1.

What is the difference between first honeymoon & second honeymoon?

First honeymoon: Wife cries oh how big it is
Second honeymoon: Husband cries oh how big it is

2.

What is the similarity between toothpaste and boobs?

Very simple, u know the answer, Kholo, dabao, moov mein dalo our fresh ho jao

3.

Tendulkar made 100 with 50 balls

So what
Dhrutarashtra made the same with two balls

4.

Azhar asked Sanjeeta on their first night, darling how did u like my shot between the
two fines legs?
She said it was a good shot but you are not the first batsman.

5.

Nine girls jumped in the swimming pool, all water disappears why?
Whisper sara gila pan sokh leta hai!

6.

Rishte ki baat chal rahi thi:

Ladka clerk hai 4000 Rs. Salary hai, UPAR se 15000/- kamata hia
Ladki nurse hai 2500/- salary hai, NICHESE 50,000/- kamati hai.

7.

Every woman has four rooms.

1.

Face: - Show room

2.

Balls Game room

3.

Hips Store room

4.

XXX Mans room

LOVE CAKE RECIPE:

Spread legs, squeeze milk pots, check frequently with midfinger, add banana, work in
& out till well creamed, cakes done when banana is soft.

A man is doing push ups on a beach, A sardar sees him and starts laughing loudly
and says sorry to tell u this but the woman below u has left.

10

Aeroplane asked the rocket, why do you fly so much faster then me ? Rocket replied
Jiski gaand main aag lagti hai who hi jaanata hai!!

11.

Tow penis go for a movie. I penis say to another, yaar movie XXX no ho. Second
penis say why ? !penis : poori film khade hokar ke dekhani padegi.

12.

A lady come to a doctor, doctor asked why r u looking so weak & exhausted? I told u
to take 3 meals a day.
OH, she said. I thought 3 MALES a day!!!!

13.

A lady come to a doctor, doctor asked why r u looking so weak & exhausted? I told u
to take 3 meals a day.
OH, she said. I thought 3 MALES a day!!!!

14.

If u like maths then add girl on your bed, substract her cloths, divide her legs & start
multiplying. Go ahead!!!!

15.

Mom says didnt I tell u when a guy touches your BOOBS say DONT & If he
touches your PUSSY say STOP.
Girl says but mom he touched both & I said DONT STOP

16.

Why is mens penis better than a credit card?

1.

Once spent it will recharge itself.

2.

It is accepted worldwide

3.

U can let your wife and others use.

17.

A 95 year old man sucks his 90 years wifes breast for hour and drink 2 drops of
milk and dies. Postmortem report says died of drinking something after expiry date.

18.

Secret of long life. Morning two eggs! Evening two pegs!! Night two legs!!!

19.

Harbhajansing got married! On suhagrat asked his wife are u a virgin? She said kar
di na sardaro wali baat Spinner ko kabhi new ball mili hai kya ??

20.

How can u tell your computer mouse whether male or female ? Hey u dont have to
turn it upside / down to see it, stupid its female because it uses a pad.

21.

Why do marwadis make love on alternate nights? Because it takes one day to wash,
clean and dry the condom.

22.

Why do women journalists have B I G BOOBS? Because wherever they go they say
P R E S S

23.

Tarzen gets naked.. all animals laugh . Tarzen asks why r u laughing? Animal says
u r the first animal with a tail in the front!!

24.

Boy friend want to have sex with girl friend but ashamed of his small penis decided
to bring girl friend in dark place. Opened his zip and put is penis on girl friends hand.
Girl friend says no thanks I dont smoke!!

25.

Nude lady goes to a bar and ask for a peg. Barman stares at her. Lady ask have u
never seen a nude women? He says I have but I am curious to know from where u
will take out money?

26.

OUCH!! It is too tight! Dont worry sweet heart , we will try to do it slowly. Push it in
AH I cant it painful. OK sweet heart lets get another wedding ring!!!

27.

Three facts of life:

1.

Garib aour BOOBS hamesha dabte hai.

2.

Musibat aur LUND kabhi bhi khade ho sakte hai.

3.

Kismat aour BRA kabhi bhi khul sakti hai

28.

Man go to medical shop ask chemist KALA COLOUR KA CONDOM DENA Chimist
ask him KALA KYO, Man says PADOSAN KA PATI MAR GAYA HAI AUR MUJHE
AFSOS MANANE JANA HAI

29

Nipple, Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car? Up above the chest so hi, always
milky never dry. Let me suck u dont feel shy, in the brassiers u will die.

29.

What is the definition of a dhobi? THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN LEGALLY SAY
TO A MARRIED WOMAN Kapda nikal ke rakho main aata hoon!!

30.

Girlfriend and boyfriend go for a movie. In a dark a mosquito enters the girls skirt.
Guess where it would have bitten? Guess .. Guess.. THE BOYS HAND

31.

A prostitute asked a plastic surgeon to make another hole for her. Surgeon was
surprised & asked why ? Answer: Business is good and I wish to open another
branch.

32.

