Punctuation.

Use a comma between all items in a series.

Use commas to separate independent clauses.
Commas are meant to simply information, not make statements choppy or
complicated. Add a comma where you would logically take a pause or a breath,
when making lists, and before a conjunction in most cases. If you sentence is long
and you are frequently pausing, consider ending it with a period and continuing
thusly.
Ellipses do not have the same effect in an essay as a story! The amount of ellipses I
saw
Punctuation should reflect a strong basis to an argument. If it appears overused,
rambling, disjointed, your essay will sound that way when read and colors the
readers opinion of the argument!
What you say: Clarity of purpose/organization/paragraphing. Meeting the
requirements/points. Wordiness. How to Intro? We are not ents!
Treebeard: [] it takes a long time to say anything in Old Entish. And we never
say anything unless it is worth taking a long time to say.
What are your goals? What are you discussing? So What?
How example relates, example, explanation of example.
Thinking back to thematic statements, they were structured to clearly make a point.

How you say it: Formality of Language. Thoroughness of explanations. Essay

structure.
We are not on the internet. This is not twitter.
nuff said cause is actually because shortened to cuz on the internet.

Example of comma and wording:

In my house I have me, my mom, my sister, my potato of a computer and some
other stuff.
I hope you enjoy going through my work, as much as, I enjoyed making it.
Example of capitalization
My culture is greek but my mom is Canadian, I feel more Canadian than greek
though.
Example of overuse of commas and informal language
Anyways, my background is from Tehran, so Im Iranian. Yay Anyways, even
though I was born here []
I started watching One Tree Hill a year ago, and this may sound stupid but I felt
that the show made me a better person. 90210 on the other hand didnt teach me
anything [] per5
[...] theres still so much I want to add. If I were to go deeper and explore every
bump and crevice of the vast landscape that is me, I could fill a novel. There are
even some big things I forgot to put in, for example my family, where Im from,
my beliefs.
Example of organization problems
To begin with, firstly, secondly
Unnecessary wording!
[] Ive grown to despise true injustice. However, I must move on to more of my
Canadian roots: French Immersion. French being Canadas second language, Ive
really felt like Im part of my country thanks to French immersion.

Punctuation Changing what you say

Commas are meant to simply information, not make statements choppy or
complicated. Add a comma where you would logically take a pause or a breath,
when making lists, and before a conjunction in most cases. If you sentence is long
and you are frequently pausing, consider ending it with a period and continuing
from there.
If you find yourself using a lot of commas, maybe your sentence is actually
multiple ideas and should be two, or maybe even three, sentences instead.
Remember! Sentences are like cars, not minivans, or whatever this is.

Something else that helps is varying the conjunctions you use in a sentence.
The common ones are: but, and, or, and yet. However, varying
conjunctions can direct the interest of your reader and keep them interested. Others
include: However, because, moreover, as well, nor, for, although,
where, or whereas.
Special point: Ellipses! They dont mean what you seem to think they
mean! Think about what you mean to convey when you add ellipses to your
writing, and then think What could I do to convey this? My best guess is that
ellipses convey that sense of pause/contemplation. The sense of prolonging that
one gets in a short story. This is not so in an essay, and generally it is a rather
informal punctuation that leaves a lot unsaid and distracts from your point. I would
suggest we avoid using it!

Organization What You Said

To be very brief: we are not the Ents from The Lord of the Rings
Treebeard: [] it takes a long time to say anything in Old Entish. And we
never say anything unless it is worth taking a long time to say.
What are your goals when writing your essay? What are you discussing?
These questions need to be constantly in the back of your mind when you are
writing your essay, and they will help you keep your points clear and short when
space is a factor.
Thinking back to thematic statements, they were structured to clearly make a
point. Ex: In the short story The Veldt there is a theme of _______ that reveals
________. Examples in paragraphs are structured similarly, for example: In my life
(example) shows _______ about me.
Organization boils down to this: what doesnt strengthen my point?
Everything you add to your essay that doesnt deal directly with your discussion
topics (in this case self, place, culture) weakens your discussion.

How You Say It Formality of Language

We are not on the internet. This is not twitter. There is a certain kind of
language that one uses in an essay. Like how you use certain language with your
friends, and a different language with your parents, again you will have to use a
different language when writing an essay. This language needs to be to the point
and non-directed at one reader specifically.
Like how you were being asked who is your audience? when doing your
original compositions, ask yourself who is going to read my essay? In this case,
the answer will usually be my teacher and my peers. Since this is the case we need
to modify our language accordingly;
Jargon such as: nuff said, cause (is actually because shortened to
cuz, exclusively on the internet), anyways (isnt a word. Its something we say),
things (general/unspecific, which we try to avoid), and like (not something we
use a lot unless making a comparison. Usually identifies a comma when we talk).
This ties in to essay structure as a whole. An essay (which is a formal piece
of writing) requires a formal structure. The basic building block of this is breaking
your writing up into paragraphs. Segregating ideas up into paragraphs ensures a
concise explanation of that idea as well as creating an order to them that can be
followed.

Peer Review Worksheet

1. Find a partner that is willing to share their essay with you within your group.
Your mark sheet doesnt need to remain attached to your essay.
2. Identify a section from your essay (3-6 lines) with regards to the writing
skill you want to work on.
3. Have your partner read your section out loud. Stop them if you notice
anything jarring about the language or style and identify where it is before
they continue reading.
4. Write out your section with whatever changes or corrections you feel are
necessary:
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5. What helped you or how did you come to a better understanding of this
writing skill?
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Homework:
Read your essay over again and think about these different ways of improving your
writing. Clarity, Formality of Language, and Punctuation, were problems every
student had when writing. Find an example of the other two examples you didnt
cover in class, roughly 4 lines of text each, and rewrite them in a way you believe
improves them in a way that that we discussed in class.