Fanfiction Based On The Characters From Stephenie Meyers Twilight Series

Rated MA for Mature Adult. Strong Language, Violence, Sexual Situations.

The Geheime Vernietiging

Summary: FBI Agent Edward Cullen returns to New
York to take down the Draconi crime family. But will
his return bring more than he bargained for? Or
something he never knew he always wanted? Secret
missions, secret love & family secrets abound... and
yet destroy.
~~~-~~~
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some love, and review!
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6287890/1/The_Geheime_Vernietiging
Author Blog:
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~Prologue~
The rain poured down over my face, the wetness so
heavy I felt like I was drowning. But I ran, my feet
splashing through the puddles of the dark Manhatten
alley. I couldn't think, I felt like I was hardly moving,
yet my lungs ached and my mind raced as I ran faster
and faster. Gasping and fighting the heaviness,
fighting the secret destruction transpiring in my
heart.
How could he do this?
What was he thinking?
This had to be a nightmare. I couldn't be living this.
My life couldn't be about this. Everything I ever did.
Everything I lived for.
For nothing.
Now I had nothing.
Nothing but her.
All I could think about, all I wanted was her.
I had to get to her.
But the only thing I could feel was the rain pouring
down on me. It wasn't cleansing; it was dark like soot,
like volcanic ash clogging my lungs and blackening the
atmosphere around me. I couldn't see, I couldn't
move. I could only think one thing.
How could he?
~~~-~~~

Chapter 1- Agent of Destruction
Chapter Song: Shinedown - .45
EPOV
"Edward, you can't catch me!"
"Yes, I can, yes, I can."
I took off after my brother, his blonde hair flopping
in his eyes as usual. I would surely catch him, even if
he was older than me. Eric was always slower and
distracted way too easily.
My five year old legs carried me as fast as they could
and I tackled him. He was seven. But his 16 months
on me didn't make a difference.
"I got you!" I pounced and we rolled through the
sand.
"You cheated!" He screeched through his laughter.
"How could I cheat just runnin' down the beach?" I
questioned as I collapsed next to him on the sand.
"I don't know, why can't I be as fast as you?"
"You're stronger." I offered.
"And smarter." He giggled.
"Hey!" I tossed some sand on him and he threw some
back.
"You think Mom has popsicles in the house?" He
asked then.
I drew a devious grin and started to get up before he
could see me.
"Hopefully grape onesI'll race you!" I jumped up
and took off.
"Cheater!" He yelled again and I could hear him
behind me trying to catch up.
"You can't catch me Eric!" I was laughing as I tore up
the beach to the house.
But then I didn't hear him behind me anymore. I
stopped, huffing and turned to find him.
"Eric?" I called as my eyes searched for him. I knew I
had great sight, but I still couldn't see him.
"Eric?"
Where was he? I looked across the sand and it
instantly turned. We were no longer on the beach
and my vision was blurred. Instead I was in a dark
parking lot, my eyes honing in on my next
assignment.
"Eric?" I called again.
Where was he?
He was gone
I woke up to the slight buzzing of a fan and a hot
breeze gusting across my face. But the breeze wasn't
cooling, it was hot and muggy and I instantly felt the
sweat running down my back.
My eyes felt swollen and sticky as I tried to open them.
It was the waning light of day and I was sure that, as
usual, I only actually slept a few hours, probably not
having gone to bed until in the afternoon. Even the
sleep I did get was filled of dreams of Eric. Our
childhood, our high school, our college just
memories.
Where the fuck was I anyway?
Oh right. Romania. In the heat of fucking summer and
sweltering to beat all hell. Not like I could sleep
anyway in this godforsaken place.
I rolled out of bed my knees and ankles cracking as I
pressed them to the floor.
Fuck, getting older sucks.
My thirty-two year old body just didn't bounce back
like it used to. I could feel the tightness in my muscles
from my mixed martial arts session with Felix
yesterday. Not to mention the ache in my head from
the fucking Tuica I drank last night. Once again I
indulged because even though I am deep undercover
there is nothing else to do here. Nothing but hone my
skills shooting and fighting and drinking and fucking.
Which only aids in my cover since I have to make good
with the Draconis, find their ties, find their
connections before I can take down the bosses of the
family.
And unfortunately prove my loyalty.
I knew when I joined the Agency I would have
assignments like this. With my special skills and
ability to learn languages quickly, I had been assigned
to Romania for just under two years. I was working up
a cover to get inside with the Romanian crime family
the Draconis. The family was run out of New York and
big into all things twentieth century black market. Sex
trade, guns, drugs, biological weapons, you name it
they ran it. But all of their ties were back in Romania.
It was here they shipped their guns, ran the girls and
hid their money. It was here I had to get in with the
right hand men who had Vladimir and Stefan's trust.
The Draconi brothers were the godfathers of the
organization and were some seriously twisted
motherfuckers. So it was here I had to prove myself by
being a loyal counterpart, by taking the assignments
they gave me without a word.
At least it wasn't the girls.
I also knew when I joined the FBI that these were the
kind of sick, nasty motherfuckers I wanted to take
down. The Draconis moved in when the Volturis and
the Ghattis and the Mancinis went down. Well not
entirely went down, but those who didn't get put away
or killed went dark. But the Draconis were worse. It
was no longer about illegal liquor or drugs or some
guns here and there. Now the big money was the slave
trade bio weapons and these sickos plucked girls from
all over downtrodden places in Eastern Europe and
sold them to the most horrific and disgusting of
people. They traded them like candy and tossed them
aside. It sickened me and yet to be undercover I had to
participate in the trade, as the enforcer so to speak.
Maybe that's why I don't sleep at night.
No, it's probably from all the people you've killed
It's just a cover. I had to tell myself that every day.
That all of the "assignments" I took were just as sick
and twisted as the fuckers who ran the organization
and I was simply ridding the world of their eminent
transgressions.
Soon enough I would gain access to Vladimir and
Stefan myself. I was close, I had already garnered
favor to with their right hand man, Corin. He was a
tightlipped steely SOB though, and I couldn't seem to
get past his shield. Felix was a bruiser, but the head of
security for the organization and he and I got along
and I even trained with him, hoping I could garner
greater insight into the workings of the organization.
I actually didn't mind Felix that much, until I always
had to conveniently leave when he took a liking to a
new girl. He liked them young, and I often had to keep
myself from hurling lest I lose my cover. I would
pretend I had to make good on an assignment from
Corin, just like I had the night before. Before the
Tuica.
No wonder you're fucking hungover, you always go
overboard after an assignment.
I switched on the light in the stifling apartment in
Bucharest. I only hoped that soon enough I would get
my nod and be able to get the fuck out of here. I was
only supposed to be here for a year. But setting up the
cover had proven much more difficult than expected.
The Draconis were highly organized, much more so
than we originally thought. I had to work my contacts
to even meet with a low-level man and then work my
charm and my skills to move up through the ranks. I
had been undercover before, but never longer than a
few months and I was starting to feel like the monster
I was portraying. Becoming a part of the black
underground that I wanted to destroy. It was tedious
and at the same time gut-wrenching and I felt like I
lost a piece of myself with every assignment, a piece
that wouldn't be returned even with a return to the
States.
Not like you have anything to go back to.
I looked around the seedy apartment and thought of
what a far cry this was from my childhood. I thought
of my dream earlier and Eric and I playing on the
beach in the Hamptons. My parent's house there was
one of those perfect Hamptons estates with a pool and
a sprawling lawn and a sun room ready for brunch. It
was like the epitome of yuppie America, straight out of
1980's Wall Street. Yet, my parents somehow stayed
grounded and kept the three of us level-headed as
well.
Imagine what they would think if they knew what I
did now.
Maybe it was because, even though they had the
Hamptons house and the townhome on the Upper
East Side, they were always just Carlisle and Esme. My
father never wanted the Dutch-American affluence
that came with his family name. Although he wore it
in his bright blonde hair and piercing blue eyes,
Carlisle Cullen was the farthest thing from a New York
elite you could ever meet. He was humble and quiet
and hard-working. A family man to the core and he
loved my mother like she was the only person to ever
walk the Earth, because to him, she was.
He met Esme in college at Penn. Of course he had to
attend Penn because he was a Cullen, or Van Cullen as
the family name used to be, and all the Van Cullens
went to Penn. Somewhere along the line the Van was
dropped, but it didn't matter. The Van Cullens were
one of the first Dutch settlers to settle in New
Amsterdam, what is today New York. They rose to
affluence during the eighteenth and nineteenth
centuries, first in shipping and then in banking. The
Van Cullens later lost the "Van" to become more
Americanized. But of course they still had the Estate
on the North Shore of Long Island next to the
Vanderbilt's, the Roosevelt's, the Whitney's and the
Morgans. It's where my snobby grandparents reside to
this day and still insist on keeping the Dutch bloodline
and perfection of their family.
Which was why when Carlisle met Esme at Penn in
1975, Sasha and Jan Cullen were none too happy with
their son's selection. Esme was from a poor Irish
family in Philadelphia who earned a scholarship to the
Ivy League school through her hard work and
perseverance. She was tough as nails and yet gentle as
a feather. My mother didn't grow up attending parties
and teas and lounging by a pool.
No, Esme Platt Cullen grew up scrubbing floors and
washing dishes and caring for her five younger
brothers and sisters while secretly reading until late
hours of the night to become as learned as possible.
She wanted an escape, an escape from her misery of a
drunken father and a long lost mother and a life that
held only despair in Philadelphia.
She earned her scholarship and graduated summa
cum laude with her Master's Degree in Architecture.
Taking care of her younger siblings, my mother said
she became "resourceful" and learned how to put
things together. She also had a catching eye for design
and used to admire the tall buildings of downtown
Philadelphia from the bus, as she rode to her myriad
of part-time jobs to help put food on the table.
But it was during her last year at Penn that she met my
father, a fourth year medical student finishing his
degree as well. My father always said he was in love
with her from first sight and he knew he was going to
marry her from the second she walked into his lab.
She had volunteered for a study to earn a little extra
cash on the side to help her through school. My father
was always more interested in the research side of
medicine and when she sat in his chair he was
instantly smitten.
Eventually they eloped, obviously against the wishes
of Sasha and Jan and beyond the auspices of my
mother's estranged father. They moved to New York,
and although my grandparents could threaten to take
away his trust fund, they simply couldn't touch it
based on how my great-grandfather set it up. He and
Esme bought a place in Greenwich and he worked for
a pharmaceutical company in their research
department. My mother was offered a job with a
prestigious design firm and they enjoyed the
newlywed life until my brother was born.
Eric Carlisle Cullen. My older brother and best friend
from the time I was born only sixteen months later.
Mijn Broer.**
I sighed as I looked in the mirror at my black hair and
black eyes. The bags protruding from the skin made
me look older than my thirty-two years. I thought of
how much different I looked, but I always looked
different. Eric had my father's blonde hair and
piercing blue eyes of Dutch heritage and so did my
little sister Alice. Although she always died hers black
simply to buck against it; her own personal rebellion
against Sasha and Jan.
I thought about my sister then. She was always so
animated and full of life. She was three years younger
than me and she married her high school sweetheart
when she was only twenty-two and right out of college.
She acted clairvoyant at times and swore she could see
the future. She just knew she and Jasper were meant
to be together.
My brother-in-law was laid-back and a good counter
to my sister's spunky personality. He attended NYU
with Alice and worked at the Met as one of the
educational directors. He was a history buff and more
knowledgeable about the Civil War than anyone I had
ever met. Ironically he fit in more with the Dutch-
American family than I did. With is sandy blonde hair
and blue eyes, he hailed from Texas but his parents
moved to New York when he was twelve.
But not me. I was Esme's son. With my strange bronze
hair and green eyes, a fleck of which I couldn't see in
the mirror at the moment, but I knew it was there.
I missed my family. I missed my parents and my
sister. I missed New York. I hadn't seen them in two
years. But I didn't know if I could see them. Because
seeing them would only remind me of what I missed
most.
Mostly I missed Eric.
I stepped in the shower, turning the leaky faucet to its
dull spray. I could barely get wet let alone get clean
from the ancient shower. I washed my long hair as
best I could and scratched at my beard. I knew the
cover was necessary. The black hair dye and the dark
brown, almost black, contacts and the beard made me
look more like them.
More like a Draconi. A Drac. Emil Mazzonn to them.
I thought about my parents some more and how they
worked so hard to separate themselves from the
Cullen name. My mother of course never took to the
high society Sasha and Jan expected of them. Rather,
she raised us to be self-sufficient, hard-working and
honest. I thanked her every day for it. I hated when I
had to attend events for the Cullen side of the family. I
was proud of my name and my heritage, I just hated
the bullshit that went along with being a New York
elite.
My parents were elite in their own right but they
hardly showed it. Eventually my mother left the design
firm and freelanced once she had the three of us. My
father became a VP and ultimately head of the entire
research department at Reycon Pharmaceuticals.
They were invited to the yuppy parties and attended
the Met. But I knew my Dad's favorite thing to do was
to take in a Yankees game with Eric and I or read a
research journal or the newest brand of fiction. My
mother enjoyed cooking and laying on the beach with
her sketch pad simply watching the waves and the
sunrises and sunsets.
We could have done anything from our prominent
background. Eric followed in my Dad's footsteps and
right out of college he worked for Reycon. Reycon
which was housed in the World Trade Center
buildings.
I couldn't think about that day, it still made my
stomach clench and my head ache. I had to force
myself to think of better things, of better times with
Eric.
I smiled to myself as I thought of college instead. I
considered Columbia and staying in New York or
another Ivy League school with my advanced skills
and ridiculous memory. But Eric chose Georgetown
and I of course had to follow suit. He was my brother
and my best friend and I wanted to be just like him. I
still remember my first visit to campus as an eighteen
year old. I thought he was a God
"Yo E, you ready to go out and hit up some bars?" He
wiggled his eyebrows at me and I looked at him
dumbfounded.
"Eric, how am I going to hit up bars, I am only
eighteenand you're only nineteen for that matter?"
I questioned him.
"Oh please little brother; it's the first lesson of
college. You gotta get yourself a fake man."
He handed me something and I looked at him in
disbelief.
"Eric, Mom and Dad would kill me if they knew I had
this!"
"Dude, you look older than me. E seriously, you need
to lighten up. Everybody does it, and just think, you
are a year ahead of everyone, you can use yours in
New York."
I shook my head. My brother was always the risk-
taker of the two of us. Eric liked to push the envelope
and be the center of attention. I was more reserved,
but tagged along nonetheless.
We made our way to the bars and of course my
brother had all the girls around him joking and
laughing. Eric was ever the ladies man. He loved it
when all eyes and ears were on him. I would stand
back and watch in amazement.
"E," he whispered to me at the bar. "You see that
chick over there, go talk to her."
I looked at the girl he was pointing to in my drunken
haze and all I could see her blonde hair pouring down
over her shoulder. She had long tan legs and only a
short denim skirt on.
"Eric, I can't talk to her she's way out of my league." I
argued with him.
"Seriously E. You need to fucking man up. She's been
giving you fuck me eyes all night. Go over there and
talk to her." He said sternly.
So I welled up the nerve to go say hi to her after a
shot from my brother. I walked over to her group of
friends fucking scared out of my mind.
I didn't know how to talk to girls at a bar, what the
fuck was he thinking?
"Heyso, can I buy you a drink?" I asked her
hesitantly. She looked at me with her dark blue eyes
and smiled coyly.
"Sure thing cutie; but I would like more than a
drink." She sipped her straw and I thought my
eighteen year old dick was going to jump out of my
pants. It can't be this easy right? No wonder Eric gets
any chick that he wants.
I cleared my throat and asked her what she wanted
and her name, Chelsea. Before I knew it, Chelsea and
I were making out in some corner booth. We were
getting hot and heavy when suddenly Eric appeared
with a girl on each arm saying something about
going home.
I didn't know what the hell was going on. I just knew
I fucking loved college and my brother was fucking
genius at the moment.
So we went back to his place with Chelsea and
Lauren and a third girl who I never caught her name.
Sure enough my brother managed to get me laid even
though I had only been with one girl before. Chelsea
was a hot experienced, college girl and my brother
just loved the fact that he was able to "corrupt" me.
But the next morning Chelsea was gone and I felt like I
did when I had to look at the young girls at the Dracs
club and pretend like I was interested. I was disgusted
with myself. Eric loved to chase the girls, but I was
always a bit more reserved. Yeah I had my fair share,
but I was more of a relationship guy, until
relationships didn't work anymore. Like with Claire.
I scrubbed my face and the sweat from my body. My
muscles instinctively tensed as I thought about her.
Claire. Who I thought I was in love with and was in
love with me. Who I thought would be there for me
through everything no matter what.
But after Eric was gone, no one could be there. No one
could understand. Mijn Broer was the one person who
got me. He may have been different from me, more of
a player or a jokester, but he was my best friend. He
was the one who I idolized and played basketball with
and played the guitar with. He was the one who loved
Led Zeppelin and shooting the shit until four in the
morning and playing pool in the basement at the
house in the Hamptons. He was the one who
understood that I liked my quiet and I liked to read
and play the piano, but pushed me to be more social
and hit the gym at the same time. He was the one who
knew I wanted to go to law school and make it on my
own just like Mom and Dad. He was the one who
would understand why I had to join the FBI, why I had
to contribute in any way I could.
Claire couldn't understand how I couldn't let him go,
and I couldn't understand how she could expect me to.
I washed off the last of the soap and stepped out of the
cold shower to dry off.
Probably the most comfortable I would be all day,
after a cold fucking shower. And I don't even have a
reason for a cold fucking shower. There was no Claire
in my life, no tantalizing women. Hell I hadn't even
been with a woman in a year. I couldn't look at any of
them the same over here after I got inside that club for
the first time. I just always wondered in the back of
my mind how old they were when they were sold into
the horrific system. Not to mention I couldn't have a
woman in my life if I wanted to. I couldn't have a
relationship like Alice and Jasper because I was
undercover.
I went back to the mirror to groom up my beard. I
trimmed up and turned again and caught the tattoo on
my bicep in the reflection and thought of Eric again.
Fucking A it's been nine years is this ever going to get
easier?
I slammed my fist against the wall and pressed my
hands on the sides of the sink, thinking again about
what brought me to this fuck hole of a place. My
commitment to Eric, my commitment to my country,
my vow to do whatever it took to clean up the fucking
Draconis and the other disgusting pigs of the world. It
was my mission; I would make it up to him no matter
what I had to do.
I threw on a black t-shirt and dark jeans and black
jacket. Because even though it's hot as fuck in
Bucharest, everyone wears black. I slicked back my
hair, putting on my aviators and a cap.
I checked to make sure my Glock and my badge were
hidden and locked up the dingy apartment. I was
carrying, but as part of the cover of a crime family I
had a much stronger and very illegal weapon.
I made my way down the street to a pay phone, one of
many I used to check in and stay untraceable. But as I
did every other day, I made the one phone call I knew
I wasn't supposed to make.
I dialed the numbers and waited for her response. I
knew it was completely against the rules and out of
code, but I had to do it. It was my only connection to
him.
"Hello?" Her sweet voice answered on the other end.
"It's E."
"Hi E. Let me go get him he's in the other room
playing x-box." She said.
I heard shuffling on the other end of the phone and
the sound of his voice.
"E!" He squaeled into the phone and all I could do was
smile.
"What's up squirt? How was baseball this morning?" I
asked.
"It was awesome! I pitched and I struck out seven
batters!" He sounded so excited. I could only imagine
what he was like after his game.
"That's great Eliot. Did you get any hits?"
"Yeah, a double, but I struck out once too." He said
dejectedly.
"A double! Way to go." I tried to sound as excited as I
could. "You're going to strike out sometimes too
squirt; it's just part of the game."
"I know E, I know." He sighed.
"So did you catch any bad guys today?" He switched
gears.
"Oh yeah, lots of them." I lied. "Are you still going to
catch bad guys when you get older?"
"Of course E, I want to be just like you!"
If he only knew.
I tried to laugh but I knew it was forced. "Ok Eliot, I
have to go, more bad guys to catch. Say hi to your
Mom for me okay?"
"Ok E, talk to you later!"
"Bye Eliot."
The phone clicked off and I looked at it for a moment.
The only connection I had to my real life and my old
world. I wish I was catching bad guys, I wish I was
really a cop in Miami like I told him. I wish I could
have the satisfaction of looking in his eyes and telling
him I put away criminals on a daily basis.
But I couldn't. And he didn't want to be like me. He
didn't want to have no one. He didn't want to be
consumed by this need to avenge his brother. He
didn't want to be a killer. He didn't need to know how
I felt and what I saw on a daily basis. He didn't want to
consort with the type of people I did.
And I didn't want him to. No. I would never let Eliot
become like me.
I readjusted my shades and looked around behind the
lenses, careful to make sure no one noticed my stop. I
stepped away from the phone and made my way to the
back alley and the doorway that led to Poarta Ardeal.
From the front it looked normal. An Eastern
European club where the college students would come
and drop thousands of dollars from their rich Daddy's
bank accounts while on break in Europe.
But it was in the back that held the secrets, the
connections I needed to bring down the Draconis. It
was the back I only had access to after the last few
months. It was in the back that the unassuming
college girl who was separated from her friends was
forever lost or a the poor girl from the streets whose
parents would never see her again.
I gave one of the guards the password and made my
way through the dark muggy hallway. It was hot as
fuck in here too and I knew the club was only getting
started. It couldn't be much past 10:00 at night and
this place was known to be crazy until 5 or 6 in the
morning.
I made my way to the end of the hallway and climbed
the stairs, the music thumping and sending
reverberations through the metal. I gave another
knock at the top of the stairs and was asked for the
second password. This one was easy, it was simply my
name.
"Agent de distrugere." I replied as he peered through
the slit in the door.
Vasilii opened the door and I stepped inside to see the
couches and the red light. The two way mirror ran
along the far wall and overlooked the club. I could see
the lights flashing and the music was beating louder as
my eyes swept the room. My 20/8 vision, an extreme
rarity among humans is one of the best recorded ever,
allowed me to see things most people couldn't see. It
made me perfect for my job along with my speed and
quick reflexes.
Unfortunately, it also made me see things I sometimes
didn't want to see. Like the girls in the corner or the
lines on the dark tables or the holsters strapped to
most of the thugs in this club. But I knew it made me
lethal and even better at my job.
"Emil. Brother, what are you doing here so early?"
Felix asked in his thick Romanian accent as he
slapped my shoulder and I winced in pain.
"Fuck, Felix go easy on a brother, you kicked my ass
yesterday." I smirked at him. He flexed his muscles
and gave me a toothy grin.
"You getting bigger like me though E. Much better my
friend."
I nodded in agreement and he handed me a glass of
Tuica. I had to admit the only benefit of Romania was
that I was in the best shape of my life. I only had two
priorities, meeting the family and my assignments.
With no paperwork and no friends I had little else to
do with my time but hit the dirty gym down the street
and throw around some weight with Felix or practice
my martial arts. What Felix would never know was
that I was trained at Quantico and due to my
ridiculous memory was even more lethal than I ever
showed him in a sparring match.
I gave him a grim look as I sipped the Tuica and he
chuckled.
"Emil, you just need to get laid my friend. Come along,
we have some good ones tonight." His eyes lit up as he
led me to the corner of the room. I could see two of
them. They couldn't have been more than fourteen
and they looked terrified. I was sure Felix would break
them both in and then they would be sold off to
whatever high fucking bidder came into the club that
night.
"Emil. These are Nikola and Renata." I nodded at the
girls who were petrified and obviously uncomfortable.
Bile rose in my throat and I once again knew I needed
to make my exit. I had somehow avoided it, in the two
years I was there. I never had to break one in, because
that wasn't my role, thank God. I had much more
important tasks to fill.
"Yes, they are quite beautiful Felix. You're a lucky
Labagiule*." I punched his arm and took the shot of
Tuica from the rest of my glass. It burned as it went
down and I could feel the bile from my hangover now
rising as well.
"Ah, indeed Emil. How come you never take part?
Don't you like the girls?" He rubbed his beard and
looked at me intently.
I shrugged and gave him my best smirk. "I tend to like
more experienced ones myself." Hoping that would
cover it.
He roared with laughter then and I made my exit. I
made the excuse to see if Corin had an assignment for
me.
I left the room through the secret doorway on the
opposite side. Something I had only gained access to a
month earlier, after I proved to Corin that I could
follow through on over twenty assignments.
My feet shuffled through the blackness and found the
door for Corin's lair. The fucker never slept, never
seemed to leave. I knew a large portion of the
operations in Romania were run out of this office. I
had seen more than one foreign dealer walk through
these doors.
I gave the knock and he called for me from the other
side and I entered.
"Emil. I have an assignment for you." He said in
Romanian and I cringed internally as I thought about
my night ahead.
He gave me the paper and I looked it over briefly;
quickly storing the information with my photographic
memory. He knew I didn't need to look twice, I
remembered all the information perfectly and I never
got an assignment wrong.
Then he burned it, so there would be no trace of the
encounter. I knew this was why he used me. I wasn't a
tracker like Demitri, but I was just as lethal because I
could make information disappear. I could make
people disappear. And with my 20/8 vision and
impeccable precision I would disappear into the night
with no trace of my presence left at a scene. Not even
Quantico could teach me that. It was natural. I was
born to do this job. I just tried to remember, made
myself remember that the only reason I did it was for
Eric.
I nodded at Corin, knowing the business was complete
and left again through the shadows and the red lights
and the hallways. I exited again through the alley and
lit a cigarette to keep my cover. I hated smoking,
fucking despised it, but like everything else in
Romania I had to pretend to do it for the appearances.
I knew this assignment. I had seen him in the club. He
was a low-level drug pusher with a penchant for the
young girls as well. But apparently he hadn't been
paying on his girls and Corin thought he might be
flipping to local authorities.
A liability. Take him out.
This time when I exited the alley I didn't return to my
dingy apartment, I went the opposite direction to
where my stash was held. It was the back of a
Laundromat with a digital lock and cash under the
table. The owner had extra space and allowed me to
rent it. For all he knew, I was just new to Bucharest
and my place was too small for my "trunk" and spare
furniture.
What he didn't know was that it housed my
assortment of weaponry, my silencer, my secret
phone, my passports and a number of other helpful
devices that could get me out of a jam. I punched in
my key code and opened the door, clicking the lock
behind me. I rigged up my silencer and took off the
glasses. I pulled on the mask and the vest that I used
on assignment and quietly left.
I walked down the alley from the back of the
Laundromat, always careful to weave and turn to
make sure no one was following me as I made my way
to the bar where I knew the subject frequented. One of
Corin's men was to call him thirty minutes after I left
to get him to leave the bar.
So I waited like a specter in the dark casts of the alley.
I pulled out my weapon and looked through the
eyehole as I observed from the dark shadows. The
heat was still smothering and I could feel it running
down my face as I stood there covered in black,
undetectable to even someone with my vision. Finally
the door opened and he stumbled outside. I could
hear him arguing on the phone and I aimed at his
head through the blackness of the night.
I pulled the trigger.
With nothing but a whisper and an "oomph" he fell.
I disappeared back into the shadows unnoticed.
Before I could see the blood on the ground or the
twitching of his body. Even if he was a criminal he was
still a human.
I tried not to think about it. I tried to put his face out
of my mind, and the sound of his fall to the ground out
of my ears. But like all the others, he was stuck in my
memory that was both my gift and my curse.
I made my way back to the stash room and quickly
deposited my gear. I again exited taking twists and
turns, sure that no one was following before stopping
at a pay phone to dial in the completion.
This time Vasilii's voice came over the line and I was
surprised with his request.
"He wants me to come back in?" I asked in Romanian.
"Da." And the click at the end of the line gave me no
choice. I didn't want to return to the club, I didn't
want a second assignment or to see Felix or the girls
or the drugs. But I made my way back and through the
same path as I had night after night.
I gave the knock again on Corin's door and he
beckoned me in.
"Emil. You have proven yourself loyal. You are wanted
in New York."
I nodded, uncertain how to proceed with my apparent
promotion.
"When?" I asked.
"A week."
"Da."
He nodded and I left through the blackness yet again.
As I walked back to the apartment relief and
adrenaline rushed through my veins in an unexpected
combination. I didn't have to drown in Tuica tonight.
Finally. I was going to get out of this shithole.
Finally. I would have my chance to take down the
Dracs and make Eric proud.
Finally.
I was going home.
--
I awoke the next morning more refreshed than I had
in two years. It was still stifling in the apartment, but I
was finally returning to the States and that alone
made it tolerable. I didn't dare return to my stash last
night, so I knew I would have to wait until tonight to
venture in and get my weaponry for the return.
I had a fake passport and a fake credit card linked to
an offshore account and untraceable by the Dracs.
They didn't know who I was exactly, they just knew I
was for hire and I was good at what I did. I had
garnered favor to make the trip to New York and they
knew I was American and would easily fit. I knew this
was my shot at Vladimir and Stefan and the best
chance our RICO team would have for getting inside
the organization.
Once nightfall came I made my way again to the
Laundromat with only a duffle and my necessary
ware. I slipped out with only the case of my weapons,
money and passports. The rest were just props and I
would leave it for the next renter to find.
I found a secluded spot at the airport to make my call.
They knew when I called in from this phone that it
could only mean one thing. I would toss the phone as
soon as it was over and board the plane to take me out
of Romania.
The RICO contact picked up the line and spoke.
"Agent Cullen."
"Yes."
"You're coming home?"
"Yes."
~*~
Translations:
Mijn Broer- My brother in Dutch
Agent de distrugere- Agent of Destruction in
Romanian
Poarta Ardeal- Transylvania Gate in Romanian
Labagiule- Motherfucker in Romanian
~~~-~~~


Chapter 2- Floating
Chapter Song: Kings Of Leon Sex On Fire
BPOV
"This is the Greek and Roman exhibit and as you can
see, there are several very famous sculptures. You
might recognize this one as Aphrodite." I pointed to
my left and continued on. "And this is Apollo to my
right. And if you ever need a map of the exhibits they
are located in several holders throughout the
museum."
I heard snickering in the back and I knew exactly who
it was. We had a few immature ones this year, but I
would nip that in the bud soon enough.
"Mike? Tyler? Is there a problem?" I quirked my
eyebrow at them and without saying as much, gave
them my 'I might be small, but I am a cop's daughter
from Brooklyn so watch yourself' look.
"No Ms. Swan." Mike said with quick draw of his
breath. I could see him glancing out of the corner of
his eye at the half-naked Aphrodite. Boys.
"That's what I thought." I replied and continued on
through the exhibit.
I continued the tour of the main level and I thought
back to nine years ago. I remembered being in that
position when I was only nineteen years old. But I was
in awe of this place, a place that my father would take
me once a month to see the newest exhibit. I loved the
Met. But growing up a cop's kid from Brooklyn it
wasn't like going to the Metropolitan Museum of Art
was number one on my family's "things to do" list.
Especially Charlie's.
Or Brad's.
No, Charlie would rather sit at MacNamara's on the
corner and drink a Guinness on a Saturday afternoon
watching the Yankees play. The good cop, well actually
Captain, is quiet and hard-working. He loves his
Yankees and his Guinness and he and Brad were like
generational versions of each other. They had the
same dark brown hair and dark brown eyes as me,
and didn't get too flustered over anything.
I guess the three of us were very similar in a lot of
ways. I can hold my own, my Dad taught both Brad
and I to stand up for ourselves, which was important
growing up in Brooklyn. But I have never been one to
draw attention to myself; I would rather help others,
my friends and my family and those in need. I like the
simple things in life: walking in Central Park, taking
in a Yankees game, having a beer with Charlie or
spending a Saturday morning with the kids at the rec
center. I guess it runs in the family.
Yep, Charlie Swan is a simple man. Apparently too
simple for my flighty mother Renee, since she left us
when I was only four and Brad was nine. She never
would have been the one to take me to the museum all
those years. She was too busy chasing after the next
best thing. Just like she did when she took off with a
baseball player for the Mets.
All the more reason for Charlie to hate the Mets.
But once a month, my Dad would take his little girl
with her wide eyes and big dreams on the subway to
Manhatten. Brad would go to the Black's and play with
our friend Jacob. But Dad would quietly walk with me
through the exhibits and the halls of the esteemed
museum. I was in awe of the sculptures and the
paintings and the replicas of days gone by. I wanted
nothing more than to be an artist, to be able to express
in pictures or in clay how I saw the world through my
eyes.
But I couldn't draw, or paint, or sculpt worth a damn.
So instead, I decided if I could never have a work of
art at the harrowed halls, I would at least work there.
Writing had always proved more my forte. But being a
cop's kid from Brooklyn, I was practical and I knew I
had about as much of a chance to make it as a writer
as I did as an artist. So I compromised. I busted my
ass to get a scholarship to NYU then I majored in
Communications and Art History. When I was
nineteen I applied for an internship position at the
Met and, miraculously, I got it.
I never looked back.
I interned there every summer and even worked part
time at a small gallery in SoHo during the school year.
I wanted to work at the Met so badly I would do
anything. After I finished my degree I applied for a
position in the communications department and got
my chance. I was beyond thrilled. It didn't pay a lot for
New York at the time, but I didn't care, it was my
dream job right out of college.
I quickly rose up through the ranks of the department
and took on extra projects whenever I had the chance.
A year ago, I was promoted to be the head of the
Intern program. I was ecstatic. I loved helping the
college students and high school students expand
their horizons just as I was able to. It also provided me
with the comfortable salary to be able to buy my first
apartment.
I pulled myself from my thoughts and finished up the
tour. I released the interns for their lunch break and
made my way back to my office admiring the latest
Italian exhibit we had on display.
I decided to swing down to the research department to
see if Jasper wanted to join me in the park. It was a
beautiful early June day, not too hot yet as it can get in
New York. I wanted to be outside and enjoy the
sunlight and a breeze for a while.
Jasper was one of my first friends at the Met. He
began interning in the research department when I
began in communications. He has boyish good looks
and this drooling Southern drawl which made all the
other interns go ga ga over him. But he was a bit shy
and I was a bit overwhelmed with the high-class of the
Met and we helped each other out those first few
years. Even though he was quite attractive, Jasper was
never more than a friend. He and I just understood
each other, we had similar goals and ideals and he was
able to roll with my dry wit with his laid-back
personality. I considered him like a brother, especially
after Brad died. And he acted like my brother,
stepping into that overprotective role.
It didn't matter anyway; he was head over heels for his
wife Alice from the time they were in high school.
Alice was anything but shy, and also a very close
friend. She was fun and excitable and had a love of
fashion that couldn't be matched by Ralph Lauren,
Calvin Klein and Diane Von Furstenburg combined.
She works for a fashion magazine as one of the design
editors. She loved to attend the fashion week
festivities and usually drug me along with her. But
after a while I didn't mind it, it was fun to get new
clothes and Alice taught me things my Mom could
never teach me. She would bring me treats once in a
while of things she received for free through work and
thought would just look "marvelous" on me.
I was never one for fashion until I met Alice, but after
I started working at the Met I knew I needed to be up
on the latest trends and look professional. Even if I
would rather be sporting my Yankees tee and some
jeans as I often did on the weekends.
Alice and Jasper both grew up much differently than I
did. I was from an All-American family in Brooklyn,
my father the police officer and my mother an
assistant at a sports agency in Manhatten.
Unfortunately, the same agency that represented my
stepfather Phil.
But Alice and Jasper were both children of New York
elites. Jasper's parents are executives for an oil
company. Alice's father is a department head at
Reycon Pharmaceuticals and is a descendant of one of
the founders of New York, a wealthy Dutch-American
family.
Although I only met Alice's father Carlisle a handful of
times at events at the Met, he was nothing like the rest
of the elites who often attended. He was soft-spoken
and incredibly kind, not at all snobbish or
condescending. Her mother Esme was much the same,
and a bit more outgoing, reflecting her Irish roots
from Philadelphia. I knew there was some type of
schism between her father's parents and Esme, but I
couldn't imagine anyone not liking her. Even though
they had more money than I could ever dream of, they
never acted like it. I think that's why I got along so
well with both Alice and Jasper.
However, like me, Alice also lost her brother Eric on
9/11. Although I had only hung out with Jasper at
work and never really ran with their group of friends
at NYU, she and I became much closer after that
fateful day. We began attending the same survivor's
counseling group and volunteering at benefits for
families. I knew it gave us both closure and the ability
to deal with our grief. I would always miss my brother,
even him teasing me or giving me noogies or telling on
each other to our Dad.
I felt bad for her though. I think she felt like she lost
both her brothers that day. Her other older brother
Edward was very close with Eric and she said he was
never the same after Eric died. I never met him. I
knew he was in the FBI now and worked all over the
country and overseas, but he was apparently so
different from the brother she grew up with that she
hardly recognized him. I knew she hadn't seen him in
a few years and she didn't like to talk about him. The
only time Alice ever acted quiet was when someone
mentioned her brothers.
I knocked on Jasper's door just then to see him look
up from the thick, dusty book he had his nose in.
"Jazz, how about the park for lunch? We can walk
down to Gray's and get hot dogs and then take a
stroll." I offered.
It was Friday; I could afford a Gray's or two since I
had been "good" all week, a.k.a., brought my own
lunch. I never really thought about what I ate. And
then I hit twenty-five and realized my metabolism was
slowing and I couldn't eat takeout Chinese or hot dogs
from a stand every day. I began running through the
park in the mornings and playing racquetball with
Alice or Kate every Tuesday and Thursday. But by
Friday, I liked to treat myself and what a better way
than with a couple of Gray's Papaya hot dogs.
And tonight a few Kettle One martinis with my girls.
"Sure, let me just mark my page." Jasper took off his
glasses and I couldn't help but laugh at him. He had on
a long-sleeved checked shirt and sweater vest in the
summer time.
"What?" He asked quizzically.
"Nothing Jazz, you just look like a college professor or
something." I couldn't help but keep laughing at him
as he shrugged. "I'm surprised Alice let you out of the
house in that." I teased.
"She left early for work this morning so she couldn't
set out my clothes."
I barked out another laugh and shook my head. "Are
you kidding Jasper, you're thirty years old and you
have to have your wife pick out your clothes?" I
mocked him.
"Hey, twenty-nine, and don't be dissing on the sweater
vest." He ran his hands down the front like it was a
prized possession.
"Whatever Jazz, c'mon, let's get lunch." I nodded my
head out the door and Jasper followed me out the
back of the building. We took our shortcut to Gray's
and stood in line around the corner. Jazz and I
chatted about the newest exhibit he was doing
research for and I told him about a few of the interns.
"I swear, they get bolder every year! We never would
have acted like that!" I exclaimed as I mentioned a few
of their comments.
I was telling him about Mike and Tyler and how they
couldn't seem to handle the nude sculptures and
pictures.
"I doubt it was only the sculptures and pictures they
couldn't handle." He said just then warily.
"What are you talking about?" I was puzzled.
He rolled his eyes at me. "Seriously Bella?"
I shook my head.
He sighed. "When are you going to realize that you are
a beautiful woman, and nineteen year old boys will
have a hard enough time focusing on the artwork, let
alone with you walking around in front of them."
"You're full of shit Jazz." I rolled my own eyes in
response.
"Am I." He quirked an eyebrow at me. "How about
that businessman over there that can't take his eyes
off you, or the guy in the sunglasses, I bet he's not
really reading the newspaper right now." He motioned
lightly.
Always acting like the older brother.
"Jazz. How would you know?" I hit his
shoulder and then crossed my arms over my
dress. I looked down at my pumps and the
dark blue Marc Jacobs dress that Alice
swiped for me from her work.
"Because Bell, I have to look out for you,
you're too nice and nave for your own good."
"Whatever Jazz, I will have you know that I
can hold my own." I harrumphed at him.
"Oh really. One self-defense class is going to do that
huh?" He shook his head and sighed. I knew where he
was going next, it was the same discussion Jazz and I
went round and round about every time the two of us
got together lately. He didn't like my boyfriend and
didn't trust him.
Before he could even say it, I stopped him. "Don't even
start in on James, Jazz, you hardly know him."
"And you do?" He asked matching my pose.
We turned the corner getting closer to the front door
and I pulled up my sunglasses to give him the evil eye.
"Well I definitely know him better than you,
considering the one time you joined us for happy hour
all you did was scowl at him the whole time." I chided
him.
"Bell, I don't know, I just I think you could do
better." He sighed.
Yes, definitely always acting like my older brother.
I couldn't do anything but shrug at him then and sigh.
Jazz never liked the guys I dated and neither did Brad.
Between Charlie and Brad I had to practically go
underground to get a date in high school. Hell, they
would have died if they knew my first boyfriend and
first time was with Josh Umbry. Then when Brad died,
Jazz took over that role. Charlie was never the same
so he didn't even seem to notice. I think Jazz felt like
he had to step in and care for me or something.
But I wasn't stupid. I'm twenty-eight, almost twenty-
nine years old for Christ's sake! It's not like I dressed
like a hussy or stood on a street corner. Damn
overprotective men.
I decided to change the subject. "So what do you have
planned for your anniversary? You better do
something special for Alice." I raised my eyebrows at
him, not wanting to talk anymore about my boyfriend
James.
But as he started to tell me about his plans for his
anniversary, I couldn't help but think about his
insistence that he didn't like James.
James Raven and I met a few months ago at a bar in
Greenwich. James is an attorney downtown for a
boutique business firm. He has striking blue eyes and
blonde hair. He's charismatic and confident, and I
guess he has a bit of an attitude, but I always felt it was
simply due to his stressful job. I couldn't understand
why Jasper hated him so much. We weren't that
serious, or even exclusive, and I hadn't even seen him
since last week because he was out of town on
business.
I knew Jasper was just concerned about me. He and
Alice wanted me to have what they had. I dated, but I
just hadn't found that spark or that feeling that makes
your stomach flip-flop. I didn't know if James was it. I
mean, how do you really know?
I realized I hadn't been listening very intently to
Jasper when I was the one that asked him about Alice
and their anniversary and I pulled myself from my
thoughts. I just nodded and smiled as we made our
way to the counter to order and he told me about his
plans.
I got my usual, two dog's with ketchup, mustard and
kraut and paid the cashier. Jazz and I stepped back
outside and when I bit into my first one ketchup ran
down the front of my dress.
"Crap! I need to go get some more napkins. Can you
hold this Jazz." He nodded with his mouthful and
grabbed my paper trays as I walked back inside.
I grabbed a handful of napkins and right as I turned to
leave and was met with what felt like a brick wall.
"Humpf!" I stumbled and strong hands grabbed me to
keep me from toppling to the floor.
I looked up, stunned from the impact, to see the most
piercing green eyes I had ever seen. I couldn't quite
grasp the intensity of their gaze. They were as green
asI couldn't put a name on it. I wasn't sure, a
shamrock? An emerald? The grass in Central park?
Wow, very eloquent Bella. A shamrock?
But, I couldn't pull myself from them. I was
speechless. It finally dawned on me that I hadn't said
anything and I immediately stammered out an
apology.
"I'm sorry; I should really watch where I am going." I
stated shaking my head. "I was just in a hurry because
I spilled on my dress."
I looked at him more closely then and realized he was
the man with the aviators and the newspaper that
Jasper pointed out earlier. The sunglasses were now
hooked in his shirt and he had on a Yankees hat
covering what appeared to be dark brown, almost
black hair. He had a rugged jaw and a strong nose and
his lips were full and turned into a crooked grin. His
face was scruffy, like he hadn't shaved in a week. I had
the sudden urge to trace my fingers over his jaw and
let the scruff tickle my
Trace your fingers over his jaw. What the hell Bella?
I realized I was staring again and he hadn't spoken
and I followed his gaze down this time. The ketchup
was now set in my dress, right over my left breast.
Shit.
He coughed and shook his head and I realized he still
had one hand on my arm. "It's not a problem. I just
wanted to make sure you didn't fall." He said in a
voice that sent sparks shooting up my spine like they
were shot out of a cannon. It was low and smooth like
the purr of an engine.
What in the...?
His eyes glanced from me, back to my dress and back
up again and I then noticed the heat oozing from his
hand through my body, causing a sizzling sensation to
skip across my skin and make me so hot that I had the
opposite desire to shiver.
Then he stepped back and released me and the sizzling
was gone. But I instantly felt a strange loss at the lack
of connection.
I shook my head again and snapped back to his green
shamrocks and finally sputtered out a thank you.
"Well, thank you, for saving me or whatever." I tried
to smile but I was in awe of the greenness of his eyes
and the strength of his jaw. And now that he was a few
feet from me I could see his ripped muscles under the
tight black tee and a tattoo peeking out on his bicep.
Dear God. I bit my lip.
Did I just groan? I really hope not.
I nodded and he simply nodded back, his eyes locked
on mine and I stumbled as I walked back outside.
The entire encounter couldn't have taken more than
thirty seconds but it felt like a lifetime. I was in a
trance and my heart was galloping at the speed of a
thousand horses. I tried to catch my breath and put
one foot in front of the other and figure out what the
hell just happened.
Suddenly I heard laughing and looked up; Jasper was
shaking his head at me.
"What?" I asked him.
"Leave it to you to spill all over yourself." He joked.
I shrugged, still entranced and began to try cleaning
the ketchup off my dress while thinking about the
green-eyed Apollo and his intent gaze on where my
hands were now rubbing.
I wouldn't mind those hands elsewhere.
Holy hell! I never have a reaction like this to a man,
what the hell is wrong with me? And Apollo? Where
did that come from?
I shook my head again and Jasper was looking at me
curiously and I just shrugged. It was then I realized
that I spilled ketchup on my dress in front of literally
the hottest guy I have ever seen.
I sighed.
"What's wrong Bella?" Jasper finally asked me.
"Nothinglet's go to the park." I grabbed my hot dogs
and gingerly finished eating them, careful not to spill
any more on my dress.
Well this is going to have to go to the drycleaners.
We walked to the park and took a seat on a bench.
Jasper put his hands behind his head and laid back
and I simply crossed my legs as we looked out over the
open field. There were kids playing Frisbee and
couples on blankets and everyone seemed to be
enjoying the summer day as much as us. But I couldn't
help but think again about the man at Gray's and the
strange reaction my body had to him. It was like I was
on fire for a moment; I had never felt like that in my
life.
It was so much different than my reaction towell any
man for that matter. Strangely it made me want to
know what it was Jasper didn't like about James.
Maybe I was missing something. I knew I was missing
something in our relationship, we were just floating
along, like I often did with guys. But I wasn't looking
to settle down, I love my life, I loved my friends and
my job. So what if James wasn't the one, I could still
have some fun right?
"Jazz, what is it you don't like about him?"
"About who?"
"James."
He sighed and he rubbed his hands down his face. "I
don't know Bella, he's justhe looks at you like you're
a possession or something. And I know you; you're
way too smart and beautiful, not to mention strong-
willed and pig-headed, to be a trophy wife."
I slapped his arm. "Hey, I'm not pig-headed."
He just raised his eyebrows at me.
"Ok, maybe I'm a little pig-headed, but that doesn't
make him a bad person."
Jasper contemplated something for a moment before
he leaned forward and clasped his hands. "Well, I
don't know how to explain it, but you know how you
get that sixth sense when you just don't trust
someone." I nodded. "I get that from him." He
shrugged then. "I can't explain it. That's just how I
feel."
"Well maybe you need to actually meet him, talk with
him Jazz." I said sternly. How could he hate him if he
had only said two words to the guy?
"Ok when? Set the time and place."
I thought for a moment. Alice and Kate and I were
going to the new Press Lounge at Ink48 for drinks
tonight.
"Tonight. Drinks at Press Lounge. You can join Alice
and Kate and I and I will invite James." I nodded
firmly.
"Fine." Jasper grumbled. "But just so you know, you'll
listen to me someday."
I shrugged. I was a big girl, I could take care of myself.
--
After lunch I made my way back to my office to get the
interns set with their first assignments. Once I handed
them off to their respective departments I was only in
charge of the ones in Communications. But I would
still be responsible for any complaints or transfers
that may arise.
We had a big fundraising event coming up in July and
I decided to give this fresh set of interns their first
assignment writing bios on some of our new exhibits.
I would of course edit and critique them, but it was a
good chance for them to display their skills.
After I had them set, I decided to go walk through the
Greek and Roman exhibit again. Even though we had
multiple different types of artwork and sculptures and
painting, I was always drawn to the Greek and Roman
hall. I loved the openness and the light that shone
down on the magnificent stones. I marveled at the
detail and the impeccable craftsmanship of the Gods
of days gone by.
I made my way down to look at Apollo again, unable to
forget how it felt when the real life Apollo I met over
lunch had his hand on my arm. I had never felt a
sensation like that in my life. I was staring at the detail
etched in the stone, the perfect lines of his abs and the
epic v of his hips. It was exquisite, the perfect
specimen of man. Muscular, strong, commanding, and
ethereal in its vision.
Suddenly, I felt a strange humming sensation tickle
my neck and I reached back and ran my hand along it
and shivered.
"It's really remarkable isn't it?"
I froze. It was like a whisper of a ghost, floating
without a body. But I knew there was a body to it. I
could feel the current flowing off it in waves.
I couldn't turn, I couldn't look at him. It was as if I had
heard that voice a million times, even though I had
only heard it once a few hours ago.
I kept staring at the statue and willed my breathing to
steady, but like my reaction before I could instantly
feel my heartbeat quicken and the skip in my breath.
I cleared my throat. "Remarkable is the perfect word
for it." I said in a hushed tone and still without looking
at him.
"Hmmm." I could hear him pondering. "I would
venture to say there are more beautiful things in this
room however." He said, I was sure undetectable to
anyone but me. His voice was low and gravelly, and I
couldn't fight the quiver that crept up my spine.
Was he talking about me? No way.
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Finally, I
turned and was met with the emblazoned green, all
the more dazzling from the late afternoon sunlight
that shone through the hall. Like glistening jade
peeking out of the shores of a lake.
Jade. That's what they are. Most definitely jade. Jade
against black and cream and worn by a man nothing
short of the Apollo in front of me.
His jade eyes were warm and inviting with a hint of
something else. A sadness almost? I couldn't place it.
"So if it's not the Apollothe Aphrodite perhaps?" I
questioned, curious about this godly stranger.
He smirked then and lifted his hand to his head, but
stopped, seemingly realizing he still had the Yankees
hat on his head when it looked like he wanted to run
his fingers through his hair.
I'll run my fingers through your hair.
"An equivalent let's say." He eyed me carefully again
and then he stepped back. I could almost feel the
atmosphere around me change. The intensity that
surrounded us ebbed away a bit. The humming
sensation dissipated from my skin.
"I'm sorry to disturb you," he continued, "but I saw
you walk away from Gray's with a man. His name
wasn't Jasper Whitlock perhaps?" He questioned.
I was immediately shocked, and shook my head. He
didn't want to talk to me.
Of course not, he's Apollo in the flesh Bella.
He wanted to talk to Jasper? He knows Jasper? What
the hell? Did he follow us here?
"Yes he works here." I finally answered him
quizzically. "Do you know him?"
"We go way back." He shifted and looked back at the
statute. "Sorry, I just happened to come to the Met for
the afternoon when I saw you. And I don't mean to
trouble you, but could you give him a message for
me?" He asked then.
A message?
"I can, but he works just down the hall you can go talk
to him yourself."
He shifted again and then appeared to eye our
surroundings. His demeanor changed from one of
intrigue to almost defense.
"I really can't." He said then and quickly looked at his
watch. "I have to go actually. But can you tell him"
He paused moment.
I eyed him curiously, was he waiting for me to say
something?
"Can I tell him what?" I asked.
He blew out a breath then and gestured to me. I
dawned on me. He wants my name.
"Bella."
His eyes softened a bit and he smiled then.
"Bella." He repeated and the way my name rolled of
his tongue instantly sent the quivers back up spine.
Dear God who was this man?
"Can you tell him that E's back in town."
E? I couldn't respond. I just nodded.
He stepped closer then and I could feel the heat
emanating from his body. I wanted to run my hands
across his hard, muscular chest. He had to be at least
6'2 and even more muscular than I originally noted.
He towered over me, but I wasn't fearful, I was in awe
of him.
He bent down slowly to whisper in my ear and I could
see his chest rising and falling with his breath.
"Thank you.Bella." He said quietly, and then
continued past me and walked away in a flicker.
I sucked in a breath, the air now surrounded with his
scent. It was clean and fresh like a spring morning,
mixed with the muskiness of man.
I spun to see him, but before I could find him, his
silhouette disappeared behind the columns of the
great hall. Like a figment of my imagination, a
whisper, a secret, he was gone. Floating off in the
shadows as if he was never there to begin with.
I must have stood there for several minutes
unmoving, simply under a spell. I was trying to
determine if the encounter even happened or if I
imagined the whole thing in my head.
"Miss, are you ok?" I shook my head and looked at the
visitor to my left.
"Quite.thank you." I added and then started quickly
walking back to my office, my heels ticking across the
tile floor.
The whole encounter was so strange. I couldn't
determine if it actually happened or not? Was it real
or did I imagine it? Did he follow us or was he simply
here looking about like a normal visitor? Or was he
looking for Jasper?
Then I realized he knew Jasper. I didn't get his name;
he only called himself E. But surely Jasper would
know him? Yet, he didn't seem to know him when he
pointed him out earlier? He just called him the man
with the sunglasses.
I was completely confused and yet my body was again
buzzing from the encounter.
I made my way to Jasper's office and knocked on the
door. But this time, no one answered.
Shit. He must have left for the day. I looked down at
my watch and noticed it was 5:30.
How did it get so late?
I was sure my run in with the jade-eyed Apollo was no
longer than a few minutes. But again it felt like a
decade.
I hurried back to my office knowing I had to meet
Alice and Kate at 6:00 for drinks. It was then I
realized that I forgot to text James to ask him to meet
us and quickly sent him a message. I wasn't sure what
he was doing tonight, but I hoped he could make it.
I walked out of the Met in a fog and hailed a cab. I was
still enthralled with the man in black. The jade-eyed
Apollo.
--
"Bella!" I heard a squeal as I walked through the
throngs of thirsty New Yorkers toasting the end of
another work week.
"Al, hey!" I gave her a hug and she eyed me
approvingly.
"I knew the Marc Jacobs would look spectacular on
you!" She smiled knowingly.
"What can I say, you know your fashion." I indulged
her.
"C'mon, I got us a table." She motioned me over to a
high-top in the corner.
I made my way over to see Kate already sitting at the
table. Unsurprisingly, there were three martini
glasses a top, filled with blue cheese stuffed olives and
likely my favorite Kettle One vodka.
They must have been here a while though, because
their glasses were almost empty. I knew what that
meant; Bella was playing catch up. And Bella plus
martinis plus catch up only equaled one thing. Bad
news for Bella.
Crap I have to volunteer tomorrow.
I gave Kate a hug and sat down to my martini just as
my phone chirped with a text.
"Is that James?" Kate asked me as she sipped the last
of her drink.
"Yes, he's going to join us." I added as I text him back.
He would be here in forty minutes.
"I don't know what you see in him." She offered.
"You too? Jesus, what is it with everyone today? It's
not like I married the guy we're just dating." I scoffed
and took a bite out of my olive and let the vodka and
salt mix together and slip down my throat. It was
heaven; Kettle One on a Friday was like a shot of
heroin for an addict. My kind of heroin.
"Ok, seriously what is it with you all, first it was
Jasper and now you start in. Would someone just tell
me why you hate him so much?"
I saw a fleeting glance exchanged between Alice and
Kate. They knew they were caught and I couldn't help
but call them on it.
"What? Seriously he is going to be here in forty
minutes." I glanced at my phone. "Well now thirty."
My two best friends sighed and I couldn't figure out
what the problem was. Yeah, James was a bit arrogant
at times, but he never did anything to make me think
he was a bad guy.
"Bell, you are justI don't know too nice for him. He
gives off the asshole vibe." Alice said.
"Not to mention he seems a bit possessive." Kate
added.
I thought about their comments. Was I blind? Was I
not seeing these things? I just didn't think we were
that serious yet.
But I knew why my friends looked out for me so much.
After my debacle in college with Demitri and my ex-
boyfriend Alec, my friends were overprotective of me.
They said I was too trusting and didn't see myself
clearly. Alec broke my heart when he cheated on me
and it took me a long time to get over it. Demitri was
overly interested in me after we took an art history
class together and wouldn't leave me alone. I would
run into him randomly in my building, at my work,
close to my classes. Finally I reported him to campus
security and he vanished. We never told Charlie
because I didn't need my Dad freaking out, but I
moved on and tried to forget about the whole thing.
I shrugged. I wanted my friends to think it didn't
bother me, but it stabbed at my heart that they
thought I wasn't a good judge of character. I mean, I
picked them right? I always prided myself on being a
cop's daughter from Brooklyn and being able to hold
my own. They had to just be being overprotective.
Just then Jasper walked up and I thought it might be
better to change the subject.
"Hey Jazz? Did you leave early? I stopped by your
office to grab you?"
"Yeah, I had to run a few errands after work." He gave
me a knowing look and I nodded. I remembered him
mentioning he bought Alice a pendant at Tiffany's and
he must have picked it up after work.
"Well hon, you can take my seat for a minute, I need to
run to the restroom." Alice said as she kissed him on
the cheek. They gave each other the same goo-goo eyes
they always did and I couldn't help but shake my head.
"Again Alice you just went?" Kate asked.
She shrugged. "Broke the seal too early I guess."
I chuckled and turned to look at Jasper. I could see the
look on his face; he didn't want to be here to meet
James.
I sighed. "So Kate, how is your new job going?"
Kate majored in Communications with me at NYU. We
met each other on our first day of classes and instantly
clicked. She's a bit snarky and dry humored like me,
but she has a heart of gold. She's from Buffalo, and
has a similar family background. Her Dad is a cop and
her Mom is a teacher. Like me she worked hard to get
a scholarship to NYU as well. Kate and I lived together
at NYU and for two years after college before I got my
own place and she moved in with her then boyfriend.
Kate is gorgeous, with bright blonde hair and blue
eyes and perfect peaches and cream skin. But she's
not a pushover; she can handle her own, especially in
a field dominated by men.
Her passion was always public relations as well as law
enforcement since she was very close to her Dad. She
used to work for the NYPD in their public relations
division. But she recently took a position as the Public
Relations Liason for the office of Homeland Security
in New York. She coordinates messages about a recent
event or a threat through various types of law
enforcement: FBI, U.S. Marshall Service, NYPD you
name it.
"It's good." She smirked and I knew that look.
"What aren't you telling me Katie?" I responded slyly.
"Nothing." But then she blushed. Kate Denali never
blushes. Ever.
"You met someone didn't you?" I almost shrieked.
Kate also never dated. She had a bad experience with
her boyfriend after they moved in together and
warded off men for the last three years. Other than a
random hook-up here and there, Kate did not date.
"Shhhh. Cripes Bella!" She rolled her eyes at me. But I
could see that expression, Kate was smitten with
someone. I hadn't seen her act like this since we were
in college.
"Tell me about him Katie, you know I will just keep
buying you vodka to make you talk." I smirked at her.
She sighed and leaned in closely, and Jasper just
shook his head and looked at his phone. I could tell he
was going to check out of this conversation.
"He's the director of the FBI office here in New York."
She whispered.
"No shit. What's he look like Katie?" I asked excitedly.
She glanced around just then and whispered again.
"Well technically we shouldn't really even be seeing
each otherwork relationships and all that But
Bella he's so handsome. Rugged. He has sandy blonde
hair and blue eyes and it's kind of long, he pulls it
back."
"Long hair? Really Kate, that is so unlike you?" I was
astonished. Kate's last boyfriend Laurant was this
French pompous businessman who was always
dressed to perfection and expected the same of her.
He was seven years older than her and he treated her
like crap.
"I know Bell, I know" She got a dreamy look and
then glanced at Jasper before she leaned over to me
again. "And the sex is amazing." She sighed and I
chuckled.
"Lucky bitch." I teased her.
"You have no idea." She wiggled her eyebrows and
took a sip of her drink. But then her expression
changed and I could see her pondering something
else.
"And he's older than me." She said quickly looking
down.
"How much older?" I quirked an eyebrow.
"He's thirty-six."
"So eight yearsthat's not that bad." I shrugged and
tried to reassure her.
She blew out a breath. "Good, I'm glad you don't think
so, because I was afraid to tell you."
"Afraid to tell me? Why?" I shook my head. Kate and I
always told each other everything.
"Well you know, with everything with Laurant" She
trailed off.
It was true, I hated Laurant and I hated what he did to
Katie but we were both older now and if this guy was
the head of the New York FBI division he couldn't be a
bad guy right? I was very protective of my friends, but
I also wanted her to be happy.
"Well, I am happy for you Katie." I gave her a cheers
and she just smiled. "And I think you're much wiser
than you were back then." I added.
Kate had been keeping herself closed off for way too
long. I wanted her to know that I thought she grew
since Laurant. I knew she did. We were both a lot
different than we were back then.
Thinking about Kate's new man in her life made me
think of James. I checked my phone again to see that I
had a text.
B~ Sorry, can't make it after all, business deal fell
through and need to work late. Call you tomorrow.~J
I sighed as I quickly typed my response and let him
know it was fine to call me tomorrow. I was hoping to
spend some time with him this weekend since I hadn't
seen him in a week.
Not to mention I was good and buzzed up and hoping
for some sexy fun times myself.
I turned to Jasper then to let him know he was off the
hook. "Well Jazz, James can't make it." I said
dejectedly.
"Sorry Bell, I know you like him and all and I will meet
him eventually." He nodded.
Just then I thought of the message for Jasper from the
strange man from Gray's and the Met. The Apollo.
Speaking of sexy fun times
What the hell Bella, you're dating someone, you can't
be thinking that!
I shook my head and tried to focus. "Hey Jazz,
remember at lunch today when you pointed out the
guy wearing the sunglasses?"
"Yeah." He nodded quizzically.
"Did you know him?"
"No." He shook his head even more perplexed.
"Well, he was in the Met later, I ran into him in the
Greek and Roman exhibit and he said he knew you. I
don't know why he didn't say anything when we were
at Gray's and I told him he could stop by your office,
but he said he didn't have time and he wanted me to
give you a message."
Oh yeah and he made my skin burn and my stomach
do summersaults and sent ripples up my spine.
"What was the message?"
"He said E's back in town." I looked at him
bewilderingly and wondered what that could mean.
Jasper's eyes widened and he coughed part of his
martini. "Really?" He said in amazement.
"Who is he? Who's E?" I was dying to know about this
stranger.
"Um no one Bell, he's um an old friend from high
schoolhaven't seen him in years." Jasper looked
down just then and I knew he wasn't telling me
something.
"An old friend?"
He stopped me then with a serious look. "He's no one
Bell."
I was a bit taken aback. But I knew not to push it.
Jasper was always easy going and hardly became dark
about anything. But his reaction made me all the more
curious about the jade-eyed stranger.
Finally, Alice returned to the table and Jasper asked
her something about the weekend. The four of us
continued to sip our martinis and unwind from the
work week.
I looked at my watch around ten and asked the
waitress for my tab.
"Where are you going?" Alice whined, obviously tipsy
from her martinis as well.
"I have to volunteer tomorrow. I can't be hungover." I
said, finishing off my last blue cheese olive.
"You do too much Bell. You need to take more time for
yourself." She said.
I shrugged. I wasn't married, didn't have any kids. The
least I could do was help out in some productive
manner. After Brad was killed I began signing up for
volunteer opportunities through New York Cares. It's
a state organization that lines up potential volunteers
with various programs all over the State. I began
volunteering six months after Brad died. Initially I
wanted to help the children of the fallen, the ones who
were left with a gaping hole in their lives.
I began volunteering at any event I could. Eventually I
really started to enjoy a program at the rec center
near my old neighborhood in Brooklyn. I loved
teaching the kids about Art and the different painters
and sculptors. I co-taught the program with an actual
art teacher from Brooklyn, Angela Weber, who was
able to teach them painting and sculpting techniques.
She was unfortunately another person who lost a
loved one in the Towers; her boyfriend was killed and
left her with their infant son. But she was extremely
quiet and never talked about her boyfriend and hardly
her son for that matter.
The way I saw it, I was fortunate. Unlike a lot of
others, I had a great job and enough money to do the
things I wanted, even if part of that was from the 9/11
payouts that my family received from Brad's death.
But a lot of people weren't in that position. I might
drink Kettle One now and be able to go to swanky
clubs or shopping with Alice, but I grew up in
Brooklyn and I appreciated where I came from and
wanted to help kids who had dreams and goals like I
did. I saw it every Saturday in their eyes, the wonder
and amazement like I had back then.
I bid my friends good bye and grabbed a cab home. I
leaned my head back, thinking about my friends and
my family. I was lucky. I missed Brad every day, but I
tried to keep his memory alive by giving back and I
had great friends to get me through everything. I
thought about the volunteer work I did and how much
worse off other people were than me. There were so
many, sons, daughters, brothers, fathers, husbands,
sisters, mothers, cousins that were lost. I had seen
how difficult it was for so many of them to pick up the
pieces. I just wished Charlie could move on as well.
I felt a pang of sadness then as I thought of my Dad
and my brother. They were so close, had so much in
common. I thought of my friends comments once
again.
Did I try to do too much? I just wanted to give back.
I felt the cab pull to a stop in front of my building and
reached forward to pay him my fare. I climbed the
stairs to my condo and flipped on my lights in my
small place.
I changed and brushed my teeth and slipped on my
oversized NYU tee and a pair of boy shorts. I had been
hoping James would be coming home with me tonight,
but unfortunately he wasn't.
No need for the nice lingerie then.
I thought more about Jasper, Alice and Kate's
concerns and I couldn't figure out why they disliked
James so much. I knew they were probably just
looking out for me.
But as I got ready for bed and replayed my day in my
head, it wasn't James or Jasper or my brother or
father that I kept coming back to.
Instead, I floated off to sleep on a cloud of Kettle One
thinking about Shamrocks and biceps and a jade-eyed
Apollo.
~~~-~~~




Chapter 3- Covert Operation
Chapter Song: The Guess Who American Woman
EPOV
I pulled into the secure garage and jumped from the
car to immediately get into another. It was my fifth
and final exchange until I would be back at Quantico. I
still had only my duffle and carry on and I tossed them
in the seat before lying down and covering with a
blanket.
The agents in the front seat didn't say anything and I
knew they wouldn't until we were safely at Quantico. I
was almost excited to see the guys from my RICO
team. I hadn't seen anyone in nearly two years; and
simply being back on U.S. soil lifted my mood.
Romania now seemed like it was years ago. I knew
eventually I would be back underground and back
with the black cancer that was the Draconi crime
family. But for some reason, it felt different already. I
would be in New York. I would be on my home turf.
And for the first time in two years I didn't hate the
thought of what my job would entail every day. I didn't
particularly like it, but
No, I had to admit it. I was energized to get my shot at
the inside, to meet Vladimir and Stefan. I knew I was
the one who could bring them down. I could destroy
them from the inside out and that was enough to send
a shot of adrenaline through my veins.
I felt the car pull to a stop and finally I let out the first
truly deep breath I was able to take in two years. I
knew it would be short-lived; however, it was
comforting to know I was finally in a place where I
could speak freely.
Suddenly I was no longer covered by the blanket and I
was being pulled from the car. I reacted instinctively
and wrapped my arm around the man's waist and
spun to his back. With two more quick moves I had
him in a headlock and I looked down at my attacker.
"Fucking A McCarty, you can't be doing that shit, I've
been undercover for two years!" I admonished him as
I quickly realized my "attacker" was my best friend in
the Bureau, Emmett McCarty.
I released him and he rubbed his neck as I just shook
my head.
"Jesus E, try to give a guy a hand and he attacks you."
Then he looked at me more closely and I already knew
what he was thinking. "Fuck man they selling roids
over there like candy or something?" He scratched his
neck again.
"Dude, you know I wouldn't take that shit, I don't want
to go shrinking my dick; it's a valuable commodity." I
smirked at him, though I was lying through my teeth.
"Cocky SOB, you never fucking change." He laughed
and then gave me the man hug and hit my back with
his fist. "It's good to see you E. You are fucking huge
though did you do any work over there?" He quipped.
"A little." I said dryly and he just nodded. Emmett
knew as well as I did that being undercover sucked
and that I had probably seen a lot of nasty shit.
Glossing over it and joking was honestly one of the few
ways the agents were able to deal with it on a daily
basis.
For me it was just nice to be able to joke with someone
again. Someone I trusted anyhow.
"Well you're fucking fast as hell too, what else have
you been training in? You had my ass in a headlock in
three seconds flat?"
I shrugged. "It's not my fault you're a big slow oaf." He
punched me in the arm and I actually winced. I was
bigger than I had been, but Emmett was a monster at
about 6'5, 250lbs of pure muscle. I knew he was
nothing to mess with and he knew how to throw his
weight around.
But I was always faster.
"Mixed martial arts." I finally relented and ran my
hand through my hair.
He nodded, knowing that was the end of it. It was like
a sick twisted version of the Vegas saying, "what
happens undercover stays undercover" for agents.
Too bad it's not all fun and games like Vegas.
I stepped to the car to grab my duffle and we went
inside for my debriefing. But I was more pumped to
have a real shower, some American food and to take
the dark contacts out of my eyes. At least for a little
while.
I made it home in a matter of twelve hours, even with
all my connections and it was early morning in
Virginia due to the time change. I didn't have to be
back under with the Dracs for a week and I was
fucking ecstatic about that. It didn't mean I could run
around willy nilly not paying attention. Obviously, I
had to take multiple cars to get here. But I would have
some time to do a few things I needed, I just had to be
extremely careful coming and going from Quantico.
We made our way into the FBI facility. I couldn't help
but think about the first time I was here
I walked through the door, the anticipation and
adrenaline racing through my veins. My mouth was
dry, but I was beyond determined to become an
agent. I was going to avenge Eric's death. I wanted to
work in counterterrorism or with organized crime
and take down the scum of the world that caused his
death and the death of so many innocent others.
I walked into the waiting area and I gave the
receptionist my name. I smoothed my hair down and
pressed my hand down my black Armani. I had just
finished law school at Columbia, graduating at the
top of my class. I applied for the FBI in January, and
completed a battery of physical and mental tests
throughout the spring. Today was our first day as
recruits. I was simply waiting to get the nod to join
the other recruits in the auditorium.
"Mr. Cullen?" I was pulled from my reverie by a tall
dark-haired woman with a serious expression on her
face.
"I'm Maria Vasquez. Please follow me." She offered
her hand quickly and I just nodded, assuming I was
being taken to join the other recruits. We wove our
way through corridors and hallways, and as I
instinctively did anyhow, I made mark of where I
was being taken.
Call it obsession, call it instinct, or call it paranoid
preparation, but I was accustomed to finding an exit
and knowing my exact whereabouts regardless of the
building or city I was in.
Even before I considered becoming an Agent.
Twenty paces, right turn, thirty paces, left turn, ten
paces right turn, abrupt left and circular of doors.
I looked at the name on the door and gaped in
recognition. Peter Fortnight, Director International
Operations Division.
Fuck. What was I doing here?
Ms. Vasquez knocked lightly and entered the door. I
followed, unsure where exactly we were going.
I stepped in to the cold, almost hospital-like office
and immediately my nerves and senses were on high-
alert. I was always a bit uptight, but ever since Eric's
death, I was constantly wary and on edge. Claire
fucking hated it.
"Mr. Cullen. Please have a seat." He motioned to the
seat in front of his desk. Ms. Vasquez sat next to me in
the other chair as Fortnight moved to the window.
"Mr. Cullen, you appear to have some exceptionally
intriguing and high scores in several areas. The
highest I have ever seen in fact."
"Thank you sir." I wasn't exactly sure how to
respond.
"How many languages do you speak?"
I had to urge myself not to delay my responses, or
think too intently about the questions he was asking
and merely answer. "Five sir. English, of course,
Dutch, German, French and Spanish."
He nodded, apparently unfazed. "And how does a
twenty-five year old man like yourself come to speak
five languages?"
"Well, sir, I had exceptional schooling in New York." I
wasn't sure if he was aware of, or even wanted, the
real reason.
"I don't think even schooling can teach that, are you
sure there isn't another reason for it?" The inflection
in his tone was knowing and calculated.
"I have a photographic memory." I responded while
blowing out a silent breath. Quite often people didn't
believe me, they either thought I was cheating or I
somehow faked the abundant amount of information
I stored in my brain.
Most of its useless reallyI couldn't help but think.
"I see. So that would explain how you are number
one in your class at Columbia and still had the time
and ability to place off the charts in all of the tests
administered by the Bureau?"
I nodded. Was this a bad thing? I couldn't see how.
"Not to mention you have 20/8 vision and
exceptional speed, acuity, hand-eye coordination and
physical capacity."
I felt like I should be smirking, but I couldn't decide if
his words were complimentary or if he was somehow
questioning my skills. Yes, I had rare vision, as well
as senses. However, I had spent most of my life not
using them, and even hiding their effect because I
didn't want to appear different.
"Yes sir." I simply responded.
"Mr. Cullen, Edward. May I call you Edward?" I
nodded again. He was a fucking Director, he could
call me anything he wanted couldn't he?
"What are your intentions? Why do you want to be
an Agent?" He eyed me peculiarly just then.
But it was so automatic I didn't even have to think
about it. "I want to serve, I want to give back and I
have thought of nothing for the last two years except
to become an Agent." I was straightforward and
unwavering because it was the truth.
"Two years? Any particular reason?"
Shit. Did I really have to say it out loud? Didn't
everyone know what happened two years ago, wasn't
that the reason for triple the number of applicants to
the FBI?
"My brother. He was killedon 9/11." I said it firmly,
as lacking in emotion as possible.
"And you want revenge?"
"No. I want to give back, to make him proud." I
stated.
"Bullshit. You want to avenge his death." He eyed me
carefully. "And I can't say as I blame youbut my
only question then is this." He leaned his hands on
his desk and bent over to give me a steely stare. "How
far are you willing to go?"
I pondered it for a moment. I wasn't sure what he
was getting at, but I was sure that this was not like
the other recruits first days. I knew I had exceptional
capabilities, I knew I could do things that a normal
human would never dream of being able to do.
No. This was something else entirely. This was
beyond a normal recruitment meeting.
I set my jaw then and leaned forward, my elbows on
my knees, and I looked up at him. Staring him
straight in the eye I answered with resolve. "As far as
possible."
I looked up just then to find myself at the same door.
Not many came to this door, but of course I was
different from everyone else.
I was an anomaly. One of few of my kind. Perfect
killers, born inherently to be predators of other men.
Only weapons and technology made us even more
lethal. I was a modern day Jason Bourne, and I knew
it. Except for the memory loss and all that.
Although sometimes I wished I could forget my life.
Forget the grief, my name, my family, all the pain I
was sure I had caused them as well.
McCarty knocked on the door just then and I realized I
hadn't said anything to him during our walk inside.
But he simply gave me a knowing look. He knew how
difficult it was coming back from being undercover.
Returning to the person you actually are, rather than
pretending to be someone entirely different.
Especially since the pretending tends to consume you
after a while.
McCarty slapped my back and this time, only I
entered. Fortnight and I had become close over the
years. Well, as close as you can get when you see
someone once every two years. But he personally
managed my special training at the FBI. I went
through the normal 20 week training that all agents
completed. However, it wasn't nearly as taxing for me,
with my special skills and all. So I took additional
marksmanship courses and advanced hand to hand
training. I learned covert operations and other
undercover techniques well before any others. I
became a highly skilled, highly dangerous asset for the
FBI. Not to mention I began to learn two more
languages.
Romanian and Italian.
Why? Because I would be joining the RICO team. The
Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act
was passed in 1970 and since then a division of the FBI
was set up to specifically take down organized crime
in the U.S. and its networks abroad.
I was being groomed to go undercover and help take
down some of the most notorious crime families in the
U.S. and frankly the world.
And my cover. An assassin for hire.
Too bad it wasn't entirely a cover.
"Edward. It's good to see you." Peter offered his hand.
"Peter. You're looking well." Really he never aged. He
still had the same incredibly pale skin and white blond
hair, which had only receded a bit more from his
forehead. Fortnight was one of those people who you
could never really pinpoint his age and because he was
inside all the time, he hardly tanned or changed.
"I know you want to get on with debriefing and
decompress before you go back under, but I need to
inform you of a change in your assignment."
I quirked my eyebrow at him. Change?
"You will have a partner Edward, a cover partner. He
will be your local contact. He's been working with
some of the low-level New York family to get in on the
drug trade side and you will now be able to bring him
in on the rest, hopefully."
A partner. I had never worked with a partner. I always
worked alone. Largely due to my skills and largely due
to the fact that I simply liked working alone.
"Who is this agent?" I was speculative.
"His name is Seth Clearwater. He's young. Only
twenty-six. But he has been an agent for three years
and he is very good. Joined up immediately when he
was twenty-three. Reminds me a lot of you
actuallyBut nicer." He smirked.
I couldn't help but reciprocate. Peter liked to call me a
broody, self-interested, hard ass. He was right. I was.
At least for the last nine years I had been. I knew I
didn't used to be this way.
But that was my old life.
"Fine then. When do I meet him?" Wait did he say
twenty-six? Fuck. He is young. I had six years on him.
Well almost. I knew my 32nd birthday was in a few
weeks, but fuck, I already felt 32 and considered
myself as such. Hell I felt fifty some days.
"Today actually, he was down here to debrief at the
same time you came in, so it worked out quite well. Go
shower, change and you can meet with him at 10."
Peter understood. He had been in my position before.
He had come out from being undercover and knew I
wanted nothing more than to wash myself of the grime
and disgust I'd been immersed in for the last two
years.
I nodded and shook Peter's hand as I left and he gave
me a guide sheet on Clearwater. I looked it over as I
made my way to the gym in Quantico.
Seth Harold Clearwater
Agent No.: 41389
DOB: February 12, 1984, Brooklyn, NY.
I stopped short. February 12.
Fuck.
It just had to be didn't it? My new partner would share
Eric's birthday. What were the chances?
I continued scanning his sheet. He was quite
accomplished. He had some advanced training like me
and was apparently rather good at manipulating
information out of his contacts. He had already helped
to bring down three major drug rings in New York
City. He had a law enforcement background, but had
advanced intelligence like me as well. He graduated
high school at only the age of sixteen. He began classes
immediately at NYU and eventually completed his
stint at the police academy before joining the force
when he was only twenty.
I wasn't sure what it was going to be like working with
a partner, but on paper he appeared okay, even
though he was young. He grew up in Brooklyn, the son
of a cop and a nurse, but his father was deceased. He
had one sister, Leah, and no other family to speak of.
He was expendable. Like me.
He could go under cover and never come back and
hardly anyone would know. A casualty of the secret
war us Agents were fighting daily.
I walked into the gym area, never more excited to be
taking a shower in a locker room in my life. I stripped
down out of my standard black pants, black t-shirt and
boots. I took off my watch and pulled the shitty black
contacts from my eyes. I shaved off the scratchy beard
for the first time in two years.
I looked in the mirror at the sight before me and I
could see the change of two years undercover. I was
pale, well, more pale than normal. But in an ashy sort
of way that showed the stress in the pigment. I ran my
fingers through my almost black hair and as I lifted
my arm I looked at the tattoo on my bicep and the scar
running down my left side.
The tattoo was a testament to my mother's side of the
family, the Irish side that so clearly shone on my face.
It fucking hurt like a bitch, since a significant amount
was over my vein in my underarm. But it represented
so much of her in me and my will to avenge Eric. It
was a symbol of the celtic bull.** It stood for strong-
willed and unwavering, relentless.
That, I was.
Then I looked down my side at the scar
from my first undercover operation. It
also hurt like a bitch, but it was a
combat wound, so the pain was almost
electrifying. I killed the fucker who cut
me and I never looked back. He was my first kill.
Finally, I stood back and stripped out of my boxer-
briefs as I turned toward the shower. I glanced a quick
look in the mirror at the tat across my back between
my shoulder blades and the one down my right tricep.
I couldn't do anything with the FBI or my real name,
lest I go under and someone were to see my ink.
Instead I kept it Dutch, like the ever prominent part of
my heritage, and displayed my pain on my skin for my
fallen brother.
On my back was my tribute to Eric. It
was the Dutch Lion, born on a shield.
Behind it were crossed
swords. On one sword
were Eric's initials
and Mijn Broer. On
the other were his
birth date and death
date. I stared at the
tatt for a moment, my
much larger muscles flexing it in the fluorescent light.
Again one of my sole reminders of him.
Then I looked down my right tricep.
deze wereld verlaten maar niet vergeten
Left this world, but not forgotten. These were
the few symbols I could always carry with me.
No matter my cover or the person I was
pretending to be, these would forever be
engrained on my skin.
Maybe I should get another one this week?
I made my way to the shower and turned on the
hot faucet. I let the searing water pour over my
tense muscles as I tipped my head back in
satisfaction. I just stood there letting it almost
burn my skin, but welcoming the pain of my
first truly hot shower in two years. The pulsing
water massaging the muscles of my stiff
shoulders, down my back over my tatt, and
warming the muscles in my chest and my legs.
The feeling was almost erotic it had been so
long since my last hot, pressure-filled shower.
I stood, with my hands against the wall, not washing,
just thinking as the water flowed over me. Thinking
about my tatts made me think about how much I had
changed in the last nine years. I used to be the
straight-laced, calculating one of the Cullen boys. The
one who wore Polo and was the epitome of the private
schools I attended. The one who never would have
done anything remotely out of line or against the will
of my parents. The thought of killing someone would
never have crossed my mind. Maybe Claire was right,
maybe I wasn't the person she started dating.
Who the fuck was I kidding? Of course I wasn't and I
never would be again.
But some part of me, now that I was back in the States,
yearned for that person. Yearned to be maybe
practicing as an attorney or working in the DA's office
putting away bad guys like I always told Eliot.
No, now I just take them out. Eye for an eye.
Part of me wanted that apple pie America that my
parents shared. The wife, the kids, the home, the
neighbors. All of that shit in a nice little package.
But life wasn't a nice little package. Our brothers are
taken in inexplicable acts, those who you would think
would never leave you, do. And then you become a
person you don't even recognize anymore, only
wishing that the family you left behind can go on
without you.
I wasn't sure how long I stood there until finally I
scrubbed through my hair and down my body;
attempting, albeit futilely, to clean myself of the filth I
was covered in for the last two years.
I sighed as I shut off the water and wrapped the towel
around my now red skin. Maybe, just maybe, someday
I would have peace. Maybe someday I could at least
partially come out of this darkness and rid myself of
the incessant need that tore at my insides to avenge
Eric's death.
I dressed quickly, once again in a black shirt and this
time jeans. It felt weird to be without my holster, even
if it was just my standard issue Glock. I slipped back
on my watch that my parents gave me for my law
school graduation and ran the towel through my
disheveled hair.
Shit, I need a haircut too.
I made my way to the RICO unit and once again saw
McCarty waiting for me. I met Emmett on my second
day of training. He scared the fuck out of me at first,
because he's a beast of man. But he has a giant heart
and he would do absolutely anything for a fellow
agent. He was from Boston, unfortunately, and we
liked to rib each other about the Yankees and the Red
Sox. But he came from a very similar family as my
mother and I appreciated the hard work and tenacity
it took for him to become an agent. He didn't have all
doors and options open to him like I did.
He grew up in South Boston, the son of a bricklayer,
and helped raise his four brothers after his Mom died.
He worked his ass off, stayed out of the ever present
gangs in South Boston, and got into Boston College on
a football scholarship. He finished his degree in
Psychology and eventually attended the state police
academy. He joined the state police and became an
exceptional interrogator. He was good at it, damn
good at it. His size made him menacing and instilled
fear in the hearts of his subjects. Even though he was a
teddy bear to those he cared about, he could make a
subject break like the snap of his fingers.
"Cullen, bout time you got cleaned up. Couldn't handle
a little dirt under your fingers rich boy." He also loved
to rib me about being an elite from New York.
"Nah, I just wanted to look pretty for you McCarty."
He chuckled and we walked into the office of our RICO
director, Agent Romelli. Marcus was an old bird with
beady eyes and gray skin. He had been around
forever, since the passage of the RICO Act and the
instigation of the division.
"Agents Cullen and McCarty. This is Agent
Clearwater." I looked at the young man next to
Romelli and was met with a blinding white smile. He
had to be 6'4, and was bound with muscle. He had
russet colored skin and looked to be Native-American.
I thought he was from Brooklyn?
"Cullen, McCarty, good to meet you. Seth Clearwater."
He was damn near as big as McCarty and his paw
firmly shook mine. Fuck, I was bigger from Romania
but I felt like a shrimp compared to these two.
I looked at him then and noticed he looked young, but
yet older than his twenty-six years. He held himself
confidently and most people wouldn't think to mess
with him. But there was something else, he had that
same sadness and hunger I held in my eyes.
He's from Brooklynson of a cop.
I wonder.
"Good to meet you Clearwater, Yankees or Mets?" I
hid my inquisition for a later time, figuring I could at
least try to make it pleasant and also get a dig in on
McCarty if I had a chance.
"Neither. My Dad was from out west. Washington, I'm
a Mariners fan." He shrugged and smiled and I could
see his young face take on a hint sadness at the
mention of his Dad.
Maybe a partner wouldn't be so bad. We might have
a lot in common.
Emmett snickered then. "Fuck off McCarty." I
playfully ribbed him.
"Cullen, already trying to get the new guy on your side.
My Red Sox already kicked your Yankees asses in this
year."
"It's all about the playoffs, how many Series have your
boys won?"
Romelli just shook his head and Clearwater laughed at
our banter.
Romelli had us sit then and we discussed our
assignments with the Dracs in New York. I knew we
would have a much more detailed briefing once we
met with the head of the field office in NY, before we
both went back under cover. But at least we got an
overview of time frame and mission plans.
The Bureau was hoping to take down the family within
the year. Between my contacts in Romania, Seth's
work on the drugs, and another Agent, an Agent
Ivanova, we had gotten the inside track on their three
biggest commodities, girls, drugs, and weapons. The
only remaining piece was the bio weapons connection
and that was going to be up to me as well. The RICO
analysts figured I had the best play now that I was
actually meeting with the brothers and I would be
introduced to some of the more high powered
business associates of the organization.
The Dracs seemed to realize that I was educated,
albeit they didn't know where from. They just knew I
was smart, spoke a lot of languages, and was an
assassin for hire that could disappear into the night. I
simply pretended to be in it for the money.
Oh the irony.
I didn't need money. Obviously anything they paid me
went to some secret account held by the FBI. The FBI
foot my bill for my Romanian expenses and anything
else I needed in travel and accommodations.
But ironically, even if I was rogue and off the
reservation as an assassin, I wouldn't need the money.
Hell I never needed to attend law school or become an
Agent. I could have lived off my family's fortune and
played party elite like a lot of the yuppies I grew up
with. But I was neversatisfied, with that idea. Then
once Eric was gone, it didn't matter, nothing
mattered.
Maybe that's why I joined the deadliest of
professions.
I shook my head and refocused on what Romelli was
saying when he finally dismissed us after two hours of
discussion. Apparently McCarty was going to be
joining the mission as a potential buyer for weapons
that I could introduce to the brothers. I had to admit,
the thought of the mission heating up and getting to
work with other agents made my adrenaline race a bit.
Finally as we were about to leave, my stomach
growled. Just as I was about to suggest it, Clearwater
mentioned food.
Thank fucking God.
I hadn't eaten in hours, and I couldn't wait to get my
hands on some real food. We made our way to a
conference room where Fortnight had ordered us
pizza.
Now these are the benefits of being a top FBI agent.
It was the best fucking thing I had tasted in two years.
After we broke from lunch I knew I had the rest of the
day before I would be back for my day long debriefing
tomorrow. I already knew what I wanted to do.
I made my way down to a secure room before I
planned to just crash in one of the in-house rooms
they had at Quantico. They kept a few of these for the
agents like me who came back in undercover. It was
no different than a hotel room, with a big king bed and
a private bath.
Right now it sounded like fucking heaven to me.
But I dialed up the number I called nearly every day
and I waited. It was summer time, so they should both
be home, unless Ang had him out playing.
"Hello?" Her voice was quiet, almost a whisper as she
answered the phone.
"Ang? It's E, is Eliot there?"
"I'm sorry E, but he's at a friend's house for the day."
Damn. Well maybe I could at least arrange to see him.
"Ang, I'm going to be back in town in a few days. Could
I maybe see him?"
She paused for a moment and I could almost hear her
thinking it over in her head.
"When?" She asked quietly.
"Well, what works for you?" I wanted to leave it open
to her since she was the one who was secretive in this
situation.
"Um. Saturday. I teach a class in the morning while he
goes to practice. 12:00?" She offered.
"Great. Thanks Ang."
I sighed and replaced the phone and made my way to
my room. I would get to see Eliot in few days and I
knew it would be difficult. But as I drifted off to sleep I
couldn't help but appreciate that I was back in the
States.
--
The next day I awoke, refreshed from a dreamless
sleep for once. I stepped into the bathroom to rinse
my face with water before heading to the Agent's gym.
I would just shower there again before my debriefing,
but first I needed to release some of the pent up
anxiety that built up from my travels back.
I glanced up, caught a bit off guard by my green eyes.
They had been black for so long, I almost forgot what
they looked like. It was almost scary looking at my
green eyes in the mirror. I was looking into the eyes of
my mother and I hadn't seen her in two years.
I knew I had a week. A week to see the people I
wanted. Even though I was going back under I wanted
to see them. It was always with mixed emotions, the
pain it brought to see my family because of the
memories it brought of Eric. But at the same time a
welcoming relief, knowing they were well, and moving
on with their lives.
Even if I couldn't.
My first priority, however, was to go and see Eliot.
Even if my family would never know of him, I would
always keep him close. He was all I had left of Eric,
regardless of the fucked up situation that he was left
in.
I knew I had a long day of debriefing ahead before I
would make another set of exchanges and board a
train for New York to arrive early morning tomorrow.
I hit the gym and found McCarty by the bench.
"You ready to show off your new muscles E."
"Let's do it. Rack 'em up Em."
Emmett and I hit the bench, squat and deadlifts hard
before lifting arms. I finished out with a few miles on
the treadmill and hit the shower to clean up and
change. I knew I was in for a day long debriefing. I had
been undercover before and debriefing was hard. You
were expected to recall all of the tiny bits of
information we catalogued from our time. Because I
had been so deep and gone for so long, I knew it was
going to be extremely taxing, even with my memory.
I grabbed some coffee and a bagel, and met with
Fortnight, Romelli and two other agents to get started.
I pulled out everything in excruciating detail, from the
time I got off the train in Romania to my first meeting
with a low-level Drac. I moved on to each contact I
made and how I eventually gained access to Corin. My
first assignment, my subsequent kills, all the things I
had seen from the girls, to the drugs, to the Dracs on
the inside and the foreign buyers who came through
the doors.
Around 6:00 P.M we wrapped. I was exhausted, but
glad to be done at least for now. I knew I would have
subsequent follow-ups, things that emerged once I
was away from Romania for a while or triggers after
being back under with the Dracs. But I feltalmost
cleansed this time, handing over the information I
stored in my brain for the last two years. It wasn't that
I wouldn't need it anymore, but I didn't have to hold
on to it like it was some secret file that was waiting for
its deliverance.
Finally, I was given my assignment specifications. I
read it and, as I was accustomed to, handed it back to
Fortnight who just shook his head. I was to meet with
Garrett Morgan, director of the New York field office
on Wednesday and would go back under on Thursday.
I would make contact with a low-level Drac Seth knew
and once again, become Emil Mazzonn.
I shook Fortnight and McCarty's hands and as I left
the FBI headquarters again in darkened SUV to make
my first exchange it began to sink in that I was really
going back to New York.
New York.
My home.
I knew it would actually be more difficult to remain
inconspicuous in my birthplace. I ran the risk of
running into old friends or family. The one thing I had
going for me was that I physically looked so much
different than I used to. Not only that, but once Eric
died I closed off to a lot of our friends and then once I
joined the FBI I hardly saw any of them. None of my
operations were based out of New York before this
one. I only saw my family fleetingly over the last seven
years. And I could recall with particular clarity the
heartbreaking look on my mother's and sister's faces
when I left for my first mission.
The only thing positive which came from leaving
them, was that I knew they cared. I knew, regardless
my sister and mother and father would always be
there. No matter when or how I returned they would
welcome me back.
Unlike Claire.
I made two more transfers, from the SUV to an
inconspicuous family vehicle and finally to a truck and
through a back entrance at Union Station. At last
finally I boarded a train bound for Penn Station. I
layed my head back and let the stress from debriefing
melt away to the hum of the wheels whirring across
the tracks beneath me. My mind slipped into a
slumber.
"Edward, why are you doing this you have nothing to
prove."
"Yes, I do Claire. Why can't you understand that?"
"He isn't coming back."
"I know that. I am not fucking crazy. I don't think
he's coming back!" I shouted and then sighed in a
frustrated tone. I pinched the bridge of my nose. We
were at an impasse. Ever since I told Claire I wanted
to join the FBI she fought me on it.
We had been together for almost three years. We met
at Georgetown at the end of our third year and being
native New Yorkers hit it off immediately. She was a
Whitney, another heir to a namesake of New York.
Her father was a prominent businessman and her
mother a housewife. She was smart and beautiful
with blond hair and big blue eyes. She was every elite
from New York's dream and an apparent perfect
match for me.
We dated through our final year and then decided to
move in together in an apartment on the upper west
side close to school. I would attend Columbia and she
was starting her job in marketing at her father's
company downtown.
But she wanted to live the high life as one of the
socialites of New York. I attended the parties and
functions with her, even though it was never my
thing. She was quite beautiful and could work a room
like any good businesswoman. I thought, this must
be it; this must be what it means to settle down and
make a relationship work.
But only two weeks after I started law school 9/11 hit.
She was more than there for me, having known other
friends and acquaintances who fell in the Towers.
But after Christmas her life all but returned to
normal and she couldn't understand why I couldn't
move on.
I was stuck in turmoil. I had lost my best friend, my
brother, the closest person to me in the world. Claire
and I began to drift apart. But I started to realize he
was closer than she ever would be. What we had was
circumstantial. I was a Cullen, she was a Whitney;
therefore, we were meant to be together. Right?
But as I looked at her on that cold February day
nearly a year later, I could see in her eyes what we
had was nothing to her. She was done. She wanted
the wealthy mate who could give her children and a
condo and a home in the Hamptons. She wanted to be
a socialite and attend fashion week and sip
champagne while shopping. She wanted me to move
on like it was a blip on the radar to lose my brother.
I couldn't believe she expected me to forget him, to go
on with life as though nothing happened. She told me
she would always be there for me, she told me she
would never give up on me. But she did.
I told her I wanted to be an agent and move back to
D.C. and she said she wouldn't do it. Couldn't do it.
For all I did for her, she couldn't do that for me.
It was over, we were over.
"So that's it then?" I asked. "You don't care that it's
my dream."
"It's not your dream Edward it's your obsession, and
I justI can't live like this." She threw her hands in
the air. "You're not the same person I met three years
ago."
"So you just give up. I didn't think that was what this
was about. Be there for each other during anything,
isn't that what we promised each other?" I didn't
even know why I was saying it. It wasn't going to
happen, we weren't going to happen. We had hardly
spoken in two months, we hadn't been together in
three.
"I can't compete with one ghost and try to live with
another Edward." She said. "I'm sorry. Butthis is
good-bye." She bent over and picked up her suitcase
and made her way for the door, her heels thumping
on the hardwood floor. The only sound that
registered was the click of the lock as the door closed
behind her.
"Arriving at Penn Station in ten minutes. Ten minutes,
Penn Station, New York City." I was awoken by the
sound of the conductor's voice. My dream was so
vivid, like it was yesterday. Over time I came to realize
that what Claire and I had wasn't love. It was
superficial. She wanted the lifestyle and the name. I
wanted the relationship. I didn't know if I would ever
find someone that I could be close to.
Fucking Eric was right; I was always too loyal for my
own good.
I shook off my memory and rubbed the sleep from my
eyes. It dawned on me then that I was officially back in
New York. I grabbed my duffle from the overhead and
made my way off the train. I was still wearing the
same clothes I wore yesterday and immediately
decided to check into a hotel for a shower, a shave and
a nap.
I made my way to the subway. I knew that later I
wanted to go to Central Park and decided to stay close
to the Park on the south side. Surely most of the hotels
would be booked, but I figured there had to be
cancellations and if I needed I could work my charm.
Being undercover did have some advantages. I was
able to win over almost any woman, or man really, in
a matter of minutes.
I jumped on the subway, ever watching the passengers
as they sat, checking the exits, my back, my sides,
scanning my surroundings. It never stopped and my
brain never quieted, even here in my home city I
couldn't keep from cataloging the possibilities.
I stepped off the blue line and walked up to the street
level. I decided to change up my appearance and
swung into a touristy store off Madison and bought a
new Yankees hat. I slipped the hat on my head, paired
with my aviators and I was comfortably disguised.
I made my way to the Essex to try my hand at a room.
Luckily they had a cancellation, it may have also had
something to do with the grin I gave the hotel
receptionist. But I went upstairs and settled into my
room. After doing some push-ups and sit-ups to keep
my muscles in check, I jumped in the shower for
another long hot soak.
Finally I slipped under the covers for a few hours of
serenity.
--
When I awoke it was 11:00, and I was hungry. Damn
hungry. I had an instant craving for the one and only,
New York's best Gray's Papaya hot dogs.
What a better way to welcome myself back to the
States than a hot dog?
I almost chuckled at myself, in the best mood I had
been in years. I wasn't sure if it was the rested feeling
I had or the fact that I was back in New York but I was
content, almost happy.
I donned the hat and aviators again and my standard
black shirt and jeans. I knew I had a chance to run
into someone today. But I also knew between my dark
hair, my larger frame and my hat and glasses it was
unlikely they would recognize me after all these years.
I decided to walk, knowing I had a good twenty blocks
ahead of me. But I was looking forward to stretching
my legs, and I was used to walking frequently after
living without a car in Romania. I stopped on
Broadway and bought a paper, noting the strangeness
of seeming connected to the world once again. I
strolled up Broadway, just taking in the sites and the
sounds of the bustling city. I could smell the heat and
rubber, the exhaust and the indescribable smell
ofpeople. It wasn't dirty, but it wasn't clean, it was
just representative of one of the most fantastic and
bustling cities in the world.
I walked up to Gray's at a quarter after noon and
noticed the line around the corner. Of course, I came
at the busiest time. But I wasn't in a hurry. In fact I
almost wanted to take my time and enjoy the
experience.
I leaned against a fire hydrant and I glanced down at
my paper, reading about Congress' new energy policy
and some scandal in D.C.
Suddenly a familiar twinge of blonde hair was making
its way down the sidewalk.
You've got to be kidding? What are the chances? The
Met is across the park, it has to be a mile from here?
Only seven or eight people down from me was my
brother-in-law Jasper. I noticed he had his back to me
now though and he was gesturing as though he were
talking to someone.
I considered leaving. I quickly analyzed my
surroundings, trying to determine if he saw me. But
then I relaxed, the last time I saw Jasper I had short
hair, was twenty pounds thinner and less muscular
and I was dressed in a suit.
He's not going to recognize me. Fuck I don't recognize
myself.
I looked back down at him, half way peering behind
my newspaper when he moved.
Holy fuck.
Who the hell is that?
Standing next to him was a woman. The sunlight
parsed its way through the trees and cast a gleam
down upon her. She wasI couldn't put a word on it.
Beautiful wasn't enoughextraordinary, incredible,
otherworldly.
She had dark chestnut hair, which glistened in the
sunlight and contrasted perfectly with creamy pale
skin. It was almost translucent in its clarity and I felt
my fingers twitch with the thought of running my
hand down her cheek.
What the fuck are you saying Cullen? You are
essentially undercover.
Yes, but I could admire her. And admire I would.
My eyes travelled her body and I was glad I was
hidden by the sunglasses and newspaper. She was
trim and petite but had the curves of a woman. My
hand twitched again at the thought of running it down
her side, over the inset of her waist and resting it on
her hip. Her legs were long and lean and she couldn't
have been very tall, but she was wearing nude colored
pumps that only accentuated her figure. And the
dress, the dress she was wearing was perfect. It was a
midnight blue which stood in perfect distinction from
her creamy skin. It was short, but not too short.
Fitted, but not tight. It showed off her exceptional
figure yet left much to the imagination. And it allowed
for those long creamy legs to flow up to her
Suddenly she glanced over to me and then hit Jasper
in the shoulder and looked down at herself.
Shit, I hope she didn't catch me staring. I quickly
buried my head deeper in my newspaper when
another thought occurred to me.
What the fuck is Jasper doing with this woman?
Jasper would never cheat on Alice, that much I knew.
Maybe they worked together? Maybe they were
friends meeting for lunch? Yes, their exchange looked
comfortable, like friends, not like lovers.
Yet, for some strange reason I became insanely
jealous of the fact that Jasper was even talking to her.
I wanted to be talking to her, I wanted to know her. I
wanted to be in reach of her creamy pale skin. I
wanted.
Seriously Cullen. What the fuck is your problem?
I made my way around the corner and they followed
shortly behind. I could almost feel the distance
between us, and I couldn't determine if it was my
overactive senses kicking in, or some strange draw I
had to this woman. All I wanted to do was look at her
again.
Finally,I glanced up again from the paper just as she
pushed her large sunglasses on to her head.
Jesus Christ.
I almost gasped at the sight of her. Her hair now
encircled her face in a slight, but alluring, disarray.
She had her arms crossed over her chest still and she
looked like she was pissed at Jasper.
But it wasn't her expression that made me gasp,
although that was sexy as hell in and of itself. No, it
was her large eyes, which from here I could see were a
deep, dark brown. Almost coffee colored in
appearance, like the chestnut and espresso colors of
her silky hair. She had a small nose and perfect pink
lips which I could only imagine were as soft as her
skin.
I shook my head again, pulling myself from my daze.
What the hell? She's only a woman, and apparently
friends with Jasper which makes her completely out
of the question. That would only risk your cover, your
mission, everything.
But before I could stop them, my eyes travelled back
to her and I was caught once again in the way the
sunlight danced off her chestnut waves and the way,
even though she seemed pissed, her eyes glistened
with passion and a bit of admiration.
Yes, they are definitely good friends.
Who was she? Did I know of her? I had to know who
this woman was.
I racked my brain thinking of all of Jasper and Alice's
acquaintances when I realized that they were married
shortly after college, around the time I joined the
Bureau and I had all but closed off to everyone in my
family. Of course I wouldn't know her. Jasper and
Alice's wedding was small and private at my parents at
the Hamptons. And she wasn't there.
I most certainly would have known if she was there.
I entered Gray's and made my way to the counter,
ordering my two dogs, with ketchup, mustard and
kraut and a soda. I found a spot at the side,
determined for some unknown reason to get just one
more look at her. She and Jasper placed their orders
and I couldn't help but feel a sudden magnetism or
sensation when she was now only mere feet away
from me. My body turned without willing it to and I
felt like I was being wrenched from my own two feet
towards her.
What is happening to me?
I had to place a hand on the side table as I stood there
mindlessly chewing the lunch I was so desperate for
only minutes earlier. At once, they received their
order and turned to leave. I instantly felt a longing,
and as though a vacuum had sucked the atmosphere
completely from the restaurant. Without thinking, I
quickly finished my second sandwich and my soda and
threw my things away and grabbed my newspaper.
I was going to follow them.
What the fuck? You can't follow them Cullen, you're
undercover.
My rational mind was warring with the inexplicable
need to feel that magnetism once again. Then
suddenly I felt it, and I looked up to see her hurry back
in and frantically grab napkins off the counter.
My body began moving without my mind even
prodding it. I was drawing closer to her. Unable to
control my legs as they moved forward. My fingers
were twitching when abruptly she turned and ran
smack into me.
She humpfed.
I gasped.
Holy shit.
It was like an explosion occurred, I grabbed her arms
to keep her from falling and at the same time a
scorching sensation shot through my fingertips and
throughout my entire body. I was on fire, like I was
combusting from the inside out.
Seriously, what the fuck is happening to me?
Then she lifted her head up and it was like all time
stopped. I wasn't at Gray's, I wasn't in New York, I
wasn't undercover, I wasn't anythingbut me.
Holding this woman's arm as her stunning brown eyes
seared into me. All I could feel, all I could sense was
warmth and coffee and vanilla and cinnamon. I
couldn't decide if it was her smell, her touch or the
blistering look in her eyes, but I felt as though my
hand was welded to her arm. I couldn't let go if I
wanted to.
Finally, she shook her head a bit and spoke.
"I'm sorry; I should really watch where I am going."
She stated nervously. "I was just in a hurry because I
spilled on my dress."
I couldn't stop it, I couldn't if I tried. My eyes followed
down to her dress and I noticed ketch up right over
her left breast. I had to suppress a moan and will my
hand to stay on her arm and not travel to her perfect
round
Fuck. Am I staring?
I pulled one hand from her arm and coughed and
immediately looked back up and found her gazing at
me as well.
The hand which was now removed was simmering like
I had set it on fire and then doused it with water. I
clasped it and unclasped it, my mind trying to register
the sensation.
Did she feel this? Was it possible? Was I making this
shit up in my head?
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I tried to remove my other arm, but my body wouldn't
let me. At last I found some coherence and responded
to her.
"It's not a problem. I just wanted to make sure you
didn't fall." I said, but I noticed her eyes darken and
my body instantly responded. I could feel a twitching
below my beltline and the warmth radiating from her
was almost unbearable.
I glanced down at her again and then back up at her
face. She was feeling this. She had to be.
Finally reality came crashing into my consciousness.
How long had we been standing here? Who saw this?
Really Cullen what the fuck are you doing? Jasper
could come back in at any moment.
I stepped back and released her other arm and
instantly the fire that was searing me dissipated.
"Well, thank you, for saving me or whatever." She
smiled impishly. I just stood there, willing my body to
calm down and become one with my mind once again.
And then she bit her lip.
Mijn Dio.
Fuck now I'm mixing languages.
The fire returned with a vengeance and instantly shot
to my groin.
How is this possible? I have never in my life had a
reaction like this to a woman.
Then her eyes widened and she nodded. I nodded back
at her, unable to speak, my mouth dry, my hands
clenched at my side and fire raging through my body.
I realized my chest was heaving and I was locked in
place fighting the most intense desire I had ever felt to
run after her.
You can't do this. Your cover. Your mission. Focus
Cullen.
I willed my breathing to return and glanced around
the shop at the patrons. An encounter which seemed
to last an eternity must have only been a few seconds.
I shook my head. No, I have to know. I have to
Fuck it.
My hands were still twitching and before I knew what
I was doing, I picked up the newspaper and exited
Gray's. I walked toward the park almost
unconsciously. I could see them ahead of me chatting
and laughing as they finished their lunch.
I was enraptured by her gate, her laugh as it danced
from her lips. The way the sun literally seemed to
sparkle off of her creamy skin. I followed them all the
way to the Met and finally I stopped and sat on the
steps.
Maybe I could talk to her. I wanted to see Jasper
anyhow; she could give him a message.
But I can't risk Jasper seeing me here.
Surely there's a way.
I made my way back to the park, contemplating,
berating myself for my actions. But every time I tried
to will myself to walk back to the hotel, I felt an
intense dread.
But of what?
Of never seeing her again?
But she works here obviously.
Of never knowing her the way I want to know her?
The dread was so suffocating, I could only compare it
to one other feeling...
I shook my head. Not possible.
This is insane Cullen!
I am a highly trained, highly dangerous, lethal
assassin.
You can't have relationships.
Relationship? Where the fuck did that come from?
I was screaming at myself in my head. It was like I had
been thrust from the blackness by a meteor screeching
across my dark sky, lighting it up as bright as the sun
on this hot New York Day.
Dear God what is wrong with me?
Maybe I'm losing it?
Maybe I really have gone insane. I am just a ghost of
myself.
But I couldn't deny that the single touch I felt from
this one woman made me feel so veryalive?
I sat down on a bench and forced myself to think of my
options, forced my brain back to its rational state.
What were the risks? What were the outcomes? Had I
been followed? Did anyone see me? Did anyone know
me?
I looked around, calculating, checking my
surroundings once again and noticed that no one was
watching, no one saw me. They were all preoccupied
with enjoying the day.
Fuck it. I thought and once again before I could think
any further I found myself scaling the stairs to the
Met. I paid my way in and wandered through the main
level exhibits. My mind still racing, still weighing the
pros and cons of my actions.
I 'm just a tourist?
No.
I'm an old friend?
Yes.
I was working it all out in my head as I made my way
into the Greek and Roman exhibit.
It's not like you're going to see her. The Met is
enormous.
But I could find her. I knew I could. And just as I was
considering what only hours ago would have seemed
like the most preposterous of options, I caught a
glimpse of blue and chestnut out of the corner of my
eye.
Holy shit. It's her.
I couldn't help but gaze at her as she made her way
into the hall. She must work here with Jasper. How
fitting that she work here, amongst some of the most
beautiful pieces in the world.
Though she surpasses them all.
I could see her walking in a ray of sunlight, peeking
through the windows at the top of the hall. It shone
down on her like a spotlight, as if she was only person
there. My eyes followed her svelte form, that blue
dress moving so effortlessly over her curves. I felt my
mouth go dry again just watching her. I knew I didn't
have my sunglasses on this time and I needed to be
more discreet.
But I couldn't.
It was inexplicable, the draw I had to her. I wasn't
technically undercover yet, but I knew I had to be
careful at all times. Nevertheless, I stood there in the
Greek and Roman exhibit, the light shining across the
statues of Gods and the great columns, yet all I could
focus on was her. As the sun shone on her chestnut
waves and pure pale skin sheseemed to reflect it all
directions.
Without realizing it, I was moving forward again.
Jesus Christ. This feeling. What is it?
I could still feel the tingle of her arm under my hand
from earlier. My fingers twitched at the burning
sensation. She was like a sun, radiating warmth and
beauty, a beacon of light pulling me in and guiding me
home.
Mijn Zon. Mijn licht.
What the fuck was I saying? My sun, my light? I can't
be drawn to this woman. I'm going undercover in a
week. I shook my head, this was first of all impossible,
and second of all stupid.
And then it was not lost on me, the paradox of the
thoughts that just ran through my head. My sun. The
irony. My cover name. Mazzonn.
A sun, guiding me out of the blackness that I had been
lost in for the last two years.
Hell nine years.
I shook my head. No. I could not talk to her. I needed
to move out of the exhibit and find a different way to
give Jasper a message and quietly slip away.
Assess, initiate, execute, and release. Like any other
covert operation.
Release.
Fuck.
Why am I thinking these things? Is it simply because I
have been surrounded by the worst of the world for
the last two years? Only young girls sold into slavery
which made me so repulsed I couldn't think of seeking
my own desires. Or that I haven't felt the touch of real
woman in over a year, and even then it was pure
carnal gratification.
Still, as I fought my thoughts, my body wouldn't listen.
I continued moving toward her and suddenly I
realized she had stopped.
She was gazing at the Apollo in quite obvious
admiration.
Apollo. God of the Sun. How fitting.
For Christ's sake! Is there some force planting these
thoughts in my head? I must just be brokeneck from
coming out from my years undercover.
That must be it. I can't do this. I can't allow myself to
get connected to anyone.
Then why did I have the unyielding urge to throw all
caution to the wind and speak to her? I couldn't place
it, it was a need, a hunger gripping at my gut from the
moment I touched her at Gray's to now seeing her in
the light of the great hall.
I had to say something, to be near her. I stepped close
to her, just feeling her presence and her warmth. She
was like a sun, exuding energy and I gravitated to her.
Like a lost traveler following the sun to direct them to
safety.
I wanted her to be my sun, though I knew in my brain
I couldn't. But I still had to say something; I couldn't
slip back into the darkness without basking in her
warmth for just a moment.
"It's really remarkable isn't it?" It slipped from my
tongue before I could even think.
I saw her tense and I could instantly feel a heightened
sensation in the magnetic field that seemingly
surrounded us once again. It was like at Gray's when
as the closer I got to her, the stronger it felt. I was
being drawn to her by some inanimate force, pulling
me along and I had to no will to resist it.
"Remarkable is the perfect word for it." She said
quietly, but her eyes remained upon the statue.
Maar jouw schoonheid is niet van deze aarde.
But your beauty is otherworldly.
How I wanted to tell her that in so many words. I was
so close to her now. I could almost taste the sweet
coffee and vanilla of her hair and feel the warmth of
the blood under her cheeks. My rational mind and my
impervious body warring with emotions as I neared
her.
I can't do this.
But I want to.
I deliberated for a moment.
"Hmmm." I gave my pondering aloud.
"I would venture to say there are more beautiful
things in this room however." It was so quiet I
couldn't tell if I only thought it or if I said it.
It was true. But I can't have her. It's impossible.
Then I gazed at her and realized I must have said it
aloud because I saw her chest rise and fall with a deep
breath. I could see her face flush and practically hear
her heartbeat quicken.
My mouth was lost of all wetness once again.
I knew I was staring at her intently, but I couldn't pull
myself away. Finally, she turned and her eyes widened
in recognition, but she seemed to be contemplating
something as well. Her rich brown eyes, just as bold as
the chestnut and espresso of her hair, bore into mine.
We stood entranced once again, simply hypnotized by
one another and unable to look away. Then she tipped
her head in question.
"So if it's not the Apollothe Aphrodite perhaps?" She
quirked one perfect brow at me, obviously toying with
me a bit. She was sharp as well.
Intelligent and beautiful, a deadly combination.
Aphrodite. Indeed. You are.
I smirked at her, thinking, how to tell her what I
thought without saying it in those words? I lifted my
hand to my head without realizing, only to be met with
my Yankees hat.
Her eyes followed mine and I saw a flicker of
something cross her face.
Desire?
Dear God.
I swallowed. Focus.
Finally, I spoke. Telling her what I wanted to say in so
many words.
"An equivalent let's say." Her eyes blazed at me then
and once more I felt my body moving closer, greedy
for her warmth. I wanted to touch her again. I wanted
to feel the warmth of her skin on mine. I wanted
Then I stopped. As realization dawned on me
regarding this place and this time, my cover and the
impossible situation.
No. You can't have her.
I willed myself to step back, removing myself from the
intense situation. The warmth of her body and the
current between us slightly fading, reminding me that
I couldn't have her, no matter the draw.
What are you here for Cullen? Focus. My training
kicked in and I resumed my faade.
"I'm sorry to disturb you," I said then, "but I saw you
walk away from Gray's with a man. His name wasn't
Jasper Whitlock perhaps?" I asked coming back to my
original intent for visiting the Met.
"Yes he works here." She said, appearing a bit taken
aback. "Do you know him?"
I sighed. No schoonheid, please don't be offended. But
I resumed my cover.
"We go way back." I turned to look at the statue, trying
to be as vague as possible. But then I realized, she
probably thought I followed her here. Or worse, she
thought I only followed her here to get to Jasper. I
couldn't tell her that I was inclined to follow her
anywhere for reasons I couldn't possibly explain. I
needed to back track and cover that mistake.
"Sorry, I just happened to come to the Met for the
afternoon when I saw you. And I don't mean to
trouble you, but could you give him a message for
me?" I asked her and gave her a small smile.
Even though I did follow you, because I am
absolutely enraptured by you for some ungodly
reason.
"I can, but he works just down the hall you can go talk
to him yourself." She gestured kindly, but still
observing me questioningly.
I shifted and cast a fleeting glance across the gallery.
Ensuring that no one was watching and re-checking
my exits out of habit. I wanted to see Jasper, but knew
I couldn't, not in this public place. I needed an exit
strategy.
"I really can't."
Though I want to. Really, I want to be with you.
I quickly looked at my watch. "I have to go actually.
But can you tell him" I waited, hoping she would
give me her name.
She was looking at me strangely. Obviously unsure of
who I was and the situation.
"Can I tell him what?" She asked.
I blew out a breath and motioned my hand. If I was
never going to see her again at least I would get her
name. I could give myself just that.
Mijn zon please give me that.
Recognition immediately took her angelic face and she
answered.
"Bella." She said in a hushed tone.
"Bella." I repeated almost breathlessly without even
thinking before I uttered the words.
Of course. Fucking perfect. Of course her name is
Bella. Beautiful. Bella. Enchanting. Bella. Schoonheid
in the flesh.
Impossible. Bella.
I lifted my head and forced myself to keep my
composure. Drawing on every ounce of training I
could at the moment. This was harder than an
assignment, harder than staring down my next kill
and pulling the trigger.
Because I knew; I knew that I would say these few
words to her and never see her again. I would slip
back undercover and she would move on with her life,
seamlessly without remembering our interaction.
"Can you tell him that E's back in town." I said as
succinctly as possible. She looked at me in confusion
and I stepped forward slightly, once again drawn by
her gravity.
It hit me with a force. She was so perfect and petite, I
towered over her, but yet she fit right next to me. I
could see the look in her eyes. She wasn't afraid, if
anything she appeared to be as in awe of me as I was
of her.
Which scared me all the more and made me want her
all the more.
Again, I wanted to touch her; I wanted to trace my
fingers down her perfect pale skin and over her
sumptuous red lips. I wanted to hold her and protect
her and feel her body against mine. Her eyes burned
into me and I couldn't comprehend the tumult of
feelings wreaking havoc on my body.
Instead, I bent down slowly, getting as close to her as
possible without physically touching her, knowing
that if I touched her again it would be my undoing.
"Thank you.Bella." I said in a whisper. And with all
the resolve I could muster I stepped away, willing my
feet in front of the other. I continued past the columns
until I was out of sight.
I all but raced out of the Met, ignoring the pull that
was tempting me to turn behind. I ran down Fifth
Avenue and to the doors of the Essex. I didn't even
bother to take the elevator. I couldn't look back, I
couldn't stop. Because if I did I would go back to her
and jeopardize everything.
I opened the door to my room and slammed it shut
dropping to the floor. I put my head in my hands
trying to pull myself together.
What the hell just happened to me? It was like an out-
of-body experience. I was so taken with her and every
part of my being was enticed to her. This has never
happened to me, I have never lost focus, I have never
felt like that about a woman. Shit about anything.
Yet I couldn't will away the images or the smells, nor
did I want to, of chestnut and coffee and vanilla and
the perfectness of her next to me, her arms in my
hands.
I banged my head against the door and sat there in
frustration before once again slipping into the
darkness.
But in that final moment, before sleep over took me,
only one thing crossed my mind.
Mijn Zon. Mijn Licht. Mijn Schoonheid.
~~~-~~~

Chapter 4 - Connections
Chapter Song: U2 With Or Without You
BPOV
I could feel the cool breeze whispering through the
windows as soft hands tickled down my side.
I hummed at the sensation and closed my eyes
tighter.
Suddenly soft lips and a rough, yet smooth tongue
followed in a trail of fire. I shuddered at the
sensation, of almost an electrical current gloriously
shocking me with each pass of the lips.
"You're remarkable" the gravelly voice murmured
as his lips and tongue paid tribute to my ear and
neck. My back was to him and I could feel his entire
body, growing closer in the sheets. My skin was
humming with the sensations, nerves dancing on end
from his touch and the cool breeze skittering across
the sheets.
"What's remarkable is you." I responded.
The arm wrapped around my body pulling me snugly
into him. I could feel his length pressed against my
back and my pulse quickened in anticipation.
A fleeting thought passed through my brain as his
hands ever so slowly tickled along my sternum and
finally clutched my breast. I moaned as the heat
seared from his fingers into my nipple as he lightly
caressed my pert peak.
The thought, James, must have come over last night
after I slept?
Did I let him in? He doesn't have a key.
But my mind couldn't focus on the passing thought
because his hand was now caressing me and ever so
slowly working its way down to my center as his lips
continued to worship the juncture of my neck.
I reached my arm back and groaned as he lightly
caressed my lower lips and I opened myself up to
him.
I turned my head wanting nothing more than to feel
his mouth on mine, our tongues dancing and pulsing
as he pressed his fingers into me. I was dripping with
anticipation.
He pulled me tighter and shifted his other arm
around me when finally I opened my eyes only to be
met with a sea of jade and a devastating smirk of
plump lips swollen from his kisses.
Wait what?
Jade?
My eyes widened.
"Bella" he whispered.
Apollo?
I shot straight up in bed, my chest heaving and
panting in expectation. I was sweating and sticky and
couldn't focus on my surroundings.
I shook the cobwebs from my brain as I finally glanced
around the room. My window was slightly open and
there was a light breeze making its way in. The sheets
were tangled around my legs, my pajamas in disarray.
My skin was boiling and I could feel intense heat and
wetness between my legs.
For the love of God, since when do I have erotic
dreams? I'm not a fifteen year old boy.
And not even of the man I'm dating. What the fuck?
It was the jade-eyed Apollo from Gray's and the Met.
E. I could almost feel his hands on me and hear his
voice whispering my name. I ran my hands down my
arms now shivering from the contrast of my hot skin
and the breeze from outside.
God, it was so real, like he was really here.
Finally my eyes settled on only the smallest glimmer
of light from outside. It was still early. I glanced at my
clock to find it was only 5:00 but I didn't think I could
go back to sleep. I was completely awake and I could
feel the tension in my belly, just begging to be
released.
Jesus what's this man doing to me?
Before I gave it another thought, I lay back in my bed
and I wound my hand under my boyshorts and down
to my folds as I thought of the image of the jade-eyed
Apollo. His taught muscular arms and his hard body
in that form fitting tee. His rugged jaw and the bit of
scruff that I wanted to feel against my cheek, against
my inner thigh, against my
I moaned at the thought and felt the wetness pooling
once again.
I couldn't believe the reaction I had from merely
seeing the man in Gray's and at the Met. My body had
never been so electrified in all my life, it was like I was
a livewire, jolted up and just begging to be freed.
I circled myself and instantly jerked at the sensation,
imagining his lips and his hands on me once again like
in my dream. I slowly parted my lips thinking of his
strong arms around me, imagining it was his fingers
working their magic. I wanted to lick the tattoo on his
bicep and tear the black t-shirt from his chest to find if
there were more under his cover. I wanted run my
hands over his fine pecs that I could see yesterday
pressing against the fabric.
I brought my other hand down to join my right and
circled myself once again. My hips thrust off the bed
and I imagined him pushing me back as he would
work me over and over.
A moan escaped my lips, I couldn't contain it. Then I
thought of my hand in his long hair, his piercing jade
eyes staring at me as his pink tongue snaked its way
out and licked
"Unghh!" I felt my body shatter around my fingers and
I melted back into the sheets.
Holy shit that was fast.
I lay there quivering, simply spent from my emission.
What the hell was that? I have never responded to a
man that quickly let alone a dream man. Who was this
guy and why was my body on fire to mere images of
him from only brief encounters?
I lay there pondering, allowing my breathing to steady
and the relaxation to kick in. Even as calm as I was
now, I knew I couldn't go back to sleep. So I lie there,
thinking about the Apollo and the strange
contradictions in our encounter yesterday. I thought
he wanted to talk to me, and he was so close I could
almost taste him. But then he abruptly backed away
and said he knew Jasper and I was so confused by the
situation that I didn't know what to make of it.
The only thing I did know was that he was literally the
most gorgeous man I had ever seen and if I ever saw
him again, I would have to get his real name.
If I can even speak in his presence.
I shook my head, now down from my high and looked
at the light streaming in the window. I rolled myself
out of bed and tossed my hair in a ponytail. I quickly
brushed my teeth and dressed in some running
clothes and grabbed my ipod off the counter. Finally I
downed a glass of water and made my way out the
door.
I stepped outside and stretched a bit in front of my
building, just taking in the breeze of the cool June
morning. I glanced around my neighborhood and felt
my mouth turn into a smile.
I loved my building and my neighborhood. I lived on
West 93rd only a few blocks from Central park. My
condo was a beautifully maintained one that I was
lucky to get in my price range with the unfortunate
downturn in the recession. But I had been saving for a
long time, since I was a kid really, and especially since
I was out of college. When I was promoted last year I
finally decided to buy a condo.
It was a one bedroom with hardwood floors, and an
updated kitchen and dining area. The previous owners
renovated and restored the floors and replaced the
counters and the tiles and painted it a light cream and
khaki. It was modern and perfect and move-in; exactly
what I wanted. My building even had a gym in it so in
the winter months I could simply go downstairs.
But the best part was my neighborhood, I was close to
Central Park, coffee shops, Columbia, the red line, it
was perfect. Like I did on most mornings I could
simply walk out my door and head for the Park in one
direction or the Hudson in the other. Because it was
Manhatten, I was never at a loss for something to look
at. Most mornings I simply ran, enjoying the scenery
and the city-goers.
I entered the park and hopped on the path to make my
way around the reservoir. But this morning I didn't
look at the other joggers on the path or the dogs
running in the open spaces, my mind kept drifting
back to Apollo.
I guess that's what I will have to call him until I find
out his real name.
If I ever do. I thought sadly.
There were just so many contradictions about him.
The intense heat I felt when his hands were on my arm
or the current that seemed to flow between us when
he was near, yet the abruptness with which he backed
away from me. There was so much warmth and yet
deep sadness in his jade eyes. He was a walking
contradiction. Almost elegant in his beauty but yet his
body was hard and muscled and just
Shit. I had to stop thinking these things while I was
running through the park. A dog might sniff me out
and try to dry hump my leg or something.
Instead I willed myself to think about my upcoming
day. I had to be at the rec center in Brooklyn at 9:30
for my art class with Angela. I thought about Angela
some more, she was so quiet, and she never talked
about her friends or her family. I almost felt like she
was keeping something in. I felt like she and I were
friends, but she seemed to hold back. I would never
push her. I knew as well as anyone that sometimes a
person just doesn't want to talk. I was like that right
after Brad died, until Jasper told me about the group
Alice was going to. But once I started going I knew I
had to let the emotions out, I had to talk to work
through Brad's death. Once I did, I felt better.
Maybe she does just need someone to talk to?
I had never seen her with anyone except her son, and
then only as she picked him up from his activities at
the rec center. He had striking blond hair and a big
toothy grin. He really looked nothing like her, so I
assumed he must look like her boyfriend.
I made my way along the backside of the Met,
admiring its beauty even when I wasn't working there.
I marveled at the aura that surrounded it as the sun
sparkled behind it and rose higher in the sky from the
East. I made my turn toward the castle still thinking
about Angela and how I might get her to open up to
me.
Maybe I will ask her to lunch?
Just as I was pondering the thought I saw a jogger
cross in front of me on heading south on West Drive,
about twenty yards away.
I almost stopped jogging.
It can't be.
I saw a mess of dark brown hair peeking out of a
Yankees hat that was turned backwards. This time he
had on Oakley like sunglasses and his taught body was
adorned in under armour and I could see the outline
of every muscle in his arms and back. He was
incredibly defined and moved with the grace of a lion.
He wasmagnificent.
I shook my head, my breathing laboring from the few
miles I had already put in and then I realized I was
also holding it while I watched him. He was too far
ahead of me to catch him as he was much too fast for
me and was already heading south on West Drive.
I must be crazy. It couldn't have been him. It's not like
you are going to run after him anyway.
Seriously Bella, now your hallucinating. You've only
met this guy once!
I finished out my run trying to think of anything but
the jade-eyed Apollo and climbed the stairs to my
condo for a little extra burn. I showered and tossed on
my Yankees tee and some jeans and tied my hair in a
ponytail before heading for the Subway.
I looked over my plans for the art class and prepared
my materials on Michaelangelo as I sat on the train.
The kids were sculpting today and I couldn't help but
let my mind wander to the statue of David and the
perfection of the form of man.
I wonder if that's what his abs look like
Dear God. I have to stop thinking about this man.
I shook my head again and decided I needed to focus
on the actual men in my life. I was headed to Charlie's
in the afternoon to watch the baseball game, but I was
hoping to see James tonight. I decided to send him a
quick text to see if he had any plans.
J~ Any plans for tonight?~B
I hummed to myself as I prepared my materials and
my body swayed to the subway car taking me to
Brooklyn. My phone chirped and I smiled when I saw
the response.
B~I have tickets for Les Mis if you want to go?~J
J~Les Mis! Of course I want to go! What time?~B
B~Late show, but we can grab a bite before. Pick you
up at 7?~J
J~Great. See you then.~B
My day was getting better and better. I loved Les
Miserables. I had seen it three times already on
Broadway and I couldn't help but think of the music
and the passion of the performers.
I found myself getting lost thinking about it when
suddenly I noticed the train had pulled into my stop in
Brooklyn. I hopped off the subway and walked the
four blocks to the rec center. I looked around my old
neighborhood and couldn't help but smile. To an
outside observer it might look bleak. But for those of
us that grew up here, we only saw the helpful store
owners and the kids playing on the corner. I saw
families and friends enjoying a Saturday afternoon
out.
I walked into the rec center a good thirty minutes
early for my class. I wasn't sure if Angela would be
there yet, but I hoped to talk her into going to lunch
with me.
"Bella!" Someone called out my name from down the
hall and I could see Zafrina waving at me and made
my way over.
"Zafrinahow are you, do you need help?" I could
now see she was trying to carry in boxes of paints and
offered her a hand. She taught a painting class for
adults on Saturdays and was a rather accomplished
artist based out of Brooklyn.
"Bell did you see the new guy that's teaching the
science class for the young kids?"
"No, who is he?" I asked, helping her carry the box to
the room she was assigned to.
"He's a cutie, too short for me, but I thought you
might be interested." She giggled.
Zafrina was very tall, almost six feet with long black
hair and beautiful olive skin. She was from Brazil and
moved to the U.S. to model about ten years ago. But
she had always loved to paint and opened her own
small studio six months ago.
"How short is too short?" I quirked an eyebrow. "You
know that doesn't matter if he knows what he's
doing." I wiggled them now.
Zafrina snorted. "Oh Bella, you are too funny." She
rolled her eyes. "He's probably 5'8, that's a little too
short for me."
"Well Zafrina, thanks for thinking of me, but I am
seeing someone right now." I helped her unload the
boxes and then I thought of something.
"You know Zafrina, we should try to set him up with
Ang. What's his name?"
"Ben Cheney. I guess he teaches at a private school in
Manhatten."
Hmmm. I might just have to bring this up to Angela,
or figure out a way to get him in our room.
I made my way to the room Angela and I used and
found her setting up the supplies for the sculpting
projects.
"Hey Ang. How are you this morning? How's Eliot?"
"Hi Bella. He's good. He's taking a drawing class this
morning and then he has baseball so he's very
excited." She laughed and pushed her glasses up on
her nose.
"What time is he done with baseball?"
"Not until 11:30."
"Do you want to grab an early lunch with me after
class?" I hoped she would accept.
"That would be great Bella." She smiled.
The first of our kids began walking in and I finished
helping Angela get things set up for their sculpting
projects. I told them about Michaelangelo and other
famous sculpters and showed them pictures of great
pieces of work. Once the kids cleaned up their stations
and their parents picked them up or they trounced off
to their next activity, Angela and I closed the room up.
We chatted as we made our way to a deli down the
street since Eliot had practice until 11:30.
"Are you glad to be done with school for the year?" I
asked Angela.
"It's nice. I get to spend my days with Eliot then." She
said smiling. I could see how much she loved him
whenever she did talk about him. We ordered our
food and sat down at a table on the sidewalk.
"Do your parents ever take him? Or your boyfriend's
parents so you can have a day off?" I asked as I took a
bite of my sandwich.
Angela got very quiet.
"I'm sorry Ang, I didn't mean to pry." I said quietly.
"No, it's okay Bellait's just thatI haven't exactly
told you about everything." She sighed then.
"Ang, really you don't have to if" I trailed off.
"No Bella, really, I want to." She took a deep breath
and I just focused on my sandwich and listening. I just
wanted to be her friend, I felt like she needed
someone. In fact she never even mentioned many
other friends.
"Eliot, well, he's not my boyfriend's. I never had a
boyfriend." She started.
I shook my head at her confused. "What do you
mean?"
"You're going to think I am so stupid and nave and"
she trailed off.
I reached my hand over and put it on hers. "Ang. I
would never think that. It's okay. I think you might
need to let it out and I'm here to listen, but if you don't
want to I understand too. Just know, I will never judge
you or think you are stupid." I smiled at her
hesitantly.
She swallowed and I saw the beginnings of tears form
in her eyes. She took a deep breath then and cleared
her throat before she launched in.
"I was twenty-two, and young andnave like I said. I
had only had one boyfriend and he broke up with me
the day before graduation from college. He was afraid
we were too close to settling down, he wanted to
experience more of the world." She rolled her eyes
and continued. "I was devastated, but some
girlfriends talked me into going out in Manhatten a
few nights later. As you know I'm pretty shy, so they
got me all dressed up and did my hair and I wore
contacts. We went to this new club and I ended up
getting really drunk and met this guy. He was
gorgeous, I couldn't believe that he would be
interested in me. Of course we started dancing and he
was buying me drinks and one thing led to another"
She raised her eyebrows and looked down in shame.
"Ang it's okay everyone has flings." I tried to reassure
her.
She laughed dryly. "If only that was all it was. I was
stupid. He left me his card and I thought that was it.
But then six weeks later" She exhaled. "I found out I
was pregnant. I knew it was his because my boyfriend
and I hadn't been together for months before. I called
him and told him and he was instantly angry and said
I was lying. Then I went to see him and he said I only
wanted him for his money and demanded I get a
paternity test." She shook her head.
"I didn't even realize who he was at the time. But I
refused to accept anything from him after the way he
treated me. He threw me out of his office, I was
humiliated, I didn't want anything to do with him or
his family and he said he would never tell them."
I couldn't believe it. What an ass.
"So I decidedI didn't need him." She shrugged. "My
parents were angry and all but disowned me because
they thought I was throwing my life away. But I
justsomething in me told me I had to keep the baby.
I don't regret it. I love Eliot dearly."
I rubbed her hand some more, but I was curious about
something. "So did you ever talk to him againthe
father?"
She blew out a breath again and nodded. "Yes. I ended
up having a paternity test for medical reasons because
childhood diabetes is prevalent on my side of the
family and I needed to know if there was anything on
his side. You know, anything that could be dangerous
or complicate his health."
She rolled her eyes then. "Turned out he was from a
very wealthy family in New York and he didn't even
tell his parents about it. He only told his brother, and I
told him I didn't want them to know. He swore his
brother to secrecy."
"So they don't even know about Eliot?" She shook her
head.
I was astonished, I couldn't imagine if Brad had a
child, not knowing my niece or nephew. Especially
now that he was gone. That made me think of
something else.
"So if you didn't see himI thought you said he died
on 9/11?"
"He did. His office was in the first tower. I always just
said he was my boyfriend so I wouldn't have to explain
the situation. And I didn't want any handouts from his
family. It's probably stupid but I've raised him by
myself and I'm proud of that. The only other people
who know the real story are my parents and his
brother."
I nodded. She didn't want people to know, and I would
respect her wishes, even if I didn't understand.
"Does he ever" I asked.
Ang smiled then. "Yeah. I feel bad for him, he misses
his brother a lot, and I know he thinks of Eliot as the
only thing he has left of him. But I swore him to
secrecy as well, even after he died. I know he loves
Eliot, he calls him every other day and tries to see him
whenever he's in town. Eliot really loves him too. It's
just hard. Every time I see him I'm reminded of what
Eliot's missing out on. But now it's been nine years so
how do I tell them?" She shrugged sadly.
I felt like that was the end of the conversation for the
day and I didn't want to push her any more. We
finished our lunches in relative silence as we walked
back toward the rec center to watch Eliot and the
other boys play a pickup baseball game after their
practice.
I was glad how much Ang had opened up to me. I
could see how strong she was, but also how lonely she
was at the same time. It made me think all the more
about trying to get her to meet the new science
teacher.
"Crap! Bella, what time is it?" Angela asked me
suddenly.
"Um. Almost noon why?" I said looking up from my
watch.
"I have to go. I'm meeting his brother today, he's back
in town!" She jumped up and grabbed her bag. "Eliot!"
She shouted.
Then she turned to me and stopped for a moment.
"Thanks Bella.for everything." She smiled warmly.
"Any time Ang."
--
"Yeah!" I heard cheering from the front room as I
stepped in the door.
"Charlie?"
"C'mon Jeter you can make that play!" I heard another
shout then.
I cringed. Jake. He and Leah and the boys must be
over for the game.
I walked into the other room to see my Dad and
practically half of his precinct sitting around watching
the Yankees game.
"Bells!" Jared jumped up and gave me a hug as Sam
and Leah all looked at me. Jake and Leah's boys
Embry and Quil waved and I turned to see Jake and
his father Billy sitting next to my Dad. I walked over
and gave my Dad a kiss on the cheek.
"Hey Dad." I said softly.
"Hi Bell." He cleared his throat. "The boys and I were
just watching the game."
"That's great Dad. Did you have lunch yet?"
"Uh no." He looked at me sheepishly as he glanced at
his beer.
"Well I already ate, but why don't I order you some
pizza."
I walked into the kitchen to grab a takeout menu out
of my Dad's rather large stash and ordered pizzas for
the group. Charlie never was one much for cooking
and ever since Renee left he didn't make the effort.
I stood there looking around my childhood home. He
hadn't changed a thing. The cupboards were still the
same eighties green and the linoleum of the floor was
worn through in strategic areas. I sighed, thinking
about my Mom, Renee. I had long ago gotten over her
leaving us, but I was still angry with her for hurting
Charlie. He never moved on from her.
After Renee left Charlie took to caring for Brad and I
by himself. I knew it was hard for him. Cops from
Brooklyn don't make a lot of money. But he was a
good father. He was always closer to Brad but I never
felt neglected. I think because Brad was a boy it just
made it easier to connect with him. I don't think he
quite knew what to do with me. But he always made
time for me, whether it was our father daughter days
at the Met or taking us to a Yankees game with Jake in
tow.
But after Brad died he was never fully worked through
it. Charlie was always quiet, humble and a man of few
words. He threw himself into his work and
unfortunately due to the loss of so many lives, he was
promoted to Captain of his precinct. It was just sad
that his promotion had to come about due to such a
tragic event. After Brad and Harry were killed he
wasn't the same. He drew within himself and worked
non-stop, never taking time for another woman or
dating, not that he dated after Renee anyway.
"Bells?" I was pulled from my thoughts and turned
around to see Jacob in the doorway. He was as big as
always, with his dark brown hair, almost black eyes
and russet skin. There was no denying Jacob was a
beautiful man, but he was Jake. I grew up with him.
He was my brother's best friend and to think of him in
any other way just seemedweird.
"Hi Jake, how have you been." He moved to give me a
hug but I stepped toward the fridge. "You want a
beer?" I reached in to grab one and offered him one.
He sighed.
"Thanks." He said as we both cracked ours open in
silence and took a sip.
"So, how's the Manhatten life? Life in the fast lane and
all that." He said a little snidely.
I rolled my eyes at him. Jake could never understand
why I wanted to live and work in Manhatten. The way
he saw it, I was the daughter of a cop. I should have
married a cop, preferably him, and stayed in Brooklyn
and had babies with him.
"Jake." I raised an eyebrow at him. I sighed. "It's
good. I'm still working at the Met which I love and I
have my own place now."
"Good for you Bells." He sipped his beer and we
stayed silent for a few more minutes.
"You're being careful though right?" He asked then.
"Jake." This time I said it a little annoyed.
"I just worry about you Bells." He stepped closer.
"I can take care of myself thank you." I took a drink of
my beer and glared at him a bit. "Shouldn't you see if
Leah wants a beer?" I quirked my eyebrow at him.
"She's not drinking."
"Not drinking?"
"Yeah Bells, we're uhI mean she's pregnant again.
We were going to tell you later."
"Congratulations, that's great Jake, I'm really happy
for you." I gave him a smile. I was happy for him.
Three kids. Wow. I could only hope focusing on his
family would help him keep his focus away from me.
"Yeah. Thanks." He gave me a half smile. Suddenly the
doorbell rang and I welcomed the escape as I jumped
to go get it.
Jake and I had aninteresting history. He was only a
year younger than Brad and the three of us were
inseparable when we were kids even though I was a bit
younger than them.
But as I got to be a teenager I learned he was always
infatuated with me. I only saw him as my brother's
friend. Yet since the time I was fourteen Jake wanted
to be more than friends. He never made it known that
he liked me, but when I started dating Alec he became
possessive and overprotective, especially since it was
shortly after Brad died.
Eventually I made it very clear to him that I was not
interested and being my twenty year old bitchy self, I
told him he needed to get a life. He finally backed off,
but I felt bad that I had lost my good friend.
Fortunately, Leah had always been in love with him
and I found relief when they got together. I knew it
was stupid and petty of me, but Jake just made me
uncomfortable now. We were no longer the childhood
friends we had once been. Of course Leah didn't like
me because she always thought of me as a threat. Even
though I would never love Jake that way.
Like all of my Dad's friends Jake's father Billy was a
cop. He was shot in the line of duty in 1995 and was
since in a wheelchair. Even so, all of the boys from our
street wanted to become cops and they did. Brad,
Jacob, Jared, Sam, they all grew up to be cops. Which
meant all of my brothers friends now worked with
Charlie and were friends with Charlie. So I had to still
hang out with Jacob occasionally.
The only one that didn't was Seth. Seth was Leah's
little brother. His father Harry was my father's good
friend and Brad's partner, a classic young cop, old cop
combination. They happened to be on duty and close
to the first tower when it was hit and went to the
scene.
I sighed. I thought about all the people that were lost
that day. How devastated Seth was to lose Harry. Seth
was great and was exceptionally smart. But after
Harry died, it lit a fire under him and he worked even
harder. He graduated school early and was a cop by
the time he was twenty. Then he joined the FBI when
he was only twenty-three. I hadn't seen him in a
couple of years but I was sure he was doing well.
Sometimes I wondered if his reasons for joining the
FBI weren't similar to Alice's brother's.
I wonder if he knows Alice's brother.
I paid the delivery man for the pizza and saddled up in
front of the TV with everyone to watch the game and
drink some beers. It was funny how I was just as
comfortable having beers with the cops, watching a
ballgame as I was drinking top shelf martinis at the
newest bar in Manhatten. It was something Brad
always teased me about, the fact that I had such polar
opposite interests sometimes. But unlike Jacob, Brad
encouraged me to follow my dreams and pursue my
career. He didn't want me to end up like Renee. It was
the one thing, probably the only thing, that he and my
mother agreed about.
I wish they could have made amends before he died.
Brad was always much more angry with our mother
than me. Since he was nine when she left, he
understood more. He never got over what she did to
my father and he never went to her and Phil's house. I
stayed relatively close with her because I was younger
when they divorced, but I still didn't fully understand
her reasons for leaving until I was older. It didn't
make it right or better, but at least Renee and I were
able to have some form of a relationship and move on.
But not Brad, he refused to even go for the scheduled
custody visits once he was fifteen, and Charlie and
Renee didn't force him. He and Charlie were
extremely close and it made it all the harder for
Charlie when he died.
I looked around the room at the numerous people that
were affected by his death. He would have been thirty-
four this upcoming Friday. I couldn't believe it had
been almost nine years that he was gone. They never
found his body, just some of his effects to identify him.
We had a memorial service along with the Clearwaters
and a few of the other families from their precinct.
The hardest part for me was never getting the chance
to really say good-bye and have something that was
left of him. Maybe that's why Charlie left his room
untouched even after all this time.
I shook my head at my thoughts. I knew I had to move
on and stay positive about the other things in my life.
And I was; I truly felt blessed by my friends, the family
I had left and my job. But sometimes, I felt like I was
missing something, whether it was Brad or something
else I wasn't sure of. Even so, I knew I was lucky
compared to many others.
After the game I said good-bye to Charlie and the rest
of the gang. I walked to the subway and hopped on the
red line to head back to Manhatten. My somber
thoughts from earlier were replaced with my
excitement for the night ahead. It was quite funny,
how I felt completely at home in Brooklyn and equally
so in Manhatten.
I stepped off the subway around 5:00 and walked to
my condo trying to decide what I was going to wear for
my night. I wanted something sexy, something that
would make James excited. I thought about my
shimmery gray strapless dress and black stilettos
Alice snagged me from a shoot last week. I told her I
didn't need them because I didn't have anything to
wear them to, but she insisted saying that something
might come up. Now I could make use of them.
I should never bet against Alice.
I quickly showered and shaved and did
all my girly necessities before putting on
my dress and makeup. I applied some
smokey eye shadow and some mascara. I
usually wore very little makeup, just
enough to cover any dark circles, but
tonight I put on a bit more. I finished it
off with some berry colored lip gloss to
make my lips look a bit more luscious.
Finally I curled my hair in large curls and
let it flow over my shoulders before
adding some silver chandelier earrings
and a black clutch to my outfit.
I grabbed a shawl just in case it was cold in the theater
and as I wrapped it around my shoulders I heard the
buzzer from the security desk downstairs. I buzzed
James up and turned off everything in the condo while
waiting for him to come up.
A short knock followed at the door and my heels
clicked as I walked to get it. I opened it up to see a
handsome-looking James on the other side, his hair
perfectly gelled and his suit freshly pressed.
"Hi." I smiled and he looked up from his phone and
his eyes widened.
"Hey. You look great tonight." he said as he shoved his
phone in his pocket and leaned down to kiss my cheek.
"Thanks." I blushed and bit my lip a bit. I knew I
wasn't ugly, but I never considered myself more than
average. It was always nice to hear, but at the same
time hard to believe, I was just simple Bella from
Brooklyn with brown hair and brown eyes. James was
quite attractive in his black suit and striped shirt,
which was open without a tie.
We made our way downstairs to catch a cab and head
to a new tapas place close to Broadway. The show
wasn't until later and we were going to have some
drinks and a bite to eat beforehand.
We chatted about our weeks and even though I felt
comfortable with James, I found it odd that I never
felt that giddying excitement around him that I did
when I first started dating some of my other
boyfriends.
We entered the tapas bar and slid into a dark quiet
table in the corner. James slid in beside me and
ordered us two martinis before turning to me. He
snaked his hand up my thigh and I shivered a bit at his
touch.
Oh yes, good times tonight indeed.
"You look so sexy in that Bella, I'm not going to let you
out of my sight tonight." He kissed my neck below my
ear and I smirked at him again. I may not be giddy
around him but he did know how to press my buttons
in other ways.
"You look pretty dashing yourself Mr. Raven." I
smiled at him sexily and gave him a light kiss on the
lips. His eyes darkened a bit and just then the waiter
came over with our drinks.
"Ma'am , your Kettle One martini." He smiled at me
and I thanked him as he handed me my glass.
"Sir, you're Belvediere." He handed James his and
James all but growled at him.
"What was that about?" I quirked an eyebrow at him.
"He didn't have to eyefuck you with me sitting right
here." He said angrily.
"James he just handed me my drink." I shook my head
confusingly.
"Whatever Bella, you come out dressed like that you
should expect men are going to look at you." He
sneered and I was a bit stunned.
"James. It was nothing, let's move on okay. Tell me
more about your week." I knew James was a bit
moody and possessive and had found the best way to
divert him often times was to change the subject.
"I have to fly to Europe at the end of the month and
until then I am going to be very busy trying to put a
business deal together."
I nodded, I knew his job was very demanding; he was
on the cusp of making partner at his firm and was
working his butt off to get it.
"So you probably won't be around much this week? I
was hoping you could meet us for happy hour since
you couldn't come last night." I offered. Last night
Jasper and I discussed doing happy hour another
night this week so that he could meet James and
maybe get to know him better.
"Maybe. I'll let you know, things are pretty day to day
right now." He said as he seemed to contemplate
something, but his hand squeezed my thigh in
reassurance.
We finished our martinis and ate a few tapas before
heading down the street to the theater district. We
settled in to our seats in the third row, which was not
surprising since James always seemed to have
connections of some sort for show tickets, or tickets to
games.
I looked around the half-lit theater watching the
patrons file in. Suddenly, I saw a mass of hair making
its way down the aisle. The hair was shorter than it
had been the day before and now a different shade,
lighter, brown with bronze and gold highlights that
danced off the colored lights in the theater.
That's strange. He colored his hair?
Even though it was different, I knew it was him. His
hair lay in a sexy disarray on the top of his head that
made me want to run my hands through it all the
more. I could feel my pulse quicken and felt my mouth
water just at the sight of him.
What the hell? You're on a date Bella!
But I couldn't help but let my eyes follow his suited
form as he so stealthily walked down the aisle. He was
God-like, in a very sharp dark gray suit with a black
shirt and no tie. I could only imagine how those
piercing green eyes stood out against the pallor of his
skin. He made his way down the aisle and to the seat
just in front of us and to my right. I was pretty sure he
didn't see me, which was good; because I was positive
I would have flushed an immediate shade of scarlet.
I bit my lip and looked away, hoping James, nor
anyone else, didn't see me ogling him. But he was busy
texting someone on his phone and the other patrons
around us were chatting, off in their own little worlds.
Just then the music started up and the lights turned
down. I set my eyes on the stage to take in my favorite
musical. But I couldn't help but sneak glances at the
jade-eyed Apollo sitting only mere feet in front of me.
He seemed enthralled by the music, as though he
hadn't seen it in years or never at all. But as I leaned
forward pretending to reach something out of my
clutch, I could see his fingers moving, ever so lightly
across his thighs and in perfect time with the music.
Is he playing?
It appeared as though he knew every note and he was
playing along silently as he tapped on his well-
muscled legs. His long fingers danced in perfect
rhythm with the music and I could only imagine what
his fingers could do elsewhere.
Dear God, I've lost it. I don't even know this man.
But I was entranced with the sight of him, so serene,
so god-like and absolutely lost in the music. He really
was Apollo, God of music and poetry as well.
I sat back abruptly and James gave me a strange look
and I shrugged. I wrapped my shawl around me
tighter pretending to be cold and he put his arm
around me. But I wasn't cold, in fact, I was on fire and
I could feel the same crazy current of electricity
flowing from the man in front of me. I tried
desperately to keep my eyes on the stage; only stealing
glances to my right ever so quickly. Usually I loved Les
Mis and hummed along to every song, but instead I
watched as he took in the show, obviously knowing
every song as well with impeccable clarity.
Suddenly, he looked back and our eyes locked and
they were burning with the utmost intensity and then
almost a look of anger andlonging?
I instantly flushed red and my skin felt like it burst
into flames. I wanted to reach out and touch him, yet I
knew that was impossible. Not only was he
untouchable and extraordinarily beautiful, too
beautiful for me, I was here on a date.
I felt James tense and I broke my gaze with the Apollo
to look at him and he was glaring at the man. I tried to
turn into him, but the feeling made my stomach ache
knowing I was turning away from the Apollo. I felt
James tighten his hold on me and the Apollo looked
back at the stage. But the pulsing current between
myself and the stranger remained. My senses were in
overdrive as I sat there tensely, not even able to focus
on my favorite show.
Finally, intermission came and I excused myself to go
to the bathroom. I almost felt like I needed to jump in
a vat of ice water. My nerves were thrumming and my
pulse was racing. My skin felt hot to the touch and I
looked in the mirror in the bathroom to find that my
eyes were dilated.
Jesus Christ who was this man? The Apollo. First I
dream an erotic dream about him now I am having an
obvious bodily reaction to him. I have never done this
with anyone in my life. It was like my body was
connected to his; every time he was near me a
magnetic force propelled us together. He was way too
beautiful for me, yet I could see it in his eyes as well.
He felt it, whatever it was.
I shook my head at the absurdity of the thought. I
didn't know this man. I had spoken a total of ten
sentences to him, yet I am having these reactions. This
is crazy.
I finally willed my body to calm down and made my
way back to my seat. I looked up as James moved for
me to sit and pulled me in to him, almost too tightly. I
looked to the seat just in front of me and to the right to
see that the Apollo had left as well.
"Good. I hope he doesn't come back."
I looked at James quizzically. "Who?"
"That man that was ogling you. Seriously Bella you
don't see yourself clearly, he was eyeing you like he
wanted to eat you."
I shrugged. I didn't feel like getting into this with him
for the second time that night. So instead I tried to
focus on the remainder of the show, albeit
disappointed that my jade-eyed Apollo had not
returned. I felt the oddest sense of yearning at his
absence and had to remind myself of where I was and
who I was with.
The show ended and was spectacular as always. James
and I caught a cab back to my place and invited him up
for a night cap.
But once we were in the door he all but attacked me
with his mouth and his hands. I groaned into his kiss
and his touch. It had been a few weeks since we were
together, and with the events of the last two days my
body was wound up and begging for a release.
We stripped of our clothes as we made our way to the
bedroom, barely making it to the bed before he was
sheathed inside of me. We came together quickly
grunting and panting each other's names.
But as we lie there, coming down from our high I felt a
flux of emotions. James was a fine catch, he was great
on paper, yet there was something missing.
"Bella?" He rolled over and lit a cigarette, a habit he
did after sex. I didn't particularly like it but I wouldn't
say anything considering we just slept together.
"Yeah?" I rolled over and propped up on my elbow to
look at him as he exhaled away from me.
"I want to see you."
"You are seeing me aren't you." I smiled at him
playfully, but I was almost worried about what he was
asking.
He put out his cigarette and leaned over to run his
hand through my hair.
"I mean, I want to see you exclusively Bella. I don't
want to see anyone else."
"Oh. Ok." I said a bit surprised.
What was wrong with me, I should be fine with this
right? James was a good match. We had been dating
for a few months. This was surely the next step wasn't
it?
"Do you want that?" He asked me then and gave me a
curious look.
I leaned forward and kissed him lightly and lay my
head on his chest. "Of coursethat sounds good to
me." I said with as much conviction as possible. But
for some reason my heart felt like it was constricting
in my chest.
I was twenty-eight, this is what I should be doing
right? Looking for a good person to settle down with.
"Good, because I realized tonight I can't stand the
thought of another man looking at you. I want you
only for me." He squeezed me into him and I should
have been a bit taken aback by his possessiveness.
But I shoved it aside. Here this man was essentially
telling me that he wanted me. He was probably just
being overprotective and if he really liked me, a bit
jealous. I needed to at least acknowledge his feelings
for me.
So I kissed his chest and looked up. "Well that's good I
guess." I said, smiling lightly and trying to confirm his
thoughts in some way.
He gave me a kiss. "Good." Then he glanced at the
clock. "We should go to sleep, I have to work
tomorrow."
I simply nodded as he rolled over to sleep on his
stomach and I moved the other way to my side,
instantly noticing the loss of warmth and clinical-like
way the whole interaction took place.
I could hear James breathing steady and knew he was
asleep. But I lay there thinking well into the night.
Whatever we had could grow right? That's how
relationships worked, people grow and change
together. I shouldn't let myself think about things that
can't happen. I needed to focus on what was in front of
me. I didn't know the Apollo. I didn't know anything
about him other than he had the most green eyes I had
ever seen and he made my body react in a way that
had every hair standing on end and made my
heartbeat race.
Then why couldn't I shake the feeling of regret and
shame and almostsadness that overtook me. Here I
was in bed with a man who was telling me he wanted
me and at the same time lusting over some stranger
who I had hardly spoken to. At the same time, I was
saddened by the fact that I might never see him again,
and even if I did I was now officially with someone
and I couldn't act on it.
This time I drifted off to a fitful sleep, again thinking
of a sexy mop of hair, jade-colored eyes and fingers
that danced elegantly to the tunes of Les Mis. I was
unable to shake the connection, the tingling that I
seemed to have in his presence. I couldn't help but
wonder, one question, over and over in my head. Who
are you Apollo?
~~~-~~~

