WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

Writing Process Case Study at Starmount High School

Mollie Muse

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

The following case study details a writing workshop that took place after school
at Starmount High School in Yadkin County. The participants in the workshop were two
males, sophomore Adam1 and junior Brian1, who needed additional practice in writing.
Both students were failing English and participated in the workshop for extra credit. The
case study focuses on Brian, but discusses Adam in terms of group instruction. The
personal essay was selected as the genre of writing for the workshop in order to optimize
engagement by allowing students to write about their interests.
We began our workshop by discussing an example of a personal essay. Next, I
shared a New York Times article about generating ideas for writing, and we brainstormed
topics. I told students they could use strategies from the article or jot down hobbies and
interests. We shared our ideas and narrowed the lists to three topics each. Both guys
listed topics that were pretty broad. I told them the ideas were a good start, but that they
should choose a specific instance to write about. The boys were supposed to do five
minutes of free writing for each of the three topics we selected, then consider whether the
free writing generated new ideas and revise their lists as needed before our next meeting.
When I discussed the free writing during the second meeting, both students
answered questions about the activity, but neither turned in the assignment. The students
said they had more to write about one topic and chose that topic for their essays. Its my
opinion that neither student completed the free writing activity. They answered questions
as if they had, but in actuality chose their favorite topic from the list. Free writing could
be a valuable activity for generating unique ideas, but its primary purpose in our
workshop was to help the students select a topic. The students selected topics without
doing the activity, and I felt it unnecessary to belabor the point. The purpose of our
workshop was for students to understand the writing process as a whole, but I might
require free writing in a workshop that emphasized ideation strategies.

1

Names have been changed

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

During the second meeting, I taught the organizational structure of a personal

essay. We discussed the three parts (intro, body, conclusion) of an essay and their
purpose to the overall story. The students planned the structure of their essays using a
graphic organizer. The organizer guided students through creating an introduction that
hooks the reader, sets the scene, and states a thesis. Then, it directed students to structure
paragraphs around one topic sentence with supporting details, and to write a conclusion
that analyzes and reflects upon the events in the essay. The activity helped students
organize their thoughts for drafting, and I believe the organizer made it easy for them to
start writing because it provided structure for an inherently creative task.
Before the boys completed the graphic organizer, we talked about using specific
sensory detail and describing emotions through physical sensations (my heart jumped
or my throat tightened) instead of telling the emotion (I was scared or I was sad).
Descriptive detail received more attention during the revision stage, but I introduced it
during drafting so the students would consider details while they were planning the first
draft. The students wrote their first drafts at home so they would be ready for revising
during our third meeting.
We began the revision workshop by reading the first drafts out loud, and then I
taught a mini-lesson on stylistic devices. Although I introduced style during drafting, I
covered it in more depth so they would revise their essays with respect to context, details,
and reflection. After the mini-lesson, the boys re-read their essays and made revisions
notes. I read both essays, made notes, and then met with students individually to give
them feedback on their first draft. My feedback at this stage was broad and pointed out
problem areas for the students to fix.
Although first revisions generally dont focus on mechanics, I told Brian to work
on sentence construction because the clarity of his essay was hindered by run-on
sentences. I advised him to give each thought its own sentence to avoid confusing the

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

reader. I included positive comments along with the constructive feedback, and Brian
received the feedback well. He was open to my suggestions, and recognized that the
events needed to be explained more clearly to the reader. At the next meeting, however,
Brian had not written a second draft. Instead, he brought his first draft with a couple of
sentences rewritten in the margin.
We began our fourth meeting with a discussion on publishing and audience, and
after making a plan for publishing, we moved on to editing. Brian summed up the
difference between editing and revising by stating, editing is more of a fine-tuning. I
told students to consider language and word choice, to make sure all content was
essential and well explained, and to make sure everything flowed from one point to the
next. I told them to watch for grammar and spelling errors, but that we would do a final
proofread on the next draft. We made two copies of each essay, and each student
proofread his own paper and then the other students paper. I edited both essays.
Even though Brian hadnt written a second draft, I wanted to keep moving
forward because he was loosing interest in the project. Unfortunately, I didnt have time
to edit the entire essay. I marked up two-thirds of it, and advised him to correct the rest
on his own, using my notes as a model. I told him (again) to separate each thought into its
own sentence, and I modeled separating one run-on sentence. My feedback was more
specific than it had been on the previous round, but I didnt have time to discuss each
mark-up, or to coach him through solving each problem.
When the students shared their third drafts via Google Drive, neither of the essays
had changed much from the first drafts. I printed the essays, marked very specific
changes, and used the fifth meeting for revising. First, I talked about the recursive nature
of the writing process and what constitutes as finished writing. Then, I told students the
main problem on which they should each focus (elaboration for Adam, jumbling thoughts
together for Brian), and gave them their marked-up essays. I made sure they knew what

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

the edit marks meant, and told the boys to ask me if they had questions about anything.
The boys responded much better to specific corrections marked on their papers than the
feedback from previous rounds. Marking corrections felt like giving the answers instead
of teaching, but time constraints made it necessary. The boys preferred this method; I
assume because it meant less work on their part. This dilemma presents another reason
for ongoing writing workshops: Students need continuity and repetition to internalize
processes, and subsequent workshops allow for gradually more sophisticated objectives,
leading students to become self-sufficient problem solvers.
Our last meetingfinal edits & publishingwas online, at the decision of the
students. I prepared a brief presentation in Google Drive that recapped the overall writing
process and provided tips on adapting it for writing tests. There was a lot more I would
like them to retainstrategies for and purpose of organization, improved style and
mechanics, role of audiencebut it would have been too much for an initial workshop.
Regular implementation of writing workshops throughout the year would allow each
subsequent workshop to focus on increasing depth and sophistication of writing ability.
When I received Brians fifth draft, there were additional changes he needed to
make before the paper would be ready for publication. I noted the changes via comments
on the document and emailed him. When Brian made the final proofing corrections, the
paper wasnt perfect, but it had come a long way. The language clarity and sentence
construction within Brians essay improved throughout the process as a result of my edit
notes, but I dont know if he understood the reasoning behind the edits, or if his
mechanical writing abilities have improved. I think he would benefit from additional
practice focused on sentence construction. While Brian struggled with mechanics, he
used descriptive language very well. I dont know how much prior knowledge he had of
descriptive language, but I think the workshop increased his ability to write about details
by giving him an opportunity for practice.