3 Sindhi traders discussing 1st Bahut Mandi hai, sadi main kuch nahi milta. 2nd
Hamko BLOUSE main do mil jate hai. 3rd GHAGRE main to hamko khud ka dalna
padta hai.

33.

What is similarity between banking and having sex In both cases you loose interest
after withdrawal.

34.

A guy fucked his secretqry in doggie style. On reaching home his wife asked aaj
thake thake lag rahe ho ? Guy replied aaj Kutte ke mafik kam kiya.

35.

Wife: how many women you had SLEPT with? Husband proudly replied only with you
darling. With others I was awake!!

36.

Agar reliance condom banayega to slogan kya hoga ?? Karlo Chudai chutki main!
Mere papa ka sapna, sabki chut main condom apna!!!

37.

Boy goes for a blood test nurse takes sample and cant find cotton. So she sucks his
finger. Boy is so happy that he asks Can I get a urine test done?

38.

Similarity between Man & Monkey. Monkey DAL PER UCHALATA HIA !!, Man
DAL KAR UCHALTA HAI.

39.

Unborn twins in the mothers womb saw a penis. 1st Dekh papa aa rahe hai !!. 2nd
Abe Dhakkar ye to Gupta uncle hai. Papa kabhi Renkot pahanke nahi aate.!

40.

On Vidai, Dulhans father gave a note to boy GOODS DELIVERED ONCE WILL
NOT BE TAKEN BACK Boy too gave a note to Sasur ji GUARANTEE VOIDS IF
SEAL IS BROKEN

41.

Sorry to disturb u, u must be a friend of RAJNEESH KULKARNI. Could u please

inform him that his cell is with me. He left it on my bed last night. SENDER : RANI
MUKHARJEE.

42.

Wife: Dr. mere pati ke penis pe madhumakkhi ne kata hai. Dr.: Or Dard hai kya ? aur
sujan bhi ! Wife: Sirf dard ki dawa de do, sujan waise hi rahane do.

43.

Wife: Muze naya bra leni hai. Hus.: Naya bra kyu lena hai. Tumhara ball to bahut
chote hai!. Wife: Kal aap ne naya underware liya to maine kuch kahan kya>

44.

A short thing thats getsnlonger when a women pulls it and cradles it between her
breasts and pushes it into a hole.
What is it ????
U dirty mind Car Seat belt

45. UKHANA Chandichya tatat phanasache gare, baburao distat bare pan zavatil
tenvha khare !!

47.Barish ka pani aur kagaj ki kashti, daru ki botal aur apni dosti, ye jawani aur sed k do pal
ki masti CONDOM lagana mere dost ye JAAN nahi itni sasti !!!

48. A man on wifes birthday had no money so he send a cheque written 100 kisses.
When he return home, his wife said thanks for cheque, I got it cashed.

49. Krishna kare to rasleela, hum kare to characterdheela. Who churaye to makanchor,
hum kare to haramkhor, who kare to chamatakar, ham kare to balatkar.

50. A boy and a girl get lost in a jungle. Boy said to his girlfriend, tight up your BRA she
said why ? boy said Aaj Kal Cheeta Bhi Peeta Hai.

51. Foreigner hamare wah e-mail se bhi shadi hoti hain. Sardar, hamare waha to sirf
female se hi hoti hai.

52. What did Newtons Dick say to him after seeing sexy naked women? Fuck your law of
gravity.. I am GOING UP !!

53. Mother asks daughter how is UR SEX LIFE ? dauguter shyly says LIKE BRITISH
AIRWAYS Mother read the add and is shocked 7 DAYS A WEEK, TWICE A DAY,
BOTHWAYS.

54. 3 GOOD MANNERS OF PENIS: 1. COURTEOUS It stands before performing. 2.

EMOTIONAL It cries during performance. 3. POLITE Bows down after the
performance.

55. A sardar who was engaged to a girl broke the engagement because she was virgin jo
aaj tak kisi ke kaam nahi aayi wo mere kya kam aayegi !! bolo ta ra ra ra !!!!

56. Advantages of breast milk. No need to boil, Cat cant steal, available in attractive
containers, liked by all age groups, ek par ek free.

57. Sardar returns book to library, bangs it on take and says, Toomany characters, no
story at all Librarian: So u are the 1 who took the telephone directory.

58. Kick the football, get the goal. Punch the boobs fuck the hole, kiss her LIPS, PRICK
HER HIPS. Over the bed make her LAY. Let us celebrate womans day !!

59. What is long hand hard , has a hole at the tim and, when inserted into a wet, hairy tight
hole, makes you feel better..VICKS INHALER

60. Train after passing tunnel, sardar shouted, who dared to press my wifes boobs? Stand
in a Q aur aab ek ek karke phirse dabao. Fingerprint lene hai.

61. Wife: Job tum desi pite ho to muze paro kahate ho. Jub tum whisky pite ho to muze
darling kehate ho. Aaj kya piya hai jo CHUDEL kehato ho? Husband Aaj main hosh
me hu.

