than to attem$t my o%n destruction in such a $reci$itate manner& + %as deaf to but the su##estions of my love' and orderin# him to return immediately %ith the horses to the inn from %hence %e set out" and %ait for my comin# in that $lace" he at first $erem$torily refused to leave me" until + $ersuaded him" that if our horses should remain %here they %ere till dayli#ht" they %ould certainly be discovered" and the %hole country alarmed& On this consideration" he took his leave in a sorro%ful $li#ht" kissed my hand" and" %ee$in#" cried 72od kno%s if ever + shall see you a#ain&7 0y kind landlady" findin# me obstinate" #ave me her best advice ho% to behave in the e*ecution of my $ro)ect( and after havin# $ersuaded me to take a little refreshment" accommodated me %ith a bed" and left me to my re$ose& Early in the mornin# + arose" and armed %ith a cou$le of loaded $istols and a han#er" %ent to the back $art of the s-uire's #arden" climbed over the %all" and" accordin# to 0rs& Sa#ely's direction" concealed myself in a thicket" hard by an alcove that terminated a %alk at a #ood distance from the house" %hich 5+ %as told6 my mistress mostly fre-uented& Here + absconded from five o'clock in the mornin# to si* in the evenin#" %ithout seein# a human creature' at last + $erceived t%o %omen a$$roachin#" %hom" by my throbbin# heart" + soon reco#nised to be the adorable 4arcissa and 0iss ,illiams& + felt the stron#est a#itation of soul at the si#ht' and #uessin#" that they %ould re$ose themselves in the alcove" sto$$ed into it un$erceived" and hid u$on the stone table a $icture of myself in miniature" for %hich + had sat in 1ondon" $ur$osin# to leave it %ith 4arcissa before + should #o abroad& + e*$osed it in this manner" as an introduction to my o%n a$$earance" %hich" %ithout some $revious intimation" + %as afraid mi#ht have an unlucky effect u$on the delicate nerves of my fair enslaver' and then %ithdre% into the thicket" %here + could hear their discourse" and suit myself to the circumstance of the occasion& As they advanced" + observed an air of melancholy in the countenance of 4arcissa" blended %ith such uns$eakable s%eetness" that + could scarce refrain from flyin# into her arms" and kissin# a%ay the

$early dro$ that stood collected in each be%itchin# eye& Accordin# to my e*$ectation" she entered the alcove" and $erceivin# somethin# on the table" took it u$& 4o sooner did she cast her eye u$on the features" than" startled at the resemblance" she cried" 72ood 2od87 and the roses instantly vanished from her cheeks& Her confidante" alarmed at this e*clamation" looked at the $icture' and" struck %ith the likeness" e*claimed" 7:esus8 the very features of 0r& Random87 4arcissa" havin# recollected herself a little" said" 7,hatever an#el brou#ht it hither as a comfort to me in my affliction" + am thankful for the benefit" and %ill $reserve it as the dearest ob)ect of my care&7 So sayin#" she kissed it %ith sur$risin# ardour" shed a flood of tears" and then de$osited the lifeless ima#e in her lovely bosom& Trans$orted at these sym$toms of her unaltered affection" + %as about to thro% myself at her feet" %hen& 0iss ,illiams" %hose reflection %as less en#a#ed than that of her mistress" observed that the $icture could not trans$ort itself hither" and that she could not hel$ thinkin# + %as not far off& The #entle 4arcissa" startin# at this con)ecture" ans%ered" 7Heaven forbid8 for althou#h nothin# in the universe could yield me satisfaction e-ual to that of his $resence for one $oor moment" in a $ro$er $lace" + %ould rather forfeit his com$any//almost for ever" than see him here" %here his life %ould be e*$osed to so much dan#er&7 + could no lon#er restrain the im$ulse of my $assion" but" breakin# from my concealment" stood before her" %hen she uttered a fearful shriek" and fainted in the arms of her com$anion& + fle% to%ards the treasure of my soul" clas$ed her in my embrace" and %ith the %armth of my kisses" brou#ht her a#ain to life& Oh that + %ere endo%ed %ith the e*$ression of a Ra$hael" the #races of a 2uido" the ma#ic touches of a Titian" that + mi#ht re$resent the fond concern" the chastened ra$ture and in#enuous blush" that min#led on her beauteous face" %hen she o$ened her eyes u$on me" and $ronounced" 7O heavens8 is it you=7 + am afraid + have already encroached u$on the reader's $atience %ith the $articulars of this amour" of %hich 5+ o%n6 + cannot hel$ bein# im$ertinently circumstantial& + shall therefore omit the less material $assa#es of this intervie%" durin# %hich + convinced her reason" thou#h + could not a$$ease the sad $resa#es of her love" %ith re#ard to the lon# voya#e and dan#ers + must under#o& ,hen %e had s$ent an hour 5%hich %as all she could s$are from the barbarity of her brother's vi#ilance6 in lamentin# over our hard fate" and in re$eatin# our reci$rocal vo%s" 0iss ,illiams reminded us of the necessity there %as for our immediate $artin#' and" sure" lovers never $arted %ith such sorro% and reluctance as %e& But because my %ords are inca$able of doin#& )ustice to this affectin# circumstance" + am obli#ed to dra% a veil over it" and observe" that + returned in the dark to the house of 0rs& Sa#ely" %ho %as over)oyed to hear of my success" and o$$osed the tumults of my #rief %ith such stren#th of reason" that my mind re#ained" in some measure" its tran-uillity' and that very ni#ht" after havin# forced u$on the #ood #entle%oman a $urse of t%enty #uineas" as a token of my #ratitude and esteem" + took my leave of her" and set out on foot for the inn" %here my arrival freed honest Stra$ from the horrors of unutterable dread& ,e took horse immediately" and ali#hted early ne*t mornin# at 9eal" %here + found my uncle in #reat concern on account of my absence" because he had received his des$atches" and must have %ei#hed %ith the first fair %ind" %hether + had been on board or not& 4e*t day" a brisk easterly #ale s$rin#in# u$" %e set sail" and in ei#ht and forty hours #ot clear of the !hannel&

,hen %e %ere about t%o hundred lea#ues to %est%ard of the 1and's End" the ca$tain" takin# me a$art into the cabin" told me that" no% he %as $ermitted by his instructions" he %ould disclose the intent and destination of our voya#e& 7The shi$"7 said he" 7%hich has been fitted out at a #reat e*$ense" is bound for the coast of 2uinea" %here %e shall e*chan#e $art of our car#o for slaves and #old dust" from %hence %e %ill trans$ort our ne#roes to Buenos Ayres in 4e% S$ain" %here 5by virtue of $ass$orts" obtained from our o%n court" and that of 0adrid6 %e %ill dis$ose of them and the #oods that remain on board for silver" by means of our su$ercar#o" %ho is $erfectly %ell ac-uainted %ith the coast" the lin#o" and inhabitants&7 Bein# thus let into the secret of our e*$edition" + borro%ed of the su$ercar#o a S$anish #rammar" dictionary" and some other books of the same lan#ua#e" %hich + studied %ith such a$$lication that" before %e arrived in 4e% S$ain" + could maintain a conversation %ith him in that ton#ue& Bein# arrived in the %arm latitudes" + ordered 5%ith the ca$tain's consent6 the %hole shi$'s com$any to be blooded and $ur#ed" myself under#oin# the same evacuation" in order to $revent those dan#erous fevers to %hich northern constitutions are sub)ect in hot climates' and + have reason to believe" that this $recaution %as not unserviceable" for %e lost but one sailor durin# our %hole $assa#e to the coast& One day" %hen %e had been about five %eeks at sea" %e descried to %ind%ard a lar#e shi$ bearin# do%n u$on us %ith all the sail she could carry& U$on %hich" my uncle ordered the studdin#/sails to be hoisted and the shi$ to be cleared for en#a#in#' but" findin# that 5to use the seaman's $hrase6 %e %ere very much %ron#ed by the shi$ %hich had us in chase" and by this time had hoisted rench colours" he commanded the studdin#/sails to be taken in" the courses to be clo%ed u$" the main to$sail to be backed" the tom$ions to be taken out of the #uns" and every man to re$air to his -uarters& ,hile every body %as busied in the $erformance of these orders" Stra$ came u$on the -uarter/deck" tremblin# and lookin# a#hast" and" %ith a voice half/su$$ressed by fear" asked if + thou#ht %e %ere a match for the vessel in $ursuit of us& Observin# his consternation" + said" 7,hat8 are you afraid" Stra$&7 7Afraid8 5he re$lied6' n/n/no' %hat should + be afraid of= + thank 2od + have a clear conscience' but + believe it %ill be a bloody battle" and + %ish you may not have occasion for another hand to assist you in the cock$it&7 + immediately $erceived his drift" and makin# the ca$tain ac-uainted %ith his situation" desired he mi#ht be stationed belo% %ith me and my mates& 0y uncle" incensed at his $usillanimity" bade me send him do%n instantly" that his fear mi#ht not infect the shi$'s com$any' %hereu$on + told the $oor ste%ard that + had be##ed him for my assistant" and desired him to #o do%n and hel$ my mates to #et ready the instruments and dressin#s& 4ot%ithstandin# the satisfaction he must have felt at those tidin#s" he affected a shyness of -uittin# the u$$er deck' and said" he ho$ed + did not ima#ine he %as afraid to do his duty above board' for he believed himself as %ell $re$ared for death as any man in the shi$" no dis$ara#ement to me or the ca$tain& + %as dis#usted at this affectation' and" in order to $unish his hy$ocrisy" assured him he mi#ht take his choice" either of #oin# do%n to the cock$it %ith me" or stayin# u$on deck durin# the en#a#ement& Alarmed at this indifference" he re$lied" 7,ell" to obli#e you" +'ll #o do%n" but remember it is more for your sake than my o%n&7 So sayin#" he disa$$eared in a t%inklin#" %ithout %aitin# for an ans%er&