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

When we talked about publishing and audience during the fourth meeting, the
students decided to publish the final essays on the Internet. If the group were larger, I
would have made a website specifically for the workshop stories, but since there were
only two students Ms. Zepp offered to post the finished essays on her class website. I
didnt focus on audience as much I would have liked. When I first introduced the concept
of audience, the drop in motivation was palpable. For whatever reasonand I can
speculate severalthe boys had anxiety about sharing their work with other people.
Audience is important, but part of differentiation of instruction includes taking into
account factors such as anxiety and motivation. At this point, it was more important to
have the boys to practice process writing than to push a concept that was a source of
anxiety. Again, I site this as a reason supporting ongoing writing workshops. Continual
workshops would allow long-term scaffolding to support self-efficacy and confidence
towards sharing work with authentic audiences. While the discussion of audience was
limited, we did discuss the reader during revising and editing to help the boys consider
clarity. In several places, I asked the boys to rewrite an explanation with regard to what
the reader could understand.
As an initial writing workshop with these two boys, it was successful in teaching
an overview of the writing process. However, I dont think the boys fully comprehend the
minutiae involved in each stage of evolving writing into a finished piece. Writing ability
is not something that can be definitively achieved once and for all, but rather develops
continuously throughout a learners lifetime. As an English teacher, I see the importance
of implementing ongoing writing workshops with increasingly sophisticated learning
objectives for each student throughout the year. As an art teacher, I may not implement as
many formal writing projects as an academic teacher, but writing will be ongoing in the
form of journals. Additionally, I will implement writing workshops when a writing
assignment is given, and I will point out the parallels between the writing process and the
artistic processthe latter of which will be ongoing in my art class.

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

Workshop 1: Introduction to Personal Essay & Selecting Topics
Objective: Students will be able to use multiple strategies, including brainstorming and
free writing, to generate topics for a personal essay.
1. (15 mins.) Read About Fathers by Kate Messner. Briefly discuss:
a. What is the essay about, specifically (literally)? What is the purpose (main theme)
of the essay?
b. What is the point of view of the essay? (Scaffolding cues: Whos telling the story?
Is she telling the story about herself or someone else?)
c. Who is the audience for this essay?
2. ( 5 mins.) Briefly discuss personal essay:
a. What is a personal essay? (Google, if needed)
b. What, if any, experience do you have writing personal essays?
3. ( 5 mins.) Generating Topic Ideas. Briefly discuss:
a. What, if anything, do you usually do to come up with ideas to write about?
b. What is prewriting? (Google, if needed)
4. (5 mins.) Look at 10 Personal Writing Ideas form NYT Learning Blog:
a. Read numbers 2, 3, and 5.
5. (10 15 mins.) Brainstorm: List topic ideasanything that comes to mind. You may
use the thought-starter strategies from the NYT article, or go with your own ideas
(think about hobbies, interests, how you like to spend time, places you enjoy, etc.).
6. (5 mins.) Share topics with partners/group.
a. Mark your 3 favorite ideasthey should be the 3 topics about which you would
most enjoy writing and/or have plenty to say.
7. (5 mins.) Read Juicy Personal Essay Topics from Scholastic.
a. Stop before you get to the side bar Get the Juices Flowing. Write down one
key idea from the article when you finish reading, and sit quietly.
8. (5 10 mins.) As a group, read the side bar Get the Juices Flowing.
a. On your own, do the activity from the side bar by Thursday. If you need/want a
longer list of topics, start at number 1. If youre happy with your list and have 3
topics you like, start at number 3.
b. Focus on steps 3 & 4five minutes of free writing on your 3 favorite topics, then
rereading free writing later to see if any new ideas emerged. Those steps are the most
important from this activity.

ABOUTFATHERS
Published:JUNE15,2008
Mydadwastheschoolsuperintendentinthevillagewherewegrewup.Hisofficewasinthe
juniorhighschool,whichwasbothconvenientandmortifyingforme,inturns.Convenient

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becausehedcarrymybaritonesaxophoneintoschoolonthemorningsIhadjazzband.
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somethingelsehappenedinthosejuniorhighyears,toosomethingIdidntfigureoutuntilI

hadgrownintoalessgawky,slightlylessnerdyhighschoolgirl.Mydadwasmysecret
admirer.
ThestudentcouncilatmyjuniorhighschoolhadrenamedValentinesDayCarnationDay.In

Kate'sPublishers

theweeksleadinguptoit,youcouldpayadollartosendacarnationtothepersonofyour

IfyoulikeKate'sbooks

choice,anditwouldbeleftonhisorherdeskbeforehomeroomthatmorning.Theresultwas
averycolorfulandextraordinarilyvisibledisplayofrelativepopularity.Thereweresomekids
whowalkedinandsatdownatemptydeskseveryValentinesDaymorning.Itsawonder
theykeptshowingup.Therewereotherkidswhosedesksweresoladenwithflowersthere
wasnoroomforapencil.
Itwasagreatsourceofangst.Iworried.ButIdidnthaveto.Inmythreeyearsofjuniorhigh
school,mydeskwasneverwithoutacarnationonValentinesDay.Someyears,therewas
morethanone.Butalways,therewasone.
Thecardwaseithersignedfromasecretadmirerornotsignedatall.Myfriendsthoughtit
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10 Personal Writing Ideas

Stuckforanidea?Usethesuggestionsbelowtosparkpersonal
writingwithhelpfromNewYorkTimesfeatures.
1. If youre preparing to write a traditional personal essay or creative
nonfiction, you might try modeling your piece on a past installment of
the Lives or Modern Love columns. Of the Lives columns, you might try
Finding That Song, Disco Papa or Forbidden Nonfruit. In Modern Love,
you might start with the winning entry in the 2008 Modern Love college
essay contest, Want to Be My Boyfriend? Please Define, or the runner-up,
Lets Not Get to Know Each Other Better. You may want to write an entry
on a similar topic as one of these columns, or you may just use them as
models for such elements as subject matter, length, tone, and so on.
2. One way to write a personal essay is to grounditinaplace. The
Times has occasionally published installments under the headings My
Manhattan (like this one on Broadway or this one on Central Park) and
My Brooklyn (including this one on the Brooklyn AAA baseball team).
Similarly, the Real Estate sections weekly Living In column describes the
features and character of various metropolitan-area neighborhoods. And
36 Hours details some of the best things to do in various locales.
Modeled on one of these features, write about your favorite local place
or about the qualities of your town or neighborhood. You might compile a
book of these essays written by everyone in your class.