62. Whiat is the difference between a HOOK in cricket and a HOOK of bra? One send the
BALL out of the boundry and the other keeps the BALLS within the boundry.

63. A boy drops his pant and asks a girl Do u have this?, Girl lifts her skirt, slips the panty
and says MY MOM SAYS IF U HAVE THIS THEN U GET PLENTY OF THOSE.

64. Dracula dies and goes 2 heaven. God asked what do u want 2 b? He replied a thing,
which sucks blood and have wings. God made him Whisper Ultra Wide extra wings.

65. Sache deshpremi kau hai ? Guess .The one sitting on an English toilet in INDIAN
STYLE.

66. Kid by chance peeps in to parents bedroom and is shocked at what he sees. He
shouts at his mom, AND YOU PUNISH ME FOR JUST SUCKING THE THUMB!!!

67. Bhagwan ko gussa kab aata hai ?. Jab ek ladki shaadi se pehle pregnant ho jaye aur
us ki maa bole HEY BHAGWAN YE TUNE KYA KIYA!

68. Height of foolishness: a woman bathing in a transparent bathroom and a Sardar looking
through the key hole!!!

69. Condom says 2 kotex, every month u stop my business for 1 week, kotex says: Ahhhh
if u make a mistake 1 time I lose my business for 9 months.

70. Once a building was under fire so a brave sardarji goes in and saves 6 persons but still
he is send 2 jail. Do u know why? Because he saves 6 FIREMEN

71. Sardar ki Sali sardar se boli, jijaji 500 do kal dungi. Sardar apni Sali se bola tu 1000 le
par aaj de.

72. 8 year boy caught in RAPE case. In court lady lawyer hold his penis and says YOUR
HONOUR see this, can he rape? Boy silently says DONT SHAKE, U WILL LOOSE
THE CASE.

73. Vajpai was giving a speech on family planning. Laloo got angry, said When u dont
play the game dont make the rules.

74. Santa sing: Yaar ye phonesex ki onda ha? Banta Sing: Pata Nahi yaar, I tried once but
the holes were too small.

75. God granted me 1 wish. I asked for WORLD PEACE. He said its impossible please ask
for something else. I asked to make u intelligent. He said let me try for world peace.

76. Man to sales girl: Need bra for my wife but I dont know her size. Sales Girl: Feel my
breasts, so you ill know the size. Man: OH SHE NEEDS PANTIES TOO

77. Ek sardar mar gaya, sab sardar ikattha ho kar nachane lage. Kisi ne puchha Kyo naach
rahe ho? Sab bole ye pehla sardar hai jo BRAIN TUMER se mara hai!

78. Sadhu Baba had sex with a prostitute, After finishing baba started 2 leave. Prostitute to
baba: BABA, PAISE? Baba: Pagli, tujhse thodi loonga!

79. Sardarji ne omlet banana ke liye anda toda, dekha to anda ekdham khali tha. Sardar
bola BHENCHOD ISKI MA KA AJKAL MURGE BHI CONDOM PEHAN KE LAGATE
HAI.

80. Sardar pani me lund duba raha tha. Wife: kya karte ho? Sardar: khada nahi hota, Wife:
to pani me kyo duba rahe ho? Sardar: Dekh raha hu kahi puncture ho nahi?

81. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

82. Sardar ke ghar party chal rahi thi. One lady ask O papaji pishab karne ki jagah dikhao.
Sardar says Muzhe sharam aa rahi hai, pehle tum dikhao.

83. Why was the sardar arrested in the political rally? Because he saw a girl going around
with a badge on her chest which said PRESS and he did.

84. Ek din ek daki ek sardar ke ghar main ghus gaya aur bola SONA KAHAN HAI?
Sardar bola PAGAL PURA GHAR KHALI HAI, KAHIN BHI SO JA.

85. A survey in America shows that, every folls and mentally abnormal parson use their
THUMB while reading SMS. Now its too late, Dont try to change ur finger.

86. Gurur RUM ha

Gurur WHISKY
Gurur VODKA
GIN eshwara:
Gurur sakshat
PEG brahma,
Tasme shri
BEERenmaha!
Bhagwan aapki sada TUNN rakhe!!!!

87

Unlike others your brain is a masterpiece, it is divided into two parts. LEFT AND
RIGHT. In left, nothing is right and in right nothing is left.

88

Your friendship is a blank cheque for me. Its an asset not a liability. Always a credit not
a debit. Always a profit not a loss and I hope it will never bounce.

89

Life brings KABHI KHUSHI KABHI GUM, how long it lasts NA TUM JANO NA HUM,
but always HUM SATH SATH HAI, Who knows KAL HO NA HO but always
remember MAIN HOON NA, friends forever HUM TUM replay for YAADEIN.

90 Tra Sath gujara lamha jab bhi yaad aayega, is janam ke baad bhi tera khayal layega,
agar bakshi phir se zindgi khuda ne, mujhe, tujhse hi dosti karne ko dil chahega!

91 Na mangu sona chandi, na mangu heere moti, ye mere kis kam ke? Deta hai to SMS
de badle me tu bhi SMS le, de,de,de,de,de varna mobile bech de.

