Human Sexuality: Reflection

Running Head: Human Sexuality: Reflection

Human Sexuality CSL 650: A Reflection

Te-Erika Patterson

CSL 650 - Human Sexuality

Barry University
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Abstract

In my first semester of the Marriage/Family/Couples Therapy program at Barry

University I registered for a class called Humanity Sexuality CSL 650 taught by Dr. Shatz.

During this class I experienced many awakenings during discussions of topics related to my role

as a future therapist who will most likely encounter clients who are experiencing difficulties in

their sexual lives. This paper will discuss my personal reaction to certain topics including

relating to the language and lifestyle of the client, gender identity disorder, exploring

homosexuality, the influence of the chosen text book, sexual abuse and the sexual experience

assignment. Each topic yielded surprising episodes of personal reflection and analyzation as well

as growth in my own personal development.

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Pussy Dick Cock Fuck

I decided to take Human Sexuality during my first semester of graduate school simply because it

is a topic that I thought would help me to learn more about my own sexual preferences and

attitudes. I had no idea that I would sit in class and hear my professor say, “Pussy. Dick. Cock.

Fuck.” as she turned toward us, wearing a guilty smile.

I could feel my heart racing as she explained that we should all become comfortable with these

words. Really? I was already comfortable with these words. I use them on a regular basis when I

want to feel naughty and joke around with my friends. What place could such language possibly

have in a professional therapy session?

I soon learned that we should use the language of the client in every session. If the client wants

to use colloquial terms, then we must reach for the common ground by identifying with their

terminology and using it ourselves. We should never try to pull the client into our world of

beliefs, attitudes and language. We are there to identify with them and help them to identify their

goal and work toward it.

Homosexuality

As a former Christian and staunch religious believer, I followed the notion that any person who

is not engaging in purely homosexual sexual activities is in fact, a sinner and possessed by

demons that could be overcome only by the blood of Jesus. Having never developed a friendship
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with a purely homosexual person, my only exposure to them came from television, South Beach

and the occasional lunch outing with random women I met who surprised me by informing me

that we were on a date. Whoa…So you’re gay?

What an eye opener it was when I sat down in class on the first day as we watched an explicit

sexual video. My insides churned in excitement as the man and woman engaged each other,

nibbling, caressing, sucking, fucking- all right there in class on the video screen. When the video

ended I was ready for some action. The professor asked if anyone would share their reaction.

The young lady sitting next to me raised her hand and said, “I thought it was disgusting.”

“Why?” the professor asked.

“Because I’m a lesbian,” the woman replied.

Uh oh, another lesbian. Is she going to try to hit on me too? Does she enjoy licking vaginas?

Does she hate men? Was she abused as a child? All of these thoughts scrolled across the screen

of my mind as I giggled nervously and looked away.

My own confusion with my sexuality was also a topic that I wanted to explore. I don’t know

what I am. Do I have to label myself? I don’t really enjoy having sex with men so much. I’ve

tried to have sex with women and it’s not satisfying. What do I do now?

After watching a video during class I couldn’t believe my eyes. In the video two same sex

couples explored the highs and lows of having a relationship that was ‘out of the closet’. They

spoke about dealing with family and friends, issues at work as well as the concerns surrounding
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gender roles placed by society. By the end of the video, something grabbed my heart, twisted it

and then released it.

I used to view homosexuality as purely a sexual deviancy, but as I watched two men express the

sincere love they have for each other, the ice melted away as I realized that homosexuality is not

all about sexual preference. Homosexuality is a desire to love and be loved by a person of the

same sex.

In that respect, I got my answer to the question of whether or not I am a homosexual. I am not a

homosexual.

I still think women are sexy though.

Gender Identity Disorder

My first group assignment was to explore a sexual deviancy. I thought that voyeurism would be

cool because I am definitely a ‘watcher’ but my group chose Gender Identity Disorder. Ugh. My

heart clenched tightly as I faked a smile and agreed to do my paper and presentation on this

topic.

Gender Identity Disorder? Isn’t that where the girls dress up like men and the men dress up like

girls? My old religious mind conditioning kicked in immediately. Ughh. They’re wicked and

going straight to hell! Wait. I don’t believe in hell anymore so where does that leave them then?