3. Narrateaphoto: find a picture that intrigues you from the

Times, perhaps from the Lens blog, the ongoing feature One in 8 Million
or the Multimedia/Photo archive. Then try writing about what the photo
reminds you of or makes you feel or think about.
Or, send a postcard to and/or from the subject of a Times photo, add
speech and thought bubbles, or write about a photo that captures
American culture.
4. A fast and easy way to start writing is to freewrite or crafta
responsetoanarticle,editorial,columnorblogpost. Places to
look for provocative ideas include the following:
The Learning Networks Student Opinion feature
the Opinion section
The Choice, a blog on college admissions
The Moral of the Story, a blog on the moral implications of news
stories, and The Ethicist, both written by Randy Cohen
Social Qs, questions and answers on awkward or unclear social
dilemmas
The Opinionator, which collects opinion from around the Web
the Education section
the Most E-mailed and Most Blogged lists.
You might word your response as a Letter to the Editor. Or, if you
want to go further, develop an idea for an Op-Ed, guest blog post or
feature article.
5. Had an amusing or frustrating experience lately? Use Metropolitan
Diary or Complaint Box as your guide, and write about it! Challenge
yourself to write the pithiest, punchiest diaryentryorcomplaint
possible.
6. Lookintothefuture. Write your own obituary or wedding

announcement, based on what you envision for yourself. And who knows?
You may become famous and merit your own Times Topics page, like Bill
Clinton or Oprah Winfrey. What would the overview on your page say?
7. Food, glorious food The Dining & Wine section and the blogs
Bitten and Diners Journal are good places to get inspired to writeabout
amemorablemeal,adisastrousdishorjustafavoritefood.
8. WhatstheMatterWithCollege? The Times asked for college
students to weigh in on this question after running an article on the
subject. Contest winners were published on the Times site. Read the
winning entries, and write your own essay answering the same question
(or adapting it as necessary: Whats the Matter With High School? or
Whats the Matter With Summer Jobs?).
9. WinaTripwithNicholasKristof. Thats what three students
have done in the past, traveling to Africa to do reporting with the Times
columnist, by writing a winning essay. What would you write about to try
to win this trip? Read the 2009 award-winners essay and the other
finalists entries. You may also want to read the guidelines. Then, write
your own entry, imagining that it could be your ticket to a life-changing
experience.
10. Writeasfastasyoucan, as much as you can, in one time
period. Compete against a friend. See what comes up! You might get
started by each writing down five topic ideas, one each on a piece of paper,
and throwing them into a paper bag. Take turns pulling a topic out and
challenging yourselves to write about it for five minutes, then read back to
each other what you wrote.

2014 The New York Times Company

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THE PERFECT
PAPER>>

Juicy Personal Essay Topics

SAY GOODBYE TO THE SUMMER-VACATION ESSAY AND HELLO
TO BOLD AND DARING WRITING

ts September, which means one of two

things, depending on what grade youre
in. You are either a) getting ready to
deal with your college application essay
(aka, the Ultimate Personal Essay), or
b) being asked by your English teacher
to write a personal essay, in order to get you
warmed up for the year.

> COULD
IT COULD
HAPPEN
TO YOU
IT
ONLY
HAPPEN
TO YOU
It is your job to choose a topic that is unique to you.
Perhaps you competed in the Iditarod. Perhaps youre
the first person in the history of your town to finish high
school in two years. Perhaps youre already a published
author.
But dont worry if youre not any of these people. (Most
of us arent.) The key to your essay is your perspective.
You can write about whatever you want, as long as your
take on it is unique. Travel is broadening, winning a
game is thrilling, and losing a beloved relative is
devastating, but the fact of the matter is, these are

36 SEPTEMBER 2003 Literary Cavalcade

things that happen to everyone at one point or another.

However, if you can write an essay about why winning
the championship lacrosse game was actually the worst
thing that ever happened to you, or a humorous piece
about how travel to Europe actually really isnt that
broadening if you spend most of the trip in the
American Embassy replacing your lost passport, then
youve got something. Perspective is everything,
especially if the perspective is unexpected.

> GIVE
THE
GOODS
GIVE
USUS
THE
GOODS
One of the purposes of the personal essay is to reveal
something about who you are, what you believe in, or
whats important to you. Choose a topic that allows the

ANDERSEN ROSS/PHOTODISC RED

The first step, and maybe the most

important one, is picking your topic. If you
pick a boring topic, the chances are good
that your essay will be boring (and you will
be bored out of your head while writing it).
Here are a few things you should keep in
mind when picking a personal essay topic.

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Page 3

reader to gain some insight into you, but dont go

overboardwe dont need to know everything about
you all at once. Overwhelming your reader is as bad as
underwhelming your reader.
How do you reveal yourself? Say you choose to write a
piece about the moment you decided to pursue a
career in medicine. Dont just tell us that when you
were in 9th-grade biology class you realized how

fascinating the human body is. Tell us exactly why

biology appealed to you; whether it had anything to do
with your good (or not so good) teacher; whether you
were happy or freaked out by this realization; whether
you told anyone or kept it to yourself; and whether or
not you thought you could make it through the years
and years of training. If you can reveal all of this about
yourself in an essay on choosing a career in medicine,
then youve chosen a good topic.

GET THE JUICES FLOWING

Dont just come up with a topic and start writing your essay. Do some preparatory, exploratory writing.
Its a great way to find a topic that will excite you as well as you reader.

MAKE A LIST. Start with

general ideas, just to get you
thinking. List people who
have influenced you, places that have
moved you, experiences that have
challenged you, successes, failures,
funny and terrible things that have
happened to you, and goals (big and
small) that you wish to attain.

PICK THREE. Pick the top

three subjects that appeal to
you from your list. In other
words, pick the items that you are
most willing to spend time thinking
(and writing) about.

WRITE WHATEVER. Get a

pen and paper, or turn on
your computer, and spend
five minutes writing in a stream-ofconsciousness style about each of
the three topics. Start with your
favorite one, and dont worry about

punctuation and grammar and all

that stuffjust write whatever
comes into your head. Then do the
same thing for the other topics.

READLATER. Leave what

youve written for a while,
and go do something else
give your mind a break. When you
come back, see if anything jumps
out at you. Did you go off on a
strange tangent? Is the tangent
more interesting than the original
topic? Did you write anything unexpected? Have you lost interest in
your original topics because something more interesting came up?

FIND YOUR PERSPECTIVE.

List your top three topics
again, with space after each
topic. (The list may be the same, or
it may have changed, based on the
previous exercise.) After each topic,

write down your perspective. For

instance, if one of your topics is the
day you didnt make the basketball
team, you might write, It was
traumatic. Now, just for fun, rewrite
that sentence to reflect its opposite:
It was delightful. For each opposite
perspective, take three minutes to
write a stream-of-consciousness
paragraph.

CHOOSE! Based on the

exercises youve completed,
choose the topic you think
will reveal the most about you and
that you will most enjoy writing
about. Dont pick something just
because you think you should
remember, youre the one who has
to do the work. And if you enjoy
writing it (or, at the very least, if you
know you will have meaningful
things to say), chances are good
that your reader will enjoy reading it.

Dont be alarmed if a lot of what youve written while doing these exercises seems unusable. The point here is to
give yourself as many ideas and options as possible, and to wake up your creativity, in case your brain is still in
summer mode. If you finish this exercise with one good idea that excites you, it was a success.