92 Feelings r many, but words r few. Clouds r dark, but sky is blue. Love is a paper life is
glue. Everything is false but friendship is true.

93 Go to hell..Because u only change the hell in to heaven with your sweetness

1.

2 girls having sex = FIRE, Group of girls having sex = CAMPFIRE, 2 boys having sex
= DANDIA, Group of homos having sex = LATHI CHARGE

2.

No visits, no calls, no SMSs , no letters, no missed calls, I am worried r u in jail again?

3.

Ed din bahi ratbhar dusare mard ke sath sokar aayi, sas ko sam malum pada phir bhi wo
kuch nahi boli.. kyu ki SAS BHI KABHI BAHU THI

4.

What happened when Newton saw a beautiful girl bathing Ans: He fold something in
his pants going against the law of gravity.

5.

Teacher: Ye jimmedari kya hoti hai?

Chintu: Mam apke blouz ke 4 button main se agar

th

3 tut jaye to jo 4 button per aati hai use jimmedari kahate hai!
6.

God asked a civil engineer, What mistake did I made in designing a woman? Engineer:
Sir, everything is fine but the entertainment area is very close to the drainage.

7.

Husband to wife: Business is down, if u learn to cook we can remove cook. Wife: Darling
I have some better idea.. If u learn to fuck then we can remove driver, gardner,
watchman etc.

8.

Always start your day with a lot of SEX S-Smile, E-Energy, X- Xcitement.. so make
sex a daily habit and you will always be sucSEXful!!

1.

How does a cricket commentator describe a nude woman?

No cover, no extra cover, no slips, 2 silly points, 2 fine lags, deep gully, and a little
grass on pitch.

2.

What do u usually say after sex!!!

I love u - wrong
That was great - wrong again!!
I love it - wrong again!!
The ans.is - MERI CHADDI KIDHAR HAI .

3.

Tendulkar made 100 with 43 balls .so what!! Dhutrstra made the same with 2
BALLS.

4.

THE Taj mahal would have not been so beautiful and everlasting if SHAH JAHAN
had
ask for the three quotations and select the lowest.

5.

SEX is not just like NOKIA- Connecting people

It is also not like NIKE - just do it
It is not like PEPSI - yeh dil maange more!!
But like PAN PARAG - EK SE MERA KYA HOGA????!!!

6.

Fagun main aaye holi, ek chut boli, koi hai jo hum se khelega holi?? Lando ne
banayee toil,
sari rat chut ko tatoli, jab subah hui to uthkar chut boli, kabhi na khelungi HOLI !!

7.

Womans top seven lines..

(1) I love you
(2) I am virgin
(3) I hate sex
(4) You are first who is touching me
(5) Oh!! It is too big; never seen before
(6) I hate sucking
(7) ok ONLY ONCE!!!

8.

He: Ander gaya kya ?

She: ha! Gaya
He: Dukha kya??

She: Zara bhi nahi

He: Aur ek baar
Ab isme dalo
Acch laga!!
She: Ha.. bahut
He: OK.MADAM KA SANDALS PACK KARO!!!!
9.

(1) Intelligent man + Intelligent woman = ONLY LOVE

(2) Intelligent man + foolish woman = WOMAN PREGNANT
(3) Foolish man + Intelligent woman = AADMI KANGAL
(4) Foolish man + foolish woman = MARRIAGE

10.

Gaav ki gori, lagti bholi, nikale choli, panty kholi, bed pe soli, mujse boli, karo savari,
maaro
pichkari...........HAPPY HOLI HAPPY HOLI

11.

Sholey main JAYA udas - udas kyo rehti thi??

Kyonki THAKUR ke dono haath nahi the aur JAYA ko hi THAKUR ki GAAND
dho ni
pad ti thi!

12.

Azar: how was the SHOT between two fine lags??

Sangeeta: It was good but u r not the opening BATSMAN!!

13.

Friends are like underwear - Always a comfort.

Good friends are like condom - always protecting
Great friends are like Viagra - LIFT UP WHEN U ARE DOWN!!

14.

Aankh teri bahe to aansu mere ho

saans teri chale to dhadkan meri ho
BUS JINDGI SE YEHI DIL - E - TAMMANA HAI KI
BAP BHALE TU BANE PAR MEHNAT MERI HO!!!

15.

Na teer na talwaragar mujse hai pyaar to khol apni SALWAR,

hoke tujpe sawar, mera shstra hai taiyaar,
jaldi apni chaadi uttar, tujpe karma hai var .yaar

16.

Aaisi teri saali ho, hootho pe jees ke gali ho, bar main naach ne wali ho, underwear
main
jiske jail ho, kholke dikhane wali ho, hole bhi uska khali ho..aaisi teri saali ho

17.

A meeting is to be held in jungle. The attainders are. Tiger, bear, snake, elephant,
fox,
monkey, but it has not yet started.. Why!!!!! Because the DONKEY is busy in reading
this
SMS.

18.

