Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics: Covert emotional manipulation tactics are underhanded methods of control.

Emotional manipulation methodically wears down your sense of self-worth, self-confidence, selfconcept and trust in your own perceptions. At its worse, you can lose all sense of self and your personal values. 1. Positive Reinforcement: Praise, flattery, adoration, attention, affection, gifts, superficial sympathy (crocodile tears), superficial charm, recognition, appreciation, intense sex, and declarations of once-in-a-lifetime love. hen all of these are present continually at the !eginning of the relationship with no negative !ehavior in sight, it"s called #love!om!ing,$ and it"s designed to hoo% us deeply and !ond us tightly to our a!user. 2. Intermittent positive reinforcement: &his is a very effective manipulation tactic, one a!users use to great effect. 'ntermittent positive reinforcement occurs when your relationship goes from nonstop positive

reinforcement to only getting attention, appreciation, praise, adoration, declarations of love, etc. once in a while, on a random !asis. &his will create a climate of dou!t, fear and anxiety. (ou"ll %now he"s withdrawing and you"ll fear you"re losing him, !ut he"ll deny it. &his replays over and over until you"re riding and emotional roller coaster, with no way to stop the ride and get off. )*+e is doing this on purpose to increase his power and control over you and to ma%e you even more desperate for his love. (ou have !ecome the prover!ial la! rat frantically pushing the lever for a randomly dispensed treat. &he rat thin%s of nothing else, and neither will you. &he !ond can !ecome even stronger during this phase, !elieve it or not. 't"s a well-%nown psychological phenomenon %nown as traumatic !onding. 3. Negative reinforcement: &he manipulator stops performing a negative !ehavior (such as giving you the silent treatment) when you comply with his demands.

,ot allowing negative emotion- &he victim is typically chastised for emotional !ehavior. &he focus is put on the emotional upset itself, not the cause !ehind it (which conveniently ta%es the focus off of him). +e refuses to hear what it is she wants to tal% a!out. &he only su!.ect is her emotion, which is unaccepta!le/ in fact, it"s an issue she needs to wor% on, and one he finds unattractive.&he silent treatment usually follows, which increases her frustration at not !eing a!le to express her thoughts and feelings. 'ndirect aggressive a!use- ,ame-calling is direct and o!vious, !ut an underhanded way to ma%e it much less o!vious is to drop the angry tone of voice that usually accompanies it, and disguise the insult as teaching, helping, giving advice, or offering solutions. 't appears to !e a sincere attempt to help, !ut it"s actually an attempt to !elittle, control and demean you, and you will sense this. 0anipulators share intimate information a!out themselves, their lives and families

early on to create a false sense of intimacy. (ou"ll automatically feel o!liged or free to respond, and afterward you"ll trust him more and feel closer to him. 1ater, you"ll find out most of what he disclosed wasn"t true, and that he"ll use everything you told him a!out yourself to manipulate you or hurt you. &riangulation- &his is a common and effective tactic of a psychopath"s covert emotional manipulation. &he manipulator introduces other women into the relationship in any way he can 2 !y tal%ing a!out a woman at wor%, tal%ing a!out his ex girlfriends, flirting with other women in front of you, or comparing you unfavora!ly to another woman 2 .ust to hurt you, %noc% you off !alance and ma%e you .ealous. 'n a normal relationship, a man will go out of his way to prove he"s trustworthy. &he manipulator does .ust the opposite, and he en.oys watching your pain and angst. +e is usually grooming his next target, who he conveniently uses to manipulate you devalue you. 3laming the victim- &his tactic is a powerful

means of putting the victim on the defense while simultaneously mas%ing the aggressive intent of the a!user. &his usually happens when she 4uestions him a!out something he wants to hide (such as his involvement with another woman). &he victim finds herself put in the defensive mode, and she can"t win. +e tells her that her concerns are rooted in her pro!lem with #insecurity$ and have nothing to do with his !ehavior or with reality, and that he finds her insecurity very unattractive. )ince this is very unpleasant she learns not to 4uestion him, and silently puts up with his !ad !ehavior in the future. &he manipulator will ma%ecarefully chosen insinuating comments to evo%e an uncomforta!le emotional response or even several responses at once. +e %nows your wea%nesses and your hot-!uttons, and he will en.oy dropping a !om! li%e this and watching the fallout. 'f someone says something that has multiple negative meanings and causes negative emotions while leaving you flummoxed and without a

meaningful response, you"ve experienced it. Empty words- &he a!user can turn on the charm and tell you exactly what you want to hear- #' love you,$ #you"re so special to me,$ #you"re so important to me,$ etc. &he pro!lem is they are .ust words, !ac%ed up !y nothing. 5illing your need for approval, validation, and reassurance with these empty words gives him incredi!le power over you. 6enying* 'nvalidating reality- 'nvalidating distorts or undermines the victim"s perceptions of their world. 'nvalidating occurs when the a!user refuses or will not ac%nowledge reality. 5or example, if the victim confronts the a!user a!out an incident of name calling, the a!user may insist, #' never said that,$ #' don"t %now what you"re tal%ing a!out.$ &he same as gaslighting, really, a tactic which is explained !elow. 0inimi7ing- &he manipulator will tell you you"re ma%ing a !ig deal out of nothing or that you"re #exaggerating$ when you confront him with something he"s done.