By this time" %e could observe t%o tier of #uns in the shi$ %hich $ursued us" and %hich %as no% but t%o short miles astern& This discovery had an evident effect u$on the sailors" %ho did not scru$le to say" that %e should be torn to $ieces" and blo%n out of the %ater" and that" if in case any of them should lose their $recious limbs" they must #o a be##in# for life" for there %as no $rovision made by the merchants for those $oor souls %ho are maimed in their service& The ca$tain" understandin# this" ordered the cre% abaft" and s$oke to them thus( 70y lads" + am told you han# an a//se& + have #one to sea thirty years" a man and a boy" and never sa% En#lish sailors afraid before& 0ayha$ you may think + %ant to e*$ose you for the lucre of #ain& ,hosoever thinks so" thinks a d//ned lie" for my %hole car#o is insured' so that" in case + should be taken" my loss %ould not be #reat& The enemy is stron#er than %e" to be sure& ,hat then= have %e not a chance for carryin# a%ay one of her masts" and so #et clear of her= +f %e find her too hard for us" 'tis but strikin# at last& +f any man is hurt in the en#a#ement" + $romise on the %ord of an honest seaman" to make him a recom$ense accordin# to his loss& So no%" you that are la3y" lubberly" co%ardly do#s" #et a%ay and skulk in the hold and bread/room' and you" that are )olly boys" stand by me" and let us #ive one broadside for the honour of Old En#land&7 This elo-uent haran#ue %as so %ell ada$ted to the dis$osition of his hearers" that one and all of them" $ullin# off their hats" %aved them over their heads" and saluted him %ith three cheers' u$on %hich he sent his boy for t%o lar#e case/bottles of brandy( havin# treated every man %ith a dram" they re$aired to their -uarters" and %aited im$atiently for the %ord of command& + must do my uncle the )ustice to say" that in the %hole of his dis$osition" he behaved %ith the utmost intre$idity" conduct" and deliberation& The enemy bein# very near" he ordered me to my station" and %as )ust #oin# to #ive the %ord for hoistin# the colours" and firin#" %hen the su$$osed renchman hauled do%n his %hite $ennant" )ack" and ensi#n" hoisted En#lish ones" and fired a #un a/head of us& This %as a )oyful event to !a$tain Bo%lin#" %ho immediately sho%ed his colours" and fired a #un to lee%ard' u$on %hich the other shi$ ran alon#side of us" hailed him" and" #ivin# him to kno% that she %as an En#lish man/of/%ar of forty #uns" ordered him to hoist out his boat and come on board& This command he obeyed %ith the more alacrity" because" u$on in-uiry" he found that she %as commanded by an old messmate of his" %ho %as over)oyed to see him" detained him to dinner" and sent his bar#e for the su$ercar#o and me" %ho %ere very much caressed on his account& As this commander %as destined to cruise u$on the rench in the latitude of 0artinico" his stem and -uarters %ere adorned %ith %hite fleurs/de/lis" and the %hole shell of the shi$ so much dis#uised for a decoy to the enemy" that it %as no %onder my uncle did not kno% her" althou#h he had sailed on board of her many years& ,e ke$t com$any %ith her four days" durin# %hich time the ca$tains %ere never asunder" and then $arted" our course lyin# different from hers& +n less than fortni#ht after our se$aration" %e made the land of 2uinea" near the mouth of the River 2ambia' and tradin# alon# the coast as far to the south%ard of the 1ine as An#ola and Ben#ula" in less than si* months dis$osed of the #reatest $art of our car#o" and $urchased four hundred ne#roes" my adventure havin# been laid out in #old dust&

Our com$lement bein# made u$" %e took our de$arture from !a$e 4e#roe" and arrived in the Rio de la Plata in si* %eeks" havin# met %ith nothin# remarkable in our voya#e" e*ce$t an e$idemic fever" not unlike the )ail distem$er" %hich broke out amon# our slaves and carried off a #ood many of the shi$'s com$any' amon# %hom + lost one of my mates" and $oor Stra$ had %ell ni#h #iven u$ the #host& Havin# $roduced our $ass$ort to the S$anish #overnor" %e %ere received %ith #reat courtesy" sold our slaves in a very fe% days" and could have $ut off five times the number at our o%n $rice' thou#h %e %ere obli#ed to smu##le the rest of our merchandise" consistin# of Euro$ean bale/#oods" %hich ho%ever %e made shift to dis$ose of at a #reat advanta#e& !HAPTER 1.;+ + am invited to the ;illa of a S$anish 9on" %here %e %ent %ith an En#lish 2entleman" and make a very interestin# discovery//%e leave Buenos Ayres" and arrive at :amaica Our shi$ bein# freed from the disa#reeable ladin# of ne#roes" to %hom" indeed" + had been a miserable slave since our leavin# the coast of 2uinea" + be#an to en)oy myself" and breathe %ith $leasure the $ure air of Para#uay" this $art of %hich is reckoned the 0ont$elier of South America" and has obtained" on account of its climate" the name of Buenos Ayres& +t %as in this delicious $lace that + #ave myself entirely u$ to the thou#hts of my dear 4arcissa" %hose ima#e still ke$t $ossession of my breast" and %hose charms" enhanced by absence" a$$eared to my ima#ination" if $ossible" more en#a#in# than ever8 + calculated the $rofits of my voya#e" %hich even e*ceeded my e*$ectation' resolved to $urchase sinecure u$on my arrival in En#land" and if + should find the s-uire as averse to me as ever" marry his sister by stealth' and in case our family should increase" rely on the #enerosity of my uncle" %ho %as by this time %orth a considerable sum& ,hile + amused myself %ith these a#reeable $ro)ects" and the trans$ortin# thou#hts of en)oyin# 4arcissa" %e %ere very much caressed by the S$anish #entlemen" %ho fre-uently formed $arties of $leasure for our entertainment" in %hich %e made e*cursions a #ood %ay into the country& Amon# those %ho si#nalised themselves by their civility to us" %as one 9on Antonio de Ribera" a very $olite youn# #entleman" %ith %hom + had contracted an intimate friendshi$" %ho invited us one day to his country house" and" as a further inducement to our com$liance" $romised to $rocure for us the com$any of an En#lish Si#nor" %ho had been settled in those $arts many years& and ac-uired the love and esteem of the %hole $rovince by his affability" #ood sense" and honourable behaviour& ,e acce$ted his invitation" and set out for his villa" %here %e had not been lon#er than an hour" %hen the $erson arrived in %hose favour + had been so much $re$ossessed& He %as a tall man" remarkably %ell sha$ed" of a fine mieu and a$$earance" commandin# res$ect" and seemed to be turned of forty' the features of his face %ere saddened %ith a reserve and #ravity" %hich in other countries %ould have been thou#ht the effect of melancholy' but here a$$eared to have been contracted by his commerce %ith the S$aniards" %ho are remarkable for that severity of countenance& Understandin# from 9on Antonio that %e %ere his countrymen" he saluted us all round very

com$lacently" and fi*in# his eyes attentively on me" uttered a dee$ si#h& + had been struck %ith a $rofound veneration for him at his first comin# into the room' and no sooner observed this e*$ression of his sorro%" directed" as it %ere" in a $articular manner to me" that my heart took $art in his #rief' + sym$athised involuntarily and si#hed in my turn& Havin# asked leave of our entertainer" he accosted us in En#lish" $rofessed his satisfaction at seein# so many of his countrymen in such a remote $lace" and asked the ca$tain" %ho %ent by the name of Si#nor Thoma" from %hat $art of Britain he had sailed and %hither he %as bound& 0y uncle told him that %e had sailed from the River Thames" and %ere bound for the same $lane by the %ay of :amaica" %here %e intended to take in a ladin# of su#ar& Havin# satisfied himself in these and other $articulars about the state of the %ar" he #ave us to understand" that he had a lon#in# desire to revisit his native country" in conse-uence of %hich he had already transmitted to Euro$e the #reatest $art of his fortune in neutral bottoms" and %ould %illin#ly embark the rest of it %ith himself in our shi$" $rovided the ca$tain had no ob)ection to such a $assen#er& 0y uncle very $rudently re$lied" that for his $art he should be #lad of his com$any" if he could $rocure the consent of the #overnor" %ithout %hich he durst not take him on board" %hatever inclination he had to obli#e him& The #entleman a$$roved of his discretion" and tellin# him that there %ould be no difficulty in obtainin# the connivance of the #overnor" %ho %as his #ood friend" shifted the conversation to another sub)ect& + %as over)oyed to hear his intention" and already interested myself so much in his favour that" had he been disa$$ointed" + should have been very unha$$y& +n the course of our entertainment" he eyed me %ith uncommon attachment" + felt a sur$risin# attraction to%ards him' %hen he s$oke" + listened %ith attention and reverence' the di#nity of his de$ortment filled me %ith affection and a%e' and" in short" the emotions of my soul" in $resence of this stran#er" %ere stron# and unaccountable& Havin# s$ent the best $art of the day %ith us" he took his leave" tellin# !a$tain Thoma" that he should hear from him in a short time& He %as no sooner #one than + asked a thousand -uestions about him of 9on Antonio" %ho could #ive me no other satisfaction than that his name %as 9on Rodri#o" that be had lived fifteen or si*teen years in these $arts" %as re$uted rich" and su$$osed to have been unfortunate in his youn#er years" because he %as observed to nourish a $ensive melancholy" even from the time of his first settlement amon# them' but that nobody had ventured to in-uire into the cause of his sorro%" in consideration of his $eace" %hich mi#ht suffer in the reca$itulation of his misfortunes& + %as sei3ed %ith an irresistible desire of kno%in# the $articulars of his fate" and en)oyed not an hour of re$ose durin# the %hole ni#ht" by reason of the ea#er conce$tions that ins$ired me %ith re#ard to his story" %hich + resolved 5if $ossible6 to learn& 4e*t mornin#" %hile %e %ere at breakfast" three mules" richly ca$arisoned" arrived %ith a messa#e from 9on Rodri#o" desirin# our com$any" and that of 9on Antonio" at his house" %hich %as situated about ten miles further u$ in the country& + %as $leased %ith this invitation" in conse-uence of %hich %e mounted the mules %hich he had $rovided for us" and ali#hted at his house before noon& Here %e %ere s$lendidly

