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Briana Lamb
Professor Corri Ditch
English 114A
24 September 2014

Parents are arguably one of the most influential aspects of life. When children are born
parents unknowingly expect them to fall directly into the most common socially constructed
categories. Boy, girl, masculine, feminine, blue, and pink; but what if they fall in between? So I
will be discussing this question and analyzing the information shared in these two articles. No
Way My Boys Are Going to Be Like That: Parents Responses to Childrens Gender
Nonconformity by Emily W. Kane and Night to His Day: The Social Construction of
Gender by Judith Lorber while also making connection with my own parents parenting
strategies. Children should be able to be children, be free, and be open minded without having to
claim a title for others comfort, and that includes parents.
After reading these articles I could see that, although different, they both included parents
that decided how they wanted society to view their childs gender. In the article, No Way My
Boys Are Going to Be Like That, multiple parents discuss what they do and would allow their
sons to do and participate in depending on how comfortable they feel with it. In the article,
Night to His Day, Judith Lorber talks about how gender roles are changing and the fact that it
is not a positive thing for many people. Even though non-conformers would just like to feel and
be treated equally.
As far as I can remember the role of men and women have always been pretty clear.
Women were to be very dainty, seen not heard, play with dolls (not trucks), wear pink, skirts,
and dresses, and do more domestic activities around the house. Where as boys are encouraged

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to be less hands on in the house, not show emotion, play with trucks and action figures, and wear
blue. In the article, No Way My Boys Are Going to Be Like That, a mother went as far as
saying that she compromised with her son when he kept asking for a Barbie and instead she
got him the NASCAR Barbie. Or when a father mentioned his son liked playing with Barbies
but he was relieved when he noticed his son took more interest in the Ken doll (94). Barbie is
still a female no matter her job title and Ken is still a doll not an action figure, so is there really a
difference?
Reading the articles I notice interaction between son, daughter, mother, and father
fluctuate. In No Way My Boys Are Going to Be Like That fathers would rather their sons be
masculine and only do manly activities, but why is it not okay for girls to be masculine and
partake in these manly activities. However, in Night to His Day, the author mentioned the two
fathers on the subway and they both had their children. One father had his child dressed in all
white, which is known to be a gender-neutral color, so she couldnt tell if it was a boy or girl.
While the other father had his daughter with no way to tell, at first, that it was indeed a girl. He
dressed her in dark clothing with a Yankees baseball cap on and the author says she thought it
was a boy until he exited and she saw the tiny earrings, lace-trimmed socks, and flowery shoes.
Some of the statements that the parents made in the article werent to far off from what I
grew up hearing from my parents. Im the only girl and the youngest out of three so as a kid I
couldnt help but to want to be outside playing tackle football with my brothers or learning how
to skateboard. I wanted to wear jeans and sneakers all the time and my parents wanted me to
wear skirt, dresses and sandals. They even tried putting me in dance and cheer to be around
normal girls they said, but it didnt help. I still wanted my X-Men action figure set and my
Barbie Malibu Town House but they wanted me to choose and I just didnt understand what the

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difference was. It was all the things that interested me. Whether they were trying to change me
or not all the tactics they used definitely had an impact on who I am now. Yes, I am still a
tomboy but I also like getting dressed up and getting pampered. Thats just one example of the
huge impact parents have on their childrens lives.
I have noticed that both my masculine side and feminine side play different parts in my
daily activities. When it comes to the way that I talk I have a habit of talking like my brothers,
using words like bro and dude. I have become accustom to not showing emotions and not
being a crier and it actually makes me uncomfortable to be around people when theyre crying
and it all comes from growing up with all guys. However, I can also be very sympathetic and
understanding and I actually like shopping and going to the nail shop. Although, my masculine
sides also becomes more prominent when I am giving my friends relationship advice. It causes
trouble because I can sometimes be insensitive and nonchalant; at least that is what I have been
told. It just so happens that I have a balance of both and both of them are more prominent at
times then the other.
Both of these articles touched on gender definitely being something that was socially
constructed whether it was intentional or not it showed. In Night to His Day she shows ways in
which gender is socially constructed because she gives many examples but one of them stood out
to me. She brings to attention how the women in the U.S. Marines are now required to wear
makeup and take classes for makeup, hair care, poise, and etiquette. It was almost as if they
feminized these women to feel more comfortable within themselves. Also in No Way My Boys
Are Going to Be Like That the author shows these parents who talks about the difference
between what their sons should be doing compared to what they should not. Some parents share
how they taught their sons domestic competence by actually letting them play with kitchen sets,

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tea sets, and dollhouses. They hoped that these things would emotion openness from them or
even empathy. However, who is to say that because they do this that these are the traits that they
will get out of it because there are girls that obviously grew up playing with these sets and turned
out to be emotionless and who do not know how to be nurturing.
Even though it can be looked at from many different aspects these examples show the
parents guiding their children in the normal direction. Sticking to what is masculine, feminine,
blue, and pink even though their children showed interest in things that didnt necessarily right in
these categories. So from my own personal research this is why I believed that it all started with
the parents. Children should be able to expand, challenge and learn at young ages so it is easier
once their younger, but that also means parents letting some of the control go and actually letting
the child show them what they want. The change will start with parents letting some control go
but it will end with the child carrying through standing up for what they believe in and being an
advocate for whatever gender community they fall into.

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Works Cited

Groner, Rachel, and John O'Hara. "Night to His Day": The Social Construction of
Gender." Composing Gender. Print.
Groner, Rachel, and John OHara. No Way My Boys Are Going to Be Like That: Parents
Responses to Childrens Gender Nonconformity Composing Gender. Print.