Michelle Winslow

Comm 2110-400
Final Report: Personal Change Project
Date: July 31, 2015
Submitted to Professor Carolyn Clark
Overview
This paper outlines my personal change project. My goal was to reduce my
unwanted anxiety associated with interpersonal communication over the phone at
work. To reduce my anxiety I implemented several strategies I learned from Steven
Beebes text including visualizing successful conversations (p.48); reframing
failed conversations (p. 49); socially decentering (p.136); and listening
compassionately (p 137). Two constraints I encountered were my lack of technical
knowledge and my increased anxiety of answering phone calls, especially in the
night. My results were mostly positive, though I still have some anxiety when
answering the phone. For the future I am going to continue working on my
empathetic listening and will also implement empathetic responding as well.
Unwanted Communication Pattern
I recently got a new job at a funeral home and experienced a lot of anxiety and fear
of talking on the phone our clients. My communication apprehension, fear of
communicating (Beebe p 48) stemmed from a fear of not knowing what to say, a
lack of nonverbal cues over the phone, and not knowing how to appropriately
empathize to their situation. At work I experienced a lot of anxiety over my
willingness to communicate (42) over the phone. I never knew if it was just
going to be a sales person on the phone or a family reporting the death of their
loved one. Not knowing who was going to be on the phone made me hesitate
whenever it rang. This made other employees have to answer the phone and pick
up my slack. I once hesitated too long and lost the call. I do not know if it had
been a sales person or if I had missed a very important call from a family. Another
time my communication apprehension and fear of properly being empathetic
made it so I was not properly listening to a client and missed vital information and
had to call back later to retrieve the date of birth and the doctors name for the
deceased. My communication apprehension stopped me from doing my job and
limited my ability to properly communicate and assist grieving families.
Strategies
To lower my communication apprehension over the phone I put into place some
strategies I learned from Beebes book Interpersonal Communication: Relating to
Others. To reduce my communication apprehension I decided to visualize
different situations and how to successfully communicate with clients. My job deals
with many concepts that were foreign to me, so to become successful in my
position I needed to become more knowledgably and imagine myself in many
different scenarios where I would have conversations with clients implementing

those concepts. Studies show that visualizing positive results in communication

situations can help manage apprehensive speakers fears. (Beebe 7e. P 48)
To also reduce my communication apprehension and increase my willingness
to communicate over the phone I reframed or redefined failed conversations.
(Beebe 7e. P 49) When I had a bad conversation over the phone instead of fretting
over it I broke it down into parts to help me understand what I had done wrong.
Breaking it down also allowed me to analyze how I could communicate better and
what I learned from failed conversations. Using this strategy I was able to learn from
my mistakes. (Beebe 7e. P 49)
To further reduce my communication apprehension when talking with grieving
families I needed to become more others oriented. Being others oriented allows
for better communication because you are more focused on what the other person
is saying rather than on yourself. (Beebe 7e. P111) Beebe outlines two factors in
becoming others oriented which are, one being socially decentering and two
being empathetic. Social decentering is taking into account the other persons
point of view and thoughts. To socially decenter I thought about how I would
react, then what I could infer about the other person and finally consider how most
people would react. (Beebe 7e. p 136) The second part I needed to implement to
become others oriented was empathizing. I needed to imagine what my clients
were feeling. To do so I listened compassionately, tried to experience their
emotions as well as accept them. (Beebe 7e. p137) Becoming others oriented
would allow me to better relate to our clients and helped reduce my fears of talking
to them over the phone.
Constraints
While trying to implement my strategies to overcome my communication
apprehension I ran into a couple restraints. My major constraint was not knowing
enough information to effectively have proper conversations with our clients. Being
new at my job, I did not have enough knowledge to answer clients questions over
the phone and would have to transfer the phones to other people. This limited my
interpersonal communication.
My other constraint was human nature. Even though I knew the steps to having a
successful conversation I still was nervous to answer the phone. When I was
nervous to answer the phone it made it harder be to an effective others oriented
listener because I was more concerned about what I was going to say and
sometimes missed vital information. In one conversation I was so nervous about
asking, When can we accept your loved on into our care, that I almost forgot to
ask where we would pick them up at all. I jumped from topic to topic because I was
nervous. I could also tell that the family knew I was nervous and were not
comfortable with the conversation.
Implementation
To lower my communication apprehension I first implemented my visualization
strategy. I wrote down a few situations that I might have encountered while
answering the phone at work. One scenario that I wrote down was for an initial call
from a family informing the funeral home that their loved one had passed away. I