>>STAY TUNED: Next month, well put your topic to the test, with How to Write the Personal Essay of Your Dreams.
Literary Cavalcade SEPTEMBER 2003

37

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

Tuesday, March 25: Workshop 1, Selecting a Topic
Today I met my students, Brian and Adam. My case study will focus on Brian,
but there is some mention of Adam since there were only two students. We began by
reading an example of a personal essay and briefly discussing it. Then we talked about
coming up with topics to write about. I went over 3 strategies from a New York Times
article about generating ideas for writing, and then we took some time to brainstorm
ideas. I told them they could use the thought-starter strategies from the New York Times
article, or they could start by jotting down hobbies, general interests, etc. We shared our
lists with each other, and narrowed down to 3 topics each. Both guys had good lists, but
their topics were pretty broad. I explained that the ideas were a good starta nice list of
interests that would be enjoyable to write aboutbut when they begin writing, they need
to make sure they are being more specific. For instance, dont write about fishing in
general, choose a specific time they went fishing to write about.
For next time, the boys are supposed to do 5 minutes of free writing for each of
the 3 topics they selected. After free writing, theyre supposed to take a break for a while,
and then read over what they wrote. They should consider whether the free writing
generated new ideas they liked better (i.e. from a tangent), and revise their top-3 topic list
accordingly. Ill be happy if they come in with the free writing finished; we may have to
read over the free writing together on Thursday.

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

Workshop 2: Organizing the Structure of a Personal Essay
Objective: Students will be able to use a graphic organizer to plan the structure of a
personal narrative essay. Students will be able to explain the overall organizational
structure (introduction, body, conclusion) and the purpose for that organization.
1. (10 mins.) Read the first page of the PDF Structure of a Narrative Personal Essay.
Briefly discuss each section and tip.
2. (10 mins.) Revisit About Fathers by Kate Messner. Go to page 2 of the PDF
(Outlining Your Narrative graphic organizer). As a group, break down About
Fathers as it would fit into the graphic organizer (i.e. What is the hook? What is the
thesis? How does she set the scene?)
3. (5 mins.) Return to topic ideas and free writing.
a. How did the free writing go? Were you able to write a lot for each topic? Did you
find that you had more to say about one topic than the others? Did the free writing
generate any new ideas to consider?
b. Which topic are you choosing for your essay?
4. (20 25 mins.) Using the Outlining Your Narrative graphic organizer, plan the
structure for your personal essay.
5. (10 15 mins.) Share the outline notes with the group. Discuss feedback.
a. On your own, finish the graphic organizer and use it to write your first draft. You
should have the completed outline and first draft for Tuesday (workshop 3).

CLRC Writing Center

Structure of a Personal Narrative Essay

Narrative is a term more commonly known as story. Narratives written for college or personal
narratives, tell a story, usually to some point, to illustrate some truth or insight. Following are some
tools to help you structure your personal narrative, breaking it down into parts.
The Hook Start your paper with a statement about your story that catches
the readers attention, for example: a relevant quotation, question, fact, or
definition.

Introduction

Set the Scene Provide the information the reader will need to understand the
story: Who are the major characters? When and where is it taking place? Is it a
story about something that happened to you, the writer, or is it fiction?
Thesis Statement The thesis of a narrative essay plays a slightly different
role than that of an argument or expository essay. A narrative thesis can begin
the events of the story: It was sunny and warm out when I started down the
path; offer a moral or lesson learned: Ill never hike alone again; or
identify a theme that connects the story to a universal experience: Journeys
bring both joy and hardship.
Show, Dont Tell Good story telling includes details and descriptions that
help the reader understand what the writer experienced. Think about using all
five sensesnot just the sense of sightto add details about what you heard,
saw, and felt during the event. For example, My heart jumped as the dark
shape of the brown grizzly lurched toward me out of the woods provides
more information about what the writer saw and felt than, I saw a bear when
I was hiking.

Body
Paragraph

Supporting Evidence In a personal narrative, your experience acts as the

evidence that proves your thesis. The events of the story should demonstrate
the lesson learned, or the significance of the event to you.
Passage of Time Writing about the events of your experience using time
chronologically, from beginning to end, is the most common and clear way to
tell a story. Whether you choose to write chronologically or not, use transition
words to clearly indicate to the reader what happened first, next, and last.
Some time transition words are next, finally, during, after, when, and later.
Transitions In a narrative essay, a new paragraph marks a change in the
action of a story, or a move from action to reflection. Paragraphs should
connect to one another. For example, the end of one paragraph might be: I
turned and ran, hoping the bear hadnt noticed me, and the start of the next
might be: There are many strategies for surviving an encounter with a bear;
turn and run is not one of them. The repetition of words connects the
paragraphs. (What does the change in verb tense indicate?)*

Conclusion

1/09

The Moral of the Story The conclusion of a narrative include the closing
action of the event, but also should include some reflection or analysis of the
significance of the event to the writer. What lesson did you learn? How has
what happened to you affected your life now?

Outlining Your Narrative

Try applying this structure to your own writing: write sentences for the corresponding
elements of your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion in the space provided below.
Introduction:
Begin your paper with a
hook that catches the
readers attention and set the
scene. Where is the event set?
What time of year? How old
were you when this happened?
State your thesis: what you
learned, or how the event is
significant to you.

Body paragraphs: write three significant moments from the beginning, middle, and end of the event.
Para. 1:
Beginning
Action

Topic sentence:
Detail 1.
Detail 2.
Detail 3.

Para. 2:
Middle
Action

Topic sentence:
Detail 1.
Detail 2.
Detail 3.

Para 3:
End
Action

Topic sentence:
Detail 1.
Detail 2.

Note:
Dont forget
to Show,
Dont Tell:
List sounds,
smells,
sights, tastes,
and textures
that you
remember.
Your
experience is
your
evidence.
Use
transition
words to
mark the
passage of
time.

Detail 3.

Conclusion:
Analyze and reflect on the
action of the story, including
how the events are significant
to you.

Writing Strategies to Consider

First Person vs. Third Person Narratives are a mode of

writing in which writers often use first person perspective
(I saw, I did). Check with your instructor to determine
whether you can use I when telling your story.

*Verb Tense: Reporting vs. Reflecting The events of

most narratives are told in past tense: As I hiked, I felt
the warm sun on my back. Use present tense when
reflecting on the events: Now I know how unprepared I
was. Notice the change in tense in this sentence as the
writer reflects on the past event, from the present.

