portfolio document

4 messages
Jason Valentin Diaz <jason_valentin@csu.fullerton.edu>
To: nathanj93@csu.fullerton.edu

Mon, Dec 1, 2014 at 9:21 PM

I am using the recommendation report and cover letter. I am still working on the cover letter.

MY Recommendation report 2.docx

490K

Nathan Jansen <nathanj93@csu.fullerton.edu>

To: Jason Valentin Diaz <jason_valentin@csu.fullerton.edu>

Mon, Dec 1, 2014 at 10:24 PM

I'm using our group's project proposal and most likely the cover letter as well.
[Quoted text hidden]

proposal final portfolio doc.docx

17K

Nathan Jansen <nathanj93@csu.fullerton.edu>

To: Jason Valentin Diaz <jason_valentin@csu.fullerton.edu>

Mon, Dec 1, 2014 at 11:27 PM

Jason,
Your Recommendation Report meets all of the Student Learning Outcomes
outlined in the class syllabus. Specifically, it applies most heavily
to Outcomes 2, 3, 5, and 6.
Outcome 1: Rhetorical Focus may require some argumentation in your
cover letter. In your cover letter, explain how you appealed to and
considered your audience when writing the "Recommendation" portion of
your report. After some revisions to the report, you could also
explain how you identified the audience as the school's board of
directors or something similar, as you'll strive to keep the document
professional.
Outcome 2: Ethical Research is adequately covered through your use of
APA style citations. Since your document uses this citation style, you
can argue for your mastery of this learning outcome by pointing out
how you correctly used APA formatting. Be sure revise and verify that
you have used APA absolutely correctly to make this point convincing.
I only know MLA, so you may wish to have someone else who knows APA to
proofread for you.
Outcome 3: Persuasive Arguments is covered because the whole point of
the recommendation report is to convince the recipient of either
taking action or taking no action. Your report takes a stance and
argues for it with evidence to support your claims. Therefore, I'd say
it definitely makes for a persuasive argument. Consider refining you

word choice to make it a bit more argumentative for your stance in the
"Recommendation" section.
Outcome 4: See the explanation for Outcome 5.
Outcome 5: Academic Language and Design has the potential to be
covered greatly. For this to be effective however, I recommend
revising the design and structure of the document. Refer to the Memo
format in our textbook for a good idea on how to format the document
in a way that is clean and easy to follow. Do not make the entire
document's text bold. This should only be used for headers and other
important titles in order to draw attention to them. Also consider
revising your indentations. Once these revisions are made, you can
also make a case for having obtained Outcome 4 by having effectively
revised the document to the point where it is organized effectively in
a way that established focus on the headings and other vital pieces of
information. Additionally, your cover letter can now make a case for
the next outcome.
Outcome 6: Collaboration will undoubtedly be covered once revisions to
your recommendation report are made. All you need to do is mention how
you collaborated with me in order to make revisions to the report. You
could also argue your research done by interviewing your Health
Science professors shows collaboration with people in your department.
In conclusion, with some revisions to your Recommendation Report and
with an effective Cover Letter, you seem to have all the Student
Learning Outcomes covered. I definitely agree with using the
Recommendation Report for your revised document, as well as using your
Cover Letter to cover any remaining gaps. If you have any further
questions, please don't hesitate to contact me!
Many Thanks,
Nathan
p.s. I totally got long-winded with my responses. Don't feel the need
to write this much in your feedback if you don't want to haha. It's
really not necessary, as the answer to Question 2 on the Conference
Prep Sheet is not expected to be very long I believe.
[Quoted text hidden]

Jason Valentin Diaz <jason_valentin@csu.fullerton.edu>

Tue, Dec 2, 2014 at 8:28

AM

To: Nathan Jansen <nathanj93@csu.fullerton.edu>

Outcome 1 is met, you are writing formal and for a specific audience (iFixit staff). Your argument is
clear what your intend is (a proposal to write a guide for the Toshiba laptop).
Outcome 2 I only see the URL for iFixit device page. You may want to include this in your second
document.
Outcome 3 this is achieved because you are persuading iFixit to let you start writing
manuals. However, this can be reinforced with cover letter to make your outcome 3 stronger.

Outcome 4 The whole proposal was organized correctly. You can also argue the timeline as part of
organization of future projects. The use of memo format also allowed you to establish organization
and focus for this proposal.
Outcome 5 I think correct format was used for memo. Bullet points were used only when necessary
and it was concise. Some of the wording seems repetitive under the problem description otherwise
you are on point. You also seemed to established proper use of white space.
Outcome 6 Collaboration between your group was made for the proposal. You can include that and
the fact that I just revised it again. You also revised mine.
You selected a good document with outcomes 1,3,4,5, and 6 covered. You may want to include
outcome 2 in your second document. Otherwise you have a strong argument that you mastered these
learning objectives. I hope this helps.
Jason