started my visualization with me answering the phone and saying, Funeral Home,
my name is Michelle, how may I help you today? Next I would let the caller explain
what they were in need of(whether it was a sales person or a family in need.) I then
would extend condolences on behalf of the funeral home. I would proceed to ask the
individual a few questions concerning the deceased like; their name, date of birth,
doctors name, next of kin, and where they are currently located. After all of the
legal work was done I would proceed to ask the family when they would like us to
accept their loved one into our care. I would end the conversation sending our
condolences again and inviting them to call back with any questions at any time. A
few days later I was able to answer a first call and have a successful conversation
with the family. Since I had already envisioned the conversation happening it was
much easier for me to communicate with the family. I was more prepared and more
confident when I got the call. The conversation flowed smoothly and the family
thanked me for my professionalism and for listening. They told me of her brothers
struggle with cancer and how hard it had been on their family. Instead of worrying
of what to say next I was able to compassionately listen and empathize with them.
Being prepared for the conversation allowed me to focus more on being others
oriented during the conversation.
When a conversation went poorly I implemented the reframing strategy. Even
though I had prepared with my visualizations sometimes I got nervous and forgot
steps due to human nature. A funeral home must be on call twenty-four hours a
day, Seven days a week. This meant that I was on call some nights and would
receive phone calls in the middle of the night. I received a first call at 3:26 A.M.
The conversation went very poorly. I was so nervous that I had jumped from topic to
topic fearing that I would forget something. The following morning I reframed the
conversation. (Beebe 7e. p 49) I was nervous since I had just woken up to the
ringing and wasnt in my right mind. I also did not have time to mentally prepare for
the call. I jumped from topic to topic and was frantic. Analyzing I should have taken
a deep breath before answering. I also should have listened more to the family and
been focused on being others oriented. From this failed conversation I have
learned that I do not really remember my strategies at night so I have made a list of
how the conversation should go and taped it next to my headboard so at night I can
remember my strategy.
To reduce my anxiety even further I enacted Beebes other-oriented strategy. Last
week I received a phone call from a woman who had lost her brother. She called to
finalize some of the arrangements and asked when she could come to pick up his
ashes. I socially decentered thinking about how I would react to losing my brother
and considered how most people would react. After I had socially decentered and
taken into account her point of view I was able to empathize with her. (Beebe 7e. P
136) I compassionately listened to her while she told me stories about her and
her brother. She told me of how they would sit on the curb in the afternoon waiting
until their father came home from making his round delivering milk to the town. She
told me of how her brother had admired his father and his blue milk man uniform.
After compassionately listening to her stories I was able to inform her that we
had a blue marble urn that might resemble the blue of her fathers uniform and that
I would show it to her when she came in for her appointment. She was very grateful

for my help and thanked me for listening. Being more others oriented allowed me
to better connect with our client and to better serve them.
Results
I have done very well reducing my communication apprehension. I still have some
hesitation to answering the phones, especially at night, but it has been gradually
diminishing. Visualizing different situations has greatly helped me become more
confident when those situations arise. In those situations I am able to focus more on
empathizing and compassionately listening to the conversation than worrying.
As Beebe predicted by becoming more prepared my communication apprehension
has significantly reduced. (Beebe 7e. P 48) Also in becoming more others oriented
I am more easily able to create lasting connections with the families which allowed
me to assist them however they need in their difficult time. Fixing my
interpersonal communication over the phone has greatly increased my
professionalism and confidence at work.
Recommendations
In the future I will continue being others oriented not only over the phone but in
meeting with the families face to face3. Communication is not just listening it is
responding as well. In addition to empathetic listening I will try to improve my
empathetic responding. To accomplish this I will need to remember to not
interrupt and try to fix the situation but wait for the appropriate time to respond.
(Beebe 7e. P 144) I will also try to provide helpful social support providing positive,
sincere, supportive messages to help families deal with stress and anxiety that
comes with the situation of losing a family member. (Beebe 7e. P 146) Hopefully in
adding in these new strategies my conversation with grieving families will be much
more successful and professional.
Works Cited
Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond. (2014). Interpersonal Communication: Relating to
Others. Boston: Pearson.
Clark. (2014). Canvas Readings for COMM 2110. Accessed 07/31/15.