Aaj - didar
Kal - yaar
Parso - pyar
Phir - ekrar
Phir - intzaar
Phir- takrar
Phir- darar
Sari mehnat bekar aur aakhir main CHANDNI BAR!!

19. Girl: Tum swimming sikhate waqt mere pvt. Part main ungli kyon dalte ho??
Instructor: who is liye ke agar HOLE se paani ander gaya to tum doob jaoogi !!!

20. Friendship is like Susu in your pants that everybody can see but only you can feel its
warmth.

21. When a lady tells you that you are great, attractive, articulate, nice, dynamic,
understanding means
G.A.A.N.D.U.

22. Arguing with your boss is like mud wrestling with a pig. After a while you will realize that
while you get dirty the pig actually enjoys it.

23. What is similarity between toothpaste and Boobs?? Guess??

It is easy!! You know it! kholo.dabaoo.. muh me dalo AUR FRESH HO JAAO..!!!

24. Teacher: Hame kaunsi chis muh main nahi dalni chahiye??!!
Student: jalta hua bulb >>
Teacher: why??
Student: mummy papa se kal rat ko keh rahi thi BULB buza do to muh main loongi!!

25.

<< NEW BUDGET >>

ALL BOOBS WILL BE TAXED ACCORDING TO SIZES

40-42: BURDEN TAX

38- 40: WEALTH TAX

34- 36: ENTRAINMENT TAX

32- 34: EXCITEMENT TAX
26-30: DEVELOPMENT TAX
26. Aaj ka tapman kuch is tarahaaaah 40.6 0c . so ladkiyo se nivedan hai ki Apni Apni
BRA
me baraf rakhe. DOODH FATNE KI SAMBHAVNA HAI.

27. A sardarni went to swimming pool in a bra and panty. The instructor says that madam
here 2 piece costumes are not allowed. Sardarni asks KAUN SA UTAROO !!

28. BOY: agar main teri chaddi hota to teri chut se chipka hota.
Girl: main kisi aur se chuda rahi hoti aur tu kone main pada hota.

29. Lady: I am always so tired.

Doc: how often do you have sex?
Lady: almost everyday.
Doc: skip Saturdays.
Lady: I cant. Thats the only day I am home with my husband.

30. Who aaye hamari kabar pe, chal diye moot ke, chalo isi bahane darshan ho gaye choot
ke,
hairless thi unki chikni choot, lekin benchod ab kya fayda jab hum bangaye BHOOT.

31. You are... Charming, handsome, optimistic, dashing, unbelievable, means C.H.O.D.U.

32. In a lift man accidentally elbows ladys breast.

Man: if your heart is soft as your breast, you will forgive me
Woman: if your thing is hard as your elbow I am in room no. 207

33. STAGES OF LOVE

(1) HAND IN HAND
(2) HAND IN THAT
(3) THAT IN HAND
(4) THAT IN THAT

34. Old man married a young girl. On wedding night he showed five fingers to her. The girl
said ooh darling 5 times?
Old man replied: no dear, choose any one to USE

35. One sardar going with his wife. One person asks him sardarji. Yeh aapki biwi hai ki
rakhel sardar gussa hokar bole aabe rakhel hogi teri meri to biwi hai

36. A girlfriend tells her boyfriend inside the cinema hall, mere bajuwala muthiya maar raha
hai boyfriend says, Just ignore him girlfriend says I cant. He is using my hand!!

37. Girl: 200/- rupaye loongi, hila hila ke doongi.

Man: 100/- rupaye doonga, hila main khud loonga.
Girl: madarchod, 100/- rupaye bhi bacha le, haath se hila le.

38. Girl friend is for fun, wife is for son,

Girl friend is night partner, wife is life partner
Girl friend is tooty footy, wife is KISMAT FOOTY

39. Bill gates married with 16 years old girl, next day journalists asked the girl ,how was your
last night? She replied politely and sadly that it was MICRO - SOFT.

40. A lady negotiating rates of BRA and PANTY with shopkeeper. He says, bahenji, Bra main
maine aap ka raakha par Panty main to aap ko mera hi rakhna padega.

41. Kathiyawadi lady complains to doctor of stomach discomfort. Doc.says, ENO lo. Lady,
Eno y lidho ane bajuwala maganiya no y lidho pan kai fark na padiyo.
42. Guy: can I touch your software?
Girl: show me your hardware.
Guy: come sit down on my joystick
Girl: my disk is not protected. You will infect me with virus.

43. Good morning... have you done two of the most important things when you wake up??
1> PRAY: so that you may live...
2> TAKE A BATH; so that others may live too!!

44. Aadmi sadhu se bola, meri biwi bahut pareshan kar rahi hai koi upay batayeye. Sadhu
bola
UPAY HOTA TO MAIN SADHU KYON BANTA!!!

45. Zindgi hai kya, ek aarman bhosdika. Aurat ke peeche pagal, insaan bhosdika. Rubber ka
land, plastic ki chut, kya kya bana raha hai japan bhisdika.