Chapter 5 - Torn
Chapter Song: Live Lightning Crashes
EPOV
I woke up in a daze and with a severely stiff neck. My
head was pounding and my back was killing me. I
realized I had been sleeping and was sitting in an
awkward position. I shifted to notice I was against the
door, slumped over.
No wonder I am fucking sore as hell.
It was then I looked around and I noticed that it was
night time. I quickly tried to shake the fuzz from my
head. Jesus, what the hell happened to me? I felt I like
I was hit by a Mack truck and set on fire at the same
time. Suddenly and the events of the past day came
flooding back to me.
Holy shit.
It was all so strange, like I had an anxiety attack from
my interactions with the womanBella.
Jesus. Even thinking her name still made my pulse
race and set heat throughout my body. I had never, in
all my life, had a reaction like that. I couldn't wrap my
mind around it, the draw I had to her and the way her
body felt next to mine.
Why did I have to follow her? Why couldn't I let her
go? Why did I have the most intense fear and sense of
dread at not seeing her again? It was insane and
irrational and I risked so much today yet I couldn't
explain it.
It can't happen. You have to leave her be. You have to
let it go.
Regardless of the light she seemed to shine or the way
my body reacted, I knew it was impossible. My
rational brain began to clear and take over finally.
Now that I had distance and time separation from her
I could see things more clearly. It would be dangerous
for me, dangerous for her, and hell she knows Jasper,
so dangerous for my family as well. I couldn't put
them in that kind of risk. I wouldn't. I would go see
them, let them know I was ok and complete my
mission.
But I could not pursue her. The last two years would
be for naught if I did.
Think of Eric. Your promise, your mission, your job.
Over and over again I repeated this in my head as my
mantra until I finally found a sense of resolve.
I slowly rose from my crumpled position on the floor
feeling my joints and my bones aching. I scrubbed my
hands down my face as I tried to stretch and loosen
out my body. I walked over to the lamp and flipped it
on and looked at the clock on the nightstand. 10:00
P.M.
Well of course, I am still on Romanian time, it's
morning to me right now.
I decided the best way to get back on American time
would be to try to stay up until the next night, force
the tiredness to catch up to me. I would try to stay up
for the next 24 hours then to get readjusted. But I
knew I needed to do something tonight to occupy my
time. Something other than thinking about Bella and
the intense reaction I had to her.
I instantly had an idea, I wasn't planning to do it, but I
needed not only a distraction, but one that would
ground me and remind me of my mission and
purpose.
I was going to see Carlisle and Esme.
It was night time, so that would make my traveling
much easier. Still, I didn't want to risk anything. I
brushed my teeth and splashed some cold water on my
face. I looked at my face in the mirror, seeing the
tiredness and scruff from the last 48 hours.
I quickly changed into a dark gray tee, black pants and
boots and a black hat. I would be carrying going out at
night, but that also meant I needed to be careful.
I took the stairs down to the main floor and exited the
hotel through the alley. I hailed a cab a few blocks
away and took it south, toward Greenwich. I had the
cabbie drop me at a busy corner and immediately
jumped in another to head back to the East side. I
knew it seemed excessive, but I didn't want to risk
someone watching me come and go from the hotel,
especially this week when I would be seeing the most
important people in my life. I needed to keep a buffer
between the real me and Emil Mazzonn.
The second cabbie dropped me at the East entrance to
the park. I instantly lost myself in the shadows and
watched to see if anyone was following or looked
remotely suspicious. No one did of course, so I quietly
slipped through the shadows and made my way to the
townhome on Park Avenue. Luckily my parents had a
main and second level of the cooperative and there
was a back entrance. I could only hope they still had
the same locks and I would be able to let myself in. I
hoped they were home; I couldn't call ahead for
obvious reasons.
I sidestepped down 72nd and then went four more
blocks out of my way before making it back to Park. I
slipped into the back and pulled out the key. Usually I
kept it in the secret stash which held my multiple
passports, ammo and other weaponry, but I had
pulled it out on my return to New York for this very
purpose.
I opened the door, the key working as I knew it would
and I stood there for just a moment before crossing
the threshold into the kitchen. It was quiet. The house
was silent, but not eerie, just still, calm. I stepped in
and realized I had been holding my breath and
inhaled deeply.
I smelled vanilla and jasmine and a bit of a sweet
floral smell.
Home.
I switched on the light and took in the kitchen.
Memories instantly flooded into my brain of sitting in
the breakfast nook, eating cereal before school,
working on homework or making cookies with my
mother and brother and sister. I pushed it out of my
brain and continued to the dining area, flipping the
lights on as I went. I could tell my parents weren't
home. But I wanted to alert them that someone was
here, yet not an intruder, before they came in the
door.
My mother had redecorated again. She did it shortly
after Eric died, even redecorating his room, all of our
rooms in fact. She was meticulous about keeping
albums over the years and kept many pictures on
display. She said it helped her work through
everything to redo the house, to help her move on.
I wished I could do the same.
But it appeared she had done it again since I left. The
house was now lighter and had an airy feeling to it,
much more open and modern. My mother had
impeccable taste, but I remembered our home always
feeling inviting. It still had that feeling, just new and
more current with the times.
I wandered to the living room and gazed across the
hardwood floor.
The piano.
I hadn't played inso many years I couldn't recall. It
was after Eric died, but only shortly. I thought it
would give me comfort but it only made me miss him
more. It made me wish that instead we were playing
guitar together and sipping beers to Led Zeppelin.
Music was a very personal thing for our family and
especially to me.
But for some reason tonight I had this strange intense
urge to play. I tried to push it away, but it beckoned
me, almost as much as Bella did earlier today.
God, there she is again. Out of your mind Cullen. I
chastised myself.
Without blinking, I was suddenly sitting in front of the
sleek baby grand. I ran my fingers over the top, the
polished wood glistening in the soft glow of my
parent's home. My home, for all intents and purposes,
as I really didn't have another.
I sat down and flipped open to the keys, the cool ivory
was silky under my fingertips.
I wonder if that's what her skin feels like.
I shook my head again, pushing her away.
But before I realized what's happening, my fingers
stroked the keys and pressed out the tune that I hadn't
heard, let alone played, in years. It was the same tune
I tried to take solace in after Eric's death, Beethoven's
Pathetique. My fingers ever so carefully pushed out
the notes and I lost myself in the music. I was no
longer undercover or an agent, I wasn't thinking
about Romania. I was able to just feel the keys at my
fingertips and the pump of the rhythm through my
body.
I closed my eyes and allowed myself to drift away, to a
place that only moments ago I didn't want to think
about. I thought of cereal before breakfast and
running down the beach at the Hamptons. I saw the
look of sheer joy on Eric's face when I told him I was
coming to Georgetown and all the times we spent
playing pick-up games of basketball or taking in a
Yankees game.
Suddenly, like the tune itself, I started to feel lighter.
It was pulling me out of my darkness. The feel of the
keys were barely noticeable to my touch anymore and
as I played out the last of the notes in the quiet of the
house, one more image flashed in my mind's eye.
Her face. Her glorious chestnut hair waving in the
breeze and her warm passionate eyes staring at me
with all the intention and the want I felt in mine. The
light radiated off her like my own personal sun,
drawing me to her.
Mijn zon, mijn licht.
What did it mean? Why? I couldn't understand it. I
couldn't explain the connection, the longing.
Suddenly I heard a gasp and I was pulled from the
depths of my thinking.
I turned around to see a pair matching green eyes
filled with tears, her hands on her cheeks, her lips
trembling. The room was still and quiet, only a tiny
hum from the piano as the last of Beethoven
whispered off into the night.
I stood up and pushed the bench away and strode over
to her not knowing what to say and just pulled her into
my arms and hugged her to me. Then I said the only
thing I could after two long years.
"Hi Mom."
--
We sat at the dining room table sipping our Kettle One
on the rocks and waiting for my father to come home.
The Dutch vodka was smooth as satin as it always had
been, a favorite of my father's, and by association my
family's. It was just past midnight, and my mother had
been out to a late dinner with some of her friends. My
father was away on business but would be arriving any
time from Philadelphia.
I thought of a similar such trip, one that saved him of
the same doom as my brother. Otherwise as we all
knew he would have been in the first tower too. His
office at Reycon was on the 92nd floor, Eric's was on
the 91st. My father happened to be slated for business
in Philadelphia that week instead, for the instigation
of manufacturing a new line of anti-depressant
medication. His job saved him as much as Eric's
sealed his fate.
I strummed my fingers up the glass, feeling the
condensation trickle between my pads. There were no
words to describe this strange homecoming. I glanced
at her, taking her in after two years. She still looked
like the impeccable woman she always had. She aged
gracefully, looking more like Grace Kelly or Rita
Hayworth than a woman approaching sixty. Her
caramel hair had no gray, I am sure by color, but her
skin still glowed and her smile was warm with only
small laugh lines.
But she looked tired, and a bit worried. Unfortunately,
I knew that was probably because of me.
I sat there pondering, unsure how to approach
everything. What do you say to the one woman in your
life that has constantly stood by you through thick and
through thin and never gave up on you? How do you
say that you are sorry that you haven't called or visited
in two years? How could you say you can't tell her why
you have been gone all this time?
The feeling burned me and the tingle of the smooth
vodka as it slid down my throat was nothing compared
to the sensation of being reunited with my mother
after all this time. I knew I sat across the dining room
table from a woman who lost as son as much as I lost a
brother. I often failed to remind myself of that
particular fact.
"Your hair is so longanddark." She said
swallowing. I knew that probably hurt her as well. I
was always her son. Eric was Carlisle's, but I was my
mother's son. I looked just like her and had her
determination and strong-will. She loved music and
art and I did as well. She was the one who took me to
the Met or to a Broadway show when I was little, just
the two of us. She was the one who loved to listen to
me play the piano. I am sure she was not only
surprised to see me tonight, but to be playing had to
shock her as well.
"It isoccupational necessity." I smiled. I reached
over and grabbed her hand and sighed.
"You look good Mom."
She closed her eyes and squeezed my hand back. "Oh
Edward" She opened her eyes again and they were
brimming with tears. "Why didn't you call?"
I opened my mouth to speak but my voice caught. I
swallowed and looked down. "I couldn't Mom,
because of my job."
"So you can't tell me where you've been then either."
She sighed.
"No."
"Can you tell me why you're back?" She asked
hesitantly.
I shook my head. "No." I paused. "But I am, at least
until Wednesday, and I wanted to see you, to let you
know I am okay."
She closed her eyes and shook her head and there was
a long silence between us.
"You're not okay Edward." She whispered. I looked at
her then and I could see in her eyes the truth in those
words. She could see right through me, she always
could. She could see the darkness I faced and the
tumult of emotions spinning through my body as I sat
there at our family dining table.
"Talk to me Edwardplease." She implored me.
"I really can't Mom. It's not that I don't want to" I
trailed off and she dropped her head.
"But you are safe?" She asked, trying to get some
resolve from my being back.
"Yes." I wasn't lying, but I wasn't exactly telling the
truth either. I needed to appease, her, let her know
why I was being so vague. "I'm justI'm going back
under next week."
She sighed again and took a sip of her vodka. Just then
the door opened and I heard shuffling in the foyer.
"Esme?" My father called out.
"In here darling." She glanced toward the foyer and
back at me.
"What are you doing in the dining room, I thought"
My father stopped and his eyes locked with mine as he
swallowed. "Edward." His voice hoarse.
"Hi Dad." He set down his briefcase slowly and walked
toward me in almost trepidation.
I let go of my mother's hand and stood up to shake his,
but he pulled me into a brief hug and stepped back.
"How are you?" I looked into his sapphire eyes, the
same Dutch eyes as my brother's and just smiled as
lightly as I could.
"I'm good." He nodded and took it, but I could tell he
knew otherwise.
He grabbed a drink and joined us at the table, the
tension relieving a bit now that I was reunited with
both my parents. We stepped around everything,
talking about my parents' work and the house in the
Hamptons and my cousins Heidi and Sarah. One was
getting married in the fall and the other had the first
grandchild of our generation on the way.
Finally, my father asked what I was sure he had been
thinking.
"Have you seen Alice yet?"
I swallowed the last of my vodka and looked up.
"NoI uh, was hoping to go see her this week."
"You should." He said and left it at that. "Another
drink." I nodded.
We chatted until the wee hours of the morning. I knew
my parents had to be exhausted from their work
weeks, and I couldn't tell them that I was on
Romanian time and felt like it was morning. I knew
they simply didn't want to let me go, after two years. I
determined I would have to find a way to at least get
my mother a message every so often. With Eliot it was
different, because no one knew he existed, except me,
and no one knew to tie him to my family. But for all
the pain I caused them and all the distance, I still
loved my parents and my sister and I didn't want to
put them in any danger.
So when I hugged my mother good-bye just before
dawn broke, I could see the tears in her eyes once
again and I promised her that I would find a way to get
word to her. I also promised them that I would go see
Alice.
I slipped out the back once again and used a myriad of
evasions before I finally returned to the Essex around
5:30. I was wide awake and the sun was up by that
point. I decided to go for a run in Central Park. I knew
my parents wouldn't be there after being up all night
and it was quite early on a Saturday, the chances of
seeing someone were slim.
I ate a quick protein bar and then slipped on my
Yankees hat and an Under Armour and shorts and
this time grabbed my Oakleys to mix up my look. I
went out the back of the hotel and changed directions
for a few blocks before making my way back to the
Park. I didn't really need to be so careful at this point,
the only reason I did was to prevent if I saw someone
later. Until I was staying at my new apartment, Emil
Mazzonn's apartment, I didn't want to risk the
suspicion of being at a hotel.
I hit the path to go North on East Drive and wound my
way past the zoo, past the Met, all the way up to the
furthest north point of the park before turning back.
The exertion was welcomed. I felt the tension leaving
my legs and the stiffness loosening in my muscles. The
burn in my throat both hurt and relieved me. I used
the force of my legs to push away the thoughts of
Bella, of my parents, of my sister and Eric and simply
feel the ground underneath my feet.
As I made my way back down West Drive toward the
south end of the park I caught a glimpse of something
out of the corner of my eye. A jogger, was coming
down 79th and I had to resist all urge to stop.
It was her.
Fuck.
I sped up my stride, pumping my legs and arms to the
point where my muscles were screaming at me
because I was already five miles in.
No.
You cannot see her.
Maybe it's not her. It can't be her. You're imagining
things.
But for the briefest of seconds, I glanced out of the
corner of my sunglasses at the chestnut ponytail
glimmering in the sunlight and her long legs striding
out in front of her. I could feel her eyes on me and I
knew it was her. I knew it simply by her proximity; the
fucking tingling charge that I felt whenever I saw her
was just as strong thirty yards away as it was in the
museum.
But I set my jaw and continued on. I all but sprinted
down West Drive, willing myself away from her and
again raced back to the hotel. Even though I ran over
six miles, I felt a new ball of anxiety in my stomach
and hit the gym in the hotel to lift some weights.
I pumped and pressed the dumbbells and the barbells
until my arms were screaming at me. Finally, I looked
in the mirror and I could see my eyes were wide, sweat
was pouring down my face and I felt the same as I did
when I saw her only fourteen hours earlier. No matter
how I willed it, no matter what I told myself, one thing
was for certain.
I just couldn't get her out of my head. And on some
deep level, a terrifying and yet thrilling realization
was occurring to me.
I didn't want to.
--
After I cleaned up, I donned a white shirt and jeans
and decided it was time to change up my appearance.
It was a double-edge sword, I wanted to look more
American when I was in New York and I could explain
that to the Dracs. But looking more like my old self
also opened me up to seeing people who might
recognize me. Yet again, the people I was consorting
with weren't going to be running in the same circles as
my parents' elite friends. Hell they would probably be
mostly out at night. To throw another wrench into the
matter, I was finally coming out from my cover and
was glad to be getting back to myself, looks included.
I couldn't pinpoint it, whether it was seeing my
mother, or knowing I was going to see Eliot today, but
I wanted to be my old self again. It was the first time in
a long time I felt that way. I pushed the thought out of
my mind that I also might want to be that way should I
see her again. For some unknown reason, I wanted
her to see the real me.
I shook my head and made my way out the door. It
was a beautiful June morning, early still for New York
and I didn't have to be to Brooklyn until 12. I decided
to change up my hair and then swing into Armani on
Fifth Avenue for some new suits and other clothes. I
had no need for much more than my standard tees
and jeans and a few dressier outfits in Romania. But I
knew that here I would have to project a bit different
image.
I wanted to appear more the world class assassin I
was pretending to be once I met with the brothers.
Hence my new apartment would be a large loft in a
new development in Hell's Kitchen. It was a
combination bit of old and new grit in the infamous
neighborhood, where the aspiring actors and artists
lived along-side the old crime bosses and shady clubs
with the back room entrances. I didn't learn much
more than that in my meeting with Romelli, I knew I
would get much more specific information about my
new pad and the connections Clearwater and Ivanova
had already developed when I met with Garrett
Morgan on Wednesday.
But until then I needed to "James Bond" myself a bit
to fit more the New York interpretation of a well-paid
assassin than the one I appeared in Romania.
Ironically the best way to do that was to dress like a
businessman or broker on Wall Street.
It's all about the cover, blend in, fit, disappear
I walked to a barber's on Broadway and waited in the
chair on the early morning. I eventually had a seat to
have my hair stripped of its dark color and trimmed.
When I sat up I was staring at the face of my past, my
face, a face that I left behind two years ago. One
adorned with the odd colored bronze hair I received
from my mother's Irish side of the family. Crazy
cowlicks made a mess on my head and the bronze
contrasted with the green of my eyes. Long gone were
the black eyes and longer dark hair of Romania.
But looking like myself again wascomforting?
I leaned back to enjoy a close shave and by 10:00 I was
out the door and on my way back to Fifth Avenue.
I strode into Armani, hoping I wouldn't see anyone I
knew. I knew the chances were slim at best, but still, I
was on the lookout. I made my way up to the clerk and
her eyes widened when she took me in. I was used to
this sort of treatment, but at this point only used it to
get my way faster.
"Sir, can I help you?" She purred.
"Yes. I need to buy two suits, one black, one gray and
five shirts. Also bring me back your newest jeans, one
dark, one light and some morecasual attire to go
with it." I commanded.
Her eyes widened, obviously taken aback by my
lengthy but detailed demand.
"Um. Yes sir of course, will this be on credit or cash?"
"Cash. Straight up."
She nodded and took off like a shot for the men's
wear. I couldn't help but chuckle a bit to myself. I
wasn't trying to be an asshole, I just didn't want to
wait around and I wanted to make it clear I would be
payingtoday.
Yes, Emil Mazzon, was officially in New York. I could
only hope some of the illegal funds I got for my
assignments were footing the bill for my new attire
and not the taxpayers hard earned money.
Again the irony, considering I could afford all this
myself.
I made my way back to the dressing area to see she
had laid out three excellent black suits, three gray and
multiple shirts and sweaters and jeans.
I quickly decided on my collections, was measured,
and had them sent to the Essex under the generic
name Jones. They would send over the suits later in
the day after they had been tailored to my preferences.
My paying cash made it all the more easy for me to
have them tailored in eight hours time in the first
place. I added a few things that I wouldn't have
otherwise, a black leather jacket being one and some
hats, for my disguise of course.
I donned my aviators and slipped on one of my new
hats and at 11:30 I hailed a cab on Fifth and set out for
Brooklyn.
I was excited to see Eliot, but it was always with mixed
emotions. My family didn't know about him, Angela
and Eric insisted on that fact and I was sure that if my
mother knew she had a nine year old grandchild she
would be beside herself. Especially since he looked
exactly like her deceased son.
But for all the times I argued with both of them about
it, I still couldn't find it in my heart or as my place to
defy them. Instead, I would try to fulfill whatever role
I could in Eliot's life.
As the cab made its way toward Brooklyn I thought
about the day I found out about Eliot
I was at my brother's loft downtown, waiting for him
to get home so we could hit up a club. It was summer
break and I only had a couple of weeks left before I
would head back to Georgetown for my final year.
Claire and her friends were going to meet us out later
and I was just waiting on my slow ass brother to get
home already.
I was sipping a beer and flipping through Eric's CD's
when I heard the door slam and heavy feet across the
wood floor.
"Fuck!" I heard the expletive and I instantly made my
way to the kitchen to see what was going on.
My twenty-three year old brother was standing at
the corian counter, arms spread out and bent over
with his head down. He was taking deep breaths and
he looked pissed or frustrated I couldn't quite tell
which.
"Eric. What's up man? Tough day at work?" I sipped
my beer and eyed him warily. Eric could be a bit of a
loose cannon and I could see he was upset about
something.
"I wish." He muttered as he stood up and pulled off
his tie. He reached into the fridge and grabbed a beer,
twisting off the cap and throwing it in the sink. He
downed the beer wiping his mouth on his suit jacket
and leaned back against the sink with his eyes closed.
"Seriously man, what's got you so riled up?" I tried to
act nonchalant, just sipping my beer and coaxing it
out of him.
He grabbed another beer this time twisting off the
top and rolling it in his fingers as he let out a deep
sigh. I waited.
"I got a chick pregnant E." He wouldn't look at me, he
just kept staring at the ground and I knew this was
serious shit.
"Who?" I asked.
"Fuck. Some girl I went home with back in June." He
shook his head and laughed sardonically.
"Dude, why didn't you wrap that shit up?" I
questioned him.
"I was fucking drunk E. We're not all perfect like
you." He glared at me.
I rolled my eyes. Back to this bullshit again. "So how
did you find out?" I asked trying to focus on the
subject at hand.
He scrubbed his hand down his face and let out
another sigh. "She called me today. I hadn't spoken
to her since the night we were together. I left her my
card, thinking maybe she'd want to hook up again or
something." He shrugged and took another sip of his
beer.
"What did she say?"
He looked at me again and pursed his lips. "She said
it was mine and that she knew it was mine because
she hadn't been with anyone for months before or
anyone since."
I blew out a breath and took a sip of my beer, letting
the heavy news sink in.
Eric a father? I really couldn't picture it. Mijn Broer
was my best friend, but he was also like my alter ego.
He could be an asshole and inconsiderate, but was
always the life of the party. For all the craziness he
had, I was tame and more calculating. He was the
one that banged random chicks every weekend; I was
the one who had a steady girlfriend. To say I could
see this coming was both harsh and true and I had a
hard time wrapping my head around the idea of him
acting like our father or any father for that matter.
I finished my beer and grabbed another. "Well what
are you going to do?"
He huffed. "I don't know if it's even mine, I mean she
might not be telling the truth, who knows how many
guys she's slept with." He said dryly, but I could tell
he really didn't believe his own words.
"Well does she seem like that kind of a girl?" I raised
my eyebrows at him.
He ran his hands through his hair then and winced.
"No. And I fucking threw her out of my office today
too."
"What? I thought you said she called you?" I was
confused.
"She did, and then I didn't believe her so she came to
my office to tell me she didn't care if I helped her but
she wanted me to know it was mine and then
basically told me to fuck off."
Christ. I rolled my eyes at him again and then
pinched the bridge of my nose.
"You're such a fucking prick sometimes Eric." I
admonished him. Poor girl, she was probably
freaking out and here he was throwing her out of his
office. Mijn Broer could definitely be a huge asshole
at times.
He sighed again and finished his second beer and got
quiet. "I'm not ready to be a father E."
I wanted to tell him he should have thought of that
before he got drunk and slept with her. But I bit my
tongue, I didn't need to piss him off more and I
already called him a prick. I think he at least knew it
by now.
"So what are you going to do?" I asked him again.
He looked up at me then, his blue eyes steely and
dark. "You can't tell anyone E. I'll send her money or
whatever, but I don't want anyone to know."
"Eric" I started to argue but he stopped me.
"No E. This is my fuck up, I'm going to handle it. I
know she's planning to keep it but I'm not telling
Mom and Dad and neither can you." His glare
pierced me and I swallowed.
"I'm serious E. You can't tell anyone. Promise me."
He continued.
"You have my word."
I thought about the months that followed, when Eliot
was born Eric didn't even go to the hospital. Angela
just sent him some pictures which I confiscated from
his apartment after he died. If I was one thing, I was a
man of my word. I didn't agree with Eric and Angela's
secret, but I wouldn't betray him, especially after his
death.
Angela didn't know it, but I had a trust fund set up so
that Eliot could go to college. I sent him gifts
frequently and money for every holiday I could think
of. At least she would accept it from me, even though I
knew she didn't want anything from Eric or my family.
I knew from the first moment I saw her and Eliot that
he was Eric's child. Angela was the epitome of a girl
next door, one night in Manhatten gone awry and I
knew that going home with my playboy brother was
probably not something she did on a regular basis.
She was kind and shy, an art teacher in Brooklyn and
she didn't have a lying bone in her body.
Not to mention Eliot was a spitting image of Eric. He
had his piercing blue eyes, the same eyes as Carlisle's
and the wavy blonde hair that messed around his face.
He had Angela's smile but Eric's dimples and the same
high voice that still haunted me in my dreams every
night. Eliot was definitely Eric's son.
I was pulled from my thoughts as the car came to a
stop. The cabby pulled up in the lower-middle class
neighborhood in Brooklyn and once again I hopped
out and made a zigzag of turns before I ran up the
stairs in the quaint old apartment building at ten
minutes after noon.
I knocked on the door, instantly nervous for what I
would find on the other side. I hadn't seen Eliot in two
years and I remembered a similar trip to this door
when I saw him for the first time. I had come here two
weeks after Eric's death to let Angela know. Somehow
she had already suspected and at that time I ensured
her that I wanted to be part of Eliot's life but I
wouldn't tell anyone else in my family. I think she
could see how much I needed the connection to him
and on some level she probably wanted him to have
some connection to his father as well.
I heard the locks clanking and the door creaked open.
I saw Angela peer out at me from the other side.
"E?" She whispered.
"Hi Angela. Can I come in?"
She opened the door and I stepped inside instantly
feeling the warmth of the small apartment. She didn't
have any air conditioning, but it wasn't warm because
of the heat, it was warm because it was inviting. The
walls were covered in art work, what appeared to be a
mixture of hers and Eliot's. Some of it was sensational
and I instantly wondered if she ever considered trying
to sell her work.
But before I could ask her a mop of blonde hair raced
down the hall and all but tackled me.
"E!" Eliot yelled excitedly and I scooped him up and
hugged him as he squirmed and giggled out of my
embrace.
"What's up squirt? How was baseball this morning?"
Angela left the room for the kitchen to let me have
some time with Eliot.
"It was so much fun E! We had practice and then we
played a game, just us boys afterward. I got to pitch
again and then I played short stop. But Tommy
McNulty said I couldn't catch. I really want to try
catching sometime." He said so fast I almost didn't get
it all.
"I'm sure you'll get a chance Eliot." I chuckled. "Have
you had lunch yet?"
Angela walked back in then and shook her head.
"Should we got to Rita's and get some milkshakes,
burgers and fries?"
"Yeah!" Eliot jumped up excitedly and ran to grab his
shoes.
"Here let me give you some money E." Angela reached
for her purse.
"No Ang, this is on me. Please, I haven't seen him in
two years and I'd really like to take him out." I
implored her.
She nodded and I called after Eliot and we left to go
down to the diner. I put on my hat and my sunglasses
and Eliot followed me down the stairs. I asked him
about baseball and the Yankees and his friends at
school. He was a smart kid and creative too. He had
Eric's overactive imagination and outgoing
personality but he was also very artistic like Angela.
We walked and talked the couple of blocks and I
reveled in the innocence that was his life.
He was nine, with his whole life before him. I couldn't
help but envy that fact and wish that I could turn back
time and relive some of my memories, change the
course of my life in some way. I wish I could erase
some of the things I had seen in Romania and Spain
and other undercover missions. I wanted him to be
able to live out his dreams and never have to think
about the awful things that I saw on a daily basis.
We stepped into Rita's and ordered our shakes,
burgers and fries and I couldn't help but look at him
and see Eric. He looked just like him, just like the
dreams that haunted me every night.
We were chatting about the Yankees and the different
player's stats, he knew them all.
"Your Dad would be proud, he used to know all the
players stats too." It slipped out before I even thought
about it and my eyes went wide when I realized what I
had just said. Talking about Eric was taboo. I was
uncle E. That was it.
Eliot got quiet and put his head down and fingered the
paper cover that came with his straw.
"Uncle E?" His voice was so small, almost fearful.
"Yeah squirt?" I chewed on a fry not even tasting the
salt or the fried goodness, my mouth going dry with
what could be going through his brain.
"You're my Dad's brother right?" He asked, still
looking down and fidgeting in his seat.
I swallowed the fry and took a sip of my shake and
pondered how to respond. Angela didn't want me to
talk about Eric, but at the same time Eliot was getting
to the age where he would obviously be curious. I
decided I should at least see what he wanted to know.
"Yeah, why?"
"How come you never talk about him?" He asked
raising his eyes up to me. He looked almost like a
puppy dog, scared of what he might find out.
"Iuh..well." I cleared my throat. "I miss
himandit's hard to talk about him." I sputtered
out.
"So you'll never tell me about himI want to know
about him." He said so quietly my heart almost broke.
I sat and pondered it for a moment.
The hell with it. The kid deserved to know.
I resolved then and there that I could avoid any issues
with Eric's relationship, or lack thereof, with Angela.
But he should know about his Dad, he was half of him
and he deserved to know at least things that he so
clearly carried from him.
"Well. What do you want to know?" I asked with a bit
of trepidation.
"Was he nice?" Eliot said hopefully.
"Yeah, he was nice." I smiled.
"What did he look like?"
"He looked just like you squirt. He had blonde hair
and blue eyes and dimples."
Then before I knew it I was telling him all sorts of
things about him.
"He played the guitar and he loved the band Led
Zeppelin and he used to love to skip rocks at the
beach. We used to play baseball and basketball and
tennis together. But he loved baseball, especially the
Yankees like you. He and I used to go to games all the
time."
"Really!" His eyes lit up. "Would you take me
sometime, I've never been to a Yankees game.
Oh shit.
But what could I say. How could I turn him down? My
nephew, the only piece of Mijn Broer I had left.
"Yeah squirt. I will."
We finished our lunch and Eliot bombarded me with
questions then, Eric's favorite color, favorite player,
favorite food. You name it he asked me. I figured as
long as I didn't bring up our last name or the situation
with his Mom he should know. And for once I almost
felt good after talking about him so much.
When we got back Eliot and I played on the x-box and
went outside to throw the baseball around. Finally at
5:00 I had to bid him good-bye.
"When are you coming back E?" He gave me his big
puppy dog eyes again.
"I don't know Squirt. I have to go back to Miami, but I
will try real soon."
"Will you take me to a game?"
"Yeah Eliot, I'll take you to a game." I smiled down at
him and gave him a big hug.
I walked out of the apartment feeling lighter and yet
sad at the same time. But I also feltbetter, more at
peace. Maybe it was talking about Eric, maybe it was
just spending time with Eliot, but I felt like for the
first time I could talk about him and think about him
without it tearing me to pieces.
--
I strolled into the Essex at a quarter past six and
picked up my purchases from Armani. My newly fitted
suits had also been sent over and I decided for the
first time in a long time to don one of my new suits
and hit up a nice restaurant and maybe a jazz club
later.
I pulled on a new black, freshly pressed shirt, my new
gray suit and my new black dress shoes. I ran some gel
through my crazy hair and felt more like myself for
the first time since I joined the Bureau. I went down to
the street and meandered my way back to Broadway. I
slipped into a nice little Italian place not far from the
theater district.
I sat down for my first real dining experience since I
got back in the states and indulged in a great red wine,
pasta with prosciutto and a thick creamy sauce and
just let my mind stop working while I enjoyed my
food.
I glanced across the restaurant to see the couples,
likely out for their pre-show dinner and couldn't help
but long for that kind of companionship again. I had
shoved so much away in my pursuit of my dream as an
agent that I left that all behind. Claire was right, I was
obsessed. Even if I wasn't in love with her, I missed
coming home to her every night. Going out for dinner
or taking in a show. I missed that warm body bed next
to me and just chatting about how my day went.
I had no one now. I was completely alone. For the first
time, sitting in the Italian restaurant in the city I grew
up in, wearing my shiny new suit, I realized how much
it hurt.
I swallowed the last of my wine and paid cash for my
dinner as I nodded at my waiter and left. I strode
down a side street off Broadway when I looked up and
saw the sign for Les Miserables. I loved the music for
Les Mis, I had probably seen the show six times, but I
could never get enough of it. I stared up at the sign for
a while thinking about the tunes and humming it to
myself.
"Hey Buddy."
I turned. Was someone talking to me?
"Hey Buddy, do you want these tickets?"
I looked to my right to see a man approaching me. He
was dressed impeccably and his hair was slicked back,
he appeared to be about fifty years old.
"Were you talking to me?" I questioned. Of course in
the back of my mind I was instantly cataloging
everything about this man. His stature, his build, his
height, his hair color, eye color, skin color, everything
about him I could remember.
"Yeah. Say, the girl stood me up and I don't really
want to go by myself. You want these?"
Was he serious? Tickets to Les Mis were impossible to
get especially last minute.
"Uh, sure yeahI shook my head. How much for
them?"
"Nah, don't worry about it. Just take 'em at least
somebody'll get some use out of em." He had one of
those thick New York accents that could cut through a
fog.
Free tickets are you kidding me.
"No, I insist really. You shouldn't be out the tickets
and the girl in the same night." I offered.
He smiled. "All right then. How about a hundred and
we'll call it a day. At least I'll go have a few drinks then
yeah?"
I nodded and pulled out a hundred and slipped it to
him. "Thanks man." I shook his hand and he nodded
and took off towards Broadway.
I stood there watching him and then checked my
surroundings once again. Of course I could only use
one of them, but I was thrilled to have tickets. I looked
down and noticed they were for the second row.
Holy shit these are worth way more than a hundred.
Must be my lucky day.
I noticed the time on the tickets and it was only a
minute before the show. I hurried inside knowing it
was unlikely they would start exactly on time, but if I
was sitting up front I didn't want to be late.
I stepped into the theater welcoming the familiar
sights and sounds of a Broadway show. I was almost
giddy as a child as I made my way to my seat. It was in
the second row, how I procured them was still a flurry
of activity to me, but I could feel the hum of the
theater and the anticipation of the other patrons
around me.
I strode down the aisle and took my seat just before
they closed the doors. I sat down to take in the stage
and let my eyes gaze around. The thrill of scoring the
tickets must have been apparent because I could feel a
buzzing across my skin. I hadn't been to a show in
years, and I was entirely ready to lose myself in it for a
while. Especially Les Mis.
Of all the shows, of all the parallels with my life, Les
Mis represented so many. Like the Bishop who saves
Valjean, Eric was the person I wanted to prove myself
to. I wanted to be more than a mere socialite in New
York. I had an undying need to make a difference and
prove my worth.
Just then the lights went down and the music began
and I felt the ball of anticipation in my stomach.
Before I knew it my fingers were tapping along on my
leg to the score. I knew all the songs, I had played it
several times growing up. I lost myself in the sounds,
the ups and the downs of the orchestra, perfectly
coinciding with the story.
The strange humming I felt and the tingling of my skin
never left me though and I suddenly had the oddest
sensation as the play neared the intermission.
I glanced back from the stage, taking in the awe on the
faces of the other patrons. Then I glanced over my
shoulder to the left only to find her.
Bella.
She was sitting behind me mere feet away.
This is not fucking possible. Three times in two days?
This is New York, what are the chances I would keep
seeing her?
I quickly looked back, my heart now racing. The
thumping of my fingers on my leg changing from the
music to its own rapid beat.
Before I could stop myself I looked back to her again.
She was sitting there in a dark gray dress, which even
as she was in her seat, it hugged her curves perfectly.
Her hair was in sexy waves around her shoulders, her
lean arms crossed neatly over her petite figure. Her
long legs were exposed down to black stilettos and her
creamy skin apparent in the lights from the stage.
I glanced back to the stage again.
Had she seen me?
I couldn't stop, and I peered again, up her legs to her
dress to
I stopped. My heart dropping out of my chest in a
moment and at the same time my body engulfing in a
rage.
Mine!
What. The. Fuck.
She was with a man. A man who was obviously more
than a friend. And I hated it; I started to see red as he
reached his arm around her. He was holding her
close, appearing to be warming her from the coolness
of the theater. I looked back to the front before she
saw me, fighting the rawness of the feelings on my
nerve endings and the overwhelming desire to jump
up and take her away from him.
I didn't know her, I didn't know him. Why was I
feeling this way about a woman I hardly spoke to?
I glanced again only to be overcome with the tirade of
emotions as she instantly turned and locked eyes with
me. Her beautiful face surrounded by her chestnut
hair, her lips pouty and luscious in the stage light. Her
eyes, were dark and yearning, an expression I could
only assume I was returning, and they were searing
into mine. Along with that I was sure I was radiating
anger and hurt in the fact that she was here with
another man, a man she obviously was close to and I
could not have her.
Jesus Christ what is it with this woman!
But I could never have her. And the tumult of feelings
overcame me so much that when he looked at me and
glared I had to look away.
I wanted to kill him. The cold-hearted, calculating
killer I had become bubbled to the surface and for a
fleeting second I wanted to use my unnatural skills
and stake my claim on her.
I had to get out of there. I had to leave immediately. I
couldn't be having thoughts like this. You're a fucking
FBI agent for Christ's sakes Cullen!
The show came to intermission and I abruptly shot out
of my seat, knowing I had to leave the theater. I
couldn't want her, I couldn't watch her, and I
definitely couldn't watch the rest of the show knowing
that she was only mere feet away from me.
But what was that in her eyes. Want? Need? Desire?
The same that was in mine. I was sure of it but why?
How could I want someone so much that I didn't even
know?
My rational brain was long forgotten as it apparently
was with this woman. This Bella.
Mijn schoonheid.
Fuck, quit thinking that!
I hurried back to the hotel feeling something I hadn't
felt in a year, hell, I had never felt it that strongly in
my lifetime. But I had an intense desire for her, a
physical desperation. I was fighting against the
hardness that was now straining at my seams and I
quickly unlocked my room and flipped on the lights
and began pacing.
What were the chances? It was fucking one in a
million, hell billion, that I would see her tonight.
And then at Les Mis, in the middle of the one play that
was like my calling card and so paralleled to my
dedication to my mission and Mijn Broer. What the
fuck did it all mean?
Once again my body was on fire, like I was burnt by
the most intense sunlight. I ran my hands through my
hair and stripped of my clothes. I felt like I was being
incinerated from the inside out.
I decided to jump in the shower. I turned the water on
cold and cringed at the sudden blast. But my mind
wouldn't leave from her. I was hard as a rock, all flow
of blood to my groin and as uncontrollable as a
teenager.
Without thinking, I placed my hand on the wall and
reached down and began stroking. I was unable to
push the images out of my head and on some level I
realized I didn't want to. I wanted to give in to my
thoughts of her. I wanted to feel her and taste her and
I let myself do just that as I moved my hand up and
down my hard length.
I wanted her to be mine. On the most intimate and
basic level and I couldn't explain it if I tried.
I squeezed my eyes shut and lost myself instead to my
imagination. I could almost feel her lips on me and
taste the sweet vanilla and coffee of her hair. I circled
my tip and groaned as I leaned against the wall. I
could picture her with her hair splayed below me on a
pillow, soft sheets spread around us like a canopy,
hiding us from the world in our own little universe.
I would lean down to kiss her moist pouty lips and
then press my tongue into her mouth to taste what I
imagined to be sweet chocolate and raspberry. I would
run my lips down her perfect skin, my hands across
her breasts, tasting her, touching her, taking my time
to learn every inch of her. She wouldn't be a quick
fuck; she wouldn't be just carnal gratification. I would
want to know every inch of her, make her moan and
writhe beneath me.
But why?
I could feel myself stiffen as I continued stroking,
squeezing my eyes shut tighter, lost in my daydream. I
could see her dark hooded eyes as she would gaze at
me with the same want and the need reflected in mine.
I could almost feel her round sumptuous breasts; they
would fit perfectly in my hands. Her nipples would
pucker from my touch as I slowly tweaked them. I
wanted to glide my hands down her body and her
curves, every inch of her silky skin at my fingertips.
I groaned, working, rubbing, up and down, my chest
heaving on the precipice of my release. The water was
spilling over my shoulders and down my back. I saw
large droplets forming from the coolness of the water
against the intense heat of my skin. I wanted her
hands on me, I wanted her mouth on me. I imagined it
then, her licking droplets from my chest, her tongue
snaking down my body and then wrapping her perfect
lips around my cock and sucking.
I groaned, my body tensing spiraling for toward its
plummet. Her mouth popping off of me and returning
a trail sucking up the droplets all the way back up my
body before she whispered into my ear and wrapped
her long creamy legs around me. I imagined her biting
her lip as she threw her head back in pleasure as I
pressed into her and her warm heat engulfed me
"Fuck!" I cried out as I exploded in long streams into
the shower. I gasped for air and my legs trembled
almost failing beneath me. I barely felt the cold water
pouring over my skin and bringing me down from the
most intense orgasm I ever had.
I slumped against the wall, resting my forehead on my
arm, trying to regain some semblance of the
controlled person that I usually was.
But apparently, with only the thought of this woman, I
lost all control. I didn't know why. I couldn't figure it
out, how my whole body, my entire being longed for
her.
Maybe it was the lack of a woman in my life. It wasn't
like I hadn't rubbed one out over the last year, I was a
man, I had needs. But I had never come as hard as I
did just then even when I was with a woman. And here
I was, only imagining her in my bed, in my arms and I
was consumed by the most powerful desire I had ever
felt.
Finally calming myself I stepped out of the shower and
ran my hands through my hair and dried my now limp
body with a towel.
I pulled on some boxers and climbed into bed,
welcoming the soft cotton after over twenty-four
hours awake. I lay there, torn between the reality of
my situation and the utmost desire I had for her. For
Bella.
Should I just give in? How bad could it be? No one
would have to knowlike Eliot. But she knows Jasper
and maybe Alice. God Damnit.
At last my body succumbed to its much needed
slumber, though I was still reeling somewhere
between intense desires and my obligations. I felt like
a boulder balancing on a toothpick and simply waiting
for the slightest shift to send me tumbling.
The only question was which direction I would fall.
--
I woke up Sunday sweating, not from the intense heat
in my room this time, but from the erotic dream I had
about her. Her in her dress, her hair over me looking
up at me under her lashes.
Fuck!
Once again I showered and had to relieve myself
before I again made it to the park for a run. I was
pumping my legs and my arms as fast as I could. My
heart, mind and body were still torn, warring with
each other about this woman.
But I couldn't wrap my mind around it. I couldb't
explain the intense need to be near her. Even as I
passed the Met I was drawn to it because I knew she
worked there.
How was this possible? This was New York for crying
out loud. Somewhere deep in my soul, something was
telling me this was different. This wasn't a random
sighting.
So do I go talk to her, or leave it. How do I find her?
Go to the Met? I wasn't sure.
The only thing I was sure of was that I was going back
under on Thursday. I was meeting with Garrett
Morgan on Wednesday and getting my new place
sometime in the middle of the night then.
That gave me two days. Two days to decide what to do.
Two days to find out who she is.
It also gave me two days to see Alice and somehow I
had a feeling the next two days, though I wasn't going
to be undercover or even working on a mission, were
going to be two of the most important days of my life.
~*~
Link:
Piano Sonata No.8 "Pathetique" 2nd movement
(Beethoven)
~~~-~~~~

Chapter 6 - In the Light
Chapter Song: Led Zepplin In The Light
BPOV
Monday morning dawned bright and beautiful. It was
now mid-June in New York and the city was alive with
visitors, people returning home and native New
Yorkers just out and about enjoying the summer. But I
was largely unable to notice because of the events of
the past few days.
I walked to work through the park thinking about my
weekend. I felt like I had been on a roller coaster in
some respects. Between meeting the Apollo on Friday
and seeing him again on Saturday, and then James's
declaration I was experiencing a tumult of emotions. I
kept going over the interactions with the Apollo over
and over in my head. I couldn't explain it. I couldn't
explain the heat that coursed through my body.
The problem was I was now "officially" with James.
We were exclusive. He wasn't dating anyone else and I
wasn't either, even though I hadn't been since our first
few dates. He expressed his wish to be with me, and I
agreed to see him exclusively on Saturday night. But
when I woke up on Sunday, I was still uneasy.
Maybe I didn't want to see him exclusively?
Why didn't I say no?
Who the hell was Apollo and why was I having toe-
curling, heart-stopping feelings for a man I hardly
talked to?
Ugh. I was frustrated by the fact that my brain kept
going back to him.
I was exhausted from all the thinking. By Sunday
night, I was finally able to focus on some work and
realized that I needed to start preparing press and
event releases for the upcoming fundraiser. Every
year the Met had a huge fundraising event just after
the Fourth of July. This year it was set for July 8, but
since June was quickly passing us by, I knew I needed
to get things in order before it arrived. We had
multiple event writings, press releases, updates on
exhibits, updates on new programs and such to write.
I knew the interns would help with a lot of it, but I
would have to sign off on their work which meant
additional time in the office and at home.
Not only that, as staff we were expected to attend the
event and help entertain many of the wealthy donors.
I remembered the first year I attended I was so
nervous. Thankfully I was able to hang out with Jasper
and Alice and meet Carlisle and Esme. It was so much
fun I actually looked forward to it now, even if I had to
do a lot of work beforehand.
But like any major New York event I knew I needed to
look the part and would have to buy a new evening
gown and this year a mask. The theme for the event
was a masquerade ball because we were opening a
new exhibition with masks from all over the world.
Which is why I needed to employ Alice for help.
Being a Design Editor at one of the major fashion
magazines, Alice always knew what was "in" and what
was perfect for the event. Not only that, she had access
to designers, accessories, shoes, you name it. Luckily
talking to her about dresses and other essentials took
my mind off of James and Apollo for the rest of the
night and I was actually able to get some work done.
I strode into the office at quarter
after eight, refreshed from my
morning run and walk through the
park. I smoothed out my shirt dress
and slipped off my sandals that I
used to walk and replaced them with
my new gray platform peep toe
pumps. I had to giggle a bit every
time I did this. I was so clumsy when
I was younger that once I got an
internship at the Met I had to learn
how to walk in heels. Kate would
make me walk with a book on my
head down our short hallway in our
tiny apartment like some old manner school hag.
I must say it worked; now I could at least put two feet
in front of the other and walk like a respectable
woman.
Unless I ran into a wall of muscle bearing a sexy
tattoo and jade eyes.
Goddamnit! There he was again.
I shook my head and tried to push the image of those
deep jade pools out of my brain.
You have a boyfriend now Bella; you can't be lusting
over some random man.
I quickly sat down to check my email and then walked
out to the open desk area to give out the various
projects to the interns. Just as I looked up I saw a
delivery man walk up to the desk with a bouquet of
flowers. We didn't have a receptionist in the back
office so the poor kid looked lost and I walked over to
see if I could help him.
"Can I help you?" I called out. And he flushed bright
red and sputtered at me.
"Umuhy-y-yes. These are for an Isabella Swan?"
He looked at me wide-eyed. He couldn't have been
more than seventeen.
Isabella? That's strange, no one ever calls me by my
full name except Renee.
But I smiled at him as I made my way over. "I'm Bella,
I mean Isabella. Do you need me to sign?"
He nodded. His mouth was still agape and I looked
down to make sure I didn't tuck my dress into my
panties or something. Everything appeared okay so I
just shook it off and signed for the flowers and turned
to head back to my office.
"Oooh Ms. Swan got flowers" I heard an intern say
and I immediately knew who it was.
"Lauren, Jane, I suggest you get back to work." I
quirked an eyebrow at them and at the same time I
noticed the scowl on Mike Newton's face as he looked
at Tyler.
Yes, my four interns were a bit of a challenge this
year.
I walked to my office and closed the
door and looked at the flowers.
They were tall and bright blue with
multiple flowers running up a rod. I
knew they weren't gladiolas or
orchids, but they were beautiful
nonetheless. I set them on the edge
of my desk and grabbed the card. It merely said my
name on the front, but when I opened it there was
nothing inside. No name or signature.
The card merely denoted the flower. Blue Salvia.
Huh.
I looked into the flowers thinking maybe the card was
dropped in or the company switched them, but
nothing was there.
Well that's odd. Who would take the time to send me
flowers and not sign their name? I instantly thought of
a few people it could be. It could be James after our
weekend, but he never really seemed like the romantic
type.
It could be Alice or Jasper because my brother's
birthday was on Friday. Same with Kate or my Mom
or Dad.
But they would all sign their names wouldn't they?
Maybe it's a mix-up. But that didn't seem right either
because my name wasn't exactly common. I had never
met another Isabella Swan. Even stranger, none of
them referred to me as Isabella.
I sat down at my computer thinking it over when my
phone rang suddenly.
"Hello." I stared at the flowers when I heard a loud
shriek on the other end.
"Bella! I found the most absolutely perfect dress for
the Met event. It's gorgeous, it's a Marchesa and it's
beaded with flowers and it's bronze and chocolate
brown. Oh my God, it will look so good with your eyes,
and your skin and your killer bod! I am totally swiping
it along with some shoes and some jewelry. I might
even be able to get you a mask. You need to come over
and try it on tonight." I don't think she took a breath
during that rant.
"Alice, first of all, take a breath."
She giggled. "Sorry, you know how I am with fashion."
I rolled my eyes at myself. "Second, yes I
will come try it on, but a Marchesa? That
has to be expensive?"
"Meh, I have connections baby; you'll get
it for half. Not to mention, you will be
strutting it on the red carpet and at the
event, so it's free advertising."
"All right Alice, what time do you want
me to come over?" I shook my head and
smiled into the phone.
"How about seven? I have a shoot until
six but I should be home after that."
"Sounds great. See you tonight."
I ended the call and just shook my head laughing.
Leave it to Alice to find "the perfect dress" only twelve
hours after I talked to her.
I glanced up at the flowers on my desk when there was
a knock at the door.
"Come in."
A head tentatively poked around the corner. "Ms.
Swan, I, um have a question about something."
"Of course Tyler, I'll be out in just a minute to help you
all."
I logged off my computer and walked back out of the
main area without thinking about the flowers again
that morning.
--
The morning was filled with initial drafts of
communications items and lunch arrived before I
knew it. I asked Jasper to join me in the park since I
brought my lunch that day. It was warm out and
already June 8. Summer was officially underway, and
we decided to eat in the park.
We walked a bit up toward the reservoir and found a
bench to sit and eat our lunch in shade.
"So how was the anniversary Jazz?" I asked, as I took
a bite of my turkey sandwich.
"It was great. We went to Le Cirque, and she really
liked the pendant." He smiled.
"Oh, I know she did; she told me all about it last
night." I laughed as I slowly chewed my sandwich, and
then there was an uncomfortable silence between us.
It was odd because Jazz and I usually chatted so
effortlessly. I knew what it stemmed from and decided
to take it head on.
"So Jasper, you said the man from Friday was an old
friend? How do you know him?" I looked away as I
slowly rubbed my apple.
"UmHe's really no one Bellaan old friend from
high school." He shrugged and got quiet.
Why was Jazz being so secretive?
"Did you not like him or something?" I probed for
information.
Jazz shook his head. "No, not at allit's
justcomplicated Bella." He took a bite of his lunch
then and looked away.
I knew that was the end of it. If there was one thing I
knew about Jasper, he was very private with certain
matters and once a subject was closed, that was it.
We chatted some more about his and Alice's
anniversary and finished up our lunches. But as we
made our way back to the Met, I had a strange sense
that someone was watching me. It was odd; it was that
feeling where the hair on the back of my neck stood on
end. I glanced around, trying to see if I saw someone I
knew.
"Something wrong Bella?" Jazz looked at me with
concern.
"Uh, no Jazz, nothing. It's nothing."
As we returned to our offices, Jazz told me he was in
for a long day ahead because they were starting a new
six week educational program the next week, and he
had to finish some research for it. He was likely in for
a late night. I mentioned that I was going to their
condo later so maybe Alice and I would just have
dinner and some wine.
I'll have to text Alice later.
I looked at my desk once more; the flowers were
shining brightly under the fluorescent lights, and I
decided to give James a quick call.
"Hello." He sounded gruff and busy.
"Hi, it's me. Sorry to bother you at work."
"No, that's fine. What is it, Bella?"
"I just wanted to thank you for the flowers. They're
very pretty." I smiled as I looked at them once again.
"What flowers?"
He didn't know about the flowers?
"The ones I got this morning. Didn't you send them?" I
asked confused.
"No. I didn't send them. Someone sent you flowers?"
Shit, he sounded pissed now. Then who the hell sent
the flowers?
"II don't know. Maybe it was one of my
parentsBrad's birthday is this Friday." I said
quickly.
He just harrumphed on the other end. What the hell
was his problem?
"You sure they aren't from someone else?" He asked
with almost a snarl.
"I really don't know who they're from, James. They
didn't put a name on the card, just the type of flower."
I said, evenly.
"Whatever Bella. I have to go."
"Well, can I call you tonight?" I asked, hesitantly.
"Sure." And he clicked off the line.
Cripes. Overreact much. What was that about?
I looked at my cell phone and back at the flowers. This
was so odd. Who would send me flowers and not put
their name on them? Maybe it really was just a
mistake.
I decided to do a quick search on the internet. Maybe
if I found out what Blue Salvia stood for then it would
give me some indication of who they were from. I
pulled up Google and typed in the line and clicked the
search button.
I scanned for a page showing the meanings of flowers
and scrolled through the different types. Finally I
found it.
Blue Salvia- I think of you.
Hmmm. I pondered that meaning. That could be
almost anyone, but I was sure it had to be one of my
parents or maybe Kate or Alice. I sent them each a
quick email and then shut my laptop. I needed to
attend to my interns and get through a pile of drafts
for communications items.
The rest of the afternoon went by at a rapid pace. At
six-thirty I finally left the office and decided to simply
walk to Alice and Jasper's condo. They lived on the
Upper East Side on the other side of the Met.
As I walked down Fifth Avenue I warmed my face in
the evening sunlight. It felt wonderful. Facing south
and walking into the light; I let my strange day and
even stranger weekend slip away for a bit. After I
emailed Kate and Alice, they both responded that
neither one of them had sent the flowers.
It was odd, but I was sure they must be from one of my
parents or maybe even one of the boys in Brooklyn. I
wouldn't put it past Sam and Emily to send them.
Emily, Sam's wife, was always so sweet and
supportive. I would just have to ask them this
weekend.
Considering their thoughtful gift and the meaning
behind the flowers took me back to Brad's last
birthday before he died. It was his twenty-fifth
birthday
"Bella, Bella, Bo-Bella. Are you ready yet?" Brad
yelled up the stairs.
"Hold on Braddy. I just need to put my hair up." I
hollered back.
I started smiling as I threw my hair in a ponytail. It
was the summer after my first year at NYU. I was so
excited because I had just moved into my first
apartment at the end of the school year with Kate. I
had commuted all year to NYU because the subway
ride from Brooklyn wasn't far. But now that I was
interning at the Met and working part-time at the
gallery in SoHo, I wanted to be in Manhattan.
Kate and I moved into a little place not far from NYU.
We had only been there for three weeks, but I was
back in Brooklyn for Brad's birthday.
"Belly! Let's go!" Brad shouted again.
I grabbed my purse and looked in the mirror again at
my jean skirt and white tank. We were going down to
MacNamara's to celebrate with all of Brad's friends
and of course, Charlie.
I hustled down the stairs as I saw Brad taking a swig
of his beer and his eyebrows shot up.
"What are you wearing, Bell?"
I rolled my eyes at him. "It's called a skirt Brad,
sheesh."
I grabbed his beer from him and took a swig.
"Hey, you're too young for that." He mocked me.
I rolled my eyes again. "What are you going to do to
me officer?"
He snorted and just shook his head. Charlie always
let us have a beer at home if we wanted to. When he
was growing up, the drinking age was eighteen. Even
though he was a cop, he always said if you could vote
or fight in a war, you should be able to have a beer
too.
"You ready to go?" I asked.
"Yeah. I just can't believe my little sister is so grown
up. I'm going to have to keep my wits about me and
keep all the boys away."
"Whatever Braddy. Let's go." I rolled my eyes and
finished his beer.
"Hey, don't call me that." He lightly punched me in
the arm and tried to give me a noogie.
I slipped away. "Don't call me Bella Bella Bo-Bella." I
laughed, and we turned to leave for MacNamara's.
"So, who's this boy you met?" Brad asked as we were
about a block from Mac's.
"Alec. He's nice. He's in business school. His Dad
works for Merrill Lynch. He's from a good family on
the Upper West Side. I've only gone out on two dates
with him, Brad." I stopped him before he could give
me the inquisition.
"Just as long as you're being careful."
"I'm a big girl, Brad. I'll be fine." Damn
overprotective older brother. "And yes, I have my
pepper spray, and I remember my defense moves
before you even ask."
"I know, I know." He held up his hands.
We walked into Mac's to find almost all the guys from
his precinct. Many of them were still in uniform
having just gotten off their shifts. Sam, Jared,
Embry, Harry, Quil, my Dad, Billy and Jake were all
seated at a big booth in the corner. Beers already
littered the table along with onion rings, fries and
chicken wings.
"Belly! I didn't know you'd be joining us!" Harry
jumped up and gave me a hug. I squeezed him back
affectionately. Harry was always like a second
father to me.
"Hi Harry, how are you?"
"I'm good. Jeeze Belly you look so grown up, now I
see why Charlie's so concerned." He held my arms
and looked back at me.
I rolled my eyes again. Not just an overprotective
brother but an overprotective precinct as well.
"Yeah, and now she's got a boyfriend too." Brad
muttered.
Shit.
"Brad!" I snapped. The last thing I needed was all of
the cops asking me about that.
"A boyfriend? Oh boy, I think I need to meet this kid."
Harry said rubbing his chin. But I saw the look of
amusement in his eyes; he knew Charlie and Brad
would be tough enough.
"C'mon Belly, have a seat. We'd give you a beer but
you know, we're cops and have to uphold the law and
all that." He joked.
"It's okay Harry. I'm probably going to have to get
the birthday boy home anyway."
I sat down in the booth between Brad and Jake, who
of course left me a spot. He just wasn't going to get it
that I wasn't interested.
We laughed and joked as the guys drank their beers
and I my diet coke. Brad's friends told stories about
their antics as kids and lined the shots up in front of
him. By eleven we had one inebriated Brad and a
pretty well lit bunch of cops as well.
Suddenly Jake was a bit too close and had been
drinking along with everyone. Probably as much as
Brad since it was his best friend's birthday.
"So, you're dating someone?" He asked, and I could
hear the curiosity and jealousy laced in his voice.
"Yes, Jake, I believe I am a single woman in New
York, and I am dating someone."
I knew my tone was a bit clipped, but I really didn't
know how else to get the point across to him.
"Hmpf. Have Brad and Charlie met him?"
"No, they haven't. And if it goes somewhere they
will." I shrugged.
"Hey Bella, I think your brother is ready to go home."
Harry nudged me.
I looked over at Brad and started laughing. He was
falling asleep in his beer. Charlie had to work a night
shift tonight, so he had been drinking cokes with me
before he'd left an hour earlier. I would walk back
with Brad.
"I'll get him, Harry."
"You sure?"
"Yeah." I stood up and pulled Brad's arm toward me.
"C'Mon Braddy."
"Don't callllll me tat Belly." He slurred and I laughed
at him while hoisting his arm over my shoulder.
"You got him, Bell?." Jake asked a bit too eagerly.
"I'll be fine, Jake. I've done this a few times." I said a
bit shortly. 'And I don't want you coming home with
us,' I thought to myself.
"Fine." He grumbled.
I hoisted Brad up and everyone shouted their good-
byes. I just laughed as Brad tried to slur out his
response.
We shuffled down the street the three blocks to our
home. I pulled Brad into the house and helped him up
the stairs to his room. He crumpled onto his bed like I
had pushed over a stack of books. I pulled off his
shoes and ran downstairs to grab him a glass of
water.
"Here Braddy, drink some of this before you go to
bed."
"Belly, you alwayssss take such gooood care of me n
Dad." He slurred.
I smiled at him as he sipped the water with his eyes
closed.
"Promise me." He said thickly. "Something happens
you take care of yourssselfff."
"Braddy quit your drunk talk. Nothing's going to
happen to you or Dad." I shook my head at him. He
always did this when he had too much. He was never
sentimental, but once he had some drinks he'd get all
emotional.
"You doooon't know that Bellyjist promise me."
"Okay, I promise." I grabbed the water from him and
set it on his night stand and walked toward the door
and turned off his light.
"And ifff this Alec kid hurtssss youI'll kick his
asssss." He said before he fell back on to the bed.
"Okay Braddy. Good night." I laughed at him as I
rolled my eyes.
"Love you, Belly."
"Love you too, Braddy."
I turned the corner for the last block to Alice and
Jasper's when I noticed a tear had slipped out of my
eye. I quickly wiped it away. It was a fond memory of
Brad, and I had to keep my promise to him that I
would take care of myself and move on with my life.
Through all of my work with the group that Alice and I
attended I learned to focus on the good memories of
Brad. I could be angry and frustrated, like I was for a
while after everything happened. But I knew I couldn't
go on living like that and Brad wouldn't want me to
either.
I walked into Alice and Jasper's building waving at the
doorman. He just smiled as he held the door. He knew
me well since I was over here at least twice a week.
"Hi Fred. How are you this evening?"
"Very well, Ms. Swan, and you?"
"Oh Fred, it's Bella please and I'm good." I smiled.
The elevator took me to the twentieth floor and I
stepped out to make my way down the hallway to their
condo. I knocked before I entered, even though I knew
the door was open, and then stepped inside.
"Alice?" I hollered as I set my purse on the granite
island in their kitchen. I saw two glasses of wine
already waiting in the kitchen, so I knew she couldn't
be far.
"Bella!" I almost jumped.
"Hey Al."
"Oh my gosh, you have to see this dress. Here, take
your wine." She handed me the glass and grabbed hers
and then took my hand and pulled me through their
condo to the master bedroom.
She and Jasper had a beautiful place. It was all clean
lines and modern trim, with white couches and black
and white pillows and bright artwork decorating the
walls. It was a spacious two bedroom and had
fantastic views of the park even though it was a couple
blocks away.
"Ok, here. This is just going to be unbelievable on
you." She pulled out the garment bag as I sipped my
glass of merlot and looked around their bedroom. It
was similar clean lines, but with a bit more warmth,
with light blue walls and a large bed covered in white
bedding.
I sat down on the fluffy king, careful not to spill my
wine, and watched in awe as she revealed the dress. It
was gorgeous. It was strapless, floor length, fitted and
covered in beading. It was simple, yet the intricate
bead work was the shape of flowers. It looked like an
elegant mosaic as the different beads and sequins
glistened in the light.
"Wow Al, I love it!" I breathed.
"I knew you would. Oooh and I got shoes and jewelry
and even a mask too." She was so excited she was
clapping like a child as she spun around looking for
the rest. She handed me some gorgeous bronze
stilettos and tsked as she looked for the jewelry and
mask.
"Hmmm, I must have left them in the living room. You
put it on and I will go get them."
I set my wine glass down, undressed quickly and ran
my hands over the sequined bodice. The work of it was
really sensational and I loved the chocolate brown and
bronze. I didn't wear brown often so it would be fun to
try something different.
I slipped out of my bra, standing in only my panties
and slid the gown on. It fit perfectly as I zipped up the
side and closed the hook and eye. Of course Alice
would find something great. She knew me so well.
I stepped into the shoes and made my way to the full
length mirror in the master bath and spun around in
the light. The dress was really magnificent. It was
understated, yet so intricate and beautiful at the same
time. It was like a piece of art, which was perfect for
an event at the Met.
I wondered what was taking Alice so long and shuffled
out of the bathroom to make my way down the hall.
A sudden surge of electricity coursed up my spine.
Must be the wine and the excitement over the dress, I
thought. I was almost giddy.
"Al, did you find the jewelry and mask? I love the
dress. It really is perfect." I called as I turned into the
living room and stopped abruptly.
"Oh." I gasped, and the surge of electricity shot
through my entire body.
Standing in the middle of the living room was a man
holding Alice in an embrace. But his gaze was over her
shoulder and his jade eyes bore into mine.
Apollo.
--
EPOV
I spent Sunday and Monday running over everything
regarding my mission in my head. I thought about the
way I needed to make contact to get back in. I knew
they expected me back in New York in a week. But in
the underground like this, it wasn't like I was walking
into an office building for a 9:00 appointment.
I ran through everything I knew about the Dracs' New
York organization. They were largely based out of
Hell's kitchen where I would be living. I would find a
point man named Nelo and then he would direct me in
from there. I also knew that the Dracs had warehouse
space in the Brooklyn shipyards along with several
other properties scattered about the boroughs and
New Jersey.
I did know, however, that one of their main clubs,
Dawnbreak, was in Hell's kitchen. It was a place that
looked just like Poarta Ardeal from the front, yet in
the back it was a whole other world. In the back was
where the girls, shipped to the U.S., fulfilled their
"duties" or were sold to the highest bidder. I figured
my best chance for making contact with Nelo was to go
to the club on Thursday night. I had a picture of him in
my brain that Corin had shown me before I left. I also
knew he would be expecting me.
The rest of the day Sunday and Monday I spent
scoping out the area around my new apartment, the
club, and discreetly some of the properties in
Brooklyn.
Of course through all of this I tried to focus on not
thinking about the woman. Bella. But I found myself
running up and down East Drive past the Met twice a
day hoping to maybe catch a glimpse. I even went back
to Gray's for lunch thinking I might see her again.
Finally, I resolved that on Tuesday, I would go to the
Met and possibly talk to her. I wasn't sure as to how,
when or where exactly. I didn't want to walk into her
office and I didn't know her last nameyet. But that
was something else I wanted to find out.
Thus, my first stop would be to visit Alice and Jasper
tonight. It was two-fold. I knew I needed to see Alice
and at the same time I was hoping to get information
from them on Bella. Obviously Jasper knew her, and
maybe Alice did too. Hell, maybe I would even be able
to get her address.
Stalker.
My rational brain screamed at me because I was
fighting all rational thought and tendencies as an
agent, an undercover agent no less, in even thinking
about seeing this woman.
But as I resolved on Sunday during my run, I had to do
it. I had to find out what the hell this electricity was
between us and, if anything, attempt to get her out of
my head so I could go on and focus on my mission.
Monday evening came and I still had my key for Alice
and Jasper's condo. I wanted to go in the dark, but I
was afraid security might actually be harder at that
time considering the building they lived in. So instead
I was very careful about not leaving a trail and gave
the doorman a different name. I showed him the key
which had the inscription of the building's name on it,
and he let me through. I was sure to make my way up
to the floor with the name I gave him, just in case he
was watching the elevators as I ascended.
Then I took the stairs back down to the twenty-second
floor, careful to keep my hat and my sunglasses on. I
had bought a cheap hat at a tourist store and some big
fake sunglasses which would both cover all my hair
and most of my face. I also pulled up the collared shirt
I was wearing in hopes of hiding my face as much as
possible on the security cameras.
I knew there was a chance they wouldn't be home yet,
but I figured it was a Monday so it was a more likely
night to catch them in. I went to use the key to open
the door, but the door was already open. I stepped in
and quietly shut it.
I walked into the living area past the counter where I
saw a purse and keys sitting on the granite.
Alice must be home.
I could hear talking down the hallway and I assumed
she was on the phone. I hoped I didn't scare her but
there really was no other way to do this. I couldn't
warn her like I had my parents.
Suddenly I heard heels clicking down the hallway and
Alice humming happily. I waited with baited breath
until she appeared in the doorway.
She didn't see me at first, but hurried over toward the
dining room and I took a step forward. Her head shot
up, and her eyes went wide as she gasped and covered
her mouth with her hand.
"Oh my God." She shook her head.
"Hey Al." I looked at her intently. My little sister was
as fashionably dressed as usual. She was dressed from
work in a fitted red dress and heels. Her black spikey
hair was in a neat pixie cut on top of her head and her
big blue eyes filled with tears.
"Edward." She said as she finally walked over and I
wrapped my arms around her and she reciprocated.
She cried into my chest and I just stood there holding
her in the living room.
I missed my little sister. I missed her fun spirit and
exuberant personality. I missed her laugh and the way
she always knew how to cheer me up. She was a bit
much at times, but I would do anything to protect her.
And now, it was just she and I. I knew she felt like I
was leaving her too when I joined the FBI, and I
couldn't help but think back to the day I left for
Romania
"Please Edward, why are you doing this?"
"You know why I have to do this Al. It's my job." I
shrugged at her as I packed up my duffle. I had been
staying at their place for a few weeks on break. I was
leaving for D.C. again, and then off to Romania for
my mission.
"It's not because of your job. You don't have to be
undercover; you could do something else, something
less dangerous." She shook her head at me as she sat
on the guest bed.
"Al, please, this is what I want to do. Mom already
tried this with me, and it's not going to work."
"But what if something happens to you? It will kill
her." She said quietly and then looked down at her
hands. "It will kill me too. I can't lose you both; I feel
like I already have." She was so quiet I almost didn't
hear her, but I did.
"What are you talking about?" I stopped my packing
and looked at her.
She tipped her head up. Her eyes were filled with
tears and she frowned at me. "Edward, you haven't
been the same since Eric's death, and I get it. I know,
but you have to move on, we are all trying too."
"I am moving on. That's why I am in the FBI." I said
through gritted teeth.
Move on. Get past it. Live your life. Everyone kept
telling me that, but they didn't understand.
"You're not moving on. You're running away. You're
not facing your problems or coming to terms with
anything. Instead you're just fulfilling your need for
vengeance and unwilling to work through the grief."
"Stop Al!" She flinched. I pinched the bridge of my
nose. I didn't want to fight with her. I might not see
her again and I didn't want to leave like this.
"Al, this is what I do. This is who I am." I said in a
stern voice.
"It's not you Edward." The tears started flowing then
and my heart clenched. "You haven't been you since
Eric died, and I don't think I am ever going to get my
brother back."
"Oh Al." I sighed and my heart instantly ached. I
stopped my packing and pulled her into a hug. "I'll
come back."
"Please, please justbe careful and come back." She
said as she hugged me in her patented vice grip hug.
"I will." Even though I knew I couldn't promise her
that. And I wasn't talking about coming back from
the mission
I looked down at Alice then, noticing I was in the same
vice grip hug when suddenly I heard a voice and shoes
walking down the hallway.
Shit someone else is here. I tensed, unsure what to do.
How could I get out of this? Who could it be?
My eyes instantly went to the doorway when I heard it.
Her voice.
Oh. My. Fucking.
Shit!
"Al, did you find the jewelry and mask? I love it, it
really is perfect." She turned the corner from the hall
and stopped.
"Oh." She said with a gasp and she looked as
completely surprised as me.
I felt like the room was instantly filled with a current
and my eyes were staring into hers as Alice finally
turned in my embrace. But I hardly noticed.
Time stood still. She was standing before me in an
elegant evening gown. It fit her perfectly, and made
her look even more alluring than when I saw her on
Friday.
A flood of emotions and thoughts soared through my
brain. Shit. She's seen me here. This is not good, now
she'll know that I am Alice's brother and she could be
in danger. At the same time I was just drinking her in
as she stood before me and I was absolutely
hypnotized by her presence.
"Bella, this is my brother Edward." Alice said once she
gained her composure.
"Edward." She whispered and shook her head like she
was thinking of something. "Umyes. We've met
actually." She said walking over.
Alice's brows furrowed and she looked at me then. I
realized I had been holding my breath, and I let it out
slowly as my whole world had just come to a
screeching halt in a matter of seconds.
"How do you know each other?" She glanced back and
forth at us then.
I looked down at Alice, her question finally registering
and then my gaze moved back to Bella. I couldn't take
my eyes off her in the impeccable dress, her hair in a
loose chignon and her beautiful long neck exposed.
Her creamy skin was luminous in the light from the
west facing window, and her perfect pouty lips and
dark sultry eyes were mesmerizing me.
Shit. Get it together Cullen
I shook my head. "I actually about knocked her over at
Gray's on Friday and then we saw each other at the
museum. Isn't that right." I gave her a small smile and
she nodded and bit her lip.
Fuck. That lip again.
"Really? How funny!" Alice immediately perked up
and was back to her usual buoyant self. "What a
coincidence. Well, Edward officially this is my friend
Bella. She works with Jasper at the Met, but we've
been friends since"
Suddenly she trailed off and I should have noticed the
inflection in her voice, but I was too busy staring at
the goddess before me. At last Bella walked the rest of
the way over and extended her hand.
"Well it's nice to meet you officially, Apoerrr I mean
Edward." She smiled and blushed scarlet, and the
color made her cream skin all the more beautiful.
"A pleasure." I smiled and took her hand. Warmth
once again shot up my arm and straight to other
places where I didn't need to be warm at the moment.
But I couldn't help it. She was like a sun, and she lit
me on fire and pulled me into her light every time I
saw her.
Alice was gaping at us by now and I could see her eyes
dancing merrily.
"Well Edward, I was just helping Bella get ready for
the big summer fundraising event at the Met. Isn't her
dress extraordinary?" She smiled mischievously.
I coughed to keep myself from saying what I was really
thinking and nodded. "Yes, it's rather remarkable."
And not just the dress. No, you are remarkable.
Exquisite really.
"Well, we have so much to catch up on. Do you want a
glass of wine, or no, waitBella, stay here a second. I
think I actually left the accessories and the mask at
work. I'm going to run and get them; I'll be back in no
time." Alice was suddenly in a frenzy.
"Wait, Al, no you don't have to do that, I can get them
another time." Bella said confusedly.
"Of course not Bella, I want to see if they work,
otherwise I will grab you different ones tomorrow
because it's the last day of the shoot and all. I don't'
want to risk missing out." She waved her hand and she
was already half way out the door. "I'll be back soon.
You make yourselves comfortable. Start dinner if you
like."
"You'll be here when I get back?" She asked me
knowingly and I nodded.
Fuck, I couldn't move at this point if I wanted to.
In a whirl she was out the door and I was standing in
my sister's condo with the most beautiful woman I
had ever seen, a woman who had dominated my mind
for the last four days. I wasn't sure how it happened.
The last few moments were a lifetime and the blink of
an eye, all at the same time.
Oh my God. I am alone with her. With Bella.
"Typical Alice." Bella said just then and rolled her
eyes. I could tell she was trying to lighten the killer
tension in the room.
"Yes. Typical Alice." I said as I gave her a large smile
and her eyes widened as she took a breath.
"Um, I think the wine is on the counter. Al and I were
just going to make some dinner because Jasper is
working late." She said quickly.
Shit, I hope I'm not gaping at her and making her
nervous. Time to use a little charm, Cullen.
What? Charm? You can't flirt with this woman.
But I can get to know her
"Oh, yes. I'll grab a glass. So you work with Jasper?" I
asked.
"Yes at the Met. Hence the dress." She motioned and I
couldn't help but let my eyes travel her body again.
"Well you look sensational." I murmured and she
drew in a breath as we stared at each other. Blood was
pounding in my ears and my breath was ragged. I
could feel us moving closer together.
"You changed your hair." She said abruptly and then
bit her lip almost embarrassed.
She noticed?
"UhyeahI just got back from.I mean, I actually
changed it back. This is the real color." I said as I
pulled off my hat and ran my fingers through it.
"Oh." Her eyes followed my hand and then they were
burning into mine. "Well I like your real color better."
She said in a hushed tone and instantly blushed again.
She liked it. What else did she like?
I could feel the heat and the tension radiating off of
both of us. I noticed we were still moving closer and I
sucked in a breath and stepped back.
"I'll get us that wine." I gestured.
She shook her head. "Yes. Of courseI mean, actually
I have some, but pour yourself a glass and I'll be back
in a minute." She turned toward the hallway just then.
"Do you need any help?" I asked before thinking. She
stopped and her eyes widened. The fire was crackling
now and I instantly admonished myself.
Fuck. Did I really just offer to undress her? Jesus
Christ get your shit together Cullen.
"I mean, I know those evening dresses are difficult
sometimes" I blanched at my voice as I waved my
hand dismissively.
"No, I'm good, but thank you for the offer." Her eyes
were smoldering and I could feel my heartbeat
quicken until she finally turned and made her way to
the bedroom.
What the fuck is my problem? I talk to people all the
time, use my charm, my wit, you name it. But I was
utterly spellbound by Bella. Had I been under so long I
couldn't even talk to a normal woman?
But she's not normal. She's the most gorgeous woman
I had ever seen and I gravitated toward her like the
earth to the sun. It was petrifying and exhilarating at
the same time.
And completely wrong, and she's completely off
limits. My rational brain said.
I hurried to the kitchen. Rather than pouring a glass
of wine, I grabbed the bottle of Kettle One out of the
freezer and filled a glass with ice and a dash of lime
juice. I needed something stronger, much stronger. I
was at a juncture, I knew it. I could either make up an
excuse to leave and simply tell her that I needed to go,
and I would catch Alice later; or I could stay.
Yes, I could stay and find out everything I possibly
could in this short while and figure this woman out.
Maybe that would help me deal with the emotions
coursing through my body.
I sipped my drink and pondered my options as I tried
to steady my breathing and the growing hardness
below my belt.
Just then she walked into the kitchen. My heart
stopped and my breath quickened again.
Yup, not going anywhere.
She was now standing before me in a black sleeveless
shirt dress with a narrow belt cinching her trim waist.
It was sophisticated and sexy at the same time, perfect
for a New York working woman. Her chestnut waves
were now down and hung around her shoulders. Her
face was flushed pink and I couldn't keep my gaze
from traveling down her body to the hot ass heels she
was wearing that accentuated her long creamy legs.
Jesus. My pants were tightening and I was glad I was
wearing the white linen shirt which covered below my
belt line. Fuck. It's like I'm in junior high.
"No wine?" She asked with a smile.
"Kettle One instead." I smiled and held up the glass.
"Ah, my favorite other than a glass of red or a
Guiness." She said as she took a sip of her wine.
Really? So she likes the Dutch Vodka. What else do
you like Mijn Schoonheid?
"Guinness?" I quirked an eyebrow at her.
"Irish girl from Brooklyn. My Dad and my brother
both drank it." She winked at me.
Fuck. Harder, much harder. I turned a bit and then
realized the inflection in her voice as she said it.
But she set down her glass and drew a breath and
walked to the refrigerator.
"What are you doing?" I was so inquisitive about this
woman. I wanted to know why she bit her lip and why
she ate at Gray's and why she drank Guinness. I
wanted to know everything about her. What the hell?
She laughed. "I'm making dinner Edward."
"Here?"
She scoffed. "You should know as well as anyone that
Alice can't cook worth a damn." She said smiling.
Ah, she's confident and funny. I remembered that
from our interaction at the Met.
"No, she can't." I laughed with her and set down my
glass. "Do you need any help?"
"You cook?" She quirked her eyebrow this time and
her eyes danced with mirth.
"I've been known to hold my own." I bent down to her
ear and whispered. But I wasn't going to tell her it was
from taking a class with Claire.
She drew in a quick breath and her eyes darkened. I
could feel the tension pulsing between us again. "Well
then, E, show me what you've got."
God she's fucking sexy.
Cullen. Get your shit together.
I drew back and instantly willed my body, specifically
my cock, to relax as I grabbed a chopping board from
the cupboard. I was fighting off the desire to
interrogate her and throw her over my shoulder and
head to the guest bedroom at the same time.
Ask her about herself dummy, before you start
humping her leg like a dog.
"So how long have you known Jasper?" And why
haven't I met you before now?
She told me how she met Jasper as an intern and her
work at the Met. She was very successful and I
assumed she must be Jasper's age or maybe Alice's.
Twenty-eight or twenty-nine or so. She mentioned her
interns and how they could be unruly but she loved
her job. She loved art and working at the Met. I found
out that she was a cop's daughter from Brooklyn,
where she grew up, but her parents were now
divorced.
Hmmm. Ambitious and confident. She could hold her
own, I was sure of it.
I asked her about college and discovered that she went
to NYU. I learned that she did a ton of volunteer work.
Even though she deflected any praise I rang upon her,
she was obviously selfless and simply an
extraordinary person. I was completely taken by her.
Then, I found out she was actually supposed to go to
Jasper and Alice's wedding but came down with the
flu.
Shit, I could have met her how many years
agoDamn.
My rational brain fought those thoughts. But I
couldn't help noticing how we worked seamlessly in
the kitchen together. I cut up tomatoes and onions
and peppers as she put together her red sauce. I found
out it was a family secret recipe from her Italian-born
grandmother, though the rest of her family was Irish.
I teased her that I would learn it and she blushed and I
wanted to kiss the red from her cheeks.
This woman will be the death of me.
Like actually could be the death of me.
But I pushed those thoughts out of my mind as I began
to realize that this might be the only time I would have
like this with her. Talking and laughing, preparing
dinner and simply being in Alice and Jasper's kitchen.
The thought was unnerving on so many levels and I
ignored it. Instead, I simply kept pumping her for
information.
I asked her about her favorite foods and cooking and
her favorite kind of music. When she said she loved
old school rock and Led Zeppelin I about dropped my
knife on my foot.
Then she said she was a die-hard Yankees fan and I
had to resist the urge to, yet again, throw caution to
the wind and kiss her. She had a light about her that
just drew me in.
A light. Mijn licht. In het licht. In the light. Led
Zeppelin. Jesus Christ.
I shook my head as I thought of the Led Zeppelin song
"In the light." How fitting it was.
Wait fitting? Seriously Cullen. You can't be thinking
these things.
But I couldn't stop myself. How could this smart,
confident, a bit snarky, obviously caring, and
compassionate and sexy as hell woman have so much
in common with me?
But she was with a man Saturday night. And he was
obviously more than a friend.
I forgot about that until that moment and it instantly
rocketed through me. I knew she wasn't married, I
didn't a notice a wedding ring on her finger and I had
already looked at that.
Immediately.
Stalker. My rational brain chanted again.
I determined I needed to find out who he was to her,
and how serious they were.
"So did you enjoy the play on Saturday?" I asked then.
She stopped stirring for a moment and I saw a
number of emotions run across her face. "Um. Yeah,
it' my favorite."
"It's my favorite too." I murmured and I felt us caught
in a trance once again.
Of course, another thing in common with a woman I
can't have. And the only woman I wanted.
Stop it Cullen. Back to the task at hand. Who's the
man?
"Did your boyfriend enjoy it?" I asked quietly.
She flinched and kept stirring. "Uhyeah."
I went back to preparing the garlic bread and the first
bit of unease settled between us. I wasn't sure how to
change it and tried to think of something else I could
ask when she spoke up.
"He's a bitumoverprotective, I'm sorry for his
reaction?"
"Reaction." I'd be overprotective too if you were my
girlfriend. I shook the thought once again.
"I saw him glare at you. It's really nothing. I don't
know why he's so possessive. We haven't even been
together very long." She said quickly and her eyes
darted back to the sauce.
What is she trying to tell me? She isn't in love with
him? They're dating, but he's possessive and doesn't
have a right to be?
Before I could think I responded. "How long have you
been together?"
"Oh, just a few months." It looked like she was going
to say something more but stopped.
Just then the door burst open and Alice and Jasper
walked in. Alice was completely back to her crazy self.
Bella and I both stepped away from each other
abruptly as we had again been slowly moving towards
one another again.
Alice gave us both a knowing look and grin. Shit. I
knew that look; she was going to try to set us up.
And no little sister, I wouldn't be opposed to it this
time.
On some other level her look also made me realize
that maybe this thing with Bella and her boyfriend
wasn't that serious.
"Look who I rode up the elevator with. Finally done
with work for the night." Alice gestured as Jasper
strolled in behind her.
"Jazz." I walked over and gave him a hug and tapped
his back with my fist.
"E. It's good to see you." I saw him glance at Bella and
she raised her eyebrows. Obviously she had told him I
was in town, but he didn't tell her who I was.
"Oh, I'm starving and that smell's so good. Is that
Grandma Swan's red sauce?" Alice peeked into the pot
and ripped off a piece of bread.
"Of course it is Alice have you ever known me to make
it any different?" Bella scoffed at her and Alice rolled
her eyes. Oh I could see how these two were friends.
Bella could hold her own against my exuberant sister.
"Swan?" I asked questioningly.
"Bella's last name Edward. Jeesh did you two stand
here in silence the whole time?" Alice admonished me.
"No Alice." We both said at the same time and
everyone laughed.
The sauce was finished and Jasper and I started
setting up the dining room table.
"So, how long are you back for?" He whispered.
"Umjust a few days." I really couldn't tell him I
would be in New York indefinitely.
He just nodded and I knew what he was thinking. He
knew how much it hurt Alice every time I left, and
even though he and I were friends, we had grown
apart once I became an agent.
That's because you've grown apart from everyone.
I shook my head and made small talk with Jasper. I
asked about his sister Rosalie and his parents. I found
out he was now working in the research department at
the Met but often had to prep for major educational
programs which was why he stayed late that night.
Finally Bella and Alice returned from the kitchen and
Bella looked a bit exasperated. I could only imagine
Alice was grilling her to find out what we talked about.
We sat down to eat and I almost died at the flavor of
the sauce.
"Oh my God, Bella, this is amazing." I said with a very
poor mannerly mouthful, but I didn't care. The sauce
was like fucking heaven; thick and sultry with a bit of
sweetness, yet it had a bit of bite from the pepper. I
instantly thought of how it was a fitting representation
for the woman herself.
She blushed. "Thanks it's really nothing." She said
quietly.
"Whatever Bella, you're a fantastic cook. You don't
give yourself enough credit." Alice rolled her eyes.
The interactions throughout dinner with my sister
and Jasper confirmed my insights. We laughed and
joked and Bella told stories about her interns and
Alice about her crazy photographers and models.
Jasper and Bella teased each other relentlessly, but I
could tell they were all close.
In the short time I had known her, I was growing to
understand this woman.
She was a cop's daughter from Brooklyn with a bit of
an edge, a slight endearing shyness and at the same
time an uptown flare. She was witty and smart and
down to earth, even though she worked in one of the
most prestigious museums in the world. She was a
walking contradiction, she loved art and music and
top shelf vodka and at the same time the Yankees and
Guinness and running.
A walking contradiction indeed. Contradictions that
were so much like
Me.
Holy fuck.
I stopped eating for a moment as the revelation hit
me. Who the fuck was this woman and how hadn't I
met her before this time? She's friends with Alice and
Jasper and has everything in common with me. I
almost couldn't believe it and I had to shake my head.
And yet she was the one woman I couldn't have
because she knew my entire family. A fucking
contradiction of epic proportions and it cut me deep
as the thought settled in my brain.
"Edward is something wrong? Is it work?" Alice asked
me quietly, and I realized I had been tuned out of the
conversation for a moment.
I put on a smile and took a sip of my drink. "No Al,
nothing at all. Why?"
Up to this point we had skirted around the issue of my
time in New York. I instantly determined I needed to
divert any attention from the subject.
"So did you and Bella become friends through Jasper
then?" I asked Alice and the table became eerily quiet.
Alice's breath caught and Bella set down her fork and
took a sip of her wine. Jasper turned to look at me and
I could see something in his eyes.
"Uh no, actually I introduced Bella to Alice when we
began at the Met, but they became closer after Eric
died." Jasper said.
I shook my head. "Oh, why?" I furrowed my brow.
"Um, my brother was killed that day too..." Bella said
quietly and trailed off.
I remembered her words from earlier then. Drank.
Her reference was to her brother.
Oh my God. The realization hit me like a wrecking
ball. She lost her brother on 9/11 as well.
I could feel my eyes widen and the tension in the room
was palpable. Holy fuck. What do I say? How can this
be possible? How can she have that in common with
me as well and what the fuck did this all mean?
I cleared my throat. "I see. So you two started talking
or something?" I asked tentatively.
"We went to a grief counseling group together
Edward." Alice said and another ten pieces fell into
place.
I remembered Alice trying to push me into attending
with her and how much it helped her. I remember her
telling me about her friend that she met and the
volunteer work they did.
All of it snapped into place then. I feltI wasn't sure
how I felt. I was shocked and elated at the same time. I
couldn't wrap my mind around my similarities with
Bella and I also wanted to avoid any conversation of
this topic with Alice and Jasper.
So I deflected. As only I knew how to do so well.
"Ah. I think I remember you telling me something
about that. Well good for you. You seem to be close." I
shrugged, hoping to sound nonchalant, when really I
was dying inside. Dying to know more about this
woman, dying because she was quite close with Alice
and Jasper and dying because I did not want to talk
about Mijn Broer.
Luckily Bella sensed the tension and changed the
subject. They instantly launched into talk of the Met
event. I shot her a thankful look, and she gave me a
small smile.
How could she know exactly what to do? I only met
her hours ago? I was baffled by this woman. But she
was like a light, just drawing me in, warming me in the
most unexpected ways. And even with the brief
mention of Eric, she made me feel whole, lighter, than
I had in years. She pulled me out of the darkness and I
was enjoying myself for the first time in ages.
We finished our dinner chatting lightly and avoiding
any more talk of Eric, or her brother, and cleaned up.
It was getting late and Bella said she needed to be
going.
Before I knew what I was doing I offered to leave with
her.
"Um actually, I can accompany you. You shouldn't be
going by yourself at this time of night anyway." Then I
can find out where you live.
Staaaaaalkerrrrr. My rational brain said again.
What the fuck was I doing? I can't walk out of here
with her. I can't be seen with her and risk putting her
in danger.
But as much as my rational brain told me this, my
body took over and I lost all thought once again, as I
had for most of the night already.
"You really don't have to, I'll be fine. I take cabs all the
time, Edward." She rolled her eyes at me. Yes, she was
definitely a strong and self-sufficient woman. I was
completely in her light now, drawn to her like a flower
to the sun.
"It would make me feel better. Please?" I gave her my
best mock pout.
"Okay." She whispered and blushed.
"Oh, you're not staying?" Alice asked sadly.
I turned to her then. "No, but I'll be in touch Al."
She smiled and seemed appeased. Bella grabbed her
purse and the dress and other things Alice got for her
and we both hugged Alice and Jasper good-bye. I
promised to contact them and I knew that somehow I
was going to be keeping that promise this time
around.
I followed her down to the elevator, immediately
putting on my hat and trying to keep my head down.
"Do you always wear hats?" She asked me suddenly.
My she's perceptive.
"Um. A lot I guess. Occupational hazard." I smiled but
was curious why she asked.
"Oh why's that?"
Shit, I couldn't really tell her. I was already taking a
huge risk accompanying her.
So I just shrugged. "Easier I guess. Have to get ready
fast and all that."
"Ah." She seemed satisfied and we made our way out
of the elevator through the doors. The doorman eyed
me a bit warily since I had given him a different name
and was now leaving with Bella. He obviously knew
her.
Fuck. See Cullen, this is why you shouldn't be taking
these risks. My rational brain taunted me.
But I just shrugged it off. I was already winging it
tonight. What the fuck was I going to do at this point?
Ditch her? Not happening.
I hailed us a cab and opened the door for her as she
slipped inside. I couldn't help but run my eyes from
her fantastic heels up her long creamy legs as I slid in
next to her.
"Where to?" The cabby barked.
"West 93rd." Bella answered and gave the address.
So she was an Upper West Side girl. One more thing in
common. Even though I grew up on the East Side, I
always liked living on the West Side better when I was
at Columbia. I almost shook my head. This was getting
to be too much. Somewhere inside me another piece
of the puzzle clicked into place and I had to work to
ignore the feelings coursing through my body yet
again.
We sat in comfortable silence as the cab made its way
down the street.
"So are you going back to work soon?" Bella asked
tentatively.
"Uh, yeah" I trailed off.
"But you can't talk about itI'm sorry. I shouldn't
have said anything." She shook her head.
"No, it's no problem. But you're right. I just can't talk
about it." I gave her a small smile to let her know I
wasn't mad or anything.
We returned to a comfortable silence until the cab
pulled up outside of an old, but well-maintained
condo building a few blocks from the park.
"Well, I guess this is good night." She said quietly.
The look in her eyes was dark and yearning. She bit
her lip and my hand twitched. I wanted to pull out her
lip. No, I wanted to pull out her lip with my teeth and
kiss her. Sitting so close to her in the cab, her scent
was intoxicating. I had missed it at dinner with
preparing all the food. But now I was bathing in it.
Coffee and vanilla and hint of sweet berry.
She drew in a breath and I realized we were, yet again,
moving toward one another.
She broke my gaze then and reached into her purse
for a pen and a piece of paper.
"Umhere. I know you don't want to talk about it. But
I mean, sometime, if you do." She was flustered as
she quickly scribbled something down and thrust the
paper at me.
"This is my number. I know how it is. I mean, with
your brother. But if you ever want to talk or
anything." My eyes widened and she shrugged, even
though she was blushing furiously, I could see the red
in her face even in the darkness of the night.
"C'mon, you gonna get out or what? Meter's runnin."
The cabby snarked.
"Just a minute." I said and turned back to Bella.
I never wanted to talk about Eric. I never wanted to
think about it. But for some reason this woman was
making me feel things I hadn't felt in so long, if ever,
and she made me feel like I could talk to her.
Something inside of me told me she would
understand.
I gripped the paper and looked down at her number,
instantly memorizing it, before I looked back up at
her.
"Thanks." I whispered. Then before I knew what I was
doing I took a piece of hair that was in her face and
put it behind her ear. My fingers grazed her skin and it
was even silkier than I imagined.
Her breath hitched and I was paralyzed, intoxicated
by her scent and the feel of her creamy skin on the tips
of my fingers. My body was on fire and I could feel us
growing closer.
At the last moment I had a bit of sound reasoning. She
has a boyfriend, she's off limits.
"Do you want me to walk you up?" I asked almost
breathlessly.
"UmI'm okay tonight, but maybe another night." She
said and the words hung out there. But she didn't
smile, we were transfixed in a gaze and time was again
standing still; fire erupting as hot as the sun between
us.
Without thinking I leaned in and kissed her on the
cheek and then pulled away and pulled my hand from
her hair. Her breath hitched again. I had to hold back
every fiber of my body from kissing her on her full
pouty lips. My lips were on fire from the mere touch to
her cheek.
"Good night, Bella." I said in a hushed voice.
"Good night, Edward." She said breathily. Then
opened the door and stepped out of the cab.
I watched her walk up to her building as the doorman
opened it for her. But at the last moment, she glanced
back. I gave her a small wave and she nodded and shot
me a breathtaking smile, her hands full with her new
items. She was standing in the light of the door. It was
bouncing off of her chestnut waves even in the dark
night. Until finally, she stepped inside and the
doorman closed the door behind her.
I was entranced and on fire. My brain, body and heart
were warring once again. I gave the cabby a false
address and he sped away from the curb. But I
couldn't help but think of the feel of her skin, the
tingle on my lips that shot straight to my groin and the
way the light shone both on her and from her simply
pulling me in.
Only one thought crossed my mind as the cabby sped
away. Her answer and my wanting, regardless of how
impossible or wrong it might be. I had to have her.
Any argument I tried to make with myself before
tonight was destroyed. The woman herself tore down
those walls. And her words said it all, boyfriend or
not.
Maybe another night.
~~~-~~~
Chapter 7 - Like a Ton of Bricks
Chapter Song: Heart Crazy On You
BPOV
I shut the door to my apartment and threw my stuff on
the counter as I gripped the edge to keep myself from
falling to the floor. My bones and my muscles were
quivering. Quivering with need and excitement and
anticipation and want. Pure want.
Sweet mother of God.
My body was reeling, and I felt like I had just taken the
most exhilarating roller coaster ride of my life.
Emotions that I had never felt were coursing through
me, and it seemed like my face was on fire.
My fingers made their way up to my cheek where I felt
like I had been branded. Branded with perfect lips by
a man no less than a God and whom I wanted on so
many levels; I could hardly fathom it.
A man who was my best friend's brother.
A man who was so unbelievably sexy; I couldn't keep
my eyes off of him and my brain from the lascivious
thoughts that ran through my head.
A man who was an FBI agent and if that wasn't as hot
as the tatt I got a glimpse of, I didn't know what was.
A man who was deeply troubled no matter how hard
he tried to mask it.
A man who I wanted to give a hug and yet have him
take me all at the same time.
Sweet mother of God is right. How the hell had I not
met Edward before tonight?
This was the question that kept running through my
head from the moment I saw him embracing Alice in
the living room. I knew it instantly. Everything clicked
into place. There was only one person Alice would cry
over, and he was standing there holding her like only
an older brother could. I had heard from friends of
Alice who knew him how incredibly good-looking he
was.
That was a bit of an understatement.
The realization that my Apollo was Edward crashed
into me like a ton of bricks.
How had I never met him?
How had I randomly met him this weekend and had
these feelings for him before I knew who he was?
Then I almost called him Apollo!
I shook my head and ran my hands down my face as I
realized the quagmire I was now in. What the fuck was
I doing? I clearly felt something for Edward. It was
undeniable. It was almost primal and unexplainable.
It justwas. The way we worked so well together
making dinner, talking, laughing and teasing each
other like it was something we had done for lifetimes.
And yet I had just agreed to start seeing James
exclusively. He was going to be pissed, really pissed, if
I broke things off with him. But I couldn't deny that
the spark, the flare, whatever it was that automatically
appeared like a tidal wave of electricity around
Edward, simply wasn't there with James.
Not to mention Edward and I had so many things in
common. We literally had all the same interests. He
had lived his life just as much as I had at the opposite
ends of the spectrum. He was from a very affluent
family but worked in what I could only imagine were
some of the most impossible situations. He could wear
Armani and go to a show and at the same time rock a
black tee and take in a Yankees game. He was so much
different from James who was a stuffy businessman
driven by ambition and money.
But should I give this up? Edward clearly has issues,
and I don't even know if he's staying in New York.
I knew he could feel the pull and the charge between
us. But maybe it was all just pure lust. Maybe he didn't
really feel the kind of connection I felt tonight. Did I
really want to break up with my boyfriend after
meeting a man after one night?
The practical side of my brain said I was being
impulsive and irrational.
The grass is always greener on the other side
But some innate part of me convulsed at the idea of
walking away from it.
I needed to sleep. Shit, I neededsomething.
Something other than these thoughts running through
my head.
It was after eleven, but I knew I wouldn't be able to
sleep any time soon. I needed to burn off some
tension.
Without thinking, I hustled into my bedroom and
instantly stripped out of my clothes and into some
gym clothes. It was too late to run in the park, but I
could definitely go downstairs to the gym in our condo
building.
I tossed my hair in a ponytail, grabbed my Ipod and
headed for the first floor. I even took the stairs down
to try to burn off a little extra tension. I jumped on the
stationary bike and turned on my Ipod as I peddled
like a mad woman to the beat of the songs.
"Got me lookin so crazy right now, your love,
Your love's got me lookin so crazy right now, your
love
Damnit! Switch. Stupid Beyonce.
I turned to the next song; I did not need to be listening
to Crazy in Love. I was definitely not crazy in love.
Crazy in lust maybe, butfuck, what the hell am I
saying?
I kept peddling faster as the next song rolled on. A
little old school rock to mix up the beat.
Edward likes old school rockand Led Zeppelin, and
he plays the piano and the guitar.
I'd like those fingers to play my piano.
Fucking A, Bella get your head out of the gutter!
Shit. This wasn't helping. I tried turning my music to
something mellower, but John Mayer only sang of
love, and Bob Dylan just brought me back to Edward
again.
Finally I just shut off my Ipod and focused on the
program I was doing on the bike. Soon sweat was
pouring down my face and I was wiping it away with
the back of my hand. It was then that I realized I was
biking almost nineteen miles per hour, and my legs
were screaming at me.
I shut off the bike having successfully relieved some
tension and walked over to the rack of dumbbells by
the mirror. I immediately started doing arm curls and
shoulder presses.
Suddenly, I noticed a flash of something in the mirror
out of the corner of my eye.
I looked over to the door and didn't see anyone trying
to use their key to get in and didn't think much else of
it.
I went back to lifting weights when an uneasy feeling
crept over me. I felt like I was being watched again. It
was women's intuition or sixth sense that slowly swept
through my veins, and I realized I was no longer
panting from exertion alone but from anxiety as well.
I looked in the mirror again and out the door. No one
was there.
I was probably just being paranoid. My senses were at
such a heightened level after tonight; I was sure I was
overreacting. I calmed myself down and racked the
dumbbells and turned to leave.
I made my way to the elevator only to see a very large
man enter the elevator ahead of me. He had to be at
least 6'5 and was a beast of a man. But for some
reason I didn't feel intimidated by him. He gave me a
pleasant smile and a nod, and I returned it as I
pressed the button for my floor. I had never seen him
before, so I could only guess he was either visiting
someone or he just moved in to the condo that was up
for sale on my floor.
"Great weather out there today huh? So nice for
summer in New York." He said.
"It sure was." I smiled at him, and he shot me a
dimpled smile. He didn't sound like he had a New
Yorker's accenthe almost sounded like he was from
Boston.
The elevator bell rang, and I said good-night to the
large but almost comforting man as he walked to the
other end of the hall. I made my way into the
apartment and double checked my deadbolts; still a
bit weary from the feelings I had in the gym.
I hopped in the shower and quickly scrubbed down my
body. I finally breathed out some of the tension after
my encounter and made my way to bed around one
A.M. Even though I was more relaxed my mind kept
wandering over the interactions, as well as my
relationship, with James.
The problem was, as much as I wanted Edward, I
simply didn't know if it was even an option. The crazy
part was that for the first time in a long time, I wanted
more with him. I didn't want to just float.
It struck me that I now knew the difference between
simply dating someone like James and being so
attracted and having an all-consuming draw to
Edward. I wanted to know everything about Edward. I
wanted to find out more about him playing guitar or
jamming to Led Zeppelin. I wanted to hear his funny
stories from college and the reason he joined the FBI.
I wanted to know about his childhood stories with
Alice and Eric. I wanted to know what his tattoo was
and if he had any more of them.
And if so, I wanted to see them and trace my lips over
them and
Damnit.
I sighed and turned and fluffed my pillow. My mind
kept running over the night, and I didn't fall asleep
until sometime after two. I only made two decisions. I
needed to find out more about Edward and I needed to
talk to Jasper.
--
The next day I woke up and I was groggy and out of
sorts. I still hadn't come to any conclusions last night
and waking up didn't refresh me. I decided to skip my
morning run and instead go for a walk to a little coffee
shop I liked by Columbia. I wanted to simply get some
fresh air and clear my head before work, yet my legs
were still sore from biking the night before.
I stepped out of my building to find the morning a bit
overcast and threatening rain. I power walked to
Callie's Coffeehouse and grabbed a latte and a scone.
As I left the sky was really darkening.
Gosh, I hope that's not an omen for my day.
As I made my way home, I cleaned up and ate my
breakfast. I dressed in a lightweight khaki skirt and
black top. I didn't care so much about how I looked
today. I knew I would have to walk in the rain through
the park, and I wanted to be comfortable.
I slipped on my rain jacket, some waterproof sandals
and grabbed my umbrella and work bag. Luckily I had
left my laptop at the Met yesterday since I walked to
Alice and Jasper's.
Once I got to work, I dropped my bag and fired up my
laptop. I looked at the flowers still on my desk and
shook my head at the other strange occurrence of
yesterday.
Thank goodness my morning was busy and went
quickly. By lunch time, I was able to take a break from
readying for the fundraiser and also the intern event
that we were planning the following week. I decided to
walk down to Jasper's office and see if he wanted to
join me.
"Hey Jazz?" He looked up, and I could instantly see
the combination of trepidation and happiness on his
face. We didn't have a chance to talk last night, and I
was sure he was probably waiting for me to pepper
him with questions.
Honestly, I didn't know how I felt about the whole
situation. I wish he would have told me, but part of me
also understood that he obviously had his reasons. I
just wanted to know those reasons.
"Uh, yeah. Give me just a sec."
He grabbed his lunch and shut his laptop and followed
me out to the hall. It was raining steadily now, so we
decided to simply go to one of the conference rooms.
We ate quietly for almost fifteen minutes until I
couldn't take it anymore. Jasper wasn't a man of many
words, but we were good friends and he and I always
talked.
"Jazz, I'm not mad at you or going to be pissed if you
don't tell me something, but I have to know what you
are thinking." I finally said.
Jasper finished chewing his sandwich slowly and took
a long drink of his soda.
"I don't know what you want me to say Bella," he
shrugged.
"Ok. Not good enough J. I'm not mad, but I do want to
know why you didn't tell me "E" was your brother-in-
law." I quirked an eyebrow at him.
He sighed then and looked at me. "Bell, Edward is"
He stopped. I could tell he was conflicted about this.
"Edward isnot the same person I grew up with. He
hasn't been ever since Eric died. He and I used to be
very close even though I dated Alice."
"So why wouldn't you tell me who he was? I mean, I
am very good friends with both of you, and I felt a
little odd that I didn't know who your brother-in-law
was?" I stated.
"I know. I'm sorry about that. But part of the problem
is I can't tell you much either." He took a deep breath.
"In fact, I probably shouldn't even tell you this." His
voice became very low. "But Edward's work is almost
entirely undercover. I'm not supposed to know about
some of the things he does, but he's not like most
agents. He'sspecial or somethinghe has special
skills and training."
"So you can't tell me about him because he can't talk
about his missions or what?"
He nodded. "Yes, there's that, and it's dangerous for
him to even visit us. He has to be very sneaky about it
and that's why he showed up at our place
unannounced. He can't call or anything."
My heart dropped. My nagging suspicions were only
confirmed. He couldn't have a relationship with me,
and he was likely not staying in New York if what
Jasper said was true. I felt a sudden and intense
sensation of loss, and I couldn't believe it.
I stopped eating my yogurt, no longer hungry, and
became quiet.
"Bella, this is why I was afraid of talking to you and
afraid to tell you. I could see how you two responded
to each other last nightbut I don't want you to get
hurt. Alice and I have always thought that you two
would make a good couple, but with his job and the
situationit justyou knownever happened."
I could tell Jazz felt bad, and I didn't want to push it
anymore. But my mind was reeling at the same time.
They thought we would make a good couple? But now
they didn'tor they just didn't think it could happen?
Again my heart sank, and I tried to ignore it. I did pick
up on what Jasper was telling me. I needed to move
on. Forget about Edward because even if we were
compatible it would never happen. Either his job or
his personal issues would get in the way.
Then why did I have the undying need to help him
with those issues? Why did I feel like I was maybe the
one person who would understand? Maybe it was a
false sense of hope. I could already tell just from
meeting him last night that he was a private person.
He pumped me for information, but other than
agreeing on things we had in common, he hardly gave
up anything about himself.
But maybe I could help him open up?
I sighed as Jasper finished his lunch, and I just
twiddled my plastic spoon around my finger. I wasn't
sure what to think about the situation. I just knew that
for some reason I simply couldn't push Edward out of
my head.
--
At 5:00 I left the office to make my way home when my
cell phone rang.
"Hi Mom." I answered breathlessly. The rain had
stopped and I was making my way down the back
steps to the park and towards home.
"Hey Bells. I was wondering if you wanted to have
dinner tonight instead of ThursdayPhil and I have
something going on."
"Sure Mom. Do you still want to meet in Greenwich?"
I looked at my watch quickly. "In fact, I will just swing
by home and then grab a cab. 7:00 okay?"
"Sure. See you then." My mom said in a sing-song
voice.
Go figure Renee would have to reschedule. I was
surprised she remembered that we were going to have
dinner at all. But she always tried to have dinner with
me near Brad's birthday. It was her form of
remembrance even though we hardly spoke of Brad
the rest of the year. I always made it a point to spend
the actual day of his birthday with Charlie. I sighed
and clicked off the call.
I continued down the steps to the sidewalk and was
flipping through my messages when I saw a text from
Kate and giggled. She had sent me a picture of our
favorite actor, who was apparently in downtown
Manhattan today, along with a funny note.
I was laughing and looking down as I started to cross
East Drive when I ran smack into someone.
"Oh!" I stumbled as I dropped my rain coat and my
umbrella.
I looked up to see familiar jade eyes and a small smirk
on his face.
"We really need to quit meeting like this. You really
are clumsy, huh?" he joked.
I was tongue-tied, and I realized it was because
Edward was standing before me.
Shirtless.
Shirtless and sweating and his Oakleys had been
pushed up on his head over his backwards Yankees
hat.
"Umyeah...I guess I forgot to tell you just how
clumsy I am." I smiled, but I couldn't help the
direction my eyes went. Down his body.
Dear. Sweet. Mother. Of. God.
He was
Just
Fuck.
More than Apollo. He was Zeus, Aries, Achilles,
Adonis, Apollo, pretty much every Greek God I could
think of in the flesh. He was muscular, more muscular
than I realized, but not in a meathead kind of way. He
looked like he had perfectly toned every muscle and
inch of his carefully sculpted chest and arms and abs.
Oh, that chest. I wanted to rake my fingers over it. And
his abs were simply...divine?
Yes. Definitely divine. God-like for sure. He had a
perfect six-pack and that unbelievable ripped v in his
hips that made me want to do dirty, dirty things with
him. What the hell is it with this man?
I shook my head realizing I had just ogled my best
friend's brother in the middle of Central Park. Then I
noticed he was staring at me curiously as well.
"Bella? Are you okay? I didn't hit you in the head or
anything did I?" He was frowning as he stepped back,
and I realized he pulled his hand from my arm. Once
again I instantly felt the loss of heat from his touch.
"Uhnoreally. I'm fine. A bit dazed is all. I'm sorry I
am so terrible at paying attention, and I keep literally
running into you." I smiled.
His expression softened but then he glanced around
and quickly pulled his Oakleys down; hiding his
beautiful jade eyes.
"It's fine. I'm just glad you are okay." I saw his hand
twitch and then I noticed we were standing in the
middle of the path on East Drive.
"Sorry to stop your run." I said lightly. "I always hate
it when that happens. I should let you get going."
He nodded, but I saw him swallow, and my eyes once
again took in his perfect form as he stood back from
me. I could now make out the tattoo on his bicepit
was a large symbol of some sort.
God, what I wouldn't do to have my hands and lips on
that.
"I should be going." He smiled sadly, and I just
nodded and bit my lip.
"Yeah. See you around." I whispered.
He nodded and took off toward the south end of the
park, and I spun around as he made his exit. The
muscles in his back were moving with his, arms and I
could now make out another tattoo down his tricep
and a very large one on his back.
Sweet Jesus.
I shook my head again; trying to break out the fog of
pure lust that had set in.
I sighed.
Wellshit.
How could I forget about him? Regardless of what
Jasper had said to me earlier, I just couldn't shake the
fact that I wanted to know him. I wanted to know him
on every possible level. Seeing him standing in front
of me half naked made my libido do back flips like a
gymnast at the Olympics, and I was right back where I
started.
What was I going to do? Maybe I should just let him
make a move. If he was going to be in New York and
he was interested then he could be the one to do
something, right?
But then where did that leave James and me? After
our phone call yesterday, he and I hardly spoke other
than a few texts. It was almost as if he was mad at me
about the flowers, which I didn't understand. It wasn't
like I was seeing someone else behind his back.
But you want to be.
I stopped walking and thought for a moment. I did
want to be. I wanted to be seeing Edward. But was he
even an option? And I would never do that. I would
never see someone behind his back. I would end it
first.
Gah. Stupid men. I have never been one to get caught
up in drama over a man. It had been a long time since
Alec, and I simply didn't get that invested in them.
Maybe that was the problem. For some odd reason, I
was invested this time, and in a man I hardly knew.
I continued walking home. The rain had stopped, and
I just wanted to change and clear my head before I
went to dinner with my mother. I knew dinner would
be a bit awkward and trying. It always was with Renee
especially when Phil was there as well.
Over the years, Renee and I had worked to improve
our relationship. I was so young when she left that I
wasn't affected as much as Brad. But I still hated the
way she left, and part of me always missed having a
mother around on a consistent basis. I think part of
the reason I grew up with the boys was because I was
used to hanging around them. I was always with
Charlie and Brad and Brad's friends. I never had
girlfriends until I met Kate and later Alice. It was part
of the reason it took me longer than most girls to come
into their own and really understand myself. My
mother had always had that confidence.
My mother was, and still is, a beautiful woman. She
looks young for her age even though she's only fifty-
four. She was twenty when she and Charlie were
married and had Brad only five months later. It was a
shot-gun wedding by all accounts, and Renee always
felt like she didn't get her chance to live. It was the
reason she pushed me to go to school and pursue my
career.
But then she met Phil when she was thirty, and he had
just been traded to the Mets. From what I know of it,
he pursued her even though he knew she was married.
Phil and I were cordial, but I never got close to him. I
forgave Renee for the most part, but I think part of me
would always be a bit angry with Phil for pursuing my
mother. I didn't know the specifics of how they got
together other than through the sports agency where
she worked. It was one thing for her to step out on her
marriage, but it always rubbed me that he didn't back
off when he knew she was married.
As I thought about it, I also knew their situation was
part of the reason why I was so conflicted about my
feelings for Edward and James. Regardless of how
long James and I had dated, I would never cheat on
him. I figured I owed it to him to break it off and be
honest with him, if I decided to do that. I knew how
much Charlie was hurt by Renee, and I would never
do that anyone.
I took the stairs up to my condo, reveling a bit in the
burn in my legs as I reached my door. I fumbled for
my keys as I thought about Renee and Phil some more.
My mother married Phil only a month after the
divorce was finalized. She and Phil live in New Jersey
now; in a swanky estate in Franklin Lakes. Phil was
born and raised in New Jersey and had the thick
Jersey accent and attitude to go with it. He was an
entrepreneur of some sort; I wasn't sure what he did
exactly after he retired from baseball, but I knew he
had his hand in a number of business ventures with
other former athletes.
I also knew that Phil had a bit of a gambling problem.
Renee didn't like to let on that I knew, or that anyone
knew for that matter, about his problem. But he
provided her with that perfect life that she couldn't
have with Charlie. Renee didn't work and was able to
be the epitome of a trophy wife with Phil. But I always
wondered just how secure their financial situation
was. I never trusted Phil. Luckily, I hardly ever saw
him.
I quickly changed into some jeans and a sleeveless top
and freshened up my make-up. I walked down to the
street to catch a cab, and thought I would give James a
call to see if he wanted to join us.
Even if I was having conflicted feelings about the
situation, a part of me felt bad for feeling the way I did
about Edward. I didn't know what to do. But maybe
seeing James tonight would help me sort out my
feelings.
I tried calling him twice, and it went straight to
voicemail. I sent him a text to let him know where we
were having dinner and to feel free to join us if he had
a chance after work.
At last I was able to hail a cab and set out for
Greenwich. My mother and I always met at John's
Pizza in Greenwich. The cab made its way south as my
phone buzzed in my pocket.
B~I can meet you. Leaving the office now.~J
J~Great! See you in a bit.~B
Hopefully spending some time with him tonight would
help me sort out my feelings.
Soon, I paid the cabby and stepped out on to Bleecker
Street. It was a little before 7:00 when I walked into
John's and put my name in. I knew Renee and Phil
would likely be late. They were always late.
I decided to check my phone for a minute while I
waited outside. I looked up at the last minute, and I
saw a familiar face walking down the street. He was
wearing a hat, and he was much bigger than the last
time I saw him. But I would know his dimpled face
anywhere. He gave me a blinding white smile and he
sped up his pace.
"Bella! It's so good to see you!" Seth picked me up in a
giant bear hug, and I laughed as my feet left the
sidewalk. He was a monster.
"Oh my gosh, Seth! What have you been doing? You're
huge!" I joked with him.
"Aww, it's all natural, Bell." He lightly flexed his
massive bicep and I laughed.
"How have you been? It's so good to see you. It's been
whatsince Thanksgiving before last?" I asked trying
to think back.
"Yup, been working hard. You know all this secret
agent stuff has had me busy." He joked.
Seth Clearwater and I were pretty close after Brad and
Harry were killed. He was a major support for me and
I was for him as well. We were able to help each other
through a lot of the feelings of anger and resentment
after their deaths. But I also knew Seth channeled a
lot of his anger into his goals to become an FBI agent.
As soon as Seth joined the FBI, he was immediately
sent on his first mission and I hadn't seen him as
much in the last few years.
"So are you back in New York for a while?" I asked
smiling up at him. Gosh, I couldn't believe how big he
was. He had to be at least 6'5'' and very muscular. He
was an attractive man, but Seth was always like my
little brother. There was nothing sexual between us.
"For a bit." He smiled, and I knew that was all he
could tell me.
What was it with these agents?
"Well, you should stop by and see Charlie. I am sure
he would love to see you." I offered.
"I might have to do that." He looked up then and
tensed a bit. "I need to be going Bell. But it was really
good to see you. Take care." He squeezed my arm and
turned on his heels and left.
I was instantly struck by his abrupt end to the
conversation. Seth was one of the nicest people I
knew; he never acted like that.
I turned around in time to see James walking down
the sidewalk, briefcase in one hand and blackberry in
the other. But he was glaring past me as he
approached.
He set down his briefcase and gave me a quick kiss.
"Who was that?" He asked. His voice was cold though
and I knew immediately that he was not in a good
mood. He sounded like he did during the phone call
yesterday.
"Hello to you too." I said to him. "He was just a
childhood friend, James. I grew up with him."
"Hmpf. Well he's not a child anymore now is he?"
"Are you really going to do this? We have to meet my
mother in a few minutes and you are going to act like
this?" I crossed my arms and glared at him.
"I'm sorry; it's been a long day." His face softened
then. "Are your mother and Phil here?" He put his
arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him.
"No not yet. You know them; they are always late." I
stood there with James' arm around me but I didn't
feel comforted. Instead I was pissed. He knew how I
felt about cheating and about my mother and Phil. I
was tired of him being so jealous all the time.
We waited outside, and James checked his
Blackberry. Ironically, James already knew my
mother and Phil from his work. They knew we were
dating, so meeting them for dinner wasn't a big deal.
James' firm did some work with one of Phil's business
ventures and apparently he had met my mother at a
client event of some sort. For as big as New York City
was, it was also strangely interconnected and a small,
small world sometimes.
We stood in silence until finally around 7:20 my
mother and Phil walked up.
"Bella! Hi baby! Oh you look gorgeous!" My mother
squeezed me tightly and I cringed a bit. Even though
she wasn't very motherly or there for me growing up,
she still called me her baby and treated me like I was a
child sometimes.
"Hi Mom." I released her and nodded at Phil. "Phil."
"Hi Bella."
"Mom, Phil, I believe you already know James from
his work at Foster and Wheaton." I motioned to
James and he stepped forward.
"Phil good to see you again. Renee as lovely as ever. "
He kissed her hand and she blushed. James could turn
on the charm when he wanted to. That was how he
drew me in back in March.
Just then the hostess called our names and we were
seated in a back booth.
"So Bella, how long have you two been dating now?"
She eyed me curiously, and I knew what was going
through her head. Even though she pushed me to be
successful in my career, lately she had been pushing
for me to settle down and start giving her
grandchildren. Of course, she thought James was a
perfect match since he was an attorney downtown and
could provide me with things that Charlie never could.
She wanted me to have the same lifestyle she now had.
The problem with that was I loved my job and planned
to continue working.
Before I could respond though, James piped up.
"We've been dating for a few months now, right
sweetheart?" He squeezed my shoulders and pulled
me into him protectively.
I gave him an incredulous look.
Sweetheart?
Since when did he call me sweetheart? But of course
before I could respond my mother jumped in.
"Oh well isn't that wonderful. You two make such a
cute couple." My mother said sweetly and patted my
arm.
God. If she only knew the thoughts I had been having
the last few days. I wasn't even sure that I wanted to
still be dating him and was considering breaking it off.
Luckily the waitress stepped over just then to take our
order, and I was able to order a beer. Phil and James
launched into some discussion of business and my
Mom had her opportunity to corner me.
"So how serious is this?" She whispered slyly.
"We really just started dating Mom." I tried to
persuade her otherwise.
"Bella, you need to jump on this. There aren't going to
be very many men like him left as you get older.
You're almost twenty-nine already." She said as she
sipped her wine.
"Mom, we really just started seeing each other
exclusively. I'm sorry, but I won't be having any
grandkids any time soon." I rolled my eyes at her.
"I just want you to find a good man to take care of you,
baby." She patted my hand.
Ugh. I hated this discussion. I did not want to be
"taken care of" and I was not ready for kids. But for
some reason, the mother who walked out on her own
children wanted nothing more than loads of
grandchildren. Typical Renee, she could never decide
what she wanted.
I continued to avoid her inquiries into my relationship
with James until the pizza arrived, and we switched to
discussions of baseball and some new sports complex
that one of Phil's companies was building in Brooklyn.
It was nice to see that James got along so well with my
mother and Phil but at the same time, the whole
dinner just felt off, almost contrived. I couldn't put my
finger on it.
Unfortunately, my mind decided to keep going back to
my dinner last night with Edward and how it felt so
right to be working in the kitchen with him. How we
had so much in common, and how the room seemed to
be filled with electricity when he was around.
And then I thought of him with his shirt off today.
Holy hell.
I couldn't explain the difference, but my reaction to
Edward was nothing like it was to James. I was
attracted to James, but sometimes I was not attracted
to his personality. Edward, on the other hand, drew
me in on everything. He was witty and personable and
undeniably sexy. I realized at that moment that
inviting James only complicated things more for me
rather than simplifying them.
Suddenly I was pulled from my reverie by something
James said.
"I will have to talk to Laurent about the contract for
that shipment of steel for the project. I know you
wanted to get it off the ground soon."
The name Laurent instantly struck a chord with me.
"Laurent?" I questioned. "Not Laurent Dufour? You're
not talking about the VP for the Van Rijn Corporation
are you?"
"Yes. How do you know him?" James narrowed his
eyes at me and I responded in kind.
"He used to date Kate. Let's just say I am not fond of
him." I said dryly and took a sip of my beer.
Not fond of Laurent was a bit of an understatement. I
despised him, and if I ever saw him again I might
actually kick him in the balls. I definitely didn't like
the fact that my boyfriend and my stepfather were in
business with him. Regardless of how little I cared
about Phil.
"Bella, it's just a business relationship." James
countered.
"Whatever." I was annoyed. I didn't want to get into
what he did to Kate with them. For one thing it wasn't
my place to tell them about it and for another I was
annoyed at how small this circle seemed to be. Not
only did James know and work with Phil, but they
worked with Laurent as well. Fucking great.
My Mom, for once, sensed the tension and decided to
ask me about work and my volunteering. Eventually
the conversation moved to Brad and Renee told a few
stories about us when we were little. But I was
uncomfortable, and counting the minutes before I
could leave. I was by no means in the mood to
celebrate or have a memory fest with Renee about my
dead brother.
My brain was in a state of flux, and I didn't know
whether it was from the situation with James and
Edward, the new information about Laurent, or the
fact that my Mom wanted to talk about Brad at a time
when I really didn't want to. At last the waitress
brought our check and Phil picked up the tab.
I hugged my Mom and Phil good-bye, and they walked
to their car.
"Bella, should we go to your place?" James kissed me
below my ear and I instantly tensed.
"Actually, I am really tired. I think I just want to go
home and turn in tonight." I turned away from him.
"What's wrong? Are you still pissed at me about
Laurent? It's a business relationship. I have to do my
job and sometimes I can't pick my business associates.
You know the partners assign our cases." He furrowed
his brows at me.
"I know that. Really, I am just tired. We can go to
dinner and a club on Thursday, okay?" I smiled
impishly at him. He had mentioned on Saturday about
going out on Thursday.
He peered at me, and I couldn't tell what he was
thinking, but I needed some distance tonight.
"Fine. Thursday then. I will pick you up at eight and
then I thought we could try a new club I heard about.
It's called Dawnbreak."
"Okay." I smiled and he leaned down to kiss me, and I
couldn't pull away. He put his hands in my hair and
began to deepen the kiss. I wanted to step away from
him but was locked in his embrace.
"Are you sure you don't want me to come over? I could
make you feel better." He said lowly in my ear.
"I'm sure James, I'm really very tired." I whispered.
He eyed me curiously and finally relented. He called
me a cab and opened the door for me.
"I'll text you tomorrow." I kissed his cheek and
stepped in the cab and waved as I left.
My stomach was in knots. And somewhere deep down
inside of me, I knew that I wasn't only leaving him for
the night.
--
"Bella." He whispered into my neck and lightly
traced along my vein with his tongue.
"Hmmm?"
"Bella." He whispered again.
"Apollo?" I asked in a daze.
He chuckled, and I felt his hand run up my leg as his
lips found the juncture of my neck and my shoulder.
"Why do you call me Apollo?" He asked; his lips
continuing their travels along my collarbone and my
neck as his hand made its way to my breast. I
shuddered at the feel of his hands lightly tickling my
nipple.
"Mmmm, because you are beautiful like Apollo.
You're a God." I reached my hand back to find his
long length against me and lightly stroked him.
He hissed in my ear, and before I knew it flipped me
on my back and moved between my legs.
"A God hmmm?" He smirked at me as his hands
ever so lightly caressed down my sides teasing me.
His jade eyes burned into mine, and I lifted my hand
to trace along his chest to the tattoo on his bicep.
"Oh yesmy Godmy Apollo." I smiled at him and
bit my lip as his hand made its way to my center.
"Ugh." I closed my eyes and thrust my hips into his
hand as he slowly stroked me with one then two
fingers. I grabbed on to his taught arms, reveling in
the feel of his muscles beneath my fingers.
"I'll show you a God" He whispered huskily and
chuckled as he bent down to take my nipple in his
mouth and flicked it with his tongue. I moaned again
and thrust my hips into his hand. My hands shot to
his hair as I felt his hot tongue and breath on my
nipple. He was slowly burning me from the inside
out.
"But I'll make you scream my name." He said sexily
and my eyes shot open as he pulled me to him by my
hips, and I moaned in expectation. He was poised to
enter me; his strong muscles tensed in perfect flexion
and I couldn't look away from the smoldering in his
eyes.
He bent down to kiss me and at the same time
powerfully pushed into me, filling me with pleasure
and I cried out.
"Edward!"
He pressed into me again, and the sensation was so
exquisite my mind was in overload.
Then he stopped and sat back, and I looked at him
again.
"I might be your God, but I'm not your boyfriend."
I shot up from my bed.
Holy shit what was that?
My pajamas were once again soaked, and my body was
poised like a live-wire.
Jesus. That's two dreams in less than a week about
him. About Edward.
But this one disturbed me more than the last. I ran my
hands over my face as I sat there thinking about the
last words he said.
But I'm not your boyfriend.
Shit. Was my subconscious trying to tell me
something?
Yeah Bella, it's trying to tell you that you are dreaming
erotic dreams about one man while you are dating
another.
I fell back in the bed and rubbed my eyes again. What
was I going to do? I was obviously feeling things for
Edward to the point that I was considering breaking
things off with James.
I looked over at the clock to see that it was ten to six. I
decided to get up and go for my run.
I tried to ignore the thought that maybe I would see
Edward in the park.
No, I should go the other way today; try to get away
from thoughts about him and clear my head.
I decided to run to the west side today and go through
Riverside Park. I made my way to the white marbled
sailors and up to Columbia before looping back down
and toward home.
The entire time I thought about how mad I was that
James was in business with Laurent. I knew I really
shouldn't be mad. He was right. His partners just
assigned their cases and he had to take them. It was
almost as if I was looking for an excuse to be angry
with him.
Not to mention his reaction to the flowers and to me
talking to Seth Clearwater. He obviously cared about
me, and that realization made me feel something I
hated to feel.
Guilt.
Pure and simple.
God, I am so mind-fucked lately; what is my problem?
Ever since Edward walked into my life I had been in a
state of distress. This is ridiculous. I have to think
through this.
Ok, make a list. Pros and cons. I instantly thought
through all of the things that were positive and
negative about James and all of the same about
Edward. When it boiled down to it, I simply didn't
know Edward very well. Thus, I couldn't throw away
something that could possibly be good for something
that I didn't know at all.
My run helped me clear my head, and I decided that
today I would make amends with James and try to
enjoy my night tomorrow night. I would do everything
I could not to think of Edward. I needed to think about
my relationship with James after a night of just
spending time as the two of us, not with my mother
and Phil around.
For the first time in five days I had a bit of resolve and
I readied myself for the day.
Yes, I was not going to think about Edward today.
--
Thursday night rolled around and I was more tense
than ever. My attempts not to think about Edward
were for naught. Every time I walked through the
Greek and Roman exhibit, I thought about Apollo.
Again on Wednesday night I had a dream about his
sweaty, perfectly muscled body doing the most
ungodly, or Godly depending how you looked at it,
things to me. And liking it. Too much.
Crap.
James was going to be at my place in thirty minutes,
and we were planning to grab a few drinks and some
tapas at a place near the club before going to
Dawnbreak.
I had taken Friday off because I wanted to spend the
day with Charlie. I also wanted to go to Brad's resting
place and talk to him. Maybe it would help me clear
my head.
I paced around my condo, wine glass in hand, and
thought about my night ahead.
Should I just break it off with him, or should I go out
and give it a chance?
What if he wants to come home with me again
tonight? He's definitely going to know something is up
if I refuse him.
And if I do break it off what do I tell him?
Fuck, this is so hard. I hated to disappoint people, and
I hated letting them down.
Suddenly there was a knock at the
door and I walked over quickly with
my heels clicking on the floor. I was
wearing my black sequined one-
shoulder dress and black stilettos. It
was another find that Alice had
snagged for me long ago for a
bachelorette party of a friend of ours.
I flung open the door expecting to see
James on the other side, but I was met
by a large figure.
"Oh." I gasped, and he smiled at me.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you, but I was literally
hoping you might have some garlic powder I could
borrow." He laughed.
"Umsure. Come on in." I opened the door to let in
the stranger from the elevator the other night.
"Thanks. I was making Italian for my girlfriend and
realized I was out." He shrugged and smiled his
dimpled smile. For some reason I felt at ease with the
stranger and motioned for him to come in further.
"Well, it's essential for anything Italian. Let me just
grab it." I walked to the kitchen and shuffled through
my cupboard when I heard him ask me something
from the living room.
"Nice place you have here. Mine wasn't quite so well
maintained, probably the reason I got such a good
deal on it. I am hoping to fix her up a bit." He said. He
had a loud booming voice, but it was friendly and
comforting, like an uncle or something.
"Yeah, it was one of the reasons I got it. I don't think I
could have fixed one up myself." I handed him the
garlic and he smiled and made his way to the door.
Just then I heard a knock, and I knew that had to be
James. We strode to the door and I opened it to find
James on the other side. He looked instantly angry
and I realized my neighbor was standing right beside
me.
Shit.
"Hey." I leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the
cheek and opened the door wider.
He just glared at my neighbor and the two exchanged
an almost heated gaze.
"Um, James this is my neighborI'm sorry, I don't
think we ever exchanged names." I said to him.
"It's all right. It's John. John Emerty. And you are?"
He smiled.
"Bella. Bella Swan." I shook his hand, trying to make it
obvious to James that he really was my neighbor and
nothing else.
"Well Bella, thanks again for the garlic. Now I can
make my girlfriend's favorite and do it right." He
laughed but I could tell he included that bit for my
benefit.
"You're welcome." I smiled.
"I'll just show myself out." He nodded toward James,
but the two still shared an intense gaze.
After he left I turned to James who had a dark look on
his face and shut the door behind me.
"What's wrong?" I asked, but already knowing the
answer.
"Well, I don't fucking like coming over to my
girlfriend's place to find another man here." He said
curtly, but the look in his eye was vicious.
"James, he's my neighbor. He knocked on the door
five minutes before you did to borrow some garlic."
"Right." He snorted. "You're so fucking nave Bella.
You think he couldn't have gone to someone else's
door?"
"I saw him in the elevator the other night; he just
moved in. I am probably the first person he has met."
I shrugged trying to calm him down.
"I don't care. I don't want to see another man here."
He stepped closer to me, and I instantly stepped back.
"James, it was nothing. Let's just forget it and go." I
stalked past him toward the counter where my clutch
and keys were sitting, and I could hear him breathing
behind me.
He didn't say a word as we made our way down the
elevator and out of the building.
Why was he so jealous? I couldn't figure it out. I had
done nothing to make him think ill of me.
Except thinking about your Apollo every waking
minute.
Guilt instantly washed over me and I realized how it
probably looked with John in my condo. I was dressed
up to go to a club and here was another man there
when my boyfriend arrived.
We climbed in the cab and I turned to look at James.
"I'm sorry. He really was just there to get some garlic.
It wasn't what you think." I whispered.
He grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it. "I
know. I just don't like seeing you with another man.
That's all."
"But I wasn't with him." I shook my head.
"Let's just forget about it and try to have fun."
I nodded. I didn't know how much fun I was going to
have tonight anyway. We made our way out of the cab
and into the tapas bar to grab a seat. We ordered
margaritas and tapas and James seemed to lighten up.
I sipped my margarita, but even with the help of the
tequila my body wouldn't relax. I was tense. I knew it
was because I felt like I shouldn't even be here.
As we finished our tapas, I realized I was pretty tipsy
and ordered a glass of water. I didn't want to be drunk
tonight, especially if I wanted to go home alone. I just
couldn't go home with James tonight, and I didn't
need alcohol impairing my thinking.
We paid our tab and walked down the block to
Dawnbreak, and there was a line around the corner.
From what I knew, it was a new club that was all the
rave in Manhattan. Apparently the owners had several
clubs like it in Europe and it was their first in the
States. It was supposedly very dark and had a
sensuous vibe to it. The outside was simple brick
exterior, like so many of the clubs in the area, and it
had a stark red sign with the name and dark black
double doors as an entrance.
James of course walked right up to the bouncer,
bypassing the line and we made our way in. The few
times I had been clubbing with him he always knew
how to get us in.
Must be a perk of his business affiliations.
We made our way through the bumping beat and the
throngs of people. The interior was dark with black
and red sheets hanging from the ceiling. There were
acrobats spinning and flying with the red sheets in the
air. The dance floor was already packed, and I could
see red velvet couches lining the walls. The place
screamed sex and mystery. There were dark corners
everywhere and the few lights came from small floor
lights, the bar and the dance floor.
James grabbed my hand as we wove our way through
the bar to the VIP area. He apparently had a small
table reserved. We sat down on the velvet couch in the
darkly lit area and the hum of the club was buzzing
around us.
He leaned into me and ran his hand over my shoulder
and down my arm to my leg.
"Did I tell you how sexy you look tonight? I seriously
want to rip this dress off of you." I could feel his hot
breath on my neck, but I wasn't turned on by it. If
anything I cringed a bit. I could tell he had much more
to drink than me at the Tapas bar.
What the hell is wrong with me? This is your
boyfriend.
"What would you like to drink?" He whispered.
"I'll take a glass of red. Whatever they have." I smiled
at him but it was forced. The whole night just felt off.
The way it started, the anxiety of the situation and
now this overly sexed club we were at.
He pulled me closer to him on the couch and I crossed
my legs and hands tightly over me. He flagged a
waitress and she returned quickly with our drinks. I
tried to divert the conversation to a number of topics,
but James was being much more handsy than normal,
and I was having a hard time getting him to focus on
talking.
Just then he looked up and I saw his eyes follow a man
in a cream colored suit. He looked like a foreign
businessman or something. He had dark black hair
which was slicked back and beady eyes. He was
scanning the room and when his eyes rested on James
he nodded his head ever so slightly.
"Bella, I need to talk to someone for a moment. Stay
here." It was an order not a request, and I was a bit
taken aback. Where was I going to go? I was here with
him and now he was leaving me? But I just nodded
and sipped my wine, almost welcoming the reprieve
from the situation.
I let my eyes follow him as he disappeared with the
man in the suit and then looked down at the dance
floor. I could see the couples pulsing back and forth.
This place was like sex on wheels, but it was overdrive.
Something about it just felt creepy, and I couldn't
explain it. It was incredibly dark other than the lights
on the dance floor. It was difficult to see in the corners
of the VIP and for some reason I constantly felt like I
was being watched.
I turned to grab my wine when the hairs on the back of
my neck stood up.
"I see you still drink the good redBella." His voice
sent a quake of dread up my spine, and I looked up to
find dark brown eyes, a wisp of dark hair and a
devilish grin.
Shit. What was Demitri doing here? And of course
when James is talking to someone.
This night just keeps getting better and better.
I shifted uncomfortably and pulled down my dress,
instantly unnerved by the way his eyes were traveling
down my body.
"Demitri. It's been a long time." I said as calmly as I
could.
"Too long." He raised his eyebrows and moved to sit
next to me.
"My boyfriend is sitting there." I blurted out as I
grabbed my wine to have something to hold on to.
"Oh, I don't think Mr. Raven will mind sharing."
What the fuck?
My mind was immediately running. How did he know
James? And why would he say something like that?
I reeled back but tried to collect myself. My eyes
darted around me, hoping for James to reappear and
at the same time looking for anyone to make eye
contact with to help me. I hadn't seen Demitri since I
reported him to campus security almost eight years
ago. He still gave me the creeps and I did not want to
talk to him.
What the hell was he doing here now?
"I think you're wrong about that, Demitri. James
doesn't like to share." I said as confidently as I could
and then took a large swallow of my wine.
Demitri reached out and ran his hand down my arm. I
shivered and pulled away from him. "Oh, I have
known James for a long time, and one thing is for
sure." He bent over and whispered sinisterly. "He
always saves some for me."
I had to fight back the bile in my throat. I was
breathing heavily now, and I just wanted to leave. The
club gave me the creeps and Demitri was making me
incredibly uneasy.
I stood up abruptly when I saw James walking back
into the VIP and I marched over to him.
"I'm ready to go." I said to him through clenched
teeth. I was angry and uneasy and I just wanted out of
there. I didn't know how he knew Demitri or what he
was talking about, but I needed to leave. Immediately.
He looked at me then and I could see his eyes were
glassy.
Was he high?
"Baby, why do you want to leave already? The party is
just starting." He slurred at me and tried to pull me
into him.
"I said I want to go home, James." I turned and
marched out of the VIP and made my way down the
stairs toward the door. The club was busy now and I
had to fight my way through the crowd to get out.
I could hear James calling after me and I didn't care. I
was done. I didn't know what Demitri meant, but I
knew I couldn't date him after tonight. Something
about the whole situation was off, and I knew I didn't
have feelings for him the way I should. Not to mention
he never should have put me in that predicament.
I pushed open the door and ran toward the street and
flung my arm up for a cab when suddenly I was spun
around and someone was pulling me away from the
street.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" James
snarled at me and I was instantly terrified. He pulled
me into the alley next to the club roughly and my arm
was screaming from his grip.
"James, stop, you're hurting me." I yelled.
"I don't know what you think you're doing but you are
mine Bella, and I don't fucking want you leaving or
talking to other men."
"Are you fucking kidding me, James?" I was seething
with anger now. "It was your friend Demitri who came
up to me. Someone who I happened to have a
restraining order against years ago." I said through
clenched teeth.
His eyes were so glassy now; I couldn't tell if he
comprehended anything I said or not. I was scared to
death of him and I could see that dark look in his eyes.
"I'm not talking about Demitri. I will do whatever the
fuck I want to with you. I am talking about all the men
you have around all the time. You little whore. You
think I don't know?"
What? What was he talking about?
"What are you talking about James?"
"The neighbor, the guy before pizza, your little co-
worker. You think I don't know." He grabbed my arm
again and I winced in pain and stepped back only to
find the brick wall behind me.
I was terrified now. This was not the man I was dating.
James had shown a jealous streak, but he was a clean
cut guy in every other way. Until tonight.
My body went rigid, and I couldn't decide if I needed
to scream or just try to diffuse him. I decided to try the
latter.
"James, get your hands off me." I said in a low even
voice, even though my chest was heaving.
"Not in your lifetime." He said as he pressed his body
into me, and I could smell the tequila on his breath.
I pushed my hands against his chest, but he didn't
budge.
"You are drunk and high, James. I am going home."
"The fuck you are." He said pressing even harder into
me, and now I could feel his arousal against me.
He was getting off on this. Are you fucking kidding
me?
"I think you heard the lady. Step back." Suddenly a
velvet voice pierced the air. I would know that voice
anywhere, but right now it was hard and cold.
I glanced around James and tried to see him. But I
couldn't see where he was.
Did I just imagine that?
"I said. Step the fuck back." His voice was menacing
now and I turned my head in the direction it came
from. He was in a shadow of the alley and I could
barely make out his silhouette, but nothing else. I
couldn't see his face at all. I couldn't think or move.
Where the hell did he come from? And how was he
here?
James stepped back a bit but turned and spat at him.
"Oh? And who the fuck are you?"
"Your worst nightmare if you don't step the fuck back,
and let go of her arm." He said darkly. He didn't move.
Not even an inch. I still couldn't see him, but I could
instantly feel the electricity radiating from him.
James stepped back, and I shifted toward the street.
"Go." He said coolly to me this time.
I just nodded and hurried to grab a cab. I looked over
my shoulder to see James yell something at him, but I
didn't hear it. My heart was thumping furiously, and
adrenaline was coursing through my veins as I
jumped in the cab. I could no longer see down the
alley and before I knew it the cab sped away.
My body was on fire, my breathing labored and my
mind racing. I couldn't comprehend the last thirty
minutes. James' accusations, the interaction with
Demitri and his claims, James' reaction it all seemed
like some crazy dream sequence.
Then Edward. He literally saved me from what could
have been a very bad situation, and my body was like a
live wire once again. I couldn't understand it all. My
mind was filled with questions.
Where the fuck did he come from? And how did he
know where I was or what was happening to me? Why
did James back off so quickly? Why didn't he show his
face? Was he in the club too? What was he doing
there? He didn't seem like the club type.
The cab pulled up to my condo building and I hurried
inside. I was tense and agitated and looking over my
shoulder from the altercation.
Not only did I feel like I had been hit with a ton of
bricks yet again from one interaction with Edward,
but now I was back to square one with my questions.
I knew he was an FBI agent. I knew he had special
skills based on what Jasper had told me. But
something in my body was telling me there was more
to this. More to him. More to me. More to us and the
interactions we had.
Once again I was back at my thoughts from only a few
days ago. I jumped in the shower to try to calm my
nerves and scrub myself from the dirty feeling I got
from the club and my altercation with James.
The weight of the bricks on my shoulders felt heavier
than ever, and one question kept rolling through my
mind.
Who the fuck are you Edwardor Apollo?
~~~-~~~

Chapter 8- Going Under
Chapter Song: Hinder Without You
EPOV
I took off out of the alley. My mind was racing, and I
was pissed at myself for almost getting exposed.
Thank God Raven was so fucking high he couldn't
remember me if he wanted to.
That motherfucking
Even as I ran I was consumed with rage for what he
did to Bella. I could see the fear in her eyes. She hid it
well, but I knew from the moment she walked into the
club that she didn't want to be there. And now, even
though it would be a complete violation of my mission
and my orders, all I wanted to do was find out if she
was okay.
Fuck! What is it with this woman? Why did I have an
unyielding need to protect her and comfort her?
I sped around a corner, ducking into a doorway and
waiting to see if I was being followed at all. Once I was
convinced I was clear, I slithered along in the shadows
before making another left to get home. All I wanted
to do was get to my apartment in Hell's Kitchen. I was
sure no one was following me, but after a few more
turns I was finally comfortable with going home.
I climbed the stairs of the old warehouse to the loft
that had been renovated. To say that my new
apartment was better than the one in Romania was an
understatement. Still, I almost felt more comfortable
in a seedy place when I was undercover. The seedier
the apartment, the less attention I could draw to
myself. At least this one didn't look like anything from
the outside.
I hurried into my door, ripped off my mask and threw
my keys down on the granite countertop and instantly
began pacing.
I knew I was stupid. I had been stupid all week. Hell
since last Fridaythe first day I saw her.
I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of
vodka to pour myself a drink. I knew I blew a huge
opportunity tonight by not staying with Nelo, but I
couldn't let that fuckwad put his hands on Bella
anymore.
I paced around the living room thinking back through
each of my steps from the past week. I knew I was
close to blowing my covertwice. But at the same
time, part of me didn't care and that scared the shit
out of me. My whole life was my job, my missions,
myredemption.
I downed the vodka and went to pour another as I
continued pacing. My brain settled a bit from the
seeping of the alcohol, and I was finally able to slow
down and think through my interactions since
Monday.
On Tuesday I went for a run in the evening. I had
spent most of the day trying to once again focus on
my mission and get Bella out of my head. But of
course it was to no avail. The number she gave me
was burned in my brain and every time I looked at a
phone, at a phone booth or people talking on their
cell phones on the street, all I could think of was
dialing that number and hearing her voice.
Of course at 5:00 I found myself heading for the park
to go for a run. I made my loop up the west side and
came back down on East Drive. My rational brain
was screaming at me that I was just trying to catch a
glimpse of her, but I chose to ignore it. It was hot that
day so I hadn't worn a shirt, and in all honesty that
was probably planned by my subconscious.
I was running down East Drive when I saw a familiar
figure walking ahead.
What the hell is McCarty doing here?
I knew he would be contacting me eventually as a
potential buyer for biological weapons, but I didn't
think he was slated to be in New York yet.
He didn't see me, or if he did he didn't let on, but I
was pondering the situation nonetheless.
Suddenly, I collided with someone and stopped
abruptly. I grabbed onto the arm of the person
falling, and heat instantly burned my hand. I knew it
immediately.
You have to be kidding me.
"Oh". She stumbled, dropping her raincoat and
umbrella, and I couldn't stop my eyes from following
as she bent down to pick them up.
Holy
I shook myself from my daze and refocused. I gave
her my patented smirk.
"We really need to quit meeting like this. You really
are clumsy, huh?" I joked.
Her eyes raked over my body, and I felt like I was on
fire just from her brown orbs on me.
Shit. I can't run with a hard on!
"Umyeah...I guess I forgot to tell you just how
clumsy I am." She smiled but her eyes continued
downward.
I knew my body was in peak condition from all my
training in Romania. Still, it felt good to see her
breath catch and her eyes travel down my body.
Especially since it was her eyes.
But after a while I became a bit worried. Her eyes
glazed over and I could see we were, as usual,
moving toward one another.
"Bella? Are you okay? I didn't hit you in the head or
anything did I?" I frowned, and then realized I was
holding on to her arm longer than I should have in
public. I quickly glanced around to see if anyone was
watching us. This really could be a chance meeting in
the park, but I didn't want it to appear like more. I
took my hand from her arm, instantly missing the
connection.
"Uhnoreally. I'm fine. A bit dazed is all. I'm sorry
I am so terrible at paying attention, and I keep
literally running into you." She smiled.
I gave her a small smile and then abruptly pulled my
Oakleys down.
"It's fine. I'm just glad you are okay." My hand
twitched, wanting nothing more than to run it along
her creamy skin again.
"Sorry to stop your run." She said almost shyly. "I
always hate it when that happens. I should let you
get going."
God. I wanted to kiss her, to pull her pouty lips into
my mouth and suck her sweet
Wait, what the fuck was I saying? We were in a
public place! I stepped back once again, trying to
maintain my distance and make it appear like I
didn't know her.
Then I saw her eyes glance at my tattoo and I
groaned inwardly.
Did she like my tatt? Why could I almost feel her
fingers on me? Her lips on my neck and down my
back over
Fuck.
"I should be going." I smiled remorsefully, and she
bit her lip in response.
Fuck, Schoonheid, stop with the lip!
"Yeah. See you around." She whispered.
With that I nodded and made my quick exit before my
brain or body could do something differently. Even
so, I could feel her eyes burning into me as I took off
down East Drive.
What the hell was I going to do?...
My mind brought me back to the present and I sipped
my drink and continued pacing. I needed to focus on
something other than Bella. I thought about my
mission once again and my focus now that I was
officially back under cover
On Wednesday I had my big field meeting before I
truly went back under to make contact with Nelo.
After spending two hours trying to lose anyone who
could possibly be following me, I climbed in an
unmarked car at a warehouse in Queens only to be
driven to the next contact point and finally to the
New York Field Office.
I was brought in the back door of the field office with
two agents who I had never met. They led me to a
conference room at the end of a hallway. Of course as
I strode past the offices and counted my steps, I
noticed the names on the doors. Special Agent
Garrett Morgan was the head of the New York Field
Office. I also noticed a press office, another SA's
office, Eleazar Sanchez, and a smaller conference
room.
At last we strode into the large conference room, and
I noticed it had been set up with various white
boards, pictures, debriefing notes, and bios on
multiple members of the Draconi organization.
I immediately noticed both McCarty and Seth
Clearwater were already there.
"E, it's about time you made it." McCarty's booming
voice echoed off the walls, as he slapped my back.
"McCarty, it's good to see your ugly mug again. How
was your week off?"
"Eh you know, women, wine and gambling. The
usual." He joked. Although I knew it was unlikely he
did any of those things. McCarty wasn't much of a
drinker. He never had more than a few beers any
time I was with him or even when fellow agents
prodded him. His father was an alcoholic, and he
didn't want to be like him. But he was an Irishman
from Boston, so he would have a Guinness or two.
More importantly, I knew he wasn't much of a lady
chaser or a gambler. His humble beginnings made
him very tight with his money. And unlike several of
the agents we went through training with, I never
saw McCarty with a woman. On the night we
completed training, and McCarty actually had a few
more than normal, he told me that he had been
engaged when he worked in Boston. He thought he
had found the love of his life until his fianc Bree was
killed in a car accident. It was the event that caused
him to finally apply for the FBI. I think, like me, he
felt like he didn't have anything left. Undercover
work really wasn't the profession of a family man,
and many of us undercover agents were actually
introverted and lonely souls.
I shook Clearwater's hand, still curious to learn more
about my new partner and how our arrangement
was going to work. Then I glanced around the room
to find two other agents. One was a very attractive
woman with strawberry blonde hair and light blue
eyes. But she looked tough, hard, like I wouldn't want
to cross her even with my enhanced skills.
The other was a man with a short ponytail, but he
was outfitted in full FBI attire. He looked like he
could handle himself but still seemed warm at the
same time.
"Cullen. Garrett Morgan, it's nice to finally meet you.
I have heard a lot about you." The man with the
ponytail gave me a knowing smile as I shook his
hand.
"This is SA Tanya Ivanova. She's been under here in
New York for the last year and a half as well. She has
had the inside track on the human trafficking ring
from the New York organization."
"Cullen, good to meet you." She said in a thick
Russian accent.
"Ivanova? Are you originally from Russia?" I asked
as I shook her hand. She seemed nice enough. I had
never worked with a female undercover agent before.
"Da, St. Petersburg, but my family left when I was
fourteen, shortly after the wall fell." She nodded.
The Berlin wall I assumed. Of course that meant
shortly after communism fell and most of Russia was
in shambles. I was sure she had seen some horrible
things in her childhood.
"St. Petersburg is a beautiful city." I stated.
"It is now." She nodded and confirmed my
suspicions.
We sat down to begin the briefing on the New York
mission. In front of us on the conference room table
were files and files of Draconi organization men and
women. Many of them I already knew. Of course
there were the brothers who were the godfathers of
the organization, Stefan and Vladimir. But also
many of the men and women all the way down the
line. I had met some of them in Romania, and then
there were several that were part of the New York
operation.
I knew of Corin, Felix, Demitri, and Nelo. Gianna
Marcova was the madam of the girls taken in
through Dawnbreak and then to other undisclosed
locations. Demitri, the organization's most known
assassin, other than me of course, had a counterpart
in a man named Afton who was more of an enforcer.
He was a manipulator and brought the threat of the
organization to the people who owed money or other
things.
Mostly, it appeared that the Dracs had three essential
businesses: women, guns and drugs. The brothers
made all final decisions and Corin helped to put it
into action in Romania. I saw the businessmen
coming in and out of Poarta Ardeal and had cased the
Romanian side of the organization.
The real question was how they got the contacts for
the shipping of the commodities, and of course how
they brought them in to the States and then
distributed them. Today, we would hopefully review
everything we knew about the organization and fit
together the pieces from my debriefing as well as
Clearwater's and Ivanova's.
"Well, as you know, tomorrow officially begins our
mission in New York to take down the Draconis. All
of your work so far has given us a lot of
information." SA Morgan handed out a packet to
each of us which included the breakdown of each of
our contributions and how the puzzle pieces of the
organization fit together. After we were debriefed
last week, our inside analysts took all the
information to synthesize it. What we had before us
was a clean, quick version that we could read
without having to take it with us undercover.
I read it all once and committed it to memory. But it
appeared that the Dracs were using a contact at a
shipping company to bring in the commodities. It
wasn't determined yet which company or who the
contact was, though there were some leads. They
somehow cooked their weights and books to reflect a
normal shipment when in reality they were bringing
in an estimated ten thousand guns, thousands of
pounds of coke and heroin and over two hundred
girls per month.
The goods were likely delivered to one of the Dracs
many warehouses in either Brooklyn or New Jersey.
From there distribution was down the chain of
command of the organization. Though in honesty, if
we wanted to bring down the top, we needed the big
connections. That would be part of my job.
It also appeared they recently began to dabble in bio
weapons. Ivanova was to continue monitoring the
girls and the human trade. She was the right hand
woman of Gianna and had worked herself into a
position to see how many girls came through, where
they were from, where they were sent, and who
bought them. Eventually the FBI would prosecute the
buyers as well, but first we aimed to stop the supply.
Clearwater had also worked himself into a position
as a buyer and seller of the drugs in New York. He
and I would become partners as a means to help the
organization expand its bio weapons connections.
Although I was still posing as an assassin, once I met
with the brothers I was to pitch them an offer. I
would "meet" Clearwater, or actually, Sean Carroll,
and determine that we wanted to help them expand
this part of the organization. I was to pretend to be
the cold, heartless, money-seeking killer and
Clearwater wanted to simply move up in the
organization. As part of our scheme, McCarty would
pose as a businessman interested in buying and
distributing the weapons to the highest bidder. Of
course, if we actually got our hands on any weapons
it would be the FBI on the purchasing end, and
hopefully we would have the means to track their
sources as well as prosecuted the players.
The real issue was where they were getting the
weapons from. This was also part of my mission.
Since I was proposing to help expand this part of the
organization, I needed to get close to the sources.
I flipped through the debriefing and looked at the
names of potential contacts and members of the
organization. Two names struck me immediately. A
man named Laurent appeared to be the contact for
the shipping of the goods.
He was the VP at the Van Rijn Corporation, which
was unnerving because my family held considerable
stock in that company. One of my great-great uncles
was actually the CEO of the Corporation in the
twenties. I also recognized Laurent's name because I
saw him in Romania. I heard his name referenced by
both Felix and other members of the Romanian
contingent because when he visited it was a big deal,
and Corin was always on edge.
The analysts hadn't determined if Laurent was using
Van Rijn to help transport the goods or if he was
using other contacts from his vast knowledge of the
shipping industry. This was another aspect we were
to explore.
The second name that jumped off the page at me was
James Raven. It was well known that Foster &
Wheaton was a firm that dealt in the underground.
When we took down the Volturis almost five years
ago, we knew the firm handled most of the contracts
and real estate deals for several of the illegal
organizations. The problem was, the actual contracts
and deals were legal, even if they were working for
the scum of the earth. Additionally, we didn't want to
dismantle the firm because we could easily use their
filings and associated clients to run constant cross
checks with the organized crime rings.
Raven, however, was a name I had heard in
Romania. I had never met him, and in the picture in
the profile he had dark hair and eyes. However, his
face looked eerily familiar. I knew that face and it
was bugging the hell out of me that I couldn't
remember it because I could always remember
everything.
I read through the fifty page briefing to get up to
speed on where we were at with the investigation. I
was to make contact with Nelo either tomorrow or
Friday and "meet" Seth on Saturday. McCarty was
posing as John Emerty and he would not become a
part of our operation until a few weeks out, once I
gained favor with the brothers.
Even so, we were all going back undercover tonight. I
would be moving into my apartment in Hell's
Kitchen, Clearwater on the Lower East Side and
McCarty on the Upper West Side.
As I finished the briefing, I couldn't help but feel a
sense of unease with the mission. Something was off
about it, and I couldn't put my finger on it.
Something just didn't feel right.
"Ok, you all have your orders now, do you have any
questions?" Morgan asked.
"When do you want us checking in? How often, what
manner etc.?" McCarty asked.
"We will have you brief every two weeks. More often
than that could seem suspicious if you disappear for
half a day, and farther out we might not be making
the connections we need to."
"Do we have any idea of the potential bio connections
they have?" I asked. "I realize this is part of my job to
determine the connection but I'm kind of flying blind
here."
"I realize that. All I can tell you is that it's likely they
are bringing them in from abroad. The other
potential option is that they somehow have a
connection with a pharmaceutical company here and
are buying the goods and making the weapons. We
haven't seen any indication of that with an
organization like this before. Generally, they just
want to run them, not spend the money making them,
but we can't rule that out as of yet."
"Do we know of any buyers of previous shipments?" I
asked this time.
"Unfortunately, no. This is one aspect of the
organization the brothers have been very good at
keeping under wraps. Your job is going to be quite
difficult Agent Cullen. But that's also why we are
bringing in McCarty to act as a potential buyer. Once
we see how they handle the transaction we might be
able to go back over their other transactions to track
potential bio weaponry." Morgan finished.
I nodded. I was not only going to be an assassin this
time around, I needed to be more to them. I needed to
make myself essential to their organization.
After five hours of briefing we broke and McCarty
decided to hit the gym. I had already run that
morning; likely in a veiled attempt to see Bella again,
although I wouldn't admit that to myself.
I took the opportunity to get to know Clearwater,
especially since we were partners and I was going to
be working with him a lot over the next few months.
Once we made contact in the organization we were to
pose as becoming very good friends. But after
speaking with Clearwater, I determined I wouldn't be
posing much.
Morgan had ordered in lunch and Clearwater and I
sat looking through the briefing materials as well as
the numerous other files Morgan brought in for us to
gain some background reference on the many
players in the organization.
"So, how does a Washington guy end up in
Brooklyn?" I asked him as I took a bite of my
pastrami sandwich.
"Work." He shrugged. "My parents grew up on a
reservation in La Push, Washington. We're Quilete
Indian but there isn't much there for jobs. So when
they were eighteen they decided to elope to New
York. A couple of friends came with them too. My Dad
and his buddy went to the police academy and my
mom got a job as a secretary and helped put him
through school. Eventually they got married and
decided they loved their neighborhood in Brooklyn."
He shrugged.
"That's a pretty great story." I smiled.
"Yeah." He said quietly and then looked down. I
thought I should ask about my suspicions.
"Is your Dad still a cop?" I asked tentatively.
"No" He blew out a breath. "He was killedon
9/11."
I nodded. It was as I suspected. And for the second
time in a week I found myself talking about Eric
without even meaning to.
"My brother was killed that day too."
Clearwater looked at me and his eyes said it all. He
understood. He was here for the same reasons as me.
I knew from that moment on I wasn't going to have to
pretend to be his friend undercover. We understood
each other. Simple as that.
Just then McCarty, Morgan and Ivanova came back
and we finished our briefing. Finally around 8:00
that night I made my way via multiple exchanges
back to the Essex. I quickly packed up and checked
out. I was ready to be living in an apartment even if
it was in Hell's Kitchen.
After a number of changes again Wednesday night, I
was standing at the door to my apartment. It was fully
furnished and ready for me to move in. I couldn't do it
any other way
I looked around, taking it in one more time. The high
exposed ceilings and windows, the brick walls and the
billowing curtains made it homier than anywhere I
had lived in the last seven years. It was the type of
place that, had I not been undercover, I might have
considered buying. It was much nicer than my usual
abodes. But here I was also expected to be a well-paid
assassin. Just like the change in appearance, I needed
to have a better place to stay. Even if I never planned
to bring anyone here.
I sipped my drink, unsure what to do. I was finally
settling down and let myself think about tonight at the
club. I was to make contact with Nelo, but I learned
that Ivanova would also be at the club. I just wasn't
sure if I would see her
I had donned my new black suit, black shirt and my
aviators. I wanted to look like I was clubbing tonight,
even though I wasn't. I was officially becoming Emil
Mazzonn again and I had to look the part. I also
slipped on my gun and my thin mask in case I saw
someone tonight and had to get away. Tonight would
be the only night I would use the front entrance.
I had arrived at the club around 10:00 and went
directly to the VIP line.
I could tell the bouncer was Romanian. The Dracs all
had a certain look about them, and he was no
different. Dark hair, dark eyes, dark clothes. Just
plain dark.
"I'm here to see Nelo." I whispered in his ear in
Romanian. He nodded and immediately let me
through and whispered back to go to the VIP room
and handed me a card.
One thing I knew about underground organizations
like this, there were certain names that were not
tossed around lightly. From my briefing I had
learned that Nelo was the "owner" of the club, but his
real name was Leon. Anyone who worked for the
organization would know that I wouldn't know
Nelo's real name, or ask to contact him, unless I had
been invited.
I walked into the dark club, the music already
blaring and the bodies thumping against one
another. It was startlingly similar to Poarta Ardeal.
It was dark, very dark, and had red and black sheets,
acrobats, red couches and an ominous feel about it. It
was meant to ooze sex, just like the Romanian club.
But the club-goers wouldn't know any different from
another hot night club in New York. They wouldn't
know what went on in the back rooms or in the
underground "holding area." I had to ward off a
shudder at the thought. I was here to work; I had to
have my game face on tonight.
And I did. I slipped back into my old faade. With a
cold, hard, calculating and a business first attitude I
went to the VIP room and took a seat in the darkest
corner I could find. I was instantly focused on my
mission.
Even though it was incredibly dark in the VIP room, I
left my sunglasses on and used the moment to take in
the place. With my advanced vision, I could see a
couple at the other end of the room. She was awfully
close to him when I realized her hand was down his
pants.
I looked away and continued to scan the room when
a man in a cream suit with dark hair and beady eyes
walked in.
This must be Nelo.
I knew it from the moment I saw him. Whether it was
gut instinct or training I didn't know, but sometimes
you just knew when you looked at a person.
He must have seen me as well, or at least been
directed to where I was sitting, because he started
walking over. He was tall and had a long gait. He
was obviously the master of his domain, and he
wanted me to know that from his approach.
"You asked to see me?" He said in Romanian.
"Da." I nodded and looked around to ensure no one
could hear me.
"I am the agent de distrugere." I responded lowly. I
took off my glasses and our eyes locked. He must
have seen a picture of me and noticed that my once
brown eyes were now green. I simply shrugged.
"You're to meet with them. Sunday. Come here. 6
A.M. Don't be late. Use the back." He said, still in
Romanian, as he motioned to a waitress.
"Two Tuicaand Kristina." He said with a smirk.
"Enjoy." He smirked again and downed the Tuica he
had in his hand and set it on the table and left.
A girl who couldn't have been more than nineteen
strode up to me. She looked terrified.
Fuck. I couldn't refuse her. At the same time I had to
fight the bile that was rising up in my throat.
As I was pondering how to handle the situation
without raising any suspicions to either Kristina or
more importantly Nelo, a sudden glimpse of sequins
caught my eye.
My whole world stopped because standing before me,
was not only a goddess, but it was my goddess, and
she was on the arm of James Raven.
Fuck! My brain was screaming at me. I knew it from
the moment they walked in. The feeling I had the day
before when I saw his picture wasn't unfounded. I
had recognized him; he was the man at the theater
with Bella the night of Les Mis.
My mind instantly started racing. Shit. Did she know
who he really was? Did she know about the Dracs?
I swallowed.
Fuck. Was she in on it?
My heart was pounding and I was glad I had my
sunglasses and was in a very dark corner because I
slipped them back on. Kristina was by my side and
running her hand up my thigh. I knew she was just
doing as she was told, and I didn't want her to get
hurt.
"How about a drink first?" I said to her and she
looked at me puzzled. I slid her the Tuica and put my
arm around her. But all the while I was watching
Bella and my mind was racing.
I could be in serious trouble if she was connected to
the Dracs. She knew my real identity; she could
expose me like no one else.
But as I sat there with Kristina feeling me up, sipping
my Tuica and trying to keep myself calm, I could see
it in her eyes. She didn't want to be here. In fact she
looked highly uncomfortable even as fantastic as she
looked.
She was glancing around nervously, obviously
unnerved by her surroundings.
Suddenly, I was convinced of it and breathed a small
sigh of relief. No, she didn't want to be here. And that
told me she didn't have anything to do with the
Dracs.
And then something happened that almost made me
come out of my seat.
He was all over her.
Her boyfriend.
Fucking James Raven, attorney at law to the Draconi
crime family.
Touching her, kissing her neck, whispering in her ear
and smirking at her. He was looking at her like she
was a piece of meat and I wanted to rip his head off.
Some primal part of me came roaring to life.
She was mine. I wanted her. And I couldn't deny it.
Every part of my being wanted to rip him away from
her.
I could see she was uncomfortable and he wasn't even
registering it. How could he bring her here? Was he
stupid? Did he think she would like it? Did she know
what goes on behind and under this club?
He pulled her closer to him on the couch and she
cringed as he ordered their drinks. Did she not like
him? Was it because of me, because I definitely knew
I wanted her? I couldn't deny it anymore. And here I
was in the worst possible position, undercover and
seeing her out and unable to do anything about it.
I sat there seething; my breathing labored and
Kristina scooted closer to me.
"Are you okay?" She asked tentatively in her thick
accent.
I turned just briefly to look at her and she looked
afraid.
"I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well. It's not your fault." I
said. I knew I didn't want to get her in trouble, but I
also didn't want Bella or Raven to see me.
I could see her trying to deflect his hands a bit,
crossing her legs uncomfortably and shifting. She
was sipping her wine and trying to appear
entertained.
Suddenly, Nelo walked back into the VIP and scanned
the room. He locked eyes with Raven, and I saw him
nod. Raven said something to Bella and followed him
back.
"Why don't you go get another drink?" I said to
Kristina and she nodded.
I took deep breaths as she stepped away and sat
there taking in Bella. How could he leave her? How
could he ditch her in this place? She looked both
uncomfortable and pissed at the same time, and I
couldn't blame her. Here she was, a beautiful woman
dressed in an absolutely smoking black dress and he
leaves her to the vultures.
All of a sudden, another man entered the VIP room,
and I saw him zone in on Bella. I instantly stiffened.
Fuck.
It was Demitri.
He strode over to Bella like he knew her and now my
instincts were on high alert. Did she know him too?
Maybe she was involved with the Dracs? This is so
not happening. Shit.
But as he said something to her she stiffened, and
fear instantly flashed across her face. It took
everything I had to not jump up and go save her.
She shifted and said something to him and he
responded. She jolted back, obviously taken aback by
his statement. I could see the look of incredulity on
her face.
She tried to steel her resolve, but I could see her
hands shaking. She was not friends with Demitri,
and something told me still that she wasn't involved
with the Dracs. But I was still fearful.
Then he touched her and she winced and shivered
and I gripped the side of the chair with so much force,
I could feel my fingers almost breaking.
My mind was reeling. Why couldn't I do something to
protect her? Why couldn't I just whisk her away from
him?
At that moment, Raven and Nelo returned and she
jumped up from the couch and marched over to him.
She was pissed, and I instantly thought of a way to
make my exit. I took the napkin on my table and
pulled out a pen and wrote a quick note thanking
Nelo for Kristina's services so that she wouldn't get in
trouble.
As I glanced back up I could see that Raven was
glassy-eyed and unsteady.
Was he high? Did he go back and get high? I was sure
the drugs were plentiful; they were in Romania.
She said something to him with a set jaw and spun on
her heels and marched out of the VIP.
He chased after her and without another thought so
did I.
What the fuck was I doing? I couldn't chase them. I
couldn't be exposed.
I quickly thought of another option.
I descended the stairs and looked for a side exit and
slipped out the fire door to the alley. As soon as I was
out I took off walking at the fastest pace possible
without running.
Were they fighting?
He wouldn't hurt her, would he?
Fuck, what am I doing?
You can't expose yourself.
At once, I thought of something else. I took off my
aviators and slipped on my mask. In my right coat
pocket was a syringe of tranquilizer for exactly these
types of situations.
I slipped along the alley when I could hear shouting
ahead of me, and I was careful to stay in the
shadows. My mind was racing and my heart was
pounding. The killer in me wanted to rip him to
shreds. I could tell it was his voice.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Raven
shouted and pulled her into the alley.
"James, stop, you're hurting me." Bella yelled and I
could see he had a hold of her arm. I was rooted in
my position because I knew if I walked any further I
would kill him.
"I don't know what you think you're doing, but you
are mine Bella, and I don't fucking want you leaving
or talking to other men."
What? Was he talking about Demitri?
"Are you fucking kidding me, James?" She screamed.
She was pissed, but I could hear the fear in her voice
as well. "It was your friend Demitri who came up to
me. Someone who I happened to have a restraining
order against years ago." She said.
A restraining order? What the fuck?
So she did know himbut not through the Dracs? I
was instantly concerned. She had a restraining order
against him? Shit. Demitri was bad news; I couldn't
imagine how their paths had crossed previously to
cause that.
I slowly crept forward and I could see from my
vantage point that James was high and enraged. I
was fearful for Bella, but I needed to try to let her
handle it. I couldn't expose myself if possible.
"I'm not talking about Demitri. I will do whatever the
fuck I want to with you. I am talking about all the
men you have around all the time. You little whore.
You think I don't know?"
"What are you talking about James?" She was
obviously astounded by his claim.
"The neighbor, the guy before pizza, your little co-
worker. You think I don't know?" He grabbed her
arm again and she winced in pain and stepped back
against the brick wall. I was only a matter of yards
away, but again I bristled.
If he fucking hurts herthey'll never find his body, I
swear.
I could see she was terrified, but was trying to keep
her cool.
"James, get your hands off me." She said in a low
even voice.
"Not in your lifetime." He said as he pressed against
her, pinning her. I clenched my fists, willing the spots
before my eyes to go away, but I was mere seconds
from losing it.
"You are drunk and high, James. I am going home."
"The fuck you are." He said and pressed further. I
knew he wasn't going to back down; he was crazed
now.
Before I even knew what I was doing, the words were
out of my mouth.
"I think you heard the lady. Step back." I said coldly.
That's right fucker; get your hands off of her or I will
rip you to shreds.
I could see her trying to look for me, but I remained
rooted in the shadows. I knew from the distance that
she probably couldn't see me, but I could see them. I
had my mask on as well.
But the fucker didn't move and I stayed solid in my
stance.
"I said, Step the fuck back." I seethed. And finally she
looked to my position. I could see the fear and the
relief in her eyes, but I knew she couldn't see me.
Raven stepped back a bit but turned to me. "Oh? And
who the fuck are you?"
I almost chuckled to myself.
If you only knew what I could do to you Raven. I
could snap you in two in seconds. But unfortunately I
can't risk it.
"Your worst nightmare if you don't step the fuck
back, and let go of her arm." I said, still steadfast.
He finally stepped back and I spoke again, to Bella
this time.
"Go." I said to her coolly.
And don't ask questions or say my name.
She just nodded and hurried to grab a cab. Raven
was swaying in his spot and began to advance on me.
I pulled my eyes back to him as he spat at me.
"What the fuck? That was none of your fucking
business. She's mine." He slurred.
"No, she's not. Not anymore. I doubt she will want
anything to do with you after that." I said coolly. I
needed to somehow get out of this situation without
him seeing me.
I remained rooted as I responded.
"No one is yours. People can't be bought and sold."
"Ha." He laughed darkly. "If you only knew." And he
began walking towards me. I remained in my
position.
I didn't respond to his comment and instead gave him
a warning. His only warning.
"Keep coming and you will regret it."
"Whatever. Do you know who I am? I could have ten
guys out here before you can even squeal like a
fucking pig."
"I doubt that."
"Try me." He pulled out his cell phone, and in a flash
I was on him. The cell phone flew across the alley.
In his drugged up state, he was barely able to react
as I maneuvered and flipped him around.
I had him in a headlock, with his face turned away. I
wanted to snap his neck. I could have killed him in
ten different ways in that moment, but my training
as an agent took over. I just needed to incapacitate
him. I considered the syringe in my pocket, but I
didn't want to leave a trace.
Instead I pressed him against the brick wall and
growled right in his ear.
"If I were you, I would pick on someone your own
size next time. And I would stay the fuck away from
that woman. She's way too good for you, you
miserable fucking excuse for a man."
With that I smashed his head against the wall, just
enough to knock him out but not kill him.
He slumped and I dropped him to the ground. I
immediately looked around for any sign of other
persons, cameras, or security. And I was off.
I thought back to my interaction with Raven and Bella
over and over. Something in me just couldn't let them
walk out. Something told me she was in trouble and I
had to protect her.
I wasn't sure how much she knew or if she knew at all
about the Dracs, but I definitely needed to find out.
And not because of my own personal interest, but
because of my mission now as well.
I flexed my hand and looked down at my knuckles. I
had scraped them on the brick in my altercation.
Although part of me couldn't deny the excitement that
raced through me as I was pacing through my living
room, part of me was reeling at what I might find out.
But she even told me at Alice's that they weren't very
serious. Maybe she didn't know? She was from a
family of cops and like me she had lost her brother.
She couldn't be involved with organized crime. And
she knew I was an agent.
I stopped.
I thought about what she had said before she left the
cab on Monday.
If you ever want to talk or anything
Maybe another night.
Fuck. I couldn't be considering that.
But I had to find out if she knew anything and how
much?
I was positive she didn't. Based on her reaction to the
club, her unease with being there and her reaction to
Demitri, I didn't think she knew about Raven's
underground connections.
But I should be sure, right? That was part of my job.
I knew deep down that wasn't why I wanted to look
into her. I wanted to do a hell of a lot more than look
into her. I shook my head and pushed my lustful
thoughts away. I needed access to the internet and to a
pay phone. I needed to find out more about her
background.
I was still on Romanian time and even if I wanted to
go to sleep I wouldn't be able to. I had been home for
about two hours and figured it was safe to go back out.
I changed out of my suit and donned my black shirt,
black pants, boots and hat and loaded up my Glock
before I left.
I made my way to an all night internet bar and paid
with a fake credit card for service. I made sure no one
could see what I was surfing and instantly googled her
name.
Bella Swan.
A number of links came up, but the first was on the
Met. She was the director of the internship program. I
read her bio and it confirmed many of the things she
had told me. But I also saw the dates of her degrees;
she was likely twenty-eight or twenty-nine years old.
The next link took me to an obituary. It was of her
brother.
Bradley Charles Swan, June 12, 1976- September 11,
2001. There was no grave listed, just a memorial for
several of the cops from his precinct. He was two
years older than me, a cop in Brooklyn and her father
was a cop. Apparently her parents were divorced and I
was struck when I saw who her step father was.
Phil Dwyer? As in the former Mets player?
I clicked on a link listing her as part of an art
organization at NYU and several others mentioning
her in Met press releases. She was in communications
before she was the director of the interns.
I clicked on the next link and saw an article about
volunteer work she did through New York Cares.
There were pictures of her with kids, family members
and survivors of 9/11.
I stopped. There was no way she could be involved
with the Dracs, right? She was just too good of a
person. Should I contact Morgan and have him run a
background check on her?
Or could I go see her?
Fuck! I can't go see her, and I definitely can't go to her
home or to the Met. But yet I had to in order to rule
out her involvement. So where?
I looked at the date listed on the bottom of the
computer screen.
June 12.
I thought for a moment and went back to the obituary
of her brother. What are the chances she would go to
his memorial? Maybe I could follow her.
I shut down the computer and noticed that it was
almost five in the morning. I made my way out of the
internet bar and instantly had an idea.
If you ever want to talk or anything
But I couldn't just call her, and especially not at 5:00
in the morning.
Before I knew it, I was making my way to another all-
night store.
Thank God New York is the city that never sleeps.
I paid for two pay-as-you-go-cell phones, but put $500
on each account to cover any upcoming calls.
I knew I shouldn't be doing this. But I had to. I had to
talk to her, and it wasn't just for me, I did have to
know for my mission this time.
I made my way to her apartment building and found a
vantage point. It was early so it was unlikely she would
be up for a while.
So I waited. And the rational side of my brain
screamed at me once again that I was a stalker and
this was wrong. It screamed that I couldn't buy a
phone like this or risk my cover. But the thought of
not speaking with her again and not knowing was so
overriding that I barely heard it.
So I waited.
--
I sat in the shadow of the alley across the street from
her building. It was ten in the morning when she
finally emerged. She was obviously not going to work
today, and I wasn't sure if it was from the night before
or because today was her brother's birthday.
I knew I was always worthless on Mijn Broer's
birthday. I was sure it wasn't much different for her.
She looked tired and drawn, and I wanted nothing
more but to wrap my arms around her and comfort
her. She looked the worst I had ever seen her.
Her worst, but still unbelievably beautiful. Mijn
Schoonheid.
I shook my head as she turned to walk down the
street, and I followed discretely.
She made her way to a flower shop on Broadway, and
I knew I no longer needed to follow her. She was
going to the memorial today. I could see it on her face.
Instead of tailing her, I gave her plenty of distance and
made my way to the memorial as well. I remembered
it from the obituary.
I had never been to Eric's tombstone. Probably
because I knew he wasn't there. We didn't even have a
burial. We had a service, but like so many others, it
was weeks after the towers fell when they finally
determined that he was indeed gone and there was no
body and no remains. It felt so disconnected. It didn't
feel like a funeral, just a random memorial of
someone I didn't know. There was no last sighting. No
opportunity to say good-bye.
As I boarded the subway to Brooklyn I sat back and
thought about one of our last nights before he died
"Oh this is the best E. Life doesn't get much better
than this."
"I know Eric. I hope Mom and Dad always have this
place."
"Me too."
It was the last weekend of the summer in the
Hamptons. I would be starting law school in a week
and Eric had been working at Reycon for two years.
We were laying outside on the deck chairs, sipping
beers listening to some Led Zeppelin through the
speaker system and just staring up at the stars. I
could hear the waves crashing in the distance and the
warmth of the summer breeze trickled across my
skin.
"How's Eliot doing?" I asked my brother tentatively.
Eliot was now five months old.
He sighed. "I fucked up E. I didn't think I would want
to be a part of it all, but I do. I justI panicked, and
now I don't know how to make it right with Angela.
She's so pissed at me, and she's convinced she doesn't
want anyone to know about it."
"Do you think maybe I could talk to her? I mean she
knows I know right?"
He exhaled again and looked at his beer. "I don't
know E. I was such an ass. I can't believe it, and
then" He blew out another breath. "I went to the
hospital when he was born" He trailed off.
"Really? I didn't think you had gone?"
"Yeah. Not for the birth, just to the nursery." He
whispered and sat up and looked at me. "He was just
so" He shook his head.
"So what?"
"So tiny, so perfect. I don't know how to explain
itbut the moment I saw him, I knew he was mine. I
just felt like such a failure because all I was going to
do was give her money, and now I want to be a part
of it and she doesn't want anything to do with me."
"Have you thought about taking it to court? You are
the biological father, you have rights to him." I
stated.
"No. I don't want to do that. I fucked up. I just keep
hoping I can make her come around. I want to know
him; I don't know how to explain it" He trailed off
again and looked out toward the beach. I could tell
something was really bothering him.
"What's eating you Eric?"
"I don't know. I wish life was easier sometimes." He
sighed. "I want to know him, but I don't want him to
be anything like me."
"What? Why? What's wrong with you?" I sat up. We
knew where we came from, and we knew how lucky
we were to grow up as privileged as we had. I
couldn't understand where this self-loathing came
from.
"Can you just promise me something E?"
"Sure, anything." I looked at him quizzically.
"Can youI mean, if something ever happens to
mewill you make sure he knows I loved him. That I
wanted to be there."
Eric's words struck me. I was very against him not
telling my parents and Alice, but he was insistent and
so was Angela. But he would do anything for me, and
I would do anything for him. I just couldn't
understand his sudden dark mood.
"Of course, Eric."
He exhaled again and nodded. "You're such a good
person E. So much better than me. Just be you and
don't be like me either, okay? You can do so much
more. I just know it."
"Okay." I nodded but I still couldn't figure out what
was going on with him.
That was the last night I saw him. And ever since then
those words "you can do so much more" rang through
my head.
The subway came to a stop in Brooklyn and I hopped
off. I was giving Bella some lead time to the memorial
so I decided to take a detour. I swung down a side
street and found a pay phone outside a little barber
shop.
I hadn't been very good about calling him this week
because I had been so busy transitioning. And if I was
being honest, I was too busy thinking about Bella and
trying to sort out the torrid emotions running through
my body.
I dialed the number as I had so many times.
"Hello!" A young voice said from the other end, and I
could tell that Eliot had picked up the phone.
"Hey squirt. How are you?"
"Uncle E! Mom, it's Uncle E."
I chuckled on the other end of the phone as I heard
Angela say something to him.
"Uncle E, are you in Miami?"
"Yeah buddy, back to catching bad guys."
"Cool!"
He launched in to telling me about his latest x-box
game, his new friend from baseball and his drawing
class.
"And Uncle E, I made you a drawing can I send it to
you?"
Shit.
"Uh. Sure Eliot. But I am moving in a few weeks. Why
don't I call your Mom and give her the address when I
get my new one. I want to make sure it gets there." I
covered.
"Okay, cool."
"Hey buddy, I have to go. But I will call again soon
okay."
"Okay, bye Uncle E."
"Bye Eliot."
I clicked off the call and sighed. Why couldn't Eric
have been the one to get to have this relationship with
his son?
Eric was right. I wished life was easier sometimes.
--
I made my way to the memorial and quickly scanned it
for her long chestnut waves. It was only a small
memorial located in a Roman Catholic church
cemetery not far down the street from the precinct. I
spotted her at the top of a hill. She was sitting next to a
tree with her arms crossed over her knees, and I
walked until I was about thirty yards away and stood
behind a larger tree.
I could see her talking and wiping tears away every so
often. Then I would hear her laughter lilt through the
air.
Why couldn't I do that?
Why couldn't I go talk to Eric and laugh and think
about our antics growing up or in college?
What I wouldn't give to be able to do that even if he
wasn't here.
And why couldn't I do it?
But I pushed those thoughts aside as I prepared to do
what I came here for. I needed to make contact with
her. But I didn't want to do it in an open area like this.
I glanced at her again, simply taking in her beauty in
the sunlight. She must have taken the day off from
work. I'm sure I would have done something similar if
I were normal. But I wasn't normal, and I was
instantly reminded of that when she shifted. Even
from the distance, I could see the bruises on her arm
with my enhanced vision.
I bristled and a low growl erupted in my chest. I
wanted to kill Raven for hurting her.
At that moment, I knew I couldn't wait any longer. I
needed answers. I needed to find out if she was
involved with the Dracs and how involved she was
with Raven. I needed to know what he meant to her
and what she knew. I neededsomething.
I dialed her cell number from one of the pay as you go
phones and it rang.
At the same time I could see her shuffling through her
handbag for the phone.
She looked at the phone and frowned, but answered it.
"Hello?"
I breathed in. After all that planning I couldn't figure
out what to say to her. She could be being traced or
followed if she's involved with Raven. And yet here I
was, simply mesmerized by the sound of her voice.
"Hello?"
I glanced up to see she looked confused, like she was
going to click off the line any second.
"It's me. Do you know who this is? Just answer yes or
no?"
"Yes" She breathed and I looked at her as she was
talking. A small smile crossed her face and I couldn't
help but smile to myself.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes." She stated and I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Can you do something for me?" I asked then.
"Yes."
"Just trust me." Please. Because I have to see you and
I have to know your level of involvement with Raven
or I am going to go out of my mind.
"I do. But"
"Don't ask any questions." I stopped her. I could see
the confused look on her face.
"Okay." She said furrowing her brows. I thought for a
moment where to meet her. Where could we go that
we hadn't been seen before but could be coded over
the phone?
Suddenly I had a thought. The Apollo statue. The
theater. She would get it right? I could at least try.
"Meet me at the remarkable theater." I said
tentatively.
"Okay" She drew out her answer. I could see her
thinking through it in her head.
"Do you understand?"
"Y-yes. Yeswhen?" Suddenly realization crossed her
face.
"Same as the first show. I'll find you. Do you
understand?"
"Yes." She nodded as she answered.
"It's good to see you." I said and clicked off the line.
Her eyes popped open, and she instantly spun around
looking for me. She looked back down at her phone
and back up again. I knew she couldn't see me, but I
could see her. Her chestnut waves were dancing in the
breeze.
Yes, Mijn Schoonheid. I will see you soon.
--
I returned to Manhatten, ridding myself of the first
phone along the way. That evening I made my way to
Harlem. I bought a third pay-as-you-go phone in
Harlem and waited patiently until the late show was
set to play at the Apollo Theater.
I waited and I watched once again for her to arrive.
There was a James Brown orchestra playing, and I
bought two tickets and left one at will call for her. I
hoped she would be intuitive enough to understand.
But somehow I knew she would.
Finally I saw her exit a taxi, and I drew a deep breath.
She was breathtaking as usual, in a deep purple silk
top, her hair flowing down her back and dark denim
jeans which showed her perfect figure. She really was
exquisite and for as much as I hated Raven, I could see
why he was so consumed with jealousy over her.
She walked into the theater and stopped. I watched as
she pondered how to proceed and eventually went
over to will call. I waited in the darkened stairway
until she ascended.
She settled into her seat, two rows from the top in the
very back. The show had already started, and the seat
location and the theater provided an ample amount of
darkness while the orchestra belted a mixture of
James Brown tunes.
She sat down in the seat assigned to her, and I moved
to the seat behind her. No one was watching from
what I could see. But I could see her raise her
shoulders and her breath quicken as I took my seat.
I leaned forward and clasped my hands in front of me.
I wanted nothing more than to touch her. I wanted to
touch her hair, touch her creamy skin that was
luminescent even in the dark theater.
Finally I murmured to her.
"What is he to you?"
She reeled back again and turned to look.
"Don't turn around. Stay forward."
She drew a breath and nodded lightly.
"He's nothing. Not anymore." She whispered.
"What was he?" I asked while constantly glancing
around, making sure no one was privy to our
conversation. However, the closest couple was at least
seven rows in front of us.
"He was, um, my boyfriend, but nothing more. It's
over. I don't want to see him again. Not after last
night." She said it with so much conviction and I
swallowed in satisfaction.
"What do you know about him?"
She shook her head, seemingly confused. "I don't
know what you mean?"
Her answer was so heartfelt. It made me almost
positive she didn't know. But I needed to probe
further.
"Where does he work?"
"He's an attorney. I don't understand, why do you"
"I have to know. For your safety and for mine."
She nodded. "He's an attorneyat Foster &
Wheatonbut that's all I know." She shrugged.
I sighed. "Good." I said, finally appeased.
I could again feel the heat radiating off of her, the
electricity humming between us. It was as if we were
the only two people in the world even though we were
in a theater of hundreds of people.
"Why? I mean, why were you there?" She asked
quietly.
"I can't tell you that."
She nodded, placated, but then whispered again.
"Are you okay? He didn't do anything to you did he?"
She questioned anxiously.
It took all I had not to laugh, but I knew she was
asking because she cared. Would this woman ever
cease to surprise me? She was attacked and she was
worried about me, a highly trained agent.
"I'm just fine. I can take care of myself." I whispered a
little closer to her ear this time. I could see goose
bumps shoot up her neck and I wanted nothing more
than to wrap my arms around her.
"I'm gladI wasworried about you." She whispered
back. Even in the darkness I could see the tinge of red
run up her neck and her cheeks.
"I was worried about you." It came out before I could
even think or feel. I could see her gasp and the
electricity intensified between us. I again looked
around to see if anyone was watching us.
"I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't be here, but I can't
stay away from you." I murmured.
My words lingered out there for only the briefest
moment before she responded.
"Then don't." She whispered assuredly.
Warmth shot through my body and my draw to her
was even more overwhelming. I knew then and there,
I had to be in contact with her; I had to
havesomething. I really couldn't stay away from her.
I couldn't not see her.
Before I could change my mind, I did something I
knew I shouldn't. I gave her my answer in the only way
I could. I slipped the third phone in her purse without
her noticing. I knew no one could track it to me, and I
needed to be in contact with her. I had to hear her
voice and I had to know she was okay and that he
wasn't going to come after her again. I knew that she
didn't have anything to do with the Dracs or even
know about his links to them. I knew it with every
fiber of my being.
Instead, I wanted to take her up on her offer. I needed
her in some form. I was drawn to the warmth she
radiated; the apparent sun she was to my dark, dark
world.
If you ever want to talk or anythingmaybe another
night.
The words ran through my head over and over. Then I
did something I had wanted to do since the first time I
saw her. I leaned forward, the coffee and vanilla and
berry of her hair penetrating my senses. I could feel
her uneven breathing and see her chest rising and
falling.
I reached down and lightly ran my fingers through her
silky chestnut tresses and she shuddered. Her
breathing labored and I leaned down next to her ear
to see her. She was facing straight ahead but her eyes
were closed.
I caressed her hair; the feeling of her silky strands in
my fingers was like nothing I had ever felt. I pressed
my nose to the back of her head and inhaled deeply
one more time while closing my eyes. I wanted to burn
her scent into my memory.
"Mijn Zon." I whispered and then kissed the top of her
head and she shivered again.
With that I let my fingers trail out of her hair and I
stood up and slipped quietly out of the theater.
I reached into my pocket and grabbed the second
phone and quickly sent her a text with my answer. No,
I wasn't going to stay away from her. Against all my
better judgment and my rational brain telling me not
to, I simply couldn't.
I closed the phone and swept myself away into the
New York night. But somewhere deep in my soul, I
knew my life was irrevocably changed. The darkness
which had consumed me for the last nine years didn't
seem so dark anymore. I might be back undercover,
but for once, I felt like I was coming out of the
darkness and into the light. My feelings were so aptly
reflected in the words I sent to her.
Mijn Licht. Ik kan niet. Ik ben van jou.
~~~-~~~




Chapter 9 ~ Contact
Chapter Song: The Police Every Breath You Take
BPOV
Mijn Licht. Ik kan het niet. Ik ben van jou.
Oh my God. What just happened?
My chest was heavy, and I felt like my body was
tingling, everywhere. The sounds of the orchestra
playing through the famous theater had nothing on
my breathing.
I kept looking at the text over and over again.
Mijn Licht. Ik kan het niet. Ik ben van jou.
His words echoed in my ears. His lips were burning
into my scalp, and I was shivering and on fire at the
same time.
Mijn Zon
I wanted to sprint from the theater so I could find out
what it meant. Yet, my legs were stiff and locked in
their position. Part of me knew I didn't need to run, so
I stayed entranced as I looked at the message and
heard his words in my ear.
He wanted me.
As much as I wanted him. I was almost sure of it.
And he was willing to risk everything to come here to
tell me that.
But why?
Slowly, as if in a daze, I got up from the seat and made
my exit. I gripped the railing of the staircase. I hailed a
cab, jumped in and immediately gave the driver
directions. As I sat there, I thought back on the last
twenty-four hours of events.
I was angry and hurt and exhilarated all at the same
time when I left the club. I was pissed at James, upset
over the encounter with Demitri, and my senses were
heightened from the run-in with Edward. I slept
fitfully and as the night progressed, I became more
and more worried about Edward. I knew he was an
agent. I knew he could probably handle himself, but I
was still worried.
What if James had one of his buddies from the club
come outside?
What if James went off on him in a drugged up rage?
I knew he was possessive and jealous, but I never
thought he would put his hands on me. Nor did I
think he would get high and leave me to fend for
myself in that disturbing club. An eerie feeling crept
into the pit of my stomach. Something about my
encounter with James and the way Edward turned
up made me think he was involved in something bad.
I never suspected anything like that before last night.
But as soon as the entire night unfolded, my eyes
were opened.
I was done with him. He had called today and left me
voicemails, but I didn't return them or listen to the
messages. The second he grabbed my arm in the alley,
I was done with him. I always vowed I would never let
a man put his hands on me like that, especially after
everything Kate went through.
God, how could I have been so stupid?
How could I have been dating such a decrepit person
without knowing it?
Then I thought about all of Alice, Jasper and Kate's
warnings. They couldn't have known something could
they? Kate dated Laurent, and James worked with
Laurent, but they have been broken up for years.
Of course, James is in business with Phil.
The thought made me shudder, and I wrapped my
arms around myself as the cab bumped down
Columbus Avenue. I hoped I never saw James again.
The day was already hard enough. It was Brad's
birthday, and I had planned on taking the day off long
before the events of last night. I spent the morning at
his memorial and then the rest of the day with my
father at a Yankees game. Of course I was in a cloud
after Edward's phone call and could hardly pay
attention to my father who kept shooting me odd
glances while we were at the baseball game. I was in a
state of amped anticipation for meeting Edward later.
I should have been creeped out by the fact that he was
at the memorial. But somehow I inherently
understood that he was back undercover, and he
couldn't meet me in public places. That must have
been why he didn't show his face last night. As soon as
he said "the remarkable theater", I had to think for a
moment. But of course the remarkable comment
made me think of only one thing.
Apollo.
Of course. How clever.
I had gone home after the Yankees game and hit the
gym downstairs since I had been too fearful to go for a
run this morning. I even spent an hour trying to
decide what to wear when I finally realized we weren't
going on a date or anything, so I had simply put on
some jeans and a blouse.
Once I arrived at the Apollo I'd determined that he
likely got me a ticket so that he could find me and
made my way to will call. Sure enough, there had been
a ticket for the back of the theater.
As the cab rumbled along, the bounces and dips only
made my overly excited senses all the more alive as I
continued thinking about what had transpired
tonight.
I didn't have to turn to look at him when he walked in
the theater. I could feel him. I could feel him from the
moment I entered the theater. He was there. It was
like a magnet or electricity just pulling me to him.
What the fuck is it with this guy?
I knew on some level it was pure and raw attraction,
but I had felt that before. Thisthis was something
else. It was almost seismic. It was like a shift of
tectonic plates crashing together, and whenever we
were near each other my body shook like in the midst
of an earthquake.
But I couldn't help but wonder, why me? Why him?
Why this? Why us? Why now?
Was it the uncanny amount of similar interests? The
same life-changing event that we had in common? Or
was it something else?
I was sure he felt it; whatever it was. And I was
positive of it after tonight.
I ran my fingers through my hair relishing in the
memory of him doing the same only minutes ago. My
body lit on fire when he touched me. My skin broke
out in chills when he whispered in my ear, and I
trembled to my very core when he pressed his lips to
my head.
I looked back down at the phone he had slipped in my
purse.
Mijn Licht. Ik kan het niet. Ik ben van jou.
What does it mean?
At that moment, the cab halted to a stop, and I quickly
paid the driver and exited the car.
Was he going to call me?
Was I to call him?
I didn't think so. Also, for some reason, I knew I
shouldn't mention this to anyone. He could be in
danger. He's undercover. I might not be trained as an
agent, but I wasn't stupid. I knew he was taking major
risks by being in contact with me. Hell, he probably
took a major risk by helping me last night.
Which brought me back to my question? Why? Why
did he help me?
I hurried into the building and pressed the button for
my floor when I heard someone else come in after me.
The elevator dinged, and I rushed inside. I had been
tense all day after my interaction with James and, to
be honest, a little paranoid about people behind me.
But then I heard a deep calming voice call to hold the
elevator.
I looked up and smiled. "Hi John." I said as I held the
door for him.
"Hey Bella. Thanks for holding it for me. You looked
like you were in a hurry." He said.
"Um, yeah. Sorry about that, I guess I overreacted a
bit." I bit my lip and looked down.
"You okay? You look a little pale." He asked, peering
at me.
"Tough day."
"Ah." He nodded, but I could feel him observing me
out of the corner of his eye. "You want to talk about
it?"
I smiled impishly, but I really just wanted to go home
to my bed and sort things out in the dark.
Or lay there anyhow, like I had for the last week.
"Not really, but thanks for the offer."
"Anytime." He smiled.
The elevator was quiet until it dinged at our floor, and
I stepped out and offered him a good night.
I slipped into my apartment and readied for bed, even
though I was wired and knew it would be hours before
I could sleep. Instead, I poured myself a glass of wine
and fired up my laptop on the breakfast bar.
I tapped my fingers nervously on the granite and
waited for it to load when there was a knock at the
door.
It's 11:00 at night; who could that be?
I strode over to the door and looked through the peep
hole to find John on the other side. He was holding
the garlic from the other night.
I unlocked the door and opened it a crack.
"Hey John, what can I do for you?"
"Sorry to disturb you. I was hoping I could catch you
before you went to bed. I just wanted to return this."
He handed me the garlic, and I smiled and nodded.
"Also, I just wanted to make sure that I didn't make
your boyfriend mad or anything last night." He
furrowed his brow.
"Hmpf. Well, we don't have to worry about him
anymore." I rolled my eyes, anger instantly rising to
the surface.
John looked at my arm closely and then looked back at
me. "Bella, did he hurt you?" He asked as a dark cloud
covered his eyes.
"It's nothing, and it doesn't matter now because we're
over. I will never see him again if I have anything to do
with it."
He nodded, still with an angry look on his face.
"Well, you let me know if he ever comes around here
or anything, or if you are ever in trouble okay? I'm just
down the hall." He motioned.
"Thanks John, I appreciate it."
Suddenly I heard a phone ringing, and I looked at him
quizzically. He returned my expression, and that's
when I realized it wasn't my cell phone. It was the
other phone.
"I'm sorry John, I have to get that. Have a good night."
"You too, Bella."
I hurriedly closed the door and ran to the counter to
grab the phone as I flung it open breathlessly.
"Hello?"
"Hey."
"Hey."
He sighed.
"So you got my message?"
I thought about it for a moment. I got it, but I didn't
know what it meant.
"I did butI don't know what it means."
"It meansit means I don't know what I am doing"
He trailed off.
Okay
"But I need to talk to youI justI need to hear your
voice, to have contact with you or something."
"You can talk to me whenever you want to." I said
assuredly, but I was so confused. What was it with this
man?
"That's the thing. I can'tI meantalk to you
whenever I want toI shouldn't have done this. We
shouldn't use our names either okay?" He said
quickly.
"Okay" I trailed off this time. "But you want to talk?"
I asked hopefully.
"Yes." He breathed.
I settled onto the stool at the breakfast bar and logged
into my computer. I had to know what he meant by his
phrase, but I needed to look at it to type it in, and I
was holding the phone.
"Can wehave a code or something then?" I asked.
"What do you mean?"
"For our names."
"Just call me E."
"E." I breathedbut then something sparked in me,
and before I could stop the words from tumbling out
of my mouth I stuttered. "But I would rather call you
Apollo."
He chuckled on the other end of the line. "Apollo huh?
Why?"
"Welltonight andthe first time I met you." I said
quietly.
"It was actually the second." He joked and I could feel
the tension ease a bit. I laughed lightly as I opened my
web browser.
"So if you're Apollo, then who am I?" I asked this time.
"Hmmm. I would say Daphne but then that would
mean we are doomed from the start."
Doomed? Is he saying what I think he's saying?
"Well, we don't want that now do we?" I responded.
"No. No we don't." He said quietly, and I could feel the
mood shifting once again.
"Are you sure you are okay?" He asked once again.
"Yes. I am okay. It's over. I never want to see him
again." I stated matter-of-factly.
"Good." He blew out a breath on the other end of the
line. "You can't call meor ratherI won't always
have this. I will call you. That's ifcan I? Call you?"
"Anytime." I said without even thinking.
"I" He trailed off and was quiet for a moment.
"You what, Apollo?" I threw it in for good measure,
and I heard him inhale on the other end.
"I want to see youbutGod, what the fuck am I
doing?" He grumbled. "But I'm not supposed to, and I
don't know if I even can." He finished.
"You do what you can." I stated.
He paused and I could feel the tension as thick as a
blanket wrapping around me once again. But I didn't
want to respond. I had to know what he was thinking.
"Do you feel it?" He finally asked.
Yes, I feel it. I have felt whatever it is since the first
time he touched me at Gray's.
"Yes." I breathed and he sighed on the other end.
"Then soon Mijn Zon. Soon." And with that, he clicked
off the line.
I stood there staring at the phone. Once again my
breathing was labored, and I felt like my body was on
fire.
Shit, all I did was talk to him.
I immediately pulled up Google and found an online
translator. I was biting my lip and fire was coursing
through my body as I typed the words in. But what
language was it?
It wasn't Spanish or French; I was sure of it. Then I
thought about Alice and the Cullen family heritage.
Dutch?
I clicked on the pull down menu and selected Dutch as
the translation and hit submit.
My heart was pounding in my chest as I quickly typed
the other phrase.
Mijn Licht. Ik kan het niet. Ik ben van jou.
My light. I can't. I'm yours.
I gasped. Oh my God!
I sat back in the chair and just stared at the screen as
his words and his actions from earlier ran at a
rampant pace through my mind. I thought of how he
had whispered his words, how he had been so close to
me that I could feel the heat from his body, how every
time he had touched me it had been like I was
burning, but in a good way. I could feel his lips on my
head and his fingers in my hair, and I instantly knew
what he was trying to say. It was the same thing I had
been feeling since Monday night. I couldn't deny it; it
was more than attraction. It was something
elsemore.
And it was all so mind-bogglingly fitting. He said
"Mijn" with "Zon" so what was Zon?
I quickly typed it in.
Mijn Zon. My sun.
Apollo.
God of the Sun.
My sun.
Holy fuck.
When he said he couldn't stay away, it was because he
really couldn't; no more than I could stay away from
him. It was like gravity, pulling us together. All the
sightings over the last week, all the commonalities, I
told him not to stay away and this was how he had
responded.
Mijn zon. Mijn Licht. Ik kan het niet. Ik ben van jou.
My sun. My light. I can't. I'm yours.
--
I lay in my bed until at least four in the morning. I had
to volunteer in a few hours and yet my mind wouldn't
turn off and wouldn't go to sleep.
Edward's words, Apollo's words, kept running
through my head over and over and over.
I had just ended a bad relationship with an apparently
bad man. Did I want to start something, whatever it
could be, with him?
Yes. Yes I did. But could I was the question. He's
undercover. Did that mean it would be some sort of
secret relationship?
I was almost certain it would.
I had a million questions and a million emotions
coursing through me. I needed to talk to my girls. I
needed to find out about James and also find out what
I should do about Edward.
Yet, you can't tell them about Edward can you?
Shit. He never said so explicitly, but I was almost
certain of that as well.
I needed to see him. I needed to talk to him, in person.
I needed him to answer these questions. What did he
want from me? Did he want more? Could he have
more?
I finally got up around seven after dozing for a couple
of hours. I once again prepped my materials and made
my way to Brooklyn for my art class with Angela.
Zafrina had emailed me earlier in the week to tell me
about Ben. She found out a whole lot more
information about him. Apparently he was not only
the science teacher, but he coached one of the older
baseball teams as well. I knew Angela's son Eliot loved
baseball, and so I figured we could try to set them up. I
had a plan of action for today, and I was hoping it
would work.
I walked into the rec center and to our classroom to
begin setting up for the day. Suddenly a high-pitched
voice screeched and giggled from the hallway, and a
mop of blonde hair followed by a dark brown one tore
into the room to hide behind the door.
Angela walked in only seconds later shaking her head
and looking exasperated.
"Eliot, Diego, can you say hi to Miss Swan?"
Eliot and his friend both giggled and waved at me.
"Hi." They chorused.
"Hi." I laughed. "What are you two doing?"
"Hiding." Eliot giggled, and Angela rolled her eyes.
"They don't have practice today, so I thought they
could just sit in on our class with us. I hope you don't
mind?"
"Of course not, Angela."
Eliot walked over to me. He and his friend Diego were
still in a fit of giggles.
"You work with my Mom?" He asked.
"Yes. I help her teach the class."
"But you don't look like a teacher." He said while still
giggling about something.
I looked into his big blue eyes, and I couldn't help but
notice a striking resemblance to something or
someone I knew. But just as I was about to say
something Diego started laughing too.
"It's because he likes you. He thinks you're pretty."
Diego said and I felt myself flush.
"Okay boys, why don't we let Miss Swan get to work?"
Angela raised an eyebrow at them, and they both
made their way to the back of the room where the art
supplies were.
I decided it might be a good time to change the
subject. Zafrina had told Ben to swing by our
classroom and I was hoping Ben would come by soon.
It was all about timing.
"I was wondering if you wanted to do lunch again
today?" I asked.
Before Angela could answer, and as if almost on cue, I
heard a voice in the hallway. A man with dark brown
almost black hair and glasses walked in.
"Hello?" He said as he walked into the room carrying
a box of supplies. "Oh, I'm sorry. I was told this was
my room."
I had to contain my grin. Zafrina had held up her end
of the bargain.
"No, sorry. This is one of the art rooms. But are you
Ben?" I asked.
"Yeah." He smiled nervously, and I glanced at Angela
who looked like she was in a trance.
This might be easier than I thought.
"Well, Ben, I'm Bella and this is Angela. We teach one
of the art classes."
He nodded, and Angela smiled shyly.
At some point I was finally able to get them both agree
to go to lunch with Zafrina and I and directed Ben to
his room. Angela was in a fog for the rest of class, and
I couldn't help but smirk at our matchmaking
abilities. I didn't usually toy with it, but they were both
shy and very nice and I just wanted to help a friend
out.
By the end of the morning the four of us took a still
giggly Eliot and Diego to lunch while Ben and Angela
made goo-goo eyes at one another. I couldn't help but
be a little bit jealous of their natural attraction. They
even exchanged numbers with one another before
leaving. Zafrina and I winked at one another for a job
well done.
As I rode the train back to Manhattan, my mind
drifted to Edward.
Was our attraction or draw, or whatever it was, like
that? Almost instantaneous?
I was certain it was.
But at the same time could it go anywhere? I really
needed to talk to him, and I really needed to talk to my
friends.
I knew Rosalie, Jasper's sister, was in town because
the three of them had gone to dinner with the
Whitlocks last night. I love Rose. I hadn't seen her in a
few months since the last time she had been in New
York. She's feisty, outgoing, and probably the most
beautiful person I have ever met. She's four years
older than Jasper and full of piss and vinegar, yet
she's the most loyal person one could ever meet. She's
a top sales rep for the oil company that Jasper's
parents work for. She started with the company right
out of college and worked her way up. Eventually she
was promoted to regional director for the southern
division and actually moved back to Dallas where she
and Jasper grew up.
I was hoping that tonight I could do something with
the girls. I wanted to talk to them about James and get
my mind off of Edward for a while. He had consumed
my every thought for the last week, and I decided I
needed to spend some time with the girls and focus on
something else.
I checked my phone and noticed more missed calls
and emails from James, which I immediately deleted.
I texted Alice and Kate to see if they wanted to spend
our Saturday night in. After the events of the last
couple of days I needed to decompress. When they
responded and agreed to bring beverages and dessert,
I set out for a little Italian market in Little Italy and
picked up fresh cheese, meat and homemade pasta. I
planned to make an Alfredo sauce and the four of us
could drink wine, eat and watch a movie.
After putting away my purchases, I went for a run in
the park. I tried my damndest not to think about
Edward, my Apollo, running shirtless through the
park with his skin glistening with sweat.
Shit.
Why couldn't I stop thinking about him?
Probably because he had said four of the most
touching phrases anyone had ever said to me.
Mijn zon. Mijn Licht. Ik kan het niet. Ik ben van jou.
My sun. My light. I can't. I'm yours.
Fuck. I'm yours. What the hell did he mean by that?
I shook my head and ascended the stairs to the condo.
I really needed to talk to my girls, even if I couldn't
mention Edward.
I hurried in to shower and change and start my white
sauce when I heard the buzzer for the door. I glanced
at the clock and realized it was almost seven, and the
girls were probably just early. After I heard Alice's
high voice over the intercom I buzzed them in and
started on my sauce.
Before I knew it, the three were busting through my
door all wound up.
"Oh my God! Did you see him, Alice? He was
gorgeous!" Rosalie bellowed through the hallway, and
I couldn't help but chuckle. Yes, Rose was definitely
back.
"He was ok, if you like that meathead sort of thing."
Alice shrugged and Kate snorted.
"Meathead he was not. He was ripped and
justyummy." Rose rounded the corner to my
kitchen.
"Bell! How are you?" She engulfed me in a hug.
"I'm good, Rose. And you?" I stepped back and took
her in. She was still the same beautiful Rosalie
Whitlock with blonde hair the color of cornsilk, violet
eyes and a body that could grace any magazine cover.
"Fantastic." She said and stepped back to set two
bottles of wine on the counter. "And now that
everyone is together, I can give you the good news."
"What news?" Kate piped in as she was pulling out her
ingredients for her caprese salad.
"I'm moving back to New York. I took a job in
Marketing and I will be back in two weeks."
"Seriously? Rose, that's great!" I gave her another
hug. The four of us instantly started chatting about
Rosalie's move back. We stood in the kitchen making
our dishes and sipping wine.
Apparently Rose was tired of Dallas and traveling so
much for work. She was ready to be back in New York
near her brother and family.
"I never thought I would say this, but I am thirty-three
years old and I'm ready to settle down." She sighed
into her wine. "And I'm ready for some nieces and
nephews." She gave Alice a smile.
"Something going on Ali?" I asked then.
She swallowed, and I noticed then that she had hardly
touched her wine.
She bit the side of her cheek and looked down before
looking back up at me.
"I'm pregnant." She smiled.
"Oh my God, Alice! Congratulations! But, when? We
just went to happy hour last week!"
She laughed. "I know. Remember how I had to keep
going to the bathroom?" I nodded.
"Well, I was actually telling the waitress to bring me
martini glasses filled with water. So when I kept going
to the bathroom I was sneaking off to the waitress."
Alice giggled, and we all joined her.
"Oh Ali, I'm so happy for you!" I stepped around the
island to give her a hug and Kate and Rosalie joined
in.
Alice told us that she was only seven weeks along, but
she had just found out and had surprised Jasper with
the news on their anniversary. She said she had been
trying to hide it by switching out her wine with grape
juice and martinis with water. We laughed, ate, and
joked with Alice and it was exactly what I needed to
get my mind off of the torrent of emotions I was
feeling from the last few days. I hadn't realized what a
toll the events of the last week had taken on me.
Between my brother's birthday, Edward, James, and
the connection between James, Phil and Laurent, it
had been a taxing week.
Kate and Alice settled into the living room to find a
movie and Rosalie helped me clean up in the kitchen.
"So how are you holding up?" She quirked an eyebrow
at me. I assumed Alice told her I broke up with my
boyfriend. I called her yesterday to let her know, but I
didn't share any of the gory details with her. It wasn't
that I was upset about breaking up with James, even
though I hadn't told him yet. I was upset over how
everything had happened.
It was almost hard to believe how I could just drop
everything with James so quickly. I was never the type
of girl to rebound from one relationship to the next. In
fact, I had only had a handful of boyfriends since Alec
that I actually dated for longer than a month or two. I
dated James for almost four months, yet it was like
nothing to end it. Realizing how I felt about it made
me also realize that I never should have been dating
him in the first place. I shook my head and sighed as I
finished cleaning off the plates.
"What's going on, Bella? Because I know you; you're
stewing about something in here. Is it about the break
up?" She set her wine down and grabbed a plate.
I sighed and looked into the other room. I wanted to
talk about the situation, but I didn't want to take away
from Alice's news. At the same time, I didn't know that
I could say anything to Alice; or Kate for that matter
since she worked with the FBI.
"Do you remember Alice's brothers?" I asked quietly.
"Yeah, of course, I was between them in school. They
were both gorgeous. Why?" She smiled but then
looked at me quizzically.
"Well, hypothetically, what if I started dating her
brother, but I couldn't tell her about it."
She frowned and set her plate down before checking
the other room again.
"Bell, what's going on?"
I looked down at my hands. I knew if I told Rose she
would keep it under lock and seal.
"I" How did I even say this? "I met Edward last
Friday, and I don't know; we hit it off or something."
"And you're worried about the fact that you just broke
up with James, or what? I know Alice won't care, trust
me. And I'm sure she won't care if you're dating her
brother. She'd probably do back-flips, pregnant or
not."
I rolled my eyes and pushed my sleeves up to reach
into the water.
"Isabella Marie Swan! What is that?" Rosalie hissed
and grabbed my arm.
Shit. I hadn't told them about our encounter, only that
we had broken up.
"It's nothing, Rose." I quickly tried to pull it away but
couldn't.
"It's not nothing! Tell me right now, what is going on?"
She pushed my sleeves up farther and looked closely.
"Who did this?"
"JamesEdward saved me from him though."
She looked at me quizzically then and I knew I had to
spill.
I looked in the other room and then I quickly
whispered to Rosalie everything that had happened in
the last week. I told her about running into him at
Gray's, the Met, the play. I told her about making
dinner together and then seeing him at the club on
Thursday. Finally I told her about the night before.
"I just don't know, Rose. He's undercover, and I don't
even know what he wants. I mean, we can't date per se
so what should I think about this?" I scrubbed my face
with my hands and leaned back against the counter.
"I think you need to ask him. Make him level with you
because if he wants to pursue something then he
needs to tell you."
"That's the problem, Rose. He might want to, but I
don't even know if he can."
She nodded and suddenly Alice burst into the room.
"Aren't you two done cleaning up yet? You've been in
here for like fifteen minutes? The movie is ready to
go."
"We were just catching up." Rose said and shot me a
sideways glance.
"Is everything okay?"
"Great." She said and quickly switched the subject as
she turned to me. "So tell me about the guy in the
elevator; I have to know who he was."
"What guy?"
Alice rolled her eyes. "Oh, Rose saw some beefcake in
the elevator and was all crazy for him."
"Well, what did he look like?" I asked.
"Tall, dark, ripped, gorgeous. I could go on and on."
She sighed dreamily.
"John?"
"Maybe. He got off on this floor. Is he your neighbor?"
"Yeah."
"Oh my God, Bella you have to introduce me!" Rosalie
was almost giddy. I had never seen her like this.
"I think he has a girlfriend." I said as we made our
way to the living room.
"Well, so did you." She muttered and raised her
eyebrows at me. And I shook my head at her.
--
I woke up on Sunday more refreshed than I should
have. After we finished our movie, the four of us
stayed up talking until almost 3:00 in the morning. I
told Alice and Kate everything that happened with
James, except for Edward's help of course. I thought
Kate was going to kill him. The look of fury on her face
probably rivaled mine when I helped her with Laurent
a few years ago.
Then they told me that the reason they always disliked
James was because they had seen him at dinner with
Laurent one night when they met for drinks in
Greenwich. I was pissed. I didn't understand why they
hadn't told me before. They said they didn't think we
were that serious and that it wasn't going to go
anywhere. They also didn't want to make a big deal out
of it because they knew he was an attorney and could
have easily been out for a business meal.
Of course, it was always easier when you were on the
outside looking in. I had noticed things about Kate
and Laurent's relationship but hadn't said anything. I
realized that it was always easier to be critical when it
wasn't of you. There were obvious warning signs with
James that I had ignored.
I cooled off after that, but it still made me uneasy to
think of James' connection with Laurent. Not only
that, but I had my suspicions about the club we went
to and the fact that Edward was there. Something was
fishy about the whole situation. I hated Laurent as
much as they disliked James. I was the one who found
Kate that night almost four years ago. Alice didn't
even know about it. As I lay in bed, I couldn't help but
wonder if I wouldn't have been in a similar position if
I had continued to date him
I was walking home from work to my new
apartment. I found a cute studio on the Upper West
Side that had reasonable rent and was sublet by the
owner while she lived overseas. I had only been
living there for four months, since Kate moved in
with her boyfriend Laurent downtown.
Suddenly my phone rang and I dug into my bag to
grab it. It was early October and already getting
dark outside and I had stayed late at work. Finally, I
answered it breathlessly.
"Hello."
"B-B-Bella." Kate whispered on the other end, but it
sounded like she was crying.
"Kate? Is something wrong? Are you okay?"
"No-n-no. Please you have to help mebefore he gets
back." Her voice cracked.
"Kate, what are you talking about?"
"Laurent, he'splease he's going to be back soon. I
need to get out of here."
I immediately turned to the street to flag a cab and
hurriedly jumped in.
"I'm in a cab Katie. What's going on?"
"Please, just hurry Bella." She hung up.
Oh my God. What was happening? What did he do to
her? Did they get in a fight? Were they breaking up?
My heart was racing as the cab sped down the street.
Kate never lost her composure. She was always sure
of herself and pulled together. I didn't know what to
make of it.
I hadn't seen her as much in the last couple of
months, but I just figured they were enjoying living
together and being a couple. I didn't think much of it.
Besides we were both twenty-five and had careers
and busy lives. I was sure she was just enjoying her
new life with him.
I stewed nervously in the back of the cab as it seemed
to take forever to get downtown.
It finally pulled up to Laurent and Kate's large
building. I rushed to the door and luckily the
doorman knew me and smiled as he let me inside.
I pressed the button rapidly, all the while looking
around for any sign of Laurent.
God, what did he do to her? She sounded so awful.
I always had an eerie feeling about Laurent. He was
eight years older than Kate and they began dating
right after we graduated from college. He was an up
and coming businessman at a major shipping
corporation and often instructed Kate on how she
should act and dress. Kate seemed to be head over
heels for him though; and I figured I should trust her
judgment.
Until tonight.
I stepped out of the elevator and hurried down the
hall to their expensive apartment. I knocked quietly
and when no one answered I opened the door to step
in.
I wandered into their living room and looked around
and stopped short.
The coffee table was broken, there were books and
magazines skewed across the floor and I noticed food
on the wall and a shattered plate on the floor.
Then I saw Kate.
The sight before me was something I had never seen
before and I never wanted to see it again.
She was huddled in the corner and her dress was
ripped. She had blood on her cheek and a nasty mark
on her neck. She was shivering and crying and didn't
even look up.
"Kate." I whispered.
She jumped and began squirming away when she
heard me, and I noticed her eye was swollen shut.
"Katie, it's just me, Bella."
"B-b-Bella." Her voice was quivering just like it did
on the phone.
"Oh my God, Kate! What did he do to you?" I knelt
down, unsure if I should touch her because she kept
cowering away. But finally I put my arms around
her and she melted into my embrace and began
sobbing.
"Katie, we need to get going. We need to get you to a
hospital."
She mumbled something into my shoulder, and I
knew she wouldn't be able to help me. I kissed the top
of her head and grabbed a blanket and wrapped it
around her.
I scurried to her room and pulled down a large
suitcase from her closet. I furiously began stuffing it
with clothes, panties, shoes, bras, anything I could
get my hands on. I was zipping it shut when I heard a
low keening noise from the other room.
I rushed out to find Kate standing now but leaning
against the dining room table, and I noticed blood
trickling down her leg.
"Oh my God! Kate, are you okay?" She was sobbing
and it looked like she was in shock. I tried to see if she
was cut somewhere.
"Kate, you're bleeding, what shouldI meancan
you show me where you're cut?"
"I'm not cut. I think I just had a miscarriage." She
sobbed.
"Oh no." I hugged her and tears instantly flooded my
eyes. My mind was racing. I didn't even know she
was pregnant and I felt awful for her. But I knew I
needed to be strong.
"C'mon Katie. We have to get out of here."
She was rooted in her spot so I grabbed the suitcase
with one hand and wrapped my other arm around
her and tried to pull her toward the door. Luckily I
grabbed a scarf for her in the bedroom as well and
swathed it around her head.
We hurried out of the apartment and downstairs. I
shuffled her into the cab and instructed the cabbie to
take us to the nearest emergency room.
Kate didn't say a word the entire time. We sat in the
ER, and she laid her head in my lap, and I stroked her
hair trying to comfort her any way I could. But it
was Friday night in New York, and the ER was busy.
Kate was injured, but not as badly as several of the
other patients coming in the doors. So we waited,
and Katie didn't say a word, she just stared ahead as
I held her.
Finally, when the doctor called her back, I asked her
if she wanted me to go with her. She clutched on to
me for dear life and nodded.
I couldn't have prepared myself for what I saw when
I got to the back. When the doctor had her remove
her dress, I noticed a number of bruises across the
rest of her body, aside from the ones I had already
caught a glimpse of at her apartment. They were of
varying degree, size, and age.
It was at that moment I knew why I hadn't seen much
of my friend for the last couple of months. Laurent
had been abusive and she was trying to cover it up.
Not only did his abuse cause her harm, it caused her
to lose her baby. In that instant, I wanted to kill him.
I never felt fury like I did for him, not even when my
brother was killed or when my Mom left. I hated him
with every fiber of my being for what he had done to
my friend.
Eventually Kate came home with me and told me
everything that transpired. Somehow through work
she found out that Laurent was possibly in on some
shady business deals and confronted him about it.
Being a cop's daughter, she didn't want to be with
someone who was involved in any illegal activities,
and she worked for the NYPD.
That was two months prior, and the first night he hit
her. Unfortunately, she was so in love with him that
she tried to discard it and fell into the same trap that
many women fall in to. She thought it would only be a
one-time thing. The problem was he had her over a
barrel. He paid for her car, their apartment, bought
her clothes and kept her in "high-society" form for all
of his work and business functions. She felt like she
was losing everything if she left him.
But the night I found her she said it was the worst. She
hadn't been feeling well and went to the doctor earlier
in the day. She found out her sickness wasn't from the
flu, but she was pregnant. It was an accident, but she
thought he would still be excited. They loved each
other right?
When she told Laurent he accused her of sleeping
around and trying to trap him. He threw the dinner
plate against the wall and picked her up out of the
chair and threw her against the wall. He apparently
hit her and then left because he had some sort of
business function to attend. She came to the
realization then that she had to get out. It was once I
got there that she miscarried, and I held her most of
the night as she cried and told me about everything.
Eventually we went back to get her stuff and she had a
couple of the guys that she worked with come with us.
I tried to get her to press charges, but she just wanted
out. She just wanted to end it. Luckily, Laurent didn't
put up much of a fight. He would call her to torment
her every now and then, but after a while he moved on
to some other woman who worked at his company.
Poor woman.
Kate was never the same after that. She never let a
man get close to her or went on more than a few dates
with a guy. Laurent had never done anything to her to
make it seem like he would be abusive in the years
they dated until the last two months. But the more I
started to convince her that he was being abusive, just
in other ways, she started to see through it. He was
always controlling and manipulative. He didn't like it
when we went out together and called her all the time
when she wasn't with him. It just took her moving in
with him for the physical abuse to start.
But last night, she seemed so happy and so much more
at peace than I had seen her in a long time. I was sure
it was from Garrett. Her new beau, who ironically was
in the FBI and she was seeing on the sly, was all she
could talk about.
Apparently we're all having secret relationships.
Relationship? Where the hell did that come from?
I sighed as I got up from bed and decided to go for a
run and then do some work when I returned home. I
made my way to the park and ran my usual route
around the reservoir. I was, as usual, hoping to see
him. But I had so many questions and I knew I
couldn't ask him those things in public.
He said he was going to see me soon, but when? And
where?
I pondered our conversations from Friday and I felt
an eerie tingle on the back of my neck like I was being
watched again. I glanced around and didn't notice
anything out of the ordinary. I picked up my pace and
turned out of the park to head for home.
I showered and spent the day cleaning my apartment
while I put on some music. I had my iPod set to my
classic rock list. If I couldn't get Edward out of my
head, then I might as well enjoy the music we both
liked.
As Stevie Nicks belted out Landslide over the
speakers, I couldn't help but think about Edward. He
sounded so pained on the phone. As much as I was
attracted to him, I also felt this unyielding need to
comfort him like I had Kate. He seemed soconflicted
and hurt. I could see pieces of his real personality
when we made dinner on Monday and I couldn't help
but think that maybe I helped bring that out.
Maybe that was a way to start everything. We could
take it slow and I could make him dinner and we
could get to know each other.
As I thought about it more, it seemed like a good idea.
We could see each other but still get to know each
other. I finally had a sense of resolve about the
situation. The song switched to Boston's More Than A
Feeling and I couldn't help but smirk.
I had an idea. I knew I couldn't call him, but I could
text him right? He did, in fact, text me. I wanted him
to know what I thought of his message. It just struck
me that perhaps he hadn't called again or tried to see
me because he hadn't heard from me on the matter.
The truth was, I wanted him, in any way he could give
himself to me. After thinking about everything with
Kate and Laurent and James, I realized how much
different I felt about Edward even after only spending
limited time with him. For once in my life I didn't feel
like I was floating along or didn't know what I wanted
from a man or a relationship. It didn't matter, I just
wanted him.
I opened the phone he gave me and quickly typed out
the message.
Apollo~ I need to see you. We need to talk. I'm yours
too, but I need to know what that means.~Z
I walked down the hallway to switch the laundry
around, and when I got back I noticed an alert for a
text message and flipped open the phone.
MZ~Tomorrow~YA
Mijn Zon. Tomorrow. Your Apollo?
I just shook my head.
What was I getting myself into? And how come every
ounce of my being simply didn't care?
--
I walked to work the next morning, finally feeling like
my head was clearer than it had been in a week. I
would see him today or tonight at some point. I was
anxious, but I also knew I was going to get some
answers.
I again felt like I was being watched, and I couldn't
decide if that was a lingering feeling from running
into Demitri this weekend or the encounter with
James. Luckily there were several walkers and
runners on the way to work so I didn't think about it
too much.
I arrived at my office and slipped out of my sandals
and cardigan and put on my heels with my fitted gray
pencil skirt and pink silk blouse. I had several
meetings today and planned to stay late to get some
work done since the fundraiser was now only three
weeks away.
I had just sat down at my computer when there was a
knock at my door.
"Ms. Swan?" Our assistant, Maggie poked her head in,
and I looked up.
"Hi Maggie, what can I do for you?"
"You have a delivery, Ms. Swan."
"A delivery?"
"Yes, flowers. Do you want me to bring them back?"
I looked at her, puzzled. "That would be great,
Maggie."
Now who was sending me flowers? Suddenly I had a
sneaking suspicion that maybe it was Edward. A smile
crossed my face as Maggie walked back in a small
bouquet of beautiful pink carnations.
I smiled and thanked Maggie and quickly looked at the
card.