entertained by the #enerous stran#er" %ho still seemed to sho% a $articular re#ard for me" and after dinner made me a $resent of a rin#" set %ith a beautiful amethyst" the $roduction of that country" sayin#" at the same time" that he %as once blessed %ith a son" %ho" had he lived" %ould have been nearly of my a#e& This observation" delivered %ith a $rofound si#h" made my heart throb %ith violence( a cro%d of confused ideas rushed u$on my ima#ination" %hich" %hile + endeavoured to unravel" my uncle $erceived my absence of thou#ht" and ta$$in# me on the shoulder" said" 7Oons" are you aslee$" Rory=7 Before + had time to re$ly" 9on Rodri#o" %ith uncommon ea#erness of voice and look" $ronounced" 7Pray" ca$tain" %hat is the youn# #entleman's name=7 7His name"7 said my uncle" 7is Roderick Random&7 72racious Po%ers8 7 cried the stran#er" startin# u$/7And his mother's=7 7His mother"7 ans%ered the ca$tain" ama3ed" 7%as called !harlotte Bo%lin#&7 7O bounteous Heaven87 e*claimed 9on Rodri#o" s$rin#in# across the table" and clas$in# me in his arms" 7my son8 my son8 have + found thee a#ain= do + hold thee in my embrace" after havin# lost and des$aired of seein# thee so lon#=7 So sayin#" he fell u$on my neck" and %e$t aloud %ith )oy' %hile the $o%er of nature o$eratin# stron#ly in my breast& + %as lost in ra$ture" and %hile he $ressed me to his heart" let fall a sho%er of tears in his bosom& His utterance %as choked u$ a #ood %hile by the a#itation of his soul' at len#th he broke out into 70ysterious Providence8//O my dear !harlotte" there yet remains a $led#e of our love8 and such a $led#e8//so found8 O infinite 2oodness" let me adore thy all/%ise decrees87 Havin# thus e*$ressed himself" he kneeled u$on the floor" lifted u$ his eyes and hands to heaven" and remained some minutes in silent ecstacy of devotion& + $ut myself in the same $osture" adored the all/#ood 9is$enser in a $rayer of mental thanks#ivin#( and %hen his e)aculation %as ended" did homa#e to my father" and craved his $aternal blessin#& He hu##ed me a#ain %ith unutterable fondness" and havin# im$lored the $rotection of Heaven u$on my head" raised me from the #round" and $resented me as his son to the com$any" %ho %e$t in concert over this affectin# scene& Amon# the rest" my uncle did not fail to discover the #oodness and )oy of his heart& Albeit unused to the meltin# mood" he blubbered %ith #reat tenderness" and %rin#in# my father's hand" cried" 7Brother Random" +'m re)oiced to see you//2od be $raised for this ha$$y meetin#87 9on Rodri#o" understandin# that he %as his brother/in/la%" embraced him affectionately" sayin#" 7Are you my !harlotte's brother= Alas8 unha$$y !harlotte8 but %hy should + re$ine= %e shall meet a#ain" never more to $art8 Brother" you are truly %elcome& 9ear son" + am trans$orted %ith uns$eakable )oy8 This day is a )ubilee//my friends and servants shall share my satisfaction&7 ,hile he dis$atched messen#ers to the #entlemen in the nei#hbourhood" to announce this event" and #ave orders for a #rand entertainment" + %as so much affected %ith the tumults of $assion" %hich assailed me on this #reat" sudden" and une*$ected occasion" that + fell sick" fevered" and in less than three hours became -uite delirious( so that the $re$arations %ere countermanded" and the )oy of the family converted into #rief and des$air& Physicians %ere instantly called" + %as $lentifully blooded in the foot" my lo%er e*tremities %ere bathed in a decoction of salutiferous herbs( in ten hours after + %as taken ill + en)oyed a critical s%eat" and ne*t day felt the remains of the distem$er" but an a#reeable lassitude" %hich did not hinder me from #ettin# u$& 9urin# the $ro#ress of this fever" %hich" from the term or its duration" is called e$hemera" my father never once -uitted my bedside" but administered the $rescri$tions

of the $hysicians %ith the most $ious care' %hile !a$tain Bo%lin# manifested his concern by the like attendance& + no sooner found myself delivered from this disease" than + bethou#ht myself of my honest friend Stra$' and resolvin# to make him ha$$y forth%ith in the kno%led#e of my #ood fortune" told my father in #eneral" that + had been infinitely obli#ed to this faithful adherent" and be##ed he %ould indul#e me so far as to send for him" %ithout lettin# him kno% my ha$$iness" until he could receive an account of it from my o%n mouth& 0y re-uest %as instantly com$lied %ith" and a messen#er %ith a s$are mule des$atched to the shi$" carryin# orders from the ca$tain to the mate" to send the ste%ard by the bearer& 0y health bein#" in the meantime" re/established" and my mind com$osed + be#an to relish this im$ortant turn of my fortune" in reflectin# u$on the advanta#es %ith %hich it must be attended' and" as the idea of my lovely 4arcissa al%ays )oined itself to every scene of ha$$iness + could ima#ine" + entertained myself no% %ith the $ros$ect of $ossessin# her in that distin#uished s$here to %hich she %as entitled by her birth and -ualifications& Havin# often mentioned her name %hile + %as de$rived of my senses" my father #uessed that there %as an intimate connection bet%een us" and discoverin# the $icture %hich hun# in my bosom by ribbon" did not doubt that it %as the resemblance of my amiable mistress& +n this belief he %as confirmed by my uncle" %ho told him that it %as the $icture of a youn# %oman" to %hom + %as under $romise of marria#e& Alarmed at this $iece of information" 9on Rodri#o took the first o$$ortunity of -uestionin# me about the $articulars of this affair" %hich %hen + had candidly recounted" he a$$roved of my $assion" and $romised to contribute all in his $o%er to%ards its success& Thou#h + never doubted his #enerosity" + %as trans$orted on this occasion" and thro%in# myself at his feet" told him" he had no% com$leted my ha$$iness" for" %ithout the $ossession or 4arcissa + should be miserable amon# all the $leasures of life& He raised me %ith a smile of $aternal fondness' said he kne% %hat it %as to be in love' and observed that" if he had been as tenderly beloved by his father as + %as by mine" he should not no% $erha$s have cause//Here he %as interru$ted by a si#h" the tear rushed into his eye" su$$ressed the dictates of his #rief" and the time bein# o$$ortune" desired me to relate the $assa#es of my life" %hich my uncle had told him %ere manifold and sur$risin#& + recounted the most material circumstances of my fortune" to %hich he listened %ith %onder and attention" manifestin# from time to time the different emotions %hich my different situations may be su$$osed to have raised in a $arent's breast' and" %hen my detail %as ended" blessed 2od for the adversity + had under#one" %hich" he said" enlar#ed the understandin#" im$roved the heart" steeled the constitution" and -ualified a youn# man for all the duties and en)oyments of life much better than any education %hich affluence could besto%& ,hen + had thus satisfied his curiosity" + discovered an inclination to hear the $articulars of his story" %hich he #ratified by be#innin# %ith his marria#e" and $roceeded to the day of his disa$$earin#" as + have related in the first $art of my memoirs& 7!areless of life"7 continued he" 7 and unable to live in a $lace %here every ob)ect recalled the memory of my dear !harlotte" %hom + had lost throu#h the barbarity of an unnatural $arent" + took my leave of you" my child" then an infant" %ith a heart full of unutterable %oe" but little sus$ectin# that my father's unkindness %ould have

