Parents Concern: Too Much Time Online

With kids ages 8 to 18 spending on average 44. hours per !eek in "ront o"
screens# parent are increasingl$ concerned that screen time is ro%%ing them
o" real !orld e&periences. 'earl$ ()* o" $outh report that the$ "eel +addicted
to video games+ ,)1* o" males# 1)* o" "emales.- These are the results o" a
ne! stud$ o" 1#1.8 /.0. children and teens ,ages 8 to 18- conducted %$
1arris 2nteractive ,(33.- that documents a national prevalence rate o"
pathological video game use.
4r. 4ouglas 5entile# 4irector o" the Media 6esearch 7a% at 2o!a 0tate
/niversit$ reports# +8lmost one out o" ever$ ten $outh gamers sho!s enough
s$mptoms o" damage to their school# "amil$# and ps$chological "unctioning to
merit serious concern.+
9e$ond gaming# kids are :lling their "ree time !ith other 2nternet activities:
social net!orking# instant messaging ,2M-# %logging# do!nloading etc. 4r.
;im%erl$ <oung# 4irector o" the Center "or 2nternet 8ddiction 6ecover$#
identi:ed the "ollo!ing potential !arning signs "or children !ith pathological
2nternet use:
7oses track o" time !hile online
0acri:ces needed hours o" sleep to spend time online
9ecomes agitated or angr$ !hen online time is interrupted
Checks email several times a da$
9ecomes irrita%le i" not allo!ed access to the 2nternet
0pends time online in place o" home!ork or chores
Pre"ers to spend time online rather than !ith "riends or "amil$
4iso%e$s time limits that have %een set "or internet usage
7ies a%out amount o" time spent online or +sneaks+ online !hen no one is
around
=orms ne! relationships !ith people he or she has met online
0eems preoccupied !ith getting %ack online !hen a!a$ "rom the computer
7oses interest in activities that !ere en>o$a%le %e"ore he or she had online
access
9ecomes irrita%le# mood$ or depressed !hen not online
The ?motional Costs
2nternet addiction among children is a gro!ing concern. Online access is a
vital part o" the modern !orld and an important tool in the education o" our
children. 2n addition# it is a highl$ entertaining and in"ormative medium.
1o!ever# these ver$ @ualities also make it an enticing escape "or man$
children. The$ can %e an$one in an online chat room# or pla$ thrilling and
challenging games against other pla$ers "rom all corners o" the glo%e. With
the click o" a mouse# the$ can enter a diAerent !orld !here the pro%lems o"
their real li"e are no longer present# and all the things one !ishes he or she
could %e or e&perience are possi%le.
7ike addiction to drugs and alcohol# the 2nternet oAers children and
adolescents a !a$ to escape pain"ul "eelings or trou%ling situations. The$
sacri:ce needed hours o" sleep to spend time online and !ithdra! "rom
"amil$ and "riends to escape into a com"orta%le online !orld that the$ have
created and shaped.
Children !ho lack re!arding or nurturing relationships or !ho suAer "rom
poor social and coping skills are at greater risk to developing inappropriate or
e&cessive online ha%its. 9ecause the$ "eel alone# alienated# and have
pro%lems making ne! "riends# the$ turn to invisi%le strangers in online chat
rooms looking "or the attention and companionship missing in their real lives.
The$ ma$ come "rom "amilies !ith signi:cant pro%lems# and the$ cope !ith
their pro%lems %$ spending time online.
0ociall$# the$ learn to instant message "riends rather than develop "aceBtoB
"ace relationships# !hich can impact their !a$ o" relating to peers. 8s one
principal e&plained:
The internet is hurting their a%ilit$ to !ork in groups. Our teachers struggle to
get them to participate in an$ kind o" team assignmentsC instead the$ !ould
all rather stare at the computer. When 2 o%serve them talking to one another
in the hall!a$# 2 see $oung girls !ho are sociall$ aggressive or inappropriate#
and 2 cant help %ut think that the 2nternet is socialiDing them in !a$s that
emotionall$ stunts them and makes it diEcult "or them to deal !ith others in
the real !orld.