Pink Carnation
I knew what they were, but again there
was no writing on the card. Just like
the first time it was only the name of
the flower. I quickly pulled up the
website I used the last time and found the meaning for
Pink Carnations.
Pink Carnation- I Will Never Forget You
My eyes popped open. I will never forget you? What
the hell does that mean?
Was it possible Edward sent them? But he was going
to see me tonight? This seemed more like a parting or
a longing type flower? I was confused as I arranged
them on my desk.
"Who are they from, Ms. Swan?" Maggie asked
excitedly.
"IumI don't know." I shook my head perplexed.
"Oh, I'm sorry for asking. I shouldn't have pried." She
shook her head.
"No, it's all right, Maggie. I'm as stumped as you." She
nodded and left my office and closed my door.
Who was sending me flowers? This was the second
time in two weeks, both on Mondays. I stared at them
for a moment until I realized it was time for my first
meeting of the day and shut my computer to head
down the hallway.
The day was busy, and I ended up staying until past
8:00 that night because I had so many meetings that I
didn't have much time to write or proof the interns
work. We needed to get several of our pieces to
publication by the end of the week so that they would
be ready in time for the fundraiser.
I packed up my laptop and stuffed my sandals in my
bag. I grabbed the flowers from my desk and turned
off the light as I made my way to the entrance. I hailed
a cab on Fifth because even though it was the waning
light of day, it was too dark to walk through the park,
and my hands were full.
I quickly checked my texts and personal emails from
the day as the cabbie drove me home. I giggled at
Rosalie's text about John and at Alice's comments
about morning sickness and photo shoots. I noticed I
had several more calls and emails from James when I
felt the cab roll to a stop.
I sighed and grabbed my bag and flowers. I paid the
cabbie and stepped out of the car and my heart
dropped out of my chest.
Standing in front of my building was James.
Shit.
I instantly glanced around to see if anyone was on the
street. I noticed a couple walking about a half block
down, and I was hoping our afternoon and evening
doorman was still working. He usually didn't leave
until after 10:00, but he was known to cut out early.
I clutched my bag and flowers and hurried up to the
door as I fumbled for my keys.
Where the hell is our doorman?
"There you are." I heard James say from beside me.
"Leave me alone, James. I don't ever want to see you
again." I said hurriedly as I put the key in the door.
"C'mon Bella, why haven't you taken my calls this
weekend? I said I was sorry about everything. C'mon
sweetheart let me in with you." He was trying to sound
sweet and seductive and I just shuddered.
I turned to him slightly and noticed a large bruise and
scrape on his forehead and had to hide my smirk.
Looks like Edward got him pretty good.
That thought alone made a shot of desire run straight
through my body. But I brought myself back to the
present.
"Back away, James. I have nothing to say to you." I
said through clenched teeth, but also trying to hide the
fear in my voice.
His eyes darkened and he stepped closer. "What are
you talking about? It was just a mix-up. I thought you
would like the club and apparently you didn't."
"James, it wasn't only the club that was the problem.
You hurt me and you are never going to touch me
again. Now please back away."
"Bella, I said I was sorry..." He grabbed my arm and
turned me and his eyes instantly locked on the
flowers, and a look of fury crossed his face.
"James, get your fucking hands off me." I seethed.
"What the fuck are those?" He snapped.
"They're nothing. They're none of your business. Now
please leave. We are over. I don't want to see you
anymore, or ever again for that matter."
Seriously, where the fuck is the doorman?
I could feel myself sweating through the back of my
shirt and my stomach lurching as I stood firm.
Just then the door opened from the inside and our
doorman Randall opened the door.
"Is everything okay here, Ms. Swan?"
I looked up relieved, and James instantly dropped his
hand.
"Yes. Thank you, Randall, Mr. Raven was just
leaving." I shuffled in past Randall as fast as I could,
and I saw James' look of contempt as I stepped into
the lobby.
I was breathing hard and my heart was racing as I
tried to calm myself down.
"Are you sure you're okay, Ms. Swan?" Randall asked
me again after he closed the door.
I took a deep breath and let it out before speaking.
"Yes, I'm sure. Thank you again, Randall."
He nodded and I walked to the elevator to press the
button for my floor. When I stepped out on my floor,
my hands were still shaking, and I fumbled with my
keys at my door.
Finally, I unlocked it and stepped inside only to stop
abruptly again. I noticed a light on in the living room
and The Police playing over my speakers. I never left
any lights on and I definitely never left music on in the
morning. I slowly walked down the hallway with
trepidation.
I turned the corner and stifled a scream when I saw a
man staring at my book collection.
"Oh" Edward spun around, and my heart was
instantly in my throat again.
"Hey." He smiled but then his face dropped. "Are you
okay? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you." He
said assuredly as he raised a hand. "That's why I
turned the light and the music on. But I couldn't really
wait outside for you."
I was gasping for breath, and my mind was whirring
with a million thoughts. How did he know my condo
number? How did he get in? How did he know to put
on my iPod to one of my favorite bands? Why do I
want to run up to him and have him wrap his arms
around me? And what the hell did it all mean?
"Bella? Are you okay?" He came closer, and I realized
my breathing was still labored, and the bouquet of
flowers in my hands was shaking violently. I tried to
focus and ask him one question at a time, but I
couldn't.
He placed his hand on my shoulder and peered at me
with concern. The warmth from his hand both set me
on fire and comforted me at the same time.
Finally I whispered to him. "How did you?" I shook
my head. "What are you doing here?"
He looked instantly ashamed and pulled his hand
away and ran it through his hair nervously.
"I'm sorry to startle you. I actually came in through
the fire escape."
"But the window is locked." I blurted out. I was a cop's
daughter from Brooklyn; I always locked everything.
"Agent, remember?" He smirked at me and I could tell
he was trying to lighten the mood but his brow
furrowed again.
"Do you want me to go?" He asked worriedly then.
"No." I rasped quickly, and he studied me.
"Bella, did something happen? You look as pale as a
ghost."
I knew I should be concerned that this man, who I
hardly knew, somehow managed to break into my
condo without being detected and was here when I got
home. But I felt nothing but comfort in being near
him.
He is an undercover agent for crying out loud, he
probably does that kind of stuff all the time.
He stepped closer then and reached up tentatively and
ran his hand down my cheek. Sparks shot through my
body and I trembled.
"Hey" He whispered and his jade eyes were filled
with concern. "Come sit down." He grabbed my hand
and led me to the couch. He took the flowers from my
shaking grasp and put them on the coffee table after
giving them a perplexed glance.
"Tell me what happened. It's not because of me is it? I
really am sorry if I"
"No" I quickly stopped him. "It was James, he was
outside." I said shakily.
Anger instantly flashed across Edward's face and he
tensed. He looked like he could kill someone. "Did he
hurt you?"
"No. Ithe doorman came before he could do
anything." I shook my head quickly.
"But he was going to?" His eyes were so dark, the jade
had turned a deep pine green and his jaw was rigid.
"It's okay. I'm fine. I told him I never wanted to see
him again." I said trying to reassure him and placed
my hand on his arm. He relaxed a bit at my touch but
the heaviness in the room was stifling.
I took a deep breath and finally willed myself to calm
down. We sat in silence for a moment until finally I
cleared my throat.
"How long have you been here?" I asked.
"A while." He smirked. "I didn't know you worked so
late." He raised an eyebrow at me.
"Just tonight since I took Friday off." I trailed off and
he nodded. I wasn't sure how long he planned to stay
or if we were going to talk, but I figured I should be
hospitable.
"Um, do you want a glass of wine or anything?" I
asked as I slipped off my cardigan and stood up.
I heard a slight gasp from behind me, and I turned
around.
Edward's eyes were burning this time.
He closed his eyes and reopened them. Before I knew
it he was standing in front of me. My face was level
with his hard, muscular chest, and a shot of desire
instantly coursed through my body. I could smell him,
almost taste him it was so strong, and he smelled
absolutely divine. He was pure soap and man and the
smell of a cool morning, just like the first time his
scent hit me in the Greek and Roman Hall. I could so
easily have reached out my hands and run them down
his hard chest.
I looked up at him and his eyes were like liquid fire. I
felt his fingers graze my arm and then lift it up to look
at it.
He was staring at the fingerprint bruises and his jaw
set once again. I could almost feel the rage in him as
he looked at my arm. But then ever so slowly he
stroked the bruises lightly with his fingers.
I shivered, and my skin rippled in response.
"Does it hurt?" He asked in a hushed tone.
"NoI bruise easily." I whispered. But the feeling of
his fingers on my arm made desire pool in my
stomach and my body ache with need.
What was it with this man?
"I'm sorry I didn't step in sooner." I could hear the
ache in his voice and I swallowed.
"It's okay. I'm fine really." I tried to reassure him.
The Police were still playing in the background as I
locked eyes with him. I took a breath and looked back
down. He flipped his hand over when I noticed his
knuckles were scraped up.
I reached down and gently ran my fingers over his
knuckles. He shivered this time and it felt like there
was an orb of electricity surrounding us.
"Is this from Thursday?" I peered at him and the jade
was now boiling.
"Yes."
"I saw his face. It looked like you got him pretty good."
I smirked.
He smiled finally and my breath quickened again. He
was absolutely breathtaking, even in his state of
apparent confusion, want and despair. He was by far
the most beautiful man I had ever laid eyes on, and he
was standing in my living room comforting me.
He raised his hand then to stroke my cheek once
again. "I'm glad. It was worth it. And this doesn't hurt
at all." He motioned with his hand.
I closed my eyes into his touch and I could both feel
and hear his breath hitch.
"Your text. Did you mean it?" He asked then.
I opened my eyes and was met once again with his
smoldering green ones.
"Did you?" I whispered.
"Every word." He said, and I relished the feel of his
hand on my skin and his scent surrounding me.
"Me too." His eyes softened, and I had to ask. I had to
know what this all meant. "So what does this
mean.how do we do this?" I whispered.
"Slowly" His brow furrowed but he continued, "And
quietly. I hate that it has to be this way, but Ino one
can know. I really shouldn't be here, but I can't seem
to stay away from you." He looked at me again and the
intensity of his gaze sent shockwaves through my
body.
"And I told you I don't want you to." I said quickly and
he took a relieved breath.
"I want to get to know youfirst." He stated.
Obviously he feels this as strongly as I do.
"Me too."
"But I can'ttonight I mean. I have to leave. I have to
do somethingfor work." His face darkened, and he
frowned.
"You can come by whenever you want to." I stated.
"And apparently that's really true." I joked quietly,
and his face lifted into a smile.
"Okay. I don't know whenbut I'll be in touch."
"Okay." My eyes searched his, and I could feel us
moving closer.
He brought his other hand up to cup my face in his
hands and my breathing skipped.
He licked his lips and glanced from my eyes to my lips
and back and murmured. "Can I just do one thing
before I leave?"
"Anything." I breathed.
"It's something I've wanted to do since the first time I
saw you at Gray's." He was closer now, his eyes
burning into mine and the heat from his hands on my
face and radiating from his body was making my pulse
race.
My heart was pounding in my chest and I was sure he
could hear it as he lowered his head and his eyes
fluttered shut and mine followed.
He pressed his lips to mine and the slow kindling of
fire that had been building between us from the first
time we met set ablaze. It was like I was struck with
lightning. It was slow and tender at first, his perfect
lips gently pressing against mine and I responded in
kind. Then it grew stronger as our lips moved
together, feeling every inch of the other.
I brought my hands to his chest as he cupped my face
more firmly, but still gently, and our bodies gravitated
to one another. I could feel the planes of his chest and
the definition of his muscles under my fingertips and
pure want once again raced through my body.
He gently pulled my lower lip into his mouth and I
moaned lightly. Before I could reciprocate, he pulled
away and leaned his forehead against mine and placed
one more soft kiss on my lips. My eyes flickered open
and I was met with equal desire in his.
"I'd better go." He whispered and I nodded. I was
speechless. It was the most powerful kiss I had ever
experienced even though we had only locked lips. But
that simple contact sent my body into frenzy.
He lightly stroked my cheeks with his thumbs and
gave me a light peck on the forehead and whispered
against me.
"Soon Mijn Zon. Soon."
With that, he stepped away and walked to the fire
escape. With one look back he flung his legs out and
closed it behind him.
I stood there, dizzy and panting. My body was on fire,
and I was sure that tonight my dreams would be of
nothing but him. I realized we hardly talked. I never
asked him about the flowers, or exactly what he
expected. But somehow I didn't have to. The kiss said
everything.
I knew then, absolutely and unequivocally, that I was
no longer floating. I just crashed.
~~~-~~~
Chapter Note:
In explanation of the connection of Apollo with
Daphne. Apollo chased after Daphne, but Apollo
chaffed Cupid for toying with a weapon more suited
to a man, whereupon Cupid wounds him with a
golden dart. Simultaneously, however, Cupid shot a
leaden arrow into Daphne, causing her to be repulsed
by Apollo. As such, they could never work.
~~~-~~~
Chapter 10 ~ Slow Dancing In A Burning Room
Chapter Song: John Mayer Slow Dancing In A
Burning Room
EPOV
I jumped off the fire escape and raced into the night. I
only had an hour to get to my stash and make it to the
meeting point where my first assignment awaited me.
Normally I would be morose about my assignment
tonight.
But tonighttonight, I was flying.
In all honesty, I don't know how I pulled away from
that. I wanted her. I wanted Bella, more than I had
ever wanted anyone in my entire life.
And that kiss; it sealed itall the tumult, all the
heartache, all of the indecision. If I thought I didn't
have a chance before, I knew now that I was
completely gone.
It wasthere were no words to describe it. The kiss
with Bella was by far the best kiss of my entire life,
and all I did was kiss her! I couldn't believe it, but I
had never felt anything like this for Claire or any other
woman. I had never been so drawn to someone, so
turned on, or felt as alive as I did in her presence. It
was everything I imagined it would be. Her lips were
soft and perfect and yet firm against mine. She tasted
sweet like berries, also as I had imagined she would,
and she was just as hungry for the contact as I was.
And her skin, dear God, the feel of her face in my
hands and her fingers on my chest set my body ablaze.
I wanted to lift her up and wrap her legs around me
and take her right there against the living room wall.
Or the window or the breakfast bar. Or fuck, any flat
surface would have worked.
But I knew I couldn't.
I had to leave. I had an assignment. And quite frankly,
I didn't want to do that with her tonight. I wanted to
take it slow. I wanted to know her, to feel every inch of
her before I made love to her for the first time.
First time? Pretty presumptive Cullen.
JesusI really have lost it.
You're on your way to an assignment, Cullen! Get
your shit together!
I traipsed through the alleyway and made my way
down to catch a cab on Broadway. I needed to get to
my stash which was in a small room off of a butcher
shop in Hell's Kitchen.
I jumped in the cab and I couldn't help but let my
mind go back to the last few days.
After I left the theater on Friday I did everything I
could to put her out of my mind for a while. But
unfortunately I couldn't and I ended up calling her as
soon as I got home. When she told me she felt the
same way I did, I was a mixture of elated joy and
absolute terror.
I wanted her. I wanted her more than anything or
anyone I had ever wanted in my life. More than
Claire, more than all the women I had ever been with
combined. Dare I say it, I wanted her more than
becoming an agent, and that thought alone was
staggering to me. I couldn't quite wrap my mind
around that idea and for now, I needed to think. It
was for that reason that once I had talked to her and
found out how she felt, I had given her some time to
decode my message and respond in kind. All I knew
was that when I was around her, I felt alive. I felt
comfortable, yet exhilarated and nervous and afraid.
All at the same time. But most of all, I feltI felt all of
those things and that made me feel alive.
Then I thought about her calling me Apollo. I actually
laughed. I hadn't laughed since I had dinner
withher.
I sighed. I needed to force my mind back to the
present and the mission. My assignment tonight
would be my first in New York, and I needed to be
even more precise here than I was in Romania.
On Saturday I did everything I could to focus on
something other than Bella. I did my first leg work for
bringing together our mission. I knew I was going to
have my meeting with the brothers, Vladimir and
Stefan, on Sunday morning. So I decided I might as
well lay the groundwork for bringing in my partner.
The sooner the better, I thought, as I recounted our
conversation
I walked into the bar in Clinton. It was dark and a bit
more of a pub than a fancy bar one normally finds in
Manhattan. It was perfect for an "underground"
meeting.
I strode up to the bar and ordered a beer. I requested
a Guinness because I obviously couldn't get Bella
completely out of my head. I saddled up to the bar
and waited for Seth to come in. This was going to be
relatively scripted, like it was the first time we had
met.
Just then Seth walked into the bar, and I pretended
not to know him. He sat down in the stool next to me
and ordered a Guinness as well.
Good opening, Clearwater. I thought to myself.
"Drinking the good stuff eh?" I asked as I nodded to
his glass.
"Only way to enjoy a Saturday afternoon. Yanks
on?" He said then and I couldn't help but smile. He
remembered I was a Yankees fan and even if he
wasn't, we were in New York.
"Up 3-2 in the bottom of the eighth." I nodded to the
old TV hanging above the bar. This wasn't one of
those joints that had a shiny new flat screen in every
corner. This place had TV's probably as old as
Clearwater, a jukebox in the corner and darkly lit
booths to hide out.
"Too bad we can't all make money like that huh?" He
asked then.
"Yup, too bad." I said as I sipped my Guinness.
I pretended to eye the people around me then before I
turned to look at him. I lowered my voice. "You
know, I got a pretty good way to make some money
on the side if you're interested." I nudged my head to
a booth and he nodded in agreement.
And ironically that was all it took. It seemed simple
enough. It looked like we didn't know each other, and
it looked like we were having an innocent enough
conversation, but to anyone who might be watching
they would be none the wiser. We had officially set out
on our cover and made our contact. As soon as Seth
and I were sitting in the booth, I tossed him the idea of
getting involved in some "good money" and
"guaranteed payouts." He agreed that he had some
experience in the area and would bring in some of his
buddies to help put together a "nice offer" for my
employer. With that, we successfully forged our cover
relationship.
I think on some levels we forged a real friendship as
well. I could see something in Seth that reminded me
of myself. I could see the combination of sadness and
fierce determination in his eyes. We didn't have to talk
about it to one another. We just knew. He was likely
given a bio sheet on me as well, and I was sure it didn't
take him long to match up my background and dates
with joining the Bureau. Regardless, we would now be
able to act like friends or at least acquaintances in
more public places. Eventually he would be able to
even come to the club with me and hopefully other
assignments. Of course not my kills, but maybe some
of the meets I would get in on.
I was actually looking forward to having a partner. It
had been very lonely in Romania. Sure, I hung out
with Felix or some of the other low-level Dracs, but I
was constantly undercover there, and I could never
shake the feeling of working because I knew the
person I was with was one of the bad guys. Now I
would have one of the good guys by my side, and I was
looking forward to it.
Thinking about the bad guys instantly brought my
mind to my meeting with Vladimir and Stefan. I had
expected dirty, creepy motherfuckers as I was told
they could be. To be honest, they were much worse
than I had anticipated
I woke up early Sunday, knowing the reason I needed
to be at the club at 6:00 was because I needed to be
there before daylight. At this time of the year that
meant I needed to be at the club at 5:30 or earlier. I
quickly showered and changed into my standard
garb, black on black.
I sidestepped my way to the club at 5:00, and I could
still hear the music thumping inside. I made my way
to the back door this time, careful to slip down the
alley in the darkness. As usual, I was met with two
large Romanian guards and once again gave the
password. Once I made it inside I was ushered
through a corridor and up to what I presumed were
the offices upstairs. I met with Nelo again and
instantly recognized another familiar face.
"Emil! How are you my friend?" Felix slapped me on
the back and I had to plant my feet not to fall over.
"I'm good Felix. You're in the States?" I asked.
"Bringing over some merchandise." He wiggled his
eyebrows at me, and I had to hold off the vomit in my
stomach. "You change your hair and your eyes I see."
He looked at me quizzically then.
"Just keeping up with the times, I am no good if I
always look the same, no?" I said to him and he
chuckled darkly.
"You do good work Emil; you get called up by the big
dogs." He said as he nodded over his shoulder.
"Well Felix, I just do what I do. Do what I'm paid for.
You know how it is." I shrugged and made my way to
the next door.
I looked at the two guards standing beside it and
raised my eyebrows at them. They instantly stepped
aside, and I rapped on the door.
"Comm Iiinn." A voice from the other side beckoned,
and a shiver ran down my spine. It was like the voice
of snakeslithery and raspy.
I opened the door and was met by two of the most
decrepit looking men I had ever seen in my life. They
were nearly identical, both with steely black eyes
and pasty looking skin. It looked like they hadn't
been in the sunlight in years. Their hair was the
blackest black and they were both wearing perfectly
tailored suits. Yet neither of them stood more than
5'4" tall. Their eyes squinted at me, judging me,
looking up and down. I almost wanted to look away
from them because their stare was so penetrating.
But I willed my feet and my eyes to remain. It was
one of the first things I learned in training. Never
look down; it's a dead give away for lying. And in my
profession that was more than true on so many
levels.
"Emilll Maaazzonnnn, hmmmm." The one had his
hand on his chin and he circled me like a hunter after
its prey. I stood as straight as possible and flexed my
muscles to show that I didn't fear them. And I didn't
fear them; they were just the creepiest motherfuckers
I had ever seen in my life.
"You don't looook like a Rrho-main-y-an." He drew
out the description, and I had to fight the urge to
stiffen.
"I'm not. I am no one. I belong to no one. I am only
for hire."
"I ssseee." He peered at me, and I bore my eyes right
back into his. That's right fucker get used to these
eyes. These are the eyes that are going to take your
sorry ass down.
"Stefan...what you thinnnnk of dis.non-Rrho-main-
y-an?"
"I sink he needs to prove his verth." Worth? I
assumed.
Then they began speaking in Romanian, likely
thinking that I couldn't understand them.
Nice try fuckers. They were conversing about
whether or not they could trust me, who I could
potentially be tied to, what my origin could be,
whether or not they should give me an assignment
and whether I would fulfill it. Finally, I had enough
and decided to burst their little bubble.
"Fie il vrei pe cel mai bun sau nu il vrei, alegerea este
a ta." I broke in and both of them stopped talking
immediately.
That's right fuckers; either you want the best or you
don't, the choice is yours.
"Vorbeti romn?" You speak Romanian? Vlad
asked.
"Da." Yes.
"Ct de mult?" How much?
"Fluent." I am fluent.
"Dar eti american." But you're American?
"Nu sunt nimic. Nu am nici o afiliere." I am nothing. I
have no affiliation.
My eyes penetrated theirs, and for the first time
during the meeting I felt like I had the upper hand. I
decided I could use it to my advantage.
"I could bring great things to thisarrangement. I
know some very good business people in areas that I
know you are consideringexpanding." I crossed my
arms and stared down at them. I knew there were
two large security guards standing in the back of the
room. But I still felt intimidating and I could see them
both looking up at my size.
"Why don't ve see if you can fulfill your ferrrrsst
asssssignment." Vlad said.
I nodded, remaining as stoic as possible.
"Well then." Stefan walked over to a large oak desk
and grabbed a sheet of paper. "Exxxxecute this and
ve'll talk some more."
He handed me the paper and I quickly read it,
committing it to memory. It was a low-level drug
pusher from Brooklyn, but he tended to frequent a
bar off West 42nd.
I nodded and handed the paper back, and they both
looked at me like I was crazy.
I just shrugged with a stern look on my face.
"Yesssss, ve'll seeee." Vlad said then and nodded to
the brute by the door.
He led me out and this time and I pretended to be one
of the patrons leaving the establishment after a long
night of partying. I made my way out the door and
back into the sunlight knowing that I was one step
closer in my mission.
Of course going to the club brought my mind back to
Bella. As soon as she had told me about James tonight
I was so pissed. I had never seen red so quickly in my
life. I wanted to march downstairs and kill the fucker,
snap his neck in fucking two without him even
knowing what hit him. The fingerprints on her arm
almost undid me. But as soon as she touched me it
calmed me, it was like novocaine for my hastily
fleeting hold on sanity. She grounded me and then I
kissed her.
Jesus. And it was fucking perfect.
Suddenly the cab came to a stop four blocks from my
stash, and I had to force myself to focus. I abruptly
stepped out and took off in the opposite direction. I
eluded anyone who might be following me, although I
knew there was no one. The one great thing about New
York was the amount of people and transportation. It
was easy to get lost.
Once at the door to the butcher shop, I speedily
entered the room and pulled out my chest with my
passports, guns, silencer, vest, and special glasses.
Now I also had a cell phone, but it was only to relay
messages to go in for briefings. I pulled on my mask,
checked my safety and headed out.
I quickly made my way to the bar on 42nd and ducked
into the alleyway behind the bar. The call was to be
made at 11:00 sharp. He would likely step outside to
take it, just like in Romania because that was protocol
whenever a pusher got a call from someone higher up.
I waited behind a dumpster, the smell of the filth and
the waste only making my stomach turn more at what
my mission entailed. This was part of it, killing people.
I knew they weren't innocent, but they didn't often
commit crimes necessitating death.
Why didn't they ever let me take down one of the
fuckers that transported the girls? But, I wouldn't
shoot them with a silencer; I would make one of them
suffer.
I had to shake the disturbing thoughts from my head
and focus. I checked my watch, 11:03.
Where the fuck was he?
I waited for another five minutes. Then it dawned on
me.
This was a test.
I had to go and get him and I had to do it without being
seen and without getting caught.
Fuck.
I had to think fast; I was dressed a bit conspicuously
to go into a bar. I was perfect for the alley because no
one could fucking see me, but I would surely stand out
in a bar. I quickly stripped down to the plain black tee
I had on under my jacket and hid my jacket, glasses
and vest in the alley.
I ran my hands through my hair and turned my black
hat backwards. I strode around to the front of the bar
and thought about how I could get the subject alone.
I stepped into a hazy and musty smelling room. There
were probably only fifteen people in the whole place,
and none of them bid me a single look. I walked up,
ordered a beer and sat in silence as I checked
everything in my periphery, using the mirrors behind
the bars and any reflective surface I could find.
Finally, I spotted a doorway in the back, but I could
tell it didn't go to the alleyway. I walked toward the
back after asking, ever so loudly, where the restroom
was, and the bartender grunted and nodded his head
to the back. I stepped back, and I could hear talking
and laughingmale and female. I walked past the
door which was cracked slightly and took a mental
snapshot of the situation.
He was in there with two other guys. One was Native-
American the other almost looked Latino. There were
three girls with them, obviously Drac girls, lines of
coke on the table and a number of bottles. I could see
he was high as a kite. Soon enough he would have to
leave to go to the bathroom or pass out. I just had to
find a way to get him away from his friends without
them seeing me.
I shuffled back out to the front when I had an idea. I
sat down at the bar next to one of the other patrons.
He had a cell phone clipped to his belt, and I struck up
a conversation with him. I pretended to chat about the
Yankees and sip my beer. Then I quickly paid and
stood up pretending to catch my leg on the stool as I
swiftly swiped the phone off of his belt.
I stepped out the front and made my way back to the
alley. I had a tranquilizer in my vest as well as a few
morepotent numbers. This was going to have to be a
manual mission. I called 911 reporting a robbery at the
bar and then quickly wiped down the phone, crushed
it and threw it in the sewer. I quickly slipped on my
vest, glasses and jacket and pulled out my serum that I
knew mixed with coke would be undetectable by a
medical examiner. I knew the party in the back
wouldn't leave through the front door once they heard
the cops. I also knew they were high as fuck, and if I
gave him just a hit of it, he would drop. It would look
like nothing more than an OD in the alley. They would
trace the drugs back to the room, his fingerprints
would be there, and I could wipe my hands off it.
Soon enough I heard the sirens blaring and then a
commotion from the back. I hid in the shadows and
waited for them to appear. The back door burst open
and the six people stumbled out, rushing to get out
into the alley. Luckily he was the last one, and I fluidly
pulled him into a strong hold and pulled him behind
the dumpster, effectively incapacitating him with my
hold.
"Fuck! Where did Leeks go?" I heard one of the guys
shout.
"Fuck it. C'mon dude, you know we're so fucked if we
get caught here." The other man said, and the five
took off down the alley.
I looked down at the subject in my arms and he was
squirming but I had him pressed against the brick. In
a matter of seconds I administered the poison, and he
fell limp against the wall.
And I was off. I couldn't think. I didn't look at his face.
I just needed to get out. My adrenaline was racing and
not in a good way. I just killed a man. Fuck. I had to
get that thought out of my head. It was why I never
said anything to any of them. I didn't want to leave any
bit of me with them, even though I knew I died a little
every time I did it.
I hated hand to hand; it was worse than eyeing
someone down with my rifle. I felt like a monster
evillike the worst kind of human being. My feet
pounded against the pavement and I wove my way
back to the shop. My heart was pounding, and I was
sweating under my heavy clothes. I quickly deposited
my equipment and caught a cab for Battery Park. I
would call in the success and then lay low for a bit
before returning to my apartment.
I stepped out of the cab and made the call. I didn't
know who I spoke with, but it didn't matter. It was all
coded anyway.
I made my way into the park. The crack addicts and
homeless people were out in full force. This was not a
safe place to be at night for most people.
But I was an assassin. And if anyone fucked with me
right now, it would be the wrong fucking time. I just
fucking killed someone. I was in a zone, a red zone.
The zone I was trained to get into.
I sat in the park and put my head in my hands. Some
of the vagrants eyed me suspiciously, but something
about the way I was sitting probably told them to back
the fuck off. I finally willed myself to calm down, but I
was different this time.
This wasn't like my kills in Romania. It was so much
harderworse. I didn't want to drown in Tuica and I
didn't want to think about my mission or how it would
get me to the next phase. I was in the next phase, and
what was this getting me? It was getting me inside, or
closer, but I felt more like a monster than I ever had
before. I just wanted it all to be over. I was appalled
with myself, and for the first time I loathed being an
agent.
Where the fuck is this coming from?
I sat in the park for what seemed like hours until
peaks of sunlight started to come up over the harbor.
It was then that I realized where I was.
Less than a quarter mile from the Towers.
Less than a quarter mile from Eric's grave. The only
grave his real body went to anyway.
I quickly stood up and made my way out of the park
and caught a cab. An hour later I walked into my
apartment and crashed onto my bed. I just wanted to
forget my night. I wanted to forget everything.
Everything except Bella.
--
I felt like shit. I had felt like shit since I returned home
last night. I knew the feeling; I knew it all too well. It
was the aftereffects of executing my assignment. But
for some reason this one was so much more real. He
was young, probably just a stupid kid who got caught
up in the wrong crowd and came from nothing. He
likely thought his only way out was through the Dracs
and so he got tangled up in them. I had seen it too
many times in my work.
In my first undercover mission I had played a key part
in taking down the Volturis. I was young and fresh,
and the Bureau had been working the Volturis for so
long that men had retired from the mission. They
brought me in to help take down Aro Volturi, who to
this day was rotting in the New York State
Penitentiary. His right hand man was my first kill and
the one that gave me my scar.
I slipped out of my shirt and stepped into a long hot
shower. My muscles were tense even though I had
slept for almost eight hours. It was late afternoon, and
I needed to connect with Seth tonight. He had some
news on a shipment coming in to one of the Dracs
properties in Brooklyn.
I scrubbed down my weary body, and my fingers
trailed over the scar on my left side. Carlo, Volturi's
man, cut me pretty good before I sliced his throat with
his own knife. It was like a street fighttwo thugs in a
rundown warehouse in Jersey.
Now I didn't even keep count. I couldn't because it
would only repeatedly remind me of what I had
become. Sure, I was an agent. Sure, I was the best at
what I did. But sometimes being the best at something
isn't a good thing.
I shaved, toweled off and pulled on some workout
clothes. I needed to hit the gym; take out some of my
aggression. Luckily there was a seedy old boxing joint
just down the street from my new apartment. So I
threw on some sweats and a hoodie and ran down
there.
I put in forty minutes on the treadmill, lifted weights
and then kicked the fuck out of some old punching
bags. I felt better, lighter once I left and returned to
my place only to need another shower.
I pulled out my drawer in my bedside table to quickly
check that my Glock and badge were still in place
when I noticed it.
It was the second phone.
Maybe if I called her she could help relieve some of
my ache. Maybe if I just heard her voice, it would be
like last night when she touched me. Like novacaine;
she could numb me.
Before I could overthink it, I quickly pulled out the
phone and hit send from the prior calls list, because it
was the only number in the phone. I heard it ring a
few times and glanced at the clock. It was 7:00. Surely
she should be home.
Just as I was about to hang up, her smooth voice came
on the other end of the line.
"Hello?"
"Hi."
"Heyhow are you?" She sounded tired. I wondered if
she'd had another long day at work. Hopefully she
didn't have any more run-ins with James.
"I'm okay" I sighed.
"EdUm Apollo.E, what's wrong?" She finally
asked. I couldn't help but smile at her name for me. I
wanted to tell her; I wanted to talk but I couldn't.
But isn't that why you called her?
"Umtough night." I said hesitantly.
"I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"
"I do but"
"You can't. It's okay. I understand."
There was a silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable.
"You can talk to me you know? Whatever it isonce
you can talk about it." She said then.
How did she always know exactly what I needed to
hear? Even if I couldn't tell her, just the thought that
she would be there to listen was comforting.
"Thanks."
There was another pause, and I could hear her
breathing on the other end. It was a slow steady
rhythm, and I found that the sound was calming me as
much as her voice.
"So, I was going to ask you something last night. But I
don't know if I should overthis." She said then.
"It's okay. We shouldn't talk about too muchI just"
Could I tell her? Could I tell her she was my lifeline;
that I mostly just wanted to hear her voice?
Fuck it.
"I just wanted to be able to hear your voice." I said
before I could think anymore.
"Oh" I could almost picture her blushing on the
other end. The warm heat seeping its way down her
cheeks, to her neck and to her
Shit.
"I like hearing your voice too" She said then and
warmth spread through my body this time. Not in an
imagination of her, but warmth that something as
simple as speaking to her brought to me.
"Mijn Zon" I trailed off. I wanted to see her again.
But was it too soon? Surely I could get in and out
undetected.
Slow. We were going to go slow. But before I could ask
her she said something.
"I love it when you call me that." She said quietly.
And once again I determined.fuck it.
"Can I see youagain I mean?"
"Of course." She responded almost breathlessly. "In
fact, I was thinkingmaybe dinner?" I could hear the
question in the end of her words.
Dinner with a womanwhen was the last time I did
that? I couldn't even remember. And yet even better,
dinner with Bella.
"Dinner. Yes. When?"
"I can't tomorrow. How about Thursday?"
"Perfect."
"Okay." I could hear the smile in her voice, and I
smiled in return.
"Thursday, Mijn Zon." I quickly pulled the phone from
my ear and hit end.
I felt lighter, calmer, and yet my body was tingling
everywhere.
Yes. Thursday, Mijn Zon.
--
Two hours later I was waiting on a dark corner in
Brooklyn. I was only ten blocks from one of the old
warehouses I had scoped out only a week ago, yet I
was a bit unnerved. Something was off about tonight,
and I couldn't quite place it.
Clearwater was to meet me here in five minutes.
Hopefully his arrival would bring with it some more
information. He had been working his sources since
our last meeting on Saturday.
Suddenly I noticed a tall figure walking down the
street. It was dark out, but with my vision and even
though he was lurking in the shadows I could tell it
was Seth. He was smoking a cigarette pretending to be
out for a midnight stroll and had happened upon me.
"Emil, my friend. What brings you to Brooklyn?"
"Ah, no particular reason. What are you doing out at
this time of the night?"
"Pssh, it's early. How about a beer?"
"Sounds good."
We ducked into a bar across the street and found a
quiet booth.
"So what did you find out?" I asked quietly. We were
once again the only ones sitting in a booth, and I was
constantly looking for any sign that we were being
watched. Of course we were in a random pub in
Brooklyn so no one was any wiser.
"They have a new point."
"Where?"
"Some new sports complex being built down where
the old shipyards used to be. You know where they're
putting up all those new high rise condos now?"
"Yeah, I know the area. What's it have to do with
shipments?" I asked.
"They're using the building site to bring things in and
out. You know, lots of cartons, big shipments of steel
and things coming and going every day. And lots of
dark corners." He whispered.
"I see. And who do you think the tie is?"
"I don't know who the tie is yet. I suspect Laurent
Dufor though. I saw some cartons with the VR symbol
on them."
VR. Van Rijn. Shit.
"You're sure?" I said tentatively.
"Positive."
"Fuck." I groaned.
"What's wrong?" He peered at me.
"Nothing. It's justnothing."
He nodded, seemingly content to leave it at that for
now.
We talked a bit more about the site. Apparently it was
huge. It was a complex with over twenty basketball
courts, tennis courts, football, baseball and soccer
fields, a pool and diving area, an indoor track and a
fitness center. Of course it was all a new age design
with lots of high beams; perfect for larges shipments
of columns, steel and glass. Perfect to sneak in a few
thousand pounds of something else with them as well.
I left Clearwater and went home and pondered the
connection of Van Rijn. My family didn't have any part
in running the company anymore, but they were
major stockholders. Of course if I told them to sell
their stock that would surely violate insider trading or
some shit, wouldn't it? And surely if the shipping
company was connected with something as bad as the
Draconis, especially after the family was brought
down, its stock would plummet.
Fuck.
I made my way back to Manhattan pondering our next
steps in the mission. Seth was sure there was a
shipment coming in on Saturday night. I wanted to get
in on it. In some form, whether formally through the
Dracs or just casing it. Maybe I would see some other
faces I recognized and start to piece it together. As for
now the project looked legit; it was a big new
development in a rundown part of Brooklyn. It was
bringing life back to a crime-ridden neighborhood and
all the while cloaking the worst of crimes with its
construction. Still we didn't have much more than the
fact that the Dracs originally owned the property and
Van Rijn was shipping in an abundance of the product
for the project. We would have to get closer to find out
who the players were, and eventually find out just
what was being shipped to the site.
I walked into my apartment ready to crash. Even
though I slept for eight hours earlier today, my body
was still on a letdown from my assignment last night.
Not to mention tense from the new information about
the Van Rijn Corporation.
I stripped down and prepared for bed. I slipped under
my covers thinking of how much better it would be if I
had a warm body beside me; one particular warm
body in fact. But I knew things were a long way from
that. I was still skeptical of the whole situation.
What could I even provide her? What could I bring to
the relationship? Surely she wouldn't want to pursue
something with me? Especially if I remained
undercover. But at the same time, the thought of not
seeing her almost tore me in two.
I wanted her, on every level possible. I just wasn't sure
how I could have her or how she wanted me.
--
"Edward" She breathed. I felt slow, sensual kisses
moving their way up my abdomen. My muscles
rippled at the sensation, and I could feel silky hair
fluttering along behind her lips.
Her hands were gently, but firmly, kneading my
muscles and I shuddered and tensed under the feel of
her fingers. God her hands and her lips on me
"Edward" She whispered again as her lips made
their way to the pulse point on my neck.
"Bella" I groaned at the feel of her hair tickling my
chest and her lips on my neck, sucking and making
my eyes roll back in my head. I lifted my hands to her
face and felt the perfect porcelain skin under my
fingertips. I brought her up to kiss me as she pressed
her entire body against the length of my body, and I
shuddered again.
I crashed my lips to hers and she moaned this time
into my mouth. She was berries and chocolate and
heaven with a hint of vodka. Her hair was all around
me now, cascading, the scent penetrating my senses
and making my arousal all the more prominent
against her belly.
She ground into me, and I growled into the kiss,
biting her lip and causing her to kiss me more
forcefully back. We were in a dance, our tongues and
our hips in rapid succession, fighting, pulsing to win
out the battle. Until suddenly, she pulled away and
sat up on me.
For the first time I opened my eyes to look into her
deep espresso spheres and they were smoldering at
me. She was perfect, the curves of her body
accentuated in the dim moonlight. I reached up to
run my fingers lightly over her nipples, slightly
pinching, and they puckered at my touch. Then I
palmed her and she moaned and ground into me
again making me reciprocate the sound.
"Edward...I want you." Her eyes were burning now.
Her hands began slowly descending down my chest,
circling, pushing, urging, feeling until she ran her
hand along my length, and I groaned loudly.
"BellaI want you too." I felt her take me in her soft
hands and I was lost to the sensation as she pumped
me over and over. My hips were thrusting up into
her.
"GodBella." I grunted.
"Shhh...this is just for you." And suddenly warm heat
engulfed me and I looked down to see her perfect pink
lips around me"
Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz.
What the fuck?
"Shit!" I groaned and suddenly I was falling and
slammed into a surface.
"Fuck!" I rubbed my head and blinked dazedly. I was
lying on the floor beside my bed, and I reached up and
slammed my hand down on the alarm.
Fucking hell. Another intense dream of her. It was so
real. Her scent, her taste, her skin, the feel of her silky
hair. Fuck.
I looked down and realized I know had a littleerr
rather large problem to attend to and I scrubbed my
hands down my face. I had been having dreams of her
but nothing quite like that yet. My fantasies in the
shower were more vivid maybe, but nothing as real as
that dream.
God what is it with this woman?
I felt like my body was on fire. I was smoldering from
the inside out and I knew the only thing that could put
out the fire was Bella.
But I promised her we would take it slow.
Shit this is going to be hard.
Hard.
"Damnit." I groaned.
I got up to take off for a cold shower and instantly met
relief as I turned on the blasting water. I stood until I
trembled and finally shut off the water. I needed to
meet with Seth today and do some more leg work. I
needed to get Bella off of my mind, because even if I
was going to pursue her on the sly, I still had to focus
on my mission. I had a job to do.
--
I spent the day at the county recorder's office. I was
perusing for connections between the new building
site and the Draconi family. I wanted to see what kind
of cover names or who else could be connected to the
matter.
I was searching through some property transfer
records when I heard a familiar voice out at the
counter.
I looked out to see none other than James Raven.
Son-of-a-bitch. With him standing so close, it took
everything I had in me not to charge out front and
take him down. But I couldn't let him see me. Instead I
eyed him from the back. He was dressed to a tee in a
navy blue power suit. His briefcase was in hand and
dirty blond hair gelled up.
I heard him hand the recorder a deed and instruct her
to put it in a file of some sort.
"That should be the last of the properties for the
development."
"Great, Mr. Raven." Poor woman actually seemed to
be overcome by him.
"Thank you, Mary Anne. Always a pleasure." He
plastered a fake smile on his face and walked out.
I decided to wait a few minutes and then inquire about
the property where the new development was being
built. I quickly pulled up a deed from the address and
wrote down the names of the previous owners. I
walked back out front and saw Mary Anne typing at
her desk.
"Ma'am?"
"Oh." She looked up nervously, so I gave her my best
smirk.
Two can play that game.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." I said and she
melted.
"N-no. Of course not. What can I do for you?"
"I was just looking at a deed for my great aunt and
uncle's place." I flipped it in front of her. "It was down
in the old shipyard district. You knowwhere the new
sports complex is going in? I was just wondering who
their property had been sold to but I couldn't find
their deed." I smiled sweetly at her, and her eyes
fluttered.
"Y-yes. The new waterfront project. Well, the Buxton
Group bought all of the property, but not all of the
deeds have been recorded yet. In fact, I just got one in
a few minutes ago."
"Really? Was that the man I saw here before? I feel
like I recognized him from somewhere." I said sweetly
again and leaned over on the counter.
I heard her breath catch and her eyes fluttered again.
"Yes, Mr. Raven. He's so nice; he's brought in all the
deeds for the project."
"Ah. Well, maybe I will just come back once they're all
recorded." I pushed away from the counter and
started to step toward the door.
"Thank youMary Anne was it?"
"Yes." She blushed.
"Thank you, Mary Anne." I said and I stepped out the
door.
Indeed. Raven's firm was recording all the deeds for
the property transfers, which meant they were likely
taking care of all of the real estate transactions.
Thinking back to my law degree I knew that they
probably had to get both an assessment and file some
papers with the courts. I would just have to do a little
more research and find out whose names were on
those papers. And just maybe, we would be one step
closer to tracking their shipments, their partners and
their finances.
--
I spent the rest of the afternoon pacing around my
apartment and thinking about some of the
connections Clearwater and I had made. We had made
a lot of progress very quickly and for that I was
grateful. Obviously it would be easier here since we
were in the U.S., but also I wasn't working alone. I
knew I would have to go back to the club soon and
hang out with the boys a bit. I loathed the idea, but I
figured I should go on Friday night.
Which made it all the more perfect that I was going to
Bella's for dinner tonight. I didn't know what to
expect. Was this a first date? What was this? Since I
wasn't taking her anywhere it felt almost as though we
were past that. And things were never awkward
between us, rather they were intense. Every time I was
in the same room with her there was a buzz of energy.
I couldn't wrap my mind around it.
Finally, 6:30 rolled around. I had texted her earlier in
the day and found out that I should come over around
8:00. Ironically she was playing racquetball with my
sister and her friend Kate. I wanted to be there early,
and I needed to make sure I took plenty of detours
since it was light outside.
At last at 7:30 I kept my head down and pulled my
shirt up as I shimmied up her fire escape. Luckily, it
was the type that faced only a brick wall. I had already
checked for security cameras and didn't find any. I
was also careful to make sure no one was watching
me.
I nudged her window open and stepped inside. It was
just as I had found it on Monday and filled with her
divine aroma. It smelled like coffee and cinnamon and
berries. It was small, but clean and well maintained. I
could tell either she or the prior owner must have
remodeled because the floors were hardwood and
buffed to a shiny polished perfection. It was light and
warm and so very Bella. I had yet to venture into her
bedroom because I didn't want to tempt myself. But
the living room, dining and kitchen area were
minimally decorated with clean lines and beautiful
furniture which perfectly accentuated the restored
crown molding. It was the exact type of place I would
want to live in on the Upper West Side. Warm and
cozy and so much different than my big, airy, cold loft
with Claire.
Just as I did on Monday, I wandered over to her iPod
and flipped through it to turn on some music. I was so
out of touch with everything; it was a good thing she
liked classic rock as much as I did. I found her eclectic
selection so unbelievably fitting to what mine would
be. She had tons of Led Zeppelin as she had told me
and then of course, the Stones, Dylan, Fleetwood Mac,
Tom Petty, Aerosmith, and the rest of the greats.
But tonight I wanted something a little slower. I
scrolled to her most played list and saw an interesting
song at the top of the list. I'm yours by Jason Mraz.
Had she been playing that recently because of me?
I put the iPod on and found the song light and
soothing. I wandered back to her book collection and
found an array of the classics as well as several art
books on sculpting, painting, and biographies of
famous artists. She had a huge bookshelf and I
couldn't even begin to imagine when she found the
time to read all this stuff.
Suddenly the door opened and in walked Bella with
her hands full. I quickly strode over to her to grab the
bag of groceries she was carrying. She was dressed
from work, but she had obviously showered at the gym
because her hair was wet and pulled up in a bun. She
didn't have an ounce of make-up on and she looked
absolutely perfect because of it. She was a natural
beauty. Her translucent skin gleamed next to the light
blue blouse she was wearing, and then I glanced down
her body to see she had on a fitted black skirt and
black heels.
I had to keep myself from groaning.
Fuck. This is going to be so much harder than I
thought.
"I didn't think you would be here yet. Sorry I'm kind of
a mess." She ran her hand to her hair sheepishly. I
lifted my hand up to hers.
"Not at all. You look great." I said thickly as I drank
her in. Our eyes locked and the hum was back.
"I umwas thinking we could broil some steaks, and I
will make my special potatoes." She smiled then.
"Steaks sound great."
"Do you want a glass of wine?"
"Sure. Whatever you're having." She nodded and I set
her groceries on the counter.
"Can I help with something?"
"Why don't you peel the potatoes, and I will open the
wine?"
"Ok."
Regardless of the tension in the air between us, we
chatted about little things while we prepared food. She
told me about the upcoming fundraiser and all the
work she was doing to prepare for it. I, of course,
couldn't offer her anything in return but to listen to
her. And I didn't mind; I loved hearing her voice. I
loved watching her move around the kitchen so
effortlessly. I would catch myself stopping just to
watch her, and as soon as she would almost catch me I
would look away. She was so calm, warm andhappy.
"I've been meaning to ask you something." She said as
we were setting the table.
She bit her lip and looked a little embarrassed about
it.
"What is it, Bella?"
She looked up at me then. "You haven'tI meanthe
last two Mondays I received flowers at workyou
uhyou didn't send them did you?" She stammered.
I was perplexed. Flowers? Was there someone else
besides James? No. I had to dismiss that thought right
away. If there was one thing I noticed about Bella in
our limited time together, she was extremely loyal.
Loyal and selfless and somewhat oblivious to how
heart-stoppingly beautiful she is. I was sure she wasn't
the type to play around. Moreover, she wouldn't be
taking a risk like this if there was another person.
I noticed the flowers on Monday, but I was too
concerned with how she looked and I also didn't see a
card in them, so I thought maybe she had just bought
them.
"No. Why? You don't know who sent them?" I asked.
She shook her head. "No. I'm sorry to assume"
"Bella. I would love to send you flowersI just can't."
She smiled shyly and looked down. "But who do you
think sent them?"
"I don't know."
"That's odd" She nodded in agreement.
"What did they say?"
Then she told me how they didn't have a name on
them, only the type of the flowers and what they
meant when she looked them up.
"I just find it odd that someone would take the time to
send flowers and not say who they are from." She said
confusedly.
"Yeah." I agreed. But in the back of my mind I
catalogued that information for later. Hopefully it
wasn't James, or some other admirer.
Speaking of which.
"Bella, I've been meaning to ask you. How did you
know the man at the club?"
She looked at me quizzically and then she gasped.
"You saw that?"
"Yeah." I said sheepishly this time. "I was in the VIP
room. That's how I saw you run out with Raven..." I
paused and walked around the table to her until we
were only inches apart.
"You said you had a restraining order against him. Is
that true?" I asked worriedly. Demitri was not a good
person and that bit of information concerned me.
"Yeah. Um, in college."
"How did that come about?" I needed to know. I
needed to know if he was still a threat.
"Well, we met at an art history class and I thought we
became friends. But then he would start showing up
all the time. At the library, at my job, and eventually at
my apartment, and I had never told him where I lived.
We were never romantically involved, just
acquaintances. I filed a report with the campus police.
I guess it wasn't truly a restraining order, but he was
told to stay away from me. I never saw him again after
that." She shrugged.
How much could I tell her? Pain instantly ran through
me, she had to know just how bad Demitri was
though.
I couldn't imagine ifFuck.
The thought my stomach clench.
"Bella." I touched her arm gently. "He's a very
dangerous person. You should be very careful around
him." Her eyes flashed in horror.
"He told me James said he would share me." She
rasped.
"What?" I seethed and anger and fear instantly
coursed through me. "He said that to you at the club?"
She nodded.
"I'll kill him. I'll tear him limb from limb if he does
anything to you." It came out before I could even
think. Before I could even ponder it.
She gasped, and I noticed we were now mere inches
from each other and her espresso brown eyes were
searing into mine.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to"
"No Edward." She put her fingers on my lips, and they
were so soft I just wanted to pull them into my mouth.
Electricity shot through me and I could feel myself
hardening from her one simple touch.
"I just wasn't expecting you to be so" She trailed off
and looked down, but I brought her chin back up to
look at me.
"BellaI feel veryprotective of you." I could feel her
pulse quicken under my hands as I realized I had both
of my hands on her shoulders now.
She was so close I could smell the sweet scent in her
shampoo, and I could feel her chest rising and falling.
Ever so slowly I ran my hand up the side of her neck
and into her hair. She tipped her head and closed her
eyes and her breath hitched. I pulled on her hair and it
came spilling out of the bun. My senses were assaulted
with berries and vanilla and cinnamon. I ran my
fingers through her wet tendrils and felt the softness
of her hair and desire coursed through me. I watched
as they dropped and the waves form around her
shoulders.
"Bella." I said thickly.
"Edward." She whispered.
Slowly, I lowered my head to bring my lips to hers
when a screeching sound erupted from the kitchen
and she jumped.
Smoke was seeping into the dining room and she ran
to the kitchen to open the oven.
"Shit!" She hollered, and I ran in after her as I saw her
pull out two charred steaks.
"I can't believe I didn't even hear the timer." She
grumbled as she swatted the screeching fire detector
with an oven mitt. I quickly grabbed one and helped
her, but I couldn't help smirk at the reason for her
distraction.
"Well, it looks like it's potatoes and salad. I think I
might have some grilled chicken to throw in with it."
She said dejectedly.
"I'm fine with anything." I answered honestly and she
nodded.
She quickly mashed the potatoes, and I cut up the
chicken to toss in the salad and we took everything to
the dining room.
"So tell me about your family." I asked her.
"Well, it's very small, just me and Charlie and my
Mom is remarried." She shrugged.
"Charlie?" I asked.
"My Dad. I call him Charlie, I have since I was little."
She blushed a bit, and I wanted to reach out and run
my hands down her cheek.
Then she told me about her relationship with her Dad
and her brother. I was amazed at how she talked so
effortlessly about him yet again. She obviously adored
them both. I could tell she didn't have as good of a
relationship with Renee and Phil.
"So, what about your family? I have met your parents.
They are very nice."
"You've met my parents?" I was surprised by this.
"Of course, you're Alice's brother." She teased and I
smiled. I told her all about growing up on the Upper
East Side and our house in the Hamptons. I told her
about meeting Jasper in school and how Alice just
knew he was going to be it for her from the first day
they met. We laughed and joked and I hadn't felt so
light in forever. Being with her just made all of the
heartache and all of the stress of the last few days go
away.
Before I knew what I was doing I launched into a story
from my childhood. "I remember this one time when
Eric wanted to meet one of the girls that lived down
the beach from us in the Hamptons. He devised this
plan to sneak out at night and go down to her house,
only to get chased off by her Dad's Mastiff. I have
never seen him run so fast in my life." I was laughing
at the memory of his hair flying in his eyes and the
look of sheer panic. "What he didn't know was that the
dog wasn't even a guard dog. It was a giant, but it was
as docile as could be." I laughed and looked up and
she was smiling intently at me.
I realized then what had happened. I had told her a
story about Eric, and it didn't hurt, it feltgood.
I became quiet as I looked back down at my salad
when I felt her hand on mine. The warmth radiated up
my arm and into my spine. I looked back up at her and
I could see the caring in her eyes, and it wasn't
sympathy. It was empathy. She knew, yet somehow
she was able to handle it so much better and move on.
She squeezed my arm and then let go and went back to
eating and changed the subject. But that simple
gesture showed just how well she knew me; she knew
how to react, even though we hardly knew each other
at all.
***We chatted and finished dinner. I was helping her
clean up in the kitchen when there was a lull. A song
came on and it sounded like John Mayer. I didn't
know it but I listened to the words and watched as
Bella hummed to it and swayed next to the sink.
I was captured by her hips moving and her now dry
wavy hair spilling down her back. She was so beautiful
and natural and justher. I stood there staring at her
forI didn't even know how long.
Without thinking, I walked up behind her and put my
arms on her shoulders and she shuddered and
stopped cleaning the dishes. She drew a breath and I
lightly ran my hands down her arms and finally rested
them on her waist. Then she sighed and leaned her
head back and relaxed into me, and I almost moaned
at the heat from her body seeping into mine. Again a
barrage of scents and feelings enveloped me.
She slowly turned and put her hands on my chest.
They were covered in soap but I didn't care. I kept my
hands on her waist but then slowly moved them to her
lower back and pulled her closer to me and she
gasped.
We just stood there staring at each other, our eyes
penetrating into the other's soul; the music filling the
silence. And without meaning to we were lightly
swaying to the song.
"I like this song. What is it? John Mayer?"
"Yeah" She breathed. "It's called Slow Dancing in a
Burning Room." She said then as she licked her lips.
My eyes danced between hers and her lips. I wanted to
taste her. Hell I wanted to taste all of her, but I wanted
to taste her perfect pink lips again.
"Is that what we're doing?" She finally said.
"What?" I said thickly.
"Slow dancing in a burning room." She rasped.
I smiled lightly but my eyes remained on hers. "I
suppose, because sometimes I feel like I am burning
when I am around you." I murmured as I slowly
lowered my head to her ear, and I could hear her
breath quicken. "But it's a good burn." I added as I
lightly kissed her neck.
She moaned and her fingers clasped my shirt. "The
best kind of burn." She said huskily, and I felt her lips
on my pulse point.
Without another thought, I lifted my head and looked
into her smoldering eyes and mumbled, "Mijn Zon."
I crashed my lips to hers and pulled her tightly against
me. My body erupted as though fireworks were set off
from some place deep inside me. I groaned into the
kiss, tasting the wine from earlier and her own unique
taste. Her hands flew to my hair and gently tugged.
The sensation sent sparks shooting down my spine
and straight to my cock.
God I wanted her. I had never wanted someone so
much in my life. I was burning. I was burning with
need for her as our mouths met in a fiery kiss. I traced
my tongue over her lower lip and she opened for me
more widely and our tongues moved back and forth in
a perfect rhythm.
Before I knew it, I had her pressed against the counter
and her fingers were clutching at my hair. The feeling
was a little painful but so much more pleasurable. She
broke away and took a deep breath, and so did I. Then
we reconnected and this time she pressed her lips to
mine even more forcefully than before, and I leaned
into her. She groaned as she could feel every inch of
me against her. I lifted her up and set her on the
counter and ran my hands down her sides to her hips
and her legs. I could feel the muscles in her legs, and
her skirt had slowly ridden up as I stepped between
them and let my fingers trail up her silky skin.
She felt and tasted like heaven; her mouth against
mine and her skin under my fingertips. I wrapped my
arms around her and pulled her to the edge of the
counter as I pressed into her again and we both
shuddered at the contact.
Our mouths broke apart ,and my lips found her pulse
point this time. She tipped her head back letting out a
breathy moan. I realized that if we didn't stop soon, I
was going to take her on her kitchen counter. As
fuckhot as that would be, we needed to take this slow.
We needed to get to know each other, and I needed to
tell her so many things before we could continue.
I pulled my lips from her neck and pressed my
forehead to her collarbone.
Oh, but you're so close, so close to that perfect pair
of No. Not yet.
We were both panting and trying to regain our
composure, and I was so hard, I didn't think I could
possibly have any blood left in any other part of my
body. My arms were still around her and she was
lightly caressing the hair at the base of my neck.
At last I brought my eyes to hers, and then I placed a
gentle kiss on her lips. She sighed.
"That was" She murmured.
"I know"
"I'm burning."
I chuckled. "Me too." And I lightly kissed her again
and sighed. "But I should go." I whispered.
She looked at me then and nodded. I stepped back and
helped her off the counter and she walked me to the
fire escape.
"So Apollo, do you think you will ever use the door."
She teased. I could tell she was trying to relieve some
of the tension in the room.
"Someday. I promise." I leaned down and lightly
kissed her and ran my fingers through her hair one
more time. She shivered and held my hand to her
cheek.
We stood there for a moment simply staring at each
other.
Remorsefully, I pulled my hand away and whispered
to her.
"Goodnight Bella."
"Goodnight Edward."
--
I awoke on Saturday morning groggy. I stayed late at
the club last night for appearances sake. Not to
mention I was inundated with erotic dreams about
Bella the last two nights. After our intense kiss in her
kitchen, which easily replaced the first as the best kiss
of my life, I felt like I was going to self-combust.
Needless to say when I returned home from her place
I had to relieve that problem again.
It was my birthday. But it didn't feel like it. I long ago
released any expectations for fun on my birthday. In
fact, if I wouldn't have looked at the calendar I
probably wouldn't have even noticed. I was officially
thirty-two. And what did I have to show for it?
I didn't allow myself to dwell on it too much. Instead I
hit the gym down the street and was even able to spar
with a guy for a while. He was okay, but of course I
only put forth about one quarter of my skill. Still it
was nice to work on some of my martial arts moves.
I spent the rest of the day on Saturday at the NYU law
library in disguise. I searched through the free online
database for court documents filed in relation to the
Buxton Project. I learned that's what the papers were
calling the large sports complex as well as the
condominiums being built in the old Brooklyn
shipyards.
Apparently the Buxton Group was a group of several
former athletes, lucrative agents and owners that
went together in the expansion. I didn't find much by
way of court documents, but I knew if I kept digging I
would find something connecting Buxton to Raven
and hopefully then to the Draconis. I was still
unsettled by Van Rijn's part in this whole thing and
tossed around the idea of informing my father.
Later that night, Clearwater and I decided to scope out
one of the apparent Saturday night shipments.
I made my way to Brooklyn around 10:00 once
darkness fell and met Clearwater at a deserted
warehouse only seven blocks from the site.
We snuck into the project and found a good vantage
point to watch the shipment come in. We waited and
scoped out the grounds hopefully far enough away. It
took a few hours but of course undercover work was
all about the waiting, the patience, watching the clock
tick your life away.
There was access by water to the site and sure enough,
at 2:00 A.M. a ship pulled into the docks. I pulled out
my binoculars and I could see several men attending
to the dock. Finally a man exited that looked familiar
to me. I would recognize his gait anywhere.
Demitri.
I used my binoculars and scoped out at least eight of
them. They were all male and all Romanian with the
exception of a blond haired man. He looked like he
was Dutch. I would know. Unfortunately that probably
meant the connection to Van Rijn was true.
I scanned the premises again when I heard a car
pulling up to the site. Suddenly two more men stepped
out, and I recognized them instantly. They were the
men from the bar on Monday; the men in the back
room with my assignment.
I felt Clearwater tense next to me, and I turned to look
at him.
He had a look of pure rage on his face. He was usually
so calm and collected.
"What the fuck is he doing here?" He hissed.
"Who?"
"My brother-in-law."
~~~-~~~
Chapter 11 ~ Longing
Chapter Song: Led Zepplin I Cant Quit You Baby
BPOV
"Miss Swan?" A whiny voice broke into my
consciousness.
What?
"Miss Swa-an?"
Goddamnit.
I looked up to find Lauren with her arms crossed and
tapping her foot incessantly at my door.
"Yes Lauren, what can I help you with?"
"I can't figure out how to start my description for the
Egyptian portion of the new exhibition."
I sighed. The last place I wanted to be was at work
today. I was in a fog. I only wanted to be in one place.
Back at my apartment.
In bed.
With Edward.
Shit.
I shook my head trying to pull myself out of my lustful
thoughts. They were only in my mind and in my
dreams anyway. But it had been impossible since he
left Thursday night. I took a cold shower, the first real
cold shower I had ever taken in my life, only to go to
bed and still have to take care of the burning need in
my center. To top it off, I had a vivid dream of him.
His hands, his lips, his hard muscular body pressed
against mine. I felt like I was on fire when we were in
the kitchen, I never wanted a man so much, so
desperately. I thought about him all weekend, all the
time.
"Miss SWA-AN?" Lauren harrumphed, and I sighed
again and shut my laptop. My interns were a real pain
in the ass this year. If it wasn't Mike Newton hitting on
me, it was Lauren and Jane whining and complaining
about every project or assignment I gave them.
The problem was, Lauren was the daughter of a major
contributor to the Met and I had to deal with her, at
least for this summer anyway. Next year if she applied
to the program I would place her in a different
department.
I got up from my desk and walked out to the front area
where the interns' cubicles were located. Suddenly I
heard snickering.
What now?
I looked up to see the same delivery boy who had
brought me blue salvia two weeks ago.
Was that really only two weeks ago?
Crap. That meant I was getting another set of flowers,
and from whom I had no clue.
I quickly took the flowers from the boy and told
Lauren I would be back in a moment to help her with
her project.
I set the beautiful white flowers on the edge of my
desk. The same place that I put the last two and
grabbed the card. I knew what they were already but I
thought just maybe the person sending them would
finally identify themselves.
I opened the card and looked at the name.
Gardenia.
I sighed. Nothing more was included.
I stepped over to my computer and pulled
up the same website.
Gardenia- I love you in secret.
What?
Who?
What the hell does that mean?
I stood there wavering in a state between
bewilderment and trepidation over the random
flowers sitting on my desk.
Who the hell would send me flowers that meant that?
Edward said he didn't send them.
James got angry when I asked him about the flowers.
Maybe he didn't send the first ones but had he sent
the last two?
Who else could it be? It wasn't Charlie, or Sam and
Emily or Renee.
Maybe someone was just fucking with me. But I didn't
know anyone who would pull a practical joke quite
like this.
Finally, I got up from my desk and walked out to help
Lauren.
I felt more confused than ever and still in a fog. I
wasn't sure what to make of it. I just knew I wanted to
know who the flowers were from and soon because I
didn't need any more craziness in my life.
Well eventually they had to send me something
indicating who they were from. The person couldn't
just keep sending me flowers forever.
--
I walked home that night to find my apartment cold
and lonely. After the sweltering heat that enveloped it
on Thursday I couldn't help but notice how cold it
seemed when Edward wasn't there. He had only been
over twice, and one of those times was only for a brief
moment.
But I found myself hoping, and longing for him to be
there every night. I knew he had a job to do, and he
was probably already risking a lot to see me. But I
craved him. I craved his presence, and that thought
exhilarated me and scared the hell out of me at the
same time.
Not long ago I would have run from want like that. I
had always fought off those feelings of desperation,
especially after everything that had happened with
Alec.
I pushed open the door to my condo and breathed in
the smell. It was home, but it wascolder somehow. I
wanted to see him so badly, yet I knew he had to
contact me.
Instead I made my way into the kitchen and poured
myself a glass of wine as I kicked off my shoes. I sat
down at the breakfast bar and thought about the
feelings running through my body. The intense desire,
the longing, thewonder about what lay beneath his
tough faade. But somehow I knew. I knew that
underneath that dark exterior, that black t-shirt and
those piercing green eyes was a passionate, caring,
and utterly heartbroken man. I just had to find a way
into it.
Thinking about Edward made me immediately think
about my weekend, and about the men in my life who
had shown interest that I never gave the time of day
Friday I spent in a haze and when I went to happy
hour with Jasper, Rose, Alice, Kate and Jasper's
friend Hale. I knew they were trying to set me up
with Hale, they had tried before and I just wasn't
interested. He was nice enough, but I had someone in
my life, and not just any someone.
As the night progressed, they all gave me peculiar
glances and wondered at my inattention.
When I caught a cab for home from the bar Alice put
her hand on my arm as I got in.
"Are you okay Bella? You've been acting strange all
night." She peered at me.
"I'm fine, Alice." I pushed out a smile. "I'm just tired.
It's been a long week at work."
She nodded, but I knew she could tell I was lying.
Once again when I made my way home on Friday
night I was assaulted with images of him. I hadn't
even washed my shirt from the day before and
instead laid it across the chair in my room so I could
have a bit of his scent. It was by far the strangest
thing I had ever done regarding a man. I spent the
night as restless andburning as I had the night
before.
Then on Saturday I left for Brooklyn to teach my
class with Angela. It was our last class until after the
holiday. We had a two week break before starting the
next session. I was pleased to find out that Angela
and Ben went on a date on Thursday night. She
gushed to me about what a gentleman and how sweet
he was. I tried to act excited for her. I had been one of
the people to help set them up after all. But I felt
myself longing for the ability to go out on a normal
date with Edward.
Would it always be this way? Would we always just
see each other in secret?
I knew I felt more attracted and connected to him
than I could possibly fathom at this point. But was
that enough? Was being with him in just the confines
of my home enough?
After my class I went over to Charlie's for the
baseball game. My Dad and the boys were all
gathered in the living room as they had been the last
time I was there. We sat and drank some beers and
cheered for the Yankees when I noticed Jacob looked
a little uneasy. He kept glancing at me and then
quickly looking away. Then Leah would eye him and
try to get their boys to settle down as they jumped
around cheering for the Yankees.
Embry and Quil were seven and five now. I couldn't
believe that he had a third one on the way. I couldn't
imagine myself in that position right now. Children
were the furthest thing from my mind. Hell, I couldn't
even wrap my mind around the "somewhat"
relationship I did have.
What did we have?
But I looked at Embry and Quil and began to wonder
what I would think if it was Edward and not Jacob
who invoked thoughts of children. Would it be
different?
Somewhere deep inside me I knew the answer to
thatand it scared the shit out of me.
I glanced at Leah, and she had a scowl on her face.
Leah hated me; there was no question about that.
Jacob had longed for me for many years before I
finally told him to shove off. It was only then that he
would give Leah the time of day. Jake was twenty-
three at the time and Leah was the same age. They
married only a year later and had Embry a year
after that.
The boys were named after each of their
grandfather's on their father's side. The Clearwaters
and the Blacks had moved to New York when they
were just out of high school. They were both young
couples in search of a new life and opportunities off
of the Indian reservation they were raised on in La
Push, Washington. Harry and Billy went to the police
academy together and eventually were assigned to
the same precinct as my father. The rest, as they say,
is history.
In theory Leah and Jacob should have been the
perfect match. They continued their Quileute
bloodline regardless of the fact that they lived in New
York. Their parents were the best of friends, well at
least their Dads. Jake's Mom died in a car accident
when he was five. He never had any siblings and
because of that he and Brad were practically
brothers.
Growing up with Jacob made me very attuned to his
mannerisms and his moods. He seemed tense and
jumpy today and kept glancing around the room,
unable to focus on the game. I noticed him step
outside to take a phone call and wondered who he
could be talking to. Leah exhaled loudly, and I
furrowed my brow. Something was going on with the
two of them and I surely hoped it had nothing to do
with me. I couldn't imagine who he was speaking to
outside of this room. All of his friends were here.
Yet, even with everything in front of him, he could
never get past the affection he had for me and I
couldn't understand it. How could he not see that
Leah would do anything for him and the beautiful
boys they had? How could he still make me
uncomfortable just by being alone in a room with
him?
I shook it off not thinking much more of it and
finished watching the game.
I sat back in the chair and sipped my wine as I
pondered the flowers once again.
Maybe Jake sent the flowersa little voice in my head
whispered as I sat sipping my wine.
I stopped.
No.
He wouldn't.
He's married, and as uncomfortable as he makes me,
he's a father and he and Leah have another child on
the way. I wouldn't let my brain go down that path.
Jacob might still have feelings for me but he knew
better than to act on them.
Didn't he?
I sat there frowning until suddenly I heard a buzzing
and jumped up from my breakfast bar. I instantly
knew what it was from as I raced toward the front
door where I dropped my handbag.
I flipped open the phone and a smile spread across my
face.
MZ~Tomorrow night?~YA
Without thinking I typed a response.
MA~ Yes. Dinner? This time I won't burn it :) ~YZ
Then I thought for a moment before sending another
one. I might be longing for him in more way than one,
but I might as well let him know that I definitely
wanted a repeat of Thursday. Or more, if I was being
honest with myself.
MA~Well, at least I won't burn the food ;) ~YZ
I bit my lip nervously as I waited for the response. I
could only hope this might open up some friendly
banter between us. I knew he was a serious man, but I
also knew that he was quite witty when he let loose.
His stories of Eric and Alice on Thursday were a
testament to that. He gave me a glimpse of what I
thought was the real him; the person he was before
Eric had died. I ached when I could see his pain and
longed to help him bring back that person. His faade
had slipped for just a moment before he realized it
and let it move back into place.
MZ~You can burn anything you want ;) ~YA
I giggled, actually giggled to myself when I read his
text. He was playing. Maybe this would be a good way
to get him to open up?
I set the phone down with a big cheesy grin on my face
as I set about to make something to eat.
Tomorrow night.
--
"Alice, I told you I am fine. Work has just been really
busy. It's June 23 already and the fundraiser is only a
few weeks away."
"Bella, I'm just worried about you. I thoughtwell, I
don't knowI hope you didn't think I wasn't being
attentive to your feelings about James. You know I
didn't care for him, but if you ever want to talk"
"Really Alice, this has nothing to do with James." I
sighed.
Your brother on the other hand
"Ok Bella, just know that I am here for you. I just miss
seeing you. You haven't been over since the night"
She trailed off. Obviously she wasn't supposed to talk
about it.
Yes, Alice I haven't come over because I am secretly
doingwhatever it is I am doing, with your brother
behind your back.
"Thanks, Alice." I said simply and we gave our good-
byes.
I clicked off my phone and grabbed my lunch to head
towards Jasper's office. We were having lunch in the
park again today. I knew my friends were going to
become suspicious of the fact that I, for some reason,
always wanted to be home early and didn't go out
much the past two weeks. I couldn't tell them that I
hoped my Apollo would drop by unannounced again.
No, they would definitely think I was crazy if I said
that.
One thing was for certain. Edward and I needed to talk
and I needed to know exactly what our boundaries
were. Was I really under a gag order not to mention
him at all? And was he always going to contact me
first? And most importantly, how long was he going to
be undercover?
"Hey Jazz. Are you ready?" I popped my head in and
he looked up and smiled.
We walked to our spot in the Park and took in the sun
and the gentle breeze that circled around us. I again
felt a feeling of unease that I couldn't place. But I
attributed it to the anxiousness I had for tonight.
I was going to see Edward tonight. And even with the
longing and the questions I had, I was excited to see
him. I felt soalive whenever I was around him.
Physically, mentally, emotionally, he made me feel in
ways I had never felt before. A piece of me wondered if
it wasn't due in part to the secrecy of the whole
situation.
I decided to head things off at the pass though and
started talking about the baby before Jasper could ask
me why I had been acting strangely as well.
"So have you decided if you're going to find out what
you're having?"
"Yes. We are going to find out. You know Alice, she
couldn't handle the anticipation; it would kill her." He
chuckled and I laughed with him as I ate my sandwich.
"Are you hoping for one or the other?"
"Not really. I am fine with either." He shrugged. But
then his expression turned more serious.
"What's wrong, Jazz?"
"Oh nothingI was just thinking about our discussion
on names."
"Oh. You're already looking at names, isn't it a little
early for that?"
"It wasn't so much that" His eyebrows furrowed.
"She would like to use the name Eric but she's afraid
Edward might be upset."
I swallowed my sandwich and it made a knot in my
stomach. I didn't want to lie to Jasper but at the same
time my heart was begging me to tell him that I could
ask him for them.
I knew that wasn't an option though.
"Well, maybe he will be done with his next assignment
before the baby is born and you can ask him yourself."
Jasper harrumphed then. "Yeah. Maybe. If he even
notices"
"I'm sure he'll notice, Jazz."
Jasper turned and looked at me then and I could see a
look of anger and sadness in his eyes. "Bell, Edward
hasn't noticed anything since the day Eric died. Not
Alice, not me, not his parents. Hell, his birthday was
on Saturday and it was totally unnoticed by everyone.
Yet, my wife noticed and she moped around the condo
for most of the afternoon simply because she couldn't
call him and wish him happy birthday and it made her
miss both of her brothers." He sighed then.
Several thoughts ran through my head at once. Was he
that callous? He didn't strike me that way. Sad, yes,
but uncaring, never.
And his birthday was on Saturday. That was one little
matter I was going to have to take up with him tonight.
I simply nodded and managed to get through the rest
of lunch avoiding any more talk of Edward, or myself
for that matter.
But by the end of the day I was nervous. Jasper's
words about Edward not noticing anything seemed so
contrary to his demeanor whenever I was around him.
Not only that, but I decided to surprise him with
something. I knew that whatever was between us was
new, yet, I wanted to do something special for him. I
suspected that part of Edward's demeanor stemmed
from loneliness. It couldn't be easy working
undercover and I wanted him to know that he wasn't
alone. There were people that thought of him and that
he could talk to me, even if he couldn't tell me things
about his mission.
After work I ran to the market to pick up fresh
produce, meat and wine. I also grabbed a small
cheesecake. I was planning to make a chicken cordon
bleu, but on the lighter side and serve a fresh salad
with it. Then I was going to surprise Edward with a
small token for his birthday.
I walked home, anxious to see if Edward was already
there. It was 6:30 when I walked into the apartment to
find that he wasn't there yet. I turned on my iPod to
listen to my classic rock list and set to work. I
prepared the chicken and opened the wine. Once I had
it in the oven and the timer set I stepped into the
bedroom to toss on something a little more
comfortable. I threw on some jeans with a lightweight
summer sweater and brushed out my hair.
"Bella?" I smiled as I finished freshening up.
"In here." I called out.
I could hear his footsteps over the hard wood floor
and stepped out of the bathroom just as he entered the
bedroom.
I almost gasped when I saw him. He was not wearing
his standard black garb.
Oh no. Tonight he looked entirely delectable in a white
button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. His hair
was its usual unruly and extremely sexy mess. And his
jeans were faded and worn in all the right places.
My mouth was watering, and I knew it wasn't from the
scent of dinner permeating the apartment.
"Hi." He whispered, almost tentatively, or thickly. I
couldn't quite tell.
"Hi." I walked over and stood right before him. I
longed to touch him, to wrap my arms around him
and drag him over to my bed, but I just wasn't sure
what we were.
"You look great." He said with a smile and bent down
to give me a light kiss on the lips.
My heart fluttered and I could feel my cheeks turning
red as I bit my lip.
"Thanks, so do you." I whispered.
Understatement, but I am too tongue-tied to say
anything else.
We stood there staring at each other for a moment
when he cleared his throat.
"Um. I've uh, never seen this part of your home."
He hadn't seen my bedroom?
"Really? I figured with all of your sneaky capabilities
you would have walked through the whole condo." I
teased.
"I'm not a snoop, Bella." He tapped my nose playfully
and I could see him smile. "Although, it did cross my
mind. But no, I stayed in your living room the first
night I was here."
"Well, this is my bedroom." I gestured to my cozy
room. The walls were a warm sand color, billowy
white curtains hung from my large windows and my
king bed was covered in a plush chocolate brown
comforter.
I turned back to Edward and saw his eyes focused on
the bed as he swallowed. He looked back at me then
and I knew the look in his eyes. It was the same one he
had on Thursday night before he kissed me. His eyes
were dark and lustful and their penetrating stare
instantly made my body tingle.
"It'senticing." He said thickly.
Fuck.
How could he always say things that made me quiver
with want for him?
I stepped forward and gently put my hands on his
chest.
"That it is." I said lowly and leaned up to kiss him
lightly again. Our lips met and just as it did every time,
the connection set fire to me. But I pulled away and
grabbed his hand.
"C'mon, I promised I wouldn't burn dinner this time."
He nodded and took a deep breath. I didn't know how
the attraction between us could be so intense, but it
was obvious he felt it too.
We strode back to the kitchen with me holding his
hand. The action felt so natural. My thoughts of
earlier were swept away now that I was in his
presence. Somehow, even with the intense desire I
had for him and the sexual tension that we created, I
felt entirely comfortable with him. We were getting to
know each other, as evident by tonight's "date" or
whatever it could be called. But I also knew I felt like I
had known him for a lifetime, and I couldn't explain it
or wrap my mind around it.
"I was just about to prepare the salad. Does a light
poppy seed dressing sound good?"
"That sounds perfect." He smiled.
"Wine?" I held up the bottle and he nodded.
I poured him a glass of wine and we chatted about my
day. I told him about the flowers that I received yet
again, and he seemed concerned. I didn't tell him what
they meant, because I still wasn't sure what to make of
the whole thing either. Not only that, but he hardly
knew any of my friends or family other than Alice and
Jasper, so I knew he probably wouldn't have much
insight in that respect.
We moved about the kitchen and laughed and talked.
It was so comfortable, but somewhere in the back of
my mind my worries from earlier in the day
resurfaced.
How much could he really give me?
Was he unnoticing, uncaring, too caught up in his
grief to give me what I wanted?
Wait. What I wanted? What did I want?
I knew I wanted him, and the intensity of that feeling
was so foreign and exciting and terrifying to me, I had
to shove it back. I didn't want to get hurt. I also didn't
know how much of him I could have, and that thought
made me nervous.
"Bella, are you okay?" He asked and I looked up from
the salad bowl. I was standing there with the dressing
in my hand, mid-air over the bowl just staring into
space.
I shook my head. "Yeah, sorry. Just a little dazed for a
minute." I said but quickly looked back down.
He lightly touched my arms and the heat from his
fingers burned my skin. "Do you want to talk about
it?"
"It was nothing." I smiled but it didn't reach my eyes. I
quickly tossed the salad and handed it to Edward who
was still looking at me intently.
"Here, why don't you set this on the tablethe chicken
should be almost ready."
He nodded but I could tell he wasn't completely
buying it. As he stepped out of the kitchen, I took a
moment to collect myself. I knew we had some major
hurdles to get over before whatever this was could go
anywhere.
I pulled out the chicken, plated it and sliced some of
the fresh bread I bought at the market as well. I picked
up my cheese sauce and walked into the living room to
find Edward shuffling through my iPod.
"Did I ever tell you how ridiculously similar our tastes
in music are?" He laughed. I was glad to see our light
mood was returning.
"You mean you have a penchant for eighties music
and top forty dance music." I teased.
He laughed again. "No, not that. I mean your classic
rock list." He held up the iPod and grinned.
"Oh yeah." I walked over and looked at it. "I know
your favorite is Led Zeppelin, but who else do you
like?"
"Pretty much all of these. But my second favorite it is
probably the Stones."
I chuckled. "Me too." I said as I stepped a little closer
and once again the electric current between us
hummed.
"Dinner is ready. Shall we eat?"
He nodded then and put the iPod back on the station
and set it to the Rolling Stones' Miss You.
I smiled to myself as I sat at my seat.
"You know, my brother loved the Stones too. He had
this old electric guitar and he taught himself how to
play. He was pretty good." I said as I cut up my
chicken.
He smiled and then took his bite and closed his eyes
and groaned. "Oh my God Bella, this is fantastic."
I blushed. "Thanks."
"Seriously, how did you become such a great cook?
Which you obviously are, I am sure the steaks would
have been great too if I hadn't distracted you." He
smirked at me.
I shrugged. "After my Mom left, Brad and I had to take
care of each other. I also spent a lot of time at my
Grandma's after school, and she taught me a lot."
We continued on chatting about our grandparents and
I learned about his. Edward didn't seem too fond of
his grandparents, a sentiment Alice and Jasper shared
with me. I never met them, but I had seen them at the
Met Fundraiser a few times. They were both tall and
very distinguished looking with white blonde hair and
piercing blue eyes. Carlisle obviously looked exactly
like them. But there was a difference, Carlisle radiated
warmth and Sasha and Jan did not; they seemed cold.
We continued chatting, and I told him some more
about my brother and growing up in Brooklyn.
"I think I would have liked your brother." Edward
said.
"I think he would have liked you tooyou two have a
lot in common. Both in law enforcement, similar taste
in music, the Yankees." I laughed.
"So how much older than you was Brad?"
"Five years."
"He was probably pretty protective of you then, huh?"
I smiled. "He was, but so was everyone in my
neighborhood. All the boys we grew up with were the
sons of cops or wanted to be cops. They were
protective by nature I guess. Funny that you are an
agentthe ut-most extension of that." I teased
thinking about how he said he was protective of me on
Thursday. Then that made me think of something.
"You know, I have a very close family friend who is in
the FBI. You might know him, Seth Clearwater?" I
asked.
I saw a flash of something cross Edward's face, and he
quickly took a sip of his wine.
"Um. Yeah. I have met him, but I don't know him very
well." He shrugged but something seemed off.
Maybe I shouldn't ask about other agents.
"Oh. Yeah, I didn't know of you would know himI'm
sorry for askingI didn't know if I should or notI'm
sorry." I stammered. But then I felt a hand on my arm.
"It's okay, Bella; I was just surprised you knew
another agent. There aren't very many of us." He
smiled and I relaxed.
Then I began laughing. "Well, you might be surprised
how many people I do know. It's a small world
sometimes, especially when it comes to us it seems."
"What do you mean?"
"You know my friend Kate?" He nodded. "Well she's
the press coordinator for the FBI in New York, so you
might know her too." I joked.
He smiled. "Nope, I haven't met her yet, but I will have
to remember that."
The mood seemed to return as we finished our dinner
and I grabbed his plate.
"No, let me. It's the least I can do. The meal was
exceptional and you made it all." He started to stop
me.
"How about next time?" I caught his hand. "I have a
surprise for you. Stay right here." He furrowed his
brow with a small smile on his face.
"I'll be right back."
I took the dirty dishes to the kitchen and pulled the
cheesecake out of the refrigerator. I grabbed a single
candle I had from the last time we celebrated Kate's
birthday at my place and quickly lit it.
I walked back in to the dining room as I bit my lip. I
wasn't sure how he was going to take this. We had
barely known each other for more than a few weeks
and I was bringing him a birthday cake of sorts.
"What's this?" He smiled.
"Well, a little bird told me that you had a birthday
recently. I should be scolding you for not telling me
yourself. But I wanted to do something nice." I
shrugged.
"Really?" His face was a mixture of both happiness
and concern, and I realized he probably thought I had
been talking about him.
"Don't worry, Jasper just happened to mention it. I
didn't tell him that I had seen you or anything."
He seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and then his
smile widened. "Did he tell you cheesecake was my
favorite too?"
"Nope. That was just a guess. Did I do good?" I
smirked.
He leaned over and put his hand on my face and the
heat from his touch spread through my body.
"Thank you." He whispered as he leaned closer and I
responded in kind. We shared a short and sweet kiss
until he dropped his hand.
"I would have told you but to be honest it didn't even
cross my mind. I haven't celebrated my birthday in a
long time." He said then a little sadly as I sliced up the
cheesecake.
"Jasper said that was the case. But you know, I
thought it might be time to change that." Maybe it was
the wine, but I was being more bold in trying to get
him to open up.
He smiled and nodded and we enjoyed our New York
cheesecake in a comfortable silence.
Eventually we took the rest of the plates to the kitchen
and Edward helped me clean up again. I was hoping
for a repeat of the kitchen kiss from Thursday, but I
knew we needed to talk as well.
"Would you like to stay for a bit? I can put on some
music and we can open another bottle of wine.
He thought for a moment and I could tell he was
pondering something. Finally he smiled. "I'd like that.
How about some Zeppelin?"
"Perfect." I returned his smile and opened the second
bottle while he switched songs. I moved into the living
room and motioned for him to join me on the couch.
I sat at one end with one leg under me and my arm
propped against the back of the sofa. Edward
mirrored my position. I wasn't sure how to open the
dialogue and instead commented on the song choice.
"I like this song. It makes me think of Brad." I said
then a little lost in thought.
"It reminds me of Eric too." He said quietly.
"Tell me about him." It slipped out before I could stop
it and I quickly looked to his eyes. I could see him
contemplating it. But I wanted him to open up to me.
"Alice doesn't talk about him much" I said then.
He took a sip of his wine and shifted a bit on the couch
to stretch his legs out on the ottoman and crossed his
arms and legs as he held his wine. It was a defensive
position and I worried that I pushed too much.
"You don't have to if you don't"
"No. Bella, I do. I need to talk about him. It's been far
too long, and I'm starting to realize that." He blew out
a breath and seemed to steel his resolve for it. I could
tell he was struggling internally. I just remained
silent, until finally I was going to tell him that we
could talk about it another time. But before I could
respond he launched in.
It was like a dam broke. He talked about growing up
together, what he looked like, his personality, how he
acted. It was as if nine years of holding it in came
pouring out. As he talked he moved between sadness,
joy, frustration, and happiness. I could see why it was
hard for him. They were obviously extremely close.
But I could also see him coming back to life by simply
speaking about his brother. I couldn't help but reflect
on how I felt similarly when I started attending the
grief group after Brad's death. Even if I cried, even if it
was hard, I found comfort in talking about him and in
telling other people what a great person he was. I
could tell this was having the same effect on Edward.
So he talked and I listened and asked little questions
here and there to help prod him on. I determined in
that moment that he wasn't callous or uncaring. He
was simply consumed by his grief for so long he didn't
know how to let it out or how to let other people in.
Something was allowing him to do it now, however,
and I wanted to continue fostering this new ability. I
hoped he would let me in.
Finally his brow furrowed a bit as he spoke. "He was
so fun, outgoing and charismatic; everything I am
not." He sighed. "He was so full of life and he was only
sixteen months older than me. Way too young to
have" He trailed off.
We had slowly moved closer to one another on the
couch and he had turned to open up to me more. I
reached out and grabbed his hand and pulled it into
my lap. My wine was long forgotten as I held his hand
in both of mine and traced over the lines. They were
rugged, yet incredibly soft at the same time. He had
long fingers, perfect for playing the piano or the
guitar. I was sure he was probably great at both.
"That feels incredible." He whispered than and I
looked up to see the intensity in his eyes.
"Really? You don't mind then? I find myself wanting
to touch you, tocomfort you. But I don't know what
my boundaries are?" I said quietly and looked back
down at his hand.
Suddenly I felt his other hand on my face as he lifted
my chin back up to meet his eyes. The sadness, desire,
and emotion I saw there was almost staggering. I
could tell he was warring over trying to say something
and I just sat there waiting.
"I don't want there to be boundaries." He whispered
as he stroked my face and my breath caught in my
throat. '
"II don't know why, but I feel like I can talk to you."
He murmured.
"You can, Edward. You can talk to me about
everything. And it's ok to talk about him. You need to.
And I know it's going to hurt, trust me I know. But it
will be so much better in the end." I gazed into his eyes
and brought my hand up to put it on his face. He
leaned into it and closed his eyes and I could feel the
tension leaving his body.
"How is it you always know exactly what to say?" He
asked quietly.
"I don't. I just" I shrugged and he opened his eyes. "I
guess I know what helped me."
**He nodded and our eyes were locked. The thickness
in the air was stifling, but not in a bad way. Just then a
song came on that I generally skipped on my iPod
because it brought a lot of memories for me.
I tensed and Edward noticed because of our close
proximity.
"What is it?"
I shook my head. But then I realized I would be a
hypocrite if I didn't tell him and I expected him to
open up to me.
I sighed and I could see his eyes imploring me.
"Ohthis songit has a lot of memories for me."
He lifted his head and listened. "I Can't Quit You
Baby." He said, noting the name of the song, and I
nodded.
I blew out a breath then and leaned lifted my eyes
back to his. "When I was thirteen, Brad taught me how
to dance to this. It was my birthday party and most
other eighteen year old brothers wouldn't have given
their little sisters the time of day. But not him." I
smiled at the memory and felt Edward squeeze my
hand this time.
"He helped my Dad clean the basement and we had a
party with all of the boys and the few girls in the
neighborhood and some of my Dad's friends. Of
course it was all this kind of music and Brad pulled me
out on the floor and told me 'I better learn how to
dance now that I was a teenager'." I laughed lightly as
my eyes stung from the memory.
"Well, why don't you teach me since you are the
expert?" He looked at me intently and I laughed.
"Oh, I am no expert."
"Trust me. I haven't danced in so long. I am sure you
will be an expert compared to me." He whispered
right next to my ear and my breathing hitched.
I bit my lip. "Okay."
He grabbed my hand and pulled me up from the couch
and into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me
and I lifted mine around his neck. We were so close,
our bodies flush with one another and my heartbeat
took off like a shot.
I felt like I was thirteen again. I felt like I was dancing
with a boy for the first time and was giddy and excited
and nervous all at the same time.
But this time those feelings were surpassed by lust,
longing and something even deeper and I couldn't
deny how good it felt to be in his arms.
The raspy voice of Robert Plant burst through the
speakers along with the electric guitar. I felt the fire
between us grow as we swayed together. It wasn't fast
or slow, it was in a perfect rhythm to the base. I began
to lose myself to the sensations of being in Edward's
arms.
I laid my head on his chest and could feel the warmth
of his body against my cheek. He smelled unbelievable
as usual; his clean and original scent was like an
aphrodisiac and I was becoming warm all over.
I felt his arms loosen and his hands move down my
back as we swayed. Then they moved all the way back
up until they were in my hair. Sparks instantly shot
down my spine as he slowly caressed the bottom of my
neck and ran his fingers through my hair.
I lifted my hands to do the same and finally looked up
to find his eyes closed and as lost in the moment as I
was. He opened them then and I felt one hand move
back down to my lower back. His jade pools were
smoldering and I felt my breath coming faster. I
pressed into him and could feel him against my
stomach as he shuddered from the contact.
He was without a doubt the most beautiful, sexiest,
most complicated and most passionate man I had ever
met or laid eyes on. I wanted him so much the ache in
my core almost deafened me with its pulse.
Without another thought I crashed my lips to his, and
the fire between us raged. He opened and his flavor
was sweet with the white wine and cheesecake and
somehow he tasted even better than he had the first
time. My lips were insistent against his and I found
myself pulling on his hair as my pulse quickened to
the beat our tongues set.
His hands began to wonder down my back to around
my waist and then back up my sides. His thumbs
grazed the sides of my breasts, and I moaned at the
contact. He was now impossibly hard against my
stomach and before I knew it we were a frenzied mass
of tongues, hands and bodies pressed against one
another, dancing long forgotten.
He spun around and sat down on the couch and I
climbed on top of him and straddled him. I could feel
his hardness against my aching core and I was dying
for a release. I rubbed myself against him and he
groaned into my mouth as his hand worked their way
through my hair and then again grazed my breasts,
this time more fully and I shuddered.
I pulled back and gasped and looked into his eyes at
the fire burning behind his jade irises. I crushed my
lips back to his and pulled him tighter as I moved
against him. We were both moaning and moving
trying to gain friction. I felt like his lips, his body,
justall of him was made for me, as we conformed
together.
His hands trailed under my shirt and ripples of desire
shot through my body. He palmed my breast through
my bra with his hand and lightly ran his thumb over
my nipple to make it harden. I both heard and felt him
moan at the same time I did. I clutched his shirt with
my hands so forcefully I was afraid I was going to rip it
apart.
But at that moment a thought entered the back of my
mind. I wanted him. I wanted him so much I could
hardly think of anything else. But yet, I didn't know
what he wanted, and what we really were. He'd said he
was mine, and I was his, but what did that mean?
I knew after everything with James and with the
intensity of my feelings for him, I had to find out. I
had to know before we went any further because if I
didn't I knew this was going to be heartbreaking.
Reluctantly I slowed my kiss. My body was screaming
at me, but I had to know. If this wasn't going
anywhere, I had to protect myself. This situation was
so much different from my past relationships. I knew
that if I didn't protect myself I would regret it. I had to
force my unyielding want for this man to take a
backseat to my brain.
"Wait." I stopped breathlessly.
He pulled back and put his forehead on my shoulder
as his hands returned to my back.
"Yeah. We should stop." He said thickly but I could tell
he was trying to relieve his breathing.
I moved back on his legs to allow him to calm a bit as
well. We were both panting and flushed from our
heated make-out session. I felt like a seventeen year
old again as my hormones were raging.
"It's not that I want tostop that is." I said then as I
put my hands on his face and lifted his head.
"I know." He dropped his hands to my waist and I put
mine on his shoulders and peered into his eyes.
I drew a deep breath and steeled my nerves to ask the
question I needed to ask.
"I justEdwardI have to know what we are? I need
to know what you want. And I need to know what I can
ask you and what I can't and whether I can talk about
you, and if this is secret and how long you are going to
be undercover and what you see happening because"
It all flew out of my mouth at light speed and I
watched as he brought one hand up to still my lips.
"I know."
"What?"
He sighed. "I know, Bella. I have thought about it and
I haven't been fair to you. I have been selfish. Selfish
in thinking that I could just have you all to myself,
selfish in pursuing you when I knew I couldn't give
you what you needed."
He dropped his eyes and looked distraught.
"I should go."
What?
No. You can't let him leave. For some reason, I knew if
I let him leave that would be the end of it, and my
whole being knew that I had to at least ask him and I
had to let him know how I felt.
I shook my head at him. "Edward. I want you here. I
want to see you. And you give me what I need, but I
have to know what you need and what you want." I
clarified.
He sighed again and I could see him warring with
thoughts and emotions. I had to make it simpler.
"Why don't we start this wayI am guessing I can't tell
anyone about seeing you, right? Because I haven't. I
assumed that was the case."
Although I knew we needed to talk about it, I knew
right then that I also had to make a decision. I had to
decide if I was okay continuing seeing him in secret.
I thought about the alternative and I knew without a
doubt that I would rather see him in secret than not at
all.
I lifted his head and stared right into his eyes.
"I don't want you to go. I don't ever want you to go." I
said and a look of shock andhappiness spread across
his face.
"I can't explain why, but you have to hear me out for a
minute and then you have to tell me how you feel
about this, okay?" He nodded in agreement.
I blew out a breath and continued. "I am completely
drawn to you and I want you more than anyone I have
ever wanted in my life. I can't explain it. I can't even
wrap my mind around it. And it's not just this." I
motioned between us. "It's everything, our common
interests, your laugh and wittiness; it's youin here."
I pressed my hand to his heart and his eyes softened.
"I have never felt so strongly about something or as
confused in my life. But I know that the thought of not
seeing you makes me feel sick and"
Suddenly my lips were silenced with his and his hands
were in my hair again. Before we could get too heated
he pulled away this time. He pressed his forehead to
mine and held my head in his hands.
"Oh. Mijn Zon. I feel the same way." He rasped. "I
know I shouldn't be here, I know I shouldn't see you
or put you at riskbutit's like the song. I can't quit
you. You're like a drug to me. I'm addicted to you and
you make me feel things I haven't felt in years, say and
do things I haven't done in years and I feel soalive
when I am with you. I can't explain it."
I pressed him back then so that we were at arm's
length.
"I don't care what you have to do. I just want to see
you, in whatever manner I can. Butyou said no
boundaries, but I just need to know what my
boundaries areoutside of here." I offered.
He nodded and played with a piece of my hair as he
thought about it.
"Unfortunately you can't tell anyone about me and you
have to be extremely careful with the cell phone I gave
you. You can't give that number to anyone else." He
blew out a breath and then looked at me. "And as for
the amount of time, I don't know. Things are
goingwell but it was originally set to be a year long
mission. It could be more. It could be less."
A year.
I could handle that couldn't I?
Everything inside of me said I would wait forever for
him, that I could wait for him. But I knew I needed to
respond.
I nodded. "That's what I thought. And that's what I
have been doing. And as for the time, I will be
hereno matter how long it takes." His eyes softened
again but he remained quiet.
I pondered something for a moment. "I haven't said
anything to anyone either." Well, outside of Rosalie,
but I knew she would take it to the grave.
However, I continued. "But I do think you need to try
to see Alice againshe has something to tell you and
to ask you." I knew I was being cryptic, but it wasn't
my news to share.
"What is it?"
"It's really not my place" I trailed off.
"Okay." His brow furrowed.
I wanted to add one more thing though. I slowly ran
my hand along his cheek and looked right in his eyes.
"For the record, you are not selfish. You are doing the
most selfless thing anyone could do, living a life as
another person, undercover for the protection of our
country. That's noble, not selfish. And if you think
coming to see me is selfishwell then." I shrugged.
"You can be selfish every night for all I care." I smiled
at him with a small blush. I was putting all of my cards
on the table so to speak.
But I saw a slow, sweet smile cross his face and I knew
he felt the same way.
"Really?"
"Really, really Apollo." He chuckled at that and leaned
in to nuzzle my chin with his nose.
Before I knew it our cheeks were pressed together and
our lips soon followed. We began to grow closer and
closer once again and our kiss became heated as our
hands began to roam.
At last I pulled away and sighed. "I know that I want
you more than anyone I have ever wanted in my life,
and for that reason I don't want to fuck it up." I said as
I leaned down to give him another peck.
He nodded and exhaled. "I feel the same way." He
pecked me back.
"I should go then." He added.
I bit my lip and nodded. He helped hoist me out of his
lap and I walked with him over to the fire escape.
"When will I see you again?" I asked tentatively.
"Work is heating up, and unfortunately I have some
obligations the next couple of days." He frowned and
thought for a moment. "But I will text you."
I smiled. "That sounds great."
I moved to my tip toes and gave him a light kiss and he
pulled me into a hug. But this one wasn't as lustful. It
was filled with a different kind of emotion.
"Mijn Zon. Thank you so much for tonightfor
everything."
I was caught off guard, but I knew exactly what he
meant. I just nodded into his chest.
"You're welcome." I whispered.
We stood like that for a moment until he broke away
and kissed me on the top of my head.
"Good night. I'll call you."
"Okay, good night." I squeezed his hand and he
climbed back out on the fire escape with a wink and
was off into the night.
I sighed as I stood there. I was still longing for him
even though he had only left seconds earlier. But this
time, the longing didn't make me nervous or make me
question the situation. The longing just made me want
more. More of him in my home, in my arms and in my
life.
That night I drifted off to sleep content in the fact that
he seemed to want that as much as me.
--
The rest of the week flew by. I was busy at work
preparing for the fundraiser and something from our
dinner and conversation on Tuesday made Edward
open up to me. He couldn't come over on Wednesday
or Thursday, but he called me both nights and we
ended up chatting for an hour each night. It was nice.
We were getting to know one another without the
sexual tension in the air, yet we were still careful not
to say names or anything that would identify us. It had
become more of a game of twenty questions each
night. We asked each other all the little things we
wanted to know like our favorite colors, holidays,
foods etc.
I found that it also helped to make the "secret" part of
our relationship not seem so secret anymore. We were
conversing like any two adults who were getting to
know one another.
On Friday morning I woke up to go for my usual run
and as I walked back into my building I saw John
leaving the gym on the first floor and held the elevator
for him.
"Hey John. How are you this morning?"
"Well, I've been better." He sighed.
"Oh I'm sorry, what's wrong?" I inquired.
"Eh. My girlfriend broke up with me last night." He
shrugged. "I should have seen it coming."
"I'm sorry, John." I smiled sympathetically. But then I
had an idea. I was one for one in the matchmaking
department lately; maybe I could be two for two.
"Are you busy tonight? Some friends of mine and I are
having a happy hour if you would like to join us." I
hoped he didn't think I was inviting him for me, so I
quickly covered. "My boyfriend is working tonight so
he won't be there but it would be great if you could
come."
"I thought you broke up." He looked at me quizzically.
"Yeah, that was my ex. I just started dating this guy.
But it's really new so don't say anything to any of
them. I don't want to jinx it." I covered.
He smiled his jovial smile then and nodded. "I'd like
that. Thanks, Bella."
"Great, I will text you later then."
We parted and went separate ways from the elevator.
John and I had exchanged numbers earlier in the
week after he accidentally locked himself out of the
building one night, and I happened to get home at the
same time and let him in. We thought it would be a
good idea to have each other's numbers in case it
happened again. John was very attractive, but I didn't
feel anything for him and he had always treated me as
just a friend. I was comfortable around him, almost
like he was a big brother of sorts.
The thought made me miss my brother and then think
of Edward and how far he had come in the last few
days. I was excited to see him again, but I knew he was
busy.
I made my way to work and hurried through another
busy day before leaving at 5:00. I texted John earlier
in the day to let him know where we were going. We
decided on a bar in Greenwich tonight. We wanted
something low key with good food and a good beer
selection. Kate wasn't going to be able to make it
tonight, but Alice, Jasper, Hale, and Rosalie were all
coming again.
I hailed a cab and rode to Greenwich until it pulled up
in front of the bar and restaurant. I walked in,
grabbed a table and ordered a summer ale from a
brewery out of upstate New York while I sat down to
wait for the rest of my friends. Jasper had been down
at NYU for the day doing some research and Alice was
at a shoot downtown. Rosalie was apartment hunting
in SoHo so we decided to meet in the middle.
I looked up just then and noticed John stroll in. He
looked very handsome in a black suit and striped shirt
with the collar open. I had a feeling Rose was going to
be salivating over him.
I waved at him and he pulled up a stool at the high top
I had secured. We chatted and sipped our beers when
Rosalie breezed in. In typical Rosalie Whitlock style
she looked beautiful and effortless at the same time in
white pants and a bright blue top which set off her
beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes. She spotted me
and made her way over and I could see all of the heads
in the restaurant turn to watch her. Rosalie was quite
a sight and she exuded confidence, sexiness and class
at the same time.
But even Rosalie could get giddy and her eyes popped
open as she made her way to the high top. She looked
at me, and I just smiled and shrugged as John turned
around.
"John Emerty, this is my friend, Rosalie Whitlock." I
gestured to her.
"A pleasure." He smiled genuinely as he shook her
hand and I could see the twinkle in his eyes.
Rosalie nodded her head a bit from the daze and
shook it while still nodding. I couldn't believe Rosalie
Whitlock had been rendered speechless. I snickered to
myself as I sipped my drink.
"I'm just going to run to the restroom real quick. Look
for everyone else okay?"
They both nodded, but John and Rosalie were
completely enthralled with one another. I chuckled as
I made my way back to the restrooms. I quickly used
the facilities and then straightened out my red cap
sleeve dress. I loved it; it was one of my favorites and I
had to admit I wore it today with the hopes that I
would see Edward tonight. But he hadn't texted yet,
and I was a bit disappointed I was going to have to go
another day without seeing him. I knew it had only
been three days. Yet, after Tuesday night and our
chats the last two nights I felt as though we had grown
so much closer. I found myself thinking about him all
the time.
I made my way back out to find everyone else seated at
the table now, chatting and laughing. Alice, Jasper
and Hale obviously took to John as well. He was so
jovial and good- natured I couldn't imagine anyone
not liking him. I had to keep myself from laughing out
loud every time I noticed Rosalie staring dreamily at
him. She was like a star-struck teenager. I had never
seen her like this.
A couple of hours after we were seated, John
mentioned that he needed to be going but thanked me
for inviting him to happy hour. I saw Rosalie ask him
something and grab her phone and hand it to him. He
smiled and entered what I could only think was his
number in her phone and then she did the same with
his.
We all waved good-bye, and I turned to Rose once he
was gone.
"So?"
"Oh my God Bellahe's justwow." She sighed with a
far-off gaze.
I chuckled. It was funny to see her so smitten with
someone.
That's exactly how you are on a daily basis.
"He is nice isn't he? And guess what, he just broke up
with his girlfriend." I raised my eyebrows at her.
She smiled deviously then. "I know. We are going to
go out tomorrow night."
"Wow Rose. That's pretty fast aren't you worried?"
She shook her head and in typical Rosalie Whitlock
style cocked her eyebrow. "Nah. He said they weren't
very serious. And besides, one night with me and she
will be long forgotten." She wiggled her eyebrows.
"Jesus Rose, I don't need to hear that shit." Jasper
covered his ears and we all started laughing. Rosalie
just shrugged.
I felt a buzz in my purse and reached in to see that I
had a text message. I flipped open the phone and held
it under the table as a big grin crossed my face.
MZ~Tonight?~YA
I quickly text him back. I was so excited he was coming
over tonight.
MA~Yes. At HH right now. Home in an hour?~YZ
MZ~Perfect. I can't wait to see you.~YA
MA~Me too.~YZ
Maybe it was the beers I drank or Rose hitting it off
with John, but I giggled at the screen and quickly put
it back in my purse.
I looked up to find everyone staring at me.
"What?"
"Who are you texting, Bella?" A curious look came
over Alice's face.
"No onejustnever mind. It's nothing." I said
quickly waving my hand.
"Are you seeing someone?" She inquired then.
Shit. What did I tell them? If I said yes, then they
would grill me about it, but if I said no they probably
wouldn't believe me anyway.
I took a sip of my beer and then tried to act as
nonchalant as possible.
"It's nothing guys. And no, I am not seeing anyone. It
was just a funny email from my friend Angela." I
shrugged.
They didn't know Angela. That was a good cover
right.
"Yeah right, Bella, spill it. I know that look." Alice said
excitedly and I shot a look at Rosalie. She picked up on
it instantly. She knew it was Edward I had been
texting.
"I think we should just leave Bella alone about it.
She'll tell us if she wants to." Rose said and Alice
frowned. She hated being left out of the loop, but she
was the one person I definitely couldn't tell.
I hurriedly flagged the waitress and asked for my
check and Alice pouted that I was leaving so early. It
was only 8:00, but I had a date and I wanted to get
home to see Edward.
After I paid my tab and promised Alice that I would
come over for dinner the next night I caught a cab
back to my place.
I didn't like lying to my friends, but when I made my
decision on Tuesday I was sure that it was the right
one. I wanted to see where things with Edward
progressed to. I had never felt like this about anyone
and I wanted to give it a chance, even if it meant doing
it secretly for the next year.
I walked into my apartment to find soft music playing
over the speakers. There was one light lit in the living
room and I noticed a bottle of Kettle One and a drink
sitting on the coffee table. Next to it was a small tray of
olives and cheeses.
I continued around the corner to see Edward seated
on my couch lightly flipping through one of my art
books. He was wearing just a white tee with graphics
on it, his tattoo peeking out the bottom of his sleeve
and the same ripped jeans.
I smiled as I walked into the room and he looked up
and gave me a huge smile. His beautiful jade eyes lit
up, and I could see the light dancing off of his unruly
bronze mop.
God he's freaking gorgeous, God of the sun is right
At that moment, I knew this was right where I wanted
to be. At some point his mission would be over and he
could come to happy hour and go out on normal dates
with me. We wouldn't have to hide and be in the
confines of my apartment. And something in his eyes
told me that was the case as well.
I had to admit, I was longing for more, but I also knew
that I could wait. I would wait. I didn't need that to be
happy. Somehow I knew deep down, that no matter
when, where, or howwe were together. He was all I
needed.
~~~-~~~

Chapter 12 ~ Tuesdays Coming
Chapter Song: O.A.R. Dareh Meyod
EPOV
Bang, bang, bang.
Shit, that kind of hurt.
I rubbed my forehead and sat down on the bottom
rung of her fire escape in the pitch black night. My
heart was racing, and blood was thundering through
my veins and straight to below my belt.
I banged my head against the brick wall again,
literally, and sighed in frustration, anticipation, and
sexual tension.
Fuck.
She begged me to stay.
I wanted to stay. But I couldn't. She
had been drinking most of the night;
I knew it from the moment she
walked in. Fuckhot red dress or not,
I couldn't stay with her when she
was inebriated. No, not yet. I wanted
to take this slowly, although I was
questioning my sanity on that
decision nearly every second of
every day.
God but that dress and those black
heels.
I shook my head.
No not yet. Because I couldn't get that close to her
until she knew.
Until she knew I was a monster. A born killer. A
predator of men.
Mijn Schoonheid deserved to know.
And the problem was, I knew the second I felt her
around me completely that would be it; I would never
be able to walk away regardless of what was best for
her.
In all my time seeking to avenge Eric's death, I had
become so good at my job that I hardly recognized
myself.
I was so good at killing. Fuck, I was great at it. As was
evidenced once again by the assignment I had to fulfill
on Monday night.
I sighed as I sat on her fire escape trying to calm down
my raging hormones, and my aching heart. I wanted
her more than anything, more than I could even put
words to. But would she want me when she found out?
Would she abandon me like Claire did once she knew
who I really was and what my goals were? She said she
wanted me now, even if we were seeing each other
secretly, even if we could only see each other at her
home. But would that always be the case?
I frowned as I stepped off the fire escape and into the
black night. I was wide awake even though it was
almost 2:00 in the morning. I criss-crossed my way to
Broadway before catching a cab for Hell's Kitchen.
As I shuffled into my apartment, I couldn't help but
notice how cold and lonely it was.
Just like my life.
Unless I was with Bella.
After stripping off my clothes, which still smelled of
her delicious scent, I threw some water on my face
and looked in the mirror.
What was I doing? Why did I want her so much? I
knew I was being selfish in pursuing her, and yet she
said she didn't care, she wanted me. How could I deny
her that?
I lay down in bed and thought back on the last week.
We had grown so much closer and I couldn't deny the
all-encompassing draw I had to her. It was like
gravity, like the Earth orbiting the sun. She truly was
my sun, the only light I had in my dark life and just
like the Earth to the sun, I couldn't pull away from it.
After our discussion on Tuesday and another hot
make-out session on her couch, I was sure this was so
much more than attraction. That thought alone scared
the crap out of me. I knew I was putting her, myself,
and my mission in danger. But I couldn't deny the
intense feelings I had for her. She understood me. She
knew exactly how I felt; she lost a brother she was
very close to. She knew the pain and the suffering, and
she just inherently understood how to talk to me, to
draw me out. I couldn't explain it, but for the first
time in nine years, I found myself wanting to talk
about Eric and wanting to talk to her.
Then when we danced and I held her in my arms it
was as if the entire world was in order for just those
few moments. Bella in my arms, my hands in her silky
hair and the scent of hercinnamon, and vanilla and
berriessurrounding me. I never wanted to be in
another place ever again.
And then to feel her body in my arms and her moving
against me, the feel of her soft, perfect breasts under
my hands. It was as though she were made for me. She
was sexy and caring, smart and snarky, secure in
herself and yet she had a bit of endearing shyness. She
took my breath away, and I never wanted anyone as
much as I wanted her in that moment. And she said
she wanted me, which amazed me and thrilled me and
terrified me all at the same time.
But I was glad she stopped us. Because she had to
know about me, it was only fair. I knew she was a good
person. I knew how she spent her spare time and yet
what did she know about me? She didn't know that I
was a killer, that I was obsessed with my job, or that I
alienated my friends and family in search of
vengeance.
I sighed. No, she didn't know any of that. Yet somehow
she knew my partner, she was connected to the Dracs,
and she was so damn innocent she had no clue about
any of it.
I crossed my hands behind my head as I thought about
my briefing on Wednesday
It had been two weeks since we launched our mission
in New York. But it felt like it had been months. Once
again I made several exchanges before walking into
the back door of the headquarters to the New York
Division of the FBI.
This time was much different from the first, however,
there were dozens of people milling about the office,
and I was instantly concerned.
These can't all be agents?
I saw a petite, striking blonde woman talking to SA
Morgan and another agent. I ducked my head down
and made my way to the conference room as quickly
and quietly as I could. Once I stepped inside I was
met with SA Ivanova. I had yet to work with her "on
the job", but she seemed tough and smart, and well-
equipped to handle the position she had garnered
inside the organization.
"Ivanova. How are you today?"
"Zeh. I'm tired. Had to stay up at ze fucking club all
night." She shrugged. If there was one thing I had
learned from our first meeting, Ivanova didn't mince
any words and she could swear like a sailor.
I looked up and McCarty and Clearwater walked in. I
nodded at Seth who was still reeling from our
development on Saturday. His brother-in-law, Jacob,
was at the building site for the sports complex in
Brooklyn. Apparently Jacob is a cop, and to make
matters worse, it seemed as though he was somehow
helping the Dracs with their shipments at the
Brooklyn site. I knew Seth was distraught over the
matter and I couldn't blame him.
Morgan stepped in then and we sat down to get to
work.
"Ok, what have you found out, because I know our
analysts are itching to go on this thing?" Morgan
clapped his hands together. "McCarty, why don't you
start since yours will be the shortest for now and we
can move on."
"Fine sir. I moved into the place on Upper West. I've
established my cover and am watching the asset
closely." Morgan nodded with a peculiar glance.
Asset? What asset was McCarty talking about? I
thought he was just posing as a buyer?
"And what do you think of her involvement."
"She's not involved sir. She's just exceptionally
unobservant if anything." He shrugged.
Before I could ask who they were talking about,
Morgan turned to Ivanova and she launched into her
recent gleanings from the club. Apparently they had
an unusually large amount of girls the last two
weeks and were auctioning them off to the highest
bidders in the private rooms below the main club. I
had yet to go down there, not that I wanted to, but
eventually I knew I would be escorted to the back. I
just hoped I could avoid it as I had in Romania.
Ivanova also mentioned some of the regulars at the
club and what she deemed their positions were in the
trade. Demitri was clearly the enforcer. His
reputation preceded him as a sadist when someone
crossed him. The Dracs sent him out on the big
shipments to make sure everything was in order and
to ensure that no one fucked with the cargo.
Apparently the shipment Clearwater and I had seen
must have been a big one because both Demitri and
several of the other top men were there.
We saw the VR symbols on the cargo, but still had yet
to connect Laurent to the shipments. Ivanova,
however, verified that she had seen him in the club
procuring the "services" of several of the girls. She
had also witnessed meetings with Raven, and some
other key players who she had yet to put names to.
Ivanova was beautiful, and as part of her job she
would try to work herself in with some of the high
end clientele to get information. But I could tell by
the way she talked about the business that she would
rather cut one of their dicks off then let them touch
her. There was something beneath it, and I had yet to
figure it out. She stuck strictly to her role as a
saleswoman, so to speak, never offering up her goods
but only selling the others.
We took a break for a moment before proceeding
with mine and Clearwater's debriefing. Almost four
hours had passed, and it was hard to believe we had
been sitting in the conference room for so long.
I stepped out to use the restroom and made my way
down the hallway to the bathroom. I passed by SA
Morgan's office when I heard a woman's giggle from
inside. I should have kept walking, but being an
undercover agent and therefore naturally inquisitive
I peaked in the cracked door as I stepped inside.
I saw Morgan with his arms around a petite blonde
woman when I strode into the office.
Well, isn't that interesting. Fraternizing on the job.
Looked like I wasn't the only one breaking the rules
around here.
But as she turned and I got a better glance at her
face, she looked strangely familiar. Suddenly I
realized I saw a picture of her in Bella's apartment.
I wondered if that was Bella's friend Kate, the one she
said works for the FBI.
Christ can this world get any smaller?
I slipped away to the bathroom before I was noticed
and returned to the conference room. Clearwater was
the only one there and was mowing down a New
York sized slice of pepperoni pizza. I grabbed one,
took a seat and we ate in silence for a moment.
I hadn't known Seth for long, but I could tell this
whole thing with his brother-in-law was troubling
him. He was strangely quiet and not his friendly self.
"So, what do you think the connection to Jacob is?" I
finally asked. Better to get it out in the open and deal
with it. I needed him focused with me.
Look who's talking, jackass. I admonished myself but
focused on the conversation.
He sighed and set down his pizza and then took a
long swig of his Coke.
"Fuck, I don't know. I have never known Jacob to be
into bad things. I can't decide if he's really in on it, or
if he thinks he's trying to bust some low level ring in
Brooklyn, and he just doesn't know what shit storm
he's walked in on."
I thought for a moment about the night of my first
assignment. I told Seth on Saturday that I saw him at
the club with the assignment I killed. I didn't think he
was doing it unknowingly, but it couldn't be easy to
think a member of your family could do anything like
that. I know it would rock my world if it happened to
me.
"You know, sometimes people do the wrong things,
even if it is for what they think are good reasons." I
raised my eyebrows at him.
"What do you mean?"
I cleared my throat and thought for a moment. "Well,
is there any reason why he might be doing this?
What's his incentive to help the Dracs?"
Clearwater scratched the back of his head. "I can
only think of a few reasons, and Jake's dumb enough
to do it." He sighed.
I nodded at him to continue.
"Well, he loves my sister and he loves their boys, and
they have another child on the way. But I know the
financial strain of supporting his family has been a
bit much for him."
That sounded like something that could break a man
if push came to shove.
"Does he have any bad habits? Gambling? Alcohol?
Drugs?" I asked.
"No." He blew out a breath. "His only bad habit is
feeling like he's not good enough, and for one person
in particular."
I furrowed my brow. "Who?"
He shook his head. "He's always wanted to
bemorehave more money, be appealing to this
girl we grew up with. She's all he has ever wanted
and he just can't see that she has no interest. But I
don't know why he would do something like this to
get money just to try to impress her. He may be dense
sometimes, but he's not a total idiot."
"So she doesn't even know it?" I inquired.
He laughed. "No, Bella's so good to the core, she
doesn't notice the way anyone looks at her."
Bella?
What?
No, it can't be.
Before I could ask him any more on the subject the
other three walked in and sat down to continue our
briefing. But of course now my head was spinning
and I couldn't focus at all. I had to know if this Bella,
if it was my BellaMijn Zon. Last night she had
mentioned that she knew him, but were they that
close? It could be another Bella right?
Jesus, could New York really be that small?
Yet she was from Brooklyn and so was he? And his
description of her was spot on. Damn it. It had to be
her.
I sat there mulling it over and let Clearwater begin to
recount his last two weeks on the drug ring side. He
had definitely gained favor with some of the higher
ups and we decided that we should make an
appearance at Dawnbreak together this weekend.
Then we could potentially see some more of the
clientele and figure out who some of the connections
were and make some connections of our own.
I recapped my assignment, my sighting of Raven at
the records office as well as what we saw when the
shipment came in. But of course I was tense and
having difficulty focusing.
Finally after another three hours, SA Morgan
dismissed us and we all got up to go our separate
ways.
"Ze, Cullen. Vat's going on?" Ivanova whispered to
me in the hallway.
"Nothing why?"
She shook her head. "If I know von thing, it is that
you cannot be distracted at times like zeeze. You need
to air it out, no?" She raised her eyebrows at me and
sauntered down the hallway.
I blew out a breath and caught Clearwater before he
made his exit.
"Hey Seth!" I jogged after him but he didn't hear me.
"Clearwater!"
He stopped and turned, and I noticed he seemed as
tense as me.
"We need to talk."
"What's going on?"
"About your brother-in-law and this girl."
He shrugged and we stepped to the side of the
hallway.
"Okay, what do you want to know?"
I needed to find out more about her before I came out
and said I knew her. I also needed to cover just how I
knew her.
"What's her relationship with your brother-in-law?"
He frowned again and sighed. "She's the little sister
of his best friendbut he's deadhe was my Dad's
partner."
Shit. Her brother died on 9/11.
"Okay. Is there any way she's connected to all of
this?" I tried to keep my voice as calm as possible.
Every fiber of my being trusted Bella, but I was more
concerned about the uncanny connections she had to
both Raven and Demitri. I didn't want to think about
what that could mean at this point in time.
Clearwater snorted. "Trust me. No. Never. She helped
me through everything whenwe're close. She's as
much my sister as Leah is." He eyed me warily then.
"Why are you so interested in this?" He crossed his
arms then.
The only connection I could think of was Alice. I
could play that off, right?
"I'm just curious because I think I might know this
girl."
"What? How?" He asked incredulously.
"I think she might be friends with my sister."
"No shit." He blew out a breath. "How?"
"Well, I can't be sure, but what's her last name."
"Swan. Bella Swan. She's Charlie Swan's daughter.
The Captain of the seventy-second precinct."
Fuck.
I tried to act nonchalant, even though I was dying
inside. I wasn't sure what this meant. I wasn't sure
how it was all connected but it seemed incredibly
strange.
"That's her." I said. "Well, I just wanted to be sure.
I've never met her, but Alice has mentioned her."
Shit. I knew I had just backed myself in to a corner.
Now I couldn't tell him that I knew she dated Raven. I
wasn't even supposed to know about her or what she
looked like.
He smiled then. "Well, I'll tell you this, you would
know if you had met her. Even if she is like my sister,
she's an incredibly beautiful woman."
I nodded as we made our way to our respective cars.
That she is.
But what the hell did this all mean? There were a lot
of floating pieces, and this puzzle felt like it was
getting more complicated by the minute
I wasn't sure what the connection with Bella, Seth and
Jacob was, but I knew eventually I was going to have
to come clean to Seth. At least about seeing Jacob on
my assignment and also about the fact that Bella dated
Raven. But I wanted to put some of the pieces together
first.
So on Wednesday night when I got home, I called her.
And on Thursday I called her again. We did a typical
twenty questions thing like two kids in high school,
and I found out all sorts of information including info
on her Dad, Seth, Jacob, her brother, everything. I
probably shouldn't have asked her so many questions
over the phone, but I needed to know.
I was convinced she wasn't involved, but I couldn't
help but think that somehow she was connected to
someone that was. Someone besides Jacob. The
thought terrified me, and I racked my brain for the
possibilities but turned up with only James and
Demitri. But there had to more to it than a simple ex-
boyfriend, fucktard that he was.
I sighed and rolled over, willing my brain to shut off
for just a few damn hours so I could get some sleep. I
had a big day on Saturday. I was going to try to see
Alice, since Bella had told me I needed to, which was
something else that baffled me entirely. Seth and I
were making our first joint appearance at the club
tomorrow night. I knew it would be a late night and
willed myself to calm down and fall asleep.
--
"She'll be home?"
"Yeah, she said she was going to be there this
afternoon."
"Ok, do you know what this is about?"
"Yes. Just trust me."
"Ok." I sighed. "I have to work tonight and the next
two nights. Can I see you Tuesday?"
"Of course."
"Ok. Have a good day Mijn Zon."
"You too. Bye."
I clicked off the call and sighed. I would have loved
nothing more than to spend the day with Bella today.
She had asked me to when I was over last night. But I
had several things to do today.
She was insistent that I needed to see Alice, so I was
going to try to sneak into their place this morning.
Tonight Seth and I were going to Dawnbreak, and
tomorrow I had another meeting with the brothers. I
could only assume that I was likely going to get
another assignment which I would have to fulfill on
Monday. I wouldn't be able to see Bella until Tuesday.
I walked into the bathroom and stripped out of my
gym clothes. I had woken up early to hit the gym with
Felix and sparred. I was covered in sweat and
definitely needed a shower before I left. I hadn't
shaved in a few days and I was planning not to so that
I would have a slightly different look for going to
Alice's and later to the club tonight. I hurried through
my shower and jumped out. I pulled on a touristy
pullover with a big New York logo on it, slipped a
camera around my neck and sunglasses and a hat. I
was posing as a tourist so that no one would recognize
me.
I made my way to the subway and purposefully took
the train south. Then I got off to catch a cab back up to
the Upper East Side. I jumped out of the cab a few
blocks from Alice and Jasper's and criss-crossed my
way to their building.
This time I told the doorman that I was from out of
town visiting a friend. He of course didn't question me
and didn't recognize me from the first time I was there
since I looked much different. The old man was
probably ninety years old and couldn't have protected
anyone in their building if he wanted to. I hurried up
to their floor and used my key to slip inside. It was
nine in the morning, and Bella/said Alice was
supposed to be home.
I closed the door behind me and called out through
the condo.
"Alice? Jasper?"
I heard moaning from down the hallway and instantly
stopped.
Oh shit, I really hope I'm not walking in on that.
I cringed at the thought until I heard Jasper's voice.
"Ali, do you need me to get you anything?" He asked
and I could hear his footsteps coming down the
hallway.
She must be sick or something?
Before he reached the living room, I called out to him
so I wouldn't scare the shit out of him standing in his
entry.
"Jazz?" I called out.
He rounded the corner and stopped and looked at me.
"EdwardI'm surprised to see you againso soon."
I shrugged. Jasper and I definitely weren't as close as
we used to be, and I knew that was my fault. I couldn't
blame him for being upset with me.
"I told Ali I would stop by when I had a chance."
He nodded and walked toward the kitchen. I watched
him as he grabbed saltines and sprite from the
refrigerator.
"Is Ali sick or something?"
Jasper looked at me and opened his mouth to say
something when I heard a gasp from the opposite
doorway.
"Edward!" In a rush my sister was at my side and
wrapped her arms around me. I gave her a hug and
pulled back to look at her.
"Jesus Al, are you okay? You look like hell."
She bit the side of her cheek and glanced at Jasper and
then looked back at me.
"I'm good actually. Why don't you come sit down? Do
you want some coffee or anything?"
I furrowed my brow and eyed them suspiciously but
nodded.
The three of us sat at the dining room table for a few
minutes in silence until Alice spoke.
"Soyou're still in New York?"
"Yes."
"But you can't justbe herelike last time?" She
asked.
"No, I'm technically on assignment."
She sipped her coffee and glanced at Jasper who gave
her a slight nod. Something was up with these two,
and I was starting to get worried.
"Is something going on, Alice?"
She smiled slightly and reached over to take Jasper's
hand. A hundred things went through my head in that
moment.
Shit was it her? Was it him? My mother? My father?
What the hell was wrong?
"I'm glad you came because we have some news for
you." She looked at Jasper again and then back at me.
I was staring at her intently to just spit it out already.
"I'm pregnant."
I blinked slowly and let the news sink in before my
face broke out in a smile.
"Really? Well congratulationsto both of you." I
smiled as I patted Jasper on the shoulder and gave
Alice a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I realized this
must have been what Bella was referring to.
She told me when she was due and their plans for the
nursery. I could tell she was very excited about it, even
though I had walked in on her having morning
sickness this morning. She still looked tired from
being sick, but I could tell she was glowing with
happiness.
"Just think, the first Cullen grandbaby. Mom and Dad
are so excited!" She squealed and color returned to
her features.
If they only knew. They had a grandchild a long time
ago, and still do.
A blanket of shame and regret washed over me in that
instant.
I smiled and nodded and tried to keep a straight face
as Alice rambled on and Jasper looked at her lovingly.
I was torn between being incredibly happy for her and
at the same time guilty andenvious.
Why the fuck am I envious?
Ever since I joined the Bureau I had quit thinking
about being a family man. I thought I had lost any of
those aspirations when Claire walked out. I decided to
just focus on my job. But seeing Alice and Jasper
excited about my new niece or nephew made my
stomach clench.
Suddenly the room got quiet and Alice glanced at
Jasper again.
"Edward. I was wonderingI mean I have
something to ask you." Alice bit her cheek again, her
little telltale sign of nervousness.
"You can ask me anything Ali, you know that." I
offered.
"We've beenumtalkingabout names."
"Okay?"
"And we haven't decided on a girl's name that we like,
but weum we know the boy's name we want to use.
I justwanted to ask you if it's okay."
I wasn't following. I shook my head at her. "Why
would I care Ali? I mean, not that I don't careit's just
that you can use whatever name you want."
She glanced at Jasper again, and then she put her
hand on my arm and whispered.
"If it's a boywe want to name him Ericif that's okay
with you?" She said timidly.
Oh.
That's why.
My heart dropped. I could see she was worried about
my reaction to this, and I couldn't blame her. A flurry
of emotions tore through my body which ranged from
sadness to grief to envy to happiness. But most of all, I
felt guilt. I couldn't deny that it would be hard for me
if they had a boy and they named him Eric. But at the
same time it killed me to think that she was so nervous
about asking me.
Had I alienated my family so much that they thought I
would be angry about something like this?
"I think that's a great idea, Alice." I smiled trying to
reassure her, but it didn't reach my eyes. It wasn't that
I didn't want her to use it. I wasn't sure what the
sadness was from.
"Okay." She smiled, and I put my hand over hers and
squeezed.
"So what else do you have planned, I am sure you
already have the nursery completely ready in your
head?" I changed the subject back to the baby, and
Alice was off on a tangent.
A few hours later I was helping Jazz clean up in the
kitchen while Alice rested on the sofa and looked
through decorating magazines. I couldn't believe my
baby sister was having a baby and how much their
lives had changed since the last time I was here. I
realized just how much I had missed in the last two
years of having no contact with my family. The weight
of it was almost suffocating. Now I could see why
Jasper was always on guard with me. He didn't want
to let Alice get too attached, lest I ride off into the
sunset once again to chase bad guys half way across
the world. He was protecting his wife and now, his
unborn child.
"Jazz?"
"What's up, E?"
"You know I don't care right? I'm glad you want to use
it. I think it's a good tribute."
He nodded. "Well, we won't know for another couple
months anyhow. But you know Alice. As soon as she
found out, she was sending me lists of names." He
chuckled, and I joined him as a silence came over the
kitchen again.
I glanced in the living room to see Alice on the couch
with a far-off look on her face. She was so happy and
content. I couldn't help but think of how much
differentlybettershe handled everything than I did.
In that moment, looking at Alice and thinking about
Bella, I began to realize that they hadn't run away
from it. They had suffered the same pain and sadness,
but they faced their grief. I had never faced mine, hell
I could hardly talk about Eric until a few days ago. I
just ignored it, ran away from it. Instead of working
through the grief, I channeled it into becoming the
best agent I possibly could. I had turned my back on
my family while I ran after vengeance or retribution
or whatever it was when they had needed my support
as much as I needed theirs.
Maybe it's been bothering me so much more now
because I am back in New York.
Between Bella and my job and being in my home city I
had been forced to face things that I didn't have to
think about before. And it hurt, but at the same time, I
was feelingrelief.
I looked up as Jazz finished putting away the last dish
and began wiping down the counters. I quickly
glanced into the living room to see Alice in the same
position, and before I knew what I was doing I spoke.
"Hey Jazz?"
"Yeah?" His head was down as he dried the counters
and I just tried to spit it out before I lost my nerve.
"I'm sorry" I blew out a breath and ran my hand
through my hair. "For everything"
He stopped what he was doing and turned to look at
me. His expression went from one of disbelief to
realization to acceptance as he studied my face.
Finally he nodded and I just nodded back at him.
Alice breezed back into the room and thrust a picture
into Jazz's face about something to do with the
nursery, and I blew out a breath.
I grabbed my touristy garb and dressed again to leave,
as Alice and Jasper walked me to the door.
"When will you be back?" She asked hopefully.
"Soon. I promise, Ali." I pulled her into a hug and she
sighed.
Then I turned to Jazz and offered him my hand, and
he pulled me into a hug.
"Thanks E."
I nodded and my throat constricted a bit.
"Congratulations man. You'll be a great father, I just
know it."
I stepped back and patted him on the shoulder, and
Alice grabbed his hand.
"I'm really happy for both of you. Tell Mom and Dad I
said hello." They nodded and I slipped out of their
condo and back on to the streets of New York.
For the first time, in a long time, I felt cleansed. It was
as if the world wasn't so dark and dirty anymoreas
though I wasn't so dark and dirty anymore. Making
these small amends with my family was healing me.
My life was changing, and I could feel it. But it was a
good change, and as much as I hated to admit it, it was
long overdue. Deep down inside I knew the reason for
that change was the woman I couldn't wait to see
again on Tuesday.
Mijn Zon. Mijn Licht. Mijn Schoonheid.
--
"Whew" Clearwater let out a low whistle as he took
in my loft in Hell's Kitchen.
"They set you up with much better digs than me, that's
for sure." He joked.
"That's because I was in a shithole in Romania." I said
as I took a sip of my Ketel One.
Seth had come over to meet me so we could head to
the club together. Of course, his place probably wasn't
as nice because he was posing as a drug-dealer living
on the Lower East Side. I had to have that whole
**Treadstone assassin thing going.
We finished our drinks and took off for the club. This
time we walked in through the back, and I had to clear
Seth with the guard.
"Business proposition." I said to him in Romanian
and he eyed us. He knew me from my other visits to
meet with the brothers and from the last time I had
been to the club. He also probably knew that I wasn't
to be fucked with and let me pass after only a moment
of eyeing me.
Clearwater remained stoic as we entered. I could tell
he had transformed from his jovial self to his focused
agent mode the second we left my place.
We made our way up the back stairs and into the dark
room that overlooked the club. Dawnbreak was so
much like Poarta Ardeal it was almost scary. I
instantly noticed Felix sitting with a girl on his lap and
several other Dracs partying. As usual there were
lines of coke on the tables, girls in the corners and
"buyers" scoping out the merchandise. I noticed
Ivanova sitting next to a tall, slender dark-haired
woman with olive skin.
Just then she turned to me and eyed me up and down
and licked her lips.
I knew who she was instantly. It was Gianna, the
Madam and Tanya's boss, for lack of a better term.
She leaned over to Tanya and whispered something in
her ear as she kept one eye on me.
"Looks like someone wants to have you for dinner."
Seth muttered and I glanced at him out of the corner
of my eye.
"Let's go to the VIP." I said quietly, but first I made my
way over to Felix.
"Emil! My friend, so glad you can make it tonight!"
Felix patted me on the back and gave me a kiss on each
cheek, Romanian style, and then looked to Seth.
"Who's your friend?" He smiled.
"Felix, this is Sean. He's going to be working with us
soon." I stated as the men eyed each other carefully
and then shook hands.
"Ah, business, business, it can wait. Come along. I
have Tuica at the table." He motioned.
We followed him and sat down to have a drink. Felix
asked him about his connections in Brooklyn, and
Seth played his cover perfectly and laid out his
proposition for him. He may have been in charge of
security, but Felix was no dummy when it came to the
business aspect of the organization. I knew he had an
ear with the brothers which was one of the reasons I
had tried to get as close as I could to him in Romania.
Just as I was going to suggest that we head out to the
VIP area, Gianna and Ivanova strolled up to our table.
"Emil, have you met Trina?" Trina was Ivanova's cover
name, and she smiled at me warmly and I stood to kiss
her cheek.
"10:00." She whispered.
"A pleasure." I made a production out of kissing her
hand and glanced to my ten o'clock to see who she was
referring to.
Son of a bitch. It was James Raven and Laurent
Dufour. They were sitting at a table with two Drac
girls doing lines of coke.
Of course I glanced away quickly and before I could
step back to scope them out some more, I felt a long
fingers grip my shoulders. I turned to be met with a
pair of black eyes and dark red lips.
"I don't believe we've met either. I definitely would
have remembered you." She said to me coyly.
Shit, now I had to act charming.
"No, we haven't and I could say the same for you." I
smiled at her and kissed her hand.
"Gianna. But I think you're the one to remember. It
seems you've caused quite a stir recently." She sipped
her drink seductively and I looked at her intently.
"Now why would you say that?" I asked as I peered
around the room at the same time. I could feel the
eyes of several of the Dracs on me. I knew the deal
here. She might be interested, but she was definitely
coveted. I had to tread lightly. Not that I wanted to do
anything with her anyway, it was the furthest thing
from my mind.
"I hear you have gained favor and you're verygood
with your hands."
I smiled at her and sipped my drink.
"That I am."
"Maybe you could show me sometime?" She raised her
eyebrows.
Not in a million years.
"Maybe."
Finally Ivanova stepped in and grabbed Gianna. I
breathed a sigh of relief.
"Gigi, ve don't vant to mess vith the boys. They too
busy vith business anyvay." Ivanova was really playing
up her accent, and I thanked her for the escape.
Before Gianna could fight her on it, I turned to Seth
who was sitting with Felix. He was trying to look
comfortable between the two Drac girls, but I could
tell it was a challenge.
"Shots?"
He nodded and stood up.
"Emil, where you going, my friend? The night is
young." Felix said.
"The VIP, you should join us."
"But the party is here." He gestured to the girls.
"We're more in the mood for the drinking tonight and
scopingI've had my eye on a red-head out there." I
gestured toward the VIP area where a tall red-haired
woman was standing with her friends.
"Ah yes, you go Emil." He smiled and gave me a cheers
with his Tuica, and Clearwater and I walked through
the door that connected the back room with the VIP. It
was the same door I had seen Nelo and Raven walk
through the first night I was here. We pulled aside one
of the waitresses who seated us at a table and brought
us a bottle of Ketel One. If I had to be here I might as
well drink the good stuff.
Clearwater and I sat back, pretending to talk about
nothing at all as we eyed the scene. I looked around
the VIP area to notice several businessmen and
women of varying agesvery young to young mostly.
In the far corner at the largest table was a group of
men. However, several of them looked eerily familiar.
One was quite large with a football player's build and
the other three looked rather fit as well for their ages.
Just then Kristina, who I had met the first night at the
club, stepped up and smiled at me.
We had a silent exchange with our eyes. She knew I
wasn't going to put the moves on her, so she was more
than happy to join Seth and me. She waved over one of
the other girls and soon enough we were flanked by
Kristina and a girl named Senna.
The girls talked to each other as Seth and I pretended
to talk but really we were scoping out the VIP some
more. I focused back on the table of the four men
when I noticed Raven and Laurent stroll up to them.
They were talking and laughing, and I couldn't help
but be interested by the connection.
Just then Raven looked back towards us and I put my
arm around Kristina as a diversion. But as he turned I
got a clear view of one of the men, and I instantly
froze.
This cannot be possible.
What the hell?
Phil Dwyer, the former Mets player and Bella's step-
father was one of the men at the table.
Shit.
My mind instantly started racing through everything
she had told me about Phil. That he and her mother
lived in New Jersey, he was an entrepreneur of some
sort now, and she suspected he had a gambling
problem. I knew Bella wasn't involved just by what she
had told me of Phil. She didn't like him very much. But
I immediately tried to think of how he was connected
to Dufour, Raven and the Dracs.
Then it hit me.
These men must be part owners of the Buxton Group.
And maybe somehow Phil was the connection to
Jacob?
If Jacob was Brad's best friend he would likely know
Phil right?
I ruminated over my thoughts as I glanced over to
Seth. I could tell by the look on his face that he had
seen the same thing. His face was set in a hard line,
and I could tell he was working to keep his
composure. I was sure he was even more pissed now
than he had been on Saturday night because now he
had the connection to his brother-in-law, and it only
confirmed his worst fears.
In that moment I knew I needed to come clean to Seth.
I needed him to know what I knew, because if the two
of us had all the information then we could blow this
whole thing wide open much sooner than expected.
We each did a shot of vodka and sat back to watch the
interactions. Two more men walked up the table, but I
didn't know them.
Just then Ivanova strolled up to us and looked at
Kristina and Senna. They each rose and scooted to the
other side of Seth as Ivanova sat between us.
It wasn't that Tanya was unattractive, she was quite a
beautiful woman, but she was an agent, and by all
accounts a damn good one. I had a hard time acting
cozy with her knowing the situation.
But she poured us three shots and we toasted as I kept
looking to the large table.
"Ze von on the right is an exec at Reycon." She
whispered and I instantly stiffened.
Reycon.
Reycon Pharmaceuticals. My father's company. Eric's
company.
What the fuck?
I leaned back and sipped my drink as I mulled over the
information. I wasn't sure what that could mean.
Finally I whispered back to her.
"So, do you come here often?"
She knew what I was asking and played along. "A
couple times a veek." She said acting coy.
"I'll have to come here more often then."
"Tuesday is ze best night." She shrugged nonchalantly.
"Do you like to buy or sell?"
"Buy. Alvays buy, at least now."
I nodded at the information. So it seemed the Reycon
exec liked to take part in the girls. I shuddered at the
thought.
We continued to sit and chat until I could feel the fog
start to creep into my brain. I had had far too much
vodka for my liking, but trying to fit in where you
didn't would do that to you sometimes. Eventually
Ivanova strolled over to the group of men and put her
arm around the Reycon exec. As she strolled past she
shot me a knowing look, and I knew that was our
signal to leave. She was going to try to pump him for
information.
We waited a few moments and bid Kristina and Senna
good-bye and exited through the back door.
Soon enough we were off. It had been one of my most
fruitful nights on an undercover mission, and for once
my mind was racing so fast, even I had a hard time
categorizing and determining the links with
everything I had seen.
Clearwater and I took a cab and weaved our way back
to my apartment where I pulled out the Ketel One yet
again, and we rehashed the entire night.
Obviously those men were in the Buxton Group, and
we needed to research who all of the potential
members were as well as their connections. We
needed to cross reference Buxton with the known
Dracs, Van Rijn and nowReycon.
I didn't know what the meaning of seeing the Reycon
executive at Dawnbreak was, but it disturbed me. I
had a sneaking suspicion that we were only scratching
the surface of this whole thing. But most importantly I
had to tell Seth what I knew.
I drew in a breath as we finished talking about our
plans for the next week and steeled my nerves to tell
him. I knew he was as devoted to his service as I was
and he might be seriously pissed or even report me for
my involvement with Bella. Either way I had to tell
him. He had a wealth of knowledge, that combined
with what I knew, could really open up this mission
and investigation.
"So Seth, I have something to tell you. You might not
like it, but just hear me out for a bit."
He looked at me warily and I exhaled and continued.
"I'm seeing someoneI have never done anything like
this and I didn't anticipate that this would happen.
Hell, I didn't seek it out" I trailed off as I rubbed the
condensation off of my glass.
"Ok. Well, it's no different than having a wife at home,
right?" He shrugged and I cringed as I prepared to say
the worst part.
"You see, it's a little different than thatbecause she's
kind ofconnected to our investigation."
He eyed me again and before I could stop myself, I just
blurted it out.
"It's Bella."
"Bella who?" He furrowed his brows.
"Bella Swan." I said as I looked down and winced.
"Ohoh" His eyes went wide with realization. "How
the fuckhow did you?" He looked more perplexed
than anything and I took that as a good sign.
"She's friends with my sister and brother-in-law and I
saw them on my break, before the mission."
"So you started a relationship with someone before
you went underthat's not very smar,t but she must
mean a lot for you to risk something like this?" He
quirked his eyebrow at me. For someone so young he
was damn intuitive.
I looked up at him and met his eyes. I knew he was like
a brother to Bella, so I decided right then to level with
him completely.
"I can't explain it. I feel about her" I blew out a
breath. "I feel about her in a way I have never felt in
my life."
He sighed. "Well, just be careful.she deserves to be
happy." He sighed and I wasn't sure what he meant so
I just let him think for a moment.
"And so do you. I think you're a lot like me." He said
while looking at me intently and I nodded. "And we've
given up a hell of a lot for this job. You know you
deserve to be happy too."
"Thanks." I responded as I swallowed.
I told Seth about everything. About how we met, how
drawn I was to her and the fact that she dated Raven.
He was as confused as I was about Bella's connections
to Raven, Demitri and Phil, but he was also convinced
she didn't know about any of it.
Then we both glanced at each other as a dark look
crept across our faces.
"Wait. You don't think" My stomach convulsed.
"I don't know." Seth whispered.
The thickness that took over the room was like a
suffocating fog. I couldn't think of why Bella would
possibly be a target. She was unbelievably linked to all
of these various players, yet oblivious to it. I racked
my brain as I thought about her job, her volunteering,
where she grew up. Nothing fit. There was no
connection for why she would be a target.
Then I thought about the strange flowers she had been
getting, and my heart stopped. I knew I was just
getting to know her and that this was all new, but I
had such intense feelings for her already that the
thought of something happening to her made my
stomach roll.
I looked at Seth and we silently communicated with
one another in a way agents, friends, only could. We
both knew something was going on. We were going to
do our damndest to not only keep our eyes and ears
open for any clues, but we were also going to keep a
close watch on Bella.
Eventually Seth made his way home and I fell into my
bed. My mind was racing with the events of tonight. I
had a meeting with the brothers late tomorrow night
and I knew I would be getting another assignment. I
knew tonight blew our mission wide open. Now we
just had to start putting the pieces together.
--
"C'mon Yanks, let's score some runs!"
I chuckled at Eric as he swore under his breath.
"Like they're going to listen to you there, Bro." I took
a sip of my beer and leaned back to enjoy the sun. It
was my first weekend back after graduation from
Georgetown. We were taking in a Yankees game on
Memorial Day. The stadium was packed as usual,
and Eric and I had seats behind home plate. Our
grandfather's tickets of course.
"So how did you weasel these seats out of old Jan
anyhow?"
Eric shrugged and sipped his beer. "You know I have
that old man wrapped around my finger."
"And you call me the favorite." I quirked an eyebrow
at him.
"Pssh. You don't want to be Grandfather's favorite,
trust me."
"It's just because you're the oldest." I teased him.
"Sometimes it's nice to be the middle child."
"Whatever. I'm the oldest boy and the most Dutch-
looking of the family." He said sardonically as he
finished his beer. "You know how Grandfather is
obsessed with keeping the bloodline and all that."
I snorted. It really was stupid. Our mother was Irish;
the three of us were only half Dutch anyway. I could
understand having family pride but who really cared
anymore? We lived in the United States and it was
the twenty-first century. This was the world's
melting pot.
"Well at least none of us got roped into the business."
I said. Grandfather had his own company and was a
well-known entrepreneur in New York. But he was a
tyrant to his employees and no one enjoyed working
for him. They just enjoyed the salaries his company
provided.
"Yeah." Eric frowned and looked back toward the
field. I didn't know what his deal was lately but he
seemed tense and on edge.
I looked up as his friend Alec returned with more
beers and hot dogs.
"You talk to him?" Eric asked Alec. I didn't know who
"him" was but I was sure they were probably going
out to a club later or something. I was planning to
meet up with Claire.
"Yeah. We're good." Alec nodded.
Eric sighed and turned back to the field. "C'mon Jeter
let's get a hit!"
I blinked slowly and stared at the ceiling. The fan
above me was making a low humming sound, and I
had to close my eyes again because I had a pounding
headache from all the alcohol I had consumed last
night.
I thought about my dream of Eric. Ever since I opened
up to Bella on Tuesday it was like a rush of memories
came springing back to the surface. Some
meaningfullike birthdays, graduations, big events.
And others that had no apparent meaning at all, like
the one I had last night.
My nights were now filled with erotic dreams of Bella
and memories of my brother.
God, I hope those don't ever mix, that would
bedisturbing.
I shuddered and felt a wave of nausea overtake me.
Fuck. I needed to get out of bed and get some food
and some Tylenol.
I stumbled into the bathroom and pulled out some
headache medicine and quickly took it. I ran my hands
through my hair and pulled on some sweats and a t-
shirt. I made my way to the gym down the street so I
could sweat out the booze from the night before.
Finally I returned home in the midst of a torrential
down pour. It was almost 1:00. Though I felt better
after my trip to the gym, I was ruminating over the
events of the last few days. So much had happened in
such a short time. I was becoming much closer with
Bella, although she still needed to know things about
me that I feared might make her walk away.
I was reeling from the information and the
connections that I had found out about at the club. But
for now I had compartmentalized much of that and
decided to use my training to keep a level head about
it.
Strangely, the thing that I was thinking about most
was my sister's news. I found myself thinking about
the past and the future. How much different would my
life be if Eric hadn't died? Would I be married? Have
any kids?
Who would I be married to? I had gotten over Claire a
long time ago, but I couldn't deny that if things hadn't
happened the way they did we likely would have
gotten married. We were in that natural progression.
It wasn't that we had an all-encompassing love for one
another, not that I knew how that felt anyway, but we
were moving along as we were "supposed" to.
The conversation with Alice and Jasper also made me
feel guilty about the situation with Eliot. I began to
realize that I needed to break my promise to Eric. It
killed me to think that I would have to do that, but at
the same time it killed me to think of what my parents,
Alice and Jasper and even I had missed out on by
keeping the secret for so long. The problem was, I
wasn't sure how to break that news to them.
How do you tell your parents that they have a nine
year old grandson they've never met?
Yeah, that was not going to be a fun conversation.
I sighed. I had called Eliot yesterday and would like
nothing more than to hear his cheery voice at the
moment. But I knew he and Angela were going to
some fair today, and he wouldn't be home. I had
nothing on my agenda for the day until my meeting
with the brothers tonight. Seth was planning to work
some old contacts in Brooklyn and try to find out
Jacob's involvement with the Dracs. He wanted to do
it alone, and I respected his decision. I would have felt
the same way.
I showered, changed and sat down in my apartment
and listened to the rain pour against the large
windows. It was soothing, but the echo was also a
reminder of how dreadfully lonely I was.
What I wouldn't do to spend the day with Bella.
I sat up and thought for a moment.
Maybe I could spend the day with her.
Suddenly I got an idea. I didn't like going through her
fire escape in the day time, but I had an even better
idea for a cover. As long as I didn't do this often it
would be okay.
I sent her a quick text to see if she had the afternoon
free. When she responded only minutes later that she
did, I hurried to put my plan into action.
I dressed up in jeans and a graphic tee and threw on a
waterproof jacket. I donned a baseball hat and left
Hell's kitchen to make my way to a tourist store near
the square. I grabbed a cheap red jacket and some
other paraphernalia for my disguise and worked my
way up Broadway. Finally I slipped into a pizza place
only two blocks from her condo and ordered a large
New York pizza with everything. I remembered that
Bella had told me she loved a loaded pizza, and I was
glad to have that tidbit of information now.
I walked up to the building and gave the doorman a
nod.
"Delivery for Miss Swan."
"Go ahead and hit the buzzer for 803."
I punched in the number when her voice came over
the speaker.
"Hello?"
"I have your pizzaMiss Swan." I said into the
intercom.
She gasped on the other end of the speaker and then
let out a little laugh.
"Of coursecome on up."
I made my way to the elevators and hit the button for
her floor. I stepped out and walked down to her door.
It was strange coming in the front door and even
though I was dressed in a full pizza delivery type
outfit, I liked the idea of it much better than using the
fire escape.
It just felt morenormal. And I liked that a lot.
I knocked on the door and heard a quick shuffling of
feet across the floor. The door flew open, and Bella
greeted me with a breathtaking smile.
"Your pizza, Miss Swan." I smirked at her.
She cocked her head and looked at me coyly.
"I don't have any cash, however will I pay you?"
Holy fuck.
Oh, she wants to play. I am definitely up for this.
"I'm sure I can think of some way." I said playfully in
return and she raised her eyebrows at me.
The electricity instantly crackled between us, and I
stepped in to her place and set the pizza on her
counter. Before I could think about it, I swept her into
my arms and gave her a searing kiss.
"Mmmm. I'm thinking I need to order pizza more
often." She joked and I ran my hand through her
chestnut waves. She didn't have on an ounce of make-
up and she was wearing a simple sundress. She looked
beautiful and natural and everything I wanted in that
moment. As usual my body was on fire with her in my
arms, and I wanted nothing more than to run off to
her bedroom with her.
But I stepped back before things became too intense. I
knew we were trying to take it slow, and if I wanted to
spend the day with her I had to keep my hormones
and emotions in check. There was so much she needed
to know.
"Have you had lunch yet? I know it was part of the
rouse, but I got a pizza with everything you like." I
smiled.
Her eyes lit up as she looked at me. "You remembered
how I like my pizza?"
"Trust me, I remember everythingand for a lot of
reasons." I said vaguely. We would get to that soon
enough.
We sat down to have pizza at her breakfast bar and
talked and teased each other playfully. Apparently
Bella loved the pizza place that I stopped at and ate
almost as much as I did. I was impressed with her
small size but enjoyed the fact that she didn't try to be
like a lot of girls and pick at her food. She was so real,
so comfortable with herself. I found it refreshing in
comparison to so many women. I hadn't dated in so
long, and my only recollections of a relationship that
had mattered was Claire. But Claire was fake and
pretentious and asked for her food fifty-seven
different ways so that she could minimize the amount
of calories.
Bella was justBella. Beautiful, natural, refreshing
and warm.
"SoI was hoping we could spend the day together
since I always come here at night." I said tentatively.
Her eyes lit up again. "Sure. What do you want to do?"
But then she looked out the windows. "It's pouring
outsidebut I guess that doesn't matterwe can't go
out anyway." She frowned.
"Does that bother you?" I asked with trepidation.
"No." She shook her head assuredly and I sighed in
relief. "I was thinking more about what we are going
to do. I don't have much here." She laughed.
"Well, it's raining and dreary out, so I was thinking it's
perfect day for a movie."
She smiled and then bounced out of her chair. She
began rattling off movies from the living room and I
wandered in next to her. I noticed a row of albums
sitting across her shelves and grabbed one.
"Are these all pictures?" There had to be at least
twenty albums on the shelf.
She blushed. "Yes, but you probably shouldn't see
some of those. I am gangly with braces and bad hair."
She laughed.
I opened the album in my hand and was staring at a
beautiful little girl with dark hair and eyes. She was
sitting behind a birthday cake with a "2" on it and a
big toothy grin on her face. I knew instantly it was a
picture of Bella.
"What are you looking at?"
"Is this you?"
"Oh my God, you can't look at those! I forgot I had
them!" She tried to grab the album from me but I kept
it out of her reach.
"Oh, I am definitely looking at these."
"Edward!" She kept trying to get to it, and I held her
off until I wrapped my arm around her and we were
both laughing.
Our eyes locked and I bent down to kiss her. My entire
body warmed and I moved my hands to her hair.
Suddenly she snatched the album from me and took
off.
"Hey!"
Our game of cat and mouse continued until we both
collapsed on the couch laughing. I loved the way
Bella's giggle rang through her condo. Spending time
with her was so much different from my daily life. I
felt so much lighter than I had in years.
After a bit of coaxing, and a few more heated kisses, I
finally talked her into letting me look at the albums.
We spent the next three hours on the couch, pouring
over her childhood pictures and sharing stories about
her brother and the boys she grew up with. She told
me more about her parents and her grandmother.
I loved learning about her and looking at her pictures.
It was still raining steadily outside and we decided to
put on a movie. I sat on her couch and as she turned
back to look at me, I could tell she was trying to decide
where to sit. I held up my arm for her, and she smiled
as she scooted under it with her head resting lightly
on my chest. It felt so warm and comfortable and
natural. She just fit with me and I was lost in the
feeling of her warm body next to mine.
I wasn't paying attention to the movie at all as we sat
in silence. Instead I was thinking about all of the
things I needed to tell her. I knew that if I wanted this
to go anywhere, which I was positive I did, then I
needed to talk to her. I garnered some resolve to start
when she asked me something out of the blue.
"Edward, why did you join the FBI?"
I cleared my throat and thought for a moment. I could
give her my boxed answer that I had perfected after so
many years. But this was Bella, and I wanted her to
know. I didn't want to lie to her.
"It was because of Eric" I trailed off. I waited for her
to respond but she just turned her head and looked at
me intently.
"I was angryand I wanted to do something more in
life. I went to law school because I always thought I
wanted to be a prosecutor. I didn't want to live off of
my family's money and I wanted to make something of
myself regardless of our name."
Bella was turned into me and had one hand on my
chest drawing small circles as she listened. I could see
in her eyes how much she wanted to know. She
wanted to know me as much as I wanted to know her.
The look in her eyes; it was so much different than the
way Claire used to look at me. It was almost startling.
But it was like the rain outside; the clouds opened and
poured out water. I was doing the same, pouring out
my hopes and dreams and ambitions like I hadn't to
anyone since Eric died.
I told her about starting at the FBI and my special
skills, and she said Jasper had told her something
about that. She was amazed when I said I had a
photographic memory and 20/8 vision and all of my
other advanced senses.
I even told her about Seth since I only said I had met
him when she asked me about it on Tuesday. She
looked very surprised when I told her he was my
partner. But I explained that I wanted to speak with
him before divulging that information to her. It was
one thing to risk my cover but I didn't want to put my
partner's cover at risk without asking him. She
seemed to understand. I was surprised at just how
understanding she was about a lot of the things
relating to my job.
I told her about going to see Alice and that I was happy
to be having a new niece or nephew. It was on the tip
of my tongue to tell her about Eliot. But I waited. I
needed to form my thoughts some more on that
matter before I discussed it with her. I wasn't sure
how my family was going to react and I wanted her
thoughts on the matter since she was close with them.
She asked me about Alice's request with using Eric's
name and she agreed that she thought it would be nice
if they did it. I was actually coming to like the idea. It
would be a good tribute, and I knew it would be
something my parents would enjoy. I had been far too
closed off from my family for too long, and on some
level I knew that something as simple as that might
help me work through my issues with Eric's death.
We were talking about the FBI again and some of the
places I had been for my missions. Nothing specific
that I couldn't disclose, but I could see her eyes light
up as I told her about living abroad and in South
America and some of the stateside missions.
"Claire was never supportive of my choice though.
And my family wasn't too thrilled either, but they
would always support me in anything."
"Who's Claire?"
Oh shit.
Was I ready to have this conversation with her?
I looked at the clock and realized it was almost 8:00 at
night. The light outside was fading and we had been
sitting on the couch for nearly another three hours
talking. The movie had long stopped on the TV and I
could see the waiting look in her eyes.
Suddenly her stomach growled and she giggled and
looked down.
"Let's have something to eat and then I can tell you
about Claire."
She nodded in understanding as we got up from the
couch and stretched since we had been sitting for so
long. We warmed up the leftover pizza and Bella
tossed together a salad as we once again sat at her
breakfast bar.
I took a bite of my pizza and a sip of the red wine Bella
opened. I could feel the heaviness in the room. I was
trying to decide how to broach the topic. I wanted to
be honest with her. I had never felt this way about
anyone, and I wanted to do this right. Finally I cleared
my throat and began.
"She was my girlfriend, in college and in law school."
Bella simply nodded and listened, urging me to
continue.
"I thought I loved her and she loved me. I am sure we
probably would have gotten married and the whole bit
if" I trailed off.
"If everything else hadn't happened."
I nodded.
"Do you miss her?"
"No." My response was so automatic. I was almost
surprised by it. I did miss her, a lot, my first few years
in the Bureau. But I had long ago focused on my work
and realized that what we had simply didn't run very
deep. I had just been comfortable with it and tricked
myself into believing that it did.
"Claire wantedthe lifestyle. She was a Whitney."
Bella's eyes widened but I continued. "She wanted to
be married to a Cullen, lunch with her friends, have a
house in the Hamptons, the whole yuppie perfection. I
didn't realize just how superficial we were until after
it ended."
"But you thought you were going to get married." She
looked perplexed.
How did I explain it to her?
I decided to launch in and tell her how Claire didn't
support me in the FBI. How we met, how we were the
purported perfect match even though we didn't have a
lot in common. I told her that I realized once it was
over that she didn't really love me the way she should
have and I didn't love her that way either. We never
had the kind of relationship my parents or Alice and
Jasper had, that all-consuming, never stop thinking
about her type of love.
I stopped and looked at Bella while the music we had
playing lightly in the background filtered through the
speakers. Our eyes locked and she swallowed the sip
of wine she just took.
Suddenly my entire world clicked into place.
Holy shit.
My mind was racing as fast as our eyes were dancing
back and forth across each other's faces. Everything I
had just said, everything I wanted, was exactly how I
felt about the woman looking back at me. The room
was thick with realization, and I felt like my heart
thundering in my chest.
Jesus, am I really
"I've never felt like that either" She trailed off but
she didn't have to say the rest. I knew how she was
going to finish it. It was the same two words I would
have used to finish the sentence.
Until now.
Somehow we managed to finish our dinner and moved
back to her living room. The weight of our
conversation was heavy, but not in a bad way. It was
like a blanket, like a warm feeling that wrapped
around my body.
She sat down on the couch next to me and I just gazed
at her. I took in her wavy chestnut hair as it spilled
around her shoulders, her luminescent skin, her full
pouty lips and her deep espresso eyes. She was
beautiful. She was the most beautiful woman I had
ever seen. She understood me and accepted me in a
way no one ever had. I couldn't deny the feelings
coursing through my body.
I reached over and stroked my hand down her face
and she closed her eyes and leaned into my touch.
"Mijn Zon." I whispered. "Please tell me what you are
thinking. I know I have told you a lot today."
She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. The look
she gave me was penetrating.
"I've never felt like thisIdon't know how to explain
it." She said in a hushed tone.
"That's how I feel too." I swallowed and moved closer
to her and she put her hand on my chest again, feeling
my heartbeat below her fingertips.
"Bella, I am completely enraptured by you. I have
been since the first time I saw you at Gray's." I smiled
and she gasped. "It's true." I whispered and leaned
closer and gave her a soft kiss on the lips.
"Mijn Zon. Mijn Licht. Ik ben van jou." I said quietly
and she sighed as she leaned her forehead to mine.
"I'mI don't know how to express it so wellI love the
way you say that and I can only say that I feel the same
way."
I smiled. "I know."
The air around us was heavy with anticipation. I
leaned in and brushed my lips to hers and she sighed
again and then pressed back with more force. My
hands instantly went to her hair as our lips locked and
eventually our tongues battled for dominance. I could
feel where this was moving. We had opened up so
much to each other, and I knew she wanted me. Hell, I
wanted her more than I could possibly imagine ever
wanting a woman. I was desperate for her, but she had
to know. She had to know the worst thing about me
before I could be with her completely. Yet, I didn't
want to ruin our perfect day together by telling her
that.
Our kiss grew heady and our hands wandered. I
pulled her into my lap and wrapped my arms around
her tightly as we explored each other's mouths. She
broke away and we both gasped for our breaths.
"Do you want to go to the bedroom?" She whispered
huskily.
I knew if we went to that bedroom with the giant king
bed and the warm lush comforter, it would be the end
of me. I could hardly resist her now; I would never be
able to resist her in there.
"Bella, I don't want to rush things."
"I know. I don't either." She frowned and I couldn't
tell what she was thinking. I put my finger under her
chin and turned her head to make her look at me.
"What is it, Schoonheid?"
She gave me a curious look and smiled. "Schoonheid?
What does that mean?"
I smiled at my realization that I had called her it out
loud, and I leaned in to kiss her. "It means beauty." I
whispered. "Or I could say Mooi which is beautiful."
She blushed and bit her lip and looked down. I could
tell something was bothering her. I tipped her face up
again and I could see the war of emotions in her deep
espresso orbs.
"You think I'm beautiful?" She smiled as the red
scampered up her cheeks.
"I think you're exquisite. The most beautiful woman I
have ever seen, Mijn Zon." I whispered.
She gasped and tears filled her eyes as she stared into
mine. I couldn't put a name to the emotion that was
coursing through my body, but something in her eyes
met mine and I felt completely at home and yet on fire
at the same time.
She crashed her lips to mine, and I was shocked with
the ferocity behind her kiss. Our lips locked and she
clutched her hands to the back of my neck as she
moved across my lap. I could feel myself responding
to her touch yet again. A fire raged from our
connected lips and warmed my chest, all the way
down my body. I wrapped my arms around her and
pulled her closer so that she was flush against me and
she moaned at the contact.
Fuck it.
We don't have to do that, we could do other things
right?
My hands trailed up her satin thighs as I danced my
fingers along the hem of her panties. She moved on
me and I felt my erection grow impossibly harder at
the contact.
Our tongues sped up the pace and fought with one
another as our hands roamed. Mine up and down her
gorgeous legs to her back and grazing her breasts.
Hers along my chest and at the muscle in my arms and
shoulders; squeezing, pulsing, tracing.
God I wanted her. Fuck what was I thinking?
I ran my hands through her silky chestnut tresses as
she pulled my lip into her mouth. I grazed my hands
down her arms slowly and then grazed her breasts
with my finger tips, and she shuddered at the contact.
God her breasts felt perfect in my hands and her body
felt so right molded to mine. I wanted to tear her dress
off and make love to her right there on the couch. But
I knew I couldn't. Yet even though I couldn't, I had to
see her. I had to feel her skin against mine. Without
another thought I broke the kiss and looked into her
smoldering eyes.
"Bella." I gasped. "Can I take this off?" I tugged at the
bottom of her dress and she nodded as she lifted her
arms and stared at me with an intensity that burned
all the way to my now aching cock.
And then the fucking world stopped.
Hell all time stopped.
Fuck me.
God, I really am one fucked up idiot.
She was illuminated by the moonlight that was now
streaming through the windows. She looked so much
like she had in my dreams but a million times better.
Her porcelain skin was set against the midnight blue
lace bra and panties. She was more than exquisite.
Her perfect breasts were rising and falling with her
labored breaths, and I could see her pert nipples
straining against the lace.
I ghosted my hands down her curves, and felt her skin
ripple from my touch. Her trim yet hourglass shape
was like heaven in my hands. I reveled in every inch of
her with my fingertips, back up her curves and over
her breasts, caressing, touching, just feeling her.
God she was fucking gorgeous. So much beyond my
dreams I couldn't comprehend the sight before me. I
reached up and swept a lock of hair behind her ear
and she closed her eyes and bit her lip.
God, that fucking lip.
Then my want for her got the best of me, and I
couldn't take it anymore.
"Jesus Christ, Schoonheid." I crashed my lips to hers
once again and groaned. She moaned into my mouth
as she rocked against me, the feel of her silky skin so
completely in my hands almost undid me right then.
Then I felt her tug at my shirt and I lifted my arms
reciprocating the action and she had a moment
similar to my own. She stopped kissing me and ran
her fingers lightly over my chest, down my arms and
back to my abs as I breathed heavily from her
ministrations.
I shivered under her touch and her eyes blazed with
want.
"Apollo." She whispered.
"What?"
"You, you're like Apolloremarkable." She rasped.
She continued to graze her fingers along my chest and
I began to do the same. Then she bent to kiss me on
my neck, down my shoulder and on my chest and I
instantly found her pulse point and sucked. We were
memorizing each other with our eyes, our lips, our
hands.
She ground against me again, and I thought I was
going to see stars as I clutched onto her perfect ass.
She sat back and ran her hands down my chest firmly
this time to the now very prominent bulge in my
pants, and I looked at her through hooded eyes as she
slowly unbuttoned my pants.
"We can'tI mean I don't have anything." I
stammered.
"I know. We don't have to do that yet." She smiled
lightly and then slowly pressed her hand along my
length and I threw my head back.
Fuck, it had been so long since I had felt any woman's
touch and this was Bella, the one woman I wanted
more than anyone in my life.
I reveled in the feeling of her hand stroking me up and
down, and I kneaded my fingers into her ass as I
hissed in pleasure.
Slowly I brought my hand around and grazed her wet
center outside her panties and she moaned and moved
into my touch.
"Edward" She closed her eyes and I was holding off
losing it right there in her hands from hearing my
name on her lips and feeling how soaked she was just
through the fabric.
I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her tightly
to me and slipped my fingers under the lace and ran
my thumb over her nub.
"Ah!" She cried out and gripped me more tightly.
"Fuck. Bella." I grunted.
I moved a finger into her and realized she was
impossibly wet and tight and again I had to grit my
teeth at the thought of my cock being inside of her.
The thought of her completely surrounding me was
almost more than I could bear.
Suddenly we both became frenzied. We had been
begging off this release for so long, we were desperate
for it. Her hand was on me, moving up and down my
length in a perfect rhythm with my fingers in her.
I grabbed the back of her head with my other hand
and crushed my lips to her as I thrust another finger
into her and pumped as I rubbed her nub with my
thumb. She moaned and pressed against me.
We were both burning, feeling one another,
pleasuring one another in the most intimate way we
had yet and relieving so much of the tension that had
become common place around us. The feel of her in
my hands, her body nearly encasing me on the couch
and moving against me made me ache with want.
I released her lips and tipped her head back and
trailed kisses down her neck, across her collarbone
and finally I took one of her nipples in my mouth
through the fabric.
"Edward. God." She rasped again and I felt her begin
to tense around me.
I curled my fingers to find her spot and she moved her
hand more forcefully around me. I wanted to see her;
I wanted to see her in the throes of ecstasy, my sun
coming apart from my hands.
"Come for me, Bella." I whispered as I flicked her
nipple through the fabric again and she tensed and
cried out as she threw her head back. Her mouth was
slightly parted and her eyes were shut. I was
enthralled at the sight before me.
I came instantly into her hands at the sight and
groaned into her neck as we both panted through our
releases and clutched one another. I wrapped my arm
around her and pulled my other hand from her as she
rested her head on my shoulder.
Fuck I can't imagine what it's going to be like when
we're finally together.
We sat quietly until I felt her shiver.
"Mijn Zon."
"Hmmm." She said sleepily and I chuckled. It had to
be almost 11:00 and I had been here all day.
She lifted her head up and looked into my eyes and I
ran my hand through her hair once again as I leaned
in to give her a slow, sweet kiss. She closed her eyes
and sighed and we just sat with our foreheads pressed
to one another.
She reached back to the coffee table for some tissues
and handed some to me so that we could clean up.
Once we were clean, she grabbed her dress.
"Here, let me." I whispered and she lifted her arms as
I slowly pulled the dress back down over her, hiding
her beautiful body from me once again.
I slipped on my shirt and buttoned up my pants, and
she leaned down to rest her head on my shoulder
while I stroked her hair. We just sat there in absolute
silence, content in one another's arms until I started
to feel her breathing even out.
"Schoonheid, I need to go."
She sighed and looked up at me with heavy eyes. I
kissed her and lifted her up. I carried her to the
bedroom and slipped her under the covers of her huge
four poster bed and ran my fingers through her
tresses one more time.
Just as I bent to give her one final kiss and turned to
leave, I felt her hand on my arm.
"Stay with me?" Her eyes were pleading and it was
taking everything I had in my body to deny it. How
could I deny something that felt as easy as breathing
and at the same time as mind-blowing as it was to be
with her?
But I had a meeting with the brothers tonight and I
didn't have a choice. I bent down to kiss her lightly as
she hummed and closed her eyes.
"I can't, Mijn Zon. But soon. I promise." I trailed my
hand down her face and gave her one more kiss before
I slipped out of her room.
Then and there I decided I had to tell her soon. I had
to tell her because I knew with every ounce of my
being I knew.
I was falling in love with her, if I wasn't already there.
My heart ached at leaving her. But she had to know.
The one thing I hadn't told her. She knew about my
crazy abilities, she knew about Seth, she knew about
my fucked up grief, she knew about me.
But she didn't know I was a killer.
I jumped off the fire escape thinking only one thing:
the next time I would see her would be Tuesday.
I would tell her on Tuesday.
As I raced into the night I focused on that. Either she
would want me or not, and I would find out on
Tuesday. I owed it to her and to me.
Tuesday's Coming. I'll see her again then.
Tuesday's Coming.
~~~-~~~

Chapter 13 ~ Love Is Dangerous
Chapter Song: Nickelback Id Come For You
BPOV
"I'm no good, Isabella. I'm sorry."
"I don't believe you." I shook my head crying. The
tears were streaming down my face, and my heart
was breaking. How could he do this to me?
"I'm sorry for leading you on. You should be with
someone elsesomeone who loves you more than
me." His words were piercing through me yet I could
see it, I could see the pain in his eyes.
Why was he doing this? Why was he lying to me?
"I don't understand. Is it something I did? Just tell
me. Tell me what I did." I pleaded with him. My voice
was cracking, and I couldn't stop the flow of tears
now.
"No. It's nothing you did. I justI can't do this."
"Why? You said you loved me. You said you would be
there for me." I almost screeched at him.
"I lied."
"I don't understand." I sobbed.
His head was in his hands as he sat on the couch of
the apartment I was sharing with Kate in SoHo.
Finally he looked up with a pained expression. It was
as if he was trying to find the words.
"I cheated on you." He blurted out finally and
cringed.
"What?" I gasped. I went from heartbroken to angry
in seconds. He knew how much I hated infidelity. He
knew how much I despised Phil and still harbored
distaste for my mother. How could he?
No. He didn't. Something else is going on. This has
something to do with his job, I just knew it.
"I don't believe you." I said again, this time more
firmly. I was shaking my head now; the tears had
subsided for the time being.
"It's true." He gritted his teeth.
He was lying. I could tell he was lying. What the hell
was going on?
"You always said you could never do something like
that. Your parents had screwed up their relationship
and so had mine. You said you would never do that to
me, so I don't believe you." I stared him down.
Was I being nave? Maybe he really did cheat? Maybe
I was just a stupid twenty-two year old who didn't
know anything.
"I'm sorry. But I have to go. I'm sorry, Bella." He
choked out.
How could he do this to me? He said he loved me. He
said he wanted to marry me. He said he wanted to
have kids with me and a home with me. This didn't
make any sense. Why was he doing this?
Before I could think he was standing up from the
couch and walking toward the door.
"Wait! Alec! Please, why? What's really going on? We
can work through this!" I chased after him
desperately.
He paused at the door with his hand on the knob. His
shoulders fell as he turned to look at me. I could see
the heartache in his eyes which made me question
him all the more.
"Please." I begged again.
"Ican'tI don't love you, Bella."
My voice caught in my throat, and my whole world
collapsed around me. He never called me Bella. He
always called me Isabella.
I looked at him once again through tear-filled eyes as
he opened the door. He turned slightly to look over
his shoulder but he didn't meet my eyes.
"Don't come after me."
And with that he was gone.
I awoke to rain lightly strumming against the window
of my bedroom. My body was perfectly relaxed yet my
mind was racing. It had been years since I dreamt
about Alec. I had no idea what the hell caused it to
happen. Let alone last night. After I spent possibly the
best night of my life with a man who I was certain I
was falling in love with.
I sat up and looked at the clock. It was 3:00 in the
morning, and I had only been asleep for four hours. I
practically begged Edward to stay, but he had to work
last night, or at least I assumed he did by the way he
answered my question.
And he wanted to take it slow.
Slow.
Fuck. Slow was going to kill me at this point.
But I had to admit, we both grew so much closer to
one another after yesterday. The physical had always
been easy for me. That would probably explain why I
wasn't connected to a lot of my boyfriends
emotionally. With James it was only the physical.
With the handful of other men I had dated it was only
the physical.
Everyone except for Alec.
Maybe that was what had spawned my dream?
I had opened up to Edward as much as he had to me
last night. I didn't consider myself a closed-off person,
and I was definitely not as closed-off as he was. But I
definitely built up some walls after Alec. I didn't let
men get close to me. I separated the physical from the
emotional. I didn't want to get hurt.
But Edward brought about so many feelings and
emotions in me that I could no longer separate it.
They simply weren't separable when it came to him. I
wanted him in every way, physically, emotionally,
mentally.
I stretched out my arms, and my body was still singing
from our little tryst on the couch. My body had never
felt so alive and burning with desire as it had at his
hands.
Oh God, his hands.
Holy hell, his fingers should be patented.
I sighed as I lay in bed thinking about the day before.
Maybe my opening up to Edward would bring back
memories of Alec, but I could take it. I would take it,
because I wanted and needed Edward ten times as
much as I ever did Alec. And that was saying a lot,
because once upon a time I had been certain that I was
hopelessly in love with Alec and would have the entire
American dream with him.
But he cheated. Or so he said.
He broke my heart and I hadn't gone after him as he
requested. But it didn't make it hurt any less. It took
me a good year to get over him and another year to
even attempt to date anyone.
Now, I was long over him. I didn't love him anymore. I
chalked it up to young love and naivety about love and
life in general.
I thought about my conversations with Edward from
the day before. Ironically he had a very similar
relationship with his ex-girlfriend Claire.
Claire Whitney.
He was with fucking Claire Whitney, little Miss
Princess of New York. I knew who Claire Whitney was,
but I didn't tell him that. He had to know that
everyone knew who Claire Whitney was. Her mother
and father were large donors to the Met, and I always
had to kiss ass with them at fundraisers.
Unfortunately I would probably be seeing them at the
one that was only a little over a week away.
Claire was no better. She was now married to some
plastic surgeon who looked like he had already taken
his knife to her. She lived in a fancy apartment on
Fifth Avenue and did the whole socialite thing. As far
as I knew she didn't work. They didn't have any kids
yet, but that didn't stop her from staying homeor
should I say spending her husband's hard earned
money.
I rolled over in bed and realized I could still smell his
scent on me. I could still feel his hands on my body
and see his eyes piercing me. He was so sexy and yet
sovulnerable at the same time. He was sweet and
caring but also strong and commanding. He was my
tough agent yet so deeply troubled.
I was sure I was falling in love with him. If I was being
honest with myself, I was probably already there.
But I felt as though he was holding something back.
He wanted to take it slow, yet I could feel the desire
rolling off him in waves as much as it did off of me.
I was surprised when he had told me about Seth, but I
understood his intentions. Surely there were rules
about agents and civilians. I was positive he was
breaking a lot of rules by seeing me, and he wanted to
talk to Seth before he put him in the same
predicament. Of course knowing my friend Seth, I'm
sure he didn't care. He probably just told him "don't
hurt her or I'll kill you" just like Brad would have, or
any of the other boys on our block for that matter.
Still, we had a wonderful day together. We talked and
laughed and he looked at my pictures and I asked him
questions about his parents and Eric and Alice. He
was opening up more and more and I could tell it was
getting easier for him. He still struggled, and I could
see the pain in his eyes. But the more time we spent
together the more I saw the witty, caring guy I made
dinner with at Jasper and Alice's.
Then, of course when our eyes locked at dinner and he
said he hadn't felt like this before, I knew. I knew as
much as I could feel it in myself. We were both drawn
to each other. Like magnets or gravity.
Mijn Zon. Mijn Licht. Ik ben van jou.
I sighed letting his words wrap around me like a
blanket.
Schoonheid.
Beauty. He called me his beauty and said I was
beautiful. I couldn't imagine how a man that was such
a perfect specimen of a human being could think that I
was beautiful. He wasunbelievable. Perfect.
Finally at 5:00 A.M. I determined that I wouldn't be
getting anymore sleep. I got out of bed and reluctantly
slipped out of my dress that was still covered in his
scent. I glanced down at the navy
lace bra and panties I was
wearing and smirked. The look
on his face was pretty priceless.
Thank God I had changed
quickly when I got his text.
I slipped out of my lingerie and
into some running clothes. It
sounded like the rain had finally
subsided as I made my way
about the condo getting ready
for my run.
Central Park was still wet from the rain, but the grass
was a lush green that shimmered under the early
morning sun.
Green like Edward's eyes.
I smiled to myself as I thought of the first day I had
met him when I thought that. When he said he had
been "enraptured" by me since the first time he saw
me at Gray's, my heart almost beat out of my chest.
How could this God of a man be enraptured by me?
I couldn't explain it, but I was drawn to him on every
level possible. I wasn't going to fight it. Not anymore. I
wanted him, and I knew he wanted me, even if it was
taking him a bit longer to get there.
As I made my loop for home I realized it was Monday,
and I briefly wondered if I would get another strange
set of flowers. I didn't know what to make of the whole
deal. It seemed to concern Edward, but I was starting
to think it was one of my interns pulling a prank on
me. I wouldn't put it past Mike Newton or Tyler
Crowley.
At the same time I was perplexed by the meaning of
the flowers.
Maybe the sender didn't know what they meant?
I made my way up to my condo and got ready for the
day. I would be early for work, which was perfectly
fine since we still had a ton of work to do before the
fundraiser.
Alice had finally brought over my mask and jewelry on
our girls night a few weeks ago. I loved the entire
ensemble. The dress was simple and chic, yet still had
an artistic quality. The mask was a matching bronze
around the eyes with beautiful turquoise, ruby and
gold stones inset as well. And the jewelry was a simple
pair of stud earrings and a bracelet with matching
stones. I wasn't wearing a necklace because Alice
though it would be too much, and I had to agree.
I walked into work at 7:15 and set about editing a
batch of the interns' write-ups. I was busily marking
up the documents and nibbling on my bagel and coffee
when I heard a knock on the door.
Here we go.
It was 9:00 already and once again Maggie, our
receptionist, grinned at me girlishly.
"Hi Maggie."
"Miss SwanI mean Bella. You have flowersagain."
She said trying not to smile.
I sighed and told her to bring them back to me if she
could. I didn't feel like walking out in front of the
interns today especially if they were all in on it.
Maggie walked in this time with a bundle of delicate
pink flowers. They looked like a wildflower almost,
but seemed too brittle to withstand much weather. I
thanked Maggie and waited for her to close the door
behind her and took a deep breath before I opened the
card.
Carolina Rose
Again, nothing more was included.
I set them on the edge of my desk
and sat down at my laptop to pull
up the same website I used time
and again. This was the fourth set
of flowers. I had kept each card and put it in my pencil
drawer in my desk and written the meaning of the
flowers on the back. I was hoping that at some point it
would all come together to form a clue. Or maybe it
was anagram or something. Hell I didn't know. I
would be flattered if I wasn't so annoyed by it.
Finally the website loaded and I scrolled down to find
the meaning of the flowers and gasped when I saw it.
Carolina Rose - Love is Dangerous
My heart stopped.
My breathing stopped.
Why would?
But who could?
What did that mean?
I couldn't put together the meaning before me and the
meanings of the other flowers. Up until now the
flowers all seemed admiring, innocent.
But this. This was almostfrightening.
I didn't know what to make of it.
I quickly wrote it down and shoved away the card. The
entire situation with the flowers had me utterly
baffled. It was as if someone was trying to send me a
message. But who? And what?
Love is dangerous?
Shit. A ripple of fear went through me.
Did someone know about Edward?
My mind raced through the possibilities that someone
had seen us at some point; but it was impossible. We
had been very careful. He had been very careful. I
knew he wouldn't take any unnecessary risks; he had
told me as much.
That left only a few possibilities. I still had a sneaking
suspicion it was either James or Jacob. Love is
dangerous could mean that Jacob was afraid of the
fact that he was in love with me, as he had professed to
me all those years ago.
And James continued to text and email me asking to
see me. I simply ignored his contacts. I wanted
nothing to do with him. Based on the raging jealousy I
saw him display, he could quite easily be sending the
flowers to me.
Or it could be my interns and the flowers had no
meaning at all.
I sighed, once again, like I had each of the last three
Mondays and willed myself to get to work in preparing
for the fundraiser.
--
I woke up with a smile on Tuesday. I was going to see
Edward today. For some reason he was able to come
on Tuesdays. I never particularly liked Tuesdays much
before. But now I had a reason to.
I went through my morning ritual and slipped on a
cute black and white Ralph Lauren
dress that Alice had snagged for me
from a shoot. I wanted to look nice for
Edward tonight. He hadn't texted me
yet, but he said he was going to come
over today.
I walked to work through the park. The
sun was finally shining again, but I had
a strange sense of foreboding. I was
still having the eerie feeling that
someone was watching me, but I
couldn't place it.
You're just being narcissistic, Bella.
Not that I thought highly of myself, hardly. But I
couldn't get past the feeling of being watched. I picked
up my pace a bit and hurried up the stairs to the Met.
I spent the morning once again engrossed in revisions
until I decided to take a break and walk around the
museum for a bit. I decided to take a quick pass
through the Greek and Roman exhibit before going
back to my office.
I stopped in front of the Apollo and just stared at it. It
was a beautiful sculpture, but honestly it had nothing
on my real life Apollo. My skin broke out in goose
bumps just thinking about him. I was so lost in
thought, I didn't notice anyone come up beside me.
"It's quite perfect isn't it?" A voice hissed.
I instantly tensed.
What the fuck?
I turned slowly and eyed him. "What are you doing
here, James?"
"You wouldn't take my calls, so I figured that I should
come see you myself." He crossed his arms and eyed
me up and down. "You look good, Bella."
"What's it matter to you?" I said through clenched
teeth as I took a step back from him and mirrored his
position.
He stepped forward and reached to touch my hair,
and I turned my head away.
"C'mon baby. I said I was sorry. Why won't you take
my calls?"
"I don't want to see you James. I told you last week.
We. Are. Over." I annunciated.
"I never said we are over." He sneered.
I blew out a breath, exasperated, as James moved
closer. He was not going to scare me. We were at my
place of work, and I was not going to back down from
him.
My eyes were locked with his, and my ears were
burning. My jaw was set so tight I could feel it aching.
"Is everything okay here?"
I was still standing my ground but some of the tension
left my body.
"Everything is fine, Jasper." I turned to see my friend
walk up with his hands in his pockets and eyeing
James.
"Doesn't look like it." He glared at James, and I put
my hand on his arm.
"Really Jazz, it's fine." I turned to James again. "Mr.
Raven was just leaving." I raised my eyebrows at him.
James stepped back and cocked his head. "You'll come
back. It will just be a matter of time." He narrowed his
eyes at Jasper one more time and then spun on his
heels and left.
Once he was out of sight I finally breathed a sigh of
relief.
"Are you sure you're okay. He didn't touch you did
he?" Jasper looked at me warily.
"I said I'm fine, Jazz. How did you find me anyway?" I
tried to change the subject.
"You weren't in your office, and you were late for
lunch. I know this is your favorite place, so I came
here." He shrugged but then his eyes got serious
again. "Alice told me about what James did. I swear if
he touches you again" Jazz shook his head.
My eyes widened at his admission. I should have
known that Alice would tell Jasper. But still, I knew he
would be pissed once he found out.
"Jazz, just let it go. Besides I'm" I stopped myself
and bit my lip.
Shit. I almost told him I was seeing Edward.
"You're what?" He looked at me quizzically.
"Nothing. Let's go eat lunch." I grabbed his arm and
lead us back to our offices, appalled at my near
mistake.
After lunch I heard the other phone buzz and quickly
opened it.
MZ~I can't come tonight. I'm sorry. Soon, I
promise.~YA
I sighed. Of course he couldn't come tonight. After the
shitty day I had, Edward wouldn't be coming over.
I frowned and texted him back. No Tuesday
rendezvous for me.
MA~Don't worry about it. Text me when?~YZ
MZ~Of course.~YA
The rest of Tuesday and Wednesday dragged on. I
ended up staying late at work on Tuesday because I
didn't have to go home for anything. On Wednesday I
worked long hours once again in preparation for the
fundraiser and because I was taking Friday off.
It was the First of July and Friday was our designated
day off from work, even though I still had a lot of work
to do for the fundraiser.
But Friday I was hosting our annual barbecue at
Charlie's. Every year all of my old friends and my
Dad's friends in our neighborhood got together in
Charlie's small backyard. We grilled out and set off
firecrackers and drank beer. It was fun and just like
the Fourth of July for so many families across the
country.
This year I invited Angela and Eliot and my friend
Zafrina as well. Angela was bringing Ben which I was
very excited about. They had been on two more dates
since their first and seemed to really hit it off. Alice,
Jasper and Rose were spending the holiday out in the
Hamptons with the Whitlocks and the Cullens. They
invited me almost every year, but I loved seeing
everyone from my old neighborhood. Sure I loved the
beach and I had been out there a few times with Alice,
but I wasn't really one for the big parties and the
hoopla that always happened.
Thinking about the Fourth instantly made me think of
Edward. I wondered what he was doing for the
Fourth, and Seth for that matter. I was sure Seth
wouldn't be back in Brooklyn, and Edward wouldn't
be going to the Hamptons.
It made me think of just how lonely his job must be.
No wonder there was so much pain in his eyes. He had
to suffer every day by himself, without his family,
without his friends. I knew it was largely self-imposed
since he chose his profession, but I wondered just how
lonely he was.
I cabbed my way home late again and made myself a
grilled cheese sandwich and drank a glass of wine
before I climbed into bed and thought about my week.
I didn't know when I was going to see Edward again. I
had never been in a relationship where the other
person could only contact me. It was strange, I had to
admit. But it was also tantalizing and riveting at the
same time. It was almost as if it wasn't real, that it was
fake somehow. But he was so real; I knew it every time
I was in a room with him, hell whenever I was within a
twenty foot radius of him. And even though we were
taking it slow, I felt like I knew him better than almost
anyone else. Most other couples did the standard date
thing and went to dinner or to the movies where each
person could be easily distracted or use breaks in the
conversation to focus on the subject of the date. But
not when I was with Edward. We were forced to
interact with one anotherto talk and laugh and tell
stories. We were forced to focus on each other
because there were no waiters barging in or shows
that were holding our gaze.
I realized that I was closer to him in a few weeks than
I had been to anyone in six years. Still I wished
Edward was here, in my bed, with me. Once again I
slowly drifted off to sleep hoping my wish would come
true and the next time he came, he would stay.
--
Soft hands trickled down my side as lips descended on
my neck.
Was I dreaming? I know I went to bed alone.
Suddenly a warm, strong arm wrapped around me
and I sighed into his touch. I would know his touch
anywhere, even if we had only been together for a
short time.
I was sure I was dreaming now. I could hear the wind
whistling down the alley and through my blinds, but I
shut my eyes tighter trying to stay in my dream.
His lips worked their way down my collarbone, and
his hand ever so lightly grazed the skin under my tank
top. He was warm and solid against my back and I
wanted to be lost in the sensationsin the way his
hands and his lips felt on my body.
"Edward." I moaned as he found the spot just below
my ear making ripples of desire race through my
body.
"Mijn Zon. I'm sorry about last night. I wanted to
come." He said as he lightly nibbled my ear.
Wait. Am I not dreaming?
I rolled over to be met with blazing jade eyes and my
Apollo once again dressed in black. He looked every
bit the undercover agent that he was, and the sight of
him in my bed, with his arms around me, made my
body quiver with want.
"Edwardwhat are you doing here?" I rasped.
"I'm sorry to disturb you. You can go back to sleep. I
didn't mean to wake you." He said as he trailed his
hands through my hair.
God, I fucking love it when he does that.
I shook my head at him. "No. I'm glad you came." I
gave him a small smile and then leaned in to lightly
kiss him on the lips. But a spark of electricity ignited
between us.
"Mijn Zon" He groaned as he deepened the kiss. But
then he pulled back and put his hand on my face. "I
want you so much. I dream about you. Do you dream
about me?" He asked, his eyes absolutely smoldering
in intensity.
"Yes." I said huskily. "Every night." I added.
He closed his eyes, and as he reopened them I could
see the pain and the longing. Something was wrong
with him. Something had happened tonight. I could
see it in his eyes. That's why he came.
"What's wrong?"
He sighed and closed his eyes once again and leaned
his forehead to mine as he stroked my hair.
"I still have so much to tell you. And I'm afraid" He
trailed off.
I traced my fingers down his cheekbone and his body
released some of the tension I could feel. "It's okay,
Edward. You don't have to tell me now."
He looked at me then, and I could see the emotion
warring within him. Without a word he pressed his
lips to mine hungrily. I could feel the need, the
desperation behind his kiss. Whatever was troubling
him, he couldn't tell me, but he was obviously trying to
show me. He wanted me, and I wanted him more than
I could possibly comprehend.
He wrapped his arms around me tighter as he plunged
his tongue into my mouth. Fire burned through my
body and I was instantly soaked with my want for him.
He moved to hover above me, his mouth never leaving
mine as his hands caressed me. It was almost as
though he were memorizing me. He sat back and
tugged on my camisole, and I sat up slightly and lifted.
I lay back and his eyes locked on me, burning, searing
my body as he took me in. I was only wearing black
lace panties as he stared down at me in the barely lit
room. Slowly his hands worked their way up my body
firmly yet reverently. He brushed his thumb over my
nipple causing it to pebble from his touch and I
shuddered.
"Mijn Schoonheid." He said hoarsely. "Perfecte."
Then he brought his mouth to where his thumb had
just been and lightly flicked and pulled at my nipple.
"Ah, Edward." I cried out and my hands gripped his
hair holding him to me. He continued his slow teasing
of my nipples, one then the other while his hands
worked themselves up and down my body. I was dying
for him, but I could feel his pain. I could feel whatever
was troubling him. I could feel him aching for me, for
his job, for whatever was causing his pain.
But I wanted to make him forget. I pushed back at him
and sat up and pulled on his black shirt as he lifted his
arms. I tossed it to the side and traced my fingers over
his skin.
God he was perfect.
He was muscular and pure man, and better than any
Apollo I had ever seen in marble. His chest was
flawlessly sculpted and his absdear god his abs were
exceptional. They tensed and flexed as I ran my hands
down his shoulders over his pectorals and back to his
abs. I pushed him again willing him to lie down as I
climbed over his legs.
He looked up at me with hooded eyes, and I kissed his
chest right over his heart and made my way to his
nipple. I trailed circles over it with my tongue and he
moaned. I continued to just feel him and taste him
with my hands and lips. He was perfect. I wanted him
so much, but right now I just wanted to take away his
pain.
I worked my way back up his chest to his neck and
lightly bit on his earlobe.
"Bella." He gasped. "Shit."'
"Edward." I whispered as I kissed my way back down
his neck and pressed my hands down along his arms. I
traced my fingertips over his bicep as I sat back up
and looked at the tattoo on his arm.
Without thinking I bent down to kiss it and he
shuddered and instantly put his hands in my hair. His
fingers scraped at my scalp, but it wasn't painful, it
was wanton, and needy.
I slowly kissed my way back down his abs to the
perfect v at his hips and began to undo his belt.
"No. This wasn't supposed to be about me" He tried
to sit back up but I stopped him.
"Shh. I want to make you feel good. I want to help you
forget, Edward."
"Bella"
"Shh." I silenced him with my lips and then worked
my way back to the promised land. I knew he was
large from having him in my hands but the thought of
finally seeing him, all of him in my bed, even if we
weren't going to have sex yet, was causing me to
smolder from the inside out.
I tugged on his pants and he lifted his hips as I
removed them. I sat back up and firmly ran my hands
over his muscular thighs and back up to his abs.
Jesus HHe really is a God.
I bent down to kiss him right on the tip of his cock and
he jumped.
"Fuck. Bella." He grunted and his hands were at once
back in my hair.
"Tell me, Edward. Tell me how to make you feel good."
I said as I looked up at him and he just nodded at me
with smoldering eyes.
Then I took him in my mouth, lightly sucking and
working my way up and down his length with my lips.
I swirled my tongue over the tip and he groaned loudly
and gripped my hair more firmly.
"Jesus Christ, Bella. So fucking perfectjust like
that."
I continued to work him. He was so large, there was
no way I could take him all in my mouth. It made my
center boil with the thought of having him inside me.
But I focused on pleasuring him. I gripped his base
with my hand and slowly but firmly stroked him and
worked him with my hand and my mouth.
I could tell he was trying not to thrust into me but he
was become frantic under my mouth and my hand.
I hummed around him, and he groaned loudly again
and swore under his breath. Then I looked up at him
and he was watching me with hooded eyes, his one
hand was gripping my hair and the other was fisting
the sheets so tightly I thought he might rip them right
off the bed.
I looked back down and increased my pressure
sucking, gripping, swirling.
"Fuck. Bella, I'm going to come." He pulled on my hair
a bit, but I continued working him. Then I felt and
heard him lay back.
"Ugh. Bella." He grunted and thrust into me once and
I could feel him harden in my mouth. I took him as
deeply as I could. The warm liquid shot down my
throat as I finished him off completely.
Suddenly I was on my back with him hovering over
me, and he crashed his lips to mine. I was sure I still
tasted like himsalty and manlybut he must not
have cared.
"God, I want you, Mijn Zon." He rasped into the kiss.
Then fucking take me? What's holding you back?
"But I am at least going to return the favor." He kissed
his way down my body to my center, and my skin was
on fire at his touch. I knew this wouldn't take long; I
was so completely turned on from pleasuring him that
I was sure one touch from his expert fingers would
undo me.
Then I felt his hands tug at my panties and lifted. He
massaged my calves, my thighs and my hips and
pulled me to him.
Oh shit, he's going to taste me. I couldn't remember
the last time a man took his time to do that.
I dropped my head back in anticipation and before I
knew it his mouth was on me.
"God. Edward!" I cried out as he plunged his tongue
into melicking and simultaneously rubbing my nub.
I was moaning at the sensations he was sending
through my body, and I gripped his hair and pulled
him to me tighter.
He responded by increasing his hold on my hips and
plunging his tongue deeper. He alternated between
thrusting his tongue and his fingers into me and
working my nub. I looked down and saw his head
between my legs, pleasuring me with his mouth and
another rage of fire shot through my body.
"Oh my God!" I cried out. I was spiraling, faster than a
hurricane toward the coast. My legs were shaking, and
I gripped his hair ferociously.
"Edward!" I gasped one more time as I struck land
and went sailing over the edge. Wave after wave of my
orgasm rocked my body as he slowly kissed me on my
nub and then worked his way back up my body.
I grabbed him and pulled him to me, crashing my lips
to his as we kissed powerfully. We stayed locked in
that position. Him hovering over me, gripping me
around my waist and kissing me so passionately. It
was as if I could feel every emotion with every beat of
his heart. Finally our kisses slowed, and he moved
over and lay down beside me and pulled the covers
over us. He circled his arm around me and crushed
me to his chest so hard I almost couldn't breathe. I
could feel his pain; feel whatever was bothering him
in the intensity of the way he held me.
But I didn't care. If I was what he needed, then I would
let him. I would be anything for him, and I knew then
that I was utterly in love with him.
He leaned his head down and inhaled deeply and then
kissed me on the juncture of my neck and shoulder.
"Sleep, Mijn Schoonheid." He whispered as he kissed
me again and pulled me impossibly tighter to him.
I wanted to respond, but I was sated and exhausted by
the intensity of our exchange. I couldn't fight it any
longer, and I immediately fell into a deep dreamless
sleep.
--
I felt more than heard a shuffling and I blinked my
eyes to wake up. It was still dark, but a tiny remnant of
light seeped through the window. It was just before
dawn and I could tell Edward was no longer beside
me. I rolled over to find the bed still warm but empty
and squinted my eyes to look around the room. He
was facing the opposite wall bent over and pulling on
his pants.
Holy hell, even his ass is perfect.
I had to repress a moan. He stood up and lifted his
arms over his head to pull on his t-shirt but not before
I could make out the large tattoo on his back. It looked
like a lion over crossed swords. There was writing on
it, but I couldn't make it out in the dim light. It was
unbelievably hot, even more so than the one on his
arm, and blood once again raced through my veins at
the sight of this man.
Sweet mother of
His muscles tensed and flexed as the lion disappeared
behind his black shirt, and he turned around.
His eyes widened as they met mine, obviously
surprised that I was awake, and we just stared at one
another for a moment.
Finally I stood up and wrapped the sheet around me
and walked over to him. I lifted my hand to his cheek,
and he closed his eyes and turned his head into my
hand.
The tension and pain and a hundred other emotions
were rolling off of him in waves.
"I'm sorryabout last night." He whispered and
opened his eyes with a pained expression.
I could be taken aback. But I wasn't. I could think he
meant he didn't want me, but I knew what he really
meant. If I had learned anything about this man in the
short while that I knew him, he was apt to self-
loathing and more considerate than any man I had
ever met. He was sorry for coming in the middle of the
night and doing what we did, without a precursor or
talking. I needed to tame that fear immediately.
"Don't be. I'm not." I whispered back to him. I met his
eyes and tried to convey the sincerity of my words
with my expression.
He nodded and instantly pulled me into his arms, and
I could feel his tension ease as I melted into his
embrace. We stood there simply holding one another
until the light was becoming brighter in the room.
"I should go." He murmured and I nodded into his
chest.
He stepped back and put his hands on my face and
then trailed one through my hair.
"I'll call you?" He said and I nodded. He kissed me
tenderly before stepping out of my bedroom and into
the dawn by way of my fire escape.
I sighed. I didn't know what was bothering him, but I
wished he could tell me. Somehow I had a feeling that
whatever was bothering him was also the reason for
why he didn't want to sleep with me yet. It wasn't that
I jumped in bed with men. It was just that I had simply
never wanted anyone as much as him in my life.
I turned to look at the clock and noticed it was just
after 5:00 A.M. I was up early yet again and decided to
get ready for my day. I stepped over to my dresser and
noticed a small silver coin-like emblem sitting on top
of the cherry wood. I picked it up and looked closer. I
didn't recognize it. I knew it wasn't mine so it must
have been Edward's. I rubbed my thumb over the
emblem and noticed it was just like the tattoo on his
back. It was a lion over two crossed swords. The lion's
mouth was open as if in a roar and it was bearing its
claws. The symbol was magnificent.
I flipped it over and noticed three letters on the back.
ECC
I knew immediately whose it had to be. It was Eric's.
But did he mean to leave it here, or did he leave it by
accident? I wasn't sure what the meaning of the
emblem was or why he left it, but I knew that
something happened last night to cause him to come
here, to cause the tortured look in his eyes.
I put the emblem in the top drawer of my dresser and
began to get ready for the day. Yet all day long I
couldn't help but remember the pain in his eyes, the
absolute need in the way he touched me. It was as if he
were breaking. As the day progressed, I shuffled my
way through work and home once again. But I kept
thinking over and over.
What's troubling you, Apollo?
--
"Dad?" I called through the house. It was strangely
quiet considering I was running behind this morning.
"Dad?" I yelled again as I made my way to the kitchen
and began to unpack the groceries I picked up at the
corner market. Charlie was supposed to get the beer
for the barbecue, and I would make all the food.
I began to hum and unpack the groceries when I heard
whispering in the other room.
I quickly stepped into the living room and froze.
There was my Dad. Without a shirt. With his arms
wrapped around Sue Clearwater.
Oh my God.
Retreat! Retreat! Retreat!
I hurriedly slinked back into the kitchen and tried to
contain the full out laugh that was bubbling up in my
throat.
Oh my God, if Brad was only here to see this!
I knew I could be appalled like most children or angry
or sad. But I wasn't. I found the sight quite amusing
actually.
Instead I contained my giggles and began pounding
around in the kitchen as loud as I could.
I heard shuffling and low voices in the other room,
and my Dad came into the kitchen, now in a t-shirt,
with a face as red as a tomato.
"Heyuh Bellwhenuhwhen did you get here?"
I turned to look at my Dad, and I was sure my face was
as red as his. I couldn't contain it any longer, and I
barked out a laugh and my Dad's face grew instantly
redder.
"Iuh" I was gasping and trying to control my
laughter. "Just a few minutes ago."
Finally I calmed down and tried to be the respectable
twenty-eight year old woman that I was, and blew out
a breath.
"Did you get the beer?" I asked him trying to change
the subject.
He looked at me sheepishly. "Uhyeah."
"Good. Tell Sue I said hello." I winked at him as I
turned around to begin preparing the food.
I heard my Dad exhale and walk back into the other
room. I couldn't help but shake my head and laugh.
I was happy for him. My Dad hadn't dated anyone
since my Mom left. And he and Sue had been friends
for years. She was like a second mother to me.
I should have Edward tell Seth about this.
Thoughts of my Apollo made me smile and made me
sad at the same time. I hadn't heard from him since
Wednesday night, or I guess it was Thursday morning.
I still couldn't figure out what could be troubling him.
But I shook it off. Today was going to be a good day.
Although the Fourth could be sad for a lot of people in
New York, I told Charlie long ago that we were going
to continue our tradition and celebrate the holiday.
We would celebrate the life and the service of Brad
and Harry and so many others. I refused to let it
become a morbid occasion when it was one of my best
memories from my childhood and early adulthood.
I set about cutting up a large watermelon and
marinating some chicken and thawing out burgers
and brats. The rest of the crew from the neighborhood
would bring tons of side dishes and desserts. We
always had more than enough food.
By 1:00 my old house was buzzing with people.
Several of the cops from my Dad's precinct were there.
Sam and Emily and their kids as well as Jacob and
Leah and their boys were out back. Sue came back
around 12:00 and blushed furiously at me until I told
her that I was happy for them, and they both deserved
it.
Finally around 2:00 Angela, Ben and Eliot showed up
along with Zafrina.
We all stood outside talking and laughing and grilling
out in the warm July weather.
"So Bella, you said you are seeing someone. Where is
he today?" Zafrina asked me.
"Err. Well, we broke up. It didn't work out." I shook
my head.
"I'm sorry."
I shrugged. "No big deal."
"I should introduce you to my accountant. He's cute
and works downtown." She raised her eyebrows at me
suggestively.
Oh crap. I knew this was going to start happening. My
friends were going to want to set me up on dates, and I
didn't know what I was going to tell them.
"I think I am going to stay out of the dating game for a
whilerefresh a bit." I stated as I finished my beer.
But Zafrina eyed me peculiarly.
I excused myself to go inside to grab another beer. I
stepped in the back door and started down the hallway
to the kitchen, and I stopped when I heard them. I
could hear Jacob and Leah's voices in the kitchen.
"How can I trust you? You never tell me where you
are, what you are doing? Jake, I can't do this
anymore." Leah snapped at him.
Oh shit. This did not sound good.
Wait what's Jacob been doing to make her say
something like that?
"Leah, please not here." He said lowly.
"Then when, Jacob? Because you're never home and
you don't tell me anything. Is it her? Is that what this
is about? Why can't you get over her?" She was angry,
but I could hear the hurt in her voice.
"Leah, stop. You know I only want what's best for us."
"Then where are you at all hours of the night? What's
best for you is to be home with your family."
She sighed loudly, and I immediately crept back down
the hallway. I felt bad for listening as long as I had.
But as they say, it was like a train wreckI couldn't
look, or rather walk, away.
I didn't know what they were talking about.
Apparently Jacob had been gone a lot? And what her
was Leah referring to? I furrowed my brows confused,
but then I hurried outside and found my friends
again. We continued to joke and laugh, and Eliot even
had us in tears with his jokes. The kid was a stitch. I
couldn't figure it out, but he reminded me of someone.
His eyes were eerily familiar and the way his hair was
in constant disarray on his head he bore a striking
resemblance tosomeone.
I shook my head. It was highly unlikely that I knew
Angela's ex-whatever. Still his mannerisms and even
his exuberant personality struck me as familiar.
"Hey Mom!" He tugged on Angela's arm after he just
finished kicking the soccer ball around with Embry
and Quil.
"Yes, Eliot."
"Do you think Uncle E will call today?" He asked
excitedly.
Uncle E? Oh right. Her ex's brother.
Angela's eyes widened, and then she bent down to
whisper something in Eliot's ear. He nodded and gave
her a strange frown but shrugged his shoulders and
took off to go kick the ball around some more.
She turned back to us and rolled her eyes uneasily.
"Nine year olds."
I just smiled. I knew the whole situation wasn't
supposed to be open information to everyone so I kept
my mouth shut.
We continued on about our day, and I tried to avoid
the piercing glare of Leah Black. Instead, I
periodically snuck in the house to check my phone. I
still hadn't received a text from Edward and I sighed. I
probably wasn't going to see him tonight either.
Once evening rolled around and the rowdies began to
dissipate, I helped Charlie clean up the backyard and
the house. Charlie and I worked in a comfortable
silence as we always did. But I was sure he was still
mortified about this morning. I decided I should be
the one to say something. I knew he would never
broach the topic.
"HeyChI mean Dad?"
"Yeah, Bell."
"I'm happy for youI hope you know that. You and
Sue" I shrugged as I tried to form my thoughts.
"Well, you both deserve to be happy."
He looked at me intently until he nodded.
And that was that.
Charlie was a man of few words, and truly I wasn't
much different when it came to communicating with
my parents. I really was happy for him. He had been
alone far too long, and it had been a long time since
Harry died.
Almost nine years.
It was hard to believe he and Brad had been gone that
long. I stood outside and finished picking up the trash.
Once I deposited it in the back alley I went inside and
gave my Dad a kiss goodnight and made my way up to
my old room. It was too late to take the train back to
the city and I didn't feel like wasting the money on a
cab when I had no reason to be back.
I quietly stepped into my old room and looked around.
My Dad hadn't changed it at all. It still held my bed
and dresser from when I was a child. There were
posters and copies of my school newspaper, of which I
was the editor, lining the walls. I walked over to the
bulletin board and noticed that I must have put
pictures up from when I was in college. There were
several of Alec and I, as well as Kate and a few of our
other friends from NYU.
I pulled a big t-shirt from my drawer and crawled
under the covers of my old twin bed and just listened
to the quiet. The house had its creaks and movements,
but it was still much quieter than Manhattan.
Although I didn't live in a busy neighborhood there
was still a hum about it.
I should have been exhausted from not getting much
sleep this week and preparing for the barbecue but my
mind was wide awake.
I kept thinking about Edward.
How could I get him to open up to me?
What was it that he was holding back?
I began to think about how he was actually somewhat
similar to Alec. Alec was the first guy I ever truly
thought I was in love with. I dated Josh in high school
and we did all of our "firsts" together. But when I went
to NYU and he decided to join the Marines, we parted
amicably and went on our ways. I lay in my bed as I
thought back on my relationship with Alec.
"Isabella. There's a customer here can you please go
check on it!"
"Of course, Victoria." I rolled my eyes. She was
probably in the back just talking on her phone. Even
though she was the curator at the art gallery, she
made all of us do the work. But I didn't complain. I
loved working at the gallery in SoHo, and I had been
doing it for a couple of months now. It was the middle
of May 2001 and one of the first really warm days of
the season.
I walked up to the front and instantly stopped. A very
handsome man was walking back and forth looking
at a few pieces from a photographer out of upstate
New York. I instantly smoothed down my red shirt
and gray dress pants and walked up to him.
"Can I help you?" I asked quietly.
He turned to look at me and gave me a wide smile. He
was very handsome and had that Brad Pitt look
about him with the little bit of facial hair on his chin
and a devious smile. He was rugged looking with
sandy blonde hair and hazel eyes. He looked like he
had been in the sun even though it was early May. He
had an air about him that showed he came from
money but at the same time was comfortable in the
jeans and leather jacket he was now wearing. It
should have struck me as odd since it was almost
eighty degrees outside, but it didn't. I was much too
caught up in his curly blonde hair and sun-touched
features.
"I think you can." He said. "I like this piece. Who's the
artist?" He gestured to a black and white photo on
the wall. I rattled off the name and the location of the
shot and some facts about the artist. All the while I
could feel his eyes on me.
"So how might I get this delivered to my loft? I
definitely want to take it today, but I have my bike
with me." He gestured to the window, and I saw a
gleaming motorcycle in front of the gallery. I almost
whimpered as a thrill raced through my body.
Shit. Charlie and Brad would have a conniption of
they knew what I thought of motorcycles.
They're hot.
Especially with a Brad Pitt, circa Thelma and Louise,
look-alike on them.
"Well, we can most certainly have it delivered." I
composed myself and informed him with a smile. He
gave me a wicked grin and then turned back toward
the picture and then back to me. I could feel myself
blushing under his intense gaze. I quickly walked
behind the counter to write up his receipt when he
stepped in front of the marble divider.
"What about if you delivered it personally?" He
lowered his voice with a gleam in his eye.
"Ohwell weI mean I don't really do that." I
stuttered. What was he asking?
"Would you make an exception?" He leaned over and
crossed his arms over the marble. I could smell the
leather from his jacket and my heart skipped a beat.
"Umjust let me check with my boss." I stammered
and walked back to find Victoria. She was actually
working, or at least appeared to be when I knocked
on her door.
"Yes, Isabella?" I had to refrain from rolling my eyes
again. She was intent on calling me Isabella because
she thought it was more posh than Bella.
Whatever.
"I have a question about our customer." I explained
the situation to her and she raised her eyebrows.
When I told her his name she shot up from her seat at
once.
"What?"
"Isabella. You didn't tell me it was Alec Masen." She
drew out his last name.
"I didn't know it was important." I mumbled, but she
pushed past me with a flick of her long red hair. I
followed her back out to the front where she flirted
with him incessantly. I almost wanted to stab her
with my pen.
I saw him first damnit.
Why was I jealous?
I shook off the thought until Alec looked at me
exasperated and finally cut her off.
"If you don't mind, I would like your" He turned to
look at me "I'm sorry, I didn't get your name." He
smiled warmly and I returned it.
"B-"
"It's Isabella." Victoria cut me off, and I glared at her.
"Isabella." He breathed. And right then I didn't mind
my full name so much anymore. He continued to
smile at me and then turned his focus back on
Victoria.
Somehow he talked her into having me deliver the
photo to his loft and I could only smile and nod.
Apparently the name Masen meant something
around here, though what I didn't have a clue.
That evening I took a cab with the now carefully
packaged 20x20 photo on my lap to his address in the
Flatiron District. I made my way into his building
and used the old elevator as it ricketed up to his floor.
I walked down the hallway and knocked tentatively
on his door. I heard shuffling and the door flung open
as he gave me a grin and crossed his arms.
"Isabella, it's good to see you again."
"Mr. Masen." I smiled.
He scoffed. "It's Alec. Come in." he gestured past him,
and I walked in to the retrofitted loft. The pipes and
beams were exposed to give it a robust feel. It was
very manly and very much the epitome of the image
he had when he walked into the gallery.
"Where would you like it?" I asked tentatively.
He smiled at something and shook his head.
He cleared his throat. "On the counter is fine for
now." He motioned to the black granite top that was
open to the large room.
"This is a unique place. Was it refurbished?" I asked.
He shrugged. "My Dad owns the building. I work for
him, and he lets me have this place for free."
"That's nice of him."
He chuckled wryly. "It's not nice; it's his way of
having me over a barrel. Just another trust fund
baby like all of my friends." I could sense the disdain
in his voice. I didn't have a clue what he meant by
that. I certainly didn't have a trust fund, and I didn't
have any friends that did either.
"Sorry." He said a bit sheepishly.
We stood there for a moment until I realized I should
be going.
"I suppose I should go." I moved toward the door
when he rushed to catch me.
"Wait." He grabbed my arm and I turned to look at
him.
"Can I get your number call you sometime?" He
seemed almost nervous now, the opposite of how he
had acted all evening.
Seriously?
This guy cannot be interested in me. I'm nineteen; he
has to be at least four years older than me? And he's
gorgeous. I am just plain Bella from Brooklyn.
"Um" I bit my lip until I pulled out my Nokia cell
phone that Charlie insisted he buy me. "Sure."
I quickly rattled off my number as he scribbled it
down with a pen.
He walked me to the door and promised to call me
soon, and I almost tripped as I made my way back to
the elevator.
The next day he called me to ask me to dinner. At first
I was unsure if I should start dating him. He was four
years older than me, twenty-three at the time, and
out of college. But eventually I gave in. I found out he
had walked by the gallery daily for a week before he
worked up the nerve to come in and talk to me. He
didn't even want the picture. He just bought it as a
way to meet me. He was almost shy in reality;
compared to the confident man I had met the first
night at the gallery. He later admitted that he had
gone to happy hour with his friends and worked up a
little liquid courage to come talk to me.
He was fun and carefree, and he liked to do a lot of
the things I did even though I was still in college.
Even though we had only been dating a short time he
was there for me when Brad had died and even
volunteered at a few events with me. We dated all
through my sophomore and junior year of college
and into my senior year until shortly after my
twenty-second birthday.
He told me he wanted to move to California and have
a house on a beach and be able to ride his motorcycle
year round. I didn't want to leave New York, but I
wanted to be with him. I am sure I would have
followed him anywhere at that point. I thought I was
in love. He wanted to get married and have kids and
start his own construction company away from his
father.
He worked for his father in some capacity. I never
really knew what he did for Masen Industries, but I
knew he and his father didn't get along very well. His
father had cheated on his mother when he was
fourteen and she later became very depressed after
he left her for his mistress. But he knew that to keep
his trust fund proceeds and live in his loft he had to
work for his father. They had a strained relationship
at best.
The last six months before my twenty-second
birthday he became more distant. I could tell
something was troubling him, but when I tried to get
him to open up about it he would always tense up
and wouldn't speak to me. I figured it was something
to do with his job. Whenever I mentioned it or his
father he became rigid and almost angry. It was as if
he was a different person. Up until that fateful day in
early October when he left, I thought he would work
through it.
But I was wrong. And he left.
I sighed as I looked around my bedroom once again. I
didn't know where Alec was at this point. I didn't
really care anymore except that he did have some
ridiculous similarities to Edward.
Maybe that's why I am so troubled by Edward not
telling me? I am afraid he's going to leave too?
Like all the other men in my life.
My mind halted at my realization. I hadn't been close
to anyone in almost seven years because that's when
Alec left.
In a matter of two years of my life Brad died, Charlie
turned inward and then Alec left. I lay there and
realized that somewhere along the line I decided that I
didn't want to get too attached to anyone because I
was afraid they were going to leave me too.
But I was already in so deep with Edward; I couldn't
wrap my mind around it. He had so effortlessly
destroyed those walls around my heart that I had
spent seven years maintaining.
As I grasped this new insight in the darkness of my old
bedroom, one thing became very clear. If I was ever
going to have what I wanted, and I was sure I wanted
everything with Edward, then I had to tear down his
walls too. I had to break through the last of whatever
he was barricading around himself.
And the next time I saw him, I was going to set out to
do exactly that.
--
"Bella!" My Mom waved at me frantically from across
the restaurant. We were meeting for dinner at a little
Chinese place I used to frequent in college.
"Hi Mom." I kissed her on the cheek and sat down
across from her in the booth.
"Where's Phil?"
"He's working." She shrugged as she looked at the
menu.
"On a Sunday night?" I asked incredulously.
"Well, you knowthey're trying to get that big project
going and they're having lots of problems." She waved
her hand dismissively.
"What project?"
"Oh that new complex in Brooklyn."
I had heard of the new project. Several people
mentioned it at the barbecue on Friday and I noticed
Jacob tensing as they discussed it. Something
bothered him about it and I couldn't tell why.
"Yeah I've heard about it."
"So what's good here?" My mom changed the subject
and we chatted about the barbecue and the people in
the neighborhood. I found it interesting that she even
cared considering the way she left when I was a child.
I had spent Saturday with Charlie and then at Sam and
Emily's for a while. I finally came back Saturday night
hoping that Edward might be at my place. But he
wasn't.
Maybe something broke with his case?
I hoped for his sake it had. I spent the morning and
early afternoon working and cleaning my apartment
before Renee called to see if I wanted to have dinner.
After all of my thoughts of Alec the night before, I
somehow associated it with my stomach, and I was
craving the Kung Pao chicken at our favorite Chinese
place. I figured what the hell and told my Mom to meet
me there. I hadn't been there since Alec left and
ironically it was like another wall to tear down.
I continued to make small talk with my Mom and told
her about work and the fundraiser. But of course
when I told her that I broke up with James she
flipped.
"Bella! What were you thinking? He's perfect for you.
He can give you everything you will ever want."
I sighed. "Mom, I don't care about that. I would rather
be happy. We just didn't click."
Understatement, but I was definitely not telling my
mother about everything that had transpired between
us. The woman had no filter whatsoever.
"Darling. You need to find a man who can provide for
you."
I rolled my eyes. "I can provide for myself, Mom.
Thank you very much for your concern."
I sighed as I finished my dinner and tried to focus on
something other than men.
When did my life become a soap opera?
Just then I looked up as the door clanged open and I
saw a mop of sandy blonde hair walk up to the cash
register.
Apparently right now.
What. The. Fuck?
He paid for his food and then stood with his hands in
his pockets and waited for his takeout. He still looked
every bit as ruggedly handsome as he did the day he
had walked out. Ironically he also still had the same
pained expression.
What I wasn't expecting was the amount of anger that
consumed me in that moment. I knew I didn't care
about him in that way anymore, but I was still pissed
at him for the way he left.
Seven years. Seven fucking years I don't come to this
place. Seven fucking years I don't see him and on the
one night I come here, he's here.
I looked at my Mom as the waitress set down our
check.
"Are you ready?" I was suddenly determined to give
him my best bitch brow. I didn't want to dignify him
with questions or even so much as a nicety, but I was
sure as hell going to show him that I was grown up
and over him.
We stepped out of the booth and made our way to the
register to pay. His back was turned as he was looking
at pictures on the wall, and I smiled at the cashier as
she took our receipt.
"Bella no"
"I got it this time, Mom. You always pay." I said loudly
and I saw him tense out of the corner of my eye.
He slowly turned and I made a point not to make eye
contact with him. I paid the cashier and gave her a
tight smile as my Mom looked at me strangely. She
obviously didn't see him or possibly didn't remember
him if she did.
I quickly turned on my heel and shuffled Renee out of
the restaurant and walked down the block to her car. I
gave her a hug and promised to call and then waved as
she drove off.
As I turned to catch a cab I could feel eyes on me. I
knew it was him, but if he wanted to talk to me, he
could walk his ass over and do it.
Just as I saw a cab pulling down the street, I felt
someone next to me.
"Bella?" He said with low voice, and I finally turned to
meet his gaze.
The sight before me struck me with more emotion
than I cared to admit. He looked much older than his
age, and his hair was even longer than before. Dark
tan lines marred his rugged face and his hazel eyes
didn't have the glimmer they once had. He was still a
handsome man, but he held no attraction for me.
Nonetheless, I could see the hurt in his eyes as he
looked at me.
You deserve it asshole. Not a word in seven years.
You deserve it.
"Alec." I replied coolly and immediately put on the
bitch brow. It wasn't that I had waited for this
moment. I didn't live in the past. But it definitely
wasn't as I expected. He looked sodown. And I was
verydisconnected from the whole situation. Other
than recognizing his expressions, I didn't feel an
ounce of regret, or sadness, or hurt for myself.
Just then my phone rang, and I quickly looked in my
purse as he eyed me intently.
I realized it was my other phone, and a smile spread
across my face. I quickly pulled it out of my purse and
hit the button. I knew I probably shouldn't do this
here, but the timing was just too damn perfect.
"Hello handsome." He chuckled on the other end of
the line, and Alec immediately got a pained
expression.
"That's a new one." He said in his low voice and I
laughed. "Can I see you tonight?" He continued.
"Of course. I'm actually on my way home." Okay I was
really being a bitch now, but so what?
"Great. I'll be there in an hour."
"See you soon." I smiled into the phone and then hit
end.
I looked up after I put my phone in my purse, and Alec
was still standing there, takeout in his hands and the
stinging look on his face.
"Boyfriend?" He asked then.
"That's none of your business. You lost the right to ask
me that when you cheated on me and walked out
seven years ago." I raised one eyebrow at him and
lifted my chin.
"Bella" He sighed and scrunched his eyebrows
together. I knew that look. It was his puppy dog look,
and that shit wasn't going to work on me.
"I'm going home. Good night, Alec." I turned to hail
the cab that was just pulling up outside of the
restaurant.
"Bella, wait." He looked absolutely panicked and hurt
as I climbed into the cab.
"Good-bye, Alec."
I smirked to myself as I closed the door and the cabby
drove off, leaving Alec on the sidewalk. I couldn't help
but think of the irony in seeing him tonight. I hadn't
seen him in seven years. I hadn't dreamt about him in
at least two and I barely thought of him. And yet all in
the matter of a week I had done all three. I couldn't
help but think that maybe it was the universe sending
me a sign. Maybe my walls were finally down, and I
wouldn't be afraid to let Edward in.
I almost snickered when I thought about the flowers I
had received on Monday.
Love is dangerous.
True.
But if it meant finding Edward even after my
heartache with Alec or my missteps with men like
James, then the danger was worth it.
The cabby pulled up in front of my place, and I quickly
paid him and jumped out of the car. I reached into my
purse for my keys and hustled toward the door. I was
on a high from my encounter with Alec and anxious to
see Edward as I fumbled with the lock.
I reached for the door to open it when a hand slapped
against it and shoved it back abruptly.
Adrenaline instantly raced through me, and I turned
to follow my eyes along the hand to the arm then up to
the steely eyes.
"What are you doing here?" I clenched my teeth.
His eyes narrowed at me. "I think you know exactly
why I am here." He snarled.
My eyes went wide, and before I could scream his
hand covered mine and he pulled me down the
sidewalk. I was terrified, and my body was trembling.
All of my adrenaline and anticipation was instantly
replaced by fear.
He threw me against the brick wall out of the purview
of the street light, and I was desperately trying to
squirm away. But as I stared into his cloudy eyes I
could only think of one thing.
Shit. Love is more than dangerous.
~~~-~~~