46. Two Gujarati girls go to bhelpuriwala and said, aane RAGDO ane mane CHAT

47. A sardarji with big tummy was walking on a beach. Two girls joking asked. Sardarji, yeh
matka kitne ka? sardarji lifts lungi and says, 100 mai NUL ke saath.

48. Statistical analysis of penis.avg. length - 6 inch.

Avg. strokes- 50
Avg. fucks - 3 times a week, 52 week
Avg. sex life - 20 years
So a woman gets 47 kms of penis strokes in a lifetime.

49. Namashkar!! Main Amitabh Bachchhan bol raha hoon Kaun banega karorepati se, aap ki
biwi MERI hotseat pe bethi hai. Agli aawaz apki biwi ki.. UUHH AAHH OOOHHH...

50. Age 16: Tell her a story and take her 2 bed.
Age 26: no need to tell story just take her 2 bed.
Age 36: she will tell you a story and take you to bed.
Age 46: tell a story to avoid bed.

51. Every one has different phases of sex life.

Age 16: Din raat
26: Roz raat
36: Zumme raat
46: Chandni raat
56: only Zazbaat
66: BURI BAAT

52. Aati thi, jaati thi, hasti thi, hasati thi, bhagti thi, bhagati thi, dekhti thi, muskurati thi,
aaj pata chala Sali CHUTIYA BANATI Thi.

53. Gabbar: Thakur tera land muje de de...

Thakur: java de... Land ni masti na hoi!!!

54. Girl: mom, I just found out that our neighbors son has a penis like a peanut!!
Mom: you mean its small?
Girl: no, its salty.

55. Lady standing at bus stops taking whisper pack in her hand.
Bhikhari: bai kuch de de.
Lady: no change.
Bhikhari: yeh bread ka packet de de.
Lady: kal aana JAM LAGA KE DUNGI.

56. What is difference between a good secretary and excellent secretary???

Ans: a good sec. says Good morning sir
An excellent sec. says ITS MORNING SIR

57. What is common between burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend?

In both case you wish --- kaash 2 min pehle nikal liya hota

58. Aurat ko kya chahiye mard se??

Zinda hai to LAND aur murda hai to PROVIDEND FUND.

59. Jab tere chiku the, sab tere pichhe the, jab tere aam hue, sab pareshan hue, jab tere
kharbuje hue, bade bade aajube hue, jab tere jul gaye, sab tuje bhool gaye!!!!

60. Love is not measuring by hugging, kissing, and sex. It is all about trusting, respecting and
accepting a person with OPEN LAGS, CLOSED EYES, WET LIPS saying PUSH IT
MORE

61. Pyaar ke jam ko aise na piyo ke, adha piya aur adha chhod diya, yaar yeh pyaar hai
pyaar
nahi koi VIM BAR jo thoda sa lagaya aur hogaya!

62. A sardarji took his PREGNANT WIFE to PIZZA HUT .why? Because they have advertise
FREE HOME DELIVERY!!

63. Why is industrial productivity so low in kerala? Because 86% of time spent in lifting,
folding and rising their LOONGI!!

64. Biwi kaisi ho? SKIN gori ho.Abhi tak kori ho. Chehra gol ho, bade ball ho, chota sa hole
ho, gaand bada dhol ho, bas itna sa ishwar solve ho.

65. Latest statistics: what man does after doing Sex? 2% eat, 3% smoke cig., 4% take bath,
5% go to sleep, 86% gets up and go back home!!!

66. Door gaon mein ek basti thi ... jaha randiya sasti thi, unki gaand main masti thi, jitna
chodo utna hasti thi (Aap kyon has rahe hain??)

67. wife reads an article, wow! A bull can have sex 730 times a year... I wish u could do the
same husband replies, ask the bull whether it is with the same cow?

68. ABC: always be careful

DEF: dont ever forget (ME)
JKLM: JUST KEEP LOVING ME.
NOPQRSTUVW: no other person quite right shall treat u very well
your loving XYZ.
69. 3 Sindhi traders discussing
1st: bahut mandi hai, SAARI main kuch nahi milta.
2nd: hum ko to BLOUSE me do mil jata hai
3rd: gaaghare main to hum ko khud ka dalna padta hai.

70. College ki har ek ladki phool hai, use chodna aik bhool hai, Jo isme masgul hai, samjo
uski
ATKT full hai

71. God granted me one wish. I asked 4 WORLD PEACE. He said its impossible please ask 4
something else, I asked him 2 make you intelligent; he said wait --let me try world
peace!!

72. Husband: business is going on slow; if u learns to cook we can remove BAWARCHI.
Wife: gaandu, if u learn to fuck we can remove watchman, gardener, driver.

73. When TITANIC was drawing, an Italian asks sardarji, how far is land? Sardar: 2kms. An
Italian jumps in to sea and asks: which direction?? Sardar: DOWNWARDS!!

74. What woman thinks about sex?

At 8 - ignore it
At 18- experience it
At 28- look for it
At 38- ask for it
At 48- bag for it
At 58- pay for it
At 68 -pray for it
At 78- FORGET IT!!

