REVISION

MATRIX

Rhetorical is an
adjective, so you
need a noun there.
The Rhetorical _____
of Photography.

You could also have
The Rhetoric of
Photography.
Its much more than
just writing articles,
Will. It included how
people communicate
through both
spoken/written
language and even
non-verbal aspects
too.
Youre missing a
word here. In order
to ____ using
rhetoric
(understand?
explore?)

I changed For to Of.

The Rhetoric of
Photography

This is a correct
topic.

Rhetoric are skills to

speak and write that
people can
communicate to
other

Rhetoric is not just

one tool or skill to
use on
communication.

In order to
understand using

To know to action of
using rhetoric

Nima Razfar, a Los

Angeles street
photographer whose
lens captures
random passing
people by.

Nima Razfar, a Los

Angeles street
photographer
creates his
photographs with
random passing
people by his lens

Shorten the
sentences makes it
look better.

lot of amazing
photography works
with little story of
each image

I think it might be
cool if you
described/analyzed
one of his photos.
That could help to
draw the reader in,
and get him/her
interestedie, this
Nima dudes work
sounds pretty cool.

For example, one of

his famous image is
called Many
Feathers shows
description "I
immediately felt the
energy of a man who
narrated a powerful
journey through the
symbolism of his
tattoos and
earrings," Razfar
said. (Nima Razfar)

I have to add the

image descriptions
to proof his images
are amazing.

the true story

What true story?

From his model

To clarify whos story

and what story.

The Rhetorical For

Photography

rhetoric is a skill to
write articles

In order to using

Nima Razfar who is a

street photographer
creates his
photographs with
random passing
people by his lens
basic in Los Angeles
area.

waiting at all

writing is just not

my thing

user

rhetorical

Waiting for what?

For photos? For
people to walk by?
This might be a good
chance for you to
practice using
[brackets].

This is a bit too
casual for a ~formal
paper. Also, thing
is something you
want to avoid
because its very
vague and imprecise.

What do you mean
by user here? As a
native Chinese
writer? As a writer
whose first language
is Chinese?
See my comments on
your title.

A description

Ensure the what

kind of writing.

Specialty skill

Make paper formal

I took it off

Clarify my sentence.

rhetoric

Grammear..

To describe a
purpose of image is
easy.
The purpose of
The purpose
The purpose of what?
image
Is this sentence doing
anything for you?
Of course, rhetoric is
Seems a bit hollow or
important but not
repetitive to me.
excessive use

Took off it.
because a false
Remember: make
article is not what
every word and
we expect.
every sentence
count.
I like this topic
sentence because it
So how to
lets me know that the
appropriate use of
focus of this
rhetoric in purpose
paragraph will be on
Purpose of image
is a very important
PURPOSE. However,
preparation when
Im wondering,
you are writing.
purpose for what?
Can you get more
specific?
Tell a story does not Why is
Because its
A purpose to be
described is easy

Im not sure what

you mean here.

To get rid of the

question.
Clarify the purpose

Unnecessary
sentence.

Again, need to clear

the context.

Give out the reason

seem a difficult task,

but to write a story,
it requires skills and
a lot of practices.

we all

the description of
the photo

tell the story

Everyone

writing/telling a
story important for
photographers? Why
even mention this?
Be careful of using
alls and nones
academic writing
requires making
claims about specific
populations. Its very
rare for all/none of a
population to
think/feel/act a
certain way.

What description?
What photo?

Get specific. Use
evidence to convince
me of this.

What story? I dont
really know what you
mean. This, I think,
shows how
important
EXAMPLES can be. If
you give an example
of a story earlier on,
it might answer some
of these questions I
have.

Everyone?

important to attract
different audiences

Some of us like me

why its important

To claims about
Specific population!

the description of his

passing people
Clarify the sentence.
images

Tell the story form

the image and the
model.

Different audience
For example, if your
audiences are young
generation people,
your writing style
and word choices
would be close to
used some
Buzzwords.

Can you think of any

to a different
examples of specific
audience to change
audiences and how
your writing style
youd need to
and the use of words specifically change
are very important
your style/use of
words?

Need to make a idea

clear.

To general

Gives a reason why

its important!