Chapter 14 ~ Angels and Monsters
Chapter Song: Muse - Butterflies and Hurricanes
EPOV
Tuesday.
I was hoping to see Bella on Tuesday.
But of course my job once again got in the way of that.
Just like it always did. Just like it had for the past
seven years. Just like it took me away from my family,
my friends, my life
Just like it made me into a monster.
A cold-blooded, faceless, wordless killer.
I'm no savior. Not an angel. Not a hero. Not an idol.
I'm a killer. A monster. And the worst part about it is,
I was born to do just this. I have inherent abilities that
make me the perfectkiller, monster, executioner.
This realization weighed heavily on me all day until I
had to fulfill the second half of my most recent
assignment.
And now, I'm lying in bed next to a woman who is so
much better than I will ever be. A woman whose
affection and heart I do not deserve.
A woman who, I am convinced, I am completely and
totally in love with.
And what did I do tonight to show the love that I have
for her?
I snuck into her condo and ravaged her in the middle
of the night like the monster that I am.
Did I enjoy it?
That wasn't even a question. It was the most mind-
blowing, intimate experience of my life, and I didn't
even have sex with her. It wasn't that I didn't want to.
I wanted to more than I had ever wanted anything.
But I couldn't. Not after what I did tonight. Not
without her knowing just who and what I was.
I rolled over and watched her as barely audible
breaths escaped her perfect lips. She was so peaceful,
like an angel, with her creamy white skin and full red
lips and. I thought about her chestnut hair that
cascaded down her back only hours earlier as it
tickled my chest as she
Fuck.
I wasn't going to wake her again and ravage her. I had
already allowed the monster out once tonight. Even
so, I wanted to touch her, to hold her, to taste her, to
be inside of her. And by some miracle she wanted me.
At least for nowuntil she knew the truth.
I tightened my arm around her as I thought about my
last few days. Her body molded so perfectly to mine as
her chest rose and fell with her deep and even
breathing. The tops of her naked and divine breasts
were peeking out from under the sheet. It took
everything I had in me not to rip that sheet off and
capture her with my mouth, in my hands, on my
tongue as I did only hours ago. She wasotherworldy,
just as I had thought the first day I saw her with the
sun shining down on her in the Greek and Roman hall.
She was Mijn Schoonheid; Schoonheid in the flesh.
Beauty, and grace and elegance wrapped together with
a stubborn fire and selflessness unmatched by anyone
I had ever met.
In seven years I hadn't thought about anything but the
FBI, anything but avenging Eric's death and taking out
the scum of the world in any way possible. Yet with
one streak across my dark sky, Mijn Zon shone her
light on her world, on the real world that I had missed
out on for so long.
All of my feelings and realizations came to a
screeching halt tonight, causing me to wander to her
fire escape and up to her window. Yet, as I lay
watching her sleep so peacefully, I was terrified of
what she would think of me when she knew the
truthwhen she knew just why I hadn't come on
Tuesday and what I had done tonight
On Sunday after I left her place, elated, thrilled, and
terrified beyond measure by what had happened
between us, I hurried to my meeting with the
brothers.
They were equally as creepy and disturbing as the
first time I met them. And I was given an assignment
unlike any other I had received in Romania or since I
had been back in the States. I was to take out a
couple. A girlfriend and boyfriend who were running
a competing drug ring up in Queens. They were
manufacturers and distributors of meth and they
were also linked to three murders of Drac affiliates.
According to the brothers, they had encroached on
Drac territory and, after several threats, refused to
back down. Then they hijacked a Drac shipment and
the brothers determined enough was enough.
I was to take them out on Tuesday this time. Of
course the night I was supposed to see Bella.
On Monday I met with Seth at the gym. As part of our
cover he began to come to the ratty gym down the
street a couple of times a week. I figured it was a
good way to get in with Felix as well.
Seth met me at the gym and we talked in hushed
voices and in Spanish disguising our true
conversation. I learned that Seth was fluent in
Spanish, and it was a good way for us to
communicate without being heard. He told me that
there was another shipment tonight, and he was
planning to go view it. I decided that during the day I
would do a little research on the Buxton Group.
After I left the gym I took a cab to a library in
Chelsea. I thought about the fact that I should really
look into getting a laptop I could wipe clean if
needed. I considered it for the next briefing. Now that
I was back in the States, technology was much more
accessible, at least the kind I needed. It also wouldn't
seem out of place. In Romania it would have been odd
to have a top of the line laptop or phone considering
the apartment I lived in.
I found a corner and pulled up everything I could on
the Buxton Group. My research a week ago had given
me some insight. But now I wanted to look into each
of the members more: specifically Phil Dwyer.
Of course the first hits I found on Dwyer were of his
baseball career. He was listed over and over with his
stats as the Mets shortstop, his awards and his work
with the Mets foundation.
I began to cross-check him with the Buxton Group. I
learned that he was part owner along with four other
people. I clicked on a link noting some of the Buxton
Group's other projects and found one spearheaded by
Dwyer in New Jersey. Apparently it was a similar
complex to the one in Brooklyn. Dwyer had used his
status as the local legend from Jersey to speed up
zoning and administrative red tape.
As I clicked through story after story of their various
projects I tried to look for a pattern, anything that
would indicate either a connection to the Dracs or
something else. But nothing was standing out at me.
I began to think about how the groups could be
connected. Who was the player for Buxton that knew
the Dracs? And how did a business group that seemed
to focus on things like sports complexes get tangled
up with the Dracs anyway?
There had to be another connection. Someone was
between the two or there was some reason for it.
I went back through each of the links a second time
when suddenly something stood out to me.
In the background of three of the pictures at new
building sites was a symbol.
~MI~
Could it be? Masen Industries?
I thought for a moment about the connection.
Of course. How else would one build a sports complex
without a contractor or a construction company?
I began to fit the pieces together. I was still unsure of
who the key players were and on what level they
knew each other, but the overall scheme made sense.
Buxton funded and of course helped with the public
relations of each of the projects. Masen Industries
was likely the contractor, and the Van Rijn
Corporation shipped in the materials. But why would
three seemingly up and up companies, that had a ton
to lose, get involved with the Dracs and likely ship
cargo through the sites?
My only conclusion was that it was one of two things.
Either they were all connected by one person, or
someone within each organization had gone rogue
and involved each company without them knowing.
Possibly Laurent for Van Rijn. Obviously the Buxton
Group was involved more heavily considering the
men in that group were at the club the other night.
But what about Masen? I doubted that Thomas
Masen was involved in anything like this. From what
I knew of him and what my father had always said of
him, he was a good businessman but always took
care of his employees and his company. I couldn't see
him risking it. My brother was friends with his son
Alec, and I had hung out with him a few times. I
instantly thought of my random dream from just the
other night. But I hadn't seen him since Eric died. He
came to the memorial and then seemingly fell of the
face of the earth.
Of course then so did I.
I got up and left armed with both more information
and questions than when I had got there. I didn't
know the level involvement of each of the parties, or
Phil Dwyer for that matter. But I knew we at least
had some leads, and I would definitely give the
information over to the analysts at the next briefing.
I felt Bella murmur under me just then.
"Edward." She whispered.
Fuck. She was dreaming about me again. It was what
drew me into bed with her in the first place. I looked
down at her beautiful face in the moonlight and kissed
her lightly on the temple and she hummed.
I instantly tightened my hold on her as she sighed and
slipped deeper into sleep.
On Tuesday I prepared for my next assignment. I
went to my stash and fixed my gun with a silencer
and put on my holster. That night was different than
any other time. This time they were luring the target
in and then I was to tail him and take him out on his
way home. They didn't want me to kill him and his
girlfriend at the same time because of how it might
look. Too much like a hit.
I wanted to say it would look a lot like a hit anyway
if they were both taken out within two days of each
other, but I wasn't in a position to question them.
I was still trying to come to terms with having to take
out a woman.
So on Tuesday I went the club and made small talk
with Felix until I saw the subject enter the VIP area.
Apparently one of the other drug runners lured him
in with talks of a business venture, joining forces so
to speak. Little did he know he was being lured in so
that they could do something much different than
join forces. They wanted to annihilate him, pure and
simple.
I watched him carefully in the VIP, and I noticed
something peculiar about him. He seemed much
more put together than I had imagined. He wasn't
high as a kite or drunk off his ass like so many of the
other subjects I had taken out.
He was lucid. He sipped his drink and his eyes darted
to the corners and to where I was sitting, and I could
tell he was on edge. He knew this wasn't a proper
visit.
But I had to keep reminding myself that he ran a
large drug ring in Queens; he had murdered
countless men and women either with his hands or
the drugs he distributed. I was surprised he didn't
have men with him. I had checked that out already,
and he seemed to be flying solo.
After Felix chatted him up for a bit and the Drac who
was supposed to be leading the "business meeting"
left his table, he got up to split. At once Nelo grabbed
him and put his arm around him and led him to the
back entrance. The subject tensed and clenched his
jaw but just nodded in agreement to Nelo.
Felix nodded in my direction, and I slipped out
quietly behind them.
Nelo occupied him for a moment longer as I made my
way out the back and then stayed in the back alley
waiting. He stepped out only moments later. His eyes
were darting around, and he instantly made a phone
call to one of his men to pick him up. Apparently it
had been part of the meeting that they couldn't be let
inside.
I knew I couldn't kill him here. It would scream that
it was the Drac's fault and then we would have a drug
war on our hands. I definitely didn't need that shit as
I knew I would be caught in the middle of it.
Suddenly I had an idea. I knew I had to take out his
girlfriend the next night. I could make this look like
an accident and make her death look like a suicide.
I waited in the shadows as I slowly formulated my
plan. A car pulled up then, and I made my move.
I stalked up behind him silently and pulled the gun
from my holster.
"Get in the car and don't say a fucking word."
He tensed beside me and nodded as he opened the
door.
I climbed in the back and gave him my best New York
accent.
"So Bobby old pal, what bar in Queens you taking me
to?" I asked as I pulled out my prop cigarettes and lit
myself a smoke.
The driver looked at him curiously, but I was seated
right behind the subject so that he couldn't see me in
the rear-view mirror. I had the gun pressed around
the seat and right into the subject's side.
"WellJoewhere haven't you been in a while?"
"Ah, surprise me." I said as I blew out a puff of smoke
and the driver peeled away. With every move of his
head or flex of a muscle I jabbed the subject harder
with the gun. We drove across the bridge to Queens,
and I knew a bar on 43rd that was a dive. It would be
perfect for my plan because it had a dark parking lot
in the back.
"Why don't we go to Chala's place? You know, the
one on 43rd."
"Sounds great, Joe." The subject said with a tight
smile and I saw the driver look at me out of the
corner of his eye.
We pulled into Chala's and I stepped out of the car
immediately putting my arm around the subject. The
driver came around and I attacked. Within seconds I
had him out cold on the ground and the subject at
gunpoint once again.
"Now, put him in the passenger's seat and you get
back behind the wheel." He held his hands up, that all
too familiar look of terror in his eyes, and I stared at
him through the cold barrel.
He's a drug dealer. He's killed people. He's killed
kids, he runs gangs, the shit he runs kills and addicts
people every day. I chanted it over and over in my
head as I justified my next actions.
I climbed into the back and told him where to go. He
drove toward the bridge where I was going to execute
my plan.
"Please. Don't do this." He pleaded.
"Stop. Don't say another word." I held the gun to his
temple and heard the driver groan next to me.
I turned then and with one quick motion snapped his
neck. I couldn't leave him alive, he had seen me and
that was a huge risk. The subject gaped at me and
began to cry.
"I said fucking stop." I said through clenched teeth
and he put his head in his hands. I gritted my teeth
and before he could say another word I snapped his
neck as well. Then I jumped out of the car. I had on
gloves so I hadn't touched anything, but I threw the
car in drive and let it slowly careen off the bridge.
I knew it would look like it wasn't entirely an
accident. But I also hadn't left any traces so it
wouldn't necessarily look like a hit. There were no
guns, no blood, no execution style torture. The
subject wasn't drunk, but he had been drinking and
the toxicology reports would surely show that. And
once the cops realized who it was, they would likely
shrug and be thankful that the scumbag was off the
street.
My work was done.
Until Wednesday.
I rolled over and put my hands behind my head and
sighed. I instantly missed the warmth of Bella's body
tightly molded next to mine. But thinking about
tonight, or it was last night now, only made me feel
like more of a monster for showing up the way I did.
I lay back and replayed what brought me to her
window over and over in my head.
I had gone to the gym this morning with Felix again
and worked on my moves. Of course the assignment
was fulfilled and the brothers had been impressed.
But I still had the second half ahead of methe half I
was loathing.
Later that night, I prepared my gun and my holster
and donned my black garb instead of my suit. I
wasn't going to the club tonight. I changed my M.O.
because I had to get the girlfriend alone.
I was hoping that she wouldn't be surrounded by
people from the organization and that the car hadn't
been found. Hopefully the realization that he was
missing hadn't set in yet.
I made my way to Queens and staked out their home
in the shadows. They lived in a brownstone, a
relatively nice place for fucking meth runners and
killers. I didn't see anyone inside for two hours.
Finally, I could see her go upstairs and I slipped in
the back window and silently crept through the
house. I had an eerie feeling about the whole
situation. Something just seemedoff about it. I
couldn't pinpoint it. I stepped into a bathroom off the
back door and noticed the drugs on the counter
instantly.
I took the paraphernalia and began walking through
the main level. I noticed the obvious unkemptness of
the home as I snuck into the living room. I could hear
her moving about upstairs. I needed to make this
look like a suicide, but the thought of killing her with
my bare hands made my stomach roll.
I could give her drugs, right? OD. That's a good cover
for it.
I flexed my hand around the syringe in my palm.
Once again I had brought the potent mix of my own
from the pack. Mixed with the drugs I had found, it
would never be detected.
Suddenly I heard feet rumbling down the stairs, and I
stepped into the shadows in the hallway.
She rounded the corner, and I noticed the drawn look
on her face. She had definitely been hitting the candy.
Her hair was limp and lifeless and her eyes sunken in
her head. But she also lookedpained.
She lit a cigarette and paced in front of the window
as she dialed on her phone.
"Bobby. Seriously where the fuck are you? I'm
freaking out here. Call me."
"Fuck!" She muttered as she threw the phone onto the
couch and ran her fingers through her greasy hair.
She was twitching. After being around a lot of
druggies for the last seven years, I could tell she was
in need of a fix. She took off for the back of the house,
and I followed her silently. I was careful not to walk
in front of the windows, just in case one of their men
was now watching.
She made her way to the bathroom, the same one I
had just been in moments ago, and I could hear her
tearing through things frantically.
"Looking for this?" I met her gaze in the mirror and
she gasped in horror.
"What the fuck? Who are you and what are you doing
here?" She sneered.
"I don't think that matters to you, I think you just
want to get high don't you?" I waved the syringe in
front of her tantalizingly.
"Fuck you. Get the fuck out of here or I will scream
and my boys will come get me."
I shook my head. "I don't think you'll scream." I
stepped closer and her eyes widened. "You won't
have time."
In an instant I was on her and had her in a vice grip.
I pulled the syringe from my hand and stuck it in her
arm. The poison made her body sag instantly and
then I let her slump to the ground. I grabbed the
second syringe, the one with her drugs in it and
prepped her arm like a junkie. I filled the syringe full
and pumped it into her veins as her body twitched. I
gave her just enough to make it look like an overdose.
I waited until her heart stopped beating and stood up
and repositioned her to look like she had fallen.
Quickly I made sure that no trace of me could be left
in the room. No footprints in a dirty tile, no hand
prints and no hair since I wore my cap.
I stepped back out of the bathroom and looked into
the kitchen on the other side, as I was going to sneak
back out the same window. But as I looked around
the filthy home my eyes settled on something that
made my stomach clench and bile instantly rise in
my throat.
On the counter were bottles.
Not bottles of wine.
Not bottles of beer.
Baby bottles.
And next to them was a monitor and a pacifier.
My head began to spin and I had to grip the
doorframe with my glove-clad hand.
Fuck.
No. They couldn't. How could they? I couldn't.
Fuck!
My heart was pounding and my mind was racing as
the realization of what I had just done hit me like a
freight train.
I killed a woman, a mother. The co-head of drug ring
and a murderer, but still a mother.
And I killed her boyfriend last night.
Oh my God.
I just took both parents away from a child.
I slumped against the doorframe and realized I was
close to passing out. I had never had a reaction like
this before, but I knew I had to get out now. I slipped
out the window after pulling my mask over my face
and raced down the back alley. I ran and ran until
my legs and my lungs couldn't take it anymore, and I
found another alley behind a bar off of Vernon
Avenue.
I stopped in the shadows and leaned over with my
hands on my knees and wretched violently behind a
dumpster. The contents of my stomach along with
every emotion in my body spilled out on the ground
at my feet. I leaned my head against the cold brick
wall and panted as I shut my eyes.
Oh my God, I'm a monster. A ruthless, heartless
killer. Am I nothing of what I was before? Does
nothing matter to me anymore?
My brain kept replaying the assignment over and
over and over in my head. What I knew of the
woman, what the Dracs had told me about her, what
I had witnessed in her home. She was a killer; she
had taken part in three murders. She ran drugs and
got kids addicted to meth. But I couldn't get past the
sick realization of what I had done.
Then I thought of something even more horrifying.
The child was probably still there. And who knows
how long it would be until someone would find her!
I raced out of the alley and found the nearest pay
phone. I quickly dialed 911 and told the operator that
I had been walking my dog and that I had heard
shouting and then seen someone take off from the
home.
I couldn't stand the thought of an innocent child
suffering from the work of my hands.
My God, what have I done?
My chest was heaving and I was perspiring in the
midsummer night's heat. I couldn't breathe, I
couldn't think. I just wanted to erase the last hour.
I could have done something else.
But what? Surely if I hadn't followed through on it,
they would have known something was up and my
mission would have been compromised. They would
know that I wouldn't go the distance and I wouldn't
get inside to get the weapons that could potentially
kill hundreds, thousandsfuck millions of people.
Still, the sight of the bottles on the counter kept
dancing through my head. Finally I slowed my
breathing as I clutched the edge of the phone booth. I
made my way out and hailed a cab on Vernon
Avenue. Thank God I was on a busy street. After
running God knows how far and then getting sick,
my legs were weak.
But as I told the cab to take me back to Manhattan I
could only think of one thing.
I needed to see her. There was only one person who
could make the pain go away, only one person who
was like my own Novocain.
I sighed as I started to see the light peek up just barely
through the window. I needed to go. I needed to get
out before sunrise. I had snuck into Bella's condo in
the middle of the night after the worst assignment of
my career and watched her sleep. I sat there for two
hours as she slept fitfully. I couldn't tell what she was
dreaming about, and I had been getting ready to leave
when suddenly she had whispered my name.
I had turned to look at her, thinking she had seen me,
but her eyes were shut tight and a small smile played
on her face as she said my name again.
And again.
And again.
And I thought I was going to lose my mind. Because
there she was, this beautiful, smart, sexy, intriguing
woman whispering my name over and over. I had to
get in bed with her. I had to feel her soft, warm body
beside mine like it was the last thing on earth.
But I didn't intend for what had happened to occur. As
amazing as it was, I felt like a monster for coming into
her bedroom in the middle of the night.
She sighed and shifted once again, and I quietly
slipped out of bed and began to put on my clothes. I
reached into my pocket when I felt it. It was Eric's
Dutch emblem, the one my father had made for each
of us kids when we were born. I left mine at my
parent's house, but I carried Eric's with me in my
pocket. They were meant for good luck and prosperity,
something I knew I needed in my line of work.
But after last night I couldn't think about that
anymore. I was so disgusted, so appalled with myself
that I ran my thumb over the lion and set it on Bella's
dresser. I pulled on my shirt and turned around to
grab my jacket when my eyes locked with hers.
Regret instantly flooded my chest for coming to her
the way I had last night. I never should have done
that; she must think I am some kind of animal. I just
stared at her, willing her not to hate me for what I had
done.
But before I knew what was happening, she stood up
and wrapped the sheet around herself and walked
towards me. Her arms clutched me around my
middle, and she rested her head against my chest and
molded herself to me. She fit so perfectly and I
couldn't help but sigh and relax into her touch.
Mijn Zon.
Her warmth spread through my body as I tried to
convey the words for my apology.
"I'm sorryabout last night." I whispered.
She looked up at me intently, and I could see the depth
of emotion in her eyes as she spoke.
"Don't be. I'm not."
I nodded relieved, not knowing what else to say, but
ever grateful for her acceptance. I simply wrapped my
arms around her tighter until I noticed the sun getting
brighter in the room.
"I should go." I murmured and she nodded into my
chest.
"I'll call you." I added and then kissed her softly
before slipping on my jacket and stepping out of her
bedroom.
I made my way down the fire escape and into the
dawn. I knew something shifted in me last night and I
couldn't quite identify it. All I knew was that being
with Bella was the one thing in my world that made
sense; even if it made the least amount of sense in
every rational way.
Unfortunately the dawn would take me away from her
and bring more heartache in the world I lived in, and I
could only bear it for another day.
--
"One. Two. Three. Four. Five." I kicked the bag in
summation and gave it one final punch.
"Fuck!"
"Zeesh. Emil, you punching the shit out of the bag, my
friend." Felix chuckled at me.
Stupid fucker.
"Felix, you want me to use your head instead?" I jibed
back.
"Fuck no, I see the way you hit that bag. You one
pissed of Labagiule." He teased. I ignored him and
continued punching the shit out of the bag.
Felix kept working on his triceps as I roundhouse
kicked the top of the bag and then punched a series of
1-2's to the body. Finally I stopped, panting, and
reached for my bottle of water.
"So Emil, are you coming to the club tonight?" Felix
asked as he took a break as well.
I shrugged. "Why not. Something going on?" I
inquired, trying to sound nonchalant.
"We have some big fish coming in my friend." He
raised his eyebrows.
"What kind of fish. The kind that stink or the kind you
can sell?" I asked seriously and he laughed a deep-
bellied laugh.
"Oh Emil. Always so serious, what is it they say in
Americayou need to 'get laid', my friend." He used
air quotes and I was definitely not going to tell him
that I had received the most spectacular head ever last
nighterr rather about five hours ago.
"I'm selective, what can I say." I shrugged again and
he punched me in the arm. But I got serious once
more.
"So who are these fish?"
"Buyers."
"For what?" I asked lowly as I looked around. Of
course we were the only ones there.
"Ah, weapons my friend." He began punching the bag
again and I watched as his bulging biceps tensed and
flexed with each pop. I know this was a key
conversation and I had to play it cool.
"Weapons? Like guns?" I drank some more water.
Felix laughed throatily. "Ah my good friend, you so
good at your business you don't know what's going on
elsewhere."
Right. I was good at killingthanks for reminding
me.
"What do you mean?" I asked again.
"The only kind that matter now." He said as he raised
his eyebrows at me and stopped punching.
Bio-weapons. Now we're getting somewhere.
"Ah. That kind. You know I have a friend with some
good connections in that." I said nonchalantly.
Felix eyed me speculatively, and I stared right back at
him. I knew this was a good shot to bring McCarty in
and fuck if I wasn't pumped we could possibly do this
already.
He nodded then pursed his lips. "Bring him to the
clubnext week. We don't want the fish to fight over
the food you know." He smiled devilishly and I
nodded.
Perfect. I could get McCarty in after our next
briefing.
Felix and I finished our workout, and I returned to my
loft in Hell's Kitchen. I needed some sleep. As much as
I loved being at Bella's last night, I didn't get an ounce
of sleep after my mission and after feeling terrible
about storming her castleso to speak.
But apparently she was okay with it. And to say that
didn't thrill me just a little bit would be an
understatement.
Jesus she was just
How could I ever be so lucky? How did she always
know what to say, what to do, how to make me feel?
And she was heart-stoppingly and undeniably
gorgeous. Perfect.
I was a lucky son-of-a-bitch.
Until she found out about the real me.
I sighed as I stepped into my loft. I hopped into the
shower and dried off and closed my drapes so that the
bedroom was now shrouded in darkness. It was
almost 11:00 A.M. but it could have been midnight
outside. I thought about Bella as I closed my eyes and
tried to will the bad thoughts of last night away.
My body finally succumbed to exhaustion, and I
drifted off to sleep.
--
I awoke groggy and a bit startled from a dream of Eric
and I when we were in college. It was another
seemingly pointless dream of us at a bar and Alec was
with us. I suspected it had something to do with seeing
the Masen Industries symbol on Monday.
I wanted to investigate the connection further, but I
really couldn't do much as far as researching. I didn't
have a laptop and not to mention I wouldn't be able to
get at the "good" information while I was in the field
bank statements, business deals, tax records, and
other transactions. The analysts would have to do
that. I was just trying to catalogue everything I had
seen or heard from the last two weeks, which was a
fucking lot for two weeks.
I was amazed at how fast things were moving in New
York. Romania had been painstakingly slow in getting
inside and finally getting an assignment. Then it took
what seemed like forever before I was "transferred"
here.
I got up and noticed it was almost 8:00 at night. I had
slept for nine hours, which was incredibly unlike me.
I showered and shaved again and decided to throw
together some dinner before I went to the club. I
didn't have much in my kitchen, and I instantly
wished I could be spending the evening at Bella's
place, making dinner with her, listening to music and
just talking.
It was like an alternate reality. Being there with her
was so different from the life I led on my own.
I shook my head and whipped up an omelet with some
bacon and toast. I had just woken up, so it felt like
morning to me.
Just as I was sitting down to eat, I heard a knock at my
door.
I instantly tensed.
Who the fuck?
I scrambled to my bedroom and grabbed my Glock out
of the nightstand and pulled on a white t-shirt, my feet
were bare, but I didn't have much time to fuck around
if someone was going to bust in any second anyhow. I
made my way over to the door and looked through the
side peep hole that had been installed by the FBI. I
never walked up to the peep hole. Someone could be
on the other side watching and put two bullets right
between my eyes when my iris met the glass.
I sighed as I saw who it was, pacing in the hallway. I
quickly slipped the Glock in the back of my pants and
unlocked the three deadbolts on the door.
"What the fuck dude?" I growled.
"Sorry. Can I come in?"
Seth looked so distraught. I knew something was up
and I nodded and told him to come inside. I motioned
toward the kitchen where my now lukewarm dinner
was waiting.
"You want something to eat?"
"No man, I can't eat." He shook his head and furrowed
his brow.
"What's going on Seth?" I said as I took a bite of my
omelet. I was starving now, after having not eaten all
day.
"You know I went to see that shipment on Monday
right?"
"Yeah? So? See anything else?"
He sighed and pushed his fingers to his temples.
"Fuck. Yes, Jacob was there again, along with two
other guys from the precinct that I know. And a kid we
grew up with who's bad news" He trailed off and
grumbled something under his breath.
"So, that's pretty much what we saw before isn't it?" I
shrugged.
He laughed darkly. "I wish. I saw himJacobhelp
transport some of the cargo off of the site." The way he
said cargo made my stomach turn and I quit chewing
my omelet.
"How many?"
"Seven. Couldn't have been more than fifteen or
sixteen of them." He shook his head. "That fucking
asshole." He muttered under his breath.
"I seeAnything else?" I asked trying to glean as much
information from him as possible.
Seth told me then that he had seen the same men at
the meeting point as were there the first night,
Demitri, the Dutch guy and the other Dracs. He also
said he saw more containers with the Van Rijn sign. I
told him about what I had found researching on
Monday and Tuesday and he was planning to keep his
eyes and ears open for anything connecting Masen
Industries or Reycon to Van Rijn or the Dracs.
Finally, around 10:00 the two of us made our way to
Dawnbreak. I didn't feel like drinking much tonight.
So we slipped into the VIP again and Kristina and
Senna joined us as we ordered a bottle of Kettle One
along with plenty of cranberry juice and tonic. This
became our usual cover. The girls knew we were good
guys, or at least they suspected we were. I knew they
would keep their mouths shut that we never did
anything because they wanted to keep it that way as
well. When we came into the club they didn't have to
worry about performing their job for the night.
Seth and I sat back as we waited for the "big fish", as
Felix had called them, to come to the club. Finally
sometime around 1:00 A.M. two guys who looked
eerily familiar strode through the club and into the
VIP area.
"Fuck." I muttered.
I knew these guys. They were the two youngest Volturi
brothers, Aro's sons, and were part of the operation I
had helped take down during my first mission. But the
Volturi were based out of Philadelphia where I had
been at the time.
Luckily when the Bureau took down Aro Volturi, I had
gotten out from the underground before they could
suspect I was a Fed. So my cover was still in place. The
problem was if these fuckers called me by a different
name.
Then of course, I was posing as a paid assassin. The
Dracs didn't really believe my name was Emil
Mazzonn did they?
I pondered it for a moment and determined I was
probably okay. As they made their way closer, I
immediately recognized one as Marcus and the other
as Caius. They were relatively high up in the
organization, but there were definitely bigger fish to
fry when we took down the Volturis. Even if they were
the sons, they had been only in their late teens at the
time. They had escaped, probably to South America or
something, and the Feds didn't find it worth the time
or money to go after them.
But like all good mold, it grows right back. They were
scum, just like the rest of these heathens and of course
they were obviously now back in the game and in New
York. The Volturis had a long time rivalry with the
Dracs over Philly and New York and territory battles
over Jersey and up the coast.
Marcus and Caius sat down beside us and nodded for
the waitress to bring them two drinks. I let my eyes
move to Marcus's and gave him a slight nod. Then I sat
back and put my arm around Kristina and she smiled.
Seth looked at me strangely and I spelled out V-O-L-T-
U-R-I for him in Spanish.
He nodded and acted similarly with Senna as we
resumed our cover and watched intently. Nelo and
Felix made their way to Marcus and Caius and each
went to the back room in shift. I hadn't seen Demitri
in a long while and learned that he didn't often come
to the club. He preferred to stay on the street and
track the would be nemesis' of the organization and
oversee the shipments.
Finally Seth made his standard move to take Kristina
and Senna to a "back corner" so it at least looked like
they were fulfilling their duties. But really, he would
just slip them each $100 in cash each time and tell
them to keep it for themselves. We had told Tanya to
stash it so that if she had the chance she could help the
girls get out at some point.
Fuck if I wasn't going to enable a jailbreak if I had a
chance.
As Seth left I saw Marcus nod over to me and I got up
from the velvet couch and ordered Scotch from the
waitress. I remembered that Marcus liked JW Red
Label and I ordered us two. I sat down next to him and
was transported back in time six years as flashes of my
first mission, my first kill, came to mind. I was twenty-
six at the time and fresh out of training. But they
needed new blood on the case and I was perfect for it
young and hungry and ready to unleash my vengeance
on the world.
And a fucking idiot.
"Marcus." I handed him the Scotch and he nodded.
We made small talk for a few minutes, or whatever
small talk you could have in the underworld. Finally I
asked him who he was working for after I told him I
had gone solo.
"You working for the Dracs? They run everything now
huh?" I raised my eyebrows and waited for his
response.
"Ha. The Dracs don't run things. They like to think
they do but they still report to someone much higher
up. Just like our father did. They're both just fronts
for the real head of the New England organization."
Real head?
New England? Spanning the whole Northeast?
What the fuck?
There was someone bigger?
I contemplated this for a bit and tried to decide if
Marcus was talking out of his ass or if he was telling
the truth. My mind was spinning as I tried to keep a
straight face.
Why would he lie though? His father was in jail and he
was now working for the family he used to compete
with?
Or so I thought.
Fuck. Could there be someone bigger? Someone
behind it all pulling the strings?
I shook my head at the thought. From all indications
the Dracs were it. They were the heads of their black
world and they were the biggest family since the
Volturis to run rings on the East Coast. Marcus had to
be lying.
As much as I convinced myself to believe that, I still
filed the information away for later.
I sat and sipped my Scotch and tried to pump Marcus
for more information but to no avail. Eventually at
3:00, Seth and I made our leave and I collapsed into
bed in the early morning hours.
I wasn't sure what to make of Marcus's claims, but I
knew that things were definitely starting to come
together. We were getting more tips than I had ever
expected and we were only a few weeks into the
mission. But that could come to a screeching halt as I
had unfortunately learned on other missions.
Sometimes it was easy to find the big clues, but it took
a hell of a lot more digging to get behind the black
curtain. It was almost as if they wanted you to find the
big stuff, then you could spend your time beating your
head against the wall trying to figure out how it all fit
together.
I sighed and turned over just before dawn broke and
thought about where I had been only twenty-four
hours earlier. In Bella's bed, with Bella in my arms,
and her silky hair in my face. I wanted nothing more
than that right now. Not thoughts of the Volturi, or the
Dracs, or a terrifying thought of something bigger.
I just wanted her and thought of her angelic face and
her harp-like laugh as I drifted off to sleep.
--
Saturday.
July Fourth.
The Fourth of July.
A day I tried not to think about the entire week leading
up to it.
A memorial day, a remembrance day for many. A day I
had spent the last nine years avoiding like the plague.
The Fourth of July was a particularly difficult holiday
for me because I had so many fond memories of
itbefore Eric had died.
I lay in bed and stared at the ceiling watching the fan
move in its circular motion, spin after spin.
I was sure my family was probably celebrating this day
at their house in the Hamptons. But I couldn't go. Not
only was I undercover but I hadn't been there in five
years. I went for Christmas the year after my first
mission had ended, but the home held too many
memories and the pain of visiting it had nearly killed
me.
It was our place.
Eric and I used to escape to the house while we were
in college, even if our family wasn't going to be there
for the weekend. It was where we learned to play
baseball, snuck our first beers, where we had our
guitars and music set up in the basement. It was
where he threw a huge graduation party only to get
busted by my parents and have Alice and I laugh at
him. We played volleyball on the beach, sat by the
pool, swam in the ocean, played countless games and
spent countless nights by campfires there.
And now, they were all there without me, and
probably with the Whitlocks as well as the neighbors
from up the beach. They were probably planning a
large barbecue and fireworks and a party by the pool.
The Fourth of July. So many memories.
However, this year seemeddifferent. Last year I was
half way across the world working my way into a dark
underground contingent. But this year, for the first
time since I joined the FBI, I was back in New York. So
close, yet so far away from our house.
So close, yet so far away from Mijn Broer.
I rolled over to see that it was almost 2:00 in the
afternoon. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with
my day. I knew Bella was probably in Brooklyn for the
day, and I wouldn't be able to see her.
Instead I decided to hit the gym and burn off some of
the anxiety from the past week. I worked out for two
hours before I returned home to the eerie silence of
my cold apartment.
I looked around the room and thought about my
family once again. I thought about my sister Alice; she
and Jasper were expecting my niece or nephew. I
thought about Eliot and what he might be doing today
and before I could stop myself I jumped in the shower
and changed.
I had a wild hair of an idea and I decidedfuck it.
I was going to the Hamptons. I wouldn't go in the
house or mingle because there would surely be too
many people there. But I could watch; watch from the
shadows as I always did.
I hurried through my shower and put on a hat and
glasses and a dark shirt and dark jeans. It was almost
6:00 when I left, and I knew it would be close to
nightfall by the time I got there.
I hotwired a car down the block and jumped into the
nineties Cadillac and began driving to the one place
that I couldn't imagine going to only hours before.
It was as if something was calling me there, or
pushing and I felt compelled to go to the house.
Maybe it had to do with Bella or opening up more in
the last few weeks, but I suddenly needed to see it. I
needed the memories and I needed to witness my
family living as they had for so long. I pulled up to a
public entrance to the beach a good mile from my
parent's home. It was getting dark, and I walked down
the beach until I saw the lights that I could identify
from miles away.
The large triangular window that jutted out from the
family room with a panoramic view of the ocean had
light pouring out of it onto the beach. There were
round lights dangling around the pool, and I could
hear the tinkling of laughter even from a few hundred
yards away.
The home was nothing short of spectacular. My
mother designed it herself and it was filled with light
and openness. The colors were whites and creams and
sea greens and blues that picked up on the
surroundings.
I crept closer and hid in the shadows of the beach. I
could see my parents laughing and drinking their
vodka martinis with the neighbors. My Dad had his
hand around my mother's waist, and she would look
up at him every so often and smile. They were the
epitome of love and happiness even after all these
years. My heart ached, but in a good way, at the sight
of them.
Alice and Jasper were on the other side of the pool
chatting with the girls from a few houses down that we
grew up with. I noticed friends and neighbors littered
about the pool and onto the nearby beach.
It was just like so many of the parties I remembered
from growing up. A swarm of memories rushed my
brain and all of a sudden I was overcome with
emotion as I stood there. I was an outsider looking in
on my own family; a foreigner to this wonderful
celebration. My chest became tight and heavy and I
was gasping for breath.
I turned away from the house and took off down the
beach toward the darkness of the Atlantic waters.
Finally when my legs were burning from the exertion
through the sand, I collapsed at the Oceanside onto
my knees.
What the fuck was I doing?
Why wasn't I up there?
Why did Eric have to be gone?
Why couldn't I just be with my family again?
Whether it was the stressful week, the realization of
the monster I had become or something else that was
pulling from inside me, something had shifted. For
the first time in nine years I dropped my head into my
hands and cried. I cried for my lost brother. I cried for
my parents who all but lost two sons, and I cried for a
sister I never saw. I cried for my friends and family
that I alienated and hadn't given the time of day
before I joined the FBI.
I cried for the girls that I saw every day and the
unlucky souls who were caught up in the underworld
because they had no place else to go.
Mostly I cried because I wanted nothing more than to
be normal again. To be back at the house laughing and
joking and talking with my friends and family.
And more so, to be doing all of it with Bella at my side.
Like a normal couple.
I knew I had to tell her soon. I knew it wasn't fair to
her to continue this relationship, or whatever it was
we had going, in secret.
But what if she was disgusted by me, hated me? How
could I let her go? She was the only thing that I had in
my life even in the short time I knew her.
I finally breathed a deep swell of salty air and
scrubbed my face with my hands. I should have felt
distraught, fearful, or nervous after breaking down.
But I feltrelieved.
As the fireworks began to light up the night sky I took
off for the car and made my way back to Manhattan.
As I drove through the dark night, I garnered my
resolve for what I knew I had to do.
Tomorrow would be the day when I would tell her,
and I didn't want to think about her reaction. I was
positive that tomorrow would be the day that any
semblance of the self that I used to be, at that house in
the Hamptons, would either be gone or brought back
to life. Either she would save me, my own personal
angel, or I would finally succumb to the monster
within me.
--
I took a deep breath and dialed the number I had
wanted to dial all day.
"Hello handsome." I chuckled at the sound of her
angelic voice and my nervousness was instantly at bay.
"That's a new one." I said lowly. "Can I see you
tonight?" I asked then. God, I hoped so. It seemed like
ages since I saw her last.
"Of course. I'm actually on my way home." I smiled
into the phone. It was only 7:00 so I would have the
rest of the evening with her.
"Great. I'll be there in an hour." I responded.
"See you soon." And I could almost hear the smile in
her voice as she signed off.
I turned off my phone and quickly threw on a black
shirt, boots and jeans. I slipped on a hat and
sunglasses, even though the sun was going down soon,
and stepped out of my apartment.
After my startling breakdown last night I had returned
home with the extraordinary need to call Bella. But
when she didn't answer the phone, I settled for calling
Eliot instead. He talked my ear off about sparklers and
playing soccer with two new friends of his.
I was glad someone was able to enjoy the holiday.
But I felt better talking to Eliot, having some
connection with my brother and with my family, even
if the rest of my family didn't know about him.
I hailed a cab and made my standard changes before I
arrived at Bella's building. I had spent the day trying
to research more information about some of the
connections with the Draconi organization only to
come up with no leads. I was mostly just filling the
time until I could see her. I didn't want to barge in on
her Sunday, especially on a holiday weekend. Who
knew if someone was at her place? So I waited and it
had almost killed me until I finally called her this
evening.
At last I reached her block and raced up the fire
escape to her apartment. I was early tonight, but I
expected that she would beat me home since she said
she was already on her way.
I was surprised when she wasn't there and I
immediately started to turn on the lights. I walked
over to her iPod station and began to search through
her playlists for something to listen to when I heard a
strange noise.
It sounded like a woman's voice.
Like a shriek or a scream.
I furrowed my brows as I listened, but I didn't hear
anything. I went back to looking through her songs
when I heard it again.
Suddenly a sense of dread ran over me, and I realized
I had been at her place for a good ten minutes and she
still hadn't arrived.
I slipped on my hat and my sunglasses again and
grabbed my knife out of my ankle holder. It was just a
small hand knife but I never left home without it. If I
couldn't always have my gun, I at least had my knife
on me.
I raced out to the fire escape and listened for the
sounds again when I heard shuffling.
I ran down the alley way and stopped.
The sight before me instantly sent me into a
murderous rage.
Anger consumed my body, and it took everything I had
in me not to pile drive the motherfucker into the side
of the car.
James Raven had Bella pressed up against a black
Mercedes and his hand over her mouth. She was
squirming and trying to get away as he held her with
his forearm.
I could see the look of terror in her eyes. The rage was
fueling me forward as I stalked up behind him,
methodically, diligently with my prey in my sights. I
emerged from the alley and into the light and Bella's
eyes widened at the sight of me. I put a finger over my
lips telling her to be quiet, even though I wanted to let
the anger in me roar to life as I ripped him to shreds
on the sidewalk.
The fucker was pressing himself against her.
Against my girl.
Into his car.
And fuck if he didn't look like he was going to try to
take her or do something equally as awful.
I was seething, my blood boiling with fury as I snuck
up behind him and pressed the knife into his side.
"You should really pick on someone your own size."
My voice was as cold as ice as I gritted my teeth and in
an instant pulled him into a headlock.
"This is none of your fucking business." He had the
balls to hiss at me.
"Oh it's definitely my business." He still had his arm
against Bella, who was gasping for breath, even
though I had mine around his neck.
"Get your fucking hands of her." I growled.
"Make me." He said and then elbowed me in the gut.
As he turned Bella jumped away from the car and ran
near the front of the apartment building. In the split
second I could see her out of the corner of my eye, she
looked like she was trying to get help.
My stomach rolled with his punch, but I couldn't let
him turn around or see me. I tightened my hold on
him, and I dragged him into the alley as he flailed his
arms trying to land a blow.
I threw him up against the wall and smashed his face
into the brick.
"Is that what you like? Getting off on hurting women,
you sick fuck?" I pulled his head back and slammed it
against the wall again and he keened in response.
"I'll fucking kill you for this."
"Try it. You'll lose." I snarled.
Suddenly he had something flashy in his hand, and I
realized he must have pulled out a pocket knife.
He slashed back at me violently as I jumped out of the
way. Luckily we were in the darkness of the alley now
and I slipped away from him. I caught up with a hook
to the jaw and another to the gut. He doubled over and
I grabbed him by the throat and slammed him up
against the wall.
Before I could stop myself, the rage took over. He had
touched Bella, tried to force himself on her, tried to
I couldn't even think, I couldn't rationalize. All I could
do was feel the fury coursing through my body as I hit
him over and over and over.
He was crumpled on the ground when I suddenly felt
small hands pulling me by my waist.
"Stop." She said firmly but quietly.
My chest was heaving with exertion and adrenaline
and my jaw was clenched. I incensed as I stood there
breathing deep breaths, my nostrils flaring as Bella's
small hand held me back.
I spun around and put my hand on her shoulders, and
her eyes went wide at the sight of me.
"Are you okay?" She nodded but I heard James
groaning on the ground.
I grabbed her hand and rushed her back up the fire
escape to her apartment and locked the window
behind us. Even though I knew Raven wouldn't be
getting up any time soon, I still didn't trust him.
Yet my body was still coiled with anger and rage, and a
fierce protectiveness.
That motherfucker had touched her.
He had come here.
Again.
He had had his hands on her again.
The sight of him pressing her against the car kept
flashing behind my eyes, and I couldn't calm down.
I paced in her living room as I tore off my hat and
sunglasses and muttered under my breath. I ran my
hands through my hair and tugged on it trying to calm
down, but I couldn't. I only wanted to do one thing.
I kept thinking it over and over.
"That fuckingI'm going to end him. I'm going to
fucking end him."
"Edward. Stop. It's okay."
"I will fucking destroy him if he touches you again." I
didn't look at her I just paced back and forth.
"Edward settle down, it's okay. I'm okay. He didn't
hurt me." She stepped forward tentatively and ran her
hands over my arms and I was seething with anger.
The room had a red haze around it and the blood was
thundering in my ears. I wanted to go back down
there. I wanted to take him out like I had never
wanted to take anyone out in my life. Killing had never
been a choice, it was just my job and I was good at it.
But for the first time, I wanted nothing more than to
rip him to pieces.
The monster was taking over as I stared at Bella
through the red haze.
"He would have. If I hadn't been there. Fuck!" I
slammed my fist against the wall and Bella squeezed
my arm.
I bristled, but she held firm.
Regardless of what I did she stood strong next to me.
"Oh shit! Are you okay?" She said suddenly.
I looked down and blood was running down my arm.
Fuck he must have cut me after all.
I hadn't even noticed the pain from the large cut on
my upper arm.
Bella ran to the kitchen quickly, grabbed a towel and
pressed it on my arm. I winced finally, realizing my
shirt was covered in blood as she held it to me,
scrunching her nose.
I was still breathing heavily and my mind was racing.
But her simple touch, holding the towel to my arm was
calming me unwillingly.
"You should take your shirt off. I can't see the cut."
She cringed then.
I noticed that I hadn't said anything for a few minutes;
I had just stared at her while she dabbed the blood
from my arm.
"What's wrong?" I finally asked.
"I don't like blood." She shrugged but continued to
hold the towel to my arm.
"Here." I grabbed it from her and she stepped back
and took a deep breath. I quickly discarded my shirt
which was now saturated with blood on the entire left
side and pressed the towel back to my wound. I was
pretty sure I would need stitches. But I was positive
that what I had done to Raven was a hell of a lot
worse.
Bella walked back into the kitchen and grabbed some
paper towels and some tape out of the cupboard as I
stood there. The haze was finally starting to clear from
my head but the intensity of my anger at Raven, at the
situation and at myself was still fuming within me.
She walked over and tentatively cleaned the wound
and then wrapped the gauze around it. Then she taped
over it as I stood there still consumed by my anger.
At last she looked up at me and the expression on her
face was one I never wanted to see. I didn't know if it
was terror or nervousness, but it was not the same
soulful look she had given me when I left on Thursday
morning. No, this was distant.
In that moment I knew that she knew. She knew now
that I was a monster capable of anything. She saw it
unleash on Raven and she didn't like it.
And I didn't blame her.
"Edward, what's wrong? Did I do something wrong?"
She asked then and the shock that ran through my
body could hardly register with my brain. I didn't
know how to respond. I just blinked at her.
She thought she had done something wrong.
I was so flabbergasted that the only response I could
make was to bark out a dry laugh.
"What? You think you did something wrong?" I shook
my head and she looked taken aback.
"Bella, I was fully prepared to kill James. You didn't
do anything wrongI did."
"Edward, who knows what he would have done to me
if"
"He would have too, I know he would have." I seethed.
"Bella, you have no ideawhat he's capable of."
"Are you saying he could have" She trailed off. I
didn't want to confirm it, but she had to know how
dangerous he is.
"I would have hunted him down if he had." I said
through clenched teeth once again.
She gasped and her eyes went wide. She was
beginning to understand. She was beginning to see the
monster and the world I lived in.
She stood there her eyes dancing across my rigid face,
and I could see her thinking through it all. A strange
expression came over her face and she finally opened
her mouth and then closed it. She did it two more
times as I just stood there staring at her beautiful
confused expression; waiting for the beginning of the
end of the best thing that had ever happened to me.
"Edward, why were you at the club? How did you
know to follow me the first night?" She finally blurted
out.
I stood and pondered it. Did I tell her? I couldn't tell
herbut yet, I had to. My whole being wanted to tell
her. Before I could stop myself I was off.
"For my job. I was there for my mission and" How to
explain this to her? "Bella, I am undercover to try to
take down some dreadful people and James is
involved with them."
She gasped but I continued.
"James isworking for them. Bella he works for a
criminal organization. I couldn't let him leave with
you and" I trailed off. And I was already enraptured
by you and I couldn't stand the thought of you alone
with him.
My rage boiled just below the surface as I said his
name and thought about the first time he assaulted
her.
Fucking Motherfucker.
She furrowed her brow. "I was afraid of him."
"You should be." I snapped. "And you should be afraid
of me too." It was out before I could stop it. I stood
there and looked at her, letting the truth seep into the
stillness around us.
"Why?" She whispered.
I could tell she was thinking for a moment, and I
began to pace in front of her as I ran my hands
through my hair. She had to know. I had to tell her. I
was going to tell her on Tuesday but then I couldn't.
And nownow she had seen me at this point, at the
point at which the monster had come out and there
was no return. She had to know. She had to know and
then I would have to let her go.
I turned and stopped my pacing. I leaned against the
wall of her living room and leaned my head back as I
closed my eyes. I could feel her move in front of me
and the silence was almost deafening.
Slowly, I opened my eyes and stared into her deep
espresso pools.
"I'm a killer, Bella. I've killed people before, and I still
kill people. That's what I do."
A dead silence overtook her condo as dread washed
through me. This was it. She was going to run
screaming from me and this would all be over. The
rage was gone in an instant and the intense fear of
having to leave her engulfed me.
I would have to leave. She wouldn't want me.
"What do you mean? I mean, I'm sure in your line of
work..." She shook her head.
"No. It's more than that." I sighed but then looked
directly in her eyes.
"I'm an assassin. A highly trained, highly lethal and
dangerous assassin. And I'mI'm a monster, Bella." I
closed my eyes and dropped my head into my hands. I
could feel her approaching further. This was it. She
was going to tell me to leave. She was going to tell me
she never wanted to see me again.
"I'm not afraid of you." She whispered. My eyes shot
open and I could see the truth in her eyes.
"You should be." I rasped. "Do you know why I came
on Wednesday?"
She shook her head. "No, but I could see your pain."
"Bella, I did something terrible. I killed someone, a
woman, a mother" I cringed as the pain ripped
through me.
She stepped closer and I closed my eyes tighter and
tensed. Suddenly I felt her hand on my face, her warm
gentle touch. The only touch in the world that I
wanted, that I would ever want. Sparks instantly ran
down my spine as it always did in her presence, from
the mere feeling of her skin connected with mine.
"That doesn't make you a killer. It's your job." She
responded shaking her head. "There are a lot of bad
people in this world and sometimes."
"No, I am a horrible person. I have killed more people
than you want to know. Don't you understand? I
wanted to kill JamesI still want to kill James." I was
shaking my head.
"Edward. There is nothing you could tell me to make
me think you are a killer. You serve your country, and
I can only imagine how difficult it must be,
butjustice has to be served sometimes and the
system doesn't always do it."
What?
I stared at her dumbfounded. She couldn't really
believe this, could she?
Why wasn't she screaming?
Did she really think this?
How could she really justify what I did?
"I'm a monster." I shook my head. "You don't even
want to know how many"
Her hands gripped my face on both sides then and the
electrical hum intensified between us.
"Shhh. Edward. I don't care. You are not a monster,
and I know you would never hurt me." She turned my
eyes toward her. "And I know this simply because you
are so torn up about it. It shows that your job is not
really who you are. I've known that all along."
I swallowed hard as I stared at the absolute truth in
her eyes and the compassion in her voice, and a dam
broke within me. How could this angel care for me so
much when I had turned my back on everything and
everyone else. I had to let her know how I felt.
"I could never hurt you. You're everything to me.
You're the only thing good I have in this world." I said
thickly as I covered her hands with my own.
"Edward" She closed her eyes and then reopened
them. The depth behind her beautiful eyes struck me.
"You're everything to me too. Don't you know that? I
could never think of you as a monster. You're just
doing your job. I can't imagine how hard it is but it's
not the real you" She trailed off.
**Then she stroked my face again and murmured. "I
know the real you."
We stood there. All I could hear was the clicking of the
clock in the dining room. Suddenly I felt a trickle
down my arm.
"Oh." Bella quickly grabbed the wash cloth and wiped
the blood away. Her touch was reverent, and so, so
caring and the electricity that constantly hummed
between us grew stronger. No one had ever touched
me like that. No one else could ever touch me like that.
"I thought you hated blood?" I asked thickly again.
The feel of her fingers on me, taking away my pain,
healing me.
"I do. But I can do itfor you." Her voice was quiet but
strong.
I lifted my hand up and ran it through her hair and
she sighed and closed her eyes. She continued to run
the cloth over my arm and my naked chest where the
blood had trickled to. A tremble ran through my body
at her touch.
Slowly she traced the outline of my bicep and my left
pec. Her fingers became stronger, firmer, and I felt
my body reacting to her. The rage, the dread the fear
was at once overtaken by desire. Sweet, consuming,
overwhelming desire. Desire for this woman who
always knew how to touch me, who always knew what
to say, who tore down my walls like I had nothing in
place at all.
I leaned against the wall and felt her touch as she
moved it over my arm, my chest, my side in a rhythmic
motion. Blood was now racing through my body and I
closed my eyes just reveling in the feeling of her hands
on me.
When I opened them again, her eyes were shut tight
and her lips were slightly parted as she traced me,
memorized me with her fingers.
Suddenly she reopened them they were no longer
filled with fear or nervousness as I had feared. They
were no longer compassionate or confused, they were
yearning and hooded and matched the feelings that
were in mine.
We stood there, locked in each other's gaze until she
brought her lips to mine, tentatively at first, and then
more forcefully.
I craved her. I fucking needed to feel her against me. I
needed to feel her body in my arms and smell her
berry and vanilla scent and everything else Bella
through my senses. I wrapped my arms around her
and crushed her to my chest and an explosion erupted
in my body. I pulled her tighter and she moaned and
clutched the hair at the nape of my neck. There wasn't
an inch between us. Every part of her was flush
against my naked chest. I ran my tongue over her
lower lip and she opened her mouth as our tongues
pushed back and forth in a perfect dance, and we both
groaned at the connection.
At once we became frenzied and I flipped her around
and backed her up against the wall. Her hands fisted
my hair almost painfully, but with so much need that I
reveled in the feeling. My now rock hard arousal
pressed into her stomach and she moaned into the
kiss. My hands gripped her waist and then I ran them
up and down her curves, over her breasts causing her
to shudder and press into me again. She pressed her
lips to my neck and tipped my head back as she
worked her way up from my pulse point to below my
ear licking, sucking, moaning. I ground into her
again and she whimpered. I was on fire with my want
for her, it was uncontrollable now.
"Edward. Please. I need you." She gasped.
I groaned as she pressed into me. She knew. She knew
and yet she still wanted me. How could I deny her?
How could I deny myself? I knew I didn't deserve her,
but I couldn't take it anymore. I fucking wanted her
needed her like nothing else in my life.
"Mijn Zon. I need you too." I crushed my lips back
against hers and she flexed into me. We both
shuddered from the contact and began to move with
desperation. All of the adrenaline from the night and
our desire mixed together and raced through our
bodies faster than any electrical current.
Her soft hands gripped my shoulders as I lifted her
against the living room wall. Her legs were wrapped
around me, pulling me into her warm center. My skin
was blazing under her fingertips. Fuck I had never
wanted someone so much in my life.
My tongue fought with hers as our bodies pressed and
danced together. The friction making spots dance
behind my eyes.
"Fuck, Bella. You don't know what you do to me." I
rasped as I kissed down her neck, tasting her sweet
skin, berries and vanilla and everything Bella.
"God, Edward. It's the same for me." I let her legs
down for a moment and lifted her shirt over her head
and then ran my hands back down her arms, to her
shoulders and the tops of her amazing breasts. I
wanted to be gentle. I wanted to make love to her, but
my need for her was driving me over the edge.
"Bella" I breathed. I bent to kiss the swells of her
breasts and she hitched her leg around me again. I
pulled down her bra and took her nipple in my mouth.
She tasted and felt perfect. She moaned in pleasure as
I flicked and pulled on her nipple with my tongue and
teeth.
She ground into me with her hips and I hissed.
"Fuck." With deft fingers she ripped my pants open,
my shirt was already discarded from her caring for my
cut. I was probably still bleeding, but I couldn't care
less at this point.
Soon my pants were in a pile around my ankles, and I
stared at her through hooded eyes. I tore her jeans
down her legs, and she moved her hips to step out of
them. She was standing there in only her bra and
underwear with me in my boxer briefs.
I paused momentarily to just take her in. I reached out
and traced a hand down her chest firmly, over her
mounds and down her stomach, burning her gorgeous
body into my mind. She bit her lip and closed her eyes
as her head fell against the wall behind her.
Suddenly I was overcome with my want for her. My
lips were instantly on her, my hands cupped her ass
and I lifted her again and slammed us against the wall.
She groaned, and for a moment I was afraid I had hurt
her until she bucked her hips against me and bit down
on my shoulder.
"Ugh. Bella."
"Please Edward. Take me. Please." She rasped.
"Not here. We should go"
"No. Here. Take me here. Please." I could feel her
warmth against mesee the look of burning hunger in
her eyes and feel the perfect flesh of her ass under my
fingers.
I reached down with my other hand and ripped off her
underwear and she gasped and then crashed her lips
to mine. She unleashed one leg and then hooked the
other in my underwear as she moved them down my
body.
We became frantic. Our hands and lips on one
another, the last of our clothes flying across the room
and I pressed her back into the wall as she wrapped
her legs tightly around me. I released one hand from
her and brought it down to slowly stroke her.
Fuck she was wet. Jesus Christ!
"Edward, please!"
All coherent thoughts left my mind at that moment as
she gripped my length and I shivered. I lined up with
her center and stared into her eyes and she bit her lip.
Finally, I bent down to kiss her and pushed into her at
the same time and stopped.
I felt as though everything in the world lined up in that
moment. The feeling was indescribable.
"Ugh. Fuck, Bella." She moaned and I closed my eyes
and gritted my teeth. Fuck she was warm and tight
and so fucking perfect. Her gorgeous body was
wrapped around me completely. I had never felt
anything like this; it didn't seem possible.
I slowly began to thrust into her and she met me
thrust for thrust.
"Oh God." She moaned and her head fell back against
the wall. Her chestnut hair was splayed against it, her
lips full and swollen. She was a goddess and I couldn't
take my eyes off of her. Blood was racing through my
veins and the sensations coursing through my body
were like none I had ever experienced.
I braced one hand on the wall behind her as I gripped
her with my other one as we moved together. She
tightened her arms around my neck and then opened
her eyes and they locked with mine. Her deep
espresso seared into my burning green, and I never
wanted to be anywhere else but right here.
I crashed my lips to hers in a fiery kiss and, without
willing my body to, thrust harder into her. Fuck, the
feeling of her around me, wanting me, needing me,
pulling me in. It was like fucking gravity. Like the
Earth to the Sun.
"Edward." She was chanting my name over and over
as her hips met mine faster and faster. I pressed my
forehead to hers as her name left my lips in equal
measure. The sound of our breathing and her body
sliding against the wall was the only sound in the
room.
"Oh, Edward, please, faster, please."
"Bella, Bella, Bella." I shut my eyes and sped up. We
were frantic, our pelvises crashing against one
another as she moaned louder. I could feel her
tightening around me, and I was straining to hold on.
Fuck, it was like she was made for me. I had never felt
anything like this; I could never feel like this again.
I let my hand down from the wall and pressed it down
along her neck as my lips followed. I ran it over her
perfect breasts and made my way to her center. We
were both sweaty and panting and sprinting toward
our release and yet fighting it off at the same time. We
both wanted it so much, but we also didn't want it to
end.
This was fucking heaven. This was everything I had
dreamed of since the first time I saw her.
I moved my hand to where we were joined and
pressed it against her nub as I took her nipple in my
mouth again.
"Ah. Oh Fuck!" She bucked harder into me and I saw
stars behind my eyes.
"Come for me, Bella. I need to feel you. Fuck I need to
feel you." I grunted.
"Oh God. Oh God." I continued to circle her and she
slammed her head back against the wall again. Her
legs were quaking around me and mine were shaking
from holding us and driving into her.
At once she exploded around me shouting my name
and I came instantly into her over and over. Nothing
compared to it. I had never come so hard and so
powerfully in my life.
"Fuck! Bella!"
I captured her mouth with mine and kissed her
forcefully as I moaned her name into her mouth.
Every part of me was shattering into pieces and we
crumpled to the floor.
I wrapped my arms around her. We were still joined
but I didn't want to leave her. I couldn't leave her. I
squeezed her tightly to me as we panted and tried to
steady our breathing. She felt so perfect in my arms,
wrapped around my body.
It was fucking heaven. Everything washed away from
me in that moment. Nothing else mattered but her.
Just as I had suspected, now that I had her, I knew I
could never leave. I would never want to leave. She
was everything to me.
She lifted her head and opened her eyes. The
expression I saw on her face took my breath away. I
couldn't think. I couldn't speak. I just stared,
transfixed, into her eyes, mesmerized by the depth of
the passion, and caring and.love I saw there. The
same as I was sure was reflected in mine. I ran my
hand through her silky waves as I just stared at this
beautiful woman, this angel who I was wholly
undeserving of. She was wrapped around me, and I
clutched her to me with my other arm.
And for the second time in two days, I couldn't stop
the tears that formed in my eyes as I stared at herthe
woman I loved more than my own life.
Even if I hadn't told her yet, I knew she had destroyed
me. She destroyed the me that I had built up for the
last nine years; she took down the walls and left me
raw and exposed.
I should have been afraid of it. I should have run from
it.
But I welcomed it because I didn't want to be that me
anymore. I didn't want to be a killer. I didn't want to
be a monster, even if she accepted me for what I was. I
wanted the old me back, and I would do everything in
my power to get it.
For her. Mijn Zon. Mijn Lief.
--




Bellas Condo


~~~-~~~

Chapter 15 ~ Breaking Through
Chapter Song: The Doors Break On Through (to the
other side)
EPOV
"So beautiful." She whispered.
"Mmmm."
"Amazing."
I felt a light, tingling touch tracing my jaw, up to my
cheekbones and gently pushing the hair off my
forehead. I felt warmth all around me, on my chest,
across my legs, into my side. My senses were filled
with berry and vanilla and everything warm and sweet
that only one person could provide.
I must have been dreaming. I was unbelievably
comfortable and could now recognize that Bella was
wrapped around me. The warmth emanated from her
body and seeped into my bones. I was calm and
content and yet so alive at the same time.
I had to be dreaming.
Gradually, I opened my eyes to wake up from my
dream. It couldn't be real, nothing that perfect could
be real.
But suddenly I was met with the deepest, darkest,
richest espresso brown eyes staring back at me. Her
skin was luminescent in the early morning light and
her chestnut waves spread across her shoulders and
onto my chest.
My chest.
My naked chest.
Her naked bodywas wrapped around me.
Holy shit.
The memories of last night came flooding back to me
as I lay there and just stared into her penetrating eyes.
She gave me a small smile and I blinked trying to
ensure that this wasn't really a dream. Slowly, my
hand found its way from my side and up to her cheek
as my other arm sensed its presence around her back.
I gently stroked her cheek and she sighed and closed
her eyes.
My body melted back into the bed as I realized that I
wasn't in fact dreaming. I was here, in Bella's bed,
with Bella in my arms. Nothing else in the world felt
more right than this moment; nothing except for
being completely inside of her and as incredibly close
to her as I had been last night.
As I stroked her cheek and she laid her head on my
chest and snuggled into my side, I pulled her more
tightly to me. Last night after we had come together in
her living room in the most fiery, passionate
experience of my life I had finally lifted her up and we
made our way to the bedroom. We stayed awake for
hours. We didn't talk, she didn't ask questions. We
just kissed and touched and memorized every inch of
each other before I made slow, sweet love to her
again, making up for the abrupt way we did it the first
time.
I swept my fingers through her hair and grazed them
down her back. She hummed contentedly into me. It
was Monday and we stayed up late. I was sure she had
to be to work soon.
"Bella?"
"Hmmm." She murmured sleepily.
"Do you have to go to work?"
"I called in sick." She mumbled.
When? She must have been awake for a bit before I
was. Yet, I was thrilled to find out that she wasn't
going anywhere. I didn't have anything on my agenda
for the day and I was more than willing to spend it
with Bella, even if we couldn't go anywhere.
"Playing hooky." I teased and I felt her chuckle into
me. The vibration sent a spark through my body and I
shivered a bit from the response.
Suddenly I felt a slightly painful tinge and felt her
laugh again. I looked down to see her eyeing me
playfully. She had bit the top of my left Pec. I grinned
at her mischievously before I flipped her over.
She returned my grin with a devilish smirk.
God what this woman does to me.
"You're a bad girl Ms. Swan. Calling in sick to work
when you are clearly quite healthy." I said huskily.
Seeing her naked body splayed below me made the
initial spark of electricity turn into a full current
running through my body.
"What are you going to do about it Mr. Cullen?" She
raised her eyebrows at me mockingly.
Before I knew it she pushed back on me and had us
flipped over again. She was straddling my thighs and I
grinned up at her. Obviously, I hadn't put up much of
a fight.
I had never felt soplayful, yet adored and wanted at
the same time. The mixture of feelings raced through
me as I stared up at the sexy goddess on top of me.
I ran my hands up her sides, over her soft hips and her
tiny waist and lightly grazed her now pert nipples. She
moaned and dropped her head back and closed her
eyes. I had found last night during our exploration of
each other that she loved to be touched that way.
She instinctually rocked against me, causing my
already hard cock to firm more and stand at attention.
I locked eyes with her as I continued to trace my
hands, up and down her body, over her perfect breasts
and finally to her center when suddenly I stopped.
Alarm ran through me as I closed my eyes and
swallowed.
"Shit. Bella. Last night, I didn't even think about" I
muttered. How could I be so stupid? I was so
overcome with my need for her I never thought about
protection.
She looked at me quizzically, her expression
perplexed until it dawned on her what I was talking
about. She placed her hand on my cheek as I looked at
her with a sorrowful expression.
"It's okay Edward. I'm covered and I'm clean. I just got
tested afterand I umI neverdo that." She bit her
lip and looked down. I knew what she meant. She
never went bareback, but yet the first time we were
together she let herself go completely to me. The
thought was thrilling and overwhelming at the same
timethat she trusted me so much already. But I still
owed her an explanation.
"I don't either. But I'm clean too. I get tested regularly
for work andI haven't been with anyone in a long
time anyhow." I shrugged feeling slightly
embarrassed.
"Seenothing to worry about." She smiled and took a
deep breath. But then her expression turned hungry
again and she grazed her fingers over the muscles in
my chest and gently down my abs. I tensed from her
touch and our conversation was long forgotten. The
fire replaced it in one fell swoop.
I pulled her down onto me so that her body was flush
with mine. I could feel every inch of her against me as
I gazed into her eyes. Our initial fire was replaced with
an intense passion, a yearning. I gently pulled her lip
into my mouth and relished her taste. Our kiss grew
more heated and I ghosted my hands down her sides
and over her ass. I gripped her and squeezed her to
me. The emotions of the past week and last night were
still raw and brimming just under the surface.
I wanted her to feel, in my touch, just how much she
meant to me. I wanted her to know just how she
brought me to life. I ran my fingers up her back and
through her hair and she sighed as she kissed my jaw
and down my neck. Our eyes locked again and I
brought a hand up to her face and stroked her cheek.
She smiled and shivered as she closed her eyes into
my touch.
"You're so beautiful Mijn Lief. So perfect." I kissed
her tenderly and she pressed her fingers into the back
of my hair holding me tightly to her as she moaned
into the kiss.
She pulled away and held my face in her hands. Her
eyes moved across my face as she tried to read me. I
was filled with a mixture of emotions: lust, need,
sorrow, anger, pain to name a few.
Could she see my pain, my need, my desperation?
I analyzed her and all I could see was her pure heart
and compassion in her eyes. My emotions once again
shifted like the wind as I thought about last night.
How someone like Raven could ever treat her the way
he did made my stomach twist into knots. A low growl
gurgled up from my belly and she furrowed her brows.
Our mood instantly changed from playful and
reverent to one of seriousness. Before we could
reconnect once more, I realized there was more I
needed to tell her and we didn't talk last night after
"Edward. Tell me what's wrongplease. Is it about
Wednesday?" Her eyes and fingers held me firmly and
I couldn't look away from her penetrating gaze. I
trusted her completely; yet I pondered what I should
tell her. I not only wasn't supposed to tell her, but also
I didn't want to burden her with it.
But she has to know the kind of danger she is in.
The voice in the back of my mind made me stop.
Obviously Raven wasn't going to leave her alone. And
she had been getting these strange flowers at work.
My experiences from my week instantly lit another
emotion in side of me: fear for her safety.
"Bella you need to knowsome things about James
that I didn't tell you last night." I swallowed and
thought about what to say before I continued.
"His firmFoster & Wheatonhas ties to organized
crime. I have seen him with" I furrowed my brow
and looked away until I looked back at her inquisitive
eyes. "I have seen him at the club on more than one
occasion. I only go there to investigate but he is there
often with some very dangerous people. I justI'm
concerned that he's not going to stop, that he won't
leave you alone." I said as I stroked her hair back from
her face.
"Edward. I'll be careful I promise."
"But what about last night? I don't even want to think
about what he could have done if" I could feel my
blood boiling under the surface again.
She scrunched her eyes and began to bite her lip. "I
thought he was just persistentbut after last night."
She shook her head. "I've never been in this position
before." She looked down and I tipped her face back to
me.
"What's wrong Mijn Zon?"
She sighed. "I've always prided myself on being a cop's
daughter from Brooklyn and I never thought I would
be in a position like this. Like some stupid damsel in
distress who can't take care of herself."
She was an independent woman, I knew that. But she
had to know that she was in danger.
"Are you still getting the flowers too?"
She bit her lip again and nodded. Apprehension and
fear instantly shot through my body. Someone was
definitely trying to make a statement. But what? I had
thought extensively about all of her connections to
some of the players in this mess. I knew she wasn't
involved; but somehow she had to be connected.
I sat up a bit, her body still flat against mine and our
feelings of lust subsiding for the moment. As much as
I wanted to lose myself in her again, I knew we needed
to have this discussion.
"Bella do you thinkI meanis there anyone who
would be out to get you?"
Her eyes widened but she shook her head. "NobutI
have been thinking about it all and I can't figure it out.
My only thoughts are maybe James, or Jacob or one of
my interns" She shrugged.
"Jacob?" Shit. Seth's brother-in-law.
"Yeah." She blew out a breath and drew her eyes
down.
"Seth has told me about him some. But why would you
think it's him?" I was curious if she was aware of the
level of affection he apparently had for her.
Before I could say anything else though she launched
in. She told me about how Jacob was her brother's
best friend but always had a thing for her. She said
that she never remotely returned his attention but he
still seemed to be interested in her.
Knowing now what I did about Jacob it only made my
anxiety heighten. Jacob, James. What next?
"Edward. Is something wrong? You seem tense when I
talk about him." She frowned.
I figured she deserved to know. If I wanted her to be
cautious then I couldn't leave her without necessary
information. So I told her that Seth and I suspected
Jacob was somehow involved in something bad, with
the people we were investigating. I never told her
about the Dracs or the Buxton group or Phil, at least
not yet, because I didn't want her to worry. And I
didn't want to put her in any more danger than she
already was. But I told her enough so that she would
at least be careful.
She shook her head and closed her eyes at the news
when she finally responded.
"I had a feeling something was going on. I overheard
him talking to Leah and apparently he has been gone a
lot. She seems to think he's cheating on her, but I
wondered if it wasn't something other than that."
Then she confirmed what Seth said about Jacob
always wanting more.
"I don't know if it's because of me or" She shook her
head.
"Bella, it's not your fault. People make choices that we
can't control sometimes. They don't make sense
butit's not in our hands." I stroked her cheek and
she sighed.
"I know. Trust me I know. It's part of the reason I was
ever able to forgive my Mom enough and have a
relationship with her. But I just" She shrugged.
"Brad would be so pissed at him if he knew he was
involved in something bad. I feel like I owe it to my
brother or something to tell Jacob to get out of it."
"Brad would understand if you didn't get involved."
She quirked an eyebrow at me and gave me a forceful
look. I had never felt powerless to someone, but in
that moment I knew she was calling me out. She didn't
have to say it. Her eyes said it all.
Is that why you joined the FBI?
"Point taken." I whispered and she nodded.
I was once again amazed at how this woman could
read me so effortlessly. She was passionate and
caring, yet she called me out when I was obviously
being hypocritical. The seeping thought of worry still
trembled through my brains, even though I knew her
strength surpassed mine.
"I justworry about you. I can't be here like a
normal" I trailed off and her eyes instantly softened.
"Like a normal what?" She murmured with her eyes
studying me.
I stared at her and once again the mood shifted. I
swallowed thickly.
"Like a normal boyfriend." I whispered. Her face
glowed with happiness and a smile crept across my
face. "At leastI think of you as my girlfriendwell
actually more than that."
She gasped and bit her lip as her eyes danced across
my face. "Oh Edward." She gave me a sweet kiss and I
could feel myself ease at her touch. All of our worries
and fears and the feelings we had for one another
made the connection that much more powerful. But
she pulled back and put her hands on my face. "I think
of you as more than that too. You're my savior, in so
many ways. II didn't realize just how much I held
myself at arms lengthuntil I met you. And you
justI've never felt like this with anyone." She
whispered.
My heart beat rapidly as I thought about what she
said. Was it possible she felt as intensely about me as I
did her? I couldn't believe it, yet I could feel itso
much in every touch, every kiss, even standing in a
room with her.
"Bella. I'm not a savior. If anything you've saved me." I
mirrored her position with my hands on her face and
kissed her gently.
"You've saved me from Jamestwice."
"That was nothing. I would do it again in a heartbeat."
I shook my head.
"It was more than nothing. You risked your mission. I
know that. I'm not stupid. I've been around law
enforcement my whole life. I know you can't risk
being seen and I know you can't be with me during the
day. But that's okay because I" Her breath caught
and our eyes bore into one another.
"I know I can't but" I took a deep breath and finally
my feelings for this amazing woman got the best of
me. She called me her savior but it was so wrong. She
saved me in every way. She broke through my walls,
tore them down, and now she was here to help me
stand back up again.
"Please, please tell me you will be carefulI." I drew a
deep breath as I thought about what I was going to
say. "Bella you mean so much to me, more than you
could ever know and I couldn't live with myself if
something happened to you. I told you last
nightbut" I stroked her cheeks as her wide eyes
stared at me and she worried her lower lip.
"Mijn Schoonheid." I kissed her. "Mijn Zon." I kissed
her again. "Mijn Licht." And again. "Mijn Lief." And
again.
How do I convey this to her?
My eyes danced with hers as I kissed her one more
time and this time left my lips to the side of her
mouth, our cheeks bound together. "Mijn Leven." I
tightened my arms around her and her breath
hitched.
I felt her small arms grip me with as much force as I
was sure she could muster and she ran her hands up
the back of my head pressing us together even more
tightly. Then she pulled back slightly to look at me.
"Oh EdwardI'll always be here. I'm not going
anywhere. I'm yours too remember." She smiled sadly
at me. "I promise I'll be careful." Her eyes were
pleading with me and finally I exhaled the breath I
was holding.
"I justI need you so fucking much Bella." I crushed
her to me, hoping to death I wasn't hurting her
because I had to feel her. I had to hold her in my arms,
her skin warming mine and her scent and touch
breaking through my senses. But she responded with
equal force and our bodies were nearly welded
together. The depth of the feelings we wanted to
express suddenly transformed into the fire now
burning in both of us.
I rolled over so that she was no longer sitting astride
me and cradled her head behind my hand. The
profundity and warmth and pain in her eyes likely
matched mine. My mouth captured hers once again as
I positioned myself at her entrance. I pushed inside
her slowly, shuddering once more from the intensity
of the union.
This wasn't like our first time or even the second. The
first was raw and wanton and spurred out of our
fighting it off for so long and the startling encounters
last night. The second was a learning: finding, tasting
and committing to my memory every inch and taste of
her to know what made her hum and writhe and mewl
with pleasure.
No, this was bonding, tying ourselves to one another.
Healing the intense ache we both obviously had and
expressing so many things we couldn't say, yet, but
were battling inside us just trying to find the right
moment, or time or words to come out. It wasn't
attraction or lust. It was pure emotional need, need
for intimacy, and an expression of just how much we
meant to one another.
I moved slowly but deliberately, her body meeting
mine in perfect unison. There were no sounds but our
whispers and kisses. I savored the feeling of her body
under mine, wrapped around me entirely and in the
closest way possible.
I continued to hold her head and kiss her lovingly and
purposefully. She had to know what she did for me.
She had to know how she brought me back. Even if I
couldn't say it yet, she had to know how much I loved
her and just how much I couldn't survive without her.
Not anymore.
Our bodies were slick and heated. I lifted her legs
higher, clasping them around my back and I turned
my hips continuing my measured pace. She moaned
loudly this time and dug her fingernails into my back.
Our tongues conveyed the raw sensations inside of us.
At last she began to tighten and I turned my hips
again, wanting her there, needing her there before
me.
I pressed my lips to her pulse point and kissed all the
way up her neck until I reached below her ear and she
trembled again. Her body was quaking and I could feel
her release spiraling through her just as mine was at
the same time. From my fingertips to my toes all I
could feel was us, together.
Suddenly she tensed and I squeezed my eyes shut
tightly as I whispered in her ear.
"Mijn Zon. Mijn Licht. Mijn Lief. Mijn Leven." I'm
sure she didn't know what it meant yet, but on some
level she already did because she shattered around me
at that moment.
"Edward" She rasped breathily and clutched me
tighter to her than I thought possible. At that moment
I spilled into her, my body quivering from the power
of my release.
"Oh Bella." I held myself over her but still flush with
her body. I never wanted to leave. I wanted to stay
here forever. I continued to kiss her languidly, our
eyes remained closed and there was no sound, just us.
Eventually I moved out of her and instantly missed the
connection. I pulled her tightly to me, still trying to
show the enormity of my feelings for her. I stroked
her hair and her fingers danced over my chest until we
both drifted off to sleep.
--
Sometime around eleven that night I finally left
Bella's. The day was beyond description. Not only had
I told her more about my mission and my suspicions
of James and Jacob, but we had finally come together
in the most intimate way possible. I could have stayed
in her bed, with her in my arms forever. But
unfortunately my job and my mission required I leave.
I had a meeting with the brothers again at 2:00 in the
morning. They obviously only met in the darkness of
the night. Like vampires or phantoms, the darkness
hid their decrepit sight from the world.
I was depressed to have to leave my refuge. But as I
made my way home to change I thought about our day
together.
After we finally emerged from her bedroom around
2:00 in the afternoon Bella had made me a large
breakfast, well lunch, of eggs and bacon and hash
browns. Our conversation had turned lighter after our
intense discussions in the morning and last night.
I was still amazed by the level of comfort I had with
her, and how I could at one minute be laughing and
the next completely serious in her presence. She was
so much more than me. The breadth of her ability to
give and to love amazed me. She talked about her
upcoming fundraiser event, the one where she would
be wearing the incredible dress she was in the first
night I truly talked to her. She spoke of her
volunteering in Brooklyn and said that they had two
weeks off before they started their second summer
session. She talked about her friend Angela and how
she and another teacher set her up with a man who
she was now dating because Angela was a single
mother.
I listened and just committed to my mind her laugh,
her smile and the sound of her voice. I wanted more
than anything to take her for a walk or a run through
Central Park. I wanted to go back to Gray's and get hot
dogs, or have her give me a private tour of the Met
with all of her knowledge.
Her passion for the arts was also impressive to me.
She was the first woman I had ever met who truly felt
pieces or expressions of artists as I did. I couldn't help
but reflect on how much different she was from
Claire. Claire was so caught up in the image that
anything she knew about art was like a canned
description. She knew it because she had to, because
she was supposed to. Bella knew about different
pieces and artists and exhibits because she loved it.
She lived it and breathed it and I was all the more
enthralled with her because of it.
Sometime in the evening she made dinner again and I
took the chance to take a long, hot shower. I scrubbed
down with her Vanilla scented body wash and couldn't
help but smile at the thought. I was going to smell like
Bella for the rest of the night. I also cleaned and
dressed my wound for a second time, knowing I would
have to attend to it more later.
I made my way into her bedroom in only my towel and
noticed she had folded my shirt and pants and also set
a fresh t-shirt on the bed. I noticed it was a men's XL
NYU t-shirt and a small part of me became a bit
jealous as I thought about where she might have
gotten it. But I shrugged. I knew she went to NYU so I
couldn't really be jealous about it.
I walked back into the living room to the most
mouthwatering smell and two glasses of wine sitting
on the breakfast bar. But the sight that caught my eye
was Bella sprawled out on a mat. She had on yoga
pants that showed every single curve of her beautiful
ass and long lean legs. As she bent over I had to
suppress a groan as a sliver of her creamy white skin
showed through between her pants and her tank top. I
stood there with my arms crossed and just watched
her as she moved and stretched to the light music she
had playing on her iPod.
Fuck she's flexible.
I could feel my breath quickening and my body
responding. Images instantly fluttered behind my
eyes. I could only imagine the things we could do if she
could bend like that. It was so thrilling and yet
terrifying to me how much she tore my focus from my
mission. Not to mention the fact that I was able to
actually feel and touch and fantasize about a woman
again, and not just any woman. Bella, the most
perfect, sensual, beautiful woman I had ever met.
Thoughts of her with her legs tangled against the
window of her condo or over the breakfast bar danced
across my mind's eye.
But before my imagination could run away with me I
heard a small giggle as she peered up from me. Her
ponytail was fanned around her neck and she was
bent in some sort of position where her ass was as
high as possible in the air.
Fuck.
"You look like the cat that ate the canary."
I chuckled and pressed off of the wall and walked over
to her and stood behind her. I lightly trailed my hands
up her legs and down her back. I felt her tremble as
she slowly stood back up.
"What are you doing Mijn Zon?" My voice was raspy
and hoarse as I gripped her waist and she stood in
front of me and turned to look at me over her
shoulder with a sly grin. I wrapped my arms around
her more tightly and kissed her on the juncture of her
shoulder and her neck.
"Yoga. I didn't get in my morning run because
someone had me otherwise occupied." She grinned at
me.
"I don't know about you but I got in a pretty good
workout." I teased.
She laughed and then her eyes darkened. "Well, even
so, it looks like I will have to stay in shape to keep up
my stamina." She said huskily.
I bent to kiss her and her lips broke as her breath
skittered across my face. I moved to deepen the kiss
and just as she wrapped her arm around my neck a
timer blared from the kitchen.
"Lasagna's done." She said breathily.
I wanted to not care, but the truth was I was starving
and obviously in need of refueling after our day
together and for my night ahead. I sighed and kissed
her on the nose and twisted her ponytail in my hand.
"Tease." I ribbed her and she slapped my chest.
"Well, you're the one that got me all hot bothered, I
was just doing yoga." She laughed.
I smiled and we walked into the kitchen hand in hand.
After a delectable late dinner and stealing several
more kisses and touches from Bella, I helped her
clean up and finally exited via her fire escape.
I hurried into my building and quickly changed out of
my clothes. I was disappointed that I had to because
they smelled like Bella, but then again so did I.
I stepped into the bathroom and removed the gauze
from my cut. I was able to clean it at her apartment
today, but I could tell I needed stitches. Luckily as part
of our training we knew how to do general stitches for
any emergency situations. Even so, I opted for
superglue instead. I quickly administered the glue and
cringed as it burned into the cut. I decided I could
have it looked at when I went in for my briefing on
Wednesday.
I shaved and could still smell the vanilla on my skin. I
smiled at the thought as I dressed and once again left
the apartment.
Even though it was a Monday night the club was
bouncing.
The City that never sleeps.
Or quits its drug addictions.
I shook my head as I entered the back and worked my
way upstairs. I really hoped they didn't have an
assignment for me. I honestly didn't know if I was up
for it tonight.
I entered the back room and saw Felix immediately.
He strode over to me and clapped me on the back.
"You have a meeting my friend."
It wasn't a question. He knew about it and I simply
nodded.
"Come. I am escorting you back."
"What's this about Felix?" I eyed him warily and he
gave me a devious smile.
"You do good work my friend, you are being rewarded
I assume. As well, I told them about your offer." He
shrugged. Then he took a deep breath before he
knocked on the door.
"Emil, my friend, what the fuck you wearing?" He
eyed me mockingly.
"What?"
"You smell like a woman." He laughed at me.
I gave him my best smirk and shrug and he laughed
harder and smacked me on the back.
"Good work my friend."
I was torn between being thrilled at the idea because it
was probably Bella's body wash that he smelled on me
and at the same time worried because I didn't want
anyone to know about her. I would have to pass it off
as a fling, and that thought sickened me just as much
as well.
Instead I refocused on the meeting ahead as I stepped
into the dark room.
Felix greeted the brothers in Romanian and kissed
both of their cheeks. I offered my hand and slipped
into Romanian as well.
The brothers commended me on my creative and yet
covert way of completing my assignment last week. My
stomach rolled but then I breathed a sigh of relief
when they said they didn't have anything this week.
Then Felix knocked back a shot of Tuica and turned to
the brothers again.
"My friend here has an offer. I think we should hear
him out."
"I see" Vlad eyed me precariously. "And vat vould
thissss offer beee" He rubbed his chin as his slithery
voice oozed around us. I had to fight off the shivers
that crept up my spine and looked him in the eye.
"I have a friend. A very smart, very quiet friend.
He'san interested buyer."
"Of vat?" Stephan asked then as he crossed his legs in
the chair and took a puff off of his cigarette.
"What else?" I shrugged. "Weapons. The big stuff." I
let that hang out there for a moment. "He's former
military, but disgruntled and now works as an
intermediary to some of the wealthiest organizations."
I stood with my hands in my pockets. I wanted to be
confident and appear at ease with the issue. However,
I was fighting off the bile rising in my throat at the
thought.
The same organizations that killed Mijn Broer.
"I seeee" Vlad said again. "And how do ve know ve
cantrust him." He gestured.
"He's the best. Period. He's dark. You've never heard
of him and you never will again. He makes one-time,
lucrative deals and moves on. He's untraceable. And
he blends in to the world so that no one would ever
suspect him. He's the perfect buyer."
I gave my spiel and waited. I didn't shift. I didn't move
my eyes from Vladimir's and I didn't flinch. Instead I
raised my arms and crossed them over my chest and
dared them to challenge me. Minutes, possibly twenty,
passed in silence, but I stood firm.
"Bring him in." Stefan finally said.
I nodded and tried to hide my breath of relief.
"When?"
"Next week. We von't have any assigmentssss for you
for a vile anyhow."
I breathed another sign of relief and nodded once
again. With that Felix escorted me out and I stepped
into the back. Seth wasn't joining me tonight because I
wasn't sure if I was going to get an assignment.
Instead I settled into a table next to Felix and Kristina
sat next to me. I had become quite fond of the girl, in
an older brother protective kind of way. I could never
look at any of the Drac girls with any other type of
affection.
I noticed Tanya walk in and eye us. I suspected the
girls had slipped her the money that we continually
gave them. I only hoped she was able to keep it from
Gianna.
Just then Demitri walked in and motioned to Felix. He
eyed me speculatively but I simply drank my Tuica
and pretended to talk to Kristina. I watched the
interaction intently, however, and Felix drew a broad
smile. Demitri didn't trust me. Nor I him, but that
went without saying. I could understand his unease
though, I was competition.
Finally I left the club around 4:00 in the morning.
Tuesday was spent at the gym with Felix and trying to
build up Emmett's status before he went to meet him.
The timing couldn't have been more perfect because
now I could bring him in after our briefing on
Wednesday.
I decided to make a trip to Bella's on Tuesday night. I
sent her a text earlier in the day to see if she was free.
I knew I was risking a lot by seeing her two, well now
three, days in a row. But something in my body made
it almost impossible not to see her.
I decided to case her building this time. I knew she
was going to be home from work around 8:00. She
had worked nearly twelve hours today because she
had taken the day off before and she was getting ready
for the Met fundraiser. I waited in the alley for her to
exit a cab and quickly slip into the building. But before
I could make my way back down toward her fire
escape I noticed a familiar figure walking down the
street. His hand was in a blonde woman's that I
recognized but I couldn't see her face.
What the fuck is McCarty doing here?
I waited for a moment to see where he was going. I
knew his apartment was on the Upper West Side but it
seemed odd that he would be so close to Bella's.
As he got closer though my suspicions were confirmed
and I tensed.
Fuck he lives in her building? What are the chances?
I stood observing until he opened the door to usher
the blonde woman inside. But just as she turned and
smiled at him I was taken aback.
Rosalie Whitlock?
How does she know McCarty?
What is she doing with McCarty?
What the hell is going on?
Suddenly I had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn't a
coincidence that he was placed in Bella's building.
Then a comment from our second briefing dawned on
me and I mulled over it. I recalled the conversation
between McCarty and Garrett Morgan.
"Fine sir. I moved into the place on Upper West. I've
established my cover and am watching the asset
closely." Morgan nodded with a peculiar glance.
"And what do you think of her involvement."
"She's not involved sir. She's just exceptionally
unobservant if anything."
I began walking toward Bella's fire escaped when I
stopped.
Could he be talking about Bella?
He had to be. So if McCarty was placed to watch Bella
then they had to know that she was friends with my
family. Obviously McCarty had met Rose through
Bella or someone in my family.
The situation all seemed so odd.
Why wouldn't they tell me about it?
I quickly hurried up her fire escape before someone
saw me and slipped inside. She was in the kitchen
warming up what appeared to be leftover lasagna.
I stepped in and just watched her for a moment. I was
caught up in her fluttering about the kitchen, expertly
preparing a salad to go with the lasagna when she
turned and met my eyes. Her face broke out in a smile
and she wiped her hands on a towel and strode over to
me.
"Hello handsome." She leaned up and kissed me
lightly and I couldn't stop the smile that formed on my
face regardless of my recent revelations. I wrapped
my arms around her and returned the kiss.
"Hello Mijn Schoonheid." She sighed and kissed me
again. I put my hand on the small of her back and
ushered her back toward the kitchen. We sat and ate
in a comfortable silence while I tried to determine
how she would know McCarty and how I should ask
her about it.
"Bella, do you know Rosalie, Jasper's sister?" I finally
said.
She smiled brightly as she took a sip of her wine. "Yes.
In fact she's moving back to New York, I am so
excited. I love Rose."
Well they are obviously close. How did I not know
this?
"Is she seeing someone in your building? I saw her
walk in with someone?" I questioned trying to appear
nonchalant.
"Checking up on me Agent Cullen?" She smirked.
"I just waited until you got out of the cab. I wanted to
make sure Raven wasn't around again." I said
intently.
"Ah. I see." She murmured but then focused back on
the original question. "And yes, Rosalie is seeing my
neighbor John. I introduced them."
"Really? Are they pretty serious?"
"I guess so. He went to the Hamptons with the
Whitlocks and your family this weekend apparently."
She told me about how she met "John" in the elevator
and all the times they had spoken and she asked him
to happy hour. She joked about him and Rose's instant
attraction to one another and how they immediately
hit it off.
Then she began to tell me that she had lunch with
Jasper today and he mentioned that Emmett or
"John" hung out with them all weekend at the
Hamptons. Emmet actually sounded as though he fit
perfectly with Rose. He was a no bull-shit kind of guy
but with a huge heart. Rosalie was very similar.
I wondered why I didn't see them at the party when I
went to my parents on Saturday night but just
assumed they were inside the house at the time.
Nonetheless I was becoming increasingly suspicious
of the fact that McCarty knew Bella, knew Rosalie, and
now knew my whole family. I couldn't believe that the
FBI would let him take a risk like that.
I was still trying to put together the pieces when Bella
eyed me warily. "Edward are you okay?"
Fuck. Do I tell her that he is an agent?
I didn't really want to tell her why he was here until I
knew for myself. I needed to talk to Emmet tomorrow
and find out what was going on.
"Nothing. Just thinking." I smiled tightly at her and
she eyed me carefully but finally shrugged. I asked her
how the preparation for the event was coming and we
moved away from the conversation for the time being.
We finished our dinner and made our way to the living
room where Bella curled up next to me with her glass
of wine. I could tell she was tired from her long day at
work and I moved her over and slipped off her heels
and massaged her feet.
"God. Edward that feels so good, you have no idea."
She let her head lay back against the end of the couch
and my body instantly responded to her and the way
her words trailed on a breathy moan from her mouth.
Thoughts of my mission and McCarty were long
forgotten as I slowly worked my fingers over her soles,
between her toes and up her legs massaging her
calves. She whimpered when I finished and opened
her eyes to give me a smoldering look. Before I knew
what was happening she was crawling on top of me
and her hair was draped around us.
She kissed me, slowly at first, but then with more
force as I wrapped my arms around her. I sighed into
her mouth tasting the wine and her own unique taste.
Her body was warm and soft under my touch and I
nibbled on her ear and felt her quiver above me. The
sensation sent a parallel wave through my body and I
felt myself responding to her touch, her kiss, her
warm body over mine.
I leaned her back and traced my lips down her neck
from her ear to her collarbone where I swept her hair
aside.
"Bella." My voice was low and gravelly and I could feel
us both breathing heavily. Our chests were rising and
falling rapidly and our faces were flushed.
"Let's go to my room Edward." I nodded and picked
her up as she wrapped her arms and legs around me
and I walked us to her bedroom.
--
I slipped away from her sometime around 5:00 in the
morning. I wanted to leave before daylight, although
the thought of climbing out of her bed almost killed
me. Her soft whispers and breaths called to me as I
dressed and grabbed my hat and glasses to leave.
I bent down to kiss her and she smiled into my lips. I
gently stroked her cheek and pushed the hair out of
her eyes.
"I have to go Mijn Schoonheid." My lips gently grazed
hers. "But I'll see you soon."
She nodded sleepily and locked her fingers with my
other hand as I brushed my lips to hers once more.
I left from her fire escape and made my way into the
early morning hours. I had my briefing today and I
needed to get my thoughts in order with the
happenings of the last two weeks.
After a quick trip to the gym to run five miles and a
shower and change at my apartment, I caught my first
connection on the subway to Harlem.
By 9:30 I was walking in the doors of the NY FBI
headquarters once again. I was amazed that it had
been nearly a month since my first visit here.
I couldn't believe I had been back in the States for over
a month and how much my life had changed in that
time.
I was hoping McCarty was early as well since our
briefing didn't start until 10:00. I wanted to pull him
aside if I had the chance. Luckily, as I strode into the
conference room he was lounging in a chair eating a
rather large donut and sipping his coffee as he looked
over a briefing book.
"Emmett." I nodded at him and he looked up.
"E what's up?" Then he eyed me speculatively. "You
lookdifferentlike you got laid or something man."
He snorted
"Uh." I shrugged.
"What the fuck man you usually have some witty
lawyerly come-back?"
I shrugged again and he put down his donut and
peered at me because now he could see I wasn't in the
mood to joke around.
I blew out a breath. I didn't like lying to another agent
and I was adamant that when agents were undercover
they should be privy to all the information possible. I
knew whatever reason Emmett was placed where he
was probably wasn't his choice, but I was curious all
the same.
"I need to ask you something Em."
"Shoot. Whatever." He shrugged.
"Why are you placed on the Upper West Side?"
He sighed and looked at me as he dropped his donut.
"Fuck. I was hoping to get through the briefing first
because I have something to tell you as well." He
looked behind me then to make sure no one was
coming and continued.
"I didn't mean for it to happen, but I kind of" He
sighed. "Fuck. I know your family Cullen."
"I know."
"What?" His brow furrowed.
"I said I know."
"How?"
"You just tell me what you know and then I will
explain. But I will be honest Em, I want to know what
the fuck is going on and why you are placed in Bin
the building you are in."
His eyes widened at my slip up and he muttered.
"Fuck. Maybe Rose was right."
"What?"
"Nothing."
He looked behind me again and then took a deep
breath and quickly filled me in. He gave me the same
exact version of the events that Bella gave me and told
me that he had been seeing Rose on the sly for the last
few weeks. He said that he was completely enthralled
with Rosalie, almost to the point that it sounded like
he was as into her as I was into Bella. I was happy for
him knowing everything he had been through, but I
had to put it aside for a moment and focus on the
issues at hand. He told me that Rose invited him to the
Hamptons with her parents and mine. He didn't
realize it was my parents until he got to the house and
saw the pictures of me and instantly became worried.
He had to keep his cover as well and he had to pretend
not to know me. Obviously Rose didn't know he was
an agent; she merely thought he was an entrepreneur.
He was still considering whether or not he should tell
her. He also said that Rose had made some interesting
comments about me and about Bella.
"Wait, so I understand you know Bella, but why?" I
asked getting back to my original point.
He leaned in closer still eyeing the door. "Listen. I
don't know why but I was given orders to keep an eye
on her. I think it was because she was dating Raven,
but from what I understand that is over. She has
connections to the Dracs but I don't think she's
involved with them in any way. She's too fucking
innocent. I didn't know she was friends with your
family until this weekend when I realized it was your
family."
"She's more than that." I muttered.
"What?" He peered at me again and I scrubbed my
hands down my face. I looked back up at him and
sighed.
"Oh fuck." He exclaimed.
"What?"
"It's true. So you are seeing her. Rose kept alluding to
it but I didn't think you would do that man. You have
always been so by the book." He shook his head.
"Em she's not involved. I'm sure of it. But she is
connected to a fuck load of people who are and I still
haven't figured out why. There's something more to it.
But she would never do that. She's too good Emmet.
She's the most caring and wonderful person I have
ever met. But it worries me as to why she's so
connected. I mean Raven, her stepfather, Jacob"
Concern leaked into my voice and Emmet eyed me
again.
I quickly explained all the connections and Emmet's
eyes widened further. He was convinced that she
wasn't involved either but thought it was suspicious
nonetheless.
"I justI worry about her Em. Raven won't fucking
leave her alone." I could feel the anger once again
bubbling under my skin but before I could explain
more he said something.
"You're in love with her." He said lowly and I looked
up at him shocked. McCarty was one of the best
interrogators in the business for a reasonhe could
fucking read people.
I simply nodded and Emmett returned it with a
somber expression.
"I'll keep an eye on her E."
Before we could continue our discussion the door
opened revealing Seth, Tanya and Garrett.
I looked at Emmett and he stared at me and we shared
a nod. This wasn't fucking going out of this room. He
and I both knew we had a lot on the lineand in this
case it wasn't the mission. And I knew that his
promise was rock solid. There were few people I
trusted more than McCarty.
We dove into our briefing and the four of us spewed
out what we had learned over the last two weeks. Seth
and I gave Garrett everything we could about the drug
ring, the shipments, what we saw in the club and even
my assignments. I told them about the ability to bring
in McCarty soon and even mentioned my need for a
laptop with some sort of self-destructing mechanism
or wipe clean system. Garrett planned to get on it and
have it before the next briefing. He also agreed that we
should have more ability to get in touch with one
another and even call in if we had to. He was planning
to request us secure cell lines.
McCarty didn't have much to add, but Ivanova was the
one to drop the bomb.
Apparently after the first night we saw the Reycon VP,
Ivanova said he had been to the club at least five more
times. He was not only there for the "merchandise"
she peddled but he had also met with the brothers on
more than one occasion.
The thought made my head spin. I couldn't imagine
someone at my father's company, at Eric's company,
involved with the Dracs. But then again, I couldn't
imagine that Van Rijn or Masen Industries was
involved either. I was starting to think that everything
I knew or thought was normal obviously wasn't.
Fuck what next?
Ivanova also had several leads on where the different
girls were being shipped to. She gave Garrett a
plethora of names to track and to get the analysts on it
right away.
After we finished our recaps of the last few weeks
Garrett informed us of what the analysts found from
our last session and we began to plan for the weeks
ahead. Most of it confirmed our suspicions. James
Raven was obviously the attorney of record for a large
number of transactions for smaller organizations
linked to the Dracs as well as the Buxton Group.
Laurent Dufour was linked with not only the Dracs,
but he had ties to some of the shady deals with the
Volturi a few years ago.
"We also looked into the connection of your brother-
in-law Clearwater and I hate to tell you but it doesn't
look good." Garrett said.
Seth dropped his head and groaned. "Lay it on me."
"It appears your brother-in-law is in some serious
debt. He's about to get foreclosed on his home and he
has over forty thousand dollars in credit card debt. I
would suspect his involvement is due to that." Garrett
frowned.
"I had a feeling it was something like that. He's always
lived a bit beyond his means." Seth stood up and ran
his hand over his face. "Fuck. And I'm not supposed to
know about it so there's nothing I can do."
"I'm sorry Clearwater."
Seth sighed and nodded. We finished our briefing and
Emmett and I shared a look as everyone got up to
leave the room.
"Hey Clearwater." I called before Seth stepped out.
"What?" Seth looked angry and defeated, probably
very similar to how I looked the other night.
"We need to talk for a minute." He stepped back into
the room and eyed us warily.
"Okay" I gestured for him to sit down and he sat
slowly. I looked at Emmett and sighed before I started.
I told him about Bella, and then what Emmett and I
figured out earlier in the morning. I told him what
Bella said about Jacob and the flowers. He just shook
his head. The poor guy was already down about the
whole thing, I knew it was just making it worse. If my
sister's husband was being such a jackass I would
want to kick his ass as well.
But after we were through he just looked at us with a
hard look.
"So what do we do? We can't confront Jacob. We can't
out Bella. Fuck this is a shit storm waiting to happen."
He grumbled.
"I know. And that's why I wanted to level with both of
you. I don't know why they gave McCarty the
assignment to Bella without telling us or some of the
other strange things with this mission. But I think the
three of us need to keep our communications open.
Ivanova can't do much because she's too far under
with Gianna. But the three of us are coming in
apparently together and we need to keep each other
up to speed on what we know. Including what we're
not supposed to know." I said.
"Cullen's right. Something's fucked up with this
mission and I don't like it. I didn't think much about it
before. I just took it as an assignment to watch an
asset, but now that I know how connected she is to
everything I feel like we're missing a big piece of the
puzzle. We need to work together to figure it out."
McCarty added and I nodded.
We made plans to meet at my shitty gym the next
morning. But before I stepped out to go meet with
someone about my cut before I left, Emmett grabbed
my shoulder and looked at me sternly.
"You just keep your shit together when it comes to
her. I've never seen you like this, but you're different.
It's good for you, but it could get you killed so be
careful." I nodded at him before he changed the
subject.
"And now you can come in the front door once in a
while like you're pretending to go see me." He winked.
"Where you headed after this?"
A small smile played on my face and he just chuckled.
"Fuck man, you do have it bad." But then he got
serious again. "Just listen to what I said."
"I will Em." I clapped him on the back and turned to
go meet with the staff Doctor.
Two hours later I was stitched up and climbing the fire
escape to Bella's condo in the darkness of the night. I
knew he was right. I knew I needed to be careful. But I
knew he was also right when he said I had it bad.
He had no idea.
Bella was like my drug. I needed her like a heroin
addict needed a hit. Every time I was with her was like
a euphoric high that erased all my pain, confusion and
disgust with my mission.
I slipped into her already black condo since it was
almost midnight and quietly crept inside. It was
peaceful and still in the condo as I slowly made my
way to her bedroom. She was wrapped in the sheets,
her chestnut hair spilling out behind her as she
clutched a pillow. It wasn't lost on me that I was in the
position of that pillow only hours before.
The gravity that always pulled me towards her made
my feet move forward without willing them to. I
stripped out of my shirt and my pants and gently
nudged her over as I climbed in beside her.
"Edward" She whispered and I sighed at the sound
of my name leaving her lips.
I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into me
and she rested her head on my chest. I wasn't sure
what the missing pieces were yet or how she was
connected to it all. But at the moment it didn't matter.
All that mattered was the woman in my arms and the
way she had broken through to my heart. A heart that
had been cold and unwilling for far too long. I kissed
her and held her tighter and quietly drifted off to
sleep.
--
BPOV
"Bella."
"Mmmm"
"BellaGod you're so magnificent Mijn Zon. Mijn
Schoonheid"
My heart skipped and my skin tingled as his lips met
my neck. I felt him brush my hair aside and I sighed at
his gentle touch. He was so much more than a man:
hard and powerful, gentle and worshipful, and so
incredibly beautiful inside and out.
I was surely dreaming of our nights together. He
wasn't able to make it tonight and my bed felt cold and
lonely for the first time in three nights when I finally
fell into a fitful sleep.
"Mijn Lief. God I want to tell you that I" He
whispered and I could feel his breath tickle my scalp.
My eyes shot open as I realized I wasn't dreaming. The
warmth of the arms around me and the slow rise and
fall of the chest below me were definitely real. I wasn't
alarmed but rather incredibly happy that he must
have tiptoed in sometime last night.
I lifted my head to look at his piercing jade eyes and
smiled. My Apollo.
"HeyI'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you." He said as
he slowly stroked my hair back from my face.
"No. I mean, don't worry about it." I beamed groggily
at him. I crawled up his body to place a soft kiss on his
lips and he closed his eyes and sighed. He ran his
fingers through my hair and I melted from his touch.
Even though we had only known each other a short
while, he knew exactly how to touch me, how to make
me feel so verycherished.
"I should get going. But I wanted to see you last night,
I hope you don't mind." He said as he opened his eyes
and trailed the pad of his thumb over my lips.
"Of course not. You can sneak in whenever you want."
I smiled and he returned my smile. His walls were
down and he was in his most vulnerable state as I had
seen him the last few days. But it was the real him. I
had finally broken through to the real him and what
met me on the other side was indescribable. Caring,
warm, passionate, hungry, protective. He was so
much more than the Apollo I was enamored with on
the first day I met him.
We lay there for a few more moments just holding
each other until he moved underneath me. I instantly
missed his warmth but I knew he had to leave before
dawn. I sat up and watched as he dressed. I took in the
perfect contours of his muscled back, his tattoo and
his arms. It reminded me so much of exactly a week
ago when he left. Yet so much had changed since then.
Then I remembered the emblem and I got up to grab it
for him.
"Hey, I almost forgotI walked over to my dresser
and I could feel his eyes on me. I had on a short black
silk nightgown, not something I usually wore, but I
put it on last night when I was missing him.
I grabbed the emblem and turned to hand it to him.
"Here."
His jade eyes were piercing though and he swallowed
hard. I saw his gaze follow the lines of my body taking
in the silk of my nightgown and back up across my
breasts until he met my eyes again.
Goosebumps shot up my arms and down my back as
though it wasn't his eyes that touched me, but his own
expert fingers. I shuddered.
Jesus Apollo.
Now that I had felt his touch, his lips, hisfuckall of
him. My body craved him even more than it had
before and I could feel my pulse quickening and a
smoldering in my center as visions of our last few days
together flashed behind my eyes.
He finally looked down at the emblem in my hand and
furrowed his brow. He reached forward and gently
folded my fingers back around it and peered at me.
"You keep it. It's for good luck." He murmured.
"Shouldn't you have it then? You are doing much
more dangerous things than me." I responded quietly.
"No. I want you to have it." I nodded, still locked in his
burning stare and swallowed. I reached my hand up
and swept the hair that fell in his forehead out of his
face. He closed his eyes and reopened them and the
intensity of his look sent tremors through my body.
Mijn Lief.
Did he really think thatI knew I was thinking it,
feeling it, but was he?
I recalled his words from just moments ago as he
licked his lips and looked like he wanted to say
something. But suddenly the air cleared and the
moment passed. He bent down to brush his lips over
mine and draw me into his chest. I could feel every
hard line of his body under his embrace and even
though his muscles were firm, his touch was soft and
so very gentle.
Eventually he pulled back and gave me one more kiss
and stepped away, leaving me spinning in the middle
of my bedroom as he so often did.
"Have a good day Mijn Zon."
"You too."
With that he was gone, like a ghost, or an angel as I
would rather think of him. His presence was so
fleeting yet so very profound and now he was gone like
a whisper in the wind. Off to dowhatever it is
undercover agents do in the daylight hours. Although
it wasn't quite daylight yet and I looked at the clock to
see it was only 5:15. I could easily stay up and get
started on my day. Lord knows I had a ton of work to
still do after missing work on Monday.
But I wouldn't have traded it for anything in the
world.
Not a single, solitary, minute.
It wasamazing, beyond description.
I sat back down on my bed as I fingered the emblem in
my hands and thought back on my last few days.
After Edward saved me from James once again and we
came back to my condo my blood was racing and I was
terrified that he had come after me again.
I should have been terrified by Edward's reaction as
well. He wanted me to be, thought I should be.
But I couldn't be.
I was awed by him, enraptured by him. If anything
seeing him handle James the way he did made me
want him all the more. It was like some carnal, innate
desire that arose from within me at seeing my man
protect me.
I was never one of those women. I was always
independent; I didn't need a man to protect me.
But in those moments the draw to him became almost
inexplicable on so many levels I had a hard time
focusing. He was my savior for the second time. And
he was an agent. I never felt as safe or as cared for as I
did when I was with him.
That's why I thought he was angry with me for some
reason, for letting James get to me again or not being
more careful.
But he was angry athimself?
I couldn't believe it.
And then he told me he was an assassin. A highly
trained and lethal weapon of the United States
government and so many things clicked into place: the
"special skills" Jasper referred to, the depth of his
undercover status, dressing in black so often, his
frequent self-loathing and the darkness behind his
eyes, but most importantly the pain he showed when
he came to my bedroom last Wednesday night.
Everything made so much sense and the dying need I
had to not only let him devour me was matched by my
need to comfort him.
He was no monster. He was the farthest thing from a
monster. He was a God, a lonely, driven, sad,
compassionate God.
My heart battered at my ribs and my core ached
between my legs as I thought about our first time
together. Once he realized that I wasn't going
anywhere, that I could never think ill of him, we were
both so overcome with emotion it erupted from us at
the force of a volcano.
I had never felt so wanted, needed, and dare I say
loved, as I did in that moment. I didn't care that we
weren't in my bedroom. I didn't care that it wasn't
slow. I fucking needed him like air and water and I
wanted him right there in the living room. It was raw
and gritty and filled with the overcoming desire we
had danced around for weeks.
I had never felt so incredible in my life.
And at the same time, I knew. I knew I finally broke
through and finally got to the deep, dark part of him
that needed me just as much.
I rubbed my legs together as I sat on my bed and
thought about the day that followed. He later
worshipped me in my bedtwice, how his hands were
so gentle and yet strong, how his lips would ghost
across my breast or suck forcefully on my flesh.
Fuck it was unbelievable.
I shook the lust and longing from my head and peered
at the clock again. It was now 5:45 and I had been
reveling in my last few days with him. I set about to
getting ready for the day as I continued to think about
our discussions as well.
Apparently we were strangely interconnected through
his mission. Jacob, Seth, James and so many other
strange things. I knew he was worried about me and I
couldn't blame him. I was worried as well and I
started to think that the eerie sixth sense feeling I had
been having lately possibly wasn't unfounded. The
thought made me shiver. I knew I needed to be careful
and I was worried after Sunday night. I promised him
I would be and the desperation in his voice almost
made me come undone.
But I knew why he was so concerned. It was the same
feeling I had when I thought about Charlie, or when I
used to think about Brad going off to work. But now it
was so much moreextreme. I worried about him
undercover. Now that he confirmed the extreme
danger he was often in it concerned me even more. I
had to put it out of my mind. Otherwise I wouldn't be
able to function during the day. I didn't know what
connected me to so many things or how, but I knew I
would be careful for him.
So I went downstairs for my morning run and hit the
treadmill instead of going through the park. I hurried
through my morning habits and then took a cab to the
Met. I missed my morning walk and hoped that soon I
would be able to return to my normal routine. But I
figured it was better to be safe than sorry, at least for a
little while, until I didn't see any sign of James again.
I couldn't imagine he would return after what Edward
did to him on Sunday. I couldn't believe that he came
to my place again and then thought I would want to
continue to see him. The thought was preposterous.
I stepped out of the cab at the Met and walked through
the harrowed halls to my office. I sighed as I looked at
the flowers I received yet again on Monday. I wasn't
here to get them obviously, but they were sitting on
my desk when I stepped in bright and early on
Tuesday.
They were Gloxinia this time.
Gloxinia- Love at First Sight.
What the fuck did that mean? And
whose love at first sight? I was getting
more irritated than anything at the
flowers. I knew Edward was concerned. But the way
my interns snickered every time I got them, I was
starting to think they were behind it. If not, and it was
Jacob, then I was going to give him a piece of my mind
the next time I saw him.
I fired up my computer and prepared for another long
day at work. The fundraiser was Saturday and I was
on my last revisions of everything before it went to the
press tonight. Our programs and new descriptions
would be ready on Saturday morning and I would
likely spend most of the morning going over
everything and making sure it was all in place before
the event Saturday night.
I wished Edward could attend the event with me. The
last person to attend with me was a guy I dated a few
years ago. But it was more because he was going
anyway and we decided we might as well attend
together. I didn't mind going alone. Now that my time
with Edward was so limited I found myself wishing he
could do those things with me. But I wouldn't trade it
for the world. I would rather have him in any capacity
I could than not at all. I knew his being undercover
wasn't forever. Yet someplace deep inside of me that I
didn't quite want to acknowledge told me Edward was
forever.
Edward. I thought about his smile, his laugh, his deep
jade pools as he gazed at me. I had to snap myself out
of my reverie more than once, which was becoming a
common occurrence lately.
Unfortunately Jasper began to notice as well when we
went to lunch the last few days. He would catch me
gazing off dreamily like some love struck fool and eye
me suspiciously.
Love.
Was I in love with Edward?
I was positive that I was.
As much as I had broken through his walls he had
broken down mine. I hadn't felt something like
thisever. There was nothing to describe the feeling I
had when I was in the same room with him, when he
touched me or looked at me. He could make my heart
race, make me smile and make me feel appreciated all
within a span of minutes and all while doing it as
though we had known each other for lifetimes.
I thought about the words he murmured to me while
we made love on Monday and my entire body quivered
at the thought. I looked them up as soon as he left on
Monday night.
Not only was it "my beauty, my sun, my light", but he
said "my love, my life."
Mijn Lief. My Love. Mijn Leven. My Life.
I wasastonished when I found out what they meant.
I knew they were heartfelt when he whispered them in
my ear and it caused me to splinter around him as he
moved within me
Shit. I looked at my blank computer and realized I was
lost in thoughts of Edward again.
I forced myself to focus on my work. I had so much to
do in the next few days and I couldn't afford to be
daydreaming.
Eventually after another long day I took a cab home
and walked into my condo to the most enticing smell.
Did Edward make dinner?
No way. He can't cook too? Can he?
I knew he had some skill in the kitchen after I worked
with him at Jasper and Alice's, but the smell
permeating the condo was literally mouthwatering.
I walked in to find him standing at the stove stirring
something in my large soup kettle.
"Edward."
He spun around and flashed me a brilliant smile and
then took in my surprised look.
"Hi. I hope you don't mind? I thought I would make
you dinner tonight seeing as how you have been
working so much because of me."
I think my heart just melted.
Hot, sexy, intriguing, loves art, speaks other
languages, can make my body sing like none other and
he can cook.
And he's a freaking hot, assassin agent.
Is he for real?
"You really are a God aren't you? You can cook too?" I
raised my eyebrows at him.
"You haven't seen anything yet baby?" He gave me
devilish grin and bent down to give me a kiss.
Cue throbbing, wanting, needingFuck.
I didn't know where this Edward came from but I
liked it. He was the playful person I made dinner with
the first night at Jasper and Alice's. This side of him so
rarely came out and I thought I should take advantage
of it.
"Hmmm. Well I guess you're going to have to show me
your mad skills."
"I bet you would like to see some of my mad skills." He
wiggled his eyebrows and turned around to continue
stirring. I slapped him playfully on the ass and quickly
darted out of the kitchen.
"I'm going to get you back for that."
"I'm counting on it." I called over my shoulder as I
walked to my bedroom with a devious smile on my
face. I quickly changed into a pair of yoga pants and a
tank top. I should have probably put on some jeans
and or something cute, but it had been a long couple
of days and I frankly didn't care. If Edward was going
to be around for a while he was going to have to get
used to this side of me.
Plus he didn't seem to mind the yoga pants on
Monday.
No, I think he most definitely liked the yoga pants on
Monday. I smirked again as I tossed my hair in a
ponytail and walked back into the kitchen to pour us
some wine. I felt his eyes traveling over me and the
familiar tingle shot up my spine and down my limbs.
"What are we having chef?"
"Au Jus."
"How long have you been here?" I looked at him
perplexed. The roast usually has to be in the pan for a
few hours for au jus.
"A while." He smirked at me and I just shook my head.
"Well I have a great Cabernet in the wine rack we can
have with that. But it won't have much time to
breathe."
"Um" He licked his lips as he looked at me and I all
but smirked again. "That's okay. We can give it twenty
minutes." He said with a low voice.
"Can we now?" I quirked my eyebrow again and he
laughed and shook his head.
I reached down to grab the Cab from the wine rack
and I heard a moan behind me. Just as I began to
uncork it I could feel his body against mine and his
warm breath on my neck. I was instantly bubbling
with anticipation and excitement. The throbbing in my
core intensified as I could feel the hard lines of his
body next to mine.
He lightly swept my ponytail aside and I closed my
eyes as my body trembled from his touch. He placed a
soft kiss below my ear and I bit my lip to stifle my own
moan.
"Don't worry Liefje, what I have planned for you is
going to take much longer than twenty minutes." He
said huskily and my breath hitched.
Sweet Mother of God.
This time I did moan out loud and he sniggered under
his breath and lightly smacked me on the ass.
I stood there for a moment to compose myself as
Edward went back to work. My heart was beating a
mile a minute and I was breathing like I just ran a
marathon.
Then a thought occurred to me.
Liefje?
Lief was love so did he just call me some form of love?
Again?
I smiled to myself and became almost giddy with
excitement. I couldn't believe the depth and the range
of feelings I had for this man and I couldn't believe
that he seemed to return them. He was beautiful and
passionate and so much more than I ever thought I
could find.
I poured our wine and did my best to sashay my way
into the dining room.
Two could play this little game.
Soon after he joined me and we set about to finishing
up dinner. Somehow he managed to get a fresh loaf of
French bread into my place as well as the roast. I
whipped up a salad to have with it as we continued to
tease each other in the kitchen. The close proximity of
my Manhattan apartment only heightened the
playfulness. He would shoot me his deadly smirk as
his hand would lightly graze my lower back. I would
bend over dramatically as I reached for somethingor
nothing at allout of the refrigerator.
At one point I put on my Old School Rock list on the
iPod and began to dance along to the music in the
kitchen. I would catch his eyes on me and pretend not
to notice as I shook my hips and hummed along.
Finally we sat down for dinner and the smoldering
look in his eyes was undeniable. It took everything I
had in me not to climb across the dining room table
and jump him.
I plated my au jus and dipped it as I took a bite,
definitely overly big, out of my sandwich and moaned.
The spices and the tastes in the roast were delicious
and I could feel Edward's dark stare on me.
"I take it you like it." He said raspily as he took a sip of
his wine and his eyes focused on my mouth.
"You have no idea."
"That's quite the big bite you have."
"I have a big mouth."
"Yes I know." He smirked at me cheekily.
I almost choked on my au jus and had to quickly take a
drink of my water. I really didn't know where this
Edward came from but I was thoroughly enjoying it.
Once I was able to catch my breath again I eyed him
with pursed lips as he continued smirking at me.
"You always have to get the last word in don't you?" I
said mockingly as I took another bite.
He laughed heartily this time and shrugged. "I guess
so. Part of my job."
"I suppose." I smiled. We continued our lighthearted
banter through dinner and as we cleaned up in the
kitchen.
Suddenly as I was drying the last of the plates an old
John Cougar Mellencamp song came over the
speakers.
"Hurts so good. Come on baby, make it hurt so good.
Sometimes love don't feel like it should. You make
ithurt so good."
As I broke out into the chorus, completely off tune,
and danced around the kitchen I noticed Edward
stopped all of his movements and leaned back against
the counter.
I turned to look at him and drew my eyes down his
body. His eyes were dancing with joy and equal desire.
His full lips were pressed together as I could tell he
was trying not to break into laughter. His strong arms
were crossed over his taught black t-shirt, that sexy
tattoo peeking out from his bulging bicep. I lowered
my eyes down to his firm narrow waist and his strong
legs and back up his body. He truly was perfection of
man, Apollo in the human form.
I licked my lips as the song changed over the iPod and
an old Doors song came on. My heart was once again
pounding in my chest and an unyielding craving raced
through my body and straight to my core.
***He fluidly pushed off the counter and stalked over
to me, like a predator after his prey. The look in his
eyes was feral and undeniable. I stepped back only to
meet the counter. I gasped as he was only inches in
front of me, his strong arms on either side of me.
You know the day destroys the night. Night divides
the day. Try to run. Try to hide. Break on through to
the other side. Break on through to the other side.
Break on through to the other side, yeah.
"Bella." He traced his nose along my jaw, to my ear
and down to my collarbone. My skin broke out in
ripples at the sound of his voice. It was pure sex.
"Yes." I rasped.
We chased our pleasures here, dug our treasures
there. But can you still recall, the time we cried?
Break on through to the other side. Break on through
to the other side.
Jim Morrison's raspy voice echoed though the
apartment and I could hear our steady breaths over
the song. I blinked at him as I swallowed. Blood was
thundering in my ears and the heat from his body was
penetrating mine.
"Do you know what you do to me?" He continued his
trail, never touching me with his hands but encasing
me in with his arms and trapping me against the
counter. He continued his exploration up my neck and
blew lightly in my ear causing me to shiver.
"What do I do to you?" The words could barely leave
my vocal chords my senses were so heightened.
"You justbreak througheverything Mijn Lief."
Everybody, loves my baby. Everybody, loves my
baby. She get high. She get high. She get high yeah.
"I want to make you high." He said with eyes so dark
my entire body shook this time.
I whimpered.
Fuck. Me.
He smashed his lips to mine and I all of build-up from
the banter and play erupted within us. He grabbed me
forcefully and pushed me into the counter, his hand
trailing to the back of my neck and bringing my mouth
even tighter to his. The granite was pressing into my
back, but I couldn't give a flying fuck as his tongue
plunged into my mouth and mine fought back with
vigor.
He groaned as his fingers kneaded my ass with
desperation and I instinctively ground my hips into
him.
"Ugh." I broke away as I felt his rock hard cock against
my stomach.
Jesus Christ I had never wanted anyone like I wanted
him.
All. The. Time.
"Fuck Bella, you really don't know what you do to me."
His arms wrapped around me again forcefully as his
lips sucked along my neck. Goosebumps shot up my
skin and I felt like jell-o in his armsif it was possible
for jell-o to be burning at the same time.
I instantly ran my fingers through his hair and pulled.
Hard. He growled and bucked into me and I bit down
on his ear.
"Fuck." He groaned again and I smirked, glad to know
I had the same effect on him.
In one motion he grasped my ass and lifted me and
spun around to the other counter that opened into the
breakfast bar and all but threw me down. His lips and
hands were all over me now and I had never felt so
completely desired in my life. He squeezed and
compressed and clutched my breasts, my waist, my
hips, all the way down my body as I clawed at his
chest. I pulled his shirt over his head to reveal his
perfectly muscled body beneath it.
Fuck he was beautiful.
My eyes were hooded as I broke our kiss and stared at
him. I ran my hands over his chest and sat up closer
on the breakfast bar. I bent down to kiss him on his
tattoo and lick around the edge and he shuddered and
gripped my hips forcefully.
"What does this mean?" I broke away but continued to
press my fingers along his Pecs, down his abs and
along the waist of his jeans.
He swallowed as he watched me, his hold on my hips
painful and pleasurable at the same time.
"It's a Celtic bull. It means strong-willed." He said
with dark eyes.
I bent down to kiss it again and he hissed. Then I
pressed my hands to his shoulders, willing him to turn
around.
I was met by the large tattoo on his back and my
mouth went dry. It was much more impressive in the
light of the kitchen.
Fuck it wassensationaland incrediblyhot.
"And this" I rasped as I traced my fingers over the
lion and then looked at the crossed swords. I
immediately recognized the initials and the dates on
the swords. It was Eric's birthday and death date
along with Mijn Broer and his initials. I could only
assume it meant "my brother" from the little Dutch I
had learned.
"The Dutch Lion." His skin was hot to my touch and I
pressed my lips to each tip of the sword and a low
reverberation rumbled from his chest. It was sexiest
sound I had ever heard. Then I steadily ran my hands
over his strong shoulders, defined back and down to
his waist.
My fingers blazed a trail up to his triceps next and
along the words that I could only assume were also in
Dutch. "And this" I bent to kiss it again and his voice
caught this time.
He spun around and took my face in his hands. "Left
this world, but not forgotten." He rasped.
I brought my hands to his face as well and I could see
the depth of the look in his eyes. Fire, determination,
loveadoration. The air from my lungs was swept out
of me as we mirrored each other's actions.
Once again his lips met mine and the orb of electricity
that constantly surrounded us pulsated and nearly
exploded like a lightning strike.
"Edward. God, I want you."
"You have me Liefje." He kissed me just below my ear
and I steadied myself on his shoulders, my fingers
digging into his flesh and down his back.
He tipped me back on the breakfast bar and with one
pull of his hand removed my yoga pants and panties.
He ran his hands firmly up my legs and then clenched
my hips and pulled me to the edge. His eyes were deep
jade pools, like the water of the North Atlantic. He
tugged on my tank and swept it over my head and I
was entirely exposed to him on my kitchen counter.
He ran his hands down my extended arms, over my
shoulders and roughly flicked my nipples. I dropped
my head back and moaned, the wetness and pounding
in my center intensifying. He bent down to suck one
nipple in his hot mouth and then blew on it. The
contrast of the heat from his tongue and the cool air
caused it to pucker as he continued to tweak and tease
my nipples. My legs instinctually squeezed him
between me in an effort to gain friction, but I was
open to him and ripe for taking.
His hand trailed down my stomach and to my center
where he stroked my lips with his fingers, my obvious
desire for him more than apparent.
"Fuck Schoonheid." He muttered into my chest as my
fingers found his hair and pulled hard again.
With a firm hand he pressed me back and I gripped
onto the edge of the counter. I could hear The Doors in
the back ground and the light flickered above me as
my eyes shut, overcome by desire.
His mouth made its way down my stomach, his tongue
darting out at intervals to taste me. It was hot and
coarse and moist against my burning skin. He
kneaded my thighs with his fingers and then worked
his way with his lips to my inner thighs but not to
where I wanted him most.
I was shuddering, sprawled out on my breakfast bar
my blood pulsing in anticipation when suddenly his
hot tongue was on my center.
"Ugh." I cried out and jerked, but his fingers dug into
the muscle of my thighs and held me in place. He
pulled me further to the edge, spreading me, opening
me to him even more as he continued to taste me.
I was lost in the sensation, the cool granite on my
back, his hot tongue on my sensitive core and his
strong hands steadily massaging my flesh. I was
writhing and squirming beneath him as he plunged
his tongue into me over and over.
"HolyJesus Christ Edward." I cried out as I pulled
and tugged on his hair. The tremor in my stomach
began to move through my body. He released one
hand and began to press it against my clit in a precise
motion catapulting me into my release.
"Oh my God! Edward!" He gently caressed my thighs
as he finished me off and I shook from the intensity of
my orgasm. I was panting, my chest heaving just
trying to catch my breath.
I felt him move back up my body, the ever present
tingling traveling with his lips and the thumping only
returning to my core.
I sat up then and grabbed his hair again and pulled his
mouth to mine. He groaned as he wrapped his arms
around me and I clenched my legs around his waist.
He pressed his erection into me and I gasped at him.
Fuck he was hard. And huge andunbelievable.
My body was itching with the need to have him inside
me once again. Completing me, connecting me to him
in the closest way possible. I had never experienced
anything like I had when we came together on Sunday
and I knew I never would again.
I dropped my hands from his hair and frantically
began to undo his jeans. I hooked my toes in the waist
band and he helped me as he stopped out of them. It
was then I realized he wasn't wearing any underwear
and he stood before me just like the statue of a God
etched in marble.
I grasped his neck and pulled his mouth back to mine,
our tongues once again battling with need, as I snaked
my other hand down to his pulsing member and
stroked him. He growled into me and his hands were
once again all over me, feeling me, burning me with
his touch.
"Bella. God, I want you too."
"And you have me." I annunciated with a husky voice.
He clutched me to him once again and kissed me
powerfully as he pushed inside of me.
I range of expletives rang through my head. White
light flashed behind my eyes just from him entering
me. He was so hard, and so big, and I wanted him so
much I thought I might die from desire.
"Edward" I whimpered into his mouth as he began
to move. My ass was on the edge of the granite and
once again the pain only intensified the pleasure. His
rhythm was slow and steady, expanding me, hitting
me in all the right places.
I used his shoulders for leverage and bit his lip
roughly and he thrust into me harder. Our pace
quickened as his hand moved to behind my head and
he plunged his tongue into my mouth with a force that
equaled his thrusts.
I was lost in him, not knowing where we began or
ended. It was a frenzy of lips and hands and sweat and
moans and pure wanton need thrust for thrust, hip to
hip.
We accelerated, him hitting me deeper and deeper
and once again causing the unfurling in my abdomen.
He pulled me tighter to him so that he was almost
holding me in the air, the granite counter a mild
weight bearer as he drove into me.
"Ah. Fuck." I cried out and chanted his name.
"Edward, Edward, Edward."
"That's it Bella." He groaned then and I could tell he
was fighting off his release, trying to bring me there
again.
He set me back on the bar and lifted one leg higher,
finding and even deeper spot in my core and with one
final thrust I shattered around him screaming out his
name. Waves of bliss ran roughshod through my body.
"Unnnggh. God Bella!" He cried out and I felt him
come inside me over and over.
I gripped his head to me as I kissed him, pulling his
lips, his tongue anything I could into my mouth. We
were slick with sweat, our breathing laboring and our
bodies trembling. We slowly brought each other back
down until he collapsed his head on my shoulder and I
pulled him closer to me with my legs and leaned my
head on his.
We didn't speak, we didn't move. We just stood there
holding each other in my kitchen, overcome with the
unreal connection we just shared.
"Jesus Christ Liefje." He garbled into my shoulder and
I couldn't do anything but chuckle.
He pulled his head back up to meet my eyes and ran
his fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes and
hummed into his touch. I loved how he could be so
caring and gentle and at the same time fuck me like
there was no tomorrow. It really was the best of both
worlds. Like the two worlds we lived in. But this was
our world. And if I didn't know if I was in love with
him before this point, I knew I was now.
"I think we need a shower." I smiled at him sleepily,
my long days and the events of the night catching up
with me.
He kissed me gently and lifted me up and pulled out of
me. Nevertheless he didn't put me down. He walked
me to the bathroom and set me down in the shower
and started the warm water and climbed in behind
me.
I sighed at the warmth of the water and watched as it
glistened over his perfectly chiseled body. He gave me
a coy smile as he scrubbed through his hair and I did
mine. We cleaned up in silence for a few moments.
"SoI told you that would be longer than twenty
minutes." He said with a devious little smirk.
I chuckled and wrapped my arms around his back and
lay my head against his chest. It felt so right, so
perfect there as he grabbed the body wash and
scrubbed down my back.
"You definitely have mad skills." I quipped and he
laughed heartily.
"I'm glad you think so." He said as he kissed the top of
my head.
"Mmmm. I know so." I reached up and gave him a
gentle kiss.
I looked up at him and stared into his sparkling jade
eyes. I loved him. I was sure of it. I bit my lip as the
water poured over us and we held each other's gaze.
But once again the moment passed and he cupped my
face under the water and kissed me softly and pulled
me into his arms.
His body warmed me as much as the shower and I
both heard and felt him turn off the water. Before I
knew it I was wrapped in a fluffy towel and he was
toweled off with his own wrapped around his waist.
His glorious bronze hair was tousled and shiny and
ever so sexy from the water. He kissed me again and
then strode out to the kitchen.
I walked into the bedroom and pulled out a purple silk
nightgown. He came back in with a frown on his face.
But he stopped just as I pulled it over my head.
His eyes met mine and he swallowed again.
I stepped over to the dresser and pulled out the boxers
he left on Monday and tossed them to him. He looked
down and chuckled.
"I washed them." I shrugged and he just shook his
head and smiled.
I brushed through my hair and climbed into bed and
lifted the sheet for him to join me.
He smiled and crawled in next to me and pulled me
into his arms. He was so warm, so safe and so
worshipful. My heart constricted at the thought and
the feeling of his arms around me. My eyes became
droopy and I melted into his embrace.
"Good night Liefje." He lightly nuzzled my neck and
placed a kiss on my temple.
"Mmmm. Good night Apollo." He chuckled again and
squeezed me tighter and I glided off. But somewhere
before the depths of my mind were overcome with
sleep and my senses turned over to my dreams, I
heard a whisper in my ear; a tender devotion.
"I love you."
~~~-~~~

Chapter 16 ~ Name Games
Chapter Song: Cutting Crew Just Died In Your Arms
BPOV
Pitter, pitter, pitter.
Clink, clink, clink.
Pitter, pitter, pitter.
Clink, clink, clink.
I slowly blinked my eyes and peered at the window.
Rain was pattering against the glass and trickling
down to the metal frame and the soft sound was
matched in rhythm by the one next to me.
Edward was taking deep and soulful breaths as his
strong arms surrounded me and held me against his
chest. I felt so at peace and whole in his arms, in this
bed, in the early hours of the morning.
I looked up to see it was quite early, in fact before
5:00, and the room was still shrouded in darkness. I
knew he would have to leave soon, but I couldn't do
anything except stare at his perfectly chiseled jaw, his
full lips and the wisp of bronze hair that hung in his
face. My fingers lightly traced his toned chest and abs
as I looked at this stunning man.
My Apollo.
I lay my head back on his chest hoping to catch a few
more minutes of sleep in his cozy embrace. Just as my
lids were fluttering shut I felt him stir below me.
Damn. He has to leave now.
A gentle hand slowly traced a path through my hair
and down my back in an even measure. I sighed into
his arms and he squeezed me tighter.
Then suddenly something came floating back to me
from last night. I thought about the words he said as I
fell asleep.
"I love you."
Did he mean it?
Did he know if I was awake or mean for me to hear it?
Did he really say it or was it a figment of my
imagination?
Was it just a product of a dream?
"Liefje?" He murmured as he bent down and kissed
the top of my head.
"Hmmm." I responded, content in his arms and not
wanting him to leave.
"What time are you getting up?"
"Mmmm. Not until 6:00." I snuggled into his chest
and placed a kiss right over his heart. I wanted to tell
him. I wanted to say the words, but I wasn't sure what
his intentions were last night, if he meant for me to
hear it.
Suddenly he rolled over and turned me on my side so
that we were face to face. His jade eyes were boring
into mine and I could tell he was contemplating
something.
He leisurely lifted his hand and grazed the backs of his
fingers down my cheek, to my neck, and ever so
gradually down the side of my body. It wasn't sexual
or lustful, it was purposeful and adoring. He made me
feel treasured, neededloved with that one simple
touch. I closed my eyes as he wrapped his arm around
my waist to pull me flush with him even though we
remained on our sides. I mimicked his action, my arm
around his waist.
His hand continued its slow exploration, up and down
my side, to my temple where he would whisk away a
bit of hair and only to return down its path.
Suddenly he stopped and the quiet of the apartment
around us was only interrupted by the pitter pattering
of the rain. This time his hand stroked my hair in
perfect tune with the sounds.
Pitter, pitter, pitter. Pitter, pitter, pitter.
Pitter, pitter, pitter. Pitter, pitter, pitter.
The hand stopped.
And so did his breath.
Until he exhaled.
"I love you Bella." He whispered in a breath.
I blinked open once again and I stared back at his jade
pools. My breath hitched and I couldn't stop the water
from forming in the corners of my eyes. I couldn't
speak. I couldn't move. I just lay there staring at him.
Finally I moved my hand from his waist, down his
extended arm, to his hand that was now clutching
behind my head and I covered it with my own. I wove
my fingers through his and brought his hand down to
my heart and pressed it against my chest. I could feel
the racing beat even through his fingers and I knew he
must have felt it as well. His eyes widened and he
closed them just feeling the rhythm.
At last I found my bearings and I leaned in to give him
a soft, simple, but heartfelt kiss. His eyes remained
closed as he sighed into it and then I spoke.
"I love you too Edward."
He opened them and the emotion swimming in his
jade pools was astounding. We didn't say anything.
We didn't move. We just stared into each other's eyes
until he raised our joined hands to his heart as he
covered my mouth with his again.
With that he took me in his arms and we didn't say
another word as he made slow, sweet love to me in the
early hours of the morning.
--
At 6:00 we finally emerged from bed and he slipped
out of my apartment after giving me a passionate kiss
and another "I love you" before he left. I returned it
and I couldn't believe how right it felt for those words
to roll off of my lips. The look in his eyes and the way
he made love to me that morning only confirmed it
further. I was completely and utterly in love with him
and to know he was with me was almost staggering.
I hadn't muttered those three little words to anyone
but family since Alec. I was never in love with any of
the guys I dated after Alec.
But that didn't matter. Because what I felt for Edward
was unmatched by anything I've ever felt before. It
was a thousand times what I felt for Alec. The way he
touched me this morning, the way he looked into my
eyes, it resonated to my very soul.
He said he would be back tonight, but it would
probably be late. He said he had to go to the club
tonight and I could only assume it was Dawnbreak. It
gave me the creeps that he had to go to that dark and
dirty club. I still didn't know everything his mission
entailed. I couldn't decide if I wanted to know more or
not. I worried about him when he wasn't with me. It
was a feeling I became accustomed to as a child. But
now it was so much stronger, I couldn't explain it.
I hurried through my morning routine and made it to
work by 8:15. I knew I had a long two days ahead. My
dress was pressed and ready and hanging in my closet.
But I would likely be at work until at least ten tonight,
only to be up early tomorrow morning preparing all
the exhibits for the fundraiser. I would check and re-
check all of the write ups and help the planners get
everything in place. This was a huge event for the Met
and it had to go off without a hitch.
"Hey Bella?"
I turned to see Jasper and a few of the guys from his
department making their way over. It was pretty
standard practice to go out the night before the
Fundraiser and after. It was the staff's way to blow off
some steam.
"Yeah Jazz."
"We're going to hit up the pub on 86th, you want to
join us?"
"I'm good Jazz but thanks."
He looked at me strangely and I just shrugged. He
turned to talk to the other guys for a minute as I was
preparing some of the hand outs and he walked closer
to me.
"Bell is something going on?"
"What do you mean?" I didn't look up from my work.
"I just... you haven't been coming out with us as much
and stuff. I wanted to make sure you're okay."
I looked up and plastered on my best smile. "I'm great
Jazz. I'm just tired and tomorrow's going to be a long
day."
He nodded but still looked at me quizzically. Finally he
turned to join them and I breathed a sigh of relief. I
didn't like lying to my friends. But I wasn't really
lying. There wasn't anything wrong with me. In fact,
even if I was only seeing Edward behind closed doors,
I was happier than I had ever been.
I caught a cab home and practically sprinted from
door to door. I was still punchy about walking in and
out of my building after James' showed up. I hurried
inside and pressed the button for my floor when I
heard giggling behind me. I knew that voice.
"Bella!" Rosalie walked in hand in hand with John and
I smiled.
"Hey!" I gave them each a quick hug and stepped back.
"What are you two doing?"
"We just got back from dinner." Rosalie gazed up and
John and I couldn't help but smile at the cheesy look
on her face. She really was a goner.
Look who's talking.
I shook my head. "Do you guys want to come up for a
drink?" I asked. I knew Edward wouldn't be there
until much later so I figured we had a couple of hours.
"That would be great Bell."
John got a strange look on his face but then he finally
smiled and nodded.
We chatted and made our way to my apartment. I
quickly opened the door and then stopped. The lights
were on and music was playing and my heart began
racing.
Oh shit, he's early! Oh shit Rose and John can't see
him!
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
"Um. Hold on a sec, I need to make sure I didn't leave
anything lying around." I quickly turned and left them
in the hallway. They both looked at me like I lost my
mind, especially Rosalie since she knew what a neat
freak I was and the chances of me leaving something
out were slim.
I left them in the doorway to the apartment and
hurried inside. Edward was in the kitchen pouring a
Ketel One.
"Edward." I whispered frantically.
"Hey." He spun around and gave me a warm smile,
but then his demeanor instantly changed when he saw
my face.
"What is it Liefje? Did something happen? Was it
James?" I quickly shook my head and put my finger
over my lips to tell him to be quiet.
"No but what are you doing here so early?" I said
frantically.
"I ended up not having to go into the club." He smiled.
I started to say something about John and Rosalie
when I was cut off.
"Bella. Really I am sure your house is just fine. I know
how youOh!" Rosalie walked in and her eyes went
wide. John was right behind her.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
They all just looked at each other for a moment until
Edward broke the silence. In the mean time I was
freaking out that he was here and they saw him.
Then the unthinkable happened.
"Oh you're early." Edward said.
Huh?
"Hey Rose." Edward smiled at her and gave her a
quick hug.
Wait, what?
"McCarty." He clasped John's hand and John gave
him a small smile.
What the fuck is going on?
Why isn't he freaking out?
How does he know John?
And why did he call him McCarty?
"Edward?" I shook my head at him completely
confused by the whole situation and he stepped back
over.
He put his arm around me and nodded to Rose and
John. "Bella I kind of asked them to come over. I hope
you don't mind. But we need to talk."
My head was spinning as I looked at the three of them.
Rose didn't seem too fazed by anything and John
looked a bit nervous, but Edward was completely
calm.
What the fuck was going on?
"Come. Did you close the door?" He asked John and
John nodded.
"Let's have a drink and chat." He grabbed my hand.
We walked back into the kitchen as Edward poured
two more drinks and I gave him a peculiar look. He
just shrugged and nodded for the dining room. We
took our respective seats at the table and sipped our
drinks.
How is he not freaking out? Isn't his cover blown or
something? But before I could launch in with my
questions or try to make something up, John began.
"Bella, so I am guessing you are a bit surprised with us
being here." I nodded and furrowed my brow.
"Well, that's because we have something to tell you."
John started.
We?
"Bella, my name isn't John. It's Emmett McCarty. I'm
an FBI agent."
What?
I shook my head perplexed.
"Okay"
"I'm working with Cullen hereon our mission."
"Really?" I breathed and my eyes went wide. I shook
my head trying to grasp this new information.
"How are youI meanthat's crazy that you live in my
building."
Edward nodded and locked eyes with John, err,
Emmett. They seemed to share some type of silent
conversation.
"Well you see" He cleared his throat. "There's more
than that. It's part of the reason why we wanted to tell
you tonight."
"Wait so you planned this?"
"Well we didn't expect to see you in the elevator, but
we were planning to stop over tonight?"
"What do you mean? I mean why?" I asked. Emmet
and Edward exchanged a glance again and Rose gave
me a small smile.
"Bella, I was assigned to this buildingto watch you."
The entire feeling of our sit-down changed. What
started as strange became infinitely more serious and
mind-boggling in a matter of seconds.
"Me?" What the hell? "But why?"
"That's what we're trying to figure out." He said.
"I don't understand." Seriously, what the hell was
going on? My neighbor was an agent, that worked with
Edward and he was assigned to my building to watch
me. Why would anyone want to watch me? I don't lead
that interesting of a life? What could the FBI possibly
want with me?
What the
A sickening thought instantly overcame my body.
No.
It couldn't.
He couldn't.
No.
Not after this morning. Not possible.
No.
Suddenly I doubted everything about the last month.
Was Edward just spying on me too?
My mind was reeling and my heart began pounding at
the thought that the man I thought I was completely in
love withand told me he loved mthis morning
might not be. I began to think about all the things that
happened: all the coincidental sightings, him saving
me from Jamestwice, him being at Alice's.
I wanted to throw up and cry and anything else I
could. I couldn't think of it. I couldn't speak of it.
That it might all be a rouse?
I started breathing heavily and I could feel the anger
and hurt rising under my skin. Before I could say
anything Rose jumped in.
"Bell, stop. Look at me." I glanced up at her eyes and
could feel my chest rising and falling. She looked at
me intently. "It's not what you think. Let them
explain."
I was seconds from snapping and asking what the fuck
was truly going on when I felt a warm hand over mine.
It was Edward's, but I couldn't revel in it in that
moment.
Finally I whispered in an annunciating tone. "What is
going on?"
I looked at Edward and I could see the trepidation in
his eyes. "Edward?"
He swallowed as he stared at me.
"Liefje, I didn't know Emmett was assigned here until
recently, either. Please know that it doesn't change
anything between us." He said, his gaze piercing me.
"How recently?" I said through gritted teeth and
willing my anger and hurt to dissipate.
This can't be nothing. I can't be feeling these things
for no reason.
Edward squeezed my hand again and the warmth that
emanated from him was so apparent, so true. It's not
nothing. It can't be a rouse. I repeated to myself over
and over. I finally started to calm down.
"Wednesday, I wanted to tell youbut I, I mean we,
really aren't supposed to" He let out a breath then.
"But we have both been talking and we thought that
you should know. That you and Rose both should
know so that you aren't in danger. Also, we are trying
to figure out why Emmett might have been assigned
here and how you know so many people connected
with our investigation."
I shook my head. My mind was spinning. We had
discussed that several people I knew were connected
to his investigation, but I couldn't process it. I thought
it was all a coincidence up to this point. I didn't know
who to look at first or what to say. I turned to Rose
and saw the sympathetic look on her face.
"Did you know about this?"
"I just found out today too."
I took a deep breath and steeled my nerves for
whatever was about to come my way. I was definitely
not expecting this tonight.
I looked at Edward one more time.
"Bella" His eyes were pleading with me and I knew
in that moment that I had to trust him. I had to hear
them out. I turned back to Emmett and sighed.
"Okay. Talk." I said as I gripped Edward's hand and
waited for whatever was coming.
Emmett immediately launched in and told me that
they were investigating an organized crime ring. He
told me how they were working with Seth and how he
figured out that I was connected to Edward's family.
That they knew James and Demitri and Jacob were
involved. I already knew this and knew about the
connections with those three, but what did that have
to do with Emmett, or me for that matter?
"Believe me, we were just as surprised when we found
out about everything. The two of us started putting it
together." Emmett said nodding at Edward.
"What do you mean?"
Emmett told me how he figured out that he was at
Edward's parents last weekend and the connection
with me. He said he wasn't told anything about why he
was assigned to my building, just that he was
supposed to watch me for anything suspicious. After
he saw Raven with me the first night he was
suspicious but then said there was nothing else to
indicate I was involved, especially once we broke up.
He said he even followed me to work a few times to see
if I took any detours, but I was the most
"unsuspicious" person he had ever followed. But that
made him think the entire situation was all the more
strange. And the more he and Edward talked about it
they thought something was a bit off with their
mission. He said Seth knew everything as well, and
since he was planning to tell Rose, and Rose knew
about Edward, they figured it would be best to get it in
the open between the five of us so that we could deal
with it all and maybe figure out some of the
connections.
Then he turned to look at me and became very
serious.
"Bella there's someone else that we know is involved
and we think it's time you know about it. Because it
could be a major piece of the puzzle. But you can't say
anything okay. In fact, nothing we discuss tonight can
go out of this room. Cullen and I have already swept
your place for bugs."
My eyes popped and I looked at Edward and he
nodded.
"I probably should have done it the first time I came,
but" He said and gave me and small smile and
squeezed my hand again. "But it's okay. Everything is
in order." He said trying to be reassuring.
I couldn't do anything but nod.
Agents, bugs, organized crime. What the fuck next?
I turned to look back at Emmett and remembered that
he had something to tell me.
"So what was this other thing?"
He drew a deep breath and looked at Edward and
Edward squeezed my hand again as Emmett spoke.
"Your step-father, Phil Dwyer, his business group is
involved with this ring in some way too."
"What?" I breathed.
Now my mind was really spinning.
Phil? What the hell?
"Bella, I'm sorry to tell you about it like this."
"No, no. I just. I meanI'm not close with Phil but it is
a surpriseI justI'm trying to wrap my mind around
all of this."
"It's okay. Us too." He gave me an impish grin and I
just nodded.
I dropped a shaky hand to my now nearly empty Ketel
One and raised it to take a sip. Edward immediately
grabbed the glass and refilled it and I smiled at him
lightly.
The entire time I constantly thought about who or
what I knew? Why me? Sure Jacob was a childhood
friend, but I never saw him unless I went to Brooklyn.
James and I were over and none of my family
"Bella. Can you think of anyone else you might know
or be connected to that would be involved? Or is there
something you might know?" Emmett asked.
Then I remembered my dinner with Phil, Renee and
James and something struck me.
"Laurent."
"What?" Edward's eyes went wide.
"Laurent Dufour. He used to date Kate, you know my
friend Kate. Emmett you didn't meet her at happy
hour the night Rose came because she's working, but
he used to date her and I hate him for more reasons
than I can explain right now."
"Oh fuck." Edward closed his eyes and then jumped up
from the table and began pacing. "I can't believe you
know Laurent too."
"Well just as Kate's ex-boyfriend but" I trailed off.
Edward sighed and began pacing. Finally he stopped.
"Shit Bella this is so much worse than I thought." He
mumbled.
We were silent for a moment until he pinched the
bridge of his nose and closed his eyes.
"Ok tell us everything you know about Laurent."
I quickly explained how I found out that he was in
business with James and Phil and how pissed I was
when I found out. Then I took a deep breath and gave
them the edited version of what happened with Kate.
"So does this make me some kind oftarget or
something." I couldn't believe it, I had done nothing
wrong.
"Possibly. Unfortunately that's what were' trying to
figure out." Emmett said.
"But I don't understand. Why would I be a target or
why would they care about me simply because I
helped Kate?"
"Did you ever see anything or know about anyone
suspicious?"
I shook my head trying to think back to the years when
Kate and Laurent were dating or anything to do with
James, Demitri, Phil or Jacob. Nothing came to mind
that would make me suspicious. I told them about how
Kate suspected Laurent was into something illegal and
that was what caused their break-up. But I had never
seen anything between any of them to raise my
awareness.
"Ok wait, so let me get this straight." Emmett said. "So
your best friend dated Laurent. And you had a run-in
with Demitri back in college. You dated James Raven.
You grew up with Jacob Black. And your step-father is
Phil Dwyer. But you don't know anything about what
they are all involved in." Emmett said shaking his
head and almost laughing in disbelief. "Jesus Bella."
"No. Emmett I swear I" I bit my lip and ran a shaky
hand through my hair. The names of so many people I
knew were running through my head at the speed of
light. I couldn't put it all together in my mind.
He and Edward exchanged a look again and both
seemed to be pondering something.
"Is there anyone, other than you, who could connect
all of these people?"
Rose simply sat there as she mulled over everything
and I could see her contemplating something. The
whole situation was all so surreal. How could I
possibly be connected to organized crime? I never did
anything illegal in my life! I didn't even have a parking
ticket! My father and brother were both cops for
crying out loud!
"InoI don't" My lip was now quivering and the
alcohol was seeping into my system. My eyes became
fuzzy and I shook my head.
"Oh Liefje. Don't cry." Edward was suddenly kneeling
beside me and grasping both of my hands. He trailed
one through my hair and I looked into his jade pools.
"You believe me right? I would never"
"Yeah, we believe you. I believed you from the first
time I asked you, that night at the Apollo." He said.
"I just don't understand." I shook my head.
"We'll figure it out." He placed his hand against my
cheek and I took a deep breath and nodded.
I looked up to find Rosalie and Emmett staring at us.
Their expressions were indiscernible but they
appearedawed.
"Why don't we call it a night?" Edward offered as he
looked at them then and Emmett agreed.
After we escorted them out and Rose gave me a hug
and told me she would stop by on Sunday, I walked
back into the bedroom with Edward following me and
shutting off all the lights. I slipped out of my work
clothes and brushed my teeth and my hair. I was
trembling and edgy as I tried to get a handle on what
just happened.
We didn't say a word to each other as I handed
Edward a spare toothbrush that I had. He seemed to
realize I was somber and confused about the entire
evening. I climbed in bed in only my boy shorts and a
tank and he quickly joined me.
It was late, past one A.M. and I had to be up early to be
back at the Met. But as tired as I should have been, I
couldn't sleep. I just laid there thinking through
everything.
How could so many people in my life be connected to
his investigation and to an organized crime ring? How
could I be connected to it? And how did it all fit
together?
I knew Edward wasn't sleeping either and it was eerily
quiet in the apartment. I felt heavy; something was
nagging at me, like I should know something or
remember something that could help them. I thought
over and over who or what could connect all of the
people involved other than me and I came up with
nothing.
"Bella?"
"Yeah." I whispered.
"Is your friend Kate the one in the pictures in the
living room? The blonde one?"
"Yeah why?" I tensed.
"Is she seeing an agent?"
I rolled over to look at him and I could tell he was
thinking about something.
"Yeahbut umI don't think they are supposed to
be." I said quietly.
He ran his hand down my cheek and I could feel the
calm ooze into my body.
"Seems to be the thing to do lately huh?" He joked
quietly.
I gave him an impish smile and then burrowed my
head into his chest.
"I'm sorry Edward. I didn't know"
He sighed and wrapped his arms around me and
kissed the top of my head.
"We'll get it figured out Liefje."
I snuggled further into him as he held me.
"I really like itwhen you call me thatwhat does it
mean?" I asked as my head rose and fell on his chest.
"It means 'Love' in Dutch. But when I say 'my love' it's
just lief, so then it's 'Mijn Lief'."
"Oh." I was quiet for a moment when he spoke again.
"I really do love you Bella. So much. And this doesn't
change anything. I want you to know that." He said
quietly as he kissed my temple.
I looked up then at his fearful expression.
"I was afraid that maybe"
"I know. I was afraid you would think that. But like I
said we didn't find out about Emmett until
Wednesday. I'm sorry for upsetting you."
"I'm sorry I don't know anythingIt's all just so
crazy."
"No, Bella, not at all. I know it's a lot to take in. But
these things take time. I just wanted you to know so
you could be careful." He stroked my cheek and bent
to give me a soft kiss.
"I guessnow I realize why you were so worried about
James."
He tensed and pulled me tighter to him. "I was
worried. And I still am. But I'm not going to let anyone
hurt you."
I sighed and just let him hold me.
"Don't worry Liefje. We don't have to figure it out
tonight. I just wanted to get everything out in the open
so we can go forward with everything in front of us
okay."
"Okay." I said as I bit my lip and looked up at him. I
knew he meant it. I knew he hadn't lied to me and he
was only trying to protect me.
"I love you." I whispered.
I leaned up to kiss him tenderly and he returned it. He
softly ran his hands through my locks and then pulled
me to his chest once again.
With his comforting words and embrace I was finally
able to fall asleep.
--
"Miss Swan, can you check the Cleopatra exhibit?"
"Of course Mr. Banner."
"Oh and Miss Swan, the Morgans wanted to speak
with you about something as well." He said before he
strode off.
I nodded and quickly walked to the Cleopatra exhibit.
The fundraiser was going well and it was only the
beginning of the night. An auction was planned for
later in the evening, as well as the reveal of a few new
pieces, one of which was a recently uncovered artifact
from a site in Egypt. It was the reason I was walking to
check the Cleopatra exhibit.
The day had been so busy that I was luckily able to
forget about many of the things I worried over last
night. I had been up bright and early and to the Met by
7:00. I spent nearly the whole day helping with final
touches for exhibits, ensuring that our signage and
displays were in order and talking to the interns about
what their roles would be tonight. Not only did I have
to make sure they were representative of the Met, but
also, making sure they each had their assignments for
the night.
I checked over the exhibit one final time when I
noticed one of the display descriptions was a bit out of
place. I quickly fixed it and made sure everything else
was in order when I started to walk back to the main
event area. There weren't many people in the
Cleopatra area yet, as most were still lingering in the
new exhibit with the masks. But we expected so many
people we kept the Cleopatra open for overflow
purposes.
I stepped into the newly
reconfigured hall and
immediately replaced my mask
over my face. Once I finally left
at 3:00 in the afternoon, I
hurried home, showered, shaved, put on my make-up
and put my hair in rollers. I had to be back at the Met
at 6:00 as the event started at 7:00. But I always
wanted to be early just in case there were any last
minute fixes. As a result, I left my hair in big loose
curls. My mask was relatively small and light and I
could remove it or place it on my face easily.
I saw the Morgans standing next to the bar on the left
side of the hall and pressed my hands down my dress
to make sure everything was in place. Julian Morgan
was a major contributor to the Met. He and his wife
were very generous with their donations. I had
worked with Sylvia a few times on some projects in my
old position.
I quickly said hello and thanked them for coming. Of
course they wanted to let me know that their son,
Julian Jr. or JJ, recently returned from their London
office and they thought that we just "had" to
reconnect.
I politely thanked them and told them that I would
email him.
Or not.
JJ was nice enough, but talking to him was like
watching paint dry. I had gone to lunch with him once
a few years ago at Sylvia's prodding. It was a fine line
to walk. I definitely didn't want to piss off the
Morgans, but I honestly thought I was going to fall
asleep when I was with him.
Just then I saw Alice and Jasper across the room and
made my way over.
"Hey Ali, you look great!" I gave her a hug and nodded
at Jazz. He looked dashing in his black tux and
studded vest underneath. His mask was gray and
studded as well. It looked like something out of the
Civil War and it was entirely fitting for Jasper. Alice of
course looked like his perfect counterpart. She had on
a military inspired dress and her mask was similar but
with large tarnished looking buttons that looked like
buttons on a military jacket. You could already start to
see her little bump on her tiny frame.
"Thanks Bella, but apparently I am already putting on
the baby weight." She rubbed her stomach and Jasper
rolled his eyes. "I'm measuring what someone at
sixteen weeks is measuring, not eleven!" She
exclaimed.
"Well you look great Ali."
She sighed wistfully. "Well, I have a suspicion as to
why that might be but Jazz doesn't agree with me."
"Really what's that?"
But before Alice could answer me, a cold voice called
from behind her.
"Mary Alice, darling, there you are." Alice bristled and
her eyes went wide. Jasper set his jaw and smiled
tightly.
A very distinguished woman of probably eighty
walked over on the arm of an equally distinguished
man. They were both impeccably dressed and had
white blond hair and intense blue eyes. The woman
was holding her mask on a stick and eyeing us
peculiarly. I knew instantly who this was, and why
Alice tensedother than the fact that the woman
called her Mary Alice. I knew she absolutely hated her
given name, not even her parents called her that. She
was only named Mary Alice after Esme's mother, but
she always went by Alice.
Alice put on a stiff smile at that moment and turned.
"Grandmother, how lovely to see you."
They kissed each other's cheeks and Jasper shook
hands with the man.
"Jan, how are you this evening?"
"Fine thank you, Mr. Whitlock. Are you still working
here at the harrowed halls?" He said with a bit of an
air to his voice.
"I am sir." Jasper nodded.
"Good good. And Mary Alice, your father informed us
of your recent news. Congratulations."
"Thank you Grandfather." Alice smiled tightly and
kissed him on the cheeks as well.
"It's too bad your brother can't stop his silly
gallivanting around the globe and do the same. I hear
the young Whitney girl is now back on the market.
Didn't they used to see one another?"
I instantly tensed and so did Alice and Jasper. I had
learned that even if Alice missed Edward very much,
and worried about his work, they nevertheless
supported him.
And was he saying that Claire Whitney was getting a
divorce?
Shit.
"Oh Grandfather, you know Edward. He's probably
working a very important case."
"Rubbish. He should be working at Cullen
Enterprises." Jan stated.
"Yes, Mary Alice, and married. He's what thirty-three
now?" Sasha added as she raised her eyebrow.
Christ they don't even know how old their grandson
is, but they want to dictate his life?
"Thirty-two." Alice whispered through clenched teeth
and just as I was about to jump in for her Carlisle and
Esme strode up. Carlisle looked every bit as
distinguished as his parents, but his entire demeanor
was different. He was impeccable in his black tux and
bow-tie. His mask was regal looking. But there was
softness in his eyes and easiness in his face.
"Father. Mother. It's good to see you here." He and
Esme did their standard greeting and I saw that Esme
looked as beautiful as ever. She really could pass as an
older sister to Edward. Her hair had the same strange
bronze tint and she had his piercing jade eyes. I could
definitely see now how he was his mother's son. She
looked magnificent in an emerald dress and gold
mask. Her warm smile could brighten a room.
"Carlisle darling, we were just talking to Mary Alice
and Mr. Whitlock. Oh and I'm sorry dear I didn't catch
your name." She said as she finally acknowledged my
presence.
Bitch.
But I put on a little-too-wide smile and put my
shoulders back.
"Bella Swan, Ma'am." I offered her my hand and she
gave me the two-fingered, hoity-toity wimpy shake.
I sighed internally. Please, I'm a girl from Brooklyn;
I shake hands like it's the twenty-first century.
I plastered my fake smile on my face nonetheless.
"Sasha Cullen. But of course I'm sure you already
know that." She said haughtily.
I sighed internally again. Now I understood Alice and
Edward's issues with their grandparents. These
people were brutal.
Then Jan offered his hand and I shook it.
"Swan you say. Now what would that be English?" Jan
asked.
"My parents were both Irish actually, and with a bit of
Italian."
"Ah I see." He said.
Sasha eyed me peculiarly. "And where did you grow
up?"
"Brooklyn. Ma'am."
Before she could speak to me more condescendingly
Esme stepped in.
"Sasha, Bella is actually the Director of the Intern
Program here at the Met. I believe you have met
before."
Sasha shrugged and Jan furrowed his brow. "I don't
believe so Esme, but if you say so."
Nope I was wrong. Uber bitch is more like it.
"Actually yes. In fact, Bella is essential in making this
event possible. She's quite spectacular at her job."
Esme said and I was astonished. Then she turned and
smiled at me.
"Bella dear, the event is really lovely. I wanted to tell
you that as soon as I came over."
"Thank you Esme." I smiled and cooled down a bit at
the same time.
Carlisle offered me a sympathetic smile then as well,
and the six of them chatted for a few more moments.
But as I stood there sipping my drink something
unusual caught my eye. I could feel a tingly sensation
up my spine. I looked and saw, at least I thought, a
flash of bronze hair disappear into the now thick
crowd.
That's strange. He wouldn't be here. He couldn't risk
that could he?
I was sure I was seeing things and shook it away. I
turned back to the conversation in time for Sasha and
Jan to say they had to speak with some other socialites
and they ta-ta'd off into the crowd.
Esme was instantly by my side and grabbed my elbow.
"I'm sorry about that. They're so pretentious. They
would drown if it sprinkled outside."
I immediately started giggling. I hadn't seen Esme in a
while and she and I shared similar no-bullshit
personalities. I had to laugh at her take on her in-laws.
"It's okay Esme. I'm pretty used to it and I can handle
it. Cop's daughter remember." I shrugged.
"No Bella, you should never get used to it. Just
because they have money doesn't mean they can treat
other people like crap." She raised her eyebrows at me
and I nodded. I knew Esme came from a not so good
family and she had learned to hold her own with the
Cullens and the other elites of New York. She really
was a spectacular woman and I could see a lot of
Edward's drive and fire came from her.
The five of us started chatting and laughing at Alice's
most recent antics concerning the baby. Apparently
she was convinced that she was having twins and
Jasper just rolled his eyes at his spunky wife.
"You know Bella, it's too bad we can't get our Edward
to settle down, you two would be just perfect for each
other. And I know I would love to have you around
more. You'd be good for him, give him a run for his
money now and then." Esme said wistfully.
Yeah, about that
I took a long sip of my drink as I put on a smile.
"Oh, Esme, nonsense, I just stick my foot in my mouth
most of the time" I teased, but there was tightness in
my voice.
"Oh no, I agree Mom. Bella and Edward would be
perfect for each other." Alice gushed.
"Alice really, I've only met him the one time"
Oh fuck. I let that slip out.
"Really? You two have met? When? I didn't think you
had the chance to meet him. I will have to ask that son
of mine the next time I see him" Esme trailed off and
I could hear the sadness in her voice.
"Esme, why don't you and Alice leave poor Bella
alone?" Carlisle gave me a warm smile.
I nodded gratefully and he just winked.
What the hell?
I didn't know what that meant, but I figured it was a
good time to get out of the conversation before it got
to a point of no return. I excused myself for a moment
to step away to the bar. There were servers walking
around with champagne, but I wasn't much of a
champagne drinker. The stuff always gave me a
headache. I wanted another Ketel One especially since
I was going to be mingling with this crowd tonight.
As I stood at the bar I once again felt eyes on me. But
this time it was that sixth sense feeling and the hair on
the back of my neck stood up.
"Mademoiselle, as enchanting as always." A slithery
voice whispered in my ear.
My body instantly went stiff as I slowly turned.
"Laurent. I'm surprised you remember me."
"Ah Ms. Swan, but a beauty such as yours I could
never forget." He eyed me seductively and I had to
fight off the urge to throw up on him.
Ugh.
"Well that's unfortunate because I wish I could forget
all about you. Now if you'll excuse me."
"Where are you going Mademoiselle? The party is just
starting." He grabbed my arm and it took everything I
had not to slap him in that moment.
Then he leaned in and continued.
"You know, you're step-father and I are in business
together. It's my understanding that you're not seeing
anyone."
"Oh and what Phil told you that?" I snapped my arm
away from him and stared him down.
"Of course not. Your dear mother did. But then again,
you only recently broke things off with Mr. Raven
didn't you. I guess it would look very uncouth if I were
to ask you out now wouldn't it."
Are you fucking kidding me?
"Save your breath Laurent. I wouldn't date you if you
were the last man on this Earth."
"My dear Ms. Swan is that how you treat all of your
potential donors." He said conceitedly.
Oh right because this asshole has money he can beat
women and treat everyone else like shit. I think not.
I set my jaw and stepped closer to him as I gripped my
glass in one hand and my clutch in the other. I could
feel almost a fire burning in me and I couldn't tell if it
was because I was going to have a chance to tell off
Laurent after all these years or if it was something
else.
Either way, I lowered my voice and leaned in so that
only he could hear me.
"Actually Mr. Dufour, I am pretty sure that we don't
want contributions from disgusting pigs like you who
beat their girlfriends. But just so you know, Kate has
moved on and is quite happy. And you, well." I
laughed dryly. "You're still the same self-absorbed,
revolting asshole that you have always been. And you
can tell Mr. Raven that I think the same of him. Now if
you'll excuse me, I have true philanthropists to attend
to."
With that I spun on my heels and stalked off through
the crowd. I didn't know where I was going until I was
clearly on the other side of the hall, the throngs of
supporters in full swing of drinking, dancing and
schmoozing the night away.
Suddenly I spotted Rosalie and Emmett, well John in
the open, with Rosalie's parents and walked over.
My heart was still pounding and my chest was rising
and falling but I feltgoodcleansed to have my
chance to give Laurent a piece of my mind. Especially
after everything else I found out last night.
"You okay Bella?" Rose eyed me curiously.
"Great." I said too quickly and Emmett just nodded at
me as he was conversing with Rosalie's Dad.
I chatted for a few moments with Rose and her Mom
until the MC announced that they would be starting
the auction in an hour and then afterward the dance
would continue into the night.
I remembered then that I had to make sure the person
leading the auction had all of the correct materials. I
walked to the stage and once again could feel eyes on
me.
I shook it off as just a residual feeling from the run-in
with Laurent and strode up to the stand. Everything
was in place except the MC wanted to compare his list
of items with the final one. I realized I would have to
retrieve one from my office and immediately left to
grab it.
I speedily walked to my office, my stilettos clicking
over the floor. I still felt a bit of unease as I slipped
into the dark office area. I stepped inside my office
and quickly flipped on the light.
My desk was in disarray from my chaotic last few days
of work and I looked for the final list of the auction
items. I had one because I had the interns help write
up the bios for each of the items. Just as I was about to
step out I noticed a package sitting on the table at the
side of my office.
That's funny. I don't remember that being here this
afternoon.
I walked over to the box that was sitting on my table
and looked at it. It was relatively inconspicuous, just a
brown box with taping and a UPS label. But there was
no return address.
Just as I was about to open it, the lights of my office
flicked off and I heard the door shut and the lock click.
Sparks instantly shot up my spine and my breath
became labored.
I slowly turned around and drew my eyes to the dark
form before me. His eyes were feral and hungry and
my pulse instantly quickened.
"What are you doing here?"
--
EPOV
I stepped away from Bella's fire escape in the early
morning hours. I was still in a fog over our last two
nights and our morning together. It was Saturday
morning and I didn't want to tell her that I was
attending the event tonight. On the one hand I wanted
to surprise her and at the same time I didn't want her
looking for me or draw attention.
I hurried to grab a cab on Broadway and set out to do
something I had been considering ever since she told
us about knowing Laurent last night. But as I sat in the
cab I couldn't help but think about the last two days.
We had shared those three little words. So small yet so
powerful at the same time.
She loved me.
She said she loved me.
I most certainly, completely and wholly loved her.
Beyond description. Beyond comparison. Beyond
anything I had ever felt in my life.
Thursday night after our playful andholy fuck,
insanely hot encounter in the kitchen I was on the
verge of telling her in the shower. But then I thought
only an ass would tell her in the shower. So I didn't.
Then once we were lying so peacefully in the
moonlight, with her hair splay across the pillow and
my arms around her. I knew I had to say it; I couldn't
keep it in anymore. But I didn't know if she heard me,
and I didn't care. I just had to say the words. It didn't
matter.
The utter expanse of the emotions and feelings I could
have with her, about her, amazed me. It was the like
the two ends of the spectrum that we both swung
between. I could laugh with her, cry with her, joke
with her, be coy with her and completely want to
devour her.
Then yesterday morning was nothing short of perfect.
When I looked into her eyes and said it again and she
returned it in kind, I knew. I knew she was it for me.
There was nowhere else I ever wanted to be; there was
no one else I ever wanted to be with.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I was concerned
that it would be different somehow, when we were
finally able to leave the confines of her condo. But at
the same time, I agreed with her take on the matter.
We were forced to focus on one another and learn
about each other. I knew more about her than I did
anyone else in the world, save my family. Hell, I knew
more about her after a month than I did after three
years with Claire.
And that alone told me what I had been suspecting all
along. She really was my other half. Her body, her
mind, her soul beckoned to me and when I was apart
from her I felt like half of me was missing. Cheesy as it
sounded, it was true.
Yesterday after I left Bella's I went to the ratty gym by
my place. Clearwater and I were planning to meet at
the gym first thing in the morning and then go to the
club that night and take McCarty with us. But while
working out, I found out from Felix that Laurent
would be attending some important "event" along
with "lots of important people."
I could only guess it was the Met event and I
immediately told Seth we should meet with Emmett.
We made our way to the Upper West Side and walked
into McCarty's building.
He was right. It was nice to go in the front door. I
didn't want to do it often because if we were being
watched it would look suspicious if I was going into
"John's" building at all hours of the night.
Nonetheless it was nice to be able to be a little bit out
in the open now. Even though it was still part of our
cover.
I had to admit the camaraderie was welcome after my
baneful existence in Romania. I had friends
undercover, a first for me. The three of us sat down
and discussed the possibility of some players being at
the event. Seth mentioned that he had heard from one
of his sources about there being a big meet this
weekend. I couldn't imagine that they would do it at
the event, but maybe if I attended I could at least be
tipped off by the interactions.
Seth wasn't going, he had to keep up his cover and pull
a deal tonight. But Emmett was planning on attending
with Rosalie. It was actually good, because he would
look like a more legitimate buyer attending a high-
profile event with a high-profile family.
Then Emmett made a suggestion that I hadn't thought
of before. Since we weren't going to the club last night,
he suggested we talk to Bella. Come clean so to speak
so we could find out if there were any connections that
she had to some of the players that we didn't know
about.
He had told Rose about his true status on Wednesday
night. Apparently she was pissed at first, and in true
Rosalie Whitlock fashion read him the riot act. But
once she got it out of her system she understood his
reservations. He told her about Bella and I and she
confirmed that she knew we had something going, but
she didn't know how serious it was. After that we
decided to bring it out in the open.
We weren't sure what was going on with our mission,
but we both felt like we were intentionally being left
out of the loop on a few things and the three of us
were putting them together on our own. I didn't like
that feeling. And I was starting to think that one of the
best ways I could protect Bella would be if she knew
just how dangerous this whole situation was.
So last night we decided to tell Bella everything. I was
concerned at first when she thought I had lied to her. I
should have seen that coming, but I more than
assured her that it changed nothing about the way I
felt about her.
Then she dropped the bomb on us that she knew
Laurent.
James. Demitri. Jacob. Laurent. Phil.
Who next?
After she fell asleep I determined that there was one
person I had to see today. I had to find out if my father
knew anything about Van Rijn and Reycon. I needed
to know if he knew Laurent or the Reycon exec that
was at the club.
Not only that but the tumult of feelings and pressure
of secrecy was starting to weigh on me. The fact that I
spent so much time at Bella's and took the time to see
her but not my family made me feel guilty. Even
though I wasn't supposed to, I felt like I needed to go.
So my visit was two-fold.
The cab rolled to a stop and I walked a few blocks
checking my surroundings before haling another. I
had it drop me off a few streets over from my parents
place and immediately wove my way to their
townhome. It was still early, only dawn and I slipped
into the back of the house easily with my key.
My father had always been a morning person so I
hoped he was up.
I shuffled through the back door and took in the
kitchen and the warm sights and smells as I did only a
month ago.
Wow, was that only a month ago?
So much had changed it seemed like a lifetime ago. I
was such a different person a month ago. Before I
met
"Edward?"
I looked up to see my father sitting at the small
kitchen table drinking his coffee and reading the
newspaper. He had a look of surprise on his face and I
nodded.
"Dad."
"Whatwhat are you doing here?"
"I came to see you actually. Is Mom still asleep?"
"No she's over at Alice's alreadysomething about
primping for tonight." He rolled his eyes and I
chuckled. Leave it to Alice to talk my Mom into a day
at the spa and primping for the big Met event. Lord
knows my mother wouldn't have done it on her own.
But she would go for my sister.
My Dad stood up then, still in his pajama pants and a
white t-shirt. He was still a fit and very distinguished
man. Surely from running and playing basketball with
a few of his buddies from work twice a week. He had
done it for years. It was part of the reason all of us
were attentive to our physical fitness. Both of our
parents had maintained their youthful looks over the
years by staying in shape.
"Do you want a cup of coffee?" He asked then. I
nodded as he poured me my standard cup of black
coffee and gestured toward the dining room.
"C'mon, let's go to the study." He said.
I followed him through the house noticing how much
more warm it seemed since the last time.
Or maybe the difference is me.
We stepped into the study and I immediately took in
the cherry shelves lining the walls and the large cherry
desk. It was deep and rich and smelled like the
hundreds of books that were packed from floor to
ceiling. I strode over to one of the shelves where there
was a picture frame.
I swallowed as I looked at it, waiting for the ever
gripping grief to take over me. But I only felt a small
pang.
It was a picture of Dad, Eric and I at a Yankees World
Series game. I was at Georgetown at the time but I
made the trip home to go to two of the games. We had
huge grins on our faces and beers in our hands as we
were celebrating the Yanks win of the 1999 World
Series.
"That was a fun Series huh?" My Dad said just over my
shoulder.
I turned to look at him. I could see the tentativeness
on his face.
"Yeah. But the company was better." I said and his
face softened.
"You seemdifferent Edward." He furrowed his brow,
but only in contemplation. "Lighter. Is something
going on?"
I swallowed. I was my mother's son, but my Dad could
always read me like a book as well. Both of his sons.
The three of us were very close. Still I hadn't expected
him to be so forthcoming todayalready.
"Um." I stuttered and looked back at the picture. I was
sad, but not grief-stricken. I was simply remembering,
simply reveling in the thoughts of a time gone by.
Or maybe I was finally healing.
I stared at the picture and I knew I could only
attribute this feeling, this sadness but almostpeace
to one person. And I left her bed only a mere hour ago.
I didn't want to expand the group of people that knew
about Bella and me. But at the same time, I was so
ready to be back in my family's life, in my old life, that
I wanted to tell him. Hell I wanted to shout it from the
roof tops.
Before I could stop the words from leaving my mouth
they were gone.
"I met someone."
"Really?" My Dad said with a slight smile in his voice.
I turned to look at him, surprise played across his
face.
"Yeah." I whispered.
"Well by the looks of things she's had quite the
influence on you."
"She has."
He eyed me again and then nodded.
"So did you come here to tell me about her or is
something on your mind. Because I know you Edward,
you wouldn't come see us when you are undercover
for no reason."
I looked at my Dad and just shook my head again
always so perceptive.
"Actually Dad, yes there's something I want to discuss
with you."
I sat down and told him only bits and pieces about Van
Rijn and Reycon and that we thought they were
connected somehow to our investigation. He was
shocked of course, but said he hadn't heard or seen
anything. Of course he was in research and he didn't
deal with the sales side of the organization other than
to produce timelines for when the new drugs would
come out.
Then I asked him if he was familiar with Laurent
Dufour. My father knew him. But he said he was only a
stockholder in the company. Although our family had
long time ties to Van Rijn, he said my grandfather
would likely know more information. Of course I
didn't want to talk to him.
I let my mind wander to my grandparents for a
moment as my father thought about Laurent and Van
Rijn as well. They were both pompous, conceited
people. My grandfather started Cullen Enterprises
when he was only twenty-five and built it into a giant
financial management company over the next sixty
years. He was still at the helm and he wanted nothing
more than for my father and Eric and I to work with
him. I think part of the reason he was still the CEO
was because he was holding on to some vain idea that
one of us would "see reason" and come to work for
him and take over.
Obviously I wanted nothing to do with it. Jan and I
had more rows over the years than I can count. As
Esme's son I was as strong-willed and bull-headed as
she, and also as unimpressed by his "lifestyle" or
social status. I didn't want a thing to do with Cullen
Enterprises. I didn't have any aspirations for
business, I had always wanted to work with the law in
some manner and he knew that. But he didn't like it
and he persisted anyhow.
Eric was always more amenable to his demands and
able to handle Jan with more grace. Eric was more of
a pleaser than me. For as carefree as he was he liked
to make people happy and he didn't like to make
waves. It was part of the reason we were so close. I
helped him stand on his principles more and he
helped me see other people's perspectives
particularly my grandparents. It was very similar to
the yin and yang relationship my parents shared.
But that didn't mean I liked to have to do it. If I had
rows with my grandfather, I was equally as unclose
and uncared for by my grandmother. Sasha was
always a cold woman. Most kids' grandmothers took
them to the zoo and made cookies and helped their
parents with them after school.
Not Sasha.
Sasha was too busy ensuring that the Cullen status
and name remained impeccable and amongst the ut-
most elite of New York. She was from an equally
prominent Dutch family and spent her days
consorting with the other wives of the prominent
CEO's, Presidents and Billionaires in New York. In
fact, my grandparents own relationship always
seemed like a business arrangement. She treated her
grandchildren the same and even mentioned to my
mother on more than one occasion that she should
either stay home entirely or get a nanny. To which my
mother told her, more or less, to shove it.
Yes, Sasha and Jan were far from the grandparents
most people had, yet they liked to impress upon us
their ideals for how we should be living our lives. I'm
sure in their eyes I should have married Claire
Whitney and should be next in line at CE and have
produced two or three perfect little elite children by
now.
The thought made me blanch. I had long ago given up
such dreams. But in that moment my mind went to
what it would be like to have a child with Bella. What I
could do outside the FBI, raise a family like my
parents, and live a good life simply doing something
purposeful. I thought of little brown haired girls and
boys running on the beach at my parent's house in the
Hamptons. All of a sudden the entire scene was
fascinating to me. It made me smile and as I pulled
myself from my ruminations and realized my Dad was
staring at me.
"What?"
He chuckled and shook his head.
"So are you going to tell me about her?" He raised his
eyebrow at me and crossed his arms.
"You can't say anything to Mom."
"You think I'm crazy?" He joked.
I laughed this time. Mom would do back flips if she
knew I was seeing someone. Hell, no one was
supposed to know about us and that made me think
about the implications of widening the circle. But if
there was one person who would keep it under lock
and key it was my Dad.
"Her name is Bella." I finally said.
"Really? She doesn't know your sister does she?" My
Dad's brows furrowed, but I saw a gleam in his eyes.
"Alice doesn't know, and can't know. You know how
she is." I said sternly.
My Dad raised his hands and laughed. "You don't have
to tell me that."
I told him how I met her and an edited version of how
we had come to start seeing each other. My Dad just
smiled at me knowingly. We chatted for a bit about
Alice's recent news and I even told him about their
wanting to use Eric's name. It felt good to actually talk
to my Dad again. It felt like I hadn't done this in ages.
"So what do you think?" I finally asked.
"I can tell you one thing. I haven't seen a smile on your
face in years." He said and then his voice softened.
"And son, I haven't seen you look at a picture of Eric
or talk about him willingly in longer than I want to
remember. She's good for you. And I'm pretty sure I
know why."
I looked up at him and my green eyes met his intense
blue ones. I knew my parents knew Bella and likely
knew about her brother. But for my father, a man I so
deeply respected, to approve our relationship made
me feel infinitely better about it.
Our eyes remained locked and I swallowed as he put
his hand on my shoulder.
"Edward. It's time." He said then.
I simply nodded and the heaviness that surrounded us
slowly ebbed away. It was almost as if a peaceful calm
entered the room.
Suddenly the clock chimed in the study and the
moment passed. I looked at the time and realized I
needed to be going if I was to get provisions for the
event tonight.
"Well it looks like I need to find a tuxedo and a mask,
and quickly." I said.
We walked back out to the kitchen and stood in the
doorway to the back alley.
Quiet permeated the house and I looked at my Dad as I
spoke in a low voice.
"Thanks Dad."
"You're welcome."
I offered my hand and he accepted it but then pulled
me into a hug and hit me on the back as only a father
can.
A tightness arose in my chest as I released from his
embrace but my hand remained locked in his.
"Be careful. And not just because I'm asking you to."
He said.
I knew what he meant. It wasn't just about me. It
wasn't just about Eric anymore. I knew that now. I
was finally starting to see the forest through the trees
and come out into the light again. I needed to be
careful not only for my parents and for Alice and
Jasper. I needed to be careful for Bella.
I nodded and shook his hand one more time and
silently slipped out the back.
--
I walked into the Met at a quarter past eight prepared
to do some serious eye-balling of Laurent and anyone
else I might recognize from the club or my briefings.
I had found a tux and a mask of a
lion, ironically, which
conveniently covered most of my
face. I knew my hair was still a bit
noticeable but my stature had
changed immensely. I was no
longer the lanky and moderately
athletic person I once was. I was
at least twenty pounds bigger, but entirely from
muscle, from my training in the FBI and Romania. My
hair was much longer than it used to be and in a bit of
disarray compared to my prep school days. And I was
obviously paler since I hadn't seen a beach in more
summers than I could count.
But I still had to be suspicious of those around me.
There would be many faces I would recognize here
and I had to not only fit in but also disappear at the
same time.
Just as I grabbed a drink from the bar I glanced across
the room and it was as if the sea of people parted.
Standing next to my parents and Alice and Jasper was
a vision in a glittering bronze dress and gold mask.
Her hair cascaded down her back in large, thick curls
and my fingers instantly clenched at the desire to feel
them.
She wascaptivating and mesmerizing in the soft
glow of the hall. Her smile was wide and she would
toss her head back and laugh at something one of
them said. I was spellbound and speechless as I gazed
at her. It was so ironic that I spoke with my father this
morning only to have her here, talking and laughing
with them so effortlessly. Seeing her standing there
my entire world fell into place in one fluid movement.
She looked absolutely rightabsolutely perfect with
them.
I realized then that the only thing missing from the
picture before me wasme.
I wanted to be there. I wanted to be part of that
conversation, part of that picture. And just as I had on
the Fourth of July, in thinking about my father's
comments today, I recommitted myself to that goal.
Someday I would be there. I might be in the middle of
this mission right now, but it wouldn't be forever.
And someday I would be able to stand next to her and
laugh with her, rest my arm on her waist and run my
fingers through her chestnut waves and gaze into her
espresso eyes.
In that moment, I knew I had to have her. I didn't
know how, or when or why, but somewhere along the
line in the short time I knew her Bella had become as
essential to me as breathing.
My chest wasn't heavy any longer. My thoughts
weren't muddled or guilt-ridden and I didn't have an
intense burning anger and desire for revenge.
The only burning I had was for the woman I was
entranced by at that very moment.
All of a sudden she turned to leave my family and
made her way to the bar on the other side to grab a
drink. I slowly made my way through the crowd,
careful to avoid the sightlines of my family and stood
back twenty feet from the bar as I watched her. She
was so flawless, so confident, but not in an
overbearing way and so effortless in her beauty.
But just as I was taking her in a low growl erupted in
my belly as I saw a man approach her from behind.
And not just any man.
The one I was here to scope out tonight: Laurent.
She turned to speak to him and I could see the fire in
her eyes. I knew she hated him. I knew what he did to
Kate, and I was sure it was even worse than the
description she gave us last night. That much was
apparent from the look on her face right now.
He grabbed her arm and I had to bolt myself to the
floor from rushing over there. But she held her
ground. And she wasterrifyingand awesome and
incredibly sexy at the same time.
I saw her lean in close to him and say something and
then step back and give him a confident nod of her
head and stalk off. The look on his face was priceless. I
didn't know what she said but it was obvious she gave
him a piece of her mind because he was speechless.
The look of surprise on his face almost made me
laugh. I had to stand there and just take it in for a
moment. My blood was racing at watching the
encounter and I had never been soturned on but
such a spectacle.
That's my girl.
I turned as my eyes followed her Rose and Emmett
and then to the MC. But then she began to make her
way out of the hall where the event was being held.
Hmmm. I wonder where she's going. Somewhere
private?
Suddenly, I had to have her. I had to touch her. I had
to see her for just a moment and let her know I was
there.
I quickly deposited my drink on a passing waiter's tray
and slipped out of the hall after her. I could hear her
heels clicking on the floor and I knew she was heading
in the direction of the offices, her office I assumed. I
had scoped out the map of the Met again this
afternoon when I was preparing to come tonight, in
case I needed to make a quick getaway.
It wouldn't have mattered if I could hear her or not
though. Her entire being pulled me in whatever
direction she was headed. It was truly like gravity, like
a planet orbiting its sun and unable to break free from
its reigns.
But these were reigns I didn't want to break free of.
I saw her turn a corner and I checked for cameras and
hustled down the hall after her. I stepped to where
there were three doors and saw her name on the
outside of the one at the end.
I quickly slipped inside her office door and turned off
the light. I closed the door and turned the lock and I
saw her stop. She was facing away from me but she
slowly turned around.
Did she feel this too? This all-encompassing,
throbbing and beating pulse of electricity whenever I
was near her.
Her eyes widened and then a slow devious smile
captured her face.
"What are you doing here?"
I put my hand to my chin and just stared at her. I
could almost hear her heart pounding and I could see
her perfect, voluptuous breasts heaving with each of
her breaths over the edge of her dress.
Jesus H
She really did look like a piece of art, fit to walk the
esteemed halls and I just admired her now that I was
only feet away and not yards as I had been earlier. I
decided to play along with the whole theme of the
night though. Only a few rays of moonlight were
peeking in the window and light from the hallway
under the door. Of course with my vision, I could still
see every perfect line of the goddess before me.
I stalked over to her, my eyes feral and yearning. I
walked in a slow circle around her and trailed my
finger over her collarbone and gently grazed the tops
of her breasts. Then I placed my hands on her hips as I
stepped behind her and brushed her beautiful hair
aside and kissed her neck. Her skin broke out in goose
bumps as I murmured in her ear.
"Hmmm. I don't know who you're talking about Ms.
Swan. I am attending an event at the Met, and it
appears I have lost my way." I toyed with her.
She shivered and gave a little moan and I chuckled
under my breath. But suddenly I felt her hand reach
back behind me and grasp on to my waist pulling me
closer.
"I must tell you, you look absolutely breathtaking
tonight Liefje." I kissed her again. "But I was hoping
that I might get someassistance."
"And what do you expect sir, a private tour?" She said
seductively.
Oh she wanted to play did she? I loved it when she
was like this.
"I can only think of one thing I want a private tour
ofof course, I'm the only person who can have that
tour." I traced my hands up her sides and let my lips
descend on her neck again.
"Oh yeah, and what would that be of?" She asked
breathily.
I brushed my tongue along the spot below her ear and
felt her shudder again beneath me. I tasted her sweet
skin, and she was everything Bella and sweet
perfection.
I lowered my voice even more and put my lips right at
her ear.
"Your body."
"Oh fuck me." She responded with a groan.
I chuckled and kissed her again below her ear and I
could feel her quivering. What was it about this
woman that made me want her so desperately? I
pressed into her back so she could feel how hard I was
for her. I thought of how fucking hot she was when
she told off Laurent and how unbelievably stunning
and commanding and so Goddamn sexy she looked
tonight.
"If you want me to." I said with a smirk and gripped
her more tightly.
She moaned again and her body shook under my
fingertips. I firmly pressed my hands down her sides
then and around to the front of her thighs, never
pressing where she wanted, but teasing her as I drew
close and then backed away. But at the same time I
pressed into her more, letting her know just how
much I wanted her.
Fuck I wanted her all the time.
"Of course, I wouldn't want to ruin this sensational
dress." I said huskily as I ever so lightly let my fingers
graze her breasts.
She whimpered then and I pulled her tighter to me,
palming one of her breasts in my hand.
Suddenly she gained her bearings and spun around.
Her eyes were as black as mine and as riddled with
need. She was oozing sex and I wanted her more than
I could possibly imagine in that moment. She grabbed
my tie and pulled my lips down right to hers as she
gave me a seductive smirk.
"Fuck the dress."
She crashed her lips to mine and her hands instantly
went to my hair as she tugged relentlessly.
Fuck she was incredible. Sexy and confident and
justFuck.
"Ugh." I groaned this time as she hungrily attacked my
mouth and the next thing in I knew it my back was
against a bookshelf. Books began flying off the rungs
and landed on the floor, but I wouldn't have noticed if
an earthquake hit New York City.
I was too busy feeling, tasting, and needing Bella in
that moment. I roughly ran my hands down her back,
to her waist and cupped her tight ass in my hands. She
flexed her hips into me and I saw stars for a moment.
We were both greedy and anxious for friction. Our
tongues were battling as our hands made their needy
pleas. Books were flying and the bookshelf was
shaking until I lifted her slightly and we fell onto her
desk.
"We don't have much time." She said as she bit my lip.
"I think I can make it worth your while." I said as I
roughly pulled hers into my mouth.
**She broke the kiss and in a fluid movement swept
my jacket off on and lifted the mask from my face. I
reciprocated and pulled her mask from her and tossed
it, hearing it clank somewhere against the wall in the
back of the room. The next few minutes were a frenzy
of hands and lips and clothes flying. Papers sailed off
her desk and were strewn about the floor.
She deftly undid my belt and flung it across the room.
I was left in my unbuttoned white shirt and pants
before her. Somehow she was still in her dress. I
quickly unzipped the back and pulled her off the desk
and then swept it down her body in one motion. I
tossed it behind me and heard another crash, but the
only thing I could focus on was the goddess before me
and the fact that my eyes were bugging out of my head.
She was in a black corset with her sumptuous breasts
pressed impossibly high. Her waist was cinched like
fucking Scarlett O'Hara's and she had on five inch
stilettos.
My mouth went as dry as the Sahara Desert.
I think my tongue was even hanging out.
I wanted to devour her. I wanted to take her on her
desk, against the bookshelf, in the chairfuck
everywhere.
But that would require brain functioning.
And at the moment I was paralyzed because all of the
blood completely left my brain and was throbbing in
one insanely hard region of my body.
She stood before me smirking and cocked an eyebrow.
With that I no longer needed blood or brain function,
my body just reacted and I attacked her with a growl.
I dropped her back on the desk, and she wrapped her
legs around me and pulled my aching cock to her
warm center.
I ground into her and she moaned into my mouth. I
pulled her corset down revealing her perfect breasts
and pert nipples and immediately took one in my
mouth as I roughly pinched the other.
"Fuck." She hissed and at first I thought I hurt her
because we weren't usually this rough. But fuck if she
didn't like it as she mewled and ground back into me.
Soon her hand was struggling to open my pants the
rest of the way until she finally reached my pulsing
cock and released it from the confines.
In another motion she pushed me back and I
stumbled. My fiery goddess was attacking me like a
hungry animal and I was her last meal.
I finally felt her desk chair behind me and sat down
and pulled her into my lap. I knew exactly how I
wanted to have her in that moment.
Her on top of me.
Riding me.
So I could see ab-so-lute-ly everything.
I gripped her waist and stood her up and ripped her
panties from her once again.
She yelped and jumped back into my lap and bit me on
the juncture of my neck and then licked it with her
tongue.
"Oh God, Liefje." I crashed my lips to hers again as I
centered her body over mine. Her waist was so small I
could almost wrap my hands around her in that
corset.
My eyes took a moment to just burn that image into
my head. Dear God the corset and the heels and
She looked right into my eyes then and gave me a
devious grin.
"Edward, are you going to fuck me or what?"
I returned her smirk then and pulled her tighter to me
as I teasingly traced my tongue over the tops of her
breasts. I snaked my hand down to make sure she was
ready for me and had to suppress a groan when I
found her completely soaked.
But she held her intense stare as her hands gripped
my shoulders and she waited.
Finally I used my other hand to bring her head to me
so that her ear was right next to my lips.
"You really shouldn't have said that."
In a flash I pulled her down onto me and we both
growled at the contact.
Holy fuck that's deep.
I had to steady myself for a moment as we both
became accustomed to it.
Every time we had been together so far I had been on
top or in control and even if it was raw and passionate
like now, it was upright or her beneath me.
And if I thought that was heaven before it was
fucking nothing compared to this.
I could feel everything as she rolled her head back and
closed her eyes.
"Oh my fucking God. Edward."
'I know.' I wanted to say but I couldn't fucking speak
at the moment.
I clutched her waist and began to help her move as I
gritted my teeth. Fuck the site before me was
unbelievable: Bella in an impossibly tight black corset,
her breasts were literally spilling out over the top and
her head was thrown back in ecstasy and as she
moaned pleasure.
I had to feel her. I had to taste hereverywhere. My
lips were instantly on her neck, her breasts, licking
the flesh of her skin and tasting her deliciousness. My
hands roughly squeezed her ass, her curvesfuck
anything and everything I could get a hold of.
"Jesus Bella." I groaned as she picked up her pace and
used my shoulders to gain leverage. She was
ridiculously tight around me as she took me in.
She put her legs through on either side of the chair
and then she pressed my head back and ran her
tongue up my neck. Flashes of heat radiated through
my body. I gripped her harder and thrust up into her
as her breasts bounced in front of me. I was fucking
speechless again watching her on top of me.
Thank you God for my photographic memory.
"Oh GodOh Godso fucking deepso good." Her
eyes were shut tightly and I could feel her starting to
seize around me. We were thumping up against
something behind me but I couldn't a care less at this
point.
I was only focused on one thing.
Bella. Riding me into oblivion and just trying to hold
on for the ride.
God I love this woman.
I lifted her then and slammed her down on me and she
bit her lip and cried out. I moved one hand to her
nipple and pinched and squeezed it as my mouth
descended on the other again and I pulled it in and
sucked, hard.
At once she shattered around me, screaming out my
name and I grunted as I felt my own release spiraling
through my body as she squeezed impossibly tight
around me.
"Oh fuck, oh fuck, Liefje." I released her breasts and
pulled her back into me. I crushed my mouth to hers
and thrust up once more as I flew over the edge. Surge
after surge of me spilled into her and I literally saw
Technicolor behind my eyelids.
I groaned and pulled her into me tighter and rested
my head on her shoulder as I could feel we were both
sweaty and panting.
Holy shit that was intense.
I gasped and gasped for breath as Bella did the same
and rested her head on my shoulder in kind.
We sat there for I don't even know how long simply
trying to breathe in our post-coital haze.
Finally, I pulled my head back and traced my fingers
through her hair. I was utterly speechless and amazed
at how I could have such a basis, raw need for this
woman and yet equally profound and aching love.
This had to be what it was like to meet "that" person.
This had to be what all those cheesy lines and sayings
about meeting "your other half" meant.
As I stared at her in the dim light of her office, I found
nothing but complete and unyielding love and
acceptance in her eyes. We could be raw and needy
and take each other like some wild animals and we
could make slow, gentle love and do everything in
between.
But what mattered was that every time the connection
was the same. It all stemmed from that same burning
love and desire in both of us.
I gently brushed her hair back and pressed my lips to
hers to give her a languid kiss. Our tongues were no
longer battling and we weren't desperate. Now we
were just relaxing into each other's arms, the
euphoria settling into our bodies in that moment.
"God I love you." I groaned into her kiss.
"God I love you too. That was"
"Fucking unbelievable." I finished for her and I could
feel her laughter shake her body as I kissed her again.
"I'm never going to look at my office the same again."
She said and I laughed this time.
Suddenly she tensed and looked at me.
"Shit what time is it?"
I glanced at my watch and gave her the time.
"Crap! I came back here to get a final list of auction
items for the MC. It starts in ten minutes!"
She jumped off me and I instantly missed her warmth.
But I had to laugh as she scurried around her office in
her now mis-fitting corset trying to find her clothes. I
looked on the floor and noticed her torn panties on
the ground. I quickly scooped them up and put them
in my pocket.
Bella was pulling on her dress and trying to get
situated.
"Here. Do you need some help?" I asked as I began to
zip up the dress.
"I believe you offered to help me the first time I wore
this dress." She teased.
I chuckled. "I believe I did. And I would have given
anything to help you even then. Although I would have
been helping you out of the dress." I smirked as I
kissed her shoulder.
"Hmmm. And I would have let you." She said as she
looked at me over her shoulder.
"Liefje," I groaned "You better get back out there or I
might just take this dress off again and you surely
won't get back in time."
She laughed and turned to give me a kiss. I wrapped
my arms around her and pulled her into me, just
tasting her and feeling her warm body next to mine.
I stepped back and pulled her mask down and then
ran my fingers through her curls.
God, I love her hair.
Who am I fucking kidding? I love everything about
her.
I smiled and gave her one more quick peck and she
grabbed two sheets of paper and stepped toward the
door.
"Are you coming?"
"I'm going to wait a few moments."
Recognition took over her face and she smiled and
nodded as she walked out.
I turned to look around her office and had to laugh. It
looked like a war zone. I straightened her chair and a
picture behind her desk.
That must have been what was thumping.
I chuckled to myself as I walked to the bookshelf. I
bent down to grab the fallen books and put them back
on the shelf when one fell open.
I scooped it up and noticed an inscription on the
inside of the cover.
My dearest Isabella,
May you know that you always have my heart and I
will always think of you as my Juliet, my Guinevere,
my Elizabeth Bennett and everything else in between.
I am forever yours. Happy Birthday.
With all my love,
Alec
I tensed and I felt like my heart stopped beating. My
throat constricted as I stared at the words on the page
before me.
What the fuck?
I didn't need to see it again because it was burned
behind my eyelids, but I read the words over and over.
I quickly flipped the book over to realize it was a very
pristine book on the great English authors and their
use of words. It was rather large and appeared to be
quite expensive. I looked through it to see if there was
any other indication as to who the book was from. But
there was nothing. It looked like it had never been
used. I looked at the copyright date. 2002. So it likely
wasn't a recent present.
But I didn't care about the book.
It was the inscription that had me perplexed.
Who the fuck was Alec?
Obviously he was someone who cared very deeply for
Bella to call her those names. Juliet, Guinevere,
Elizabeth Bennettthe names of the epic English
romantics spun through my head.
But she said she's never felt like this.
I stood there pondering for a moment when I realized
I was gripping the book with force.
Surely this Alec had cared quite deeply for her, loved
her. Did she not return his feelings?
It was then I realized that, although I told her about
Claireclearly my longest and most serious
relationship before BellaI didn't know anything
about her previous relationships.
I swallowed thickly when it struck me that I didn't
know if I wanted to know. And at the same time part
of me felt like I had to know.
I shook my head and felt regretful, like I was
snooping. I hurriedly shelved the book as well as the
others that fell on the floor. I piled her papers on her
desk and gave a sidelong glance at the package on her
side table before I left her office. I closed the door and
checked my surroundings. I decided to take another
way back to the event so not to risk being seen.
But the name in the book and the inscription kept
nagging at me.
Who the hell is Alec?
--
Attending the event gained me little by way of insight
about Laurent. He didn't seem to interact with anyone
who looked suspicious. I saw him chatting with my
grandparents at one point, but they were major
shareholders in Van Rijn so I didn't think much of it. I
didn't see him with anyone from the mission.
Certainly no one else I had seen at the club or in
briefings. I did notice a few other Reycon execs talking
to the one I saw at the club. But that was just a social
standard, nothing to connect to the investigation.
But of course that might have been because I was so
dreadfully distracted by the message I saw in the
book.
I spent the rest of the night watching Bella and moving
between a state of distress and awe. I knew she loved
me. I knew I loved her. But I had to know about Alec.
It was nagging at me in a way that I couldn't explain. I
didn't know if it was jealousy, fear, or something else.
I just knew that I had to ask her about it and tonight.
I climbed the fire escape to Bella's condo, thinking
over the book and the message for the millionth time
that night.
But how did I raise it?
I didn't want her to think I was snooping.
I stepped into the condo and made my way to the
bedroom where she was slipping on that same silk
nightgown she had put on a few nights before.
Fuck.
The discussion can wait.
I gave her a smile and proceeded to tease her about
the state of her office when she left. This led to round
two for the night and me feeling much more relaxed
and sated.
Maybe it was the booze I drank to fit in tonight, or
maybe it was having Bella back in my arms, but I
knew, even if this Alec character was once a part of
her life he wasn't anymore.
Yet I still had to know what exactly he was.
I lay there as her warm breaths scampered across my
chest and pondered how to approach the subject when
her soft voice broke the silence.
"Edwardas part of your job you don't have toI
mean do you have toyou knowbe with certain
women?"
Where the hell did that come from?
I cleared my throat to answer. "Um. No. It could. It all
depends how you set up your cover. But no, I don't do
that."
"Oh." She was silent for a bit and I would have given a
million dollars for her thoughts at the moment.
"Liefje what brought this on?"
She sighed and mumbled something into my chest.
"What?" I asked.
"I said it's stupid."
I lifted her eyes to meet mine and decided that if I
wanted her to tell me then I needed to be honest with
her too.
"Bella it's not stupid if it's bothering you."
She blew out a breath and looked away and then
looked back at me.
"Promise you won't be mad. My stupid brain just runs
off on me sometimes." She said.
"I promise." I said as I kissed her lightly.
"I saw Claire there tonight."
My eyebrows furrowed. "Claire?"
"Claire Whitneyyour ex-girlfriend." She looked at
me like I was crazy.
"I didn't see her, but I guess I wasn't really looking for
her either." I furrowed my brows.
How the hell did I not see Claire there?
Wow I really was off my game tonight.
"Yeah well something your grandparents said made
me think about it" She trailed off.
"Wait you talked to my grandparents too?"
She nodded and then told me about how what they
said and how my mother saved her. Then she told me
what they said about Claire.
"Oh Liefje. I couldn't care less about my grandparents.
You know Alice and I don't put any stock in what they
say."
She sighed. "I know, but I just started thinking about
Claire and then wondering who else you had been
with and if you had to do it for your job" She blushed
then and I turned her to face me.
"Sorry. See, I told you it was stupid."
I kissed her again and then steeled my resolve to ask
about Alec. Ironically she had opened the dialogue on
this subject and I knew there wouldn't be a better
time.
"It's not stupid.butit does make me wonder.
You've never told me about any of your exes."
She tensed then and bit her lip and looked down.
When she looked back at me I could see it in her face.
Whoever Alec was clearly meant a lot to her at one
point in time and my heart immediately clenched.
"Well you know about James." She said and I nodded.
"And I've only dated a few other people for longer
than a month or two since" She trailed off.
"Since what?" I prodded, but my heart was pounding
in my chest.
"Since Alec. He's the guy I dated in college."
I swallowed but tried to keep my composure.
"So how long ago was that?" I asked, but trying to hide
the intense need to know as much information as
possible.
"Almost seven years ago."
"What happened?" I said thickly.
She told me how they met when she was nineteen and
started dating the summer before 9/11. She said he
was four years older than her but very calm and cool
and interested in a lot of the same things. She said
they discussed moving to California and getting
married and she thought they would stay together.
My heart dropped at hearing her describe their
relationship. It was exactly as I fearedthat he loved
her as much as he said in the inscription.
But then abruptly right after her twenty-second
birthday he broke up with her and said he cheated on
her and didn't want to see her again. That
seemedodd. If he cared about her as much as he said
why would he do that? I didn't know whether to be
pissed or thankful. On the one hand I wanted to kill
him and on the other I was glad for his idiotic
behavior.
How could anyone cheat on her? Surely anyone in
their right mind wouldn't leave Bella. James'
persistence was testament enough to that. I definitely
knew that now that I had her, I was never letting go.
"So wait, not even a phone call or an email?" I said
incredulously.
"Nope. Nothing." She replied bitterly. "I thought I was
in love and all that. But I was young and stupid. I
should have known that he wouldn't want to be with
me. He was from a very wealthy family and worked for
his Dad and his Dad didn't exactly approve of us
anyway."
"Well it's his loss Bella. You're the most wonderful
person I know. And it doesn't mattermoney that is.
Not to me." I said as I stroked her hair back from her
face.
"You know it used to bother me. I'll be honest it took
me a while to get over him. But" She looked down
and bit her lip again and I lifted her chin with my
finger to bring her beautiful eyes back to mine.
"But what Liefje."
"But even though I dated him for three years it pales
in comparison to what I feel for you." She whispered.
And in that moment all my fears, all my worries, were
swept away by those few words and her eyes burning
into mine.
I didn't have to fear Alec. I didn't have to worry about
us being together in secret. I didn't have to worry
about us at all.
This was it for both of us. She all but confirmed it in
that moment.
I took her face in my hands and pressed my lips to
hers in a deep passionate kiss. I wanted her to feel the
intensity of my feelings for her. I wanted her to know
just how much her words meant to me.
She pulled away and ran her hand down my face and I
closed my eyes into her touch and eventually
reopened them.
"I feel the same way Bella. And I won't ever feel this
way about anyone else." I murmured as I stared into
her eyes. "I love you."
Her breath hitched and she gave me another searing
kiss. "I love you too Edward. So much."
I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her tightly
to my body. This was where I was supposed to be. She
was everything to me. And I needed to realize that
nothing or no one would come between us now. I
wouldn't let it happen.
I lay there and stroked her hair and felt lighter than I
had all night. But I thought about what she told me
and wanted to let her know that I wasn't unaware of
her feelings. It wasn't that I was glad for her pain. I
wasn't. But I wanted her to know that I understood.
"I'm sorrythat you had to go through that Liefje."
"It's okay. I don't feel anything for him anymore." She
sighed and burrowed her head into my chest. I could
tell she didn't love himat least not anymore. But I
was still somewhat curious about this foolish man.
Thankful, but curious as to how someone could ever
let her go.
I cleared my throat as I asked her my last question.
"What was his last name?" I asked tentatively.
"Masen. Alec Masen." She mumbled as she was
drifting off to sleep.
But my body instantly went rigid and my mind started
racing.
Alec Masen.
Alec was Alec Masen?
Oh shit.
~~~-~~~

Chapter 17 ~ Brick By Brick
Chapter Song: Nirvana Come As You Are
EPOV
"Dude. Why aren't you coming with us tonight?" Eric
ribbed his buddy Alec.
"I told you, I have a date."
"Oh that's right. With that young mighty fine thing
you picked up in SoHo." Eric snickered.
"Seriously man. Fucking shut up about her." Alec
eyed him.
I sipped my beer and laughed at their interaction.
Eric turned to look at me. "You're going out with
Claire tonight too. What the fuck you pansies, it's the
Fourth. We're supposed to be boozing it up and
hitting the parties out here." Eric bent over to take
his shot at the ten ball.
"You're just pissed because we're guaranteed to get
laid tonight." I ribbed him.
"Fuck off E." Eric shot me a look but I could see him
smirking. He would never begrudge a brother. He
was just pissed we couldn't be his wingmen tonight. I
assured Claire that I would go to the big Whitney
shindig up on the north side of the island and
apparently Alec was dating some new girl he was
really into. We were just killing some time shooting
pool at my parents' place in the Hamptons this
afternoon since it was raining outside and we
couldn't hit the beach.
"So tell me about this new girl Mase. Where are you
going tonight?" I didn't know Alec very well, but we
had hung out a few more times this summer. He
seemed like a pretty cool guy.
"Her Dad's place in Brooklyn." He said nervously.
"She's a cop's daughter." Eric snickered. "Apparently
a smoking hot cop's daughter. I bet she could kick
Mase's ass. And now he has to meet her cop Dad and
her cop brother too."
Alec tried to punch Eric in the shoulder but he dove
out of the way. Mijn Broer, always the instigator.
"Seriously man, cut that shit out, we've only been
dating for a couple of months." Alec was getting
defensive and I just chuckled and shook my head.
"Yeah but you're already fucking whipped man."
Alec went to smack him again and Eric threw his
hands up laughing.
"I know, I know man, she's 'gorgeous and you think
she's the love of your life'." He taunted in a high
voice.
Alec elbowed him anyway. "Whatever Cullen. Get out
the way so I can kick your ass at pool now."
I looked down at the treadmill. The sweat was pouring
off of me as I pounded out the last mile of my five mile
run. I had become a gym rat in New York as much as I
was in Romania. It was now my time to think about all
the connections in our case and wrack my brain for
any possible fact I could think of.
Especially the potential connections to Bella.
So there I was, on the treadmill again, as I had been
every day for the past month. Sorting through facts.
Building this investigation brick by brick and piece by
piece in my mind.
And the ones that kept coming to the forefront of my
mind were all of my interactions with Alec Masen.
I was still astonished that she dated Alec Masen. It was
like the final nail in the coffin. She knew something,
even if she didn't realize what the something was yet. I
knew that this all came back to Masen somehow.
There was no more coincidence.
I didn't like the fact that she dated Masen. It wasn't
because he was a bad guy, it wasn't because his
father's company was listed as the contractor on all of
the Buxton Group projects as I had found out in the
last month.
No. It was because every God damn memory that I had
of Alec mentioning "the smoking hot cop's daughter",
"the gorgeous girl he met in SoHo", the "girl he was
head over heels for", the "love of his life" as he once
told me made me want to punch a fucking wall.
Combining the few memories I had of Alec with the
inscription I saw in the book he gave Bella made
me.something.
You're jealous Cullen.
I ignored the little voice in my head but I knew it was
right. I was jealous. I didn't feel that way about Jacob
or James because I knew she despised them. I knew I
shouldn't feel this way. I had relationships in the past,
but I definitely never felt like Alec obviously did for
her about any of the women I datedeven Claire. It
was insanely wrong of me to feel this way about a
relationship that ended almost seven years ago, but I
hated that someone else could have been that to her
except for me.
The night of the fundraiser, after she told me his name
I had jumped out of bed and began pacing
incoherently. Bella had almost been asleep and was
instantly concerned. Finally in a barrage of statements
I told her about how I found the book, how he knew
Eric and that Masen Industries was linked to our
investigation.
She was astonished to say the least.
She never knew him to be involved in anything like
that. And at the same time she assured me that he had
given her the book for her 22nd birthday and she
merely took it to work with her, but never used it. I
knew she didn't care for him anymore and she
assured me of that as well. But her relationship with
Alec still made me jealous, because at one point in
time she obviously felt a lot for himloved him even
and he obviously loved her. And something about the
connections with her and the whole situation just
didn't sit right with me.
Other than his apparent claim of cheating on her
which made me want to kill him by the wayhe had
been her everything at one point. And for that reason
it truly made me suspicious about why he left. If he
cared so much for her, how could he just take off and
not say a word for seven years? It was all suspect and I
couldn't quite fit the pieces together, build the bridge
or whatever it was I was trying to do. She mentioned
that he had issues with his Dad and his job, but she
never knew exactly what he did. I just knew that
somehow all the people connected to Bella were
related by something. And it had to do with Masen.
But what the fuck is it?
I slammed the stop button as I hit five miles and
grabbed my towel. I looked in the mirror at my bare
chest drenched in sweat. My time on the treadmill was
my time to think. And I did it because it was away
from Bella, so I didn't burden her with any more of
this. She was already worried about the connections
and the flowers she was receiving.
Then there were those God damn flowers too.
But other than that, everything else about the last two
months had been otherwise damn near perfect.
My nights were perfect.
Bella was perfect.
I still couldn't believe how much I could feel for
someone, how much my body and my soul called to
hers in every way. Every time I left her I felt a hole,
deep inside my chest. And every time I returned it was
immediately filled. I wasn't sure what I was going to
do yet. I knew I wanted to be done with undercover
work. I all but decided that on the Fourth of July. But
now, after spending the last two months with my
Bella, Mijn Zon, Mijn Lief, I knew I couldn't walk away
from her. I knew I wanted a life with her and in the
open. I could stay on with the FBI in several
capacities. But I hadn't made up my mind yet. I just
knew I had to be with her.
Which was why I tried to separate my time at work
and my time with her while I was still undercover.
It was now mid-August and the investigation was
going exceedingly well. We were in and making
connections much sooner than we thought. I had
easily introduced Emmett into the fold and although
he had yet to get an offer, we were definitely getting in
with the right people. Not to mention, I only had one
assignment in the last month and that made me
ecstatic.
The three of us had been to the club on numerous
occasions. We tracked buyers, sellers, traders. Tanya
had given the analysts more names to work with than
we thought possible. I hung out with Felix and worked
out and spent my spare time researching and keeping
my eyes open for anything peculiar. Seth was still
climbing the ranks with the drug operation he was
working in. Emmett was "running" his
entrepreneurship and joining me at the gym and the
club whenever he could. He had even had a few
"meetings" with some of the lower level Dracs. I
suspected that they were testing the waters before any
big players were introduced. But nonetheless we were
making progress.
Now we were just waiting for that one big breakthat
one thing that really sets the wheel in motion.
I could feel that it was coming. I just didn't know
when. It was as I suspected, the big pieces were
therethe curtains. But now we needed the break to
find out just what was behind the curtains, the one
piece of string that would unravel the whole ball.
I quickly went home and showered and shaved. It was
Monday, August 8 and officially two months into our
mission in New York. I realized when I left Bella's
apartment this morning that it was also exactly two
months since the first night I truly met her, the night
we made dinner at Jasper and Alice's place.
To say that she was everything I wanted and more was
a severe understatement. She's strong, passionate,
caring, and sexy.
God she's sexy.
But not in the overt runway model kind of way. She's
sexy because she doesn't know it. She's natural and
comfortable with herself and her surroundings. She's
just as fine in a Yankees teewhich is fucking hot on
her by the wayas she is in a ball gown like she wore
the night of the fundraiser.
Jesus that was just
After that night I found myself unable to keep my
hands off hernot that I really did before. But I had
never experienced something so powerful with a
woman. I definitely never felt this way about Claire.
We had a decent sex life but nothing to write home
about. I just assumed that you got in a groove when
you were in a long term relationship. Sure we did
some fun things but never anything as hot or intense
as even half of the things Bella and I did.
I never would have fucked Claire in her office, that's
for sure. She would have been too worried about her
hair getting messed up or someone walking in.
But not Bella.
The way Bella could just look at me from across the
room, or sway her hips in a certain way, or have a
certain tone in her voice and every cell of my body
would light on fire and I would almost have to take her
at that moment. I wasinsatiable. And so was she.
And to be wanted so much on such a basic level was
indescribable.
Fuck I was getting hard just thinking about it.
But at the same time her love and her comforting
words were equally as powerful. When I did have a
bad night, like after the one assignment I had to
complete this month, she always knew just what to say
and how to react. She didn't prod me or ask questions.
She simply hugged me fiercely and looked at me with
such compassion it almost took my breath away.
Most importantly, she made feel again. Feel love, feel
passion, feel excitement, feelhappy.
I couldn't remember the last time I laughed, or teased
someone, or just talked before I met Bella.
I pulled myself out of my reverie as I slipped on my
shirt and jeans. Today I was going to follow up on
some shipments that came in through Brooklyn. I
finally had a laptop that was set to destruct if I needed
it to. Nonetheless I would take it to a coffee shop or
somewhere that had free Wi-fi so that I didn't have an
IP address at the apartment.
The U.S. Customs site tracked every shipment that
came in through the port. And I had access to the site
so that I could see when different shipments were
scheduled to come in and compare them to the ones
that we actually saw.
So far everything was on the up and up. Seth and I had
been to two more Saturday night shipments. Although
they always came in at the strange hour of 2:00 A.M.,
they were registered on the site. I just couldn't help
but think that they were still getting around it. But we
weren't going to bust them at this stage. The potential
for where the shipments led to had too much upside.
So we waited.
In the meantime, I flagged any shipment that came in
through Van Rijn, as well as any foreign shipments for
Masen industries and Reycon. We found out that the
Buxton Group was largely a front for all the projects.
None of the men really had any control. The company
was backed by a private financier, someone off-shore,
that we weren't able to trace yet.
More importantly it seemed that each of the players
weren't exactly friends. In fact they were far from it.
Bella's suspicions that Phil Dwyer was in over his head
with gambling debts was spot in. He was over his head
to the tune of two hundred thousand dollars. And
several of the other members had similar debts.
Whether it was the brothers that put them up to
fronting the Group or the "someone bigger" that Caius
mentioned, we didn't know yet. But Buxton was
clearly a tool.
I left the apartment and walked to a coffee shop about
eight blocks away. I looked the part of a college
student or a freelance writer in a hooded sweatshirt
with a messenger bag.
I sat down and pulled up the Customs site. Van Rijn
brought in a shipment again on Saturday night. It
appeared to be mostly steel. Of course Clearwater and
I staked it out again and it was definitely more than
steel. Not only did we see "handlers" there as well as
some of the drug pushers. But also, we saw a mass of
crates which were unmarked.
Guns.
Lots of guns.
Seth was hoping he would be able to get in on a
shipment soon. Even if he was only able to come in
and move the drugs he wanted to be able to see it first
hand.
We also found out in the last month that it was likely
his brother-in-law, Jacob, owed the Dracs money. We
determined that someone from the Dracs paid off his
debt and in return he was helping the police officers
"overlook" exactly what was going on at the shipyards
and with several of the drug rings in the area.
It made sense. And it explained a lot about seeing him
at the bar the night of my first assignment. But I still
wasn't sure how he connected to Bella or if his
connection even mattered. The analysts were looking
into the potential that Jacob was connected to Phil,
the closest likely link. But either way, he was in over
his head and I knew Seth was worried.
I perused the site some more and then brought up the
latest news feed. I had begun to start checking all of
the regional papers and business magazines.
I stumbled across a site for entrepreneurs and
financial planners when something caught my eye.
Lividol finally approved. Reycon bounce back in
order?
I looked at the date from the article and it was noted
as 2003. I knew Reycon took a major hit after the
Towers went down. Its corporate headquarters had
been obliterated and nearly 30% of its employees
perished. My father had some trying years as an
executive right after 9/11 in helping rebuild the
company, not to mention dealing with the loss on so
many other levels.
I had been searching Reycon, Van Rijn, Masen and
Buxton under each site looking for any sort of link I
could fine. Something about the article struck me and
I read on.
"Reycon Pharmaceutical, one of many companies
devastated by the 9/11 attacks, is looking to make a
comeback. Its newest drug, Lividol is expected to be
used in vaccinations for Anthrax. Reycon may bring
in over three hundred million in revenue from the
drug, effectively putting the company back on the
map."
I remembered this drug. My father spent countless
hours at the office working to get it approved by the
FDA and eventually into doctor's offices. It was truly
one of the cornerstones of his career. But he had
warned frequently that over vaccination with the drug
could make it ineffective. It was only to be used for
people who were truly a risk of handling Anthrax.
Suddenly I thought of something.
If Reycon developed a vaccine for Anthrax, then it had
to have a significant amount of Anthrax on hand to
develop it.
I needed to talk to my father again and find out just
how much Anthrax and who would have access to it. I
knew they had a very secure facility in Pennsylvania.
Some of the best chemists in the world worked for
Reycon and only very high level people had access to
the information and product that went through its
facilities. My father was one of them. In fact as the
head of Research he likely had to approve the use of
any.
I shut down my computer and looked at the time. It
was almost four in the afternoon and I was planning
to meet Clearwater tonight for a beer and talk to him
about the latest shipment. But until then I needed to
kill some time. I had gotten so used to spending my
nights with Bella, and my weekends, that I found
myself often bored during the week. Tonight though I
couldn't meet her for dinner, and she was concerned
that her other friends were starting to think
something was going on with her so she was meeting
them for happy hour. Because we spent as much of
her free time together, she hadn't seen them as much
in a month and they were suspicious.
Knowing my sister, I'm sure she was grilling Bella
about anything and everything. Nonetheless, I would
still go to her place tonight, as I did every night.
I hadn't slept well in years, but once I was in her bed
and had her in my arms it was as if I could sleep for
days.
I walked out of the coffee shop and pulled up the hood
over my head. It was lightly drizzling and a bit bleary
outside so I put my head down and sped for home.
Just as I was taking the back alley a few blocks from
my place I stopped.
Standing in the alley was Demitri and across from him
was Alec Masen.
I quickly ducked into an overhang and shuffled
silently along the side of the building. Luckily with the
rain and the shadows in the alley they couldn't see me.
I knew I had to be careful. Demitri knew me from the
club, but Masen would know me as something else. I
wasn't sure if he knew I was in the FBI since I hadn't
seen him after Eric's death. But if he was connected to
the Dracs I couldn't risk it.
Still I wanted to hear what they were talking about. I
dropped my messenger bag behind a dumpster. I
could come back for it if I needed to and I slipped
along uninhibited.
"Have you seen her? Do you know for sure? You know
the boss won't risk that. Especially with her
connections." Demitri said between puffs. They were
standing outside of a shoddy Italian restaurant,
seemingly under an overhang and in the quiet of the
alley. Out of the auspices of other's hearing.
Except for mine.
"I told you she doesn't know anything and she doesn't
mean anything to me anyway." Alec squinted his eyes
at him as he blew out his smoke.
Demitri let out a dark laugh and took a long drag.
"Yeah the fuck right. Well apparently she's over you
anyway." Alec flinched but he just stood there with his
arms crossed and glaring at him.
He clenched his teeth and blew smoke down his nose
as he stared at him. "I said it's fucking over. It's
nothing. It was forever ago. End of story."
"And you're sure about that? You know we can't risk
it, especially with PD not cooperating now." Demitri
said.
My mind was running as I listened to their
conversation. PD? Who were they talking about? And
she? They couldn't be talking about Bellacould they?
I instantly crept closer, desperate for more
information.
"I said its nothing. Besides, you found me remember. I
told you I don't need this shit, I didn't want anything
to do with it seven years ago and I don't now. I'll sell
my shares, I'll do whatever I have to but I am fucking
done when this is over."
Demitri threw his smoke down and stepped up to
Alec's face. I could tell Alec was nervous but he was
trying to stand his ground. Demitri was an
intimidating fucker though and dangerous as hell and
he knew it.
"Oh, I don't know about that. I wouldn't try to
disappear again if I were you. And besides, I'll find
you. And it won't end well the next time they send me
after you."
They? The brothers? Disappear?
What the fuck?
Alec stepped right up in his face this time.
"Is that a threat?"
"It's a guarantee." Demitri spat back with steely eyes.
"Well thanks for the warning, brother." Alec sneered.
Brother?
What. The. Fuck?
They both eyed each other when finally Alec stepped
back and stepped on his cigarette as well. He spun
around and flung the door open and slammed it as he
went back inside.
Demitri laughed evilly and lit up another smoke as he
tossed the match aside. He shook his head and then
pulled out his cell phone and dialed.
My heart was racing as I stood there thinking through
everything. Could they have possibly been talking
about Bella? And what did she know? I had to ask her
more about Demitri.
And why was Masen back? Someone wanted him to
sell his shares in his father's company?
And why the fuck did Demitri call him brother? They
didn't look anything alike; they couldn't possibly be
related could they?
I was interrupted by the sound of Demitri's voice. He
was talking in Romanian to someone as his eyes
glanced back at the door and then quickly down the
alley. I sunk further against the wall as I listened to
his side of the conversation.
"Da. He'll come around. I don't think she's an issue.
Keep JR on it though."
"What do you mean?
"Fuck."
"Yeah, yeah. I'll look into it."
"PD is on his last straw."
"Da."
"I can do it." He growled.
"Whatever."
He angrily hung up the call and tossed his butt. Then
he stopped and he looked down the alley again. He
looked right toward where I was standing in the
shadow and I held my breath.
He glanced back the other way and then finally
shrugged and stepped back inside.
I let out my breath and waited a moment in case he
came back outside. Slowly I edged back along the wall
and retrieved my messenger bag. I hurriedly crept out
of the alley and took a different route to my place.
I dropped my bag as soon as I was in the door and
began pacing.
How did this all fit? And who was the woman and JR
and PD? I lapped my apartment four times before
something suddenly struck me.
Seven years ago.
Alec left seven years ago.
Alec left Bella seven years ago.
Oh fuck. She does know something. She knows
something even if to her it doesn't mean anything. She
saw or heard something. I was sure of it now.
I paced some more when I realized that I had to meet
Clearwater and I quickly changed again into a black t-
shirt, hat and jacket.
I walked from the apartment still ruminating over the
conversation I witnessed. I knew now I needed to
figure out if Masen and Demitri were related, if they
could possibly be talking about Bella and who the
other persons were they mentioned.
The bar on the Lower East Side was quiet as it was a
Monday night. I stepped in and ordered a Guinness
and waited in a booth for Clearwater. I needed to go
over this with him. I needed to talk to him about this.
Five minutes later Seth walked in and spotted me. He
grabbed a beer as well and sat down across from me
as he eyed the place. We were only two of six people in
the bar, but we still had to be careful.
I quickly nodded at him and looked around.
"I've got some information." I said quietly.
He looked at me perplexed and sipped his beer.
I immediately told him about the conversation I saw
between Alec and Demitri. Seth's eyes went wide as I
told him about all of the different pieces, what they
said and how they could fit with what we knew
already.
Seth closed his eyes and set his jaw.
"Fuck."
"What?" I asked.
"I think it's gotta be Bella."
My throat constricted and I swallowed thickly.
"Why?"
"The names." He looked around again before he
leaned forward. "I just got back from a meet with one
of the honchos in Brooklyn. They're planning a
shipment of coke through the port on Saturday. But
they said they were having problems with one of the
covers and didn't know if they wanted to use the
complex site that night. They were concerned
someone might tip it."
"You mean someone from Buxton."
"PD. Think about it."
Suddenly it dawned on me. "Phil Dwyer. Fuck." I
muttered. My heart was pounding in my chest.
"So you think Dwyer wants out?"
Seth shrugged. "Maybe. Or maybe he's saying that to
get something out of them, I don't know. I know he
owes a lot of people a lot of money so I don't see what
his bargaining chip could be" He trailed off.
"Unless" His eyes went wide and he looked at me.
Motherfucker.
Bella.
I shot up out of my booth that second.
"Where are you going?" Seth hissed.
"I have to go see her. She could be in danger or" I
pulled at the hair that was peeking out from under my
hat, since I couldn't pull at it all at the moment.
"Do you think that's a good idea? You might scare her
or be getting too worked up. Take a breath." He said.
How was he so fucking calm? She was like a sister to
him
"E. Take. A. Breath." He said calmly as he looked
around the bar.
I realized then that my face was on fire and I was
clenching my hand at my sides and not breathing.
Suddenly I gasped as I inhaled and then let it back out
slowly.
"I have to know." I looked at him intently.
He nodded. "Fine. Then I'm coming with you. I'll meet
you there in an hour. But you need to get your shit
together before we get there."
How was he so smart?
I nodded again and quickly left the bar. Everything
from this afternoon was running through my head.
Was this a big break? It could be, but what could it
mean? How much could she really know and not
realize?
I sidetracked and backtracked and finally made my
way to her building. It was still light out and I hadn't
gone in the front door in a while so I decided to buzz
Emmett. I hoped he was home.
He was and in minutes I was inside and on the
elevator up to their floor. I knew she probably wasn't
home yet so knocked at Emmett's and went in. I filled
him in on what I saw and he was as perplexed as I was.
Soon after I arrived Seth was there. The three of us sat
down and discussed the new information.
"So you think PD is Phil Dwyer. Then do you think
they somehow had Raven date her to get close to her?"
He asked.
"Raven?" We had only seen him once in last month
and it was a few weeks after I beat the shit out of him
outside Bella's building. He hadn't stopped by again
and I doubted he would.
"JR? You said that they were talking about keeping JR
on it?"
"Fuck." I mumbled. It made sense. Whatever she
knew, whether related to Alec or Phil, they must have
had James Raven get close to her on purpose. I knew
she was going to be pissed about this. I didn't like that
she had been with him, not one bit. But it made me
even more angry to think that he used her like that.
Suddenly I heard a door shut across the hall and I
looked at Emmett.
"Keep your shit together E. We need to figure this out.
It could be a big break."
I nodded and stepped out to go to Bella's.
I knocked on the door and she opened it and smiled
widely.
"Hey!" She stepped back to let me inside and I was
instantly more at ease now that I was in her place,
with her safe and near me.
I pulled her into my arms as soon as she shut the door
behind me.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Her voice instantly became
concerned and she put her hands on my face.
"We need to talk. I saw something today andBella,
I'm just worried."
"Okay. Come here. Let's sit on the couch."
I followed her into the apartment and noticed that she
was eyeing me closely. I sat down on the couch and
pulled her to me just feeling her hands in mine. I
furrowed my brow and took a deep breath.
"Bella I saw Alec Masen today."
She gasped. "Oh." She said and then dropped her eyes
to her hands.
The apartment was eerily still and silent. And for the
first time, I was uncomfortable.
"Bella, what is it?"
She sighed and shook her head. She bit her lip until
she looked back up at me. "I knew he was back, I just
didn't want to think that he could be involved in all
this."
Knew he was back? How?
"Did you see him?" I asked. I couldn't decide whether
I should be pissed or worried or both.
She sighed again and ran her hand through her hair.
"Yes. When my mother and I went to dinner. It was
the night James showed up here" She trailed off, but
I just stared at her intently.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I said.
"Because everything happened with James that night
and we hadn't discussed him yet. And you got so upset
when I told you I dated him." She said quickly.
I stepped up from the couch and instantly began
pacing.
"Bella, I needed to know. I need to know everything
about him. Do you know why I was so upset? Because I
think it means everything is connected to you by him."
I ranted.
Her eyes were wide at my abrupt outburst, but I
couldn't stop the anger, fear and hurt that was
pouring out of me. I had been so good at hiding it from
her, my concerns over this connection. But now it was
all coming to a head.
Finally I stopped.
"Where did you see him?" I asked again.
"At the restaurant." She said quietly.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. I didn't know if it was
the fear or the jealously that was driving this reaction.
But she had to know that he was dangerous and
couldn't be trusted, even if they dated for three
fucking years and he never was anything but good to
her.
Ugh.
"What did he say?" I finally asked.
"Nothing really." She shook her head and stood up
from the couch as she rung her hands. "Edward, he
was at the Chinese place that we used to go to and I
blew him off. I have him my bitch brow and let him
know that I was pissed at him. In fact he was standing
there when I talked to you on the phone and I jumped
in the cab without giving him the time of day."
I sighed. I was being irrational. But not over my fear
for her safety. I needed to get the jealous response in
me under control. I needed to tell her why he was
dangerous and why I was so concerned.
"Bella. That's not all. Do you know who I saw him with
today?"
She shook her head and I turned to look right into her
eyes.
"Bella, he was with Demitriand he called him his
brother."
--
BPOV
"Good morning Maggie." I said as I walked through
the front office and then made my way to the back.
"Good morning Bella." She called after me. I smiled
and hummed as I stepped along. Edward and I had
spent most of the weekend holed up in my apartment.
Well except for Friday night.
I smiled wickedly to myself. Oh yes, that was
justunbelievable.
I quickly set up my laptop and filled myself a cup of
coffee as I sat down to check my emails.
The last month had been incredible. He was
incredible.
I was afraid that I would get tired of living the double
life. And I had to admit that it was hard living the
double life. But it was also thrilling, and adventurous
and exciting at the same time.
My friends started to become suspicious about what
was going on. But I shrugged it off as much as I could.
I knew that they were curious and so I decided tonight
I needed to go to happy hour with them and catch up. I
really couldn't be holed up with Edward all the time.
Even if we did have our rare and insanely hot outings.
Oh the bar was just
I started to think about our tryst on Friday when I
heard a knock at the door. Unfortunately I was
snapped out of my reverie by the rapping. I knew what
was coming. It was the same thing that came every
Monday for the last two months.
Here we go again.
Maggie walked in with a big smile on her face, this
time with a bouquet of pink roses.
Fucking great. Roses this time. Really?
I sighed and shook my head and Maggie just giggled. I
knew my interns were having a field day with this and
everyone else I worked with thought I had a secret
admirer.
Little did they know.
But the problem was these weren't from my secret
lover. They were from someone annoying and
refusing to out themselves and it was starting to piss
me off.
I grabbed the card as Maggie closed the door.
Pink Rose
As I had done for the last month I pulled up the
website with the meanings and scrolled through it
until I reached Pink Rose.
Pink Rose- I love you still and always will.
Awesome. What the hell does that mean?
I sighed again and shook my head. I was pretty
convinced this was my interns. I would likely find out
when they ended their internships in only a couple of
weeks. If the flowers stopped, then I would know it
was one of them.
Edward was worried about it, especially after we
figured out how connected I was with so many people
in his investigation. But none of the flowers were
messages of danger or even deranged messages. They
were all about love and longing.
I opened my desk drawer and retrieved the stack of
cards from the top. I unbound them as I looked at the
ones from the last month. I had taken to writing the
meaning and the date on each card after I received
them. I was hoping eventually we would find a pattern
or a clue. But right now they held nothing.
Nevertheless I flipped through the stack.
White periwinkle-
Pleasures of Memory-
July 12
Absinthe- Separation and Torment of
Love- July 19
Asphodel- Langour and
regret- July 26
Mauve Lilac- Do you
still love me? August 1
And now:
Pink Roses- I love you still and
always will- August 8
I picked up the roses and walked them
over to my side table. I set them on the
table next to the bowl that I received
the week after the fundraiser. It came in a strange
package without a return address. When I asked
Maggie about it the following Monday she said that it
was simply in the intake box on Saturday morning so
she set it in my office.
I figured it was probably one of those free gifts that we
often received for our events. Whenever we had a
large event like the fundraiser we were comped gifts
for our use of particular brands. We had used
numerous crystal display pieces in showcasing some
of the new exhibits by the company that made the
bowl. It was free advertising for them so I figured they
sent the bowl as a thank you.
I went about my day working on some new press
releases and reviewing the work of the interns. Seeing
as they only had two more weeks as interns, we were
now starting to figure out who had the potential to
offer a job in the spring.
I knew I should be focused on my task. But as I read
and marked and made changes I couldn't help but let
my mind wander over the last month.
When I told Edward about Alec, he certainly didn't
react as I suspected. He said Alec was friends with his
brother and he knew him. I definitely didn't expect
that. And then he said that Masen Industries was
involved with all of the other players and my heart
almost stopped beating.
I might have been pissed at Alec and how he left, but I
never thought he was involved in something illegal.
Edward was convinced that whatever connected me to
the investigation ran through Alec, but I couldn't see
it. For that reason, I racked my brain over the last
month for something I might have seen or heard and I
simply couldn't place it.
I also thought Edward was jealous, which he had no
reason to be. But when he told me he saw the
inscription in the book, I could understand how he
might feel that way. I truly forgot I had the book. I
took it to work with me and after he left I never
touched it again. It simply got moved with each of my
office changes, when I got my first full-time position
and then kept moving up the ranks.
Nonetheless I knew he was suspicious. But I could tell
in his demeanor that he was trying to separate the
investigation from his time with me.
He was trying to protect me. I knew it. I knew he was
worried, but it also made me feel a bit helpless in the
whole situation and feel like there was something
more I could do.
Even so, the month had been great. We spent nearly
every night together. Even nights when he had to stay
out late. He would slip in to my place and sleep with
me until I woke at dawn. He was so warm, and so
comforting. But I could feel his pressing need to fix
things, to figure everything out. He truly was strong-
willed and relentless as the meaning of his tattoo
stated.
And God was he passionate.
I had never felt the kind of desire as I did when I was
with him. It was primal and needy and as basic as
eating or drinking. And he could make my body sing
and soar with pleasure like no one ever had. It was
truly like we were made for one another.
The way we had become so close in the last month,
after we declared our love for each other made me
start thinking about more. I couldn't help it. I had
thoughts of getting married, and having kids and
buying a new place. My brain ran rampant with
possibilities. But then I would force myself to pull
back. We were still secret. We had only been together
for a short time, a couple months.
And most importantly I didn't know what his plans
were for after his mission. He had said he was going to
be done. But I wasn't exactly sure what that meant:
with undercover, with investigations, with being in the
field or with the FBI altogether? I didn't know. And I
knew that we had some serious conversations to cover
before I could let my brain go to all those other things.
Regardless I couldn't deny how much I loved him, how
much he completed me and how alive I felt when I was
with him.
And dear God did he make me feel alive on Friday
night.
I put my pen between my lips and let my brain go back
to Friday night
I slipped on my Yankees tee and pulled my
hair into a ponytail along with a pair of
skinny jeans and my chucks.
I was going to the Yankees game with Kate
tonight and we were simply planning to
grab some beers on the way home. After
the game we made our way to a pub not
too far from the Red Line and Columbia. It
was pretty much a college hangout and
there were quite a few kids there even though it was
summer time. But it was a Friday night. I had told
Edward where we were planning to stop for a drink
and that I would meet him at my place later.
Kate had to be up early for work so we were just
going to have one drink. The bar was one of those few
old bars in New York where it was dark and musty
with beer. It still smelled like smoke even though the
city had been no smoking for a few years. The wood
was worn and so were the chairs, but it was entirely
the kind of place that I would have gone to in
Brooklyn.
Kate and I sat down and caught up on work and her
job and Garrett. She seemed to be as into him as I
was with Edward. As we sat at the bar I spotted
something out of the corner of my eye.
That's odd. Why would he come here?
A mop of disheveled and positively sexy bronze hair
sat at the end of the bar. I watched as one perfectly
muscled arm raised its glass to a pair of perfectly
pink lips and I licked mine in response.
I was a bit tipsy from our beers at the game and now
at the bar, so I didn't look away when I met his
piercing jade eyes.
He didn't look surprised or smile, or smirk, or look
away. He just raked over me with hooded eyes. It
was a look I had become all too accustomed to. And
my body instantly reacted to that gaze. Heat swept
over my cheeks and down my chest, straight to my
core.
Fuck.
I closed my eyes and reopened them again only to
find that he was no longer sitting there. I looked
around to see where he went when Kate said
something to m.
"Bell I better go. I have to work in the morning. We
have a big press conference tomorrow and I better
not be hungover." She said as she finished her beer.
"Do you want to catch a cab together?"
I looked past her and saw that he was now standing
by the old juke box in the corner. One arm was
leisurely propped on the top as he held his beer in his
other hand. His black t-shirt was like second skin on
his body and his worn jeans hung perfectly from his
spectacular ass and legs.
Fuck.
"Bell?"
"Huh." I pulled my head away and looked back at
her, trying to take my eyes from my Apollo before
me.
"I said do you want to catch a cab together?" She
looked at me quizzically.
I licked my lips again and glanced from her to my
Apollo and back.
"Actually, I think I might have one more beer. I don't
have to be to Brooklyn until 10:00 tomorrow." I said.
"Okay. But be careful getting home okay. Call a cab
before you go outside."
I nodded and hugged her.
"It was great to see you Katie. I'm glad we were able
to take in a game. Have fun with Garrett tonight." I
wiggled my eyebrows at her and she laughed.
"How did you know?" I shrugged and she giggled,
strangely out of character for Kate.
"Oh trust me, I just know." I said as I glanced back to
my Apollo who was still shuffling through the songs
intently.
We said good-bye and I grabbed my beer from the
bar and began to walk over to him. It was like it
always was with him, my heartbeat instantly began
thumping and I felt like an electrical energy
surrounded me prompting me forward.
Suddenly a girl in a short denim skirt walked up to
him, twisting her hair on her finger and eyeing him
coyly.
Oh no you don't.
Mine.
I had never been the possessive or jealous type, but
my Apollo brought out the baser side of me.
I saw him say something to her and her face dropped
and I couldn't help the smirk that crossed my face.
She turned and sulked away and I smiled wryly to
myself.
I put my shoulders back and slowly moved forward. I
stepped up beside him, without looking at him and
eyed the songs he was flipping through. I knew he
could tell I was next to him.
"Jimi?" I said lowly and he took a sip of his beer as he
flipped through the songs.
"Hmmm. I always preferred his guitar solos to any
others." He said in a low raspy voice that sent shivers
down my body.
"Even more than Zeppelin? You know they say
'Stairway to Heaven' is the best of all time." I stated
as I continued to stare at the juke box.
"Zeppelin fan are you?" He said and I could feel his
eyes on me, burning me just like they always did.
"Of course. Who isn't?" I said coyly finally looking at
him. What I found were two boiling pools of jade and
his look shot a tingling sensation straight to my
center.
I swallowed thickly and stepped closer to him,
pretending as though I was going to touch him. But
instead I reached past him and pressed the button to
the next disc.
I could feel his chest heaving and his strong muscles
were only inches from me. I took a deep breath,
pulling in his scent.
Oh his scent. Clean and fresh and pure manpure
Apollo. It sent another wave of desire racing through
my body.
"Hmmm. So who do you prefer between Jimi and
Janice?" I asked as pressed the button to play "Cry
baby" by Janice Joplin.
The song crackled through the old speakers and her
throaty voice echoed throughout the bar. I closed my
eyes and began to sway to the sound. I could feel him
so close to me, not touching but yet feeling every
heartbeat, every movement and every beat of his
pulse under my skin.
I opened my eyes and saw his eyes were hooded and
now raking over my body. He might as well have
been touching me it was so powerful.
"You just spent my money on the song. Are you going
to pay me back?" He finally said.
I bit my lip, entirely caught by his intense demeanor.
My nipples puckered under my thin t-shirt as he
swept his gaze over me and I saw his eyes darken in
response.
"But I don't have any cash, how ever will I pay you?"
I said breathily repeating a line from an afternoon
not so long ago.
He pretended to think for a moment and I could see
the fierce grip he had on the edge of the jukebox.
Finally he pursed his lips and stepped right next to
me. My breath caught as I looked up at him. His
rippled chest was evident through his black t-shirt
and his tattoo was peeking out of the edge.
Fuck.
He bent down to whisper in my ear. He still wasn't
touching me, but he was only a fraction of an inch
away.
"Meet me in the bathroom and I'll show you." He said
roughly.
Then he looked at me and is eyes flashed with a
wicked gleam and a shudder ran through my body.
I think I even moaned. He wanted tohere? Oh fuck.
The thought made me want him so badly in that
moment I was sure the throbbing in my core could be
heard by everyone in the bar.
He stepped aside and his elbow brushed ever so
slightly over my breasts causing me to gasp again.
God how could he turn me on like that? It wouldn't
have mattered if there were a hundred people in the
bar; I would have let him take me right across the
mahogany.
But some small semblance of sanity told me he
couldn't do that I needed to get my ass to the
bathroom.
I took a deep breath and glanced around to see if
anyone was watching me. I stealthily, well as
stealthily as I could walk, crept my way toward the
back. I was standing outside the women's restroom.
The door was directly across from the men's when
suddenly I was being yanked backwards.
A rippling sensation instantly fluttered down my
arms and up my neck. I felt strong arms around me
until I was being spun around and I heard a door
slam and a click behind me.
The lock.
"A Yankees teeand ponytail?" He rasped as he
attacked me. "Jesus Liefje you look so fucking sexy."
His hands were all over me, up my sides, gripping my
waist and then roughly teasing my nipples through
my shirt.
I tried to look back at him until he spun me around
again and lifted me up on the counter.
"It's just a t-shirt." I gasped between heated kisses,
his tongue darting to taste my neck, my jaw, the spot
below my ear. His hands squeezed my ass tightly,
kneading it, working it.
"Not just a t-shirt." He said as he ran his hands up
over my mounds and traced his finger on my lips.
"A fucking tight, thin Yankees t-shirt across your
fuckhot tits baby. God what I want to do to you."
I pulled his finger into my mouth and sucked it hard.
"So do it. I do owe you afterall you know." I raised
my eyebrows at him in challenge.
His eyes were black as night and before I knew it he
crashed his mouth to mine. I moaned loudly trying to
get a hand on him as he pressed himself into me. Our
tongues battled voraciously and he was sucking and
moaning as he ground into me.
"Oh you really shouldn't have said that." He pulled
away and licked his tongue up my neck to my ear and
nibbled until I felt him bite down.
"Ah!" I yelped but immediately clawed at his back
and squeezed him to me tighter.
I loved it when he was like thiswhen he just fucking
took me, needed me as much as I did him.
I ran my hands under his shirt and pinched his nipple
and he was the one to growl this time and press into
me harder.
We were a mess of lips and hands, bites and moans
and nails scratching as we moved against one
another trying to create some resistance.
My mouth locked with his and I pulled his tongue in
at the same time that I yanked on his hair. I knew he
liked it when I did that, and if it was even possible he
grew ridiculously harder against me.
"You like that baby. You like my rock hard cock
against you." He swiveled his hips and hit me right
on my swollen center.
"Oh God yes." I grabbed at his hair as our lips and
tongues continued to battle but his hands went to my
jeans.
He made quick work of the buttons on my jeans and
before I knew it he was ripping them off me and
sliding them down my legs. Then he pulled me off the
sink and spun me around before I could remove his.
He lifted my shirt so that it was around my
shoulders, and pulled my bra down exposing my
breasts but pressing them high between the bra and
the now bunched up tee.
I could see everything in the mirror before me now
and the intensity of his eyes, the desire, was so
powerful I couldn't look away.
He pinched my nipple as his lips descended on my
neck once again and I cried out. I instantly threw one
arm around his neck holding him to me and the other
around his waist as he ground himself into me.
He was so fucking hard. I could feel it through his
jeans and against my ass through my underwear.
God I wanted him inside me.
"Do you see how sexy you are Bella? Do you see your
perfect breasts and perfect pink nipples that respond
only to me?" He rumbled into my neck as his fingers
continued their painful torture. I locked my eyes with
is, deep brown with boiling jade and bit my lip as one
hand stayed on my chest and the other snaked its
way down my stomach to my center.
I was dying in anticipation, my body like a livewire
just waiting to be set off.
He ran his fingers over my soaked panties and I
moaned loudly and closed my eyes.
"No. Watch Schoonheid. I want you watch as I fuck
you from behind."
"Oh God." I whimpered and my body trembled in
desire.
"Hmmm." He skimmed his nose along my jaw,
breathing me in and then lightly licking the lobe of
my ear as his fingers traced my lower lips. I was
writhing in anticipation for him.
"Do you want that? Do you want me to fuck you from
behind?" He growled into my ear.
"Yes, Jesus, yes." I moaned.
Oh my God. Sexy, assassin, agent boyfriend talking
dirty to me in a bathroom at a bardoes it get any
hotter than this?
Before I knew it I felt him shuffle out of his pants
just enough to release himself. He grabbed my arms
from around him and placed them on the low
counter. Painfully slow he pulled my panties down
my legs as I stepped out of them.
He pressed his knee between my legs and spread my
legs as he ghosted his hands up the sides. I could feel
the cool air on my hot center and I opened my mouth
in a silent moan at the feeling.
"You better hold on tight then Schoonheid." He
whispered in my ear.
With that he plunged into me and I cried out, my eyes
wide as saucers and my mouth open as I stared in the
mirror.
Oh yes, it can get hotter. It just got infinitely hotter. I
felt like I was erupting inside, my limbs tingling and
tensing as I took in each of his vigorous thrusts.
I gripped the sides of the counter as he bent me
slightly over. My breasts were bouncing in the
mirror and my ponytail swinging side to side as I
braced myself.
He ran his hand down my back and up again and
wrapped my ponytail around his hand. Then he lifted
me slightly so that I was kneeling just barely on the
edge of the counter and I could see everything in the
mirror.
Holy fuck.
I was spread on all fours, my nipples at attention, my
back arched and my hair in his hands. I could see his
huge cock driving into me over and over. The sight
almost made me come in that second. I had never
seen anything as erotic in my life. Until I looked into
his eyes and I could see he was watching it too.
"You like that? You like me driving into you? Can you
feel me, every inch of me inside you?" He rasped as
his eyes locked on where we were joined.
I moaned loudly.
Holy shit.
"Oh God yes. Edward, fuck me harder please."
He clenched his jaw and I could see his eyes widening
as he looked at me. He raked them over my body as
one arm gripped around me tightly and holding me
up as he pounded into me. The other arm, which had
been wrapped with my ponytail, began to trail down
my chest to my center.
But before he reached it I grabbed his hand and
pressed his palm against where we were joined and
rubbed it against my clit and where he was entering
me over and over. The increased pressure sent a shot
through my body and I cried out.
"Oh God! Edward!" Without warning my orgasm
ripped through my body and I convulsed violently
around him.
"That's it Bella. Scream my name. Fuck do you see
how sexy you are as I make you come." He rumbled
into my ear as he watched me in the mirror. My eyes
wide, my head back and my mouth open.
He released from my hand and grabbed my shoulder
as he thrust into me furiously. Then he grabbed my
hand with is and pressed it to my clit. I began to
circle myself when I shuddered and I realized I was
coming again.
Holy fuck two orgasms. I had never come twice, one
after the other before.
"Ah. Oh Edward, Oh Edward!" I clenched impossibly
tight around him as my back arched even further and
pulled him into me.
"Oh Fuck." He roared and I felt him stiffen and then
thrust one more time and begin pulsing inside of me.
He wrapped both his arms around my middle and
pulled me back into him as he steadied and caught
his breath.
I was gasping and looking at him in the mirror. My
face was flushed and dewey and my breasts were still
at attention, squeezed between my bra and my t-
shirt.
Edward lifted his head and began placing gentle
kisses up my back and my neck to my jaw. I reached
up and ran my fingers through his hair and he sighed
as at last his mouth met mine.
I kissed him tenderly as he wrapped his arms tighter
around me and I sagged back into him. I liked it a
little rough, but I could tell he was always worried
afterwards that he hurt me or pushed it too hard.
Far from it.
That was just
"Liefje."
"Hmmm." I mumbled into his kiss as he pulled out of
me and spun me around and crushed me to his chest.
"God Bella. I'm sorry if I lost control"
"No." I shook my head fervently and put my fingers
over his lips. I lightly traced his lips as I looked up at
him under my lashes.
"EdwardI like itI like that you want me so much. I
like it when you lose control." I stared into his eyes
which were now a soft green and his face broke out
into a smile. The wallowing effectively set aside.
He pulled me to him again and hummed into my hair
as he kissed the top of my head and took a deep
breath.
"Good, because I seriously don't think I can keep my
hands off youespecially if you wear this t-shirt
Liefje."
I chuckled into his chest and ran my hands over his
biceps.
"And I don't want you to. So I think I'll wear this
every day then." I kissed him again and he groaned
and then put my face in his hands and kissed me
powerfully once more.
We pulled on our clothes and kept smirking at each
other. I had never been one for public affection, but
damn if that wasn't the hottest thing I had ever done.
A banging sound at the door startled us both and
someone shouted from the outside.
Edward kissed me and then put his finger over his
mouth and nodded towards the window.
Was he serious?
He gave me one more quick but searing kiss and
before I knew it he was opening the window and
slipping through. He winked at me before he took off
into the night and I opened the door and stepped
outside.
"What are you doing in the men's room?" The guy
asked.
I shrugged. "The line for the women's was long."
I stepped past him and he just shook his head.
But I couldn't wipe the shit-eating grin off my face as
I hailed a cab to meet Edward at home.
And hopefully he would be up for round two. Maybe I
would just have to keep this t-shirt on for a while.
I snapped out of my memory from Friday night when I
heard a similar banging at my door. I could feel that
my face was flushed and my breathing was labored.
I tried to calm myself down and cleared my throat.
"Come in."
"Hey Bell you ready to go?" Jazz popped his head in
my office and I must have looked surprised. "You
okay?"
"Um." What could I say?
No, sorry Jazz I am just trying to pull myself from the
fog of basically a wet daydream.
"Yeah. I'm good." I sputtered.
"You sure. You look a little peaked." He frowned.
"I'm fine. Really." I waved my head dismissively and
got up to look at the clock. How did it get to be 5:30
already?
I quickly shut down my computer and followed Jazz
out to the street as we hailed a cab to take us to the bar
in SoHo.
Rosalie was officially moved into her new place after
staying with Alice and Jasper for a few weeks and we
were going out to celebrate. Emmett couldn't join us
because he had a "business deal" that night. In
actuality he and Edward decided it might be a good
idea for him to limit his time with everyone else so we
didn't accidentally say anything.
We walked into the bar and I immediately noticed
Jasper's friend Hale there as well.
Cripes, here we go again.
I really wasn't interested. I had someone but I couldn't
tell them that.
"Hey Bella!" Alice jumped out of the chair, well
jumped as much as she could. Her suspicions had
been confirmed and she and Jasper were in fact
having twins. Even though she was only fifteen weeks
along, she was measuring big because of the twins.
The doctors were pretty sure she wouldn't go full term
with them since she was so tiny. They would find out
soon if it was girls or boys or both.
Nonetheless she was Alice and she was a force of
nature.
She hugged me fiercely and I hugged her back. I really
needed to be spending more time with my friends.
Rose gave me a hug and a conscious smile. She was in
the same position. At least we could commiserate
together. The problem was she could go out with
Emmett. I couldn't go out with Edward.
I thought back to our conversation the day after the
fundraiser. Rose came over in the afternoon while
Edward and Emmett hit the gym. She and I discussed
how we were going to handle things. She was head
over heels for Emmett as well, but equally as worried
about him when he was undercover. I had a feeling
she would be my lifeline throughout this thing and I
hers. Not to mention she would be able to help me
think through everything that was happening.
We spent nearly four hours talking over all the
possible connections. I told her about Alec and
Edward's concern that he was connected as well. But
even with all of our brainstorming we couldn't come
up with anything. Regardless it was nice to finally
have someone to talk to.
"So Bella, have you been seeing someone lately?" Alice
asked inquisitively.
I bristled but plastered a smile on my face as Rose
gave me a knowing look.
"No Alice. I told you. I'm not really interested after
everything" I trailed off
"Bella." She whined. "You are a young, beautiful,
smart, single woman in New York. You need to be out
there having some fun."
"Alice I'm perfectly fine thank you." I glanced at Hale
who looked at Jazz and just shrugged.
She harrumphed and Jazz put his hand on her
shoulder. But then he turned to me and his expression
softened. He knew I didn't like to be pressured on
dating.
"Oh my Gosh. Bell you will never believe who I saw the
other day!" Alice suddenly changed her tune and I
braced myself for the next onslaught.
"Who?"
She leaned in and lowered her voice. "Elizabeth
Masen. And she told me that Alec is back in town."
It lingered out there but of course it wasn't a surprise
to me. I simply shrugged again and took another sip of
my drink.
"Bell don't you care at all? You were so pissed at him
for so long?" She frowned.
"I don't care about him anymore Alice, so why should
it bother me."
"Well good for you." She said as she took a drink of
her lemonade and thought for a moment longer. "Did
you know that his Dad is remarried? Apparently to
some Eastern European empress or something.
Elizabeth seemed a bit perturbed about itbut of
course with everything he put her through"
"Let me guess, her name is Irina?" I said sardonically.
For as much as I was pissed at Alec, I had been there
for him when he found out about his father's affair
and he had to take care of his mother.
"Yeah, how did you know?"
"She was his father's mistress." I said simply and
raised my eyebrows. "I really don't want to talk about
him anymore. How are things with everyone else?" I
said changing the subject.
Even as we sat and laughed and chatted and caught
up, I continued to check my phone to see if Edward
sent me a text. Alice and Jazz kept eyeing me
suspiciously but Rosalie would often step in and divert
their attention.
Finally at 8:00 I decided to call it an early night. I
hadn't heard from Edward yet but he usually came
over around 8:00.
I bid my good-byes and hailed a cab outside the
restaurant. As I was checking my blackberry I could
again feel eyes on me and I shivered. I looked around,
not seeing anyone looking at me or unusual. I shook it
off as the dreary day that it was, unusually cold and
rainy for August.
I climbed in the cab and made my way home. Once
inside my condo I opened a bottle of wine and waited
for Edward to arrive when I suddenly heard a knock at
the door.
But what met me on the other side immediately
caught me by surprise. Edward came in the front
door, which meant he was likely at Emmett's. But he
was concerned about something, I could immediately
tell.
Then he began pacing and spewing out information
about Alec Masen and having seen him today. When I
told him I saw him over the Fourth I thought he was
going to blow a lid. It was the first time I had ever seen
him mad at me.
Mad andjealous?
I could tell by the way he talked about Alec that he was
jealous of him, even if he didn't have a reason to be.
Part of me wanted to berate him for his reaction, but
part of me also thought it was a bit hot that he cared so
much to get a little green.
But then he dropped the bomb on me and I instantly
realized why he was so upset, why he had been so
careful over the last month in what he told me about
the investigation.
"Bella, he was with Demitriand he called him his
brother." He stared at me intently.
"What?" I said as I gripped the breakfast bar.
"He called Demitri his brother. Why would he say
that?" He crossed his arms and looked at me.
My mind instantly began racing and then something
made me stop. My breath hitched as I thought of what
Alice told me this evening.
"Irina."
"What?"
"Irinahis father's mistress. Alice said she ran into
Elizabeth Masen and she told her that Thomas is
remarried."
"So you think he might be his step-brother?" Edward
pondered it aloud for a moment.
"Maybe. I guess Elizabeth called her some sort of
Eastern European empress. And so I knew it had to be
Irina."
Edward's eyes went wide and he swallowed. He knew
something, I could tell. Something just clicked for
him.
"Edward what is it?"
He shook his head. "No. I don't want to put you in any
more danger. You're already in enough."
"I don't understand." He walked over and put his
hands on the tops of my arms as he looked at me. His
eyes softened and my body released some of its
tension under his gaze.
"Please just trust me." He said quietly. I nodded. I
knew I couldn't know all the intimate details of his
mission but it still frustrated me.
He furrowed his brow then and closed his eyes.
"Bella. Did you everknow anything about Irina?" He
rasped with his eyes still closed.
"Um. She's from Romania I thinkand is like part of
an old royal family or something. She's a very cold
woman but I don't know much else about her. Just
that she and Thomas had an affair and it almost broke
Elizabeth. Alec hated her." I shook my head at him.
He swallowed and opened his eyes.
"Bella do you remember what her last name was?"
I thought for a moment. I'm sure I knew it at some
point. I racked my brain thinking back to my
conversations with Alec and the few very brief times I
met Irina.
Drago. Draco. Dracon.
"Draconi." I said abruptly and Edward's hands
gripped the tops of my arms.
"Motherfuck." He tore his hands from my arms and
instantly began pacing again. He ran his hands
through his hair over and over as I stared at him.
Suddenly he spun on his heels and ran out the door of
my apartment.
I just stood there in shock. I had seen him angry, I had
seen him frustrated, but I hadn't really seen him lose
his cool on me.
What felt like only seconds later Edward came back in
followed by Emmett and Seth closely on his tail.
I gave Seth a quick hug. It was the first time I had seen
him since the night on the street in Greenwich.
But then the mood became somber.
And for the second time in a month we sat down at the
dining room table and went over everything I knew
about Alec, Demitri, Irina and Thomas Masen. I
couldn't give them much. Only that Demitiri showed
up not long after Alec left. Nevertheless I recounted
the story.
"Bella you're going to be late for class." Kate yelled to
me from outside the bathroom door.
I let the warm water pour down over my body, not
even really feeling it. I didn't care. I didn't care about
anything. I still hadn't heard a word from Alec and it
had been a month. I was started to think he never
cared about me at all. That everything he said was
lie. I was just his stupid college girlfriend and he was
the older guy who had fun getting some.
But the thought made a pang deep in my chest.
I sighed and shut off the water. I had a 10:00 class on
Baroque Art. Usually I loved my classes, and lately I
had thrown myself into them as a reprieve. I worked
and studied. Nothing else. But I didn't enjoy them
anymore.
Nothing else since
No don't go there Bella.
I hurriedly dressed in a cream turtleneck, black dress
pants and boots. I stuffed some heels in my bag since
I had to go to work after class and stepped outside. It
was snowing out, only the second snowfall of the
season. Usually I loved the big fluffy flakes and how
the white blanket made everything seem clean and
fresh even though it was one of the largest cities in
the world.
But not today.
I slipped into my lecture and sat in the back row. I
was never one to sit up front. And I was in my last
year; I sure as hell wasn't going to start now.
The professor decided to do something different
today. He wanted us to pair up to discuss three major
pieces from our recent lecture and compare and
contrast them to some of the pieces we studied at the
beginning of the semester.
I sighed. I hated group work. But I glanced around
me and realized I was only one of four people in my
row. Two were a couple of girls who I knew were
friends and they would likely pair up. I looked the
other direction and saw a man with dark black hair
and black eyes. He was attractive, not that I really
noticed, but he had a dark look about him. Still I had
to partner with someone.
Before I could ask he glanced at me and smiled.
"I guess that leaves you and me." He said in a thick
accent. I couldn't place it, but it sounded Russian or
something.
"I guess." I gave him a small smile and moved over to
open my book and grab my pen and paper. He was
very knowledgeable, almost as though he had
personal experience with it. He was nice enough, but
something about him just seemed off. And I found it
strange that I had never seen him before today.
As we got up to leave he placed a hand on my arm.
"It was nice working with you." He said and his eyes
ran over me.
I shuddered a little but tried to ignore it. Maybe I
would just be having this kind of reaction to all men
for a while.
"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name." He continued.
"Bella." I said and offered him my hand.
He shook it and gave me a small smirk. "Demitri." He
said with his accent and held my gaze and my hand a
bit too long.
"It was nice to meet you." I mumbled and then pulled
my hand from his. I looked at my watch. "I need to
goto work. Have a good day." I nodded and sped
out of the classroom.
I could feel his eyes on me and I tried to ignore the
creepy feeling I got.
Two days later I went to class and he was there. And
the next class and the next. And every time I left to go
to work or home I felt like I was being followed. I was
always pleasant to him, but I tried to keep it as
platonic possible.
Finally one day about a week before finals we were
doing another comparison during class when he
asked me something.
"So do you have a boyfriend?" He asked
nonchalantly as he flipped through three photos on
sculptures.
"Umno. Not anymore." I said not looking up.
"What do you mean anymore?"
I sighed. Shit. Why did I have to say that?
"Iuhwe broke up. He apparently doesn't want to
see me again." I shrugged, still looking at the photos.
"That's odd." He leaned closer and my breath caught
as I could feel him right next to me. "I would have a
hard time staying away from you."
I tensed. That creepy feeling washed over me until I
found a bit of resolve and slowed my breathing.
"Well apparently that doesn't go for everyone." I said
with a sigh. The hole in my chest opened a little and I
willed it away.
No. I am not going to think about him.
That day he offered to walk me to work and I refused.
But when he did it again two days later I was
starting to get concerned. I just wanted to be left
alone and I definitely wasn't ready to date anyone.
Not to mention he unnerved me.
But then he showed up at my work. And a few days
later at my apartment building.
I told Kate about it and she was immediately
concerned and told me to file a report with campus
security. I did and he never showed up again.
Even more strangely, I didn't see him at our last few
classes or at our final. The whole situation was odd,
and for a few months I looked over my shoulder a bit.
Finally when we moved the following May I didn't
think about him anymore and I determined that he
had just moved on.
Edward, Emmett and Seth sat in silence as I finished
my story. They were all tense and I could see the
apprehension in their faces and in their bodies.
"What?" I asked glancing between them. "Tell me
what's going on because you three obviously know
something."
Edward looked at the table and sighed and then
looked at me.
"Bella, I think the reason Demitri followed you was to
see if you knew anythingsince you and Masen just
broke upand it fits." Edward said.
"What fits?" I shook my head in question.
He sighed again and looked at Seth and Emmett who
both just nodded. "I heard them talking they
mentioned something about a PD and a JR"
"Okay"
Edward ran his hand through his hair and then told
me about his suspicions that Phil was either backing
out or trying to gain some bargaining power.
Then he told me about James and I felt the bile rising
in my throat.
"That son-of-a-bitch." My blood was raging through
my veins and I could feel my face heat up. I knew I
shouldn't care, but the fact that they knew I slept with
him and that I had to discuss this whole matter with
them was uncomfortable. Agents or not, one was my
boyfriend and the other two were close friends. Not to
mention I instantly felt used and dirty and disgusted
with myself.
"Bella. We don't know what this means yet exactly.
But we think you just need to be very careful, very
cautious from here on out. Okay?" Seth said.
I was still thinking about the fact that James used me.
Whether it was to get to Phil or because of Phil I didn't
know. Or if it had something to do with Alec or who. I
was hurt that I was used, I was angry that I was
connected to this. And most of all I was frustrated that
I couldn't provide them with any help.
Sometime later, after the three of them discussed the
possibility of getting a protective detail for me, but
then ruled it out, I decided I had enough and I wanted
to go to bed.
Edward walked them out while I took a shower, trying
to cleanse myself of the filthy feeling I had. When he
stepped into the bedroom. I was already under the
covers as he made his way into the bathroom to get
ready for bed.
As he slipped under to join me and wrapped his arms
around me I closed my eyes and just let his warmth
surround me and soothe me.
"Liefje, I think you should start taking your phone
with you all the timejust in case."
"What do you mean? I always have my phone with
me." I was puzzled.
"I mean your other phone."
"Oh." I said as realization dawned on me.
"I know I can't always be with you, so I don't want to
be more than a phone call away from you." He
squeezed me tighter to him and ran his fingers
through my hair.
"Okay." I sighed into him and he kissed the top of my
head.
"I love you." He whispered. "I'll protect you, I
promise."
"I know. I love you too."
I felt him start to breathe more heavily as the minutes
passed. But even as the wee hours of the morning met
me, I couldn't fall asleep. My mind was searching for
anything and everything that I could think of. But to
no avail.
Finally exhaustion overtook me and I drifted off to
sleep.
--
I would have liked to have woken up refreshed and
determined and with a plan ahead.
Well, I guess two out of three ain't bad. I only had a
few hours of sleep so I was tired and cranky, not to
mention I had a killer toothache and I couldn't figure
out where it came from.
I spent my morning workout on the elliptical because I
was too tired to run. But it helped me formulate my
plan for the evening. Edward wasn't sure if he needed
to go in tonight so he though he wouldn't be to my
place until later.
That gave me an idea.
I was going to New Jersey. I was going to Renee and
Phil's house to see if something sparked my memory
or tipped me off.
Determined, I was, not necessarily that I would find
something, but more to feel like I was doing
something.
My day was rather uneventful, but I called Renee as
soon as I got to work and asked if she minded that I
make the trip out to New Jersey tonight. Of course she
was ecstatic. Phil had apparently been working a lot
lately and she was bored.
Ha. Little did she know.
I was pretty sure my flighty mother didn't have a clue
what Phil was in to. But in all honesty, that probably
wasn't the worst thingplausible deniability and all
that.
That evening I hopped on the train to New Jersey and
arrived at the station at 7:00. I told Renee 6:45 so that
I could ensure she would be on time. I didn't want to
be waiting on the platform for her.
"Bella!" She waved to me with her large sunglasses
and glittering diamonds adorning her hands and
wrists.
"Hi Mom." I hugged her and followed her to her
Mercedes. Once we were strapped in she sped off for
she and Phil's Estate. We chatted about little things,
the weather and her latest hobbies.
Once we arrived at their expansive home the prodding
started. I was ready for it, but I didn't expect it to be
quite so intensive. We ate the pizza she ordered and
settled into the sitting room with a bottle of wine.
"So Bella, what happened with James? Phil told me
you aren't seeing him anymore." She raised her
eyebrow at me as she poured another glass of wine.
I sighed. I had thought about how to approach this
with her. I couldn't really tell her the full story.
"Mom, we just weren't compatible." I shrugged.
"Please, Bella, the way that man looked at you, how
could you not be compatible?"
A shiver ran down my spine and I swallowed. "Sorry
Mom, there were just no sparks. Let's leave it at that
okay?" I implored her with my eyes and she huffed.
"So are you seeing anyone new?" She asked then.
"No. I'm staying out of dating for a while. I need to
figure out what I want." Well that couldn't be more of
a lie
"Bella, baby, it's fine to be patient. Lord knows I
wasn't patient enough the first time. But you're also
getting older. You need to start thinking about these
things."
"Mom, I'm only twenty-eight!"
"Almost twenty-nine." She muttered and I sighed.
"I'm just notI need to feel something more. That's
all." I said.
"Fine, fine." She waived her hand dismissively and
just then the doorbell rang.
"I wonder who that is." She said quickly and rushed
off to get the door. Apparently Phil was working again
tonight anyway. This couldn't have been more of a
bust of a night, I wasn't finding anything out or
remembering anything.
"Oh what a surprise! It's good to see you!" I heard my
Mom exclaim from the doorway.
I flipped through an issue of In Style magazine that
was sitting on the coffee table while she chatted with
whoever was at the door. It was unlikely that I would
know the person. I hardly knew any of my mother's
friends since she moved to New Jersey. Most of them
struck me as fake anyhow.
"Would you like a glass of wine?" I heard her ask and I
could tell they were approaching closer.
"That would be wonderful Mrs. Dwyer."
I stopped. I knew that slick voice and my body
instantly tensed.
I looked up just as they entered the room and took in
his steely eyes and his too perfect suit and hair.
"Laurent, do you remember my daughter, Bella
Swan."
He turned to me with a sickening smile on his face.
"Of course, Mademoiselle, it's nice to see you again."
I smiled through gritted teeth but didn't say a word.
"I'm sorry, Phil's not here tonight. He's working late."
She waved her hand and gestured for him to take a
seat.
"It's not a problem Mrs. Dwyer, I'm sure he has some
important things to attend to." He said as he sat down
and peered at me.
I watched his interactions with my mother out of the
corner of my eye. I knew that they all knew each other
through business, but it still made me sick that she
didn't know what he was capable of.
He was sly bastard as he lightly touched her arm and
made her blush or brushed his slick hair back. I
purposely avoided his gaze, but I couldn't help but
notice the way he shifted in his seat and looked
around the room and eyed me every so often. It was
almost as if he was looking for something. I couldn't
figure it out.
At last after about a half an hour and a glass of wine he
left.
I was unnerved by his dropping in and suddenly I
wondered if it was really coincidental.
He didn't follow me did he?
Or did someone else know that I came to New Jersey?
Was he sent here?
My mind began racing and I instantly became a bit
nervous. How should I go home? A cab ride could be
quite expensive but I definitely didn't want to ride the
train?
I could ask my mother but would that make her
suspicious?
I pondered it for a moment and finally decided to call
a cab. But my mother stopped me.
"Oh nonsense Bella, I can take you back. I don't have
to be up for anything tomorrow."
I nodded and bit my lip nervously. I didn't know why I
was so unnerved by Laurent dropping by. Probably
because I knew what he did to Kate, I knew he was
connected with Edward's investigation and he was just
creepy all around. But there was something else about
it. The night didn't glean anything to help me figure
out the connections to me but it definitely made me
wary.
My mother started up her Mercedes and we pulled out
of her drive around 10:30.
We chatted again as she took me back to the City, but I
had that eerie sixth sense feeling again. Almost as if
we were being followed.
I looked in the side view mirror and didn't notice
anything suspicious. I tried to focus on my
conversation with her, but it was to no avail.
"Are you okay honey?" She eyed me.
"Fine Mom." I said with a tight smile.
Eventually she wound her way into Manhattan and
down the street to my building. It took us quite a while
to get back, but that wasn't unusual. Still, I couldn't
shake the anxiety and tension in my body.
I gave her a hug and told her we should do it again
sometime, even though the last thing I wanted to do
was go back to New Jersey in the near future.
I hurried into my apartment building. It was close to
midnight and I knew Edward would be there soon.
I slipped inside and instantly noticed the lights were
on. But there was no music playing as there usually
was. I closed the door and before I could even turn
around, he was standing right next to me.
"Where have you been?" His eyes were wide and
panicked and I swallowed as I looked at him. His hair
was a mess like he had been running his hands
through it relentlessly.
"II went to see my Mom."
"Bella do you have any idea how worried I was? How
could you not tell me?" His voice raised and I could
tell he was pissed.
"Edward you don't tell me where you are every minute
of every day." I said as I walked past him and into the
kitchen to grab a glass of water.
"Bella, you shouldn't be going out alone right now. Did
you tell someone where you went?" He stormed in
behind me.
"No, Edward, I didn't, I'm sorry I didn't think about
it." I filled my glass of water drinking it quickly. I was
tense from my evening and now from him being upset.
"Jesus Christ Bella, we don't know how you're
connected to everything. You could be in serious
danger. What the fuck were you thinking?"
What the fuck was I thinking?
I was instantly fuming from his outburst. I was just
trying to help. I could feel my resolve slipping, from
the lack of sleep, from the worry, from the interaction
with my mother and Laurent, and from not really
finding anything out even though I went all the way to
New Jersey.
"I was thinking I could try to help and find something
out, since I am apparently the idiot who can't
remember anything!" I spewed. Yup, the Irish temper
finally snapped. I put my hands on my hips and glared
at him. Hot, assassin agent or not I wasn't going to live
my life in a box anymore than I already was.
"Find something out! What are you talking about?" He
shouted.
"I went to New Jersey, to my mother's house. I
thought maybe something would trigger my memory
that could help your investigation. But I didn't see or
think of anything." I debated on telling him about
Laurent, knowing it would make him more upset, but
I figured he better know. "And then Laurent showed
up."
His eyes went wide and his face turned beat red.
"Fuck!" He bellowed and ran both his hands through
his hair and down his face.
"Edward calm down. I just went to my mother's. I was
safe there."
"No, I'm not going to calm down. Don't you
understand? It's not just your mother's. You might as
well have walked into the lion's den. Who knows what
Laurent could have done? And with Phil's connection
to this whole thing." He began pacing around the
kitchen.
I was standing there staring at him, breathing heavily.
I knew I needed to be careful, but I was careful. Even
so, I decided not to tell him about the sixth sense
feeling I had coming back. I was just so frustrated by
the whole situation.
Suddenly he stopped and looked at me, his hands on
his hips mirroring my position.
"Do you have any idea how worried I was? I have been
here for two hours waiting, not hearing anything from
you. I was ready to call it in to the local bureau."
"Edward. I'm fine. Really. It's not that big of a deal." I
said trying to calm him down.
His eyes flashed in anger. "Not that big of a deal!" He
yelled.
He slammed his hand on the counter and I jumped.
"Damnit Bella, I've spent the last hours trying not to
let my mind run away with me, with what could have
happened. And you were in New Jersey, with your
mother and Laurent, and I didn't know about it! You
didn't answer your phone and then I realized you left
it here. I kept thinking of the awful things that" He
shook his head. "And I almost called you on your
regular cell and I had no idea where you were..." He
trailed off.
He continued pacing and I stood there with my eyes
wide.
Oh shit. This is more than him just being
overprotective or me being frustrated.
Then he spun around and put his hands over his face
as he stared toward the living room. "Don't you know
what you mean to me? Don't you understand that if I
lose you then I will feel like I've lost everything? I can't
lose you. It scares the shit out of me and I've been
trying to ignore it for the last month and separate my
work and you and the connections. Butfuck!" He
said again, but this time it was in abjection.
I took a deep breath and willed myself to calm down
for the moment. I knew I was frustrated, but I couldn't
imagine the pressure he was under. I really should
have told him. But I was so eager to do something that
I just forged ahead.
I knew how much he loved me and how much I loved
him. But to hear him say it with such conviction was
beyond the depths of anything I had experienced.
Suddenly I was consumed with regret. He really did
just love me fiercely. He really did just want to protect
me. And I realized then that he had the same fears as I
did when he left every morning. He was just as
worried about me as I was about him.
I dropped my arms out of my defensive position and
slowly walked over to him. His chest was heaving and
his eyes were closed as he his jaw was rigidly set.
I tentatively reached out my hand and touched his
arm and he stopped. He didn't look at me, he just kept
breathing heavily.
"I'm sorry." I whispered and we just stood there for a
moment.
He exhaled and his stance softened as he turned to
look at me. I could see the contrition in his eyes and
feel the apprehension in his body as he reached his
hand to my face and cupped my cheek.
"Liefje." He sighed and I softened as he pulled me
towards him and put both of his hands on my face and
looked deeply into my eyes. They were as green as I
had ever seen them and almost torrid with hints of
bright orange and brown.
"I just can't lose you I love you so muchI justI
can't." His voice choked a bit and my throat
constricted as I stared into his eyes. They were filled
with pain and a deep-seated terror.
Without another word I wrapped my arms around
him and pulled him in for a tight hug. But he crushed
me to him so strongly I almost couldn't breathe. His
hold on me was forceful and filled with desperation.
Just like us, just like how I felt about him every
minute of every day. I instantly melted into him,
realizing the absolute enormity of my feelings for him
and him for me.
He stroked my back and pressed his face to my hair
and took a deep breath.
"The one thing in the world that scares me more than
anything is losing you." He said quietly.
"I know Edward. I feel the same way about you. But
I'm not going anywhere." I tried to reassure him.
"You can say that, butyou never know. We both
know that." I nodded into his chest and just let him
hold me. Our fight was obviously over as he held me to
him like his life depended on it. And it probably did,
because mine surely depended on him.
"The thought of losing Alice, or my parents or Eliot is
more than I can comprehend. But the thought of
losing youI couldn't go on." He swallowed. "I
wouldn't go on Liefje."
I gasped as a shuddering awareness came to me with
his words. I kept my arms around him and attempted
to hug him as fervently as he was me. We stood there
in the silence of my apartment until finally he eased
his grip and brought my chin up to him and kissed me
tenderly.
"I'm sorry, I overreacted Bella. But you just have to
know" He trailed off and I put my fingers over his
lips.
"It's okay. I should have told you and I forgot my
phone here. I'm sorry for not being more careful. I
should have asked them to meet me in the city."
He nodded and stroked my hair back from my face. He
bent down to brush his lips to mine and a common
burn began to smolder in my stomach. The intensity
of our fight, the frustration of the situation and the
raw passion of his display was now furrowing into
something else. I deepened the kiss and simply
reveled in the feel of being with him again, his supple
lips and his taste mixing with mine.
"I guess we just had our first fight." He said in a
hushed tone.
"I guess we did." I nodded and kissed him again.
At last he stepped back and took a deep breath and
grabbed my hand.
"What do you say to a shower?" He said, his eyes now
dark but also filled with a longing. He needed me, in
more ways than one. And I needed him just the same.
"I think that sounds like a great idea." I said with a
smile. "Let me just turn off everything out here."
"I'll be waiting." He said lowly as he bent to kiss me
again and my breath quickened.
I gave him one more kiss and he turned and slipped
off his shoes by the door.
I began to walk around the condo flipping off the
lights. Just as Edward was walking into the bedroom I
thought of something he said. It didn't make much
sense, but I didn't know if it slipped out and he meant
something else, or what he meant.
"Edward." I called after him. He turned to look at me.
He already had his watch in his hands and was
starting to tug on his shirt.
"Who's Eliot?"
~~~-~~~