descended to my innocent or$han' and settin# out alone at midni#ht for the nearest sea$ort" early ne*t mornin# #ot on board a shi$" bound" as + had heard" for rance' and" bar#ainin# %ith the master for my $assa#e" bade a lon# adieu to my native country" and $ut to sea %ith the first fair %ind& The $lace of our destination %as 2ranville" but %e had the misfortune to run u$on a rid#e of rocks near the +sland of Alderney" called the !askets" %here the sea runnin# hi#h" the shi$ %ent to $ieces" the boat sunk alon#side" and every soul on board $erished" e*ce$t myself" %ho" by the assistance of a #ratin# #ot ashore on the coast of 4ormandy& + %ent directly to !aen" %here + %as so lucky as to meet %ith a count" %hom + had formerly kno%n in my travels' %ith this #entleman + set out for Paris" %here + %as recommended by him and other friends" as tutor to a youn# nobleman" %hom + accom$anied to the court of S$ain& There %e remained a %hole year" at the end of %hich my $u$il bein# recalled by his father" + -uitted my office" and stayed behind" by the advice of a certain S$anish #randee" %ho took me into his $rotection" and introduced me to another nobleman" %ho %as after%ards created viceroy of Peru& He insisted on my attendin#" him to his #overnment of the +ndies" %here" ho%ever" by reason of my reli#ion" it %as not in his $o%er to make my fortune any other %ay than by encoura#in# me to trade" %hich + had not lon# $rosecuted %hen my $atron died" and + found myself in the midst of stran#ers" %ithout one friend to su$$ort or $rotect me& Ur#ed by this consideration" + sold my effects" and removed to this country" the #overnor of %hich" havin# been a$$ointed by the viceroy" %as my intimate ac-uaintance& Here has heaven $ros$ered my endeavours" durin# a residence of si*teen years" in %hich my tran-uillity %as never invaded but by the remembrance of your mother" %hose death + have in secret mourned %ithout ceasin#" and the reflection of you" %hose fate + could never learn not%ithstandin# all my in-uiries by means of my friends in rance" %ho" after the most strict e*amination" could #ive me no other account than that you %ent abroad si* years a#o" and %as never after heard of& + could not rest satisfied %ith this im$erfect information" and" thou#h my ho$e of findin# you %as but lan#uid" resolved to #o in -uest of you in $erson' for %hich $ur$ose" + have remitted to Holland the value of t%enty thousand $ounds" and am in $ossession of fifteen thousand more" %ith %hich + intended to embark myself on board of !a$tain Bo%lin#" before + discovered this ama3in# stroke of Providence" %hich" you may be sure" has not altered my intention&7 0y father" havin# entertained us %ith this a#reeable sketch of his life" %ithdre%" in order to relieve 9on Antonio" %ho" in his absence" had done the honours of his house' and + %as )ust dressed for my a$$earance amon# the #uests" %hen Stra$ arrived from the shi$& He no sooner entered the #rand a$artment in %hich + %as" and sa% the ma#nificence of my a$$arel" than his s$eech %as lost in ama3ement" and he #a$ed in silence at the ob)ects that surrounded him& + took him by the hand" observed that + had sent for him to be a %itness and sharer of my ha$$iness" and told him + had found a father& At these %ords he started" and" after havin# continued some minutes %ith his mouth and eyes %ide o$en" cried" 7Ah8//odd" + kno% %hat8 #o thy %ays" $oor 4arcissa" and #o thy %ays somebody else//%ell//1ord" %hat a thin# is love8 2od hel$ us8 are all our mad $ranks and $rotestations come to this= And have you fi*ed your habitation in this distant land= 2od $ros$er you//+ find %e must $art at last//for

+ %ould not leave my $oor carcase so far from my native home" for all the %ealth of the universe87 ,ith these e)aculations" he be#an to sob and make %ry faces' u$on %hich + assured him of his mistake" both in re#ard to my stayin# in Para#uay" and informed him" as briefly as + could" of the #reat event that had ha$$ened& 4ever %as ra$ture more ludicrously e*$ressed than in the behaviour of this %orthy creature" %ho cried" lau#hed" %histled" sun#" and danced" all in a breath& His trans$ort %as scarce over" %hen my father entered" %ho no sooner understood that this %as Stra$" than he took him by the hand" sayin#" 7+s this the honest man %ho befriended you so much in your distress= >ou are %elcome to my house" and + %ill soon $ut it in the $o%er of my son to re%ard you for your #ood offices in his behalf' in the meantime #o %ith us and $artake of the re$ast that is $rovided&7 Stra$" %ild as he %as %ith )oy" %ould by no means acce$t of the $roffered honour" cryin#" 72od forbid8 + kno% my distance//your %orshi$ shall e*cuse me&7 And 9on Rodri#o" findin# his modesty invincible" recommended him to his ma)or/domo" to be treated %ith the utmost res$ect' %hile he carried me in a lar#e saloon" %here + %as $resented to a numerous com$any" %ho loaded me %ith com$liments and caresses" and con#ratulated my father in terms not $ro$er for me to re$eat& ,ithout s$ecifyin# the $articulars of our entertainment" let it suffice to say" it %as at the same time ele#ant and sum$tuous" and the re)oicin#s lasted t%o days' after %hich" 9on Rodri#o settled his affairs" converted his effects into silver and #old" visited and took leave of all his friends" %ho %ere #rieved at his de$arture" and honoured me %ith considerable $resents' and" comin# on board of my uncle's shi$" %ith the first fair %ind %e sailed from the Rio de la Plata" and in t%o months came safe to an anchor in the harbour of <in#ston" in the +sland of :amaica& !HAPTER 1.;++ + visit my old riend Thom$son//%e set sail for Euro$e//meet %ith an odd Adventure//arrive in En#land//+ ride across the !ountry from Portsmouth to Susse*//converse %ith 0rs& Sa#ely" %ho informs me of 4arcissa's bein# in 1ondon//in conse-uence of this +ntelli#ence" + $roceed to !anterbury//meet %ith my old friend 0or#an//arrive in 1ondon//visit 4arcissa//introduce my ather to be//he is charmed %ith her #ood sense and beauty//%e come to a 9etermination of demandin# her Brother's !onsent to our 0arria#e + in-uired" as soon as + #ot ashore" about my #enerous com$anion" 0r& Thom$son" and hearin# that he lived in a flourishin# condition u$on the estate left him by his %ife's father" %ho had been dead some years" + took horse immediately" %ith the consent of 9on Rodri#o" %ho had heard me mention him %ith #reat re#ard" and in a fe% hours reached the $lace of his habitation& + should much %ron# the delicacy of 0r& Thom$son's sentiments to say barely he %as #lad to see me( he felt all that the most sensible and disinterested friendshi$ could feel on this occasion" introduced me to his %ife" a very amiable youn# lady" %ho had already blessed him %ith t%o fine children" and bein# as yet i#norant of my circumstances" frankly offered me the assistance of his $urse and interest& + thanked him for his #enerous intention" and made him ac-uainted %ith my situation" on %hich he con#ratulated me %ith

#reat )oy" and" after + had stayed %ith him a %hole day and ni#ht" accom$anied me back to <in#ston" to %ait u$on my father" %hom he invited to his house& 9on Rodri#o com$lied %ith his re-uest" and" havin# been handsomely entertained durin# the s$ace of a %eek" returned e*tremely %ell satisfied %ith the behaviour of my friend and his lady" to %hom" at $artin#" he $resented a very valuable diamond rin#" as a token of his esteem& 9urin# the course of my conversation %ith 0r& Thom$son" he #ave me to understand" that his old commander !a$tain Oakum %as dead some months" and that" immediately after his death" a discovery had been made of some valuable effects that he had feloniously secreted out of a $ri3e by the assistance of 9r& 0ackshane" %ho %as no% actually in $rison on that account" and" bein# destitute of friends" subsisted solely on the charity of my friend" %hose bounty he had im$lored in the most ab)ect manner" after havin# been the barbarous occasion of drivin# him to that terrible e*tremity on board of The Thunder" %hich %e have formerly related& ,hatsoever this %retch had been #uilty of" + a$$lauded 0r& Thom$son's #enerosity to%ards him in his distress" %hich %rou#ht so much u$on me also" that + sent him ten $istoles" in such a $rivate manner that he could never kno% his benefactor& ,hile my father and + %ere caressed amon# the #entlemen on shore" !a$tain Bo%lin# had %ritten to his o%ners" by the $acket" %hich sailed a fe% days after our arrival" si#nifyin# his $ros$erous voya#e hitherto" and desirin# them to insure his shi$ and car#o home%ard bound( after %hich $recaution he a$$lied himself so heartily to the task of loadin# his shi$ that" %ith the assistance of 0r& Thom$son" she %as full in less than si* %eeks& This kind #entleman like%ise $rocured for 9on Rodri#o bills u$on 1ondon for the #reatest $art of his #old and silver" by %hich means it %as secured a#ainst the risk of the seas and the enemy' and" before %e sailed" su$$lied us %ith such lar#e -uantities of all kinds of stock" that not only %e" but the shi$'s com$any" fared sum$tuously durin# the voya#e& Everythin# bein# ready" %e took our leave of our kind entertainers" and" #oin# on board at Port Royal" set sail for En#land on the first day of :une& ,e beat u$ to %ind%ard" %ith fine easy %eather" and one ni#ht believin# ourselves near !a$e Tiberon" lay to" %ith an intention to %ood and %ater ne*t mornin# in the bay& ,hile %e remained in this situation" a sailor" havin# drunk more ne% rum than he could carry" sta##ered over board" and" not%ithstandin# all the means that could be used to $reserve him" %ent to the bottom" and disa$$eared& About t%o hours after this melancholy accident ha$$ened" as + en)oyed the cool air on the -uarter/deck" + heard a voice risin#" as it %ere" out of the sea and callin#" 7Ho" the shi$ ahoy87 U$on %hich one of the men u$on the forecastle cried" 7+'ll be d//n'd if that an't :ack 0arlins$ike" %ho %ent overboard87 4ot a little sur$rised at this event" + )um$ed into the boat that lay alon#side" %ith the second mate and four men" and ro%in# to%ards the $lace from %hence the voice 5%hich re$eated the hail6 seemed to $roceed" %e $erceived somethin# floatin# u$on the %ater& ,hen %e had ro%ed a little further" %e discerned it to be a man ridin# u$on a hencoo$" %ho" seein# us a$$roach" $ronounced %ith a hoarse voice" 79//n your bloods8 %hy did you not ans%er %hen + hailed=7 Our mate" %ho %as a veritable seaman" hearin# his salute" said" 7By 2//" my lads" this is none of our man& This is the devil//$ull a%ay for the shi$&7 The fello%s obeyed his command %ithout -uestion" and %ere already some fathoms on our return" %hen + %hen + insisted