75. Advantages of breast milk.

(1) No need to boil (2) Cat cant steal it (3) Available in attractive containers (4) Popular
in all age groups (5) EK PER EK FREEE !!!

76. Girlfriend and boyfriend go for the movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girls skirt.

Guess where it would have bitten? ----Keep guessing ----- ans: the boys hand!!

77. Jab se telephone number kea age 2 laga hai tab se kabhi bhi phone lagane par telephone
operator kehti hai ki.. pehle 2 dabao ----phir lagao

78. Women are the best motors!!! Accepts any size piston, r self lubricating, start up with a
finger, self changes oil at every 4 weeks and a full tanks lasts 9 months.

79. In America, a vote was done on how many women wanted to sleep with Bill Clinton
1% - yes
2% - no
97% - NOT AGAIN!!

80. A group of elephant were sitting on the street; a sexy female elephant passes by. What
does the lofar elephant say? -- Wow!! 36000-24000-36000

81. Q: why did sardarji kept the door open while taking a bath??
A: so that no one can peek through from KEY HOLE.

82. Yaad aati hai, bachpan ke who haseen din, jab hum masti kiya karte the, tum lollipop ke
liye roya karte the, hum apna land de ke manaliya karte the.

83. Sardar: my 5 years son is very naughty. He has made my maid pregnant.
Doc: how the tell?
Sardar: he took a pin and puncher holes on my all condoms.

84. Sharab ek bimari hai, Jo is samaj ko barbad kar rahi hai. Aao milke kasam khaye ki is
bimari ko khatam kar denge. Ek bottle tum khatam karo ek main karoonga.cheers!!!

85. Ek ladki thi diwani si, kali c savli c, nazre jukake sharma ke galion se quzra karti thi, latak
matak ke chalti thi aur keha kar tit hi VASAN LAI LO VASAN

86. Nipple nipple little star, can I press u in my car, up above breast so high never dry, come
in my mouth, dont feel shy, in the bra u will die!!!

87. Arz kiya hai.. Khud ko kar buland itna ki himalaya ki choti pe ja pahunche aur khud khuda
tuje pooche aabe ab utrega kaise??

88. Tata: abe ambani gand marne dena.

Ambani: Ek sharat par

Tata: kya?
Ambani: 40 p/min loonga
Tata: lekin incoming to free hai na.

89. A boy pulls down his pants and asks a girl, Do u have this? Girl lifts her skirt, slips her
panty and say my mom says if u have this, u can have plenty of those

90. what is common between the sun ant panties?? (1) Both make people hot (2) Both look
better while going down (3) Both disapper in the nights.

91. Why did ravan not go to disco? Because they told him 1000 rs. Per head.

92. Name of Sex ministers of following countries listed below.

Russian - Zaberdasi boobpresski
Srilankan- Suckmylingam
Chinese- Gaand sungh lee
Indian- Chodumal lundwani

93. why do girls whistle when they pee? Because they do not have 6 inchs ling SILENCER.

94. One girl goes to the doctor says, Pee karte waqt 4 dhar chhoot ti hai!! Doc examine and
say, Ghaghra nu batan fasayu chhe

95. Tusi bade higr8 ho, rasgulle ki pl8 ho, pepsi ka crick8 ho, ande ka om8 ho, SMS karne
main bade le8 ho, jalebi ki tarha stra8 ho, per mere fevr8 ho.

96. A 4 apple, B4 bada apple, C4 chotta apple, D 4 delicious apple, E 4 eat apple, F 4 fine
apple, G 4 . Himmat hai to puri kar ABCD.

97. Sharab ek bimari hai jo is samaj ko barbad kar rahi hai. Aao milkar is bimari ko khatam
kardenge. Ek bottle tum khatam karma ek main karoonga. CHEERS

98. Sardar orders a PIZZA. when waiter asked him whether he should cut into 4 or 8 pieces?
He replied, yaar 4 hi kar de 8 khaya nahi jayega

99. One man goes to the sardarjis bakery and ask, paav hai kya. Sardarji bola, Madarchod
to kya main land pe khada hu!!!

100. A sardar whose penis was not getting hard was seen dipping his penis in a tub of water,
wife asked, kya kar rahe ho sardar, dekh raha hu kahi puncture to nahi hai!!

101. A guy enjoying sex with his girlfriend. After 1 hr. of sex he says u wont be able to see
me for next 1 hr. girlfriend says r u leaving? boyfriend says no, TURN BACK NOW

102. Jise dil diya who delhi chali gayee, jise ishq kiya who italy chali gayee, jise pyaar kiya
who puna chali gayee, dil ne kaha khud khushi kar lebijli ko haath lagaya to bijli chali
gayee.

103. Gin main base janki, rum main base ram, whisky main base Vishnu, desi main base
hanuman. Kis- kis ka tyag kare sab main base bhagwanCHEERS..
104. Two sardar watching cricket when sachine made a boundary. 1st said:- Dekha goal hua.
2nd said:- goal ismain nahi cricket main hota hai.
105. In U.P. if a lady is pregnant by one man, surname of child - eknathji, 2-dubeji, 3- trivedi,
4 - chaturvedi, 5- pandeji and by everyone ----MISTRYJI.

