ENGLISH ESSAY

By: Samuel Manosalva 8C

In this paragraph Im going to talk about the meaning of economy and what it
covers. For me economy is money, it is very important in a society. All the cities
have their own economy, the same as people. There are people and cities or
countries that have a bigger economy than others, sometimes having a bigger
economy us better, but sometimes not because people who has a good
economy (wealthy people) is sometimes annoying and they dont care about
the rest of the population.
Economy covers land (territory), houses, cars, technology, and all the good that
are valuable. Economys bad size is the ridiculous waste of food and natural
resources, etc. A person who has a good economy feels better than the rest
and they waste all (everything), while theres people in poor countries dying
because of hungry and because they doesnt have a house or a place to sleep.
So while people sleeps in the streets and die of hunger, the rich people waste
clothes, and throw lots of food into the garbage. Cities also do the same, for
example; they waste lots of (many) litters of water and electricity doing
(having) an aquatic park. Obviously economy has a good side, because it helps
the development of technology and studies of??. It does the countries more
attractive for people to go there and stay some time there. It does people to be
comfort with their material things.
So finally we can get to a conclusion So in conclusion, that is mainly how to
become economy something really good, and not causing some problems.
Economy is good, the thing that creates it a bad size, is the way we used it, the
way we interpret it. They people and governments must avoid wasting things
that other people dont have, and they need, like food.
Ok a nice start you have made here. You have some good ideas, but you could
have developed them more.
However, Im wondering if you proof read this after you had written it?
You have many mistakes with word form or choice and some of your sentences
are choppy and hard to understand. You are also using some language and
expressions that are very informal and shouldnt really be seen in an essay.

Area
Task Response

high
fully addresses all parts of the task
presents a fully developed position in
answer to the question with relevant,

low
barely responds to the
task
does not express a

20-0

Grade
16

fully
extended and well supported ideas

Coherence and
Cohesion
Lexical Resource

Grammatical
Range and
Accuracy
Formatting

Paragraphs

Capitalization and
punctuation.

uses cohesion in such a way that it

attracts no attention
skilfully manages paragraphing
uses a wide range of vocabulary
with very natural and
sophisticated control of lexical
features; rare minor errors occur
only as slips

uses a wide range of structures with

full flexibility and accuracy; rare minor
errors occur only as slips
Emails have name, class, and title in
subject line.
Essay has a title, name, and class.
Other formatting guidelines are
followed.
Student uses paragraph structures.
Forming them correctly based around
subject
Student uses both competently and
fluidly.

position
may attempt to
present one or two
ideas
but there is no
development
has very little control
of organizational
features
uses an extremely
limited range
of vocabulary;
essentially no
control of word
formation and/or
spelling
cannot use sentence
forms except in
memorized phrases
Student fails to use
formatting

20-0

17

20-0

16

20-0

15

10

10

Student fails to use

any form.

Student fails to use

any.
doesnt use sentence
structure

100-0

total
84