Running head: AFTERMATH OF DIVORCE

The Aftermath of Divorce

Alison Haynes
The University of Memphis

AFTERMATH OF DIVORCE
The Aftermath of Divorce
Does Divorce Follow Children Into Their Adulthood?
In todays society divorce seems to be the social norm. Many adults bounce back and
forth through countless marriages and relationships as if they have no meaning. Because of this

our society has adapted to what is known of as a divorce culture. Many people today are immune
to what divorce does to children and how it can affect them long-term. Numerous studies have
been conducted in hopes of finding out if divorce creates long-term negative effects on children
or if it has any effect at all. You may debate the question does divorce have long-term negative
effects on children or does it better shape them into adults? Judith Wallerstein, Julia Lewis, and
Sandra Blakeslee conducted a long-term study on many different children who experienced
divorce and how it carried long-term negative effects into their adulthoods. Through their
research it is proven that divorce does have a significant effect on children that later follows
them into their adulthood affecting them mentally, emotionally, and socially (Wallerstein).
How It Affects Children Mentally
If divorce happens at a young age it can affect each developmental stage in life. It has a
significant affect on a childs mental development that later sheds light on how they think and
perceive things logically later in life. If divorce happens early in a childs life it can cause the
child to be forced to grow up early. Studies show when a divorce happens a parent can be
emotionally unstable for a time period. This emotional instability can create a strain on the
parent/child relationship causing the relationship to be forever changed. Instability is not all due
to divorce each single parent is now forced to work a lot more in order to provide for his or her
family. One parent may have to work one or two jobs; while another parent now stays longer at
work to keep his or her mind occupied or to put in overtime. This sudden change in a single

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income causes the parent to be around a lot less not just physically but mentally as well. Parents
are busier and focus a lot more on building back their social lives as well. In turn parents have a
lot less time to spend with their children and cannot fully fulfill their childrens needs
emotionally or mentally. Because of this children are becoming more of a parent to create more

stability when at the time they are not mentally developed enough. That amount of responsibility
stress, and pressure alters a childs mentality and is not healthy. Research shows that numerous
kids feel that the day their parents divorced was the day that their childhood ended forever
(Wallerstein). Due to new job opportunities or parents wanting to start over a lot of separated
families move to a different city and the children go back and forth from parent to parent. When
moving environments a lot it causes a complication with developing lifelong relationships with
people such as neighbors, friends, or family. Relationships throughout life, especially during
childhood, play a huge role in mental development and shape a person into who he or she will be
in the future. Children learn from role models and if that model is inconsistent or unstable it
causes difficulty in their cognitive thinking and actions (Winsor). These are just some of the
many factors of how divorce negatively affects childrens mental development and how this can
affect them mentally throughout their entire life.
How It Affects Children Emotionally
The burden of a divorce on a child creates many problems not just mentally but
emotionally as well. Post-divorce a lot of children blame themselves and feel responsible for the
break up of their family. They feel helpless as if they have no voice or say so in keeping the
family together and that their voice is insignificant. Children have no say in the divorce, but have
to live with the confusion and instability that occurs after the break up (Wallerstein). It creates
significant instability not only now but in the future because their safety net has been pulled out

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from under them by surprise and they now see their own relationships with both parents as

unreliable and unstable. The parent-child relationship is forever changed and it takes a long time
and hard work to build back up the trust and the relationship that was once present. A lot of times
after a divorce a child will act out to gain attention from his or her parent. He or she will act up
in school or do something out of character just to see if their parents care. Even worse,
sometimes children will make up attempts to try to push their parents back together. These failed
attempts often leave the child frustrated or angry because they cannot fix what is broken, and
again they feel that they are not in control. Not only do children long for there family to be back
together again their entire perspective of home suddenly changes. Home does not represent a
family anymore, and is now viewed as a lonely and cold place with nothing left but memories.
With such a huge shift in life it does not help that divorce often causes mayhem between parents.
Children often times experience ugly divorces where their parents argue and fight with each
other, while throwing them into the middle of all the chaos. This is unhealthy for a child to see
and experience and causes a great deal of emotional turmoil to occur and sometimes never go
away. This type of chaos alters all their future relationships and alters how they handle situations
throughout life. All of these factors cause a change in personality, inability to trust others and
most importantly the inability to cope with change (Wallerstein). These are keys factors in
growing up and are the reason why divorce negatively follows them into the future.
How It Affects Children Socially
The impact of divorce affects children the most into adulthood through their social
interactions and relationships. Research has indicated that divorce often weakens the ties
between adult children and their parents, affecting the exchange of support in both directions
(Wijckmans). This loss of support can cause a huge problem in a childs future relationships and

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throughout their entire life. When a child does not have that sense of constant support and

encouragement growing up it creates a dramatic problem. Teens are often looking for something
dependable and reliable due to not having that solid support system at home so they turn to these
substances to numb the pain they are feeling. Due to studies divorced children are more prone to
early sexual relations, drug and alcohol use. A lot of times the child is trying to find ways to cope
emotionally or a way to fill the void that he or she is feeling. As stated numerous times
throughout when a child does not see consistency throughout their years it causes instability.
This impacts a childs future relationships, a lot of the times they are inconsistent and unreliable,
just like their parents. Some children will follow in their parents footsteps with relationships and
continue the cycle, while others will have successful relationships but will somewhat expect their
relationship to fail. He or she will also have a hard time with commitment and it will take a lot of
work and consistency for that person to trust his or her partner fully (Wallerstein). With a lot of
children who have experienced divorce they do not know how to cope and deal with hardships in
a relationship, and they may want to give up or walk out due to no example of how not to quit
when life gets hard. Interacting with people and finding a partner are essential parts of life. It is
shown through accounts that children with divorced parents have a harder time of having a solid
relationship and have to work hard at maintaining a marriage as well as coping with the
hardships that come along with it. That is why it is beyond crucial that parents divorce that they
provide their children with a strong example of what a relationship should be like and what true
love is (Wijckman).
Conclusion
As research has proven time and time again through numerous experiences and cases
divorce creates discontinuity in human development, creates instability, and stimulates change

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that is hard for a lot of adolescents to deal with and conquer (Winsor). Even though divorce
seems to be the new societal norm that does not make it okay. Divorce definitely follows
children into their adulthood and affects them mentally, emotionally, and socially for the rest of
their lives. If parents researched the aftermath of divorce and took the time to see how divorce
affects children in so many different ways permanently, maybe divorce would not be the new
norm and maybe they would think twice about trying to make it work.

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References
Wallerstein, J., Lewis, J., Blakeslee, S., Hetherington, E., & Kelley, J. (n.d.). Does Divorce
Create Long-Term Negative Effects For Children? Issue 7.
Wijckmans, B., & Van Bavel, J. (2013). Divorce and Adult Children's Perceptions of Family
Obligations. Journal Of Comparative Family Studies, 44(3), 291-310.
Winsor, D., Murrell, V., & Magun-Jackson, S. (n.d.). Introduction to Lifespan Development. In
Lifespan Development (p. 4). Pearson.