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

Thursday, March 27: Workshop 2, Organizing Your First Draft
Today we discussed the organizational structure of a personal narrative essay. We
went over the 3 parts (intro, body, conclusion) of an essay and discussed their purpose to
the overall story. Next, I asked them to take out their free writing, but both of them said
they didnt know they were supposed to bring it with them. (They said they did itI
believe one of them. I told them to bring it next time, and Ms. Zepp reminded them that
their extra credit points depended on them completing and showing her all activities.)
Adam and Brian each found that they had more to write about one topic than their other
topics for the free writing activity, and those were the topics each chose for their essays.
Brian selected fishing.
I dont really like the circumstances of this workshopI find it difficult to jump
into an instructional setting without a lot of time for getting to know my students. My
only interaction with these guys is an hour of writing workshop at the end of the day. Its
difficult for me to build a rapport with them in that time, and they dont have a lot of
motivation towards writing. Their motivation is completely reliant on external regulators
(extra credit), and I find it difficult to get authentic participation from Adam. Brian is
a little better; hes participating and seems to put more effort into the activities. I think
Brian may have more inherent interest in his writing topic, a story about fishing with
his Grandfather.
I gave the students graphic organizers to help them build the structure of their
essay. The graphic organizer guides students through creating an introduction that hooks
the reader, sets the scene, and states a thesis. Then, it directs students to structure
paragraphs around a topic with supporting details, and write a conclusion that analyzes
and reflects upon the events in the essay. The purpose of the graphic organizer was to
get their thoughts organized so that writing the first draft would be an easy next step
sort of a scaffold from topic selection to drafting their story.

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

We talked a little about using specific sensory detail and describing emotions
through physical sensations (my heart jumped or my throat tightened) instead of
telling the emotion (I was scared or I was sad). I will go into descriptive detail
further during the revision workshop, but I want them to think about detail as theyre
planning and writing the first draft.
We didnt have time to finish the graphic organizer, but Brian got his introduction
section and 2 body paragraphs completed. I was happily surprisedhe had a strong hook
about one of the deadliest animals, and a thesis statement on learning a lesson about
caution. The 2 paragraph sections had main ideas and he filled in a lot of details for each.
Im looking forward to seeing his story develop. For next time, the boys are supposed to
complete the graphic organizer and use it to write their first draft.

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

Workshop 3: Revising a Personal Essay
Objective: Students will be able to revise the first draft of a personal essay. Students will
consider establishing context, sensory detail, and order of action to make decisions about
revising their essays.
1. (5 mins.) Students will read their first drafts to the group.
2. (15 mins.) Read the Scholastic article, Getting Personal independently and then
discuss as a group.
a. What are your main takeaways from this article?
b. How does the example set the scene? How did you set the scene in your essay?
c. What is sensory detail? What are some examples of sensory detail?
d. What is meant by finding a resting place? How did writing an ending go on your
first draft (felt natural or difficult?)?
3. (10 mins.) Re-read essays quietly & make notes for revising.
a. Does your essay sets the scene, narrate the action, and find a resting place?
b. Are you including sensory detail for all 5 senses? (i.e. the sun warmed my skin, the
air smelled faintly of cut grass, I heard the hum of grasshoppers)
4. (Optional 10 mins.) Give students the option to peer-edit, or work on their own essays
onlydo not peer edit if either student is opposed to it.
5. (20 30 mins.) Continue to work on revising your essay. Begin writing the second
draft. Work quietly and independently for the rest of the workshop. The teacher will
conference with each student independently.
6. For next time: complete your second draft, bring it with you.

LC1 9/04 p40 PerfPaper FC 6/11/04 1:18 PM Page 2

THE PERFECT
PAPER>>

Personal Essay

Getting Personal
HOW TO WRITE A PERSONAL ESSAY THAT CAPTURES A MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE
AND YOUR READERS ATTENTION By Sarah Montante

must bring your experience to life

through images and sensory details.
The goal of the personal essay is to help
your reader walk a mile in your shoes.
Here are the three steps you need to
make it happen.
SET
THE
SCENE.
> SET
THE
SCENE
Before you bombard your reader with
all your thoughts, feelings, and memories, its important to provide some
background so that when you do get
into the details of your experience, your
reader can place them in context. The
first paragraph or two of your essay
should provide the essential backdrop
to the scene that is about to unfold
the place, people, and circumstances
of the event.

40 SEPTEMBER 2004 Literary Cavalcade

DESCRIBE
THE
EVENT.
> DESCRIBE
THE
EVENT
Dont be stingy or selfish with your description. Good personal essays are an act of generosityyou give readers a
piece of your experience and allow them to feel it for
themselves. Its important to use strong verbs and lively
details to bring your memories to life. Appeal to all the
senses: taste, touch, smell, hearing, and sight.

ILLUSTRATION BY ADRIENNE YAN

f you think that the summer-vacation essay you

wrote in second grade is a personal essay, think
again. Most of these compositions present a simple
series of actions: This summer I went to camp. We
played games. I made lots of friends. Without any
details to draw the reader in, these sentences fall
flat. String a bunch of them together and all you have
are more sentences.
Unlike an elementary-school composition, a good
personal essay tells a story that reveals something
unique about you. Rather than rely on your own feelings
or opinions to communicatecamp was funyou

It was about to rainthe storm

clouds were gathering and my
mother sent me outside to call
the dog in. We lived in Georgia at
the time, and the soil was made
up of orange clay that stained.
Freddie had already left paw
prints all over the foyer, and Mom
didnt want any more of them. I
ran out the screen door.

LC1 9/04 p41 PerfPaper FC 6/11/04 1:18 PM Page 3

When I reached the top of our streetout of

breath and a little cold from the windI saw
Freddie trotting happily down the median of
the main road, barking at the cars as they
went by. I whistled for him, but he ignored me.
It was getting dark and I could feel the first
drops of rain on my forearms, which made my
hair stand on end. The passing cars had their
headlights on, and I could see the glitter of the
raindrops in their beams. I called to Freddie
again, and this time his ears perked up and he
turned around to look at me. Just then, I heard
a deep rumbling. I looked to the left and saw
a large cement truck lurching down the street.
Even as I called out, Freddie, no! he ran
toward the truck, as though it were a cat he
could chase away. Then his high-pitched howl
pierced my ears.

> BRING
THE
STORY
REST
BRING
THE
STORY
TOTO
REST.
Even if you could write five hundred pages on your
topic, eventually you will need to come to an ending

point. If endings make you feel like you have to summarize the entire meaning of life in one sentence, then
think of this as finding a resting place instead. All you
need is to provide closure to your scene.
When Freddie came home from the veterinary
hospital, he was all bandaged up and sleeping
from the medicine. The vet had put a metal
plate in his leg that would hold his bones
together. He said that after it healed, Freddie
would be able to run just like he had before. I
wondered how long it would be before old
Freddie would be back to his favorite pastime
chasing cars.
Remember that a personal essay is like a guided tour of
your past. Take readers through a beginning, middle,
and end so that they dont get lost. Provide enough context and detail to make the scenery interesting, and to
help readers understand what they are seeing. When
the trip down memory lane is over, wave goodbye. Your
readers will surely miss you.