Chapter 18 ~ Piece By Piece
Chapter Song: Led Zepplin Whole Lotta Love
EPOV
"Edward?" I turned slowly to look at her as I began to
slip out of my t-shirt. The stress was finally subsiding
from my body and I was simply glad to have her back
in my arms, in her home.
"Who's Eliot?"
I blinked.
What did she just say?
"What are you talking about?" I asked perplexed.
"You saidyou said that you would be devastated if
you lost Alice or your parents or Eliot. Who's Eliot?"
Oh shit. I said that out loud?
I hadn't told her about Eliot yet, the time had just
never been right. And tonight I was so overcome with
my worry for her that my mind and mouth had been
racing as I spoke.
I looked at her closely. She didn't seem mad or
frustrated, more so quizzical.
Oh crap, how am I going to explain this to her?
I blinked again and ran my fingers over my watch. We
had just settled our first fight. How was she going to
take this?
"Uh" I swallowed again and finally took a deep
breath.
"Edward is something wrong?" She furrowed her
brow and stepped closer to peer at me and finally I
sighed.
"Uh...yeah. Why don't we shower first and then I can
tell you about Eliot."
"Okay." She smiled at me but still looked perplexed.
I led her into the shower but realized I needed to
collect my thoughts on how I was going to tell her
about this. As much as I wanted to get in the shower
with her, I knew I couldn't now.
I handed her a towel and helped her out of her jeans
and sweater, willing myself to keep it together.
"Edward, aren't you going to join me?" She smiled at
me and I thought my heart was going to melt.
Well, fuck.
I stripped out of my jeans and t-shirt and climbed in
behind her.
The water was pouring down over her unbelievable
body and I had to close my eyes and grit my teeth for a
moment. She was scrubbing her hair, the strawberry
wafting around me in the steam.
Oh God. This is impossible. I groaned.
"Edward is something wrong?" She said as she turned
around and she was biting her lip.
Fuck. Don't do that Schoonheid.
I rubbed my hands down my face and tried to steady
my breathing.
"I'm fine. I justwhat I need to tell you is going to be
hard to explain and II don't think we should
dothisbefore we talk." I gestured back and forth.
"Okay" She said quietly and put her hands on my
chest and looked at me as though it was something she
did. I placed my hand on her face to try to reassure
her.
"It's nothing you did Liefje. I'm just afraid" I blew
out a breath as spoke. "I don't know how you're going
to react, but I'm pretty sure you might be angry with
me."
"Oh." She murmured.
"Let's just get cleaned up first." I said as I kissed her
lightly on the lips. She gave me an impish smile and
reached for the shower gel.
As she poured it in her hands I was assaulted with
vanilla. Of course my body betrayed me as her small
hands worked the lather over my shoulders and down
my chest. I stood there and closed my eyes just feeling
her work my muscles and relieve the tension from our
fight earlier. I dropped my head back, the water
spilling over me as she massaged me, up and down,
side to side. I was lost in the sensations and had to
lean forward and steady my hands on the wall over
Bella's head.
I noticed her fingers slow and I opened my eyes to
look down at her and found she had her eyes closed
too. She was memorizing me with her fingers and I
was instantly burning from the tips of my ears to the
tips of my toes.
"Bella." I said huskily.
"Yes." She breathed, her eyes still closed.
"Liefje I" She opened her eyes and they were
smoldering molten pools of espresso, as dark as I had
ever seen them.
Oh fuck it.
"Oh God Liefje." I crashed my lips to hers and before I
knew it I lifted her up against the tiles, her glorious
legs wrapped around me and the water poured down
over us. I pulled her lower lip in my mouth and bit
down gently and she moaned and clawed at my back
trying desperately to pull me closer. My fingers
gripped her ass and our tongues darted out to taste
one another. It was mixed with water and vanilla and
the scent of strawberry from Bella's shampoo. I
groaned and my erection pulsed against her stomach
as I was painfully hard for her. All of my worry and
need and anxiety from the night coursed through my
body at the speed of a freight train.
"Edward. Please. Whatever it is I promise I'll
listenbut I need youI need you right now." Her
eyes seared into mine and I nodded as I brought
mouth to hers again and kissed her fiercely. I moved
down her jaw to her collarbone following the trail of
droplets from the water.
"I need you too Liefje, so much, so much" I
murmured into her ear as I positioned myself and
then pressed into her.
"Oh" She whimpered and squeezed her legs tighter
around me, digging her heels into my back and pulling
me in deeper. "Oh God." She breathed again.
My mouth once again met hers and we moved
togetherour tongues, our lips our bodies conveying
what we couldn't say in that moment. We weren't fast
or frantic; we thrust slowly and traced our fingers
over one another following only with our lips. I ran
my hand through her hair as the water poured over it
and stared at her swollen lips and the little "O" her
mouth made with each of my thrusts.
I couldn't get past the sight of her in my arms. I
watched as the droplets continued their path down
her neck to her heaving pert breasts and I again
followed it with my hand, slowly, reverently, simply
wanting every part of me to touch her.
"You're so beautiful Liefje, so beautifulIGodI
don't know what I did to deserve you..." I stopped as
she brought one of the hands that had been gripping
my shoulder to my face and I closed my eyes. I
continued my slow, even movements just wanting to
feel her around me. I never wanted it to end.
I started to feel her tighten and knew I could be there
any second with her.
I brought my lips to hers again and lifted her slightly.
"I love you so much Bella." I whispered into her ear.
The only sounds in the shower were our breaths and
the water falling to the floor.
"I love you too Edwardmore than I can say." Her
hands brought me tighter to her so that now there
wasn't an inch of separation between us and I dropped
one of her legs to the floor and lifted the other over my
arm as I pumped more forcefully.
"Oh Mijn ZonUgh Liefje." I brought my other hand
to where we were joined and stroked her sending her
over the edge.
"Oh GodOh God. Edward!" She shattered at once
around me and I thrust into her two more times
before joining her and mumbling incoherently into
her mouth as I kissed her.
"Oh Bella. Ik hou meer van je dan mijn leven, je bent
mijn zon, mijn licht, mijn leven, mijn alles. Ik kan niet
leven zonder je, liefje."**
I gently eased her down and kissed her tenderly. Our
bodies were still flush and against the tile, but I could
never tire of just kissing her, holding her and being
next to her skin to skin, lips to lips.
I ran my hands through her hair and kissed her again
and she sighed and pulled me closer. We stood under
the water until it finally ran cold. It had to be late and
she had to work but I knew we had a long discussion
ahead of us.
We stepped out of the shower not saying a word and I
wrapped her towel around her and she hummed in
response. I kissed her forehead and led her to the
bedroom as we got ready for bed.
We were both quiet, simply preparing for what I was
going to tell her. I just knew one thingI had to have
her in my arms as I told her this last thing. I really
didn't know how she would react but I was worried.
She was friends with Alice and Jasper and she knew
my parents.
I formulated my words as she slipped into a tank and
some boy shorts. I just watched her move around the
bedroom. It was as if we had done this every night for
a hundred years. Everything was so natural with her
even before we were to have a pretty major
discussion. It made my heart ache at the thought. It
made me want to do this together every night for the
rest of my life. I had never felt like that before. I had
never reacted like I did tonight before.
At last she climbed in and I wrapped my arms around
her. I took a deep breath as she laid her head on my
chest and traced small circles over my stomach. It was
that feeling, that connection that made me prepared
for what I needed to say.
Finally I just said it.
"Eliot is my nephew." I breathed and held her tightly
to me. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to blink.
Everything stopped. She stopped breathing, stopped
tracing and so did I.
"Oh my God." She whispered after what seemed like
ages. "You're Uncle E."
What?
How could she?
Wait, what?
She turned her head to look at me and I was afraid she
would be angry or hurtbut she had a look
of...realization.
"What do you mean?" I asked astonished.
"You're Uncle E"
"Yes, but" I furrowed my brow at her, completely
dazed.
She shook her head and closed her eyes.
"I can't believe this. Just when I think things can't get
any stranger."
"BellaI'm confused."
She opened her eyes and looked at me. "I teach with
Angela on Saturday mornings in Brooklynwhen I
volunteer. You know the art teacher I work withit's
Angela."
Holy shit she knows Eric's Angela?
"You know Angela?" I was astonished.
But that means
"Soshe told you?" I asked quietly, still astounded by
this revelation.
Jesus Christ this world is fucking small.
"Yeahwell, she told me the story, but not your name.
I don't think hardly anyone knows butshe always
seemed to keep everything in and we went to lunch
back in Juneit was the day after you and I first saw
each other actually." She said shaking her head.
"Wow." It was the only thing I could say and we were
both quiet for some time.
"It all makes so much sense now" She said.
"What do you mean?"
"I've met Eliota few times. She and Ben and Eliot
came to my Dad's for the Fourthand the eyes and the
Uncle who's a cop andthe family situation." She said
as she looked at me warily.
I took a deep breath and ran my hand down her arm.
"Well I never expected this. I expected you to be mad
actually."
She sighed. "Well I can't say that I'm happy butwhy
didn't you tell me sooner?"
"It was just never the right time to bring it up." I
sighed. "And with Alice and my parents not
knowingand it's been so longI didn't know what to
say." I said as I shook my head.
She took a deep breath and listened before she spoke.
"When Angela first told me about it I couldn't believe
that you could keep something like that a secret."
"I know Bellaand I feel terrible, but I didn't know
how to..."
"Stop." She put her hand over my mouth. "Let me
explain."
"When she first told me I couldn't believe it. I thought
about if Brad had a child that I would be angry if
someone had kept that from me. But it's so much
different when you know the personknow the
family.now it actually kind of makes sense."
"How so?" I asked perplexed. I shut my mouth then. I
couldn't believe how well she was taking it.
"Well, after meeting your grandparents and knowing
the family name behind it, I guess I started to
understand a bit more. It's not that I agree with it, but
alsoI understand more because it's you. Because I
know you and I know your loyalty to Eric" she
trailed off quietly. "And because of where you've been
for the last nine yearsand how you've changed."
I furrowed my brow. I didn't know what to say. I was
amazed and flabbergasted and puzzled all at the same
time. I couldn't believe she wasn't angry. I couldn't
believe she wasn't yelling at me or worse jumping out
of my arms. I couldn't believe she understood my
loyalty to Eric.
"Edward?"
"Bella. II don't know what to say."
She drew a deep breath and let it out slowly.
Okay so maybe she was upset, but she was obviously
better at rationalizing than me.
Yeah you were ready to call in the National Guard,
the entire Bureau and all of the other
"acquaintances" you've met in your travels to find
her tonight.
So I tend to overreact a little.
Okay a lot.
"Why don't you start at the beginning?" She pulled me
out of my thoughts as she raised her eyebrow to me
and then laid her head back on my chest.
The beginning, I could handle that.
So I told her. I told her about when Eric found out,
what happened between him and Angela and how he
threw her out of his office. I told her that I thought he
was a jackass but he had some intense need to keep it
quiet. I told her that even though I argued with him
profusely and didn't agree with him, I would never
betray him. I told her about our conversation that
night in the Hamptons and how he knew he fucked up,
but didn't know how to fix it. And then he died, and I
felt like I had to take his place since I was the only one
who knew. But at the same time I never told my family
because I felt loyal to him.
In reality, I had drawn within myself so much that I
couldn't tell them.
As I spoke I began to realize the error of my thinking,
but looking back I knew that my old self would never
have done anything differently. I wasn't ready to face
the fact that he was gone, and telling my parents and
Alice and Jasper would be an admittance that he was
no longer here. It would have forced me to face the
fact that he was gone and that Eliot was really all I had
left. But going on and taking his place, I never faced it.
It was our secret, it was my loyalty to him, to a dead
man who I knew deep down would have wanted Eliot
to know my parents and Alice and Jasper.
As I shared all of this with the woman in my arms I
began to feel infinitely lighter. I didn't realize how
much of a burden this secret was on me, on my family
and even on my relationship with my dead brother.
Once again, she saved me from myself simply by
listening and knowing exactly what to say. She didn't
get angry or defensive or blame me. She was upset,
yes, but she just listened. Finally I stopped and I
looked down at her.
"Bella."
"Yeah."
"I wasn't sure if you were still awake."
"Of course I am." She smiled lightly.
She turned to look at me again and then crawled up to
face me. She placed her hands on either side of my
face and her eyes bore into mine. Gently she brushed
her lips to mine and swept a piece of hair out of my
face. Then she lowered her head and nuzzled into my
neck and I pulled her body into mine.
"Edward. I think" She trailed off.
I stroked my hand down her back, just waiting for her
to choose her words. I owed her that. I owed her to
listen as well.
"I think it's time." She finally said and I breathed a
sigh.
"Yeah." I responded quietly. "I think you're right." I
kissed the top of her head and felt her relax into me.
"Do youI mean would youhelp me?" I asked.
"Of course." She kissed my neck and I felt warm
warmed from my sun, my light, the only person in the
world who could ever make me feel this way and the
only person who truly understood me. It sent that
same deep pain through my chest to realize just how
true my words were earlier tonight. I truly couldn't
lose her.
"Thank you." I moved my nose to her hair and
breathed in deeply.
At last the heaviness was replaced by a serene feeling.
The tension of the night and our discussions finally
melted away. But before I drifted off with it I
whispered in her ear one more time.
"Je hebt me gered, liefje. Je zal nooit weten hoe erg je
mij hebt gered. Ik hou van je."**
--
I awoke to brightness in the room and a clicking
sound. I opened my eyes slowly and realized it was
morning. It was well past when I usually woke and I
instantly looked at the clock to see it was 8:30.
The clicking stopped and I looked up to see Bella
standing next to the bed. She was wearing a cream
pencil skirt and a royal blue silk top. She looked
radiant in the morning sun, her silky hair spilling over
her shoulders.
Oh Mijn Schoonheid.
I could handle waking up to that every morning.
I didn't often see her when she left for work in the
morning and my mouth went dry at how absolute
stunning she looked. I couldn't form words for a
moment as I just stared at her, burning green into
melting brown.
At last she smiled and climbed onto the bed.
"Hey. I know you usually get up, but I thought I would
let you sleep. You seemed so tired." She said quietly as
she stroked my face.
I didn't say anything, I just pulled her to me and
kissed her soundly. I could taste toothpaste and
chapstick and Bella and it was the perfect
combination.
"Good morning. It's okay. What time did you get up?"
"6:30. I went downstairs for a run and now I'm
heading in."
"I'm sorry to make you late."
"It's not a problem." She said softly as she kept her
hand on my face. "I don't think I could have woken
you if I tried." She chuckled then.
"I never sleep like that" I frowned.
"I think you had some things to get off your chest"
She trailed off but looked at me intently.
"Yeah." I answered quietly.
"So I was thinkingwhen do you want to do it?"
I thought for a moment and then cleared my throat.
"Well, the sooner the better I think." I finally said.
"I thought you would want to wait until after your
mission." She furrowed her brow.
I shook my head. "No. Now that you know, I don't
want to wait. They deserve to know. I don't know how
long the mission is going to take and they deserve to
know."
"Okay." She thought for a moment and worried her
lip.
I sat up a bit more to look at her.
God she's justfucking gorgeous.
"What is it Liefje?" I ran my hand through her hair
and she sighed.
"Are yougoing to tell them all about us?"
I thought for a moment. I didn't think that was a good
idea considering how many connections she had. I
didn't want to put Alice and Jasper and my parents at
any more risk, even if my Dad knew.
"Iit's not that I don't want tobut I don't know that
we should Liefjeto keep everyone safe." I said in a
hushed tone. "I hope you understand." I pleaded with
my eyes.
"Of course, I understand Edward and I agree. I just
need to know what my role is in all of this." She said.
"I thought you could help memaybe bring everyone
together. Andthen I could show up. You know so
that they're all in the same place." I thought about
how I could do this, how Bella could get them there.
"What about a celebratory dinner party? You know,
for Alice and Jasper."
"That's a great idea. That seems realistic too."
"Okay." She sighed and looked at the clock. "Well, I
better go to work. Will you be here tonight?"
"Not until late, I have to brief allOh crap. I should
get going." I realized then.
"Just use my shower." She nodded.
"Okay." I smiled and pulled her to me once more. "I
love youand thank you, for being so understanding."
I kissed her gently.
"I love you too." She smiled into my lips and then
climbed off of the bed and headed out to work.
I quickly showered and pulled out a clean shirt that I
had left here and slipped out of her apartment. I had
to be at my briefing soon and realized I was running
late. I hurried to catch a cab to the Bronx today and
once again made several exchanges.
As I walked into the NY headquarters I noticed I was
still one of the first ones here. I knew Seth had a big
meet last night and Emmett met some business
associates at the club last night. I decided to refrain
because although Tuesday was a big night, I needed
Emmett to prove himself a few times without me
there.
Not to mention last night I was driving myself crazy
since I hadn't heard from Bella.
I sat down in the conference room and Ivanova strode
in.
"Tanya." I nodded.
"Cullen." She nodded behind her large sunglasses.
Then she removed them and I noticed the large black
shiner on her right eye.
"What the fuck Ivanova? Who did that to you?" I was
instantly pissed.
"Chill out Cullen. Zeesh. You men. So damn
protective." She rolled her eyes. "Trust me he looks
much vorse zan me." She shrugged.
"He? Did one of those pricks at the club do this?" I
didn't care, I still felt protective over her as well.
"Cullen. I've been taking care of myself since I was
seven. I'm fine." She raised her eyebrows at me to
drop it and I did. But it made me think.
Since she was seven?
There was much more to Ivanova than I knew or she
let on. She was a very intense and close-lipped person.
I couldn't imagine what she had seen, and I didn't
want to, but I suspected much of her ability to "take
care of herself" stemmed from her upbringing in
communist Russia.
Seth, Emmett and Garrett walked in soon after and
each gave Tanya the same angry look I did. Of course
she shook it off.
We began our briefing and Tanya gave up more names
and Seth informed them that he was finally getting a
meeting with the person in charge of the drug ring in
New York. He didn't know his name yet, but had a
meeting point and time for next week.
I told them about my suspicions regarding Reycon and
Litidol and the Anthrax issues. Of course they all
raised their eyebrows when I mentioned my father
and that he would know more intimate details about
the drug because of his position.
Then McCarty dropped the bomb on us. He had met
with a potential connection last night at the club.
It was the exec from Reycon.
"Are you saying he was offering up goods from
Reycon?" I said in a low tone.
"I think so. He didn't come out and say it. But he said
he had connections" he trailed off.
"Fuck." I muttered and pinched the bridge of my nose.
"There's more." He took a deep breath. "He also said
that there are several people that get a cut out of
itwhich means to me that it's more than just the
Dracs."
"Yeah but who? Do you think it goes back to who Caius
mentionedthat there could possibly be something or
someone bigger?" I posed.
"That's what I am afraid of." McCarty said.
"Can I zay something?" Ivanova piped in.
"Of course." Garrett said.
"I zink this is much deeper zan ve originally thought. I
zink zere is someone bigger."
"What makes you say that?" I asked.
Ivanova took a deep breath and looked a bitworried.
I had never seen her like this; she usually had such a
tough exterior. I knew this was more than just
something with our mission.
"Ven I vas down vith a buyer two nights ago he
mentioned something that made me zink that there is
more."
Ivanova sighed and collected herself a bit more.
Finally she explained that when she was growing up in
Russia it was common for the KGB to have a front
organization or person. That person appeared for all
intents and purposes to make all the decisions, to be
the head honchos. But really, the true leader was often
someone from the community that the Feds would
never guess, someone who had power and influence
and the connections to always be ahead of the Feds.
Then when the "front" people went down, they just
burned out the organization and started over, made it
so that there was no tie to the true leader.
"So you think this is similar? Why do you say that?" I
questioned.
"Because of how ze organization is run. It's very
similar. Ze brothers appear to run zings, but do you
think they are actually zat powerful? You've met
zem?"
I thought about it. They were creepy as fuck, but
intimidating? Not necessarily. I was still perplexed as
to who could be the person behind it all.
"Ok so who could be potential leaders then? Masen,
someone from Buxton, the Reycon exec?" I swallowed
at the thought.
"No. It vouldn't be someone you know. Zat's the point.
Ze vil never be known."
"Then how do we find it out?" McCarty asked.
"Ve be patient. Ve keep following our sources. At some
point, it vill break. But I zink ve need to be careful
about vat ve take as our break. Does zat make sense?"
It did. What Ivanova was getting at was a set-up. If we
were getting close, then the head of the organization
would just sell out the Dracs and let us take them
down, only to move on to new set of puppets and put
up a new front.
That made me think of something.
When we took down the Volturisit all seemed to fall
into place rather quicklyand it was right before the
Dracs really rose to power.
"Oh shit." I muttered.
"What?" Seth asked.
"Garrett, I think we need to look at some timelines
here. I think we need to have the analysts look into
when the Dracs really started to take over and any
similar connections between the Dracs and the
Volturissimilarities between the way the
organizations are run."
"Why is there something you noticed?" Garrett asked
intently.
"Not yet, but something just isn't sitting right with me.
Since Caius and Marcus were the ones that mentioned
it, it just makes me think there might be."
Ivanova nodded and we discussed the matter a bit
more before calling it for the day. We made our way
out and I stopped and pulled her aside.
"Tanya. How do you know so much about this?" I
asked her quietly.
She sighed and glanced up and down the hallway.
"Because my father was vone of them. He was a front.
And zey threw him away just like zey always do."
"Really." I breathed. Her father was a KGB front man.
Shit.
She locked eyes with me and her steel blue-greys
became very serious. "Yes. And zat's why you can't
trust anything. Because vone day ve had a good life in
St. Petersburg, for communist Russia, and ze next ve
vere on ze street. My father vas dead and my sister
was sold into a system like I see every day. I have more
experience zan I need for a lifetime." Her eyes bore
into mine and I thought about what she said.
Don't trust anything.
Then suddenly she interrupted my thinking.
"I'm not talking about herI'm talking about keeping
your eyes open in spite of her" She raised her
eyebrows at me and I gaped at her.
"You zink I don't know?" She laughed dryly. "I see ze
vay you talk ven you discuss her. Be careful, you get
blinded by your love, no? You need to focus on ze
mission."
With that she put on her sunglasses and stepped down
the hallway. I watched as she walked away and
thought about what she said. I needed to step back and
think about Bella's connections to everything as
rationally as possible. So she didn't think she was
involved but that something or someone we didn't
suspect could be?
Fuck this was a twisted mission.
I ran my hands through my hair and then caught my
transfer to take me back out from the Bureau.
It was late but I thought about what Tanya said. I
needed to sit down and think about everything
without thinking about Bella.
What was Alec's connection to Demitri? Likely his
step-brother.
How did Masen Industries get involved with the
Dracs, or Van Rijn, or Reycon?
Why would Masen or the members of Buxton or Van
Rijn want to get involved with an illegal trade in the
first place?
After Bella told me that Irina's last name was Draconi,
we confirmed that she was indeed the sister of
Vladimir and Stefan. I could only assume that was
part of the reason Masen was in business with them.
But why? Did Thomas Masen know what he was
getting into, or did he just think he was joining in the
family business at the time?
There had to be a thread, and that's what she was
getting at. If I didn't focus on what I needed to, I
wouldn't see it.
By the time I arrived home it was only 6:00, but I
decided to go to the gym to workout. I knew Bella
wouldn't be home, she had switched her nights of
racquetball with Kate to Wednesdays so that it would
coincide with my briefings. And my sister didn't play
anymore now that the twins were on the way.
Twins. Wow, I shook my head at that thought.
I quickly changed and hurried down the street to the
old boxing joint. I hit the treadmill and then the
punching bags for a while. Then I went home to
shower and shave before going to Bella's. I knew I was
taking a risk by going there every night and I thought
about what Ivanova said. But honestly, I had to see
her, and I had to be near her. She was the only thing
that made me feel better. I would just have to be better
about focusing on my mission when I was away from
her.
As I slipped into her condo at 10:00, it was peaceful
and quiet. She must have gone to bed early.
That's odd; she doesn't usually go to bed until later.
I walked through the condo trying to be quiet and then
stopped when I reached the door to her room. She was
fast asleep, her silky chestnut hair splayed across the
crisp white sheets. A few strands were in her face and
she was clutching the pillow where I normally laid. My
heart clenched at the sight and she let out a little
breath through her lush pink lips.
"Edward." She whispered.
I looked to see if she was talking to me but she
appeared to be dreaming.
At that moment, so many things fell into place. Tanya
was right, I needed to focus on my mission, but it
wasn't because I was consumed with breaking another
case. I needed to focus so that we could take down the
person who was clearly the mastermind behind this
whole organization. And that person was the same
person, in one way or another, who was also a threat
to the beautiful woman before me.
I had a new reason for working harder.
I wanted to keep her safe. I wanted to have her in my
arms, in my life, sleeping beside me every night for the
rest of my life. I wanted her. And if that meant that I
had to focus on my mission for a little while longer,
then I would make that sacrifice. I wanted to break
this case so that neither of us would have to worry
about the connections again.
I had already decided I was done with undercover
work. I was done with living two lives. But as I stared
at her, sleeping so soundly, so peacefully, and after
thinking about last night, I knew I just wanted one
life: a life with her.
I pulled off my jeans and my t-shirt and lifted the
covers to climb in next to her. She was so warm and so
breathtaking in the moon light.
I ran my fingers down her cheek and her eyes
fluttered open.
"Hey." I whispered.
"Hey." She smiled but then winced a bit.
"Are you okay?"
She groaned lightly. "No, I had to have a root canal
today." She scowled adorably and I pulled her to me.
"Really? That sucks, I'm sorry Liefje." I stroked her
face and kissed her forehead.
"Are you in pain?" I asked.
"Not so much anymore but the pain pills knocked me
out. I'm sorry I fell asleep so early." She murmured.
"No, don't worry about it." I smiled and kissed her
again, and as it always did, my heart skipped a beat.
"Is there anything I can do?" I asked quietly as I
stroked her hair and her face, just feeling her warm
body next to me.
"Well, I know how you could help me really feel
better." She gave me a shy grin.
"Hmmm. Really how's that?"
"Make love to me." She whispered as she stared into
my eyes and became quiet.
I rolled over so that I was hovering above her and
kissed her tenderly and then ran my hand through her
hair once again. For all the times she had helped me,
for all the times she had taken away my pain, surely I
could do the same.
"I will always make love to you Liefje."
"Mmmm." She hummed into my kiss and I pulled her
into my arms, showing her just how much I meant it.
--
"Fucking work. Seriously E, do something you love,
otherwise it's not worth it." Eric said as he hit the
ball to me.
"What are you talking about? I thought you loved
your job?" I asked as I smoked a serve past him.
"Asshole."
"40, love." I smirked.
"Whateveras I was saying." He emphasized. "It's
much better when you enjoy it."
"Dude. You were a business and chemistry major.
How the fuck do you enjoy your job anyway?" I was
giving him shit, but I was really trying to help him
get to the point.
"Damnit!" He yelled as I hit another one past him,
effectively ending our game. He threw his racket
towards the bench and I just chuckled. Eric was
always a sore loser.
I strode over and grabbed a bottle of water and
handed him one.
"So. What's going on?" I asked him. He had only been
at his job for a year, but I knew he had a fair amount
of responsibility due to his background and because
he was Carlisle Cullen's son."
"I don't know. My boss is riding my ass." He got quiet
then and I looked at him to try to get him to talk. He
just shrugged.
Whatever. One minute you couldn't get him to shut
up the next he was fucking clamming up like he held
the secret to the Kennedy assassination in his head.
"So you don't like it or"
"Nah. I'm just sayin' there's no reason to be so loyal
sometimes. I wish I wouldn't have done my
internship there and" He stopped there for a
moment and looked at me.
"And what?"
"Nothing." He sighed.
I brushed it off.
"Just...you're too loyal for your own good E, don't
give in to it." He raised his eyebrows at me and I
peered at him.
What the hell does that mean?
"Okay" I said drawing it out. I really didn't know
where he was going with this, but something was
obviously bothering him at work.
"So tell me about your boss. What's his deal? Maybe I
can help." I finally offered.
He shrugged. "Nah. Amun's just a pawn. He doesn't
know shit, someday I will have his job anyway."
I laughed. It was probably true. Eric was smart as a
whip and had not only a scientific, but also a
business mind. I had no question he would make it as
far in the company as my father.
"C'mon E, now I have to buy your sorry ass a beer
since you beat me." I laughed and we walked to the
locker rooms.
I awoke in the early morning hours and realized that
Bella was still sound asleep beside me. My dream was
so strange but at the same time it nagged at me. I
couldn't place it. I couldn't figure out what it was
trying to tell me.
Bella rolled over and sighed and opened her eyes.
"Why are you awake? It's only" She turned to glance
at the clock. "4:30 in the morning."
"It's nothing." I kissed her head and pulled her into
me. "Go back to sleep Liefje."
She groaned. "I don't think I can. I fell asleep on the
couch at 7:00 last night before I came in here. I don't
think I can sleep anymore."
"How does your mouth feel?"
"It's okay. A little sore." She shrugged as she buried
herself into my chest.
"So have you thought any more about when you want
to tell your parents?" she asked after a moment.
"Um." I swallowed. "Yeah, actually I was thinking we
could do it next Sunday, the 21st. I know they should
be home. Is that too soon?"
She shook her head against my chest. "No. I emailed
Alice, who in turn gave me your Mom's email
yesterday and I mentioned the idea of having a dinner
party. Of course your Mom insisted that they do it at
their placeshe's really excited to be a Grandma."
I smiled to myself at the thought. "I bet she is." And
again the guilt over Eliot cut through me like a knife.
Silence swept over us for a few moments as I held her
in the early morning hours. I thought about my
promise to my mother and how I said I would come
see her this time. I had seen Alice and Jasper and my
father again, but I hadn't seen my mother since my
first weekend back more than two months ago.
As always, Bella hit on exactly what I was thinking as
she asked the next thing on her mind.
"Do you miss her?"
"Who?" I asked, wanting to make sure I answered
what she was asking.
"Your Momyou seemclose." She noted.
I blew out a breath and turned on my side so that I was
on my pillow and she was on hers. I wrapped a tendril
of her hair around my finger and stared into her eyes.
"YeahI miss her. She and I were very close. She was
the one who got me involved in so many of the things I
love."
She nodded and then pondered something for a
moment. "You have her eyesand her hair. I noticed
it again at the fundraiser just how alike you are. And
it's not just in appearances. You have the same
personality traits too." She smiled.
I leaned over and kissed her as I pulled on another
tendril of her hair. I sighed then and looked into her
eyes.
"I'm worriedI hope she's not angryI mean she
has every right to be but" I trailed off.
"She will be." Bella said resolutely. "But she'll get past
it. It's time and you're doing the right thing. You can't
make up for the past, but you can make it right from
here forward." She added.
"How are you so smart Liefje?"
She laughed wryly. "I'm not. I just know how I would
react."
"You are." I reassured her. And then before she could
say another word I kissed her soundly and pulled her
on top of me.
We decided later it the morning that Bella would help
my mother set up the dinner party with my parents,
Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice. She would make
up contacting the Whitlocks and tell my mother that
they were busy. In reality, they were planning to have
the dinner set at 7:00 and then I could show up after
dark.
But I also considered paying my mother a visit this
weekend so that I could see her on my own. I did miss
her, immensely. And I was in such a different place
than I was when I saw her two months ago. I owed it
to her to see her once before I showed up and dropped
an absolute bomb on them about Eliot. I needed to
start rebuilding that relationship even if I wasn't out
of cover yet.
Bella went about her morning routine and I kissed her
good-bye. I worried about her every day when she left,
but she had assured me that she would always carry
her phone and she even dug out the pepper spray that
her Dad gave her every year for Christmas.
I had to go to the club tonight, but I was planning to
come over Friday for dinner. I couldn't wait. But I also
truly tried to focus on my work when I was away from
her. It was the only way I could ensure that eventually
she would be safe.
So instead that day I went about my day as normal. I
went to the gym and chatted up Felix. I did some
research in the afternoon and didn't find anything of
interest. Finally I went to the club with Seth that night.
I dressed in a gray suit and black shirt and slipped on
my ray bans. I had to almost laugh at the fact that I
could wear sunglasses, at nightin a club. Eric would
have thought that was the funniest shit ever.
I could just hear him saying. "It's like that damn 80's
song E."
I caught myself thinking about him on occasion. It no
longer cut through me like it used to. Instead I would
think of funny things he said or did, or how he would
think of something like tonight. It was refreshing and
sad all at the same time. But mostly it was relieving.
Now that I told Bella about Eliot, I truly had nothing
more to hide. No more secrets.
I made my way to the club and met Seth outside before
we went in through the back as usual. As soon as I
stepped in the back room I noticed that something was
off. There were way too many heavy hitters in
attendance tonight and I was instantly on awareness.
I ducked my head down and Seth and I walked
through to the VIP. But it wasn't before I noticed that
Demitri, Felix and James were sitting at a table in one
corner. And in the other Ivanova, Gianna and the
Reycon exec as well as two men from the Buxton
Group were talking and drinking.
But most importantly, I could see through the glass
that Alec Masen was sitting in a booth in the VIP.
"Fuck." I muttered.
"What?" Seth asked.
"Alec Masen. Three O'clock."
"Fuck." Seth muttered as well.
I quickly grabbed a Tuica off of a tray near me and
turned away. Luckily I had my sunglasses on. What a
night. I ran my hand through my hair and this time
purposefully tousled it so that it would fall in my face.
I needed to look as little like myself as possible.
Seth and I walked into the VIP and I was able to hide
behind his rather large frame as we took our usual
spot in the corner. Our seat was dark and secluded so
that we could see the entire VIP area. As usual
Kristina and Senna made their way over to sit with us
and we ordered a bottle of Ketel One.
I slowly sipped my drink and chatted with Seth in
Spanish as the girls sat between us. Of course we
never said anything that could tip them off, but Seth
and I watched and waited. Masen was sitting at a table
with two Drac girls and a couple of the mid-level men.
But he looked uncomfortable, in fact downright
abhorred by being there. I couldn't square the
situation.
Just as I was pouring my second drink the
unbelievable happenedor the inevitable.
The Reycon exec walked in and Masen stiffened as he
sat down next to him. I knew we needed to know what
was being said, so I did the unthinkable.
"Kristina. Can you do something for me?" I turned
and put my arm around her. We were in the dark so I
knew the exec couldn't see me nor could Masen.
"Can you go and sit with that guy over there?" I
pointed to Masen. By the looks of it he didn't want
anything to do with the girls so I thought she would be
safe.
She gave me a look of question and also fear. I
squeezed her and slipped her five hundred dollars.
"I promise if something happens we'll take care of
you. Just let me know what they say okay?"
She nodded and slipped the money in her bra before
she strode over to their table. I leaned back and
watched in anticipation.
Kristina wormed her way in expertly and sat near
Masen. The exec eyed her but then turned back to him
and he stiffened. I was right Alec had had no interest
in her. But the two continued to talk. He looked
almost angry and then sighed several times. Finally he
shook his head and got up and all but pushed his way
out of the seat and out of the VIP. I watched as he
made his way down through the dance floor and out
the front door.
I didn't know what they were discussing yet, but I
could only guess that it had something to do with his
being back. The analysts were going to trace his trail
from the last seven years after I reported what I saw
between him and Demitri. But this seemed different,
almost like he was angry on a more personal level.
A few minutes after he stormed out, Kristina
nervously turned down the advances of the Reycon
exec and slipped away. I felt bad for using her that
way, but thankfully he moved on to someone else.
At last Kristina made her way back over and sat
between Seth and me.
I handed Kristina a drink and actually I didn't have to
start the dialogue. Senna was intrigued by the whole
display.
"What did they say Krissy?" Senna asked in her thick
accent.
"The blonde one?" She questioned.
I nodded urging her to tell me. "Well, he said he didn't
want to sell something. And the other one kept saying
things to him." She spoke in her broken English as
well.
"Did he use any names?" Seth asked quietly.
Kristina thought for a moment and then nodded.
"Something about anindustry?"
Masen Industries. Had to be.
"And the other one said there was much to be made
from deal with him."
Shit. That didn't mean?
"Did he say anything else?" I asked slyly as I sipped my
drink and kept my eye on the rest of the VIP. I was still
checking my surroundings to make sure no one
noticed her quick move to us.
Kristina furrowed her brow and then turned to me.
"He said he didn't want to be minon?"
"Minon? Do you mean minion?"
"Yes, that's it." She smiled. A dark look crossed my
face and I stared at her.
"Did he say anything else at all?" I asked her intently.
"No." She shook her head. "He just kept asking about
industry and the other said no, no, noand why you
want me back. And then he said he didn't want to be
minion." She looked at me with trepidation.
I knew I was wearing an intense look because she
slouched away. I recovered the best I could.
"Did I do okay?" She asked quietly.
"Of course. You did great." I gave her a half armed hug
and shot Clearwater a look. We needed to get out of
here and now. He nodded and we told the girls good-
night. I gave Ivanova the sign as we made our way out
and she returned it, but with a confounded look.
We sped away from the club and returned to my
apartment where I instantly began pacing.
"Fuck."
"What's going on E?"
"I don't know Seth, I don't know. But I think that the
Reycon exec is selling goods to the Dracs." I paced and
took off my jacket and threw it over my couch.
I went to the kitchen and poured a drink. It was
almost 2:00 A.M. and yet I wasn't even remotely tired.
My mind was racing.
"The money to be made." Seth said matter of factly.
"You think he's selling to the Dracs and for some
reason wants Masen to sell his stock in his father's
company. But why? What does that matter?"
"I don't knowunless whoever is in with Masen is a
buyer?" I shook my head and downed a shot of Ketel
One. "I have a sneaking suspicion that it has
something to do with the 'higher up', whoever the fuck
that may be." I sighed.
Seth thought for a moment as he took off his jacket
and rolled up his sleeves.
"What do you think the minion thing means?" He
asked finally.
"I don't know that either." I pondered it. I didn't know
who Masen could be referring to but I didn't like it.
The whole thing seemed suspicious.
I paced back and forth thinking as Seth leaned against
the counter doing the same.
At last I stopped.
I had to leave. I needed to go speak with someone,
someone who knew the ins and outs of Reycon.
"I have to go."
"What? Where are you going?"
"I have to go see someone."
"At 3:00 in the morning?" Seth asked skeptically. He
looked tired, and I should have been but I wasn't. I
needed some answers, or at least some insights.
"Why don't you just crash here; I'll be back in the
morning and we can hit the gym."
"E, aren't you going to sleep?"
"No, I'll sleep tomorrow."
"Okay."
"Just crash on the couch. I'll be back."
I quickly ran into my bedroom and slipped on some
black pants, black shirt and a jacket. I said good-bye to
Seth as I hurried out to make my way to the Upper
East Side.
I was fighting off a suspicion in the back of my head.
But I wouldn't acknowledge it until I talked to my
father. It was just too awful to think about.
As I slipped into my parent's townhome close to 4:00 I
noticed the quiet. The house was warm as always. The
lights were obviously off and I was sure my parents
were asleep. I needed to wake them without scaring
either of them. I noticed my Mother's cell phone
sitting on the table where she always put it and dialed
the house phone from it.
I could hear the phone ring throughout the house as
well as in my ear. After three rings my Mom groggily
answered.
"Hello?"
"Momuhits' me. I'm downstairs."
"Edward?" I could tell she was confused.
"Can you come downstairs?"
"Um. Of course."
I shut the phone and I could hear her stirring upstairs.
Three minutes later she appeared at the kitchen
doorway wide eyed and panicked.
"Edward what's going on? Is it your father?" She
looked worried.
"No." I looked at her confused. I expected my father to
be next to her. "Where is Dad?"
She covered her heart and took a deep breath. "He's
uhhe's in Philadelphiafor work." She sighed.
I stepped over to her and grabbed her other hand.
"I'm sorry I scared you Mom." She nodded and
breathed more easily then. "I didn't realize you were
home aloneand I didn't want to wake you up face to
face, I figured that would be worse." I said sincerely.
"It's okay you just startled me is all." She waved her
hand. "Um. Would you like some coffee or
something?"
"Well, I actually came to talk to Dad, but" I looked
toward the ceiling realizing something else I needed to
do while I was here. "I also need to look through some
of Eric's things."
She shook her head in astonishment and gripped my
hand. I was sure she was surprised; I had barely been
able to talk about Eric, let alone go in his old room.
"Of course." She breathed and I pulled her into a hug.
"I'm sorry for scaring you Mom. Really, nothing is
wrong" At least I hoped not. "It's just easier to come
in the night."
She nodded and hugged me back. I felt her tension
ease and I stepped back.
"I will take that coffee though if you're offering." I
gave her a small smile.
She smiled back and patted my cheek. I was so much
different than the last time I saw my mother as well. I
could see in her eyes that she was as curious as my
Dad was, but she wouldn't say anything, not until I
was ready.
We chatted for a few moments as the coffee pot
whirred to life and then I sipped a cup of black
Columbian.
I walked over to the bulletin board and noticed the
dates and names of several appointments and
dinners. One was the Whitlocks and another was my
grandparents. Seeing the names made me think of
Eliot and it was almost on the tip of my tongue to just
tell her then. I thought about how I had been planning
to come see her this weekend anyway. It worked out
that I was here now.
But I waited. It was something I wanted to do with my
father here andshamefully I admitted I needed Bella
at my side when I did iteven if we couldn't act like we
were together.
"How is your mission going?" My Mom asked quietly.
I turned away from the calendar and looked at her and
sighed.
"It's going wellbut that's why I'm here. I can't tell
you much except I need to look at a few things."
She nodded, obviously perplexed, and set down her
glass.
"Well, I still have several of Eric's things in the closet
in his old room. Why don't you start there?"
"Okay." I agreed and followed her upstairs to his
room.
She opened the door and I was instantly barraged with
childhood memories: the two of us running up and
down the hall and into each other's rooms both
laughing and fighting, sitting on his bed as we sorted
through our baseball cards, building forts with the
posts of his bed and his desk and chair and a million
other memories that I couldn't name or remember
clearly, but I knew they were there.
My Mom turned and gave me a sad smile and I
squeezed her arm and moved past her. The room was
much different now, since it was a guest bedroom and
no longer a teenager's room as it was when he last
lived here.
I turned around and took it in and then looked back at
her and she looked both surprised and fearful.
"Edward." She breathed.
"Yeah Mom." I said quietly.
"Are you okay?" She peered at me as she stepped
forward.
"Yeah why?"
"You justyou haven'tI mean." She shook her head
and I walked over and patted her arm.
"I'm okay Mom."
"Okay." She shook her head astonished and then
walked to the closet and pulled down several boxes
and set them on the bed.
"Umthis is most of what I kept. It's mostly pictures
and memorabilia." She shrugged, still gauging my
reaction.
"Thanks Mom." I smiled up at her and she exhaled
slowly.
I looked back down and opened a box to find pictures
and baseball cards and numerous mementos from
Eric's childhood.
She tentatively sat beside me as I went through it.
I knew that only a few months ago, it would have all
but killed me to walk in this room, let alone go
through these boxes. But I felt, again, a sense of relief
at finally being here, with my mother by my side.
I quietly sorted and shifted through the things until
she asked me if I remembered something.
Soon enough we were trading stories for each piece
and laughing and remembering Eric's antics, or his
voice, or the way his hair was always in his face.
I missed my brother, but I realized then that I missed
my mother just as much and the way she and I just
always knew each other. We truly had the same
mannerisms, same resolve and same sense of humor
as Bella said. She was a driven person, but with a dry
wit unmatched by many. She worked hard, but loved
to spend time out on the town with her friends or
relaxing at the house in the Hamptons. She was
passionate and caring and everything I wanted to be
when I was growing up.
As I looked into her green eyes, my eyes, and noticed
the small lines around them, I remembered sadly the
way she looked at Eric's funeral. She was devastated,
and I was so consumed with myself that I was never
there for her.
I instantly felt a need to make amends for it and she
shushed me.
"Edward. I don't know what has happened to you. And
you don't have to tell me butyour father noticed it
when you came to visit in July too. I wish I could have
seen you then, but I can see what he was talking
about." She smiled lightly.
"All I can tell you is that it's good Mom." I smiled and
took a deep breath. "Unbelievable actually and I." I
trailed off and looked at a picture of Eric and me from
his high school graduation.
I looked into her eyes again. "WellI'm going to be
done after thiswith undercover work anyway."
"Really?" She breathed with wide eyes and excitement
in her voice. "I meanit's not that I'm not proud of
youI will always be proud of you but"
She looked down and twisted her wedding ring on her
finger.
"What is it Mom?" I put my hand over hers and as she
looked up with tears in her eyes, my throat
constricted.
"I've just missed you so much honey and I feel like
you're finally backand the thought of really having
you backthe real youwellit's more than I can
say." Her lip trembled as tears spilled down her face
and I sighed.
I hated myself for what I put my family through. I
hated the way I wasn't there for them and then I dove
into my job and my life without a thought as to how it
would affect them.
But it was time to make amends. I had done it with
Jasper, and to some extent with my father and Alice.
But now, I needed to really start with the woman who
I owed my life to. And not in the ways I owed Bella, but
in so many others.
"I know Mom." I squeezed her hand and met her eyes
trying to convey everything I needed to say. She didn't
want an apology, but she had to know that I
understood now, and someday I would say those
words as well.
She pulled me into a hug and I held her tightly as the
tears streamed down her face.
Finally she pulled back and wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry
honeyI just I love you and I've missed you."
I nodded and cleared my throat, letting the relief and
the moment wash over us before I looked down at the
final box on the bed.
"Well I should get ready for work." She took a deep
breath and stood up to make her way to the door.
I grabbed the final box and opened it and froze
immediately.
How in the?
Where?
But?
I stared at the things before me and my mind was
instantly running rampant with questions.
"Mom." I rasped before she left the room.
She stopped and turned to look at me. "Yes honey?"
My hand was shaking as I reached into the box and
pulled out Eric's watch. It was just like the watch I
had, with his initials engraved on the back. It was his
gift for graduation from Georgetown, just as mine was
for my graduation from Columbia.
"Mom. Where did you get these?" I held up the watch
completely perplexed by the fact that it was here. I was
sure Eric wore his every day just as I wore mine.
Surely this wasn't recovered from the Towers? It
couldn't have been; everything was incinerated. And it
was still in pristine condition.
"Oh. It was sent to us dear, someone found it in his
locker at the gym or something." She smiled sadly
looking at the watch.
I shook my head trying to make sense of the object in
my hand.
But Eric always went to the gym at night.
Unless he forgot it there the day before?
I looked at the watch. The time and date were set for
8:00 on September 10.
Did it stop on him and he left it there?
All of a sudden my blood ran cold. He couldn't have
left it there the day before. On September 10 he was in
D.C. for business, because I was supposed to meet him
for lunch and he couldn't.
What the fuck?
I looked to see what else was in there.
His Dutch lion cuff links from our grandparents.
Chapstick. And a few golf tees.
Golf tees? Eric didn't golf.
The entire box had me completely confused and I just
stared at the items before me.
"Edward, are you okay?" Mom asked again.
"Um. I'm fine. Just thinking."
"Okay." She nodded and made her way out of the
room.
I wondered then if there was anything else in the
room. I stood up and walked over to his old desk. I
rifled through the side with the filing materials, not
finding anything of interest. I opened the side drawer
to find several desk items and notepads.
At last I opened the pencil drawer, not seeing much
else of interest before I stopped. There was a random
key that looked like it belonged to a filing cabinet or
desk drawer. I tried it on the other drawers just to see
if it fit, but it didn't. I looked around the room and in
the closet trying to find a filing cabinet, but there
wasn't one.
I walked down to my father's study and tried
everything in there but it still didn't fit.
What could the key be for?
I was confused and still trying to figure out how Eric's
itemsthat he always hadcould have been left at his
gym and sent to my parents?
I pondered it for a long while until I slipped the key in
my pocket.
It couldn't be for the locker at the gym perhaps?
It seemed odd, but I needed to try it. I was completely
dumbfounded by the whole situation.
I quickly put away the boxes and looked around the
room. Even though I was confused by the last box I felt
better about going in there. The entire trip was
surprisingly comforting even if I wasn't able to make
any connections for my mission.
Once again I felt cleansed, as though I got rid of dead
weight that had been hampering me for the last nine
years. I didn't realize just how much I had been
carrying around with me. Now I just needed to tell my
family about Eliot and I would finally be able to start
over.
Unfortunately I wasn't able to talk to my father about
Reycon as I hoped, I would have to come back later in
the week or pull him aside at the dinner party next
Monday. I found the entire situation strangely linked.
I could at least ask Bella tonight if she knew if Masen
had any ties to Reycon.
I walked down the hallway and knocked on my
parent's bedroom door.
"Mom?"
"Come in." She called.
I stepped in and noticed the large four poster bed
perfectly made and my mother standing in front of the
dressing mirror putting on her earrings. It was still
quite early, but since I woke her up she decided to
simply get ready for her day.
"Hey. I have to go, but I wanted to tell you good-bye." I
said.
She turned and gave me a smile and walked over and
pulled me into another hug.
"It was so good to see you."
"It was good to see you too Mom. I'll be back soon."
"You'll let me know when you're done?" She asked
hopefully.
"I will. I promise." I gave her a kiss on the cheek and
slipped out the back door once again in the early
morning light.
I made my way home, thinking more about my night:
what we saw at the club, the things I found in Eric's
room and making amends with my mother. I felt
much better than I did before I went to my parents
even if I wasn't able to fit anything together just yet.
Either way, I knew we weren't far from a big break
and that alone gave me hope for the future.
I strode into my loft to find Seth still asleep on the
couch and decided to simply stay up and hit the gym. I
could catch a few hours later and then go to Bella's for
dinner tonight. I decided to let the information from
the last few days absorb and simply focus on Bella
tonight. I needed some space and some time for it all
to sink in. In the mean time, the best thing I could do
was focus on something else. And I hoped she was
feeling better because I definitely knew what I wanted
to focus on.
--
At 7:30 I knocked on Bella's door, having once again
come in the front. She didn't answer so I tried the lock
finding the door open. I stepped inside to hear Led
Zeppelin over the speakers, rather loud, and I
instantly smiled.
"Liefje?" I called out but she still didn't answer.
I kept going and rounded the corner for the kitchen.
"Liefje where are"
Jesus H
I stopped in my tracks at the sight
before me.
**There standing at the counter was
Bella in a black and red cherry blossom
apron and what had to be five inch red
heels.
Only the apron and the heels.
Holy fuck.
"Liefje?" My eyes were wide and my mouth
was dry. Her hair was in big loose curls,
pulled half way up and spilling down over
her shoulders in a sultry manner. Her eyes
were dark and hooded. I knew that look, I
loved that look. And at once I felt every
ounce of energy in my body shoot
downward.
She stood there stirring a bowl of something and gave
me a sly smile.
"Um." I licked my lips as she turned around and set
down the bowl on the counter.
"Oh God." I groaned. She was only wearing a lacy
black thong under the apron and my cock became
impossibly hard at the sight.
Well. That wasn't what I expected for dinner.
But I wasn't complaining.
She turned around and gave me a devious smirk as
she held up a spatula with something creamy on it.
"Taste test?" She smiled and I walked forward.
"Yes please." I smirked back and pulled the spatula
into my mouth and made a display of licking the
spatula clean.
Bella's eyes flashed and I moaned at the flavor.
Fuck, it was sensationaland it tasted just like her.
It was raspberry and dark chocolate goodness and I
closed my eyes tasting the flavors. When I reopened
them she was staring at my mouth and biting her lip.
I instantly pressed forward and took her lip in my
mouth and ran my tongue over her lip leaving a trace
of the sauce. She repeated the measure and then
moaned as she tasted it.
"So I guess it's okay?" She said coyly.
"It's more than okay." I smiled at her wickedly and
then gave her a kiss. I ran my hands down her arms
and she shivered as our tongues danced together, still
reveling in the raspberry and chocolate between us.
But then she stepped back and I groaned. I was
starving, but I didn't care about dinner at the moment.
"Go take a seat. I'm going to serve you dinner."
"What if I don't care about dinner?" I raised an
eyebrow at her.
"Well, that's too bad because you are just going to
have to wait." She responded.
"And what if I don't want to wait?" I asked as I stepped
up and pushed her against the counter. My hands
continued their trail up and down her arms.
She licked her lips and her eyes were dark and
yearning. I could so easily toss her up on the counter
and have my way with her as I had more than once
before. But I had a feeling she had something a little
morespecial planned.
"You know what they saygood things come to those
who wait?" She wiggled her eyebrows at me and I
chuckled lowly. I didn't miss the double entendre in
her voice.
I leaned forward and placed my hands on her hips as I
pushed my hardness against her. She gasped and I
brushed my nose along the base of her neck, watching
as goose bumps raced down her neck and her arms. I
kissed her lightly below the ear and then stepped
back.
"I did come for dinner after all. What am I having?" I
toyed back.
"Go sit in the dining room and you'll find out."
I smirked at her and kissed herhard, conveying how
I was feeling. Then just as abruptly I backed away and
shot her a glance as I walked out of the kitchen.
Damn...
I looked at the table and it was set with wine, salad
and Bella's special potatoes. Two candles were lit and
Led Zeppelin's bluesy sounds were still blaring over
the speakers.
She followed me in with two plates topped with filets.
"Filet? Special occasion?" I asked as I took my seat.
"Nothing in particular." She smiled. "Except I thought
I should make up for burning our steaks the first
time."
She bent down right in front of me so that I could see
her breasts almost entirely and I groaned.
"Liefje."
"What?"
I shook my head at her and she took her seat.
I took a large gulp of my wine and stared at her as she
went about cutting her steak and taking a bite.
"Mmmm. The butcher was right. This is a really good
cut of meat." She took a sip of her wine and continued
to eat.
"Is that so?"
"Yes. He said I would like it."
"And do you?"
"I do. Of course I do like meat." She shrugged coyly
and I just shook my head and chuckled again.
We continued to eat and banter with innuendo. By the
time I finished my filet the sexual tension in the room
was stifling.
"Aren't you going to eat any more?" She asked huskily.
I leaned forward and clasped my hands under my chin
as I peered at her. "I'm not hungry for any more food."
I said thickly.
She mirrored my position and pursed her lips.
"Are you ready for dessert?"
"No."
"So what are you hungry for?"
I leaned forward a little farther and looked right into
her eyes.
"You."
She licked her lips and then stood up from the table. I
followed her with my eyes as she slowly walked
around to my side of the table. I spun my chair around
to face her and placed my hands on her waist,
gripping her tightly.
She put her hands on my shoulders and bent down to
my ear taking one lobe in her mouth. Her perfect
breasts were right in front of me and I wanted to take
them in my mouth, but I also wanted to know what
she had planned. The anticipation and build-up from
dinner was making me all the more eager.
"Well, you can have me, but I would much rather
finish my dinner first."
I glanced at her plate and noticed it was clean.
"I thought you were done?" I rasped and tipped my
head back as her lips continued a slow dance up and
down my neck and I rubbed my fingers against the
bare skin of her back. I could tell I was losing control
of the situation and for once I didn't care.
"No. There's one more thing I wanted to have."
"What's that?" I asked gruffly. Her teeth were now
nipping at the base of my neck and I was lost in her
ministrations.
"Well, I could tell you." She said as she licked over a
tiny bite and shockwaves ran through my body and
straight to my painfully hard cock. "But I would rather
show you."
The next thing I knew her fingers were deftly opening
my buttons and tugging my pants and boxers to
release my straining erection.
She grasped me in her hand and I clutched her waist
more tightly. But as she shimmied herself down my
body I dropped my head back knowing what she was
going to do.
I ran my hand through her hair and shuddered as she
bent down. It was as if it was in slow motion. She
pursed her perfect lips and kissed right on the tip of
my cock, sending a jolt of electricity through me.
"Fuck Liefje." I groaned and curled her hair around
my hand.
Suddenly she engulfed me with the heat of her mouth
and I swore loudly again.
She took me in as far as possible and then licked up
and down my length, working me slowly and perfectly
to edge and then pulling back. The sight of her before
me, her chestnut waves spilling over my hands and the
feel of their silkiness in my fingers was beyond
amazing. Seeing her perfect red lips wrapped around
my cock sent a shudder through my body.
Fuck she was good at that.
I just stared at her, trying to comprehend the scene
before me, but I was overcome with desire.
She grasped the base of my cock with her hand and
worked it in tandem with her mouth, her hot, wet heat
encasing me and driving me insane. I groaned again
and threw my head back.
I felt myself hit the back of her throat and that
knowledge finally sent me over the edge.
"BellaLiefjeOh FuckI'm coming." I groaned
loudly spilling into her mouth as she took me in.
I came over and over, yet I didn't feel like I was done, I
felt like I could go again and I was instantly overcome
with the need to have her right there.
I grabbed her shoulders and lifted her to my lap. I
ripped her thong from her body and shoved the top of
the apron aside as my mouth met hers hungrily.
"God damn Liefje, you're so fucking sexy with the
apron and the heels." I ran my hands down her body
and stroked her to make sure she could take me.
"Ugh. Edward." Her eyes met mine and I could feel
her heart racing under my hands. I shifted her right
over me and without another thought I plunged into
her.
She was tight and wet and the feeling of her around
me was even more intense than that of her mouth.
She threw her head back as she took in every inch of
me and I felt like I was going to come again. Fuck. I
had never been so turned on as to come twice like
that.
I gripped her waist and lifted her up slamming her
back down on me and she cried out at the depth I was
reaching inside her. I wanted to get her there. Fuck, I
needed her there after what she just did for me.
"Edward. Oh God!" Her head was back, her eyes were
closed and I could feel her hair brushing against my
hands on her back.
"Yessss." I groaned at the sight and the feel of her
around me.
"Fuck, Bella, let me hear you." I took her nipple in my
mouth as I continued lifting her and thrusting up as
much as possible. She clawed at my shoulders trying
to gain leverage and work with me. We were frantic
and needy and screaming toward our release after the
pent up tension from dinner.
"Oh fuck, oh fuck." She bit her lip and pressed her
forehead to mine, her eyes boring into me. "So close,
so close."
I reached down to press my thumb to her and at once
she exploded around me screaming my name, and I
thrust into her and joined her once again.
"Ugh. Jesus Bella! Oh Fuck Liefje!" I came again
hardas she clenched me impossibly tight inside of
her and I dropped my head to her shoulder panting.
Holy fucking hell.
I had never come so hard in my life, or twice like that.
Jesus Christ.
I pulled my head up to hers and ran my thumbs over
her cheekbones as I kissed her reverently. Her tongue
stroked mine and we were still slowly rocking and
bringing each other back down.
I wrapped my arms around her and clutched her to
my chest, not wanting to be separated from her just
yet. I couldn't think, I couldn't move. I was utterly
spent as I held her in my arms.
At last she sighed and kissed me lightly and brushed a
strand of hair off my forehead as she looked into my
eyes.
"I take it you liked dinner?" She asked with a smile.
I kissed her forcefully and pressed my forehead to
hers. "You have no idea."
She chuckled and climbed off my lap. She tugged at
my jeans and I lifted my hips as she pulled them down,
leaving me in my boxers and t-shirt.
She adjusted her apron and then patted my cheek. I
was in a daze, completely sated and lost in the
moment contrived by the sexy vixen before me.
"Why don't you go put on a movie and I will join you
with dessert."
"We're going to have dessert now? I don't know if I
can handle that." I pulled her back to me and wrapped
my arms around her and leaned my head against her
stomach.
She chuckled lowly and ran her hands through my
hair. I sighed and kissed her right over her stomach
and she giggled.
"I made your favorite. That's what the sauce was for."
"Cheesecake?" I gave her an excited smile as I looked
up.
She smiled widely and ran her hand through my hair
again.
"Of course."
"God, I really love you." She laughed again and walked
toward the kitchen after I lightly slapped her ass. I
blew out the candles and took the plates in after her as
well as the wine.
I went to put a movie on as she dished up the
cheesecake and poured the raspberry dark chocolate
sauce over top. I walked into the living room and
threw my jeans into her bedroom and stripped down
to only my boxers. She followed and set the
cheesecake and some more wine on the coffee table
before putting on a tank and some boy shorts. I
grabbed us a blanket and she curled into my side as we
started the movie.
But I wasn't paying attention to the movie. Instead I
was focused on the sexy, beautiful and surprising
woman in my arms and feeding each other the most
delicious cheesecake and sauce I had ever tasted.
I sometimes couldn't believe the divergence of the two
lives I led.
I sighed and pulled her in to me. Regardless of my
mission, regardless of Eliot or the connections to her,
I never felt as home as I did when I had her in my
arms and or heard her sweet voice.
She told me about her day as I did mine. I told her
about seeing my Mom and she agreed that it was good
for both of us. When I asked her about Masen and
Reycon she didn't know anything. But it didn't matter.
We ate and laughed and I asked how her tooth was
feeling. I tickled her when she teased me and kissed
her when she complimented me and brushed my
fingers over her cheeks when she blushed.
And I knew, as I had for the last month, that there was
no better distraction in the world than Bella. And even
more truly, there was no one, and there never could
be anyone else for me.
I would focus on my mission. I would bring it to an
end and then I would transfer to a different position. I
would put my undercover days behind me and finally
gain closure in my life, finally heal the gaping wound
that I had for too long. Because I knew, even after my
mission ended, after I decided what I wanted to do
and once I ensured she was safe, Bella was all I would
ever need.
~~~-~~~

Chapter 19 ~ And The Walls Come Crashing Down
Chapter Song: Phil Collins In The Air Tonight
BPOV
"Have a good day." I kissed him one more time before
he slipped out. "I love you."
"I love you too." He took a deep breath. "I'll see you
tonight."
"You will." I brushed my hand over his cheek and he
slipped out of the fire escape.
The last few weeks had been a bit crazy, but tomorrow
night was the big night. We were having the dinner
party at Carlisle and Esme's.
It was early morning and I wanted to go for a run in
the park before I had to be to Brooklyn for my final
class of the summer session. I knew I had a big day
ahead of me.
After our last class I was planning to talk to Angela
about the big reveal tomorrow night. Last week
Edward made the trip to Brooklyn to talk to her about
revealing their identity to his family. She was actually
relieved and agreed to it. She also thought it was time
to quit hiding it and get it out in the open. I think they
both realized they made a mistake in keeping it locked
up for so long.
To say that I was surprised when he told me was true.
But I was less shocked than I had imagined. As I told
him it was so much different now that I knew him. I
still didn't know what to think of Eric, but having
heard his perspective on it, including the fact that Eric
regretted his actions immensely, I started to see it all
in a different light.
But something nagged at me about the situation as
well. I couldn't quite figure out why Eric would want
to keep it such a secret. I could understand Angela's
intentions more, but not necessarily Eric's.
Nonetheless, I wanted to help Edward in any way that
I could. I was going to pretend to be "friends with
him" when I spoke with Angela today and let her know
what his plans were for telling his family.
Of course tomorrow night would be entirely different.
We were planning a dinner party in Alice and Jasper's
honor at 7:00. Once the celebration cooled a bit,
Edward was planning to come over to surprise his
family and give them the news. Later, Angela and
Eliot, as well as Ben, would drive over from Brooklyn
so that they could all meet.
But of course we weren't going to reveal our
relationship to them. I agreed with Edward, there was
no sense in telling more people until we knew what my
connection was to the investigation. Not to mention,
we thought it would be enough drama and surprise for
one night to introduce them to Eliot. So we decided to
simply act as friends that made dinner at Alice and
Jasper's one night and got to talking about my
volunteer work only to find out that I knew Angela.
It was a fail proof plan right?
Things had quieted down on the "connections" front,
but Edward was still wary. I hadn't seen James in over
a month, nor did I have any run-ins with Alec or
Demitri. Nevertheless Edward obtained a panic
button for me through the FBI. He had it programmed
so that I could hit it in case I was ever attacked. It
would automatically send out a 911 call and signal to
my location. I knew he was worried, so I didn't want to
argue, even though I thought it was a bit of overkill.
But I had to admit the connections were very strange
and very hard to ignore.
I continued to receive flowers and I still didn't know
what to make of them. Our interns' last week was the
next week and I was curious to see if they would stop.
Tyler and Mike still tried to flirt with me and the girls
all snickered every chance they got, which led me to
believe they were behind it.
Even so, the flowers were still strange and had odd
meanings.
On the 15th I received red tulips. I once
again looked it up to find a vague and ill-
fitting meaning:
Red Tulip- Believe me, declaration of love.
I really didn't know what to make of them.
Part of me also wondered if the person
sending them even knew the meanings. But the
problem was some of the flowers were so abstract and
unusual to be sent as flowers that they almost had to
know the meaning.
I quickly changed into my running clothes and
grabbed my iPod. I clipped my panic button to my
shorts and headed out the door.
As I ran I thought about Edward. He had come so far
in the last few months. After he told me about Eliot
and then seeing his Mom a few days later, I knew how
much progress he had made. He was finally letting go.
He was finally moving to a place where he could
remember his brother and be sad but also hopeful and
not let it crush him like it had for so long.
I could see it reflect in so many other ways as well. He
was, as always, caring and passionate. But I got to see
his playful side more and more and I loved it. I truly
loved everything about him. I couldn't imagine my life
without him even if what we had still wasn't to be
revealed.
I honestly didn't care at this point. And for the first
time in my life I was thinking about things, truly
thinking about things like marriage, children,
building a home with him and creating a life together.
I knew he was going to be done with undercover work
after this mission and I had to admit I was ecstatic
about it. Although we hadn't broached the big
marriage and babies' discussion, I knew I wanted him
forever and he told me the same all the time. The way
he looked at me, touched me, I knew. I didn't have to
hear him say it because our hearts and minds were
connected in a way I never thought possible. The
magnitude of the love I felt for him was indescribable.
This was why I was going along with his strict
instructions to always have my phone and now carry
the panic button. I knew I was an independent, and
forthrightly stubborn, woman. But to keep his mind at
ease, until the end of the mission, I would do those
few things for him because I loved him. I didn't want
him to worry. He was healing; he was doing so well
and I wanted him forever, the real him forever. So for
this short amount of time, I could handle it.
As I made my turn for home I thought about the next
two days ahead, wondering just what they would
bring. I didn't know how to explain it, but I had a
feeling about the meeting tomorrow night and I was
nervous. But I would always be there for him and I
knew he would be there for me. I just had to hope that
someday all of the clouds would clear and we could
move forward together.
--
"Hey Angela, is this box the last of the supplies?" I
hollered down the hall.
"Yeah Bella, Zafrina said to put them in the storage
closet across the hall." She turned and finished
carrying a box back to the office and I turned off the
lights.
We just finished our final class of the summer and I
was sad but also relieved to be done with another
session. I locked up the room and grabbed the final
box to put in the storage closet before making my way
outside.
Ben agreed to take Eliot to the diner down the street
for lunch while Angela and I went to the same deli we
went to for our first lunch. She and I had become
much closer since that day, and we had gone to lunch
and even hung out in Brooklyn a few more times since
then. She and Ben really hit it off and were head over
heels for one another. They were both quiet and
reserved but just seemed to understand one another
on a level no one else did. I was very happy for them
and a bit giddy about the fact that I helped play a hand
in it.
And Ben and Eliot were like two peas in a pod. I could
see Angela's eyes light up every time he played with
Eliot, or took him for shakes or picked him up from
baseball. He was the father that Eliot never had and
Angela was finally starting to feel like she wasn't so
isolated anymore.
I think it also helped Edward. After I told him about
knowing Angela, I explained what I knew of their
relationship. I think he was glad for both Angela and
Eliot, and also somewhat relieved. I knew that part of
the reason he was so weighed down by his decision to
keep it quiet was the fact that he was trying to replace
his brother. Now he didn't have to. He could just be
Uncle E.
I walked outside into the bright sunlight and waved to
Ben and Eliot across the parking lot as Angela strode
back over.
"Ready?" I smiled.
"As I'll ever be."
"Don't be nervous Ang, it will be fine, I promise.
Carlisle and Esme are two of the nicest people I have
ever met and so are Alice and Jaspereven though
Alice is a little hard to contain sometimes." I chuckled.
She took a shaky breath and I laced my arm through
hers as we walked towards the deli. We sat down with
our usual sandwiches and sodas and started to talk
about the plans for the following evening. Angela
began to relax a bit when she knew how we were
proceeding with everything. I assured her it would be
fine and that I would be there to help her. She seemed
curious about how I knew Edward, but I sidestepped it
as much as possible and she didn't push it. Someday I
would tell her. Angela was becoming a close friend
and I didn't like to lie to her.
Once we said good-bye I made my way down to
Charlie's after I stopped at the corner store for some
groceries and some beer and wine. I was hoping to
spend the afternoon with him and maybe make him
some meals to freeze for the next few weeks.
I knew he and Sue were still dating and she came over
a few nights a week, so I didn't have to completely
cook for him. But I still enjoyed the time with my Dad
and helping him out in any way that I could.
I knocked on the front door before I opened it and
stepped inside.
"Dad?" I bellowed, but I didn't get a response.
I walked through the house towards the kitchen and
finally to the back door. I could hear his voice and I
stopped when I saw him sitting on the back step on his
cell phone arguing with someone on the other end of
the line.
"Dave, I know. You don't have to tell me that." Charlie
said.
The other person spoke and Charlie grunted and
harrumphed a few times into the receiver.
"Dave. I've been documenting everything. The strange
hours, the use of police property, the tips we've
gotten. Eventually we'll have to let the FBI take it, but I
just have to be sure."
FBI?
Of course my ears really perked up with that.
"Mmmhmm." He sighed and scratched the back of his
neck. It was Charlie's little irritated gesture.
I knew I shouldn't be listening, but I wasn't sure how
to interrupt either. Plus I was very curious as to who
he was talking about.
"YeahI think a lot of moneyno, I don't know how
he got mixed up with them, but I have a guess."
"Mmmhmmyesfinewell it wouldn't be the first
time that son-of-a-bitch has messed up someone's
lifeMmmhmm..okay let me know what you find
out."
Okay, time to leave now. I stepped back toward the
kitchen forcing myself to break away before my father
knew I was listening. I began to unpack the groceries
when I heard the back door clang and Charlie's shoes
on the hardwood floor.
"Hey Bells. I didn't hear you come in." He stopped in
the doorway a bit nervously.
"Hey Dad. I just got here. I thought I could make you a
few things that you can freeze." I smiled.
"Uhthanks. I'm gonna go take a shower. I just got
home not too long ago." I noticed he had his work
clothes on and must have gone into the office.
"Dad, since when do you have to work on the
weekends?"
"Yeah, well, I guess being the Captain I have a lot
more paperwork." He grumbled. "Especially these
days."
"Something going on?" I asked trying to hide my
curiosity.
He blew out a breath before he scratched the back of
his head again.
"WelluhI'm afraid we have a couple of rogue cops
in our precinct." But he said it without looking at me
and I just nodded.
"You want to talk about it."
"Nah. I'm gonna shower and I'll be down in a minute."
I smiled and turned back to the groceries and thought
about what he said. Charlie rarely swore and he called
someone a SOB earlier. I knew his job was much more
demanding now that he was the Captain, but he
seemed suited to it. Charlie didn't get too worked up
over anything. He always had an even keel. Which was
good, considering his precinct consisted of old Italian
and Irish working class families, Puerto-Rican
Americans, Eastern European, Chinese and several
other nationalities of immigrants in one very small
and diverse area. Tensions could run high now and
then.
I set to making my Grandma Swan's red sauce so that I
could put together a pan of lasagna and some
meatballs for the next few weeks. I let my mind
wander to Brad and going to my Grandma's after
school and the boys down the street. Grandma Lucy
always had milk and cookies for us after school and I
would often help her cook dinner while Brad played
outside with Jacob, Jared and Sam. My Grandma
spoke broken English as she came over from Italy
after the Second World War
Her name was Luciana Rinaldi, until she met my Irish
grandfather and became a Swan. She was beautiful
with dark soulful eyes and a bright smile. She was
widowed at the age of twenty-seven with two young
boys, my father and his brother. She supported them
with her work as seamstress and out of my Grandpa's
retirement fund from the Army. They didn't have a lot
of money, but Grandma Lucy had the biggest heart
and she loved to share it with everyone, especially
through her food. She would teach me new things
every day after school and was the reason I loved to
cook and try new recipes. Even though she mostly
stuck to Italian food, her cooking was sensational and
I was able to transfer over much of what she taught
me. Unfortunately she died of breast cancer when I
was thirteen and I began preparing things for my Dad
and brother at home myself after that.
Thinking about my Grandma made me think of Brad
and Jacob. I was concerned with what Edward told me
about Jacob. I couldn't help but think of how
disappointed Brad would be in his best friend.
Suddenly I stopped dicing the tomatoes and onions on
my cutting board and my hand started to shake a bit.
Was my father talking about Jacob?
He was the Captain; he had to know right? I thought
about the conversation and what he said about the
person he was checking up on: reporting it to the FBI,
owing money, and knowing the "SOB" that got him
connected. At once my mind took off like a tangent as I
started to think about the possible connections.
Maybe Jacob knew someone from the organized crime
family, or knew someone who was involved with them.
But who?
At once it hit me.
Phil.
It had to be. I stood there staring at the kitchen wall as
my mind took me back over ten years.
"Brad, what's up man? Why did you come out here?"
Jake threw his arm around his neck as I noticed them
walk out on the patio. I was sitting in a lounge chair
reading a book by Phil and Renee's pool trying to get
the last little bit of sun of the summer. It was Labor
Day of my senior year and my Mom and Phil had
invited us over for their annual party. They were
inside getting everything ready for the guests who
would show in a few hours.
"Hey Bell." Jake eyed me and Brad elbowed him,
causing him to double over. "What the fuck man?"
"Keep your eyes off my sister douche."
I smirked at Brad and Jake shot him a dirty look.
"Whatever." He muttered and took a sip of his beer.
He was still finishing up his training to become a
police officer but Brad had been a cop for over a year.
"Hey did you see that Phil had three hits including a
homerun last night?"
"What the fuck do I care?" Brad growled. He did not
like our step dad but for some reason Jake and Phil
hit it off.
"Dude, even though I am Yankees fan, it's pretty cool
that your step dad is a freaking major league player.
He just signed a one year contract to be the Mets DH
for $2 Million. I'd love to make that kind of money
some day." He rubbed his hands together.
Brad rolled his eyes and tossed his bottle in the
outside trash can. "Get over it Jake, there's no such
thing as a quick buck, who knows who he screwed for
that."
"Brad!" I finally chimed in. I knew he didn't like Phil,
and he tolerated going over there for holidays, which
was a lot of the reason that Jake often came with us.
But he really needed to let it go.
Jake sensed Brad's tension when he looked at him
and then glanced back at me.
"So Bells, what are you reading? One of those hoity
toity chic books?"
"Yeah Jake, Pride and Prejudice is really hoity toity."
I rolled my eyes at him. He couldn't find his way out
of a box if someone opened the lid and tipped it over.
"Why don't you go you drool over Phil's baseball
stories some more." I teased him.
Jake scoffed. "I don't drool."
"Yeah rightyou're always all 'Phil what was it like
to play in the Series with the A's?' and 'Phil, what was
it like to hit 370?' and 'Phil'." He cut me off with a
noogie before I could continue in my sing song voice.
I laughed at him until I yelled "uncle" and he finally
stopped.
The three of us decided to get in the pool before the
guests arrived and Phil and Renee needed our help
with anything. We were hitting around a beach ball
when Phil came out on the patio.
"Hey Jake, you have a minute, I want to show you
something." Phil nodded toward the house.
Jake all but sprinted out of the pool and grabbed a
towel as he hurried inside.
"What's that all about?" I turned to Brad after he
closed the door.
"Who the fuck knows? You know Jake, the grass is
always greener" He trailed off. "C'mon Bells, one
on one volleyball." Brad spiked the ball at me and I
screeched, effectively changing the subject. I didn't
think anything else of what Jake and Phil were
doing
I pulled myself out of my memory and I realized I was
standing with a knife in one hand and an onion in the
other. My eyes were watering from the cut up onion
and I shook my head to snap out of it.
"Bella? Are you okay?" I turned to look at my dad who
had a concerned look on his face. I stared at him for a
minute until I realized I had tears running down my
face and I started to laugh.
"Yeah, sorry Dad, it's the onion." I held it up for him
and he chuckled. Then he thought for a moment.
"Um. I was kind of thinking Sue could join us for
dinner if you don't mind."
"Oh. Um" Damn, I was going to have dinner with
Edward tonight before he had to go to the club. But I
really hadn't spent much time with my Dad lately and
I felt bad.
"Sure Dad." He nodded and I went back to cutting up
the onion.
I quickly text Edward to let him know I wouldn't be
back in Manhattan until at least 8:00 and if he needed
to head out before then, not to worry about it. He said
he would just swing by "John's" and stop over before
they left.
I spent the rest of the afternoon making two pans of
lasagna, one for dinner and one to freeze, as well as a
chicken and broccoli casserole and homemade
macaroni and cheese. All of which I let cool and then
scooped into the twenty Tupperware containers I
bought my Dad for Christmas a few years ago.
At 5:00 Sue knocked on the door and I had just poured
a glass of wine and set out a beer for my Dad.
"Hi Sue!" I gave her a quick hug and she smiled. I
could tell she was still a bit nervous about the whole
situation, but I had known her my whole life so I
wanted to make her feel more at ease.
"Would you like a glass of wine?" I added.
"Yes, that would be great Bella." She smiled. I nodded
and noticed my Dad eye her cheesily and I had to
contain my giggle. They really were too cute, and
made a great couple. I was honestly happy for both of
them.
The three of us sat down to dinner promptly at 5:30
and Sue and I chatted as Charlie even chimed in now
and then. Even when we weren't talking we simply ate
in a comfortable silence. It reminded me a lot of when
my Dad, Brad and I had dinner growing up.
I noticed Sue was a bit tense and I saw her share a
glance with Charlie.
"Sue is something wrong?" I asked as I finished my
last bite of lasagna.
"Nowell, it's nothing to worry about Bell it's
justI'm a little worried about Jacob and Leah that's
all." She waved her hand dismissively. Sue was a very
private person so I didn't want to press her on it.
"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that." I said.
She took a deep breath and a sip of her wine when she
looked at me again. "Bella you should probably know
that Leah lost the baby. She had a miscarriage last
week."
"Oh I'm so sorry Sue." I put my hand over hers. Even
if Leah hated me, I really didn't have any ill will
towards her. "Please tell Leah and Jacob I'm thinking
of them."
Charlie sighed loudly and Sue shot him a look.
What the hell was going on here?
Then it struck me. If Jacob was the rogue cop that
Charlie had been talking about, then his activities had
to have been noticed by Leah.
And maybe even affected her?
Oh no, I hoped that wasn't the case.
I quickly changed the subject but categorized the
information for later. We finished dinner and dessert
until I said good-bye and went home to Manhattan.
Something was definitely going on with Jacob and I
needed to tell Edward about it. I thought more about
my memory and his potential connection to Phil.
Something just didn't sit right there.
I rushed into my building, hoping to catch the guys
before they left and caught the elevator to my floor.
I opened up my apartment to find the lights on and
music playing. It was the standard cue for when
Edward was here before me. He didn't want to scare
me so he always turned things on for when I arrived
home.
I stepped inside and my breath caught in my throat at
the same time a jolt of electricity raced through my
veins.
Oh Apollo. You really outdid yourself this time.
Edward was leaning against my breakfast bar reading
something in one hand and sipping a clear drink,
which I could only assume was Ketel One, with the
other. He had on a dark gray suit with a shine to it,
and crisp white shirt with the buttons opened on top.
His hair screamed sex as it was a tousled disarray on
his head. My mouth started watering at the sight of
him. I had seen him in his tux at the fundraiser, but
this was soArmani, and sophisticated and
justfuck!
"Well look at you handsome." I smiled at him,
realizing I had on my Yankees teeyeah, that Yankees
teeshorts and sandals.
"Well hello yourself beautiful." He smirked at me as
he stood up fully and sauntered over.
Seriously, it really wasn't fair that he looked like
that.
His green eyes were dancing with mirth as he wrapped
his arms around me and planted a kiss on my lips.
Oh he totally knows the affect he has on me.
He lingered longer than a mere welcoming and I
started to snake my arms around his neck and pull
him closer. He tasted sweet and fresh like peppermint
and Edward with a hint of vodka and I was getting lost
in his tongue stroking against mine. My hands began
to wander down his back as his grazed up under my
shirt. We were quickly rounding first base when he
pulled back and I whimpered.
He chuckled under his breath and I lightly bit at his
neck, knowing that made him crazy. He growled and it
was my turn to laugh as I could tell we were both a
little worked up from our exchange.
God the things this man does to my body.
He smirked down at me then and gave me a light kiss
before pulling away.
"Trust me, I want to Liefjebut I have to go with
Emmett." He ran his hand through my hair as I
sighed. "But I promise to make up for it later." He
whispered seductively.
"You better." I teased and put my hands on his lapel,
straightening it for him.
He laughed and tapped my nose as he stepped back. "I
just wanted to say hello before I left. I'll sneak in
later."
"Will you now?" I quirked an eyebrow at him and
decided I wanted to make him really eager to come
back tonight. So I closed the distance to him again and
wrapped my arms around his neck as I brought my
lips to his ear.
"You know that's my favorite" I said huskily.
"What's that?" His voice was hoarse and I applauded
myself in my head.
"When you sneak into my room at night and ravage
me." I lightly licked the lobe of his ear as his hands
gripped my waist and I heard a low moan rumble in
his chest.
"Fuck Liefje. I have to go to work and I can't have
this" He ground into me and I felt his impossibly
hard length against my stomach and gasped.
"distracting me."
"Well thengo work hard so you can come back and
playhard." I antagonized him.
"Hmmm. You don't know what you have started Ms.
Swan." He said as he pulled me into him and I was
drowning in the feeling of his lips on my neck and the
hard lines of his body against me. His scent
surrounded us and my body was literally quivering
with want for him.
Jesus, you'd think I took an aphrodisiac or
something.
Ok Edward in a suit equals an aphrodisiac
apparently.
I began to kiss him again, our tongues battling this
time as my fingers found his messy bronze mane and
he grazed the underside of my breasts with his
thumbs. Just as I was about to push him back against
the wall a loud knock banged out behind us and I
jumped.
"Bella! I know you're there, and I know what you're
doing!" Emmett boomed teasingly.
Of course he wouldn't say Edward's name or even
infer that he was in here, but nevertheless it was
funny. We were both chuckling at the interruption.
Edward took a deep breath and stepped back and I
instantly missed his warm body against mine.
He put his thumb and forefinger on my chin and gave
me a short kiss.
"Later." He whispered with a devious smirk and
kissed me again before he stepped toward the door.
Just as he was grabbing the handle and I was quite
apparently admiring his magnificent form in the lines
of his suit, he turned back to me and I blushed
immediately. He totally caught me and grinned
wickedly.
"Oh and Bella."
"Yeah?" I tried to compose myself as I looked at pure
sex incarnate before me.
"Wear the Yankees tee." He winked as he opened the
door and left.
Oh Sweet Mother of God.
Yes, whatever you say Apollo.
--
After Edward returned that evening we spent the next
two hours making up for our night apart. Sometime
around 4:00 in the morning we finally fell asleep only
to awake to a dreary Sunday morning only six hours
later.
I told him about what I overheard with Charlie and he
said that for the first time he had seen Jacob at the
club last night. Seth was pissed, and I was too now
that I knew about Jacob and Leah's troubles. I wanted
to smack him upside the head. As much as Jake
bugged me, he was still a childhood friend and my
brother's best friend. I felt like I should be doing
something about it.
"Mmmm. Mijn Zon, we should probably get up." He
nuzzled my cheek as his warm body pulled me close.
I sighed. "I know. Just five more minutes."
We lay in bed as I pressed my lips to his chest and he
ran his fingers through my hair. I loved the weekends.
I loved being able to sleep in with him and simply
feelconnected. I had never felt so close with anyone
as I did Edward. We could complete each other's
thoughts and sentences to the point it was almost
scary.
Scary, and thrilling and the best I have ever felt in
my life.
After a few more minutes of peaceful silence, he
kissed my head and shuffled out of bed. I admired his
perfect naked form as he walked to the bathroom with
his tatts displayed across his sculpted back. My eyes
wandered down to his taught ass as he closed the door
behind him.
Damn. I am one lucky girl for that.
I flopped back in bed. I knew part of the reason I was
prolonging getting out of bed today was the big dinner
tonight.well other than my perfect specimen of a
man that just climbed in my shower. But truly, I was
nervous about how the whole affair was going to go
down. I wanted to be there for Edward and I knew it
was going to be difficult to do that when we weren't
"outing" ourselves yet.
I needed to get up, but maybe we could have one more
round in the shower at least before he leftrelieve a
little tension before tonight. I quickly decided to join
himno sense in wasting water and all thatand we
quickly dressed and ate breakfast before he left for the
day.
"So I'll see you there after 7:00?" I asked him as he
gave me one more kiss good-bye.
He blew out a breath and nodded. I knew I needed to
be there for him, in any way I could, and that included
hiding my nervousness. I pulled him closer and ran
my thumbs over his cheekbones. He sighed into me
and I felt him start to relax.
"It's going to be fine Edward. Trust me."
"I know. This is just so oddand I can't explain it, but
I just have a bad feeling about today."
"I know. But I will be there for you, I promise."
"Okay." He kissed me tenderly and I melted into his
embrace. "I'll text you when I'm on my way. You have
your phone right?" He asked sternly.
"Yes, Apollo, I have my phone." He chuckled and gave
me one more kiss before he slipped out the fire
escape. "I love you."
"I love you too. It will be fine, I'll see you later." I
smiled reassuringly.
He nodded before he stepped out and threw his jacket
over his head to avoid the rain. The next time I would
see him we would be telling his parents and two of my
best friends some of the hardest news I've ever had to
share.
I just hoped they could take it as I did.
--
"Bella! It's so good to see you. I'm so glad we were able
to do this!" Esme pulled me into a hug as I barely
stepped in the door of their elegant townhome. It had
been redecorated since the last time I was here, but
that was only briefly when I picked Alice up for dinner
one night.
"I'm glad we could do this too Esme. I thought I could
just toss everything together here since it would be
easier than carrying it." I held up the bags of groceries
in my hands.
"Of course dear, come on inside and get of the rain." I
smiled and slipped off my shoes as I followed Esme to
their state of the art kitchen. Most kitchens in New
York weren't very big. I was lucky that the previous
owners of my condo enjoyed cooking and renovated to
make my kitchen bigger. But the Cullens had a state of
the art kitchen, perfect for moving around to make
large meals with multiple people. It was light and
bright and warm, just like Esme.
I began to pull out my ingredients and chatted with
Esme. She was really the sweetest person, although I
knew she was a bulldog when she needed to be. In a
matter of minutes Alice fluttered in and the noise as
well as activity level quadrupled, even though we only
added one person.
"Hey!" She gave me a quick hug. "How's your tooth
feeling?" She asked.
I grumbled. My stupid tooth. Last week I had an
emergency root canal after I finally went in when my
tooth had been hurting me for a few days.
"Did you do something to your tooth?" Esme asked
concerned. I quickly explained the situation to her
shrugging.
"It's fine. I had to get a crown and take penicillin and
the whole bit. Not fun trust me." I rolled my eyes.
"Enough about me, how are you feeling?" I smiled as I
turned back to Alice and looked at her now very
rounded belly.
"Ugh. I swear. I am still measuring huge. These little
ones are going to be monsters at this rate."
I chuckled. I was sure part of the reason Alice seemed
so big was because she was so tiny. But she did look a
lot bigger than seventeen weeks.
"Are you finding out soon?"
She grumbled again and explained that when they
went in the twins were positioned so that they couldn't
decipher for them. I was sure it was almost killing
Alice, but surprisingly she told me they were just
going to wait until they were born to find out now. I
was shocked to say the least.
We set about to making dinner and I was amazed at
how we worked alongside one another. We put Alice
to work chopping things since she couldn't cook worth
a damn. I felt at home and my mind instantly
wandered to what it would be like if I was truly a part
of the family.
Whoa, getting a bit ahead of yourself there Swan.
They don't even know about your relationship.
Just as I was thinking about it, I heard Edward's name
mentioned.
"Oh Alice, you should have seen himI'm just"
Esme shook her head wistfully as I looked. "I don't
know what's changed him, but he's like himself
again." She smiled.
"I know Mom, I haven't seen him since the end of June
when we told him about the baby, well now babies, but
he already seemed different then."
I turned my face down trying not to blush. I hoped
that I helped him, he surely helped me. I was also
waiting for the inquisition. I knew it was coming; I
could almost count it in my head.
"You know Bella; you never did say how well you
know Edward when we spoke at the Fundraiser?"
Esme inquired.
Shit.
I gulped. "Well, we made dinner one night when I
went over to Alice and Jasper's early in the summer, I
think he said it was his first week back" I trailed off.
She looked at me intently then, and I could almost see
the wheels spinning in her head.
"Did you know he's going to be done after this
missionwith undercover work?" She asked as a
small smile played across her face. "I should invite
you over for dinner sometime once he's done."
My blush grew to a shade of what I was sure was
scarlet. But before I could answer Alice piped up.
"Don't even try Mom, she's got some new guy in her
life that she's head over heels for and won't even tell
me about." Alice huffed.
"Ali?" I scowled.
"You think I don't know?" She raised her perfect brow
at me. "You better spill soon Bell I have been very
patient."
I had to laugh at her as she shook her paring knife at
me with her protruding belly under her apron. She
looked like a cartoon comic. Esme just shook her
head.
"Alice. I am not secretly seeing anyone." I finally said,
trying to sound exasperated.
"Whatever." She rolled her eyes. "Well, if you're not
then I agree with Mom, you should definitely meet up
with my brother. I could have lit a candle off of you
two the night you made dinner." She smirked at me.
Oh if you only knew Alicebeing around your
brother is like pouring gasoline on a flame for me.
Except it's my entire body.
"What?" She asked.
"Nothing."
"See, there's that look again. What are you not telling
me?" Her voice raised and all I could do was laugh
until Esme finally stepped in.
"Oh Alice, leave the poor girl alone." She chuckled.
Alice harrumphed and excused herself to use the
restroom.
At that moment Esme took the opportunity to lean
into my ear and whisper.
"Even though I must agree I think you would be
perfect for my sonand I couldn't imagine a nicer
young woman to add to the family." She patted my
arm and left to pull out her china.
I sighed shakily.
Shit this is harder than I thought tonight.
Luckily once they both returned the subject changed
from Edward and me. We continued preparing for
dinner as I looked at the clock. It was 6:45 and I
quickly went to check my phone to make sure I didn't
have any texts from Edward. I glanced outside and
noticed it was rather ominous. The clouds were dark
and a looming storm appeared in the sky. It had been
raining all day, but it looked like a pretty nasty
thunderstorm was brewing. I suddenly had a strange
sense of foreboding that I couldn't shake.
Well that's not a good sign.
I shook it off and as I walked back in I noticed Esme
on the phone and sounding concerned.
"Well is everything all right?" She nodded and I
assumed it must be Carlisle she was talking to.
"Will you be home in time for dinnerOkayLove you
too." She ended the call.
"Is something wrong Mom?" Alice asked as she was
setting the table.
"Ohthat was your father. He went into the office for
a few hours this afternoon. But apparently something
came up at work and he's going to be a few minutes
late. He said to go ahead and eat; he didn't want to
keep everyone waiting."
Alice shrugged and I helped them finish setting the
table as a loud whack sounded outside. The lights even
fluttered and I shivered a bit.
What the hell?
Just then Jasper came in the back door and the
doorbell rang at the front at the same time. Alice
pulled Jasper into a hug and Esme went to greet Rose
and Emmett.
But I noticed as Emmett walked in that he had a
strange look on his face as well. It was a look I had
only seen a few times, and generally it was when we
were sitting in my apartment at my dining room table.
This can't be good.
"Hey EmerrJohn. How are you?" I floundered and
he pulled me in for a brief hug.
"I'm okay. I might have to leave early though." He said
as he gave me a peculiar look. I just nodded, unsure
how to take it but it didn't seem good.
We sat down to eat and I could feel a strange tension
at the table. I had slipped my other phone in my
pocket, waiting for Edward's text. We ate and chatted
and asked Jasper and Alice about the twins as the
minutes passed by. But I began to get worried. It was
now pouring outside and thundering and lightning
loudly.
I looked at my phone again and noticed it was 7:30.
Something was wrong, I could feel it. I looked at
Emmett and he was tense as well. Rose eyed us both
suspiciously but tried to keep up the conversation.
They both knew about the big reveal tonight, which
was part of the reason for inviting them. Nonetheless
something just seemed off.
By the time we were plating the dessert at ten to 8:00 I
was almost at my wits end.
He should be here by now.
And where's Carlisle?
Should I text Angela and tell her not to come?
Oh my God, I hope something's not wrong.
Just as I was about to get up and sneak a phone call or
a text to him, the backdoor opened and a drenched
Carlisle walked in. But it wasn't the fact that he was
covered in rainwater, or stomping his feet on the back
entry that caught my eye. It was the fearful look on his
face that seemed as though someone had stabbed him
in the heart.
I happened to be sitting in the dining room where only
I could see him from my place at the table and we
locked eyes. I quickly put down my napkin and
excused myself to grab a glass of water and hurried
into the kitchen.
"Carlisle what is it?" I whispered as I looked at him.
He glanced into the dining room, apparently no one
else had noticed his entrance, and looked back at me.
He looked visibly shaken as he scrubbed his hands
down his face, reminding me so much of Edward.
"II just can't" He gasped and then looked at me.
"You need to go. You need to go to him."
Oh God. What happened? Has he been with Edward?
What the hell was going on? I had to know.
"Carlisle what's going on?" I said nervously.
"I can't tell youbut you need to go, I don't know
where he went." He shook his head as if in a trance
and slowly took a seat at the kitchen table.
"O-o-okay." I stumbled. "UmI'll tell them that I
didn't feel well or something."
He nodded with a haunted look in his eyes and I
quickly ran into the dining room.
"I'm sorry everyone, but I'm really not feeling well
all of a sudden. I think it might still be the infection in
my tooth." I feigned sick and Emmett's eyes widened. I
shot him a look and nodded and he instantly looked at
Rose.
"Are you alright dear? Do you want a ride home?"
Esme asked.
"No, it's fine Esme. I'm sorry I have to cut out on the
celebration, but please enjoy yourselves." I waved my
hand shakily, not having to pretend at the anxious
feeling or the sweat that was now forming across my
brow and the back of my neck.
"Oh dear, why don't you let one of us give you a ride,
it's raining cats and dogs out there."
"No really, I'll be fine. Thank you so much for
hosting." I tried to smile but my stomach felt like it
was in my throat and I was going to hurl up everything
I just ate.
I quickly grabbed my jacket, purse and keys and called
for a cab. As I waited I bid my good-byes to everyone
and they eyed me suspiciously.
The cab pulled up and I all but raced outside into the
storm and the now torrential downpour. As soon as I
was inside I dialed Edward. But he didn't answer.
Shit, come on, pick up Apollo, pick up.
I tried him again and still no answer.
Just then I realized that Angela and Ben were set to
arrive with Eliot in only fifteen minutes.
"Crap." I muttered and speedily dialed Ang on my
regular phone as I kept an eye on my phone from
Edward.
"Hello?"
"Angela. Don't come over. Something's
happenedII don't know what. I can't explain but
we can't do it tonight."
"Oh. Okay. We're in Ben's car on the way there but we
can just turn around."
"I'm sorry Ang. I'll explain later. But I have to go. I'm
really sorry."
"Don't worry about it Bella, I hope everything's okay."
She said sincerely.
"Me too. I'll call you tomorrow."
I clicked off the call and my knee was thumping up
and down in the back of the cab. I didn't know what
was wrong. I could only assume he would go to my
place, but I was terrified of what he found out.
"Miss we're here."
I nodded and quickly paid the cab driver and then
raced into my building. I didn't know what was
happening but I had a sick feeling in my stomach and
my legs were like jelly. I hurried into my apartment to
find it quiet except for the sound of the rain outside.
But it was almost eerie and threatening.
I flipped on a light and realized that it wasn't just the
rain on the windows, but the window to the fire escape
was ajar.
Was he already here? He usually put on the lights?
I walked over, with trepidation and called out to him.
"Edward."
No response.
Shit what if it's not him.
I fingered the panic button in my purse and stepped
closer.
But it was like I could feel him here, as I always could.
I called out again still not receiving a response until I
heard a low keening noise that sounded like it came
from outside.
But as I got closer I could smell the rain and hear
breathing that sounded almost like wheezes.
I pressed my forehead to the glass and covered my
eyes from the lightning.
Yet all of a sudden a bolt flashed across the sky
revealing an alarming site and I gasped as my hands
flew to my mouth.
"Oh my God!"
--
EPOV
"Seth, E, we need to be on the look-out from here on
out. I have a bad feeling that things are getting
sketchy." McCarty asked.
I nodded emphatically at them. I was hoping if I
pretended to be listening that they wouldn't notice
that I wasn't completely distracted and had a massive
hard on after leaving Bella's place.
"E you okay?" Emmett eyed me quizzically.
"Fine. Yup. Peachy. Great." I nodded.
"What the fuck man? What agent uses the word
'peachy'? That sounds like something my Grandma
says." McCarty said then.
"Fuck off Boston." I shot him a look and he laughed
and shook his head.
"Motherfuckerand I was just joking when I yelled
through the door."
I punched him in the shoulder before we made our
way through the back door to Dawnbreak. It was nice
to joke around again, but we needed to get down to
business. And I seriously needed something else to go
down before I could concentrate.
Damn sexy girlfriend.
I took a deep breath as we made our way to the VIP. I
had two assignments in the last two weeks, one of
which I was unusually contacted about when I was at
the club. It was strikingly similar to Romania and I
couldn't help but think that it meant I had gained
favor with the brothers. The other was a low level
druggy and dealer from the Bronx.
I strode into the back room and instantly noticed
someone I hadn't seen in a while.
James Raven.
I ducked behind Emmett. Although I didn't think he
got a good look at me the night I took him out at
Bella's, I needed to make sure. We quickly made our
way to the VIP before Felix or someone else could
corner us and grabbed our regular table.
We ordered our drinks and from our vantage point I
saw Laurent and Raven come out and grab a table
across the way as well. They were eyeing the dance
floor like a couple predators and I couldn't help the
disgust that turned up in my mouth. Just as Kristina
and Senna made their way over I noticed another
group of men walk in.
The Buxton Group men.
Phil was there and I was instantly suspicious of him
after what Bella told me. But also I noticed that the
Reycon exec saddled up to their table promptly as
well.
What the hell? It must be the night tonight.
I couldn't figure out the connection between them all,
but I had to admit I had a sneaking suspicion that it
was what Ivanova said. I felt like there was one link,
or one person or organization connecting them all
together. They just didn't seem like they had anything
in common otherwise.
I could tell Seth and Emmett were taking in the scene
as studiously as I was. It was then I noticed Raven get
up to go to the back. He had a large scar on his
forehead and appeared to be walking stiffly. Even
after over a month.
That's right fucker. You will never touch my girl
again.
I couldn't help but be a bit smug about that; though I
still wanted to kill him. He was the first person I ever
wanted to killand the thought both scared me and
gave me a sense of protectiveness I had never
experienced.
"Ewe have a visitor. 2:00." McCarty gestured.
Unfortunately Kristina was saddled up to Emmett and
Senna was next to Seth which left me for our visitor.
Gianna.
Shit.
"Hello boys. Would any of you care to see the
merchandise tonight?" She said all too sweetly in her
thick accent.
I had never been outright offered to see the girls. I
didn't want to. But I knew if I didn't go at some point
they would think something was wrong with me. I
swallowed thickly and glanced a look at Emmett and
Seth and they both nodded solemnly. Kristina and
Senna just looked at Gianna with fear in their eyes. I
knew they didn't want to be around any of it if they
could avoid it. So I mustered up the best response I
could and at least hoped that I would find something
out when I was down there.
Fuck.
"I'll join you Gianna. Although I have to admit I'm not
usually one for the merchandise." She turned to me
and a small smile played across her face as she put her
hand on my arm. I had to fight off the urge to rip it
away from her.
"Well, well. I was wondering when you would finally
join us."
Fuck. I knew they paid attention to that kind of shit.
Now I had to make sure I didn't get roped into
anything.
I gave Emmett and Seth a glance before I followed her
through the back room and down a long hallway. I had
never been in this part of the club before. But this was
the definition of undercover work: going to shady
parts of places no one else wanted to be to find out
information.
As I arrived at the room I noticed six doorways. I
cringed at the thought and stepped into one. It
smelled like sex, and alcohol and cleaner fluid. I
wanted to vomit instantly.
Just as I stood there, refusing to sit on the chair
because God only knows what had happened there, a
light shone from the other side of the glass. I tried to
see into some of the other rooms but I couldn't. I knew
how this worked, generally. Certain girls were up for
the night whereas others were up for more extensive
"contracts."
Contract. You couldn't call it a contract because that
would require a meeting of the minds and an
exchange of two things which the parties determined
were equal.
In this case there was no exchange, only takings.
I shuddered as I watched girl after girl get paraded
across a dimly lit floor as buyers bid on them. None of
them could have been older than sixteen or seventeen
and a few looked so young I wanted to tear down all of
the booths and kill the bastards inside.
The last one was very young and looked even more
terrified than the rest. I was finally fed up with being
down here and I knew I probably should at least make
one bid.
But as I bid on the girl I was continually outbid by the
booth to my right. He apparently really wanted her,
and that made me even more disgusted and
infuriated.
When the last second came I swooped in to bid and
nabbed the girl, at least for the night. I didn't know
what that entailed, but surely with me it wasn't going
to be what she or anyone else thought.
As I exited the booth I decided to at least try to make
this vile trip worth my while and find out some
information. I nodded to Gianna and she sauntered
over to me in her skin tight leopard print dress.
"Emildid you see something you liked?" She
wrapped her hair around two fingers and tried to give
me a pouty look.
Again. Bile.
"Yes. But I was curious as to who I was bidding
against?" I asked.
"Oh you know I can't disclose that Emil" She trailed
off. But then she eyed me hungrily and stepped
forward and put her hands on my lapel. It was right
where Bella stood only hours before and instead of
feeling lustful I felt dirty and violated.
I wanted to step back but I knew I couldn't.
"C'mon Gianna. Just one hint, I thought I'd maybe
give the girl up if he gave me a good price." I gave her
a smirk, hoping to use some of my practiced charm on
her.
She smiled at me seductively again and leaned in. I
could smell something overpowering on her, like she
bathed in cheap perfume. "I'll see what I can do." She
purred and her breath made me shudder, but not in a
good way.
I stood there and sipped my Tuica as it burned my
throat. I knew the rooms each had private entrances
as it was important to keep anonymity.
Wouldn't want anyone to know what we're up to
down here now would we?
I sighed as I waited for her return and looked back in
the booth. Other than the chair there was a small
couch and small table with drawers. We had
complimentary drinks and water, but I walked over
curious as to what was in the drawers.
**I pulled open the top drawers to find a stock of
condoms, lube, and what appeared to be some clamps
and plugs. I sighed as I tried to determine if I even
wanted to look in the second, larger drawer. I
swallowed the last of my Tuica and opened it up and
stopped.
Fucking hell.
It was filled with what appeared to be whips, chains of
some sort, rope, blindfolds and a paddle. The thought
of what some of the girls might be subjected to make
me almost throw up on the spot. I quickly shut the
drawer and turned away.
Jesus we have to take these fuckers down.
I pinched the bridge of my nose and steeled my
resolve for Gianna's return. Once my breathing
steadied I noticed her at the entrance and I nodded.
"Mr. K does not want to indulge your offer." She
stated. "Would you like me to bring number eleven?"
Fuckers don't even refer to them with their names.
I nodded, again pushing down the bile in my throat.
As I waited I looked around the room and tried to will
away the thoughts of what had occurred in there.
Gianna appeared once again with the terrified girl at
her side. She was scantily dressed and looked like she
was freezing. She honestly couldn't have been more
than fourteen and was maybe 90 lbs. Someone,
probably one of the older girls, had put a lot of make-
up on her face and curled her hair.
I nodded again to Gianna and she closed the door
behind her as the terrified girl walked forward.
I really didn't want to touch anything, but at least I
was wearing clothes. She looked so frightened. God
only knows what had been done to her up to this
point. Technically I had her for the next two hours.
She started to walk over and slip off the straps of her
dress.
"No." I said abruptly. Her eyes widened in fear and I
shook my head. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten
you." I reached my hand out for her and she flinched.
"I'm not going to hurt you. Can you understand what
I'm saying?"
She nodded and I motioned for her to sit on the couch.
I walked over to the table, shuddering at what I knew
was inside and grabbed a bottle of water.
"Here." I handed it to her and she gaped at me.
"I don't wantthat." I said to her and she looked at me
like I was crazy. She must have spoken English
because she seemed to understand me.
I sat down beside her and ran a hand through my hair
as she lifted the water and drank nearly the entire
bottle.
"Another?" I asked and she nodded.
She sipped the water this time and I was silent for a
moment.
"What's your name?" I asked.
"Marie." She said in the tiniest voice.
"Marie. I'm not going to hurt you."
"Okay." Her voice was so quiet.
"I mean. I'm not going to do anything. We're just
going to sit here okay."
Her eyes widened again and I looked at her. I couldn't
imagine if this was my sister, or cousinor god forbid
daughter.
"Where are you from Marie?" I took a sip of my water
and she shifted and shivered a bit.
"Are you cold?" She nodded. "Here."
I slipped off my jacket and she put her arms inside.
But as she lifted them I could see the marks around
her wrists. They were red from what looked like rope.
I clenched my jaw and wanted to kill whoever did this
to this poor girl. If I could have I would have wrapped
her in my jacket and carried her out of there at that
second. But unfortunately I couldn't.
I finally got her to talk to me once she realized I really
wasn't like any of the other men that bid on her and I
wasn't going to get her in trouble. She was fifteen,
from Poland and knew English from her schooling.
She was separated from a group on a school trip and
that was how she ended up here. I didn't ask her
names or places about how she got here, Ivanova
would handle that. I mostly wanted her to have
someone to talk to, to drink and to be warm and
comfortable for the time she was with me.
Before I knew it the time was almost up and I knew we
needed to make up some appearances.
"Marie, I don't want anything, but we should probably
make it look"
She nodded and handed me back my jacket. I ran my
hands through my hair, not that it would look a whole
lot different. Then I slapped my cheeks to make it look
like I was flushed. She acted similarly and shifted a bit
to look like her dress was messed up. After she was
ready I moved to exit the room. Just as I was about to
leave I heard her small voice behind me.
"Thank you."
My heart ached and I turned around to see her big
dark eyes looking at me.
"You're welcome Marie." I gave her a small smile and
walked out.
I feltmixed about the entire interaction. I was
disgusted by everything I found and at the same time
relieved that I was able to help the girl in even the
smallest way and for a very short period of time.
It was almost 1:30 by the time I made it back to the
table in the VIP. The club was in full swing and
McCarty and Seth were sitting there chatting quietly.
But as I walked up I noticed the pained look on Seth's
face.
"What's wrong?" I asked him.
He motioned to the table behind me and I turned
around slowly. Sitting at the table were Jacob Black
and Phil Dwyer.
"Son of a bitch." I muttered.
He sighed and clenched his jaw. I could tell now that
he was sitting very tightly in the corner of his seat and
he had Senna positioned so that she was blocking him.
"We'll figure out a way to get you out of here." I said. I
thought for a moment. I was ready to leave. I had
enough for one night and I just wanted to be in Bella's
bed, with her in my arms.
"Once I distract him, sneak out behind me."
I walked up to Phil and Jacob. I had to admit that I
was curious to see the man who was supposedly in
love with Bella for years. As soon as I got closer I
heard them speaking.
"Phil, I just need a bit more to cover it and I'm done."
"I can't Jacob. I'm sorry. I don't have anything"
He glanced around and I stepped in, making sure to
block Jacob's view behind me.
"Excuse me are you Phil Dwyer?" I asked him.
He looked at me surprised. "Erryes. What can I do
for you?"
I gave him my best New York accent and offered my
hand. "Just wanted to meet the man that hit 370 one
year. I remember that home run you hit in game six of
the Series." I smiled.
He looked relieved and shook my hand quickly. "Well.
I better be on my way." I nodded and turned back
toward our table. I saw that it was empty and smiled
at them. Jacob eyed me suspiciously but I just
shrugged. "Nice to meet you."
Phil looked at me and I smiled again and left through
the back. I was sure he had seen me here before, so I
didn't think it was a problem. Nonetheless it was
interesting that he and Jacob were together at the
club.
I sidetracked and made my way to Bella's in the dark
of the night. McCarty and Seth were planning to come
to my place tomorrow to discuss everything that went
down at the club. I felt a strange sense of foreboding,
like something I heard or saw tonight was a tip. I
thought through everything but I couldn't decide what
it was.
As I slipped into Bella's place I was once again met
with warmth and the scent of her everywhere.
Home.
At least it felt like it. It was the closest thing I had to a
home in years. I stripped out of my suit and made my
way to the bathroom to brush my teeth and freshen
up. I downed a glass of water so I wouldn't be hung
over from the Tuica and finally pulled the covers aside
to climb in next to Bella.
"Hey." She whispered.
"I'm sorry to wake you." I kissed her cheek and pulled
her to me.
"Of course not." She turned into me and I could see
the gleam in her eye.
Okay so she was definitely awake.
"BesidesI was hoping to pick up where we left off
earlier." Her voice was gravelly in my ear and I could
feel the strands of her hair and her fingers tickling
down my chest.
"Were you now?" I grinned at her devilishly and she
smirked.
"Oh yeah."
"Well then, where were we?" I started to grab her but
she pulled the covers back and climbed on top of me.
She was still wearing the Yankees tee, but with a tiny
pair of panties and no bra.
"Jesus Leifje."
I crushed her to me and covered her mouth with mine
as we lost ourselves in one another in the middle of
the night.
--
After I left Bella's I hurried home so I could hit the
gym and then meet up with McCarty and Seth. By the
time they arrived at my place at 2:00 I was running
over everything in my mind from last night. I was
nervous about tonight and the meet with my family
and Eliot, but at the same time I had a strange sense of
apprehension and I couldn't place it. I just couldn't
decide if it had something to do with the prior night or
the night ahead.
McCarty and Seth rolled in with pizza and we set to
work for the next couple of hours recapping the night
before. While I had been downstairs they saw James
and Laurent leave with a couple of Drac girls. Of
course then Jacob came and pulled Phil Dwyer aside
right before I came back. But most importantly they
said the Reycon exec came back shortly after I did,
which meant he likely went downstairs when I did as
well. I told them all about the girls and what I saw
below and they shuddered in a similar fashion.
"You know if anyone did that to my Rose" Emmett
trailed off and I nodded in agreement. The thought of
Bellamy mind couldn't even go there.
Seth's jaw clenched and I knew what he was thinking.
He had told me before that he was really concerned
about the fact that Jacob was around these girls, girls
who not by their own making could be disease
carriers.
"It was sick seriously. And then when I bid on the one,
the guy next to me kept trying to outbid me. I tried to
get Gianna to give me some dirt on him but nothing."
Then I thought of something. She slipped up last night
when she came back.
"Wait, she did say 'Mr. K' wasn't interested." I noted
as I pondered who that could be.
"You mean Kebi?" McCarty said.
"Is that who Mr. K is?" That sounded familiar to me
for some reason.
"Yeah. That's the Reycon exec we've been tracking. I
heard them call him that when I was there last week.
The night I flew solo."
"What's his first name, do you know?"
"Amun. Amun Kebi."
My eyes shot up as I looked at McCarty. I blinked but I
couldn't think for a minute.
"Areare you telling me the Reycon exec is Amun
Kebi."
"Yeah. Why? Do you know him? I thought you said you
didn't know him?"
Suddenly a thought struck me and sent me into a
tailspin. The sense of foreboding, the worry, the
strange things that I had been dreaming about and
remembering in the last few weeks all came crashing
down on me.
Reycon.
Eric.
Amun.
His boss.
"Fuck!" I shouted and I jumped up. That eerie feeling
was creeping back into my system.
No. It couldn't be. It just couldn't. Why the fuck would
Eric get involved in something like that? And he
wouldn't. He would never do something like that.
Even if he did it would have been unknowingly.
Right?
"E what's going on?"
I scrubbed my hands down my face and tried to get a
handle on the emotions running through my body.
Finally, I leaned on the chair in front of me and spoke
through gritted teeth.
"Amun Kebi was my brother's boss."
Emmett exhaled loudly. "No shit."
He looked at me and I just stared back. I was fighting
off the awful suspicion in my brain. He didn't say a
word. He knew. He knew how I got in the FBI. He
knew about my brother.
"Do you think?" He thought for a moment. "Is there
any way you could get into Reycon and see if you could
find anything.
I thought for a moment. I didn't want to involve my
family at all in my mission, but I had a ferocious need
to make sure Eric was never involved in anything bad.
I mean how could he be, that was over nine years ago?
It had to be a coincidence? And the analysts hadn't
found anything.
But I knew the sickening feeling in my stomach
wouldn't go away unless I found this out myself.
"I need to call my Dad." I finally said.
He nodded in agreement.
"I think it's best if we head out anyway. I'm going to be
there tonight you know."
"You are?" I raised my eyebrows at him.
"Yeah. B told Rose. I think she wanted some
additional moral support since she can'twell you
know."
I nodded, but my mind was elsewhere at the moment.
"You'll call me. Or let me know somehow?" I nodded
and Clearwater was silent. He knew exactly how I felt
at the momentor at least pretty close. The problem
was I didn't know what was really going on yet.
As soon as they left I threw on a hooded jacket, pulled
it over my head, and added some shades and a rain
jacket over it. I looked like the Unabomber, but I
needed to be as discreet as possible. It was past 4:00
and I stepped out into the street and the steady rain.
The sky looked dark and ominous, like it could really
open up any minute and I sped up my pace to get to a
pay phone. I quickly dialed my parents' home line and
my father picked up.
"Cullen residence."
"Um. DCarlisle, do you know who this is?"
"Uhyes, what can I do for you?"
Good he was working with me.
"I need to meet you." I thought for a moment for a
place that he would know simply because of me.
"Matilda's." I added.
"When?"
"Thirty minutes."
I clicked off the line and hurried to the diner that my
father used to take us kids when my mom had to work
on a project on the weekend. The owner's name was
Matilda even though the name of the diner was
something else entirely. I think she always had a bit of
a crush on my father, so we always got free shakes and
pie with our meals. We all just called it Matilda's
place.
I hurried to the diner and took a seat at the far end of
the counter and grabbed a newspaper. There were
hardly any patrons since it was the late afternoon.
Soon enough my father strode in and spotted me. My
Dad wasn't in undercover work but he was smart
enough to know that we couldn't really talk openly in
public.
I got up to go to the bathroom and waited for a few
minutes before I heard a knock at the door. I opened it
and he stepped inside.
"What's going on Edward?"
"I've found something outsomethingodd, some
strange connections." I blew out a breath.
"What kind of connections?"
"Dad, did you ever have any suspicions about Eric?"
My Dad's eyes widened and he dropped his head and
groaned. "Yes. Yes I did. I never mentioned it because
I didn't think much of it and I didn't think it was
relevant after he died. But I am pretty sure he had
some serious debts before he" My Dad trailed off.
"Debts?"
What the fuck did he have debts for? We all had more
money than we needed.
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
"Oh Edward." He sighed. "You always idolized your
brother so, but you never realized the troubles he had.
He wasn't perfect, no one is, but Eric just had a way of
getting himself into some jams he couldn't always get
out of."
"What kind of jams?" Now I was really getting
worried. Where could my father possibly be going
with this?
"He came to me that summeryou know before" I
nodded but wanted him to continue. "He said he was
in for some money with some friends. They had made
some stupid investments with what they found out
were some shady people and it hadn't panned out. But
I refused to pay it. I thought he should learn the
lesson. He couldn't use it from his trust because I was
in charge of the disbursements still. It was more out of
principle than anything."
"Do you know who these people were?"
"No. But when I asked him about it again he said he
had taken care of it. I just thought he learned his
lesson. I didn't say anything ever because I didn't want
to disgrace his memory.what's, what's this about
Edward?"
My mind was racing with this new knowledgedebts,
shady people, investments and most importantly what
friends? I immediately thought of something.
"Dad was one of the friends in it with him Alec
Masen?"
"Possibly. He never said but it would make sense."
"Fuck." I muttered. Then I thought of the next thing I
needed to ask him.
"He worked for Amun Kebi right?"
"Yeah?" He eyed me curiously.
"What kind of clearance orI mean what was Kebi's
role?"
My Dad thought for a moment. "Well, he's been
promoted since then but he used to be in charge of the
financials for our research facilities?"
My ears perked up at that. "Like which ones?"
"Well, the one in Pennsylvania for sure, and I think
the two in New Jersey."
At once my heart leapt into my throat. A million things
began to swim together all creating a dangerous
cocktail in my brain. I felt like my head was going to
explode with all the information.
"Edward are you okay?"
My skin was cold and clammy and I felt my pulse
quicken.
"Dad, can you get us in to your office today?"
"Sure, but can you go?" He raised his eyebrows at me.
I thought for a moment about a way around it. I knew
they had security stations and badges that they had to
scan. But before I could offer up an idea my father
came up with one.
"Here. Why don't we do this? You take my security
card, I can get one there because I know all of the
officers. But you can take the executive entrance then.
There's only one guard and if you take the stairs then
you will be less likely to see anyone." He handed me
his card and I didn't realize until I grabbed it that I
was shaking. I couldn't determine if it was in anxiety,
anger, fear or something else.
I nodded and we decided to meet there in an hour. It
would be close to 6:00 and we had to be back to their
place only an hour later. But right now, this was a
much more pressing issue.
I snuck out the back door of Matilda's and worked my
way to Reycon's new headquarters that were housed
in the Exxon Building at Rockefeller Center. I slipped
past the guard, who eyed me suspiciously but I had my
father's security card and I managed to take off my
sweatshirt so I looked semi-respectable.
As I raced up the stairs, my lungs were burning and
my feet were heavy by the time I got to the twenty-
second floor. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't
know what was true or not true anymore. I just knew I
needed some answers and today.
I crept in to his massive corner office that had
expansive views from which I could see St. Patrick's
Cathedral. I paced around aimlessly just trying to
wrap my mind around everything. I didn't know what
I was looking for or where to start but I had a
sickening feeling that something tied to Reycon,
specifically Amun Kebi and unfortunately maybe my
brother.
At last the door opened and my father stepped in. He
walked over to his computer and pulled up Kebi's
personnel file since he was still technically under my
father in the company.
Nothing appeared out of the ordinary. He obviously
had remarkable reviews and was clearly a very skilled
financial manager for the company. We began to look
through some of the projects he headed and worked
our way back from present. When we reached 2001
something leapt off the computer screen at me.
Lividol.
Kebi was in charge of the research facilities in
Pennsylvaniawhich meant he signed off on things in
developing Lividolthe Anthrax vaccine.
"Dad, can you cross-check Lividol with Kebi and
with" I swallowed. "And with Eric."
He exhaled and nodded. I could tell this was truly
concerning him as well. But I was holding out hope we
could tie this to Kebi and Eric wasn't involved in any
way. Surely he would never be involved in something
like this.
We were looking through records for the facility when
his phone beeped.
"Shit." He muttered.
"What?"
"I set an appointment alarm for dinner tonight. I need
to call your mother to let her know I'm going to be
late."
"Yeah. You better." I sighed. He looked at me
quizzically and called my mother briefly to let her
know he would be late. As soon as he hung up we were
back at the records and looking through each PDF of
invoices and documents related to Lividol that went
through the Pennsylvania facility.
Suddenly he stopped.
"Well that's odd." He stated as he squinted at the
screen.
"What?"
"These samplesthey seem rather large for test
product."
"What samples? What are you talking about?" He
scrolled down some more and I eyed the screen
precariously.
"But that's not" He shook his head.
"What Dad, tell me what's going on?"
"That's not my signature. And I surely would have had
to approve these for them to go through. They
required the utmost clearance as we have to get our
samples from the CDC."
I stepped closer to the screen and I felt like someone
put a vice grip on my heart. My chest constricted to
the point I thought I might be having heart attack.
No.
He couldn't.
Just
No.
But the signature on the PDF on the screen was
staring back at me in stark black and white.
I would know that signature anywhere, and whether it
said Carlisle Cullen or not I knew it wasn't my father's.
It was Eric's.
I swallowed and shook my head trying to will away the
absolute pounding that now set in.
"Dad, did you ever" I couldn't think. I couldn't do
anything. I put my head in my hands as I tried to get
the words out.
"Did you ever let Eric use your computer? Would he
have ever been in your office?" My blood was running
cold in my veins and my lungs were constricting in my
chest. I felt like I was freezing from the inside out.
**My Dad shook his head and thought for a moment.
He glanced back and forth at the files, his eyes dancing
unsteadily.
Suddenly he stopped. He stopped breathing, he
stopped looking. He juststopped.
"That morning." He gasped.
"What?"
"The morningof 9/11" My Dad swallowed and the
coldness in my blood reached my heart and it locked.
"Ithe...Oh God." He groaned. "I needed him to fax
me something because I was away in Philadelphia and
he went to my office for me."
"But wasn't he in D.C. the day before?"
"Yes but he was back that day." He whispered.
I swallowed again and closed my eyes. Through gritted
teeth I told him to look at the date on the invoice
before us.
I stood there rigidly until I heard all the breath leave
my father's lungs as he said it.
It was 9/11.
No.
I shook my head.
No.
He couldn't.
How could he?
But it all fit. His boss, the shipments, the access,
theforgery. Of our father's name no less! The father
who had done everything for us that he ever could.
Yet all of it connected. His comments about loyalty,
his comments about being good and not being like
him, and his comments about work.
Fuck!
How could he betray our father?
How could he betray our family, his country?
How could he betray me?
My mouth was dry and an intense pain ripped through
my chest and it felt like my heart was being destroyed.
The room was instantly spinning. I couldn't think, I
couldn't feel anything but yet I was feeling everything
all at the same time.
I gripped the desk and looked around like a crazed
animal. Somewhere in the back of my consciousness I
could hear my father talking to me.
No.
I just kept repeating it over and over again.
No. No, no, no, no, no, no!
"Edward, talk to me son."
"I can't." I rasped as the pain raged through my chest
and I stumbled backwards.
"II can'tI have toI have to get out of hereI have
to leave."
My eyes were now covered in a red haze. Before I
knew it my legs were moving frantically and I raced
out the door.
"Edward wait!" My father called after me but I was
already running down the stairwell. The blood was
thundering through my head and I wanted to collapse,
and scream and run all at the same time.
I didn't know where I was going. I didn't know what I
was doing. I just had to get away. I had to get away
from Reycon, from Eric, from everything I just found
out.
I tore outside into the pouring rain and noticed that
the sky was black as night and lightning and thunder
were crashing above me.
But I just took off sprinting. I didn't know how far or
how long or where I was, I just ran until I turned
down the complete darkness of an alley.
Mijn Broer. How could he do this? How could he be
involved withthem?
The rain poured down over my face, the wetness so
heavy I felt like I was drowning.
But I ran, my feet splashing through the puddles of the
dark Manhattan alley.
I couldn't think.
I felt like I was hardly moving, yet my lungs ached and
my mind raced as I ran faster and faster.
Gasping and fighting the heaviness, fighting the secret
destruction transpiring in my heart.
How could he do this?
What was he thinking?
This had to be a nightmare. I couldn't be living this.
My life couldn't be about this. Everything I ever did.
Everything I lived for.
For nothing.
Now I had nothing.
Nothing but her.
All I could think about, all I wanted was her.
I had to get to her.
But the only thing I could feel was the rain pouring
down on me. It wasn't cleansing; it was dark like soot,
like volcanic ash clogging my lungs and blackening the
atmosphere around me.
I couldn't see, I couldn't move. I could only think one
thing.
How could he?
Mijn Broer.
I'd done everythingfor him. I gave up my lifefor
him. I joined the FBIfor him. I sought for the last
nine years to avenge his death and for what?
Nothing.
A lie.
A secret and a lie.
I felt ruinedcrippled.
Everything I was feeling was killing me all over again
just like the day he died. I could feel the unyielding
pain and it was destroying me. It was a thousand
times what I felt when he died.
Somehow I found myself at the bottom of a familiar
fire escape. I had no idea how, or what time it was but
I climbed the stairs. My body was heavy with exertion
and drenched from the pouring rain.
I went to open the window but I couldn't. I couldn't go
in there without her there, because maybe then she
wouldn't be real either. I was crippled in my spot and I
slumped against the wall as a sob escaped my throat.
I just sat with the rain pouring over me. I couldn't feel
anything. I couldn't see anything. My mind was racing
so much it was blank. The rain continued to run off of
me as I sat there slumped and breathing heavily from
running all the way from the Reycon headquarters.
I heard small sounds from something but I didn't
know what.
It was all for nothing.
He's one of them.
I felt another pain rip through my chest when I heard
shuffling.
"Oh My God!" I heard a muffled cry and the window
flung open.
"Edward! Edward are you okay?"
Warm hands gripped my face as the rain poured over
us. I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. I couldn't even
look at her. I just sat there, frozen in the rain outside
her fire escape.
"Baby please. You're scaring me. Tell me what's
wrong."
A strangled sound left my throat as I tried but I
couldn't. I just leaned forward and pressed my head to
her stomach as she ran her hands through my hair.
"Please, Edward talk to me. We need to go inside,
you're soaked and freezing."
I was shivering violently. I had no idea how long I had
been out here. It could have been minutes,
hoursyears for all I knew.
Was she even real? Maybe she was a figment of my
imagination as well?
Suddenly her voice broke through my consciousness
again and I felt her tiny but strong and warm arms
around me, simply holding me.
"Edward please come inside with me. Please." She was
begging me.
With every ounce of energy I could muster I stumbled
up. She gripped me by the waist and helped me inside
the fire escape. The warmth of her apartment was
welcoming, but I was soaked to the bone and frozen.
Frozen in my heart, in my mind.
Frozen in time at nine years ago when everything in
my life was fine.
Frozen on the idea of a brother who betrayed me.
Simply frozen.
Somehow she draped her arm around my waist and
even with her small frame, shuffled me to the
bathroom. I just stood there, not seeing, not believing
what I could possibly have found out.
She stripped me out of my clothes as I was still
shuddering from the cold rain. I finally both smelled
and felt the steam from the shower. Before I knew it
she was out of her clothes as well and pulling me into
the shower.
But as soon as I met the heat from the water I had no
energy left. The last nine years, the last day took all
the strength from me and I crumpled to the floor.
"No. It can't be true. It can't be true." I sobbed and
repeated over and over trying to will it away.
I dropped my head into my hands as the water poured
over my shoulders. The warmth was doing nothing to
appease the coldness in my body.
But then strong, tender arms and legs swathed me and
I clutched her hands to my chest, breathing heavily.
She simply held me in the heat of the shower kissing
and resting her head on my back and trying to soothe
me.
Then a thought ripped through my body, she was
comforting me right over my tattoo.
A wail erupted from my lips at the thought and I could
no longer contain the emotions warring within me as I
began trembling again and rocking forward under the
shower.
"Baby, please talk to me. Please. Edward you're
scaring me. Please tell me. What can't be true?"
Her voice shook but her grip tightened as she held me.
At last with all the force I could muster I finally
whispered words I never could have imagined saying.
"Erichehe was one of them."
~~~-~~~




Chapter 20 ~ Rubble
Chapter Song: Pink Floyd Wish You Were Here
BPOV
"Baby, please talk to me. Please. Edward you're
scaring me. Please tell me. What can't be true?" I
implored him as he shook against my body.
"Erichehe was one of them."
One of them?
One of them like one of the bad guys?
Oh no! Oh my God, this was awful!
"Edward you meanone of the people you're
investigating?"
"Yes." He rasped. He was shivering and shaking, I was
trying everything I could to warm him but my mind
was instantly racing with what this meant.
His brother was everything to him. He was as close to
him, if not closer, than I was to Brad. He would do
anything for him and he was just finally coming back;
he was finally letting his true self show through again.
He joined the FBI for him.
He pursued his life in trying to make Eric proud.
Oh God, this was his worst nightmare.
"Oh baby, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." I squeezed him
tighter and pressed my head between his shoulder
blades. He tensed and I pulled my head back.
His tattoo. Oh no.
My mind was reeling. How could I comfort him? What
could I say? What could I do?
At once I reached around him and switched the faucet
to fill the tub. I moved to get up and he clutched me to
him.
"Please don't leave me." His voice was so desperate.
He sounded like a scared little boy, not the confident
strong agent that I knew. My heart lurched to my
throat.
"Oh Edward." I hugged him with everything I had and
kissed the side of his neck. "I will never leave
youever."
We sat for a moment as the tub was filling and he
finally relaxed a bit at the warmth.
"I'm just going to get up and get something to put in
the water."
He nodded and finally let go of my hands. I jumped
out of the steaming bath and quickly grabbed some
salts and some soaps. I poured them in around him
and then climbed in but he moved back and motioned
me to sit in front of him.
I stepped into the scalding hot water and he instantly
pulled me back and crushed my back to his chest.
"Liefje." His voice quivered and held me so tightly it
almost took my breath away. I let him hug me to him
for a moment before speaking. I knew how hard this
had to be for him, I couldn't imagine.
"Are youcan you tell me what happened?" I asked
him as I turned my head and rested it on his shoulder
to look up at him.
He shook his head "no" and I nodded.
"Okay. You don't have to say anything until you're
ready."
He squeezed me impossibly tighter and we just sat
there in the warmth of the water. I heard a knock at
the front door and Edward tensed.
"I'm staying here. I'm guessing it's Emmett and we can
talk to him later. Okay?"
He eased his grip a bit and kissed my hair, breathing
me in as I folded into him.
It was ridiculously quiet as we sat there, I could barely
even tell he was breathing if I wouldn't have felt his
chest moving underneath me. Finally I reached up and
grabbed a sponge off the holder and lathered it up
with soap.
I turned to Edward and moved so that his legs were
beneath me and I was straddling his thighs. Finally he
brought his eyes to mine. The green was so dim and so
dark. All traces of the beautiful jade were hidden
beneath his agony. He looked so broken and my heart
almost shattered at the sight. I didn't know what to do
to take away his pain. So like I had on a few other
occasions I simply touched him with as much love and
compassion as I could. I started to run the sponge
over his shoulders and down his chest. I squeezed it
out, watching the soap and the water roll over his
muscles and then kissed him in each spot I left.
He closed his eyes and dropped his head as his hands
ever so gently stroked my back and pulled me closer to
him.
I scrubbed and kissed and caressed, trying to convey
through my touch the love I had for him, the empathy
I felt for him and that I would be here for
himalways. I wanted nothing more than to be able to
change it and ease his hurting, but I knew I couldn't.
All I could do was try to soothe him.
Suddenly he grabbed my hand and stopped it. Before I
knew it he tugged me to him forcefully, my chest
crashing against his and bringing me into his lap. His
lips found mine with so much force I could feel the
absolute need and utter despair behind it. He plunged
his tongue into my mouth as his hands gripped me
powerfully, down my back, to my behind and my
thighs.
My lips moved with his in vigor, trying to share his
need and his desperation. I thought maybe if I kissed
him harder I could pull out some of the torture and
bear it myself. I would have suffered it all for him if I
could.
He pulled his mouth from mine gasping and instantly
locked on my pulse point, working his feverish lips up
my neck behind my ear and back. He lifted my face
with his hands and pressed his forehead to mine and
the look in his eyes almost took my breath away.
"What do you need Apollo, please tell me what I can
do?"
He opened his mouth and then closed it and
swallowed. He closed his eyes as he wrapped one arm
around me squeezing me even more tightly to him and
kept the other on my face. When he reopened his eyes
I knew what he needed. He needed to be loved, to be
cared for, to be needed, toforget. It was the same
look he had the first time he came in the middle of the
night except a thousand times stronger. And I wanted
to immediately be everything for him.
"You need me." I said before he could answer. I
swallowed again and he kissed me and nodded with
his forehead pressed to mine.
"You have mealways. Edward you always have me. I
love you so much."
He let out a strangled sound as he clutched me to him
and I tipped his head back to bring his eyes to mine
once more.
"I'm yours remember. I'm yours and you're my
Apollo."
"I'm not" He whispered.
"Shhh. It's okay. You don't have to say anything." I
grasped his face in my hands.
He shook his head, utterly broken, like rubble from
the aftermath of a battle, I felt like he could crumble
in my hands.
I knew I had to put the pieces back together.
"You are. You are my Apollo, you are my God, you are
so very good and whatever he didit's not your fault."
I brushed my lips over his and he trembled again. I
kissed down his neck and gently traced my lips over
his collarbone. I grazed my fingers over his shoulders
and kissed a trail across his chest and back up to his
lips.
His eyes were closed and I gently kissed his eyelids,
his cheeks, his jaw, his chin, his forehead. I wanted
him to know how much I loved him and how truly
good he was.
"What do you need? Tell me please."
His hands dropped to my waist and I could feel him
against my thigh.
"I needI need you Liefje." He rasped.
"And you have mealways." I pressed my mouth to
his again and moved over him. In one motion I took
him inside of me and we both shuddered at the
contact.
"OhLiefje." It was want and pain and desperation.
And I wanted to heal him, take the pain for him, and
just as desperately show him how much I loved him.
Slowly I rocked against him and he held me ever so
closely, even water couldn't permeate our connection.
I just kissed and rocked and did anything I could to
make him feel good. He splayed his fingers firmly on
my back and then down my curves and back up again.
He moved them over and over in a sweeping motion,
as if he was feeling me to see if I was really there. It
was powerful in its reverence, the way he was
caressing me and loving me with his hands.
He curled one arm tightly around me as the other
trailed up to my breasts and worshipfully felt every
inch of my skin. It was as if he was feeling me for the
first time as he palmed my breast. He grazed my
nipple with his thumb and I moaned at the sensation,
at the love and gravity in his touch.
At once his mouth was on me, and he was holding me
tighter, clinging to me like I was his life raft. His lips
were on my throat up to my ear and blazing a trail of
fire over my collarbone and down my breasts. It was
pure passion and essence as if I was air or water to
him. His hands gripped me almost painfully and
rocked me faster. There were no words, no sounds,
just us and the water lightly slapping against us and
the side of the tub.
I lifted up higher and then pushed firmly against him
and he groaned. His mouth instantly locked with mine
as our movements became frantic. Our tongues
battled in rhythm with our hips and I could feel the
tinge in my stomach spreading to my legs and up my
back.
He crushed me to him once more so that we were
mouth to mouth, chest to chest, hip to hip. His hands
were everywhere, as if he couldn't feel enough of me
at once. At last he thrust up strongly sending me into
intense climax.
I screamed into our joined mouths, but not wanting to
remove my lips, I kissed him harder as I rocked
against him once more and he cried out into mine as
he joined me over the edge.
We remained flush against one another, in the cooling
water kissing tenderly. He needed me, and I wanted to
be everything he needed in that moment. I hugged him
forcefully as he dropped his head to my shoulder and
his body shook against me. I could feel his tears trickle
over my shoulder and down my back but I secured
him to me, never letting go and letting him know that I
never would.
At last he shivered and sighed as the cold from the
rain earlier and the now cool bath set in.
I drew my head back and kissed him again and
stroked his face wiping away the last of his tears.
"I'm going to get us some towels."
He nodded and I kissed him and climbed out of the
tub to the now damp and chilly bathroom. I quickly
grabbed us towels and before I could turn around I
felt him behind me.
I stood up and looked at him and my eyes locked with
his. He looked so tired, so drawn and yet so adoring at
the same time. I stepped over and wrapped the towel
around him and he sighed and hugged me to him
again.
Oh my poor Apollo.
We wordlessly got ready for bed. I knew he probably
hadn't eaten anything, yet when I asked if he was
hungry he just shook his head.
I stepped out of the bathroom to grab my phone and
send Emmett a text. I told him I would call him in the
morning and that I had to take care of something
tonight. I was hoping he understood my cryptic
message.
As I strode into the bedroom I noticed Edward already
in bed, his eyes were closed and his beautiful hair was
wet and drooping across his forehead. I changed into
a short nightgown and slipped in beside him. But
before I was even completely in bed he pulled me to
him once again.
Yet this time I didn't curl into his chest like I usually
did. Instead I held him with my arms around his
shoulders and his head was lying on my breasts. His
arm was snaked around my waist holding me, welding
my body to his. I simply stroked my hand through is
damp hair and over his back waiting for him to speak.
I knew I couldn't sleep any time soon, but I would lay
here and hold him all night if I had to.
At last he cleared his throat and spoke.
"He forged my father's signature." His voice was
barely above a whisper. I just nodded hoping he could
feel me.
"His old boss is at the club all the time and he used to
be in charge of the products that went into the
research facilities. Heforged his signature for a
shipmentof Anthrax."
I tensed and clutched his shoulders.
Anthrax. Shit, this isvery serious.
"Sohis boss is connected to your investigation."
He nodded into my chest. And then like before, it was
as if a dam broke and he told me what he found out
today. He told me about Reycon, Eric's former boss,
Lividol, his involvement, the potential of bio-weapons
and his father's concerns with his investments shortly
before he died. He said the analysts would have to
check it all but I had to admit, it didn't sound good. It
sounded like he was somehow involved with the
people peddling biological weapons, the people
Edward was investigating.
I shuddered when the realization of the type of people
he had to be around everyday hit me. I couldn't
imagine some of the things he had seen and done. I
knew he was an assassin. I knew he killed people. But
it had honestly been largely in the abstract before
now.
Now, now it was so personal and struck me deeply. I
knew he was a passionate man, it was one of the
reasons I loved him, but that also meant that he felt
things on a level that many others didn't. He felt pain
on a level many others didn't and so I could only
imagine how much he was hurting over this.
He stopped talking and I continued stroking his hair
and his back trying to be there for him in any way I
could.
"I'm going to have to go in tomorrowto the Bureau
office here."
"Yeah. Do you want to talk to Emmett?" I asked.
"Not tonight. Ican't. I just need you tonight." He said
quietly.
I leaned down and placed a kiss on his head and he
hugged me tighter. At some point his breathing
evened out and he finally fell asleep, exhausted from
the day's events. I shifted and turned out the light and
held him closely as I followed him into the night.
--
"Bella I'm so excited for you to really get to meet
Laurent."
"Well, he's coming to my birthday right?" Kate was
over the moon for this guy, she met him at a party
with Alec and me about a month ago. It was so funny,
she was never like this. Alec didn't really like him,
but he said he didn't know him either. I thought it
was great that Kate finally met someone she liked,
she was always so picky.
I snickered to myself as Kate babbled on the other
end of the line. I was trying to get ready for my
birthday date with Alec and stumbled over a shoe in
his bedroom and toppled to the floor.
"Oomph." Damn that hurt.
"Bell are you okay?"
"Fine" I rubbed my toe and cursed under my breath
as I stood back up.
"What happened?"
"I just trippedbig surprise right?" I grumbled and
she chuckled on the other end of the line. I was
notorious for my clumsiness.
"Okay. Well I'll see you tomorrow at the happy hour.
Don't have too much fun tonight." She teased.
"Whatever. Ok. Bye Kate I'll see you tomorrow." I
rolled my eyes.
I slipped on my stiletto for our date and went to
knock on his bathroom door.
"Hey are you almost ready?" He had been acting
strange lately and I couldn't decide if it was from me
or something else. I had come over earlier in the day
so we could spend the day together before our dinner
out to celebrate my 22nd birthday, just the two of us.
The door opened and steam rolled out as Alec
emerged in his towel.
"Yeah. Just give me ten minutes. Why don't you go
have a glass of wine?" He sneaked past me without
hardly looking at me and I frowned.
"Okay." I said quietly. He didn't even say anything
about my dress. I even bought a new dress in red
because he liked the color on me.
I stepped out to the kitchen and poured a glass of
wine as I sat there looking through a stack of
newspapers on his counter. I noticed several circles
around stocks and gave them a glance. I wasn't much
of a day-trader I always preferred to simply save my
money or put it a low-risk mutual fund. I saved as
much as I could but it was hard in college. Luckily I
had my scholarship.
I knew Alec was much more savvy with his
investments. I glanced at the stocks he had circled:
VRC, RPI, MIH, and BBG.** I shrugged, I didn't have
a clue what those meant.
I started to open up the paper and lifted it up to flip to
the Arts and Entertainment section. Suddenly a white
piece of paper caught my eye as it fluttered to the
floor.
I picked it up and eyed it peculiarly just as the
telephone rang.
"Alec?" I called, but it continued ringing. He must not
have answered in his room.
"Alec?" I yelled again but then the call finally flipped
over to his answering machine.
"Mr. Masen. Please consider our offer as we
discussed. Be prompt for our appointment on the
22nd as we have several issues to attend to." The
caller clicked off the line and I wondered what that
meant.
Offer? What offer? Of course, he dealt with a lot of
people working in his father's business it was
probably something for a new project. I didn't know
the voice, not that I would anyway.
I glanced back down at the paper in my hand and
furrowed my brow. It was a receipt for a bank
transaction to the Banque Privee. I had never heard
of it before, but we also didn't discuss finances. We
had considered moving in together when I finished
college, but we definitely weren't to the point of a
financial merge yet.
"Hey are you ready to go?" He asked as he stepped
into the room.
I looked up and smiled. He was clean shaven and had
on a light blue shirt that brought out his eyes. His
hair was wet but curling on the ends and his faded
jeans hung just right. I instantly forgot about stocks
and receipts and anything to do with business in that
moment.
"Yeah. You look great." I smiled.
"So do you birthday girl." He smiled but it didn't
reach his eyes. Then he glanced down at the receipt in
my hand.
"Where did you get that?" He asked angrily.
"I'm sorry, I was just looking through the newspaper
and it fell out." What was his problem?
His eyes widened and he grabbed it from me.
"Sorry." He muttered without much conviction and
the immediately grabbed the paper and the receipt
and shoved it in the recycling bin.
"We should go. I don't want to be late."
Yes sir. What the hell? He was never gruff like this, he
was always easygoing.
Dinner was awkward and tense. I kept trying to
make small talk but his answers were short and
clipped. At last I asked him what was wrong as we
climbed into his BMW.
"Nothing why?"
"You've been acting strange all night and I feel like"
My lip trembled as I looked down at my lap.
"I feel like you're pulling away from me."
His expression softened and he grabbed my hand and
kissed it. "I'm sorry Isabella. It has nothing to do
with you."
I sighed. Obviously he didn't want to talk about
whatever was bothering him.
Just then his phone rang and he scowled as he
answered it.
"Alec Masen."
"No. I can't, I'm out with Isabella for her birthday"
He grumbled. "Fine. But I need to take her home
first."
What? He was ditching me on my birthday? What the
fuck?
He hung up the phone and scowled at it again.
"I'm so sorry Isabella. I have to go meet with my
father."
"Tonight? But why?"
"I can't explain it, I'm so sorry, I'll make it up to you
tomorrow. Do you want me to drop you at your place
or mine."
"Just take me home." I sighed.
I was suddenly startled from my dream by a scream.
"No! Stop. No, no!"
I jumped up and realized Edward was thrashing next
to me.
"Edward. Baby. Edward!" I shook him as I tried to
wake him up.
"No! She can't be gone. She can't be gone!"
"Edward! Edward!" I wrapped my arms around him
and pulled him close to me as I felt his body awaken
from his dream. His eyes shot open and he instantly
grabbed me and pulled me down to him.
"Liefje, oh my God you're here. You're here."
"Of course I'm here. Shhh. It was just a nightmare." I
tried to soothe him but he had me crushed against his
chest as he was covering my head with his lips. His
tense body was shaking and his breathing was
labored. But I felt him relax more as I wrapped my
arms around his torso and he breathed deeply. We
weren't in a comfortable position but I had to convey
that he was okay and that it was a nightmare.
"Edwardwhatwhat were you dreaming about?" I
finally asked.
He swallowed and ran his hands over my arms and
down my back repeatedly. It was as if he was ensuring
that I was really there.
"They took you, someone took you. I couldn't see them
and I couldn't get to you. But I justyou were
goneand Eric was there" I felt him shudder against
me.
"Shhh. Edward I'm here. I didn't go anywhere, I'm
safe. I'm here with you."
"Oh Mijn Zon." He sighed and then I felt him loosen
his hold a bit and I looked up at him.
He stared at me intently as a look of regret came over
his face. He brushed my hair back from my face and I
closed my eyes at his touch. We were quiet for a few
moments until he spoke.
"I'm sorryI'm sorry for scaring you andI'm sorry
for last night."
He had to know that he didn't have to be sorry. I was
afraid of this reaction from him and he had to know it
was okay. I had seen men who were seventy years old
and never cry in their life in my grief counseling
sessions. He had to know it was okay to break down
once in a while and that it was actually good for him to
get it out.
I pulled out of his arms and sat up and placed my
hands on either side of his face.
"Edward. Don't ever be sorry for coming to me. Never.
I'm here for you, for anything okay. I'll always be here.
You have to let it out. You can't bottle it all up inside
all the time." I whispered as my eyes danced back and
forth and I tried to get him to see how serious I was.
Last night before I fell asleep I knew that the one thing
I would have to work on was this. He was so drawn
within himself when we met and I knew that he would
instinctively go there again with the new revelations
about Eric.
"I'm sorry Liefje."
"Edward stop. Stop apologizing. It's not your fault."
I thought for a moment. "Do you remember when you
first told me about Jacob?" He nodded.
"You said people make choices that we can't control
sometimes. They don't make sense butit's not in our
hands." I shifted so I was up on my hunches staring
right into his eyes. "It's no different with Eric. You
can't explain it, and maybe he couldn't even explain it
if he was here. But you definitely couldn't control it."
He sighed and closed his eyes and leaned his forehead
to me. I leaned forward and pressed mine to his. We
sat for a moment before I said what I really wanted
him to hear.
"Edward, just promise me. Please promise me that
you won't bottle this up. Use it, let it drive you. But
please talk to me. I was so scared last night when"
My voice caught in my throat and my emotions from
finding him in such a terrible state last night poured
over. I had held it together for him and now it was
overflowing as well.
"Oh Bella. I don't ever want to scare you." He wrapped
his arms around me again and I put my head in the
crook of his neck and shoulder.
I took a deep breath. I wanted him to know he didn't
always have to be strong for me. He had to let it out.
He had to tell me. I feared if he didn't, especially now,
I would lose him. I would lose the man I had grown to
love and cherish over the last few months.
"Edward. I will always be here for you, and it's okay to
break down. It's okay to feel emotion, but I just want
you to know you can talk to me okay. You don't always
have to put up your faade Apollo; I love you no
matter what. But let me help you when I can."
I heard his breath hitch and we lay there holding each
other tightly in the early morning.
"What would I do without you Liefje?" He murmured.
"You don't have to think about that. I'm not going
anywhere. I'm right herealways." I kissed him over
his heart and shifted back. I wasn't sure what I should
tell him this morning. I could tell he was overwhelmed
but I knew I should tell him about my dream.
I decided to leave it for the moment and we lay there
until the light in the window became brighter.
I skipped my morning run and instead showered with
Edward and put on some coffee. He was quiet and
thoughtful, but he seemed better than the night before
and the early morning.
Once I emerged from the bathroom, I found him
sitting at the breakfast bar with a cup of coffee and the
Sunday paper I had picked up the day before. It was
then I remembered my dream.
I poured myself a cup and sat beside him.
"So, I had a strange dream last night too." I started.
He looked up and furrowed his brow as I recounted
the odd memory from my birthday.
"What do you think the significance is of it?" He asked
as he sipped his coffee.
"I don't know. I was hoping you could help."
"And you didn't know the voice?" I shook my head 'no'
because I had never heard it beforeat least at the
time of my memory. But it was nagging in the back of
my mind now, I felt like I had heard it somewhere
since then but I couldn't place it.
He thought for a moment. "Wait, what were the stocks
that you said you saw?" I quickly recounted them.
He closed his eyes and muttered under his breath.
"Fuck."
"What?"
"I think I know what those might be the call signs for,
but I'm not sure. I'll have to give it to the analysts
today. The thing about Banque Privee is interesting
too."
"What's Banque Privee?"
"Well, my guess is that it's a bank in Switzerland?"
"Switzerland?" I asked.
"You know. Not in the U.S., an off-shore or
something." He said with a strange look.
He wasn't telling me something. But that was fine. I
knew he couldn't tell me everything about his mission
and I knew that was also for my own safety.
I went to change and walked back to the kitchen
before leaving for the day. He looked up again and his
eyes softened.
"What?" I asked as I looked down. I thought maybe I
had something tucked in wrong or on backwards.
"You look beautiful Liefje."
"Thanks." I blushed and bit down on my lip as he
pushed off of the stool.
"Are you going to be okay?" I said as he pulled me into
his arms. He gave me a half-frown and I leaned up to
kiss him.
"Are you going in then today?"
He blew out a breath and nodded. "Yeah. I'm going to
stop over at Emmett's first though." I nodded.
"I'll be heretonight."
"I know."
"I love you."
"I love you more than I can say Liefje." He held me
closely and gave me another kiss before he stepped
out of my apartment and into the day ahead of him. I
didn't know what it would hold, but I knew I would be
here for him when he came home.
Home.
My home.
And I meant more by that than just my condo.
--



