To: Ms.

Diaz
From: Veronica Cassador
Date: March 19, 2015
Subject: MWA #2 Cover Letter


Rhetorical Situation
For this assignment we were asked to write as if we were applying for a job as a content
writer for a Non-Profit Organization. When thinking of a title I wasnt quite sure what I
wanted to title it, especially because it wasnt just about obesity but it was about the
correlation between fast food and obesity, as well as the other issues that surround
obesity so ultimately I chose the title Obesity and Our Issue With Fast Food. While
writing I often had to remind myself what type of audience I was writing for because it
still had to be formal enough for a job interview but also informal enough as to make it
enjoyable for the audience, that being the people viewing the website to enjoy.

Areas of Interest
While working on this assignment I really struggled with forming a clear and strong
thesis, and that is something I would really like feedback on so that I can work on it for
the next assignment that we have. I for the most part kept it the same, but tried to explain
it a little more, because I wasnt really sure how I could make it clearer.

SLO Progression
SLO D is really interesting because its kind of hard to understand but what I get from it
is that youre using your fluency in english to form sentences, and paragraphs that are
appropriate to the assignment and being able to use them in a way that makes sense.
Weve done this is almost every assignment, were constantly trying to improve our
writing skills. We give and receive feedback during peer reviews, as well as when we do
Free Writes, we write our own opinions on various things and then we get them back

with more feedback or even just a short response and that also helps with our standard
written american english.

SLO H involves using the work of others in an appropriate way with appropriate

Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:02 PM

Comment [1]: Good explanations, but
specific examples?

citations, to make your argument or paper stronger. For our LSA 2 we were asked to do
research on the topic of our choice, which lead into this assignment. We did this by using
various scholarly sites to find articles that were appropriate to our topic. We have also
learned how to properly do in-text citations as well, and correct ways to give the writer
credit for their work. Using quotes from other is meant to help us form a really strong
argument by providing examples, or maybe some sort of statistics that kind of prove or
support what were talking about.

SLO I involves using the research that youve conducted to form a clear and efficient
argument. We did this by doing annotated bibliographies and summarizing the main
points of the article and giving examples of how that article will be helpful in supporting
or opposing your argument. Synthesizing sources was really important in this assignment
because you have to be able to create an outline and pull important information from the
article, in order to fully understand the information you are reading. We also did this with
a few articles where we were asked to pull a direct quote or summarize what the article
was about, as well as citing the work correctly which in the end was really useful when it
came to working on this assignment.

Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:05 PM

Comment [2]: This SLO discussion is
definitely your strongest!

Veronica Cassador
English 120
MWA 2
Obesity and Our Issue With Fast Food
Obesity has been a constant battle for Americans. Were known for our large
portions and love of fast food restaurants. With fast food restaurants at the corner of
every block and catchy commercials, its almost impossible for the consumer to resist.
Fast food commercials generally target the more vulnerable population. In an article from
CBS called Fast Food Linked To Child Obesity the writer discusses how fast food is that,
The numbers, though alarming, are not surprising since billions of dollars are spent each
year on fast-food advertising directed at kids. Restaurants are an easy escape for the
mother or father that works long hours or for road trips, but what we dont think about is

Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:05 PM

Comment [3]: This was well framed and
used well.

how it could affect us in the future. There is more to the topic of obesity than just healthy
eating and exercising, its an issue that greatly affects us. I think that more awareness and
education on obesity, as well as nutrition classes will be beneficial to future generations.
There are many different points of views on obesity, both for and against. Some
that are opposed to my opinion might think or say that not everyone in America fits the
stereotype and that there are people that eat healthy and live active lifestyles. Another

Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:05 PM

Comment [4]: This seems to be your thesis,
and its clearer than it has been. It could be
clarified further by linking it explicitly to
what youve just bee talking about: the
solution to these things is education,
awareness

argument would be that healthier options and health food stores are more expensive than
your average grocery store. At restaurants there are menus that are made specifically to
reel the consumer in and convince them into buying the cheaper item from the menu.
These are especially relevant to a family or a person that cant afford to buy enough
groceries to feed their family. One other argument might be that the parents work long

Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:07 PM

Comment [5]: would

hours and dont have enough time or are too tired to go home and cook. Another
argument that might be given is that the amount of junk food and fast food restaurants
does not contribute to the obesity epidemic. An article from The Huffington linked to
childhood obesity. In the article they discuss a quote that was given by Dr. David
Ludwig, who is the director of the Childrens Hospital in Boston and he mentions Post
called Ban on Certain Fast Food Restaurants In South LA Had No Effects On Obesity
Rates, mentions that, [I]ts not just about limiting unhealthy food, but increasing access
to healthy food, said Alex Ortega, a professor of public health at the University of
California, Los Angeles, who had no role in the study. In this article they discuss a study
that was performed in an area of LA that has high rates of obesity. They found that
having less fast food food restaurants in the area had no effect on the obesity rates in that
area.
Though there are many arguments that oppose my argument, obesity is still
something that greatly affects our country as a whole. Yes, they performed a study that
found no difference in the obesity rates in a small area of LA, but there needs to be more

Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:07 PM

Comment [6]: As Im reading this, Im eating
instant pizza rolls and feeling slightly guilty.
I should buy salad or something.

Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:08 PM

Comment [7]: Connect these two sentences a
little betterits a little clunky.

Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:08 PM
Comment [8]: Not sure whats happening
here.
Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:09 PM
Comment [9]:
Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:09 PM
Comment [10]: End quote here?

Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:09 PM

Comment [11]: You might want to separate
and clarify these two sources because they
are confusing.

Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:09 PM

Comment [12]: This paragraph has some
great info but needs to be worked.
Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:10 PM
Comment [13]: Work this research into the
counterargument a little better and cite it.

research done in order to find a way that does lower obesity rates and it also needs to be
something that we can use everywhere else in our country as well.
Just as there are a lot of arguments opposing my point of view, there are also a
lot of arguments for my point of view. Some of those arguments might be that its almost
impossible to escape fast food restaurants because they are everywhere. An article written
by Nicholas Howe called Fast Food America is a personal account of his own experience
with fast food restaurants. Throughout the article he paints a vivid image of his
surrounding, as well as the people around him. He describes the Japanese tourists by

Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:10 PM

Comment [14]: Are there studies that prove
that yes, we DO have an obesity problem in
the US?

mentioning that, They negotiated the business of fast food America with perfect style
though limited fluency in English. It was, I guess, little different for them here than in a
McDonalds at home. He used this as a way to say that though they didnt speak perfect
English, they saw something that they were semi familiar with, which just so happened to
be a McDonalds, just off the freeway. He also goes on to describe what the people around
him were wearing and their ages and asks himself how they ended up at a McDonalds off

Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:11 PM

Comment [15]: Clarification and use of the
quote is really helpful!

the freeway. Could it be that they are similar to the Japanese tourists in that they too are
looking for a place that feels familiar to them? Or is that they are traveling to an unknown
destination, and fast food restaurants are the easiest option for the busy traveler because
of the fact that you can find them even in the most rural areas. Another argument might
be that its a lot easier to keep the bad habits you already have, as opposed to working

Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:11 PM

Comment [16]: New paragraph would work
well here to separate points.

out. There are always commercials about the best diet pill, or the hot new exercise fad,
like Zumba. Were always looking for the easy ways out when in all reality the easy way
out might be causing our bodies more harm than good. Another article that I read had an
interesting take on obesity as well. The article was called Supersizing America: Fatness
and Post-9/11 Cultural Anxieties it was a very interesting article that talked about the
film Supersize Me which is a film about Americas habit of overeating, and always
having large portions of food. This article compares the film to our post 9/11 fears and
goes on to mention that, American cultures preoccupation with fat, it does provide a
particularly clear and representative example of how fatness becomes a site for dealing
with post-9/11 cultural anxieties. It is an interesting take because the author sort of
implies that we choose to focus on certain issues that are less serious, as opposed to

Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:15 PM

Comment [17]: Dont be meta.

focusing on the ones that are more serious and have to do with a level of security. Our
country has a lot of issues, its just a matter of what we choose to focus on and deal with.
In order to really make an impact on the obesity epidemic, we have to implement

Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:16 PM

Comment [18]:

programs that teach people how to live healthy lifestyles. This can be done by having
classes that educate people about obesity, and the consequences that come with being
obese, as well as cooking classes that teach people how to cook healthy yet delicious
flavorful meals that they can feed their families. Not only do we have to spread the
awareness to adults, but with children as well so that it eventually turns into a habit.
Exercising doesnt have to be something that is dreaded, it can be something that can be
done as a family like skiing, snowboarding, rock climbing, something that is fun to do
and that is enjoyable.
With many pros and cons to our obesity epidemic and its correlation to fast food,
it is still something that greatly affects our country. Weve made movies, tv shows, and
even written books about our food addiction, obesity, and the reality of what our food is
made out of, but we have yet to attempt to make a change in our society. Once there is a
movement, there is a chain reaction just as it is with any other important change in
history. If we want the change, we have to make the change instead of just talking about
how much we want or need change. As humans we dont necessarily know how to deal
with change, especially when were so comfortable with the way that things are. Making

Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:17 PM

Comment [19]: Your point is strong, just
needs to be reworked
Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:16 PM
Comment [20]: If the end of your
introduction was your thesis, then were
just now getting to your thesis. The paper
should be more geared toward your thesis.
The first bits of the paper talk about
whether we have an obesity issue when,
according to your thesis, we do and we
should do x y and z about it.
Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:18 PM
Comment [21]: Are there pros to an obesity
epidemic?
Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:18 PM
Comment [22]: I really like this: were
talking but not doing.

an impact on our obesity epidemic is something that will help our country and future
generations as well. We cant live off of fast food and junk food forever, its time to start
a movement for healthy and organic, homegrown food. Its time to know where your

Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:18 PM

Comment [23]: This is the first time this
ideas has come into your paper and perhaps
should have been explored earlier.

food is coming from and whats in it. Its time to know how the animals youre eating are
being treated and the kind of food theyre eating. Its time for a healthy America.

Works Cited
Chang, Alicia. "Ban On Certain Fast Food Restaurants in South LA Had No Effect on

Sunny Diaz 3/22/2015 1:00 PM

Comment [24]: Check out Purdue Owl. These
are supposed to be left aligned.

Obesity Rates." The Huffington Post. N.p., 20 Mar. 2015. Web. 21 Mar. 2015.
<http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/20/fast-food-ban-obesity-la_n_6910012.html>.

BAILEY, COURTNEY. "Supersizing America: Fatness And Post-9/11 Cultural
Anxieties." Journal Of Popular Culture 43.3 (2010): 441-462. Academic Search
Complete. Web. 26 Feb. 2015.

Holguin, Jaime. "Fast Food Linked to Child Obesity." CBS News. N.p., 5 Jan. 2005. Web.
21 Mar. 2015. <http://www.cbsnews.com/news/fast-food-linked-to-child-obesity/>.

Howe, Nicholas. "Fast-Food America." Kenyon Review 24.3/4 (2002): 174. Academic
Search Complete. Web. 26 Feb. 2015.

Content
Area
Argument

Description of An Exemplary Position Paper

Points

The introduction presents an overview of different stances on

_27_/35
the issue, demonstrating an understanding of these views and
contains a main claim statement. The writers main claim is
clearly defined and the writer refers back to this claim
throughout the paper. The writer presents an opposing viewpoint
(acknowledges a counter argument) and successfully argues
against that view. The writer uses at least two scholarly articles
or book chapters with opposing viewpoints to situate his or her
own argument. The writer has a clear understanding of these
articles and uses the research to enhance the writers own
argument.

Analysis

The writer uses secondary sources (articles or book chapters) in _22_/25

their paper to create an effective dialogue with the opinions of
other writers. The writers critical thinking skills enhance their
analysis helping the writer to present his or her own stance on
the issue as an extension of another writers argument or as a
synthesis of two opposing arguments.

Organization

The paper is organized in a logical manner that enhances the

_12_/15
flow of the writers argument. The writer has included an
introduction and forward thinking conclusion. Body paragraphs
have topic/point sentences that show the reader the paragraphs
relationship to the argument and concluding sentences. The
writer has used transitions between ideas and paragraphs to add
to his/her ideas clarity.

Presentation
& Format

The report is free of

_10_/10
distracting errors of grammar, punctuation, and spelling. The
report meets the page length requirement. The writer has used
Times/Times New Roman 12 point font; the document in double
spaced, and uses 1 inch margins.

Style

The writer uses an economic style meaning that the language is

concise, not repetitive or overly wordy. Sentence structure and
meaning is clear.

5__/5

Cover Letter

The writer has supplied a cover letter that discusses the

rhetorical situation for their document (3 points), overview of
strengths/weaknesses (2 points), a request for specific feedback
(1 point), and a reflection on the required SLOs (4 points).

9__/10

Total:
86/100
Plus one for feedback during peer review. Thanks for your hard work! :]
Veronica,
I feel like your thesis doesnt match your paper. The first part of your paper offers
reasons why we have issues with obesity, but doesnt get to your thesis until the
end. If the paper is what we can do about obesity, then the body of the argument
would be reworked; if its about the reasons people are obese, then the body should
be adjusted and the thesis reworked.
You have a lot of great information and you explain your sources really well, but the
structure needs some attention.

-sd