on their takin# u$ the $oor creature" and $revailed u$on them to #o back to the %reck" %hich %hen %e came near the second time" and si#nified our intention" %e received an ans%er of 7Avast" avast//%hat shi$" brother=7 Bein# satisfied in this $articular" he cried" 79//n the shi$" + %as in ho$es it had been my o%n//%here are you bound=7 ,e satisfied his curiosity in this $articular too' u$on %hich he suffered himself to be taken on board" and" after havin# been comforted %ith a dram" told us" he belon#ed to the ;esuvio man/of/%ar" u$on a cruise off the island of His$aniola' that he had fallen overboard four/and/t%enty hours a#o" and the shi$ bein# under sail" they did not choose to brin# to" but tossed a hencoo$ overboard for his convenience" u$on %hich he %as in #ood ho$es of reachin# the !a$e ne*t mornin#( ho%somever" he %as as %ell content to be aboard of us because he did not doubt that %e should meet his shi$" and if he had #one ashore in the bay" he mi#ht have been taken $risoner by the rench& 0y uncle and father %ere very much diverted %ith the account of this fello%'s unconcerned behaviour' and in t%o days" meetin# %ith the ;esuvio" as he e*$ected" sent him on board of her" accordin# to his desire& Havin# beat u$ successfully the %ind%ard $assa#e" %e stretched to the north%ard" and fallin# in %ith a %esterly %ind" in ei#ht %eeks arrived in the soundin#s" and in t%o days after made for the 1i3ard& +t is im$ossible to e*$ress the )oy + felt at the si#ht of En#lish #round8 9on Rodri#o %as not unmoved" and Stra$ shed tears of #ladness& The sailors $rofited by our satisfaction" the shoe that %as nailed to the mast bein# -uite filled %ith our liberality& 0y uncle resolved to run u$ into the 9o%ns at once" but the %ind shiftin# %hen %e %ere abreast of the +sle of ,i#ht" he %as obli#ed to turn into St& Helen's" and come to S$ithead" to the #reat mortification of the cre%" thirty of %hom %ere immediately $ressed on board a man/of/%ar& 0y father and + %ent ashore immediately at Portsmouth" leavin# Stra$ %ith the ca$tain to #o round %ith the shi$ and take care of our effects' and + discovered so much im$atience to see my charmin# 4arcissa" that my father $ermitted me to ride across the country to her brother's house' %hile he should hire a $ost/chaise for 1ondon" %here he %ould %ait for me at a $lace to %hich + directed him& ired %ith all the ea#erness of $assion" + took $ost that very ni#ht" and in the mornin# reached an inn about three miles from the s-uire's habitation' here + remained till ne*t mornin#" allayin# the torture of my im$atience %ith the ra$turous ho$e of seein# that divine creature after an absence of ei#hteen months" %hich" far from im$airin#" had raised my love to the most e*alted $itch8 4either %ere my reflections free from a$$rehensions( that somethin# intervened in s$ite of all my ho$e" and re$resented her as havin# yielded to the im$ortunity of her brother and blessed the arms of a ha$$y rival& 0y thou#hts %ere even maddened %ith the fear of her death' and" %hen + arrived in the dark at the house of 0rs& Sa#ely" + had not for some time coura#e to desire admittance" lest my soul should be shocked %ith dismal tidin#s& At len#th" ho%ever" + knocked" and no sooner certified the #ood #entle%oman of my voice than she o$ened the door" and received me %ith the most affectionate embrace" that brou#ht tears into her a#ed eyes( 7 or heaven's sake" dear mother"7 cried +" 7tell me bo% is 4arcissa= is she the same that + left her=7 She blessed my ears %ith sayin#" 7She is as

beautiful" in as #ood health" and as much yours as ever&7 Trans$orted at this assurance" + be##ed to kno% if + could not see her that very ni#ht" %hen this sa#e matron #ave me to understand that my mistress %as in 1ondon" and that thin#s %ere stran#ely altered in the s-uire's house since my de$arture' that he had been married a %hole year to 0elinda" %ho at first found means to %ean his attention so much from 4arcissa" that he became -uite careless of that lovely sister" comfortin# himself %ith the clause in his father's %ill" by %hich she should forfeit her fortune" by marryin# %ithout his consent( that my mistress" bein# but indifferently treated by her sister/in/la%" had made use of her freedom some months a#o" and #one to to%n" %here she %as lod#ed %ith 0iss ,illiams" in e*$ectation of my arrival' and had been $estered %ith the addresses of 1ord Muiver%it" %ho" findin# her heart en#a#ed" had fallen u$on a #reat many shifts to $ersuade her that + %as dead' but" findin# all his artifices unsuccessful" and des$airin# of #ainin# her affection" he had consoled himself for her indifference" by marryin# another lady some %eeks a#o" %ho had already left him on account of some family uneasiness& Besides this interestin# information" she told me there %as not a #reat deal of harmony bet%een 0elinda and the s-uire" %ho %as so much dis#usted at the number of #allants %ho continued to hover about her even after her marria#e" that he had hurried her do%n into the country" much a#ainst her o%n inclination" %here their mutual animosities had risen to such a hei#ht" that they $reserved no decency before com$any or servants" but abused one another in the #rossest terms& This #ood old #entle%oman" to #ive me a convincin# $roof of my dear 4arcissa's unalterable love" #ratified me %ith a si#ht of the last letter she had favoured her %ith" in %hich + %as mentioned %ith so much honour" tenderness" and concern" that my soul %as fired %ith im$atience" and + determined to ride all ni#ht" that + mi#ht have it the sooner in my $o%er to make her ha$$y& 0rs& Sa#ely" $erceivin# my ea#erness" and her maternal affection bein# e-ually divided bet%een 4arcissa and me" be##ed leave to remind me of the sentiments %ith %hich + %ent abroad" that %ould not $ermit me for any selfish #ratification to $re)udice the fortune of that amiable youn# lady" %ho must entirely de$end u$on me" after havin# besto%ed herself in marria#e& + thanked her for her kind concern" and as briefly as $ossible described my flourishin# situation" %hich afforded this humane $erson infinite %onder and satisfaction& + told her" that no% + had an o$$ortunity to manifest my #ratitude for the many obli#ations + o%ed" + %ould endeavour to make her old a#e comfortable and easy' as a ste$ to %hich + $ro$osed she should come and live %ith 4arcissa and me& This venerable #entle%oman %as so much affected %ith my %ords" that the tears ran do%n her ancient cheeks' she thanked heaven that + had not belied the $resa#es she had made" on her first ac-uaintance %ith me' ackno%led#in# my #enerosity" as she called it" in the most ele#ant and + $athetic e*$ressions' but declined my $ro$osal" on account of her attachment to the dear melancholy cotta#e %here she had so $eacefully consumed her solitary %ido%hood& indin# her immovable on this sub)ect" + insisted on her acce$tin# a $resent of thirty #uineas" and took my leave" resolvin# to accommodate her %ith the same sum annually" for the more comfortable su$$ort of the infirmities of old a#e& Havin# rode all ni#ht" + found myself at !anterbury in the mornin#" %here + ali#hted to $rocure fresh horses' and" as + %alked into the inn" $erceived an a$othecary's on the other side of the street"

%ith the name of 0or#an over the door' alarmed at this discovery" + could not hel$ thinkin# that my old messmate had settled in this $lace" and u$on in-uiry found my con)ecture true" and that he %as married lately to a %ido% in that city" by %hom he had #ot three thousand $ounds& Re)oiced at this intelli#ence" + %ent to his sho$ as soon as it %as o$en" and found my friend behind the counter" busy in $re$arin# a clyster& + saluted him at entrance" %ith" 7>our servant" 0r& 0or#an&7 U$on %hich he looked at me" and re$lyin#" 7>our most humble servant" #ood sir"7 rubbed his in#redients in the mortar %ithout any emotion& 7,hat"7 said +" 70or#an" have you for#ot your old messmate=7 At these %ords he looked u$ a#ain" and startin#" cried" 7As !ot is my//sure it cannot//yes" by my salfation" + $elieve it is my dear friend 0r& Rantom&7 He %as no sooner convinced of my identity" than he thre% do%n the $estle" overset the mortar" and )um$in# over the board" s%e$t u$ the contents %ith his clothes" fle% about my neck" hu##ed me affectionately" and daubed me all over %ith tur$entine and the yolks of e##s %hich he had been mi*in# %hen + came in& Our mutual con#ratulations bein# over" he told me" that he found himself a %ido%er u$on his return from the ,est +ndies' that he had #ot interest to be a$$ointed sur#eon of a man/of/%ar" in %hich ca$acity he had served some years" until he married an a$othecary's %ido%" %ith %hom he no% en)oyed a $retty #ood sum of money" $eace" and -uiet" and an indifferent #ood trade& He %as very desirous of hearin# my adventures" %hich + assured him + had not time to relate" but told him in #eneral" my circumstances %ere very #ood" and that + ho$ed to see him %hen + should not be in such a hurry as at $resent& He insisted" ho%ever" on my stayin# breakfast" and introduced me to his %ife" %ho seemed to be a decent sensible %oman" $retty %ell stricken in years& +n the course of our conversation" he sho%ed the sleeve/buttons + had e*chan#ed %ith him at our $artin# in the ,est +ndies" and %as not a little $roud to see that + had $reserved his %ith the same care& ,hen + informed him of 0ackshane's condition" he seemed at first to e*ult over his distress' but" after a little recollection" said" 7,ell" he has $aid for his malice' + for#ife him" and may !ot for#ife him like%ise&7 He e*$ressed #reat concern for the soul of !a$tain Oakum" %hich he believed %as no% #nashin# its teeth' but it %as some time before + could convince him of Thom$son's bein# alive" at %hose #ood fortune" nevertheless" he %as e*tremely #lad& Havin# rene%ed our $rotestations of friendshi$" + bade the honest ,elshman and his s$ouse fare%ell" and" takin# $ost/horses" arrived at 1ondon that same ni#ht" %here + found my father in #ood health" to %hom + im$arted %hat + had learned of 4arcissa& This indul#ent $arent a$$roved of my intention of marryin# her" even %ithout fortune" $rovided her brother's consent could not be obtained' $romised to make over to me in a fe% days a sufficiency to maintain her in a fashionable manner and e*$ressed a desire of seein# this amiable creature" %ho had ca$tivated me so much& As + had not sle$t the ni#ht before" and %as besides fati#ued %ith my )ourney" + found myself under a necessity of takin# some re$ose" and %ent to bed accordin#ly( ne*t mornin#" about ten o'clock" took a chair" and accordin# to 0rs& Sa#ely's directions" %ent to my charmer's lod#in#s" and in-uired for 0iss ,illiams& + had not %aited in the $arlour lon#er than a minute" %hen this youn# %oman entered" and no sooner $erceived me" than she shrieked and ran back%ard( but + #ot bet%een her and the door" and clas$in# her in my arms" brou#ht her to herself %ith an embrace& 72ood heaven"7 cried she" 70r& Random" is it you indeed= 0y mistress %ill run distracted %ith )oy&7 + told her" it %as from