FINDING A TOPIC
IF TOTAL FREEDOM TO CHOOSE YOUR TOPIC SCARES ALL THE
GOOD IDEAS OUT OF YOU, THEN USING ONE OF THESE WRITING
PROMPTS WILL HELP GET THE WORDS FLOWING.
Pick a prompt that appeals to you, set a timer for 15 minutes, and just write. Dont stop,
dont think, just keep your pen moving over the paper. At the end of the 15 minutes, you will
have plenty of raw material from which you can choose a subject for your personal essay.

>
>
>
>
>
>

The best birthday present I ever received was . . .

My favorite holiday is . . .
My favorite place is . . .
When I was little, I used to . . .
One of the happiest times in my life was . . .

NEXT
MONTH:
Writing a
response to
literature

One of the saddest times in my life was . . .

Literary Cavalcade SEPTEMBER 2004

41

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

Wednesday, April 2: Workshop 3, Revising
Yesterday, I drove out to Starmount High in Booneville for the revising
workshop, but Adam wasnt there and Brian didnt have his first draft. There wasnt
anything to do without a draft to revise, so we rescheduled Workshop 3 for today, and
well have Workshops 4 and 5 on Tuesday and Wednesday of next week. I hope
yesterday will be the only hiccup and the boys complete their work for the rest of the
writing workshop process.
Today we began our revising workshop with each of the students reading their
first drafts out loud. Then we read the Scholastic article Getting Personal, which
explains setting the scene, using sensory detail, and writing an ending. I felt a discussion
of style would be appropriate before revising so it would be fresh in their heads as they
reviewed their first drafts. We talked about these things some in the workshop about
organizing the essay, but I wanted to be sure they were considering context, details, and
conclusion as they revised their first drafts. After we discussed the article, I gave the boys
time to re-read their essays and make notes for revising. During this time, I read both
essays, made notes, and then met with students individually to give them feedback for
their second draft.
I was really impressed with Brians first draft. I think he has some really good
instincts for story telling. He had a solid introduction and a thesis statement. He built the
action up to a story climax, and he included a lot of detail. He needed a stronger
conclusion, to explain action a little more clearly, and to work on his transitions. The
events Brian chose to tell all carried a unifying theme of near-death experiences, and
supported the overall moral that life is short and one should seize the day. He also
matched his pacing to the action he was telling. Brians use of pacing and ability to carry
theme throughout the story reflected a level of sophistication (or, at least, great writing
instinct) that made me proud.

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

I know the first revision isnt about grammar, but Brians explanations were
hindered by run-on sentences. The run-on sentences made his explanations get a little
jumbled. I told him not to worry too much with grammar, but that he should work on the
run-on sentences. I explained how to give each thought a single sentence so that the
action didnt get confusing. Brian took my feedback very well. I think he is proud of his
paper, and I gave him a lot of positive feedback along with the constructive feedback. He
responded very well to the positive feedback (I dont think he was fully aware of some of
the things he did well), and open to my suggestions. He recognized the need to explain
things better before he and I sat down for the conference, and I think my discussion of
run-on sentences helped him see how sentence construction could help or hurt story
telling. The boys are supposed to revise their essays and complete a second draft for next
time.

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

Workshop 4: Editing a Personal Essay
Objective: Students will be able to edit the second draft of a personal essay. Students
will consider language, flow, essential content, and audience for round-1 of editing. They
will consider grammar and spelling in a final round of editing. Students will also
determine a mode of publication.
1. (10 mins.) Briefly discuss publishing. Decide as a group the best method in which to
publish our personal essays next time.
2. (15 mins.) Read the Sidebar, Editing the Personal Essay at the end of the Scholastic
Article. Read independently and then discuss as a group.
a. What are the differences in editing and revising?
b. What will you be looking for in this round of editing?
3. (15 mins.) Read your own essays quietly & make round-1 edit notes. Then, peer-edit.
Read each others essays and make round-1 edit notes.
a. Use natural diction.
b. Watch out for repetitive language.
c. Let go of unnecessary content, but make sure content essential to your story has been
explained sufficiently for your audience.
d. Make sure your essay flows from A to B to C.
4. (20 mins.) Continue to work on editing your essay. Begin writing the third draft (this
draft must be typed). Work quietly and independently for the rest of the workshop. The
teacher will conference with each student individually, if needed.
a. Make changes & save a copy to Google drive. Save file as yourname_essay_3.
5. For next time: Save third draft to Google Drive by 8:00 AM, and email Ms. Muse
<molliemuse@gmail.com> to let her know its there. Print a copy & do a final
proofreading, marking grammar and spelling errors. Bring the marked-up copy of your
third draft with you on Thursday.

THE PERFECT
PAPER>>

Write a Personal Essay

With Impact
LC SHOWS YOU HOW TO WRITE AN ESSAY THAT READERS
WONT WANT TO PUT DOWN
By Sarah Montante

hen you hear the word

essay, all that might
come to your mind is
your college application.
But the essay is actually
an old form of writing
that dates back to 16th-century France. Over
time, the essay has proven to be a powerfully
adaptable form that writers have used to argue
political or religious viewpoints and to narrate
personal experiences. Essays are almost always
written in first person and are characterized by
a conversational or familiar, informal tone.
TALK TO ME

36 OCTOBER 2003 Literary Cavalcade

16. Dont expect your reader to know anything about

you other than your name. After all, youve just met.

> FIRE
FIRE IT
IT UP
UP
>
You want this person to keep talking to you, so make it
interesting. Bring your topic to life with strong
descriptions and images. Instead of writing a flat
sentence like, The weather was hot, tell your reader
exactly how hot it was and why it mattered. The day we
got our family portrait taken it was so hot that my

RONNIE KAUFMAN/CORBIS

>

One common mistake: thinking that the

personal essay is all about you. Students often
spend lots of time worrying about what topic will
make them seem the most intelligent or how
they should describe themselves. But the truth
is that the personal essay isnt about youits about your
reader. A good personal essay engages the reader in the
story and makes him care about the outcome. Even if the
topic of the essay is highly personal, the writing needs to
be lively and clear to draw the reader in. After all, you
want her to read through to the end.
As youre writing, imagine that youre having a
conversation with a person that you just met. Introduce
yourself. Explain how you got that scar on your left arm
or why your family moved to Mississippi when you were

fathers good white shirt was stuck to his back, his sweat
soaking through the cloth in a widening circle. Lively
details, precise language, and effective grammar and
punctuation will help you to captureand holdyour
readers attention for the length of the essay.

>

GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD

Dont make the mistake of focusing purely on your

thoughts or feelings. Remember: The reader doesnt
know you and cant supply the details that you leave out
of your essay. If you feel claustrophobic in your
bedroom, say why. Show your reader the posters that
cover every inch of your wall and the little-league
trophies jumbled on the shelves of your overloaded

bookcase. Describe how when you open the door, it hits

the end of your bed. If you give your reader things to
see, smell, touch, and hear, he will stick with you longer.