Lavendar- Constancy
Welldamnit.
I knew what this meant. It was August
22 and our interns last day had been
Friday.
Which meant it wasn't the interns who sent the
flowers, as I had been holding out hope that it might
be. I was afraid to tell Edward about it tonight,
especially with everything that happened yesterday. I
was still trying to process it all myself after I came to
work. I was pretty much useless all day. I just kept
going over and over in my mind how broken he looked
and how sad Carlisle looked when he came home. I
tried to place my dream, anything I could to fit
something together but I couldn't. I wanted to be there
for him, but I really didn't know what more to say.
I could only imagine how hurt and angry and scared
he was. If I had found out Brad did something like that
I would have been so pissed at him.
But the problem was, the thought wouldn't make me
miss him any less, and I was sure that was part of his
struggle as well. I just hoped this hadn't completely set
him back. He had come so far, and now he felt like it
was all for nothinghis career, his goals, his ideals,
making his brother proud.
I shook my head and tried to fight off the creeping
anxiety in the pit of my stomach. We never had the
chance to tell his family about Eliot last night.
Honestly, I didn't know when he would want to do it
now. If his father knew about Eric, then I could only
assume his mother would know soon enough. I
couldn't imagine dropping the bomb of a long lost
grandson on them, especially considering it was Eric's
son, right now.
I opened up my drawer and looked at the stack of
flower cards once again as I placed the latest on top. I
was completely confused and perplexed by it and I
could only hope whoever was behind it would show
themselves already.
I just sat down to dig into a new project when I heard a
knock at the door.
"Come in." I called.
"Hey." Jazz popped his head in and gave me an impish
smile. "You feeling better?" He asked as he eyed me.
"Yeah. Thanks Jazz." There was an uncomfortable
silence between us and I hated it. I had really pulled
away from my friends since I started seeing Edward,
but it was impossible not to with the fact that we were
secret and the intensity of my feelings for him.
Jazz walked over to my small table and picked up the
glass bowl I received after the fundraiser.
"Nice bowl." He looked at it closely and then set it
back down before he sighed.
"You going to tell me what happened last night?" He
finally said.
"Um." I hated lying, not to mention I was terrible at it
and Jazz would probably see right through me. "I got
sick." I shrugged.
He crossed his arms and stared at the ceiling for a
moment. "Bella, I tried to keep Alice from constantly
badgering you about who you've been seeing, but I
think she's right. What's going on? And why won't you
tell any of us anything? You tore out of there last night
and then Carlisle was acting all weird" He said as he
brought his eyes back to me. It wasn't often that
Jasper laid down the law, but when he did he had a
formidable stare.
"Jazz. I" I trailed off. How was I going to get out of
this one? "Look. I'm sorry if I haven't been going out
with you guys lately, I've just been working through
some issues."
"Is it James? Are you seeing him again, because so
help me God Bella."
"No!" I shouted and then quieted. "No Jazz."
He walked closer and his eyes looked pained. "Why
won't you talk to me Bell? Alice said she's hardly
spoken with you in a month, the same with Kate.
Please tell me."
"I just can't Jazzsomeday. But right now I just can't."
He sighed again and I felt awful for lying to one of my
best friends. I needed to do something. I needed to
make an effort. Even though right now my mind was
so cluttered with everything else I could hardly think
straight.
"Why don't we go out in the next week or two? Like
old times. I know Ali isn't really up for it but we could
hit that bar in Greenwich that always has the live
bands. What do you think?"
"I can't next week, we have that big project for the new
exhibit and then it's Labor Day." He exhaled. "How
about after Labor Day?"
"Okay that sounds great."
He got quiet for a moment and I bit my lip as I waited.
Finally he nodded and began to walk towards the
door.
"But you're really okay Bell?"
"Yeah Jazz, I'm okay." My boyfriend, your brother-in-
law, is not but that's a whole other story.
I cringed internally.
He nodded again and left and I took a deep breath.
This was really going to be very hard if I had to keep
this up for a year. My friends were already starting to
question things now. I knew the longer he was on the
mission the harder it would be to keep it quiet. And
the harder it would be for him in light of everything he
learned of Eric. I just hoped that Edward's mission
would end sooner rather than later. And not just for
my sanity, for his.
--
"Mmmm Apollo." I mumbled into his chest as he
settled into bed. It was late Thursday night. I didn't
know if he had been at the headquarters all day or if
something else came up with his mission but he wasn't
able to come for dinner tonight. He had been at the
New York office all day on Monday and then had to go
back in today.
"Hey. You can go back to sleep." He kissed my head as
I snuggled into him. He was always so warm.
"No. That's okay. How did it go today?"
He sighed and brought me closer to him.
"It doesn't look good. It looks like he did make some
strange investments around that time and so did Alec.
It might have something to do with the things that you
remembered."
"I'm sorry." I looked up at him and he looked tense.
His eyes were closed and he flexed his jaw. I could tell
he was preparing to say something, but I waited. If I
had learned anything in the last few days, heck last
few months, I knew I had to let him go at his own pace.
"I'm done after this Liefje. I'm done. It doesn't hold
any meaning for me anymorenot now."
What?
Done. Like permanently done?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a minute.
I was shocked. I knew he joined the FBI because of
Eric, but I also knew he was very good at his job. I
could tell by the way he and Emmett and Seth worked
together the few times I met with him. He could try to
deny it, but I knew he liked making difference and I
knew he felt like he was giving back. He never wanted
to be a rich kid or a "preppie" as he called it and he
wasn't at all. I knew this was his life's passion, and
even if it started with Eric, it ran deeper than that
now.
"Edward. I don't thinkI mean, do you think it's a
good idea to make a decision like that now?"
He sighed again. "I don't want to do this anymore. I
can't."
I knew what this was. He wasn't thinking clearly, he
was shocked and denying the entire situation. It was
the first stage of grief, I knew it well. So I gently
probed him for some answers without pushing him.
"Have you thought about what you will doafter?"
"I don't know, maybe I'll take the bar exam. Or maybe
I'll just live off of my trust fund for a while." He said
half-heartedly.
Okay, definitely denial.
The shock had worn off after the last few days. I was
sure after having to talk through it so extensively with
the FBI he was numb.
So now he was denying it all. I thought about what I
should say to him. Someone in the state of denial isn't
necessarily reasonable. The best thing I could do was
be supportive right now and hope he would come to
see the lightmaking a decision for the right reasons,
not all the wrong ones.
"Well, I will support you no matter what you want to
do. I love you."
He sighed. "I love you too Liefje."
He squeezed me to him and kissed me again before I
fell into a fitful sleep.
--
The next week was trying. Edward was pulling within
himself more and more. I didn't know how to help him
or what to say. I knew that he had moved into the next
stage, where he was suffering from intense pain and
guilt, because he always looked so distraught.
He still came to me every night. And when we made
love it was so personal. But he had lost his
playfulness, the side of him that I knew I helped bring
out. I couldn't help but wonder if it would ever come
back and that thought saddened me.
I just wanted my Apollo.
It didn't help that every night I had the same dream
over and over again and every night he had
nightmares about losing me, about Eric, and about
other things that he kept to himself. I could only think
those were things from his missions that were finally
coming to surface in the middle of the night.
I wanted him to get help, to go see someone. But I
didn't quite know how to approach the topic with him.
So I determined for the first few weeks to just be there
for him: physically, emotionally, mentally. Yet as
Labor Day approached, it was becoming increasingly
wearing and I knew that I would have to do something
soon, especially since the anniversary of our brothers'
deaths was right around the corner.
I kept wishing I could just remember something. Each
morning my dream ended in the same place and I told
Edward everything I remembered about it already.
On the Wednesday before Labor Day I was getting
dressed for work and looking through my jewelry box
for my sapphire pendant that Brad gave me for my
21st birthday. Instead I noticed the Dutch charm
sitting in my jewelry box. I knew it was Eric's and it
was supposed to be for good luck. I knew some part of
Edward still held out hope that his brother wasn't
really bad or just somehow got mixed up in all of it
unintentionally. So I grabbed a chain off of another
necklace in my jewelry box, slipped off the costume
stone and put on the charm.
I figured we could use a little luck lately.
I wore it every day since and Edward hadn't seen it yet
because each night he had come in late and I was
already in bed.
The Saturday of Labor Day weekend I woke up with a
stomachache and proceeded to run for the bathroom.
I wretched into the toilet and then suddenly felt strong
arms around me and fingers running through my
ponytail.
"Are you okay Liefje?"
"Ugh." I tried to hide myself from him because I didn't
want him to see me be sick but I could taste the late
dinner I had with Kate the night before.
"I think I have food poisoning." I shivered and let my
head fall back against his chest.
"What can I do?"
"Just give me a minute." I shivered again and he
pulled me closer to him trying to warm me and
stroking the top of my head.
"Do you want to go back to bed?"
"I need to go to my Mom's to help get ready for the
barbecue."
I felt him tense. That was another discussion we had
this last week. He didn't want me going to Renee and
Phil's for their annual celebration. But I thought if I
didn't go then they would be suspicious.
"You could tell them you're sick. You wouldn't be
lying." He said then.
I sighed. I really didn't feel like going now. But what
was I going to do all day? I knew he had to attend to a
few matters with his investigation and Charlie was
joining Sue at Jacob and Leah's house. I didn't
particularly want to go there either.
"Okay." I finally sighed. I felt him let out a breath of
relief and he kissed the top of my head.
"How about I take you back to bed?"
"I need to brush my teeth first."
He nodded and helped me up before stepping out of
the bathroom. I quickly brushed my teeth and
scrubbed my face before I climbed back into bed. I
closed my eyes and tried to will away the rolling in my
stomach when I heard his feet patter into the
bedroom.
"Hey. I brought you some toast and some water." He
set it on my nightstand and gently brushed a stray hair
out of my face as I sighed.
We were quiet for a moment as I ate my toast. I could
feel a distance between us and I hated it. I leaned over
and the small tee that I was wearing shifted. As I sat
back his fingers found the pendant around my neck
and I felt everything still.
I looked up to his jade eyes staring intently at it. I
could see the aching and hurt on his face and I
instantly drew my hand up over his.
"I put it onfor good luck. Someone once told me
that's what it was for." I gave him a small smile, but I
really didn't know how he was going to react.
"Yeah." He said thickly. "I guess we could use some
luck right now huh?"
I was glad he wasn't upset, and I was hoping maybe
this would open some dialogue. I hated that he had
pulled away from me the last few weeks. So I decided
it was time to finally address it.
"Hey. Come lay with me."
He nodded and climbed in next to me and wrapped his
arms around me spooning me from behind. I always
felt so safe and so secure in his arms, as if nothing
could touch me. It was the reason it killed me so much
that I couldn't do more for him.
"Talk to me Edward. Please."
"I don't know what to say." He sighed.
"Tell me what you're feeling." I tried.
He took a deep breath and I could feel his body tense
as he moved to roll over. But I clutched his arms
around me and held him there. I wanted him to know
he could tell me, he should tell me and he couldn't just
push it down anymore. I could feel him physically
relent into me again and finally he exhaled.
"Everything, nothing, all at the same time. It's like a
constant intense burning feeling, but not like when
I'm with you, not in a good way."
"You feel every single ounce of it and yet you're numb
at the same time right?" I asked knowingly.
"Yeah." He said lowly.
"I know. You're grieving. You feel like you lost him all
over again because you feel like he was a different
person. So it drudged up everything that you pushed
down for so long and brought it back ten-fold."
He squeezed me to him tightly and I knew I didn't
have to hear him answer. So instead I turned around
to face him, with his arms still around me.
"It's okay to be in pain, and okay to feel guilty." I
lightly stroked his cheek with my fingers and he
swallowed. "It's normal. But right now is the time you
need to talk about it the most." I left my hands on his
face and lifted his eyes to be met with the burning
jade.
He swallowed again as his lids fluttered shut and then
reopened. He took several breaths as his eyes danced
with mine. I just continued to wait until finally he
spoke.
"I feel like" He trailed off. "I feel like I should have
known, like I could have done something to stop him.
I want to go back and yell at him and scream at him
for being an idiot and at the same time I feel guilty for
feeling that way about him."
And once again the dam broke.
Finally. We were getting somewhere.
Finally, he began to tell me about how over the last
two weeks, everything reminded him of Eric, even
more so than right after he died. Everywhere he went,
little things like songs or colors or foods. He was
fighting between missing him and feeling like he lost
him all over again and feeling guilty for what he did.
He had tried to focus on his mission instead, and then
that made him angry and hurt as well. He felt like he
was in a constant state of torment.
At last he blew out a breath and I continued to hold his
face in my hands as I spoke.
"You don't have to feel bad about feeling that way
Edward. But you do have to get it out. Just promise
you'll talk to me. I didn't know what to do" I
suddenly got choked up and my lip began to quiver.
"Oh Liefje don't cry. I'm so sorry. I just don't know
how to do this." He hugged me to him and I breathed
him in. "I don't know how to talk"
"No one knows how, but you have to let us help you.
You have to let me in." I whispered.
"I know." He kissed the top of my head and sighed. "I
know."
We lay there for the better part of the morning simply
holding each other. I felt like he had a small
breakthrough, but I knew there were tough times
ahead. I knew this was only the second stage and we
had a long way to go, I just hoped he would let me help
him along the way.
--
When I finally started to feel better around 11:00
Edward left for the day and I decided to go to
Brooklyn after all. I respected Edward's concerns
about going to my mother's and called her to tell her
that I couldn't make it. She was disappointed, but like
usual Renee she just moved on to the next thing as she
talked to me about going to dinner for my birthday.
I arrived at Jacob and Leah's around 1:00 and
followed the noise of the party to the back. I realized
as soon as I got there that I was right to come. I hadn't
seen a lot of my old friends in almost two months
because I had been spending so much time with
Edward.
I gave Charlie and Sue a hug and walked over to grab a
beer with Sam and Emily. But as soon as I sniffed the
beer my stomach rolled again and I thought testing it
with alcohol was probably not the best idea. I settled
on a bottle of water instead and chatted with Emily
and Jared's wife Kim about their kids and school
starting back up after the holiday.
"Hey Bells!" My Dad called over to me and I could see
him talking with Billy and a few of his buddies from
the neighborhood.
"Yeah."
"Do you remember what we did with that baseball of
Brad's? The Mattingly ball. These guys don't believe
that he really caught a home run."
"Sure Dad. Why don't I run and get it?" I smiled.
"Thanks Bells." He turned back to regale his buddies
with the tale of how Brad ran under four pairs of legs
to get the ball when he was only eight years old.
I walked the half block down the street to my old
house noting how much more lighthearted my father
had been lately. I could only attribute that to Sue and I
was glad for him. I quickly ran upstairs to grab the
ball and as I came back down I abruptly stopped in the
hallway.
"Oh. Leah. What are you doing here?"
"What do you think you're doing?" She spat.
I shook my head at her. "What do you mean?"
"You know what I'm talking about."
"Leah. I don't, I really don't."
She crossed her arms and all but snarled at me.
"Charlie says he doesn't see you or talk to you as much
and Jacob's always gone. That can only lead me to one
conclusion."
Oh shit. She really does think I'm having an affair
with her husband.
"LeahI'm not." I put my hands up just as I heard the
front door open.
"Bella."
Oh fuck. It was Jacob.
Leah's eyes grew wider and her face was crimson in
anger. I could see her almost shaking and I knew this
was the last thing I needed.
Jake walked in and eyed us suspiciously.
"What's going on here?" He glanced back and forth.
"Leah?" He finally asked with his arms crossed.
"I don't know. Why don't you tell me Jacob?" She
turned her intense gaze on him and he sighed.
"Bella, why don't you go back to the party while my
wife and I handle this."
But before I could turn, Leah grabbed my arm to make
me stop. "No. This ends now. I've had it. I know what
you two are doing."
"Leah we're not doing anything." Jake closed his eyes
and clenched his jaw.
"Like hell. I've found the receipts; I've seen the notices
from your secret bank account. You're going to see her
aren't you? Everything's from Manhattan." She thrust
her head in my direction and Jake looked at her in
shock.
"IuhI don't know what you're talking about Leah."
He stammered.
"Give me a break. You're always gone, at all hours of
the day and night. You never tell me where you are
and you don't even care about your kids anymore."
Her voice began to shake and I could see her anger
and frustration boiling over.
"Leah, I'm not." He ran his hands down his face and I
felt like an intruder in the situation but she still had a
grip on my arm and wouldn't let go.
"God! Why won't you just admit it? How long, how
long have you been fucking her? At least give me that.
Has it been months? Years?"
I realized things were getting out of hand and I
couldn't leave so I needed to step in.
"Leah. Please calm down. Nothing is going on between
Jacob and me. I promise you. I would never do
that.and neither would he. Right Jake." I turned to
look at him and he turned away.
Son-of-a-bitch.
"Then what about always being gone? What about the
receipts from that club and always having meetings
with your new buddy Demitri. What the fuck Jacob
you weren't even here when I lost"
Demitri?
Leah began to break down and I grabbed her arm. I
looked at Jacob. I wasn't sure what to do but I knew
Jake needed to leavenow. I didn't know if Leah
would allow me to comfort her. I knew she hated me
but I never felt any ill will toward her. And hell with
Charlie and Sue together, we might become step-
sisters in the future.
"Leah, let's sit down." She was crying and Jacob took a
step forward. I put my hand up and shook my head.
He dropped his shoulders and walked out. Once I
heard the door slam behind him I wrapped my arm
around Leah's shoulders. It wasn't comfortable and I
had no idea what to say. But apparently I was
everyone's counselor these days.
"Leah. Nothing's going on with us, there never has
been, I don't" Shit, I couldn't say that I didn't return
his sentiments. That would just make her feel worse.
"I've never felt that way about him."
She sniffled and put her head in her hands as I rubbed
her back. "I know." She sighed.
"You were always just an easy target. I knew from the
beginning I would never have him completely and I
thought I was okay with that. But now with the boys
and having it thrown in your face" She shook her
head.
"I just didn't want to believe that it was other women
or God knows what else."
"What do you mean?"
She sighed again and picked at her jeans. "I think he's
been doing something illegal. He's never around and
suddenly we have all thesethings."
She began to tell me about how a few months ago
Jacob was very stressed. He always handled their
finances and she knew things were tight, but didn't
ask. Then he started going out at night and working
"overtime." He began to talk of these new "friends"
that he meant through work but she couldn't figure
out what he meant by that because he was a cop, yet
these guys didn't sound like cops. She gave me the
names of a few and as soon as she said Demitri again I
stiffened. I tried not to let it show that I knew about a
lot of it, but it was helpful nonetheless, to figure out
how it fit together from another person's perspectives.
I decided to take a leap and ask her about his secret
account.
"How did you find out about his secret account?" I
asked quietly, trying to hide my intentions.
"I began to look after we got a new 52 inch flat screen
TV that I was pretty sure we couldn't afford. I found a
receipt from a bank I'd never heard of."
"What was the bank?" I asked quickly.
"Privee or something. It wasn't one I had heard of. In
fact it didn't even look like it was from the U.S."
Privee? It couldn't be could it? The same as Alec's?
"Were there any others?"
She furrowed her brow. "Not that I saw. But I did see
something with a funny symbol on it."
I swallowed. "What did it look like?"
She shook her head. "Like a cat or something. It was
odd, I had never seen it before."
Hmmm. I didn't know what this meant, but I filed it
away for later.
God I wished I could talk to Brad right now. He
always had the best instincts about this kind of stuff.
"We should probably get back, since it's my party."
She laughed wryly.
"For what it's worth Leah, I'm always here. I know you
and I haven't always gotten along but" I shrugged. "I
never disliked you. I hope you know that."
"I know. I'm sorry for the way I've treated you."
"It's okay."
"It's not." She rolled her eyes. "You always were too
damn nice. I would have slapped me by now." She
joked and gave me a half smile. But then she turned
somber once again. "Which is probably why I kept
pushing it, I never got a reaction so I thoughtyou
knowsilence as affirmation."
I nodded. I could understand her point. I had never
taken her aside before this to assure that nothing was
going on. I always assumed Jacob would fulfill his role
in doing that but he obviously never did.
We made our way back to the party, my brother's
baseball in hand and I gave Leah a quick squeeze on
her arm. She returned it and walked into the backyard
with a fake smile on her face to sift through the rubble
of what was left of her marriage.
*--
I stepped out of my apartment into the street and
looked up at the sky. It was a bright sunny Tuesday
morning. I was meeting with a small group today
before my 10:00 class and I was already running
late. My birthday was on Thursday and I chuckled as
I listened to the voicemail from Brad.
"Hey Bella, bella bo-bella, you're going to be twenty
on Thursday little sis. Still not old enough to drink, I
know these things. They teach us at the academy." He
laughed at himself and I smiled. "But I was
wondering if you wanted to celebrate early with the
gang in Brooklyn tomorrow night. Call me. Love ya."
I closed my phone and went to meet with my small
group. At 10:00 I walked into the lecture room next
door and noticed it was strangely empty. Students
were scurrying about and everyone seemed uneasy.
Of course our first paper for the class was due in a
week, so I figured that most people were just amped
up for their first graded project.
At last our professor walked in and everyone in the
room was quiet.
"As I'm sure many of you have heardthis morning
two planes hit the World Trade Center towers. I don't
expect you to stay in class and I anticipate that
classes will be cancelled for the rest of the day
around campus. So please feel free to go and be with
your families."
Oh my God!
The room burst into chatter with the news. How had I
not heard of this? Oh my God, I knew people that
worked there! I had friends whose parents worked
there! I jumped out of my seat and threw my things
in my bag and raced back to my apartment.
As I was running I began to frantically dial my cell
phone. I didn't know anything about what had
happened and I wanted to get in contact with Brad
and Charlie.
But the entire way back I couldn't get a signal. I tried
over and over again and a sick feeling started
creeping into my body. I tried to ignore it as I raced
up the stairs to our apartment. I took the stairs two
and three at a time and I was wheezing with fright
and exertion as I opened the door.
Kate was pacing back and forth in front of the TV and
Alec was there.
Why wasn't he at work? Why is he here?
"Bell!" She instantly came over and hugged me
tightly.
"What's going on?" I said frantically as Alec wrapped
his arms around me as well.
"They don't know. They thought it was just an
accident at first butthey think it might be a
terrorist attack." Alec said thickly. He looked
terrified as well.
"What's wrong?"
"I uhI justhave a few friends that worked there."
He brushed it off. "Did you get a hold of your Dad and
your brother?" He asked quickly.
"No. All the cell towers must be jammed." I shook my
head but looked at them quizzically. They both had
fearful looks on their faces.
"Bell. I think you should sit down." Kate grabbed my
arm.
"No! Tell me what's going on."
Alec put his hands on my shoulders and turned me to
him. He swallowed and I could see the pain on his
face. "Katecalled me over becausewellthere
were several police and fire fighters dispatched to it
and one of the Towers fell.
Fell? What the hell did he mean fell? Like collapsed?
As in to the ground?
A shudder ripped through my body in that instant
and I looked at Kate. But she was standing like a
statue in front of the TV. I watched in horror as the
second tower fell on the TV screen.
In that second I felt a sharp pain in my chest and then
it was gone.
Somehow, I didn't know how, but at that exact
moment I knew Brad was gone.
I watched as the stops from Brooklyn to Manhattan
rolled by as I remembered that fateful day. I was
returning home after spending the day at Jacob and
Leah's.
After my confrontation and eventual reconciliation
with Leah, I had returned to the party with the
baseball and tried to laugh and joke around with
everyone. But the entire encounter left me reeling a
bit.
I missed my brother. I wished he was there to kick
Jacob in the ass for hurting Leah and for getting
involved in whatever he was involved in. I wanted to
talk to him about Edward and tell him how I found the
love of my life but how he was hurting and I was trying
to find a way to help him.
But most of all, I wanted him to be standing next to
Charlie again, telling jokes and laughing and bitching
or boasting about the Yankees, depending on the year.
I looked out the window at where the Towers used to
stand and put my hand to my chest. Brad was one of
the missing for several days after the collapse. But I
knew. I knew the second he was gone because of the
sharp pain in my chest. And it was confirmed five days
later when they found his remains in the rubble of the
North Tower. Once they found Harry and the two
other men from their precinct who had rushed to the
scene as soon as they heard it over their radios, the
families decided to do a joint memorial. I was grief
stricken. Brad was my rock for so long: through the
divorce, when kids picked on me, encouraging me to
go to college and encouraging me to pursue my
dreams.
I missed him on his birthday and I missed him at
holidays, but the day of the attack was always the
hardest.
As the train pulled into my station and I took a cab to
my apartment, my thoughts turned to Edward. He
seemed lighter this morning, better. But I knew he
had a long way to go. It took me months to get through
the stages, but he never did it the first time, so now it
was coming back with the force of a volcano because
of what he found out.
I just vowed to do whatever I could to help him.
I quickly unlocked my condo and stepped into the
darkness. Edward text me earlier that he would be late
again tonight. I wished he was here. I wanted nothing
more than his arms around me right now. I readied
for bed and once again fell into a night of repeated
dreams.
--
The light was streaming through the windows as I lay
my head on his chest.
"Well it all seems to match up." Edward murmured.
I bit my lip as I looked at him and agreed. I had just
mentioned everything that happened the day before in
detail.
"What do you think the symbol is?" I inquired.
He shook his head. "I have no idea. I haven't seen
anything that sounds like it. I'm not sure what it
means."
"Yeah."
"Are you okay Liefje?"
"I uhI was just thinking." I knew he was going to be
upset at my realization so I tried to decide how to tell
him.
"What is it?" He gently stroked my hair and for the
first time in weeks I felt like my Apollo was back.
"Umit's just thatbased on the whole interaction, it
makes me think that he's not the one sending the
flowers either."
He stiffened and his hand stopped. "Did you get them
last week? Even after the interns were done?"
I nodded and he closed his eyes and blew out a breath.
"What were they?"
"Marigolds."
"And what does that mean."
"Um." Shit. He's going to flip out
when I tell him. "Sacred affection,
cruelty, grief, andjealousy."
"What?" His arms tightened around me and I could
feel his breathing pick up. "Bella, why didn't you tell
me before?"
He sat up then and his eyes were searing into me.
"I didn't want to make you worry more with
everything" I trailed off.
He dropped his head in his hands. "Liefje, I worry
more when I don't know exactly what is going on. You
have to tell me these things." He shook his head and I
opened and closed my mouth like a dead fish.
Then he turned to me and put his hand on my face. I
could see the worry in his eyes. "Mijn Zon, you told me
I need to open up andI'm trying, butyou need to
talk to me too. Don't try to protect me. I can handle it.
I would much rather know."
I nodded and put my hand on his cheek as we
mirrored our positions. "I'm sorry. I just don't know
what to make of it anymore."
"I have my suspicions but"
"What are they?"
He blinked then and ran his hand from my face down
to my collarbone. "I think they could be from
Demitri."
I was stunned. I had never thought of that.
My eyes danced across his face and I could see now
why he was so worried. Demitri was just as involved
with all of these people as James or Jacob or his
brother and Edward repeatedly mentioned that he
was very dangerous. It was the root of all of his fears
that they might be after me as well.
"II never." I shook my head. "But it does kind of
make sense. I haven't seen him in years and now all of
a sudden he's back and it's around the same time the
flowers started and the same time as your mission."
He nodded and fear seeped into my stomach. I
shivered at the thought that he was possibly after me.
The sixth sense feeling I had been getting for the last
few months came crashing back to me and I looked at
Edward.
"I have had these feelings. Strange feelings"
"What are you talking about?"
I explained to him the odd sense that I got back in
June, the night we met when I went down to the gym
and then on several occurrences walking to and from
work. His jaw tensed and flexed and I could feel his
grip on my shoulders.
"I just don't understand why anyone would be after
meandI'm scared." I whispered and he pulled me
into his arms. Weeks of pent up frustration and worry
about him poured out of me. I hadn't realized how
much I bottled up as well in an effort to help him.
Everything was just as secret for me as it was for him
and now it was all coming out. He held me as I cried
and whispered in my ear over and over that he would
protect me. I knew it was probably killing him inside,
but he was the one comforting me now.
I hooked my arms around his neck and trailed my
nose from his ear to his jaw and finally brought my
lips to his. Our mouths met with force and through
our kiss we traded our fears, our desires and our
desperation to have this entire puzzle solved. Our kiss
grew feverish and I ran my fingers through the hair at
the base of his neck and tugged. He moaned into my
mouth as our bodies responded to one another.
He laid me back on the bed and hovered over me, his
mouth never leaving mine as we shared the absolute
need we had for the other.
He pulled back and placed and clutched my face in his
hands as he stared deeply into my eyes.
"I will protect you Liefje. Always. With my life. I'll
never let anything happen to you."
Tears formed in the corner of my eyes again as his
mouth met mine and we made love in the early hours
of that Sunday morning.
--
"Bella!" Alice waived to me and I waved back as I
made my way across the bar.
She hopped off of her chair and wobbled over to hug
me tightly before sitting back down.
"Ali, I didn't think you would want to come out."
"Bella, I'm pregnant, not an invalid. Besides, we
needed to get out of the house and we needed a night
together." She smiled.
I grinned back as I grabbed a drink menu. It was
Thursday night but I still hadn't felt well since
Saturday and I was starting to think I had a bug rather
than just food poisoning. The thought of drinking
anything made my stomach turn.
The waitress came to take our order and I asked for a
specialty raspberry lemonade. I glanced at Alice and
she was eyeing me suspiciously. We were the first
ones there so I knew she wanted to ask me something.
"What?" I finally said.
"You're not drinking?"
"Yeah, I haven't felt well since Saturday. I think I got
food poisoning and now it's morphed into a bug." I
shrugged.
"Oh." She said, but kept her eyes on me. "I know I
have been pestering you and I'm sorry, but you're my
friend and I just want to know if you're okay."
Well you see there's this organized crime ring that
apparently everyone I know is connected to and I
might possibly be a target for some unknown reason,
but yeah I'm okay.
I didn't share my snarky thoughts from my head.
Instead I put on my best fake smile and lied through
my teeth.
"I'm great Ali, just busy with work and not feeling well
since I had the root canal and being sick this
weekend." I said nonchalantly.
"So you're not seeing anyone?"
"Nope."
She sighed. "Bell, it's okay if you are, but you
justyou've never been so distant like this before. I've
hardly talked to you lately. Is it something I did?"
I looked into my friend's eyes and instantly felt bad.
Rose knew. But yet I couldn't tell Alice or Jasper
because of their relation to Edward.
I reached over and grabbed Alice's hand and
squeezed. "No Ali, of course notI'm sorry. I
guessI've just been thinking about Brad a lot lately."
Her eyes softened and she nodded. She would
understand that, unfortunately I couldn't tell her
about the revelation regarding her deceased brother.
With that we talked about our plans to attend a
memorial the following Monday. Soon enough,
Jasper, Rose, Emmett and Kate arrived and we were
drinking, laughing and listening to the young
alternative band play on stage. I continued to drink
my lemonade or water and Rose eyed me suspiciously
as well.
What the hell was with everyone?
Then out of the blue Kate changed the subject.
"So. Garret and I finally decided to tell our bosses
about our relationship." She piped up.
"Really? What did they say?" I was curious for obvious
reasons.
"Well, they weren't exactly happy, but they also said
that they needed us too much in our positions to do
much about it. We just shouldn't 'encourage' it with
any other agents." She emphasized.
"That's good right?" Alice said.
"I think so. They didn't fire either of us and it's nice to
finally be out in the open and not be sneaking around
all the time."
I plastered a smile on my face and looked at Rose and
Emmett. Emmett's eyes went wide and I could see him
thinking about everything. He and I shared a look and
he nodded like "keep it cool."
"Anyhow, I'm just glad we could finally go out in
public." She looked down at her phone as it beeped.
"And speaking of that, he's going to join us in a bit."
I instantly tensed and Emmett dropped his head. I
knew that Garrett wouldn't know about Rose, but he
definitely knew about me because he and Emmett
discussed me. And I didn't know if Emmett was
supposed to be here with us. But he didn't make to
leave so I sat there awkwardly waiting.
Barely two minutes later, a dashing man in his mid-
thirties walked in. He was dressed casually in a black
button up and jeans, very un-agent-like attire. He had
chin length blond hair pulled back in a pony tail and
baby blue eyes. He was ruggedly handsome and I saw
the hugest smile cross Kate's face.
I was very happy for my friend but shitting my pants
considering half of the people at the table were hiding
things from him.
Kate introduced him to everyone around the table and
I shook his hand as he eyed me peculiarly. He looked
at Emmett and did the same, but Emmett being the
undercover agent that he was took it in stride and
merely introduced himself as John Emerty.
Garrett was incredibly nice and seemed to dote on
Kate, something very different from the men she
dated before. I could tell he was as much in love with
her as she was with him.
After a while my anxiety eased and we were all joking
and laughing together as we listened to the band. My
unease quickly turned to longing as I glanced around
the table. One person would make this scene
complete. Only one person was missing.
Edward.
I suddenly wished we could have the same reveal as
Kate and Garrett and he could be sitting beside me as
well. But I knew we were a long way from that.
I sighed to myself and I saw Rose watching me.
"Well everyone. I have a very early conference call so I
better go. Bella do you want to leave with me?" She
glanced at me and I nodded gratefully. I could only
take so much more time with the three happy couples
around me.
"Why don't I catch a cab with you two since I have to
go that way as well." Emmett nodded. He played it off
easily and for all Garrett knew he was just following
me. He and Rose had been very careful about not
touching each other.
We said our good-byes and jumped in the cab to head
back to the Upper West Side.
"Well that was close." John sighed heavily as he got in
the cab.
"Yeah." I said quietly.
"What's wrong B? You seemed down tonight?" He
rubbed my shoulder as he had his arm around Rose.
"Nothing." I mumbled and looked out the window.
"C'mon?" He nudged me.
I bit my lip and looked back toward them. "I just
haven't felt well and nowyou know."
They both nodded and a few minutes later we were
climbing in the elevator to ride up to our floor.
I bid Emmett and Rosalie good night and slipped into
my condo. It was quiet and dark. I knew Edward was
working with Seth tonight, although for some reason
Emmett didn't join them.
But as I stepped down the hallway and slipped off my
shoes. Something seemedoff, almost as if someone
had been here.
Just as I went to flip on the light I saw a flicker of
something from the living room.
Oh my God someone's here!
I frantically turned back to the door as I heard
shuffling and before I knew it I screamed as loud as I
could and reached for the door and flung it open.
In a matter of seconds I was in the hallway and an
intense gun-toting Emmett was busting back through
my door.
"Bella are you okay?" Rosalie asked me repeatedly.
I gasped and tried to catch my breath as I realized I
was flat against the wall across the hall from my door.
Rose grabbed my hand and pulled me towards
Emmett's place as I stumbled after her. We quickly
locked ourselves in and I sat on the couch and rocked
to myself.
A few minutes later Emmett walked back in, gun
holstered, and looked intently at me.
"Are you okay? He didn't hurt you did he?"
"N-no." I shook my head and crossed my arms over
my chest. "Who was it?" I tensed in case he was still
there.
"I don't know. I didn't get a look at him. He escaped
down your fire escape."
"What?"
"I think he came in through your fire escape but I
think we need to have that reinforced. I locked it up
for now, but you need to be careful. No matter what I
think you should stay here tonight."
"ButEdward's supposed to be over later."
"Why don't you call him and leave him a message?"
He had somehow thought to grab my purse and keys
from the apartment and handed them to me. I reached
into my bag and quickly dialed his phone. I knew he
wouldn't get it if he was out. But as soon as I heard the
beep I left him a message.
"Um. Hey, it's meI just wanted to let you know I'm
staying at John's. Someone was uh in my place when
I got home." I paused. "I love youI miss you."
I clicked off the call and looked at Rose and Emmett.
Suddenly I was exhausted. I was mentally exhausted
by the last two weeks, I was physically exhausted from
being sick and I was emotionally exhausted from the
night. I wanted nothing more than to go to sleep.
But once they went to bed and I was lying on the couch
in his quiet apartment, I couldn't help but wish I was
in my bed, with a certain pair of strong arms around
me. I only hoped those strong arms would soon be
there because regardless of how hard the last two
weeks had been, I missed him more and more every
day. And I hoped, as I lay there listening to the tiny
ticks of the apartment that one day, he would be
therefor good.
~~~-~~~


Chapter 21 ~ Aftermath
Chapters Song: Aerosmith Dream On
EPOV
"Oh E, we need to do this more often." Eric kicked
back in his lounger.
"Damn right we do. School sucks right now."
"What are you talking about 'Mr. I've got a
photographic memory'." He chided me.
"Doesn't matter how good your memory is when you
have to write papers and shit."
"Whatever. You already got in to Columbia, why are
you still busting your ass?"
"Because I, dear brother actually care about my
grades." I joked and adjusted my sunglasses. Why
couldn't I always be in Mexico?
He snorted. "Excuse me but I had good grades."
"The amount of chicks you banged and drinks you
consumed doesn't count Eric."
"Fuck off E. I kept it above a 3.0, that's all Mom and
Dad required. Besides, I was already in line for my
life anyhow" He trailed off.
"Dude you didn't have to take the job at Reycon. You
could have worked somewhere else."
"I know" He sighed. "But you don't know how it is,
being the first Cullen grandchild, and the first
boyyou'll never get it E."
"I think you're just being a drama queen." I smirked.
"Ass." He threw his napkin at me and I laughed as he
drank his foo-foo drink. I on the other hand
continued to sip my Corona.
"You'll find out. Someday you'll find out it's all not
what it seems"
Warmth pulled me from my memory and I looked
down to find its source. Her hair was draped across
me as she let out sweet little sighs. I should have been
warm. She was so warmso lovingand so protective.
I should have felt the heat emanating from her body
and her warm breath as it blew over my chest.
I should have felt it all.
But I didn't.
I was cold.
Empty.
I had been empty for the last three weeks.
I had been frozen for the last three weeks.
I knew what tomorrow was.
Nine years.
Nine years from the day he left.
Nine years from when my life was irrevocably changed
forever.
Nine years from when he betrayed me.
It seemed like a million years ago and three seconds
ago all at the same time.
But now I had no concept of time. I had no idea how
long I had been awake thinking about our Spring
Break trip to Mexico my senior year. When Eric talked
his boss into letting him have the week off so he could
go party with me, chase girls and sit on the beach.
His boss.
The same boss involved with the Draconis, the scum of
the earth.
The last three weeks had beentrying. More than
trying. Impossible. Unbearable. Excruciating.
And yet I feltcold. Betrayed, and angry and guilty
and frustrated and most of allsad.
I wanted out. I was done. The FBI held nothing for me
anymore. My life had meant nothing up to this point.
Before Eric died I idolized him. He was my best friend,
my older brother, my almost twin by only 16 months
in age difference. And yet, he lied to me. He consorted
with the most black and vile evilness this world holds.
And what did I do? I spent the next years avenging his
death, proving how much I would make him proud.
And all for what?
For nothing.
The only thing I had left was her. And to top off the
miserably shitty three weeks I had, someone broke
into her apartment. The thought that she could be
taken from methat she was somehow a target of the
vile blackness that I was investigatingmade me sick.
I was beyond distraught when I received her message.
I wanted to kill anyone or anything that threatened to
hurt her.
Because I knew.
I knew if something happened to her then the tiniest
bit of humanity that I was holding on to would be
gone. I would be gone forever, and I already decided
that as soon as she left this world so would I.
I couldn't survive without her. If the last three weeks
had made anything so blaringly obvious it was that
ultimate fact.
She was everything to me.
And for that reason I was done.
I wouldn't subject her to my undercover missions
anymore. I wouldn't expose her to the evilness that I
dealt with on a daily basis. I promised to protect her
and I would die trying if I had to, because this world
shouldn't and couldn't go on without her living in it.
She had awakened in me the deep-seeded desires that
I had for so long oppressed. I wanted it all with her. I
wanted to be married, to have children, to spend the
rest of my life with her. And I wanted to forget
anything that existed before herbecause it didn't
matter any way.
Now I didn't even know who I was. I knew I wasn't
myself. The Edward Cullen I had been for so long was
a lie.
So I could only be something else, for herwith her.
If the only thing I did for the rest of my life was to
devote it to her, then I would; because nothing else
mattered. Everything else was a lie.
I shifted and lightly ran my fingers through her hair
and down her back. It was Sunday morning,
September 10. The daybefore.
The day before the anniversary that would be so hard
for both of us for so many reasons, the day our lives
were irrevocably changed forever.
However, we would be remembering very differently
this year. For the last nine years I agonized over this
day. I wallowed in my heartache and drank myself
into oblivion until I couldn't see or smell or think of
Eric anymore; until I pushed him out of my mind so I
wouldn't have to face the pain.
But not Bella, she would go to Brad's memorial yet
again. She would honor his memory and laugh and cry
while she regaled tales of their childhood to him. She
would work through her pain and her grief and come
out sad, but refreshed.
But not me. As she said to me only a week ago, I was in
a constant state of torment. And I knew now that I had
been in that state for the last nine years.
What did she call it? The seven stages of grief.
I hadn't experience them until now. Yet, I knew over
the last three weeks they had washed over me like a
tidal wave. I started out in disbelief, not knowing what
had happened, not wanting to believe what I found
out.
After the night I showed up at her fire escape,
drenched and freezing, I couldn't get warm again. I
went to the headquarters the next day and robotically
informed Garrett of everything I found outabout
Reycon, and Kebi and the Anthrax and the forgery.
He submitted it to the analysts and so for three days I
had a fleeting thought of hope, a tiny speck of belief
that maybe, just maybe, Eric didn't do the things I
thought he did.
When I went back on Thursday they only confirmed
my deepest darkest fears: he had in fact accessed the
file from Reycon. Since then my father had been
cooperating with the FBI analysts. Even though he
could get fired for divulging company information he
released it without a subpoena. I think he was just
holding out the same abject desire as I was.
It was all for naught.
And so with the realization that he was really involved
came the intense pain and guilt.
Why?
Why would he do such a thing?
Why would he get involved with something so
abhorrent?
I wracked my brain over and over and over to try to
figure out a reason or a connectionbut nothing. It
was only money. It was only fucking money that my
family had more than enough of.
I felt like I should have seen something, noticed
something, realized something. Maybe I could have
stopped him or talked him out of it. Or maybe I could
have helped him if he had a problem that I didn't
know about.
I was angry at him, disgusted by him and then
intensely guilty about feeling that way about Mijn
Broer. I wanted to resurrect him from the grave and
tear into to him and demand an explanation but then
give him a hug all at the same time.
That was part of the problem.
There was no grave, and there would be no
explanation.
So my guilt over feeling like I should have known or
done something and over feeling ill towards Mijn
Broer turned into a deep, raging, furious anger.
I was pissed.
I was pissed at him, pissed at Kebi, pissed at the
Draconis, pissed at the FBI, pissed at my father
though I knew it was unfounded, pissed at Masen for,
I was pretty sure, involving Bella in this mess and
mostlypissed at myself.
I was motherfucking mad. More mad that I had ever
been in my life.
Bella tried to draw me out, she forced me to talk. I was
able to share with her my pain and my guilt. But I
couldn't share my anger. I couldn't let her see that the
monster I had tried so hard to repress was waiting,
lurking beneath the skin of the agent. The assassin sat
at bay and glanced at the clock every so often until he
would say "it's time."
I couldn't let her see him. I couldn't let her know how
angry I was because thenthen she might realize I
wasn't worth it. And I knew if I lost her that would be
the end.
If someone else didn't take her from me first.
I shuddered and pulled her more tightly to me as she
hummed in her sleep. She had been very tired and not
felt well lately. I hoped it wasn't because of me. I knew
she was worried about me. She was so strong the first
night and so empathetic. But I knew it was all taking a
toll on herthe investigation, the connections, and
now the fact that someone was clearly after her.
My mind went back to Thursday night when I received
her message
I was out at the same bar in Clinton that I went to the
night of my first assignment in New York. Seth and I
were scoping out a few of the mid-level Dracs. We
were chatting and taking in the scene to see if we
could pick up on where they were distributing the
drugs in this area and peg some of the dealers.
I had just found out earlier that day that my brother
and Alec had both been tied in to an account in
Geneva, Switzerland. It was with the same bank that
Bella saw the receipt forBanque Privee. We couldn't
track who the account belonged to because the Swiss
were very good at keeping the strictest security. It
was why they were the financial dominants of the
world.
Eric owed over $200,000 to someone, as he had a
credit line set up and it was gaining interest. Alec
owed more. The only thing I could conclude was that
whoever he owed the debt to was probably the link
between the four key organizations, the four stock
signs that Bella saw on the newspaper in Alec's
apartment.
VRC: Van Rijn Corporation. RPI: Reycon
Pharmaceuticals, Inc. MIH: Masen Industries
Holdings Corporation. BBG: Buxton Group
Incorporated.
I glanced over at Seth and noticed as he tensed in the
booth and started to shrink down. I quickly looked
around and tried to determine what he was doing.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck." He muttered.
"What?"
"Jake, 2:00."
I glanced over and noticed Jacob talking to the three
guys we were watching. I was still confused as to
why they brought Seth on when Jake was involved.
The only thing I could suspect was that he got
involved after we started our mission or the FBI
didn't know about him yet when we started.
Well, I had seen him at the club a few weeks ago as
well so I knew he would probably recognize me. But
at least seeing me could be pure coincidence. I knew I
needed to provide Seth cover for a getaway. Jake
knew Seth was on assignment and it would seem
suspicious for him to be out with me.
I quickly got up from my spot in the booth and
walked up to the bar to get a beer. I gave Seth a nod
and he knew to leave as soon as I provided the cover.
"Whatcha havin' mate?" The bartender had an Aussie
accent and looked like he walked straight out of
Crocodile Dundee. I gave him a smile and threw ten
bucks on the bar.
"I'll take a Guinness."
"Irishmen are ye? S'alright. Comin' right up."
I smiled and nodded again and pretended to wait for
my beer. Jake was standing to my left with his back
to me so I figured I might as well take a moment to
listen in on the conversation.
"Man, that was such a bag. Il Leone ought to be
happy about that." One of them said.
Il Leone?
"Fuck man, we got a long ways to go. Nobody even
knows who it is. Not even Nelo." Another added.
"I don't care as long as I keep getting paid." Jake
said.
"Here's yur beer mate." The bartender interrupted
me and I nodded.
"Keep the change."
I knew I had to say something now and I turned to
catch his eye.
"Hey man. Weren't you at the club with Phil Dwyer
last week?"
He eyed me speculatively and so did the rest of his
group.
"Yeah why?"
"Ah no reason. Just thought I recognized you. So how
do you know Dwyer? He was one of the best back in
the day." I sipped my beer and lazily leaned against
the bar.
"Yeah he was." Jake smiled boastfully now. "He's an
old family friend."
"Cool. So you from Jersey thenisn't that where he's
from?"
"Nah. I'm from Brooklyn, he's my best friend's step-
dad." Jake took a drink, but I saw a fleeting look of
darkness flash through his eyes. He missed Brad. He
was his best friend.
"Who's your friend? I didn't know Dwyer had any
kids." I tried to push it. I didn't know what I was
looking for but I thought maybe he would give me
some info.
"Oh uhhe's actually nothe's dead. But I've known
Phil for a long time." He furrowed his brow at me
then and swallowed.
"I'm sorry man. I didn't mean to pry. Well I'll let you
get back to your fun."
I turned to leave when suddenly he said something to
me.
"Wait. What's your name man?"
I was surprised he asked me, but I kept my
composure.
"Emil. Emil Mazzonn." I offered him my hand again
and he shook it.
"Really?" His eyes widened.
"Uh. Yeah. Why?" That was a strange reaction.
He looked around quickly and lowered his voice as he
stepped a bit closer.
"I just never thought I would meet someone like you.
They say you're the best. Never miss a step. Never get
caught." He took a sip of his beer and stepped back.
Well, I wasn't expecting that. I had to keep it discreet.
His buddies were starting to really eye us now and I
knew I needed to leave. Seth had more than enough
time to make his exit.
"Well, that's not really public knowledge eh? But
thanks. I am." I winked at him and spun on my heels
to leave. As soon as I stepped out the back alley I
could see Seth's form hidden in the shadows.
"What took so long man?"
"Nothing." I sighed. I didn't want praise for being an
assassin. I didn't care anymore about being the best.
Being the best killerwhat kind of a title is that? But
I knew I had to act all cocky so that Black would keep
that shit to himself. I was supposed to be somewhat
disguised and only known in the upper echelon of the
organization. Apparently, it was known throughout
the ranks now. Fuck.
He eyed me quizzically and we began to walk back to
my loft. Once we were inside I filled him in on the
encounter. Seth just shook his head.
"Jake just doesn't think sometimes."
"How do you think he got roped into thisI mean
other than Phil?"
"I think he overextended himself financially and then
either Phil or someone loaned him the money based
on what you said. But as a return he had to give them
cover at the port. I think he stayed involved because
he found he could make some cash on the side and
because he's nave enough to think he wouldn't get
caught, he kept at it."
"Hmmm." I pondered that for a moment when I
suddenly heard a beep from the bedroom.
"I need to go check something." I strode into the
bedroom and pulled open the drawer to the night
stand. I never took the phone for Bella when I had to
go out on a stake or assignment. That was way too
risky.
I flipped it open to see I had a voicemail. As soon as
Seth left I was planning to go to her, but she must
have called for some reason. I dialed up and listened
to the message.
"Um. Hey, it's meI just wanted to let you know I'm
staying at John's. Someone was uh in my place
when I got home." She paused. "I love youI miss
you." She sounded so frightened and alone.
The blood in my veins instantly stopped running for
a moment and I felt as though a tight fist clenched
around my throat.
Someone was in her place? Oh my God.
"Fuck!" I shouted and hurried out to the living room.
"What's going on E?" Seth looked startled as I was
racing to throw on my dark jacket and find a hat and
glasses.
"Someone broke into Bella's place. She's at Emmett's.
I have to get over there."
Seth's eyes widened and I tossed him an extra jacket
and hat and we took off into the night.
When we arrived at Emmett's an hour later I called
up from the street. It was close to 1:00 A.M. and I
looked around to make sure it didn't seem suspicious
that we were there. I heard Em groggily buzz us up
and I was practically running to the elevator.
The entire way over I had been thinking about the
most horrible situations. Did she see the person? Or
did someone ransack it? What happened?
It scared the fuck out of me no matter what. When I
arrived at his door he opened quickly and I noticed
that even though he had been sleeping, he had on
jeans, a dark shirt and his holster. He must have been
on alert and this instantly made me more worried.
Just as I looked past him I saw Bella sitting on the
couch, still in her clothes from work. She looked so
tired and without saying a word to Emmett I was in
front of her.
"Oh Liefje." I pulled her tightly to my chest and I felt
her sigh into me. I kissed her hair and squeezed her
to me as I felt her body lightly rock with her sobs. She
was terrified and I couldn't blame her.
Suddenly I looked up and noticed Rose in the
doorway to the bedroom and the sad look on her face.
I knew this was not good. He didn't do something to
her did he?
Shit. My mind immediately began racing with the
most horrible thoughts. What if he touched her? Hurt
her? I would never forgive myself for not being there.
I pulled back for a moment but she clutched me to
her. I could see how physically and emotionally
exhausted she was. Finally I lifted her head to mine
and looked into her deep brown eyes, they didn't hold
their usual glimmer.
"Bella, he didn't" I said thickly. My gut was turning
with thoughts of what could have happened to her.
She furrowed her brow. "No." She shook her head
and then said quickly. "I stepped inside and noticed
something was off and saw movement, I turned and
screamed and ran out the door. Emmett heard me
right away and came rushing past. Then I came
here."
I exhaled in relief. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there." I
kissed her forehead and pulled her to me again. My
body was tense and rigid. "Thank God Emmett was
here."
"I'm okay. Just startled a bit." She tried to reassure
me, but I couldn't get past the horrible thoughts that
were racing through my brain at the moment. We
just sat there as I held her to me. She was my lifeline,
I couldn't imagine if anything had happened to her
"Stop." She whispered.
"What?"
"Stop berating yourself. I know you're doing it. You
can't be here all the time. I'm okay." I finally
breathed deeply. She knew exactly what I needed to
hear, as usual. It wouldn't make me feel any less
regretful, but at least I could think straight again.
I looked around and noticed Seth, Rosalie and
Emmett speaking quietly in the kitchen. They had
given us a few minutes and some space. I turned back
to Bella and gave her a soft kiss on the lips.
"You should go back to sleep Liefje. You look so
tired." I rubbed my thumbs over the circles under her
eyes and held her head in my hands.
"I don't know if I can."
"Please. You look exhausted."
"Will you lay with me, until I fall asleep? I don't
know if I can go backtonight."
"Of course." I kissed her again and then stood up and
grabbed her hand.
Emmett must have known what we were thinking
because he immediately offered up his bed. He knew
we would be up for most of the night trying to figure
this out anyhow.
I lay down on top of the covers and wrapped the quilt
that had been at the foot of the bed around Bella. I
wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close,
just breathing her in. We didn't say a word, I just
held her and in a matter of minutes she was
breathing deeply.
I remained there for a bit longer, running through
what this meant in my head. I got a sickening feeling
in my stomach when I thought of how the intruder
could have potentially gotten in.
The fire escape.
Had I left it open?
But I always locked her fire escape when I left, and
only I knew how to get in it.
Which meant whoever was in it was trained to do the
same?
Oh God.
Demitri?
I sat up and made sure she was asleep before I
stepped out to the kitchen.
The three of them looked at me and I just nodded.
"She's asleep."
"I'm going to go try to get a few more hours too."
Rosalie said. She turned to walk past me to the
bedroom and stopped and put her hand on my arm.
"It's not your fault Edward."
She patted my arm and headed for the bedroom and
closed the door behind her. I instantly turned to look
at Emmett and he had a dark look in his eyes.
I scrubbed my hands down my face and took a deep
breath. Then Emmett replayed to me what he found
when he went into her place. Whoever it was must
have just come in and didn't get very far. He locked
up the fire escape but said we should put in more
protection. He also said exactly what I was thinking:
I needed to be more careful when coming and going
from her place.
The three of us made our way over to her apartment
and scoped it out. Nothing was out of place as
Emmett said and then I thought of something else.
None of us had spoken since we walked in and I
instantly turned and put my finger over my lips and
motioned to go back to his place. As soon as we
stepped inside I spoke.
"We should re-sweep it for bugs. McCarty how far
away is your kit?"
"Mine's probably closer than yours. I'll run and get
my gear. You two sit tight."
He left and I mulled over everything. We both
thought it would be best if Bella didn't stay there for
a while. We thought maybe she could stay with
Rosalie, and then cab to work.
Once McCarty returned we quietly swept her place
for bugs and any other sort of clues. Thankfully no
bugs turned up, but there was also no evidence
either. We reinforced the lock and put a sensor on it.
That way if someone were to try to break in again we
would know. By the time we were done it was almost
5:00 in the morning. I walked back into the bedroom
and noticed her sleeping peacefully, Rosalie was on
the other side of the bed and Bella was curled up in a
ball clutching a pillow to her right where I usually
laid. My heart ached to look at her, to hold her. I
thought her place was secure now, especially as long
as I was there with her. I hated the fact that she
wouldn't even feel safe in her own home for a while.
But at least for today she could go back and sleep,
clean up and pack to go stay at Rose's for a few days.
I picked her up and carried her back across the
hallway. She was still fast asleep as I laid her in her
own bed. I pulled off her skirt and blouse knowing
she couldn't be very comfortable still in her work
clothes and she woke slightly as I slipped a t-shirt
over her head. I stripped down and climbed under the
covers with her. I knew she had to be up soon and
wouldn't be able to sleep much longer, but I wanted
to have just a few moments with her in the early
hours of the morning
As I lay here now, in a not so different position only
three days later, I thought about what it could all
mean. Someone was definitely after her. I thought
about my nightmare the night that I found out about
Eric. It had repeated itself each night and I woke up in
a cold sweat. I hadn't screamed and woken up again
scaring her, thank God. But it terrified me
nonetheless. It was always the same. I was running
after her, chasing them as they took her. She was
screaming my name but I could never get to her. And
then I would stop and I could see various people,
Demitri, Eric, Jacob, Laurentall of the people
connected to the situation. I would stop and they
would laugh at me sinisterly, because I was helpless. I
was a highly trained, lethal assassin, yet I couldn't get
to her. And they knew it. They knew she was my
weakness.
I wanted so much to protect her that now it fueled me.
I was channeling it. I knew I wasn't dealing with it all
yet again, but after the night someone was in her
apartment I couldn't. I used it to move me forward. I
let it push me, and I knew part of what was propelling
me was that anger, that absolute seething rage I had
boiling just under the surface.
"Use it. Let it drive you." She said.
And so I did. And I was even more adamant about
solving this puzzle and completing my mission. I had
to figure out the connection to her. Even though I
knew it wasn't my job, it had become my priority. I
had long given up my job as my priority. I didn't know
if it was for information, leverage, or what the exact
reason was that she could be a target. I knew it had to
somehow be tied to Masen, or potentially Phil.
After she told me about Leah's revelations I was
positive Jacob's connection was to Phil and I thought
Seth was probably right. I didn't know what the
symbol was, but somehow I suspected that the entire
thing was connected by one person, or group.
Someone was behind the shadows running the show
and we had to make sure that when we went to take it
down, we had enough dirt on that someone or
something to put them away for a very long time.
As I looked down at her once again, I knew one thing
for certain. I would protect her with my life. I would
do anything for her. I was nothing without her. And I
had to do something soon. I had to make a break in
this case before something happened to her.
A shiver ran down my spine at the thought and Bella
stirred beside me. She looked up at me sleepily and
blinked. But I must have worn my concerns on my
face because she instantly furrowed her brow at me.
"What's wrong?"
I kissed her head and turned into her, not wanting to
show her the worry I was feeling inside. She worried
enough as it was, she had been sick for the past week
with worry.
"It's nothing Liefje. Go back to sleep." I could tell she
wanted to argue, but I silenced her with my lips and
pulled her down onto my chest. Exhaustion won out
and she fell back into a peaceful sleep.
Yet I continued to stare at the ceiling, trying to
determine some way that I could make my life
different.
--
After I left Bella for the day, she decided to go to
Jasper and Alice's for lunch. I didn't like her being at
home alone a lot, even if we did check her condo and
reinforce it. But after she stayed at Rosalie's on Friday
and Saturday she insisted that she had to get used to
feeling safe in her place again. I knew she was right.
We really couldn't protect her much more at Rose's
and it was probably actually better with Emmett
across the hall.
I began to wonder if that wasn't also the reason for his
placement there. Maybe he was put there not to watch
her but to protect her?
Regardless, the whole mission felt off to me. In
Romania I knew exactly what I needed to do, my
orders, my targets, my assetseverything. But since
starting the New York mission I felt as though we were
being left out of a big piece of the puzzle, and I didn't
like it.
I had an assignment tonight and I needed to focus. I
hoped I would be able to since tomorrow would be a
trying day. I wished I could go with Bella, but of
course I couldn't.
I quickly ran into my apartment and changed and
headed down to the gym. Felix was there and I nodded
to him as I started up the treadmill. I could see him
working his way through a few sets on the weights and
decided to cut my run short today. I needed to get
back to talking with him.
"Felix, what's up man?"
"Emil. I haven't seen you as much lately. You been
busy with workor something else?" He eyed me.
Shit.
"I haven't felt very well. Kind of hard to work out
when you're puking your guts out." I covered.
He scrunched up his nose and stepped back. "Stay the
fuck away from me my friend." He covered his mouth
and laughed.
I chuckled in response and he nodded to the ring.
"Want to spar?" He asked.
"Yeah." We quickly wrapped our hands and pulled on
our covers. I pulled my shirt over my head, for some
reason I liked to be shirtless when I sparred. I felt like
it made me quicker, because it hurt a hell of a lot more
if my opponent landed a punch on my bare skin.
Felix obviously wasn't as good as me, but I would let
him land a few to keep his ego intact.
He jabbed at me and I ducked out. I spun and landed a
kick to his side and jumped back. We continued as I
landed punch after punch and kick after kick. I was
focused and sweating profusely as the salt dripped
into my eyes and down my back and chest. But it was
relieving. So much of the last few weeks pent up anger
and frustration was coming out in force.
"Ooomph." I let Felix land one on my side. I knew I
would feel it later.
I instantly struck back and swept his legs from under
him as he landed like fallen lumber on the mat.
"Fuck." He spat as he got back up. I stepped back and
readied again as he came at me. This time I spun and
caught up right under the rib cage and he groaned. I
landed another punch to his side and finally one on
the side of his head when he finally doubled over. I
knew he was done.
"Emil. Jesus Christ my friend you killing me here."
"Sorry Felix. I've been pent up from being sick." I lied.
I really could just have killed you, in about ten
different ways if I wanted to.
See the monster was back.
Fuck.
He spat into the bucket next to the old ring and
grabbed for his water.
"We should send you out for a shipment. No one
would fuck around then."
"What are you talking about?"
He shrugged. "One of themerchandise gave us some
trouble last weekend. But Demitri took care of it. She
fought hard, but of course she couldn't do much."
Vomit rose in the back of my throat as I was still
breathing heavily from our sparring match.
"Who was it?"
"Does it matter?" He laughed. "She won't fight
againif she lives that is."
They killed her? Or at least beat her so badly she
would want to die.
Those sick fucks.
Okay now I really wanted to just end him right here in
the middle of the gym. I didn't care anymore. I could
make something up, say he tripped on his own spit or
something and broke his neck.
The anger was building inside me like a volcano and I
clenched my fists at my side trying not to show it in
front of him.
Some day.
Some day I'll take you out too.
If I was going to give in to the monster inside of me, I
might as well channel that also. I would take them all
out before this mission was over. Screw prison.
I turned away from him, not wanting him to see the
internal battle through my eyes and began to take off
my tape and my gear. At last I calmed enough and
spoke.
"Well. I don't think that's my role anyhow." I said. "I
tend to work on morediscreet things no?"
He laughed then and nodded. "True. You are much too
valuable for a little bitch anyhow Emil."
You disgusting pig.
I clenched my teeth and gave him my best grin and
nod before I walked over to the bench.
As I pushed my way through a few sets on the bench,
incline, squats and dead lifts, I tried to again let the
anger fuel my actions. I knew it was only a matter of
time before it came out. But for now this would have
to work.
When I was finally done I left to get cleaned up at
home. I spent the rest of the day researching and
preparing for my assignment. There was nothing new
on the shipment front. But to ready for tonight I had
to scope out a map of the neighborhood in the Bronx
where my subject would be. The problem was he
tended to only run with a pack of friends and I had to
figure out a way to separate him.
My assignments had become fewer, but more difficult
in the U.S. In Romania there were so many more dark
corners and the persons I was assigned to take out
were often low level.
But here, they weren't. Instead they were opponents,
or mid-levels that crossed the brothers. I suspected a
few of them were even old Volturi who had come into
the organization but then refused to work with the
brothers' demands.
Or whoever's demands they really were.
As I analyzed the maps and formed a plan in my head I
began to think about tonight. I was hoping to arrive in
the Bronx right at night fall. The subject owned a
seedy strip joint off of Boston Road. I was hoping in a
dark establishment like that I could get him separated
from his buddies, or maybe even figure out a way to
spike his drink.
I wasn't as familiar with the Bronx as other parts of
New York. And I needed to figure out a backup plan if
I couldn't get to him in the club. So I had to scope out
the route to and from the club to his home and
different places I could catch him.
At 7:00 I pulled on my standard black pants, black
shirt, boots and hat. I quickly made my way to my
stash and loaded up with a variety of weaponry for the
night. As always I had my knife banded to my leg, but
tonight I also took my silencer, my lethal serum and a
drug that would make him woozy. But since I was
going to a club tonight I donned a black leather jacket,
which would also protect me from knife wounds
should I get in a fight.
I cabbed it to the North side and then hopped a train
into the heart of the Bronx. After doubling back once,
I found myself outside the dirty joint at a little past
9:00. It was officially fall and dark in the city and I
was able to keep myself relatively disguised when
slipping in. I walked through the crowd undetected
and, even though it was a Sunday, the place was
crawling with low-lifes ogling the dancers on stage.
I shuddered at the filth. It was a dirty place, the type
one would instantly think of being associated with the
underworld. I found a place at the back of the bar and
ordered a bottle of beer. I needed to keep my mind
clear so I wouldn't have more than a few sips but I
stood there leaning casually against the bar checking
out the scene. It only took me a few minutes to spot
him. He and his buddies had a line of dancers around
their table along with bottle after bottle of alcohol.
I watched and I waited.
And as the vile animal that he was groped and fondled
the dancers and leered at them with his buddies, I
wanted to cross the bar and just take him out point
blank. All of the anger, all of the frustration and the
unyielding rage channeled into my sole assignment
before me. It became my personal mission to end him.
For all the girls I had seen, for all the crap I had seen,
he represented the evilness that was the Draconis
even if he was bucking against them right now. And I
wanted to kill him. I wanted to drain him of his blood
as he screamed for mercy.
The monster had officially returned.
Just as I was considering the different ways I could
take him out, I watched as he grabbed one of the girls
by the throat angrily. She tried to back off but he
slapped her and I felt my hand coil around my beer
bottle and my other fish clench at my side.
He stood up abruptly and pulled her toward the back.
Surely this was the type of place that had the
proverbial back rooms. I carried my beer with me,
following at a decent distance and then moved into the
bathroom which was just down the hall. But I waited a
moment to emerge. I tossed the beer, readied my
provisions and snuck back out. I checked the hall for
cameras and silently slinked along the stinking
hallway as close to the wall as possible.
I came up on a black door and I could hear her
screams on the other side. It took everything in me to
not bust through the door at that moment. But even
before I took another breath the door swung open and
she ran out, tears streaming down her face with the
blackness of her mascara and her already tiny
costume in shreds.
The door swung shut behind her and I knew it was my
turn. Before it clasped I stuck my hand in it and held it
open. I ever so quietly stepped inside and locked it
behind me.
The room was dank and reeked of alcohol and sex. The
subject was apparently pleased with himself as he
zipped up his pants and lit a cigarette.
Right, you lasted all of what, three minutes fuckwad.
The haze of red appeared before my eyes and I knew
the girl wouldn't be going back out front for a while so
I had some time.
"You enjoy raping women you sick fuck." I said
menacingly.
I didn't usually speak to my assignments. In fact I
spent as little time with them as possible. But for some
reason I wanted this guy to know that I took his last
breath.
"Who the fuck are you?" He spun around.
"Who do you think I am?" I said in a dark even voice
as I stepped toward him, but still careful to stay
between he and the door.
"I don't fucking care." He spat.
"You should." I answered darkly.
I opened my jacket and pulled out my gun. I made a
production of turning the silencer as his eyes widened
in horror.
Now I had his attention.
"You know" I started. "There are so many ways I
could kill you right now."
I heard him gasp and I looked up.
"You see, I could point this gun at you and fire, right
between the eyes. No pain, no torture. But that almost
doesn't seem fair."
"I don't know who you are, but please don't kill me."
He trembled then, completely changed in his
demeanor.
"Begging now are you?" I tsked. "You should have
thought of that before you raped that woman. How
many times have you done that? Ten? Fifty? A
hundred?" I stepped closer to him now and I could see
his hand gripping the chair beside him. His cigarette
had burned all the way down in the ash tray and the
spiral of smoke was now seeping up around us.
"Or I could shoot this off." I pointed the gun at his
dick. "Since you seem to think you have such a big
one. Let you bleed out after I've gagged you and die a
slow and painful death."
"Please." He whimpered.
"Shut up." I snapped. Then I stepped back again.
"Or maybe a gun isn't messy enough. Maybe I should
pull my knife out. Should I do that?" He shook his
head no.
I knew I was almost out of time. I really wasn't going
to do the things I said. I was just going to put one in
his head, but it was worth it to see the sick bastard
sweat a little. After what he did to the woman, after
what I knew he had done to several others, including
killing them, I didn't care about his whimpering or
whining or suffering.
"No. I think I'll just do this the old fashioned way.
Turn around."
He slowly turned shaking.
"Now get down on your knees and put your hands on
your head." He did as I said, all the while once again
begging to be spared.
But the red haze had taken over, and the monster was
roaring to life.
I paused for another moment making him sweat a bit
more when suddenly he said something that surprised
me.
"I know what you want. I know about Il Leone. That's
why they sent you, because I figured it out."
"What are you talking about?" I stood there with the
gun over his head as he shook on his knees before me.
"Il Leone. The master, the one in charge, it's why they
sent youbecause I saw him."
"You're full of shit. You think I care about that?"
"I know you do. The brothers sent you didn't they?"
I didn't respond I just picked him up by his shoulders
and slammed him into the wall across the room. I
pressed the gun into his temple and smashed his face
against the concrete.
"No one sent me. I work alone."
"You might but you're here because of him."
"Who him?"
"Il Leone."
"If you're so smart what does he look like?" I sneered.
The monster was subsiding for the moment as the
agent returned. Maybe he did know something. Even
so, I would still have to kill him. I would still have to
fulfill the assignment.
"He's American." He gasped.
I laughed dryly. "Oh that's fucking helpful in a country
of 260 million people."
"No. I mean, he's not what you would expect."
"Whatever. You're just trying to buy time. And your
time is up."
"No wait!" He stuttered. "He's blonde, very blonde.
Like he's American but almost looks foreign."
"Great a blonde American. Do you think I'm stupid?" I
knew he was spilling now, and if I continued he might
give me more. "If you're so smart, then how come he
wants you dead?"
"Cause no one can know what he looks like."
"And you knew it was him how? I don't believe you." I
clicked my gun and began to pull the trigger back as he
cringed.
"That's all I know I swear." He cried.
"Well it's not enough. Time's up." With that I pressed
my gun to his temple and pulled the trigger.
I didn't look to see the blood splatter across the wall
or hear the sound of his body crumple to the floor.
Instead I tore out of the room knowing that I already
took way too long.
I raced out of the back of the club into the night and
took off in a dead sprint toward Dyre where I could
catch a train.
I was panting and gasping for breath. My lungs were
screaming at me as I plunged my feet forward.
Did he really just tell me about Il Leone?
The same one Jacob and his buddies were talking
about?
Was it really true? What did it mean?
I was no longer in a haze and overcome as I was
before. Now my mind was racing along with my heart
as I tried to put the pieces together.
Suddenly I stopped a few blocks from the subway stop.
I had sixth sense I was being followed. I jumped into
the shadows of an alley and listened behind me.
Then I heard it. Two sets of footsteps following me.
Shit someone saw me leave.
I took off running down the other direction of the
alley when the footsteps hit the opening.
"There he is!" I heard one of them yell. Now I wished I
didn't have to wear the leather jacket as it was
restricting me at the moment.
My eyes darted ahead to the other end of the alley
when a car turned down it.
Fuck!
This is what I got for not just doing my job and
leaving.
This is what I got for letting the monster take over.
But part of my job was to be an agent, and even though
I spent too long I somehow knew I got powerful
information.
The car shined its lights on me and I jumped into a
doorway of the alley and yanked at it but it was closed.
In a matter of seconds I pulled out my gun, and
slipped the knife from my leg. The car came
screeching to a stop and I waited in the doorway.
"I know he's here, he couldn't have gotten far." One
yelled.
By the sounds of their steps I knew there had to be at
least another two. But I was betting on five, total.
I heard him try a door a few yards down and I held my
breath. I needed the element of surprise.
A moment later another one was in front of me.
"Well what do we have here?"
I didn't even respond, I just aimed and pulled the
trigger. The silencer pinged and he dropped in front of
me. One more was right behind him and met the same
fate. Just as I was about to emerge from the doorway
the first two came from the side.
I spun and kicked the first catching him in the rib cage
as the other charged forward. I threw him over my
shoulder and caught him in the throat. The first one
began to try to come at me again, but this time I
caught him with a left to the face.
In two more swift moods he was down with a broken
neck and the second one was lying in a heap in the
alley. I took off again when I heard a cold voice and
the click of a trigger.
Fuck. The fifth one.
"Where do you think you're going?" I knew that voice.
I was instantly trying to place it in my head and figure
out who it was.
"Drop the gun."
I let my piece fall to the floor of the alley and put my
hands up, but not behind my head. I could feel him
moving in closer behind me and I knew if he came just
a few steps closer I could sweep his legs.
"Who are you?" He said then.
"No one."
"Turn around."
I turned, not sure of what I would find when I was met
with a ghost from my past.
My first kill.
Or so I thought.
How the hell was he alive?
"It's you." He spat and I could see the anger boiling
behind his eyes.
"You should have finished your job." He said then.
"I guess I'll have to do it now." I knew being cocky
would make him mad and possibly make him lose
focus. But I also knew a man scorned was much more
dangerous. And this guy could fight, I'd give him that.
But I was also much better since my first mission.
As any bruiser couldn't resist he dropped the gun
pointed at me.
"You want a second chance. You better finish the job
this time." He taunted.
He tucked his gun in his holster and began to circle me
in the alley. I stood on the balls of my feet, awaiting
the attack. But at the same time, I fingered the knife
up my left sleeve and waited for the moment to use it.
Suddenly he lunged and I didn't even think I just
reacted. We were a swarm of arms and legs, fierce
punches and kicks. He caught me in the side as I
landed one on his face. I spun and kicked him in the
chest and he grunted. He came at me again and we
fought, punch for punch, block for block, step for step.
He got me again in the mouth and I felt my lip bust
open and blood trickled down my chin.
I stepped forward again, pursuing, eyeing my target. It
was so natural now it was almost instinctual. And in
one fatal flaw he lunged too far at me. He was good,
but I was in much better shape and not nearly as tired.
I caught him in the kidney and took his legs out. In a
second, I had him pinned to the ground, knife in hand.
"Well just so you know. I don't give second chances,
but I definitely take them." I slit his throat and this
time I waited as his eyes rolled back in his head.
And with that, I was off once again.
--
My mind was still spinning and the adrenaline was
still coursing through my body as I raced to Bella's. I
shouldn't have been high after a kill, but I was. I was
on a high from finding out the information, from
taking down not one, but six Dracs. It was like a
euphoric feeling, coming full circle. I hated it and I
loved it at the same time.
I had been doubly careful in making my way to her
place and for that reason it was almost midnight. The
whole interaction with my subject and his thugs only
took an hour even though it seemed like a decade.
I rapped on her door lightly not wanting to scare her,
but at least she knew I was coming. I had a key now,
but on nights of my assignments I didn't want to take
the chances of having it on me.
Just as I was about to knock again, the door swung
open and what met me on the other side both
surprised me and made my blood race even faster.
She had been waiting.
In lingerie.
Very naughty lingerie.
In that moment, the blood, the adrenaline the
excitement from the night spilled over and I didn't
even say a word as I stepped forward slamming the
door behind me. My mouth caught hers and I threw
her back against the wall.
It didn't matter that I could have died tonight, it didn't
matter what I found out, everything was now
channeling into the goddess before me. I had so much
pent up energy, so many emotions coursing through
my body that it was dying for a releasea release the
right now only she could give me.
Her lips were blood red and tasted of chocolate and
peppermint. She fisted her hands in my hair as I
clutched her roughly to me. I plunged my tongue into
her mouth tasting her divine flavor over and over as
she fought me for dominance. We were a mess of lips
and tongue and hands feverishly pressed against one
another until I gasped for breath.
I stepped back and really took her in this time as I
noticed the dark red, almost crimson lace covering
her body. Her succulent long lean legs were adorned
in garters and stockings and I let my eyes travel down
to the five inch black heels she was wearing.
I licked my lips as I could feel my pulse racing.
"Jesus Liefje."
I bent before her skimming my hands down her sides,
feeling the lace and the smooth porcelain skin
underneath.
She moaned and pressed her head back against the
wall as I roughly squeezed the back of her legs and her
calves down to her ankles. I pressed my hands back up
the front of her legs my thumbs grazed along the
tendons right at the juncture of her thighs and she
whimpered at my teasing.
I stood up, tracing my fingers up her stomach and
over her breasts, not touching the sensitive pert
nipples pressing against the lace. Her breath hitched
and when my eyes met hers I saw an intense burning
need matching only mine in that moment.
Then she furrowed her brow. Her hands had been
pressed flat against the wall, but she raised one to
touch my split lip.
"Don't." I shook my head.
She began to speak.
"No." I stopped her. I didn't want to think about that
right now. I only wanted her. I grabbed her hands and
lifted her arms above her head instantly attacking her
neck with my lips. I was biting, licking, sucking on her
tender skin as she gasped and writhed against me.
I didn't know what overcame me, the adrenaline, the
built up tension or the fact that my goddess was
standing before me in her naughty attire.
"UhEdward." She moaned again as my hand gripped
her ass and pulled her into my painfully hard erection.
I dropped her hands and pushed the short silk robe
she was wearing off her shoulders, exposing her
completely to me. My mouth went dry at the site of her
and I was sure she could feel me throbbing against
her. It was then I noticed she had something in her
hand and grabbed it. It was a silk tie. From her robe?
"What's this Liefje?" I asked with a gravelly voice.
Her eyes were hooded and she took on a smoldering
look. "I was going to use iton you." She smirked at
me.
I gave her a devilish grin in return. "Were you now?
Well I think you missed your chance." I pressed
harder against her into the wall and her eyes widened.
I bent to take her lip in my mouth roughly and she
groaned. Every line of her body was against mine and
I was on fire from the inside out. My pent up
aggression and energy nearly at a boiling point and
waiting to erupt from me as I kissed her passionately.
I tore my lip from her mouth, my mind now racing
with the possibilities. I couldn't keep up with my
thinking, the adrenaline was still coursing through my
veins so fast. The red haze that I slipped into earlier
had now turned purple with lust.
"What were you planning to do to me Bella?" I
whispered in her ear as I let my hot breath tickle her
neck and she shivered.
"Blind fold you." She said huskily, pressing her lips to
my pulse point.
"I think the tables have turned." I licked her ear and
began to trail my tongue down her neck as I ripped the
tie from her hand.
I stepped back as I looked at her before me. Her
beautiful breasts, which were seemingly bigger now
for some reason, were straining against the material.
My eyes followed her luscious curves and once again
down her long legs as I let myself drink her in. She
looked like every guy's naughty fantasy, but she was
mineMijn Zon, Mijn Lief, Mijn Schoonheidand I
was impossibly hard with my need for her.
I saw the look of excitement and anticipation in her
eyes as I brought the tie up and covered her blazing
brown orbs with it and tied it in the back. I ran my
hands lightly down her arms and she quivered again
at my touch as I brushed my lips right to her ear.
"I want you so fucking much Bella. Is that why you
wore this? To make me want you?" My voice was laced
with need as her body shook from my words and my
hands continued their trail down her arms.
She moaned and for some reason, the dark side of me
came out and I decided to play with her.
"Answer me." I ordered.
"Yes." She breathed.
This time I let my thumbs graze up her rib cage and
over her perfect mounds. She groaned and threw her
head back against the wall as my lips locked on her
pulse point.
"You look so naughty wearing this." I kissed her and
ran my hands through her hair. "What do you want
me to do to you?"
She turned to where my voice was even though she
couldn't see me and licked her lips.
"Anything you want Agent Cullen?" She said with
inflection.
Oh fucking hell.
"You really are a bad girl aren't you?" I smirked into
her neck as my tongue traced circles across her
collarbone and the tops of her breasts. She moaned
again and squirmed against me as my hands worked
their way lower and lower.
I squeezed her thighs roughly then and spread her
against the wall and quickly ran my hands back up
over her body, locking her arms with my left hand.
Painfully slow I ran my right hand once again down
her perfect body, building the anticipation. When I
reached the point at the apex of her thighs I found that
her panties were crotchless and she was soaking wet.
"Yes, a bad girl indeed." I growled into her neck. "But
I don't want you here. I want you where I can see you."
With that, I picked her up and she gasped as I carried
her to the living room window. The moonlight was
streaming through the curtains. I could see out but I
knew no one could see in. We were too high for the
alley and the window faced a brick wall.
The light now illuminated every line of her perfect
body before me as I spun her around and pressed her
against the glass.
"Oh." She squealed as her warm body met the cool
glass and I roughly grabbed her hands once again and
placed them above her head.
"Stay there." I commanded as I let my hands burn a
trail of fire through her hair down her back and over
her perfect ass. Then I turned her head and I kissed
her, hard, driving my tongue into her mouth as she
moaned in pleasure. I could tell by the way she was
squirming that the coolness of the glass and inability
to touch me was killing her, but it was making it all the
more arousing.
I released her lips and slowly grazed her center once
again from behind and she bucked back into me.
"What is it you want Bella?"
"You." She said quickly. I continued my slow
ministrations and brought my other hand around to
feel her nipples against the glass. I slowly tweaked one
and then the other as I brought my lips to her
shoulder gently sucking on the skin there. She was
breathing heavily and her body was quaking in my
hands.
"What part of me?" I pushed her as I let one finger dip
inside of her.
"Ughyou fingers. I want your fingers." She groaned.
"Is that all?" I said as I pressed in another and she
mewled and tried to shove against me.
"No." She said and I removed them and she
whimpered. But it wasn't for long as I reached around
her drawing her to me and I pressed them into her
from the front. She gasped again and I slammed my
body against hers and roughly into the glass.
I began to work her over and over with my fingers
inside of her and my thumb against her sensitive nub.
She threw her head back so that it was on my shoulder
and cried out. My other hand roughly massaged her
breasts as I pressed my hardness into her back. I
couldn't get enough of her. My mouth found her
throat tasting, devouring her sweet flavor as I brought
her to the brink.
"Tell me what you want Bella?" I slowed my hand and
she cried out again, this time in frustration. I knew
she was close, but I didn't want her to come yet.
"Oh God Edward. I want youburied inside of me.
From behind."
She gets right to the point doesn't she?
"Do you now?" I kept my hand at her center lightly
stroking her, making her buck and whimper in
anticipation. I was entirely giving in to her yet.
I freed my left hand from her breasts and quickly
undid my belt and my pants and pulled them down
along with my underwear, freeing myself to take her. I
removed my hand from her and brought it down to
coat myself with her. This wasn't going to be gentle.
She stood, splayed against the window, not seeing me
and squirming in expectation. I let her wait for just
another second and I could see her chest heaving and
hear her labored breaths.
Without another moment, I moved my knee between
her legs and wrapped my arm around her waist as I
whispered darkly in her ear.
"As you wish Liefje."
I drove into her.
"Ahhh!" She cried out.
I instantly felt like something burst inside of me and I
couldn't get enough of her. I couldn't feel enough of
her even though she was wrapped around me
completely.
All of the pent up anxiety, anger, anticipation and
adrenaline came pouring out of me as I connected to
her. I set a pounding rhythm and she pressed her
hands against the glass trying to steady against me.
But her hips met me thrust for thrust causing stars to
dance behind my eyes.
I bent over to move her hair off her shoulder and bent
her at her waist a bit. I rained hot wet kisses down her
back and let my tongue dart out to taste her and she
moaned. I gripped her hip more forcefully as I sped up
my pace and I could feel her clenching around me,
trying to hold out until I did.
"No Liefje, let go. I want to hear youI want to hear
you scream my name."
With that she shattered, crying out as I drove into her.
"Edward!"
"Yes Mijn Zon. God you're fucking beautiful." I
pressed her against the glass and brought my hand
around to her center to try to get her there again as
fast as possible.
"Oh God, oh God!"
I was gritting my teeth and my body was screaming for
release but it just felt so good to be inside her, to
consume her. I moved my fingers faster but slowed my
pace just a bit. Her legs were shaking and her hands
were sliding against the glass trying to find something
to hold on to. I brought them back and wrapped them
around my head exposing her long neck to my mouth.
I bit down on the juncture of her neck and shoulder
and she growled at me.
"Ah. Oh fuck. Edward. I'mOh, I'm" She couldn't
even form a coherent sentence and I knew she was
close once again. I picked my pace back up and
pounded into her relentlessly, wanting her there
again. I had to feel her again.
In a matter of seconds she screamed so loud I thought
it could shatter the windows. But I was soon joining
her over the edge.
"Oh fuck Bella!" Anger, rage, intense desire exploded
out of me over and over. I felt like a tidal wave of
emotion washed away from me and I crumpled to the
floor with her in my arms.
I brought her face to mine and ripped off the blindfold
and kissed her fiercely, the emotion and sensations
spilling out of me still. Her tongue moved with mine
and we were both panting and breathing heavily from
our exertion but neither of us wanted to give our lips
away to take a breath.
At last I pressed my lips to her soundly and brought
my forehead to hers as I stroked her now damp hair
away from her face. We were still taking labored
breaths and I could feel myself slick with sweat and I
hadn't even taken my shirt off.
At last, she sighed contentedly into me and then
cringed as she moved her leg. I realized we were a
tangled heap on the floor after I brutally took her
against the window.
And in the aftermath of my desire I was intensely
regretful that I harmed her. Reality came crashing
into me and I moved her into my lap.
Oh no, what had I done?
"Mijn Zon, are you okay? I didn't hurt you did I?" I
pulled her close to me and kissed her hair as my
sickening realization dawned on me.
I had let the monster consume mewhen I was with
her.
Oh God.
I felt like I wanted to vomit, the euphoric haze no
longer here but a deep dark monster laughing at me
wickedly through smoke. I was no better than the man
I killed tonight.
I sat there reeling and trying not to run frantically
away from her for what I had done.
Bella must have sensed my predicament as my eyes
went wide scanning her face for fear.
Surely she had to be terrified of me after I did that. I
had never been that rough with her.
"Baby what's wrong?" She whispered as she put her
hand on my face. I gasped trying to get air in my lungs
as the rock set in my stomach from my realization.
She pulled my face to her with both hands now and I
felt like she was looking right through me.
"I'm so sorry." I sputtered.
"What are you sorry for? I don't understand." She
shook her head at me and then a knowing look came
over her beautiful face.
I tried to speak but she cut me off and crawled over
me.
"Edward, no, no, no, don't do this." She shook her
head and placed her hands on my face.
"I lovedthat. I was incredibly turned on. I love it
when you get allcommanding." She bit her lip shyly.
"I thought you would have figured it out by now that
II like it kind of rough. I love it when your sweet but
lately you've been sodistant, I wanted to do
something to bring back that sparkthat fire I love so
much about you." She kissed me gently and I pulled
her to me tighter.
"Oh Liefje. I want you so much all the time. Don't ever
think that's not the case." I hugged her to me realizing
we were sitting on the cold floor of her condo and
shifted to keep her in my lap.
"Then don't you ever think you would hurt me. I know
you never could." She kissed my neck as she held me
just as tightly to her.
A moment of silence set in until I could feel myself
breathing more evenly with her in my arms. I was
finally coming down from the intense high I had been
on the entire night.
"Please talk to me. What's going on? Did something
happen tonight?" She finally murmured.
How did she always know?
Yet, what could I say to her? I didn't want her to know.
I didn't want her to see how truly awful I could be,
what was at the root of my taking her like that even if
she did enjoy it, and I apparently enjoyed it
immensely.
"Edward." She prodded.
No. I decided. I couldn't tell her that.
I couldn't tell her that I just killed six men and felt
good about it. I couldn't tell her how angry I was at my
subject and how it consumed me.
I couldn't let her see that.
"I had an assignment." I finally said, hoping she could
leave it at that.
She pulled back and looked at me. "And?"
"And it gotdirty."
She frowned and I could almost see the wheels
spinning in her head. Finally she looked at me square
in the eyes.
"You don't want to tell me."
"No."
She nodded and sighed. "Why won't you just tell me?"
She whispered. "Not about your mission, I know you
can't tell me thatbut about what you're feeling." Her
eyes pleaded with me.
My throat ached as my voice caught in its box. I
wanted to. I wanted to spill everything to her but I
couldn't. The rage, the anger, the frustration, the fear,
it was all so powerful that I didn't want her to know. I
didn't want her to see that.
"Because I" I looked down and she brought my eyes
back to hers with the tip of her finger.
"You what?"
"I don't deserve you Mijn Zon. I never have." I said
quietly and her eyes danced across my face. She put
her hands on both sides of my face again and rubbed
her thumbs over my cheekbones. Then she looked me
straight in the eye with the most piercing stare I had
ever seen.
"Yes you do." She annunciated. "And even if you think
that, well that's too bad because I'm not going
anywhere." She was resolute. And even though she
deserved so much more, she deserved my thoughts my
worries, my dreams and I wasn't giving it to her, she
was standing beside me nonetheless.
"Oh Liefje." My lips found hers in a reverent kiss. I
needed her to know how much she meant to me. In the
three short months I had known her, she was
everything I had. She was the only thing that kept me
going and the only thing that made my life worth
living.
I pulled her into my arms once again and pressed my
lips to her hair as she held me to her. Tonight was a
roller coaster for me and tomorrow would be no
better. But I knew, regardless of whether I deserved
her or not and regardless of the rage that was still
boiling inside of me, she would be here, always.
--
I stepped out of my Contracts class and glanced at
my watch. I was still fucking tired as it was only
9:30.
Damn 8:30 classes.
I looked down the street and began to walk home for
my break between my Contracts and Civil Procedure
classes. I hated Tuesdays, because to top it off I had
my writing seminar in the afternoon.
I began to walk toward Claire and I's apartment
when I suddenly heard a siren screaming past me.
Three fire trucks as well as an ambulance and two
police cars were racing down the street. The cars
were pulling over trying to let them through and my
eyes followed them as they sped away. I looked to the
south when I noticed a plume of smoke way off in the
distance.
That must be one hell of a fire.
It was then that I looked around me and everyone
seemedoff. Students weren't walking to class or
talking on their cell phones, they were all huddled in
little groups across the lawn and lookedfrantic.
What the hell is going on?
I continued to head toward home when I heard
someone cry out.
"Oh my God my brother works there!" A blonde girl
to my right screeched and she instantly began
crying. Her friends tried to soothe her and it was
then that I noticed the absolute panic that seemed to
take over everyone around me.
I grabbed one of the guys standing helplessly by her
as her girlfriends tried to console her.
"Hey buddy, what's going on? Why's everyone
freaking out?"
"Haven't you heard? Two planes hit the Towers?"
"What Towers?"
"The World Trade Center Towers."
My blood instantly ran cold and I think I lost all
feeling or color in my face.
I stood there motionless as his words sunk in, but
they never did.
My Dad.
My Brother.
What the hell is happening?
"Dude, are you okay? You look like you're going to be
sick?" He stepped closer to me and my eyes went
wild.
"No. I'm sorry. I" Before I could even finish I took
off running. But I didn't want to go home, I needed to
get to my parents, I needed to see my family and find
out what was going on.
I raced down Broadway and noticed it was packed
with cars. Nothing was moving. There were people
standing outside of their vehicles and horns
screeching wildly. It looked like a scene out of a
movie, a horrible end-of-the-world kind of movie.
I was running in a dead sprint and turning toward
the park. I knew I wouldn't be able to catch a cab. It
was probably over three miles to home but I didn't
care. I dropped my bag with my law books inside and
pumped my arms faster.
My Birkenstocks were giving way to the ground
beneath me, but I couldn't feel a thing. I could only
think of getting to my parents place.
Maybe my father wasn't at work yet. Maybe Eric
wasn't. Alice was at NYU. Hopefully my mother
wasn't on an assignment.
I ran faster and faster not seeing the groups and
throngs of terrified people as I sweat through my
Polo shirt in the warm September sun.
At last I reached the townhouse and rushed through
the front door.
"Mom! Dad!" I called out and I heard sobbing from
the kitchen.
"Mom!" I raced into the kitchen to find my mother
watching the small TV perched on the far counter,
her cell phone trembling in her hand and tears
streaming down her face.
"Mom. Oh my God. What happened?" I ran over to
her and bent before her.
She couldn't speak. She just looked at me with her
startling green eyes. They were haunted and
swimming with tears.
"The Towers, they thinkOh God." She sobbed.
No, they couldn't be dead. They couldn't both be
gone. This was a mistake. They were fine. They would
get out, whatever happened.
"Mom, wasishave you heard from Dad or Eric?"
She shook her head. "Your Dad's okay, he's in
Philadelphia, but Eric" Her shoulders were shaking
now and the blood that had been pumping through
my veins from running almost four miles at a dead
sprint was now tearing through me and piercing me
like icicles.
No. It couldn't be true. It just couldn't.
I shook my head as I hugged my Mom to me.
Eric's alive.
Mijn Broer is not dead.
He can't be dead.
It's not possible.
No.
No.
"No!"
"Edward?"
"No!"
Someone was shaking me.
Who was it? Was it my mother? Was it my father
when he finally made it home from Philadelphia?
Was it Alice with her vice-grip around my shoulders
as she cried?
"No!" I shook my head. "It's not possible."
"Edward." A calm, even voice woke me from my
dream and I looked at the pair of deep espresso eyes
that were behind it.
"Bella." I rasped.
"I'm here." She said quietly and placed a kiss on my
temple.
I grabbed her hands and pulled her to me as I tried to
steady my breathing.
The pain in my chest was as strong as nine years ago.
Nine years ago today and it never subsided. Nine years
and I still had the same dream. I pushed the memory
out of my mind every other day of the year. But my
subconscious trudged it up each time and it came
rushing back like a waterfall.
Bella laid her head on my chest and wrapped her arms
around me. I knew this was no longer just about me.
She knew how I felt. She knew how much it hurt as
much as anyone did. Brad meant as much to her as
Eric did to me.
I laid there in the morning light trying to calm my
breathing and steady her against me as well. The
mood was somber, as could be expected, but I didn't
want to think about it anymore. I didn't want to relive
my dreambecause now it was such a distorted
reality. The reality was my brother was nothing of who
I thought.
And just like that the anger and the rage came back to
me along with the crushing grief. But I pushed it down
once again.
No.
Today I would be here for her.
So I held her tightly to me, hoping to at least ease
some of her pain when she suddenly stiffened and
jumped out of bed for the bathroom.
I was only steps behind her and I pulled back her hair
as she wretched into the toilet.
"Liefje, are you okay?" I said and stroked her hair
until she finished.
She gasped and closed her eyes as she laid her head
back against my chest. She had been sick for over a
week and I was starting to get concerned about her on
top of everything else that was going on.
"Ugh." She finally said. "I hate being sick. Why can't I
kick this?"
I ran my fingers through her hair and held her on the
cold bathroom floor.
"Maybe it's stress." I offered as a tinge of pain shot
through me.
Was I doing this to her?
She shook her head. "I think I have a bug. I think I
picked something up and I just can't get rid of it."
I nodded and held her until she determined she was
okay to get up. She brushed her teeth and I went to the
kitchen to make us some coffee. I didn't want to see
the paper today and neither would she. I didn't turn
on the TV or pull up the news on the internet because I
knew what it would say.
I didn't need to see it.
At last she emerged from the bedroom in her robe.
Her hair was brushed and cascaded in thick waves
down her back and her face was still flush, but she
looked every bit as beautiful as she always did.
"What are your plans for the day?" I asked as I poured
her some coffee and made her some toast with butter.
"I took the day off so I'm going to Brooklyn and I have
a volunteer thing with Alice at 3:00."
I nodded.
"You?" She asked as she sipped her coffee.
"I need to meet up with Seth and Emmett today. I need
to go over a few things I learnedlast night." I said
vaguely.
She nodded as well and we ate in silence.
"Are you coming by tonight?" She finally asked.
"Yeah. What time will you be back?"
"I should be back by dinner. I can make something."
She offered.
"Okay." I smiled, but I felt like things were tense this
morning. I couldn't figure it out. Was it just the
anniversary or was it something else?
"Are you okay?" She asked then and I took a deep
breath. I walked around the breakfast bar and pulled
her into a hug and kissed the top of her head.
"I'll be fine Liefje."
"Okay."
We stood there for a moment until she said she
needed to get ready for the day. After I walked to the
door and kissed her good-bye I felt a strange sense
from her as if she wasn't telling me something this
time. I didn't know if it was just the day bothering her
or something else.
--
"McCarty." I nodded as I took my chair at the
conference room table.
"E. What's up man? How ya doin'?" He eyed me. I was
a bit of a mess on Monday when we met and he knew it
was a tough day for me, Seth too. We had ended up
cutting our session short. I didn't drown in my
sorrows as I had for the past nine years. Instead I beat
the ever-loving shit out of a punching bag for a good
two hours in the afternoon and then had a quiet
dinner with Bella. I held her as she cried and I tried
not to. I didn't want to shed any more tears for Eric
not now. I was done with that the night I found out
about his betrayal.
But now that brought us back to why we met in the
first place.
I had been pondering the new information I learned
over the last few daysIl Leone, the involvement of
my first kill with my subject and the connections to
the investigation.
What concerned me more was the fact that the subject
used my first kill as a crony. That made me think the
link between the Volturis and the Draconis was
stronger than I originally thought and that there was
definitely someone behind the entire scheme.
Someone who knew to use the same people once the
smoke cleared after the fallout.
As we sat down for our briefing I relayed the events of
the past two weeks to everyone. When Garrett
mentioned something to Emmett about contact with
his asset, my ears perked up. But he seemed to let it
fly. Apparently he and Kate were out now anyway.
Either he didn't know why Emmett was assigned to
Bella either or it wasn't worth it to call him out in
front of everyone.
Eventually, I told them about my assignment and the
information I learned. When I said I took out six guys
Ivanova, McCarty, Clearwater and Morgan's eyes all
went wide.
I shrugged. I had fought off more before.
Then I told them about Il Leone. I knew Il Leone was
"the lion" in Italian, but it could easily be applied to
anyone. As far as I knew there wasn't anyone Italian
high up in the organization and if this person had
blonde hair, as the subject mentioned, then it was
unlikely that he was Italian. But we would keep that
possibility open.
"So if this Il Leone is the person behind it all, he still
has to be tied to an organization right? He can't just be
one man?" Garret posed.
"I agree. It's got to be more than that. What kind of
organization could or would link the four majors that
we know about?" I asked.
"I would say real estate, but Buxton kind of covers
that" Seth pondered. "What about finance? How
closely have we looked at the finances of these
organizations?"
"Closely. The analysts haven't turned up anything
because everything here is on the up and up and
everything else is abroadlocked up tight by the
Swiss." Garrett piped in.
We all fell silent.
I was getting frustrated. Whoever Il Leone was knew
what he was doing.
I sighed and ran my hands through my hair and
pinched the bridge of my nose. "Maybe the key isn't to
look at the now. Maybe we should look backward."
"Vat do you mean?" Tanya asked.
"I mean, he might be careful now because he's been
doing this for a while. But he had to get into this
somehow, and he couldn't have been this careful in
the beginning right?"
They all nodded, but I didn't know if I was getting my
point across.
"Look, we know whoever it is connects the four major
companies. But we also know that this man, started at
some point to get these groups together. When did
Buxton come into existence?"
Emmett looked through one of the briefing books.
"1991, so actually long before Dwyer or many of the
heavy hitters who are involved now were in it."
"Who was the founder?"
"Jim Buxton, former Giants player."
"Then we start there. Who was Buxton friends with?
Who did he run with? Let's find the connection,
because we know Thomas Masen is the owner of
Masen Industries. Van Rijn is a large Corporation, but
Laurent hasn't been around long enough to be the tie
there. We need to go back to that '91 time frame and
see who could have been connected with Buxton from
Van Rijn back then."
"What about Reycon?" Seth said.
"Same thing. I don't think Kebi's that old butthere
has to be something there. And I also think we should
cross check everything with Volturi."
"Well that's going to take some time but I'll give it to
them. It can't hurt." Garrett stated.
I scowled. Where the fuck else were we with this? All
of our other connections were coming up short. We
had to try something didn't we?
We broke from the briefing and I was still agitated
that the things I found out didn't really gain us much,
at least not yet.
"Cullen!" I heard Ivanova call from behind me. I knew
what she was doing. She always was able to call me out
when I was upset.
"Vat's going on? You seem pissed." She crossed her
arms and glared at me.
"Nothing."
"Yeah right. You might be able to pull zat shit vith
your girl, but not vith me." She peered at me.
Yeah right. You obviously don't know my girl.
But I returned her stare and realized she wasn't
backing down either.
"I see the same or vorse zan you everyday. I know it's
tearing you up inside. So spill it." She motioned with
her hand and gave me that steely look that she had
perfected so well.
"Fine. I am pissed. I'm pissed about Eric, I'm pissed to
be on this mission and I'm pissed we haven't found
anything."
She eyed me carefully. "Zat's not all, but it vill do for
now." Then she sighed.
"Look. It vill come. I have been under for five years.
Five." She held up her hand. "I haven't seen my girl in
four months. So I know. Don't sink I don't know how
much it fucking sucks." She raised her eyebrows at
me.
Girl?
Wait is she?
"Vat you didn't know?" She quirked again and laughed
loudly. "Sometimes men are so blindjust because I
don't have short hair and a low voice." She gave me
shit.
I smiled and laughed along with her, glad for a relief
in the tension.
"Guess that makes it easier to stay away from those
pricks at the club then huh?"
She laughed dryly. "Yes, it does. Not zat I vould ever
let any of zem touch me vith a ten foot pole." She
punched me in the arm lightly.
She sighed again and then stepped closer. "But my
point is, see it through. I am done for a vhile after zis
too. But see it through." She patted my shoulder and
turned to walk out.
I took a deep breath and got what she was saying. We
were all burned out. We were all tired and frustrated.
I wished I could just channel mine better along with
the pent up fury I had from the fact that my own
brother was involved.
But before she walked through the door to catch her
ride, I thought of something else I wanted to ask her.
"Hey Tanya."
"Da."
"Felix told me that a girl caused some troubleabout a
week ago. He said they" I blew out a breath. "They
hurt her. Do you know who that was?"
Her face darkened and she looked down.
"Da. I do." She whispered.
"What happened to her? Do I know her?"
She let out a long breath and looked up at me then.
Her blue-grey eyes were no longer fierce but now
intensely sad.
"I sink you might. It vas Marie." She said quietly.
Marie.
Oh no.
My heart sunk to the floor.
"Is sheI meanis she going to be okay."
Tanya shook her head sadly.
"No E. She's gone."
~~~-~~~

Chapter 22 ~ Everything
Chapter Song: Lifehouse - Everything
BPOV
"Bella!" Alice waived to me from across the giant
Macy's children's department. It was Friday afternoon
and I told her I would do some shopping with her for
the twins.
"Hey." I smiled and gave her a hug. "Wow, you're
really blooming. You look great."
"Ugh. I'm huge!" She waved her hand. "My back hurts,
my feet hurt, even my knees hurt. No one told me
pregnancy was going to be this much work." She
harrumphed.
"Well maybe you should cut out the heels for a while."
I raised an eyebrow at her and gestured toward the
pumps she had on.
"Pssh. Never." She smiled. "There's Rose!" She
exclaimed and before I knew it she was waddling off to
give Rose a hug as well. Alice would never change.
Emmett, Edward and Seth had to go to the club
tonight, so I had decided to spend a girl's night with
Alice, Rose and Kate. Kate wasn't joining us until later
for dinner, but we planned to shop for the twins'
nursery and other items. Since I still wasn't feeling
well and Alice was pregnant we decided to make it a
non-alcoholic event.
Rose meandered over and Alice was an instant blur.
She was tossing stuff to us left and right. I kept
glancing at Rose who would just roll her eyes. I had to
admit it was a nice distraction from the last few
weeks.
I laughed and smiled at the cute clothes Alice would
pull up. I looked at the adorable skirts and dresses for
little girls, the cute sweaters for little boys and the
little shoes. I let my mind wander to what it would be
like if I was shopping like this. But I knew that was a
long ways off. I knew I wanted Edward forever and I
wanted everything with him, butwith everything
going on, I knew it would be a long time before it
could happen.
I sighed and frowned internally as I looked a little
onesy that Alice tossed my way.
Daddy's Little Helper.
I imagined a little boy toddling around trying to follow
his father's every move, or a little girl mimicking
mine. And a pain ran through my chest at the thought,
because I pictured that little boy and girl to have
bronze hair and green eyes.
Things had been verytense with Edward. It wasn't
tension between us or about us, but tension that he
was exuding from the situation with Eric and from his
case. I could tell it was wearing on him and I simply
tried to listen and help him in any way I could.
Unfortunately he was bottling it all up inside. I was
just afraid he was going to keep doing it and I was
going to lose him because of it.
I could tell he was hiding something. He had done
rather well considering what he found out in the last
few weeks. But I could see it. I could see in his eyes
that he was pushing it all down. Ever since Sunday,
but really ever since he came home from his briefing
on Wednesday. Of course he hid it from me since it
had been my birthday. He said he wanted to spend the
night with me celebrating. Even though he bought me
a spa day and gave me my own personal massage the
night of my birthday, he was still off the entire night. I
didn't mind much because I was never one to
celebrate, but I was more worried about him.
He had moved to that point where he was intensely
angry, and I knew he wasn't sharing it with me.
Something was really bothering him.
Sunday night had been evidence enough. It was so hot
the way he took me against the window. It was exactly
the kind of reaction I had been hoping to draw from
him, to pull him back from wherever he had retreated
to.
But then he was soworried afterward that he hurt
me and that he had somehow stepped out of line. I
knew he was brooding over the issue with the way he
was so careful with me later.
If he only knew how much I liked it. Craved it.
I needed that passion and desire from him. That was
my Apollo, that was my Edward. I needed him to
forgetfor just a little while.
We walked downstairs past the perfume counter and
my stomach rolled.
I coughed and quickly covered my nose, fighting off
the urge to run to the nearest toilet.
Ugh what is that?
"Bella are you okay?" Rose eyed me and I waved my
hand dismissively.
"I just need to get away from the perfume. "
She furrowed her brow and glanced to Alice who was
now eyeing some lotions which apparently helped
with stretch marks. She was engrossed in
conversation with the clerk and I tried to step back as
far as possible without seeming rude.
Suddenly Rose looked back and said something to
Alice who just nodded.
"Why don't you come with me to get a coffee?" She
said as she grabbed my elbow.
"But Alice"
"Alice will be fine. She's asking a hundred questions to
the woman right now, it will be at least twenty
minutes. C'mon let's go get some fresh air." She
nodded.
"Okay." I had to admit, getting out of the perfume area
sounded like a good idea.
We stepped outside and I instantly felt relief as we
slipped into a little coffee shop not far from Macy's.
I ordered a decaf latte since it was evening and Rose
again looked at me strangely. We pulled up a little
table in the corner and I sipped at my latte while Rose
looked me up and down. She was making me nervous.
"Okay, what the hell? Why do you keep looking at me
like that?" I finally asked.
"Bella, how long have you beensick." She said with a
peculiar inflection.
"Uma couple weeks I guess. I just can't seem to kick
it. It must be the stress" I shrugged.
"I don't think it's stress."
"What? What do you mean?" I furrowed my brow at
her.
She glanced around and then leaned in and lowered
her voice. "Bella, I saw the way you reacted to the
perfume, how exhausted you were last weekend, and
they way you have scrunched your nose up to lots of
different thingsdo you think it could maybe be"
She trailed off.
"Be what Rose?"
She sighed. "Christ are you dense? Do you think
you're pregnant?"
Pregnant?
What?
No, that's not possible.
"No. I'm on the pill."
"It's not 100% effective you know." Rose raised her
eyebrows at me.
I couldn't possibly be pregnant besides I just had
I had to think for a moment.
Nah.
"Rose, I'm not pregnant, I'm just sick."
"Whatever you sayall I am saying is I know the
signs."
"How would you know the signs?" I laughed at her but
then her expression became dark and I instantly
stopped.
"Rose."
She pursed her lips and looked around again to see if
anyone was close to us as she lowered her head.
"When I was in college, I went out on a date with this
guy who was a big man on campus. I was nineteen,
you know, young nave, the whole ball of wax.
Anyhow, he was a littleforceful with me. But I kinda
gave in because I wanted the whole college experience
and everything." She blew out a breath and my eyes
widened at her.
Was she date-raped?
"Rose?" I pleaded with my eyes.
"I thought I could just forget it and move on. I got it
over withit was my first time. But I felt so dirty
afterward." She shook her head. "And then I started
feeling strange, and I just dismissed it because, I was
on the pill. My Mom made sure of it before I went to
college. But" She stopped and I knew what she was
going to say.
"But you got pregnant."
"Yeah." She said quietly.
"But youwhat happened?" She obviously didn't keep
it.
Her eyes got a bit glassy. "I miscarried. It took me six
weeks to figure it out, and then once I didI was
terrified. But just as I was coming to accept it and
trying to figure out what I was going to doI lost it."
"I'm so sorry Rose." I put my hand over hers. I never
knew. All this time I knew her and I never knew.
"It was a long time ago. Not many people know about
it. And even though I would have probably given the
baby up for adoption I was still sad." She frowned but
then she composed herself. "But my point is,
sometimes, you don't think it could be that because
either you don't consider it, or you don't want t. I
know with everything going on withthey guys" She
glanced around again. "It wouldn't be the most
opportune time. I'm just sayingit doesn't always
workmaybe you should go see someone."
Shit.
She couldn't be right could she?
I couldn't be pregnant?
My heart instantly began beating faster and I could
feel my face flush with heat. Holy shit, I was just
thinking about all of that earlier in the children's
department. It couldn't be true? God, how would we
even handle that right now?
"Bella. It might not be too." Rose sensed my racing
mind and cut in. "You could be right. It might just be
stress. But I just thoughtyou know"
I took a deep breath trying to get a handle on my
emotions. I was always so careful. I couldn't believe
that now, when I was in this unseemly situation that
this could happen.
"We better get back otherwise Alice will send an army
after us." Rose joked.
I stepped up from my chair and took another deep
breath before we headed out.
Just as we rounded the corner to head back to Macy's
Rose turned to say something to me.
"You know, if you want me to be there with youjust
let me know." She offered.
I nodded and as we turned I ran smack into something
hard. I steadied myself as I felt large hands on my
shoulders and I looked up.
"Bella!"
Oh crap, not now. And what is he doing in
Manhattan?
"Hi Jake." I gave him an impish smile and Rose eyed
him suspiciously.
"It's good to see you." He hugged me and I stiffened.
Rosalie quirked her brow as I backed away.
"Rosalie Hale Whitlock." She offered her hand and
shook his forcefully. He gave her a sideways glance
and I nervously fingered the necklace around my
neck. It was a little habit I picked up since I started
wearing it every day.
"Nice to meet you." He turned back to me. "I forgot,
your birthday was Wednesday. Happy Birthday Bells."
He tried to hug me again and I stepped away.
"Thanks." I mumbled and he furrowed his brow.
"I'm just going to make a call." Rose said. I nodded
and looked back at Jake.
"So. What are you doing in Manhattan?" I asked
quickly.
"Oh. Nothing, just here to pick up a few things." He
shrugged, but I could tell he was lying. Jake had no
poker face.
"How about you? Out on the town or what?"
"Uh yeah. Something like that."
He eyed me speculatively then and I could see Rose
watching us as she talked on her phone.
"Well, I better get back. I'm out with some friends." I
responded.
"Yeah of course. It was good to see you Bells." He
patted my shoulder and swallowed. I could tell that he
was hurt that I didn't give him a hug. But then his eyes
narrowed on my neck.
"Bella where did you get that?"
"Get what?"
"Thatemblem? Where did you get it?" He asked
darkly.
Oh fuck!
"UmI got it at thisumantique jewelry
storedown in Greenwich." I stuttered.
Shit. I'm a worse liar than Jake.
"Oh." His eyes stayed trained on it for a moment
before he looked back up. "Do you know what it
means?"
I quickly shook my head "no" not wanting to give
anything away and he blew out a breath.
"Well it'scool."
"Thanks."
"I guess I'll see you around." He eyed me then and I
just nodded.
"You ready Bella, we should really get going." Rose
shot Jake a look because of his close proximity to me
and I just nodded.
But as we walked away I couldn't help but finger the
pendant around my neck and ponder his reaction.
Not to mention Rose's other revelation to me.
Could it be?
Could I really be?
I knew one thing for sure. I needed to check for myself
before I jumped to any conclusions. And I definitely
needed some answers before I laid that one on
Edward. I had no idea how he would take it
--
I stepped into my apartment pissed and confused as
hell. Why would Alec ditch me on my birthday? Why
would he do that? He never blew me off in favor of his
father. It was always the other way around.
After Alec dropped me off at home I quickly changed
into some sweats and a t-shirt. I had to admit I was
pissed and hurt. It was my birthday, but I guess this
was why I didn't celebrate it. My birthday had been
shitty since I was a child.
On my sixth birthday I broke my arm.
On my eighth I cut my head open at the playground.
On my eleventh I got food poisoning.
And on my thirteenth, my golden birthday, my
Grandma Lucy passed away.
Needless to say I wasn't a fan of birthdays. But that
was all the more reason I wanted to spend it with
him. Yet he was acting so strange lately. I kept
thinking about the receipt and the stock symbols I
saw tonight and I became suspicious.
Maybe he's into something bad?
No. Alec would never do something like that.
I decided to pour myself a glass of wine as I sat and
mulled over everything. The buzz in my brain and the
warmth in my body helped to put me at ease. So I had
another.
And then another.
And after two hours of stewing and way too much
wine, I decided I was fed up. I was fed up with his
attitude lately and it was my birthday and I wanted
some answers. I was going to confront him.
I tossed on a pair of jeans, my jacket and some tennis
shoes and hopped in a cab for his apartment.
As I jumped out of the cab a light rain began and I
hurried into the doorway of his building. I had a key
for both doors and quickly made my way up to his
floor.
I strode toward his door, steeling my resolve to
confront him. But before I knocked I could hear loud
voices on the other side.
"I told you I am not selling." I heard Alec say.
What the hell? Did I hear that right? Is someone in
there with him?
Hell maybe it's just my drunken haze.
Just as I was about to knock again I heard a low,
dark voice from the other side and I stopped.
"Listen. I know how to get to you. Don't think I don't.
And you know my associate has a special place for
her should anything happen. Don't think he won't
take advantage of it."
"You wouldn't dare." I heard Alec hiss.
What were they talking about?
"Try me."
"I'm not giving in to younot like everyone else, not
like"
"Don't you dare say his name!" The other man
exclaimed and I bristled.
"Why? Because he didn't do everything you wanted
him to. You and my father and your friends disgust
me."
"That's because you'll never learn. One day you'll
understand that only one thing makes this world go
round"
"Whatever. I wouldn't sell you a thing." Alec cut him
off.
"We'll see about that." The other man snarled.
I heard footsteps coming toward the door and I
sprinted down the hall. I didn't know who it was, but
I didn't want him to find me outside Alec's door.
I ducked into the stairwell, not wanting him to see me
and held my breath. He had a black trench coat with
the collar pulled up. His face was hidden but I could
see his white blonde hair peeking out from under his
hat. He turned to look both ways down the hallway
before making his way to the elevator and stepping
inside.
It wasn't until minutes later that I finally got up the
nerve to walk back to Alec's door.
I knocked tentatively and Alec flung the door open.
"Look, I told you I don't want" He stopped abruptly
and his eyes widened in a look of horror.
"Isabella, what the fuck are you doing here?"
"I want some answers." I slurred.
He quickly looked behind me, up and down the hall
before he pulled me inside.
"Isabella, how long were you out there?" He asked
nervously.
"Not long." I responded.
"Whatdid youhear anything?"
I shook my head "no." I didn't know what it was
about but I was pretty sure I wasn't supposed to hear
it.
He breathed a sigh of relief and pulled me into a tight
hug. It felt so good I almost forgot I was pissed at
him.
But then I pressed my hands to his chest and pushed
back quickly.
"Wait." I said, starting to sober up. "Why did you
ditch me? You never ditch me over your father?" I
said affirmatively.
"Isabella, I really can't.it was business." He said.
But he wouldn't look at me.
"Right."
"Isabella, trust meit's not you. I'm just stressed
about work. I'm sorry about ruining your birthday."
He offered as he put his hands on my arms, warming
me as he always did.
I took a deep breath and looked in his eyes. He really
did look tired and stressed andworried.
"I know. Can we just go to bed now and start over?" I
offered.
He smiled at me but it didn't reach his eyes. "Of
course."
I grabbed his hand as I began to walk toward his
bedroom.
"One sec, I just need to do something." I nodded and
walked to his bedroom and stripped down to my
underwear. Maybe tonight would end better than I
thought.
I took off my jewelry and the hair tie that was in my
hair and let it fall loose around my shoulders. I
climbed in bed and waited for him to join me. But he
seemed to be taking his time. I huffed in annoyance
and coming off of my wine buzz and decided to grab
the remote while I waited.
I jumped across the bed to his nightstand and as I
grabbed the remote out of the drawer.
But just as I was about to close the drawer I spotted
something in the very back. It was round and silver
and glistening as the light shined on it. Just as I was
about to grab it I heard Alec coming down the hall.
I shot up from bed and my heart felt like it was in my
throat.
Oh my God!
Was that it?
Was that what I had been waiting for? Was that why
the dream kept repeating itself? It was the rest of the
dream from my 22nd birthday, the one that looped
through my nights over and over.
I didn't know why I couldn't remember it before now.
Maybe it was because I had been drinking that night,
or because I didn't deem it important?
But how could I not, now that I remembered it?
No, something from today, something from recently
had to have triggered it.
And what did it all mean?
I looked over at Edward who was sleeping like a rock
beside me. He had come in late last night after going
to the club so I didn't want to wake him. But my mind
was swimming with my revelations.
And who were they talking about in the dream?
I laid back down and threw my hands over my head
trying to make sense of it. I knew I had to talk to him
right away when he woke up, but for now, I needed to
make some sense of it.
It and the other wallop of a thing that I had on my
mind.
The potential that I waspregnant.
Shit.
I quietly stepped out of bed and into the bathroom. It
was early but I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to
sleep.
I opened my medicine cabinet and reached in for the
one thing I wanted to check. I stared down at the
pouch in my hand and looked at the almost empty
circular wheel of birth control pills.
I knew I was almost done with the pack. I had taken
one every day since I was seventeen. At that time, I
went to the free clinic in Brooklyn because my high
school boyfriend and I got a little too close for comfort
the night before.
But for the life of me I couldn't remember having my
monthly in August. My mind thought back to the end
of August, to what happened. It should have been
right around the time Edward found out about Eric.
I had been late before due to stress, but I had never
outright missed one.
I scrunched my nose in thought and stared at the pack
again as I brushed my teeth.
What the hell?
I take it every day, like clockwork. I was diligent about
it, especially since Edward and I didn't use any other
form of protection.
I let the toothbrush roam across my teeth
halfheartedly as I thought back on the last few weeks.
Maybe Rose was right?
Oh God.
I had been sickalmost every morning for two weeks.
And tired, and moreneedy than usual.
Crap. Aren't those early signs?
I looked down at my breasts peeking out of my tank
top.
Huh.
Are those bigger?
No. This really can't be the case. Right?
It wouldn't set in this early would it?
But if I was supposed to get it around the 22nd that
would make me
Oh shit!
My eyes widened in the mirror and I could feel my
face drain of blood.
I instantly stopped brushing my teeth and heaved into
the toilet for the first time this morning.
Oh God.
No. I can't be.
This is not good. This is really not good.
He's undercover! All these people are after me! Oh my
God!
I slouched against the tub and put my shaking hand
over my forehead.
My mind was spinning and before I heaved again I
pulled myself up to the sink.
No. It's not possible. I can't be
Pregnant.
I shook my head as I looked in the mirror and quickly
brushed my hair.
Fuck.
What if I am?
I was suddenly very nervous.
How would I tell him?
What would I say?
What would he say?
Would he be pissed? Sad? Happy?
Oh, this is so not good. There couldn't be a much more
complicated situation. We're not even out! People
don't even know I'm dating anyone.
Oh God.
I walked out of the bathroom in a daze. I knew he
would come looking for me if I took much longer.
I had never been in this position before.
And at the same time I couldn't help but feel a tinge of
excitement and that scared the shit out of me as well. I
had never been one of those women who loved
spending time with children or longed to have them. I
loved my friends' children, the ones that had them.
But I had just never beenready yet.
I climbed back into bed and rolled over to him. The
events of the last day and the morning were spinning
through my mind: the dream, the run-in with Jacob,
the potential that I waspregnant.
I gulped as I thought about everything when I felt him
roll over.
"Mijn Zon, why are you awake?" He asked tiredly.
"Umno reason." I sputtered and buried my head in
his chest. But he grabbed my chin and brought my
eyes to his.
"What's going on?"
I took a deep breath. I didn't want to tell him about the
possibility of being pregnant until I took a test. But I
needed to tell him about my dream and Jacob's
reaction.
"Um. I ran into Jacob yesterday."
"Really." I nodded. I proceeded to explain everything
to him and told him about his reaction to the charm.
Edward's eyes widened and he gritted his teeth.
"There's more." He blew out a breath and I could feel
him seething with anger. I pressed my hand to his
chest trying to calm him but it was no use.
Why couldn't he just talk to me and let it out?
"Edward."
"Yes." He snapped.
I recoiled and he looked at me apologetically as he
sighed. "What else is there?"
"Edward what aren't you telling me? Why does that
bother you so much?"
"I don't even want to think about the possibility
thatlet alone talk about it?" He shook his head.
I didn't understand. What was he putting together
that I wasn't?
"Remember when you said Leah saw a symbol of a cat
or something?" He finally said.
"Yeah." Suddenly it hit me. "You think it has
something to do with Eric?"
He closed his eyes and I could see his jaw clench.
"Yes." He said tightly.
"Well then you need to know about my dream.
Remember how I kept having that one about my 22nd
birthdayinvolving Alec." He stiffened again and
nodded as he looked at me.
I quickly relayed my dream to him and this time his
eyes didn't only widen but he jumped out of bed
abruptly and began pacing.
"Oh Fuck!" He slammed his hand into the wall and I
winced.
"Edward. Tell me please. What is it?"
"This can't be possible. Oh God no, this can't be
possible." He kept muttering under his breath and
then he hurriedly put on his jeans and his shirt and
ran out of the apartment.
I just sat on the bed, stunned by his reaction.
Something was wrong. Something was very, very
wrong. I hadn't seen him like this since the night that
someone was in my apartment. We were both terrified
of what it meant, and since then he had been even
more protective of me. I couldn't blame him. I was
scared to death myself.
Plus I was still getting the flowers at work. Last week's
had been Tuberose.
Tuberose- Dangerous Pleasures
And this week's wasn't much better.
Canterbury Bell- Constancy and
Warning.
Warning? But of what?
I was getting more and more worried
about it and Edward nearly freaked on
Tuesday when I told him about that
one. After someone broke into my place
he was more nervous. I just didn't
know what to make of it.
I quickly drew on a pair of shorts and a long sleeve
shirt.
I walked out to the kitchen and waited. I assumed he
went to Emmett's but I didn't know what this meant.
He was so angry and so on edge I didn't know what to
say to him. I felt like he was slowly slipping away from
me and it unnerved me. I loved him so much. I
couldn't let that happen to himto meto us.
Especially notnow.
I swallowed thickly at the thought.
I stood in the kitchen wringing out my hands when he
burst back through the door.
"I have to go somewhere. I need you to stay here.
Emmett's going to be across the hall, but please don't
leave."
"Edward what is going on?"
He frantically grabbed his things and his eyes were
dancing around the condo. "I can't tell you."
"Edward please, you're scaring me." My lip trembled
and I stood there watching his frenzied reaction.
"Bella, I just, I can't." His voice caught as he looked at
me and I could see a deep-seeded terror in his eyes. It
was the way he looked after he found out about Eric,
the way he looked when he found out someone was in
my placebut even darker.
He looked at me then and finally he scrubbed his
hands down his face and stepped over and pulled me
to him. He crushed me against his chest with such
force that I felt like my ribs could crack under the
pressure.
"Please just do what I say Liefje. Please." He was
shaking and I couldn't tell if it was from fear or anger
or something else.
"I will. Maybe I'll call Rose or something."
He stepped back and kissed me with such force that
my heart instantly started battering against the wall of
my chest.
"Okay. I'll be back. I promise." He gave me one more
kiss and with that he stormed out of the condo.
I stood there, spinning, my heart was beating a
thousand pulses and my breathing was irregular. I
didn't know what it meant but I knew it wasn't good.
My hands were shaking and I could feel the nausea
boiling up under the surface. I quickly took a seat on
the couch and put my head between my knees trying
to settle the rush of emotions and feelings coursing
through my body.
Finally I grabbed my cell phone out of my purse on the
coffee table and dialed up Rose. I needed to talk to
someone. I needed to figure out what the hell was
going on. I had so many questions, and I needed
someone to be with me when I finally took a test.
"This is Rose." She said groggily into the phone since
it was very early morning.
"Rose. Umit's Bella. Do you think you can come
over?"
"Bella what's wrong? Did something happen?" I could
hear shuffling on the other end.
"UmI'm not sure. ButEdward doesn't want me to
go anywhere and I need to see ifyou know" I blew
out a breath. "I need to take a test. I need to find out
what's going on because I think some serious shit just
hit the fan."
"I'll be right over. Do you need me to pick it up?"
"You're not atum John's?"
"No, I stayed at home last night since we both went out
on our own."
"If you can, if it's not too much trouble?" My voice
quivered into the phone and I tried to settle myself.
"I'll be right there."
"Thanks Rose."
I clicked off the line knowing that this was a day that
was going to change my lifeand in many more ways
than one.
--
"Oh my God Rose." Tears started streaming down my
face.
"It's going to be okay Bella."
"But how is he going to react? What is he going to say?
I don't even know if he can handle this right now!" I
began rambling as my shaking hand held the little
white stick.
Two pink lines.
Pregnant.
Oh God.
I wanted to cry, to laugh hysterically, to screamall at
the same time. I didn't know how to react to this.
Rose just hugged my shoulders as I sat on the edge of
the tub.
"Bella, I can guarantee he's not going to be angry. I
know how he looks at you. You're everything to him."
I sniffled as I realized what she was saying. "I'm not
worried about that. I'm more worried about him being
even more freaked than he already is. He's already
like a wire stretched to its tightest point and just
waiting to snap. I don't want to be the thing to break
him."
"You won't."
I sat there softly crying. Was it just yesterday I was
thinking about how great it would be to have a little
boy or girl that looked just like him? Now I was
terrified of the situation. I was in danger, he was
undercover, he was intensely angry about his brother
and this couldn't be a worse time to have it happen.
Suddenly I was exhausted. I was so spent from
thinking about this all day and trying to decipher his
reactions to everything.
Rose discerned my panic and squeezed me tighter.
"Why don't you go lay down for a while? You've been
up for a long time and it can't be good for you and
the" She trailed off.
Me and the baby. That's what she was going to say.
Oh my God, I'm pregnant and I'm having a baby.
I jumped from the tub and instantly hurled into the
toilet. I couldn't get a handle on the racing emotions
in my body. I was fearfulnot only for myself, but for
the...baby. I was tired, stressed, and yet a tinge of me
was excited. Yet I couldn't let myself feel excited when
I didn't know how Edward was going to react.
"Here." Rose handed me my toothbrush with
toothpaste and brushed my hair back from my face.
She had really become an even closer friend during all
of this. She was the only person I could confide in, the
only one who knew about Edward.
I stood up and rinsed my mouth and shuffled for the
bedroom.
Rose pulled back the covers for me and I smiled lightly
at her. I climbed in and immediately rolled to my side.
I clutched Edward's pillow to me, breathing in his
scent as Rose covered me.
"I'm just going to go watch some TV. You rest for a
while okay?"
I nodded as my eyes once again filled with tears. I
reached over to turn on my iPod station on a low tune.
I couldn't deal with the quiet right now. I needed
something to fill the hollow space around me.
As I gripped the pillow to me, I let it all settle in
finally. This was all so unexpected and mind-boggling.
I didn't know what to think. My hand wandered down
to my lower stomach of its own accord. I knew I still
needed to go to the doctor and have it confirmed. I felt
like this was my fault somehow. That I should have
insisted on using another form of protection, that I
did something wrong. I knew this was hardly the most
opportune time for this to happen.
How was I going to tell him about this? He was so
forlorn and withdrawn. I had been able to get him to
open up a few weeks ago, but recently, I felt like I was
beating my head against a brick wall. I knew he
needed to let it out. He needed to scream and yell and
carry-on until he couldn't anymore.
I needed him to do that. Especially now.
At last exhaustion took over and I slipped into a fitful
sleep, pondering Edward's return.
--
EPOV
That motherfucking asshole.
Goddamnit!
I hated him. I hated him, I loved him, I missed him, I
wanted to kick his ass from here to New Jersey and lay
into him like never before. And then I wanted to hug
him and beg him to tell me why? Why?
How could he do this? How could he possibly have
been in this deep?
Did he know about Bella? Did he do something?
As soon as Bella told me about the symbol and the way
Jacob reacted to it, and then describing the man she
saw at Alec's, I was fighting off the urge to throw up.
Mijn Broer.
Could it be?
I knew one thing was for sure. Whoever she saw was Il
Leone. And now it all fit together: why they were after
her, why she was a target, why Alec left so abruptly,
why they sent Demitri to watch her, why Raven was
close to her, the fact that Laurent was one of Alec's
friends and that was how he meant Kate.
All of it. It all fit together.
I was sick. Sick with worry and fear and an absolute
terror. I didn't want to leave her but I had to know, I
had to find out.
The worst part was, in the back of my mind where the
always calculating agent existed, I kept considering
one fact, one awful realization.
Why hadn't they killed her yet?
Surely they would send someone like me after her?
And that thought sparked the most abysmal truth that
I had fought to ignore.
She had seen it, she had seen him, and she was not
safenot at all.
I had to know. I had to know if it could possibly be
him.
Was he alive? Did he fake his death?
Has he been alive this entire time? Is that why no one
has seen him?
And did that mean that I was in danger? Did he know I
was undercover and investigating it all?
Is that why they sent someone after Bella?
Asshole. Stupid idiotic asshole.
Before it was even daylight I blew out of her
apartment after talking to Emmett. I was sure he
could hardly understand what I was saying, but he
agreed to make sure she was okay.
And I was off into the night like a specter once again. I
raced to where my stash was in Hell's Kitchen. I had
kept the key that I found at my parents' house. I
thought about where it could go to. I knew that my
parents had a file cabinet at the house in the
Hamptons for each of us. I didn't know if Eric's was
still in his room, but I had a sneaking suspicion that it
was. I was also thinking that the key might
unlocksomething that filing cabinet would show me.
And I needed to figure out what was in it.
After securing the key, a sidearm and some disguise, I
again boosted a car and left in a haste for the
Hamptons. I knew my parents were probably at the
house this weekend, and I was taking more risks that I
should be, but this had gone far enough and I had to
know.
I had to find out just how vile and deep and twisted
Mijn Broer really was.
As I sped along the highway, my hands gripped the
steering wheel so hard my knuckles were burning and
white. My jaw hurt from grinding my teeth together. I
could hardly see the road in my fog of fury.
At last I pulled into the home. I knew it was a huge
risk. But if I found what I was afraid I might find
inside, my parents would be in protective custody
soon enough anyway, along with Alice and Jasper and
Rose and Bella.
I knocked quickly, checking the grounds in my
periphery and then stepping inside. It was still very
early, but chances were my parents were awake.
The house was warm and smelled of cinnamon and
coffee. It was close to seven by now so I walked into
the kitchen and noticed my parents sitting at the table.
"Mom, Dad."
My mother jumped and spilled her coffee and my Dad
looked at me with wide eyes. He hadn't told my
mother anything, but he knew that if I showed up
unexpected it couldn't be good.
"Edward. What are you doing here darling?" Surely
my Mom could see the look of fear and disgust on my
face.
I took a deep breath and spoke. "I need to get into
Eric's roomI need to see something."
I shot my Dad a look and he just closed his eyes and
shook his head, devastated.
"Of course Dear." Then my mother stood up to take
me upstairs and looked at my father.
"Carlisle, is something going on?"
But I stopped him before he could speak and I
squeezed the tops of my Mom's arms.
"MomDad has something he needs to tell you, and I
need to go take a look at something. When I'm done, I
will help explain everything."
I could see the worry spread across her face as she
looked at me in contemplation.
I kissed her on the cheek and walked upstairs,
dreading what I was about to find.
It all came down to this.
Here at this home that we both loved so much, and it
all came down to this moment.
I felt like a soldier marching into battle, but yet
knowing without a doubt that I was not going to
escape unscathed on the other side.
I knew I was going to be wounded.
Lucky if I wasn't dead.
As I opened the door to Eric's room a creepy feeling
swept down my spine and then settled in the pit of my
stomach.
I drew a breath and opened the door to find it cold and
dark. I flipped on the light. It wasn't a beautifully
redone guest room like mine or Alice's, but it wasn't
exactly the same either. Nonetheless no one had used
it since he died. I was sure of that.
As I glanced around the room, the closet was
beckoning to me, like a dark evil vampire curling his
finger at me, drawing me in.
I clenched my fists at my side and marched over and
tore it open. Inside was the filing cabinet, so similar to
the ones each of us had. It held copies of life insurance
policies, trust documents, a will, and any other
important papers that needed to be kept. We each had
a safe deposit box downtown as well, but this was a
back-up for us, since we were all very financially well
off, even for our young ages.
The key in my pocket burned a hole and at once I
removed it and tried it. But it didn't fit, making its
existence all the more exasperating.
Just how many secrets did you have Mijn Broer?
With a last breath and the ends of my will I pulled on
the drawer and it opened easily. Inside was folder
after folder of statements.
My fingers swept over the headings listing the various
banks and I pulled them out one by one. I moved
through each noting the dollar amounts, nothing
extraordinary, but also much less than I had. It made
me wonder where all of his money went.
I opened the second drawer to find his will and I
pulled it out.
My eyes instantly darted to the four letter word in the
corner.
VOID
Fuck. He voided his will?
That could only mean one thing. He had another.
And with that I no longer cared about the order of the
documents or what was before me. I pulled it all out
and began to throw it across the room. My anger at
him, the situation, the fact that I wasn't getting any
answers spewing out of me.
And then I stopped. Because lying at the bottom of the
first drawer was a single folder. Under the others so
that it was hidden up on first glance.
I picked it up and opened it with trepidation.
Banque Privee
My heart fell into my chest as I looked at the
documents. They confirmed what the analysts had
told me. That he owed money. But if he owed money to
someone how could he be in charge?
Unless it was all a rouse.
I flipped to the next document then and my heart
stopped.
It was an entirely separate account, and in it was a
very large amount of money. Millions of dollars more
than I knew he should have.
And the only stocks in the account were for Van Rijn,
Reycon, Buxton, and Masen. I looked at the date the
account was opened and I noticed it was close in time
to his death.
September 5, 2001.
Only a day or two after our last in person conversation
on the patio.
Only days before he performed the ultimate betrayal.
Finally my eyes swept over the last document in the
file.
It was a medical record. A record of a woman named
Angela Weyman.
Angela Weyman?
I looked up and down the record to see what it was
for, when I froze.
June 22, 2000- Aspiration of fetus, 8 weeks
What the fuck?
Did he lie about that too?
Was Eliot not really his child?
My mind instantly began racing as I sat down on the
bed and held my head in my hands as my body shook
violently.
I didn't know my brother at all.
How could he do all this? How could he be involved in
all this? He was obviously behind it to some extent. I
didn't know if he fell victim during his own evil game,
but he was on the dark side, I was sure of it.
And this, this medical record, what the hell did it
mean?
I looked at the woman's name again and I noticed that
she listed her employer as Reycon.
Did everything mean nothing? Was it all a game? Was
it all some sick twisted secret that he carried on
behind all of our backs?
I couldn't look at it anymore. I stood up letting the file
folder join the mass on the floor and it crinkled below
me. But before I walked out, I noticed one last thing
fall from the folder.
I bent to pick it up. It was a picture, a very old picture,
of two men. The one man had light colored hair and a
fair complexion and the other man looked to have
dark hair and a darker complexion. They had their
arms around each other grinning in their Columbia
Prep sweaters and tennis rackets.
I didn't know what it meant. I didn't know who it was
or why it was in there.
I just knew I couldn't look at any of it anymore. My
parents weren't safe, Bella wasn't safe, if he was in
fact Il Leone or he worked for him in some capacity.
Just then my father came to the door and I looked up
at him. I tossed the picture back in the mess on the
floor and sighed.
"Edward."
"You need to call Alice. You need to get her and Jasper
out here and you need to be very careful. I think
you're going to have to get a protective detail for a
while."
My father closed his eyes and swallowed and then
opened them and looked at the destruction around
me.
"Your mother" He trailed off and I knew what he
was going to say. She had to be sick over this.
"I'm sure." I clenched my fists at my side and stepped
toward the door as he moved out of my way.
"Where are you going Edward?"
"I really don't know." I mumbled.
I only knew one thing. I couldn't face my mother and
my father right now. I couldn't face the fact that Eric
could be Il Leone or worked for him.
And I couldn't face the anger that was boiling inside of
me.
--
I slammed the door behind me and instantly marched
into the condo. I couldn't get a handle on what I
found. I felt like everything was spinning out of
control in front of me. My life as I knew it was over.
Everything just blew up around me and I was left to
pick up the pieces yet again.
I stopped abruptly when I saw Rose sitting on the
couch.
"About time you got back." She shot me a look and I
furrowed my brow at her.
I sighed. I didn't need to deal with this right now
either. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a drink.
I poured a glass of Ketel One and instantly downed it
to start on my second when I felt a pair of eyes on me.
I turned around to see Rose with her arms crossed
and staring at me.
"What?" I snapped.
"Oh for fuck's sake Edward, I've known you my whole
life. You're losing it. When are you going to realize
you're not in control of everythingno one is." She
retorted.
"I'm not fucking stupid Rose." I hissed. "I know I can't
control anything and it's been blaringly obvious the
last few weeks." I railed.
She huffed and stepped closer as she lowered her
voice. "But it's always about you isn't it." She said as
she sighed.
"Look. You stormed out of here earlier, scaring the
shit out of Bella, not telling her anything. Do you know
what she's been going through?"
My heart instantly leapt into my chest and I opened
my mouth to respond, but Rose continued.
"You think we don't all have painthat we don't all
hurt? We do. You're not the only one that lost a
brother, or lost someone for that matter." Her words
pierced me like a knife.
I gripped my glass as the anger bubbled inside of me.
"I've sat on the sidelines long enough with this. Alice
and Jasper hurt just as bad when Eric died. So did
your parents. And so did Bella when Brad died. And so
did Emmett when he lost Bree. But he's moved on,
they've moved on. Shit happens Edward. And if you
don't get yours together you're going to fuck up the
best thing that has ever happened to you." She gave
me a steely stare and blinked my eyes and prepared to
speak until I heard a low voice from the doorway.
"Rose." Bella murmured. I turned to look at her and
she looked absolutely spent.
My chest ached at once and Rose's words hit me like a
freight train.
What was I doing? Why had I ruined everything?
Why had I mourned the undeserving brother of mine
for so long?
Rose glanced at Bella and then to me. "I'm going to
Emmett's. I'll leave you two."
She turned to Bella and gave her a hug and whispered
something in her ear. Bella nodded and Rose
squeezed her again before shooting a look at me. I was
instantly regretful. I had left her in a state of despair
and worry, of course she was probably angry or upset
with me. She was the target after all, not me, and I just
took off on her once again in trying to pursue my own
desires.
Like I always did.
Fuck.
I heard the door click and the condo was still and
eerily quiet. All I could hear was the rain thumping
against the large living room windows.
My eyes lifted to Bella's and I was struck by the
intense sadness, fear and worry in her eyes.
Shit. I had done this to her.
I instantly stepped back, trying to burn the image out
of my mind, but I couldn't. At once all of the emotion,
all of the warring, burning fear and tension rushed
through me.
I downed the second drink in my hand and then
slammed it on the counter. I heard the glass splinter
under my hand and Bella winced at the action.
She stepped forward tentatively and put her hand on
my arm.
"What's wrong?" She whispered.
I didn't want to tell her. I was afraid if I spoke then I
would lose it for good this time.
"Nothing."
"Yeah right." She recoiled.
"I justI can't tell you." I said trying to push it down.
"Why?" She said exasperatedly.
"Because, I am so angry, I don't want you to see it. I
don't want you to see this side of me." I said through
clenched teeth.
"I don't care." She said firmly.
"Well I do."
She exhaled loudly. And then I saw her transform
before my eyes. She was no longer tired and sad. She
was fierce. She had a look of determination in her eyes
that I had never seen.
"Goddamnit Edward Cullen!" She shouted and
smacked her hand on the counter as well.
I tensed. Her tone was one of reprimand and it went
straight to my core.
"Yell at me" She annunciated. "Scream at me! Let it
out for Christ's sake, because I can't take it anymore.
Just don't draw in." She begged. Her eyes danced
across my face as she pointed to herself.
"I can't yell at you." I finally said.
But she didn't relent. I could see; she wasn't going to
relent this time.
"Yes you can. You know why? That's what I'm here
for. I know it's not about me." She waved her hands
getting louder and stepped forward. Then she pressed
her finger into my chest, poking right at my heart.
"I know it's about Eric, your mission, not me. So yell
at me. Scream at me. I'm not a child. I can handle it
and you need it. But I'm not going to stand around
and watch you self destruct anymore!"
Her eyes burned into mine and I could feel every
emotion, every bit of anger, fear, dread, sorrow and
fury rise up and boil over.
"Why? You really want to know?" I spat.
"Yes." She said firmly.
We had only fought a few times, but I knew one thing,
when she stood her ground, that was it.
"Fine." I slammed my other hand on the counter, but
this time she didn't wince. I turned and paced across
the small kitchen, opening and closing my mouth a
few times before I stopped and looked at her.
She merely cocked her eyebrow at me in challenge.
And at once I erupted.
Everything that I had kept inside for the last month
exploded out of me.
I ranted about my mission, about the connections,
about not being able to help anyone, being pissed at
Eric. I screamed about being pissed because I didn't
know, pissed at my father, who he has no reason to be
mad at, pissed at the FBI, just pissed at everyone.
I was like a madman raging back and forth across the
floor, my arms were gesturing wildly and my body was
shaking.
I told her about Il Leone and the symbol and the
medical records and the possibility that Eliot might
not be his. I could see something flash across her eyes,
but she continued to stand there, steadfast and
unwavering. I told her about Raven and Laurent and
Demitriabout everything I knew about them, how
evil they really were. I told her about the Draconis and
Jacob and the organization. I mentioned the
connections with Alec and Eric and the things I found
at the Hamptons today.
I told her about my missions, about having to kill so
many people. And then relayed my taking out six guys
last week and not feeling bad about it.
I went on and on and on, unyielding, holding nothing
back, because at that point, I honestly couldn't hold
anything back. All of the feelings I had pushed down
for so long poured out of me like hot molten lava
heading for the shore. It was as if I was releasing nine
years of it into this kitchen on this dreadful Saturday
afternoon.
I spilled about the girls and the things I had seen in
Romania. I told her about Marie and how I found out
she was killed on Wednesday. I told her how enraged I
was, how absolutely disgusted I was, by the entire
situation.
Finally I stopped and turned to her. She was still
standing there, resolute and stalwart in her gaze. I
was breathing heavily and I felt as though I had
emptied my insides over and over again. I heaved my
despair and wreckage onto the floor. I gasped as I
caught my breath from my tirade and I looked right in
her eyes.
"Why did you want to hear that? I don't want you to
see how irate I am, I can't handle it myself." I rasped.
She moved toward me with purpose and put her
hands on my face.
"Because you have to. You have to work through it and
not bottle it all up all the time and you have to tell
me."
"Why should I? I don't want to burden you with it."
"You need to, and that's what I am here for. I'm in this
with you. We're in this together remember. And I'm
not leaving youeverI love you more than I can
say" She trailed off. And before I could reply she
whispered. "And because if you don't I'm afraid I'm
going to lose you." And for the first time her stoic
demeanor cracked and I saw the love and the passion
in her eyes. I saw the worry and trepidation that I
would never move on, that I would never get over it.
I tugged her to me with remarkable force and
wrapped my arms around her. For all I had just told
her, for all she had heard, she was worried about me.
She was concerned about me, and everything stopped
at that realization.
She was everything I always wanted, needed, craved,
yearned for.
I couldn't believe the amount of love and strength and
undying devotion she had. She was remarkable to me,
as unbelievable as I thought her that first day at Gray's
or at the Met when I didn't even know her.
And for the first time in nine years, a calm washed
over me and all of the fury and anxiety melted away. I
felt her wrap her arms around me and grip me tightly.
She was rightshe was always rightI needed to vent
the frustrations- being pissed at the world wasn't
helping me. Once again Mijn Zon knew and she saved
me from myself. Rose was right, if I didn't start
talking I was going to lose the best thing that had ever
happened to me, and I couldn't do that. The best thing
that ever happened to me was standing here in my
arms and telling me that she would never give up on
me.
I had to give her the same thing in return. She
deserved it, and so did I.
I finally came to that realization.
For as mad as I was at Eric, for as frustrated as I was
with the mission and the situation, it paled in
comparison to how I would feel if I lost her.
I couldn't even think of that.
I pressed my lips to her hair and rubbed my hands
down her back as I breathed her in and felt her small
frame against mine. She was my life, my air, my water,
my grounding.
"I'm so sorry Liefje. I'm so sorry." I murmured.
She sighed and she looked up at me, her eyes wet with
tears. I bent down to kiss them away and stroked my
fingers down her face. She was so beautiful and so
unbelievably strong. She amazed me.
For as much as I tried to push her away, she fought me
back ten-fold, relentlessly.
She was my equal, my rock, my salvation.
"You have to talk to me. You have to let me in." She
whispered.
"I know." And I did know. I knew now more than ever.
I kissed her soundly and my body warmed at the heat
she emanated from her very soul. She clutched me to
her, her hands trailing up my back to the hair at the
bottom of my neck. Her lips grew needy and fervent
and I felt myself getting lost in her. I needed her every
second, every minute, every hour of every day.
She slowed her kiss as she brought her hands around
to cover mine on her face and her shimmering
espresso eyes met mine. She took a deep breath and
her lip trembled a little as she prepared to say
something.
"What is it Liefje?" I said as I acted in kind, letting the
calm settle over me for the first time in what seemed
like forever.
"I need to tell you something." She swallowed and I
waited.
She closed her eyes and reopened them, steeling her
resolve. I just stood, silent, letting the moment take
over itself as she prepared her words, wondering what
it could possibly be.
"Edward, I'm pregnant." She finally whispered.
What?
Did shewhat did she just say?
"What?" I said, absolutely flabbergasted.
She sighed and closed her eyes as I held my hands to
her face.
"I saidI'm pregnant."
My throat constricted and my heart took off like
throng of wild horses.
Did she just say she was pregnant?
Oh my God.
My eyes danced across her face as hers paralleled
mine. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak, I couldn't
even think. All of the emotion that had just spilled out
of me only moments before was once again coursing
through me, but now for a completely different
reason, and I didn't know what to make of it.
I was
Elated? Terrified? Shocked? Speechless?
Minutes, hours, hell, days might have passed as I
stood there staring at her face, trying to contemplate
her words. She didn't say anything, likely watching my
face for my reaction.
My legs were wavering under me as her words sunk
in.
Without a word, I could only do one thing. The day,
the last few months, the last nine years culminated in
this one moment.
I crushed her to me as I fell to the floor on my knees.
Her arms stayed around me as she joined me and
tears filled my eyes and ran down my face without
willing them to do so.
I couldn't discern what I was saying, or even
understand the words coming out of my mouth.
"Oh Mijn Zon. Liefje. Oh my God, are you serious? I
love you. I love you so much. Oh my God. But how?
But when? I can't believe it. You have to be kidding
me. Oh my God. Really?"
I could feel her crying against me as I kissed her hair,
her neck, her shoulders, and her forehead as I pressed
her against me further. I was a bumbling mess as I sat
there with her on the kitchen floor.
My mind was racing and my heart was thundering in
my chest. I didn't know what to think. I was just so
overcome witheverything that I couldn't form a
response.
"Edward." She finally pulled my face back and put her
hands on my cheeks. "So you're notmad?" She said
as I could see the tears in her eyes.
Mad?
Was she crazy?
Freaked. Worried. Excited. Scared to death yes. But
mad, never.
"Oh my God. Liefje, no. No, I'm not mad." I kissed her
powerfully and I could feel her sigh in relief against
me.
"I'm sorry if you thought that. When did youhow?" I
was so shocked I didn't know what to say.
"Umit must have failed. The pill." She bit her lip and
I nodded.
Well this was sure something.
She blew out a breath and continued. "I took a test this
afternoon. Rose suspected it, after being sick and all."
It made so much sense now. She had been sick for two
weeks. She was always tired, and her body had
changed. I could see it, but of course I was so wrapped
up in myself that I didn't notice.
Rose was rightabout everything she said.
God I'm so stupid.
It was a sobering moment, the most sobering moment
of my life as I sat there on the floor with everything
precious to me in my arms.
"You haven't been keeping this in have you? I'm so
sorry for how I've acted. I'm so sorry Liefje." My lips
met hers again and I could taste the mixture of the
tears between us. Hers moved against mine vigorously
and soon enough we were both breathless and
trembling.
She shook her head at me and then smiled shyly. "No,
I just found out today. I wanted to tell you right
away"
I was overwhelmed by the feeling of love from her and
immense relief from bearing my soul this afternoon.
In that moment my entire world came together in the
blink of an eye.
I knew that I was done. I was going in Monday to tell
Garrett everything. I was going to request a protective
detail for Bella and I was going to bow out of the
mission and merely offer my services in briefings until
it was completed.
With those two words my entire life shifted before my
eyes.
Everything changed.
It wasn't all about me anymore. It had never been
about me and I failed to see that for too long.
My anger at Eric, at the mission and the situation
subsided as everything sunk in. I couldn't control it. I
would help in any way I could, but I could no longer be
undercover, not now. Not with what I found out both
today at the Hamptons and tonight in this very
kitchen.
I was going to be a father.
Holy shit.
My world was officially rocked and at that thought
absolutely everything around me stopped.
That was a thought that had been entirely in the
abstract to me for so long. Even when Eric found out
about Eliot, it didn't strike me the way it struck me
now.
Part of that was the fact that it was Bellathe most
perfect woman in the world for me.
The other part of it was that I hadn't truly lived my life
for so long that I didn't have one.
But I had one with her.
Here.
Now.
And following my revelations and feelings about her
was the absolute terror of losing herlosing both of
them now.
Oh my God. I'm going to be a father.
"Edward." Her angelic voice pulled me from my
thinking and I realized I was almost smothering her.
"Edward, baby what is it?" She asked tentatively.
"Oh Liefje. I'm" I didn't know what to say to her. I
was so conflicted with emotion over what I found out
about Eric today and the news she was telling me. It
was a bittersweet day.
But then and there I finally decided to release it. I
finally decided to let it be swept away, swept away
with the other things I couldn't control, that none of
us could control. I was just going to move forward
with her and focus on the life we could build because
that was true and honest and the most real thing I had
ever known.
"I love you so, so much." I whispered as I kissed her. A
lone tear trickled down her cheek and I quickly wiped
it away.
"So you're really okay with this?" She asked.
"Yeah. Whyaren't you?" Suddenly a pit formed in my
stomach. I mean this was obviously not opportune
By any means
At all.
But it didn't matter.
"Noit's not thatit's justwith everything going
onI didn't know how you would respond." She said
quietly as another tear left her eye.
I ran my hands down her arms and bent to kiss her
tear away. "I'mspeechlessbut I'm definitely not
angry. I'm...actually more than happy. I can't explain
it Liefje. I've had such a bad day, such a bad" I
trailed off. "Everything I've found outthis
justwipes it all away."
"Really?"
"Really, really." I smiled at her but as I looked into her
eyes I was overcome with passion once again. I took
her face in my hands and pressed my lips to hers. A
familiar fire spurred in my stomach and it instantly
spread throughout my body.
That I could love and feel so much for one person still
overtook meevery time. Every kiss, every touch was
like fire and it was like the first time all over again.
She reached her hand up to my face and traced it
along my cheek. I could feel each whisper and
moment in her touch. My breath caught in my throat
as I stopped and just stared at her.
The mother of my child.
I never thought I could say thatwould say that.
The thought stopped me dead in my tracks. In that
moment I knew that everything I needed was right in
front of me. She presented my way out. She saved me.
I didn't do anything. I was nothing without her. She
was everything.
I pressed my mouth to hers and trailed my fingers
through her silky chestnut waves as our bodies
melded together. It was perfect and reverent and
everything I wanted even on the cold kitchen floor.
At once, I had the strength of a thousand men. I
wrapped my arms around her, never letting my lips
leave hers as I stood up. I would protect her with my
life. I would protect them both with everything I had
in me.
But I couldn't think about that, I could only focus on
the woman before methe love of my life, the love of
myexistence.
I could feel her tears touching my cheeks as she kissed
me with so much adoration it shot to the center of my
chest with such force that I trembled. My tongue
slowly met with hers and it wasn't forceful or hurried.
It was as if we were experiencing our first kiss again,
tasting each other for the first time.
***In a matter of moments I was setting her on the
bed. I couldn't tear my eyes away from her swimming
espresso orbs. I kneeled before her and wrapped my
arms around her back as she spread her legs around
me. I could hear a low song playing in the background
and the windows were open blowing a soft breeze
through the curtains. They billowed out in supple
waves just as the breeze reached her and curled
around her chestnut locks.
The look in her eyes was undeniable. I only hoped I
could express for her the torrent of emotions tearing
through me at this time.
She rested her hands on my shoulders as I pulled her
close to me and nestled my head against her stomach.
To know there was a part of both of us growing inside
of her made my heart ache and clench inside of me.
She was everything. My sun, my moon, my light, my
love, my savior. Everything.
I bent to kiss her stomach and her breath hitched
above me. I looked up to see the giant tears spilling
down her face and I slowly moved up her body,
stroking her legs and gently rubbing her sides as I laid
her back on the bed.
Her hair spread out along the pillow as her beautiful
skin glistened in the dim light of the day. The rain was
lightly tapping against the window panes as the cool
breeze continued to blow in through the crack in the
window.
I couldn't put a word to what I was feeling at the
moment. I was swept away by the sensations.
Suddenly nothing else in the world matteredall that
mattered was the woman before me.
I crept further up her body, a body I knew as well as
my own and placed gentle, reverent kisses along her
long bare legs, from her ankles and up to her calves.
She laid back and looked at me with hooded eyes and I
could feel the need and love emanating from her. I
pressed my lips to the inside of her knee, her inner
thigh and then traced my fingers near the juncture of
her legs as she closed her eyes and lost herself to my
touch. I wanted to kiss every inch of her, feel every
inch of her under my fingertips.
I slowly discarded all of her clothing, kissing,
whispering words of love to her as I joined her and
completely bared myself before her.
But my breath caught in my throat at the sight before
me.
Was I so blinded the last few weeks to not see this?
Never again, I vowed.
"Oh Mijn Zon. You're so beautiful. So very beautiful."
I trailed my fingertips from her neck, down her ribs to
her center and she moaned as I stroked her lightly. It
still amazed me that someone so perfect, so loving,
could love me in return.
I laid my body flush against hers as she wrapped her
arms around me and her fingers grasped my hair. I
could feel her massaging my scalp and it felt so tender
and caring, yet conveyed an undying need.
I grazed my hands over her breasts, down her curves
and over her hips and the inside of her legs once
again. I was caressing, kissing, savoring, and
experiencing her all over again.
"Perfecte. Prachtige. Mijn Schoonheid." I murmured.
She shivered a bit and I could still feel the cool, yet
refreshing wind whispering through the room.
I reached down to pull the sheet over us and it
billowed around me like a parachute set to flight. She
looked even more beautiful as the white of the sheet
illuminated her dark curls and her captivating brown
pools. Her luscious pink lips were spread in an "O" as
my eyes burned into hers.
This was the picture I wanted burned into my memory
for the rest of my life.
Not my missions. Not my assignments. Not the
horrible things I had seen over the last seven years.
Just her. Like this. With the white against her creamy
skin and her perfect naked body beneath me.
I slowly pressed my lips to her neck and moved my
way down to her stomach and let my mouth linger
there. I felt her hand in my hair as she held me and I
kissed her right over her stomach. She whimpered a
bit my heart skipped at what she was thinking because
I was thinking the same thing.
Then I ever so easily traced back up her body until I
took one of her pink nipples in my mouth.
"Oh." She closed her eyes and her lips parted silently
at my touch. The sheet was still moving around us
without effort and I could feel the soft cotton abrading
my back like a caress.
I covered her body with mine as I paid tribute to her
and she gasped and moaned gently beneath me. Her
taste, her smell, the sight of her below me, in this
moment, at this time, a time I knew somewhere in the
dark recesses of my mind I would never have again,
was permeating my senses.
I could feel her breath, I could feel her heart, and I
could feel her love with every kiss and every touch. I
only wanted to return everything to her.
The soft music lilted through the air around us,
outside the cover of the sheet and the warmth of her
body. Our hands and our lips were memorizing each
other and I sighed as she gently ran her fingertips up
and over my chest, down my shoulders and clasped
my back.
Finally I made my way to her lips after taking the time
to explore her entirely and looked into her soulful
eyes.
"I love you Mijn Zon. You're my life Liefje. You always
will be."
One more lone tear crept down her face and I kissed it
away as I felt her hands on the small of my back and I
slowly pressed into her, once again making myself
whole.
"I love you Edward. My Apollo." She sighed as I filled
her and she filled me even more completely.
"Ik hou van je, Bella. De moeder van mijn kind." I
whispered in her ear as I began to move, overcome
with the feelings coursing through my body.
The sheet surrounded us and with every push, every
sigh, moved in unison.
She wrapped her legs around me as my mouth met
hers. Our tongues worked in sync and my chest met
hers so that every inch of us was connected. We were
dancing beneath the soft cotton, slowly, worshipfully.
The sounds in the room, the rythym of the song
playing and the sheet moving with us fell in perfect
time. It was as if the entire world aligned, just as it did
the first night.
I kissed her, passionately, trying to show her and
share with her everything I was feeling as I moved
inside her. Her hips met mine and I began to thrust
faster without willing my body to do so. I wanted to be
consumed by her.
She was all I wanted, all I needed, everything in the
world to me.
I broke my mouth from hers as a slow bead of sweat
formed on her forehead. The heat pervading both of
us was squelching, but I didn't want to leave this
place, I didn't want to close my eyes and have this
sight removed from my vision. So instead I pressed on
and she moaned and gasped as her eyes locked with
mine and her hips met me in measure.
That familiar burn uncoiled in my stomach and
spread to my limbs, to my feet to the tips of my toes,
but it was still as if it was the first time.
I curled my legs and pressed into her farther and she
gripped my shoulders harder.
"Ah...Edward." She cried out breathily.
"Liefje..." I brushed my thumb over her nipple as I
took the other in my mouth, swirling my tongue
around it until she was writhing against me. Our
movements became more frantic, but still reverent,
and even in the dim light of the rainy day and with the
sheet wrapped around us, I could feel the intensity of
my release spiraling through me.
She began to tighten around me and I crashed my lips
to hers again, claiming every ounce of her body
against mine. She moaned loudly into my mouth as
her legs gripped me tighter and I lifted her hips with
one hand and turned mine to meet her.
"Oh...Oh God." Her head fell back and my mouth
instantly found her neck, tasting, kissing, savoring her
sweet essence there. I locked my lips below her ear
and then murmured to her.
"I love you forever. You're everything to me Liefje.
Everything. You and our baby."
At that, she quietly, but with force tightened around
me and shattered as she threw her head back in a
silent exclamation. I quickly followed and I was struck
with the power of my release as white lights flashed
behind my eyes and I shuddered.
I was breathing heavily as I covered her body with
mine once again and kissed her tenderly. I never
wanted to leave the cavern we had created beneath
our parachute, as if it was our life force to take us
away from the outside world and hide us from any
more pain or sorrow or fear.
I rolled to her side and turned her to me as I stared
into her eyes. I rubbed my thumb under the darkness
as she closed her lids and hummed into my touch. And
we just laid there, still and barely breathing in the late
afternoon light as the breeze whispered around us.
--
"I'm going to Garrett Monday." I whispered as my
fingers gently traced her cheekbone, down the satin
skin of her jaw and back up to where her long lashes
met the ivory.
"Okay."
I swallowed and stared at her, still unbelieving of the
situation.
"I'm stepping down Bella. I'm too close to it all now
and...I want a protective detail on you. Myself
included of course, but I want someone to escort you
to and from work.
She sighed and closed her eyes. I had just explained
more about everything I found out the last few days,
about Eric, Il Leone and all of the connections that
seemed to be coming together.
But one fact wouldn't leave the back of my mind.
One fact terrified me beyond measure. And now that
she was carrying my childsomething I was positive
about even if she still needed to go to the doctorI
didn't want to take any risks.
I still couldn't figure out why they hadn't taken her out
yet. There was still one piece missing and that
concerned me even more.
"Okay." She finally relented. I knew she didn't like the
protection and the cover, but I also knew she would do
it for me. There was a light at the end of this tunnel
and I felt much more equipped to step down and
simply help with the investigation if I could and lay
low until it was completed.
Lay low, and protect her at all costs.
"What do you think they'll say?" She asked quietly as
her fingers traced circles over my chest.
"They won't be happy...and I might get reprimanded,
but I don't care." I murmured and draped my arm
around her to pull her closer to me.
We fell silent for a moment as our lips locked again,
kissing languidly as the day turned to night.
"Are you going to tell your parents?" She asked
quietly.
I brushed my hand through her hair and thought for a
moment.
"Yeah...and I want to tell them about Eliot finally too.
But with what I just found out...I don't know." I
sighed. "Yet I want to come clean with all of it and just
let the chips fall where they may. He'll still be my
nephew even if he's not..biologically, I couldn't take
that from him. My family will probably have to be
protected as well for a while so they might as well
know...everything." I swallowed.
It still pained me to think of it all. But she was right.
Rose was right. I couldn't change it. He made the
stupid decisions and it had nothing to do with me. All I
could do now was move on and live my life with a
different purpose. Devote it to Bella and our child and
reconnect with the family that I did have left.
"I think that's a good idea." Her hand cupped my face
and I closed my eyes as we held each other. "And when
it's over..." She asked tentatively.
I opened my eyes again and was met with the
bottomless brown. I cupped her face as my blazing
green met hers.
"And when it's over..." I took a deep breath and said
the next words with every feeling, every ounce of
energy I had in me. "I want to marry you. I want to
raise our child. I want us to have a life together. I want
everything..with you. I will never leave you."
Her breath hitched and her eyes filled with tears as I
pulled her to me. I could feel her shaking against me
as the tears streamed down her face and met my
uncovered chest.
"I want that too." She whispered against me and my
heart swelled at her words. I hugged her tightly to me,
trying to show her just how much I meant it.
Soon, it would all be over and we could start our life
together. Soon, the FBI would be behind me and the
investigation would be complete. And soon, she would
be mine, in every way. I thought about the possibilities
and our future in the quiet of her apartment, vowing
already to do anything I could to make her happy, to
be the man she deserved and protect her, protect
them. Eventually we drifted off to sleep in the
darkness of the evening.
--
I kissed Bella good-bye on Monday morning and told
her to call me as soon as she got back from seeing her
doctor. She had an 1:00 appointment and then had to
work the rest of the day.
I was set to get things in motion. I spent Sunday laying
out everything in my head that the FBI needed to
know. I would tell them about Eric's financials, about
the things I found at my parents, the stuff at the
Hamptons. All of it.
I knew I had to meet Felix at the gym at 10:00, he
wanted to spar today for some reason, so I wouldn't be
able to go into the Bureau until the afternoon. I
needed to keep the obligation though because I had
thought up a way for me to bow out. I was going to tell
him I planned to meet with a potential buyer that
night, but it was someone who was very secretive and
dangerous.
Then I was going to fake my death. I would have Seth
and Ivanova leak it to the organization that the buyer
had suspected I was no good and things got out of
hand.
Felix knew I was good, but things fall apart sometimes
right?
I rambled through my day almost excited at the
prospect of being done. The undercover work, the FBI,
it truly didn't mean to me what it once did. I felt
hollow and heartless most of the years I served and if
anything, they deserved more than that. They
deserved more than a ghost in uniform. That life was
no longer mine, it was no longer what I strove for.
I walked into the Bureau at a little past 2:00 when I
felt a vibration in my pocket.
MA~ Well, it's confirmed. May 17. Congratulations
Daddy. ILY~ YZ
A huge smile spread across my face and I felt my eyes
wet again as my heart thundered in my chest. I still
couldn't believe the change of events.
We had also spent Sunday making plans for what we
would do once I was done. At the rate it was going, I
had a feeling the mission would be over long before
Bella was due. But nonetheless, I would remain
discreet even though I planned to buy a new place and
keep myself disguised and out of the public eye. We
would tell our families, but hold them to the ut-most
secrecy until everything wrapped up. And then once it
did, she could move in to my much larger condo,
which with my trust and the fact that I hardly spent
any of my FBI salary, I could easily afford.
I quickly typed my response as I stepped into the NY
headquarters, feeling so much different than the first
time I was here.
MZ~ I can't tell you how excited I am, Mommy. I love
you too. ~YA
I felt like I was finally going to leave my demons
behind. I knew we weren't safe, not by a long shot. But
I felt much better knowing I could be with her at all
times and we would have the force of the FBI behind
us.
I turned the corner and saw Garrett talking to Kate in
the hallway. She smiled at me and squeezed his hand
before she walked off.
"Cullen? What's going on? Why are you here?" He
looked every bit as surprised as I knew he would be. I
had always been an unwaveringly loyal agent.
"Garrett. We need to talk. There's...something I found
out."
He furrowed his brow at me and nodded and I
gestured us towards the conference room.
For the next five hours I divulged the happenings of
the last four months. From the time I met Bella, to
finding out about Eric and then everything she had
told me as well as the things I found through the
investigation, I spilled it all to him.
He sighed and clenched his teeth and his eyes softened
when I told him the latest news.
"I can't take the risk. I have to step down. I'm too close
to it all and now with everything...I want her and my
family protected." I stated with conviction.
Garrett nodded and closed his eyes.
"You know when Kate told me about her and the way
she had been acting, and the way you and McCarty had
been acting, I had a sneaking suspicion something was
going on." He admitted. "It's not that I condone it, and
Lord knows I haven't followed the rules lately. But I'm
not going to write you up. We'll figure out a way for
you to step down from this gracefully."
"Thanks Morgan, I appreciate it."
"You know, I really hope this doesn't mean you're
done with the FBI though Edward. You're a hell of a
good agent, shit, maybe the best I have ever worked
with. And there are other facets to the agency you can
work in that are more family friendly. Just think
about it. Take some time. I'll give you leave or
whatever you need, but don't make a final decision on
that yet okay?"
I nodded at him. He was right. The FBI was all I had
known in my adult life, I really didn't know what I
wanted to do when I was done.
I stood up and shaked Garrett's hand and he said he
would get to work on figuring out an exit strategy for
me. It might take a few days to get everything in place.
But I could handle that. If it meant that in only a few
days I could put this all behind me, then I could wait.
Utter relief overcame me as I opened the door to the
conference room. I couldn't wait to get back to Bella's,
to tell her that I was done.
But just as I turned I was met by a frantic Kate at the
door. Her blue eyes were wide with terror and she had
a phone in her shaking hand.
"Kate, what is it?" Garrett asked, noticing her
expression.
"Something's happened." Her voice cracked and she
looked straight at me.
I didn't have to ask her, I didn't need her to say a
word. The look in her eyes said it all to me and my
heart dropped out of my chest as my whole world
shattered around me.
It was Bella.
~~~-~~~

Chapter 23 ~ The Lover
Chapter Song: The Rolling Stones Gimme Shelter
BPOV
~Monday, September 18, 8:00 A.M.~
"Maggie can you bring me the schedule of events for
October?"
"Sure thing Bella. Do you want me to just bring back
your delivery when it comes today too?" She smiled
widely and I sighed.
"Yeah, that's fine."
I was still fighting off my morning sickness but for
some reason it was particularly awful this morning. I
realized I should probably be cutting the coffee and so
that added a bit of crankiness to my day.
Otherwise I was actually rather happy.
No, scratch that. I was ecstatic, nervous and terrified,
but ecstatic.
Even with everything going on, even with the horrible
timing, Edward was thrilled with the news. I was
surprised, but I also knew how caring he was. Deep
beneath the surface of his tough agent faade he was a
lover, not a fighter, at heart. And he never failed to
show me just how much that was true.
Warmth spread through my body as I thought of the
last two days and I stepped into my office to fire up my
laptop for the day. I called my doctor's office first
thing this morning and was able to get an
appointment for 1:00 P.M. I had to agree with
Edward, based on all of the "normal" signs as we had
looked them up yesterday online, as well as the at
home test, I was pretty sure I was pregnant.
Nevertheless, I wanted to talk to my doctor about what
could have possibly happened. How exactly it failed,
because that still perplexed me.
Even in my state of happiness, I was still a bit tense
and nervous. It was Monday, which meant I was likely
to get flowers today. Usually they came in the
morning, but that didn't mean a whole lot. So as I
move through my day and let my mind wander to the
last two days with Edward, I hardly noticed that they
hadn't arrived before it was lunch time.
After he finally opened up to me and he finally let it all
out in my kitchen, I knew that he was really done this
time. I was horrified and felt so sorry for him and for
the things he had seen. To say I was astonished by the
extent of his investigation and the connections was an
understatement. It all fit: what I saw and heard and
how I might be a target.
I shuddered at the realization.
I wasn't stupid; I knew having a baby right now was
not good timing. And I knew I was in a great deal of
danger.
But I also knew he would go to the ends of the earth to
protect me. He told me as such repeatedly the rest of
the weekend and never faltered from his
proclamation.
Yet I couldn't help to think there was stillsomething.
Something else connected me to his investigation. He
wouldn't say it, but he thought it too. A dark cloud
would cover his face whenever I mentioned it and I
knew he was probably thinking the most awful of
things. So I let him keep that to himself. I was glad I
pushed him to open up. He needed it. And frankly, I
needed it too. I couldn't have all of his anger, all of his
baggage hanging over us when I told him my shocking
news.
And so once the air had cleared and I could finally see
the relief in his eyes, I told him.
And he cried.
Which in turn made me cryagain.
Damn hormones.
I had never been so emotional and felt so absolutely
blessed and loved in my life. I had never been a
dramatic personpassionate and driven yesbut not
dramatic. But the power of his words and his actions
on Saturday struck me to my very core. I didn't know
if it was simply that or a combination of the
hormones, but I knew deep inside me that he meant
everything he said, and so did I. I loved him more than
my own life. It was beyond measure, beyond thinking,
and to know that he was willing to give it all up for
mefor ussaid everything about him. He wanted to
get married, raise our child and have a life together. I
also realized I wanted that so much it caused a deep
ache inside of me.
Then why did I have a sickening feeling that it was all
going to slip away.
Regardless, on Sunday I told him not to be rash. He
didn't have to quit the FBI for me, for us, simply
because he was stepping down from this investigation.
I would never ask that of him. Even though he said he
was done, I knew a large part of him still felt
compelled to serve and was still drawn to make
amends with the world. If it wasn't for his brother
anymore it was because of himto make up for his
transgressions.
He agreed that he would simply inform Garrett of the
conflict with this investigation and leave it at that. He
wouldn't make any rash decisions for now. I knew
part of that was because he wanted to be there to
protect me. I generally lashed back against hovering. I
didn't like men who were suffocating. But this was
different. I knew how much he loved me and how
much I loved him. I knew how determined he was to
protect me. So for him, I would let that drive to be an
individual and independent slide. If I was being real
with myself, I was terrified as well and for once in my
life, it felt good to be so cared for.
Well, it wasn't all about me anymore eitherwhich
was a sobering realization.
At 12:00 I warmed my lunch out of the employee
lounge and decided to eat at my desk. I was going over
some materials for a new exhibit and I knew I would
probably be gone for at least an hour at my
appointment this afternoon.
I heard a knock on the door and I looked up to see
Jasper.
"Bella. You're eating in here today?" Jazz asked
"Yeah, I need to do some work. I have an appointment
at 1:00." I smiled.
"Is everything okay?" His brow furrowed and I let out
a breath. "Everything's great Jazz, in
factwellyeaheverything's great Jazz."
He eyed me peculiarly and I opened up my leftover
pasta from the night before.
"Okay Bella." He turned to leave when he spun back
again.
"By the way, are you going to that staff meeting
tonight?"
Crap. I had completely forgotten about that. It was our
quarterly staff meeting and since it was closing in on
the end of the third quarter, we had it tonight.
"Yup. I'll be there. It's at 5:00 right?"
"Yeah. You need me to walk you home later?"
"I'll just catch a cab."
"Okay. See you tonight then."
Jasper ducked out and I quickly finished my lunch
before I had to leave for my 1:00 appointment.
--
"Ibut I don't understand. I'm on birth control, and I
am very good about taking it." I said to my doctor.
Pregnant. It was confirmed. Very pregnant. Like
seven weeks pregnant.
"Well birth control is not 100% fail proof Ms. Swan.
But there are certain things that can make it
ineffective."
"Like what?" I asked quickly. My mind was still
running through the possibilities at how this
happened. We had never used additional protection,
but I didn't think we needed to because I was on the
pill.
"Well, stress can be a factor, antibiotics for one and of
course if you aren't careful about taking it at the same
time every day."
Suddenly it dawned on me.
"Oh shit." I muttered and brought my hand to my
forehead.
"Excuse me." Her eyes widened.
"I'm sorryI meanI think I might have figured out
how this happened."
My root canal. Son-of-a-bitch.
I knew antibiotics affected birth control, but I didn't
even think about it because I wasn't sick, like actually
sick. Yet I had to take penicillin for the infection.
"Oh God." How could I be so stupid?
"Is there a problem Ms. Swan?" I looked up at my
doctor and she was smiling at me compassionately.
I quickly explained that I had a root canal in early
August and I didn't even think about the fact that it
would make my birth control less effective.
"Well, if you need some information on
youroptions." She said with trepidation.
"Um, no. I won't need that, that's notan issue." I
shook my head at her.
"Have you told the father yet?" She asked me. I
could tell she was curious about the situation. I had
never spoken to her of anyone and she knew I wasn't
married.
I could feel the red creeping up my cheeks at the
thought. Not due to embarrassment, but because of
the love and adoration he had once he found out. If I
thought he was passionate before, it was nothing
compared to how he was on Saturday night and
Sunday.
That was nothing short ofabsolutely perfect.
I realized I hadn't said anything and my cheeks had to
be scarlet by now as I cleared my throat.
"Yeshe's quite happy actually." I smiled and looked
off a bit dazedly.
"Good. I'm glad to hear that." She returned my smile
and I bit my lip.
"Will he be coming for your next appointment then?"
She asked next.
We hadn't discussed it, but I could only guess that he
would be.
I laughed lightly. "I'm pretty sure he'll be here, yes. I
don't think he would miss it for anything."
"Good." We scheduled my next check up and soon
enough I was heading back to work.
--
~Monday, September 18, 2:00 P.M.~
As I walked into my office I looked at the bag of
prenatal vitamins and literature in my hand. I knew
this was something I still needed to keep quiet at
work, but now that it was official, I was almost
bursting at the seams to tell someone.
I quickly dialed Rose. Even though this was absolutely
not a good time for this to happen, I was excited, more
excited than I ever thought I would be about an
unplanned pregnancy.
Nope, yeah I pretty much never thought I would feel
like this.
"Rosalie Hale Whitlock." She answered gruffly and I
almost chuckled. Rose was all business when she was
working.
"Rose, it's Bella."
"Bella!" She exclaimed and then I heard her telling
someone to get out of her office on the other line and I
laughed out loud.
"Ok Bella, talk to me." Rose said.
"Wellit's official."
"Really!" She shouted and I pulled the phone away
from my ear as she settled down. "So how do you feel
about that?"
A smile crept across my face as I let my hand wander
down to my stomach. I obviously couldn't feel
anything yet, but it was crazy to think there was a little
person in there.
"I'm okay with it Rose. I really am. In fact, I am
beyond happy to be having Edward's baby."
"Good. And him? Did he pull his head out of his ass on
Saturday?"
I laughed again. Leave it to Rose. "Yes. In fact, he was
thrilled, and soyeahit was unbelievable really..." I
trailed off and then I became quiet. I knew we weren't
telling anyone yet, but to know we were on the cusp of
being in the open, and Rose already knew so much, I
felt okay to tell her.
"He's done after this Rose." I whispered. "He's
stepping down. He wants to be there for usfor me
andthe baby."
"Wow." She breathed on the other end of the line. She
knew how much the FBI meant to him as well. "And
you're okay with that. I know you don't like people
taking care of you. And I know you wouldn't want him
giving things up for you."
I smiled. She was right. I didn't. But this
wascompletely different in my mind.
"Yeah, it feels good actually."
We chatted for a few more moments and told her how
I figured out it happened. She said she could
completely understand my misstep. I felt a little better
knowing people wouldn't think I was a total idiot for
not realizing it. I told her about him quitting and
wanting to get married.
Once I signed off the call with Rose I was smiling like a
moron.
I quickly sent Edward a text, not knowing if he was at
his meeting with Garrett yet.
MA~ Well, it's confirmed. May 7. Congratulations
Daddy. ILY~ YZ
I told him the date that the doctor gave me and my
stupid grin grew bigger at the words on the screen. In
an instant I had a response and it made my breath
catch in my throat and my heart leap out of my chest.
MZ~ I can't tell you how excited I am, Mommy. I love
you too. ~YA
Mommy.
Wow.
I hadn't thought of that yet. I was once again overcome
with emotion as I stared at the screen.
"I love you too." I whispered and then tucked the
phone into my purse and set back to work.
--
"Oh Bella! These came for you while you were at your
appointment."
Maggie caught me as I was walking to my 5:00 staff
meeting and my chest tightened a bit at the sight.
Begonias.
They just looked ominous this time.
"Can you just set them on my desk? I
have a meeting and you should head
out for the night Maggie." I smiled at
her.
"Of course Bella." She grinned and
bounced off toward my office.
I took a deep breath, realizing I would have to face
those when I got back. As I stepped into the
conference room I smiled at my colleagues and we
began to chat about our upcoming quarter. My boss
reviewed the previous quarter's projects, our
fundraising numbers as well as donations and the
changes going into the holiday season.
"I'm pleased to announce as well that we have
received a rather large donation in conjunction with
our new exhibit."
I jotted down notes halfheartedly as Mr. Banner
spoke, thinking about potential advertising, press
statements, publications we could do. Suddenly I
heard my name.
"Bella?"
"Yes." I looked up and Mr. Banner gave me a smile.
"Apparently, the donor was quite impressed with your
work at the fundraiser this year and requested that
you specifically work on the new exhibit."
"Oh." I said surprised.
I frowned though. All of our work was usually done in
a team setting. We simply split up the smaller projects
amongst us. And I didn't usually get very involved with
the marketing side of things.
Who did I speak with at the fundraiser that would
know about my work? Or my work with the exhibits
for that matter?
"I'm sorry, what's the focus of the exhibit again?" I
asked, perplexed.
"It's the Animals in Art exhibition. The donor has
specifically requested it from the Smithsonian for a
twelve-week run."
Animals? Why would a donor want me and want me
to work on an animals exhibition?
"Umwhat's themost prominent piece of the
exhibition?" I asked with trepidation.
"Well, some of Bonani's
smaller pieces, as the larger
ones are secured or too big
to move, but otherwise"
He trailed off and I couldn't
listen anymore as I was
thinking through it.
Bonani was an Italian
sculptor. But what were his famous pieces?
I kept thinking as I chewed my lip. Bonani, animals,
an animal exhibition.
His famous pieces were lions? But
At once my heart stopped.
Il Leone was Italian for "the Lion."
Oh shit.
Lions are animals.
Lions.
Il Leone.
Oh my God. Could it be?
A shiver ran up my spine as I thought about the link.
My breathing picked up and I tried to steady my hand
as I pretended to write it down.
For some reason I felt like it was a warning shot
across the bow.
What could this mean? I knew it was something,
there had to be some connection, but who was this
donor?
"When did you find out about this?" I cleared my
throat and asked as nonchalantly as I could.
"This morning." I pondered that for a moment.
"And who did you say the donor was again?" I
inquired.
"He wouldn't give his name. But apparently he has
admired your work for a while? The donor's secretary
said he wanted you to specifically work on the
promotions for it."
I sat there as a clammy dampness overcame my body.
I felt like I was going to be sick again, and this time it
wasn't from the morning sickness. I fought back the
bile rising in my throat and tuned out the rest of the
meeting.
My brain was spinning through everything. How long
had this person known me? Did I know them? Had I
seen them face to face? Why Italian? Did it have
something to do with Alec? Eric? Demitri? Jacob?
Phil? Laurent?
The names ran through my head at light speed.
I didn't understand but I knew I needed to talk to
Edward immediately.
By 6:00 when the meeting finally wrapped, I was
spent from the day and overwhelmed by this new
realization. Something told me it was much bigger
than me, that I might be connected and be a target, but
it wasn't necessarily because of me. I couldn't put a
finger on my suspicions, but I knew I had to hash it
out with Edward.
As I walked back into my office the Begonias stared at
me like a yellow caution sign from the corner of my
desk.
I began to think back on all of the flowers that I got.
Something was odd about it all. They were all telling of
love and devotion and then more recently of warning.
It was as if someone was trying to tell me something.
Warn me away from something? Or someone?
Just then my breath hitched and I thought about the
time they started. It was right around when I met
Edward and when I saw James and Demitri and Alec.
But why would someone warn me to stay away from
Edward? That didn't make any sense.
And if they were trying to tell me to stay away from
James, that was over. So why keep sending the
flowers?
With shaky legs and a trembling hand I stepped over
to my desk and removed the card.
Begonia.
I sat down at my laptop and before I could think
anymore I pulled up the website I always used. I drew
a deep breath and closed my eyes as I scrolled down.
Begonia Beware.
Oh God.
My pulse began beating faster and faster and I glanced
around my office in a panic.
How? Who? What could this mean? Who the hell was
doing this?
I hurriedly stood up and shoved my laptop and papers
into my bag. I was frightened and my hands were
shaking as I threw on my coat and grabbed my keys. I
fingered the panic button in my purse and made sure
to clip it to the outside just in case.
As I stepped outside to grab a cab, my eyes were
darting back and forth around me. I had an anxious
feeling and a sixth sense that I was being watched. As
soon as a free cab pulled up I jumped inside and he
sped off for my condo building.
I sat in the back trying to get a handle on my breathing
and my emotions. I knew the stress couldn't be good
for the baby and I needed to calm down. I just needed
to get home to Edward.
The cab pulled up to my building and I quickly exited
to make my way inside. Dusk was beginning to set in
as September was passing by. I hurriedly grabbed my
keys as I stepped toward the door.
"Isabella?"
I froze.
I hadn't heard that voice in months and before that it
had been years. I slowly turned to find a nervous and
haggard looking man only a few feet behind me and I
took a step only to find my back against the wall of the
building. I fingered the panic button on my purse as I
looked into his sad blue eyes.
"Alecwhat? What are you doing here?" I asked.
He sighed and he stepped forward to put his hand on
my arm, a gesture he had done so many times before.
But I flinched and I saw pain run across his features
as I cowered away from him.
"I just needed to talk to youplease?" He implored
me. "Can we go inside?" He glanced around a bit
apprehensively and I set my jaw.
"No. We cannot go inside. You can say what you need
to say right here." I said with a shaky voice. I didn't
know what he was doing here and I was scared.
He frowned and then rubbed his forehead. "You're
mad at me." He sighed. "I understand that. I would be
mad at me too. But it's not what you thinkIt was
never what you think."
How could he say that? After all these years? After his
potential involvement with all of these shady people
and now he was going to show up on my doorstep. For
what? An apology?
Fuck off asshole.
"Tell me what it was then Alec. I'm dying to know." I
said sarcastically and bit bitingly as he flinched again.
I should have felt bad. Usually I would, I was never a
mean person. But today's realizations had me on edge
and I just wanted him to get on with it.
"Bella." He became a bit more frantic and glanced up
and down the street again. "If you won't let me in, will
you please come have coffee with me? You aren't safe
here."
"Safe? What do you know about keeping me safe?" I
wanted to say it was his fault I was caught up in all
this, but I bit my tongue.
"Please, you don't understand. I never wanted you to
get involved" He stopped abruptly.
"I've been trying to warn you." He said.
Warn me?
Warning? Beware? Flowers.
It was him.
All this time it was him.
I ran through the meanings of the flowers in my head
over and over as I looked at him.
"You son-of-a-bitch." I muttered and he tensed. It all
made sense. They were made out to Isabella. They
meant love at first sight, and long lost love, and loving
forever. What a crock of shit.
"You're the one that's been sending me flowers?" I
said accusingly.
"Yes." He said dejectedly.
"Why?" I marched on.
His expression softened and he stepped forward
again.
"Because, Isabella, you're not"
"Don't call me that." I cut him off. "Don't ever call me
that again."
"Please just let me explain."
I crossed my arms this time and stared him in the eye.
"Fine. You want to give me answers. Then let's hear it.
I'm sure this will be pure gold."
"I was trying to tell youhow I still feltand to stay
away from"
He exhaled and stepped closer but my back gripped
the wall behind me.
"Alec, step back." I said.
"You really hate me don't you? And all this time" He
said quietly.
"All this time what Alec?"
He turned to me then, the sadness and the longing in
his eyes was irrefutable.
"I never cheated on you. I could never have done that
to you IsBella." He faltered but he looked me right in
the eye as he finished.
"What are you talking about?" I snapped. What the
fuck?
"I didn't cheat on you. I told you that because you
were in dangerbecause we were in danger."
My breathing was picking up and I was trying
immensely to calm down. I wasn't afraid of him. But
he was making me anxious and nervous and I knew it
wasn't good for me. And now he's telling me this out of
the blueafter seven years. Why?
"Bella" He sighed again. "I'm so sorry I hurt
youbut I had to. I had to leave, for a lot of reasons."
"What reasons? Why can't you just be honest with me?
Honest with yourself? Because you obviously weren't
the first time around." I said as I shook my head.
He clenched his jaw and glanced around again.
"Ican'tit's too muchyouI did it all to protect
you."
"Alec. Get on with it. What were you trying to protect
me from? I don't understand? Most people don't do
what you did to protect someone."
I could see the tension in his jaw and I could tell my
words were cutting through him. But I couldn't feel
bad. He didn't mean anything to me anymore. I was
long over him.
And now, I had Edward. Edward and our baby, who I
loved more than anything in the world. But scars run
deep and sometimes we can't help but pick at those
wounds just to find out if they're healed.
"I did protect you. All I have been doing for the last
seven years, all I have been thinking about is
protecting you." He whispered as his eyes bore into
mine.
My breath caught in my throat at a stunning
realization. I may not have seen Alec in years, but I
still knew everything about him and his mannerisms.
He was still in love with me.
But how could that be possible?
"So what? You waltz back in here after seven years
telling me all this crap and you expect me to bend over
backwards for you. Well, I'm sorry, but I won't. I'm
with someone else now."
"Someone else?" He said worriedly.
"Yes. Someone else. Speaking of which I need to go."
"No wait!" He exclaimed.
"Bella please. Can you please let me in, or come with
me and we can discuss this?" He asked again.
I cocked an eyebrow at him and stood my ground.
"No. You can either tell me here, or not tell me
anywhere. The choice is yours." I said exasperatedly.
Why was he here?
Why couldn't he just say it?
He sighed again and looked around.
"I was involved in somethingbadIsBella. I didn't
want you to get hurt, that's why I left."
"Then why are you back?" I asked.
"I had to come back. But I also had to see youmake
amends. The night I saw you in Greenwich." He
trailed off. "It all happened all over again. Just like the
first night I saw you at the gallery. I fell in love with
you all over again." He stepped closer. He was only
inches from me now and I could feel the desperation
rolling off of him in waves.
But I didn't feel anything for him anymore. Not that
way. All I felt now was sadnesssympathy and
sadness.
"I can't say as it was the same for me." I responded.
His expression was pained and he reached up to tuck a
hair behind my ear, but I turned my head.
"Please don't Alec. I don't feel that way about you
anymore." I said quietly.
"I still love you. I never quit loving you. I've always
loved youand that's why I went away." He whispered
as he looked into my eyes.
I gasped at his proclamation. But as a dark silence
surrounded us with the dusk, I couldn't reiterate his
statement.
"I'm sorry. But I don't." I frowned "I have questions
Alec" I posed. "Why now? Why come back now? And
why send the flowers."
"Because, I'm trying to help. You're mixed up with the
wrong kind of people."
I laughed darkly and his brow furrowed.
"Me. I'm mixed up with the wrong kind of people." I
pointed to myself. "Why don't you look in the mirror?"
He cringed and closed his eyes.
I still didn't know why he left. Apparently he hadn't
cheated, apparently it was to protect me. But from
what?
I sighed.
"Alec. I need to go, so unless you have something to
tell me, I think you should leave."
"Bella, please. Come with me."
"No, Alec. I'm done. I'm sorry, but I don't love you
anymore. I got over that when you left. I'm with
someone else now and I'm having his baby and I'm
thrilled about that. So please, whatever it is you
wantwhich you can't even seem to tell meplease
just leave it alone, and leave me alone."
I turned to open my door again when I felt his hand on
my arm. I spun toward him and the look of
desperation in his eyes was undeniable.
"You're having his baby?" He shouted in a sickening
tone.
Suddenly it dawned on me what I had divulged. But
what did it mean to him?
"Yes, and I'm beyond happy about it." I stated.
"Bella, you can'tOh my God. This cannot be
happening?" He closed his eyes tightly.
"What are you talking about?"
"You're pregnantwith James Raven's child?" He
rasped.
What?
Fuck no.
"No!" I shouted. "Why would you?...God no. No." I
shook my head adamantly.
"Then who?"
"It's none of your business." I covered quickly.
"But Bellathe reason I sent the flowers was to warn
you away from him. I know he's a jealous person and I
thought"
"Right. You know himlike you know so many other
great people." I narrowed my eyes at him. "I
appreciate your concern, but you could have just left it
alone. I've been worried sick for the last few months
about what it could meanand it was just you."
"Bella" He sighed.
"Please Alec, please just leave me alone. Go back to
wherever it is you were. I'm sorry, but it's too late." I
said frankly. "You're too late. I love EdI am in love."
I covered. "More in love than I ever have been in my
life. And unless you have something else to tell me, I
need to go."
"You don't understand, I'm not who you think I am."
He finally said.
"Oh I think I know exactly who you are. Good-bye
Alec."
"Bella no!" He shouted pleadingly at me. But I ignored
him.
With that I opened the door and marched inside, not
taking a second to turn back. I was done with him. He
couldn't seem to spit it out, but he was apparently
back and still in love with me. I didn't know how that
could even be possible. I didn't know why he wanted
me to go with him, or why he took all the effort to send
me those flowers.
All I knew was that my mind was spinning and I
needed to talk to Edward immediately. The whole
interaction just made me anxious and all I wanted was
to be in his arms now.
I hurried toward the elevator and I stepped inside. But
as I looked up, I gasped in horror.
"Well hello againBella Swan... or will it soon
beBella Cullen?"
My breath caught in my throat at his words as I looked
into his dark, haunting eyes. I spun on my heels and
tried to turn to run back out of the elevator, only to be
met by the steel doors.
I tried to scream. I tried to grab for my panic button.
But in the small confines of the elevator I had
nowhere to go. And before I could do anything, I felt a
hand over my mouth and cold metal pressed into my
back.
"Don't say a fucking word."
I whimpered and struggled against him. But it was
useless, he was much bigger than me and I knew how
dangerous he was. The doors flew open and he shoved
me forward into a black car and shut the door. I lay
down on the seat sobbing and struggling as he tied my
hands and covered my mouth with tape.
But only two thoughts ran through my head as the
tears streamed down my face.
Edward and our baby.
"The thought of losing youI couldn't go on...I
wouldn't go on Liefje."
And as his words came to mind I could only pray that
somehow, someway he would find me.
Or it would all be over.
--
EPOV
~Monday, September 18, 7:00 P.M.~
Utter relief overcame me as I opened the door to the
conference room. I couldn't wait to get back to
Bella's, to tell her that I was done.
But just as I turned I was met by a frantic Kate at the
door. Her blue eyes were wide with terror and she
had a phone in her shaking hand.
"Kate, what is it?" Garrett asked, noticing her
expression.
"Something's happened." Her voice cracked and she
looked straight at me.
I didn't have to ask her, I didn't need her to say a
word. The look in her eyes said it all to me and my
heart dropped out of my chest as my whole world
shattered around me.
It was Bella.
"What's happened?" The blood was racing through my
veins and I grabbed Kate's shoulders as she shook
before me.
"Kate, tell me what's going on!" I thundered this time.
"She's been taken. We just received an anonymous tip
and I called McCarty immediately to check it and he
said that he went to her place. There were no signs of a
struggle. But when he got on the elevator he found
some of her belongings."
No, no, this can't be happening.
Not Liefje. No!
Oh my God.
No. God no!
Pain shot from my heart throughout my entire body as
I fell back against the door frame. I still had a hold of
Kate's shoulders, but this time to keep myself from
falling.
I felt like I was being ripped to pieces from the inside
out.
It was a thousand timesno a million times worse
than when I found out about Eric.
They got to her. They took her. Her and
Oh God.
"Liefje." My voice cracked in desperation.
I began to hyperventilate and Garrett and Kate
ushered me back into the conference room and closed
the door. I slumped into the chair as my heart
pounded and my breathing was raggedly leaving my
chest.
"No, it's not possible she would have hit her panic
button." I said shakily.
"Panic button?" Garret asked.
Kate shook her head at me as her eyes filled with
tears. "McCarty found it on the floor of the elevator.
She must have tried but"
Oh God. Oh God no. This is not happening to me, this
is not happening.
My worst fear, my greatest nightmare was coming to
fruition. And all when we were so close, so close to
escaping it, so close to me being there at all times to
protect her.
The pain was overtaking my body. I felt like I was
being stuck with a thousand needles at the same time.
Why now? Why did they wait until now? Now that I
had absolutely everything to lose and more.
Suddenly a cold sweat formed on the back of my neck
and my stomach turned forcefully.
The timing.
They had to know.
Someone had to know.
They knew about me.
My cover was blown. It had to be. But then who was
the tip, and how would they know to call the FBI?
My mind was racing with the possibilities of what this
could mean. But nothing could compare to the deep-
seeded terror gripping my chest.
This was all my fault. I wasn't careful enough. I never
should have gone to her in the first place. This was all
my fault, and now the love of my life and my unborn
child were going to die for my mistakes.
I rocked in the chair and grabbed at my hair so hard I
felt like I was going to pull it from the roots.
I was cursed. My head was pounding and I could taste
the acid in the back of my throat.
Why?
Why Liefje?
I put my head in my hands, unthinking, unknowing of
the violent convulsions that were wracking my body. I
wanted to figure it out, but I couldn't. I couldn't do
anything. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't move.
I didn't know how much time passed as I sat there. I
just felt as though my heart had been ripped from my
body and it was lying on the floor in front of me.
It could have been minutes, hours, before I finally
lifted my head to notice that I was in the conference
room alone.
I looked at the whiteboard as it turned blurry and
noted the graphing on it. The lines, and colors and
connections all branching out around the various
figures.
But one giant figure was missing.
Il Leone.
I knew whoever he was he had something to do with
Bella's disappearance. She saw him. But there was
still something else missing.
As I stared at the whiteboard, my eyes set on her
picture, her face.
Had that always been there?
A sob ripped from my body and my head was again in
my hands as I mumbled incoherently.
"Mijn Zon. Why? God no. This is not possible. I can't
lose you Bella. I won't go on."
Just then the door burst open and I could hear the
sounds of voices and buzzing outside.
But the black boots before me were attached to a
familiar pair of legs and he was huffing and puffing
like he just ran a marathon.
"E. Dude. I, I don't know what to say."
McCarty slowed his breathing and I could sense the
presence of someone else beside him. I was sure I was
a sight at this point.
You wanted to break me.
You did it.
You got what you wanted Il Leone.
If it's you Eric. Or whoever the fuck you are.
I was still mumbling to myself when I heard McCarty
tell Seth to close the door.
He was trying to get me to calm down but I couldn't. At
first his tone was soft, regretful. But I didn't respond.
But then he turned gruff and I stiffened in response.
"Get up E." He commanded.
"What?" I said through bleary eyes.
"I said get up. You're not doing her any good here
sitting on your ass wallowing. You know as well as I do
that the first 48 hours are the most important soGet.
Up." He annunciated.
"I can't." I rasped and he walked right in front of me.
His eyes were dark and intense with a combination of
fear and rage and sadness. But mostly I could see the
fire in his eyes.
He crossed his arms and clenched his jaw as he looked
at me.
"Do you love her?"
I snapped my head up, shaking out the daze. "What
the fuck McCarty, you know I love her more than
anything" I choked out as my eyes burned again
from the tears and seared into his.
He stared right back at me and put his hands on either
side of the chair. My chest was heaving with the
torrent of emotions.
"Then fucking stand up, and help me get her back E.
Don't go down without a fight."
Don't go down without a fight.
But a fight against who?
I continued to slump, but McCarty was right in my
face this time.
"Cullen. I've never known you to back downfrom
anything. So why would you back down from
thiswhen she needs you most." He stated frankly.
I looked into his severe expression and somewhere in
the back of my mind, the rational agent stirred to life.
I loved her, more than anything, ever.
I couldn't just let them take her from me.
All the sadness and all the fear instantly gave way to a
forceful, burning need.
A need to kill the motherfuckers that did this.
McCarty continued to stare at me as I clenched my jaw
and my eyes and head cleared before him.
"There you are. Glad to have you back man." He said
as he backed off. "Now let's go."
I stood up and took a deep breath.
"So the elevator was the point of exit?" I finally asked.
"Yeah. I think they took her out through the parking
garage."
Fuck. Of course. Don't wait to get into her place, that's
too risky. Which made me think the person who was
there before was only scoping out the premises.
I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. I need to
focus. I needed to do this.
I could do thisfor her.
I had to do thisfor her, for them.
Pain shot through my chest and I pressed on it hard as
McCarty watched me.
"What's wrong?" He looked at my hand and I fisted
my shirt.
"She's pregnant Em." I said quietly. He sighed and
dropped his shoulders.
"I know." His answer stopped me in my tracks as my
rationality was starting to finally return.
"What?"
"I said I know. Rose called me."
"But how does Rose know?" I said suspiciously.
"She said she talked to her today, after her
appointment."
"Talked to herwhere? On the phone?" I was quickly
thinking through everything now. I got the text from
her at 2:00. I was putting together a timeline in my
head. McCarty was right, the first 48 hours were
crucial. I didn't know what they wanted with her or if
she was even still alive.
But I couldn't think of that. God, I couldn't think of
that.
But I did know that if they wanted her dead they could
have done it in a thousand different ways. I was the
expert on that afterall. So that meant they took her for
another reason.
Leverage? A bargaining chip?
Against me?
If they knew about me and they knew about the
baby
I wasn't sure but my mind was cataloguing all the
possibilities.
"On the phone." He finally answered.
"What time did she talk to her?"
"Around 2:00." I nodded as I mulled it over. That
meant something, it had to. Everything did.
"Did she say where she was?"
"She thought she was back at the office."
"But you found her things in the elevator right?" I
asked as I continued to think it through.
"Yeah."
Suddenly it dawned on me. "So that means, whoever
took her, knew exactly when she was going to be
home. Exactly when to get in the elevator."
"But her place isn't bugged, and unless they tapped
into our building's camera or had a tip."
"But they might have known when she left her office."
We both looked at each other and finally Seth piped
up.
"We've never checked her office for bugs." He said
soberly.
It didn't take much after that for the three of us to be
out the conference room door in a flash and down the
hall. I could already see a swarm of people working on
the disappearance. I saw Kate fluttering around
talking on the phone and she shot me a sad look.
But I was in agent mode now. I wasn't going to go
down without a fight. McCarty was right. I had to do
everything in my power to get her back. And I would.
And I would die trying if I had to.
The three of us raced up the stairs to the weapons
center. We loaded up with new Glocks, vests, knives
and radios and equipment to check her office. Garrett
came in and informed us that a protective detail had
been put on my parents, sister and Jasper as well as
Rosalie. They were all taken to the Hamptons house so
that they would be in one place. More agents were
going to be checking Bella's condo as well as visiting
Phil and Renee Dwyer. Her father had been called and
was on his way in from Brooklyn.
After getting up to speed, we had the keys to a black
Tahoe and we were out the door.
We were no longer undercover. Somehow we all
inherently knew our cover was blown.
And even if it wasn't, it didn't matter anymore to any
of us. Bella was my love, my everything. But I knew
she was also like a sister to Seth and a best friend to
Emmett. I knew they would stand beside me and do
anything to get her back.
As we sped through the streets of New York for the
Met, the black of night had blanketed the City. I tried
to keep the demons at bay. I tried to focus on the facts
and issues before us. But every minute a flash of
something would stop my breathing.
The first time I saw her. In the sunlight outside Gray's
and the first time I touched her, when I felt like my
body had been electrocuted as we collided
She humpfed.
I gasped.
Holy shit.
It was like an explosion occurred, I grabbed her arms
to keep her from falling and at the same time a
scorching sensation shot through my fingertips and
throughout my entire body. I was on fire, like I was
combusting from the inside out.
Seriously, what the fuck is happening to me?
Then she lifted her head up and it was like all time
stopped. I wasn't at Gray's, I wasn't in New York, I
wasn't undercover, I wasn't anythingbut me.
Holding this woman's arm as her stunning brown
eyes seared into me. All I could feel, all I could sense
was warmth and coffee and vanilla and cinnamon. I
couldn't decide if it was her smell, her touch or the
blistering look in her eyes, but I felt as though my
hand was welded to her arm. I couldn't let go if I
wanted to.
Seeing her at the Met. The way she walked amongst
the statues of Gods. Hearing her voice and smelling
her sweet scent
"Remarkable is the perfect word for it." She said
quietly, but her eyes remained upon the statue.
"Hmmm." I gave my pondering aloud.
"I would venture to say there are more beautiful
things in this room however." It was so quiet I
couldn't tell if I only thought it or if I said it.
"So if it's not the Apollothe Aphrodite perhaps?"
Aphrodite. Indeed. You are.
I could hear her voice in my head from the first time I
kissed her and the first time I felt her silky hair in my
hands
"BellaI feel veryprotective of you." I could feel her
pulse quicken under my hands as I realized I had
both of my hands on her shoulders now.
She was so close I could smell the sweet scent in her
shampoo, and I could feel her chest rising and falling.
Ever so slowly I ran my hand up the side of her neck
and into her hair. She tipped her head and closed her
eyes and her breath hitched. I pulled on her hair and
it came spilling out of the bun. My senses were
assaulted with berries and vanilla and cinnamon. I
ran my fingers through her wet tendrils and felt the
softness of her hair and desire coursed through me. I
watched as they dropped and the waves formed
around her shoulders.
"Bella." I said thickly.
"Edward." She whispered.
I thought of the first time I made love to her, even if it
was hot and passionate and against the wall. We came
together with fire and desperation and pure wanton
need. I loved her already then.
And then I thought of Saturday, when I found out she
was carrying my child. I could see her beneath me and
feel her warmth around me in our cavern as I
worshipped her
"I love you Edward. My Apollo." She sighed as I filled
her and she filled me even more completely.
"Ik hou van je, Bella. De moeder van mijn kind." I
whispered in her ear as I began to move, overcome
with the feelings coursing through my body
"I love you forever. You're everything to me Liefje.
Everything. You and our baby." ...
I snapped out of my memories and pushed at my chest
again, trying to will away the gaping hole that had
formed there. I looked out the window seeing the Met
through the glass and the Tahoe came to a screeching
halt.
Without a word, the three of us jumped out of the
vehicle and marched into security. Luckily I had my
badge on me because I had gone into the Bureau
today. The guards didn't give us much fight as we ran
back to her office.
McCarty pulled out a sensor and I was once again
assaulted with the memory of the night of the
fundraiser. The chair, the books falling from the shelf,
the picture thumping against the wall. I had to bring
my mind back to the present as I looked around. I
forced my brain to pull up the memories of that night
for different reasons now.
What was out of place? What was different?
I immediately noticed the flowers on her desk and
strode over to them. But I didn't see the cards. Bella
told me she had kept the cards and I rifled through
her desk until I found the stack.
Begonia- Beware- September 18.
My stomach rolled at the sight.
Whoever was sending her these was trying to tell her
something? Was trying to say that she was in trouble
and thathe still loved her.
All of a sudden it dawned on me.
Alec Masen.
It wasn't Demitri or James or Jacob.
It made perfect sense. The timing of when it started,
from the conversations I saw Alec have with the
various players and his reluctance to be involved, it all
seemed plausible. I recounted Bella's dreams in my
head. Maybe he left because he was protecting her.
Maybe he knew how she was connected, what that
final piece was.
I mulled it over in my head as I stuck the stack of
cards in my pocket. I would take them back and have
the analysts run them for prints.
My eyes scanned the rest of the room then. I was
comparing it to the memory in my head from the night
I was there. Suddenly, I settled on a strange glass
bowl. It was out of place and on the side table by the
shelves. It didn't look like Bella at all or fit with the
rest of the office. I walked over and picked it up.
"McCarty." I motioned to him and he scanned over it.
The sensor went off and we all looked at it.
I turned it in the light and noticed that in the bottom,
settled under what looked like a simple sticker was a
tiny silver disk.
A bug.
Shit. How long had that been here?
Since the night of the fundraiser? Longer?
Oh fuck.
"Is there anything marking it? Where did it come
from?" I flipped it over and looked at it. It looked like
crystal, but with a closer eye, it obviously wasn't.
"Is there an inscription?" Seth asked.
We searched it over, but didn't find anything. We
finally finished sweeping the rest of her office and it
was clean. We took the bowl to have it inspected at the
Bureau and left Bella's office. I took a moment to look
around and breathe in her scent. It clung to the
atmosphere and her office absolutely screamed of her.
It made my chest tighten once again.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked up. McCarty
gave me a nod and with one last look around we left.
As we climbed back in the Tahoe, my mind was
spinning through what this could mean. How long had
they been bugging her? Where did it come from?
Was this how they found out about me? Did this have
something to do with me?
Was it because of Eric? The FBI? Something else?
All I knew was that I was getting more and more
nervous as the minutes passed. I was starting to worry
that she might never have been such a big target if she
hadn't gotten involved with me.
The thought made my heart plummet.
Oh Mijn Zon, where are you?
I was pulled from my depths by the crackling of the
radio.
"McCarty. This is Headquarters over."
Emmett looked at the radio and instantly picked it up.
"This is McCarty."
"McCarty, this is Garrett. NYPD just confirmed one
Alec Masen, DOA at New York Presbyterian. Over."
Alec Masen was dead?
What the fuck?
I grabbed the radio from Emmett and he shot me a
look.
"Garrett this is Cullen. Where did NYPD pull him in
from? Over."
"Cullen" I heard him pause on the other end of the
line. "An alley off of West 97th."
Fuck!
I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw. It was only two
blocks from Bella's.
So was he in on it? Or was he there to help her for
some reason? Or did they take him out because he
knew too much as well.
My instincts were screaming at me that he was the one
sending the flowers and somehow he was trying to
warn her.
But of what? Did he know what was going to happen
today?
"Garrett we need the surveillance video from her
building right away. Over."
"That's confirmed Cullen. Over."
"We're on our way in. But I want a definite confirm of
the decedentpictures of Masen. I need to make sure
its him. Over."
"You got it."
Garrett ended the call and I looked at McCarty. We
both knew that until you saw someone's face it didn't
mean shit undercover. Hell I had been "killed" twice
already on different missions. This could be a
diversion. If Masen had her then they might be trying
to lead us astray.
But for some reason I didn't think that was the case.
The three of us hashed through all of the new
information and tried to piece it together as we sped
through the streets of New York. The City didn't seem
like home at the moment, it seemed foreign and
ominous, as if I had been transported to another place
or another time.
I was angry at myself for not figuring out more of the
connections sooner and scared to death of what they
could be doing to her. But I just kept pushing it to back
of my mind.
Stay the course.
We'll find her.
We have to.
McCarty rounded the corner and pulled into the
headquarters once again. I looked across the parking
garage at sight before me. There were two agents
hauling in a very smug-looking James Raven.
At once, my worry and my fear wasn't the only
emotion coursing through my brain. Now I was filled
with anger. And it was all directed at the man before
me.
In a flash, I was out of the Tahoe and took off in a dead
sprint across the parking garage.
The two agents next to him turned as they heard my
approach. But I was too fast and they were too late as I
grabbed him by his suit lapels and launched him into
the brick wall of the garage.
"You fucking prick! What the fuck have you done with
her?"
He stared down at me and gave me a sinister smile.
But before I could wipe the smile off his face
permanentlyI felt two strong arms pulling me back.
"E. Calm down."
I didn't fight him, because I knew McCarty was strong
as hell, but my eyes burned through Raven with
everything I had in me.
He stood up and straightened his suit out and turned
to the agents.
"Gentlemen. As I was saying, I believe we can resolve
this amicably." He put on his pompous face and I
almost escaped Emmett's grip again but he locked my
arms at my side.
The agents escorted him in and I could feel the fury
and the rage whipping through me as I breathed fire
out of my nose.
Finally he loosened me and I began pacing in front of
the door.
I had to get a grip. I was no use to her if I didn't settle
down.
But I couldn't. My emotions were everywhere. She was
my lover, my best friend, my everything and I was lost
without her.
I stopped pacing and looked up to see a man standing
there looking at the three of us. He was quiet but, as I
looked into his eyes and took in his features, I would
recognize him anywhere.
Just then, Seth's eyes followed my gaze and widened.
He cleared his throat and walked over and offered his
hand.
"Charlie. It's good to see you...unfortunately it's under
these circumstances."
Captain Swan shook Seth's hand but his gaze was still
settled on me. I didn't know how much of the
interaction he had seen, but his face appeared as
though he was putting it together rather quickly.
Seth turned and gestured toward us.
"Charlie. This is Agent Emmett McCarty and Agent
Edward Cullen."
Emmett shook his hand and I finally blew out a breath
and stepped over. This wasn't how I imagined meeting
Bella's father and I couldn't help the feeling of guilt
that riddled me in the moment.
"Captain Swan." I offered my hand and he furrowed
his brow at my designation.
"Cullen."
We shook firmly and finally he turned to Seth again.
"Seth. What's going on?"
"Why don't we go inside Charlie?"
The Captain crossed his arms and gave Seth a stare
that I could only assume was his signature move. It
was penetrating, and it said that we were going to tell
him what the hell was going on now.
Seth blew out a breath and slowly informed him of the
situation. The Captain's eyes widened and his jaw
clenched. I saw him gripping his forearms as he was
locked in place. I could tell he wasn't an emotional
person. He had a calm demeanor so much like Bella.
But just like her his eyes gave him away.
I could read the fear, anger, sadness, disgust and
terror in them. I was sure mine read the same. She
was his daughter, probably still his little girl in many
ways, and my stomach was convulsing once again as
he glanced to me and back at Seth.
"How the hell did this happen? Why?" He finally said
through gritted teeth.
"That's what we're trying to figure out Charlie.
Somehow, or for some reason, she has a lot of
connections to people. Some people who are into
some very bad things. Unfortunately one of which is
Jacob"
"You knew about that?" The Captain said.
"Yeah." Seth looked at him quizzically as if to say the
same thing. Then he glanced around and realized we
were still in the parking lot. "Charlie, we really should
go inside and we can fill you in on everything in
there."
He nodded and I let them lead the way as I followed
behind. McCarty stayed behind me, watching me like a
hawk, probably waiting for me to snap.
He was right. I was on the brink of insanity.
As we led Charlie to the conference room, I saw him
give Kate a hug and greet Morgan. But I stepped down
the hall and away from the situation for a bit. I would
let Clearwater fill him in. He had known the man his
whole life and I had never met him.
At the moment I couldn't comprehend spilling my guts
to him about how much I loved his daughter, and the
fact that we were having a baby.
Would be having a baby. I had to correct myself.
Somehow I ended up in front of a room with a little
white sign.
Interrogation Room #3
I looked inside to see Raven sitting with the two
agents. He was smiling and acting smug and I once
again wanted to wipe the shit-eating grin off of his
face.
Oh if you thought you were hurting last time
I stepped into the adjoining room to watch through
the one-way glass and listen to the conversation.
"Mr. Raven. What was your involvement with the
subject."
Subject. They didn't even call her victim or say her
name.
"She was my girlfriend. We dated for a while. Nothing
special." He stated. But his eyes flashed with
something I could read a mile away.
Jealousy. A lover scorned.
My fists clenched at my sides as I stepped closer to the
glass.
"How long were you together?"
"Only a few monthsI ended it." He said quickly.
Liar.
"Why?"
"I had my reasons." He smirked.
Fucker.
I could feel my pulse racing as they asked him more
questions. I wanted to beat his head into the wall. I
knew that he knew something. He may still be jealous
about her but he was assigned to her in some way. I
could feel it.
Twenty minutes passed as I watched the arrogant
bastard lie to the agents over and over again.
Suddenly they got up to leave and with the draw of a
moth to a flame I watched him through the glass.
He was smiling to himself.
She was missing and he was smiling to himself.
At once the insanity took over. I walked out of the
room and looked up and down the hallway as I
stepped into Interrogation Room #3.
I closed the door behind me, careful to lock it. I
wanted him to know he was alone. Alone with a killer
who could have him out in three seconds flat.
"What the fuck are you doing in here? He spat.
Apparently he didn't pay much attention at the club.
Or today had already taken its toll on me.
I turned and gave him a dark stare as I repeated a line
from not so long ago.
"Perfecting your worst nightmareif you don't start
talking and telling the truth." I added. I crossed my
arms and stared at him with a piercing gaze.
He scoffed and rolled his eyes. "You agents are all so
dramatic. Is that something they teach you at the
academy?"
I walked over and bent down to put my hands on the
table. I looked right into his eyes as I set my jaw.
"Who says I'm an agent? Don't you recognize me? You
should. I know youJames Joseph Raven. Born
December 3, 1977. Blonde hair, blue eyes. 5'11, 175
lbs." I continued to spew out fact after fact of his life
story as I breathed out through my nose and stared
right through him.
He tried to maintain a front, but the haughtiness left
his body as his eyes danced around at my knowledge. I
just continued.
"Works for Foster & Wheaton, known law firm to
criminal organizations including the Volturi and the
Draconi crime families. Not married, no children."
"You were assigned to Bto Ms. Swan." I stated.
"Of course I was." I squeezed my fist.
"Why were you assigned to her? What was it she had?"
I asked.
"What didn't she have?" He leered then and I bristled.
"It was one of the perks."
Oh you motherfucker.
It took everything in me to refrain from leaping across
the table and wringing his neck. But I stood my
ground and bore my eyes into his.
"Who sent you to her? Because I know it was a set up,
you didn't just randomly meet at some bar in
Greenwich like she thought?" I blared.
"How do you know that?" He said quickly.
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
I clenched my jaw and tried to calm my breathing. I
needed another tactic.
"Pssh. You don't know anything."
"Oh I'll know." I stepped back and turned. I made the
Glock which was tucked into my back visible and I
could see him stiffen in the mirror. "I'll know
everything by the time I'm done with youand I don't
care what I have to do to get you to tell me. But you
will talk. Of that I am sure."
I bent down and slipped up my jean leg as I pulled out
my knife.
"Ha. You think you can break me. Try it. I'm not
saying a word. I want my lawyer."
"I am a lawyer." I responded and he tensed.
I flipped the knife over in my hand and stared at the
engraving. "You know. I picked this little piece up in
Spain. A good friend of mine knew a guy." I rolled the
knife over, showing off the blade. I swept it right in
front of his face as I saw his eyes widen.
I turned around and continued. "Did you know the
handle is hand-made. It has exceptional balance and
sharpness. One of the sharpest knives in the world.
You know it's perfect for hunting because it can cut
through flesh so easily..." I trailed off and I heard him
intake a breath.
I turned back to him then as I ran my finger along it.
"What do you want?" He asked then.
"I want to know who told you to date her."
He rolled his eyes. "You think you're scare tactics are
going to work on me?"
I ignored him and persisted. I could tell the knife
unnerved him and he was covering it up.
"I know someone did. I know that you work with her
step-father and you run the legal matters for the
Dracs. So was it them? Or was it someone else who
sent you?"
I watched him intently as I said each piece. Often
times it wasn't in what a suspect said that mattered
but in what he didn't say. I could see his eyes widen on
my last part and I knew I was right.
It wasn't the Dracs. It was Il Leone.
"It was Il Leone wasn't it." I stated and his eyes
widened again.
I pushed my sleeves up, displaying my now rather
prominent biceps and put my hands on the table
again.
Suddenly his eyes flashed with something and I
followed his gaze down to my arm. It was focused
right on the scar of my cut, the one he left me the night
I beat the shit out of him outside Bella's.
"You." He snarled as his face took on a look of fury.
"Me." I said darkly. "Oh you finally recognize me from
the club do you? Too coked up all the time to pay
attention?" I spat.
"You were the one fucking her." He fumed.
I seized the table with my fingers to keep from
throwing it to the side and tearing him to pieces.
Oh yes, scorned.
"I hope you liked my sloppy seconds." He added then.
And my last grip on sanity vaporized into thin air.
I launched across the table at him and knocked him
out of his chair. In seconds his back was against the
wall and I had my forearm under his chin.
"You fucking disgusting pig! You were nothing to her!
Nothing!" I seethed.
He was struggling under my hold as the door burst
open and Seth and Emmett ran in.
"Cullen!" McCarty yelled and pulled me off of him
again.
Raven coughed and sputtered, but I saw something
dash across his face.
"You're fucking clueless." He said to me then.
What?
"You don't know anything do you?" He laughed wryly.
"Cullen."
How could he be fucking laughing?
"You son-of-a-bitch!" I roared.
"You and you're brother. You both thought you were
so smart. You don't know shit. They don't just let
anyone get near her. She's too precious. That's why
they sent me." He mocked me.
My brother?
How the fuck does he know my brother?
Too precious?
What the hell?
My mind was racing with thoughts of what he could
mean and I was pressing against Emmett.
Finally he released me, but Seth stood between me
and Raven. I tore out of the interrogation room. Once
again, I instantly began pacing in the hallway and
running my hands through my hair.
They?
Who they?
Precious.
My brother?
What the fuck? What the hell does that mean?
How does he know about my brother?
What did it mean when he said my name?
"Goddamnit!" I smacked my hand against the wall,
frustrated as all hell.
I wanted to rip him to shreds and at the same time
make him spill his guts to me.
God no, please no. What have they done with her?
I was pacing up and down the hall, burning a hole in
the tile when I heard a foot steps behind me.
"Agent Cullen."
I stopped and turned to the man before me. As I
looked into his eyes I noticed the same hue of espresso
of Bella's. They were dark and rich. But right now his
were tinted with sadness and a need.
A need to know.
"Captain Swan."
He scratched the back of his neck as he sighed and sat
down on a bench in the hallway. He motioned for me
to join him and I hesitated for a second until he shot
me a stern glare.
I tried to steady my breathing as I looked at him.
Must not piss off the future father-in-law.
I sat immediately, even though I was so amped up on
adrenaline, fear and apprehension that I was
bouncing my knee madly.
"I know something is going on between you and my
daughter." He stated.
My knee stopped as my breath left my lungs.
Fuck.
Finally, I turned to look at him.
"Are you going to level with me and tell me what it is?"
He quirked his eyebrow at me and I stiffened.
Shit. He must have been watching the interrogation as
well. And I was already beating myself up over the fact
that I could be the reason she was taken. But I couldn't
lie to him. As much as I was dying inside I was sure
this was killing him too.
I took a deep breath before I began.
"We've been seeing each other for about four
months."
"While you were undercover?"
I nodded.
He sighed and I cringed.
"I had a feeling she was seeing someone. I haven't
seen her much the last few months. So I knew it must
be serious." He grumbled.
"I never meant to put her in danger. I just" I said
quickly.
Couldn't stay away from her, was drawn to her like
gravity, every touch set my body on fire, she lit up
my world, she's my whole life and I can't live without
her. If I don't get her back then nothing else will
matter.
Yeah. Probably better not say that.
Baby steps.
Baby.
My heart clenched at that thought.
"She pulled me in...wehad a lot in common." I said
thickly.
He bent over and put his elbows on his knees and
looked straight ahead as he exhaled again. His eyes
focused on an unknown spot on the wall as I felt him
become resolute next to me.
"Cut the bullshit Cullen. Nobody reacts the way you
did with that bastard because you have a lot in
common with someone." He said without looking at
me.
Well, the Captain gets right to the point.
Like father, like daughter.
It wasrefreshing. Yet, it reminded me so much of
her. A pain instantly shot through my chest, the
gaping hole widening. Everything she had healed in
me seemed to be splitting apart again.
So I decided to level with him. I swallowed when I he
realized what he probably saw as I was interrogating
Raven. Nonetheless I forged ahead.
"I love her." I whispered. "I can't live without her. I
can't breathe without her. She'severything to me."
I said as I dropped my head into my hands.
"I suspected that." He sighed.
I hesitated for a moment, trying to decide if I should
tell him our news. At last I exhaled loudly and just said
it.
"She's pregnant." I whispered.
I saw him clench his fist and I realized he might try to
hit me. I really didn't want to have to defend myself
against him because I knew I would win, and he was
Bella's father.
Instead, I let him cool his senses for a minute as he
released his fist.
Finally he crossed his arms still staring at the wall.
"Start talking." He commanded. I nodded and cleared
my throat as I began.
I went on to explain how we metwithout all the
details of course. I told him about her and Raven's
past relationship, how I saved her from himtwice.
He clenched his jaw and I saw his body tense like he
wanted to get up and go in there and beat the shit out
of Raven himself.
I'll join you.
He nodded when I explained that I tried to stay away
from her, that I knew I shouldn't be near her. But she
didn't want me to and Icouldn't. I told him how we
really did have a lot in common and how she was
friends with my sister and Jasper. I told him about my
brother and I could see his expression soften as I
mentioned her helping me with my issues over Eric.
Then I relayed all the connections to our investigation
and he filled me in on what he had found out about
Jacob. He said he had been investigating Jacob's
involvement with a crime ring for a while, but didn't
have quite enough evidence to do anything with it yet.
He confirmed that he thought Jacob got tied into it by
Phil Dwyer.
It wasn't lost on me the way he grit his teeth when he
mentioned his ex-wife and Dwyer. They really did
have bad blood between them. And when I told him
about all the pieces McCarty and Clearwater and I had
started to put together, all the people, he tensed. I
even mentioned the links to Alec, Demitri, the
Draconi, and the random Volturi men that seemed to
show up recently.
I probably shouldn't have told him everything. But as
an agent, in the field, you learn to trust your gut
instinct. And everything in me told me that he was on
the level. He was one of the good guys.
So when suddenly his breathing stopped and he
turned to look right at me, I paid attention. A horror
stricken look took over his face as I finished telling
him about the take down of the Volturis and the newer
Draconi organization.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Did you say Volturi?" He rasped.
"Yeah." I answered perplexed.
"Fuck." He muttered.
I tensed. The Captain seemed like a pretty even keel
guy so far, considering the situation. But once he
jumped up, suddenly very agitated, I knew something
was wrong.
"Do you have a private conference room?"
I looked at him strangely. "Yeah why?"
"I need to tell you somethingsomething highly
confidential."
"Okay"
What could he possibly want to tell me?
As I lead him back to the war room where everything
was posted up, McCarty and Clearwater eyed us as we
stepped in. My mind was running with questions. I
was still in a daze, caught between shock and terror. I
felt like I should be doing something more. But what?
Nonetheless, I had a feeling that what he was going to
tell me was important. It was something that could
break this wide open. And it scared me to death at the
same time.
The door clicked behind us as I looked at the Captain's
face. He was paler than before and now he was the one
pacing.
"Captain?"
He looked at the picture of Bella on the board and his
eyes softened in sadness. He reached out to touch it
hesitantly and then covered his mouth as he took a
deep breath.
As he released it I could feel the stillness in the room.
It was as if a blanket of apprehension washed over us.
"Did Bella ever mention her grandmother?"
What a strange question.
"LucyLuciana? Yes. Why?" I shook my head.
What does this have to do with anything?
He turned to look at me then, a fearful and ghastly
look in his eyes.
"Let me tell you about Luciana Rinaldi Swan or should
I sayLiona Volturi."
--
~Tuesday, September 19, 2:00 A.M. Seven Hours
Missing~
Luciana Rinaldi Swan was Liona Volturi.
Volturi.
As inAro Volturi.
As in Aro Volturi's long lost wife.
How did I not know about this?
How could the Bureau not have mentioned this?
How could they keep something like this a secret
from us when we were in the field?
Or was it a secret?
It didn't make any sense.
My fears and suspicions were running deeper and
deeper as it all settled in.
I recalled everything that Charlie, as he insisted I call
him, just told me. I was stunned and stupefied. I
couldn't believe it. All this time. It ran so much farther
up and further back than I ever suspected.
And it explained why they hadn't killed her yet. It
explained the Volturi men connected to the
organization.
I shuddered at the thought.
But something was amiss. Aro Volturi was in jail. So
either he was working with someone, or he was
running things from the inside. I just couldn't accept
the fact that he was Il Leone, or at least alone. It
seemed too easy now, with everything I found out.
And how did my brother fit into all of this. I was
starting to think this was one really fucked up
situation and I was missing a big piece of the puzzle.
For the first time in my life, I felt like the FBI knew
something and they weren't telling us.
I kept running through our conversation over and
over in my head as I paced about the conference room
and thought through the potential links.
"Let me tell you about Luciana Rinaldi Swan or
should I sayLiona Volturi."
Holy fuck.
My head snapped up as I blinked in question.
"Volturias inAro Volturi."
"The one and only." Captain Swan said darkly.
He turned back to the board and my brain was
screaming questions so fast I couldn't discern any of
it. But somehow I forced it away and just listened to
him.
"My motherwas the sweetest, hardest working
woman I've ever met. She didn't have an easy
childhood, far from it. She grew up in war torn Italy
and emigrated to the U.S. as a teenager. But she
never would have been able to come if it weren't for
the arrangement."
"Arrangement?" I asked quizzically.
"Yes. She had an arranged marriage with a man
from a very prominent family."
Aro Volturi.
"Do you know much about him?" The Captain asked
then.
"Yes. I worked on the mission to put him in jail." I
said frankly. His eyes flashed with something and he
clenched his jaw and closed his eyes.
"I was afraid that might be the case." He reopened
them and before I could ask a question he started
again.
"My mother, Luciana, or Liona as she was raised,
was a very beautiful woman. At the time she came
over, her 'fiance' was a bit older than her and lived in
Philadelphia.
This made sense Aro Volturi always ran things out of
Philly. That's where I was stationed for my mission.
"But he wasn't from there. In fact, he grew up in New
York."
"New York?" I asked. I never knew this. Suddenly
and eerie feeling was creeping into my system. This
was all connected. The Captain knew something that
tied this all together. I held my breath as he
continued.
"Yes. In fact, my mother said he was friends with
some very well known and influential people. It was
how he didn't get caught for so long. He knew all the
right people. Even up until she died, she followed
everything."
"I don't understand, so she was married to him. But
what happened?"
"That's where the issue really is isn't it." He said
soberly.
Then the Captain sat down and spilled it all. The
entire torrid story and I listened in utter amazement.
"When she arrived in the U.S. she was instantly
swept into this lavish lifestyle. She was wined and
dined and swept away by her new fianc, Aro. He
was in love with her from first sight. She was a very
beautiful womanBella looks extraordinarily like
her. It's almost astonishing." He said quietly and my
heart ached at thinking about it.
I could only imagine if she looked like Bella
"Aro was...obsessive with her. He would never let
anyone near her. He kept her away from anyone and
everyone and to himself. Once they married she
started to suspect his involvement with the
underworld. She could only speak broken English,
but she was very bright and she knew that she
married into a very dangerous and powerful family."
He bent forward in the chair and closed his eyes as
moved through the next part.
"Of course when she would question him about his
involvement, she would be met with only the back of
his handor worse." He swallowed. "She was stuck.
Her entire family was in Italy. Her entire new family
was mafia and she had nowhere to go, nowhere to
turn. She knew she had to find a way out. Not only
that, they were married for a few years and she had
yet to provide him with a child."
He opened his eyes then and looked at me. "That's
where things getinteresting." He sighed.
By now I was hanging on his every word and my
mind was racing.
"She somehow got in contact with an agent." He
smiled lightly and I wondered what that meant.
"He was investigating the family in connection with
a murder. She knew about it because she overheard
Aro talking to one of his brothers. So she saw it as her
opportunity, her bargaining chip.She offered
information in return for them to put her in witness
protection, to get her away from Aro. It was her only
way out."
Holy shit.
"What did they do? Howhow did he not find out?"
"They faked her death." He blew out a breath. "They
sent a car careening off of the turnpike into a fiery
blaze. No body was found because it was too badly
charredthat kind of thing."
I nodded. I had executed only too many jobs like that.
"She had been Liona Volturi, wife of one of the most
notorious mobsters of the twentieth century, so the
entire thing was quite a spectacle. But it was highly
confidential within the FBI."
Son-of-a-bitch. They did know.
McCarty assigned to her. Her connections to Raven.
All of it. I was instantly furious, but I had to know
more. I knew there was more.
"How do you know about all of this?" I asked then.
And does Bella know? I thought.
"My mother told meand Bradonly a few days
before she died. She told us because she was so
thankful to my father that she was able to live a good
life, to have me, to have my brother and Brad and
Bella. She and Bella were very close and she wanted
us to protect her."
I swallowed thickly, the lump in my throat aching.
But before I could ask my burning question he beat
me to it.
"No. Bella doesn't know. My mother wanted it to end
with her. She never wanted to put any of us at risk,
that's why she waited to tell Brad and me for so
long."
Bella doesn't know. But a sickening feeling struck me
then.
Aro must know. But how?
And why would he care about Liona's granddaughter
unless
My eyes shot to the Captain's and he had a dark look
on his face.
"What you're thinking is true?"
Oh fuck.
The air whooshed out of me as the Captain pursued
on.
"She made her escape. But the agent that she met
refused to let her go alone. She was never in love with
Aro. She was forced into the marriage, but she was in
love with my father"
"You're father was the agentfrom Philadelphia." I
said matter-of-factly.
"Yes. Talk about a torrid affair." He laughed wryly.
"My father, Patrick Swan, would have done anything
for her. She changed her name to Luciana Rinaldi,
because she said she was finally away from Aro and
she had seen the light. She was free."
Luciana meant light in Italian. How fitting.
But then I thought of something- Liona meant
Lionness in Italian.
Could that matter?
But before I could ponder it further he was talking.
"She was already pregnant when she and my father
moved to Brooklyn and married. But she was in
witness protection and was a completely different
person. She was then Luciana or Lucy Swan and they
just told everyone they had been married for a few
years and made up a story for how they met. She
stuck to it to the end." He sighed again and looked
down.
"Only a few months after they married, I was born."
He looked at me intently then.
"Captain?"
"Charlie" He stated affirmatively. "I think you
know we're going to be related some dayor at least
we better be." He gave me a steely glare and I nodded
and swallowed.
"Yes." I said firmly. "We will be."
But back to my question.
"Charlie. Are you trying to tell me that you're
actually Aro Volturi's son?"
His eyes flashed with something. "I will never be his
son. I might carry his blood, but I'm not his son. I'm a
Swan, through and through." He said fiercely.
I nodded.
Holy shit this was a total mind-fuck.
Holy shit, Bella is Aro Volturi's granddaughter,
which makes our baby
"Oh my God." I groaned and dropped my head to my
hands.
"I know." He said quietly."I never wanted Bella to
know. And the only reason my mother told Brad and
I was to protect us. She told us that if anything
suspicious happened what to look for. She wanted me
to know so that I could protect her." He looked down
then as I contemplated something.
"How was it that they never found her?" I asked as I
was trembling. If a man like Aro was that intent on a
womanI shook my head thinking at what he could
have done to her.
God, she was so brave for escaping.
"Do you know how my father died?" He asked then
and I nodded.
"Car accident right?"
"My mother was rather sure that it wasn't an
accident. She thinks that somehow, someone found
out about it and my father died protecting her. She
thinks he died to keep her safe. To keep her secret
safe. To keep us safe."
I looked him square in the eye then, confirming
without any words that I would do the same thing. In
a heartbeat. Without question.
A deadly silence fell over the conference room and I
could barely detect our breathing. My mind was
racing with questions and connections and
affirmations.
"I guess now it's our turn." He stated. And all I could
do was set my jaw and nod in agreement.
I pulled myself from my memory as I looked around
the now busy conference room that had been turned
into a war room. I was sure of one thing and one thing
only: I was going to find her or die trying.
Too many people had done too much to this point.
I had to figure this out. I had all the information in
front of me. I just had to keep putting it together.
It all made so much sense. But who connected Aro to
Alec Masen, my brother, the Draconis, all of it. I was
positive it was Il Leone, whoever that may be. Or
maybe Aro had a partner. Maybe there were two of
them.
A picture kept coming to mind.
But the one thing that kept creeping into me like an
infection was the lack of information from the FBI.
The FBI knew something and they kept it from
usfrom me.
But why?
Just then, as if moving in a mist or through a fog, a
man appeared in the doorway and the room fell
completely silent.
"Cullen." My eyes widened at the sight.
"Director Fortnight? What are you doing here?" I was
confounded by his appearance.
His grey eyes and white hair shone in the fluorescent
light as he stood there and stared at me. He had a hold
of something in his hand and I couldn't take my eyes
off him to look at it.
"It seems you've been busy."
No, the love of my life has just disappeared, but I'm
fucking relaxing.
Then he walked over to me and threw a file down on
the table.
"Can we have some privacy please?" He said to the
room, and everyone left. He was the Director, they
didn't need another word.
It was then I glanced down at the file before me and
the Earth moved around me. Everything stilled,
completely stilled, except for the absolute battle
pounding away in my chest.
"Cullen. I think it's about time we chat."
~~~-~~~