an a$$rehension that my sudden a$$earance mi#ht have had some bad effect on my dear 4arcissa" that + had desired to see her first" in order to concert some method of ac-uaintin# her mistress #radually %ith my arrival& She a$$roved of my conduct" and" after havin# yielded to the su##estions of her o%n friendshi$" in askin# if my voya#e had been successful" char#ed herself %ith that office" and left me #lo%in# %ith desire of seein# and embracin# the ob)ect of my love& +n a very little time + heard some body comin# do%n the stairs in haste" and the voice of my an#el $ronounce" %ith an ea#er tone" 7O heaven8 is it $ossible8 %here is he=7 Ho% %ere my faculties aroused at this %ell kno%n sound8 and ho% %as my soul trans$orted %hen she broke in u$on my vie% in all the bloom of ri$ened beauty8 2race %as in all her ste$s" heaven in her eye" in every #esture di#nity and love8 >ou" %hose souls are susce$tible of the most delicate im$ressions" %hose tender bosoms have felt the affectin# vicissitudes of love" %ho have suffered an absence of ei#hteen lon# months from the dear ob)ect of your ho$e" and found at your return the meltin# fair as kind and constant as your heart can %ish" do me )ustice on this occasion" and conceive %hat unutterable ra$ture $ossessed us both" %hile %e fle% into each other's arms8 This %as no time for s$eech( locked in a mutual embrace" %e continued some minutes in a silent trance of )oy8 ,hen + thus encircled all my soul held dear//%hile + hun# over her beauties//beheld her eyes s$arkle" and& every feature flush %ith virtuous fondness//%hen + sa% her enchantin# bosom heave %ith undissembled ra$ture" and kne% myself the ha$$y cause//heavens8 %hat %as my situation8 + am tem$ted to commit my $a$er to the flames" and to renounce my $en for ever" because its most ardent and lucky e*$ression so $oorly describes the emotions of my soul& 7O adorable 4arcissa87 cried +" 7O miracle of beauty" love and truth8 + at last fold thee in my arms8 + at last can call thee mine8 4o )ealous brother shall th%art our ha$$iness a#ain' fortune hath at len#th recom$ensed me for all my sufferin#s" and enabled me to do )ustice to my love&7 The dear creature smiled ineffably charmin#ly" and" %ith a look of be%itchin# tenderness" said" 7and shall %e never art a#ain=7 74ever"7 + re$lied" 7thou %ondrous $attern of all earthly $erfection8 never" until death shall divide us8 By this ambrosial kiss" a thousand times more fra#rant than the bree3e that s%ee$s the oran#e #rove" + never more %ill leave thee87 As my first trans$ort abated" my $assion #re% turbulent and unruly& + %as #iddy %ith standin# on the brink of bliss" and all my virtue and $hiloso$hy %ere scarce sufficient to restrain the inordinate sallies of desire& 4arcissa $erceived the conflict %ithin me" and %ith her usual di#nity of $rudence" called off my ima#ination from the ob)ect in vie%" and %ith ea#er e*$ressions of interested curiosity" desired to kno% the $articulars of my voya#e& +n this + #ratified her inclination" brin#in# my story do%n to the $resent hour& She %as infinitely sur$rised at the circumstance of findin# my father" %hich brou#ht tears into her lovely eyes& She %as trans$orted at hearin# that a$$roved of my flame" discovered a lon#in# desire of bein# introduced to him" con#ratulated herself and me u$on my #ood fortune" and observed" that this #reat and une*$ected stroke of fate seemed to have been brou#ht about by the immediate direction of Providence& Havin# entertained ourselves some hours %ith the #enuine effusions of our souls" + obtained her consent to com$lete my ha$$iness as soon as my father should )ud#e it $ro$er' and" a$$lyin# %ith my o%n hands a valuable necklace" com$osed of diamonds and amethysts set alternately" %hich an old S$anish lady at Para#uay

had $resented me %ith" + took my leave" $romisin# to return in the afternoon %ith 9on Rodri#o& ,hen + %ent home" this #enerous $arent in-uired very affectionately about the health of my dear 4arcissa" to %hom" that + mi#ht be the more a#reeable" he $ut into my hand a deed" by %hich + found myself in $ossession of fifteen thousand $ounds" e*clusive of the $rofits of my o%n merchandise" %hich amounted to three thousand more& After dinner + accom$anied him to the lod#in#s of my mistress" %ho" bein# dressed for the occasion" made a most da33lin# a$$earance& + could $erceive him struck %ith her fi#ure" %hich + really think %as the most beautiful that ever %as created under the sun& He embraced her tenderly" and told her he %as $roud of havin# a son %ho had s$irit to attem$t" and -ualifications to en#a#e the affections of such a fine lady& She blushed at this com$liment" and" %ith eyes full of the softest lau#uishment turned u$on me" said" she should have been un%orthy of 0r& Random's attention" had she been blind to his e*traordinary merit& + made no other ans%er than a lo% bo%& 0y father" si#hin#" $ronounced" 7Such %as once my !harlotte'7 %hile the tear rushed into his eye" and the tender heart of 4arcissa manifested itself in t%o $recious dro$s of sym$athy" %hich" but for his $resence" + %ould have kissed a%ay& ,ithout re$eatin# the $articulars of our conversation" + shall only observe" that 9on Rodri#o %as as much charmed %ith her #ood sense as %ith her a$$earance" and she %as no less $leased %ith his understandin# and $olite address& +t %as determined that he should %rite to the s-uire" si#nifyin# his a$$robation of my $assion for his sister" and offerin# a settlement" %hich he should have no reason to re)ect' and that" if he should refuse the $ro$osal" %e %ould cro%n our mutual %ishes %ithout any further re#ard to his %ill& !HAPTER 1.;+++ 0y ather makes a $resent to 4arcissa//the 1etter is dis$atched to her Brother//+ a$$ear amon# my Ac-uaintance//Banter's Behaviour//the S-uire refuses his !onsent//my Uncle comes to To%n//a$$roves of my !hoice//+ am married//%e meet the S-uire and his 1ady at the Play//our Ac-uaintance is courted After havin# s$ent the evenin# to the satisfaction of all $resent" my father addressed himself thus to 4arcissa& 70adam" #ive me leave to consider you hereafter as my dau#hter" in %hich ca$acity + insist u$on your acce$tin# this first instance of my $aternal duty and affection&7 ,ith these %ords he $ut into her hand a bank note of five hundred $ounds" %hich she no sooner e*amined" than %ith a lo% courtesy she re$lied& 79ear sir" thou#h + have not the least occasion for this su$$ly" + have too #reat a veneration for you to refuse this $roof of your #enerosity and esteem" %hich + the more freely receive" because + already look u$on 0r& Random's interest as inse$arably connected %ith mine&7 He %as e*tremely %ell $leased %ith her frank and in#enuous re$ly" u$on %hich %e saluted" and %ished her #ood ni#ht& The letter" at my re-uest" %as dis$atched to Susse* by an e*$ress" and in the meantime" 9on Rodri#o" to #race my nu$tials" hired a ready furnished house" and set u$ a very handsome e-ui$a#e& Thou#h + $assed the #reatest $art of the day %ith the darlin# of my soul" + found leisure sometimes to be amon# my former ac-uaintance" %ho %ere astonished at the ma#nificence of my a$$earance& Banter