What Can Parents 4oF
8ddress the pro%lem:
2n a t!oBparent household# it is critical that %oth parents present a united
"ront. 8s parents# each must take the issue seriousl$ and agree on common
goals. 4iscuss the situation together and i" necessar$# compromise on desired
goals so that !hen $ou approach $our child# $ou !ill %e coming "rom the
same page. 2" $ou do not# $our child !ill appeal to the more skeptical parent
and create division %et!een $ou.
2n a singleBparent household# the parent needs to take some time to think
a%out !hat needs to %e said and to prepare "or the likel$ emotional response
"rom the child. 8 child !ho is addicted to the 2nternet or %ecoming addicted
to it !ill "eel threatened at the ver$ idea o" cur%ing computer time. 8 single
parent needs to %e prepared "or an emotional out%urst laden !ith accusator$
phrases designed to make the parent "eel guilt$ or inade@uate. 2t is important
not to respond to the emotionGor !orse $et# get sidetracked !ith a lecture
on disrespect. 8ckno!ledge $our childs "eelings %ut sta$ "ocused on the
topic o" his or her 2nternet use.
0ho! $ou care:
2t !ill help to %egin $our discussion %$ reminding $our child that $ou love him
or her and that $ou care a%out his or her happiness and !ellB%eing. Children
o"ten interpret @uestions a%out their %ehavior as %lame and criticism. <ou
need to reassure $our child that $ou are not condemning him or her. 6ather#
tell $our child $ou are concerned a%out some o" the changes $ou have seen
in his or her %ehavior and re"er to those changes in speci:c terms: "atigue#
declining grades# giving up ho%%ies# social !ithdra!al# etc. 8ssign an 2nternet
time logH Tell $our child that $ou !ould like to see an accounting o" >ust ho!
much time he or she spends online each da$ and !hich internet activities
the$ engage in.
6emind them that !ith television $ou can monitor their vie!ing ha%its more
easil$# %ut !ith the 2nternet $ou need their help and cooperation to %ecome
appropriatel$ involved. Put them on the honor s$stem to keep the log
themselves "or a !eek or t!o to %uild trust %et!een $ou. 2" the$ %alk at this
idea or clearl$ lie in their log# $ou are likel$ dealing !ith their denial o"
addiction.
9ecome more computerBsavv$:
Checking histor$ "olders and 2nternet logs# learning a%out monitoring
so"t!are# and installing :lters all re@uire a degree o" computer savv$. 2t is
important "or ever$ parent to learn the terms ,%oth technical and popular-
and %e com"orta%le !ith the computer# at least enough to kno! !hat $our
child is doing online. Take an active interest in the 2nternet and learn a%out
!here $our child goes online.
0et reasona%le rules:
Man$ parents get angr$ !hen the$ see the signs o" 2nternet addiction in their
child and take the computer a!a$ as a "orm o" punishment. Others %ecome
"rightened and "orce their child to @uit cold turke$# %elieving that is the onl$
!a$ to get rid o" the pro%lem. 9oth approaches invite trou%leH $our child !ill
internaliDe the message that the$ are %adC the$ !ill look at $ou as the enem$
instead o" an all$C and the$ !ill suAer real !ithdra!al s$mptoms o"
nervousness# anger# and irrita%ilit$. 2nstead# !ork !ith $our child to esta%lish
clear %oundaries "or limited 2nternet usage. 8llo! perhaps an hour per night
a"ter home!ork# !ith a "e! e&tra !eekend hours. 0tick to $our rules and
remem%er that $oure not simpl$ tr$ing to control him or her B $ou are
!orking to "ree them o" a ps$chological dependence.
Make the computer visi%leH Move $our childs personal computer out o" his or
her %edroom.
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