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The Hardest Sport of All I am a very stubborn person and not easily persuaded. Before I read this article I was

already in agreement with the point being made. After reading it, I agree even more. The article I chose is about whether or not dance is a sport. As a dancer, I take special interest in this topic. I have always argued that dance is a sport, but my only reasoning was because it is difficult and competitive, [This is a comma splice, Elizabeth, creating a run-on sentence. Why are you attempting to join these two separate, complete sentences?] Emilys blog post Persuasive text: Dance is a Sport successfully conveys the idea that dance is a sport. [This is a direct, open thesis.] Emily employs logic to explain to the average person why dance is a sport. She uses real examples that are very relatable . [<--Your spacing errors are an issue in this sentence. Don't forget to proofread for surface errors.] I am very impressed by her ability to make connections between dance and other sports. Her first example of logos is the definition of a sport. Based on the dictionary definition, dance fits the requirements to be considered a sport. She shows this by stating the definition and explaining how dance meets each of these requirements. [<--Because you are paraphrasing something you witnessed happening in the article, you need an in-text citation here.] The definition of a sport is an activity or skill that involves physical exertion and skill in which an individual or team competes against others. [<--This is a direct quote. You need a citation here.] This can convince a person who knows nothing about dance that it is a sport. Her next logical point is when she talks about the importance of having correct timing, position, and arms. [<--The use of "next" suggests to readers that you are developing a new Point here. This should be part of a new paragraph.] If one person is off count, they can kick or hit

Hasseld 2 ! another dancer causing a possible serious injury. Timing is everything in dance, especially because you have to be careful of those around you. [<--Do not use second person in an academic essay. We talked about this in class at length, too. I am not a dancer and have never danced competitively or in a performative manner with others, so this statement does not apply to me. What concrete noun would work better? Why not just use the word "dancer" instead of "you"?] Another example is when she compares dance with football to logically illustrate this point. If one football player goes to the wrong position for the specific play, the entire play could go wrong. Most Americans watch football so this argument is almost guaranteed to make sense to the average reader. [<--If this is a new type of argument she is making based on logos, you need a new paragraph.] Her example of why abdominal strength is needed is also a good point. If someone is going to support their entire body weight on the ball of one of their feet while they spin around, they need to have good balance. To achieve the amount of balance needed, a dancer must have incredible abdominal strength. The abdominal strength helps a dancer maintain correct form as they turn. If a dancer is going to propel their body into the air and do the splits while landing gracefully, abdominal strength is very necessary. The use of logos makes the argument appealing to people who arent dancers. [<--This point hasn't been fully explained. Why? How are these examples of facts appealing to readers? Just because these things may be true--or just because the author says they are true--doesn't make them appealing. What about them makes them appealing?] Emily shows her credibility in her argument through her use of personal experience and facts. An example of this is her dictionary definition of a sport. Later in the paper, she discusses the attire dancers wear. Most people know that dancers wear a leotard and tights, but only

Hasseld 3 ! dancers know the different types of leotards and tights. She also discusses the different materials leotards can be made of and explains why some are better than others, [<--A comma doesn't make sense here, but a colon would work really well!] spandex is a better choice, because it tends to last longer than cotton(Emily). This shows me that she has worn the different types of leotards and she knows what she is talking about first hand. For someone to know that spandex is the best material for a leotard they must know from personal experience. In football, everyone needs to have the same uniform on. The color of the jersey and the pants matters and is important, just like it is in dance. [<--I don't understand how this analogy that you are making fits into the point you are trying to make.] Towards the end, she uses several words and phrases to describe dance and dancers. [<--This is a new point, isn't it?] The words and analogies she uses also help to prove she is a dancer. Some of the words she uses in her article include balance, strength, determination, and the particular phrase burning like fire. To any other person, this may seem like a normal phrase to use. As a dancer, those words mean something to me on a deeper level. [<--What do they mean? Do not assume your reader instantly understands what the deeper meaning you garner from this phrase is, especially because you cannot assume your reader is a dancer.] Her ability to connect with me as a dancer shows me that she understands dance and is trustworthy . Through her use of ethos, the author has proven to me that she is writing from experience and she has researched her facts and can back all of them up using real examples that are relatable. [This paragraph has no Point. As a reader, how am I supposed to know what to expect of this paragraph or what to look for and pay attention to? How am I supposed to know why her description is important if you don't give me a heads up about it first?] Emily describes the

Hasseld 4 ! feeling of being backstage and about to perform, Your heart beats fast, knowing that you have worked endless hours to perfect your routine. I have performed and competed countless times, but each time is accompanied by a rush of excitement and nerves. When she describes this, she makes me think of how it feels before I perform and I can imagine how amazing of a feeling it is. Through her description, she also gives others the opportunity to know how it feels emotionally for a dancer before he or she performs or competes. This is the same way any athletes before they are about to compete. [<--This sentence doesn't make sense, Elizabeth.] Next, she explains the feeling of not having the proper attire. [This is getting at a new Point, isn't it? Shouldn't this be part of a new paragraph?] In most sports what you wear is a crucial element. When you dont have the right size of something or you have a rip in your tights it can ruin everything. This is explained in her paper as well. At one point, she equates stretching to reaching for the stars. This made my imagination run wild. As I was in dance class this semester, I thought of this vivid image and it helped me push myself just a little bit further than normal. [<--This sentence is a run-on. Where do you need a comma?] Every single sport is about improving and constantly learning more. Dance is among sports because you are always working hard and reaching for new goals. Being able to make your audience feel and imagine something is not easy to do, and I really respect that she was able to do this in her article. [<--Review your use of pronouns in these few sentences. Are your pronouns appropriate?] She also describes the feeling of having every part of your body ache. This reminds me of all the pain and injuries I have personally endured. Making me think of this helps me appreciate every day and dance a little bit more. [This is a paraphrase, an Illustration, not a Point. This paragraph needs a Point as do some of your earlier paragraphs. Otherwise, readers don't have a guiding idea or lens through

Hasseld 5 ! which to understand or comprehend her appeal or your analysis of it.] The last example of pathos in this paper is when she explains how taking a dance class can make you feel happier and healthier. All sports are said to make you feel happier and healthier, dance is just one example. [<--Review your use of pronouns.] This appeals to many peoples emotions because most people wants to be happy and healthy. By making people think of the happiness they could have if they took a dance class, the writer effectively uses pathos to make her argument more compelling. For the most part, I think that pathos mostly appeals to people who are fellow dancers because it makes dancers think about the passion and love behind the dance. Every effective persuasive essay includes the three elements of rhetoric to help persuade the reader using ethos, logos, and pathos. In order for a writer to persuade everyone in their audience, they need to appeal to them in different ways. The audience needs to know that they can trust the writer through their use of ethos. [<--One writer cannot be "they." Your pronoun use is confusing in this sentence.] Once they trust the writer, the writer can appeal to them in different ways. All facts, data, and logic are represented through the use of logos. The imaginative and emotional part of an argument uses pathos to get the audience to feel and understand what the writer s trying to say. [<--This sentence has typos.] All of these elements must be present to have an effectively persuasive essay such as this one. [This conclusion has nothing to do with your paper, really, Elizabeth. The conclusion has to be parallel with the introduction: remember when we talked about that in class? This conclusion is not parallel. It sounds more like it is wrapping up an essay that defines rhetoric rather than an essay that analyzes the rhetorical impact of a blog entry about dance as sport. How can you write a

Hasseld 6 ! conclusion paragraph that parallels your introduction and reminds readers of what your essay is really about?]

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