>

AVOID THE OBVIOUS

Try not rely on predictable conclusions. You dont want

the reader to know exactly where you are ending up
until you get there. On the other hand, dont veer so far
off track that you leave your reader puzzled. Aristotle
said the perfect ending should be surprising but
inevitable. Maybe the essay that begins with a
description of your claustrophobic bedroom ends with
you running a long-distance race and how it felt to beat
your personal best.

EDITING
THE PERSONAL ESSAY
EDITING IS AN ESSENTIAL PART OF WRITINGESPECIALLY FOR PERSONAL
ESSAYS. FOLLOW THESE GUIDELINES TO MAKE A GOOD ESSAY GREAT.

BE TRUE TO YOUR VOICE.

If you wouldnt use a word
in conversation, dont use it
in your essay. Multi-syllabic vocab
words are handy for standardized
tests, but theyre not always the
most effective choices in writing.
Forget trying to sound smart and
use the words that come naturally
to you. Choosing the shortest,
most efficient words to make your
point keeps your writing lively and
reveals your personal perspective.

BURN YOUR BRIDGES.

Sometimes, you begin a
personal essay thinking that
its about one thing and then realize
halfway through writing it that its
really about something else. Go
boldly in this new direction and

dont look back. Write until you have

drawn some conclusion and the
piece seems to be finished. At the
end of this process, you will likely
have a lot of extra material on your
handsmost of it at the beginning.
Cut it. Delete everything that doesnt
relate directly to the point you make
at the end of the essay.

PACE YOURSELF. A wellconstructed essay will have

a clear beginning, middle,
and end, and will flow seamlessly
from one to the next. As you edit
your essay, make sure that every
sentence moves the reader
forward. Eliminate anything that
will slow your reader down,
confuse him, or lead him on a
tangent. In a form this short, you

must be clear about where you are

going and you must drive the
reader there along with you.

EDIT TWICE. Your first edit

should focus on the
language. If you find
yourself repeating certain words
or phrases, look for alternate
word choices and ways to
eliminate repetition. Likewise for
sentence structure. If every
sentence begins with I, mix it
up by placing a phrase at the
beginning of the sentence, i.e.,
On Saturday afternoon, I went to
the store. Next, proofread for
grammar, spelling, and
punctuation. If you are weak in
any of these areas, give it to a
friend or teacher to read.

DONT BE SURPRISED IF EDITING TAKES LONGER THAN DRAFTING. THIS IS WHERE

YOU DO THE REAL WORK OF WRITING, AND THE TIME YOU INVEST HERE WILL
ALWAYS PAY OFF IN A BETTER ESSAY.
>>STAY TUNED: Next month, well show you how to write the perfect opening paragraph for a persuasive essay.
Literary Cavalcade OCTOBER 2003

37

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

Tuesday, April 8: Workshop 4, Editing
Today, students were supposed to have their second drafta rewrite of the first
draft based on peer and teacher notes from the revision workshop. Adam had his, it
wasnt much longer, but it was more coherent. Brian did not have his. He had re-written
some sentences in the margins of his first draft, but he said he didnt know he was
supposed to rewrite it. I thought I was pretty clear. Adams already low motivation has
dropped even lower and Brians motivation seems to have nose-dived as well.
First we talked about publishing, which I think may have contributed to their
decline in motivation. I dont think either boy was too happy about other people reading
their paper. We decided to post the final essays to the Internet. Katie said she has a class
website we can use since there are only 2 students. If the group were larger, I would have
made a website specifically for it.
After making a plan for publishing, we talked about editing. I went over the
difference in editing and revisingBrian seemed to grasp it really well, and summed up
the difference, editing is more of a fine-tuning. I tried to review some of the points
from previous workshops, but it didnt go so well. Brian is at least able to discuss the
issues pertinent to the immediate workshop, but trying to get anything out of Adam is like
pulling teeth. Neither is able speak to points from prior workshops very well, so I dont
know how much theyre learning.
I directed them to consider language and word choice, make sure all content is
essential and well-explained, and make sure everything flowed from one point to the
next. I told them to keep an eye out for grammar and spelling, but we would do a final
proof read of the third draft for grammar and spelling tomorrow. Each student read &
made edit notes on his own paper and then on the other students paper, while I read and
marked up both papers.

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

I decided to move forward with Brians paper even though he never actually
wrote the second draft. I wanted to keep going and get the workshops wrapped upI can
tell hes loosing interest in this writing project, so I dont think having him write the
second draft during workshop today, and ultimately adding another workshop would have
been a good choice. Unfortunately, I didnt have time to get all the way through editing
the essay. I marked up about 2/3 of it, and advised him to try to correct the rest on his
own. I told him the biggest issue was run-on sentences and to try to separate his thoughts
into separate sentences the way I did on the parts I edited. If he had written a second
draft, I dont think it would have taken so long for me to edit.
Today I read through the boys essays and marked changes on their papers. I
didnt get time to explain my mark-ups, or to coach the boys through solving the
problems themselves instead of me marking changes. I would have preferred to discuss
the changes with themI dont feeling like Im teaching them anything if I just mark
corrections and they fix them. But for the sake of time, I had to do it that way. I guess this
issue, and the issue of previous workshops not sticking, is why its important for the
writing workshop to be ongoing and continuous throughout the year. They need to do this
stuff over and over to really internalize it.
The boys are supposed to type the essays in Google Docs, making changes from
the edit notes, and email the document to me by tomorrow morning. That way, I can print
and give the essays a final proofread before the workshop tomorrow afternoon. I want
them to make final changes tomorrow, and then we can publish them.

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

Workshop 5: Additional Revising
Objective: Students will evolve their essays further through revising and editing their
drafts. Students will consider what qualifies as finished writing.
Rewriting is the essence of writing wellwhere the game is won or lost.
William Zinsser

1. (5 mins.) Discuss the concept of finished writing.

a. Writing is finished when it meets our high standards.
b. Finished does not mean a writer has simply completed a series of process.
c. Writing process is a circle through which the writing evolves. A writer drafts and
revises as many times as needed.
2. (45 mins.) Make edit changes for grammar & spelling. Teacher will meet with each
student individually to explain proofreading notes.