in $articular %as confounded at the vicissitudes of my fortune" the causes of %hich he endeavoured in vain to discover" until + thou#ht fit to disclose the %hole secret of my last voya#e" $artly in consideration of our former intimacy" and $artly to $revent unfavourable con)ectures" %hich he and others" in all $robability" %ould have made in re#ard to my circumstances& He $rofessed #reat satisfaction at this $iece of ne%s' and + had no cause to believe him insincere" %hen + considered that he %ould no% look u$on himself as ac-uitted of the debt he o%ed me" and at the same time flatter himself %ith the ho$es of borro%in# more& + carried him home to dinner %ith me" and my father liked his conversation so much" that" u$on hearin# his difficulties" he desired me to accommodate him for the $resent" and in-uire" if he %ould acce$t of a commission in the army" to%ards the $urchase of %hich he should %illin#ly lend him money& Accordin#ly" + #ave my friend an o$$ortunity of bein# alone %ith me" %hen" as + e*$ected" he told me that he %as )ust on the $oint of bein# reconciled to an old rich uncle" %hose heir he %as" but %anted a fe% $ieces for immediate e*$ense" %hich he desired + %ould lend him and take my bond for the %hole& His demand %as limited to ten #uineas' and %hen + $ut t%enty in his hand" he stared at me for some moments' then" $uttin# it into his $urse" 7Ay"//'tis all one//you shall have the %hole in a very short time&7 ,hen + had taken his note" to save the e*$ense of a bond" + e*$ressed some sur$rise that a fello% of his s$irit should loiter a%ay his time in idleness" and" asked %hy he did not choose to make his fortune in the army& 7,hat"7 said he" 7thro% a%ay money u$on a subaltern's commission" and be under the command of a $arcel of scoundrels" %ho have raised themselves above me by the most infamous $ractices& 4o" + love inde$endency too %ell to sacrifice my life" health" and $leasure" for such a $itiful consideration&7 indin# him adverse to this %ay of life" + chan#ed the sub)ect" and returned to 9on Rodri#o" %ho had )ust received the follo%in# e$istle from the s-uire( 7Sir"//!oncernin# a letter %hich + received" subscribed R& Random" this is the ans%er& As for you" + kno% nothin# of you& >our son" or $retended son" + have seen' if he marries my sister" at his $eril be it' + do declare that he shall not have one farthin# of her fortune" %hich becomes my $ro$erty" if she takes a husband %ithout my consent& >our settlement" + do believe" is all a sham" and yourself no better than you should be' but if you had all the %ealth of the +ndies" your son shall never match in our family %ith the consent of 7Orson To$ehall7 0y father %as not much sur$rised at this $olite letter" after havin# heard the character of the author' and as for me" + %as even $leased at his refusal" because + had no% an o$$ortunity of sho%in# my disinterested love& By his $ermission + %aited on my charmer( and havin# im$arted the contents of her brother's letter" at %hich she %e$t bitterly" in s$ite of all my consolation and caresses" the time of our marria#e %as fi*ed t%o days& 9urin# this interval" in %hich my soul %as %ound u$ to the last stretch of ra$turous e*$ectation" 4arcissa endeavoured to reconcile some of her relations in to%n to her marria#e %ith me' but" findin# them all deaf to her remonstrances" either out of envy or $re)udice" she told me %ith the most enchantin# s%eetness" %hile the tears bede%ed her lovely cheeks" 7Sure the %orld %ill no lon#er -uestion your #enerosity %hen you take a $oor forlorn be##ar to your arms=7 Affected %ith her sorro%" + $ressed the fair mourner to my breast" and s%ore that she %as more dear

and %elcome on that account" because she had sacrificed her friends and fortune to her love for me& 0y uncle" for %hose character she had a #reat veneration" bein# by this time come to to%n" + introduced him to my bride' and" althou#h he %as not very much sub)ect to refined sensations" he %as struck dumb %ith admiration at her beauty& After havin# kissed and #a3ed at her for some time" he turned to me" sayin#& 7Odds bobs" Rory8 a notable $ri3e indeed" finely built and #loriously ri##ed" i'faith8 +f she an't %ell manned %hen you take the command of her" sirrah" you deserve to #o to sea in a cockle shell& 4o offence" + ho$e" niece8 you must not mind %hat + say" bein# 5as the sayin# is6 a $lain seafarin# man" thof mayha$ + have as much re#ard for you as another&7 She received him %ith #reat civility" told him she had lon#ed a #reat %hile to see a $erson to %hom she %as so much indebted for his #enerosity to 0r& Random' that she looked u$on him as her uncle" by %hich name she be##ed leave to call him for the future' and that she %as very sure he could say nothin# that %ould #ive her the least offence& The honest ca$tain %as trans$orted at her courteous behaviour" and insisted u$on #ivin# her a%ay at the ceremony" s%earin# that he loved her as %ell as if she %as his o%n child" and that he %ould #ive t%o thousand #uineas to the first fruit of our love" as soon as it %ould s-ueak& Everythin# bein# settled for the solemnisation of our nu$tials" %hich %ere to be $erformed $rivately at my father's house" the aus$icious hour arrived" %hen 9on Rodri#o and my uncle %ent in the coach to fetch the bride and 0iss ,illiams( leavin# me %ith a $arson" Banter" and Stra$" neither of %hom had as yet seen my charmin# mistress& 0y faithful valet" %ho %as on the rack of im$atience to behold a lady of %hom he had heard so much" no sooner understood that the coach %as returned" than he $laced himself at a %indo%" to have a $ee$ at her as she ali#hted' and" %hen he sa% her" cla$$ed his hands to#ether" turned u$ the %hite of his eyes" and" %ith his mouth %ide o$en" remained in a sort of ecstacy" %hich broke out into 7O 9ea certe8 -ualis in Eurotae ri$is" aut $er )u#a !ynthi e*ercet 9iana choros=7 The doctor and Banter %ere sur$rised to hear my man s$eak 1atin' but %hen my father led 4arcissa into the room" the ob)ect of their admiration %as soon chan#ed" as a$$eared in the countenances of both& +ndeed" they must have been the most insensible of all bein#s" could they have beheld %ithout emotion the divine creature that a$$roached8 She %as dressed in a sack of %hite satin" embroidered on the breast %ith #old" the cro%n of her head %as covered %ith a small rench ca$" from %hence descended her beautiful hair in rin#lets that %aved u$on her sno%y neck" %hich di#nified the necklace + bad #iven her' her looks #lo%ed %ith modesty and love' and her bosom" throu#h the veil of #au3e that shaded it" afforded a $ros$ect of Elysium8 + received this inestimable #ift of Providence as became me' and in a little time the cler#yman did his office" my uncle" at his o%n earnest re-uest" actin# the $art of a father to my dear 4arcissa" %ho trembled very much" and had scarce s$irits sufficient to su$$ort her under this #reat chan#e of situation& Soon as she %as mine by the la%s or heaven and earth" + $rinted a burnin# kiss u$on her li$s' my father embraced her tenderly" my uncle hu##ed her %ith #reat affection" and + $resented her to my friend Banter" %ho saluted her in a very $olite manner' 0iss ,illiams hun# round her neck" and %ent $lentifully' %hile Stra$ fell u$on his knees" and be##ed to kiss his lady's hand" %hich she $resented %ith #reat affability& + shall not $retend to describe my o%n feelin#s at this )uncture' let it suffice to say that havin# su$$ed and entertained ourselves till ten o'clock" + cautioned my 4arcissa a#ainst e*$osin# her health by sittin# u$ too late" and

she %as $revailed u$on to %ithdra% %ith her maid to an a$artment destined for us& ,hen she left the room" her face overs$read %ith a blush that set all my blood in a state of fermentation" and made every $ulse beat %ith tenfold vi#our8 She %as so cruel as to let me remain in this condition a full half/hour( %hen" no lon#er able to restrain my im$atience" + broke from the com$any" burst into her chamber" $ushed out her confidante" and locked the door" and found her//O heaven and earth8//a feast a thousand times more delicious than my most san#uine ho$es $resa#ed8 But" let me not $rofane the chaste mysteries of Hymen& + %as the ha$$iest of men8 +n the mornin# + %as a%aked by three or four drums" %hich Banter had $laced under the %indo%' u$on %hich + %ithdre% the curtain" and en)oyed the uns$eakable satisfaction of contem$latin# those an#elic charms %hich %ere no% in my $ossession8 Beauty8 %hich" %hether slee$in# or a%ake" shot forth $eculiar #races8 The li#ht dartin# u$on my 4arcissa's eyes" she a%oke also" and recollectin# her situation" hid her blushes in my bosom& + %as distracted %ith )oy8 + could not believe the evidence of my senses" and looked u$on all that had ha$$ened as the fictions of a dream8 +n the meantime my uncle knocked at the door" and bade me turn out" for + had had a lon# s$ell& + rose accordin#ly" and sent 0iss ,illiams to her mistress" myself receivin# the con#ratulation of !a$tain Bo%lin#" %ho rallied me in his sea $hrase %ith #reat success& +n less than an hour" 9on Rodri#o led my %ife into breakfast" %here she received the com$liments of the com$any on her looks" %hich" they said" if $ossible" %ere im$roved by matrimony& As her delicate ears %ere offended %ith none of those indecent ambi#uities %hich are too often s$oken on such occasions" she behaved %ith di#nity" unaffected modesty" and ease' and" as a testimony of my affection and esteem" + $resented her" in $resence of them all" %ith a deed" by %hich + settled the %hole fortune + %as $ossessed of on her and her heirs for ever& She acce$ted it %ith a #lance of most tender ackno%led#ment" observed" that she could not be sur$rised at anythin# of this kind + should do" and desired my father to take the trouble of kee$in# it" sayin#" 74e*t to my o%n 0r& Random" you are the $erson in %hom + ou#ht to have the #reatest confidence&7 !harmed %ith her $rudent and in#enuous manner of $roceedin#" he took the $a$er" and assured her that it should not lose its value %hile in his custody& As %e had not many visits to #ive and receive" the little time %e stayed in to%n %as s$ent in #oin# to $ublic diversions" %here + have the vanity to think 4arcissa %as seldom ecli$sed& One ni#ht" in $articular" %e sent our footman to kee$ one of the sta#e bo*es" %hich %e no sooner entered" than %e $erceived in the o$$osite bo* the s-uire and his lady" %ho seemed not a little sur$rised at seein# us& + %as $leased at this o$$ortunity of confrontin# them' the more" because 0elinda %as robbed of all her admirers by my %ife" %ho ha$$ened that ni#ht to outshine her sister both in beauty and dress& She %as $i-ued at 4arcissa's victory" tossed her head a thousand different %ays" flirted her fan" looked at us %ith disdain" then %his$ered to her husband" and broke out into an affected #i##le' but all her arts $roved ineffectual" either to discom$ose 0rs& Random" or to conceal her o%n mortification" %hich at len#th forced her a%ay lon# before the $lay %as done& The ne%s of our marria#e bein# s$read" %ith many circumstances to our disadvanta#e" by the industry of this mali#nant creature" a certain set of $ersons fond of scandal be#an to in-uire into the $articulars of my fortune" %hich they no sooner understood to be inde$endent" than the tables

