Rodriguez 1

Christina Rodriguez
John Kubler
English 115
15 October 2014
Who Is Dominant?
For the ethnography project, I decided to observe the relationship of a good friend of
mine. He had just recently started dating a girl that he met in college and I thought it would be
interesting to see the role that he played in the relationship since I had never seen him date
anyone for the entire four years that I have known him. I invited my friend and his girlfriend to
have a nice lunch at a cafe that we had already been to before. I also invited my best friend to
come along with me so that it wouldnt feel like a third wheel kind of situation. When we all
met up at the cafe, we first ordered our food and then went to sit at a table. As I discretely
observed them, I noticed quite a few things that showed me just who was in charge in this
relationship. As we were having a conversation together, I couldnt help but notice how my
friends girlfriend was really guiding the conversation. For example, she would say something
and then look at her boyfriend as if to make sure that he agreed with what she was saying. My
friend did talk as well but usually only when either of us would address him directly. I could
definitely see that they both really like each other and enjoy each others company, but if I had to
choose one who seemed more in love, I have to say that my friend, the boyfriend, was more in
love.
To see if my assumptions were true, after we finished eating I told them that I needed to
ask them a few questions for a project in one of my classes and they agreed to participate. I first
asked where they lived and they told me that they both live in the same city, but they live
separately. I found out that they hang out together quite a bit. The have class for most of the

Rodriguez 2
week, so they hang out whenever they can, before they both need to return home or whenever
they do not have class. They also hang out quite a bit on the weekends when they go out to eat
and talk with each other. I learned that the girlfriend usually chooses the place where they go to
hang out. I then asked how their relationship started and they told me that they met and got to
know each other and my friend said he felt feelings for her and finally made the move to begin
the dating relationship. When I asked them about who was more dominant in the relationship, I
was told that they both try to have a say in what they do, but for the most part the boyfriend goes
with whatever the girlfriend decides. I then began asking them the questions about gender
equality. They answered yes to all of the questions because they believe that women have just as
much potential to do great things as men do. Then I asked them the questions that had to do with
sexuality. The answers they gave me I thought were interesting because they would differ. For
example, they would answer no to the topless beaches, yes that Miley Cyrus and Nicki Minajs
performances went too far, no to the cut-off shorts, and no to legalizing prostitution, but then
they answered no to the last two questions which asked if females who wears very revealing
clothes should be considered a sexual object. Their first answers pointed towards a more
conservative point of view which led me to believe that they would answer yes to the last two
questions, but instead they answered no which I thought was interesting. I then asked them about
how they maintain the love in their relationship and they told me that they always make sure to
talk to each other and make sure that they are both happy with where they stand. Lastly I showed
them the ad which featured the woman in the bikini leaning on one of the bullfighters while
another bullfighter stood in the back. They told me that it seemed that the men were more
dominant in the ad because it did not look as if she was influencing the men to do anything or act
a certain way. After asking all of these questions I felt that my initial assumption, that the
girlfriend was more dominant in the relationship, was proven right.

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The next five couples that were interviewed also had similar answers to my first couple,
but some also had different answers that were interesting to hear. For the first question, 100% of
the couples said that they lived separately. Continuing on, 40% said that they both decide on a
place to go, 40% said that the boyfriend chooses, and 20% said that the girlfriend decides. 100%
of the couples said that the boyfriend made the first move to start the dating relationship. When
asked who was more dominant, 60% said that they were equal, 20% said the boyfriend, and 20%
said the girlfriend was more dominant. To the gender equality questions, only 20% answered no
while 80% answered yes. 80% said no to nude beaches and 20% said yes. The pictures of Miley
Cyrus and Nicki Minaj had an 80% response which agreed that their performances went a bit
overboard, and only 20% said no. Then, 40% said girls should not wear cut-off shorts in high
school and 60% said that they should be allowed to. All of the couple said no to legalizing
prostitution. When considering the females in tight, revealing clothes, 80% said they should not
be regarded as sexual objects, while 20% answered yes. When answering the question about
what hold their relationship together, most answered that communication and letting each other
know that they are loved, keeps them together and happy. The last questions which featured the
ad showed that, 60% thought that the men were dominant and 40% thought that the woman was
dominant.
When looking at the results from my questionnaires and from my observations, I do think
that their view of sexuality influences their view of the ad. For example, the couple that I chose
to observe, for the most part did not agree with females showing off their bodies or being very
sexual, so when they saw the ad, they decided that the men were dominant. As well as for the
other five couples, most of the who replied mostly no to the questions about sexuality said that
the male was more dominant in the ad, but then one of the couples who replied mostly yes, said
that the woman was the more dominant one. I did not see much of an influence to their decision

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of who was dominant in the ad from their own opinion of who was more dominant in their
relationship. The answers varied quite a bit and it was not as easy to see an influence there. I
think that the responses to gender equality are influencing since the couple who said no to the
gender equalities also said that the man was more dominant in the ad. I definitely think that the
way that these people feel about either gender equality or sexuality correlates to their view of
who is more dominant in a relationship. Some males try to say what they think that their
girlfriends want to hear, even if they dont mean it. It is hard for a boy to be truly honest in front
of his girlfriend, so who knows is they may have given different answers otherwise. I found all
of the different answers interesting because I also have my own opinions about these topics and
it really interests me to see all of these different opinions.