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

Wednesday, April 9: Workshop 5, Additional revising
Students were supposed to upload their third drafts by this morning so I could
mark changes before todays workshop. When I saw their essays, neither had changed
much from the first draft, despite my notes and conferences at each stage. I printed the
essays, marked very specific notes, and gave the boys todays workshop to revise them.
I like to approach feedback on subjective work by pointing out the problems and
letting the students decide how to fix them. Its a graphic designer thing, and it works
well in the art classroom. I dont know if its the usual approach to teaching writing, but
its better aligned to a constructivist practice than marking a paper with specific
corrections. However, the boys responded much better to me giving them specific
corrections. I feel like its a bit of a cop-out on my part to teach that waylike Im
giving them the answers instead of teaching them. But for the sake of time, it had to be
done. I assume the boys prefer it because it means less active-thinking time for them.
I gave a brief spiel about the concept of finished work, and how the writing
process is recursive. I told them I would give them the entire time to work on additional
revisions to their essays because I felt like they werent quite finished yet. I told each
student what the main problem to focus on waselaboration for Adam, jumbling
thoughts together for Brianand gave them their marked-up essays. Rather than go over
each correction, I made sure they knew what the edit marks meant, and told the boys to
ask me if they had questions about anything. Both boys worked diligently until they
finished rewriting.
I have their fourth drafts now, which Im going to mark up tonight. Were going
to have our last workshopfinal edits & publishingvirtually. The boys are supposed to
correct their drafts and email their final essays to Ms. Zepp and myself tomorrow
afternoon.

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

Workshop 6: Final Edit & Publishing
Objective: Students will make edit changes to create a polished final draft to be
published on a class website. Students will consider a recap of the writing process and
how it may be adapted for test settings.
1. (3 mins.) Review writing process. Discuss how it may be adapted for writing tests.
a. Prewriting: Generate ideas, select a topic, and organize your ideas.
b. Drafting: First draftget your story down on paper. Follow the 3-part organization
(introduction, body, conclusion) you developed during prewriting.
c. Revising: Second draftRevise your first draft. Focus on setting the scene,
including sensory detail, and finding a resting place.
d. Editing: Third draft, final draftEdit twice. First, pay attention to language and
content. Second, do a final sweep for grammar and spelling errors.
e. Publishing: Publish your essay for others to enjoy.
2. (2 mins.) Adapt the writing process for EOC writing tests!
a. Jot down a few ideas, then use a mind-map to organize details around a topic
b. Group thoughts into introduction, body, and conclusion. Draft topic sentences for
each paragraph, and organize details to support them.
c. Give your paper a quick proofreading. Is the language clear? Are grammar and
spelling okay?
3. (25 mins.) Make edit changes for grammar & spelling.
4. Email final draft to the teacher for publishing!

WRITING PROCESS CASE STUDY

Friday, April 11: Final Edits
Yesterdays workshop met virtually, at the decision of the students. I prepared a
very brief presentation in Google Drive that recapped the main points I wanted them to
take-away about the writing process, and then gave some tips on adapting process writing
for timed writing tests. There is a lot more I would want them to retainrole of audience,
strategies and purpose of organization, improved style and mechanicsI think an
understanding of the writing process and how to adapt it for a test are reasonable
objectives for an initial workshop. Regular implementation throughout the year would
allow each subsequent workshop to focus on increasing depth and sophistication of
writing ability.
Brian emailed his revised paper to me last night. I read through it, and he had
done a great job making all the changes I marked on his last version. However, there
were a few additional changes I felt he needed to make for the paper to be finished and
ready for publication. I marked those changes in comments on the document and emailed
him, promising it was only a few more changes. I hope to see changes made and sent to
me on Monday, because he has a study hall period in Ms. Zepps class. Once the paper is
finished, Ms. Zepp will post it to her class website.
Its worth noting that Brian used descriptive language to great effect in his story. I
dont know how much he has learned about descriptive language in his English classes
prior to our workshop, but Id like to think that our workshop at the very least increased
his ability to work with details by giving him extra practice with it. The sentence
construction and language clarity within Brians essay improved throughout the process
as a product of specific corrections from the teacher. I dont know if he understands the
edits, or if his own stylistic and mechanical writing abilities have improved. I think he
would benefit from additional practice focused on sentence construction.

About two years ago, I had a very close encounter with death himself. It was a perfect
warm, crisp morning, and steam rose off the cool water. One of the most deadly animals in the
world could have killed me that day. Never mess with a wild animal that you know nothing
aboutit could seriously hurt you. I never will again.
I woke up to a beautiful morning. The water danced in the light, and the breeze was
perfumed with the sweet smell of honey suckles. The morning was so full of life, even those
annoying little birds were singing the finest tunes. The smell of the nice crisp air and dark roast
coffee was amazing. The sweet Kodiak Mint, or snuff as my grandpa calls it, was refreshing
the texture, the flavor, and smell. It was the perfect morning
After the best morning in my life my pawpaw made it better. He looked me in the eyes
and said, lets go fishing. I jumped with joy as my heart raced. I knew I needed to take this
offer for one reason. Live life like every days your last. Yesterday was history, tomorrow's a
mystery, but today's a gift, and thats why they call it the present.
We loaded up our rods and reels and tackle, and off we went to go fishing. We were
about a mile away from home in the middle of nowhere, when we came within three feet from
hitting a small fawn. We grazed it, knocking inches of hair off of the poor, baby deer. My
pawpaw slammed the brakes. My head shot forward, then slammed into the seat behind me. I
thought, thank God we weren't hurt. Then I saw my papaw was sitting there in tears. I asked,
what's wrong?
Pawpaw looked me right in my little blue eyes, and told me the story of how he was shot
at the age of fifteen. He couldn't do anything when it happened but lay on the cold, hard ground
and face death. He prayed to God as he lay still with the 12 gauge shotgun pellets in his hip bone
and back. In pain from the pellets still in his hip and back, he drove the rest of the way to the
pond.
We unpacked our gear. Me being the loving, stubborn, hard head that I am, I carried our
stuff. We walked two and a half miles to a pond in the middle of the woods. My legs and back
felt broken. When I dropped the gear, it felt as if I only weighed two pounds. We readied our

gear and started to fish. Pawpaw caught two or three large mouth bass, and not a single one
weighed under five pounds. I only caught one that weighed around two pounds. I knew he was
whooping my tail so, I left to get different bait.
I had always heard snakes were the best baitbesides groundhog livers, but I didn't see
myself catching one of them boogers. As I passed a big, beautiful oak, I saw something reddish
brown move at the speed of light. It was so fast it was like the world was moving in slow motion.
I moved the leaves that the beautiful creature was laying under, and there it wasbait! As I
grinned in my mind, I distracted the snake with my left hand. It struck at my hand. I moved, then
snached the cold, scaly snake. He resisted arrest, so to speak. I felt his muscles try to pry my
fingers apart. I carried it to my papaw, but he yelled with fright drop that damn snake! As I
dropped it and ran, it struck my boot one inch away from my leg. Pawpaw killed the snake
within two seconds. He bashed it over the head with a stick. Ive never seen anything move that
fast. He told me that a baby copper head was ten times more dangerous than an adult, and could
have killed me in two minutes with one bite. I was only one inch away from having a very, very
bad day.
Life is short, so dont slow down. Live life in the fast lane, and do everything that you
can to enjoy it. I could have died that day with no regrets. Could you?