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Nelson Torres
Professor Ellen Pratt
English 3103/ Section 036H
November 13, 2014

The Car Jungle

It is our last day of class in high school. I finished taking my final exam and, with a group
of 5 friends, went to go eat at Sizzler. At the end only 4 went, including myself, to go eat at
Sizzler. Two other and I went to my car that is a wine color Mitsubishi. The other one was going
to meet us there. We hit the road to Plaza del Caribe where Sizzler was. While we head to our
destination we talked of all kinds of stuff and made fun of my driving. At the way to Plaza del
Caribe, we did a stop at a traffic light. Once the light changed to green, I continued my driving.
At that time, there is a hole in the ground and one of my friend said: Look out, theres a hole,
but it was too late.
He said: Did you not see it, it was big.
I replied: Shit, I was hoping I hit a cat. Oh well, too bad
So we continued to Sizzler. At the back, my other friend was laughing at everything that
happen. Once we arrived at Plaza del Caribe, the search for parking began.
We entered the parking lot and it was full of cars. Ready to park in any space but one of
my friend said: No, we are going closer. So I continued searching for closer parking. Then,
from a far, we saw a space and went there. At the end, a Smart car is parked there. We thought,

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Why not push the car out, but it would be wrong and funny; so we continue searching. Then,
again from the far we saw a space and the same friend that said to park closer, said to me again:
THERES A SLOT, STEP ON IT!!!!!! This time he said it with more energy and he almost
wanted to eat the front glass because he stood up, shouting like some animal just because he
wanted a closer parking. At the end, it was one of those blue line parking for disable people, so
we continue searching.
As I turned the corner, we saw a whole space of parking, close and under trees. A happy
moment for us but it ended, we realize it was a parking only for taxis. We though: How about
we paint the car yellow. Not a bad idea but too fictional; so again, we continued searching. At
the end, we parked in a slot not that far but not too close. Its as close we could get. I parked
there, we exit the car and started walking through the parking slot until arriving at the entrance of
Plaza de Caribe. We still had to wait like an hour because it was not open, so we explored what
we already knew until Sizzler open.

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Peer Review for Narrative (From Axelrod and Coopers Concise Guide to Writing, Bedford/St. Martins
2009) Reviewed by: Josue Rolon Andino
Use these questions to peer review your peers narrative.
1. Read for a first impression. Begin by reading the story quickly to get a sense of what it is about and to
have a sense of its significance. Describe your first impression here.
I find it funny because it had happen to me a lot of times when im trying to find a parking spot and it a
mission to get one.

2. Analyze the effectiveness of the storytelling. Review the story looking at the way the suspense builds
and resolves itself. Point to places where the drama loses intensity, where action verbs are needed,
where narrative transitions would help, or where dialogue could be added to dramatize the interactions.
The suspense is well created and it keep rising until the end. The drama is great and where it lose
intensity is at the end. It have good actions verbs, so I think is good like it is right now. To summarize is
well done and I dont consider to do any changes.

3. Consider how well the places and people are described. Point out descriptive details, similes,
metaphors that are effective. Note any places or people that need more specific detail and description.
Give specific examples.
The details is this narrative are perfect because they give more effectiveness to the message and I dont
think that it need more details.

4. Is the autobiographical significance clear? Explain what you believe makes this story significant. Point
to a place in the draft where the writer could make it clearer.
The autobiographical significance is clear because through the dialogue of the narrative, you can see
how the author was feeling when the events happen.

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5. Analyze the organization of the essay. How does it begin? Does it make you want to read more? What
can the author do to make it more exciting? Look at the ending. Is the story resolved too easily? Is there
a moral that should not be there? Make suggestions for a better ending.
The organization is well done and the story began with a description of the day. The story make me to
read more but it fine the way it is. The ending is resolve easily but I dont think that theres other way to
ended.

6. Give the writer your final thoughts. Where does the writer need to do more work?
The story is very interesting and I find it funny because that is the story of many drivers, looking for a
parking spot. To me the writer do a great job and I dont think that it need more work in any part of the
narrative.