ithholding- 'ncludes refusing to communicate, refusing to listen, and using emotionally withdrawal as punishment. &his is commonly called the #silent treatment.$ 1ying- 't"s often difficult to %now when someone"s lying, !ut psychopaths are pathological liars who will say anything to get what they want. (ou may notice they lie so much they can"t %eep the details straight. 'f you 4uestion them, they revert to denial. 1ies of omission- A more su!tle form of lying where a truth is left out if it"s not convenient. 8aslighting- An especially frustrating manipulation tactic where you %now you heard him say something or saw him do something !ut when you confront him, he simply denies it. 't seems o!vious enough !ut if it"s repeated often, victims can !egin to 4uestion their #version$ of reality. e also want to !elieve whatever it was didn"t happen, so we may let this a!surdity slip !y. ' forget who said #words are more real than reality,$ !ut that sums it up. Pro.ecting the 3lame- ,othing is ever a psychopath"s fault, and he will always find

some crafty way to find a scapegoat. 6iversion and Evasion- hen you as% the psychopath a 4uestion, instead of answering it he may use diversion (steering the conversation to another topic) or evasion (giving an irrelevant, vague and often ram!ling response). )elective forgetting- &he manipulator pretends he forgot something important he once said. 'f you feel the need to use a tape recorder when spea%ing with someone, covert emotional manipulation is at play. 9efusing to ta%e responsi!ility for his !ehavior, for the relationship or for your reactions to it. Attempts to turn the ta!les and ma%e you loo% li%e the a!user- &hese s%illed manipulators have an arsenal of tactics at their disposal, and they will !e pushing as many !uttons as possi!le to get you to lose control. &hey can inflict so much psychological warfare and ma%e you suppress so much emotion that you can !e !ac%ed into an emotional corner. hen this happens, the intense frustration you feel,

!ut can"t express through normal communication, will cause you to react in self-defense. Emotional reactions in selfdefense to an a!usive situation do not ma%e you an a!user. 6iminishing and !elittling your opinions and ideas non-ver!ally !y using eye-rolls, scoffs, smug smiles, etc. &here are plenty of variations. +ypnotism and trance induction- &his is the most powerful manipulation tool a psychopath uses with his victim, and is related to charm. &he techni4ue of hypnosis comes naturally to the psychopath, and he mesmeri7es his victim to gain emotional control. +ypnosis and trance are the #attraction heat, attachment magnet and !onding glue,$ according to )andra 1. 3rown, 0.A., author of # omen ho 1ove Psychopaths.$ (:&his tactic applies only to psychopaths/ the rest on this list are also used !y all types of manipulators as well as psychopaths.) #Always remem!er, he %nows E;AC&1( which !uttons to push.$

+ere are some signs that you might !e dating a manipulator, even if you can"t identify specific techni4ues<. (ou always feel you"re falling short of your partner"s expectations. =. (ou often feel guilty in your relationship and are always loo%ing to repair the #damage$ related to the #trust issues$ or some other issue he says you have. >. (ou often don"t %now where you stand with your partner !ecause most of the time he %eeps you in a state of emotional angst and in fear of losing him. ?. (ou feel li%e you"re wal%ing on eggshells around him, carefully controlling your words and actions to %eep him from withdrawing his affection again. @. (ou feel confused in the relationship and have the feeling that it"s a very complicated one. (ou %eep !laming yourself for ma%ing your partner pull away from you. 0anipulators are very s%illed at never !eing

the one to !lame for any pro!lem in a relationship. A. (ou"re unhappy in your relationship most of the timeByet you desperately fear losing it. ' recommend the !oo%, # ho"s Pulling (our )tringsC +ow to 3rea% the Cycle of 0anipulation and 9egain Control of (our 1ife$ !y +.3. 3rai%er. &his !oo% #will help you end a current destructive relationship, understand how it occurredDand prevent you from ever getting involved in a manipulative relationship again.$ Also, read the !log post, #+ow to &ell if (ou"re 3eing 0anipulated.$ &here"s no need to %now any specific tactics !eing used/ you need only recogni7e the signs of the manipulation in your thoughts and !ehavior, and there will !e plenty. E =F<= D =F<> GPsychopaths and 1ove" All 9ights 9eserved