106. Sardar: roz roz kantal gaya hu Condom badal badal ke.
Wife: Tusi lamination kyon nahi kara lete mobile ki tarah??

107. 8 years boy caught in rape case. In court lady lawyer hold his penis and say HONOUR.
Can he rape? Boy silently says hila mat warna case haar jao gi.
108. A guy fucked his sec. in doggie style. On reaching home wife asked aaj bahut thake
thake se lag rahe ho? Husband says haaa..aaj office main kutte ki tarha kaam kiya.

109. Sardar: Why vajpaee is not seen in morning??

2nd sardar: pagal, he is PM not AM.

110. Roses are red, sky is blue, my dog is pregnant because of u.

111. Banta was crying in a bar. Santa asked why? banta said : my wife is making me pay rs.
1000/- for every fuck!!! Santa said u r luck because she is charges other 2500/-

112. Dosti karo collegewali se, pyar karo officewali se, programme karo padoswali se, ankh
ladao Sali se, love karo dilwali se AUR MAAR KHAO GHARWALI SE.

113. Tajmahal kya cheez hai main usse bhi badi imarat banaunga. Mumtaz to marker dafan
hui
thi tuje zinda dafnaunga.

Some good stuff

1.

Its not an achievement to make 100 friends in a year, but an achievement is to make
a friend for 100 years. and i know I va made one thats ...................U

2.

Some friends are workth to be thrown, Some are goods to keep, Some are to be
treasured forever,
and
I think you are to be thrown in the treasure box to be kept forever.

3.

A true freind understands when u say "i forgot'. Waits forever when you say "just a
min", stays with u when u say " leave me alone" & opens his heart even before you
knock.

4.

God saw me hungry and he created McDonalds!

He saw me thirsty and created PEPSI.
God saw me in dark, he created LIGHT,
God saw me without a cute FRIEND and he created .................. U

5.

If I could pull down the rainbow I would write ur name with it & put back in the sky to
let everybody know how colorful my life is with a friend like .U

6.

I made a cup of coffee specially for u there is no sugar, but dont worry, the sender is
sweetgood morning

7.

You are
Someone I dont want to loose
You are
Someone I wont forget
You are
Someone who is special to me
You are
Whats your name I forgot ?????

8.

Mine poocha chand se ke dekha hai kahi mere yaar ka hasi, chand ne kaha
sale itne upar se dikhata hai kya ??

/Introduction is possible anytime, love is possible sometime, marriage is possible

onetime, but friend like u is possible one in a lifetime.

10.

The rose is exclusively for a nice person like u. From an even NICER person LIKE
ME.

11.

Star has five end. Square has four end, tringle has three end, line has two end, life
has one end but our friendship has no end.

12

Wishing you happiness as big as GANESHJIS appetite, Life as long as his trunk,
TROUBLES AS SMALL AS HIS MOUSE AND moments as sweet as his fevourite
LADDOOS.

13.

When everything goes wrong and everything is against u and u want to end it all then
I wll come close to u, hold your hand and take u for a walk over a bridge and show u
WHERE TO JUMP.

14.

Those sparkling eyes. Those smiling lips.A 1oo watt smile.The majestic walk
the cheerful talk. Charming personality. Thats enough about me. HOW R U?

15.

U know why god created gap between fingers? So that at some day the one who is
made for u, comes and fill these gaps by holding your hand forever.

16

Hello.. TUSI badi gr8 h, RASGULLE ke pl8 ho, PEPSI ka cr8 ho, ANDE ka oml8 ho,
SMS KARNAME bade le8 ho, PER jo bhi hoTUM mere FEVR8 ho.

17

If u r the chocolate, u r the sweetest, if u r the Teddy bear, u r the Most Huggable, If
u r a star, u r the brightest, and since, u r my friend u re the best.

18.

9 lessons in life
Learn to CARE
Learn to SMILE
Learn to CRY
Learn to GIVE
Learn to 4GIVE
Learn to SHARE
Learn to TRUST
Learn to LOVE
&
LEARN TO SMS ME DAILY !!!!!

19.

Ek tum ho jo kitne payre ho,Ke tum ho jo kitne achche ho, Ek tum ho jo kitane sundar
ho, ek tum ho jo kitane sachche ho aur ek hum hai jo jhoot pe jhoot bole ja rahe hai.

20

DREAM makes all things possible. HOPE makes all things work. LOVE makes all
things beautiful. SMILE makes all the above work possible. So always brush your
TEETH.

21.

You know why god created gap between fingers? So that at some day the one who is
made for you, comes and fill those gaps by holding your hand forever.

22.

A friend must be mathematician so can multiply your joy, devide your pain, substract
your fault and plus your golden dreams.

23.

Today morning when god opened window of heaven, he saw me and asked what is
your wish for the day? I said LORD take care of the special person who cares for
me.

24.