Interpersonal Theme Paper

Michael Newell Comm. 1010 Sec 14 Mcnewell28@gmail.com

Communication has always been an essential tool in the everyday lives of all humans. Life without communication of some type would be very difficult and tedious. However, even when some form of communication is present it is still a challenge to correctly and effectively communicate with others and get the message that you want them to get a crossed. There are principles of communication that reminds us of the purpose and different effects communication has. One of these is that communication is strategic, when all of us communicate we usually have a purpose in trying to communicate and we have something we want to get done. There is one method of this called instrumental communication; this is a very straight forward way of communication where the need or want is stated without beating around the bush. Relational communication also plays a role in how people take and interpret what you are saying and what kind of message you are trying to get a crossed without really saying it. This type of communication is how a phrase is said or a question is asked, it has to do with the tone of voice if someone sounds ornery, happy, sad, apologetic, friendly and so on. Another way that we strategically communicate is through identity management. This is the message that we project with our attitude, it is how you want others to think about you and the kind of person you are. This could range from being confident, trustworthy, loyal, helpful, or stern. While communicating you would want to put off this image and show that you really do have those qualities. All three of these types of communication tie together the strategy of communicating, we subconsciously use these strategies in order to achieve what we want and if we study these different strategies help us to be more effective in the workplace and in everyday life as well.

While I was serving as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we always tried to be very open and direct about what we wanted people to understand about the gospel and the message. We used the relation communication and always showed people that we were happy serving them and sharing the message we had. But most of all we wanted them to be able to identify us as trustworthy, loyal and friendly. This is one of the examples I have of how I have seen communication as being a strategy to achieve a goal. Often times lack of communication or simply bad communication skills lead to arguments or bad experiences which can cause hurt feelings. The effects and memories that these experiences cause are not often forgotten. This is because communication is irreversible and is recorded in each one of our brains, especially when it is something that was a negative experience. Its always important to remember this little fact when you feel like you want to say something negative or insulting to someone else. It takes time to completely understand what someone means when they say something to you in a certain tone or in a certain way. Communication is a process, after getting to know someone you can tell if they are being sarcastic or if they have done something similar in the past and how they reacted or meant it to be understood. We must also take into account the cultural differences and backgrounds, not everyone will talk or express themselves in the same way or tone. When I lived in Mexico, I had the opportunity to learn another language and see the difference in the cultures just by talking to them and seeing how they interacted with me and responded to what I said. While in Mexico I met a woman and we frequently went to her house and we formed a pretty good relationship with her and her family. She was from a Mexican state called Sinaloa, she tended to sound slightly irritated and upset when she spoke to us and she raised her voice a lot. So one day I asked her why she was always yelling at me and she told me that she wasnt yelling but that they talk like

that in her state. After that I had the opportunity to meet other people from the same state and they all tended to raise their voices and sound irritated as well. So I find it very interesting that the expressions and mannerisms of people change from culture to culture and we have to let our conversations turn into a process before we can be completely sure about the way someone is trying to communicate with us. The principles of communication that we have talked about will help anyone to be able to understand the people they talk to as well as be understood. If I personally applied all of these principles into my life and thought a little more about the strategy of communication and how I have communicated with certain people before I would understand better what they want me to know and they would be more likely to understand the things I would like to know or get done. It is true that great communication skills will get you far in your career, life and other endeavors. However, it is not all going to be easy all the time just because you have learned how to effectively communicate with others. There are some instances when disagreements arise even when both sides have effectively shared their thoughts and ideas. To me the most important thing to do in that situation would be to know how to agree on how to disagree and figure it out from there so that further problems dont result. Nonverbal communication also plays a key role in the development of a conversation. Often times words arent needed in order to express how you feel. Nonverbal communication happens every moment of every day, your dress, facial expressions and movements all show how you feel about something without you saying a word. Nonverbal behavior always has communicative value. The nonverbal signals that we give to others are usually more powerful than the things that we express verbally. Nonverbal communication is also ambiguous, which

means that the same nonverbal cues that people do could mean different things at different times and it can often be hard to tell exactly what they are trying to project with their nonverbal cues. Examples of this could be winking at someone after saying something funny or sarcastic in order to let them know that you are joking. But depending on how you have said it and the tone of your voice that could also be interpreted as flirting. The cues that are given nonverbally usually help us to know the attitude of someone and how they feel about what they are saying. Most nonverbal cues and habits are well known and used around the world. Such as normal expressions of sadness, frustration, anger, etc. However other nonverbal cues may vary from culture to culture. In the COMM 1010 Communicating at work book, it gives an example of the differences. It says One study revealed that the proper space between two speakers varied considerably from one culture to another: To Japanese, a comfortable space was 40 inches; for a U.S. resident, 35 inches; and to Venezuelans, 32 inches. (Adler-Elmhorst, pg.60). Applying the communications principles that we have already discussed in this paper to the nonverbal communication aspect would allow for better control of our nonverbal cues. I tend to show a lot of my emotion on my face and give away a lot of the things I would like to keep under control especially on a professional level. Being able to strategically pick what kind of verbal cues I want to give off would save me from a lot of uncomfortable situations and would allow me to be able pick out how someone is reacting to what Im saying to them or offering them on the job. I work in a Credit Union and often times I have to deal with angry, confused and upset people. It is really hard not to get angry or upset myself when people are yelling or blaming you for something that went wrong with their account. In these types of situation I would love to have better control of my nonverbal cues because I have had experiences where members can tell that Im frustrated with them and it doesnt help them to calm down at all.

Although communication is not a panacea, it does help to be able to have honed communication skills as well as nonverbal skills that allow you to handle everyday situations in a more professional and healthy way. It is something that I will definitely need to develop in order to be more successful in my life and career.

Works Cited
Comm 1010 Communicating at work, (Adler, Elmhorst, Lucas)