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Eileen Sibrian
Professor Derohanessian
English 113B
13 February 2015
Abusive is Not Healthy
Black and blue, heart throbbing, tears flowing, Babe Im sorry, Ill never do it again. I
dont know what got into me. I just love you so much, I never want to lose you. Words said by
an abusive and manipulative partner. When one is in an abusive relationship, often times the
individual denies any sort of abuse that is occurring within the relationship. This correlates with
the fact that either the individual is staying in the unhealthy relationship, due to fear or belief that
the spouse or partner abuses them out of love or mere confusion. Statistics from the Domestic
Abuse Shelter show that About 4000 women die each year due to domestic violence and Of
the total domestic violence homicides, about 75% of the victims were killed as they attempted to
leave the relationship or after the relationship had ended. Domestic violence amongst couples in
America can result in different outcomes. Those outcomes could be fatal, involve serious
injuries, or speaking up and telling someone about the abuse and getting out of the relationship;
therefore, wise decisions must be made.
When one enters into a relationship with a person, whose abusive attributes lurk within
the shadows, the person will show all qualities on the contrary of who they actually are. Theyll
appear to be loving, caring, and the ideal prince charming. Statistics from the Domestic Abuse
Shelter also convey that Seventy-three percent of male abusers were abused as children. So
more than half of male abusers have an abusive history; and many unconsciously or knowingly
want to feel that sense of power that was taken from them in their past and gain it back from

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abusing their girlfriend or wife. So as time passes, their true colors will begin to unravel. An
abusive man may start with being verbally abusive, however, the woman will disregard it and
make excuses that hes only acting out that way because of stress, hes going through a rough
time, or it was her fault she said something that set him off. A Youtube video called, Signs of
Emotional Abuse, states that if one feels like they have to walk on egg shells to avoid him
from lashing out, and it instills some type of fear, then theres a problem (Mariana2026). One
shouldnt live in fear with the one whom he or she loves. If theres fear of the other partner, one
is not staying for love, one is staying because he or shes continually being manipulated.
However, theres a type of abuse that is evident as well and that is physical abuse.
Physical abuse is when a boyfriend or husband inflicts physical pain upon his girlfriend or wife;
such as hitting, kicking, pushing, shoving, being overly jealous, and controlling. But, many
women who get treated this way are in denial of what their partner is really doing to them.
Women who are abused are usually in denial because they refuse to believe that the man they
love is capable of hurting them. According to Dealing With the Effects of Domestic Violence by
Lynda Gibbons, signs of domestic abuse are, making light of injuriesthe constant presence of
overly attentive spouses or partnerspresence of injuriesfracturesbruisingor those of a
defense nature (Gibbons). Theres many ways of telling if one is being physically abused. Yet
women who have been brainwashed dont see that theyre being hurt, not loved, and definitely
not being protected.
Fortunately, one can escape an abusive relationship, however, it can be a challenge
because it may aggravate his or her partner and result in serious injuries or death. So it is very
important one gets out as soon as he or she starts seeing the signs that their partner could
potentially be abusive. Theres also support groups one could attend so they could know that they

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are not alone. When one leaves an abusive relationship, one must keep a low profile, for
example, change numbers, move to a new place. Anything that will completely cut off ties with
the abuser because often times the abuser becomes obsessive. It is crucial for one who has left
the relationship to be safe at all times, and according to an article in the Huffington Post called
How to Stay Safe After Leaving an Abusive Relationship, one needs to get a restraining order,
change patterns like shop at new stores, take different routes to work, change coffee shops and
gas stations, go to a faith service at a different time, switch to a new bank, keep loved ones
informed of whereabouts, and most importantly one must never isolate themselves where there
can be no witnesses (Nelson). Anything can happen at any moment, so it is important one takes
all the precautions necessary.
However, on the other hand, many dont believe in domestic violence. So when one
opens up to another that he or shes being emotionally or physically abused the person he or she
is speaking with doesnt take it seriously and says that he or she is overreacting, that its their
fault for saying something that triggered a physical response, or that he or she should stay with
their partner because, theyre probably going through a tough time and need them to be there.
Many also see hitting their spouse or girlfriend as taking authority as being head of the house or
showing whos boss. Abusive men also take being violent towards their wife or girlfriend as way
to be the one controlling every aspect of their life and being the decision maker. Often times this
control comes from the man being extremely insecure and demands all the attention for that
reason.
To draw to an end, individuals who are unknowing to themselves as victims of domestic
violence need to know that it is not okay to be treated that way. Studies from Dealing with the
Effects of Domestic Violence showed that 49 percent of couples reported that violence in a

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relationship can be a sign of confusion, and 29 percent thought it could be a sign of love
almost 80 percent of couples perceived violence not as abuse but as neutral behavior (Gibbons).
Being abused by the person one loves is not healthy. If a situation escalates out of control, one
could end up dead. Thus, the sooner one realizes that his or her relationship is not healthy, he or
she needs to get out of there, cut all ties, and take all safety measures necessary.

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Works Cited
Cavanagh, Michael E. "Why Do People Remain in Abusive Relationships?" Pastoral
Psychology, 44.5 (1996): 285-293. Print. 6 Feb. 2015.
Domestic Abuse Shelter, Inc. Domestic Abuse Shelter-A New Beginning. Domestic Abuse
Shelter-A New Beginning. Floridakeys.com, 2015. Web. 16 Feb 2015.
Gibbons, Lynda. "Dealing With the Effects of Domestic Violence." Emergency Nurse 19.4
(2011): 12-17. CINAHL Plus with Full Text. Web. 6 Feb. 2015.
Mariana2026. "Signs of Emotional Abuse." YouTube. YouTube, 19 May 2008. Web. 11 Feb.
2015.
Nelson, Rochelle. "How To Stay Safe After Leaving An Abusive Relationship." The Huffington
Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 2015. Web. 16 Feb. 2015.