Rachel Pennock

COMM 1080-400
12/7/14
Response Paper #3
Forgiveness plays one of the most important roles in solving conflicts and
building or maintaining relationships. Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or
words of another. Perhaps somebody criticized your work, or your coworker sabotaged a
project or your partner cheated on you. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings
of anger, bitterness, or even vengeance. But if you dont practice forgiveness, you might
be the one who pays more. When someone you care about hurts you, you have two
options. You can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge, or you can
embrace forgiveness and move forward in your life and your relationships.
The first step towards reconciliation and resolving a conflict is forgiveness.
Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary decision to let go of resentment and thoughts
of revenge. The act that hurt you or offended you might always remain a part of your life,
but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on more positive parts of
your life. It can lead to feelings of understanding, empathy, and compassion for the one
who hurt you. Although forgiveness does not obligate us to reconcile with another, it is
the first step to mending important relationships and solving the conflict. Forgiveness is
an act of will and can be withheld if one chooses not to forgive and is not required but
needed for a relationship to be repaired. Forgiveness is usually given after an apology or
acknowledgement from the offender of the harm done and pain suffered. It can be a
simple or complex task depending on the wrongdoing as well as the level of the

relationship with the other party. Often, an apology is all that it takes for someone to
forgive, but it isnt always that easy. Forgiveness can take a lot of time and may not even
be given all at once. Forgiving doesnt mean that you deny the other persons
responsibility for hurting you, and it doesnt minimize or justify the wrong. You can
forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness can take away the power the
other person continues to carry in your life and bring you peace of mind.
The benefits and practices of forgiveness have been explored in religious ides,
social sciences, and even medicine. Most world religions have teachings on the nature of
forgiveness, and many of these teachings provide an underlying basis for many different
practices of forgiveness. Some religious doctrines or philosophies place great emphasis
on the need to find some sort of divine forgiveness for their own mistakes or sins and
others place great emphasis on the need to practice forgiveness of one another. From a
medical standpoint, researchers have found that forgiveness can improve the physical
health of a human being. Studies show that people who forgive are happier and healthier
than those who hold grudges and resentments. Researchers have found that the more
forgiving people were, the less they suffered from a wide range of illnesses along with
improvements in their cardiovascular and nervous systems. Holding onto grief and pain
can also be psychologically unhealthy. By holding on to these things, you give up your
control over your emotions and give that control to another. Letting go of grudges and
bitterness can make way for happiness, health and peace.
Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change and may take time. There are
many different steps and approaches that you may take in this process. Before you choose
to forgive, consider the value of forgiveness and the relationship as well as its importance

in your life at a given time. If someone cuts you off while driving on the freeway,
forgiveness may not be a huge deal but if something happens between you and your
partner, you may take more time to think about the relationship and how big of an impact
the offense has. It is important to reflect on the facts of the situation, how youve reacted,
and how its has affected your life, health, and well-being. Forgiveness can be
challenging, especially if the person whos hurt you doesnt admit doing you wrong or
doesnt offer an apology. In this case, you may need to consider the situation from the
other persons point of view and ask yourself why he or she would behave in such a way.
Perhaps you would have reacted similarly if you faced the same situation. Think about
the times that you may have hurt other and reflect on those whove forgiven you. Maybe
it would help to talk with another friend or family member that you value. They may
open your eyes to a new side of the situation that you hadnt realized and forgiveness
may become a little easier. If and when you choose to genuinely forgive the person whos
offended you, you move away from your role as the victim and release the control and
power the offending person and situation have had in your life. After you have gone
through the forgiveness process, it is then up to you to decide if you want to move to
reconciliation with the other person.
I have been taught my whole life the importance of forgiveness, from my parents
teaching me to forgive my brothers when I was little, the teachings of my religion that I
have learned growing up, and looking at others examples. As I reflect on past situation
where I have been hurt, I have looked for support among my family and my religious
beliefs. It hasnt always come easily for me, but I know that forgiveness has brought
relief in those times and I have felt like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

When I have chosen not to forgive, I have felt anger and bitterness and could not seem to
find happiness. I think that forgiveness can make or break a relationship and it is and it
plays an important role in keeping those relationships that we value as well as our own
well-being. I know that forgiveness can lead to healthier relationships, greater spiritual
and psychological well-being, less anxiety, less stress and hostility, lower blood pressure,
fewer symptoms of depression, a stronger immune system, improved heart health, and
higher self-esteem.

Works Cited
Cahn, D. & Abigail, R. (2010) Managing Conflict Through Communication. Pearson
Education Inc., Upper Saddle River, NJ.
ONeil, S. & Chapman, E. (2008) Your Attitude Is Showing. Prentice Hall.