Chapter 24 ~ The Agent
Chapter Song: The Animals House Of The Rising
Sun
BPOV
~September 19, 3:00 A.M. Eight Hours Missing~
"Liefje, have I ever told you how much I love your
skin. It's so soft." His nose tickled my abdomen and I
instantly began giggling and squirming.
"Stop that." I said through my laughter. We were
laying in bed as the light streamed through the
window on bright, sunny Sunday afternoon.
"Stop what?" He smiled and nudged at my naked
stomach further.
I laughed loudly this time as his hands held me in
place and he rubbed his thumbs along my exposed
skin.
"That. I'm ticklish."
"What here?" He ran his nose over my now flat belly
button and I giggled again.
"Yesyes." I was gasping for breath as his fingers
were digging in my sides.
"Mmmm. I never knew you were so ticklish, this is a
definite advantage." He smiled into my skin.
"As if you need an advantage." I joked as I ran my
fingers through his hair. But my voice softened with
my words. He insisted we lie in bed and watch a
movie and as soon as we were there he pulled my
shirt up and put his head on my stomach.
"Hmmm. Yesso soft." He continued his exploration
as he slowly pushed my shirt up farther. I reveled in
the feeling of his warm breath on my skin. After last
night in the kitchen I felt as though he was more like
himself than he had been since he found out about
Eric. He was joking and laughing and incredibly
sweet as we talked about our shocking surprise. I still
couldn't believe that he was so thrilled about it. The
thought made my heart clench in happiness. I had
never been one of those girls, but now that I had him,
I understood why.
His fingers stopped tickling and were now lightly
caressing my sides as he moved his way up my body.
The atmosphere of the room instantly grew warm
and heavy around us.
I drew in a breath as he slipped his hands up my ribs
and under my shirt. I lifted up and he pulled it from
my body. I could see the jade of his eyes darken with
yearning.
He traced a pattern up my stomach, over my breasts
and I bit my lip in anticipation.
"You know what else I love" He rasped.
"What?" I said thickly as I lightly scraped at his scalp
and his eyes rolled back in his head.
"Well, that, for one." And I laughed. But his face grew
more serious again.
"I love everything about you Liefje. You're perfect."
I rolled my eyes and felt the blush creeping up my
neck and my face.
"Don't do that." He said quietly. "You are beautiful
Bella, the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I
thought it the first day I saw you at Gray'sI thought
that you were otherworldly."
My breath caught in my throat and he slowly slid up
my body until he was covering me, his naked chest
was pressed against mine and only a thin layer of
lace was between us.
"Then at the MetI thought you were more beautiful
than all of those heralded pieces of work combined."
I could feel my eyes welling with tears as he slowly
kissed my jaw, behind my ear and down my neck. He
swept a hair out of my eye as the jade bore into mine.
"You are Liefje." He kissed my nose and lightly ran
his hand through my hair.
"I love your hairthe way it feels like silk in my
fingers." He said as his eyes followed the path of his
hand.
"And I love your smile. It can light up a room." He
kissed me gently and I felt myself getting lost in the
warmth of his body over mine, every bit of him
touching against me.
"I love your eyes" He whispered. "They're so soulful
and deepthey take my breath awaybecauseit's
like you can see right into me."
My lip quivered as he placed kisses over my eyelids.
"And your lips. God your lips." He kissed me more
passionately this time and I could feel my pulse
quicken. "I have very naughty dreams about those
lips."
I chuckled into his kiss as he slowly lifted away from
me and grazed his mouth down my sternum.
"And the way you smelllike berries and vanilla. It's
intoxicating." He took a deep breath and I could feel
his exhale against me and it made me shiver.
"Mmmm. And of course these." I gasped as his tongue
lightly traced my nipple and a ripple of pleasure shot
through my body as he palmed my other breast.
He repeated his slow, reverent exploration, adoring
my stomach, my legs, my sides, even my hips. Then
he placed a kiss over my center and I let out an eager
moan as he slipped off my panties.
He pulled me up and flipped me over so that he was
now leaning against the headboard as I was
straddling him.
"I want to see you, all of you." He looked at me
hungrily. I sat across him and could feel him pulsing
below me as I watched him with hooded eyes. We
were once again completely skin to skin with nothing
between us as his arms wrapped around me and held
me close.
"Edward" I whispered.
"I love every part of you Liefje." I was open in quiet
expectation and with one movement we were joined
again. I gasped as he filled me so completely. Every
time it was like this. Every time I felt totally
connected to him.
His eyes were a deep boiling green. His hands
trembled down my face, across my shoulders and
settled on my waist as I rocked against him.
"But you know what I love the most." He said as he
leaned up and brought me closer. He kissed right
over my chest. A tear streamed down my face as I
wove my fingers through his hair once again.
"Your heart. In here, and how even with all my faults
you love meand I" His voice broke for a moment
as he looked at me. "I can't believe you're having my
child."
My heart was beating out of my chest as he began to
guide me and whisper quiet adorations. Our hands
swept over one another and then clasped together as
we moved. The burning look in his eyes was
undeniable. It was worshipful and passionate and
sweet all at the same time. We were simply flesh
against flesh and mouths locked as one. At last we
came apart in pieces and slipped over the edge
together.
He pulled me into his arms whispering tender words
of devotion to me in Dutch once again.
"Someday you're going to have to tell me what all
that means." I finally said as we held each other.
He leaned back and held my head in his hands as he
stared into my eyes.
"It meansI love you, the mother of my childI can't
live without you." He murmured.
My breath hitched at his translation and my eyes
swam once again.
"You never have to." I whispered.
I awoke with a start and instantly felt pain in my neck
and my back. I knew it was from being tied up for so
long and the awkward position I had been sleeping in.
But at once the feeling was overcome by a throbbing
ache in my heart. My eyes burned from the tears I had
shed as I realized where I was. I wasn't in my bedroom
with Edward. I wasn't in our cavern, in our secret
place.
No, I was in that room, the one with no windows, no
sound, no air.
The type of room you think of in your nightmares. The
type of room you only see in movies or in the darkest
corners of your mind.
But not me. I was there. Living it and breathing it. And
slowly worrying that I might never see Edward again.
I didn't know what they wanted with me. I didn't know
why they brought me here. I thought that since I was a
target they were would have killed me by this point.
Last night I was sure they were taking me off
somewhere to take care of it. So with every passing
minute I simply held hope that somehow he would
find me.
My eyes wandered around as I took in my
surroundings. The walls were cement and gray and I
could smell the condensation. I kept scanning, looking
for entries and exits as I had when they first brought
me in. But there was only one door, only one escape
route, and I already knew that it was locked with a
deadbolt and I was shut in.
The room was relatively big even though I could tell I
was entirely underground. On the one side was a cot
with army issue type blankets and pillows. Near the
foot of the cot was a partitioned area holding a toilet
and a sink. It was cold, but somehow a space heater
was set up to keep it relatively warm.
Placed precariously in the middle of the room was a
table with five chairs around it. Even more strangely
there was a small refrigerator with a lock on it and a
small kitchenette with a sink and cupboards on the
opposite wall. As I inspected it more, it looked like a
hideout, as if someone had built it so that they could
live here for days and never be found.
The thought instantly made me shudder.
I pulled myself up and felt the rolling in my stomach
as I had since last night. After Demitri pushed me into
the car and sped out of the parking garage, I willed
myself to calm down and try to figure out a way to
mark time. I knew that my only chance of escape was
if I had some idea as to where or how far away I was.
I knew it couldn't be that simple, because it was likely
they took several turns before we stopped and I was
blindfolded. But I noted the change in darkness my
vantage point lying on the back seat. It became dark
what felt like an hour outside the city. The darkness
became very thick another hour after that. And at
what seemed like four total hours later, the car finally
stopped in the pitch black of night and I was pulled
out of the car still blindfolded with my hands tied
behind my back.
It was then I was ushered 397 steps, down a long set of
stairs and into the room I was in now. I counted, as
soon as my feet hit the ground. In all my
conversations with Edward, he had told me about the
little quirks that he had even before he became an
agent and some of the strange things he did
undercover. At the time it was more of a way of
sharing information with me.
I never knew it would be so useful.
An ache permeated my chest and I had to force back
the tears again.
I couldn't imagine what he was thinking right now. I
couldn't think about it, because I knew he was
probably dying inside. I pressed my hand to my
stomach and closed my eyes as I thought of him. His
face, his hands on me, his lips against mine, the way
his eyes looked on Sunday and yesterday before I left.
I had to think I would make it back to him. It was the
only way. I couldn't think about the other possibilities
and what it would do to meor him.
Instead, I just kept praying over and over that there
was some spec of evidence, something that he could
find that would in turn help him find me. I knew my
purse and work bag were dropped to the floor of the
elevator, along with my wallet and panic button.
Surely they would find those. But more importantly I
was hoping there would be video evidence or some
shred of proof to show that it was Demitri, and Felix
who I also recalled Edward mentioning beforethat
took me.
During the ride out to the cold room, once I forced
myself to calm down, I kept trudging up detail after
detail of the facts he had relayed to me. I catalogued
the names of the different players, what their roles
were, how they were connected.
I thought of anything and everything I could that
might possibly tell me where I was.
But once I was locked in the dungeon-like room and
the walls started to close in around me, I collapsed on
the cot shaking violently and I cried.
I cried for Edward, for our baby, for the thought that I
might never see him again. And because of the
pregnancy I was so tired and exhausted I finally
passed out and fell asleep some time later.
I had no idea what time it was now. Of course the one
day I forgot to wear my watch was todayor yesterday
as I was sure it was now.
But I didn't feel fully refreshed, I felt more like I had
taken a nap and so it seemed like it was the middle of
the night.
Just as I stood up to walk around and begin to search
my surroundings. I heard the door being jostled from
the other side.
I froze in my spot, terrified. I locked my gaze on the
door and once it opened I was met with his black eyes.
"Ah Isabella, I see you had a nice nap." He derided me.
Bile rose in my throat as I stepped to the other side of
the table. I tried to hold it in, but the thoughts of
everything Edward told me about him, my own
interactions as well as my morning sickness combined
together and I rushed to the toilet across the room as I
threw up violently.
I could feel his eyes on me and it made my skin crawl.
I wanted nothing more than to be back in my condo,
with Edward stroking my hair as I was sick and then
making me toast in bed.
Tears immediately wet my eyes as I pressed my back
against the wall.
But he appeared above me then. I cowered away from
him and pulled my knees to my chest as he bent down
to look at me.
He reached up and swept a piece of hair out of my face
and I shivered and fought off the urge to wretch again.
Maybe I could just throw up on his shoes this time.
Then he'll leave me alone.
But unfortunately, I knew he was the only person I
had contact with, the only possibly escape.
"Are you feeling better now?" He asked. I didn't
respond. I just looked into his soulless eyes.
"Come, I brought you something to eat."
He said it almost kindly and I looked at him with a
blank stare.
What? You want me to fucking be happy about that?
"Now Isabella. Don't make me wait." He said darkly
then.
I scrambled to my feet, still in my gray skirt and pink
silk blouse and heels. I could feel his eyes following
me and it caused me to shudder. I turned my head
away and crossed my arms over me to avoid his gaze.
I saw the soup and the crackers as well as an apple
and cheese sitting on the table.
What the hell was with all the healthy food?
I looked at it strangely until I turned back to him. He
simply nodded, and even though I didn't want to give
in, I was starving. I hadn't eaten dinner and I was sick.
Plus I knew I needed to keep up my strength for me
and
I whimper left me, but I covered it quickly with a
cough as I looked at the table and grasped the chair. At
last I steeled my resolve and kept moving around the
table. I wouldn't let him see how shaken I was. I
wouldn't admit defeat.
As I sat and ate the soup before me, he took a chair
across from me. I could see his gun holstered under
his jacket and the eerie white of his complexion. He
was creepy as fuck, always had been. I took in every
detail without staring and shot him angry glares
between bites of soup.
Then I got an idea.
I was running through a million things in my mind at
the moment. But maybe, just maybe he could give me
some information. For what, I didn't know. And I had
no idea how I was going to escape this. But at least I
could try.
I would try, for him, forthem.
I grit my teeth at the thought but forged ahead. I didn't
know if he would answer me but I figured I'd give it a
shot and ask him some questions.
"Why am I here Demitri?" I finally asked.
He laughed wryly again and then looked at me with his
beady eyes. "Well, now that's really the million dollar
question isn't it?" He said sinisterly.
"Yes, I suppose it is." I shot back. "But since you have
me here, and obviously I can't leave, you might as well
tell me."
"Oh Isabella, always such a fightersuch a fervent
one. You were very quick to send me away the first
time. Such a smart girl that you had a sixth sense
about me even then." He stated, but then he leaned
forward and continued.
"But you are right about one thingwe have you here
and you won't be leaving. And he won't find you
either."
I had to choke back the sob that wanted to leave my
throat. But I simply took a bite of my soup. It was
quiet for a while and I hated the way his eyes roamed
over me as I ate.
I decided that whether I was nice or not didn't matter.
So I began asking questions again.
"What do you want with me? I don't understand why
I'm here." I finally asked.
"Oh I am not the one who wants you here Isabella,
although I must say I can see why both Alec and Mr.
Raven were so enamored with youand now of course
your beloved Agent." He sneered.
"What have you done to him?" I said as fear crept up
my spine. Edward wasn't hurt was he?
Oh God.
No, I couldn't think that way. He was just trying to
play me.
"Which him?" He said then mockingly.
I didn't respond I just sat there in silence.
"What? No. You didn't?" I finally rasped as fear
gripped my heart.
"Oh Isabella, you really are too easy. Alec would have
given up the world for you and eventually he did. It's
too bad really that he was willing to do anything for a
woman who didn't love him in return."
Alec?
I was relieved but that didn't answer my questions.
"What are you talking about?"
"Let's just say, Mr. Masen will not be a problem
anymore." He said darkly.
I was confused, but I also had a suspicion after the
turn of events of the past evening that Alec showed up
on my doorstep for more reasons than one. It wasn't
just because he still loved me. He really was trying to
warn me, both with the flowers and trying to get me to
come with him.
If only I would have heeded his warning.
Then a thought occurred to me and I gasped and
covered my mouth. Even though I didn't love him, I
didn't want anything bad to happen to him.
"Hewhat did you?" I sputtered.
"He became too much of a liability." He stated firmly.
He was dead. Oh my God, he was dead. My mind was
spinning from the realization that he might have died
protecting me.
"Howhow could you? He was your brother." I said
without thinking.
Demitri pulled back and looked at me intently then.
"How did you know that?"
"I'm not stupid. I met Irina once when Alec and I
dated. And I know that she married Alec's father. He's
your step-brother is he not?"
"It's not blood. It doesn't matter."
What? How could he say something like that?
"What about your step-father? What did Thomas have
to say?"
"Thomas can't say much. Let's just leave it at that."
You have to be fucking kidding me! If he was involved
how could he not protest the killing of his own son.
God this is fucked up.
My brain was racing as I pushed my bowl aside and
then looked down, except my eyes were only to be met
with three pills on the tray. The hairs on the back of
my neck instantly stood up.
Were they drugging me and I didn't know it
somehow?
What day was it? Maybe I was completely off in my
timing? How long had I been here?
I had to find out more. I had to keep asking.
I thought of a new attack. Maybe he would spill if I
appeased him.
"Well why not tell me everything. I mean obviously
you know what you're doing. I'm not going anywhere
as you say and no one is going to find me. So why don't
you just tell me what the hell is going on. At least give
me that." I looked him right in the eye as I fingered the
pills on the tray.
"You would love that wouldn't you?"
"C'mon. Who am I going to tell?" I waved my hand
around and I knew I was getting to him. He was cocky.
He wanted to say how good he was, how he had ousted
me from under Edward's protection and now held me
herewherever the hell we were.
"I mean, why didn't you just kill me?" I continued.
"You want me to be honest?" He leaned forward and
asked me in a sickening tone.
I set my jaw and looked right at him as I palmed the
drugs to hide them later.
"Yes."
"Fine. I'll be honest. Since as you sayyou won't be
going anywhere." He annunciated and I fought off a
shudder once again.
"I would have just killed you. But that's not my
decision now is it." He said and goose bumps raced up
my body. But I straightened in my chair, demanding
his answer.
"So? Who's was it?"
He shook his head and sighed and tsked his tongue.
"Someone else's. I am for hire and for hire only. I was
assigned to you once Alec left. They were afraid that
you had seen too much" He trailed off. "Or that he
really hadn't broke it off with you. But by all accounts
he had. Even as you stated to me...do you remember
that?" He said too sweetly and the words flashed
through my head.
"Iuhwe broke up. He apparently doesn't want to
see me again." I shrugged, still looking at the photos.
"That's odd." He leaned closer and my breath caught
as I could feel him right next to me. "I would have a
hard time staying away from you."
I tensed. That creepy feeling washed over me until I
found a bit of resolve and slowed my breathing.
"Well apparently that doesn't go for everyone." I said
with a sigh.
He leaned forward then and whispered. "Although I
must say, I wouldn't have minded to be assigned as
Raven had. I wouldn't mind taking a ride on that pony,
but now I can't. You carry too precious of cargo now
for that."
I lunged back and swallowed the vomit in the back of
my throat and instead crossed my arms over my
abdomen. His gaze was making that sixth sense
overtake my body now, stronger than I had ever
noticed before. But at the same time I was trying to
parse through what he said.
"Raven?"
James.
That asshole. It was just as Edward suspected. I
instantly felt dirty for ever having slept with him.
"He meant nothing to me." I said defiantly then.
Demitri stood up and began to fiddle with the lock on
the refrigerator. "Ah yes. And you shouldn't have
meant anything to him. He was assigned to get close to
you once Alec came back. He was supposed to see if
Alec had any contact with you and what you knew yet
again. They couldn't have me do it after all. So instead
I just followed you discreetly when Raven wasn't
around."
"It was you then. All those times walking to work. At
the Met. Did you follow me from New Jersey then
too?" I spat.
"Of course. Maybe you aren't as oblivious as I thought
Isabella."
"Or maybe I was just trying to keep my cool." I said
through clenched teeth.
"It didn't matter. I had to know what you knew. How
much you knew." He shrugged. "It was a rather easy
assignment, given my usual ones. And of course you
gave us everything we needed."
"What I knew? What you needed? What do you mean
by that?" I asked then.
He opened the refrigerator and grabbed a water, for
himself and for me. He handed me one and I
reluctantly accepted, but I was thirsty, and downed it
fully before he spoke.
"You know. Agent Cullen. We really didn't know he
was an agent. Not until you spilled it all to your little
friend on the phone. He really was good at covering
his tracks wasn't he? I didn't even notice you were
seeing him until the night I broke into your place?"
"You did that too?" I stuttered.
Shit. It was my fault Edward's cover was blown. They
somehow heard me.
"Oh yes. You see I was the one listening, the one
watching, the one waiting. I knew you were seeing
someone other than Raven. I heard it all through your
officeMs. Swan."
"But EdAgent Cullen. How did you find out about
him?"
He scoffed. "I always suspected him. He was too good.
The way he moved into the organization. So the night I
was at your place I did a little scoping out and who
marches in, but Cullen's friendor should I say, Emil
Mazzonn's friend. It wasn't too hard to put the pieces
together after that. And then of course you called him
by name yesterday."
Oh my God. My phone call to Rose, how could I be so
stupid?
I put my head in my hands and finally asked the last
question.
"Why? Why me? I still don't understand. I haven't
done anything."
"The boss. He was pretty sure you saw him. I was
there that night too you know."
Oh my God. The night of my birthday at Alec's.
I recalled seeing the man with the white blonde hair
and the conversation outside their door.
Then it struck me with force.
They had been talking about me. The boss, Il Leone as
Edward called him had said something about a girl.
That girl was me. I was sure of it. Especially now that I
knew about Alec.
"Il Leone you mean." I said with raised eyebrows and
Demitri stopped and eyed me. "But I didn't see you
there." I said then, challenging him.
"I was in the car. I was the one that saw you run into
the building only minutes before he left. And we knew
who you were."
He walked back over then and bent toward me.
"But of course he could never have you taken out. You
were the granddaughter of his best friend. The one
person who we could nevereliminate." His eyes
flashed with something and now my mind was really
on a tangent.
Granddaughter?
What the fuck does that mean? Whose
granddaughter? My grandfathers are both dead.
Grandpa Higgenbothom died when I was nine and I
hardly knew him. Grandpa Swan was long gone
before I was even born.
What the hell?
"Wait, granddaughter? What are you talking about?"
He laughed wryly then. "Oh my. All these years and
you really never knew. Your father and brother really
were good about keeping it from you. All those men
protecting you." He tsked. "And yet it didn't matter,
they could never protect you from mefrom him."
What the fuck?
Charlie?
Brad?
"I don't understand?" I shook my head. I had no idea
what he was talking about now. Charlie and Brad kept
something from me?
And then I thought back to a few minutes ago and
what he said. An eerie feeling overtook my body, even
more strongly than a few minutes before.
Wait if he heard my conversation with Rose
thenthey could know about?
I gulped in an air of breath as I crossed my arms even
tighter over my chest.
"What did you mean by precious cargo? " I asked with
trepidation.
He turned to look right in my eyes and what I found
was terrifying.
"Well the secret you're carrying around inside you of
course?" He raised his eyebrows and took a drink of
his water, knowing he was completely under my skin
as I shuddered violently this time. I couldn't hide it if I
wanted to.
My hand flew to my mouth and I dropped the pills
back on the tray. It didn't matter anymore.
Secret.
Carrying.
They could only mean one thing.
The baby.
For some reason the fact that I carried Edward's baby
was the reason they took me? Or at least part of it?
A sickening feeling overtook me and I looked back up
as my breathing had picked up in my chest.
"Does this have something to do with Eric?"
He laughed again and I cringed.
Shit.
But then the next words he spoke surprised me even
more.
"Yes. It has everything to do with Eric. And that's why
Eric is dead. Why I killed him." His voice was
menacing and a cold sweat broke on my brow.
He killed Eric?
Oh my God.
Then Eric didn't die in the TowersEric couldn't be Il
Leone.
Eric must have found something out. But about who?
Was he still in on it? Did they just take him out like
they did Alec?
I picked up the pills on the tray and finally asked him.
"What are these then? Are you just going to drug me,
hurt me until you get whatever it is you need from me
or kill me?" I asked.
"Oh no Isabella. We're not going to kill youyet." He
stated. "But you do need to take your vitamins. I hear
it's very important when you're pregnant. Especially
with this child." He motioned to me and I clasped the
pills in my hand.
This had to do with our baby. Edward's baby. They
wanted me to be healthy so that whatI would give
birth to the baby and then they would kill me?
Or use it as leverage against Edward?
Oh no!
Tears welled in my eyes as all of the information
crashed down around me.
I was never leaving. I was never going to see Edward
again. We would never get married, raise our child
together and put this all behind us.
Instead I was going to live out a nightmare. This was
it. I was going to be here indeterminably or at least
until the baby was born, and then they would kill me.
But what of Edward? What did this have to do with
him?
And grandfather? What the hell did that mean?
Who was my grandfather's best friend?
I had no idea. This was all just crazy and my mind was
spinning.
"Why?" I rasped as the tears streamed down my face
once again.
"I think I've given you more than enough information
Isabella." Demitri moved from his position across the
table and made his way to the door.
He stopped and paused as he turned back to me then.
"You should take thoseand eat the rest of your food.
You are eating for two now Isabella, it's best you keep
up your strength." He said mockingly and then walked
through the door.
I was speechless and frustrated and before I knew it I
grabbed the empty soup bowl and flung it at the door
as it shattered into a thousand pieces.
"I hate youyou.bastard!" I screamed and then
shuffled over to the cot. I collapsed and the sobs
wracked my body.
I couldn't make any sense of it. Grandfather? The
baby? Best friend?
I saw Il Leone and I thought back onto the night of me
birthday.
"Listen. I know how to get to you. Don't think I don't.
And you know my associate has a special place for
her should anything happen. Don't think he won't
take advantage of it"
"I'm not giving in to younot like everyone else, not
like" Alec said.
"Don't you dare say his name!" The other man
exclaimed and I bristled.
"Why? Because he didn't do everything you wanted
him to. You and my father and your friends disgust
me."
You and your father and your friends.
My associate?
Whoever Il Leone was in on it with was
apparentlymy grandfather?
But that wasn't possible. Both of my grandfather's
were dead. And had been dead for many years before
this happened.
I lay back in the bed and went over and over the
conversation with Demitri in my head.
I pulled out the pendant from under my blouse and
fingered it. I needed some luck right nowwe needed
some luck right now.
As I exhausted the connections and possibilities in my
head I pulled the blanket around me wishing it was
Edward's arms, wishing we were just back in my bed.
My eyes finally dried and once again I prayed that
somewhere out there he could hear me. Somewhere
out there he was looking for me.
I knew he would go to the ends of the earth to find me.
I just hoped it wasn't too late.
Please, Edward I love you. Please hurry.
--
EPOV
~September 19, 3:00 A.M. Eight Hours Missing~
"Director Fortnight? What are you doing here?" I
was confounded by his appearance.
His grey eyes and white hair shone in the fluorescent
light as he stood there and stared at me. He had a
hold of something in his hand and I couldn't take my
eyes off him to look at it.
"It seems you've been busy."
No, the love of my life has just disappeared, but I'm
fucking relaxing.
Then he walked over to me and threw a file down on
the table.
"Can we have some privacy please?" He said to the
room, and everyone left. He was the Director, they
didn't need another word.
It was then I glanced down at the file before me and
the Earth moved around me. Everything stilled,
completely stilled, except for the absolute battle
pounding away in my chest.
"Cullen. I think we need to chat."
I looked down at the file in front of me and I was
instantly angry. Pissed, hurt, angry and confused as
hell.
They fucking knew all along. I could tell by the
thickness of the file. I didn't have to look at it any
closer, and I couldn't because the sight of my brother's
name on the back was enough to send me into a
frenzy.
"What the fuck Peter?"
"No more Director, well that was quick Edward." He
admonished, but I could tell he didn't mean it.
Yet I didn't have time for his games just then.
"You knew about my brother. All this time you knew
and you didn't tell me?" I hissed.
"Edward, I think you should sit down."
"I'm not fucking sitting down! This investigation is a
goddamn mess because we didn't have all the
information we should have. I can see that now. So
you better start explaining to me what the hell is going
on!"
"Agent Cullen." He said austerely.
I looked at him with a wicked glared. "How much did
you know? Just how much did you keep from us? Did
you know about her too? Her grandmother, what her
father just told me?" I ranted.
He looked at me as he sighed and walked over to the
board.
"Yes."
Goddamnit! Mother fucking! Son of a! Fuck!
"Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me
here Peter?" I screamed at him.
His shoulders tensed but I wanted answers now.
There was a file on my brother on the table and my
love, my reason for existing, was missing. This had
gone far enough. The boiling point had arrived, the
ever loyal agent was wavering and he wanted answers.
He wanted some motherfucking answers right now.
He sighed as he looked at the board. "She's quite
beautiful."
"Beyond measure." I said without thinking.
He turned to look at me and closed his eyes.
"Goddamnit, you weren't supposed to do this. I never
thought you of all people would do this."
"Well sometimes we don't choose it." I spat as I felt
the ache in my chest.
He stopped for a second and blinked at me.
"What are you talking about?"
"What are you?" I retorted.
He frowned and exhaled then. "You're in love with
her?
"As I said, sometimes you don't choose it. Sometimes
it just hits you like a freight train and you can't walk
away." His eyes widened and he could tell how serious
I was. My gaze pierced into him at the same time my
heart pounded, but I continued.
"I want to knoweverything. From the beginning." I
stated as I crossed my arms and glared at him. "Why
were you watching her?"
"Because we got a tip that she was dating Ravenwho
was a known associate. We wanted to know if she was
bad, if she somehow knew about her grandfather,
even though the entire file on her said she didn't know
anything."
"Fuck." I muttered.
This was unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable.
"Why not tell us? Do you know how much danger that
put us in?" I said seriously.
"Do you know how much danger it put her in to have
others know, when she didn't. It was better for her to
be oblivious?"
"Right." I responded dryly. "We could have protected
herI could have protected her better if we'd known."
"It was best kept silent, like a double-blind
experiment."
"A double-blind experiment!" I roared. This was total
bullshit. Complete and total Bureau bullshit.
I began pacing back and forth in front of the board as I
pulled on my hair. "Is that why you didn't tell
McCarty?"
"Yes. And because we knew she was friends with your
family. We couldn't have her getting too close to you.
But apparently that didn't matter" He trailed off.
I tugged and yanked as I thought, trying to put it all
together. It didn't make any sense. You never leave
your agents in the dark. You always give them all the
information possible so that they can be fully
prepared. Why now? Why this mission when it was so
important?
Something was wrong. It was off. We had known it
from the beginning.
Suddenly I stopped. I glanced at the file with the name
on the back again.
Cullen, Eric Carlisle
I grit my teeth as my eyes swept over it and I pondered
everything from the beginning. He was connected to it
so they didn't want me to know. Somehow it all came
back to him.
Him and Me. Me and Him.
I chewed on the thoughts over and over as I stood
there in silence. My fists clenched at my sides and my
fingers dug into my palm as I faced another stunning
realization.
"Cullen?"
"How long?" I said lowly, before he could say another
word.
"What are you talking about?"
"How long did you know abouthim?" I said as
tightened my jaw once again.
"Since the beginning." He finally answered.
The air swept out of my lungs and I grabbed the chair
at my side as I closed my eyes. A million thoughts ran
through my head. My first visit to the FBI, my
training, my missions, the way everything was
perfectly scoped to set me up for this mission. A
shocking revelation overcame me and I stood there
gripping the chair for life. Bella was gone, my love was
gone, and now so was my life. Everything I had done
was truly futile. Everything I had devoted myself to
was for
Nothing.
"You used me." I finally spat.
"No."
"Don't you even" I groaned. "You fucking used me!"
I yelled this time.
"You wanted in. You wanted it more than anyone I
have ever met." He justified.
Intense fury raged through my veins. Without
thinking, I turned and threw a stack of briefing books
off the table and they slammed against the back wall.
Fortnight stood there in silence as the rage pulsed
through me.
"How could you? How could you deceive me that
way?" I walked right up to him, face to face, man to
man. His gray eyes flashed then and his years of
weathered service hardened before me.
Huh. My friendmy mentor.
The fucking liar.
Was anything as it appeared?
He stepped back and waved his hands in the air as he
answered.
"C'mon Edward. You would have done anything and
you know it." He shouted this time. "You came in
there wanting nothing more than to avenge your
brother's death. You wanted to kill anyone and
everything in your way. We just took it and channeled
it. We molded you into the perfect weapon."
A sickening shudder ran down my spine in unison
with the anger. They knew all along and they used me.
They fucking used me. I was disgusted with them but
more importantly I was disgusted with myself for not
figuring it out sooner.
I thought back to the first day I went to the Bureau.
"Bullshit. You want to avenge his death." He eyed me
carefully. "And I can't say as I blame youbut my
only question then is this." He leaned his hands on
his desk and bent over to give me a steely stare. "How
far are you willing to go?"
"As far as possible."
But now she was gone. They were both gone and I had
nothingnothing but lies and secrets and devastation
surrounding me.
He turned to me then and let out a breath.
"You gave us everything we needed to take down the
worst of the worst. You were perfect for the job for
more reasons than I can count. Your skills, your
insight, you were the best I had seen in yearshell
ever. And I knew that the drive over your brother
would keep you that way. If we would have told you it
would have blinded your goals for the mission. You
would have been so focused on avenging him that you
wouldn't have been able to look at the bigger picture."
"But for nine years? Why wait so long to tell me? How
could you fuck with my life like that?" I screamed.
He sighed loudly and then flipped the file over on the
table. But I didn't look at it. I just stared right through
him with my eyes.
"Edward, in this line of work you learn to be patient,
you know that. You're brother gave us the best shot we
had and then he was gone. It took us this long to get
back at it, and how more perfect than you."
Wait a minute.
What?
My brother.
What the hell was he talking about now?
Best shot?
More perfect than me?
"What are you talking about?"
His brow furrowed as he looked at me questioningly.
"What do you think I'm talking about?"
"What does this have to do with thatthat traitor." I
couldn't even say his name. I was so pissed and
confused.
He closed his eyes and shook his head and I could see
something overtaking his body. Realization? I didn't
know, but I stood rigidly in preparation.
Finally, he pushed the file across the table at me and
his eyes met mine. I looked down with fear and
trepidation because I didn't know how much more I
could handle tonight.
My eyes tried to focus on the sight before me.
And I stopped.
I stopped breathing. I stopped moving. Everything
juststopped.
As I looked closer, I could see that it wasn't a file of a
subject as I thought.
Like a lightning strike hit my very center, my heart
almost exploded from the jolt of electricity.
Agent number 38517 Eric Carlisle Cullen- DOB:
2/12/77; DOD: 9/11/01
I couldn't stop staring at it. The words and the
numbers. The letters and the words. The numbers and
the letters. The numbers and the words and the
letters. They were all a jumbling mess in my head.
Agent.
Number.
Agent.
38517
Agent.
My brother.
What. The. Fuck?
My stomach flipped over and my brain felt like it was
going to explode.
"HolyJesusOh my God." I sputtered and without
knowing slumped into the chair next to me. My hands
found my face and covered my mouth as shockwaves
wracked my body.
I just stared at the file before me in complete and utter
disbelief and astonishment.
Thiscan't be real. It can't be happening. It can't say
that.
How is that possible?
My mind was instantly spinning out of control with
questions and answers and discombobulated from the
thoughts. I couldn't digest the sight before me I was so
wholly amazed by it.
Thrilled by it. Fascinated. Terrified. Perplexed. Totally
mind-fucked once again.
"I think you should read that." Fortnight finally said
in a calm voice.
I tore my eyes from the name and number on the
cover and looked at Fortnight.
"I'm going to get us some coffee. We have a long night
ahead."
I didn't respond to him. I only nodded and I waited for
the click of the door before I turned back to the file.
With a trembling hand I pulled it to me and opened it.
I couldn't believe my eyes.
It waseverything. I let out a shaky breath and my
heart battered in my chest as I parsed through the
papers.
I started with the first page which listed his contact
with the FBI. He wasn't a full-fledge agent like me, but
he was assigned a number because he agreed to help
the FBI with an investigation into Reycon. His initial
contact was April of 2000, a year and a half before he
died.
I looked at his statement from the first briefing and
my mind was instantly swimming with the facts before
me. Apparently he contacted the FBI when he found
out about some odd shipments at Reycon. He
suspected that the person signing off on them, his
boss Aman Kebi, had ties to organized crime and he
was concerned with links.
But Eric had also made some bad "investments"
around the same time, along with Alec Masen and a
few other friends. He had them paid off by an "outside
source", yet after the fact he knew what he did was
illegal. He knew the FBI wouldn't be far off from
investigating him. But for some reason, he wouldn't
give up his "outside source." Apparently it was a
sticking point for Eric. He said it was "too dangerous"
for him to release it. He needed to get more
information and once he had enough, he would turn it
over to the FBI in release of any and all charges
against him.
I was still pissed he was involved in something illegal.
But at least he appeared to try to right it. I knew things
moved slowly undercover, but this was all almost a
year before he died. Something was off about the
timing of everything and with the "outside source."
Suddenly, I had an idea. I didn't often write things
down, but I knew that I had multiple conversations
with him throughout this time and I wanted to track
the events.
I grabbed a notepad and jotted down the first contact
with trembling hands and then took a deep breath and
continued.
Somehow Kebi knew about the payments and
blackmailed him into helping run certain items out of
Reycon because of his ability to access files and
potentially get access to our father. Eric began to
suspect that his "source" was in cahoots with Kebi, but
he still needed to get more information. Almost the
next year was spent gaining information, but he
couldn't seem to get a strong enough paper trail.
By March of 2001, he agreed to wear a wire to several
meetings and interactions with Kebi, as well as some
of Kebi's friends. One of who was a contact at Van
Rijn, and another was a partner at Foster & Wheaton,
James Raven's firm. I thought back for a moment as I
looked at the partner's name. I remembered then that
he died suspiciously a few years later.
Fuck. So he was killed and at some point between
2001 and the present, Raven became the new point
man on the legal matters.
I shook my head at the unbelievable file before me. My
heart was still racing, but the cold that had been
running through my veins was leaving my body. Heat
was penetrating the room and I was burgeoning with
questions about all the facts and the connections.
The Anthrax shipment?
The stuff I found at my parents?
The stuff I found in the Hamptons?
Laurent? Buxton? All of the other players?
How did it all fit in?
And why didn't they tell me any of this?
Just then Fortnight walked back in and I looked at
him with a cool stare.
"Coffee."
I nodded blankly and accepted it, but I kept reading. I
was totally stunned and couldn't eat up the
information fast enough about my brother's last
efforts.
The next few months documented his continued
conversations with Kebi. He even mentioned the
Volturis, the Draconis, and The Buxton Group as
somehow being tied together and tied to his source.
All of them.
Jesus.
Yet he was starting to suspect that there was someone
behind the whole scheme. A bigger fish as he called it.
He was concerned that the bigger fish was tied to the
one who expunged his debt, but he wanted to get more
information.
This confused me.
Who could have expunged his debts if not my father?
Again I kept going, consuming, digesting the words in
front of me.
He noted that, from his observations, the Volturi
organization was a major buyer of the goods run by
Reycon and ran shipments out of Philadelphia. The
Draconis were a small family in New York, but they
had significant ties to Europe and a run for the black
market items. The two families competed, but neither
were eliminated. And somehow the Volturi had the
ear of whoever the bigger fish was.
I was perplexed. Whoever the main person was
obviously was tight with Aro Volturi?
I mulled over what Charlie told me only hours earlier
as I jotted down the timing.
Aro was from New York, he knew influential people.
Yet, I suspected the reason they never ousted the
Dracs was because they couldn't stop the flow of
shipments from their ties in Europe. It was too
profitable.
By August of 2001 he was starting to truly suspect his
source.
And finally, he said that the person who he thought
was the head of the entire operation went by Il Leone.
Motherfuck.
So he too, knew who Il Leone was.
At that time, he was also becoming extremely nervous
and wanted more protection from the FBI. They
couldn't provide him much cover because they already
had a separate operation ongoing to oust the
Volturisone I would join a few years later. But other
than his admissions, they had nothing. They had
names and meetings, but nothing concrete, no
paperwork. Whoever Il Leone was, he was very good
at covering his bases.
Eric even stated that his friend Alec was getting
pressure to sell his stock in Masen Industries due to
his involvement with the organization. But he
wouldn't give in either. It all made so much sense
considering the conversations I saw with Alec and
Demitri and at Dawnbreak. They ran through my
head once again as I pondered all of it.
"He said he didn't want to be minion."
A minion? A follower.
I thought about the conversation I witnessed between
Demitri and Alec Masen.
"I said its nothing. Besides, you found me remember.
I told you I don't need this shit, I didn't want
anything to do with it seven years ago and I don't
now. I'll sell my shares, I'll do whatever I have to but
I am fucking done when this is over."
I turned back to the file and took a deep breath,
knowing I was nearing the end, feeling that familiar
pain in my chest.
In September 2001 he signed off on the shipment of
Anthrax in an effort to finally drag out Kebi and his
source. They were hoping to create a trail with the
buyers and the dealers. He wanted a paper trail so he
could finally be out and not pursue the investigation
any further. He felt like it was too risky and he had
obligations that he was getting more and more
concerned about.
Obligations?
Eliot perhaps?
How did that fit in?
I flipped to the last page and I stopped. It was the end.
It was a summary from the SA in charge of his
investigation. Before he could report on the matter, he
died. And the investigation went dark.
I stared at the file before me and the way the paper
trail along with everything he collected, vaporized into
thin air, just as my brother had.
He was dead. I was sure of it. My heart ached in my
chest, but now for competing and multiple reasons.
He wasn't one of them.
He was one of us. And he died trying to figure out the
big picture. Il Leone.
And Il Leone knew about Bella.
And somehow it was all connected.
I just kept thinking. He wasn't one of them. But they
have her.
He knew who they were. And now they had her.
But how did this all tie to Bella. What did my brother
find out or know?
"We were never able to find the larger organization,
the person behind it all."
My head shot up at the words and I looked at
Fortnight once again.
"The one behind the front of the Volturis and the
Draconis. Your brother was close, very close, but
before he was able to give it up and get us the evidence
we needed he was killed."
"Killed?"
"I don't think he died in the Towers Edward."
I stopped and looked at him questioningly.
"But my father called to have him fax something that
morning?"
"Did he ever receive it?"
"I don't know. But I saw the invoice"
"Yes and once we pulled the record the file had not
been accessed on the day of the invoice. He dated it
9/11, but he accessed it on the 10th."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm saying, we thought he was ready to finally give up
his sourcethe one that he had protected until he
could absolutely and unequivocally give it to us
without reservations."
Fuck.
I clenched my teeth and my veins ran cold again, but
now for a different reason.
The vengeance was back. The feeling of wanting,
needing, an eye for an eye was again coursing through
my brains. Someone killed him.
Now I could taste blood more than everfor Bella, for
Eric, for all of us.
Il Leone took him out before he could give up his
source.
An eerie and ghastly feeling overtook my body. There
was something wholly alarming about the entire
situation. Something about what Eric knew spanned
ten years and went straight to the heart of Bella's
disappearance.
What was it? What was that final link?
I had a million questions and needed a million
answers as my head spun like it was going to fly off of
my shoulders at any minute.
I looked up at Fortnight and then back at the timeline
I created and just stared at it blankly.
Before I knew it, I opened my mouth and started firing
off questions. I'd be damned if he wouldn't answer my
questions now.
"What about the Anthrax?"
"It was later confiscated in a bust at the border."
Fortnight crossed his hands in front of me and looked
at me intently. I could tell he was steeling himself for
the barrage of questions.
"Masen. Why didn't they ever try to get him to
corroborate?"
"He wouldn't. He said he had too much to lose."
Bella.
Son-of-a-bitch.
My chest tightened at the thought.
I blew out a breath and jumped to the next thing that
popped into my head.
"Why not take down Kebi? You obviously had enough
on him?"
"Because he was the only way in."
"Then why didn't you tell us that right away? Why
waste our time?" I said in a pissed tone.
He sighed. "Because honestly Edwardthis
information is nine years old. You know as well as I do
that connections change. People die, they're ousted,
they leave, they go to jail, whatever it might be. By the
time we had our shot again, we had to build it back up.
And you know that we took down the Volturi
organization. The problem was the collateral damage
from that caused so many of these people to go
underground for a while and we couldn't start it back
up again."
He took a breath and stood up. "Then Masen took off
later to get away. But somehow, they found him again.
We didn't bring him back. It was news to us when you
reported it."
I snorted and shook my head.
I couldn't fucking believe it. This was all so crazy.
My emotions were tearing me apart inside. I was
pissed at the FBI, yet relieved over Eric and fucking
terrified that the same people that killed Eric now had
Bella.
But regardless of my anger at the FBI in that moment,
a new kind of energy came to life in me.
I could sense it. This was it.
This was the day of reckoning.
I could feel it in my blood. I had to figure this out. I
had to put it all together, because somewhere deep
inside me, it wasn't just Eric or Bella that was linked
to it all.
It was me.
It was my investigation to own or lose. I knew that
from the beginning, I knew that when I left for
Romania and somehow I knew that when I returned to
New York.
A sense of determination overtook m. The training,
the years of preparation, the multiple investigations
and missions, it all came to a head in one moment. I
was going to do this. I was going to find her, I was
going to avenge Eric and I was going to take down the
entire organization.
--
~Tuesday, September 19, 9:00 A.M. Fourteen Hours
Missing~
"Raven's in custody." I stated as I continued pacing in
the conference room. Coffee number eight was in my
hand.
McCarty nodded. "He folded like a card after about an
hour." He smiled smugly.
McCarty was good. I had to give him that.
"What about Masen?"
"DOA confirmed at Presbyterian. It was him. He's
dead."
I nodded and mulled it over as we tracked the lines on
the board and talked out potential connections and
leads. I was nervous and grasping for anything I could
think of.
"And the surveillance video?"
"Confirms that he and Bella had a conversation right
before she was taken. Time was 6:45 P.M. Then a
black car pulls up and two men 'ushered' him into it.
But they were both cloaked by the darkness. Not
identifiable on camera."
"I want to see it." I stated then.
"You think that's a good idea?" He said to me with his
eyebrow cocked and questioning.
"Probably not, but I don't care. I will be able to tell
what they were talking aboutpick up on things that
others can't." I said quickly.
The familiar burn began in my stomach, but I pushed
it away. For the last few hours I had been in agent
mode. I was doing everything possible to get her back.
I couldn'twouldn't allow myself to think about
where she was at or, god forbid, what they could be
doing to her.
I was just focused on finding her. And I would. Find
her.
Soon.
I opened the door and motioned for McCarty to follow
me upstairs to the tech center to view the tape.
"What about Dwyer and Laurent?" I asked as we
climbed the stairs hastily.
"Both went off the grid. We don't know where they're
at, but the Bureau has pulled in hundreds of agents,
state police and NYPD to help with tracking them and
with the takedown. We have APB's out on them as well
as Demitri, Nelo, Felix, the whole bunch."
Fortnight had officially given the word a couple of
hours ago, after we ended our little chat. The FBI was
going into full execution mode. We were taking down
the Dracs today, hopefully more than that, which was
why McCarty and I were pouring over who could
connect Il Leone to the Dracs, Volturi, all of it.
After I met with Fortnight, I found out that McCarty
had been interrogating Raven. He made him crack, as
only he could.
Then when I told him about my brother and
everything with Bella he had a similar reaction to me,
but not on quite the same level. He was pissed at the
FBI, shocked as hell about Bella and the revelations
about Eric. But he too was more determined than ever
to find her and to find Il Leone. He was also sure we
had everything we needed.
Now we just needed to connect the dots.
We walked into the tech room and one of the analysts
nodded at us. She knew McCarty already and I likely
had that "don't fuck with me" look on my face.
We sat down to review the footage and I took a deep
breath.
In a matter of minutes I saw the cab pull up and she
stepped out onto the screen. The camera was of only
the door, shot from the corner of the building. Alec
must have been out of the range of the camera as he
came into view only a minute later.
I saw her turn, her beautiful eyes widened and her
long hair swung about her shoulders.
Pain gripped my chest, but I sat there stoically as I
took it in. She seemed perturbed with him and
cowered away when he tried to touch her arm. I
almost tore a piece of the table off at that part. But
then she stood up to him and he seemed to step back.
Their interaction wasn't friendly, but it wasn't hostile
either.
Then I saw a look of complete astonishment over her
face and she shook her head "no" repeatedly. I leaned
forward trying to see closer, but the video was too
fuzzy. At last, she said something to him and went
through the door.
At that was the last time I saw her alive.
No. I couldn't think that.
But as Masen turned I could see the pained look on his
face and then two men walk up to him and grab his
arms, only to usher him into a vehicle. Yet, of course
the vehicle was out of view and that was the end of the
tape.
I just sat there and stared at it.
"E. Are you okay man?" I heard McCarty ask and I
could barely hear him. I felt like I was underwater. My
heart was pounding in my chest at seeing her again.
I put my elbows on my knees and took a deep breath.
"I'll give you a minute." He said and he stepped out.
I looked up to see him leave and rewound the tape. I
stopped as she exited the cab again. Taking in the lines
of her face, the way she carried herself, her grace.
"I love you, so much Mijn Zon. I'm going to find you
Liefje. So help me God." I whispered as my fingers
traced the screen before me.
I didn't know how much time passed but I closed my
eyes and turned away as I let the gaping hole in my
chest throb for a minute.
Finally I turned it off and got up from the chair. I was
no good to her here and I knew that. So with a calming
breath and a sense of resolve I pushed in the chair and
shut off the light in the room.
McCarty was standing against the opposite wall when
I came out. He just looked at me and nodded. He
didn't have to say anything. He knew how I felt. He
just slapped me on the back and we proceeded back
downstairs.
After a few moments I spoke.
"Did someone get in contact with her boss?"
"Yes. Seth went to meet with him. He should be back
in by 10:00."
I looked down at my watch noticing it was only a
quarter to ten. McCarty nodded and we started
walking to Garrett's office to wait. But just as I was
turning to head down the hallway I saw a figure
coming out of an interrogation room with two agents.
He looked right at me and his eyes widened in
recognition. I just stared at him giving him an
intimidating expression. We still hadn't figured out
how the truth about Charlie and in turn Bella made its
way to Aro Volturi.
But sometime while I was meeting with Fortnight,
Charlie had made a call to his second in command at
his precinct. They brought Jacob in for questioning
and Charlie had been the one to interrogate him first.
He crumbled easily under his surrogate father's
pressure and gave up everything about how he got
involved with the Draconi organization. He had
financial troubles and went to Phil Dwyer for a loan.
In return, Dwyer told him that he needed his "help"
with the project in Brooklyn. Black thought he was
just going to be cloaking a few shipments of steel or
maybe some drugs. He didn't know what he was
getting into.
But then he realized the money he could make by
helping with the organization, and the camaraderie he
found amongst the men. Eventually he got sucked in
and brought a few other cops with him. Soon enough
they were providing shipments of guns, drugs, you
name it. But he knew he was in deep and that it was
dangerous.
But he adamantly refused that he ever mentioned
Bella to any of them. Just as Bella had always
suspected, it was obvious to Charlie and McCarty that
he was hung up on her all these years.
By the end Charlie had him crying and begging for
protection for his wife and kids and a bargain of some
sort. He knew how dangerous Demitri and some of the
others were in the organization. But before then, he
had ignored it, or refused to believe it.
Boy I would have liked to have been a fly on the wall
for that one.
The Captain and I had gotten along rather well
considering our start. I think he knew how much I
loved his daughter and how much I wanted her back.
He was in the same position. I had a sneaking
suspicion that Captain Swan was much more savvy
than Bella ever knew.
After all, he was able to hide all of this from her for so
longsomething that could not have been easy to do.
The last time McCarty updated me on the situation
Charlie turned it over to a few other agents and was
speaking with the other cops that worked with Jacob.
As Jacob disappeared from my sight, I wondered if the
agents gleaned anything else from him. But I was
intent on finding Bella.
I stepped into Garrett's office and noted the papers
strewn about on his desk as he was on the phone.
He looked at up and motioned us in.
"Of course." He nodded. "I understand SirYesyes,
good-bye."
He sighed and put down the phone and then he looked
up at me.
"What a fucking prick." He said. And for the first time
in hours I couldn't contain the laugh that escaped me.
Yeah Fortnight wasn't my favorite person right now
either.
But it was probably more due to the exhaustion that
was taking over me. We were all flying high, none of
us had slept since the day before, but it didn't matter.
Now with the operation prepared to take down
everyone, we were all running on adrenaline.
The last few hours also enlightened to me that Garrett
had been left in the dark as well, and he was pissed
about it. Shortly after Fortnight and I had our
showdown, he and Garrett had a screaming match in
his office. I had to say I had a lot more respect for him
after that.
"So I'm guessing that was Fortnight." I said.
He waved his hand. "He's on his way to Homeland
Security so he can talk to his crony over there." He
grumbled.
"We're waiting on Seth." I stated and he nodded.
Like clockwork, the door opened and there stood Seth.
"What do you have?" Garrett asked.
"Not much. But maybe you'll be able to discern more
from it." Seth looked right at me and I furrowed my
brow perplexed.
"Her boss said that she was at a staff meeting at 5:00
right before she left. He left right after and didn't see
her." He took a deep breath.
"But here's the weird part. He said that yesterday
morning he got a strange request. Apparently a long
time donor wanted her to work on a new exhibit.
When I asked him what the exhibit was abouthe said
animals. What the hell does that mean?" Seth shook
his head.
Animals. What the fuck?
"Did he say who the donor was?"
"No. He said the donor wanted to stay silent. But that
it cost a pretty penny to get the exhibition there."
Silent.
A sudden suspicious feeling crept up my spine.
"Did he say anything else about the donor?"
"Yes that he admired her work at some fundraiser in
July."
Oh fuck.
Laurent? He was at the fundraiser.
No. For some reason I instantly pushed that out of my
head. He wasn't Il Leone, we had seen him too many
times.
Kebi?
No. She didn't talk to him at the fundraiser and we
saw him all the time as well. Who did she talk to?
Wait, animals?
"What was the focus of the exhibition again?"
"He said something about Bonani and animals. I don't
know art so" Seth shrugged but then something
struck me.
Bonanisculptor of lions.
Italian sculptor of lions.
Il Leone.
But he couldn't have been at the Fundraiser.
Who was at the fundraiser?
Oh shit.
All of the air left my lungs in a breath as a suspicion
came into my head. That same picture flashed behind
my eyes and I stopped for a moment. My eyes widened
as I looked at the three agents in the room.
"No fucking way." The words flew out of my mouth.
"What? What's going on E?"
At once, thoughts and words and pictures sprang into
my head. I couldn't believe it but I had to.
And I knew where I needed to go to put it all together.
I was off like a shot running to the war room with
Emmett, Seth and Garrett behind me.
"E. Seriously man what the fuck is going on!" Emmett
shouted.
"I have to get out of here. I have to see something."
I quickly grabbed my Glock, badge and the timeline I
had written down earlier and raced out the door. I
almost knocked over a surprised Agent Ivanova
walking in.
"Cullen?" She asked.
"I have to go. Tanya, talk to Garrett, he'll get you up to
speed but I have to go."
I knew they were bringing Tanya in this morning, but I
couldn't even think about it at the moment.
I jumped in the same black Tahoe as Seth and Emmett
barely closed their doors and I raced out of the
parking lot.
"Ok E, are you going to tell me where the fuck we're
going."
I was still racing through the possible connections and
I could barely speak.
"The Upper East Side, and then the Hamptons."
"Okay" He trailed off.
But I couldn't talk yet. I needed to see this all for
myself. Photographic memory or not, Mijn Broer's
words were on repeat in my head. And now it all just
made so much sense.
The ride was silent until I pulled onto the street in
front of my parents' home. I jumped out of the Tahoe
and ran to the back where I knew the secret key would
be and opened the house. McCarty and Clearwater
were on my tail as I sprinted up to Eric's room and
grabbed the box from the top shelf.
I quickly put it under my arm and ran back out of the
room. I could hear the two of them huffing behind me
as I jumped back in the Tahoe and squealed the tires
for the Hamptons.
"Okay seriously E, what the fuck man?"
I gripped the steering wheel as I turned on the lights
of the Tahoe. Luckily it was mid-morning so we
wouldn't have to deal with rush hour traffic. But
nonetheless I was speeding in and out of the lanes
heading for the Hamptons.
--
~Tuesday, September 19, 11:00 A.M. Sixteen Hours
Missing~
"I think my brother left us cluesleft me clues." I
finally stated.
"What kind of clues?"
"Open that box."
I heard McCarty rifling through it to my right and I
grit my teeth.
"Um. A watch, cuff links, chapstick and golf tees.
UhE this doesn't look like much to me."
"What's the time on the watch."
"September 10, at 8:00 P.M."
"Right, September 10, 2001." I stated and McCarty's
face flashed with something. "I bet that's the time he
accessed the Anthrax file." I followed up and then
continued.
"And I bet if you look in Reycon Pharmaceuticals
product line they make chapstick."**
He nodded again as I kept going.
"And the Dutch lion cuff linksthe symbol Em. It's the
symbol that Jacob saw on Bella, it's the symbol of Il
Leone."
"But it's Dutch?"
"I know." I stated with a clenched jaw. We were now
on the highway speeding toward my parents' home as
I marched on.
"And the golf tees. He didn't golf. He never golfed, but
look at the inscription on them."
"Oh fuck." He muttered.
"Right." I said. "It's the same country club that Aro
Volturi was a member at. It's outside Trenton, New
Jersey. And it was one of the first projects by the
Buxton Group."
A deadly silence came over the car. And for me the
feeling swept through my entire body, because I
suspected one more person who was a member there.
But before I could voice it aloud, I had to go through
Eric's things again. I had to see it to believe it this
time.
McCarty and Clearwater must have sensed my unease
and they kept quiet as we sped along. Not soon enough
we were pulling up in front of my parents' home.
I could see the unmarked vehicles already. One was
down the street and the other was hidden in the side
driveway. As I came screeching to a stop, two agents
rushed out the door and I jumped out of the vehicle.
"Hands up!" One shouted. I didn't know him, he was
young. But I held up my badge and Glock for him to
see.
"Agent. I'm SA Cullen. This is my parents' house. I'm
the one that requested their protective detail."
He motioned me over as he kept his gun on me. I gave
him my credentials and he nodded and lowered his
gun as McCarty and Clearwater followed suit.
At last he stepped aside and I took a deep breath. I
walked up to the door and rather than knocking,
slowly turned the handle. I could hear talking in the
dining room and then the house grew silent.
I cleared my throat. "Carlisle." I called out.
Suddenly my father and my mother appeared in the
doorway.
"Edward!" My mother exclaimed and then ran over to
give me a hug. The air rushed out of me as I looked at
my father over her shoulder. I could tell by the look on
their faces that they didn't know what was going on.
She pulled back and put her hands on my face.
"Edward, what's going on? Last night they sent these
agents and told us all to come out here for our safety,
but they wouldn't tell me anything about you. I was so
worried that something happened." She said tearfully.
I opened my mouth to speak when I looked up to see
Alice, Jasper and Rose in the doorway.
"Mom, I promise to explain everything. But I really
don't have time right now. I have to get something
because" My breath caught in my throat as I looked
at Rose.
"She's missing." I nodded to her and her hand shot to
her mouth as she gasped.
My mother looked back at me in question.
"Who's missing?"
"Bella." I said chokedly and her eyes flashed in
realization. But it wasn't my mother that spoke. Alice
whispered from the doorway and I turned to look at
her.
"It was you" She shook her head. "All that time it
was you." She said disbelievingly.
My mother glanced back and forth between us and all
I could do was nod at Alice.
Jasper closed his eyes and put his arm around Alice
then. My father of course knew the full extent of it. But
it didn't stop the uproar of questions that came
pouring out of my family then.
"I can't believe it but it makes so much sense. How
long?" Jasper said.
"What do you mean it was him? What was him?" My
mother asked.
"Edward did you say Bella's missing?" My father
asked.
"Okay. Stop!" I raised my hands in frustration. "I'm
sorry but I don't have much time to explain. We're
doing everything we can to find her, which is why I
need to get up to Eric's room. I need to go through his
files again."
"Edward?" My Dad asked. He could probably see the
change in expression on my face.
"Dad. They took herandI need you to come
upstairs with me." He nodded.
I turned to Rose then and I could see the tears
streaming down her face as I swallowed. "Rose, why
don't you uhlet everyone know what's going
onexcept you know." I stuttered.
She took a deep breath and Emmett walked over to
her but she waved him away.
I could see Alice's eyes flashing with question at the
three of us in FBI issue gear. She knew Emmett as
"John", she had no idea about Bella and I and she
didn't know anything about Eric.
But I didn't have time to explainshe was waiting on
mecounting on me. I could feel it in my heart. I
knew she was alive, on some level and I had to put it
together to find her and find out why.
With that, I turned and ran upstairs and marched
toward Eric's door once again. This time I didn't feel
like I was preparing for battle, instead I felt like I was
seeking redemption. I wanted it, craved it, for myself
and for my brother.
I opened the door half expecting to see the papers still
strewn about. But everything was back where it
started. This time I pulled the cabinet completely out
of the closet. I was looking for something different.
I was looking for clues to tie him to Aro Volturi. My
eyes scanned the statements once again and I noted
each of the pieces on the timeline as quickly as
possible.
I looked at the withdrawals from his accounts and why
he had much less than me. I noticed he withdrew the
money in the three months preceding his death, once
he started to feel suspicious about everything.
I heard the door open behind me and I looked up to
see my father.
"Edward. What's going on?"
"You're never going to believe ithewas one of us
Dad. He was working for the FBI."
"Oh my God!" My Dad gasped.
"I know." I said quietly and then swallowed.
He sat down on the bed and stared at me through wide
eyes.
"They took herwhoever killed himwhoever is
involved with our investigationthey took her."
"Why?"
"That's what I'm trying to figure out Dad. But I have a
sinking feeling it's much worse than either of us could
have thought. I just need a minute to put this all
together."
He nodded and watched me intently.
"Can I help?"
I turned to look at him. He wanted this as badly as I
did. He wanted to clear his son's name as well. The
problem was the entire conspiracy might be much
worse. And I knew it would be harder for my father to
handle the real truth than for me.
"Yeah. Here, write these down as I give them to you." I
handed him the sheet and we instantly began to work
in tandem.
Emmett and Seth must have stayed downstairs to help
Rose inform the rest of my family of the situation,
which was fine by me. I could only focus on this at the
moment and talking about BellaI couldn't do it. I
could only think that we would find her.
We continued to note the dates of the invoices, the
canceled will and the date he opened the large
account. All of it was right before he died.
Then I pulled out the picture once again and I handed
it to my father.
"Do you know who this is Dad?"
"Yes. Where didwhere did that come from?" He
asked perplexed.
"Didn't you see it before?"
He shook his head "no" as he spoke. "Your mother
cleaned this upafter you left. But I don't see why
your brother would have a picture of your
grandfather."
I knew it. All along. I knew it.
I shook my head. "I think it's more than that Dad."
The file cabinet was now empty, but as I pulled the
lower drawer out I noticed something else.
How did I not see that before?
Probably because I was in a rage when I came here
on Saturday.
I looked at the bottom of the cabinet and noted that it
should have been metal. But it wasn't, it looked black.
I hurriedly pulled the entire drawer out and tossed it
aside as I looked at the base of the cabinet now. It was
at least 4-5 inches deep, much deeper than it should
have been.
I pulled on the front cover to see it release and
realization set in at the sight before me.
***It was a black box.
An FBI issue black box.
Like the one I had in my stash in Hell's Kitchen, like
the one McCarty had and the one Seth had.
But this was Eric's.
I hurriedly pulled it out and turned it. My father was
watching me in silent awe as I frantically glanced
around the room for the key that I left.
My eyes settled on the dresser where my mother put
the key and I quickly jumped up and tossed the box on
the bed and opened it.
My brain was racing with a thousand thoughts in one
moment, synapses snapping and popping faster than I
ever thought possible.
I pulled out his credentials, his Glock, his wire, his cell
phone, even his calling card.
Frenzied, I dug deeper and covered my mouth with my
hand. It was the paternity test for Eliot. The mother
was listed as Angela Weber. The results were a
confirmation and the words danced before me on the
page.
ERIC CULLENbiological
fatherprobability99.994%.
He was the father. Eliot was his son. He hadn't lied
about that.
I pulled out a trust document and a new will executed
on September 5, 2001. It left everything to me, Alice
and to Eliot. The trust amount was the amount of all of
the withdrawals from his various accounts. He had
sneakily been hiding it so that no one could find it.
Well not no one, a certain someone.
There was a copy of Eliot's birth certificate but
without his name on it.
He was trying to hide Eliot from him all this time. Not
from our families or from his mistakes, but from him.
Jesus Christ.
I heard my father gasp as he looked at the documents
and I instantly felt bad, but at the same time I didn't. I
really had been protecting Eliot by keeping quiet all
these years.
"I promise I'll explain it all later Dad." He looked at
me with tears in his eyes and simply nodded.
Turning back to the box, I pulled out another bank
statement.
Banque Privee
And finally, finally I had physical proof in front of me.
It was the same big account I saw the statement for
earlier, but this time, there was another name on the
account.
Cullen Enterprises
It held the stock for Van Rijn, for Reycon, for Masen
and for Buxton.
It all fit together. Cullen Enterprises financed
everything. He was the one behind it all because he
had an endless stream of cash, connections and
influence to do whatever he wanted.
And now that I pulled the picture closer again, it all fit
together.
"Dad." I said shakily. "Who is this in the picture with
him?"
"I don't know, but I suspect it's his best friend from
prep school, Avey or something like that. They were
best friends since they were children. Father has tons
of stories about him, but I don't understand why Eric
would have a picture of them."
Avey.
A.V.
Aro Volturi.
Suddenly something struck me.
Columbia Prep. Their mascot was the lions.
Liona meant lioness.
They were the lions. Or rather, he was the lion. I still
hadn't completely figured out the status and quirks of
their relationship but that didn't matter right now.
Then I thought about the cuff links he gave to Eric, the
cuff links which held the symbol.
Everything clicked together like the pieces of a puzzle.
He paid off Eric's debt, he had Eric over a barrel and
he wanted him to take over. Eric didn't want anything
to do with it and the more he found out, the more
concerned he was. He didn't want to expose Eliot to
the life so he hid him away.
I swallowed as I thought about the timeline, about
Eliot and the evidence before me. It all fit.
Sometime before April of 2000 he made the
investments and his "source", as he had tagged him,
paid them and had him in his grasps.
In April of 2000 he went to the FBI.
In May of 2000 he hooked up with Angela.
Then in June he must have found something out
because he orchestrated the medical record of a friend
at Reycon, another Angela W. who was only a few
weeks along.
He spent the next few months obtaining information. I
thought about our tennis match and what he told me.
"I don't know. My boss is riding my ass."
"So you don't like it or"
"Nah. I'm just sayin' there's no reason to be so loyal
sometimes. I wish I wouldn't have done my
internship there and"
"And what?"
"Nothingjust...you're too loyal for your own good
E, don't give in to it."
God, if only I knew at the time, he really did hold a
secret, his "boss." But it wasn't Kebi he was talking
about. Nor was the loyaltyhis loyalty was to someone
else who I never would have suspected.
Then Eliot was born in February 2001. And I knew
now that he was his child. It was apparent from the
records as well as the last conversation I had with him
on the patio outside.
"I don't know. I wish life was easier sometimes." He
sighed. "I want to know him, but I don't want him to
be anything like me."
"What? Why? What's wrong with you?"
"Can you just promise me something E?"
"Sure, anything."
"Can youI mean, if something ever happens to
mewill you make sure he knows I loved him. That I
wanted to be there."
In March 2001 he went to Mexico with me and was
being obscure again, almost as if he was trying to tell
me something without actually saying it.
"I know" He sighed. "But you don't know how it is,
being the first Cullen grandchild, and the first
boyyou'll never get it E."
"I think you're just being a drama queen."
"Ass...You'll find out. Someday you'll find out it's all
not what it seems"
But the last was in May 2001, at the Yankees game
with Alec Masen. The way they were acting, what they
said, now it all made sense.
"Pssh. You don't want to be Grandfather's favorite,
trust me."
"It's just because you're the oldest." I teased him.
"Sometimes it's nice to be the middle child."
"Whatever. I'm the oldest boy and the most Dutch-
looking of the family." He said sardonically as he
finished his beer. "You know how Grandfather is
obsessed with keeping the bloodline and all that."
"Well at least none of us got roped into the business."
"Yeah." Eric frowned and looked back toward the
field.
That sick, twisted...he roped him in. He paid off his
debt and he somehow was forcing him to help him. I
still didn't know if he knew about Bella or how or
when Aro found out about it. But at some point they
bugged her office.
And they found out about me.
And now Bella was bearing my child, and he was
somehow using that against me. He was best friends
with Aro Volturi and they now had their ultimate
bloodline and perfect reason for taking her.
Our baby.
Rage and disgust instantly shot through my body at
the thought.
He killed his own grandson, and now he was trying to
use me as well.
With a trembling hand and clenched jaw, I dialed up
for headquarters as my father stood over my shoulder
and Emmett and Seth kept the rest of my family at
bay.
My voice shook from the anger as I forced out words I
never could have imagined.
But I was sure of it. This was it. This was the link. It all
made perfect sense. It all pressed together like
perfectly coordinating puzzle pieces.
Peter's voice came over the line and I took a deep
breath.
"Fortnight. I think I know who the big one is. And I
think Eric knew all along and he was trying to show
me."
~~~-~~~

Chapter 25 ~ The Assassin
Chapter Song: Nine Inch Nails - Closer
EPOV
~Wednesday, September 20, 12:00 A.M. Twenty-nine
Hours Missing~
I thought of that point in the movie Casino, the one
where all the shit goes down and everyone meets there
end. The hit men are let loose, the druggies overdose
and those that have it coming to them don't even see it
until a fucking car explodes or they get a baseball bat
to the head.
As I donned my gear which, regardless of the
outcome, I would be wearing for the last time tonight,
I let that same feeling of the day of reckoning consume
me. I wanted it to flow through me, willed it to take
over.
It was now my Casino, my moment, my ending, when
either I would follow the fate of so many others or I
would narrowly escape.
For the last time I welcomed the haze. I welcomed the
surging predator within me. I allowed it and I even
encouraged it.
I suited in all blackpants, shirt, boots, hat.
Then I turned to put on my devices.
Kevlar.
Glock.
Scoped rifle.
Night vision.
Knife.
And a few other provisions that weren't legal in the
States.
But I didn't care.
Not tonight.
Tonight, I was him.
I was the dark onethe shadowthe specter.
TonightI was the assassin.
Because I wanted to bebecause I had to be.
To get her back.
--
BPOV
~One Hour Earlier~
White blonde hair.
The voice.
The baby.
White blonde hair.
My grandfather?
My eyes danced around the room in an endless query
as the thoughts were spinning through my head. I was
pacing back and forth and starting to feel like the
walls were closing in on me. I knew I should eat more,
but ever since I awoke again, I was uneasy.
For some reason I felt like I was missing a big piece of
the picture. Something just didn't fit. The whole
grandfather thing had me completely perplexed, but
what did it mean?
So instead I paced. I paced to keep my nerves under
control and my blood pressure in check. I paced to
keep my mind off of Edward and the possibility that I
might never see him again. And I paced to think and
look for another way out.
If this was a hideout there had to be more than one
exit or entrance didn't there?
But it had to be night-time, I was sure of it. I had fallen
into a fitful sleep again, only to wake up to breakfast
on the table. I wanted to throw it across the room, but
of course I ate it.
At some point I fell back asleep and when I awoke
there was more food for me. But I couldn't eat it.
Instead I spent at least the last five hours checking
every nook and cranny possible. I even moved the cot,
looked behind the refrigerator, and pressed on all of
the walls in hopes that there was a false wall or a crack
of some sort.
But nothing.
I was stuck here.
Stuck here slowly losing my mind.
But I couldn't think that way. I knew somewhere, on
the outside, Edward was doing everything he could to
find me. I could feel it in my bones. Like the electrical
current that flowed between us or the ache I felt in my
chest when he left, I could feel his longing for me,
searching for me from afar, and I was trying to return
it with everything I had in me.
I was never much of a spiritual person, but if there
was one time I wanted to believe it was now.
So I pacedthinking, connecting, reflecting.
My Grandpa Higgenbothom was a union laborer and
provided a modest living for my mother and
Grandmother. As far as I knew they had little to
nothing.
My Grandpa Swan was in the military and died in a car
accident when my father was very young. I never knew
much about him except that he and my grandmother
fell in love right after he came back from the war.
I started thinking about the timelines and the dates
and adding it all up in my head. It all worked for the
Higgenbothoms. It was simple, middle-class American
pie, no more, no less.
I thought about my Grandpa Patrick and Grandma
Lucy then. How they met, had my father and my uncle.
The war ended in '45. They met when
Wait a minute.
My father was born in 1954.
It was the Second World War I was sure of it. But that
would mean anine year lapse in time. That didn't
seem right?
I ruminated over it more.
If they meant right after the war, then my
grandmother would have only been fourteen at the
time and I know she came over from Italy when she
was eighteen.
I stopped pacing.
Something didn't make sense.
Something wasn't adding up.
Grandma said she met Grandpa right after the war,
and when she came over from Italy. But it didn't fit. I
ran over and over it in my mind. Their ages, the dates,
her life, her death.
At that moment a conversation, a memory, flashed
through my mind and I as I tried to recall it almost
fifteen years later.
"Bella, don't go in there, Dad's talking to Grandma."
Brad pulled me back as I marched toward the door.
"But I want to see her." I cried as my lip quivered. I
wasn't stupid, I might be turning thirteen next week,
but I knew what was happening. She was dying. The
cancer finally got her.
Brad sighed and put his arm around me. "I know
Belly, but she and Dad are talking about some real
important stuff." His eyes flashed with something,
but I couldn't make it out through my tears.
Brad squeezed my shoulders again. "Do you want a
pop jelly belly?"
"I don't have a jelly belly." I sniffled and then Brad
and I both started laughing. It felt good to laugh. It
seemed like we hadn't laughed in weeks.
"Yeah." I said quietly and Brad turned to walk
downstairs to Grandma's kitchen to fetch me a pop.
My eyes followed him, but once he was gone I turned
back at the door and couldn't help but press my ear
up to it. I wanted to be in there with Grandma. I
wanted to sit on her bed and have her braid my hair
like she always did.
"Mom, you know that Brad and I will do everything
we can to protect her." My Dad said.
I could hear her raspy voice. She was so quiet now
that she was sick. But the walls and doors were
always thin in this house and I could still hear every
bit.
"Just promise me Charlesyou'll always be a Swan.
He doesn't mean anything."
"I will Mom. I promise."
Just then I heard Brad coming back down the hall
and I jumped away from the door. I gave him a
toothy grin as he handed me my pop and I cracked it
open.
"C'mon Belly, let's go to Dad's old room and look at
his pictures."
"Okay." I said halfheartedly.
As I snapped out of my memory, those few words kept
replaying over and over in my head.
You'll always be a Swan.
You'll always be a Swan.
What could that mean? That he wasn't really a Swan?
Could my father be the son of someone elsesomeone
dangerous?
Brad and I will do everything we can to protect her.
Were they talking about me?
They had to be.
I ruminated over their words, trying to come up with
anything else I possibly could from my childhood. But
nothing fit. There were no pictures of other men.
Grandma didn't have any jewelry or artwork in her
home of
Wait.
I pulled out the pendant from around my neck and
fingered it intently.
Lion.
Bonnani and lion.
The symbol of the Lion.
The picture of a lion.
"Grandma, do you like my picture?" My eight year
old voice asked excitedly.
"It's lovely Isabella. Is it a lion?" She smiled kindly.
"Yes! Cats are my favorite, especially lions, they're so
pretty. It's like your necklace Grandma."
"They are pretty Isabella." She said quietly as she
fingered the pendant around her neck. "But you can't
get too close to them, they could bite."
"Silly Grandma, lions don't bite, they're at the zoo."
"Ah, but lions are big and strong. You have to be
careful, even if they are at the zoo."
"Not my lion, my lion would be nice, he'd never bite
anyone." I said as I kept painting with my water-
colors.
The necklace. She had a necklace with a lion too.
The lion. Bonnani's sculptures of lions.
My mind was racing through what that could mean. A
million questions were popping into my head.
What could it all mean?
Suddenly something rang from outside the room. I
spun around trying to figure out where it came from.
But I was on the opposite wall to the door.
That's funny. I swear I heard a cell phone or
something.
I watched the door intently and listened to the utter
quiet.
What is that?
Footsteps?
I instantly became tense. Sometime while I was
sleeping Demitri had brought me more food, but I
hadn't eaten any of it. I pressed my back against the
wall and waited. But as I stood their stiffly I could feel
the slightest breeze across my legs.
Where is that coming from?
Before I could look, I heard the locks turning on the
door and I stood rigidly waiting.
But I wasn't met by coal black eyes and hair this time.
This time, I was met with white blonde and ice blue
and they were piercing through me.
"Huh!" I gasped and my hand flew over my mouth as I
realized who was standing before me.
Lion.
Dutch Lion.
The Lion.
Il Leone.
White blonde hair and an overcoat.
The symbol.
That's what I saw in Alec's drawer that night.
That's why Jacob looked at my necklace strangely.
It was him.
The voice. The proper, arrogant voice.
My eyes danced across his face as he stood there
staring at me with pursed lips. As always he was
dressed to perfection in shiny light gray suit and blue
shirt which made his cold eyes even more threatening.
"Isabella. And so we meet again."
Before I could register what was happening, or put
together all of the thoughts blasting through my head,
the sickening realization of why he was here and who
he could be overtook me and the next thing I knew I
met blackness.
--
"Isabella"
The voice was echoing, almost as if I was under water.
"Isabella..."
A shiver ran up my spine and I could feel the clammy
dampness down my back. Cold hands were shaking
my shoulders.
My lids were heavy and my eyes fought to open them.
At last they flickered and bits of light were blinding
me from overhead.
"Isabella, my lovely, come about now." The voice was
cloudy in my ears.
I tried to focus on the man before me, but all of the
memories and revelations came rushing back to me
again. I shut my eyes and turned away from him, not
wanting to look into his steely glare.
"Ah, Il Nipote, there you are." He gave me a smile and
I shuddered away from him.
I struggled to sit up, still queasy from fainting. I
wasn't generally a fainter but being near him,
knowing what I knew now, made me want to vomit
again.
Huh, must be a theme with these bad guys.
At last I looked up and slowly grabbed the wall.
Jan attempted to help me but I turned away from him
as I pulled myself onto the cot and sat trying to get my
bearings.
I didn't know how much time passed until I saw a
bottle of water connected to a wrinkled pale hand. I
took it reluctantly, but I was very thirsty and very
tired after my episode. I knew I wasn't out long but
that didn't matter.
"What do you think of our little hideout Isabella?" He
asked as he gestured around. I raised my eyes to his
and I could see the mocking look there.
"I think it's grotesque." I finally said.
He laughed dryly and leaned against the table. For as
old as he was, he didn't look it, or act like it.
"Grotesque, hmmm. Such a fiery woman, you remind
me of my daughter-in-law. I can see why my grandson
is enamored with you."
I blanched. I didn't want to hear a word out of his
mouth about Edward. To think he was behind all of
this, that he was Il Leone made me sick. I knew it
would rock Edward's world as well. I couldn't believe
it.
As my head was clearer and my vision steadied before
me. I looked at him in his perfect suit and hair. No
wonder he could never be seen, be caught. God forbid
Jan Cullen is tied to anything like this.
Immediately, I had to know. I had to ask. I was
entitled to it.
I cleared my throat as the words burned through my
lips.
"Why did you bring me here? I haven't done
anything."
He laughed sinisterly and shook his head.
"You really don't know do you? And all this time we
thought you did. I mean how could anyone keep that
secret for whatfifty years?"
"What are you talking about?" My eyes narrowed in
question.
"Your grandmother of course." He said darkly.
My grandmother?
Shit so I really was on to something before.
I shook my head. "I don't understand."
He tsked. "So innocent. So sad. You want to know why
you're here."
"Yes." I said firmly.
"You're Il Nipote."
"Il Nipote? What does that mean?"
"What does that mean?" He mocked me. "The
granddaughter of Liona Volturi, my best friend's long
lost wifeor so he thought." He sneered.
Liona Volturi? Who the hell was that?
I knew who Aro Volturi was. He was the most
renowned mobster of the twentieth century. Everyone
knew who he was, he was like Al Capone.
But how could this remotely be about him?
What the fuck was going on?
"I think you're mistaken." I finally said, shaking my
head vigorously. But he pushed off of the table and
crossed his arms and stepped back.
"Oh no, of course if you really didn't know, you would
know her as Luciana Rinaldi or Lucy Swan now
wouldn't you?"
He turned to look at me and shock ran through my
body. My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open.
Aro Volturi's long lost wife.
You'll always be a Swan.
My Grandma Lucy was a Volturi?
Was he saying that?
I swallowed thickly and had to force the dizziness out
of my head once again.
"Ah now, Isabella, we can't have you fainting all the
time. You're carrying my great-grandchild. Mine and
Aro's."
Holy fuck.
What!
Acid hit the back of my throat and I pushed it down as
I clenched my fists.
What the hell is happening?
This has to be a mistake. This all has to be a mistake.
You'll always be a Swan.
Brad and I will do everything we can to protect her.
Protect me. Protect me from what?
Aro Volturi?
"This is wrong. It's not true." I stated adamantly.
"Oh it's true. It's as true as the fact that Aro is sitting
in jail and it's as true as the fact that he spent years
mourning the loss of a wife who never died." He said
snidely.
Suddenly I snapped. I didn't know anything about
what he was talking about. But everything was coming
together. The symbol, my connection to the
investigation, James dating me, Alec's warningsall
of it was starting to make sense. And with it came an
eerie sense of needa need to know exactly what I had
been kept in the dark about for so long, a need to
know why I was the connection.
"Well since I obviously have no idea what you are
talking about maybe you could explain it to me,
because apparently we have all the time in the world
down here."
He chuckled darkly. "As you wish Isabella."
He turned to me then. "What do you want to know? I'll
tell you anything because I know you will never see
anyone again."
I cringed internally but I kept a straight face.
"Fine. What happened between my grandmother and
your friend Aro?" I spat.
He looked at me then and before I knew it he was
giving me a tall tale about my grandmother coming
over from Italy to an arranged marriage. That her
husband, Aro, was completely and totally in love with
her from the moment he saw her. Then she was
"killed" in a fiery car crash and Aro was devastated.
He went on to remarry, but something about the crash
and the fact that they never recovered a body made
him always question it. He would have done anything
to get Liona back. He was obsessed with it, consumed
by it his entire life. He was close only a few years after
she "died" but the evidence he had went off a pier in
the middle of the night.
Holy shit, Grandpa Swan's car crash! He went off a
pier.
I swallowed at my realization and continued to listen.
Apparently, he was certain that she was alive
somewhere and not dead. For years he never gave up
on it.
"So let me get this straight." I said dryly. "My
grandmother was the wife of your best friend, the
biggest mobster of the twentieth century? What does
that have to do with me; or you for that matter?"
"Ah innocent Isabella, always so insightful, so
inquisitive. Demitri said you were like this." His eyes
danced evilly.
"I think it's only fair that I know." I glared at him.
"True." He tsked.
"How did he find out then? Because even I never knew
about it."
"Well isn't that the question." He stated, but before I
could make another snide comment he continued. "Oh
if only your step-father knew what a gem he stumbled
upon."
My step-father .
"Phil? What does this have to do with him?"
"He's one of my associates of course. Well really he
just works for me. Everyone works for me." He said
haughtily.
"So Phil told you this. I have a hard time believing that
since my father hates him."
"He didn't tell us. It was more of anobservation. A
stunning and remarkable observation."
I shook my head.
"How so?"
"He knew your grandmother and he saw pictures of
her all over your home. And at first he didn't think
anything of it. But then when he joined our
littleventure about ten years ago, he mentioned
something to Aro about his step-daughter and showed
him your picture. And there you were, staring back at
Aro as if fifty years had never passed. The face of his
long lost Liona."
Oh my God.
Is he serious about this?
"Of course as soon as Aro saw that, he was hell bent on
finding out where Phil got it. He used every mole and
former undercover officer he could find. Sure enough.
Liona had lived on. Of course she was dead at the
time, but he couldn't believe it."
"So why didn't he come to me then. Or my father? Or
my brother? If he was as obsessed as you say he was."
"Because by then the FBI was breathing down his
neck. Trust me, he wanted to, in fact he almost
requested that I go get you thenhis rightful
granddaughter. Your father was much too old and
your brother was dead. But the epitome of his lovely
Liona was alive and well. Surely you can imagine how
shocked he was after all that time."
"I don't believe you." I said resolutely. "That one
picture could turn it all."
"Believe it or not it's true." He shrugged nonchalantly.
I mulled over it. It all seemed impossible. But then I
thought about the conversation I overheard with Alec
and him. They did know. They knew all the way back
then.
"What about Alec?" It flew out of my mouth before I
had the chance to think.
He laughed evilly again and I cringed.
"Oh yes, it appears everyone is sucked into your
grasps Isabella. Just like Liona. Just like all you evil
vindictive women." He trailed off.
I didn't know what that meant, but it didn't matter
because he kept going.
"Alec, wasa problem from the beginning. We wanted
him to sell his shares and just to spite his father he
wouldn't do it." He said. "Eventually we just had to
take things into our own hands." He said
nonchalantly.
Bile rose in my throat again as I thought of what he
meant by that. He was the one who ordered to have
Alec killed.
What a sick twisted nightmare of a man?
"Why?" I rasped.
Laughs sinisterly. "Just so innocent. Leverage my
dear. What a beautiful coincidence that Masen would
give up everything for you. You know he left to protect
you the first time. I always suspected that he still loved
you but he said he broke it off. And he never came
backuntil four months ago. But he still wouldn't sell
his shares and we realized he was attempting to
contact you."
The flowers.
Fuck.
Why couldn't I have realized it earlier?
But wait? How would they know about that?
"How did you?"
"Oh Isabella, you want all of my secrets don't you." He
shook his head. "I suppose I could tell you since you
won't be going anywhere, at least anywhere out of our
sights." He said.
"We bugged your office. And I learned so many
intriguing things about you then. About your Apollo,
your friends, your situation with the flowersand of
course with that precious gem that you are carrying
inside of you."
"Oh my God!" I gasped.
They bugged my office. But with what?
My mind raced over the last few months, at any time
someone could have been in there, or something I
received.
Suddenly it dawned on me.
The donor.
The thank you gift.
The bowl.
"It was you." I stated. "You sent the bowl, you wanted
me to work on the new exhibit. You're him. You're Il
Leone. And that's why you wanted to get rid of me. I
saw you that night at Alec's." I said.
"Perceptive Isabella." He pursed his lips again.
"Why didn't you just have me killed then?" I spat.
"Because my friend would never let me do that. He
wouldn't let his granddaughter be killed. It was his
one plea, and so I upheld it." He snapped. "And now
I'm glad I did." His eyes danced evilly.
"But he was in jail. He was gone, why not have free
reign over everything." I taunted him. He was just as
cocky as Demitriworse really.
"Because I only ran the financials for the
organization. I was the brains behind it all. Aro called
the day to day shots, and he was a Volturia Don in
waiting from the time he was a child. He was the face
and I was able to remain unseen."
"But the symbol?" I sputtered in question.
"Ah, yes. He always liked it." He shook his head. "My
little symbol, the one that had been passed down for
so long. I told him that it would get him caught one
day but he never listened to me, and he had so many of
the damn things made and passed throughout the
organization. And of course my family always used
them for luck." He laughed sinisterly and I shuddered.
"How is it you are Il Leone then?"
"Because no one knew I wasn't Italian. It was perfect.
All of the lower levels of the organization could go on
believing as they wanted. Fearing the mystery. I guess
it is quite fitting though."
I just stared at him in disbelief.
"So what is it you want from me?" I finally asked
resolutely.
"What my other grandson couldn't give me."
"What?" I said angrily.
"The ultimate revenge."
"How am I your revenge?" My blood was boiling by
that point.
"Ah Isabella. So determined, and bold. So much like
the original. I can only imagine what a boisterous and
strong-willed child will come of that."
I gasped and covered my mouth again.
This was crazy. Was I in the twilight zone? When was
I going to wake up from this?
I pinched myself discreetly, hoping that I would
somehow wake up back in my bed with Edward.
But to no avail.
Jan and his steely eyes and pale skin were still
standing before me. I could hardly look at the man,
but I didn't want to show him how much he got under
my skin. He and Demitri, all of them were evil. And
now as the pieces of the puzzle were coming together
it was exactly as Edward feared all along. It wasn't
coincidence that I was connected to all these evil men.
It was blood, it was years of obsession.
And now I was standing in the cross-fire. Me and
Oh my god.
A stunning realization hit me like a wrecking ball. If I
was really Aro Volturi's granddaughter, and Edward
was Jan's grandson, then our child
"That's why you want me." I shouted. "That's why you
haven't killed me by now. Because you wantmy baby.
Our baby."
"Putting it all together Isabella?" He quirked one
white eyebrow at me.
"The heir, my fair Bella. Isn't it perfect that you are his
granddaughter and you are carrying my grandsons'
child. It's quite fitting actually." He stalked over to me
then.
"But of course that's not the only reason." He spat.
Rage was coursing through my body as Demitri's
words from earlier ran through my brain and were
confirmed by the evil man before me.
How could he?
"How could you do this? To your grandsons, to both of
them?" I asked.
He scoffed and raised his hands.
"My grandsons! Do you know where family loyalty has
gotten me? Where any loyalty has gotten me?" He
shouted and I leaned back.
"It got me bankrupt. It got me married to the wicked
witch of the west, and it got me ungrateful children
and grandchildren. It got me betrayed. That's where it
got me." He spewed.
"Ungrateful. Well how could they be grateful? Look
how you treated them." I stood up and waved my
hand. He eyed me down and I stopped in my tracks.
We were at a stand-off, regardless of his age, I knew I
couldn't take him, and there was likely someone right
outside the door if I tried anyhow.
"Treated them. Treated them!" He spat. "I set Eric up
perfectly to have the largest fortune he could possibly
imagine. I created my empire. I run things. I gave him
everything possible! And how did he repay me, he
turned on me!"
Eric turned on him?
Holy shit!
But before I could wrap my mind around what he was
saying he continued his tirade.
"I groomed him from the time he was a child. Carlisle
was too soft-hearted, too weak for this kind of
business. But Eric, Eric had the edge, had the desire
for the power, the wealth, the life. He was to take over
the empire, and take it to the next step. But then he
turned on me, and not only that he forced the girl he
got pregnant to have an abortionthere was no heir to
the throne of actual Cullen blood." He was fuming and
turning red before me.
Dear God, this man thinks he's a king, a king of his
own universe.
So many thoughts were racing through my head as I
looked at him. He was decrepit, in his fancy suit and
his slicked back hair. He was a thug, no better or
worse than one that worked a street corner.
I thought about the papers that Edward told me about
when something struck me.
He doesn't know about Eliot!
If Eliot is really Eric's son, then maybe he wanted to
keep him hidden for more reasons than Edward
thought!
I couldn't believe the realizations of this day. This was
impossible. He thought Eric screwed him over so now
he was going to go through Edward.
Over my dead body.
"So now you want Edward's child. You realize he's not
going to give in to you either. You know he's going to
do anything he can to get me back." I pierced him with
my gaze.
He drew a breath and gave me a sickening stare. "Oh
yes, Isabella. I know that. You are his weakness, just
as Liona was Aro's. Just as" He stopped and then
narrowed his eyes. "He will go to the ends of the Earth
to find you. Which is why we'll be moving you soon
enough."
Moving me?
Shit!
Fuck, fuck.
Keep him talking, keep himanythingI just needed
to buy as much time as possible.
"If you're so smart, so thorough, how did you not
know Edward was investigating you until recently?" I
asked.
He flinched and I could tell I pierced his arrogant
shield a bit.
"Whenever I tried to find out what missions he was
assigned to it was locked up tighter than a drum. I
know his strengths. He could have been the best to
take over, even better than Eric. I knew that from the
time he was a child. But EdwardEdward was just like
his bitch of a mother, an idealist."
Oh you asshole.
How could he say that about him, about Esme?
Was his view of the world so sick and perverted that
he honestly couldn't see how twisted he was?
Apparently not.
But that didn't stop the red from creeping up my
cheeks and burning me from my chest to my ears.
I put my hands on my hips and lifted my chin.
"Well I would rather have an idealist than a pig any
day."
"His eyes flashed in anger and he stepped closer to
me."
"Too bad an idealist doesn't realize to cover their
tracks." He said to me darkly.
I swallowed.
"What do you mean?"
"I knew Edward was in the FBI, but I didn't know he
was investigating usuntil recently, when he took out
six of my men. Unfortunately he didn't check to make
sure they were all dead. And when one of them came
in, and said he was attacked by a man with crazy green
eyes and bronze hair, it all clicked. And I knew he was
just like the rest of them. A traitor." He sneered.
I shuddered at the contempt this man had for his
family, for his life, for everything.
What could cause someone to be so wicked?
What could make someone so in need of power and so
filled with rage and vengeance?
I turned my head away from him in disgust.
I had to get out of here. I had to do something soon.
He stepped closer, until he was almost hovering over
me and I was seething with anger.
"Ah you do look extraordinarily like Liona."
"Her name was Luciana." I snapped, but he just kept
going.
"I met her you know. She hated me. She would
probably be appalled to know you were carrying my
flesh and blood." He laughed darkly.
I recoiled from him.
"She would have loved Edward. It has nothing to do
with you. This is his baby. Not yours." I snapped
again.
"Oh Isabellayou really are determined, such a
beautiful and dapper woman." He ran his hand along
my jaw and I cringed. "It's sad that I won't get to know
you."
"What?" I gasped.
"Oh I'm not going to stick around. They'll take youto
a secret place. Edward will have a choice. Either he
can join me or never see either of you again. Either
way I get my heir. It's quite simple really."
Oh my God. He was going to force Edward to make a
choice. Either me or him; either he succumbs to his
demands or he takes our child.
I had to get out of here. I had to dosomething, before
it was too late.
I slapped his hand away from me and he stepped back
and chuckled darkly once again.
"You see Isabella, everything comes as a cost. My life,
your life, everyone's. Someday, you will understand."
I shuddered and finally he turned to leave.
"You won't get away with this!" I shouted at him.
"You should know by now that I always do." He
responded and with that he slammed the door behind
him.
I wanted to scream, cry, anything possible to rid my
body of the anxiety that was coursing through my
veins at the moment.
But I knew I didn't have time. I didn't have time to
wallow anymore. I didn't have time to sit and think
about possibilities and connections.
I had to get out.
And finally I knew just where I needed to start.
I walked over to the wall where I felt the breeze and
instantly began inspecting it. The bricks were a bit
different color down a central line from one to the
next. I tried to peer at the line and detected a crack.
My mind was instantly racing with what I could
possibly use as a lever. I pressed against the wall and
it felt like cement, but yet I could almost feel it move
under my hands.
There has to be somethinga button, or something
that triggers it.
I looked around on the floor frantically trying to find a
knob or a switch.
But nothing.
I sighed in frustration as I looked around the room
again.
There has to be a way outit has to be connected to
something.
I started thinking through all the times Brad would
hide things from me when I was a kid. Or when he
would regale his tales from taking down one petty
criminal to the next.
"Bella, always look in every possible area."
C'mon Braddy, help me out here. I begged my brother,
wherever he was, to help me.
Then I thought of itthe time he chased a kid down
the street after he robbed the local gas station. The kid
climbed a tree thinking Brad would run right by. But
not my brother.
I remembered then what he said.
"Everyone looks down, but no one looks up."
Everyone looks down.
But no one looks up.
My eyes instantly shot to the ceiling and I followed the
lines of the wall as they connected. The plaster was
peeling away a bit but I looked for anything I could
that might open the door.
It had to be connected to something, to some device
here, something to mask it.
What didn't they want me to find in here? What was
it they didn't want me to see or use?
I pondered it and kept searching when at last my eyes
settled on the refrigerator yet again.
They locked it. It was the only thing. The cupboards
were bare, but they were open, along with the drawers
and the toilet and chairs.
But not the refrigerator.
I ran over to it and once again looked behind it as I
had before. My eyes followed the electrical wire as it
ran up the wall an out to an unknown place behind the
cement.
I lightly pulled on the wire to be met with nothing and
frustrated tried to shove the fridge aside, but it was
heavy.
After several attempts, which made me break out in a
sweat and had me panting for breath, the fridge
moved a bit and I could now look behind it more fully.
I took in the back, not really knowing what I was
looking for but just trying to see anything out of place.
I glanced from the wall to the fridge and back again,
when I noticed that a wire seemed out of place. I
reached up to pull on it when suddenly, I stepped
back.
If I was going to escape, or try to escape, I needed
something with me, a weapon, anything to help me get
away.
My eyes frantically swept the room, taking in
possibilities.
At last I settled on the tray of food on the table. The
silverware was all plastic, and so were the bowls. But
the tray looked sturdier.
I grabbed the tray and smashed it over the chair and it
broke into five pieces, one of which was a nice long
slivered edge. I ran my finger over it to see how sharp
it was and after determining that it would work I
tucked it into my hand. Hastily, I discarded my heels
that I was still wearing from work the day before. I
wouldn't be able to run in those. I knew I was better
off barefoot.
But then I looked down at myself and frowned.
The great escape.
Shit.
Wow a piece of plastic, a false door and running
barefoot in a skirt. If this really works they're going
to need to write me into an episode of MacGyver or
something.
Maybe my brain was going delirious with the walls
around me or the revelations of the night, but I
chuckled under my breath as I thought about the
ridiculousness of my plan.
I was nervous. Damn nervous.
But I pushed it down and closed my eyes and took a
cleansing breath.
I had no other option.
They were going to take me, take us, from Edward,
from everyone. And for how long I didn't know. It was
possibly forever. I just knew that Jan Cullen was the
most evil man I had ever met. That he could even
produce children like Carlisle or grandchildren like
Edward was beyond me.
But he had.
And I had to get away, before I didn't have another
chance.
I steeled my resolve once again and prepared to act,
when suddenly I heard commotion on the other side
of the steel door.
My eyes shot to it and without thinking I turned back
and yanked on the cord connecting something from
the fridge to the wall.
The wall moved open just enough that I could get
through. While I could hear the voices on the other
side of the steel door, I also heard gunfire and I was
off like shot through my exit.
I couldn't hear anything, I couldn't see, I just knew I
had to get out of there and fast.
My mind was racing as I hit the set of stairs I recalled
from the night before and scrambled up the twenty-
some steps. I had no idea where I was going or what
was waiting on the other side. But as I reached the
door at the top, I slowed and listened. I didn't hear
anything so I slowly opened it only to be met by
blackness.
Just as I was about to step out, a hand clamped over
my mouth and terror shot through my body.
"Don't take another step." He snarled.
Fuck!
I tensed, trying to decide what to do.
Then suddenly I heard more voices and I could almost
feel the current, the electricity that I always felt from
him.
They were here.
He was here.
He was out there somewhere. My eyes finally adjusted
to the night and all I saw before me was a fuzzy
horizon of rolling hills.
Without another thought, I recalled the self-defense
moves that I learned and took a deep breath.
I held itand then I elbowed him as hard as possible
in the ribs and drove the plastic shard into his leg.
He stumbled and lost his grip, but was enough that I
could wiggle free and once again I took off running.
This time I aimed for a sound in the distance.
I had no idea where I was, no idea where to go. But
something was drawing me to that sound. It sounded
like a helicopter.
That had to be the FBI right.
And so I ran. The dew of the grass was wet under my
feet and I could hear my skirt tearing at the edges as I
stretched my legs farther and faster.
But as I drew closer and closer, I could hear someone
behind me. Someone else was closing in.
So I took a deep breath and screamed for my life, to
the only person, the only one who would hear me in
the darkness and the chaos of the night. The only one
who I knew could find me.
My savior.
"Edward!"
--
EPOV
I was pacing frantically in front of the investigation
board. We had put together most of the pieces but the
one thing we couldn't figure out, the one connection
we couldn't make, was the most important one: Where
did they take her?
I wanted to pull my hair out, I was spent. I was tired
and frustrated and my insides were eating away at
themselves between the coffee and lack of food and
sleep. Not to mention the nagging, biting feeling that I
might never see her again.
I was dying inside.
The chair hit against my leg at my last pass and I
realized I was alone in the conference room. I finally
slumped into it, giving in to the need to rest my legs.
I only wished my mind could rest.
I couldn't believe the turn of events of the last three
days. To find out I was gaining everything in the
worldeverything I never knew I always wanted. And
then to have it so viciously ripped away from me made
the pain almost unbearable. But I masked it, because I
had to focus on getting her back. And I knew it would
never go away if I didn't get her back.
Finding out about Eric, Eliot, all of it helped. In all
actuality it helped immensely. But I couldn't help to
feel that fate was playing an evil trick on me, like it
was making me choose.
And I hated it.
I hated the feeling of absolute lack of control and
desperation.
I had always wanted control, needed it. I was a child of
two wonderful people, but nonetheless two
perfectionists. I was a Type A personality to a tee and
when things didn't go my way or went off of my plan I
lost my shit.
And this was the ultimate derailment.
I sighed and put my head in my hands as I thought
back on my day. As soon as the revelations about Eric
struck me like a bolt of lightning, I couldn't stop
staring at itthe box before me with the FBI issued
kit. The documents, the paper trail, the connections.
Once I called Fortnight and told him that my
grandfather was the one behind it all he told me to
come back in because he was sure the internal
analysts wouldn't take long to put the pieces together.
But before I could do that I had to make some sort of
amends with my family. Eliot was sprung on my father
like water on a cat. He was shocked, angry, hurt and
elated all at the same time.
Yet I didn't have the time to tell him about it all just
then. So I did what I could and tried to explain and
make him understand
I turned back to my father. I couldn't help but see
both the intense relief and the sadness in his eyes. My
heart ached at the sight
"Edward." He swallowed.
"Dad" I sighed. "I don't know what to
saythisthis wasn't supposed to happen this way."
"How could you?" He said sadly and I instantly felt
immense regret.
"I promised him. To keep him safe."
He started to say something, but then stopped and
restarted again. "I guess Eric was keeping him
fromfather." He gulped in a breath of air. My Dad
was fifty-nine, the possibility of a heart attack wasn't
completely out of line, so I put my hand on his
shoulder and squeezed as the heaviness settled
around us.
"Remember the night we found out about Ericat
your office."
He looked at me then and nodded.
"We were going to tell you thenBella was going to
help me and Angela was going to bring Eliot over to
meet everyone." I looked away. "I see now how
wrong it was, to keep him from you. But maybe it
was all for the best in some twisted way becausehe
never found out about him."
My Dad sighed and closed his eyes. "I can see that
Edward, but I still don't think I fully understand."
I licked my lips as my throat ran dry and I looked
back up at him.
"Bella's pregnant." I whispered.
"What?" His eyes popped open.
My heart ached as I said the next part. "And I'm
pretty sure that's why they took her."
He shook his head, realization setting in. I didn't
have to tell him about everything, he knew
grandfather even if their relationship was at best
strained. And he was a smart man; it wouldn't take
much for him to fit it together.
"Because she's Aro Volturi's long lost
granddaughter." I finished.
His opened his mouth, but no sound came out. The
shock which played across his face said enough.
"I know. I was speechless when I found out too. It's
all only come to a head in the last few days. The case
broke, but" I closed my eyes as I dropped my head.
Just then I felt his hand on my shoulder and I looked
up.
"You just do what you have to. Get her back. We'll
figure the rest out later. Okay?"
I simply nodded in response. He must have been able
to read the absolute pain and desperation across my
face. He knew I didn't have time to deal with
everything regarding Eliot right now, or the fact that
Bella and I were together and having a baby.
So once I finally felt my legs under me and I turned to
leave, my father only asked me one question as I
opened the door of Eric's room.
"What's he look like?"
I didn't have to ask. I knew exactly who he was
talking about and I smiled to myself.
"He looks just like him Dadjust like Eric."
His eyes welled with tears and I gave him a half-
smile before I headed downstairs to get Emmett and
Seth. I promised the rest of my family I would explain
everything later and we quickly left.
As soon as we got back to the headquarters, we
submitted all the information to the analysts then. I
informed Garrett that we needed to have protective
custody put on Angela and Eliot. Then I called her to
let her know that something was going on, which once
again I would explain later, and that it was for their
safety. She was obviously surprised and worried.
But I didn't have time to think about that right now
either.
I was like an overfilled balloon just waiting to pop. My
mind was swimming with answers and questions and
everything in between.
Cullen Enterprises had funded the most notorious
gangster organization of the twentieth and twenty-
first centuries. My grandfather had been very skilled
at hiding everything in off-shore accounts in
Switzerland including Banque Privee and the Bank of
Geneva.
Although my father didn't know much about his
relationship with Aro Volturi, apparently it spanned
nearly three-quarters of a century. When they brought
my grandmother in for questioning the look on her
snotty face was one of absolute disbelief.
She explained how he and Aro grew up together and
went through Columbia prep. But the two became very
tight when Janas I was going to call him now, he was
not related to me as far as I was concernedwent off
to college. Jan attended Penn in Philadelphia and at
the same time Aro began his rise to become a made
man and eventually the Don for the Volturi crime
family. He went to live under the tutelage of his uncles
in Philly and the two were tight as ever.
And then something happened.
But my grandmother either didn't know or wouldn't
say, because during his first year at Penn he had a
falling out with my great-grandfather and with Aro. It
was at that time that he was introduced to Sasha and
the two married quickly only six months later.
At that point, Jan finished college and Sasha had my
father. Once they moved back to New York, Sasha said
that he was always distant. He was never a warm
person to begin with, and she even admitted that their
relationship was more of a business venture than a
marriage.
This wasn't news to me, it was as I suspected. But
when I started thinking about the timing of it all and
when he met her I had a sneaking suspicion that there
was something else. Something happened between
Aro and Jan that defined their relationship, and I
didn't know what it was.
Beyond that, Sasha couldn't provide much. She said
the two remained friends over the years but Jan
distanced himself as Aro became more prevalent in
the papers.
God forbid a Cullen's name be in the papers for
something bad.
I took it in stride, at first. Sasha was just as cold as
Jan, she only wanted the fame and fortune of the
Cullen name and so it was likely that she really was cut
out of the loop regarding most of his ventures.
So when the analysts came back a mere hour later and
informed us that the reasons for Jan's turn to the dark
side were relatively apparent, I was once again
shocked for the umpteenth time in the last few days.
We always thought, and it was always represented,
that the Cullens had money back to the settlers. But in
reality that was not the case. In fact, old man Cullen,
Jan's father had squandered much of the family
fortune in bad investments. Other than the trusts
which were set up for the children and grandchildren,
he had spent nearly every cent. Jan was left with
rubble and a company that was in shambles. During
most of his life he had pretended to be an heir to one
of the great names of New York when in actuality they
had nothing.
So who did he turn to, when he had a wife and by that
time two children and a third on the way?
Aro Volturi.
Jan was a remarkable businessman and eventually
turned the money Aro loaned him into millions of
dollars, although it was all at the hands of an illegal
underground crime ring.
But to him that didn't matter for some reason.
And that was the one piece I still hadn't figured out.
What made him turn so cold? What made him snap?
What happened that first year in Philadelphia? What
made him become so obsessed with the wealth to get
involved with things as heinous as slave trade, drugs
and biological weapons?
That was something I still hadn't figured out.
That, and how Aro Volturi finally came to find out
about Bella.
As for the others, they all came under his "rule" at
some point and could never get out. Although Aro had
loaned Jan the money, Jan quickly surpassed him in
wealth. It appeared that Aro ran the day to day of the
operation, as we suspected, which was why we never
came across it when we took down Volturi. But he was
the silent funder for over fifty businesses and
entrepreneurships tied to organized crime.
So when Thomas Masenthe younger brother of
another Columbia prep friendneeded a loan in the
eighties to pull his construction company up from the
ashes he turned to Aro Volturi. When Jim Buxton
couldn't pay off his gambling debts, he turned to Aro
Volturi and the Buxton Group was formed. It wasn't
long before several others had fallen in line behind
them. And some were just plain evil and wanted a
piece of the tax-free cash the illegal trades provided
like Aman Kebi and Laurent Dufour.
But during it all, behind it all was Jan. He was the
mastermind, the one with the endless resources by the
time he was only forty-five years old and he was the
one who became notorious in his own right within the
organization.
Because he wasn't there. He was Il Leone, the lion, the
secret one, the dark one.
At some point Phil Dwyer came into the picture and
had his own gambling debts that needed to be paid. He
got involved with Buxton and the rest of the lot in
2002. The timing made only perfect senseBella was
dating Alec, Aro Volturi was on the run from the FBI
at that point and Jan had everyone right where he
wanted them. So even though I wasn't sure how they
found out about Bella, I knew that it somehow had to
do with Dwyer.
The ties and the secret accounts were stupefying. It
was vaster than we ever expected. If we succeeded on
this bust and took down the largest organized crime
ring in the modern world it would be epic.
Yet at the moment I couldn't bring myself to think
about that. I wanted to have the adrenaline racing
through my veins. I wanted to be out on the bust that
brought in these dark wicked menand women. And I
wanted to feel that sense of completion and pride with
what I knew was going to transpire in literally the next
several hours.
But I couldn't; because at the moment all I could see
behind my eyes as I held my head in my hands was
her. All I could think about, all I could feel was her. I
felt like a steel rod standing in the middle of an open
field during a lightning storm. I was just waiting for
the bolt to strike and send me to an almost certain
death.
A death I deserved, because it was all my fault to begin
with. If I had just waited until the mission ended to
see her then she wouldn't be gone. If I had just stayed
away she wouldn't be carrying my child and maybe
they wouldn't have taken her.
But the conflicting emotions that ran through me were
killing me. If I had waited, I wouldn't have her, she
wouldn't be having my child and who knew if I would
have ever found out any of it. It was the ultimate
paradox: because I could never regret loving her, and
I could never be sorry that she was having my baby.
So sitting there trying to desperately think of where
they took her or what the final links might be, I was
assaulted with my thoughts of her.
I rubbed my eyes and felt the softness of her skin in
my hands. I took a breath and smelled the berries and
vanilla of her scent. I licked my lips and tasted her
there. She was everywhereyet nowhere.
My mind was filled with memories; memories I was
clinging to with every passing minute.
Seeing her at Alice and Jasper's that first night in her
remarkable dress
"Al, did you find the jewelry and mask. I love it, it
really is perfect." She turned the corner from the hall
and stopped.
"Oh." She said with a gasp and she looked as
completely surprised as me.
I felt like the room was instantly filled with a current
and my eyes were staring into hers as Alice finally
turned in my embrace. But I hardly noticed.
Time stood still. She was standing before me in an
elegant evening gown. It fit her perfectly, and made
her look even more alluring than when I saw her on
Friday.
A flood of emotions and thoughts soared through my
brain. Shit. She's seen me here. This is not good, now
she'll know that I am Alice's brother and she could be
in danger. At the same time I was just drinking her in
as she stood before me and I was absolutely
hypnotized by her presence.
"Bella, this is my brother, Edward." Alice said once
she gained her composure.
"Edward." She whispered.
Making dinner at her place, the first time I truly
kissed her
"I like this song. What is it? John Mayer?"
"Yeah" She breathed. "It's called Slow Dancing in a
Burning Room." She said then as she licked her lips.
My eyes danced between hers and her lips. I wanted
to taste her. Hell I wanted to taste all of her, but I
wanted to taste her perfect pink lips again.
"Is that what we're doing?" She finally said.
"What?" I said thickly.
"Slow dancing in a burning room." She rasped.
I smiled lightly but my eyes remained on hers. "I
suppose, because sometimes I feel like I am burning
when I am around you." I murmured as I slowly
lowered my head to her ear, and I could hear her
breath quicken. "But it's a good burn." I added as I
lightly kissed her neck.
She moaned and her fingers clasped my shirt. "The
best kind of burn."
Without another thought, I lifted my head and looked
into her smoldering eyes and mumbled, "Mijn Zon."
I crashed my lips to hers and pulled her tightly
against me. My body erupted as though fireworks
were set off from some place deep inside me.
Her laughter as I chased her the first full day we spent
together
"What are you looking at?"
"Is this you?"
"Oh my God, you can't look at those! I forgot I had
them!" She tried to grab the album from me but I kept
it out of her reach.
"Oh, I am definitely looking at these."
"Edward!" She kept trying to get to it, and I held her
off until I wrapped my arm around her and we were
both laughing.
Our eyes locked and I bent down to kiss her. My
entire body warmed and I moved my hands to her
hair.
Suddenly she snatched the album from me and took
off.
"Hey!"
Our game of cat and mouse continued until we both
collapsed on the couch laughing. I loved the way
Bella's giggle rang through her condo. Spending time
with her was so much different from my daily life. I
felt so much lighter than I had in years.
When I made love to her the first time I really told
her how I felt
"Please, please tell me you will be carefulI." I drew
a deep breath as I thought about what I was going to
say. "Bella you mean so much to me, more than you
could ever know and I couldn't live with myself if
something happened to you. I told you last
nightbut" I stroked her cheeks as her wide eyes
stared at me and she worried her lower lip.
"Mijn Schoonheid." I kissed her. "Mijn Zon." I kissed
her again. "Mijn Licht." And again. "Mijn Lief." And
again.
How do I convey this to her?
My eyes danced with hers as I kissed her one more
time and this time left my lips to the side of her
mouth, our cheeks bound together. "Mijn Leven." I
tightened my arms around her and her breath
hitched.
And the first time I told her I loved herand she, to
my utter amazement and gratitude, returned it
"I love you Bella." I whispered in a breath.
She blinked open once again and stared back at me
with her beautiful brown orbs. Her breath hitched
and I could see the water forming in the corners of
her eyes.
But I remained silent. I didn't know what she was
thinking as I just gazed back at her.
Finally she moved her hand from my waist, down my
extended arm, to my hand that was now clutching
behind her head and covered it with her own. She
wove her fingers through mine and brought our
joined hands down to her heart and pressed it
against her chest. I could feel the racing beat under
her skin and my eyes widened and then I closed them,
just feeling the rhythm.
And then she spoke.
"I love you too Edward."
As I sat in the silence of the room, I just kept thinking
about her, talking to her, wishing, wanting and hoping
her back.
"I love you Liefje. God I love you so fucking much. I
can't live without you Mijn Zon. Where are you? I have
to find you. Where are you?" I said into my hands.
The door swung open just then and I looked up to see
Fortnight followed by Seth, Emmett, Tanya, Garrett,
Captain Swanwho refused to sit out even though he
wasn't in the FBIand four other agents. The looks on
their faces was undeniable.
"We've got something."
My blood began to race in my veins as I shot up from
my chair, adrenaline once again coursing through me.
"What is it?" I asked quickly.
"We got a partial plate on the car that took Masen."
"Okay. But how does that help us?"
"The country club where Volturi and your grandfather
are memberswhen two of our agents went to check it
out they saw a car with the same description there. It
was parked in a secured garage but they did some
snooping. When they called in and gave the numbers
it matched."
That's an illegal search but I didn't give a fuck at the
moment.
"But why would they take her there? What's there?"
"I thought that as well. But when they pressed the
security guard for his log book they noticed something
else. Once per month five men meet at the club. Take a
guess who it is." He handed me the sheet of paper and
I looked at it.
Fuck.
Jan, Thomas Masen, Aman Kebi, Laurent Dufour and
Jim Buxton.
Just then something from Bella's dream ran through
my head.
"You and your friends disgust me."
Alec had said it the night he had the confrontation
with Jan.
So if Alec had been there, Eric may have been as well.
I looked back up at Fortnight and he handed me one
more thing.
"Not only that, we just pulled the blue prints for the
clubhouse and the layout of the course. I think you
should look for yourself."
He laid both down on the table then and I immediately
searched for a clue, for anything.
That's when I saw it.
"The helipad."
"Yes."
"Shit, they're going to take her somewhere, or they
already have!" I exclaimed.
"The agents that just called in said that the car was
still there, as well as two othersone of which is
registered to Sasha Cullen."
"Son-of-a-bitch. We have to go. We have to get out
there!" I said hysterically and moved toward the door.
But Fortnight grabbed my arm and spun me back.
"Yes. But Edward you realize this isn't just to get her
back. We need to apprehend Jan and whoever else
might be with them."
This was maddening. I knew where she was, I needed
to get to her but I couldn't because the entire
operation could collapse.
"Fuck!" I slammed my fist against the wall. "They
could be gone! They have to know something's up by
now with all the people we've taken in!" I shouted, but
then I felt Tanya's grip on my forearm.
"I sink ve have time. Ze brothers nor Gianna or Nelo
knew yet vhen I left." Tanya said calmly and stepped
forward. "I can't imagine vhat your feeling Cullen but
ve can't be rash. If ve rush ve could lose her and all of
ze rest of zem."
A stony silence fell over the room and I could see the
blood in Charlie's face as well. He was just as pissed as
me but we both knew they were right. At last Fortnight
moved to step out and then turned back.
"Get suited up. When I give the word you'll go." He
gave me a stern glare.
I turned to look at Emmett and Seth as they just
nodded their heads and we all started to leave to get
ready.
"Where are you going?" Charlie asked.
"To get ready."
"I'm coming with you."
"Captain Swan, I'm sorry but you can't" Garrett
started but Charlie cut him off.
"Like hell I can't. And I have four guys waiting at a
moment's notice to go too. You can't tell me you won't
need the help." He shot Garrett a tough glare.
Garrett didn't argue, he just nodded. "Suit up. Call
them in, but you have to follow our lead."
Charlie grunted and I slapped him on the shoulder as
we all rushed out then.
As I climbed the stairs my brain was racing with
questions and uncertainties.
Was she there?
But they couldn't be holding her in the clubhouse
that would be too obvious.
I took the steps two and three at a time. Finally I burst
through the door and my eyes settled on all of the
agents getting ready.
***An eerie, yet familiar feeling settled into my
stomach. It was destruction time. It was the calm
before the storm. It was the point I had worked for
over two years to get to. And now, I had even more
incentive.
"What time is it Em?" I asked as I pulled on my vest.
"Midnight."
Twenty-nine hours missing.
The thought made my hands shake and my body
tremble. But this time it wasn't with fear or with
sadness.
It was angera deep raging, burning hatred.
I was at once driven by a pure and utter need to fuck
up anyone and anything that stood in my waythat
stood between me and her.
It was the time.
The day had arrived.
It was the day of reckoning and I couldn't help but
think about all the times over the last two years when I
thought of this day. But never before had it been like
this. Never did I have so much on the line, so much
more than my life in many ways.
And for some reason, I could only see one scene, a
similar reckoning, playing over and over in my head.
I thought of that point in the movie Casino, the one
where all the shit goes down and everyone meets there
end. The hit men are let loose, the druggies overdose
and those that have it coming to them don't even see it
until a fucking car explodes or they get a baseball bat
to the head.
As I donned my gear which, regardless of the
outcome, I would be wearing for the last time tonight,
I let that same feeling of the day of reckoning consume
me. I wanted it to flow through me, willed it to take
over.
It was now my Casino, my moment, my ending, when
either I would follow the fate of so many others or I
would narrowly escape.
For the last time I welcomed the haze. I welcomed the
surging predator within me. I allowed it and I even
encouraged it.
I suited in all blackpants, shirt, boots, hat.
Then I turned to put on my devices.
Kevlar.
Glock.
Scoped rifle.
Night vision.
Knife.
And a few other provisions that weren't legal in the
States.
But I didn't care.
Not tonight.
Tonight, I was him.
I was the dark onethe shadowthe specter.
TonightI was the assassin.
Because I wanted to bebecause I had to be.
To get her back.
"Ready E?" McCarty asked me.
I set my jaw and slowly turned to him, my eyes
narrowed in anticipation.
"Let's do this." I growled.
I busted through the door as the haze glossed over my
eyes and I could feel the eyes of all the other agents on
me, watching me, fearing me. But I didn't care. I was
met by Fortnight and I just waited for his assent.
Everyone was in full-on execution mode, blood racing,
hearts pumping, and breaths laboring in expectation.
The other agents were lined up receiving their orders
to take down some of the blackest of men this side of
the twenty-first centuryand before.
I listened, somewhat, but I was too busy being
consumed by the monster inside of me, letting him
run free will over me. They gave us the layout for the
grounds, likely suspects there and a whole lot of other
shit. But that didn't matter.
Not to me.
Me. Well I was just going to likely end anyone who
came across my path.
He nodded finally and I looked at Em.
"It's show time." He said lowly. "Let's go fuck
somebody up."
"Fucking right it is." I said.
With that we turned for the door and I saw Charlie
and four other cops in their navy blue NYPD gear. He
clapped me on the shoulder and I shared a quick look
with him.
"Let's go get our girl back." He raised his eyebrows at
me and I didn't respond.
I just nodded and in seconds we were a mass of boots
marching.
One, two, three, four across the tile floor, to the
parking area and eventually into the black Tahoes and
Suburbans waiting there.
I jumped behind the wheel of the car and no one
argued as I squealed the tires and tore out of the
parking garage. The lights were flashing and the siren
blaring.
But the car was silent until Garrett spoke up to give us
our orders. Our vehicle was just Garrett, Seth,
Emmett, Tanya and I.
I was focused on the road ahead, speeding through the
streets of Manhattan and hitting the turnpike for New
Jersey like a madman on the loose.
"We have six teams with us. The golf course is
obviously massive but the helipad is near the main
club house and then there is one more outbuilding at
the cusp of holes 8, 9 and 10."
Suddenly my mind flashed to something. I didn't hear
what he was saying to everyone else as I was putting it
together in my head.
8, 9 and 10.
8, 9, 10.
8:00, 9/10. The watch!
"The outbuilding, how big is it?" I asked quickly.
"Not very, it's just a shed where they keep the supplies
and lawn equipment."
"How far is it from the clubhouse?"
"Looks like" He flipped his sheet. "About 200 yards,
because it's where hole 9 curves back in."
"I think there's something there." I quickly explained
the watch and the time it was set for. He called it in
and told the few people left at headquarters to look at
the box of items again more closely.
"Do you think he was taken there at some point and
that's how he knew?" Garrett asked.
"Maybe." I trailed off as I thought about it. I was
mulling over the other clues from Ericthe tees, the
chapstick and trying to figure out what else they could
mean.
Then a cold feeling raced up my spine.
Maybe that's where they took him the last time.
Motherfuckers.
All I could see then were flashes.
Bella at the Met.
Eric and I as kids in the Hamptons.
Bella in her kitchen.
College with Eric.
Bella at the bar.
Eric at graduation.
My father and mother mourning his death.
The day I joined the FBI.
Bella and I in our cavern.
Mijn Broer.
Mijn Zon.
Mijn Kind.
Mijn Leven.**
He fucking took all of it.
And now, I was even more angry and hell bent on
getting it back.
Garrett snapped me out of my haze then and I tensed.
"Cullen you're staying with me and Ivanova. McCarty
and Clearwater, you're going to join team two in
checking the shed."
"What do you mean staying with you? Where will we
be at?" My head shot up then.
"We'll be staying back by the helipad, in case of an
escape."
"What are you talking about? I'm going after her!" I
shouted as I gripped the steering wheel and my foot
pushed to go faster.
"Noyou're not." He said calmly. "I don't think you
can keep your cool and we need you at the helipad
anyway, in case your grandfather is there and tries to
get away."
"You have to be kidding me Garrett!"
"Cullen you're not arguing with me on this one. They
might try to do something to use her against you and I
can't have you losing your head." He said more sternly
this time.
"Fuck!" I clenched the wheel tighter and grit my teeth
together.
I could feel the tension in the carin the air. The
adrenaline was coursing through my veins and the
blood was pounding like water in my ears.
I looked out the window into the black night and made
a promise to her, knowing she was out there
somewhere.
We're coming Liefje, just hold on.
And I swear to God if they've hurt you they will never
know the end of my wrath.
I drove, faster and faster, weaving in and out of cars,
topping speeds even my lead foot had never met.
But none of that mattered.
Nothing mattered but getting her back.
And like that, we were rounding the bend to the
private drive of the country club. Our vehicle was the
lead so the look on the guard's face was one of
absolute shock when I stormed through the gate.
Car after car followed after and I came to a screeching
halt and jumped out.
Night vision down, rifle looped over my back and
Glock in hand, I was off like a shot into the night with
Garret and Tanya behind. The next few minutes were
a blur as agents took off in their respective directions.
The course was only eighteen holes, but it was massive
and lined with thick trees. We all had on our night
vision goggles knowing that we could be in the line of
fire at any second.
My eyes were scanning the trees, watching the
distance. I was looking for movement, for people, for
her. I didn't know what I was going to find when I got
there. I didn't know what to expect.
I just kept running, the cool night hit my lungs as I
gasped for breath. I wanted to be in the clubhouse, to
check out the shed, but I had to wait for him.
As we arrived, there was nothing there but blackness.
I was tense, my breath still catching from running the
quarter mile across the hills.
We settled into our position and stillness overcame
us.
It was quiet.
Too quiet.
So quiet it was deafening.
At once, all of my heightened senses, all of my
advanced training had me sitting precariously on
edge.
It was fucking maddening.
Just then Garrett put his hand to his ear with his cell
phone. Our earpieces only had range here,
headquarters was calling something in. He turned it
off and radioed to Emmett.
"McCarty. Over." He whispered and I looked at him as
my eyes simultaneously danced on the horizon and he
must have responded.
"The analysts just said they found a code in the tube of
chapstick. It was for Masen Industries internal
system. And when they put it into the system, it led to
a set of blue prints. Exactly like the ones for the
course, but with an additional room under the
outbuilding. Look for a point of entry, but be careful,
because there's a tunnel that leads to the clubhouse as
well. Over."
Fuck!
A hideout. In the middle of an uppity golf club in New
Jersey. It was so fucking Jan Cullen and no one would
ever suspect it. He had access to the river close by, the
highway, the forest and the helipad.
That was why they always met here. They had a secret
place but then also the ability to escape.
"A fucking room! Are you kidding me, how did we not
find this before?" I hissed.
I couldn't handle the waiting, the questions.
Garrett radioed to the agents in the clubhouse to
check for a door or a passage to the shed as well and I
just shook my head.
As the dreadful moments passed, I was slowly losing
my mind. I could feel her here. I knew she was here
somewhere and nothing was happening.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
But all we were meant with was silence.
Until suddenly something cut through the night.
I honed in on the sound and listened intently.
"Wait do you hear something? It sounds like a
Helicopter, sounds like voices?" I turned to Garrett
then.
But it wasn't moving closer, it was stationary in the
distance.
My hands and legs twitched to run in that direction
and Garrett grabbed my elbow.
"Edward stay here, I can't have you running off into
the night. You don't have your head on straight." He
hissed through his teeth.
"Goddamnit Garrett they could be taking her
somewhere!" I had to keep from shouting, but I was
losing my grip with every second. She was here, I
knew she was. I could feel her now, like the first time I
saw her, touched her, felt her. It was that same
magnetism that drew me towards her like the life
force that she was for me.
He gave me a firm glare and everything went silent
except my heaving breaths and the sound in the
distance.
Until I heard it.
A voice I would know anywhere, I voice I was
desperate to hear again.
Her voice.
"Edward!"
My heart leaped out of my chest. "It's Bella!" Before
Garrett or Ivanova could stop me I took off in a dead
sprint. The horizon bounced before me through my
night vision and I was pumping my arms furiously.
"Edward!"
I'm coming. I'm coming for you Liefje.
Just hold on, just hold on.
They knew we were here. They were trying to leave
and they knew we were here.
My legs were screaming at me, up and down the
rolling hills. I could hear the chopper in the distance
but it was getting louder with every step. Her voice
was carrying toward it. I could only assume they were
trying to whisk her away to God knows where.
I had to get to her.
She was all I had.
I had to get to her.
"Edward!"
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
I ran, faster, harder until my eyes were almost red
from the pain and my chest was screaming at me. The
sweat was pouring down my back, but I just kept
going.
Running.
Running as I always had.
For my life.
To my life.
To her.
I had to save her.
I closed over a hill and I could hear agents calling in
over the radio as I stopped behind a tree.
Liefje.
I gasped as I could see through my vision that she was
running.
Away from a man.
But toward the chopper.
"Edward!"
No Liefje!
She thought it was us. She thought we were in the
chopper but we weren't.
I quickly squatted down and pulled the scope to my
eye as I followed her form.
I zoomed in on the figure behind her and took a
breath.
I pulled the trigger.
He fell.
And then I took off in a flash once again following her,
running toward the chopper and Bella.
No Bella. Don't. It's not us. It's not us!
I wanted to scream. But I couldn't give myself away.
Instead I bore down on the sound and when I came to
a clearing. I pulled out my Glock and threw off my
night vision as I was closing in.
And then I stopped and my heart almost shot out of
the chest.
No!
No, no, no, no, no!
Demitri had Bella and was pulling her toward the
chopper as she struggled against him.
"They have her. At the chopper. They have her!" I said
into my radio frantically as I crept toward their
location.
In a motion I dropped to my knees in the shadow of a
tree, again pulling my rifle around. I didn't have much
time and I knew this was the defining moment. This
was the moment where it all came to a head.
At once, I held up my rifle and stared down the scope
again. I couldn't get Demitri, but I had to stop their
escape route. I looked through my sights and pulled
the pilot into my vision.
I didn't know him. I should have cared. But I didn't
think.
Once again I flexed my finger and pulled the trigger.
The pilot slumped over the controls and instantly I
could hear the helicopter blades slowing as Demitri's
eyes shot in my direction.
Felix and two other guards emerged from the other
side and once again I just reacted.
One, two, three.
In a barrage of shots, four men were down.
But two still remained: the worst two in all sense of
the words.
The moonlight broke through the night all of a sudden
and I could see another man emerge from the
chopper. It was then I moved from my spot in the
shadows and stalked forward, Glock in hand. His
gleaming white blonde hair was flickering as the
blades of the chopper spun through the moonlight
that shone down on them.
I fired a warning shot off the side of the steel and they
both stopped and looked right at me.
My eyes connected with Bella's then and I could see
them widen in terror and relief as she stopped
struggling against Demitri. But he still had his hand
over her mouth.
My gun was positioned on him, but I knew I was
outnumbered and I knew I was taking a chance. There
could be more out there. So I had to do something, to
get them talking until the other agents were here for
back-up.
"You want her!" I shouted.
My grandfather's cold blue eyes connected with mine
as I continued forward, but he didn't speak.
Anger, rage, desperation pumped through my body as
I took him in.
"You want herto hurt me!" The words that rang
through the night as the chopper blades slowed to a
low din.
The spine-chilling hush took over the night as we
stood there.
Stand-off.
Breaths.
Silence.
My jaw clenched and I tightened the grip on the Glock
in my hand.
"Why?" I finally rasped.
"Ah yes. My other grandson." He sneered. My eyes
glanced back and forth at him and that's when I saw
the gun Demitri had pressed against Bella.
Fuck.
No!
I tensed and aimed my gun at Demitri's head.
"How could you do thisall of this?" I asked then.
He tsked as he stepped to Demitri's side, shielding
himself somewhat behind Bella.
"How could I not?" He asked.
You sick twisted
How could I be related to this man?
"You had everything, I don't understand."
"You wouldn't. Your parents kept you in your nice
little bubble your whole life. My ungrateful son
wanted nothing to do with me. Why not?" He
shrugged again.
"No. Why not is not enough for me anymore. You
killed my brother. I want answers." I seethed.
"Always the purest my young Edward." He snapped.
"Better than the devil."
"The devil." He chuckled dryly. "You've never met the
devil."
"Well why don't you tell me about him then, you're
apparently good friends." I retorted.
"Friends" He sneered. "I don't have anyfriends."
Bella's eyes were dancing back and forth between us
as I held my gun on both Jan and Demitri.
The skin on the back of my neck rose and I could tell
that back-up was closing in. I could hear them, sense
them.
So I took a step forward and Demitri tensed.
"Not another step." Demitri tightened his hold on
Bella and she grimaced.
My heart clenched but I stood straighter.
A silence settled between us until finally Jan spoke
again.
"You have a choice Edward."
"I don't want a choice" I said, knowing what was
coming next. "I want to know why?"
"I told you why!" He shouted.
"Surely you didn't take over the largest organized
crime ring in a century simply because of the
company, because of your relationship with Sasha,
because of my father." I spat.
"Ah a purest and a charlatan, how do you manage
that?" He mocked. "Come now, is that why you joined
the FBI Edward? Did you do it to because of your
devotion to your country or your passion for law
enforcement? I think not. You did it because you
wanted to avenge your brother."
"And I still do." I growled. "So why don't you level
with me. Why don't you tell me how he died, why don't
you tell me what else there is?"
He gestured around dramatically then. "There's
everything Edward. All of this is mine. All of this could
have been your father's, your brother's. All of this
could still be yours."
"You're not answering my question." I ground my
teeth together.
"You think you're entitled to my deepest darkest
secretsjust because you're standing in front of me
now? Tougher men have never cracked me." He said
then.
I didn't respond to that. Instead I just said the first
words that ran through my head.
"What happened in Philadelphia?"
The sinister smile on his face faltered for just a
moment and I instantly knew I struck a chord.
"How do you know about that?" He spat.
"I'm here aren't I? What do you think I came alone? A
renegade agent." I remarked wryly. "I might have
joined up for the wrong reasons, but I am devoted to
my country and those I love and I'm not stupid. So
why don't you tell mebecause I know everything." I
annunciated. "Except what happened in
Philadelphia."
His eyes glanced back and forth across the horizon
and for the first time I could see both he and Demitri's
faces shift in worry and displeasure.
"My life ended in Philadelphia." He whispered
balefully and I sucked in a breath.
Holy shit. He's cracking.
Keep talking. Provoke him. Get him to spill.
"Apparently." I said, poking at the lion, trying to
antagonize him into a fight.
"You little prick." He seethed.
"Tell me grandfather." I put as much air in my voice
as I could. "Was it a woman? A man? Aro? Great-
Grandfather?" I tossed out as many thorns as I could
and I knew it as soon as I saw his eyes flash again.
It was all of them.
But first it was a woman.
"Who was she? Was she your Liona? Was she your
precious gem? Is that why you're trying to take
everything from me now?"
"You have no idea what you are talking about!" He
stepped out from behind Demitri at the same time I
heard Emmett radio to me.
"We have them both in our sights. Keep him talking
so we can move in to secure on your signal." He said.
"Then enlighten me."
"Everything I had, everything I was to inherit was in
ruins. She was all I had. I loved her from the moment I
saw her. But my father wouldn't let us be together. I
had to carry on the family tradition, continue the
charade, continue to live out the lie."
"Why did you give in? Why didn't you just tell him to
shove it? You always were the master of your own
domain?" I tried to appeal to the arrogance I knew ran
through his veins.
"Because it wasn't just that. I was willing to give up
everything for her." His hands were shaking and I
knew I was under his skin.
"But she didn't give you the chance." I stated.
"No, instead she thought I shouldn't have to make the
choice, and instead decided to cheat on me with my
friend in an effort to make my decision easier." His
voice was quivering with anger. "And I vowed I would
never let anyone close again. Everyone I knew
betrayed me. So fuck them!" He spat.
I had never, in all of my 32 years, heard him swear. I
knew he was at his breaking point. The lion was
roaring and ready to tear something to shreds.
"So you took your vengeance out on everyone else.
You didn't get your choice so you neither could
anyone else. That's why you pushed it on my father, on
Eric, on meall our lives."
"I created everything I had. Not with the help of my
worthless father, not with the support of your
intolerable grandmother. Just me. Aro was just a tool
in at my hands."
Wait a minute.
Ran off with his friend?
It couldn't be. But then why would he protect him?
Or did he?
In a blink of an eye it all came together, every bit of it.
He fell in love with a woman in Philadelphia. His
father wouldn't let them be together. So she took it out
of his hands. She cheated with Aro to push him away.
That was why he was always the silent partner.
He had Aro right where he wanted him his whole life.
He betrayed him. She betrayed him. His father
betrayed him.
He really thought he had lost everything so he lashed
out and it turned him into a cold, bitter, vindictive
man.
"That's why Aro went down but you didn't. The first
time." I stated matter-of-factly.
"It seems you've got it all figured out don't you." He
scoffed, still fuming mad.
"All except for one thing. Why wait until now, to take
her?" I didn't need to gesture to Bella
"Haven't you ever heard the saying, 'keep your friends
close and your enemies closer'?" He asked
rhetorically.
"Because once I knew about her I had everything right
where I wanted. I leaked the things to put him in jail, I
had him over a barrel. I ran the show completely
then."
"Completely?"
"I don't give a shit about bloodlines Edward, but the
old school mob still does, and I used it as a tactic. I
wouldn't get the ties, get the money, get it all because I
wasn't a Volturi. And now you've provided me with it.
It's the perfect act of revenge. The perfect weapon."
Fuck.
So he wasn't taking her to make me choose. He was
taking her because now he could use her, use our baby
to get everything.
"The perfect revenge?" I spat.
"Yes. How fitting that my grandson and his
granddaughter of the long lost Liona would give me
the heir to the empire that I funded and built behind
the scenes for years. Now he could stare into the face
of his long lost love just as I had to with mine every
time we did business together."
My mind instantly ran through possibilities. Aro was
married after Liona again.
His current wife was the woman.
Seraphina. Cauis and Marcus's mother.
I shook my head.
Unbelievable.
I took a chance to glance at Bella and her eyes were
wide with realization as well. I didn't know how much
she knewif she knew about Aro, her grandmother
and all of that yet. But I glanced back as he shifted
again and I heard Emmett in my ear.
"I have a shot on Demitri.
Unless you want to take him
and I'll take out Jan."
I froze for a second. As
angry, as disbelieving as I
was, I couldn't kill Jan. I
couldn't come down to that
level.
So I shook my head silently letting him know that I
would take Demitri and he could take out Jan if it
came to it.
But I needed the answer to one more question.
"If you always had him in a tight spot, why didn't he
just have someone like me kill you long ago?" I asked
blankly then. "Like you did to Eric." My words
lingered in the moonlit air between us.
His face turned hard and he took a step again.
Just one more step.
"Because I always had the perfect people to protect
me. You didn't think I let the Draconis in for no
reason did you?" He said. "I worked the two
organizations against each other, knowing that one
dayit would all come to an end and I would be the
one to emerge victoriousI could simultaneously take
down the Volturis and rise to the top myself. So I had
them set up at a stand-off, a chess match."
Demitri's eyes shot to Jan's then and I could see the
look of surprise there. He was being played. They were
all being played by the decrepit man before mea man
I couldn't even think of calling grandfather.
But he knew he was close to his end. He knew that I
knew everything now and he either had to kill me or
get me to go with him.
So he spoke again.
"Don't say you don't want it, crave it Edward. That
kind of power. Isn't that why you hold that gun in your
handyou have everything at your fingertips. You get
to play God. You get to decide fates. It's no different
for me." He said and his words struck me deeply.
Was it power that I craved?
Was it more than just a need to avenge Eric's death?
Wasn't I just as bad? Wanting controlneeding it
because I felt so out of control when he was taken.
No.
I shook my head again and stared right back at him.
I was not this man.
The hatred, the deep-seeded need for vengeance ran
so much deeper and farther back than I ever could
have expected.
And it was at that moment that I had a life-altering
realization.
I was him, I was turning into him.
Before I met her. Before she saved me.
And so I couldn't let him win. I wouldn't let him win.
With the feel of the forces behind me and the light
breeze that suddenly picked up in that second. I held
my gun tighter and took a breath as he spoke again.
"Make it right. Merge our families as they should be.
It's not too late for you to join me. And with your
child, weyou could have more power than you ever
thought possible?" He said.
I shook my head at him and put my hand behind my
back to signal Emmett.
At the same time I saw Demitri waiver and Bella cast a
sideways glance.
"There's only one way to make it right." I replied.
But before I could give them the signal it felt like a
hundred things happened.
Bella bit Demitri's hand and tried to jump away but he
recoiled and threw her against the side of the chopper
and she slumped to the ground.
"No!" I shouted.
Shots rang out and in those split seconds my life
flashed before my eyes.
I dropped to a knee as a bullet whizzed past my ear
and I realized that my grandfather had a gun in his
hand.
But I couldn't think, because I could only see her lying
on the ground, unmoving.
Instead everything in my body reacted and without
another thought I fired three shots right into
Demitri's head at the same time a stream of gunfire
sounded off the chopper and peppered Jan's body as
he flew back against it.
And in the deafening reverberations of the shots that
followed the spectacle I rose to my feet and ran over to
Bella, only to drop to my knees once again as I pulled
her into my arms.
She was pale as a ghost, but still breathing.
"Liefje. Liefje." I pushed her hair back from her face.
And that's when I saw it.
Blood was trickling down her left shoulder and
soaking her blouse red.
The sound that left my mouth was ruinous as I pulled
her to me and screamed her name.
"Bella!"
~~~-~~~
Translations:
Mijn Broer- My brother.
Mijn Zon- My sun.
Mijn Kind- My child.
Mijn Leven- My life.
~~~-~~~





Chapter 26 ~ The Man
Chapter Song: Shinedown Simple Man
EPOV
"Liefje. Liefje." I pushed her hair back from her face.
And that's when I saw it.
Blood was trickling down her left shoulder and
soaking her blouse red.
The sound that left my mouth was ruinous as I pulled
her to me and screamed her name.
"Bella!"
"Oh my God! Bella!" I cradled her in my lap,
completely inattentive to the commotion around me.
She wasn't responding and I was freaking out. I
couldn't tell what happened to her.
"Oh God. Oh God. No. No!" I kissed her forehead and
then shouted frantically.
"Someone get an ambulance!" As I turned back to her.
I checked her pulse, her heart was still beating and
her skin was warm. But she was pale. I turned her
slightly and it was then that I could see the wound in
her shoulder. It looked like she was stabbed near the
juncture of her shoulder and her neck, but she still
wasn't coming to. My heart was ramming against the
wall of my chest at the sight and all the possibilities of
how she could be injured...he could have severed her
spinal cord or...
"NoLiefje." I sputtered as I searched her for more
wounds.
"Sir. Sir. We have to get her on a stretcher. Sir. Sir,
please."
I felt arms on me but I couldn't move. I couldn't leave
her. They couldn't take me from her. What if I never
saw her again? What if she didn't come back to me?
She had to know, I couldn't live without her.
I just kept repeating it over and over as all of a sudden
sobs broke through my throat. I didn't care about
anything anymore. All I wanted and needed was right
in front of me.
The arms tried to move me but I stayed. The words
pierced the air around me but I couldn't hear them. I
couldn't hear anything.
"Sir, sir." I heard someone sigh, frustrated.
"We can't get him to move. We need to get her in an
ambulance."
"I got it." I heard a familiar voice.
"E. E man you have to get up. You have to let them
look at her."
I didn't move. I just kept whispering to her and
pressing on the wound to stop the bleeding.
"Liefje, please. Please come back to me, please."
"Ok move over." I heard shuffling somewhere in my
consciousness and suddenly strong arms were
wrapping around me and lifting me up.
Reflexively I spun around, my eyes wild and dazed.
"E." His voice was low and steady and he had his arms
wrapped around me like a vice.
"E. She's going to be okay, but you have to let them
take care of her." He said steadily.
I stopped struggling and dropped my arms to my
sides. I didn't know when they got there or how much
time had passed but I could now see the lights and the
people swarming the area. But as I watched them
attend to her, just as quickly as I stopped I whirled
into action.
"Let me go Emmett!" I jumped away and threw off my
rifle and started to help the paramedics load her on
the stretcher.
They strapped her in, her face so pale and blood was
still dripping down her side. People were everywhere
and I could hear voices and another helicopter and
sirens all around me.
But I didn't care about talking to anyone. I didn't care
about hauling any perps in. I was staying with her.
I ran out behind them and climbed in the ambulance.
Then I glanced back to see Charlie standing with
Emmett who was trying to calm him down and I didn't
wait any longer as I jumped in the ambulance. They
slammed the doors behind me and I sat down and
instantly put one hand on her face and squeezed her
other one.
"Sir you're going to have to let us work on her."
I slid back but I kept her hand in mine as I stared at
her and just drank her in. I hadn't seen her in almost
two days. I thought I was never going to see her again
and my body was filled with anxiety and the
adrenaline from the encounter with Jan.
For a fleeting second I tore my eyes from her face
again and looked through a blur toward the
paramedic.
"What happened? What are the extent of her
injuries?" I implored.
"The knife just went through the trapezius muscle, but
it doesn't look like it hit near the spine. It was clean,
mostly just muscle. Otherwise, I think she just hit her
head and it knocked her out. But we're checking her
over to make sure."
"Do you know if she has any allergies?" He asked then.
"Not that I know of." I said blankly as my eyes scanned
her body for any sign of other injury. Her shirt had
been cut open and she appeared to be in order. I was
praying there was nothing underneathanywhere
else. I didn't think they would do that to her, because
of why they took her. But the sickening thought made
acid rise in my throat and I turned to the paramedic
then.
"She's pregnant though. You should know that." I
swallowed. "There's nothing. I mean. You don't think
anything happened to the baby did it?" Fear gripped
me as I asked.
He smiled at me then lightly and just nodded. "Not
that I can see, but we'll do everything we can."
I took a deep breath and my eyes were once again on
her beautiful face. Her perfect porcelain skin was still
too pale, and her lips weren't as pink as usual. But she
was beautiful, and she was alive and she wasthere.
Right there in front of me.
I ran my hand through her silky hair as they bandaged
her shoulder and tried to stop the bleeding. I wanted
to hold her, to comfort her, to be there. I couldn't
think of anything else. I just wanted her to be okay, for
both of them to be okay.
"Liefje, I'm right here. I'm right here and I'm not
going anywhere." I whispered as I held her hand and
kissed it.
I could hear the beeping in the background and see
the paramedics diligently working over her. But I
couldn't get close enough to her. I just held her hand
as I realized then tears were streaming down my face.
The emotions from the last few days were pouring out
of me and I couldn't catch my breath. But I tried to
push it away.
I just kept repeating over and over to her, whispering
to her and hoping that she could hear me.
"Mijn Zon. Mijn Licht. Mijn Lief. Mijn Leven." I
breathed.
"Mijn Schoonheid. Mijn Angel. Please. Please. I love
you so much. I want to marry you. I want to have our
child with you. I only just found you. I can't lose you.
Please Liefje, please come back to me."
Just open your eyes Bella.
Then I'll know you're okay.
I begged her. But her body was repairing itself. Surely
the traumatic events of the last few days were taking
their toll on her as well. Suddenly a sickening feeling
ran through me that she could miscarry from all of
this. I just prayed in those moments that she would be
okay, that the baby would be okay and her injuries
wouldn't affect it.
At last we were pulling into the Emergency entrance at
the hospital in Trenton and I jumped up to help them.
She was still unconscious and I was getting more and
more nervous as they wheeled her in.
I held her hand and I could see the looks of everyone's
faces when a nurse stopped me.
"Sir. I'm sorry but you can't have that in here."
"Have what?" I snapped.
"Your gun sir."
It was then I realized I was still in my gear. I still had
on FBI issued Kevlar, and all of my provisions but my
rifle. As though it was burning me, I took it all off and
handed to her. The shock on her face was apparent as
she stood there with bullet-proof vest, Glock, and
everything else in her hands.
"Um."
"Someone will be here that can take it."
And with that I turned and ran after the paramedics.
They wheeled her to the back and another nurse tried
to tell me that I couldn't go back because we weren't
related and I gave her a death glare.
Nothing was keeping me from her. Not now.
In a flurry of activity they had her hooked up to an IV.
I just stood there motionless. I wanted to touch her. I
wanted to be next to her. It was so frustrating that I
couldn't be.
Just then they closed the curtain and my heart leapt
out of my chest. As I was about to tear the curtain
open and demand to know what was happening, I felt
a hand on my shoulder and I looked up into the hazel
eyes of an older doctor.
"Son. Are you the next of kin?"
"Yes." I rasped.
"I'm Dr. Brandon."
"What's wrong, what's happening?"
"She's lost a fair amount of blood and she has a
concussion. But the wound should be relatively easy to
repair. They're just prepping her for surgery. Are you
her husband?"
"Uhyes" I stated, not wanting anymore run
around.
"It's going to be a bit. I suggest you wait outside." He
looked at me closely then, probably taking in my
distraught features. "Get some sleep and we'll come
get you when she's out of surgery." He patted my
shoulder.
My throat constricted and I clenched my fists at my
sides.
"Can Iuhjust see her before they take her back?"
My voice cracked.
He looked at me intently and then his eyes crinkled.
"Sure."
I followed him through the curtain and I looked at her
in the bed. She looked so small and fragile, so unlike
my fiery, passionate Bella. Just as it had on so many
occasions, including tonight, my entire world shifted
around me and my heart ached inside my chest.
I never wanted to see her like this again. I never
wanted to be the one to put her here again. Regardless
of the outcome, regardless what happened tonight, I
was going to live my life for her, with her. Everything
else just washed away.
As I brushed my lips to hers and trailed my fingers
down her smooth cheek, I promised myself and her in
that moment. I didn't need anything else. I didn't need
power, or money or the FBI, I just needed herthem.
"I love you Bella. And I'll be there when you wake up."
My throat ached as I staved off the emotion coursing
through me.
I took a deep breath and finally stepped out, feeling as
though a piece of me was in that room. And as I
walked to the waiting area my legs gave out from me
and I fell to my knees. The revelations, the worry, the
pain and regret and absolute terror at last overtook
me and I cried.
It was simple, it was all so simple. I was a man; she
was my womanthe love of my life. I needed her more
than the air, the earth or water combined. I was
nothing without her. I wanted her and our baby more
than anything in the world. The life that I so long ago
gave up was lying in that hospital bed. It was waiting
for me. And I wanted it, a simple life, with her, being a
husband, a fatherthe best I could.
I just sat there on my knees shaking and convulsing.
The exhaustion overtook me and I could hear voices
around me once again. But it was like water was
surrounding me and I was gasping for breath. My
chest was heaving and I couldn't seem to get enough
air in my lungs. The room was spinning and before I
could do anything I felt a prick in my shoulder and I
slipped into darkness.
--
"Momma!" I heard a child yell.
Where was that coming from?
I could feel the sand between my toes, but just then
the breeze shifted to an almost chilly nature.
I looked up the beach to see dark hair waving in the
breeze. She was walking away, sandals in her hand
as the cool wind wrapped around her. She was a
vision, like an angel. I couldn't see her face but I was
drawn in her direction.
"Momma!" The child yelled again.
I looked down to see him at my side. He looked so
familiar to me. It was as if I should know him, but I
didn't. Who was he?
He looked up at me then, his big brown eyes so
familiar to me it was almost frightening.
His eyes sparkled in happiness and then he became
worried. He looked back down the beach and I
followed his gaze.
"Where did Momma go?"
He asked me then and my heart started taking off
and I couldn't catch my breath.
Realization dawned on me as to who he was. I
frantically looked back up the beach to find her and
she wasn't there.
She wasn't there, she was gone, she wasn't there.
I looked back down and neither was the little boy.
Suddenly feared gripped me as I figured out what
was happening. I knew her. I knew both of them. I
would know her anywhere and at once I shouted out
for her.
"Liefje!"
"E! E wake up!"
"Liefje!"
"E. Dude it's okay man. Wake up."
"No. No, Liefje!"
"Edward! Edward!" Someone was shaking me and I
instantly shot up. My heart was pounding and my
head was pulsing at the base of my neck.
"E. Relax man. It's okay."
My eyes were crazy and dazed as I glanced around
frantically. I took in what looked like a waiting room
but I had no idea where it was at. I looked right at
Emmett as fear ran through me.
"Where is she?" I rasped.
"She's out of surgery. They have her in a room." He
said calmly.
"Why am I down here?" I growled.
"They sedated you E. You were having a panic attack."
Emmett said and took a breath.
Fear and anxiety were racing through my body as I
realized I wasn't with her, and I needed to get to her
fast.
"Take me to her now." He just nodded but when I
went to stand up my legs were shaking and I became a
bit woozy.
"Whoa. You alright man? Are you sure you can walk?"
"I'll be fine." I clenched my teeth and steadied myself
as the room came into focus again.
We walked in silence to the elevators at the end of the
hall and I was still having trouble catching my breath.
My hands were shaking at my sides and the
fluorescent lights were making spots dance across my
eyes.
As we rode up the floors I was dying with anxiousness
inside. I just needed to see her, touch her.
"How long was I out?" I finally asked.
"About four hours." Emmett said. I just nodded in
response as the bell dinged and I stepped out and
looked ahead.
Sitting at the end of the hall were Charlie, Garrett and
Seth. I walked closer and I could see that Seth was
asleep with his head back against the wall. Garrett just
gave me a grim look. I wasn't sure where Tanya was
at.
Charlie looked at me and his mustache twitched.
"She's still asleep."
Nonetheless, apprehension was gripping my chest as I
asked what I needed to ever since I woke up from the
dream.
"Did they say" I could feel my heart beating rapidly
and I took a deep breath. "What did the doctor say?"
"He said everything went fine. And she's okaythey're
both okay." Relief emanated from him and washed
over me at the same time.
I swallowed thickly and nodded and stepped in and
closed the door behind me.
The beeping of the monitors was the only sound in her
room and my heart clenched at the sight once again. I
rubbed my hands down my face as I took a breath and
walked over to her. I pulled the chair up and collapsed
into it. I was still exhausted and could barely move,
but like always, now that I was in the same room with
her, I felt whole again. Complete.
I grabbed her hand and kissed it, just feeling the soft
skin between my fingertips. I didn't know what time it
was or how long I sat there, but I just stared at her. I
breathed in every time she did and I burned every
line, every subtle crease of her face into my memory.
The day was dawning and I realized I fell asleep again
holding her hand. Just then I felt her fingers moving
and I sleepily opened my eyes to be met with her deep
espresso ones.
At once it all overtook me again. Her lip began
trembling and my eyes were brimming. I rose up and
cradled her face in my hands and kissed her with
everything I had in me. I lost myself in her for a
moment as I just let her lips move against mine and
the feeling of her face in my hands felt so natural.
I backed away and she squeezed my hand with her
right one as she shifted and grimaced. She swallowed
and we just stared into each other's eyes as we let the
moment wash over us.
She was alive, here, in my arms. And Jan was dead,
Demitri was dead, Felix was dead and the lot of them
was likely to be apprehended soon if they weren't
already.
I rubbed my thumbs across her cheeks and peppered
her face with my lips as I took her in. I kissed her jaw,
her nose, her eyes, her cheeks until I felt her sigh
under my fingertips.
She traced under my eyes with her finger then and I
closed my eyes at her touch. Beneath it was that
familiar electricity, the one I was so drawn to, the one
I felt from the very first time we connected. And
though it was just under the surface it was as strong as
ever.
"Hey." She rasped.
"Hey." I finally let a smile overtake my face.
"You look so tired." She said thickly.
"I'm alright. I was worried about you." I pressed my
forehead to hers and just breathed in her scent then.
As I lifted back up I could see her eyes dancing across
my face.
"What happened after? I just remember the pain in
the back of my shoulder after I bit Demitri."
Anger sprung up from my belly as I narrowed my eyes.
"He did that?" I said, realizing that he must have been
the one to stab her if it came from the back.
She nodded. "I think so. I think because I took him by
surprise."
I shook my head. It could have been so much worse.
He could have hit an artery or her spinal cord. He was
trying to hurt her.
"Hey." She turned my face to her. "I'm here, and I'm
okay right?"
I nodded and kissed her again, just feeling her soft lips
against mine. I brushed her hair back and she
hummed into my touch. I wanted to whisk her away. I
wanted to take her somewhere that no one could ever
hurt her or try to take her from me again.
Just then I heard her gasp and tears filled her eyes. I
looked back as I could see her trying to say something.
"Didnothing happened todid it?" She said
fearfully.
I shook my head. "You're both fine Liefje." My voice
was raspy.
A look of utter relief swept across her face and I pulled
her to me, as tightly as I could without hurting her and
just held her as she cried. We were both exhausted
and absolutely relieved to be back together. With the
events of the past few days, I knew it wouldn't be long,
at least for me, before I wanted to make this official. I
couldn't wait to finally be out in the open together, to
go on and live our lives and put all of this behind us. A
million thoughts ran through my head as I finally had
her back in my arms.
But I also knew that with an operation of this size and
the fallout that was likely, it was going to be a while
before we could really do that. So much had happened
that I knew we would both have to go in and debrief.
We would both have a lot to work through after this.
Between my brother, Jan, Eliot and her news about
Aro and Phil, we had a lot to digest.
After we calmed down and the tension eased a bit. I
explained to Bella everything that happened, how we
found her and what I found out about Eric. She told
me all of the pieces she started to put together on her
end: the discussions she had with Demitri and Jan,
that she knew about Aro, her grandmother, and things
she remembered about her father and Brad. I could
tell she was hurt that they kept it from her. If I knew
anything, she was independent and she was the
strongest person I had ever met. To be kept out of the
loop about something so important likely irked her.
But I also knew her unyielding ability to forgive, so I
couldn't imagine that she would hold it against Charlie
for too long.
I told her about meeting her father and that he knew
about everything nowincluding our relationship and
the baby.
"He didn't pull his gun on you did he?" She said.
And for the first time in days I laughed. "No, I think he
knew he was outmatched."
"Bragger."
"You know it baby." I smirked at her and she laughed.
Just then the doctor walked in.
"Bella. It's good to see you awake. I'm Dr. Brandon.
How are you feeling? Has your husband informed you
of everything?"
She shot me a sideways glance and I just shrugged. I
wasn't going to apologize for that. It was going to
happen sooner or later anyway, hopefully sooner.
"He did." She said.
"Well, it looks like you're recovering quite nicely. It
was mostly just a flesh wound, since the knife made a
clean entry and exit. You're lucky because you didn't
have much bone or nerve damage. But you will still
have rehab to do, which could take up to four months.
I will be honest though, you will likely be in more pain
than most people because you won't be able to take
prescription pain medication due to your pregnancy."
"That's okay." She smiled.
"You also suffered a concussion, so you will want to be
careful not to bump your head or cause any further
injury. But all in all, you should be able to be released
in a few days, barring any complications."
"Thanks Doctor."
"My pleasure. I'll stop back to check on you later." He
nodded and left.
I turned back to Bella and for the first time, my
stomach growled loudly and we both laughed.
"When was the last time you ate?" Her brow
furrowed.
I thought about it for a moment. "I honestly have no
idea."
She raised one brow at me and I couldn't help but
almost smile at her accusing look. I welcomed the
reprimand. "Why don't you go get something to eat?
I'll be here."
"I don't want to leave you." I murmured.
"Edward" She admonished. "I'll be fine. Is my Dad
here?"
"Yeah. Charlie's outside, I'm sure he's dying to get in
here as well."
"Go get something to eat and send him in." She
ordered.
"Yes Ma'am." I teased as I stood up to kiss her again. I
leaned in closely and brushed my lips to hers and then
trailed my kiss to her ear. "But just so you know I'm
never leaving again." I whispered.
Her breath hitched and as I pulled back her eyes
watered. She squeezed my hand and bit her lip. "I
know." She breathed.
And with one final kiss I moved to step out. But just as
I was opening the door I heard commotion outside.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I heard Charlie
say and I tensed.
I looked to see a striking woman with light brown hair
and a face similar in shape to Bella's.
Renee.
I had never met her mother, but I knew who she was
with one glance.
"Charlie. The police called me and said that Bella had
been injured. Why else are you here?" She said
exasperatedly.
"Who are all of these people?" She said then.
Charlie tensed and I could tell by the redness in his
face he was about ready to lay into her. But luckily
Emmett stepped in.
"Mrs. Dwyer. Have you spoken with your husband
recently?"
"Not since yesterday morning, he's gone on a business
trip." She narrowed her eyes at him. "Why?"
"I think you should come with us ma'am." Emmett put
his hand on her shoulder.
"What?" She turned back to the Captain. "Charlie
what is going on?"
He just crossed his arms and shook his head at her.
"Why don't you ask your husband that?" He spat. "The
agents will take it from here."
"Ibutagents? What is going on? I want to see my
baby."
Charlie rolled his eyes at me and now I completely
understood everything Bella told me about her
mother. She was flighty and yet still felt entitled to
make decisions regarding Bella's life.
"Ma'am. Really, I think if you come with us, we can
explain it to you. Your daughter is still sleeping
anyhow." Emmett gave me a look and I just nodded. I
didn't want Bella dealing with an overzealous Renee
right now.
He escorted her down the hall and once they were out
of earshot I turned to look at Charlie. He let out a deep
breath and shook his head.
"My ex-wife is a piece of work."
"So I've heard." I smiled and commiserated with him
for a moment and he finally relaxed.
"Um. Bella wants to see you." He glanced at me and
just nodded his head.
He started to walk toward the door when he stopped
right next to me and turned back.
"Uh. IwellI'm not real good at this stuff." He
gulped and his cheeks flushed a bit, reminding me of
Bella's. "Butuhthank you." He said.
I offered my hand and we shook. At the same time we
exchanged a look with our eyes as my throat was tight.
"Umyou're welcome." I finally stuttered and he
turned and closed the door behind him.
I looked up to see that Garrett was the only person in
the hallway.
"Where are Tanya and Seth?"
"Seth went to grab a bite to eatand Tanya" He
trailed off and I could feel my face go pale.
"Oh no, Garrett what happened?"
"She caught one in the leg and another in the chest.
The one in the chest she was protected from, but it
broke a few of her ribs. But the one in her leg did some
pretty bad damage." He said.
"Shit. Is shewhere's she at?"
"Down on four. Mila's here too but you can go down
and see her if you want to."
I nodded and I instantly felt bad. I missed the attack, I
left my team and I knew that was wrong. Yet at the
same time, I knew I would never have gotten to Bella
in time if I didn't leave when I did.
"Cullen." Garrett pulled me from my thoughts.
"Yeah."
"It's not your fault. We were at the helipad and as
soon as you radioed back we started running in your
direction. She saw the two Dracs and took them out,
saved my ass in the process. So don't feel bad. Hell
they might have ambushed us at the helipad if we
wouldn't have left when we did."
I nodded, still reeling from the information.
"Did anyone else go down?"
"One of the agents with McCarty and Clearwater
caught one in the arm as well, but other than that no.
We were lucky, there were more of them there than
we expected."
I frowned, knowing that if it weren't for Jan's
presence they probably wouldn't have had as much
resistance. I was just glad we didn't lose anyone.
Garrett stood up then and clapped his hand on my
shoulder. "Now that you're up. I'm going to head back
in."
"Shouldn't you get some sleep man?" He quirked an
eyebrow at me.
Right, I wasn't sleeping either.
"I want to check in on things. But so you know, they
apprehended Laurent at the Newark airport. He was
trying to hop a flight to Paris. The brothers were taken
in as well as Gianna and Nelo."
"What about Dwyer?"
He shook his head. "Still haven't heard, but I don't
think he's necessarily a threat. Hopefully his wife can
give us something. As for the rest of them the take-
down was a mostly a success."
"Mostly?"
"They didn't get Kebi."
"What?"
"We'll keep a protective detail on your family for a
while, but I also don't think Kebi has that kind of
power. He was a financial guy, in it for the money. But
we'll have to be careful until they bring him in."
I mulled it over. I didn't like any of them being out
there, including some of the remnants of the Volturi.
But at the same time, I wasn't sure if they knew what
the extent of my involvement was. According to Bella,
Jan didn't know about me until only a little over a
week ago. I also didn't think it was widely known
beyond the higher ranks about Bella's relation to Aro.
But I still didn't want to take any chances.
I was not leaving her side until the last of them were
brought in.
I rubbed my eyes feeling the tiredness and dirtiness of
the last few days set in. I needed a shower, a shave and
a warm bed. But there was no way I was going home
until Bella did.
Garrett and I walked to the elevator in silence and I
shook his hand as I got out on four.
I glanced down the hallway to see two agents sitting
outside Tanya's door. Until we had all of the known
suspects in custody, the place would be crawling with
agents and extra security protection.
I nodded to them as I knocked on the door. My attire
was self-explanatory and my exit from the
headquarters the previous night was pretty obvious.
"Come in." I heard from the other side and quietly
opened it and stepped inside.
My eyes took in the similar room to Bella's until I
settled on a striking red-head sitting at Tanya's side. I
couldn't help but feel a bit of a connection to her, as I
was in the same position not even an hour before.
She looked up and gave me a small smile and Tanya
turned her head to follow her gaze.
"Cullen." She rasped.
I half-smiled in response. "Tanya. How are you
doing?"
"Eh. I've been better." She joked but then flinched as
she took a breath and gestured to the woman at her
right.
"Cullen zis is my Mila."
"How do you do?" I offered her my hand and she
shook it and smiled. She had large blue eyes and her
hair pooled down around her shoulders. She was
quite a beautiful woman, but I realized then I hardly
knew anything about her.
"I uhwork with Tanya."
Tanya laughed then and glanced at Mila. "He's ze one I
told you about."
Mila smirked a bit. I didn't know what that was about
but I just shook my head.
"You look like shit Cullen." Tanya aid as she turned
back to me.
I barked out a laugh. "Thanks a lot Tanya." I joked.
"So Garrett told me you caught one in the leg and the
chest? How did it happen?"
"Vell, someone had to save your sorry ass. You go
sprinting off into ze night like vild man." I tensed and
she must have seen the regret in my face.
"Zeesh, Cullen I'm only kidding. Zere vere two zat
came out from behind ze clubhouse as ve vere heading
in your direction to lend back-up. I saw zem and
pushed Garrett into some bushes. Ze one got me
before I could take him out. And zen I got ze other."
"I'm still sorry for leaving you." I said with a frown.
"Don't be. I vould have done ze same." She said as she
looked back at Mila and squeezed her hand.
I blew out a breath as silence settled in around us. The
craziness of the past hours was slowly ebbing away
and I could feel my body and my mind decompressing.
"What are you going to do after all this?" I finally
asked.
"Ve're moving to London. Mila's brother lives zere and
she put in for a transfer. I'm going to vork vith our
office zere." She looked at Mila again and back at me.
"And ve're going to have kids. Five years undercover is
enough. And I'm thirty-five. It's time for something
new." She shrugged and then grimaced, likely from
the pain in her ribs.
"It is." I said quietly, as I thought about the years I had
spent serving and also those ahead.
"You take care of zat girl of yoursand your little
von." She raised her eyebrows. "Alzough I hear she
got away from zem and Demitri. She's toughgood for
you, she vill keep you in line." She joked then and I
smiled.
"That she will."
We chatted for a few more moments until quiet crept
around us again. I was dying with the need to get back
to Bella. Tanya looked at me and I could tell she knew
how I was feeling. Now that we were with the ones we
loved, the mission no longer over our heads, we
couldn't bear to be separated for more than a few
minutes.
"Go." She said.
I stood up and grabbed her other hand and squeezed it
and she squeezed back. "Good luck Tanya."
"You too." She said.
I nodded to Mila then and left.
Somehow I knew that wasn't the last time I would see
Tanya, but I also wouldn't see her again in the near
future. They were transferring her to a hospital in the
City, closer to Mila's place. And we were all ready to
move on with our lives after this mission. It had been
taxing to be under for as long as some of us had been.
I quickly ran down to the cafeteria and grabbed two
breakfast sandwiches. I didn't care what I ate. I just
needed to get something in my stomach and get back
to Bella.
As I made my way back up to Bella's room, I was lost
in thought as to what the future might entail. I knew it
would take a few months to finalize everything. I
would stick around and help with that. But by that
time Bella would be much farther along and I would
need to decide what exactly I wanted to do with the
rest of my life.
I knew I couldn't be undercover anymore. I had Bella,
and now we had a child on the way and undercover
work just simply wasn't conducive to raising a family.
At least it wasn't conducive to my wishes for the type
of father and husband I wanted to be.
Husband.
Wow.
I hadn't let myself really think about that until the last
few days. But now, as I realized when we brought
Bella in last night, I wanted it more than anything. I
wanted a fresh start. I wanted to rebuild my
relationship with my family. I wanted to have a life
with Bella and our child and eventually the rest of my
family, including Eliot.
I mulled over the millions of thoughts in my head as I
walked down the hall. When I looked up, I stopped at
the sight before me.
Standing outside Bella's door were my father, mother,
Rose, Jasper and Alice.
I walked forward slowly and with trepidation. I could
see the combined look of both sadness and relief on
their faces.
"Dad." I swallowed and offered him my hand but he
pulled me into a strong hug. I wrapped my arms
around him and slapped his back as I could feel him
taking deep breaths. My mother had tears in her eyes
as she watched us. The tumult of emotions racing
through me yet again made my chest tighten.
When he released me he had tears in his eyes and he
patted my shoulder.
"How did you find out?" I asked chokedly.
"The agents at our house. They told us what
happenedwith everythingand I asked them to
bring us down here." He said quietly. I felt bad for
him. His father was dead, and even if he didn't have a
great relationship with him, I knew this had to be a
trying time.
Before I could ask more, my mother was instantly in
front of me and I bent down to give her a hug as well.
She sobbed into my chest as I held her and told her I
was sorry over and over.
When she finally pulled back she put her hands on my
face and I looked at her, piercing green to piercing
green.
"When do we get to meet him?" She asked quietly.
"Soononce Bella's out of the hospital." I took a deep
breath and drew it out. I stepped back and turned to
look at my entire family. Rose was standing back a bit.
"I assume Dad and Rose told you everything?" I asked
and they all shook their heads disbelievingly. Rose
smiled at me sadly and I just gave her a look to let her
know it was okay. I wanted her to do it. I was glad she
was there to help my father with it.
Just as I was going to tell them about the other
shocking news, Charlie stepped out of Bella's room.
His eyes were red and I could tell he had been crying
and I was instantly swept up with emotion again. But
before I could introduce him to everyone Alice walked
over to him.
"Charlie, it's good to see you." Alice pulled him into a
hug and he looked a bit surprised but quirked his
mustache.
"Alice."
I was shocked.
What the hell?
"When did you two meet?" I asked inquisitively.
She stepped back and placed a hand over her now very
large belly and smiled as she patted his arm.
"At a few survivor events. Right Charlie?" They
exchanged a glance and I knew that something was up.
Bella told me Charlie reacted similarly to me when
Brad died.
I guess we were all keeping secrets.
"Uhyeah." Charlie coughed and then looked around.
"Oh, umCharlie, uh, Captain Swan these are my
parents, Carlisle and Esme." I gestured to my mother
and father.
He and my father shook hands and of course my
mother grasped him in another tight hug. Like
mother, like daughter.
"It's good to meet youseeing as how is sounds like
our families might be joining together." She said.
I looked at my Dad and he just shook his head to let
me know he hadn't told her about the baby yet. Then I
chuckled, thinking about how presumptive it was of
my motherbut of course she was spot on.
Charlie chuckled and lightly patted her back. "That's
what I hear." He said.
As they broke, I introduced him to Jasper and Rosalie
and we made small talk for a few minutes. Charlie
excused himself then to go get a bite to eat. And just
then Emmett stepped out of the elevator and locked
eyes with Rose. She took off in a sprint toward him
and they crashed together as he lifted her off the
ground. I could see the relief on his face as well and I
was happy for him. They were a perfect match and I
knew he was done with undercover work after this as
well. Emmett was two years older than me and Rose
was a year older. They were both ready to settle down
and start a family.
As I turned back to my family an awkwardness set in. I
didn't like it, but I knew it was my own fault to some
extent and so I needed to address it.
But before I could, Alice stepped forward and pulled
me into a forceful hug. Although I could tell she was
upset with me, I could feel the affection in her touch.
"I'm so mad at you." She whispered.
"I knowII'm so sorry Alice."
She sighed. "I know. I'm just glad that you're
okaythat you're all okay." I caught the inflection in
her voice and wondered if she didn't know more than
she let on.
At last she pulled away and wiped her eyes. She
stepped over to one of the chairs in the hallway and
grabbed a bag.
"Here." She handed me something.
"What's this?"
"I brought you some clothes and some necessities. I
know you. I know you won't leave so I thought you
should have something fresh to change intoYou
stink Edward." She smirked at me.
"Brat." I teased her. I opened up the bag to find a new
pair of jeans a white and a black tee, a toothbrush,
deodorant and some underwear. I didn't care that my
sister brought me underwear, hell she worked with
male models every day. It was nice of her and she was
completely rightI wouldn't be leaving the hospital
anytime soon.
"Thanks Alice."
She wrapped her right arm around Jasper's waist then
and I looked up at him.
"Jazz." I shook his hand and he grasped mine firmly.
"Edward." He just nodded. I knew we had a long way
to go and I knew it would take time to repair the
relationship with my family. But knowing I had Bella
at my side now and I was turning the page on a new
chapter in my life, I was more optimistic than I had
ever been.
I looked around at my family and took another deep
breath as I ran my hand through my hair.
"Uh soI know this has all been kind of crazy. But I
have one more bit of news."
Alice looked at me knowingly as Jasper held her and
my father squeezed my mother's shoulders in support.
I cleared my throat. "Well there's no easy way to say
this soI guess I'll just get it out. Bella's pregnant."
At once my mother and sister erupted in excited
congratulations. My Dad slapped me on the back again
and Jazz gave me a quick hug this time.
"I knew it. I knew she was acting strange." Alice said
shaking her head.
"Oh my God, this is unbelievable." My Mom added, the
tears streaming down her face again.
At that moment I felt like I also needed to let them
know about my status as an agent and my plans for the
future.
"And uhI'm done after this. I mean it will take a few
months to wrap up the investigation, but I'm done
with undercover work." A dead silence draped around
us and I just stared at the looks of amazement on my
family's faces.
I had told my mother this before, but I'm sure she
didn't believe me. I could also see the utter relief in
their eyes.
"Wow." Jasper finally muttered. "You really love her
don't you?" He asked and I nodded.
"Yeah Jazz I domore than anything." I said
brokenly. "Uma lot haschangedin the last few
months." I swallowed thickly.
They were all just staring at me with awed expressions
until finally my father finally broke the silence.
"Well why don't we all go get something to eat and you
can change and get some rest son." My Dad said. "We
should get back to the City soon anyway to start
makingarrangements." His voice cracked but he
composed himself quickly.
I nodded mutely and with one more hug from my
sister and mother, they headed for the cafeteria and to
get Rose, but my father lingered behind.
"Dad?" I furrowed my brow at him.
He blinked and then reached into his back pocket and
pulled out a folded envelope. Slowly he handed it to
me and my eyes widened in disbelief as I looked at the
writing on the front.
It was Eric's.
"Umafter you left, I dug through that box a bit more
and there were letters foreveryone. To your mother
and me, and to you, and Alice andone for Eliot." I
could tell he was breathing heavily and was trying not
to be overcome with emotion.
But I was just staring at the letter in my hand. I
started shaking as I looked at it and brought my hand
up to my mouth to cover it.
He put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed and
started to leave. But I turned quickly to say something
before he left.
"DadI'm sorrybut I can't go to graJan's funeral."
His eyes softened and he looked at me intently.
"I knowand it's okay. You got your last visit with
himI just need mine." He said as he let out breath.
I nodded, understanding completely. He would never
get answers like I did, but at least he wanted to see
him and have some sort of closure. He wasn't at all the
man he thought he was and that had to be hard to
swallowmuch harder than for me, because I was
never close to him. I knew someday I would sit down
and explain it all to my father, once he was ready.
"I'll call you Dad and we can figure outwellI'll see
you soon."
"I know." He smiled lightly. And with that he turned
and left.
At once my eyes were drawn back to the letter in my
hand. I felt like it was burning me. I couldn't decide if
it was because I wanted to read it or not. But I had to
collect myself for a moment with a few deep breaths.
I looked up then to see that no one else was in the
hallway.
Should I do it here, or go in Bella's room?
I decided that if anyone were to see me, should I break
down, I would rather it be her than anyone else.
I slipped into her room quietly, noting that she was
asleep once again. And even though she was breathing
steadily and hopefully off in dreamland, I sat down in
the chair next to her and slowly unfolded the letter.
I instantly grabbed her right hand with my left. And
the warmth from her hand made me finally bring my
eyes to the page and read my brother's final words
Edward,
I really don't know where to start. I guess I'm sorry
is an okay place, but that doesn't seem like enough.
Even so, I am, and you should know that. I'm sorry
for putting you in a tough position, I'm sorry for not
being the brother I should have been and I'm sorry
for the things I did. I can only hope that one day you
will forgive me. You have always been the stronger
one of us and the one I turned to for anything. You
were the best brother I could have ever asked for.
And I will never forget that. So as I said, I'm sorry for
not telling you everything, but I couldn't because of
thatbecause I wanted to protect you and because
for once, I needed to take responsibility for my
actions.
Unfortunately, if you're reading this, then I haven't
returned from my meeting with Grandfather and
hopefully you have found everything that I left you.
If not and you happened upon this, then everything I
left should explain it and you should take it to the FBI
immediately. The contact is in the box and as well as
all the documentation regarding his organization
and the investments.
Again I want to tell you how very sorry I am. I never
wanted to put you in this position, but he had to be
stopped. As you probably know, I got involved with
the wrong people at Grandfather's pressuring and
made some bad investments. Once I realized why he
always favored me, I was disheartened and instantly
began to suspect something. You probably know
most of it by now, but long story short, I realized that
he was a vindictive and evil man. I screwed up. I
helped him do things that I can never take back. But
now, I hope to make them right.
I know I probably should have done something
sooner, but I hope that it's not too late, for you or for
me. I turned everything I had over to the FBI until I
had enough against him that I could safely turn him
in as well. But before I could, he demanded a meeting
with me at his country club in New Jersey, and if I
don't return, then you will know why.
I can't express the remorse and regret that I have for
doing the things that I did. I'm sorry for not telling
you, but I never wanted you to get involved in any of
this. I can only hope that you go on living your life as
the great man that I know you are. You really are so
much better than me E. But I hope that by doing this I
can make up for some of my past mistakes.
I know I told you not to tell our parents about Eliot,
but once it's safe, I hope that you can. I may have
messed up with him as well, but he should know his
grandparents, and he should know that even if I
wasn't there, I loved him. I loved him and I wanted to
be there and I wanted to know him. So please tell him
that.
I can't express how sorry I am, and I only hope that
one day you will be able to forgive me, that you all
will. I know you must be very disappointed in me, for
not being the person you thought I was. I had a
responsibility as your older brother to lead by
example and be worthy of someone you could look up
to, like you always have. You're my brother, my best
friend and the person I always wanted to be. Please
don't change who you are.
I love you and hopefully, someday, we'll meet again.
Je Broer,
Eric
I read the letter over and over again. The lump in my
throat was so painful it was pulsing. The page became
blurry and I realized my entire body was shaking.
He knew. He knew what he did was wrong and he
knew that he needed to make amends for it. And he
did, even though he knew he was possibly going to
meet his end.
The anger at my grandfather once again coursed
through me, but this time it was usurped by an
immense feeling of pride. I was proud of my brother.
He didn't roll over and take it. He didn't let Jan
control him and he did everything he could to stop
him.
And in the end, he did.
I just closed my eyes and let those feelings wash over
me again and again. Seekingsomething. Serenity,
relief, I wasn't sure.
Suddenly I felt a squeeze to my hand and I opened my
eyes. Staring back at me I found it. I found exactly
what I was looking for in those warm brown pools.
She laced our fingers together and brought our joined
hands to her mouth and kissed mine. I just stared at
her, amazed by how she always read me and acted
exactly as I needed. There she was lying in a hospital
bed recovering from a stab wound and she was
comforting me.
The realization was sobering.
I didn't deserve her. I never would. But for the rest of
my life I would try to be the man she deserved. With
those few actions, no words, the last nine years fell
into a perfect perspective. I hadn't been living. I
hadn't been doing as Eric wanted me to do. But I
couldn't regret it either, because everything I did
brought me here, brought me to her. I finally felt the
way about my brother that I should have years ago. I
missed him, I missed him desperately, but it wasn't
crippling anymore. I was finally gaining some closure
in knowing where he came from and finding some
peace in the fact that he accepted what he did.
He accepted it and moved on, and that's what I needed
to do as well. He knew the kind of man he was, he
made mistakes and he righted them. And in return, I
wanted to do the same and be the best man I could as
well. I wanted to be like my father, honest, noble, and
respected by our child. I wanted to be the best father
and husband I could. And until I left behind all the
baggage, all the rubble, I wouldn't be able to.
And it was finally time to leave it.
As I stared into Bella's eyes and felt the soft whispers
of her finger tracing my hand I was finally leaving that
man behind. I was no longer the angry, distraught and
vengeful man that I once was. My brother's words put
it in perspective for me so clearly it literally took my
breath away.
Bella sighed then and I stood up and kissed her head.
She gave me a small smile, not saying a word, but
there for me nonetheless, as she always was.
I took a deep breath and set the letter on her bedside
table as I grabbed the bag of stuff Alice brought me.
"I'm going to take a shower."
"Okay." She smiled at me sleepily once again and I
squeezed her hand before I stepped into the shower in
her room, ready to cleanse myself of more than just
the grime of the last few days.
--
"Miss, you really need to eat more." I heard a nasally
voice say.
"I said, I can't eat that. Next time bring me more
pudding or something. I'm pregnant and if I eat that
I'll throw up all over this bed."
I was laughing to myself as I listened to Bella tell the
nurse where to go. If I had learned anything, there
really was no fighting with her when she didn't like
something.
"Well. It's not protocol to get you any extras." The
nurse snapped again and I could see Bella's face
turning a flaming red from the crack in the door.
At last, I emerged from the shower and the nurse
looked up at me. She appeared to be about 100 years
old, but when she saw me she gasped.
I did my best to keep a straight face as I looked at her
in reprimand, even though she didn't know I was
actually saving her.
"I'm sorry, but my wife needs something else to eat, if
you want her to keep her strength up." I said, but I
gave Bella a sideways wink.
The look on Bella's face went from one of pissed to
incredulity to something else, and I had to keep myself
from laughing again.
I just quirked an eyebrow at the nurse again and she
harrumphed as she left, muttering something about
patients getting whatever they thought they needed
these days.
I set down the bag and I could feel Bella's eyes
following me across the room. I heard her giggle and I
looked up.
"What?"
"You. Scaring off Nurse Ratchett."
I chuckled. "I think you were the one ready to do the
scaring." And she was laughing again. Then she
gasped as I stepped around to the side of her bed.
"What now?"
"You're barefoot."
I shrugged. "All I had was my boots. And I wasn't
going to climb in bed with you in those."
"You think you're getting in bed with me huh?" She
teased.
I moved to the right side of her bed, her good side, and
leaned down to kiss her.
"I know so. I can't sleep anymore unless you're in my
arms..and Ineed to sleep." I smirked at her.
She hummed and then scooted over gingerly, making
room for me. I carefully climbed in and turned on my
side. The bed was big enough for a large patient so we
could easily fit together, but I still didn't want to put
any pressure on her.
"Wife huh." She said then as she bit her lip.
"I like the sound of that." I murmured and kissed her
head.
"Me too." She sighed.
I settled one arm above the pillows with Bella tucked
into my side as she was flat on her back still. I
wrapped the other arm around her and wove my
fingers with hers over her stomach and kissed her
head. She looked up at me and put my hand below
hers on her stomach only to cover it again with her
own.
My breath hitched as I stared into her deep espresso
eyes and felt her stomach move with each breath.
Neither of us said a word and the only sound in the
room was our breaths and the beeping from Bella's
monitor. We were simply reveling in the moment,
realizing how absolutely fortunate we wereme
especially.
"Nurse Ratchett is going to yell at you." She finally
mumbled.
I chuckled into her hair. "I don't care. Besides I know
a guy who could take care of her if we had to." I joked
and kissed her temple.
She chuckled and hummed into me sleepily.
"It just feels so good to have you in my arms again." I
said more seriously then.
"I know." She sighed contentedly and at last she
slipped off once more.
I stared down at her, simply taking her in. I was
thanking everyone I could think of, any higher being
and any possible force that brought her back to me
brought them back to me. I knew how lucky I was and
I just kept vowing over and over again that I wouldn't
waste my chance. I wouldn't let go of thisof what we
had.
Suddenly the door crept open and I raised my eyes to
it. My mother met my gaze and she gave me a smile as
she quietly stepped in.
"Hey." I whispered. I could see the look of
wonderment on her face as she looked at our
interlocked hands over Bella's stomach.
"Alice and Jasper wanted to see Bella, but I'll just tell
them that she's sleeping."
"Yeah. Tell them they can come over once we get
home. I think they are going to release her in a few
days." I said.
"Okay. I will."
She glanced at Bella again and I could see her hands
trembling as she looked at us.
"I just want you to knowI'm so happy for you
Edward. I can't even express" Her voice caught and
tears filled her eyes.
"I know Mom." I said thickly as I looked down at the
woman in my arms. "I'm happier than I have ever
been." And even with the events of the past few days,
no words were truer.
She sighed and said a quiet good-bye as she left.
At last I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.
--

BPOV
Warmth wrapped around my body as I let my eyes
scan the beach. I had been here before. But today
seemed different for some reason.
The heat was almost stifling. I could barely breathe
and my skin felt hot to the touch.
Was I burning from the sun?
Where am I?
Suddenly I heard his voice.
"Liefje?"
"Edward?"
"Liefjeno."
"Edward? Edward where are you?"
I looked, frantically, up and down the beach. Why
wasn't he coming to me?
I could hear his voice and feel his presence, but I
couldn't see him. It was just endless miles of beach
and water. Endless miles of sun and heat.
The sun was so brighttoo bright. And the heat, it
was almost maddening.
"Liefje!" He yelled, but I couldn't find him.
I awoke with a start, feeling the heat entirely around
me and pressure against my back. I realized it was
Edward holding me tightly to his chest. It was so tight
it was almost suffocating. He had been like this every
day at the hospital and every night since we got home
a week ago. It had been over a week since the incident,
but I knew he was still fearful of someone getting to
me. He masked it during the day but I could always
tell through is actions in his sleep.
"Liefje." He mumbled into me and seized onto me.
"Edward." I whispered, trying to wiggle out of the
vice-grip like clutch he had on me and spin around.
"Apollo." His eyes shot open and he looked at me as
though it was the first time he saw me.
"Edward are you okay?" I asked concerned.
"Oh Mijn Zon." He pulled me back to him, his voice
was laced with desperation as he held me and I could
feel his chest heaving. He must have been having a
nightmare. They had slowed over the last week but he
still got them periodically.
"Edward. I'm right here." I said as I kissed his chest.
That familiar tingle began to surge through me at
being so close to him. We had yet to be intimate again
after everything because he was afraid of hurting me.
But I was almost dying for him. They said pregnancy
increased your libido, and if the way I felt was any
indicationcombined with the fact that I wanted him
all the time anywaythen I was the spokesperson for
that statement.
But I could tell at the moment he needed me and I
simply wanted to be there for him in any way possible.
So I let him hold me as closely as he could. But his
touch was different this morning. It was more than
just the anxiety or apprehension.
I felt his hands weave through my hair and I shivered.
He blazed a trail down my back and up my sides. I
knew what he was doing, he was feeling every inch of
me to see if I was really there. The problem was it was
lighting a raging fire within me.
I lifted up my head to look into his eyes and this time I
was met not only by fear and worry but complete
burning desire.
Without another thought I crashed my lips to his and
we both moaned at the electric current that shot
between us. I was suddenly desperate for him. It had
been too long. We had been through too much and I
needed to connect with him in the most basic way
possible. It had never been about sex for us anyway, it
was need, pure love and the only way to be the
absolute closest we could to one another.
His hands roamed my back feverishly, then up my
neck and into my hair. I shuddered as his lips found
the pulse point on my neck. He rolled me over, careful
to keep any weight off of my shoulder and lifted my
nightgown gently over my head and then across my
injured shoulder and arm. He tossed it away and
pulled the sheet up over us again to create our cavern,
as he called it.
The look in his eyes was undeniable as he drank me in.
He needed me, as much as I needed him, and the
green was as dark as a forest and searing into mine.
I reached my good hand up to cup his face and he
turned into it and kissed it. He proceeded down my
arm, to my neck where he sucked and nibbled and
sent me squirming with the hot and urgent kisses he
left there. I pulled his face to me and our lips locked
again. Our mouths opened as our tongues fought and
battled between us.
He ground into me and I could feel his full length
against my heated center as I moaned into the kiss.
Fire and passion erupted inside me and I wanted
nothing more than this man, his hands on my body
and his entirety inside me.
My Apollo. My Edward.
"Bella." He rasped as he continued his fervent kisses
down my neck to my breasts and pulled my nipple into
his mouth and sucked hastily.
"Edward" His name left my lips in yearning.
"Bella, Bella." He kept saying my name huskily as he
sucked and tweaked my nipples. It was crazed and
maddening and pure bliss as he moved down my body.
Each time he moaned my name the sound sent a
shockwave through my system. I was burning
burning with my want, my love, my utter aching need
for this man.
"Baby, you" I started to say something, because I
wanted him so badly but he hushed me with his lips.
His hands were everywhere as though he was feeling
me, touching me, seeing me again for the first time. I
shut my eyes just reveling in the heat of his lips and
his skin against me. It took me back to the first night,
after our hot, frantic taking against the wall, when he
worshipped me over and over in this same bed.
Just then I felt his hot breath on my center and I cried
out as my hand found his hair and I thrust my hips
into him.
"Oh God Edward!" But he wasn't slow and gentle in
his movements this time. It was fervent and forceful
as he plunged his tongue into me, tasting me over and
over as he sent me hurtling as though I hadn't felt him
in years. His hands gripped my hips roughly as he
kneaded his fingers into me and then pulled my legs
over his shoulders and bringing me closer to him.
"Jesus Christ!" I yelled as he continued to work me,
over and over, as if he was trying to prove something
to himself. I was writhing, my body aflame with my
desire as it ruptured somewhere inside of me and sent
me careening into oblivion.
"Oh Fuck! Edward! Edward!" I screamed out his
name, coming so forcefully I was shaking and dizzy.
But he didn't stop his assault as his rough tongue
continued on my center and I felt him moving to take
off his boxers simultaneously.
"Ungh." I moaned in ecstasy. And with a final kiss he
crawled back up my body, licking and sucking my
flesh as though he couldn't get enough of me. No one
had ever made me feel so wanted. No one could make
me feel the things that this man did. The feeling was
breathtaking and heart-wrenching as I laid there
being loved by Edward.
At last I snaked my fingers into his hair and pulled his
mouth up to me as we again shared a fiery kiss. I lifted
my legs around him, begging him to my entrance and
before I knew it he filled me completely again.
"God Liefje." He groaned into my mouth, but our
tongues didn't relent. He set a rapid pace and when I
gasped for breath his eyes widened momentarily as he
slowed his kiss.
I quickly shook my head at him, letting him know he
hadn't hurt me and he wrapped both arms around me
and one hand went to my hair. Then he lifted me up so
that he was on his hunches, my legs wrapped around
him as I clung to him desperately with my good arm.
Our foreheads met and our eyes locked as we rocked
swiftly, feeling every bit of one another between us.
We were as close as possible, flush with one another
as he drove up into me mercilessly and repeatedly.
But it was exquisite. Every thrust, every kiss, every
touch was filled with the current that ran between us
and hummed around us incessantly. I was moaning
and meeting him with my hips as he held me tighter,
nearer to his slick skin.
"Bella." He gritted his teeth as he looked into my eyes
and I could tell he was holding it off to bring me there
again. The thought instantly had me spiraling as I
could honestly feel the love from him.
"Edward. Oh" I dropped my head back and at once
his lips were on my neck and he picked up his pace
once more. It was passionate and relentless and
everything I wanted and needed.
"Oh ChristGod, I love you so fucking much Bella"
He grunted as he thrusthardand that sent me into
a tailspin yet again.
"Oh, I love you!" I erupted around him causing him to
join me over the edge and at once I brought my lips
back to his. We were moaning through our releases
and into each other's mouths until we broke apart
panting.
He laid me back on the bed, covering my body with his
own as he brought his lips to mine again. This time it
wasn't fierce and needy, but it was every bit as
passionate as we kissed slowly and effortlessly,
sharing each other's breaths.
At last, he brought his forehead to mine and I stroked
his cheek as I looked into his rapturous jade eyes. The
power of his gaze was startling and we didn't say a
word as we just stared at each other in the light of the
morning.
--
"Are you ready Liefje?"
I took a deep breath and sighed. My shoulder was
throbbing yet I knew I couldn't take anymore Tylenol
for a while. The doctor said I was doing remarkably
well and that since it was mostly a muscle and flesh
wound he thought I would be out of my sling in two
weeks and my rehab would only be a month or two.
But I still had to stay in the hospital for three days.
Needless to say I was ready to come home.
Of course Edward wouldn't leave my side for any of it.
He was supposed to go in and brief but he refused to.
Garrett was giving him plenty of leeway since he
wanted him to stay at the New York office long term. I
heard them discussing it one afternoon when they
thought I was asleep.
So today we were going in to the headquarters
together.
I never thought walking out in public with someone
would be soweird.
But it was weird, because this was the first time we
would be officially out in publicby choice, not at the
hospitalsince we were together. We had been holed
up at my place for the last few days.
I looked in the mirror once again careful to make sure
my shirt was closed and my sling was secure. I
couldn't go in to the Bureau in a t-shirt, but I didn't
have a lot of tops that I could get my arm through yet.
I stepped out of the bathroom and gave Edward a
small smile as he grabbed for my good hand.
"Ready."
He blew out a breath and we proceeded downstairs
quietly.
I knew he was in a much better place than he had
been, considering the circumstances. But he still had a
long way to go. Now it wasn't so much about Eric but
his worry over me. I knew when we were at the
hospital part of the reason he wouldn't leave me was
because he was afraid someone was going to take me
again. I also woke up to him in a cold sweat, clenching
my pillow when I got up to go to the bathroom our
first night back. He tried to brush it off, but I knew he
was having nightmares. I just tried to reassure him
that I was here, I was healing and everything would be
okay.
Yet today was going to be a different story. I had
spoken with my doctor before I left the hospital and
he informed me that I needed to be extra careful in
dealing with my emotions. I didn't want to increase
my blood pressure or get too upset since I was
pregnant. He also referred me to a psychologist in the
City that specialized in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
as well as grief counseling. He suggested we both
attend and I was working up the ability to mention it
to Edward. I just needed to let him get past the
debriefing in the next week and then we could move
on to other things.
"Do you want to tell me about your dream?" I asked
quietly as I squeezed his hand and the elevator dinged.
I stiffened, realizing that this was only the second time
I rode the elevator since the day I was taken. But he
held my hand tightly and I took a deep breath trying to
ebb away the tension.
"No. Laterbut right now, I just want to focus on our
day ahead and get this over with."
"Okay." I gave him a small smile.
We walked out and climbed in the waiting black car
that the FBI had sent over for us. He was quiet, likely
preparing himself for our next few days ahead.
But as we bumped along toward the headquarters, I
let my mind go back to my first day in the hospital
I watched Edward walk out the door and closed my
eyes to will the tears away. I wasn't sure if it was
entirely the situation or the combination of the
hormones, but I almost cried every time he looked at
me since I woke up. It was so filled with adoration,
pain and relief. I'm sure I was expressing the same.
I heard the door open and glanced up to see Charlie
standing there.
"Hi Dad." I whispered.
He lookedpissed for some reason, but then he
swallowed and ever so slowly crept over to my bed.
"Bell. I"
"It's okay Dad."
He shook his head and I could see the tears in his
eyes. Mine were instantly brimming once again. My
Dad never cried, not even at Brad's funeral or when
he and my Mom divorced. The shock of seeing him so
torn up ran through me and my lip trembled.
He took a deep breath and walked around and sat
down in the chair. Knowing Charlie he was probably
afraid to touch me, but I reached out and grabbed his
shoulder and he looked up at me again.
"I'm sorry Bellfor not telling youabout
everything."
I sighed. I was hurt and disappointed that they kept
something so important from me for so long.
Honestly I hadn't had the time to process it all yet.
But I also knew being pissed at my father wasn't
going to help anything. Especially right now. This
was something we needed to have a deeper
conversation about and not while I was lying flat in a
hospital bed.
"DadI'm not going to say I'm notupset." I took a
breath. "But I'm not going to hold it against you."
He took a deep breath and ran his hands down his
face. He looked so tired, they both did. I was sure
neither he nor Edward had slept since I left.
"You have every right to be upset." He finally said. "I
justI promised her that I would protect you and
she thought that if you didn't know then it would be
best. I can see now that wasn't the case. It probably
put you in more danger."
I thought about what he said for a moment. My
grandma and my Dad were very close because he
was all she hadand vice versa. I suddenly realized
that it wasn't a whole lot different for the two of us.
Even if I was upset, I could understand his intentions,
he would do anything for my Grandma and I knew I
would do anything for him.
"It's okay Dad." He looked up and grabbed my hand
and I squeezed it reassuringly. We just sat there for a
few minutes not saying a word. It wasn't
uncomfortable. It was how we bonded, and I knew
how much he cared about me in those simple
moments.
I didn't want to dive into the what's, why's, who's
and how's just then. I was just glad to be back and to
see my father again. So I squeezed his hand and
asked him what he was mad about when he walked
in.
When he said Renee was here I chuckled. They were
mostly civil with one another, but if he knew about
Phil, which Edward said he did, then I was sure he
was pissed as hell at both of them.
Instead, we let the big discussion go for another day
and just talked about nothing until my eyes got
droopy and his stomach growled and he left me to get
some sleep once again
I was pulled from my reverie by the driver telling us
we were stuck in some traffic. I simply nodded and
looked at Edward. He was staring out the window lost
in thought. I continued to rub circles on his hand,
hoping to soothe him a bit.
After he read Eric's letter, he told me that he had an
entirely new perspective on things. He had repeatedly
mentioned, before everything happened, that he was
going to be done with undercover work and even
traveling for missions. I believed him, but once I saw
him sitting in the chair crying in the hospital room, I
knew that was it. He finally got some answers, he was
finally able to let go of some of the grief that plagued
him for so long.
And even though he had a long way yet, I could tell
that he was intent on repairing his relationship with
his family.
I had to do the samewith Alice and Jasper. I hadn't
spoken to them since I was back, but I knew it was
going to be awkward. I had a lot of explaining to do
and so did Edward. I could imagine that they were
disheartened that we hadn't told them, and probably
thought we didn't trust them, when we told Rose and
Edward's Dad. I only hoped that I could explain the
danger we were in, including them, if they had known
more.
But that was a conversation for another time as well.
Just like Eliot's would be. Edward and I discussed
having Angela and Ben bring Eliot to Carlisle and
Esme's once we were done with the briefings. I took a
leave of absence from work for a month because of my
recovery and simply to regroup again. I was hoping
introducing Eliot to them would be the final thing to
bring their family back together.
The car rolled to a stop and I looked at Edward as he
took a deep breath. He lifted our hands up and kissed
them as he got out and walked around to open my
door. He helped me up and for the first time ever, we
held hands and walked out in public together. We
weren't going in the back entrance, or even through
the parking garage. We were on the street and it felt
good to be there with him, regardless of what we had
to do next. I felt like I needed to say something to help
him, if just a little bit, before we went in.
"Hey." I tugged his hand and he looked back at me in
all seriousness.
"Do you realize this is our first time in public
together?" His eyes flashed with something and then a
small smile played on his lips.
"Wow. I guess you're right."
"The first of many." I said then as I squeezed his hand.
He blew out a breath and pulled me to him and gave
me a quick kiss. "Yeah, the first of many."
And with that we turned to walk into the FBI building.
I knew it was going to be difficult. We would be
reliving the worst days of our lives again. But I knew
we could do ittogether.
--
"I'm so tired." I mumbled into his chest.
"I know. It's mentally exhausting isn't it?" He said.
We had just returned home from our final day of
debriefing and were lying on top of the bed, utterly
spent. It was three straight days of questionings and
briefings and trying to remember the most subtle of
details for me. Unfortunately, Edward had much more
ahead. He had to recover not only the days of my
disappearance but everything that led up to it. He
would be going in for another week as well as for
multiple follow-ups throughout the process to give
statements pertaining to certain men and women who
were charged.
For tonight, we simply decided to order in and lay on
the bed together. My shoulder was slowly feeling
better, but the doctor said I would have loss of
strength for quite some time, and possibly numbness
and tingling for the rest of my life. But I could deal
with that, considering the alternative.
The last three days had been taxing, but therapeutic in
a way. I found out more about the connections and
what happened while I was gone, including how they
found me. I was amazed at the pieces Edward was able
to put together from what Eric left him.
It made me love him all the more to know how
relentlessly he looked for me and went after
everything. It didn't take away the sting that James
was only dating me to get close to me or that my step-
father had a hand in revealing my identity to Aro
Volturi. Nor did it change how much I was disgusted
by Jan's intentions. I felt bad for being relieved that he
was dead and Demitri was dead. But I knew with time
I would work through those issues.
The debriefing also made me realize just why Charlie
and Brad hid it from me for so long. My grandfather
had likely died protecting our family and if Aro had
found out about me any sooner than he did, my entire
life could be different. I may not have gone to college,
worked at the Met, or ever met Edward. That
realization alone was sobering. And so for that reason,
I knew I would be able to forgive my Dad and my
brother. Once I felt better, I was going to go to
Brooklyn to see himsee both of them.
Strangely enough, I also felt the need to pay my
respects to Alec's motherin some form. Whether it
was a card or a letter, I knew how much he gave up for
me and I felt like I should send something to
Elizabeth. Even if she would never know what exactly
happened to him.
I never knew until he showed up outside my
apartment the day I was taken. I didn't love him, not
anymore, but at the same time, I was sorry that he was
dead. He didn't deserve to have to live a life on the run
for the last seven yearsas the FBI determined he
had. And he didn't deserve to die so young. He may
have been mixed up with the wrong people, just as
Eric had been, but he was trying to protect me and
make amends for his actions in the end. The FBI said
he called in a tip that I was taken, before he even saw
me outside the apartment, becausethey suspected
he knew someone was on their way to get me. I owed
him a lot for calling it in because if he hadn't, the FBI
might not have been on the trail as soon, and I may
have been taken somewhere else before they ever got
to me.
Even with the revelations of the last week and the
debriefing, I knew I wouldn't be able to simply pick up
and move on from here. Surely this situation was
similar to grieving and I was likely still in shock about
a lot of it. But once the time was right, I was planning
to see the psychologist. I couldn't ignore the lingering
worry about what this meant for our future. Edward
didn't think we would need to be in protective custody,
but at the same time, I knew he was concerned about
always looking over our backs.
Nonetheless, I was ready to move forwardwith all of
it, with counseling, with working through the issues,
with recovering and with starting a life with Edward. I
knew we had a lot of big things to attend to in the near
future, namely a baby. But I also knew he would be my
support through the entire process and I would be his.
And that gave me hope that we would make it through
in the end.
"Bella, are you awake."
"Yeah. I was just thinking."
"About what?"
"Everything, nothing." I shrugged into his chest.
"I know what you mean. Decompressing and finding
out everything it'sstaggering the amount of
information to digest isn't it?" He said quietly.
"Yeah."
He shifted then and turned onto his side as he settled
me on my back. He looked better today, relieved a bit,
even though he still had to go back in. But I could tell
he was thinking about something. He was twirling a
strand of my hair around his fingers as his eyes stared
at something on the bed.
I put my finger on his chin and lifted it to look at me.
"What's wrong?"
"I was just thinking about ushow much different this
is going to be." He said.
"You mean normal." I joked and quirked and eyebrow
at him.
"Huh. Yeah, I guess." He finally gave me a small smile
and I waited for him to say what he was thinking. "I
just hopethis doesn't change anything between us."
I looked at the worry in his eyes and I brought my
hand to his cheek and leaned up to kiss him.
"Edward. Nothing will ever change the way I feel
about you." I said quietly. And I meant every word of
it.
"I feel the same way." He breathed. He moved over me
a bit and gave me a deeper kiss, when suddenly I had
an idea.
"You know if you want to do normal you could take me
out on a real date." I teased.
"A real first date." He said more lightheartedly as his
lips started to trail down my jaw and his fingers
danced at the hem of my shirt. My breath picked up
and that oh so familiar fire started to burn in me.
"Yeah. You know, we get dressed up, go out to some
overpriced restaurant, have awkward silences, you
give me a gentlemanly kiss at the doorall that." I
joked and then moaned as his teeth found my earlobe.
"I sure hope it's not awkward. We better get to know
each other with this one on the way." His hand
ghosted my stomach and I smiled into his kiss.
"Ok we can change that. It won't be awkward." I
nipped at his throat and his hand clutched my ass and
gave it a firm squeeze. "But then you better change
something else too."
"What's that?" He asked as his mouth found that spot
right at the juncture of my neck that made me shiver.
"I better get more than just a kiss at the door." I
mumbled.
He chuckled, and I was glad to see that after our long
and draining day we were finally able to lighten up a
bit.
"You mean you're going to go home with me on the
first datehow unchaste of you Miss Swan."
Oh yes, my Edward is definitely starting to return.
"Well seeing as how you already got me pregnant."
He laughed fully this time and the tremor it caused
through my body only made my pulse rate quicken.
Soon enough we were a mess of lips and hands and
skin on skin.
And I knew then that his worries were unfounded. I
knew we were just Edward and Bella. We were still us,
a man and a woman in love, whether in the confines of
my apartment or out on a date. I knew all I would ever
need was this man. And because of that I knew we
would be okay.
~~~-~~~