%ere turned" and our ac-uaintance %as courted as much as it had been des$ised before( but she had too much di#nity of $ride to encoura#e this chan#e of conduct" es$ecially in her relations" %hom she could never be $revailed u$on to see" after the malicious re$orts they had raised to her $re)udice& !HAPTER 1.+. 0y father intends to revisit the Place of his 4ativity//%e $ro$ose to accom$any him//my Uncle rene%s his %ill in my favour" determinin# to #o to sea a#ain//%e set out for Scotland//arrive at Edinbur#h//$urchase our $aternal Estate//$roceed to it//halt at the To%n %here + %as educated//take u$ my bond to !rab//the Behaviour of Potion and his ,ife" and one of our emale !ousins//our Rece$tion at the Estate//Stra$ marries 0iss ,illiams" and is settled by my ather to his o%n satisfaction//+ am more and more ha$$y& 0y father intendin# to revisit his native country" and $ay the tribute of a fe% tears at my mother's #rave" 4arcissa and + resolved to accom$any him in the e*ecution of his $ious office" and accordin#ly $re$ared for the )ourney" in %hich" ho%ever" my uncle %ould not en#a#e" bein# resolved to try his fortune once more at sea& +n the meantime he rene%ed his %ill in favour of my %ife and me" and de$osited it in the hands of his brother/in/la%( %hile + 5that + mi#ht not be %antin# to my o%n interest6 summoned the s-uire to $roduce his father's %ill at 9octors' !ommons" and em$loyed a $roctor to mana#e the affair in my absence& Everythin# bein# thus settled" %e took leave of all our friends in 1ondon" and set out for Scotland" 9on Rodri#o" 4arcissa" 0iss ,illiams" and +" in the coach" and Stra$" %ith t%o men in livery" on horseback' as %e made easy sta#es" my charmer held it out very %ell" till %e arrived at Edinbur#h" %here %e $ro$osed to rest ourselves some %eeks& Here 9on Rodri#o havin# intelli#ence that the fo*hunter had s$oilt his estate" %hich %as to be e*$osed to sale by $ublic auction" he determined to make a $urchase of the s$ot %here he %as born" and actually bou#ht all the land that belon#ed to his father& +n a fe% days after this bar#ain %as made" %e left Edinbur#h" in order to #o and take $ossession' and by the %ay halted one ni#ht in that to%n %here + %as educated& U$on in-uiry" + found that 0r& !rab %as dead' %hereu$on + sent for his e*ecutor" $aid the sum + o%ed %ith interest" and took u$ my bond& 0r& Potion and his %ife" hearin# of my arrival" had the assurance to come to the inn& %here %e lod#ed" and send u$ their names" %ith the desire of bein# $ermitted to $ay their res$ects to my father and me( but their sordid behaviour to%ards me" %hen + %as an or$han" had made too dee$ an im$ression on my mind to be effaced by this mean mercenary $iece of condescension( + therefore re)ected their messa#e %ith disdain" and bade Stra$ tell them" that my father and + desired to have no communication %ith such lo%/minded %retches as they %ere& They had not been #one half/an/hour" %hen a %oman" %ithout any ceremony" o$ened the door of the room %here %e sat" and" makin# to%ards my father" accosted him %ith" 7Uncle" your servant//+ am #lad to see you&7 This %as no other than one of my female cousins"

mentioned in the first $art of my memoirs" to %hom 9on Rodri#o re$lied" 7Pray" %ho are you" madam=7 7Oh87 cried she" 7my cousin Rory there kno%s me very %ell& 9on't you remember me" Rory=7 7>es" madam"7 said +' 7for my o%n $art" + shall never for#et you& Sir" this is one of the youn# ladies" %ho 5as + have formerly told you6 treated me so humanely in my childhood87 ,hen + $ronounced these %ords" my father's resentment #lo%ed in his visa#e" and he ordered her to be #one" %ith such a commandin# as$ect" that she retired in a fri#ht" mutterin# curses as she %ent do%nstairs& ,e after%ards learned that she %as married to an ensi#n" %ho had already s$ent all her fortune' and that her sister had borne a child to her mother's footman" %ho is no% her husband" and kee$s a $etty alehouse in the country& The fame of our flourishin# condition havin# arrived at this $lace before us" %e #ot notice that the ma#istrates intended ne*t day to com$liment us %ith the freedom of their to%n' u$on %hich my father" considerin# their com$laisance in the ri#ht $oint of vie%" ordered the horses to the coach early in the mornin#& ,e $roceeded to our estate" %hich lay about t%enty miles from this $lace' and" %hen %e came %ithin half/a/lea#ue of the house" %ere met by a $rodi#ious number of $oor tenants" men" %omen" and children" %ho testified their )oy by loud acclamations" and accom$anied our coach to the #ate& As there is no $art of the %orld in %hich the $easants are more attached to their lords than in Scotland" %e %ere almost devoured by their affections& 0y father had al%ays been their favourite" and no% that he a$$eared their master" after havin# been thou#ht dead so lon#" their )oy broke out into a thousand e*trava#ances& ,hen %e entered the court yard" %e %ere surrounded by a vast number" %ho cro%ded to#ether so closely to see us that several %ere in dan#er of bein# s-uee3ed to death' those %ho %ere near 9on Rodri#o fell u$on their knees" and kissed his hand" or the hem of his #arment" $rayin# aloud for lon# life and $ros$erity to him' others a$$roached 4arcissa and me in the same manner' %hile the rest cla$$ed their hands at a distance" and invoked heaven to sho%er its choicest blessin#s on our heads8 +n short" the %hole scene" thou#h rude" %as so affectin#" that the #entle $artner of my heart %e$t over it" and my father himself could not refrain from a dro$$in# a tear& Havin# %elcomed his dau#hter and me to his house" he ordered some bullocks to be killed" and some ho#sheads of ale to be brou#ht from the nei#hbourin# villa#e" to re#ale these honest $eo$le" %ho had not en)oyed such a holiday for many years before& 4e*t day %e %ere visited by the #entlemen in the nei#hbourhood" most of them our relations" one of %hom brou#ht alon# my cousin" the fo*hunter" %ho had stayed at his house since he %as obli#ed to leave his o%n8 0y father %as #enerous enou#h to receive him kindly" and even $romised to $urchase for him a commission in the army" for %hich he e*$ressed #reat thankfulness and )oy& 0y charmin# 4arcissa %as universally admired and loved for her beauty" affability" and #ood sense' and so %ell $leased %ith the situation of the $lace" and the com$any round" that she has not as yet discovered the least desire of chan#in# her habitation& ,e had not been many days settled" %hen + $revailed u$on my father

to $ay a visit to the villa#e %here + had been at school& Here %e %ere received by the $rinci$al inhabitants" %ho entertained us in the church" %here 0r& Synta* the schoolmaster 5my tyrant bein# dead6 $ronounced a 1atin oration in honour of our family& And none e*erted themselves more than Stra$'s father and relations" %ho looked u$on the honest valet as the first #entleman of their race" and honoured his benefactors accordin#ly& Havin# received the homa#e of this $lace" %e retired" leavin# forty $ounds for the benefit of the $oor of the $arish' and that very ni#ht" Stra$ bein# a little elevated %ith the re#ard that had been sho%n to him" and to me on his account" ventured to tell me" that he had a sneakin# kindness for 0iss ,illiams" and that" if his lady and + %ould use our interest in his behalf" he did not doubt that she %ould listen to his addresses& Sur$rised at this $ro$osal" + asked if he kne% the story of that unfortunate youn# #entle%oman' u$on %hich he re$lied" 7>es" yes" + kno% %hat you mean//she has been unha$$y" + #rant you//but %hat of that= + am convinced of her reformation' or else you and my #ood lady %ould not treat her %ith such res$ect& As for the censure of the %orld" + value it not a fi#'s end//besides" the %orld kno%s nothin# of the matter&7 + commended his $hiloso$hy" and interested 4arcissa in his cause' %ho interceded so effectually" that in a little time 0iss ,illiams yielded her consent" and they %ere marred at the a$$robation of 9on Rodri#o" %ho #ave him five hundred $ounds to stock a farm" and made him overseer of his estate& 0y #enerous bedfello% #ave her maid the same sum' so that they live in #reat $eace and $lenty %ithin half/a/mile of us" and daily $ut u$ $rayers for our $reservation& +f there be such a thin# as true ha$$iness on earth" + en)oy it& The im$etuous trans$orts of my $assion are no% settled and mello%ed into endearin# fondness and tran-uillity of love" rooted by that intimate connection and interchan#e of hearts %hich nou#ht but virtuous %edlock can $roduce& ortune seems determined to make am$le amends for her former cruelty" for my $roctor %rites that" not%ithstandin# the clause in my father/in/la%'s %ill" on %hich the s-uire founds his claim" + shall certainly recover my %ife's fortune" in conse-uence of a codicil anne*ed" %hich e*$lains that clause" and limits her restriction to the a#e of nineteen" after %hich she %as at her o%n dis$osal& + %ould have set out for 1ondon immediately after receivin# this $iece of intelli#ence" but my dear an#el has been -ualmish of late" and be#ins to #ro% remarkably round in the %aist' so that + cannot leave her in such an interestin# situation" %hich + ho$e %ill $roduce somethin# to cro%n my felicity& End of The Pro)ect 2utenber# Ete*t of The Adventures of Roderick Random by Tobias Smollett