Chapter 27 ~ Healing
Chapter Song: Oasis Dont Look Back In Anger
BPOV
Why am I nervous?
I shouldn't be nervous. It's not like this is a real first
date. I'm having his baby for crying out loud. We've
been together for months.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I stared anxiously back at my reflection. Edward
wouldn't tell me where we were going, he just said to
dress up. But I didn't know if that meant cocktail
dress, evening dress, something scandalous,
something not.
Shit.
I clipped in my earring and looked at my hair. Alice
had come over to help me do it after I realized I still
couldn't do it very well myself with my shoulder
issues. I could lift my arms, just not for an extended
period of time. Not only that, I figured it was an
excuse to finally sit down and talk to Alice. It had been
over three weeks since everything happened. My arm
wasn't in a sling anymore, but I was still very careful
with it. Hence I needed the help and as much as I
loved Edward, I didn't really trust him to do my hair.
As I slipped on my gold platform pumps and sprayed a
shot of my perfume I thought about my conversation
with Alice
I heard the buzzer for the door and my nervousness
about the date instantly morphed into a nervousness
about talking to Alice. Edward and I discussed
whether we should do it together or each talk to her
and Jazz. We finally decided that we should each talk
to Alice ourselves and then we could talk to Jazz. Not
only that, we each wanted to reconnect and give
them our perspectives, without crossing the streams
so to speak.
I took a deep breath and in a matter of minutes I
heard the knock at my door and I opened it.
Standing on the other side was an even more
pregnant Alice than the last time I saw her. Of course
that was the day I ran into Jacob and first time I even
thought about the fact that I might be pregnant
almost a month ago.
"Hey." She said and bit the side of her mouth. She
was as nervous as I was.
"Hey." I whispered. "Come in. It's umit's good to see
you."
"You too."
We walked awkwardly back to the living room and
Alice laid a garment bag across the back of the couch.
"What's in the bag?" I asked quietly.
She shrugged, not meeting my eye and ran her hand
along it. "It's just a dressfor tonightsomething I
found at a shoot that I thought you might likebut
you don't have to wear it if you don't want to." She
said quickly.
"Of course, I'm sure I'll love itthanks." I twisted my
hands and as the silence settled over us.
I hated the distance between us. Alice was one of my
best friends, even better than Jasper. But I knew it
was inevitable. I knew I just needed to bite the bullet
and open the dialogue. At last I mustered up the
courage to do it.
"I'mwellI'm sorry Alice." I bit my lip and looked
down.
She sighed and gingerly moved to the couch to sit
down. I followed her with trepidation and we were
quiet for a few more moments. Finally she spoke.
"It's just been a lot to take inwith everything with
Grandfather and Eric and Edwardand you." I saw
her glance at my stomach and I just nodded, unsure
what to say next.
So I just said the first thing that came to mind,
hoping she would know it was heartfelt.
"We didn'tI meanI didn't do it to hurt you" I
took a breath. "I uhwe thought it would be safer if
you didn't know." I said.
"I want to be madI'm hurtbut I'm not mad." She
said then. "I just want to know the truthnowhow
it all happened."
I nodded. I could understand that. It was similar to
how I felt in regards to Charlie and Brad.
"I'll tell you anythingall of it. What do you want to
know?"
She thought for a moment as she picked at
nonexistent lint on her sweater dress. Finally she
looked at me with her big blue eyes and asked.
"How well did you know each other the night you
were at our place?"
"We didn't really. We only met that Friday before, it
was fleeting really. But" I thought back to that
time. I was so drawn to him I couldn't explain it. It
was an all-encompassing, unsurpassed need to know
him.
"We just"
"Clicked."
"Yeah." I breathed.
Knowing what I knew now, how much he gave up for
me, and I for him, I wanted to start fresh with
everyone. We owed it to our friends and family and
we owed it to ourselves.
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then I
turned to Alice and started in. I relayed how he
kissed me good night on the cheek and I felt like I was
on fire. At once she giggled, because even though it
was her brother, Alice always loved the dish on
anything.
As I told her more and more, she responded as if I
was telling each part of it the first timeabout
James, the Apollo theater, him coming in my fire
escape, saving me from James again, seeing Alecall
of it. I told her about how we grew so close because
we were always here, every night, just us, and he
finally started to open up about Eric and other
things. I spoke of how much we had in common and
how effortlessly we just were together, yet that I
craved to see him at the end of each day, I needed to.
And every night he returned because he felt the same
way. Then I told her more about the investigation
and how we realized I was connected to so many
people and that the circle was frighteningly small. I
could see the recognition taking place, she was
starting to understand, starting to realize why we
didn't say anything because we truly didn't want
them to get hurt or pulled up in all of it.
Then when I told her about finding him on the fire
escape and how everything was after he found out
about Eric, I could see the tears well in her eyes and
without knowing it, similar ones were rolling down
my cheeks.
Her lip trembled and her hand shot out and grabbed
my hand then as she shook her head. But I continued,
because if I was going to start fresh, I needed to do it
right. So I told her how everything else transpired,
between us, the investigation, and finding out about
the baby.
Finally, the condo was quiet and I felt as though a
heavy weight had been lifted from my chest. The
secrecy of it all, the pressure, was stifling. I hadn't
realized at the time just how hard it was to keep it all
in.
I looked up then as Alice squeezed my hand. Then she
said two words I never expected, not at this point,
from her.
"Thank you."
"Wh..what?" I blinked.
"You brought him back Bella. I haven't had a brother
in nine years and you brought him back." She shook
her head sniffling and I quickly grabbed some tissues
off the end table.
"Edward was sowell you know. He was so within
himself, so consumed. I haven't seen him act the way
he did at the hospital in years. I could tell back in
June when he visited Jasper and I at our place. He
was already different then and you had only seen
each other a few times."
"I don't think it was all me Alice." I shook my head.
But she responded fervently. "No. It was. I've never
seen him like this." She blew out a breath. "And
yeahI'm still upset that you did it all behind our
backs and aboutEliot" Her voice broke but then
she regained her composure. "But knowing it all
now, knowing the truth, at least I can understand it.
And I do. And you did. You brought him back."
He always told me that, but could it really be true? I
knew he made me come alive in ways that were
dormant for far too long as well as in ways I never
knew possible. He truly was everything to me.
"He brought me back too." I whispered and she
nodded.
An ease fell over us then and Alice wiped her eyes and
then chuckled to herself.
"What?" I gave her a small smile.
"I was just thinking it was ironichere I'm mad that
you didn't tell me but then I had a bit of a role in it as
well."
"What do you mean?"
She laughed to herself and then looked at me. "The
night you were trying on the dressremember how I
bailed out of there."
I laughed then. It was so apparent she was trying to
set us up or force us to get to know one another.
"Yeah I guess you're right."
She blew out another breath and I could see the
excitable, ever-outgoing Alice returning.
"So. When am I going to be meeting my new niece or
nephew?" She asked then.
I smiled. "May 7thI still can't believe it." I shook my
head.
"Well if you think I'm excited, just wait until you talk
to my mother. She's been chomping at the bit to find
out what's going to happen."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh c'mon BellaI was telling the truth when I said I
always thought you two would make a great match.
And Mom's even more excited. She loves you, you
know that." She waved her hand dismissively.
I just nodded with a small smile on my face until I
heaved a sigh of relief.
"I hope we can get back to being us again" I trailed
off.
"Oh Bella, get over here and hug it out, I forgive you
and you're going to be my sister-in-law soon enough
anyhow."
I laughed as I scooted towards her and gave her a
hug, trying to move around her protruding belly. She
grasped me tightly and it felt so good to finally have
everything out in the open to my friend againmy,
what I was pretty sure, future sister-in-law.
"So this is what I have to look forward to." I said as I
nodded down to her once we broke.
"Oh you just wait." She rolled her eyes. "In a few
months you'll be as big as a house just like me." And
then in a movement I couldn't have imitated if I tried,
she somehow popped herself up and grabbed the bag
off the back of the couch.
"Okay. Time to make you panty-dropping gorgeous
for my brother."
I laughed and quirked an eyebrow at her.
"Pssh. Like I care."
And with that I just chuckled and shook my head as I
followed her to the bathroom. She pulled the dress
out of the bag and my eyes widened. It was gorgeous
of course, but I couldn't imagine what it cost. I
quickly changed and spun around for Alice to see.
I loved it. I hoped Edward would as well.
"So?" She asked.
I bit my lip. "Do you think he'll like it?"
"Oh Bella." She laughed. "I know my brother and he's
going to absolutely die when he sees you in this. He's
a legs and ass man. And honey you got 'em"
I took in the extremely short, black
Herve Lager dress and sighed
delightedly. Oh yeah. He will like it
But once Alice left, I put on the
finishing touches and was right back
where I started. Nervous.
I was pacing in the condo. Edward
went to his parents to get ready so
that he could actually "pick me up"
for our date. He was having a similar
conversation with them that I had
with Alice today. Now that he was
done with the heavy part of the
debriefing, I could tell he was feeling
lighter and more himself again. He
was still trying to decide what to do about his job. He
still had his place in Hell's Kitchen and was
considered on assignment for the investigation. But in
reality, he lived with me. The last week he went to his
apartment and brought over all of his clothes. He
didn't have any possessions to speak of because he
was always undercover. I was fine with it and it really
just seemed natural. We never had to have that
conversation. We both just knew we were going to live
together when everything was over. And now with the
baby on the way it just made sense.
He mentioned more than once that he wanted to buy a
new, bigger place. I started looking online for a few
places and we set up a few appointments for the next
week. We just wanted to get a feel for what was out
there for now. We both wanted to stay on the Upper
West Side. Even though I suggested to Edward that we
could look at the East Side to be closer to his parents
and Alice and Jasper, he said he liked the West Side
better and would actually prefer a little distance.
Of course we had yet to broach the money topic. I
knew it would be a bit contentious. But with
everything going on, I didn't want to put any more
stress on Edward. I could only imagine that he would
want to pay for everything. I didn't know what kind of
money he had to his name, but I assumed it was a lot,
considering the way Alice could spend. I knew she
didn't make it working for the magazine as she did.
It might have been stubborn of me, or a little feminist,
but I felt like I needed to hold my own in the
relationship and contribute equally. I always handled
my finances, even since I was practically a kid. I didn't
expect him to buy me everything and I was planning to
continue working even after the baby was born. But
more importantly, I made it to a major point in my
life. I worked hard to get where I was and there was a
bit of pride in me, maybe it was arrogance, that
wanted to prove that I was self-sufficient.
Just then I heard a knock at the door and I instantly
stopped my pacing. I took a deep breath and crossed
the hardwood floor to the door before I opened it and
stepped back.
Holy hell
My mouth went dry and my jaw dropped open at the
sight before me.
Sweet mother of
He was in a dark gray suit, similar to the one he wore
the first night I saw him in a suit at Les Miserables,
with a black shirt and the buttons undone at the top.
His hair was gelled as though he tried to make it lay
down, but it still didn't and it looked all the more sexy
because of it.
We just stood there staring at one another for a
moment until Edward just shook his head as if in a
daze.
I think I might have whimpered a bit.
Finally he swallowed and licked his lips. I could see
them glistening in the light and I wanted to press my
own to them and bite them.
Dear God he lookededible.
"BellaJesus"
"Uh"
And we continued to stare until I blinked again. "Do
you want to come in?" I asked.
His eyes were traveling up and down my body and
once again I felt as though it could have just as easily
been his hands.
He swallowed. "I don't think I better."
I chuckled then and grabbed him by his jacket and
pulled him to me.
"I thought you told me there wasn't going to be any
awkwardness." I said right before my lips met his.
He groaned and I heard something rustle as the heat
of his hand met my back. Then he pulled away just a
bit and looked at me again.
"Liefjeyou just lookincredible." He finally said.
I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks as I looked
down and bit my lip. I felt his fingers on my chin and
he brought me to meet his radiant jade eyes. The color
was so intense it almost took my breath away.
"Bella...you really lookunbelievable."
"Thanks." I finally said and he gave me a sweet kiss.
But then he blew out a breath.
"But if we don't leave soon, this date isn't going to
make it out of your condo yet again." He whispered
huskily into my ear and I shivered.
I chuckled and leaned up to take in his scent.
Oh GodHeaven.
"Well it sounds like you will at least make good on the
second part of your promise then." I kissed his neck
and he was the one to shudder this time.
"Oh I don't think you'll have to worry about that." He
responded and I laughed.
Finally we broke apart and I stepped back to get my
clutch but I could feel his eyes on me as I walked back.
He just shook his head.
"What?"
"I'm one lucky son-of-a-bitch." He muttered.
I laughed. "Well I'm not going to be able to wear stuff
like this much longer so you better enjoy it."
He turned to me then with a more serious look on his
face. He placed his hand over my just a little thicker
stomach and pulled me in. "Liefje, I will think you
look even better when you start showing. I can't wait
to see it. And I can't wait for the world to know you're
carrying my child."
I think my heart officially just melted.
My eyes wet with tears and I couldn't do anything but
give him a small kiss. "Thanks." I murmured again
and with that he grabbed my hand and we walked to
the elevator.
"So where are we going?"
"That's for me to know, and you to find out." He said
coyly, our lighthearted banter returning.
I harrumphed. I didn't like surprises and he chuckled
at me as we rode down.
We walked out of the elevator and into the
surprisingly warm October evening. I noticed a shiny
black Aston Martin in front of the building and I heard
him rustling something again. Suddenly it beeped and
I realized it was Edward's.
"Waityou own an Aston?" My eyebrows shot up as I
looked at him.
He shrugged as if it was no big deal and I just shook
my head.
Of course he owned an Aston. Fucking James Bond in
the flesh.
He opened my door and helped me in as he ever so
smoothly walked around to the driver's side.
I could feel my pulse quicken as he effortlessly slid
into the seat. The sight of Edward, my Apollo, in a chic
suit and commanding the hot Aston made my body
tremble again.
Sweet Jesus.
"What is it Liefje?"
I licked my lips and I couldn't even form a word.
"Fuck, you have to quit looking at me like that Bella or
we're really not going to leave." He laughed.
"Well you never told me you owned an Aston. What
else do you own?" I said breathily.
"I have an old silver Volvo that I had in high school,
and a Harley at the house in the Hamptons."
Oh shit.
"Youyou own a Harley too." My eyes widened and all
of the blood in my body began to boil. "I love bikes." I
said breathlessly then as a million pictures rolled
through my head.
Edward, black t-shirt, wind in his hair on the bike.
Edward, tattoos showing, with the aviators and that
sexy smirk streaking down the highway.
Edward taking me over the seat of the Harley.
I moaned and he quirked an eyebrow at me as he
pulled away from the building.
I just pursed my lips. "I wanna go for a ride on it." I
said with inflection and he laughed at my double
entendre.
"Not any time soon, not while you're pregnant." He
said sternly.
I pouted and he reached over and squeezed my leg and
then put his hand back on the gear shift.
I'll put my hands on your gear shift.
Fuck, what is my problem tonight?
Damn pregnancy libido.
Edward continued laughing and I finally blew out a
breath and looked up to see where we were going.
"Well you just have to promise me a ride next summer
then."
"Are we still talking about the bike?" He joked.
"Yeah, I don't think you'll have to wait that long for
the other." I said lowly. His eyes flashed to me and I
decided to play with him a bit. I leaned over and put
my hand on his upper thigh as he squirmed. I could
tell he was trying to focus on the road ahead, but it
was just too much fun building the anticipation. I
loved the chemistry we had, and I knew it would only
make tonight better if we had a little build up.
I put my lips right to his ear and let my breath trickle
down his neck. He shivered and gave me a sideways
glance.
"But I should tell you, I can do some magnificent
things on a bike."
"Fuck Bella." He groaned and I settled back into my
seat. I could see him shift again and I laughed
triumphantly.
He just shook his head and gave me his patented
smirk. "I never would have guessed a cop's daughter
would have such a thing for bikes?" He said
questioningly.
I shrugged. "I'm all full of surprises."
"That you are." He said wryly and I realized that I
wasn't the only one.
My eyes widened as I noticed where he pulled the car
to a stop. I wasn't paying attention when he was
driving and I realized then that he must have just
driven around the block a few times before going the
short distance to our destination.
I laughed and shook my head.
We were at Gray'swhere it all began.
He parked on the side street and then walked around
to get my door. I just laughed as he opened my door
and gestured dramatically. As we walked, hand in
hand, toward the age old hot dog stand I couldn't help
but chuckle at his thought.
"What?"
"You. This is very clever."
He shrugged and we stepped in. "This is just our
appetizer BellaI'm not really taking you here for
dinner."
I smiled. I wouldn't have cared if he did. Of course it
wasn't very busy since it was seven at night but we
both stepped up to order quickly. The staff and
patrons looked at us like we were crazy. There we
were, all gussied up for a night on the town and
standing in line for hot dogs at Gray's.
"What can I get ye'?" The man behind the counter
said.
Edward gestured to me and I quickly told him I
wanted a hot dog with ketchup, mustard and kraut. I
looked at Edward then and he had a strange
expression on his face.
"What's wrong? Don't you like that? We don't have to
get it that way."
"No." He smiled as he squeezed my hand. "It's exactly
how I always order mine as well." He said then.
"I guess it was meant to be."
He tugged me closer to him and leaned down to kiss
me gently. "I knew it the first time I touched
youright there." He nodded toward the spot where
we collided and I smiled into his kiss.
"Me too." I said quietly.
We quickly split our hot dog and joked about the
ketchup incident that day until we left. Finally Edward
gave it up that he was taking me to The River Caf, a
classic New York restaurant which had an amazing
view of the Brooklyn Bridge.
I was ecstatic. Growing up in Brooklyn I always
wanted to go there and he thought it was a nice way to
recognize both of our backgrounds. He was always so
considerate and thoughtful. I still couldn't believe that
I found him. Whatever force in the universe brought
us together, I knew I was lucky and I could never
imagine being with anyone else.
The night progressed and I literally fell in love with
him all over again. We talked and laughed about
everything and nothing at all through dinner and
dessert. We didn't mention the investigation or Eliot
or the other things weighing on our minds. Instead we
just ate and laughed and told stories about our college
experiences, growing up and the antics of both of our
brothers. We were reconnecting just as we had the
first times we were together. We were learning and
focusing on one another outside of the confines of my
condoand it was liberating and exhilarating, yet
familiar and comfortable at the same time.
As we made our way back into the City, I squeezed
Edward's knee. It was dark. The lights of the City were
twinkling, the streets were abuzz with people. But I
was still reveling in the fact that we were out,
together, and able to just be together so naturally.
"Thank you for a wonderful night." I whispered as I
squeezed his leg.
"It's not over yet." He smiled and I raised a brow at
him.
Then he almost blushed in the light of the car and I
wondered what he was thinking.
"It might seem kind of cheesy, but I've always wanted
to do this one thing... my mother's favorite movie is
that old Cary Grant movieAn Affair to Remember." I
nodded, knowing the love story he was talking about.
"I love that movie." I smiled, knowing what he wanted
to do.
He relaxed then. "Good, because I want to take you
and I didn't want you to think it was stupid." He said.
"I would never think it was stupid. And just so you
know. I think it's incredibly romantic." I leaned over
and kissed him on the cheek and he smiled.
He pulled into the parking garage next to the Empire
State Building and we walked in to pay our fare to
make the ride up. Edward pulled me into his side and
I smiled up at him as we ascended.
Once we walked out at the top of the building, the
sight was beyond compare. Edward had the look of a
little boy on his face. His eyes were alight with
excitement and we were only two of about four people
up there. We stepped over to the edge and took in the
City before us. It truly was breathtaking and we could
see for miles and miles. Before us was the City we both
loved, the Chrysler Building on one side and the bay
on the other, Rockefeller Center and in the dark
distance Central Park.
I felt him wrap his arms around me and pull me into
him as we stared out at the landscape, simply taking it
all in. It was home, and I knew it wasn't just the City
that I felt that way about. At that moment, I was
overcome with emotion. He had been through so
much. He had seen so many things to finally bring him
back here, to finally allow him to move on again and
enjoy something as simple as this. Then and there I
felt like this really was a new beginning. We were still
us and we were still incredibly connected on so many
levels that neither of us could explain, yet both
appreciated and amazed us more than we could say.
But we were moving forward into a new part of our
lives. We were putting the heartache and the fear and
anger behind us. We were moving on together.
I sighed as he kissed the top of my head and I could
feel the emotion flowing through him as well. I wasn't
sure how long we stood there until I turned around to
face him and wrapped my arms around his neck. The
jade of his eyes was so intense, so astounding, I didn't
know what to say. So I simply said the three words
that couldn't even begin to express the feelings I had
for this man.
"I love you." I whispered and reached up to kiss him.
The same spark of electricity that was always there
shot through my body. I wasn't sure how, or when, but
somewhere along the line I had come to believe that
we were soul mates, that even if it hadn't been that day
at Gray's we would have met somehow, someway. It
was a powerful, consuming feeling yet calming as well.
He reached his hands up to cup my cheeks as his lips
moved against mine. They were soft, yet firm and
moved so perfectly as he deepened the kiss. My hands
instinctively clutched at his hair, drawing us closer
until there wasn't a whisper of air between us.
At last we broke and he gently kissed me again and
opened his eyes. But his hands remained on my face
and I could tell he was trying to think through what he
wanted to say. He opened and closed his mouth and
then sighed as he kissed me again.
Finally he spoke and I could hear the emotion in his
voice as I stared at him.
"BellaI" He trailed off. "I love youmore than I
can saymore than I ever thought possible." He
closed his eyes and shook his head. "Those words
can't even express what I feel for you, yet I don't know
how else to say it."
I covered his lips with mine and we lost ourselves yet
again. When at last we broke panting he pressed his
forehead to mine and I murmured to him.
"I was just thinking the exact same thing."
Edward smiled and then pulled me into a fierce hug,
wrapping his arms around me fully and tucking me
into him. It was electric, yet warm and soothing at the
same time. We both just let the moment wash over us
as we stood in the embrace.
"10 minutes!" The guard yelled from the door and we
sighed and broke apart. Edward kissed me again and I
grabbed his hand as we made our way to the elevator.
"Sowas it a good first date?" He asked more lightly
then.
"So farof course I haven't gotten my kiss at the door
yet." I teased.
"I thought it was going to be more than a kiss at the
door." He murmured so the guard in the elevator
couldn't hear us.
I chuckled and squeezed his hand. I knew we were
going home together and it wasn't for the first or the
last time, but it would be just as memorable as it had
always been.
--
I rolled over and felt the empty side of the bed for the
first time since I was back. I blinked slowly to take in
the room around me and I listened for sounds in the
condo. As I glanced at the alarm clock I realized it was
almost ten. I frowned. I never slept this late, but I had
been much more tired the last few weeks. The doctor
told me I would be, but I felt like I missed the day
sleeping in.
Even though Edward and I didn't go to bed until very
late after making love when we got back and then
again in the shower when we attempted to get cleaned
up, I was disappointed to be up so late.
Just then I heard the door open and close and I sat up
and sleepily rubbed my eyes to awaken. I heard his
footsteps across the floor and then he stepped in to
the room. His body was covered in sweat and his hair
was an absolute mess.
"Hey." I whispered.
"Good morning sleepy head." He stepped over and
kissed me and I hummed, still not fully awake.
"Did you go down to the gym?" I asked.
"Yeah, and I ran through the park."
"I can't wait to get back, I'm sick of the bike." I
frowned.
"I bet." He smiled. "I'm going to take a shower." He
gestured and I nodded.
I walked out to the kitchen to make something for
breakfast as I listened to the shower running. It was
weird being home day in and day out, but I was going
back to work a week from Monday. Although it was
Sunday, October 14, I was hoping to be back in time
for the big holiday preparation. I knew we would be
busy getting everything ready before Thanksgiving.
I whipped up some eggs and toast as I turned on the
music on the iPod. Edward walked out then. I admired
the lines of his muscles through his t-shirt and the way
his freshly washed hair hung in his face. Then I
realized that this would be the sight I would have all
the time now and I smiled to myself.
"What are you smiling about?" He asked with a small
smirk.
"Youthis" I said.
He walked over and wrapped his arms around me as I
stood at the stove and put his hands over my stomach.
"Mmmm. I love this. I love you." He said as he kissed
my neck.
"Go sit down lover boy, so I don't burn your eggs." He
chuckled and with a kiss on the head he turned. He
poured himself a cup of coffee and some orange juice
for each of us.
"So what are your plans for the day?" I asked.
"WellI was actually thinking about going to
Brooklyn to talk to Angela and see Eliot."
I pondered it for a moment. That was a very good idea
and at the same time I got another thought.
"Maybe we could go to my Dad's as well." I suggested.
He thought for a moment before he set down his glass.
"Don't you want to do that on your own?"
"Wellyou could drop me off at Charlie's and go see
Angela and Eliot and then you can come back and we
can have dinner there. What do you think about that?
Then you can meet my fatherin a more normal
setting." I added. "And we'll both have time to chat."
"That sounds like a great idea."
I nodded and went back to making breakfast. Finally I
asked him how his talk with his parents went
yesterday. He said it was good, and they reacted much
better than he expected. They wanted to meet Eliot
and I knew Edward was nervous about it, but it was
time to finally do it. So we made plans to talk to Alice
and Esme and put something together. I told Edward
about my conversation with Alice and he was glad we
were able to mend fences as well. He still needed to sit
down with her and I knew we both needed to talk to
Jazz yet, but we were getting there.
Slowly but surely we were healingall of us.
We were quiet for a moment as I finally raised an
issue I had been thinking about since the day I left the
hospital.
"Edward, have you thought about seeing anyonenow
that this is all over?" I asked tentatively.
He paused as he took a sip of his coffee and looked up
at me. "Umyeahactually I have." He said in a
breath.
Relief instantly washed over me and I stepped over to
the drawer where I put the card for the psychologist
Dr. Brandon suggested.
"UmDr. Brandon referred me to this woman. I guess
she is very good with PTSD andgrief counseling." I
handed the card to him.
He swallowed, but then he lifted his hand for the card.
"Shelly Cope." He said.
"Yeah."
We were silent for a moment again and then he said
something I never expected.
"Would you come with me? I meanthe first time."
"Of course" I breathed. "If that's what you want?" I
questioned then.
He nodded and furrowed his brow. "Yeah. I was kind
of thinkingwe should maybe go a few times
togetherwith everything happening." He said then.
I was shocked, but as I thought about it, it made
perfect sense. We had only been together for a few
months under the strangest of circumstances. We
were thrust into this new life, living together,
experiencing unbelievable revelations in both of our
lives, and we were having a baby.
"I think that's a very good idea too." I said.
I walked around and stepped in between his legs as I
wrapped my arms around his neck. I gave him a gentle
kiss and we had a quiet moment in the light of the
kitchen.
--
"So you'll come back in a couple hours?" I asked.
"Yeah. Good luck with your Dad." He smiled.
I kissed him quickly and took a deep breath. "You
tooand be careful where you park this car, it is
Brooklyn." I teased.
"I think I can take care of it." He winked.
I laughed and with one final kiss I stepped out of the
car. I gave him a small wave as I turned and looked at
my childhood home. I walked up to the door and
before I could reach for the handle it opened.
"Hey." My Dad said quietly.
"Hi Dad."
"Was that Edward? Where did he go?"
"He needed to meet with someone andhe wanted to
give us some time to chat."
My Dad swallowed and nodded as he opened the door
wider.
In a matter of minutes we were sitting at the kitchen
table. My Dad had his bottle of beer and I had a glass
of water. It was so still you could hear each of our
breaths as neither of us knew what to say next.
Surprisingly Charlie started the conversation.
"How's your shoulder feeling?"
"Goodit's uhhealing." I said and he nodded. I ran
my finger over the edge of the glass as the quiet settled
around us again. Finally I asked exactly what I had
been thinking since the first time I started to put it
together in the hideout.
"Was it really the first time you found outright
before Grandma died?" I asked. He quirked his
eyebrow at me and I told him how I heard him and
Grandma talking that day and what Brad said. He just
shook his head.
"Yes it was. And I owe you an explanationI know
that."
"I just want to know the story. The truth. I'm really
not mad Dadthe last few weeks have beeneye
opening." I said. "Life's too short and I don't want to
live in the past. But I do want to know everything so I
can protect myselfprotect us in the future." And with
the inflection in my voice I knew he could tell I wasn't
talking about Edward.
He nodded then and launched in. It was a remarkable
tale. I couldn't believe it, how my Grandma Lucy came
over to the arranged marriage and how she escaped. I
couldn't help but notice the parallels with her life and
mine in her relationship with my grandfather. It was a
truly amazing story and I admired my grandmother
even more than I had.
After hearing the truth, the full extent of it, and my
Dad's affirmations that he really did just want to keep
me safe, I knew I found my answers. I was ready to let
it go. I wasn't upset with him or Brad. It was still
somewhat unbelievable to me that I could be the
granddaughter of the most notorious mobster of the
twentieth century. I knew it would take a long time for
it to sink in.
"It's crazy huh." I said then as he finished.
"It really is." He cleared his throat. "You knowit
feels good that you know now. I'm sorry it had to come
out the way it did and everything that happened" He
stopped and I could see him getting choked up a bit.
"Dad." I grabbed his hand across the table. "That
wasn't your fault. Or Edward'sor even Phil's from
what I understand." His eyes flashed with anger at the
mention of my fugitive step-father then. But it slowly
cleared.
"People like Janand Aro. They're just pure evil. They
have no concept of the world and there was nothing
you could have done about them." I shook my head.
"I knowtrust me I know. I see it all the time
unfortunately." He sighed.
I furrowed my brow as I thought about what I wanted
to ask him next. "What's going to happen to Jacob?"
Charlie let out a breath and set his now empty beer
bottle aside. "He pleaded it down, since he was willing
to help the FBI. But he still got three to five and
hopefully he'll be out in three with good behavior. I'm
not happy with him, but it seems like he's trying to do
the right thing now."
"What about Leah?" I asked.
"I uhthat was something I wanted to talk to you
about."
Talk to me about?
"Wellwith everything that happenedI started to
realize some things myself. Life's too short, as you
said. We both know that."
I nodded as he continued.
"Sue is going to move in with me and Leah is going to
move into her and Harry's house, that way she can sell
the one she and Jacob owned and not have to worry
about a mortgage payment. She's going back to school
and with the boys and everything" He started
ramble but I grabbed his hand again.
"Dad. I'm happy for you. It's time, you deserve to be
happy. And I don't mind Sue living here. I'm just glad
you both found someone." I looked around the room
then and decided we needed to lighten the
conversation. "Besides, this place could use some
remodeling and a woman's touch anyhow."
My Dad smiled and shook his head in agreement.
"Yeah, I guess it could."
We chatted for a few more minutes and I told him that
I wanted to make dinner and he should see if Sue and
Leah and the boys wanted to join ussince they were
really going to be family soon anyhow. I mentioned
that Edward would be back in a half hour and that he
was planning to eat with us as well and some of the
new developments in our lives with the baby and
moving. He smiled when he told me "that boy is crazy
about you." And I just agreed and told him I was crazy
about him too.
Finally we stood up and I walked over and gave him a
hug. He sighed as he pulled me into his chest. It was
comforting and warm. He still smelled like Old Spice
and cottonthe smells of my childhood. As we
stepped back, he cleared his throat and I could tell he
was trying not to get choked up again.
"I'm going to go up and talk to Brad." I raised my eyes
to the ceiling and my Dad knew what I meant.
"I have some news to share with him." I smiled then.
"Right Grandpa."
He grunted and shook his head. "Hard to believebut
I'm happy for you Bell."
"Thanks Dad." I smiled and then walked up the stairs
to my brother's room.
***I opened the door as I took a deep breath. As my
eyes scanned the room, I noticed not a thing had
changed since he died. I knew it was time for a
renovation of it as well.
I walked over and traced my fingers down his desk
and over the chair. I looked at the bulletin board,
pictures of him and his buddies when he graduated
from college and the police academy. I took in his
Yankees pennant and memorabilia. I could still smell
him, still hear his laugh and still see him sitting on his
bed or doing push-ups on the floor so he could "get
buff so I can pick up cute girls sis."
The memories rolled through my head in rapid
succession, playing baseball in the street, making
lemonade, running down to Jacob's and Sam's houses.
Finally my eyes settled on the boom box that rested on
the end of his desk. I smiled to myself as I walked over
and curiously pressed the play button.
There was a CD in the player and I could hear it
whirring to life. Suddenly the raspy sounds of Oasis
began playing over the CD player. The songs instantly
took me back almost fifteen years in time. This was
Brad's favorite CD in college.
I sat down on the bed and, without willing it to,
rubbed my hand over my stomach as the first song
played. It was much too loud, as it always was when
Brad played his music. The thought made me smile
and made me sad at the same time to realize the stereo
hadn't been touched since he died.
"Oh BraddyI wish you were going to be here for this.
I have so much to tell you." I whispered, hoping that
somewhere he could hear me. I had gone to his
memorial on 9/11 and told him all about Edward at the
time. But I didn't know I was pregnant then.
I quickly wiped a tear away as I told him about finding
everything outabout Grandma and Aro and the
entire story. I told him I wasn't mad at him or Charlie
for keeping it from me. I knew how hard it had to be
for him. I could only imagine how hard it would have
been for me to keep something like that from Brad. He
was my best friend, my big brother from the day I was
born.
Then I told him about everything that happened and
how Edward saved me, in more ways than one. I
rubbed my stomach, noticing that I had gained a little
weight, yet it didn't bother me in the slightest.
"You would have been an uncle" I said in a hushed
tone as more tears rolled down my cheeks. I realized
then, I needed this cry, I needed this moment with my
brother and I let them flow freely.
"Edward and I are having a baby and I" I trailed off.
"I never thought I would be so emotional about it but I
am. I just wish you would have been able to meet him
or her."
I smiled as I said the next part, although the tears
continued to run. "You could have taught the little one
to play catch, gone to a Yankees game, or teased him
or her relentlessly like you did me." I laughed and
then bit my lip.
The CD switched over to "Don't Look Back in Anger" it
was Brad's favorite song on the CD and of course mine
as well. At that moment, I felt like he was there with
me, in the room. He was putting his arm around me
and comforting me like he always did if I got teased at
school about something or got in a fight with one of
the boys down the street.
I let the words and the sounds wrap around me as I
listened. It was like a sign, a message, to move on and
not to look back and be angry or hurt over everything.
It was as though he was telling me, from wherever he
was, that it would all be okay.
Just then, I felt something. It was a presence. And I
looked up knowing he was there before I saw him.
My eyes met his jade ones and I could see the look of
sadness and also the need to just be there with me. He
never got to meet my brother, or I his. But we both felt
like we knew the other. We both lost so much and yet
with coming together we gained an infinite amount in
the long run.
He stood, his eyes transfixed on me as the tears left
my eyes and at last he strode across the room. He bent
down in front of me and wordlessly pulled me into his
arms as I cried. He just knew, how I felt, what I
needed in that moment was simply his arms around
me. I cried for the fact that our baby would never meet
either of its uncles, I cried for what my grandmother
went through to get us here, I cried for what Edward
had gone through. But it was so needed and I realized
everything I had been through was finally settling in.
At last my tears stopped and I felt an overwhelming
sense of calm wash over meover both of us. Edward
pulled back and put his hands on my face and rubbed
away the last few tears and then leaned up to kiss my
forehead.
I just sat there as his eyes traveled down and settled
on the hand that was still over my stomach. I lifted it
up and ran it through is hair, but at the same time he
bent forward and kissed me right over my thickening
middle.
I just let my hands stroke through his soft strands as
the last bars of the song came to a close. I couldn't
help but pick up on the few words that were so fitting
for our lives now. We could be angry about everything
that happenedto our brothers, to us, to the ones we
loved. Or we could go on and not look back in anger as
the song suggested.
As Edward lifted his head back up and I could see the
emotion in his eyes as well, I knew the answer. It was
just usthe three of usgoing forward from here on
out. And we wouldn't look back and dwell on the past
anymore. We were starting over, together. And we
would keep their memories alive.
At last he grabbed my hand and helped me up. I gave
one final look around the room and took it all in for
the last time. I planned to tell Sue to pack up his stuff
and redecorate it. It was time. It was time for all of us.
And as I shut off the light and the door closed, I made
a promise to myself, to Brad.
I wouldn't look back, at least not in a bad way.
But don't look back in anger, don't look back in anger
I heard you say
At least not today.
--
EPOV
I glanced over at Bella as I turned the final corner for
her, well our, block. She smiled as she squeezed my
hand and she looked so much more happy and content
than when I found her this afternoon. I knew as soon
as I heard the songs coming from Brad's room that
she was having a moment with her brother.
After asking Charlie a very important question when I
got there, I was torn between going upstairs to see
how she was doing and letting her be. But something
was drawing me there. Following the sounds of the
Oasis song, I couldn't help but take the stairs up to see
her. What I saw had me heartbroken and somewhat
relieved at the same time. I knew she had been
holding a lot in, trying to be strong for me and not
allowing herself to really work through everything.
When she suggested counseling that morning I was
glad. After the horrible few weeks I had debriefing
and seeing how she was handling everything, I was
thankful that she wanted to go. I had never felt the
need before. But after having to relive the days of her
disappearance and pull together bits and pieces of the
investigation over and over again, I knew deep down I
needed to talk to someone. I knew I needed to finally
hash through the issues over my brother, Jan and if I
was being honest with myself, everything that
transpired between Bella and me.
I hit the garage door opener and Bella shook her head
at me again. When I started moving my stuff over last
week and we started to live togetherofficiallyI
called the condo association to purchase a spot in the
garage.
I pulled into the spot and walked around to get Bella's
door. She rolled her eyes again and I just shrugged.
She would find out soon enough that I would be
opening doors for her a lot nowlike all the time. We
strode into the elevator and she still took a deep
breath as we walked up. I squeezed her hand knowing
that she was working through her anxiety.
Nonetheless, the feeling of coming home to her, going
to bed with her every night and waking up next to her
every morning was indescribable. That alone made
the last three weeks bearable.
As we walked into her place and settled into our
nightly routine I couldn't help but smile a bit. The
night was good. Bella cleared the air with her father
and with her brother in her own way. We had dinner
together, and Bella made her famous lasagna. I
realized I was going to have to keep up my rigorous
workouts to make sure I didn't put on sympathy
weight with her. If there was one thing my girl could
do it was cook.
Even so, it was refreshing to spend an evening with
Charlie outside of the FBI headquarters and not when
we were on a manhunt. I got to meet, what I could tell,
was her future step-mother. Sue was very nice and I
could see the way she and Charlie stole secret glances
at one another. It wouldn't be long before they got
married.
Leah and her boys were great as well. I only knew
Leah from what Bella told me about her and so I was a
bit wary at first. But I could tell that they were both
making an effort to forge a new relationship, to put
everything with Jacob behind them. I felt bad for
Leah, even though I barely knew her, but I could see
the glint in her eyes, that look of resolve. When she
talked about going back to finish her business degree
and moving into her mother's house, I could tell she
would be okay.
I finished brushing my teeth and climbed into bed
next to Bella. I could tell she was exhausted. Being
pregnant was really making her tired, but supposedly
she said it would be better in a couple weeks when she
was done with her first trimester.
I couldn't believe she was already almost eleven weeks
along. She was starting to show and I loved it. I
couldn't wait to see what she looked like when she
really started showing.
I knew she was nervous about the baby, but we had
time. I just wanted to put everything behind us and go
forward. I couldn't wait for the investigation to be
over so that we could do just that.
"Good night Liefje. I love you." I wrapped my arms
around her, resting one hand over her stomach.
"Mmmm. I love you too." She hummed and I could tell
she was already half asleep. I kissed her temple and
pulled her more snugly to me.
I wasn't tired. But after everything we had been
through, I just cherished the ability to hold her while
she slept. I could lay there for hours, and a few nights
I had, just holding her.
As her breaths evened out and she drifted off to sleep I
thought back on everything that happened the last few
weeks. As soon as we left the hospital in New Jersey
we had a protective detail outside of her condo
building 24/7 until the most dangerous members of
the organization were apprehended. I was still
nervous and constantly felt like I had eyes in the back
of my head. But I knew that feeling wouldn't wane
anytime soon. After a week, my parents detail was
lifted and so was Alice and Jasper's.
The bulk of the threats had been taken into custody,
all except for Kebi and Phil Dwyer. Several of our
contacts suspected Kebi took off to the Middle East,
where he had family and we couldn't make them
extradite him. The FBI had a few leads on where Phil
was and Renee didn't have a clue.
Bella just shook her head when I told her what
Emmett found out from her mother.
"Doesn't surprise me." She had muttered.
Apparently Renee had no idea that Phil had been
involved with the people he was. She thought all of his
acquaintances were on the up and upincluding
Laurent Dufor and James Raven. When we told her
that her husband had serious gambling debts, that he
was involved in running drugs, guns, girls and various
other illegal trades through his building sites she was
shocked. She even denied it at first. But then she
broke down and said that she knew he had gambling
issues and he was gone a lot recently. Yet she had no
idea where he had gone to this time. She didn't know
anything about Jan or Aro Volturi, and luckily, he was
still rotting in Leavenworth. As Bella said on more
than one occasion, Renee stuck her head in the sand,
content on continuing to live her trophy wife life, and
just refused to look at any of it.
I knew Bella hadn't talked to her Mom since
everything happened, and I wasn't sure what she was
planning to do in that regard. I just tightened my arms
around her as I thought about everything.
Once the FBI apprehended Raven, Dufor, the men
from the Buxton Group as well as the Vladimir and
Stefan and the others they instantly brought in some
of their best interrogators from across the country. I
didn't take part in the interrogations, but Emmett did.
I knew that they worked multiple members of the
organization against one another. None of them would
go to trial, they would end up pleading down on their
crimes. But many of them were charged with so many
counts that it didn't matter, they would rot away in jail
for the rest of their lives like they should.
The financials and paper trails that the FBI found on
Cullen Enterprises was staggering. The ties to the
Volturi, Draconis as well as even older organized
crime rings filled in gaps for decades old cases that
were never closed, or never fully finalized. Although
Jan had his hand in a number of illegal activities, he
had also kept a substantial amount of legal assets.
Unfortunately, I knew I was going to be on the
receiving end of a lot of it once his will was read and
Cullen Enterprises was bought out. I didn't want it. I
didn't want a thing from him. I already had a trust,
that even now I was a bit disturbed about using. But
my father ensured me that he set it up for me, even if
it was originally from Jan's money, and that I
shouldn't think about my grandfather in respect to
that. What I did with any inheritance from Jan on the
other hand was my business.
So, I had an idea. And as soon as the will was read I
decided I wasn't going to keep a dime of it. Instead I
was going to donate it to something I loved
something both Bella and I loved. The Met.
I didn't care about moneyeven though I never really
had to work. I knew it shocked Bella when I pulled up
in my Aston the night of our "first date", but I really
didn't think anything of it. I bought it the summer
after I graduated from Georgetown and thought I was
pretty cool for having it at the time. I was actually
considering trading it in to get a new car for usour
growing family. But the way she looked at me when I
was driving the car, I knew I couldn't get rid of it. My
body tingled everywhere as her eyes burned through
me. And I had to admit, I was ecstatic and a bit
relieved that the same fire was there between us, even
though all of the secrecy had lifted.
The secrets, the lies, the hiding, it was all finally over.
I took a deep breath, just reveling in Bella's scent. I
didn't know what I was going to do yet. I had mixed
emotions about the FBI. It was all I knew and I still
felt compelled to serve, even after everything came
out. But I couldn't help but be pissed at Fortnight and
everyone else who kept my brother's true identity
from me for so long. I felt robbed of knowing a huge
part of him, robbed of knowing what he did and why
he died for so long. I knew the only thing that could
heal that would be when they finally found his body.
They were planning to do a search party before the
snow fell. I think everyone felt as though he was
buried somewhere near the course in New Jersey. I
didn't attend Jan's funeral, as I told my father I
wouldn't. But if they found Eric's body, I actually
wanted to hold a new memorial and attend it. I
wanted to be able to put his remains in his resting
place, finally.
I was still feeling a torrent of emotions in the
aftermath of everything. I was immensely relieved and
finally felt closure over my brother. But I was still
pissed as hell about the way he died. When Bella told
me that Demitri was the one who killed him, I couldn't
help but have a sense of satisfaction over the fact that
I truly took out his killeran eye for an eye.
But at the same time, I didn't regret it. I was glad he
and Jan and many of the other Dracs were dead or in
prison. I knew I would never quite shed the feeling of
having to look over my shoulder. But I would protect
Bella with everything I had in me. And the day Aro
Volturi died in his cell I might finally feel some peace.
Nevertheless, I was ready to move onready to get
married, ready to buy a new place, to settle back into a
life in New York that I gave up so long ago. I was ready
to do it all with Bella. I thought back on the day of our
first date and all of the things that transpired that day.
I not only had our first huge night out, but I met with
my parents and I made the biggest purchase of my
life
I was walking out of a morning meeting with Garrett
and I knew I had some time to kill before I went to my
parents. It was an unusually nice October day and I
decided to take a cab up to 5th Avenue and stretch my
legs. I had a major purchase to make and I knew I
needed to do some looking around before I did it.
I wasn't sure what I wanted in an engagement ring
and I knew Bella was artistic, yet simple. She wasn't
the type of woman that would fuss over the size or the
style. Yet at the same time, I wanted her to love it,
and I had to admit the caveman side of me wanted a
rock on her hand showing the world that she was
minefor the rest of our lives.
As I turned the corner on 57th street I looked up at
the giant store in front of me. Tiffany's. I glanced in
the window to see a few pieces and finally decided I
better get a closer look so I at least had an idea what
I was looking for. Even though I really didn't know, I
just knew I would know it when I saw it. I already
asked Kate for her ring size when I was at the office
the week before and she grinned and clapped her
handsI could have sworn she was my sister.
Finally I blew out a breath and stepped in the store in
my black t-shirt, leather jacket, jeans and boots. The
clerks eyed me warily and I couldn't help but chuckle
internally. They thought I couldn't afford to be in
there, but as soon as I said my name they would be
bending over backwards. It was stupid really. My
father was a very good customer as well as the rest of
my family, but because I didn't look like a high-
society person they gave me the stink eye.
When I found out that Eric left me a substantial
amount of money, I decided to put it to good use. He
had given me the ability to get Bella back. So I
planned to use it for her ring, as well as a college
fund and trust for our little one. It was my own little
personal tribute to keep his memory alive, letting it
live on through us and through our baby.
Luckily, even with the takedown, Jan's name and my
family's name stayed out of the papers. I think
Fortnight knew how pissed I was at him. And I think
it was his attempt to recognize my brother's and my
contributions to everything by keeping it all
relatively quiet. They didn't care about releasing the
Dracs names or some of the others. But until my Dad
had a chance to collect himself to give a proper
interview, the FBI agreed to keep everything
involving Jan under wraps.
In truth, he was the only evil one. I was still proud to
be a Cullen. I was still proud of my heritage and I
wore my tributes to my brother with even more
honor now. The way I saw it, I was my father's son
not Jan's grandson. Any affiliation I had with him
died with him. He was the only evil one. As cold as
Sasha was, she was merely clueless. My aunts and
my cousins didn't do anything wrong, nor anyone
else in my extended family, so I refused to be
ashamed by it.
When the time came and the papers got a hold of the
real way Jan Cullen diednot in a freak Helicopter
accident as was releasedthen my father and mother
would sit down with some hot shot reporter for the
Times or Dateline and go through it all with the help
of the FBI. I wanted it to be clear that he didn't reflect
our family. My father was the face of our family now.
So as I glanced through the glass at the engagement
rings, looking at nothing and anything in particular,
finally one of the clerks stepped up to help me. She
seemed nice, not like the others who were eyeing me
strangely and she gave me a smile.
"Hi. Can I help you with something?" She asked
sincerely. She wasn't even undressing me with her
eyes, which I was pleased about. That shit got old
real fast too, even if I did have on my bad boy garb
most of the time lately.
"Yes, actually I was hoping to look at some
engagement rings." I smiled.
"My name's Rachael, I would be more than happy to
help you. Do you know what type you're looking
for?"
I could see one of the older clerks eyeing us and I
decided to play it out a bit.
"I've never done this before, so I don't really know
where to start?"
She proceeded to ask me if I knew what Bella liked
and I just continued to shake my head. But she was
very patient and very kind and after a few more
questions she let it slip that it was only her first week.
For some reason, I wanted to help her, even if I didn't
buy and engagement ring today, I was going to buy
something because Rachael was nice and I wanted to
give her a bit of commission just for not being a
hoity-toity bitch like the others.
Finally I spoke a little more loudly. "Well, I want
something very high quality, very big, and very
beautifulbut not gaudy. So if you can manage that,
then have at it." I laughed.
She gave me a big smile and I saw the older woman
saddle up to us then.
"Do you need some help Rachael?" She said too
sweetly.
I turned to look at her and gave her a stern look.
"Actually no, I think Rachael can take care of it."
Rachael smiled again. "I think I have the perfect one
actually. I'll be right back."
I nodded and proceeded to look through some of the
ones in the glass, but nothing stood out at me. I could
feel the older woman hovering and I was getting
annoyed.
"So do you know what size you want?"
"Well how big can you get?" I asked and she frowned.
"Um. Generally our largest are 2.5 carats, however
you can have others custom made, but it's very
expensive." She annunciated.
I rolled my eyes internally. Now I remembered why I
didn't care about being a New York elite. I didn't
want to deal with this shit all the time, the people
falling over at your feet just because you had money.
Or on the flip side, they treated you like crap if you
didn't. I had developed a whole new appreciation for
that in my years undercover.
"I don't think I will have time to get a custom one, but
I think 2.5 sounds just about right."
Her eyes widened in shock as I said that I wanted the
largest they had and finally I saw Rachael coming
back out.
"I brought two." She gave a sideways glance at the
older woman and I could see her watching intently.
"I wasn't sure the size but based on what you said, I
grabbed you my two favorites." She blushed a bit and
I smiled. She reminded me of my Bella. She was
simply being nice, and helpful, not like a wolf after its
kill like the older woman.
She went on to explain the difference between the two
lines of rings before opening the boxes. The names
were vaguely familiar and I felt like maybe my sister
had the Legacy ring that she was talking about.
"You know the Legacy is the most popular, but I have
always liked the Embrace line better. It's a little
simpler and the center diamond really stands out
more." She smiled shyly as she opened the box.
The ring staring back at me was
perfect. It was a large 2.5 carat
round sparkling diamond
surrounded by a small ring of
diamonds and had diamonds
running around the band. But I
could see exactly what she meant. The center stone
was still the master piece. The other diamonds just
accented it without taking away from its beauty.
I had to have it.
It fit Bella perfectly. She was like the center diamond,
large and radiant and impeccably clear. Yet the bits
and pieces of all the things I loved about her just
accented it all the more. I smiled to myself as I looked
at it. This was a ring I would be proud to put on her
finger and have her wear for the rest of our lives.
"This is perfect." I smiled as I lifted it up.
"She's a lucky girl." Rachael said.
I shook my head. "No. I'm the lucky one." I
murmured.
Her eyes softened as I looked at the diamonds
gleaming in the light. Even if I looked for weeks or
went up and down 5th Avenue and all over New York
City searching, I knew I would never find a ring I
loved as much as this one.
"What size is it?" I asked.
"It's a six."
I smiled and shook my head again. "That's what I
need. Can I take it today?"
Her eyes widened in shock as she could see I was
completely serious.
"You meanput a down payment on it?" She said in
disbelief.
Just then the older woman made her way over like
the vulture she was.
"Do you already have a credit line with usSiror
should I start looking into opening one?" She asked
tentatively.
I sighed internally again. "Nope. I will be paying
cash."
She blinked then and I could tell she was running
through it all in her head.
"Well I will still have to set up an account for you.
Can I get your name?"
"Hmmm." I said dismissively, and just to make her a
bit agitated. "Actually can you do itsince you
helped me and all?" I said to Rachael.
"Umuhof course."
The older woman huffed and I winked at Rachael.
She smiled sheepishly in thanks.
"I can just wire the money directly over correct?"
"Y-yes." She said still amazed.
"Good. The last name is Cullen. Edward Cullen."
I heard the older clerk's intake of breath and
Rachael's eyes widened when I said my name. Then
she laughed and shook her head.
We went to one of the private desks to arrange the
payment as I gave her my account number from
memory and she just blinked at me in amazement.
"Photographic memory." I said and she smiled.
"Ah."
Once I was rung up and I had the most important
piece of jewelry I had ever bought in my breast
pocket, I got up to leave. I could see the other clerks
gossiping at a different area and looking over to us.
Rachael just shook her head and blew out her breath.
"For what it's worththanks for being so nice. You'll
get way more business that way." I smiled at her.
She smiled in return and I shook her hand before
leaving.
"Ladies." I nodded to the other clerks and their
mouths all snapped shut as I walked by. I just
chuckled and proceeded out to 5th Avenue to get a
cab to my parents' place.
As I lay there looking at Bella, I couldn't wait to get
that ring on her finger. I almost asked her on our date
at the top of the Empire State Building. But I didn't
have it with me at the time and I had something a little
more elaborate planned.
Nonetheless when I asked my father to hold it for me
that afternoon he gave me a conspiratorial wink and
said he would be happy to put it in the safe at their
house.
My mind drifted to the talk I had with my parents
then. It was long overdo. And even though I was on an
almost euphoric high after buying Bella's ring, I knew
it was going to be a difficult conversation
"Edwardcome in darling." My Mom drew me into a
hug at the door and I squeezed her tightly.
"How are you Mom? How's Dad?" I asked then.
"As good as can be expected." She smiled sadly. I
knew there would be no love lost for Jan by my
mother, but surely she felt bad for my father.
I followed her into the kitchen and we sat down at the
small nook with a cup of coffee. I could feel my
mother's gaze on me. Even with everything
happening, the worry lines were no longer in her
brow and she had a sense of calmness and even
excitement about her.
But before she could speak, my father walked in. I
stood up to shake his hand and he settled in next to
my mother as a silence overtook us.
"Well, I guess there is really no easy way to say
this" I swallowed and I could see my parents
clasping hands under the table. "But Eric came to me
in the summer of 2000 and told me that he got a girl
pregnant."
I saw my mother tense and I decided the easiest way
to go about the entire thing was to explain to them
everything I knewincluding stuff from the
investigation. So I went through how he asked me to
keep it quiet, that I was pissed at him for putting me
in that position and I thought they should know, but I
would never betray him. I told them about how he
wanted to be a part of Eliot's life, but he died shortly
after Eliot was born. I mentioned my continued
phone calls to Eliot, going to see he and Angela in
Brooklyn whenever I was in New York and described
him.
I couldn't help but smile, even as the tears rolled
down my mother's face as I spoke of his mannerisms
and looks and how he was so similar to Eric. Then I
explained what I found out in the investigation,
which my father knew part of it, and how the real
reason he wanted me to keep him quiet was to keep
him from Jan. When my Dad clenched his jaw and
closed his eyes I felt terrible. Jan had taken not only
nine years from my parents with respect to Eliot, but
their own son as well.
Finally, I told them that we were going to reveal it all
the night Dad and I found out about Eric's
involvement at Reycon and that Bella was planning
to help me.
"She thought you should know. From the beginning
she told me that. So I want you to know she didn't
have anything to do with keeping the secret about
him." I sighed. "I only hope you can forgive me for
not telling you for so long."
I looked down at my coffee cup when I felt a warm
hand over mine. As I looked up, I was met with
resolute green eyes.
"Edward. I must admit I was very upset when your
father first told me but" My Mom looked away for a
moment and then back to me. "Once I started to find
out about your grandfather, and knowing you and
your loyalty to your brother, I knew you could never
betray his trust."
Then she reached down and pulled out a letter. It was
so similar to the one he wrote me.
"Mom, I don't want to read that. It's for you to read."
"I know. But I want you to know that he explained it
all to us as well. And he asked us not to be mad at
you. So" She shrugged. "How can I deny his request
either?"
"I'm so sorry Mom, I should have told you sooner
though." I whispered.
She patted my hand and took a deep breath as the air
cleared between us. "Edward, we can't change the
past. But I sure hope we can change the future. I just
want to be a part of his life now and want him to be a
part of ours."
I nodded and glanced at my Dad. I could see the look
of agreement in their eyes. They had been through so
much in the past few weeks, between me, my
grandfather, my brother and worrying for their own
safety. But my parents would never be the type to get
caught up in bitterness and dwell on mistakes. They
would forgive and forget and move on. And I needed
to do the same.
"I hope that can be the case as well." I finally said.
"In fact, I am going to talk to Angela tomorrow to see
if she can bring him by this weekend. I don't want to
wait any longer."
The emotion which played across my mother's face
was immense. She was shedding tears of joy, relief,
sadness and anticipation. And at once she jumped up
and came around to pull me into a hug. I could see
my father getting choked up as well and I couldn't
help the lump that formed in my throat.
We just sat there quietly, letting the moment move us
and hopefully take us to a place of peaceful resolve.
When I left my parents, I felt lighter than I had in
years. It was very similar to the night I told Bella. My
Mom decided to throw a "welcome home" party for
me since I was officially returning to New York.
Everyone would attend, including Rose and Emmett. I
asked Angela to bring her new boyfriend Ben. I didn't
want the party to feel like it was only for having Eliot
meet my parents, but rather, I wanted him to be able
to fit and blend in with my family as easily as possible.
It was time.
At last, my eyelids became heavy and I could feel sleep
overtaking me. It had been a long day, a long three
weeks. But I was so ready to move forward that I was
finally met with a dreamless night's sleep.
--
Monday morning dawned into a crisp, clear fall day. I
awoke, noticing that Bella was up before me. I stayed
up thinking late into the night and she was probably
refreshed after sleeping in yesterday. I could smell
breakfast in the kitchen and I could only imagine her
buzzing about. I loved the domesticity of it all. I loved
being able to wake up like this every day.
I threw on a t-shirt and some pajama pants and
brushed my teeth before I walked out to find her in
the kitchen.
"Hey." She smiled and walked over to give me a kiss
and I hummed into her lips. "Good morning." She
whispered.
"Good morning to you too." I ran my hands down her
arms and took in her appearance then. It looked like
she had already been to the gym.
"You go hit the bike?"
"Yeah. I can't wait to get these stitches out tomorrow
so I can start running again."
"I bet." I watched her as she moved effortlessly about
the kitchen. Her shoulder really did heal well, but she
was going to have some rehabilitation.
Weren't we all.
"So." She turned to me just then and I raised my
eyebrows.
"So what?"
"I called to Dr. Cope's office and she actually had a
cancellation on Wednesday. She said she could see us
both for an hour and then set up our later
appointments after that."
I nodded, mulling over the news. "Sounds good."
"Are you ready for the weekend now?" She asked then.
"Yeah. Angela was still nervous, but I assured her it
would be fine. And it was really nice to see Eliot
yesterday. It will be really nice to see him all the time
actually."
"What are you going to tell him?" She asked as she
buttered some toast.
I shrugged. "For nowjust that I moved back and that
his grandparents lived here and wanted to meet him
at my 'welcome home party.' I wasn't sure what else to
say."
She chewed her toast and was thoughtful for a
moment. "It's got to be weirdfor him too. He goes
from having no Grandparents to your parents who are
probably going to spoil him rotten."
I laughed. She was right. My mother was more than
excited to meet him Saturday.
"True." I smiled.
We discussed our plans for the day. Bella found a few
places online she thought we could go look at and I
was excited at the prospect of buying a place with her.
I couldn't help but watch her as she cleaned up our
breakfast and waved her hands as she talked excitedly
about a project she would get to help with when she
returned to work.
When I was helping her wipe down the last of the
counters I could feel her eyes on me as well. The
electricity between us never dissipated. It was always
a constant huma feeling, as though my skin had a
tingle but in the absolute best way possible. I turned
and she turned her head at the last second and I
smirked as I folded my arms across my chest and
watched herthe long lines of her neck as it led up to
her ponytail, her long legs in her workout shorts and
the way her fitted tee accentuated the curves of her
body. She wasn't wearing any make-up, she was still
wearing her clothes from the gym, but she had never
looked more beautiful.
"Ok what?" She finally turned and eyed me
exasperatedly.
"Nothing." I smirked at her.
"Edward" She drew out my name and popped an
eyebrow at me. But the look and the sound of her
voice had the opposite effectit sent a wave of desire
up my spine.
I stalked over to her and she bit her lip as she gripped
the counter behind her. I trapped her in, so much like
the first night I took her here.
"Liefje, have I ever told you how sexy you are?" I
skimmed my nose along her jaw and she snorted and
slapped me playfully.
"I just got back from the gym. I bet I look real sexy
right now."
"Mmmm. You do and I can smell your shampoo and
the vanilla from your body wash even more now that
you'redirty." I whispered. Suddenly she shivered
and I knew I had her right where I wanted her.
"Well if I'm so dirty, maybe you better take me and
clean me up then?" She teased.
I clicked my tongue as I skimmed down her neck and
her hands came forward and fisted my shirt. "I don't
knowI kind of like it when you'redirty."
I heard her sharp intake of breath and I was waiting
for her response. Instead she shocked the hell of out
of me.
She cupped me and I groaned as she pressed her hand
along my length through my pants.
"You know, I think it seems like someone else is a bit
dirty as well Agent Cullen."
Fuck, I loved it when she called me that.
She brought her eyes up to meet mine and I was met
with her burning espresso orbs.
"Are you saying I need a shower?"
She turned then so that I no longer had her trapped
against the counter and flexed her hips against me. I
growled and gripped her hips.
"I'm sayingI might let you clean me up" She smiled
deviously as she nipped my lower lip. "If"
"If what?" I rasped, still leaning in to kiss along her
jaw and down her neck.
"If you can catch me." And with that she darted out of
my hold and took off for the living room.
"Hey!" I shouted and chased after her as she shrieked.
She was on the other side of the dining room table and
I smirked at her as she tore off for the bedroom. We
continued to laugh and run after one another until I
finally grasped her and we fell onto the couch in the
living room together.
But as she straddled my lap, our playfulness burst the
desire within us and soon enough I was ripping off her
shorts as she tore my t-shirt from my body. She
scratched her fingernails down my chest and I
growled at her again as I grabbed the back of her head
and plunged my tongue into her mouth. In a matter of
seconds, we were lips and hands and void of our
clothes grinding on one another on the couch.
As I pulled my lips away from hers and nibbled and
sucked my way down her neck I noticed the flat screen
TV behind us made an almost perfect mirror.
Without warning, I flipped Bella around so that she
was straddling me with her back against my chest. Her
knees were on either side of my legs and I ran my
hands down the side of her body roughly as I grasped
at her waist, her hips, and back up to her breasts. I
pinched her nipples roughly as I splayed my other
hand across her stomach and pulled her back tighter
to me. I could see us over her shoulder as my lips
secured to her neck and she reached her arms up and
threw her head on my shoulder.
"Ugh Edward, I fucking love your hands."
"Watch what my hands and cock can do to you Liefje."
"ShitWhat?" She said breathlessly as I continued my
ministrations on her.
"Watch." I commanded. She lifted her head, and as
she met my eyes in the reflection she moaned and
pressed back into me.
I gripped her by the waist and lifted her as I brought
her down on me completely. We both groaned at the
sensation and I was overcome with the sight before
me yet again.
"Oh GodI fucking love this BellaI love making you
come undone." I thrust up into her, slowly at first, as
she lifted up and down and met me. My hands
continued their rough exploration, feeling every bit of
her beautiful body displayed before us. I couldn't
touch her enough or feel enough of her skin as I
watched us in the reflection.
"Jesus Edward." Her eyes met mine as she put her
hands over my own and brought them to her breasts.
"Fuck Liefje." I groaned. "Touch yourself." I said then
as I watched her hands guiding mine in the glass.
She took one away from mine as the other continued
to guide me over her left breast and began to rub
herself. I couldn't take my eyes away from it, I could
see her entire body and the movements of her fingers
like it was a mirror and it was fucking awe-inspiring.
"I think I like this the best." I ground out as we set a
rapid pace together.
"Reverse cowgirl." She gasped.
"Oh yeah." I said. I was biting at her shoulder and
nipping at her neck as she writhed and bounced above
me.
Jesus what a sight.
Bella's beautiful, and fucklarger, breasts were
bouncing in the reflection.
"Now I just need a whip and a cowboy hat and I'd be
all set." She said breathlessly.
Fuck.
"Don't tempt me." I growled again as I lightly slapped
her ass.
She jumped but then she smiled wickedly at me as she
turned her head and her lips met mine in a fiery kiss.
Our movements became frantic as our tongues fought
and my hands swept over her with fervor. I could feel
her pulse rate quicken and I snaked one hand down to
where we were joined and covered hers to work her
faster.
"Oh fuck Edward." She pulled away and moaned. I
could tell she was getting close and we were sprinting
toward the edge together.
I pulled her ear in my mouth and whispered gravelly.
"Feel what you do to me Bella. I want you to see what I
do to you." I said as I thrust up into her. She cried out
and threw her head back against my shoulder again
and lifted her arms up to grasp the back of my head. I
impaled her harder and faster as she lifted up and
slammed back down on me. Our movements were in
time with my fingers which were now rubbing on her
clit.
"Watch." I commanded again and I could tell she
could barely keep her eyes open from the pleasure
ricocheting through her. At last I pinched down on her
and drove up, hard.
"Oh God, oh God. Yes, Edward, yes, yes!" She
screamed out my name, clamping down on me and I
was mesmerized as I watched her orgasm overtake
her in the reflection. And that was all it took for my
own release to shoot through my body as I joined her
over the edge.
"Oh fuck Bella!" I grunted and wrapped my arms
around her middle as she sagged back against me.
We were breathless and sweaty from our sudden
romp on the couch. I turned her head to kiss her
languidly as we slowly rocked coming down from our
highs. At last, we slowed our kiss and our movements
steadied as I clutched her to my chest.
I would never get enough of this womanin every
way. I just stared at her as she closed her eyes in the
reflection and took in the beautiful lines of her body,
her just a little bit thicker middle and her now tousled
hair.
"Mmmm. Mijn Schoonhied, I think we need that
shower now."
She laughed as she rested back against me and the
flutter it caused her inner muscles to make made my
cock start to respond again.
She turned and glanced at me in question and I
shrugged. Then without warning, I picked her up and
ran for the bathroom as she shrieked in delight.
I set her down in the shower and gave her ass another
light slap and she jumped and her eyes flashed with
mischief.
"You're insatiable Mr. Cullen."
"So are you." I quipped.
She sniggered. "Yeah but I have an excuse. I'm
pregnant."
I turned the water on us and pulled her close to me as
she gasped and looked up at me with a smile. "Well I
have the most beautiful woman in the world in my
arms, so I guess you're going to have to get used to it."
She rolled her eyes and jokingly nipped at my chin. "I
think I like this Edward." She said raspily then.
I furrowed my brow for a second as I looked at her in
question. "What Edward?"
"Playful, dirtyinsatiable." She wiggled her eyebrows
at me and I smiled and brought my lips to her neck.
"You have no idea what you're in for Liefje." I
whispered darkly as my tongue circled her pulse
point.
"Mmmm. But I can't wait to find out." She bantered
back.
"Neither can I." I said as I brought my lips to hers and
we devoured each other yet again.
--
"Uncle E!" I heard him before I saw him, but I turned
around to see his messy blonde mop running down
the street at me.
"Umpf." He hit me with force but I scooped him up
and gave him a big hug. "Hey Eliot." I set him down
and ruffled his hair and he squirmed away.
"I can't believe you're going to live here now Uncle E!"
He exclaimed.
Angela just laughed at him and I saw a dark haired
man standing next to her with glasses and a patient
look on his face.
"Hi. Edward Cullenor you can call me Uncle E." I
joked and extended my hand. I was trying to make this
as comfortable as possible, even though I was nervous
as hell.
"Ben Cheney." He smiled pleasantly and I shook his
hand and he stepped back.
It was finally Saturday, the day of the big meeting and
everyone else was inside while I came out to meet
Angela, Ben and Eliot.
"Bella what are you doing here?" Eliot screeched just
then, as he ran over to her as well. I turned to look and
she was just stepping out the front door of my parents'
home on the Upper East Side.
"I'm here for your Uncle E's party Eliot."
"Really?" He looked at her curiously then and
furrowed his brow. "So are you Uncle E's girlfriend or
something?"
"Yes, Eliot I am." She smiled at him and he pumped
his fist.
"Cool."
We all laughed at Eliot and it helped to break the
tension. I turned back to Angela and blew out a
breath.
"Ready?"
"I guess." She said nervously.
"It will be fine. Trust me. They're so excited to meet
you."
Bella gave Angela and Ben a quick hug and then laced
her fingers through mine as we turned to go in.
She stopped quickly and turned to give me a kiss and
whispered words of good luck.
"Ewww. Uncle E, Bella you can't kiss. That's gross."
I wrapped my arm around Bella, who was laughing,
and turned to Eliot. "Don't worry Eliot, one day you'll
understand."
He shook his head fervently and I chuckled at him. At
last I opened the door and noticed everyone milling
about as they had been only minutes before. I locked
eyes with my sister and she gave me an anxious look
as we stepped in. There were enough people that it
didn't seem like too much of a big deal when we
entered. My parents ended up inviting the Whitlocks,
Seth, Kate and Garrett and a few other family friends.
I moved to the side and a hush fell over the room as
Eliot stepped in and his eyes popped open.
"Whoa! Is this your house Uncle E?" He was glancing
around at the large staircase and the piano.
"It used to be buddy. This is where your Dad and I
grew up. But it's actually your Grandma and
Grandpa's house."
"Cool." He breathed. "Did you hear that Mom?" He
turned to look at Angela and at that moment I shot a
glance over to my mother. She was gripping the back
of the dining room chair and my father was holding
her shoulders. I could see the tears in her eyes as she
tried not to cry. Alice had a similar look of wonder as
Jasper held her.
I turned and bent down in front of him then. "Do you
want to meet them Eliot?"
"Sure." His eyes were still taking in the scene and I
could see my parents walking over slowly.
"Are those my grandparents?" He child-whispered at
me so that everyone could still hear him and I
laughed.
"Yeah buddy, they are."
"But they don't look like grandparents. They don't
look old at all." Bella started laughing and Angela
turned bright red. My Mom and Dad both chuckled
and it helped to ease the tension again.
Then my Mom bent down in front of Eliot and
tentatively put her hand on his shoulder.
"Hi Eliot, I'm your GrandmaEsme." She said
chokedly. But then she collected herself as I could see
her eyes scanning his face. It was almost the exact
same face as my brother.
"I'm Eliot Weber." He offered his hand politely and we
all smiled.
"It's so nice to finally meet you." She said, shaking his
hand. "I made a bunch of cookies and lemonade.
Would you like some?"
He nodded emphatically. "Sweet! What kind?"
"Peanut Butterit was umit was your Dad's
favorite." She said with a tight voice.
"That's my favorite too!"
She smiled another watery smile at him as she pushed
a lock of hair out of his eyes. "You look so much like
him." She said quietly.
"Really?" He asked then.
"Oh yeah. So much like him." I could feel my breath
hitch and suddenly a small hand wrapped around
mine and pulled me up to her.
I sat back in amazement as my mother and my nephew
talked about cookies and baseball and the new lego set
Ben gave him. My Dad looked on with a huge grin on
his face and Alice watched with shining eyes as well.
The rest of the guests did their best to keep a din of
noise around us so not to make the interaction the
center of attention.
But soon enough Eliot was telling my parents knock
knock jokes, and even said he was excited to meet his
cousins when he saw Alice's belly.
Bella leaned into my side and I pulled her in front of
me and wrapped my arms around her. I placed my
hands over her stomach and thought about how far we
had come, how far I had come in such a short time. So
many terrible things happened, but there we were,
making my family complete once again.
After our visit with Dr. Cope on Wednesday she told
me, in private that it was good Bella and I had such a
strong connection, but I needed to start doing things
for me again. My entire adult life had been about Eric
and the FBI, and now it was about Bella. She said I
needed balance. I had to work on that.
On Thursday I finally went to meet with my sister and
work to repair that relationship and then we went to
dinner with Jasper and Alice Friday night as well. It
was liberating to have everything finally out in the
open. I felt so free sitting in a restaurant, conversing
and having fun again with my family.
As I looked around the room, I couldn't find much
better examples of great balance in my life than the
people there. I knew we had a long road ahead, and
many more sessions. But I knew in the end it would be
worth it.
I leaned down and kissed Bella on top of the head as
she sighed into me. Angela and Ben were chatting with
Alice and Jasper. My father was showing Eliot a magic
trick and my mother was just standing there taking it
all in with the biggest smile I had seen on her face in
years.
In that moment, I could feel my brother in the room. I
could feel his presence through my family. And I knew
I was finally healing and everything was just as it
should be again.
~~~-~~~

Chapter 28 ~ Resolution
Chapter Song: Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Learning To Fly
BPOV
"I think we would be better off addressing this with
the Board. I don't think they will want to undertake a
huge new project even if we have the additional
funding." Mr. Banner said.
"True, but where did this donor even come from? I
mean, they seem to have some pretty explicit
instructions." I offered.
"Yes. Very specific." He grumbled and then shook his
head. "How is it they seem to always request you?"
I shrugged. I had no idea, but the last time it wasn't
good, so I really hoped this had nothing to do with
him.
"I guess I'm just good at what I do. You'll miss me
when I'm not here." I teased Bob. He was always so
uptight and even though I only returned from my
leave of absence three weeks ago, I had just informed
him that I was pregnant and due in May.
"Trust me, I know, we missed you while you were
gone." He said more softly then. "How are you feeling
by the way?"
"I'm good." I said truthfully. And I was, in fact my
shoulder was healing and recovering well and I felt
like a million bucks now that I had officially entered
my second trimester.
"Good to hear. Well, you'll have to tell me all about
your meeting." He said with a strange smile on his
face. "I'm taking off for the night. I'm taking Merideth
to the new French place in SoHo."
"Have fun." I smiled and turned to walk back to my
office.
I was perplexed and a bit annoyed. It was the
Wednesday before the Thanksgiving holiday. We had
been working a lot in the last few weeks to prepare the
Met for the holiday season. But it was nice to be back
to work, and after returning I knew I would want to
come back, at least part-time, after the baby was born.
I walked back to my office and glanced at my watch. It
was 5:00 and for some reason, some big new donor
requested a private meeting with me. I was a little bit
nervous about it, especially considering who the last
donor was. I stepped into my office and sat down at
my desk. I didn't really have time to start in on
something new, so I just drummed my fingers on my
desk as I thought about the last month.
The weekend after my first week back at work I finally
went to see Renee. I had mixed emotions about it all. I
had spoken with her on the phone, but I had yet to see
her in person. I didn't know her involvement with all
of it and apparently she didn't know much either. But
something just rubbed me about the fact that she
could be so oblivious to everything for so long
I took a cab down to Bleecker and got out at John's
Pizza just like I had only a few months prior. Except
this time my life was drastically different. I wasn't
meeting my mother and Phil and James. Thank God
that wasn't the case tonight.
No, instead, I was going to tell my mother that I was
twelve weeks pregnant, looking for a new condo and
moving in with Edward. I was sure she would flip
out, I just didn't know in what fashion. I rubbed my
hand over my now thicker stomach. We still hadn't
told anyone outside our immediate family. But
regardless of what I thought of Renee I figured she
deserved to know.
I stepped in and saw my mother at a table in the
back.
She was early? That'sodd.
Renee sat there nervously fisting her napkin and
finally glanced up at me. She didn't look overdone
like she usually did. She wasn't wearing her
glittering diamonds or her expensive clothes.
"Hi Mom." I said as I took a seat.
"Hi Baby. How are you?" She reached across for me
and I stiffened.
"Please don't call me that. And I'm goodgreat
actually."
She sighed as she pulled her hand back.
We sat there awkwardly for a moment when the
waiter came up to ask us what we would like to
drink.
"Just water." I said and my mother eyed me
suspiciously. I had no idea what Renee had been
doing for the last month, because she sure hadn't
contacted me until recently. I assumed she was
hiding, from me, from the reality of Phil and from
having to face the entire situation.
She ordered her standard glass of wine and we sat in
silence. Finally I had enough. I didn't come to have
her gloss over everything, I hoped to make amends
and I wanted to know exactly what she knew about
everything.
"Mom, how could you not have known?" I finally
whispered.
She sighed and set down her glass of wine that the
waiter just brought. "I justdidn't." She shrugged.
I shook my headridiculous.
"Do you realizewhat he was into? Do you have any
idea the people he was involved with?"
Her eyes started to well with tears and I wanted to
feel bad but I couldn't. My mother was ever the
ostrich, always sticking her head in the sand.
"I knew he had problems." She finally whispered. "I
started keeping a separate bank account a few years
ago because I was concerned with his gambling and I
was afraid I wouldn't be left with anything. So I
would tell him I went on these extravagant shopping
trips. I would go to 5th Avenue and buy tons of
clothes, only to take back 90% of it and deposit it in
my account." She sighed.
So she did know, or she had some idea.
"But Mom. Why didn't you say somethingdo
somethinglook into it further? Did you know about
Laurent, or James or any of the rest?" I could feel the
disbelief and anger rising in my voice.
"I didn't want to believe it." Her voice quivered and I
realized then just how much her life had been turned
upside down. It was karma. I didn't wish it upon her,
but I had to admit I didn't feel bad. Still, I wasn't here
to pour salt in her wounds. I was here to make
amends.
I sighed finally and looked at her.
"I met someone Mom. Someone who makes me very
happyandwellI'm pregnant."
"What?" She said in shock.
"I said I'm pregnant. And we're buying a new place
together and I'm very happyas happy as I've ever
been Mom."
"But I didn't even know you were with anyone"
"I know. No one did." I blew out a breath and
explained to her about Edward and the investigation.
When I told her that somehow it was Phil who outed
me she gasped and put her head in her hands.
I was waiting for her to tell me it was all a big
mistake and I was repeating her mistakes and that I
was rushing into things. But surprisingly she didn't.
"I'm so sorry babBellaI'm so sorry."
"What?" I said in shock.
"I'm sorry about Philabout everything. You sound
like you've met a great man and I'm just lost now"
"Mom, I know you have to move on with your life as
well, but I don't want you to go back with him. I don't
want you to get caught up in him." I said, worried
that she would have some inclination to stick with
him.
She shook her head then and sighed. "I don't know
what I'm going to doI have nothing left."
"You could move back to Brooklynor" I trailed
off.
"No. I think I'm going to leaveget away from here.
From New York, New Jerseyeverything."
"Where are you going to go?" I asked quizzically.
"We have a placein Arizona. I'm going to sell the
estate and take whatever little cash I can and go to
Arizona and start over."
She was running awayagain. She was turning her
back on meagain.
"Well if you want to do thatthen I guess" I
shrugged resignedly.
"BellaI don't know how to be a motheror a
grandmother. I think you know that. And I need to
move on and have my own life, apart from Phil."
"So you really don't want to be a part of my lifeof
our child's life?" I asked.
"It's not that BellaI justI've never lived my life for
myselfit's always been for someone else. First it
was your father, then you kids, then Phil. And look
where that has gotten me."
As much as I hated it, it was the most logical thing
my mother had ever saidand true.
"MomI'm." I didn't know what to say. So I decided
to simply extend the olive branch. "I can't be mad at
youat Phil or anyone anymore. I have too many
other things to worry about and I just want us to
make amends. If you want to move to Arizona, just
know that we'll always be here."
She smiled and this time I let her extend her hand to
my arm.
"You'll be so much better than me Bella. Don't ever
think that you won't be. I know I wasn't there for you
and I know that your father and Brad would have
done anything for you. And I know you will do
anything for this little one." She shrugged. "It's how
you're built." And then she sighed. "But for nowI
need to find out how I'm built. I need to find me
again."
And that was it. I was moving into a new phase in my
life, having the most dramatic changes possible
happening, and she wouldn't be here for it. It wasn't
any different, it was strikingly the same.
So like I had so many other times, I simply had to
resign myself to the fact that I would never
understand my mother. And she was rightI would
never be like her either. I took some resolution in
that. As we sat through the rest of dinner and talked
about anything and nothing at all, as though none of
the craziness a month ago ever happened, I made a
determination then and there.
I could forgive my mother. I could let her move on in
her own direction. But I would never have that kind
of relationship with our child. I would always be
there for him or her and I would always put him or
her first. Edward and I and our baby, would be the
most important things to me. Even though I might be
turning away from one part of my life, I knew by
making that my focus and my purpose I wouldn't be
in Renee's position someday. And another aspect of
our interaction gave me a sobering revelation. Before
Edward, after Alec and with all of the non-
committing in between, I was no better than Renee. I
didn't truly find myself and feel love until I met
Edward. And now, even though we had suffered so
much, we were so strong together. I loved my life, my
job, my friends, my family, and most importantly I
loved Edward and I already loved the little one
growing inside of me.
I pulled myself from my reverie as I tapped my fingers
on my desk. Two days after I met my mother, the feds
finally caught up with Phil in Costa Rica. I learned
through Emmett and Edward that he really was in
debt up to his eyeballs. My mother had to file for
bankruptcy, but she was able to keep the home and
sell it and move to Arizona as she planned. She left on
Mondaythree days before Thanksgiving.
I wasn't sure how often I would see her from here on
out. But on some level, I did understand her reasons.
She had nothing here anymore. We had a thin
relationship at best. Her friends weren't her true
friends, just a part of the once affluent circle she ran
in. I hoped that someday she could return and have a
relationship with me, with our child and with Edward.
But for now, I was ready to move forward with my
own life.
I thought about how different my mother was from
Edward's or Alec's for that matter. After speaking with
Dr. Cope, I ended up writing Elizabeth a letter. I told
her how very sorry I was for what happened to Alec. I
couldn't tell her why he died or even that he may have
died trying to save me. But I wanted her to know from
someone who actually knew the inside information
that Alec wasn't a bad man. He got caught up in it and
died an unfortunate and untimely death.
She called me at work a few days later and thanked me
as she cried on the other end. I felt bad for her but at
the same time she said she was in a better place as
well and had met a new man. I only hoped he was
honest and upstandingeverything Thomas wasn't for
her. I hoped she finally found her Edward.
As my thoughts drifted to Edward, I couldn't help but
ghost my hand over my stomach and smile. Things
had been remarkably better for him. Counseling was
helpingfor both of us. I was able to air some of my
fears and worries with Dr. Cope and he was as well.
We went to our first session together and then decided
to go separately after that. I knew he wouldn't admit it
yet, but he was finally able to let go of some of his
anger and fear and resentment over everything
involving Eric.
She helped me understand my mother and realize that
I wouldn't be like her. She also helped me come to
terms with everything regarding my grandmother,
father and Brad. I knew it would still take a long time
for me to wrap my mind around all of it. But she made
me realize that they were coming from a place of love,
and even if it wasn't right, I shouldn't hold any
resentment towards them. And I didn't. More
importantly, she helped me sort through my feelings
about all of the changes in my life. It was finally
starting to settle inwhat it meant to be pregnant,
becoming a mother, a true partner with Edward. All of
it was daunting and exhilarating and yet I was ready
for it.
But even so, I knew there was one other thing that
nagged at me. Even through my sessions with Dr.
Cope and my discussions with Edward, I decided I
wanted to be better able to protect myself and our
child if I needed to. Once I had the little one in May, I
was planning to take some self-defense and martial
arts classes. At first, Edward was wary of it at first.
But when I told him that I simply wanted to be able to
defend myself and get away to get help, he started to
understand. He knew that was how I got away from
Jan's men in the first place and he knew, just as much
as I did, that I was rightI needed to be able to protect
us when he wasn't there.
Nonetheless, after we introduced Eliot to Edward's
family, he was more at peace with himself. I could tell
he felt lighter. Even though he was still helping wrap
up the investigation and making sure the numerous
perpetrators were put away for good, I could tell he
felt better. And now, Eliot was truly becoming part of
the Cullen family. Last weekend Edward, Esme and
Carlisle took him to the zoo. Alice and Jasper had Ben
and Angela and Eliot over for dinner shortly after
that. I was even able to go to a movie with Edward and
Eliot. It was nice to see their family spending quality
time together and building a relationship with Eliot,
as well as rebuilding the ones amongst each other.
Of course, our relationship was building as well. I
smiled as I thought about our new condo. A week after
Edward's "welcome home" party, we decided to go
look at a few places on the Upper West Side. We
weren't sure what we wanted exactly, except three
bedrooms, a big kitchen and something that was
modern but still comfortable. I thought back to that
day and couldn't help the excited feeling that overtook
me
We stepped into a place about eight blocks down
from mine that Edward wanted me to see. So far, the
homes were all way more expensive than I wanted to
pay for. We finally sat down and had the money
discussion. I held my ground, but when he gave me
his puppy dog eyes and said he only wanted to give
me everything I gave himthe worldI folded like a
card.
Damn hormones. I'd been crying at commercials at
the time too.
I still insisted that I would contribute a percentage
and he finally agreed to that. But when we started to
look at places in "Edward's price range" I almost shit
myself. Literally.
However, the problem was a lot of the 3 bedroom and
2 plus bathroom condos we looked at were
toowhiteor gaudyor modern with sharp edges
for my taste. White didn't work because, as I said to
Edward, I could just picture handprints all over the
walls. He laughed and agreed. Then the next ones
were all flowers and intricate antique designsvery
not my style. Or they were modern and the decor was
uncomfortable with sharp edges. Two words popped
into my head when I saw thatemergency room.
And not just for the little one, for my clumsy ass as
well.
So by the end of the week I was a little disappointed
and Edward convinced me to just go look at one more
place with him. I relented, because I always did, and
I found myself staring up at a beautiful building
made of glass. As we rode up to the twentieth floor I
was brimming with excitement. All of a sudden I got
a feeling about it. We stepped out to find a private
entry and I looked at Edward who just shrugged.
"It's the whole floor?" I quirked an eyebrow at him.
"Just trust me Liefje." He squeezed my hand and our
agent simply smiled at us.
"Okay" I shook my head, because I had a feeling
this was at the top of his "price range" if not over it.
But then of course I stepped in the foyer and I was
instantly blown away. It wasn't because it was
extravagant, or had a giant piece of art, or because it
had a massive staircase.
No, I liked it because it was gorgeous; yet it was also
warm and inviting and it felt likehome. We walked
in further to find a living room with a warm tan color
on the interior walls and the outside lined in glass.
The entire Hudson River was visible from the corner
and it opened to a large kitchen with a breakfast
barsomething Edward insisted on for some not so
innocent reasons.
I stood there gaping and I could see the smirk
forming on his face. The realtor led us down the hall
to the large master bedroom and bath, which was on
the opposite corner and also lined in glass. In fact all
three bedrooms were on a corner to present a
spectacular view in every direction of New York City.
It was simply amazing, and light and so inviting.
"Edward. How did you hear about this place?" I
finally shook my head as I looked around one of the
guest bedrooms which was clearly a child's room. I
also liked the fact that the people before us had kids.
It was meant to be beautiful and homey at the same
time.
He shrugged. "I know the designer of the building."
I furrowed my brow at his response and as we
walked back out to the dining area, I just took it all
in. I noticed the realtor gave us a moment alone and I
felt Edward wrap his arms around me from behind.
"So"
"I love it, but it has to be too much"
"Bella"
"No, Edward we agreed to what I would contribute
and this will definitely be out of my price range." He
turned me around and brought his hand to my hair
and pushed it back from my face.
"Liefje. I want to give you everything, I don't ever
want you to want or need for anything. Don't you
love this? I love this. And can't you see this little one
running around here, having friends over and this
place filled with laughter." He put his hand over my
stomach as he made his case.
"Damn lawyer" I grumbled and I looked around
again. I really did love it and I could picture just the
things he said.
"Bellamy Mom designed this place." He said quietly
then.
My heart skipped and I could see how much he loved
it and probably got us the inside track just to see it.
"Fine. But do I even want to know what the final
price was?"
He chuckled. "Probably not." He said. "Sodo you
want to get it?"
"You're asking like it's a car, or a coat, not a multi-
million dollar condo." I quipped.
He rolled his eyes. "Bella, when are you going to
realize, I have more than multi-millions to my name.
And half of it will be yours anyway when we get
married."
I sighed, conceding to his smooth-talking ways. I
blamed the hormones yet again.
"I really do love it." I whispered.
"Then it's yours." He said in a breath and bent down
to give me a kiss.
It was only a short time after that when I had my
second doctor's appointment. Edward was beyond
thrilled to be able to go with me. The look in his eyes
when the sound of the heartbeat of our baby came
over the speakers and the monitor was lit up was
indescribable. He just sat there, staring, until he
looked back at me with tears in his eyes and the light
danced off the sparkling jade.
It was hard to believe I was sixteen weeks along now.
Last week I had to finally tell my bosses at work and
more of my friends and family. But that meant I was
really starting to round out now. I couldn't fit the
waist of most of my pants and had resorted to wearing
primarily dresses until my stomach was too tight in
those as well. And then I would have to buy maternity
clothesbleh.
I sighed as I looked
down at my printed
dress and boots that I
wore today. I was going
to miss my wardrobe.
Me, the cop's daughter
from Brooklyn was
actually pretty fond of
fashion now and I knew
it was going to be hard to
dress with the trends as
I got bigger. But Alice
managed to do it, so I figured I could have her sneak
me some fashionable clothes too, especially now that
we were back on track.
Jasper and I were finally returning to normal as well.
We went to lunch together almost every day again. He
would ask me about bits and pieces and form how it
all transpired in his head. Jasper didn't want the full
dish at once. He liked to ponder it, ruminate over how
it all happened; it was his way of working through
things. Honestly, I was okay with that. I was just glad
that everything was finally out in the open and we
could all move on together.
Just then I heard a knock at the door and I looked up
and gasped.
"What are you doing here?" I said as I drew a huge
grin.
He was leaning against the door frame in a white
button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He was
more dressed up that I usually saw him, with dark
denim jeans. His jade eyes were dancing with mirth
and I just paused to take him in.
"I'm here for an appointment." He finally said.
I opened and closed my mouth as it dawned on me.
Finally I shook my head. "You little devilyou made
that huge contribution?" I asked in amazement.
"Of course. Besides, I didn't want his money anyway
and I figuredwhy not give it to something I love"
He shrugged.
His money.
Ah. Jan's money. The reading of the will had been a
few weeks ago and Edward knew he would probably
get a substantial amount.
But that much, holy crap!
"A trust specifically for the upkeep, restoration and
repairs of the Greek and Roman hall for as long as it's
here." I quirked my eyebrow at him. It all made so
much sense now.
"I thought this was a meeting, not an interrogation?"
He said jokingly. "And I specifically requested a tour."
He added.
What was he up to?
"Mr. Banner never told me about a tourand the Met
closed at 5:30." I glanced at my watch and noticed it
was now 5:45.
He pushed off the door frame then and strode over to
me with the ease of a lion. I looked up as he bent over
my chair and a rush of heat went through my body.
His scent was invigorating and I could smell the cool
spring and pure man of him all around me.
"I thinkwe could work something outdon't you."
He smirked at me.
"You Mr. Cullen are quite the finagler." I shook my
head at him, trying to hide how much I was
exhilarated by his presence. It wasn't lost on me what
happened the last time we were in this office.
"WellMs. Swanmaybe I can finagle you into a
private tour." His eyes were burning into mine as he
bent down to give me a kiss.
"Of the same kind?" I shot back and his flashed at my
response.
"Nobut I think you'll enjoy this as well. Come along."
He stepped back taking a breath and breaking our
intense encounter. Then I backed out of my desk and
stood up from my chair.
I heard him moan quietly and I looked at him to see
his eyes focused on my boots.
"Boots?" He licked his lips. "How come you haven't
worn those before?" He asked as his eyes continued to
roam me.
"Because it was too warm." I smiled at him.
Apparently he liked the boots.
"You like?" I pulled my dress up just a hair and turned
to show him my leg in the boots.
"Shit Liefjewe need to get out of here before I
deviate from my course of action."
I quirked an eyebrow at him again and started
laughing. "You've been briefing too much, now your
using agent-speak."
He sighed, his eyes still locked on the boots. "I know."
He closed his eyes and shook his head. Then he held
out his hand. "C'mon, you owe me a tour for that."
I chuckled and led him out of my office. I wasn't sure
exactly what he was conniving at, but I was willing to
play along.
"Well, where to do you want to start?"
"On the second floor, by the Picassos." He said
quickly.
"It doesn't sound like you need a tour." I joked.
"I just want the best." He grinned at me evilly and I
shook my head.
Oh we were all full of the banter tonight.
I led him up to the second floor where the majority of
the paintings were. We moved through the American
and European paintings and I held his hand and led
him through. I could feel his eyes on me as I explained
the different pieces. I loved it. I loved this one on one
time with him in my element. And I could tell Edward
loved it as well.
We made our way over to the modern art and then
down the stairs. As we walked along the back of the
museum, I couldn't help but notice the quiet
peacefulness of it all, yet how it felt so alive at the
same time. Being there with Edward almost took my
breath away and getting his take on a different piece
or see his eyes light up at something made it all the
better.
Finally we moved through the Egyptian art and made
our way toward the Greek and Roman Hall.
"Liefje. Can I lead this part?" He asked.
I looked at him, perplexed. "Sure."
He moved behind me and put his hands over my eyes
then.
"Edward?"
"Do you trust me?"
"Of course."
"Then I want to lead you." He whispered in my ear and
I simply nodded. "Can you keep your eyes closed?"
"Yeah."
"Promise?"
"I promise." I smiled.
I closed my eyes tightly and he grabbed my hand and
slowly led me forward. I could feel my breath quicken
as we walked and I was just trying to keep it even in
anticipation.
At last we stopped and I could hear him shift in front
of me. He grabbed both of my hands in his and then
finally spoke.
"Bella, open your eyes." He murmured.
I slowly blinked to open them and gasped at once. The
entire hall was lit up with candles. The waves of the
flames danced and shone light in spectacular patterns
off the glass and the marble and the beautiful works of
art.
As my eyes focused I looked at Edward, I could see
something in his face, in his eyes.
Oh my Godis he going to?
My hand flew to my mouth and tears instantly wet my
eyes as I looked at him. The depth of the emotion in
his jade pools was staggering and they danced with the
light from the flames around the hall. I looked then
and noticed we were right in front of the Apollo statue
and my hands began trembling.
"Liefje" He squeezed the hand still in his. "I knew
from the moment I saw youright here that you were
something morethat you shone a light from you and
radiated warmth like my own personal sun. You drew
me in from the very first moment."
He drew a breath and I stood there and stared at him
through watery eyes.
"But when you asked that day if there was something
more beautiful in this room, I said there was an
equivalentI lied." He said and I furrowed my brow.
"There was one thing in heremuch more beautiful
than anything else" He squeezed my hand and
breathed out. "You."
A tear trailed down my cheek and Edward gently
wiped it away. I closed my eyes just feeling his touch
on my skin.
"BellaI knew it thenand it only grew stronger. And
I knew it every time you saved meover and over
again. You helped me find myself again. And I can't,
and don't, want to live another day without you. I can
only hope I can give you a tenth of what you have given
meevery day for the rest of our lives."
He reached into his pocket then and pulled out a box,
and before I knew it he was down on one knee in front
of me and the tears were flowing freely from my eyes.
He flipped it open and I gasped again at the sight. But
even more astounding was the look on his face. I had
never seen it so filled with love and adoration.
"Bellawill you marry me?" He murmured.
"Yes." I whispered and my hand trembled as he
slipped the ring onto it. It sparkled and shot out
beams of reflection in the glimmering light.
At once Edward swept me up in his arms and spun me
around. As he set me back down he kissed me
forcefully, pouring every ounce of emotion he had into
the kiss, and I just returned it with everything I had in
me. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and put
his forehead right to mine as he gazed into my eyes. I
was lost in the moment and we didn't say a word forI
wasn't even sure how long.
"I love you so much Liefje." He finally whispered and
blinked his eyes.
"I love you too Edward. I can't wait to marry you."
A brilliant smile overtook his face as he kissed me
again. Our tongues danced together reverently, it was
passionate, but not lustful. It was strong and
worshipful and encompassed every feeling in that
moment and every heartache leading us there.
When we finally broke for a breath his voice was soft.
"Mijn Vrouw." He murmured with a small smile. I
didn't know what it meant, but I suspected a certain
something, as I leaned forward to press my lips to his
again.***
At last we were in need of air and we broke apart. He
grabbed me by the hand and pulled me toward the
fountain at the end of the hall. I shook my head when I
saw a picnic set out on the edge of the fountain and
mounds of pillows stacked against it.
"I know this probably won't be very comfortable
but" He trailed off.
I put my hand to his face and smiled. "It's perfect. I
love it."
We sat down and enjoyed a light meal with non-
alcoholic wine, roasted chicken salad sandwiches,
grapes and cheese. We joked and chatted and I was
mesmerized by the way his jade eyes flickered with the
light of the candles.
I kept glancing at the magnificent ring on my finger. It
was spectacular, amazing. I was sure Edward spent a
small fortune on it as well.
"Do you like it?" He asked when he caught me staring
at it.
"Like it. Is that even a question?" I kidded him. He
laughed then and grabbed my hand.
"I just wanted you to have the best, something that
was only second in its beauty to you."
"Smooth talker." I smirked at him and gave him a kiss.
"You know it baby." He said and I laughed heartily at
his standard response.
Then he pulled out a chocolate cake and my eyes
widened.
"Oh you really do know how to woo a girl don't you
Apollo."
He shrugged and smiled deviously as he opened the
cake. It was from my favorite bakery on Broadway. "I
do what I can."
He put a bite on the fork and leaned closer. "Open up."
I did as he said and as I tasted the velvet texture and
the dark chocolate goodness. I moaned and closed my
eyes. "It's heavenly." I finally said.
I opened my eyes and I could see him staring at my
lips.
"What?"
"You." He shook his head as he took a bite and then
nodded in agreement.
"What about me?" I snuggled closer to him and the
cake as we traded bites.
"I just don't know how I got so lucky to find you.
You're smart and sexy and sweet and caring." He
smiled and I could feel the blush rising on my cheeks.
"But I love how you tease me and your wicked banter."
I laughed. "You mean the snarky Brooklyn streak?" I
asked.
He chuckled then as well. "Yeahbut I wouldn't
change a thing."
I smiled at him and leaned in to give him a kiss. "Well
I wouldn't change a thing about you either Apollo. I
hope you know that."
He swallowed and I realized then that he always
showered me with compliments. He was always so
quick to rain praise on me, but he never allowed it for
himself.
I pulled his hand into my lap and traced my fingers
over the back, just as I had the first night he really
talked about Eric.
"You know you're all of those things too." I whispered.
"And passionate and determined. You have a silent
confidence about you. It's not an arrogance
it'scharismabut yet it's more than that. I love that
you are so protective of me and so strong and
commanding, but that you can be so attentive like
this." I gestured. "Or tease me back. I love your
playfulness as well." I didn't know how else to say it
and for some reason I could never be as eloquent as
him.
"You really think that?" He swallowed and I placed his
hand on my cheek.
"Yeah I love everything about you. You're complex
and you're simple." I shrugged. "You focus on
somethingand that's it."
The air around us grew heavy and I could feel my
pulse rate quicken as the heat from his fingers
pervaded my skin. We were nose to nose now, breath
to breath. And my eyes were dancing in time with his.
"And it doesn't hurt that you're unbelievably sexy. My
tattooed, Aston driving, Armani-wearing, Harley-
riding agent." I smirked at him and he chuckled and
finally bent down to give me a kiss. At once the slow
smoldering that had been there since the first time I
saw him standing in my doorway began to spread
throughout my body. I could taste chocolate and
Edward and all of the love I had for himwe had for
each otherin the kiss.
Once we broke I was practically sitting in his lap, our
dinner long forgotten and I could see the effect it was
having on him as well.
"What do you say we finish our dinner and dessert at
home?" I said huskily.
"I like the sound of that." His voice was equally
breathless and with that he kissed me hard again and
then stood up, only to help me to my feet as well. I
could see his eyes traveling down my body at the boots
and I just shook my head.
"The boots? Really? I never would have guessed."
"Liefje, anything you wear makes me want youyou
should know that." He said lowly in my ear and I
shivered. "But I must sayI do like the boots." I could
feel his eyes look down again and I laughed.
We quickly made our way back to the office to grab my
things. Edward said the guards agreed to clean it all
up and we didn't have to worry about it.
I guess when you practically own the exhibit
I couldn't believe that eitherbut yet it was just
soEdward.
We walked to the employee parking lot and Edward
opened the door to his car for me as I climbed in. He
drove home at a hasty pace and I chuckled at his need
to get there fast. I rubbed my hand up and down his
thigh and I could see him shift in his seat as I gave him
a wicked grin.
When we pulled into the garage with a screeching halt
and he all but ran around the car to open it for me I
laughed. I stepped out and before I could turn to walk
to the elevator he pressed me up against the side of
the car and crashed his lips to mine.
I moaned into his kiss as our tongues fought
passionately, pushing back and forth and our hips
ground together. I was instantly burning with desire.
The throbbing in my core was aching. I fisted my
hands in his hair and I could feel him respond against
me. It was fire and passion and desperationjust as it
had always been.
Our lips broke as we gasped for air and I had visions
of simply jumping him in his car. But I knew we
couldn't do it down here. Someone might come in.
Nonetheless
"Edward" I rasped as his tongue snaked around my
ear and his hands moved up and down my sides, his
thumbs barely grazing the sides of my breasts.
"What Liefje?"
"Promise me sometime we can do it over the Aston." I
said as I bit at the juncture of his neck.
"The Harley and the Astonfuck Bellayou have no
idea how much I want to do that." He groaned as his
hands flexed around my ass and his lips met my neck.
"Oh I think I have some idea." I flexed my hips into
him and he growled.
"You don't know what you've started Mijn Zon."
"Why don't you show me then?" I challenged him.
Before I knew what he was doing, he picked me up
bridal style and took off for the elevator.
"Edward!" I shrieked, now laughing.
He tickled at my side as he pressed the button and
then set me down in the elevator car. At once I had
him flush against the wall again as our tongues battled
and our hands roamed for the ride up. Luckily the car
didn't stop, and when we reached our floor the doors
opened, only for Edward to sweep me up in his arms
again.
My mouth never left him, either on his or his jaw or
his neck as he fumbled for the keys. I dropped my bags
hastily inside the front door, but he still didn't set me
down. Instead he just kept walking to the bedroom.
At last he placed me on the bed and crawled over me,
like a predator after its prey.
But then he stopped for just a second and traced his
hand down my face.
"I can't wait to marry you Bella. I promiseI'm" His
voice softened a bit and I put my hand over his.
"I'm going to give you everything. Be the best husband
and best father I can."
I felt tears form in my eyes as I gazed at him in the
light of the bedroom.
"You're going to be the best Edward. I only hope I can
do that as well."
"I know you will Liefje. Butit's not always going to be
easy." He said then and furrowed his brow.
But I stopped him. I knew what he was trying to say.
The momentous occasion was finally coming to him.
"But we'll get through it together. I love you forever
Edward."
He bent down to kiss me and then pressed his head to
mine. "Forever Liefje."
Our mouths locked and we devoured each other
againevery taste, every smell, every breath.
Edward's hands slowly but firmly caressed my sides as
he pulled on the zipper of my dress. I sat up, careful to
keep pressure off of my expanding stomach, as he
lifted it over my head.
His eyes darkened at my black lace bra and panties
and I could feel his pulse quicken under my finger
tips. I traced my hands down his shoulders and back
up his chest as I slowly began to unbutton his shirt. He
slipped it off and in a matter of seconds he was out of
his shirt, pants, shoes and boxers and hovering over
me yet again.
I moaned as his lips ghosted down my neck, to my
chest and my little bump in the middle. I flexed my
fingers in his hair as he kissed me and warmed me
everywhere. He reached around and unclasped my
bra and the jade was almost boiling as I removed it. I
think Edward definitely liked my now larger breasts.
At once his mouth was on me and I threw my head
back into the pillow. He licked and pulled on my
nipple sending a rush of wetness to my panties. He
continued attending to both as his hand slowly slipped
down my body and stroked me outside the fabric. I
pushed my hips into him as he reached underneath
and grazed my nub and my slit with his fingertips.
"OhEdwardPlease." I just wanted him inside me.
Right now. Like this.
But he had other ideas. I was writhing and moaning
beneath him as he curled two fingers into me and
pressed his thumb at the perfect center.
"Ugh." I gripped his hair as he worked me over and
over with his fingers, his lips and his tongue never
leaving my breasts as he brought me close to orgasm.
"Baby" I rasped. "I want to feel you." I
whimperedso close to falling over the precipice.
He brought his lips up to mine and kissed me and I
pulled his tongue into my mouth, showing him my
desperation. He groaned and ground himself against
me, but ever careful not to put too much weight on
me.
Then he broke and moved down my body to take off
my panties. He looked up then and gave me a devilish
grin.
"The boots are staying on though."
I laughed and curled my finger at him. "Fine with me.
Just get back here." I said.
In a fluid movement he was covering me again, and I
gasped as his lips met the pulse point in my neck. I
knew he was ready, but I reached down between us
and slowly stroked him.
"Fuck Bella."
I rubbed my thumb over the tip, spreading the bit of
wetness and in a movement he pulled back and ran his
hands down me, then back up my boots, over my
thighs and to my chest. He spread my legs and without
a word pushed into me and we both let out a moan of
appreciation.
"OhLiefjeit's always so perfectyou always feel so
perfect."
I knew what he meant. It was the same for me every
time with him. I pushed my hips up into him and flash
of heat overtook my body. I was so close from his
fingers before that I knew it wouldn't take much to get
me there.
Edward groaned and I could feel him harden inside
me. We began moving in time together, every thrust
and meeting of our hips sent a wave of electricity
through me again. Yet I wanted it to last.
"BellaI want to feel youcome for me Liefje." I was
breathing in and out but at his words I exploded
around him and my body shook from my climax.
"AhEdward!" He covered me again and crashed his
lips to mine.
"ChristI can feel you pulsing around me." His voice
was gravelly in my ear and it sent a wave of desire
through me again.
He sped up his pace and I clawed at his back. We were
both getting sticky with sweat but we never wanted it
to end.
Then he pulled back and placed a pillow under my
butt, providing a new angle to hit me with while
keeping pressure off my abdomen. I saw stars dance
behind my eyelids as he thrust into me.
"Fuck Liefjeso fucking good." He growled.
"Oh God. I know EdwardI know." We were panting
and breathing loudly in exhalation. His hands
feverishly moved over my body and mine over his,
gripping, touching, just trying to feel every inch of one
another. I locked eyes with him and then he brought
my hands over my head and pressed into me, driving
deeper this time.
"Jesus" I groaned as he turned his hips and hit me
right in that spot relentlessly. The angle was
maddening in its pleasurehe was keeping his weight
off my stomach but hitting me deeper with every pass.
His mouth locked with mine as our hands were
clasped over my head. My boot covered legs crossed
behind him and he groaned as I saw him look down
between us.
I could feel myself rising to meet him again and I
could tell he was close. But we didn't say a word, we
just kissed and met each other at every push until the
sensations became too much.
"Edward, Edward, Edward" I broke my mouth from
his and chanted as he pressed his forehead to mine.
"Forever Liefje I want this forever." He whispered
and kissed below my ear. With that I screamed out his
name, my release washing over me even more
powerfully than the last.
"Oh GodUghBella." He thrust once more and then
stiffened and spilled into me. I brought his mouth to
mine and kissed him with everything that I had as the
tremors ran through us collectively.
Edward put his hands in my hair and rolled over,
pulling me on top of him and kissed me passionately
again. His hands stroked from my hair, down my sides
and up my back. We just kissed for what seemed like
forever, simply enjoying being so close to one
anothermouth to mouth and skin to skin.
At last we broke and I just stared into his eyes as my
breathing regulated.
"I love you Edwardso much." I whispered to him as I
brushed a strand of hair out of his face.
He squeezed me to him tightly and I could feel the
depth of his emotions and his feelings through his
heart beating in his chest.
"I love you Bella. I will always love you."
"Me too." I whispered as I kissed him and we lay there
simply cherishing in our wonderful night together.
And I knew, as I always had, that he would be
everything I said. He would be the best husband, best
partner, best lover and best father I could ever ask for.
Even though we would face hard times and setbacks,
as we already had, it would never detract from the
love that I had for this man. My Apollo. My Edward.
--
EPOV
She said yes.
She said yes. Bella was going to be my wife.
She said yes.
It wasn't that I was worried she wouldn't or anything
like that, but I had the ring for over a month and it had
been burning a hole in my pocket. I couldn't wait to
marry her, for us to officially become a family. We
already bought our new place and were moving in
after Christmas. Bella was back to work and I finally
decided what I was going to do with the rest of my life.
As I stared down at her in the morning light and
stroked her hair back from her face, I couldn't help
but be thankful and grateful for the last month. After I
bought the ring, I wanted to ask her at the Empire
State Building. Then I almost did it the day we were
standing in our new condo, the one that my mother
told me about through the owners of the building
before they showed it to anyone else. As soon as she
described it to me, I knew it would be perfect. And
although money wasn't at all an issue, I knew Bella
wanted to contribute. She worked hard, she made her
way and saved to get to where she was. I had to fight
back the need to give her everything and let her do it
her way on occasion.
But once I saw the condo I knew we had to have it. I
could imagine it with two little dark-haired children
running around. I could see her working in that
kitchenor us doing other things in that kitchen. I
could picture waking up to her in the light of the
master bedroom. And I could see all of us gathering
for family dinners or having friends over to hang out.
It was perfect and warm and so very us. Yet at the
same time it was sharp and striking and
breathtakingjust like my Bella.
I thought back on our night. When I finally figured out
what I wanted to do for the proposal it took some time
to get things in place. I knew I wanted it done before
Thanksgiving. I wanted to finally be able to tell our
friends and family then, especially since I had the ring
for so long and I asked her father over a month ago.
I couldn't help but let my mind drift back to that
day...a day that marked a turning point for both of us.
She laughed when I told her all about asking Charlie
the day we were in Brooklyn
I knocked on the door and was instantly overcome
with trepidation. I wasn't afraid of Charlie and I was
pretty sure he liked me after everything that
happened. But we had an unconventional start to our
relationship and it was no different with him.
"Edward. It's good to see you. Come on in. Bella's
upstairs." He said as he opened the door. His
mustache twitched as he took in my nervous
expression and I smiled at him.
"Thanks Charlie. How are things with you?" I asked
as I followed him to the kitchen.
"Good. You want a beer?"
I nodded. Yes, alcohol might help oil the gears a bit.
We were quiet in the kitchen and I heard what
sounded like music from upstairs.
"So you said Bella's upstairs. What's she doing?" I
finally asked.
"She's in Brad's room." He said softly. I realized they
probably had a pretty intense conversation about
everything so I simply nodded.
I hated that I had to ask him about this today too, but
I really didn't know a better time to do it and now
that I had the ring it was burning a hole in my
pocketso to speak.
"So" I cleared my throat. "Did she tell you about
everything withthe baby and moving?" I asked.
"Yeah. She said you're going to start looking at some
places next week."
I nodded. "Yeah. I think we're going to need a little
more space..." I trailed off and then blew out a
breath. "Which is part of the reason I came with her
today." I said then.
He eyed me curiously as we both sipped our beers. I
turned my head to still hear the music upstairs and
figured I better do it before she came back down.
"I uhwellCharlie I know that I sort of told you this
already. But I wanted to ask youofficially."
"Ask me what?" His mustache twitched again and
then I knew he was on to me.
Okay Cullen man up here.
"I wanted to ask for your permissionto ask Bella to
marry me."
He chuckled and I relaxed a bit.
"Well son to be honest, I thought it was going to
happen sooner than this. Hell I was surprised you
didn't haul a justice of the peace into the hospital
with you." He said then.
I laughed lightly and ran my hand through my hair.
"Yeah."
He stopped laughing and walked over to grab
another beer and then popped it open and leaned
against the counter. "Of course my answer is yes. All
I have ever wanted is for her to be loved and safe and
happy. And the way you looked for herwell" He
looked down then and I could feel the heaviness in the
air between us. "I've never seen a man like thatso if
that's any indicationhow could I say 'no'."
I nodded as I thought about those days again. I never
wanted to relive them. But if I had to I would, I would
do anything to get her back. And she was here, safe
and we had our whole lives ahead of us.
I looked up at Charlie then and decided I should let
him know that I would do exactly that. I would love
her, protect her and do everything in my power to
make her happy.
And as I said those words to Charlie and thanked him
as I shook his hand, he and I had an understanding.
She was everything to both of us and we were the
only people in the world who understood just how
the other felt.
The evening of the proposal I had Jasper help me haul
in all the candles and stuff for our picnic. He and one
of the guards lit them all and set up the picnic for us
while Bella and I did our "tour." He promised me that
he would have the security guard clear it as well and
just put it in his office. I thanked him and I was glad
that we were off to a fresh start.
The last month had been eye-opening in a lot of ways.
I realized just how much I missed my family and how
much I missed with my family in the last few years. I
was learning all about them all over again. I missed
my sister's exuberant personality. I missed my
brother-in-law's quiet demeanor and his ability to just
settle everything around him. I missed my mother's
huge heart and equal wit and I missed my father's
insight and intelligent conversation. But most of all I
loved being able to spend time with Eliot and to have
everything out in the open with him.
Tomorrow we were all going to my parents for
Thanksgivingmy sister and Jasper, Bella and I,
Angela, Ben and Eliot, Charlie and Sue and even Leah
and the boys. Emmett and Rose and the Whitlocks
were planning to join us as well as Seth. It was going
to be a full house, but I'm sure my mother was excited
about it. She loved having so much family to celebrate
with again.
I looked down at Bella and thought about our future
plans. After we got home and "consummated" our
engagement, we lie in bedding talking for hours, about
my new job, Dr. Cope and planning what we wanted to
do for a wedding.
Neither of us wanted a big affair and I would have
been fine going to the courthouse the next day. But
since she was the only child of her family and I felt like
mine should be there after everything, we decided we
should do something special. When I suggested we
could do it at the house in the Hamptons her eyes
instantly brightened. But she actually wanted to do it
after the baby was born so she wouldn't be a "whale"
in the pictures. Of course I told her she was crazy, but
I could understand. I didn't want to wait until
summer, but then she suggested the beach and I
thought it was perfect.
Bella and I getting married on the beach in the
Hamptonsthat sounded perfect.
We decided for sometime in August, once the little one
would be a few months old and she had lost her "baby
weight." I was sure she would look beautiful no matter
what, but I wasn't going to argue with her, because
then we could actually take a proper honeymoon as
well. When I wiggled my eyebrows at her she giggled
but I knew she liked the sound of it too.
So we would be moving in December, welcoming our
baby in May and getting married in August. I could
handle that. I could more than handle that.
I squeezed my arms around her and thought about the
events coming up in our lives. I finally decided what I
wanted to do when I finished up with the
investigation. Things were winding down and a week
ago Garrett approached me about my options.
Emmett and Seth decided to stay on as field agents in
New York, but I was done with that. I witnessed
enough killing and destruction for a life time. I didn't
need to take part in any more.
Instead, I was going to put my law degree to use. I
planned to take the New York Bar in February, and
start as associate counsel for the New York office as
soon as possible after that. He wanted me to stay on in
a training capacity as well. So once every two weeks I
would work with the ammunitions officers and any
agents who wanted to freshen up on their skills.
I liked the idea because although I didn't want to be in
the field anymore, I couldn't imagine being entirely
behind a desk. It was a nice balance, and it would keep
me up on my own training and fitness.
Nonetheless I was ready. I was ready to move into this
new phase of my life, being a father, a husband and
working in a different capacity for the Bureau. I
couldn't deny that I still wanted to serve, even after
everything happened. And part of me had to admit
that if I was in the office, I might pick up on any tips or
quirks notifying me of a threat to my own family. I
could stay in contact with the pulse line of the agency
but stay out of the line of fire.
The fact that I wanted that type of life was even more
apparent when I went with Bella to her appointment. I
was amazed when the assistant turned on the monitor
and the heartbeat could be heard throughout the
room. I couldn't believe my eyes and I was captivated
by the picture on the screen. We had two extra
pictures made, one for Charlie and one for my
parents. I knew my Mom would be so excited to see
them and she instantly hugged me and put it in an
album.
Dr. Cope also helped me realize how much I needed
my family again. Bella's referral was really spot on.
She didn't force me to say things, but she also didn't
let me slide when I wanted to skip over a tough
subject. Instead she drew it out of me, slowly and
deliberately. I was always drained when I left but felt
like a weight was off my shoulders again. I knew Bella
felt the same way. And I was finally starting to realize
that I needed to lean on her and tell her everything,
but I couldn't put it all on her. There was a difference.
There were pent up emotions stemming from the
death of my brother, my anger at my grandfather as
well as years of aggravation over my missions that I
had to vent. And honestly I needed to talk to someone
else about that.
Bella shifted under me then and slowly blinked her
eyes open.
"Morning Liefje." I kissed her temple.
"Mmmm. Good morning. What time is it?" She
yawned.
"Almost eight. We should probably get up and get
ready."
"YeahI promised your Mom I would make my
potatoes."
"Mmmm. I love your potatoes." I kissed her on the lips
this time and ran my hand over her side. "Especially
when they come with filet and a certain apron."
She chuckled. "You knowthat apron could be the
reason for this little one." She pointed at her stomach
and I followed it with my hand.
"Well then I like it even more." We kissed for a
moment and I raised her left hand up to my lips. "I
love seeing this here." And I did, more than anything.
It was as though it awoke up some Neanderthal part of
me and I had marked my territory or something.
"I love wearing it." She said.
After a quick shower and packing up her stuff for the
potatoes we were on our way.
"I think I'm going to look for a new car next week. Do
you want to come with?"
"Sure. What are you thinking of getting?" She asked.
"WellI was thinking a Range Rover or something
like it." I said and she just shook her head.
"What?"
"Nothing."
I brought her hand to mine and kissed the back of it as
I rubbed my finger over the ring. She smiled and
sighed as she looked out the window. It wasn't far to
my parents but it was nice to be out together. I was
still getting accustomed to it.
We pulled in the back and walked in, instantly met by
my family and friends. The ladies shooed us out of the
kitchen and as I was walking out I heard my mother's
squeal behind me. She likely saw Bella's hand.
I followed my Dad, Jasper, his father as well as the
rest of the men to the family room to watch ESPN. We
sat and drank some beers and I just relished the first
Thanksgiving I had spent with my family in over five
years. But now it was even better because Bella was in
the other room and was a part of my family as well.
Ben, Eliot and Angela arrived and he instantly wanted
to go to the park to throw the football around. I
couldn't deny him. And honestly, I think my father
and Jasper enjoyed it as well. So all of us left on the
relatively warm November day and walked the few
blocks to Central Park. It brought back memories of
doing this with Eric and for once, I didn't want do
break down when I saw him. Instead I just laughed
and joked and enjoyed his similar laugh, his smile and
the way he giggled when he was about to get caught.
Finally we made our way back and I knew dinner
would be ready soon. But Eliot tugged on my shirt as
we were stepping inside.
"Uncle Edo you thinkum" He looked nervous
about somethingso much different than he was
earlier.
"What is it buddy?" I bent down so that I was eye level
with him.
"Do you have any pictures of my Dad here?"
My eyes widened and I swallowed at his request. Then
I thought of something.
"You know what Eliot, we have lots of pictures, but we
have something even better than that."
"What's that?" His eyes lit up and I stood up and
ruffled his hair.
"His old room. Follow me." We walked in and I
gestured for my Dad to follow us.
"Hey DadEliot wants to see some of Eric'shis Dad's
stuff." I said quietly. I could feel my mother's eyes on
us as we stood there.
His face softened and he looked down at Eliot.
"Really?"
"If that's okay Grandpa?" Eliot said and I could see my
Dad's lip tremble as he was trying to fight off the
emotion that one word brought him.
"Of courseyeah. Why don't we go to his room?" He
said as he looked at me.
I nodded and I followed my Dad and Eliot up the stairs
as everyone's eyes watched us leave the room. Then,
just as I had only a few months ago, I pulled out the
boxes in the closet and set them out on the bed. Eliot
climbed up in the middle as my father and I flanked
him on either side.
Soon we were showing him pictures and laughing and
joking about my brother's antics. As I sat there staring
at my nephew in front of me, I couldn't help but notice
once again the striking resemblance. But this time, I
was filled with joy because next to me sat the piece of
my brother that was able to live on.
I wasn't sure how long we were up there, and I didn't
care. But at some point I noticed a figure in the
doorway and looked up. Standing there were both my
mother and Bella and Jasper and Alice.
"It's time to eat." My mother said with emotion thick
in her voice.
I smiled and gestured for Bella to come over to the bed
first. My mother joined my father and explained a few
pictures to Eliot and Alice and Jasper just watched in
awe as our entire family sat together again.
"Do you want to see a picture of him?" I asked her as I
pulled her down into my lap. She nodded and smiled
at me.
I pulled out a picture of the two of us from his high
school graduation.
"Oh my God!" She gasped and starting laughing.
"What?"
"Youyou're so skinny andpreppy."
I couldn't do anything but laugh at her. She was right,
but I still decided to tease her a bit.
"I didn't make fun of your pictures." I tickled her side
and she giggled.
"True."
We spent the next fifteen minutes looking through old
albums and boxes until my mother finally said dinner
would be cold and we could come back later.
And as I closed the door and turned off the light, my
hand in Bella's, I felt a sense of peace like never
before. I felt the love of my family, my Bella and my
brother all around me.
Dinner was a huge event and as we sat down to eat we
laughed at Eliot and smiled at Alice grumbling over
the twins. She had been extremely tired lately and
when her doctor tossed out the words "bed rest" she
about had a heart attack. Bella just rolled her eyes and
even Charlie and Sue chuckled at her. Although
everyone had seen Bella's ring already, we officially
announced it at the toast and said that we were
planning on an August wedding.
Then each person took turns saying what they were
thankful for. For once, this year, I knew what I had to
say. I was thankful for everyone here, but most of all, I
was thankful for the woman beside me and the baby
she carried in her. And I knew that I would now have
many more Thanksgivings and Christmases like this
ahead.
--
I walked into the condo the Tuesday following
Thanksgiving and noticed the lights were low and the
music was playing. I stepped in to drop the few things
Bella asked me to pick up at the market on the
breakfast bar. Suddenly, she stepped out from the
bedroom and I dropped them on the floor instead.
My mouth went dry as I took her in and she smirked at
me as she stalked over.
"Soyou said you liked boots and all"
I licked my lips. She was standing before me in an
oversized sweater and boots. But these boots went all
the way up and over her knees. Her creamy white
thighs were exposed and the sweater barely covered
her ass.
"Jesus." I rasped.
"You like?" She spun for me and I felt my whole body
respond and blood rush to the hardening appendage
in my pants. I clasped and unclasped my fist at my
side, just wanting to
get my hands on her.
She stalked closer to
me and I could see the
scheming glint in her
eye. She put her
hands on my leather
jacket and ran her
fingers down the front
of my chest.
"Did I ever tell you
how much I love you
in leather?" She said
huskily.
"NoI don't think you have."
"Hmmmthat's a shame." She ran her hands under
my jacket and pulled me against her. "Can you
imagineyou in your leather, me in my boots on the
back of your Harley?" She said as she nipped at my
neck.
"Fuck Liefje." I felt her hands grasp my ass as she
rubbed herself against me.
"You like that idea?" She rasped.
"OhI like that idea a lotand I think you're going to
have to bring these boots with you next summer." I
tapped her leg and traced my fingers along her silky
skin. I could feel her respond to my touch and I ran
my other hand over her shoulder and down her chest,
barely grazing her breast.
"You know what thoughI think we could practice
over something else for now." I suggested. Her eyes
flashed in temptation and I lightly pulled her lip into
my mouth.
Then without warning I pulled her into my arms and
set her on the dining room table. My mouth crashed to
hers and we were instantly lips and hands and dinner
forgotten yet again. In a matter of moments I was
sheathed inside herboots around my head and my
leather jacket still in place as we sprinted toward our
release in a frantic manner.
I groaned as I fell across her, utterly sated from her
little surprise.
"What am I going to do with you?" I whispered as I
kissed the side of her neck and she giggled. "I can't
believe you remembered the boots. Shit Bella."
"I just thought you might enjoy it."
"Oh I definitely enjoyed it." I let out a heaving breath
and stood up to pull her to my chest. She was quiet
then and I stroked her hair as we tried to come back
down again.
"Will it always be like this?" She asked. I knew what
she meant, the fire, the passion, the burning desire
she evoked in me. I could never imagine it going away,
if anything it grew stronger with each passing day.
"It's going to be better Liefje." I said as I lifted her
head up and kissed her again. She shivered, as she
was once again in nothing but her boots, little vixen
that she was.
"C'mon, you're going to catch a cold. I'll start dinner."
I pressed my lips to hers and she nodded as I helped
her off the table.
"I think we've officially christened every surface of my
apartment now." She said with a smile.
I laughed and had to agree with her. We certainly had.
"But you realize in just over a month we'll have a
whole new place to christen." I smirked at her.
"I knowand I'm looking forward to it." She said with
an evil grin. I just shook my head at her and lightly
slapped her ass as she sashayed to the bedroom.
Damn sexy woman.
I couldn't get over just how lucky I had it.
I began to prepare the chicken she asked me to pick up
when she strode back in. She was really rounding out
now and I loved the little bump that she had in her
middle. She was more and more beautiful every day
that she got bigger. I had to keep telling her over and
over that I loved how she looked and I would only love
it more the bigger she would get.
The chicken was in the oven to cook and we chatted
about our days and stole quick kisses and touches in
the kitchen. Finally, I sat back down at the breakfast
bar and just watched her work up the rest of the meal.
Suddenly my cell phone rang and I looked down at the
number. I didn't participate in the search, but I knew
what it was as soon as I saw the numbers on the caller
ID.
I lifted up my phone to my ear and Bella watched me
in trepidation as she set out a salad for dinner.
I heard Garrett's words over the line and then I simply
closed the phone and looked up at her. She walked
around the bar and placed her hands on my legs.
"They found him." She stated, knowing already.
I nodded, unsure how to feel at the moment. I knew I
had a difficult phone call to make, but a part of me was
relievedrelieved that we would all finally be able to
put my brother to rest and for him to be at peace.
"Are you going to call your parents?" She asked as she
wrapped her arms around me and we just held each
other.
"Yeah." I said in a hushed tone.
After a few minutes, I stepped out of the room and
called my father to tell him what I just found out. We
planned a small memorial at Eric's grave for Friday
and he said he would contact me when he knew more.
I knew they would have to cremate his remains.
As I stepped back in the kitchen, Bella gave me a sad
smile and I just wrapped my arms around her and put
my hands over her belly as she stood next to the
counter.
"I'm okay Liefje." I whispered and kissed her cheek.
She nodded and I told her of our plans as we quietly
ate dinner.
--
The following Friday I dressed in my black suit, black
shirt and sunglasses. Bella was dressed in a black
wrap dress and we silently left her condo to meet my
parents and Alice and Jasper. We debated over
bringing Eliot, but we weren't sure he would fully
understand. Instead I suggested we bring him back
another time so he would know where his father was
at.
The car was silent as we rode in the limo that was sent
to pick us up. Bella just tucked into my side and traced
small circles over my hand. His grave site was out in
the Hamptons and my parents insisted that we all ride
out together. I didn't mind. It was actually calming to
finally participate in this completely with my family
rather than not being there, mentally at least, like last
time.
We all climbed out of the limo and walked to
headstone which was now freshly dug with dirt and an
urn to be encased in front of it. I gripped Bella's hand
and she looked up at me, her eyes also covered by her
large sunglasses. I could see Alice struggling a bit and
I wondered if her doctor wasn't right and she
shouldn't take it easier. But it wasn't the time to raise
that issue.
The minister said a few things to signify the actual
ceremony. I heard lines from long ago and ones that I
remembered"ashes to ashesdust to dust."
But as I stood there, for once, I simply allowed my
mind to be filled with memories. I thought of us
laughing on the beach, playing volleyball in the sand
or sitting by the pool and taking in the summer sun. I
thought of his smile, his wit, and his laugh. I wished
he could see his own wonderful son now and I wished
he could meet the child that Bella and I were going to
have.
Yet I knew he wouldn'tand I was finally okay with
that. I didn't accept it. I just knew I could finally move
on, remember him, and live my life without regret,
without hatred, or vengeance or extreme sadness.
I squeezed Bella's hand and pulled her into my side.
Alice and Jasper took a moment before going back to
the car. Then my parents stepped up and I knew I was
next. My mother squeezed my arm as they turned to
leave and my Dad put his hand on my back. But this
time, instead of turning cold and unwanting of their
gestures, I turned around and gave them each a hug
and told them I would see them in ha bit.
I walked forward and looked at the headstone and
took in his name, the dates, and the intricacies of the
engravings. I noticed that they changed the date to the
correct oneSeptember 10, 2001.
I pulled the round medallion from my pocket and this
time placed it at his headstone. The lion glistened in
the light and I knew on the other side were my
initialsmy luck to carry with him.
I stood back and looked at it all one more time before I
whispered to him.
"Rest in peace Mijn Broer. Totdat we elkaar weer
ontmoeten." ***
With that I stepped back further and grabbed Bella's
hand and turned for the car. I had felt her presence
the whole time, supporting me, helping me through
every step as she always did.
As we walked back to the car, hand in hand, I felt a
sense of resolve unlike any I had felt in over nine
years. I was closing a chapter of my life filled with
heartache and pain and I was opening one that I knew
would be filled with joy and happiness.
I only had one more thing to do. One final thing before
I could put it all behind me. I made a silent promise to
my brother to myself as I stood at that memorial. I
was going to promise him that no one would hurt any
part of our family again, and that included my future
wife and our child, the niece or nephew that he would
never meet. There was one final thing that needed to
be said.
--
The doors screeched open with a sickening sound and
I locked my glare on the smarmy man before me. His
hair was still black, with glints of silver streaked
through its oily mass.
I sat down across the glass and folded my hands. I just
stared at himletting him see me for the first time in
personletting it all sink in.
"Who are you?" He finally asked, pretending like he
didn't know. His voice was low and airy as if he
smoked two packs a day trying to quicken his death.
Which he shouldbecause if he ever got out, he would
be the only person whom I would coat my armor for
again.
I slipped him a new pack through the hole with a
smirk and he grunted then and snatched them up.
"I think you know exactly who I am." I said as I leaned
forward, clasping my hands in front of me.
He flicked his cigarette as his ashen skin gave a
sickening glint in the yellow light.
"What do you want?"
"Nothing. I'm only here as a warning." I said then.
"A warning." He blew out a puff and sat back in his
chair. "A warning for whatI'm in herewarn away."
He gestured about but I kept my cool and simply
stared ahead.
"Fine. Understand this, and only this. You will stay
away from heryou will stay away from our child and
you will never send anyone after us. Do you
understand?" I remarked coolly to him.
"Now why would I do that?" He mocked me and
pushed his cigarette into the tray. The smoke rose up,
swirling and snaking around his orange jumpsuit and
I stared at him with disdain.
"Because if you ever come near us, near heryou will
wish you hadn't even thought of her, hadn't even
blinked about her because I will end you." I stared
him down and let the words settle in.
"And I won't make it quick." I added. "I'm sure by now
you know what I can do and I will promise you that I
will take every trick, every bit I've picked up in the
field and use it on you. Do I make myself clear?"
"Crystal." He said snappily.
"Good." I jumped back and crossed my arms in front
of me.
"You know I'm never getting out don't you. You know
I can't get to you anyhow." He said with a roll of his
eyes.
"Don't patronize me." I knew exactly who he was and
what kind of connections he had. And if he wanted to
send someone after us, I knew he could. And for that
reason, I would always have one eye open until the day
he died.
"I'm notEdward." He said then.
"Then you'll do well to heed my warning. Because my
warning isn't even a glimpsea thousandth of the
wrath I would turn on you and any of your men." I
stated lowly as I leaned toward the glass again.
"Fine. I hear you." He grumbled and lit up another
smoke from the pack I just handed him.
"Then that's all I have to say." I stood up and pushed
the chair out away from me.
I turned for the door and then stopped as I turned
back again. "Ohexcept one final thing." I let my eyes
meet his as I stared him down one last time. "Enjoy
your smokesyou just took yourself one step closer to
hell."
Let him wonder about that.
And with that I slammed the door behind me as he
stared down at the pack of cigarettes in his hand.
I had my last word with Aro Volturi. If he was smart,
he would never come after Bella or our child or me
again. He would let the dogs lie. I wasn't stupid, I
knew we still had risks out there and I knew I was
taking a chance talking to him. But that's why I had
also prepared a little box, a little something that was
now tucked away at my parents' house for Emmett or
Seth to find should something ever happen to me.
I might have been FBI, but I was still an assassin and I
had made some contacts who could disappear as
quickly in the night as I could. And for once, I was glad
I had those contacts, because I would do anything, at
any cost to protect my family. This was my
contribution, my final redemptionfor my brother,
for my parents, for my sister, and for all of those who
gave so much to keep her safe before me. And so I
would honor their memories and all they had done by
letting him know that should he ever come after us, he
was as good as dead.
As the plane left Kansas and put Leavenworth behind
me, I felt lighter and lighter with the ascent. I knew I
would never tell Bella of this little trip. This was the
final thing I needed to do; the final door I needed to
close so that I could go on and live my life and then
eventually live it in peace once he was gone.
--
At half past five, I strode into the doctor's office for my
weekly therapy session. I was invigorated and I finally
felt some relief once my plane landed in New York. I
was only gone for the day, but I finally felt like a
lifetime had ended and my new life was about to
begin.
"Good evening Dr. Cope." I smiled as I sat in her chair.
I knew I still had a long road ahead of me. But I was
finally ready to put the past behind me and move
ahead.
"Good evening Edward. You look well." She smiled.
I nodded in response and clapped my hands together.
"Well Doc, where should we start?"
She thought for a moment as she glanced up from
writing something on her notepad. She pondered
something as she slowly flicked her pen back and
forth.
"Why don't we talk about your brother?" She said
smoothly.
I looked at her and for once my heart didn't fill with
sadness and my mind didn't fog over. I wasn't angry or
frustrated or filled with terror. I wascalmready.
I knew how much I had gained. He wasn't perfect, but
he did everything he could to make up for his
mistakes.
And now, I was going to do the same, because I had my
whole life ahead of me with Bella, and our baby and
my family once again. I had a second chance, and to a
large extent I owed that to him. Without another
thought, I said the words that only seemed fitting as I
moved forward. Words that six months ago, I couldn't
have uttered, but now seemed perfect.
"I think that's a great idea." I smiled.
As I spoke of my brother and regaled our times as
children and young adults I finally realized,
destruction is sometimes a good thing. Sometimes we
have to break down our walls so that we can let others
in, and sometimes we have to let out our secrets so
that we can live again.
~~~-~~~
Translations:
Mijn Vrouw - "My wife"
Totdat we elkaar weer ontmoeten - "Until we meet
again"
The Condo



~~~-~~~




Chapter 29 ~ Epilogue
Chapter Songs:
Moby Extreme Ways
Bon Jovi Thank You For Loving Me
~Fourth of July- Three and a Half Years Later~
EPOV
"Daddy, you can't catch
me!"
"Yes I can, yes I can." I
laughed as I chased him
dramatically.
Eric took off down the
beach, his golden blonde
and bronze tinted hair
flashing in the sunlight.
He shrieked and giggled as
his espresso brown eyes
shined in amusement.
"Gotcha." I scooped him up and he squealed in delight
as I spun him around.
"Daddy!" He was breathless from his excitement and I
held him up high as he kicked and squirmed and
laughed until his three year old body finally gave in. I
propped him on my hip and brushed my nose through
his hair as he clutched on to me. He smelled like little
boy and sea salt and vanilla like his Momma.
"You think Momma brought Popsicles?" He looked at
me with his big brown eyes, the same eyes of his
mother, and I would have bought him a truckload of
Popsicles if I had to. But his words brought me back to
another place and another memory that seemed so far
away and yet so close at the same time.
"I bet she did Zoonie." I smiled.***
"Yeah!" He squirmed again and I kissed him on the
head as he jumped down to the sand and took off for
the house. My eyes followed him as he ran up to the
patio and stopped.
Standing outside the door to the patio was Bella. Mijn
Lief, Mijn Leven, Mijn Vrouw.
My breath caught as her chestnut waves danced in the
sunlight and her sundress shifted around her rounded
middle. She bent down to hand Eric his Popsicle and
ruffled his hair with a bright smile. She couldn't bend
very far though as she was seven months pregnant
with our daughter. She was more beautiful every day
and she would never know just how much she saved
me. She called me her savior, her Apollo, but she was
everything to me and I was nothing without her.
She put her hand over her eyes then to look back down
the beach to me and gave me a small wave and a
breathtaking smile. I couldn't stop the one that spread
across my face in return.
I started to make my way back to the house, picking up
the shovels and pails from our morning fun in the
sand when two little blond haired angels came
screeching down the beach at me.
"Uncle Edward!" Sophie and Sydney, my three year
old twin nieces, each grabbed a leg and clutched on.
"Eliot won't leave us alone." Sophie whined. I had to
laugh under my breath. It was so much like when we
were kids, Eric used to tease Alice relentlessly and I
was her refuge.
Eliot came barreling down the beach then with his
mischievous blue eyes and I couldn't help but laugh.
He looked so much like Mijn Broer. He was twelve
now and carrying a sand crab with a devious glint in
his eyes. I recognized that look all too well. It was one
I had seen many times growing up.
"Oh, you two stink. You always go to Uncle E." He
complained, but I could see his mind turning at just
how he was going to get them back.
"You just wait Eliot. One day they'll be grown up and
they'll gang up on you. There's two of them
remember." I ribbed him.
He shrugged and dropped the sand crab and the girls
loosened their Alice-like death grip on my legs.
"You know I think Aunt Bella has Popsicles at the
house." I told them.
Their eyes both went wide and they clapped in tandem
as they scampered up to the house as well. I had to
laugh because they were so much like Alice it was
almost unbelievable.
The twins were only five months older than Eric. They
were born on Christmas, but not because they were
supposed to be. After Alice found out she was
pregnant with twins her tiny body was only able to
take so much. She was on bed rest for a month before
the twins were born, and even then they were over a
month early.
I thought Jasper was going to pull his hair out,
because even though she was very pregnant, my sister
has more energy than a hive of bees on a sunny day.
She was restless and whiny and definitely not happy to
be laid up for a month. But then when she had all sorts
of complications and the girls came early everything
shifted. She didn't care how long she was out or what
happened as long as they were okay. I remember
being at the hospital with Jasper and Bella when they
rushed her in. She lost a lot of blood and the twins
were only three pounds each and had to be put in
NICU for two months. The doctor's suggested that
they not have any more kids after that and I think
Alice and Jasper were so happy that the girls made it
that they didn't give it another thought.
It was only a few days after the twins were born that
we decided to find out if we were having a boy or a
girl. I still remember the trip to the doctor's office like
it was yesterday
"Liefje are you ready?" I called through the condo.
"In here." Bella was holding a large box and trying to
stack it on the others in the corners.
"Liefje!" I scolded her as she hoisted it up.
She turned to look at me and gave me her "bitch
brow" as she had called it. But I stood firm this time.
I put my hands on my hips and matched her
expression.
"I'm pregnant, not incapacitated Edward." She
raised her eyebrow a little further.
Now I had to do everything I could not to smirk at
her. She was so damn sexy when she was mad. I
didn't see it very often but it made my blood boil just
like everything else about the woman.
"You could strain something, or hurt your shoulder."
I tried.
She harrumphed and rolled her eyes and marched
past me.
"Well Mister we will never get everything ready to
move if I don't get things packed up."
I turned to where she was now loading items from
the bathroom into another box.
"Liefje if you want to pack that's fine, but call for me
if you need to carry the boxes or stack them."
She sighed. "Fine." She grumbled and I chuckled and
bent down to kiss her shoulder and rub her belly as I
strode back out to the living room.
Boxes lined the floor filled with books and artwork
and kitchen supplies. We were moving into our new
apartment in two days and the moving company
would come to collect everything, but Bella insisted
she box up her possessions. I thought she was crazy
when they could do it all for us, but there really is no
arguing with a pregnant womanespecially a
stubborn Irish cop's daughter from Brooklyn.
I quickly looked at my watch and noticed we were
going to be late for our doctor's appointment if we
didn't get going. I called to Bella once again and she
hurried out into the living room and I shuffled her
into her coat. She was really rounding out now and I
was amazed at how she looked.
I grabbed her hand and we walked downstairs to the
black tinted Range Rover. I insisted once I moved in
with her that we could have a car, even though she
never had one before. I didn't like the idea of trying to
call an ambulance or hail a cab if something were to
go wrong. In the back of my mind, I was always
concerned with the potential of someone coming
after us as well, and I wanted the option of a getaway
car. It was bulletproof and had an enhanced engine,
but I didn't tell her that of course. I didn't need her
worrying especially now with the baby on the way.
But having been one of the FBI's greatest assets for
quite a while I did have some connections.
I opened her door for her and walked around to the
driver's side and started it up and pulled out.
It was strangely quiet in the car and I glanced over to
see that Bella was worrying her lower lip. I knew she
was contemplating something so I pulled her hand to
my lips and kissed her.
"Are you worried about something Liefje?" I asked as
I made my way toward the doctor's office.
"Well" She got quiet again and looked down at her
hands.
"Wellwhat?" I said trying to prod her. She usually
just told me what she was thinking so I was starting
to get concerned.
"What is it Liefje?"
"We umwell, we're finding out the sex today soI
don't knowI guess I was just thinking about names
and" She trailed off once again.
"And?" I prodded her with a smile. Names. I could
handle that. We had discussed it before but nothing
really stuck yet. We both wanted to find out what we
were having anyway and decided to just wait.
She blew out a breath and looked out her window
and I saw her set her jaw. It was her sign of resolve
so I just waited patiently. Finally she turned to look
at me.
"You know, since Alice and Jasper won't be having
any more kidsand they had only girlsI guess I
was wondering what you would think about using
your brother's nameif it's a boy that is." She it said
so quickly I almost didn't catch it.
I thought for a moment about her suggestion. I was
in such a different place now that I wasn't instantly
stricken by talking about him and after finding out
everything when the mission ended. In fact it was
refreshing. It had been difficult when Alice and
Jasper discussed it with me, but now it
seemeddifferent, in light of everything that had
happened.
I mulled over it for a bit and thought about what that
meant. If we had a son, he would be Eric Cullen. The
more I rolled it over in my head, I liked it. But I must
have been thinking for a while.
"Forget it, I shouldn't have suggested it." She
mumbled.
I grabbed her hand and pulled it to my lips again. I
didn't want her to think she hurt me, in fact it was
quite the opposite and I was growing to like it more
by the second.
"No Liefje I think that's a great idea." I smiled at her
and my voice caught a bit at the end.
"Really?" She whispered.
"Really, really." I smirked and she smiled this time.
But then I had another thought.
"But if we use Eric, what about Brad or Bradley?"
Her brow furrowed and I could tell that she must not
have thought of it much. But the expression that
crossed her face went from one of realization to
complete happiness and I knew it was perfect.
"Eric Bradley if it's a boy then?" She whispered.
"Yeah." I kissed her hand once more and she sighed
contentedly and looked out the window.
Somehow, I knew in my heart we didn't even need to
find out. It was like I already knew after we made the
decision on the name.
Only an hour later we found out we were having a boy
and the look on Bella's face was filled with joy and a
hint of sadness. I'm sure mine looked much the same.
But it really was a tribute to both of our brothers and
looking back I wouldn't have changed anything.
When we found out we were going to have another
baby we were ecstatic, considering we actually tried
the second time around. The first had obviously been
completely and totally unplanned. Some would
consider it bad timing, but it was one of the best things
that ever happened to me. Realizing I was not only
going to be with her and not be undercover anymore,
but also become a father, it forced me to reevaluate
my life. I looked at how I dealt with everything prior to
meeting Bella and I knew how right she was. I pushed
everything inside.
It only made sense that I started attending the
counseling sessions once the dust cleared from the
investigation. I had so many years of anger, hurt,
frustration and grief to work through that I never
realized just how much I needed it until I got there.
And Mrs. Cope was a master at getting me to put a
name on the feelings and also bring out the memories
that I had pushed away for so long.
After a few months, I started to only go once every two
weeks and Bella attended with me every now and
then. I was always amazed by her insight and ability to
read me. She knew me better than I knew myself
much of the time. Even though we had a fast start to
our relationship and were being thrust into
parenthood, I had to agree with her assumption that
we were closer than most couples who dated for years.
In our short time together we were forced to focus on
one another without any outside distractions. We
were forced to face life and death issues, be brutally
honest with one another and discuss difficult topics
long before most couples did. Because of that we were
stronger.
Nonetheless, we both had concerns about the fast
track we were on with becoming parents, buying a
new apartment together and getting married. In
addition, we both still held a fear in the back of our
minds that someday someone could come after us. We
acknowledged it more openly in our sessions,
especially me, than we did to each other. But if
anything, it too drove us closer together because we
both knew how easily the person you loved could be
lost.
The only thing that unnerved me was that Bella
insisted on taking martial arts classes to defend her. It
wasn't that I didn't want her to be able to, it was the
thought that she felt like she had to. Even so, shortly
after Eric was born, and she was hell bent on getting
back in shape, she started taking classes with an old
army instructor at a studio on the Upper West Side. I
had to admit, she was a quick learner and pretty good.
She continued going once per week even after she lost
all the baby weight with the addition of running and
training. And I also had to admit my wife looked
pretty bad ass afterwards. Still, I didn't like the fact
that she felt like she needed to learn it, but I wasn't
going to fight her on it. It made her feel safer and I
really couldn't argue with her reasoning on that.
By the time of our wedding she looked fantastic,
although I always thought she was gorgeous. I
couldn't explain it, but when she was pregnant she
was even more beautiful to me. Something about the
fact that she was carrying my child and the glow she
emitted drew me to her even more than normal. And I
didn't think that was possible.
Even so, she was otherworldly on our wedding day. I
remembered thinking then how I thought that about
her the first day I met her, and she was truly more and
more beautiful to me everydayboth inside and out.
She was my rock, my savior, my confidant, my lover,
my best friend. She was everything to me, her and
Eric.
We ended up getting married on
August 13 in a small ceremony on
the beach. Bella looked radiant in
a white dress that was long, but
not extravagant, yet it had a
plunging neck and back showing
off her stunning chest and back. I
couldn't wait to get to the
honeymoon as soon as I saw her.
About twenty-five people
attended including all of our
family and friends. Seth, Kate
and Garrett were there and even
Tanya and Mila flew in from
London.
I turned to look at the exact spot
where the arch and chairs sat. I
could still picture her at sunset,
the orange and crimson tones
glistening off of
the ocean and
her luminescent
skin. It was the best day of my life,
outside of Eric being born. When we left for our
honeymoon the next day we had a teary good-bye at
the airport. My parents insisted on watching Eric for
the first half of our trip and then Charlie and Sue
actually insisted for the last four days as well. I knew
it would be hard for both of us to be away from him
for eight days. We would have liked to have gone for
longer, but we couldn't bear the thought of being away
from him for that long, let alone a full two weeks.
Our honeymoon to the Greek Isles was perfect
relaxing, warm and hot in other ways. Our passion for
one another never diminished, and as I told her long
ago, I truly wanted her more each day. I couldn't
imagine my life with anyone else. It was the perfect
getaway and perfect time for us to reconnect and focus
on one another for the first time since everything had
happened. I truly felt like it was our beginning. When
we got back Bella returned to work and we settled into
our life in Manhattan. The last few years were nothing
short of extraordinary in their simplicity.
I pulled myself out of my reverie and finished picking
up the sand toys and headed for the house. Bella was
standing on the patio laughing with Alice and my
mother. There were kids everywhere and the house
was filled with laughter and friends and family.
I stepped over and gave her a lingering kiss and she
smiled up at me and blushed a bit. Alice rolled her
eyes at us and I teased her that I had to deal with that
shit for so long with her and Jasper that she could
take it. She shrugged, and I knew she was happy for us
and was simply giving me crap.
I smiled as I looked around at my family. To think I
almost lost them nearly killed me. But I didn't, and
they were nothing short of extremely supportive
through everything.
Everyone got together for the holidays now, like our
first Thanksgiving over three years ago, and the circle
just kept expanding.
Rosalie and Emmett ended up getting married in
Hawaii over Christmas a few months after us. They
eloped and then her parents threw them a party back
here when they returned. The Whitlocks weren't
upset. For as commanding as Rose could be, she really
didn't like the center of attention and neither did
Emmett. And although he wouldn't say it, I knew part
of the reason they eloped was because he didn't have
any family to speak of. So it was a great solution.
They started trying for their first child right away but
to no avail. It took them almost two years to get
pregnant. But then last Labor Day they informed us
that they were expecting and little Ethan John
McCarty was born on St. Patrick's Day, fittingly for the
Irishman from Boston. Emmett had a red sox hat on
him as soon as he was born.
Of course he stole the idea from me because I had a
Yankees one on Eric's head when he was only hours
old.
But I was honestly happy for him and glad that they
finally had one of their own. I knew how much
heartache Emmett had been through. A few months
before Rose was due he decided to get out of field
work as well. He took a position with the NYPD as an
interrogator and hostage negotiator. He was good at
it, smooth, and other than a crisis, he was home on a
more regular basis and out of the line of fire as well.
I strode up to Charlie and Sue and shook Charlie's
hand now that they had arrived. Charlie and Sue
ended up getting married in Atlantic City not long
after us either. I wasn't surprised and Bella was more
than happy about it. Her mother still lived in Arizona
and she spoke to her on occasion. But I knew she was
growing closer to Sue every day. She was like the
mother she never had, and was her surrogate mother
in many ways anyhow.
Leah finished her degree and with a reference from
my father began working for Reycon in their
marketing department. She started out just above
entry-level, but she had a quick wit and determination
and had already received two promotions from her
work. She and Bella were closer than ever as well and
the boys were close in age to Eliot. The three of them
were often getting into trouble together because they
attended the same school in Brooklyn. Even though
Eliot was a bit older than them, they were inseparable
whenever we had family events.
Jacob was still in jail but set to get out in six months. I
had spoken with Leah about it and she said she didn't
want to see him. She would allow him to visit the boys
at the scheduled times, but they divorced shortly after
he was sent away and she had moved on with her life
as well. Like a lot of us. In fact she was dating a new
man and she was planning to bring him to the party
tonight for everyone to meet.
I looked up to see Seth and Senna walk in and smiled.
I kissed Senna on the cheek and she turned bright red.
Seth just gave me a man-hug and clapped me on the
back. After the Draconi ring was broken up, Kristina
returned to her home country, but Senna decided she
wanted to stay in New York as she didn't have much
family left. At first they just had a platonic
relationship, and it I could imagine it was difficult for
Seth after seeing everything we had. But he helped her
get set up in an apartment, get a job waitressing and
get enrolled in an English emersion program and earn
her GED, even though he was on assignment in for
most of the year.
Two years later she enrolled in a community college
and Seth was on break between missions. Something
sparked between them and they have been seeing each
other ever since. What started out as a true
friendship, and him simply wanting to help her get on
her feet, blossomed into something more and I was
happy for him. She was still young at 23 but then again
so was he at 29. I was sure they would make it official
soon too. But he said she wanted to finish school and
then do some traveling. I was just happy for both of
them. He seemed to have found a bit of his peace after
our mission ended as well.
When Tanya and Mila returned to London after their
trip to the States for our wedding, they found out
some good news of their own. They adopted a little girl
from Russia and their papers finally went through the
day they got back. They immediately flew to Moscow
to pick up baby Gavrilla. Gavi was only five months old
when they got her, but she ironically looked like she
could be either of their child with bright red hair and
blue eyes. They named her after Tanya's sister who
was kidnapped into the disgusting hands of an
organization similar to the Draconi's. But it was a
fitting remembrance.
Tanya and I still kept in touch via email and she was
also enjoying a quieter life in London. Her rehab was
rather extensive and it took her several months to
walk on her own again. But I knew she was happier
where she was at as well.
Kate and Garrett married two years ago. They tried to
have kids but then found out that it was unlikely Kate
could conceive again. Her miscarriage when she was
with Laurent proved to have lasting effects on her
body, and when Bella found out I thought she was
going to march up to the New York Penitentiary
herself and rip him to shreds. I had never seen her so
angry and hurt. But it only proved how deeply she
loved and the passion she had. Kate told her it was
okay and they were looking into adopting as well. But
Bella still swore up and down that if she ever saw
Laurent again he was as good as dead. And I believed
her. When Mijn Vrouw set her mind to something that
was the end of it.
After Eric was born she went back to work at the Met.
I told her we had more than enough money that she
could stay home but she raised one eyebrow at me and
I quickly left the kitchen. She loved her job and I
would never tell her not to work. Which was why I was
surprised when she told me she was only going to go
back part- time after our daughter was born. I had
slowly learned in our three years of marriage that she
had to come to a conclusion herself. I couldn't force
things on herregardless of how great of an idea I
might think it was.
I was learning.
What do they say about women being the smarter
creatures?
I think they're right about that.
It took me some time to get back in the swing of things
as well. Once I took the New York Bar in February and
was admitted the following April, I began my new job
at the Bureau. It was weird at first using my law
degree and being behind a desk. At first I found it
strange, and then after a while I grew into a routine. I
enjoyed the legal side of things, going to the gym over
lunch like a normal person and coming home at six.
But part of me still itched to do field work every now
and then. I didn't think I would miss it, but part of me
liked the adrenaline rush, the intensity of a takedown
and fulfillment of a mission.
Training had been a great outlet for that. Being able to
keep up on my martial arts kept me in shape and
weaponry training cured the adrenaline rush I needed
every so often.
And I had to admit I liked the side effects. Bella made
it very apparent that she liked it when I wore a suit
every day. But yet she also liked the leather jacket and
black t-shirt and jeans bit.
I chuckled to myself as I thought about our first
anniversary. We'd taken care of her requested
"Harley" moment that night. I couldn't do anything
but shake my head when I thought about my sexy wife.
She was always surprising me and I wouldn't change a
thing.
I was pulled from my thoughts and memories by my
mother calling to me across the patio.
"Edward! Darling can you come here for a minute?" I
heard my Mom call me across the patio until I felt a
pair of hands tugging on my shorts.
"Daddy will you swim in the pool with me? Soph and
Syd don't wanna?" Eric pouted adorably at me and I
picked him up as we walked over to his grandmother.
"Of course Zoonie, we just need to talk to Grandma for
a sec."
"Yeah!" His eyes lit up and I laughed. He was an easy
child for the most part, laid back and kind like his
mother. But he had a bit of a stubborn streak which
we both blamed on the other.
"Yeah Mom what is it?"
"Did you know I'm going to have another grandchild?"
She said excitedly. I looked around at the people in
attendance and I was perplexed.
"UmMom, I'm positive there's only one in Bella's
stomach, I've seen the pictures."
"Oh you silly boy, I'm talking about Angela. She and
Ben are going to have another baby."
I looked at Angela who was smiling sheepishly then
and smiled. My mother really did consider her like her
own daughter. After she found out how Angela's
parents disowned her, she and Eliot and Ben truly
became a part of the family.
"Well congratulations, that's great to hear." I shook
Ben's hand and he shifted their little two year old girl
Ailey to his hip and put his arm around Angela.
Eric squirmed in my arms then and I laughed as I
turned to them. "Apparently I have to go swimming
with this one. Do you want to join us?" I asked.
"Maybe in a bit." Ben smiled as Ailey's face lit up.
I walked with Eric inside to change him into his trunks
and he jabbered on and on about playing on the beach
all morning. I just laughed at him and reveled in his
innocence. I wished I could freeze time and make it so
that he wouldn't grow so fast.
"You know what Daddy? Momma said I could have
another Popsicle later if I went potty on the big potty."
"Did she now? Well I guess you better go try to do that
if you want a Popsicle then." I prodded him.
He nodded assuredly as we climbed the stairs and I set
him down. He ran off for the bathroom and I just
shook my head.
Potty-training. I swear if I would have known how
difficult something like potty-training would be I
would almost rather take an interrogation over that.
I quickly slipped on my other set of trunks as the ones
I had on before were full of sand. I grabbed Eric's
shorts out of his little overnight bag that Bella packed
and turned to follow him to the bathroom. But I
stopped abruptly when I caught her standing in the
doorway staring.
"Shit you scared me." I gasped.
She laughed at me and gave me a small smirk. "Jumpy
Agent Cullen?"
I could see her eyes traveling over my chest and I
could feel that familiar burn from her look and the
sound of her voice.
"Although you should know better than to change with
the door open. Anyone could have walked by and seen
you." She said lowly.
"Maybe I did it on purpose?" I quipped at her.
She threw her head back and laughed. "Save that for
later, there are children around."
"Well how do you think they got here?" I said
mischievously again. And in a second I strode across
the room and pulled her up in my arms.
"Hey!" She squeaked and I brought my lips to hers and
she hummed into the kiss.
"I'm so glad my mother always insists that Eric stay in
his own room." I said lowly as I set her back down but
continued to kiss her.
"Mmmm. I know. It's like a vacation." She laughed.
"I know." I sighed contentedly.
"Daddy!" Eric yelped from the bathroom.
"I'll get him." Bella said then and I just followed her to
the bathroom.
I stood in the doorway as I watched Bella help him
clean up and get his fresh pair of swim trunks on. She
was so wonderful with him, the best mother and wife I
could ever ask for. I was still amazed that I found her,
every second of every day.
As I watched her tickle Eric and listen to his giggle
ring out through the bathroom, I couldn't help but
think of the day he was born. I couldn't believe it was
over three years ago already
"Edward!"
"Hmmm." Something was rustling me in my sleep.
"Edward!"
Suddenly I shot up, it was Liefje and she was shaking
me. I instantly went into agent mode and began
taking in my surroundings. Was there someone here?
Did someone break in?
I reached for the drawer in the nightstand where I
kept my Glock until I felt Bella's hand on my arm.
"Edward not thatI thinkI think it's time."
"Time. Oh shit that time!" I exclaimed and I moved
from agent mode to insane, I-don't-know-what-the-
fuck-I-am-doing, my fiance is going into labor
mode.
Bella was breathing heavily as I ran around our new
condo scrambling to grab her bag and put on some
pants. Our son was three days early and of course I
got called in on a search and seizure issue, one of the
few times I had ever gotten called while at my new
position, and I only got two hours of sleep.
Fuck where the hell did I put the keys.
"Edward." Bella said calmly as I rushed to her side.
"Do you need help Liefje? What is it?"
"I think we need to go. I think my water just broke."
She said frantically.
I looked at the bed and noticed that it was wet and I
instantly panicked again.
"Oh fuck. Okay. Screw this." I picked her up and she
yelped at me to put her down, but I told her not a
chance. I had her bag over one shoulder and I
hurried out of the condo in my sandals, an old Van
Halen tee and jeans.
Somehow I managed to have the keys, my wallet and
my cell phone in my pockets, but I didn't know how
that happened.
Well so much for being calm and prepared.
We quickly descended in the elevator and Bella was
cringing in pain as I just tried to wrap my mind
around the fact that the baby was coming.
Like now.
Like right fucking now.
Thank God I paid extra for the spot right by the
doors.
I quickly strapped her into the seat of the Range
Rover and jumped into the driver's seat and pulled
out.
Finally some semblance of rationality overtook me
and I looked over at Bella who was grunting in pain
again.
"Liefje, how long have you been having
contractions?"
"Since last night." She said between breaths.
"Bella!" I exclaimed as I tore up Broadway for
Columbia Medical. I was actually glad it was the
middle of the night because there was no traffic.
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because you were so tired when you got home and I
thought they were just Braxton Hicks again." She
flinched.
"Jesus Liefje." I shook my head at her. Only my
stubborn fiance would not tell me because she
wanted me to sleep when she was having
contractions.
"Well what time did they start?" I asked then.
"Umshortly after you left." She said sheepishly
again.
"But IBella, I left around eight! You mean to tell me
you've been having contractions for almost eight
hours!" I said exasperatedly.
"Edward!" She exclaimed this time. Oh shit, now
she's mad. Yeah, I need to back track here.
"I'm sorry Liefje. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell." I
blew out a breath. I put my hand on her leg as she
inhaled and exhaled and I could tell another
contraction was hitting her.
Shit.
Luckily we were only blocks from the hospital and in
a matter of a minute I was pulling into the ER. I came
to a screeching halt and instantly jumped out of the
car and rushed to Bella's side. One of the nurses was
already coming out with a wheel chair and after
helping secure Bella, I quickly parked the car and
then ran in.
My heart was racing in my chest and I felt like my
head was going to explode. Hell I was more amped up
than when I was on a mission.
I hurried in and was led to the back. I found Bella
already dressed in a gown and trying to breathe
deeply again. The sight of her in so much pain made
my heart stop racing and instead ache in my chest.
Ok, toughen up Cullen, seriously people have babies
all the time, you need to relax.
Yeah I wish I could tell the blood running in my veins
and my frantic brain that.
I took a deep breath and stepped to Bella's side and
grabbed her hand. "How are you doing Liefje?"
"I've been better." She shot back.
Fair enough.
I willed myself to calm down then.
Get a grip Cullen it's not like you're the one giving
birth. So finally I steeled some resolve and just tried
to be as supportive as possible.
"I'm right here." I leaned in and kissed her on the
head as she panted. The doctor came in to check her
then and when he said that she was past the point of
an epidural Bella swore under her breath. I chuckled
until she shot me a death glare and then I shut my
mouth as well.
Suddenly everything in the room seemed to take off
at a rapid pace. Bella was incredibly uncomfortable
as she was getting closer to pushing. Nurses and
assistants and the doctor were running in and out
and I finally had to just focus on one thing to keep my
head from spinning.
Bella.
She laid her head back after her most recent
contraction and I could see the tears streaming down
her face. I knew I needed to help her in any way I
could.
"Bella. I love you so much, you're doing great." I just
kept whispering words of encouragement to her,
hoping it would help as I wiped the tears away from
her face. She gave me a small smile and I knew she
was with me. She was always with me, just as I was
always with her.
Soon enough she was pushing with everything she
had. Finally at 6:37 A.M. on May 4th our son was
born. I squeezed her hand as I heard his cries ring out
through the room and pressed my forehead to hers as
she breathed sighs of relief. Our tears mixed as I
kissed her and I couldn't believe that he was finally
here.
The nurse handed him to Bella and I took in his sandy
colored hair with the streaks of bronze in it like mine.
But then he opened his eyes and I could see they were
dark like Bella's and I was at once mesmerized.
"He's so beautiful." She sniffed as she held him to her
in his blue blanket.
"Well he came from you so of course he is." My voice
cracked as I kissed her and leaned my cheek against
hers as we gazed at him.
"He's ours." She whispered. "He's our Eric Bradley."
My heart clenched as I watched my soon-to-be-wife
and my son. I knew at that moment I would move
heaven and earth for them.
"Do you want to hold him Daddy?" She gave me a
small smile and I realized that she needed to finish
with everything else as well.
Yet hearing those words from her made everything
come into crystal clear focus in that second.
My son.
I'm a father.
I gently picked him up and he felt as light as a
feather. He was only seven pounds and fourteen
ounces, so he practically was one. As he blinked his
eyes again I marveled at him. He was everything. In
a way he solidified everything we had and brought us
even closer together.
I softly cradled him to my chest before the nurses
took him again. Yet I had one thing to say before they
did.
"Hi Eric. I'm your Daddy."
"Are you ready?" I heard Bella ask Eric and he nodded
his head emphatically.
"Yes! Daddy let's go swim!"
"Okay Zoonie, let's go." I grabbed his hand and helped
him down the stairs as Bella followed us back out.
Before I knew it the pool was filled with kids, along
with me and Emmett and Ben as well.
"Who would have thought this is how we'd get our
kicks huh?" Emmett said to me as he held little Ethan
and let him kick lightly in the water.
"No shit." I muttered to him as Eric squealed and
laughed with Ailey and Eliot. "But I wouldn't change it
for anything." I said then.
"Me neither man. Me neither." He smiled and I looked
around at everyone drinking, chatting, lounging and
simply enjoying the beautiful summer day.
After a while my father decided to light up the grill
and Eric was in need of a nap. Bella took him inside as
I helped my Dad man the grill. I sipped a beer as we
chatted with Charlie, Emmett, Jasper and Seth.
"So how's Bella doingare you ready for the craziness
of another one?" Emmett teased.
"She's doing good. And we're having a girlI told you
that." I raised my eyebrows at him.
Charlie, Jasper and my father snickered and I looked
at them.
"What?"
"Oh you just wait." Charlie said and shook his head.
"If she's anything like Bella you're in for it." His eyes
flashed with an evil grin.
"Or Alice." My father added with a smirk on his face
and I furrowed my brow at them.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Well she doesn't know it, but I had to practically beat
the boys away. Brad and I had an entire covert
operation going about the whole thing."
I started laughing, because I knew it didn't work from
what Bella told me. But then something dawned on me
and I instantly lost my grin.
I looked over at her smiling and laughing radiantly
with Rose and my sister.
"Shit." I muttered and gulped and my father and
Charlie immediately started laughing.
God if she looks like her motherI might have to pull
out my gear again.
That thought made me shudder and at once I decided
it was a fact.
"Oh you will learn Edwarddaughter's are a whole
other thing." My Dad shook his head as Charlie
nodded in agreement.
"So you're saying I'm screwed is that it?" I asked as I
drank half of my beer in a swallow.
"All I am saying is she'll have you wrapped around her
finger from the get go." Dad stated.
I sighed. Well, there was nothing we could do about it
now.
My father and Charlie and Emmett continued to tease
me. Jasper of course jumped in because he agreed
wholeheartedly since he was "surrounded by women."
Once they finally decided to quit ribbing me, talk
turned to more manly things such as baseball and
business and grilling.
I tuned out for a moment as I watched my father. He
was always a quiet person, until he was around his
true friends and family. He was so much different
from my grandparents it was almost startling.
After the takedown and the smoke cleared, my father
helped with the sale of Cullen Enterprises to another
large financial company. My family all sold off its
stock and transferred the funds to other investments.
None of us had to work at all anymore, but I think we
all felt dirty by the money. No one wanted it because it
was Jan's.
But shortly after Christmas my father sat Alice and I
down and told us that even if my grandfather was
involved in a lot of bad things, a lot of good people
worked for the company over the years and there were
a lot of solid business dealings as well. Although we
could choose to do what we wanted with our stock, we
shouldn't throw it away without thinking.
As a result my first inclination was to make sure my
family was taken care of and I set up a trust for our
future child at the time, Eric, and for Bella in case
something were to happen to me.
Shortly after our discussion as well, my father and
aunts went on national television. It was strange
seeing my father put on the spot. But they continually
reiterated that Jan was his own mastermind and the
family was not involved. It helped that they each had
their own lives and successful families and careers
outside of Jan. It was well received and after only a
few weeks and a few more interviews and articles the
entire ordeal blew over and made way for the next big
scandal.
Of course Sasha didn't want anything to do with it. She
ignored the dealings of her husband and where their
wealth came from. Instead she chose to go on living
her life at the Estate, lunching with her friends and
attending parties as though nothing ever happened.
Her true colors and the true colors of their
relationship really showedit was obvious they never
loved one another and merely had a business
relationship. I couldn't understand how she could be
so loyal to him after that. But as far as I was
concerned, I never needed to see my grandmother
again. My father hadn't spoken to her since the
interviews either and to some extent the whole
process finally gave him some closure as well. Instead
he focused on his new granddaughters, his new
grandson and the one that joined the family the
following May.
I had several people, including Bella, ask me if I was
bothered by the use of Dutch in my remembrances of
Eric or in my words to Bella. But I wasn't. Simply
because Jan was a wicked man did not make the rest
of my family bad. In fact, I was more proud of the
contributions my father and mother had made to
various charities and work they did. I was proud of my
aunts and cousins and my sister. Mostly importantly I
was proud of Eric. And even if it was one of the
reasons for his unfortunate involvement and untimely
death, it was who we were. It was part of us, part of
our legacy. I would never dwell on it or use it as a
bargaining chip for my family like Jan had. But I could
honor it and help restore our family name to what it
once wasloyal, upstanding and decent. I could live
with that.
Day eventually turned into night and the party shifted
from one of grilling out and chatting to a more robust
feel. However, I was ready for some quiet time with
my own little family. Just as dusk was setting in, I
walked over to find Bella with a nodding off Eric in
her lap. She was chatting with Rose and Alice and I
motioned to her to see if she wanted to join me.
I picked up Eric and helped her out of the lounger by
the pool and walked instead to one down on the beach.
The lilt of voices grew quieter as the day darkened to
night. I sat down with my back against the padding
and Eric awoke. Bella climbed in front of me and
eventually he was back in her lap. We were curled up
in the lounger, just the three of us, taking in the
beautiful sunset and the peacefulness of the beach.
It was moments like these that never wanted to have
end. I loved curling up with the two of them, my entire
life in my arms and the whole world at our fingertips.
We chatted quietly about the day and smiled at the
various news of our friends and family. Suddenly she
jumped a bit and turned to look at me over her
shoulder.
"Oh, did you feel that?" Her espresso eyes were
glistening in the moonlight as she looked up at me and
ran her hand across her belly. I lay mine overtop and
felt as another kick came through.
"She's awake apparently." I chuckled into Bella's ear
and then looked down at Eric who was snuggled into
his mother's lap.
"But not this onehe's down for the count." I rubbed
his hair as he took slow measured breaths and Bella
laughed lightly.
"He sleeps like you. Once he's out, he's out cold."
"Only when you're in my arms." I whispered as I
kissed her hair.
"Mmmm." She gave me a kiss on the jaw and settled
back into me as we gazed up at the sky. The waves
were crashing into the shore and we could barely hear
the din of people chatting on the patio. But I couldn't
care less about the party. Everything I would ever
need or want was right here.
"So have you thought any more about what we should
name her?" I asked quietly.
We had yet to decide on a name for our daughter.
Eric's had come rather easily once everything fell into
place.
Bella was quiet for a moment and I knew she was
thinking about something, it was so much like the
memory I had earlier.
"I was kind of thinking we could name her after my
grandmother." She finally murmured.
I knew Bella's grandmother was very special to her.
Honestly, she was a very brave woman to do what she
did, to get away from Aro Volturi, change her name
and start her life over. In a lot of ways, I owed her the
world because without her efforts Bella would never
be here.
I thought of it and I instantly liked it. And as crazy as it
was, to have our daughter named after the woman
who fought to protect her family relentlessly seemed
quite fitting.
"Luciana?" I asked.
"Yeah." She whispered.
"What would the middle name be then?"
"Umsomething from your side since the Luciana is
from mine."
I cleared my throat as I thought of something.
"How about after my Mom?" I said quietly.
She turned and smiled up at me. "That would be
perfect."
"Luciana Esme."
"Luciana Esme." She repeated quietly.
"But we could call her Lucy orAna." She trailed off.
"I like Lucy, just like your grandmother. And then it
will be Eric and Lucy." I smiled into her neck.
She sighed and rested back into me. I always loved
these moments sitting quietly on the beach simply
looking up at the stars. My beautiful wife and our
beautiful son in my arms, and soon, our daughter
would join us. I had everything I ever wanted and
more. Everything that, not so long ago, I didn't think
was possible.
Then I thought of something else as I felt her pressed
against my chest.
"You know once she's born I can get my last tattoo for
her right under Eric's."
"What are you going to get this time?" She asked
quietly.
"Dochter and her birth date. Just like Eric's."
"I like thatof course you know how sexy I think your
tattoos are." She whispered then. I could see the
devious glint in her eye and I chuckled.
"Well maybe you'll have to show me once we put this
one to bed." I said huskily.
"Mmmm. Maybe." I knew that tone in her voice. I
almost picked them both up and ran for the house, but
I knew it would look suspicious if we went to bed
before the fireworks even started.
So I sat back and thought about the mark I would get
when our daughterLucywas born. After Eric was
born I had Zoon and his birth date tattooed over my
right pec. Then after the wedding I had a Celtic sun
tattooed right over my heart. Bella was Mijn Zon, Mijn
Licht, so it was only fitting that I have a sun over the
heart she owned to represent her. But she was also a
fiery Irish girl from Brooklyn, regardless of her half
Italian heritage, and I was my mother's son. So I
thought it was fitting with the Celtic bull on my arm to
use the Celtic Sun. Once Lucy was born I would add
Dochter with her birth date right under Eric's and
then I would be done.**
Well maybe, unless we have any more kids.
We had discussed just having the two. I had to admit
with a boy and a girl our family seemed complete. But
I didn't want to foreclose the option either. Once our
daughter was born Bella would go back on birth
control for a few years and then we would reassess it.
Of course by then I would be almost forty. But we
didn't want to make decisions before we knew. So
instead of having her tubes tied or me getting snipped,
we would wait to see if we wanted any more after
Lucy.
Lucy.
I liked that more and more.
Just then the fireworks started in the sky and Bella
shook Eric awake. Usually he wouldn't be up this late
and we wouldn't wake him, but it was the Fourth of
July and every kid loves fireworks.
He oohed and ahhed as the lights shot through the air.
I loved watching his expressions and his innocent face
as he watched with big eyes. Bella and I laughed with
him and smiled as he pointed at the biggest and
brightest ones.
I looked at her as she glanced up at me and gave me a
breathtaking smile. With a squeeze I let her know just
how happy I was, how much I loved these moments
with the three of us.
Eventually the fireworks ended and we had to talk a
fussy Eric into going to bed. He was spent, but as any
good three year old would do he was convinced he
wasn't tired.
We made our way back to the patio as everyone was
still drinking and enjoying the evening. We said our
good-byes and goodnights to our friends and family,
glad to sneak off for some time to ourselves.
I carried Eric to my brother's old room and by the
time I reached the bed he was fast asleep again. I
quickly changed him into his pajamas as Bella
changed and freshened up in the bathroom. With a
kiss on the forehead he was out like a light and I crept
back out of the room. It was fitting that he would
always stay in his uncle's room, and I felt even more at
peace every time we came here. I wasn't filled with
sadness anymore, if anything I was overcome with
happiness that I could feel so close to him here.
I quietly closed Eric's door behind me and walked
back across the hall. I could hear Bella in the en suite
bathroom and crept in behind her. She looked up
right as I opened the door and smiled.
"Asleep?" She asked as she brushed her hair.
I nodded, but now all of my focus was on my beautiful
wife. She was wearing a pink silk nightgown that
looked like pink champagne flowing over her curvy
body.
I stepped behind her and ran my hands down her
arms as I kissed the juncture of her shoulder and
neck. I could see her eyes close in the mirror as she set
down the brush and melted into my touch. The ever
present electricity between us crackled and snapped. I
was always more careful with her now that she was so
far along. Still I wanted to take my time with her,
worship her beautiful body and make love to her while
we had no distractions. I knew Eric was out for the
night after being worn out from the day's activities
and my mother already told me to sleep in and she
would get him in the morning.
So we had the night completely to ourselves, or at
least a few hours of it.
***I traced my lips down her shoulder and grazed my
hands up her sides. Her eyes remained closed and her
lips slightly parted as she breathed in. She clasped her
hands on my pajama pants at my hips as I gently
brought my hands around to caress her stomach.
Slowly, I worked my way over her round belly to her
ribcage and her breasts.
She sucked in a breath as I lightly tweaked her nipples
through the silk as my lips continued their pattern on
her neck. Her much larger breasts were so sensitive. It
was hard not to want to devour them, but I wanted her
to feel pleasure, to feel how much I loved her in my
touch. I could never hurt her. She was everything in
the world to me.
Bella lolled her head to the side and I ghosted my lips
up her neck to her jaw and below her ear as she sighed
in contentment.
"Liefje." I whispered.
"Hmmm." She blinked and caught my gaze in the
mirror. I pulled her tightly to me and kissed the top of
her head as I stared at her.
"You look so beautiful carrying Lucy" I let my
fingertips trace over her stomach and I could see her
eyes water.
"Don't cry. It's true Mijn Zon."
"Edward." She whimpered and then turned around
and put her arms around my neck. "Thank youyou
justtake my breath away sometimes."
"You deserve it Liefje. Thank you" I said with
inflection.
"For what?" She furrowed her brow.
"For loving mefor being you. I didn't know it was
possible but I love you more every second of every
day." I said hushedly.
A tear trickled down her cheek but I bent to kiss it
away.
"Oh EdwardI feel the same way." Her voice quivered
as she brushed her lips over mine.
Then she smoothly pressed her palms up my naked
chest as she reached up to kiss me and our lips met
softly. The slow smoldering spread throughout my
body as I trailed my hands up her back feeling the silk,
her satin skin and her thick hair in my fingertips. Our
lips moved slowly, savoring one another until I
deepened the kiss. As our tongues met I brought her
as close to my body as possible.
I fisted her nightgown in my hands and silently
brought it over her head. Our lips only retreated to
remove it and then they returned to one another
again.
Bella traced her fingers along my waistband and
within seconds pulled them down my legs and I
stepped out of them.
Slowly we backed our way out of the bathroom until
the back of my legs hit the bed. I barely removed my
lips from hers as I pulled the covers back and brought
her into the bed. Our hands roamed over one another
caressing, feeling each other's skin. The warmth of
her body pervaded my senses as I pulled the sheet
over us. I didn't want to stop kissing her or touching
her but I knew she would be uncomfortable now in
certain positions. So I rolled her on her side and
traced my fingers down her back as I followed it with
my lips.
I snaked my arm around her feeling her lush breasts
in my hand and bringing her back to my chest. I
moved her hair away from her neck and instantly my
lips descended there again. Kissing, nibbling and
tasting her sweet flesh.
The only sounds in the room were our contented sighs
and the sound of our lips locking together again. I
pulled one leg over my hip and brought my hand down
to her center and slowly stroked her wetness.
"AhEdward." She at once clasped her arm behind
my head and our entire bodies were flush with one
another in the intimate position.
I pressed one finger into her as my other arm went
under her and pulled her tightly against me.
"Oh God." She whispered and I smiled as I continued
to work her to the edge. She flexed her ass back into
me and I groaned at the friction.
I added another finger and curled them as I pressed
my thumb against her clit.
"Shit babyugh." She cried out as quietly as she could
and gripped at the back of my hair. I continued my
ministrations with my lips and my hands bringing her
higher and higher as I did. She turned her head and
crushed her lips to mine and kissed me hard as she
bucked back into me again.
"Let go Liefje, we have all night." I said quietly once
our lips parted. At once she came undone in my
hands. Then she kissed me harder, and our tongues
fought as she rode out her orgasm against me.
As her breathing steadied she slowed her kiss and
reached back to stroke me with her hand.
"Christ." I groaned at her touch and the softness of
her hands around me and I could tell she was silently
telling me she didn't want to wait any longer.
I hitched her leg higher and placed myself at her
entrance. But just before I moved inside of her I
looked in her eyes once again.
"I love you Bella, Mijn Vrouw, de moeder van mijn
kinderen." And as I kissed her again I filled her and I
moaned as always at our union.
I moved slowly at first, simply relishing in our
connection. Our mouths locked as I used one arm to
hold her tightly to me and placed the other over our
daughter. It was quiet and reverent and I could never
get enough of itmaking love to my wife, my Bella.
She met me as much as she could with each thrust and
ground her hips back into me. Soon enough we were
both moaning and breathing loudly, but trying to stay
quiet enough that no one else would hear us. I softly
kissed along her neck, her shoulder and her
collarbone as I snaked my hand downward again.
I lightly rubbed my finger against her and I could feel
where we were joined.
"Edward" She groaned and I covered her mouth
with mine as I pushed a little harder into her. I could
feel her shudder and she was on the edge of her
release, close to falling over again.
I simply whispered in her ear over and over between
my kisses. "I love you. I love you, I love you." And at
last she shattered and I followed her into blissful
ecstasy. My mouth never left hers and her hand stayed
wrapped around my head as we rode our climax
together.
Gently I rubbed her leg and put it back down as I
snuggled her against me. I traced my hand up and
down her sides and as we both let the relaxation settle
in. Finally I placed my hand over her stomach and she
interlaced her fingers with mine as we could feel Lucy
moving inside her.
"We must have woken her up again." Bella laughed
and I smiled into her neck.
"She's going to be awake for a while then." I kissed her
shoulder and trailed my nose up her neck.
"You can't be ready againthat would have to be a
record or something Agent Cullen." She smirked at me
over her shoulder.
"I'm always ready for youespecially when you call
me that." I said as I nipped at her ear. She giggled and
squirmed in my arms and I laughed.
"Well I'm feeling kind of dirty now that you've had
your wicked way with me. What do you say to a bath?"
She asked.
"With you? Like I'm going to turn that down." I
quipped.
I helped her up and kissed her soundly again before
we walked back to the bathroom and filled the tub.
"Ugh. I'm already ready for her to get here. I'm as big
as a house." Bella grumbled as she turned in the
mirror.
She really wasn't. She was all baby and truly glowing
from the inside out. Not to mentions she still had her
exceptional legs and ass since she worked out every
day that she was pregnant. And her breasts
Dear God her breasts.
I shook my head as I looked at her because just the
sight of her naked in the bathroom was making my
body come to attention again.
"Liefjeshut up and get in here." I said jokingly and
she blushed. I climbed in the tub and then grabbed her
hand to help her in. As I settled back, she sighed and
sat between my legs.
I grabbed the loofa and scrubbed down her arms and
shoulders and across her chest. I took my time
massaging her muscles, her back and her shoulders.
But soon enough the soap was forgotten and Bella was
turned around in my lap.
We were even gentler the second time, whispering
words of devotion and slowly caressing and kissing
each and every part of one another until the
sensations became too much and we both fell over the
edge again.
I wrapped my arms around her and placed my head
on hers in the now tepid water as she yawned against
my chest.
"You were right" She mumbled and I pushed her
hair out of her face as I placed a kiss on her temple.
"About what?"
"That it would only get better" She murmured and
yawned again.
I knew exactly what she was talking about, the night
shortly after we got engaged when she asked me if it
would always be like this. I said it would be better.
And she was correct, it had only gotten better.
Once the water ran cold and Bella was practically
nodding off in the tub, I lifted her out and dried her
off and slipped the silk gown over her again. We
climbed into bed and I took her in my arms and held
her to my chest. For the millionth time in the last four
years I thanked God and anyone else who brought this
woman to me, and once again I vowed that I would do
anything for her, for our son and for our daughter.
And as I felt sleep overtake me and a peacefulness
settle in with each of her breaths, I couldn't help but
think of how different this was from four years ago,
and I could only thank the woman in my arms for that.
--
"Momma look what Daddy and I made!" Eric jumped
up excitedly as Bella settled next to us on the beach.
We had been at work again on the sand castle we
started yesterday and he was even more excited about
all the new additions.
"Wow, is that a real castle?" She asked.
"Uh huh." He nodded emphatically and she grinned.
The three of us and eventually Jasper and Alice and
Sophie and Sydney set to work on the castle, making
various loops and towers and channels. The warm
summer sun was rising in the sky and soon enough we
were reapplying the sunscreen to the three of them.
My parents made their way down as we worked. Ben,
Angela, Eliot and Ailey returned to Brooklyn the night
before so they could spend the rest of the long
weekend with his family. Nonetheless it was great for
all of us to be together.
Suddenly a dog came tearing down the beach and was
headed straight for the castle as well as the three kids.
I could see his leash flailing behind him and his owner
running after him.
I quickly jumped up and stepped and front of him,
causing him to hit the brakes and skid in the sand. He
didn't look like a mean dog, a yellow lab on the loose
maybe, but nothing bad.
I told him to sit and he did so as he panted and I
grabbed the leash.
"Good boy. Now why are you running away?" I
grabbed his leash and tugged, pulling him in the
direction of the man. He finally stopped running and
bent to catch his breath about twenty yards away.
Once I reached him I offered him the leash.
"Is this your runaway?" I smiled.
He shook his head, still breathing heavily. "Yeah.
Sorry about that jailbreak. Sometimes he listens great
and others" He just shook his head and smiled. "I
guess he's still got a bit of pup in him, huh."
I smiled and nodded. "Well good luck training him
in."
"Yeah. Dogs are like rookieshard to train inthey
just don't do it like some of the old guys do." He said
then.
Hard to train in?
I furrowed my brow at him, completely perplexed by
his random statement.
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
"Oh you knowin certain organizations that is." He
gave me an intent look then and I instantly stiffened.
"Excuse me." I stated. But before I could invoke his
response I felt a hand on my arm.
"Edward. Is everything okay?" Bella asked and I held
my eyes on the man for a second as I turned to look at
her.
"Yeah, everything is fine."
"Okay. I just wanted to check." She looked at the man
and then squeezed my arm again before she turned
back.
My eyes followed her and then looked at the man. He
was also staring at us and my old senses kicked into
overdrive.
Finally he spoke again, this time in a quiet tone. I
didn't know this man from anywhere, but I was
completely suspicious of him.
"I don't mean any offense man." He put up his hands
for a sec, but his eyes looked like they were trying to
tell me something.
No, I'm just crazy.
"Thanks for stopping the runaway train."
I just stopped.
What did he say?
I stood there bewildered as he nodded then and
turned to jog back down the beach. Before I could run
after him I felt another pair of hands on my legs and
looked down to see Eric tugging at my shorts.
I bent down to pick him up as I watched the man
retreating, my senses heightened and on alert and my
brain even more perplexed by what he said.
"Who was that man Daddy?" Eric asked then,
snapping me out of my thoughts.
"No one Zoonie, just a guy whose dog ran away."
Before I could do anything else my entire family was
around me again and I had to snap myself back to my
surroundings.
It was nothing.
I kept repeating it over and over again. It was just me
being paranoid about a man on the beach. What he
said didn't mean anything.
I walked back over and bent down to help Eric and
Bella again.
She looked at me intently and whispered. "Are you
alright?"
I nodded and shrugged. "Yeahjust hard to break old
habits I guess."
She smiled and went back to work as I tried to focus
on the sand castle.
And as I sat there, trying not to let the man's words
circle through my head. I almost had to laugh at
myself. Here I was completely inconspicuous out on
the beach. That man didn't know me. He didn't know
my family. I finally had laughed out loud and Bella
raised her eyebrow at me. I just shook my head
thinking how much different this was from four years
ago and at the same time how there were still
remnants of the old me in there.
As we worked and played in the sun, I just resigned
myself to the fact that some things wouldn't change.
And I was okay with that.
I guess you can't entirely shake the field agent
within.
~~~-~~~
Translations:
Zoon- means "son" in Dutch. So when he calls him
"Zoonie" it's a nickname.
Dochter- means "daughter" in Dutch.
~~~-~~~
The End
Sequel Coming!

TGV Outtakes

Outtake #1 Revving The Engines
BPOV
Okay, leather jacket. Check.
Leather pants. Check.
Black tank top. Check
Matching aviators. Check.
Red stilettos. Check.
Insanely hot husband?
Missing.
Where the hell is he?
I glanced away from the mirror and looked at the
clock nervously. Eric was with Charlie and Sue at the
Diner down the street. The house in Brooklyn was
quiet and for my plan to work I needed him to get here
soon before they returned.
Like real soon, before I sweat right out of these
leather pants.
I blew at my hair and looked at the dark make-up on
my eyes. I had to admit, I looked pretty smoking, for a
thirty year old mother and wife. I was putting it all out
there tonight. The pants were tight, the stilettos were
high and now for my anniversary surprise to work I
just needed Edward to get here.
Suddenly I heard an engine pull up outside and I was
nervous. How could I be nervous about a date with my
husband? An anniversary date no less. But for some
reason I was. I quickly touched up my blood red
lipstick and slipped on the aviators as I ran down the
stairs.
I knew he was perplexed, but I told him that I wanted
to plan our first anniversary. He was always so sweet
and planned our nights out, like our Valentine's Day
celebration where we had front row seats to Les Mis
and our wonderful honeymoon to the Greek Isles. But
this time, I wanted to plan it, and I had something a
little different and a little...old school in mind.
I told Edward to bring the bike and wear his leather
jacket and a t-shirt. It was going to be warm for
August, but once we were on the bike with the wind
blowing through our hair it would be better. I knew he
had to go home after work to get the bike and then
meet me in Brooklyn where our little adventure would
take off from.
But I wanted to enact a night I requested not so long
ago. So I planned a night full of role playing, so to
speak, to get us in the mood for what I really wanted.
A ride on the bike.
And not that kind of ride.
I had already been out on the Harley with him a few
times that summer and spring in the Hamptons. But
he was always so careful when I was on the back. So
this time, I was stepping it up a notch.
I heard the engine rev outside again and I blew out a
deep breath.
God, I feel like I'm in high school.
That's the point Bella.
I laughed as I thought of my plan. Edward thought it
was strange that I wanted him to pick me up from my
childhood home on his bike. All he knew was what he
was supposed to wear and that he couldn't answer the
door. He could only rev the engine like some eighties
teen heartthrob.
Speaking of throbbing
I was making our date into my own little version of an
eighties movie. He was going to pull up outside,
looking all bad boy on his Harley, ready to steal me
away from my father and have his way with me. It was
such a turn on when he looked all bad-ass on his bike
in his leather. The problem was he wouldn't be doing
any stealing. I would climb on that bike freely.
I mean really, you can't kidnap the willing.
I looked out the window before I opened the door and
heat flashed through my body at once.
Fuck. My husband is so much hotter than any of those
bad boys of days gone by. Tom Cruise, Rob Lowe,
Johnny Depp, step aside.
There was Edward sitting astride his bike, legs
stretched out in perfect ease as he leaned back and
took in the neighborhood. He looked entirely too good
and entirely too delectable to be sitting on my street in
front of my childhood home. With the complete look
of the leather jacket and aviators my heart and my
core were instantly thumping with the thunder of
hormones as though I was seventeen again. I felt like I
was actually being catapulted back in time and he was
swooping in to sneak me off for some forbidden date
before Charlie and Brad were wise of it.
I could see the strong muscles in his legs and the
tousled sexy bronze mop on top of his head. I couldn't
wait to wrap my legs around him as we screamed
down the highway.
Or screamed doing other things.
Cripes Bella, get yourself under control.
But seriously, what did I ever do to be married to this
man?
I could tell he hadn't seen me yet, so I quietly stepped
out and closed the door behind me. I slowly crept
down the sidewalk until I stopped and jutted my hip
out as I tossed my leather jacket over my shoulder.
As if in slow motion, he turned his head and looked at
me and I could see the knuckles in his hands go white
from even twenty feet away. I saw his Adam's apple
bob as he swallowed. Although I couldn't see his eyes
yet, I couldn't wait to see what color the jade was, to
see if this was working.
But instead of running over to him, I stood there, still,
and pursed my lips as I propped my other hand on my
hip.
It was then he slowly removed his grip and shut off the
engine. He hit the kickstand and, with the stealthy
movement of a lion, climbed off the bike and stalked
toward me.
As if I had pictured it myself a thousand times, he
strode up to me in all his glory and did the one move I
had dreamt about, probably a million times, since I
was ten years old. He pulled the aviators from his eyes
in a swooping motion, just like Tom Cruise did in Top
Gun, and I thought my heart was going to bust right
out of my chest.
Fuck. Me.
He stopped, only a foot from me but still not touching
me and I felt as though his eyes were burning a trail a
fire through my skin. He licked his lips as his gaze
traveled from my head down my body and my legs to
the shiny red stilettos on my feet. He motioned for me
to turn and as I gave him a little spin I heard him
groan behind me. Then he met my eyes again and gave
me that devilish smirk, the same one I noticed on the
first day I met him. It took everything I had in me not
to jump him right there.
Dear God what this man does to me.
"Well Mrs. Cullen, this is certainly a surprise." His
eyes danced darkly over my body again and I bit my lip
in response as I stared at him. I could feel the pulse of
electricity between us and I knew already my plan was
working.
Oh this is definitely going to be a good night.
"Just trying to keep you on your toes Agent Cullen." I
said with inflection and his eyes flashed as his smirk
widened.
He reached his hand out and pulled the aviators off of
my eyes as he took me in. He licked his lips again as he
tucked them in the top of my tank top and
simultaneously pulled me forward.
"So what do you think of my outfit?" I asked breathily
as I gazed up at his piercing stare. I could feel the heat
from his body and smell the leather from his jacket.
"I think" He swallowed and then ran a hand down
my shoulder, razing the side of my breast until it
settled on the inset of my hip. "You better get on the
bike before I do something wildly inappropriate in
front of your neighbors."
I quirked an eyebrow at him, completely loving the
effect I was having. "Wildly inappropriate huh?"
I leaned forward then and pressed my lips right to his
ear. "Well maybe I want you wildly inappropriate for
our anniversary."
He groaned and his grip on my waist tightened as his
other hand joined it. He pulled me into him and I
gasped as I could feel he was hard against my hip.
"I don't think the Captain would want us caught for
indecent exposurein his front yard Bella, but I can
guarantee I am going to be more than inappropriate
with you later."
My breath quickened and I looked at him with a
wicked grin as he shook his head.
"You lookI can't even tell you how fucking hot you
look Liefje. You're like every naughty fantasy I have
ever had about a biker chic." He said lowly.
"You just wait, maybe I can make some of those
fantasies come true." I quipped.
He laughed then and bent in to give me a kiss. "What
am I going to do with you?"
Everything hopefully
Our lips met and my body warmed from the sensation.
Our mouths were insistent against one another and I
opened hoping to get a taste of him before we got on
the bike. He was minty and fresh and everything
Edward as we breathed each other in and our tongues
caressed. It was the same fire and passion as the first
time, even though it was over two years later. But as
our arms wrapped around each other and my leather
jacket dropped to the sidewalk, I heard a loud throat
clearing behind Edward.
We froze and pulled away from our heated kiss and I
instantly felt Edward stiffen.
"Uhsorry Captain, we were just heading out."
Edward said sheepishly.
My father stood there holding Eric and simply shaking
his head. I could see the disapproving look at my outfit
and I just shrugged. He grumbled and Sue laughed
and slapped him on the arm as Eric wiggled from his
grip.
"Momma. Daddy." He babbled and reached out for us.
I grabbed Edward's hand and we walked toward
Charlie and Sue and pulled Eric from his arms.
"Hi sweetie, did you have fun with Grandpa and
Grandma?" I nuzzled his hair and he smiled excitedly
at me. We chatted for a moment as I held Eric
propped on my hip. The juxtaposition of my overly
sexed outfit while holding my son was not lost on me,
and I felt uncomfortable. But now we needed to at
least chat with them for a few minutes. Soon enough
he wanted a hug from his Daddy and squirmed away
from me to go to Edward. He laughed and squealed
excitedly as Edward tossed him up and caught him. I
just smiled at the sight of them together.
I threw on my leather jacket to cover up some of the
skin, or rather exposed curves through my tight outfit,
while I was standing there.
"Well you two better get going or you're going to be
late." Charlie said.
"Yeah. Thanks again for watching him, we'll be back
Sunday morning to get him." I said.
"Pssh. Take your time. It's not often I get to have a
whole weekend with my grandson." My Dad waved his
hand. As Edward passed Eric over, he started to
whimper a bit. My Dad bounced him until he drew a
smirk on his own face.
"Well you two lookready for a night out. But be
careful on that bike." He frowned.
"We will Charlie." Edward patted his shoulder and
then I saw Charlie laugh at something.
"Edward you have some lipstick on you there." Charlie
teased him and Edward blushed and wiped his mouth.
He shook his head and we all laughed as we kissed
Eric good-bye and climbed on the bike.
"Ready Mrs. Cullen?" Edward called back once I had
my arms around him and my helmet secured on my
head.
"Always for you Agent Cullen."
He shook his head and revved the engine. With one
last wave we shot off down the Brooklyn street and the
excitement was again racing through my body. As we
approached the first light Edward finally turned back.
"So where are we going?"
I gave him the name of a popular pub in the Hamptons
and he took off in that direction. We were staying the
weekend at Carlisle and Esme's home and had the
entire place to ourselves. I already called Esme to
make sure of it. She laughed heartily when I told her
my plans for the evening and the weekend. And it was
perfect. We didn't have to pack a thing since we left
clothes there for our frequent visits.
Hopefully we wouldn't have to wear them anyway
Soon enough we were on the open highway and the
wind was blowing through our hair. I could feel the
muscles of Edward's abs beneath my touch and I
clutched on with everything I had. As we rode out to
the Hamptons with the warm breeze and the wind in
our hair I couldn't help but think about the last year.
It had been amazing, beyond description. To think
that I was in such a different place before I met
Edward was almost hard to fathom. I loved him more
every day, for the man he was and the husband and
father he had become. He was everything to me and
Eric.
I smiled as I thought about our little boy as well. He
was so sweet and inquisitive. He was all boy and
wanted nothing but trucks and baseballs and blocks
surrounding him. But I didn't care; he was everything
to meto us as well. I thought of how he really
brought us together, even more than we already were.
In my heart I knew that I would have ended up with
Edward, but after everything that happened I couldn't
imagine our lives without our little zoonie.
His nickname was something that stuck from the
moment he was born when Edward called him
zoontje. But I could never say the correct way to call
him sonny in Dutch. To me it just sounded like zoonie
when Edward called him that. I told him I didn't care
and he just laughed so it stuck. To watch Edward with
our son was magical in and of itself. I knew he would
go to the ends of the earth for us. I knew how much he
loved coming home and making dinner and playing
with Eric. He loved his "normal" life since he was no
longer undercover and I had to admit I loved having
him around all the time, in public, in private
everywhere.
I felt the bike pull to a stop and I realized we were
already at our destination. But I hadn't loosened my
clutch on Edward in time and he turned around to
look at me.
"What are you thinking about back there?" He asked
as he pulled his helmet off of his head. I followed and
gave him a small smile.
"How much I love you, and Eric, and my life." I
shrugged and his eyes softened as he put his helmet
under his arm and reached up with his other to stroke
my cheek. I may have had some purposeful intentions
tonight, but it was still our anniversary and he was
still my ever romantic husband. I enjoyed just looking
in his jade pools for a moment seeing the depth of
emotion there.
"Bella, I couldn't say it any better." He whispered as
he leaned in and gave me a kiss.
"Best year ever." I said as my lips met his.
"I agree. Happy Anniversary Liefje."
"Mmmm. Happy Anniversary."
Before long, we were making out on the bike like a
couple of teenagers and we had to pull away
breathless. I could feel the stares of a few of the
patrons walking by and Edward laughed at it.
"You know technically we're still newlyweds." He said
slyly as he stood up and offered his hand.
"Technicallyand I hope you keep that thought for
later." I gave him a devilish grin and stepped past him.
But before I could get very far he gave me a light slap
on the ass and then pulled me into him. I shrieked a
bit at the impact through the leather pants and giggled
as he kissed my head.
"I can't wait for later." He said lowly and I simply
hummed in response.
We walked into the pub which was known for its
burgers and beer selection. The atmosphere was
young and vibrant and it felt great to be out as just the
two of us and at the same time away from the city.
We claimed high top and I instantly threw my leather
jacket over the stool. Suddenly I heard a low growl
that sounded as though a dog were in there. But as I
looked up I realized it was Edward. I glanced in the
direction he was staring and noticed three men
sipping their beers and staring at my ass. I chuckled as
I sat down. But Edward had other ideas. He pulled my
chair next to him and wrapped his arm possessively
around my shoulders.
"Since when do you go all cave man?" I asked as I
laughed at him. I knew he didn't like it when other
men looked at me, but he was usually very good about
keeping it to himself.
"Since my wife looks like sex incarnate and like she
stepped straight out of a Harley calendar." He said
gruffly. I saw him give the men one more dark glance
and I laughed.
If they only knewthey really wouldn't mess with
him.
Although I was never one for possessiveness, I had to
admit I found it pretty hot when Edward made it
known that I was his and his alone. He didn't do it
often, but when he did it sent a chill up my spine, a
thrill of desire.
As if I could ever be anyone else's.
"A Harley calendar?" I raised my eyebrow.
"Doubtful."
He rolled his eyes as he leaned into me. "Liefje, you
really don't see yourself clearly. Every man in this bar
is jealous of me right now. You look sensational."
I smiled and blushed as Edward gave me a kiss.
He finally calmed down and slipped off his jacket and
we ordered beers, burgers and fries. It was like a first
date as a teenagerminus the drinking of courseand
I laughed and joked with him as I fed him a fry or gave
him a bit of my hamburger with hot peppers on it. He
coughed and sputtered and downed half of his beer as
I laughed that he couldn't take the spice.
It was perfectno pretenses, no fancy dresses or suits,
no distractions. It was just the two of us, in a pub,
having a blast and enjoying our night together.
I snaked my hand up his thigh and he smirked as he
returned the favor. I could feel the electricity pulsing
between us as it always did. But we continued to eat
and laugh and keep the urgency at bay.
After we finished our second beer, I strode back to the
bathroom as Edward paid the tab. I knew where I
wanted to go next. The build-up had been nice, but I
wanted to be with my husband for the rest of the
night, preferably naked and eventually in our bed at
the house in the Hamptons.
I knew no one would be there and we had the house to
ourselves for the rest of the weekend, a short quick
getaway, and time to do whatever we wanted.
I quickly used the restroom and touched up my
lipstick and combed through my hair. As I stepped
back out and did my best to stalk back to the table I
could feel Edward's eyes on me. I saw him glance at
the three men who were once again staring and give
them an evil glare. They immediately averted their
eyes and I had to laugh under my breath.
As I finally made it to the table I took in every perfect
line of my husband through his black t-shirt. I licked
my lips at the sight of his firm muscles, his broad
shoulders and of course his tattoos peeking out of the
sleeve. No one would ever think he wore a suit every
day, which I had to admit was equally as sexy, and
worked as an attorney for the FBI. No, tonight he
looked like the dark, passionate assassin that I met
two years ago. But underneath I knew the real
Edward, the sweet, loving, witty husband and father
that I loved more and more every day. And because he
was now mine he was even sexier.
"What?" He smirked at me.
"Nothing. Just youisn't it against the law to look the
way you do?" I teased.
He shook his head and rolled his eyes. He had no idea
how gorgeous he really was. He didn't see the stares of
the other women or feel their eyes on him. And I loved
him all the more for it, because for even as attractive
as he was, he truly had no idea and only had eyes for
me, and I for him.
"If that's the case then I think you're the one
committing the crime." He said lowly as he pulled me
to him. I stood between his legs as he sat on the high
top bar stool and gave him a simple kiss.
"What do you say we get out of here?" I said
breathlessly as I could feel my heart pounding in my
chest.
He ran his hand through my hair and gave me a
mischievous grin. "I'd say it's about time." And I
laughed.
We both quickly put on our leather jackets and walked
back out to the bike. I flipped my hair down and then
put on my helmet and I heard a low groan behind me.
I just shrugged and Edward shook his head. As we
climbed on the bike he turned to ask me where we
were going next.
"Your parents' place. We have it all to ourselves for
the rest of the weekend." He nodded and as I squeezed
my arms around his strong body, he fired up the
engine and we tore out of the parking lot.
My mind and body were racing with expectation as
though it was our first time all over again. I could feel
the adrenaline in my veins as Edward opened it up a
bit more on the highway. He must have been eager to
get there as well. I decided to move my hands a little
further down to show him how much I wanted him
already. He tensed a bit and shifted but I continued to
gently rub my hands against his lower abs.
In a matter of minutes we were pulling up the long
drive to his parents place. The house was dark and the
night warm and quiet as he maneuvered toward the
overhang next to the garage. We could see the stars
above us, feel the summer breeze and hear the ocean
from the other side of the house.
As soon as we were in the darkness of the overhang I
could feel my pulse quickening and the blood racing
through my veins again. The entire night served to
build up our anticipation. But before Edward could
even turn off the engine I allowed my hands to move
further down his waist until I reached the apex of his
thighs. I felt him suck in a breath and I pressed my
hand along his length through his jeans as he groaned
and leaned back into me. He was already ready. I
knew it by the look in his eyes as we left the bar. And
so was I.
With one hand, I pulled off my helmet and
immediately attached my lips to the back of his neck. I
bit lightly and then sucked on the small imprint
making him hiss and tense. The engine stopped and I
could feel him making his way to turn around then but
I stopped him.
"No. Stay there." I commanded and for once I wanted
to take control.
I reached my other hand around to cup his balls as he
ripped his helmet off his head.
"Fuck Liefje."
"Shh. Don't say anything." I snaked my hand under his
jeans and his boxers until I was met with his perfect,
hard, smooth shaft. The ache in my own core was now
pulsing, but I had ideas for how I wanted this to work.
I stroked him up and down as he gripped behind my
knees and brought my legs over his. I used my other
hand to pop the button and open his fly as I increased
my pressure.
He groaned loudly again and I could tell he was
getting close to losing it so I stopped and pressed my
hands down his thighs, up his perfect abs and over his
strong chest. He was still in exceptional shape and the
feel of his body under my fingertips caused me to burn
with desire for him.
But before I could do anything else, he spun around
and straddled the bike so that he was facing me. His
eyes were searing into mine and the look on his face
was so intense it almost took my breath away.
He crashed his lips to mine as he pulled me into his
lap and wrapped my legs around him. I could feel his
fingers gripping me through the leather, down my
hips and my ass until he pressed one hand fully
against my center.
"Ahh." I gasped at the feeling of his hand on me and as
always any thoughts of control went flying out the
window. Now all I cared about was that he fucked me
on this bike and as soon as possible.
Our tongues fought and battled as I ran my hands
through his hair. I pushed my fingers under his jacket
and he threw his arms back to remove it. But at once
they were back on my waist and working their way to
that sensitive bit of skin right at the juncture of my
hip. I shuddered as he stroked from my hip around
my back to my belly button and I moaned at the
warmth of his hands.
Too slowly, he snaked his hands up under my tank top
and palmed my breasts. I pulled my mouth from his
and made my way down his jaw to his neck to his ear
where I bit lightly. I knew it turned him on when I did
and I continued my ministrations as his fingers deftly
moved below my bra and began tweaking my nipples.
We were at once frantic and needy, the raw passion
between us as strong as ever. Edward ripped my tank
top over my head and then sat me back. His eyes were
fierce, his face flushed and his lips swollen from our
endeavors. My chest was heaving from my labored
breaths and Edward leaned me back against the bike
as his hands firmly ran up my stomach and over my
breasts.
Fuck I loved it when he touched me like that.
How he wanted me, he needed me.
And I needed him.
I moaned as his lips found my belly button and circled
slowly until he placed hot fiery kisses up my abdomen.
"Liefje." He mumbled into my chest as he pushed back
my bra and pulled my nipple into his mouth.
"Fuck." I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes as my
hands found his hair.
"You arewithout a doubtthe sexiest woman I have
ever laid eyes on." I moaned as he moved to the other
nipple and then reached around to unclasp my bra. I
was now topless on the bike as he held me to him and
continued his ministrations. My back arched as I
tugged his head to my chest. I was lost in the
sensations of him working me over yet again.
But I wanted to feel him, all of him against me.
"Edward." I gasped. "Take your shirt off."
He sat up and I immediately pulled his shirt over his
head and had to admire the sight. I pressed my hands
down his strong chest just taking in the perfection of
man before me.
My Apollo, my Edward, my husband. Tattooed and
sculpted and just fucking unbelievable.
And he was mine, all mine.
I flexed and squeezed my hands over his taught
muscles and I could feel his eyes on me as his
breathing picked up. At last I made my way down to
his pants and found his erection again.
"Godshit." He groaned and one hand went to my
hair.
"Turn around." I rasped as his lust filled eyes met
mine.
"What?"
"I said turn around." I unwove my legs from his and
hopped off the bike as he switched me places. He was
straddling the bike and I stood with my legs on either
side as well. I pressed my hands up his thighs and then
tugged on his jeans to pull them down just a bit. It was
enough to free him and at once I had my hand on him
again.
He cursed and before he could stop me I bent down to
run my tongue over the head.
"Fucking hell Liefje." He growled and I grabbed his
hand which was gripping the seat and put it in my
hair. He gripped it just enough to steady himself and I
could feel him breathing in and out.
I worked my mouth down his shaft and back up again,
swirling my tongue at the top and then loosening the
pressure. He hissed and I removed my mouth as I
kissed his lower abdomen.
"Tell me what you want Edward." I snaked my tongue
along his pelvis, teasing him a bit.
"GodI" I could tell he was at a loss for words and I
smiled at the thought.
"Tell me." I commanded.
Then I moved my mouth to him again but he pulled
me up by my arms and crashed my lips to his. I
moaned into the kiss as he fisted my hair and clutched
my ass with his other hand. In a matter of seconds it
seemed like his hands were everywhere, gripping me
to him with all he had as he found the pulse point on
my neck. With a low growl he tensed as I grabbed him
again.
"Bella, I want to fuck you over my bike." His voice was
gravelly and hot in my ear and so fucking sexy.
"I thought you'd never ask." I said as I nipped at his
neck.
"Oh I'm not asking."
Fuck.
My core erupted in fire as he stood up and picked me
up at the same time. He turned and stepped over the
bike and set me down.
"Turn around." He ordered and I could hear the
desire in his voice.
I quirked my eyebrow at him and turned so that I was
resting my arms on the seat, my leather clad ass was
in the air and Edward was behind me.
"Christ." He growled as I felt his hands on my ass and
pressing along my legs until they moved in toward my
center.
"Holy shit, Bella, you are definitely wearing these
again."
"I thought you didn't like other men looking at me in
them." I turned my head to look at him over my
shoulder and the look of pure passion on his face was
undeniable.
"For me. Just for me Mijn Vrouw. You're mine." He
said as his hands spanned my waist and pulled my ass
back into him.
I moaned as I could feel his hardness against me and I
wanted him inside of me immediately.
"Then show me." I responded and he gripped me
tighter as I wiggled against him.
At once he was unzipping my pants and tugging them
down my legs. But he didn't pull them all the way
down before I felt him against me again.
"You better hold on Liefje." I moaned as I felt his
fingers press against me and finally enter me,
preparing me for him. "Fuck you're wet baby."
"Edward" I whimpered because I was dying for him
now. He removed his fingers and without warning
slammed into me.
"Fuck!" I cried out and gripped the seat.
"God damn Bella." He groaned and I could tell he was
already fighting it off and steadying himself. But I
wanted more. I pressed back into him and he growled
as hand snaked into my hair. He began thrusting and I
met him with each pass as he drove deeper and
deeper. The feeling was exquisite as he took me over
the Harley. With the dark night surrounding us, I felt
as though we were doing something naughty again, as
though we were teenagers.
"Fuck Liefje, the pants and the red heels, you're killing
me." I could hear him gritting his teeth as I moaned at
the sensation of him so deep inside me.
"Only for you babe." I managed to rasp and that only
prompted him to pick up his pace.
I was already close, but I was doing everything to hold
it off so I could just live in the moment: Edward taking
me over his bike and unraveling at my hands.
"Harder. Edward, harder." I commanded.
"Christ." He grumbled and squeezed my hair as I
arched back into him.
But soon he loosened his hold on my hair as his other
hand continued to grasp my hip. He pulled me back
into him, thrusting hard and deep and I cried out
again. As soon as his fingers found my clit and I knew
I was done for.
"Oh God, Edward!" I screamed as my orgasm crashed
into me and I could feel him tense behind me.
"Shit Bella." He growled as he drove into me
relentlessly and followed soon after. He leaned over
and pulled me up against him, my naked back against
his naked chest as we panted from our release.
After a few moments, he pulled out and then stood me
up and bent down to remove my pants. I was now
standing in only my red heels as he wrapped his arms
around me and pulled me close. He nuzzled my hair
and I could smell him and us and the cool night air as I
stood there.
"So much for candles and romance on our first
anniversary." He murmured in my ear.
"Fuck candles and romance. That was way better." I
said.
I could feel him laugh against me and I turned my
head to press my lips to his.
"You know wherever you are is perfectly fine with me.
I don't need all that." I said quietly.
"I know. But I like to show you how much you mean to
me. You mean everything to me Liefje. I can't even tell
you how much I love you."
My chest tightened as I stared at him. He was
everything to me as well, he always had beenfrom
the first moment I laid eyes on him.
"I love you tooso much Edward." I whispered. I
gently brushed my lips against his as we kissed slowly
and reveled in the feeling of our bodies flush against
each other. But soon enough I pulled his lip into my
mouth and our kiss intensified.
I broke it off and lightly pressed my lips to his chin as I
spoke again.
"You knowwe could try for two for two tonight." I
said huskily as I continued my trail down his neck.
"How's that?" He rasped and I could feel him
responding already against my back.
"Well, isn't the Aston in the garageI think once upon
a time you promised to take me over that as well?"
He pulled back and I saw his eyes flash with fire as he
gave me a small smirk.
"Well nowI better make my wife happy." He gave me
a wicked grin and in a movement he lifted me up in his
arms and I squealed at him. As we burst through the
door of the garage I laughed at his eagerness.
"What?" He said.
"Nothing. Looks like your engine is raring to go
again."
He chuckled as he sat me down and pressed me back
against the hood.
"Oh Liefje, my engine is always primed and ready to
go for you."
"Even after a year?" I quirked my eyebrow at him.
"Even more after a year." He bent down and kissed my
neck. "Mijn Vrouw, I want you more every day and
that's never going to change. I could never get enough
of you."
"I feel the same way." I mumbled as his lips found
mine again. "Now what do you say we rev that engine
again?" I said as I sat back against the car and he lifted
my legs to wrap around him.
"I say...let's see how high we can get her." He smirked
as he pressed into me.
I gasped and moaned as I locked my lips to his neck.
"Show me what you've got Agent Cullen."
"You really shouldn't have said that." He threatened.
Oh no Agent Cullen but I'll be so glad I did
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Outtake #2

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Outtake #3

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