As I explored and researched the topic, I found so many different articles that described the

people with GID as stuck in a body that they didn’t identify with. During class we discussed the

idea that society constructs gender roles and we are all conditioned to follow them. What if no
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one ever told you that you are supposed to behave in a certain way because you are female?

Would that lead to less anxiety or stress for those ‘afflicted’ with GID?

Playing the ‘What if?’ game is a moot activity in this case. Society has already constructed

certain ideals and we have to live with them, mutilate our bodies and/or be ostracized.

This led to a roundtable discussion on my blog and between my friends and I. My best friend

Anna relayed the point, “Men and women are built differently physically. Men are naturally

stronger and women are natural nurturers. They have the muscles and we have the breasts.”

Chapter by Chapter

The one element of my sexuality education that I looked forward to was the textbook reading and

this class’s choice, ‘Quickie’s *****’ did not disappoint. Chapter by chapter I was provided with

examples of case studies and various theories of how established therapists treated clients with

various sexually related problems. I learned just as much from reading the book as I did from the

in-class discussions and lessons.

There were two lessons that stood out for me. The first is to normalize the problem. When a

client comes in with a sexually related problem, their anxiety related to the problem is often

caused by the guilt associated with dealing with it. For example, a young man was noted as

having a problem with excessive porn use. He felt so guilty about the porn that he could not

activate feelings were real women and was often distressed. The therapist gave him permission to

look at the porn, therefore releasing the stigma that viewing porn is a ‘bad thing’. Once he
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normalized the use of porn for arousal purposes, he was then able to release the guilt and his

desire to look at it lessened. This premise goes along with the theory that when you consistently

remind yourself NOT to do something, you are re enforcing the desire of that act in your

subconscious.

Another lesson that stood out for me, different sexual backgrounds, upbringings,

Sexual Abuse

I was a bit nervous about the class on sexual abuse because I didn’t want it to trigger any

emotions about my own abusive past. My professor explained that if at any time we felt

uncomfortable with the subject being covered, we should stop by and see her in her office. I

made an appointment to see her and we discussed a few ideas that would help me to be a better

therapist when it comes to dealing with clients who have faced situations that I am not

completely healed from. Instead of opting out of the class discussion on this topic, I attended and

was delighted to find that it was not what I expected at all.

I expected it to be a discussion on various sexually abusive situations, instead it was geared more

to help us as clients understand how we can help a family to reconcile after facing a situation

involving sexual abuse. The alleged perpetrator should apologize to the victim, which allows the

victim to feel less victimized. Most families choose to ignore the situation, causing extreme

distress for the victim who then believes that their opinion and their life do not matter. We were

taught that by addressing the problem with all members and encouraging an open apology, we

can empower the victim to heal and then work on healing the relationship between all of the

family members.
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This certainly would have helped in my situation. Because I was told, “I don’t believe you,” I

grew up thinking that my body was an object, allowing men to use me and eventually seeing sex

as enjoyable only from a voyeuristic point of view.

Stepping Out of The Box Sexual Assignment

We were all told to have a group experience where we would go out and do something related to

sex together and make a group presentation on it. The assignment was supposed to push us past

our limits sexually and expose us to something that was not normal for us. The aim was to have

this experience so that when we meet clients who are different than we are, we would not be too

surprised by what they had to say. My group could not get together so we ended up having our

sexual related experiences separately, however, the experience still made a profound impact on

my life.

Our group’s presentation centered around a visit to a porn store. I knew of several of them so I

chose one that was not too far away and I went for a visit. I walked around, thoughtlessly

touching various items and yawning as I ran my finger along the aisles of porn videos. I had

done this many times before, peruse the aisles of sex shops as people who meet me and realize

that I am non judgmental, for the most part, want me to come with them to explore their

fantasies. So there I was tooling around the porn store, trying my best to create an out of the box

experience.
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As I walked and walked all I could think about was the fact that there aren’t many sexual

experiences that I have not explored…except…except…I can not remember experiencing an

emotionally charged sexual encounter.

As I stood in the open, in the midst of dildos and cock rings and flavored gels, I felt something

inside me freeze up and then the tears began to flow. I knew then that I had become a sexual

zombie, desensitized to the act of sex, reducing it to a well rehearsed, choreographed dance. The

nameless partners flutter in stage left and exit stage right, never to perform again.

Porn stores mean nothing to me because sex means nothing to me. But this class has meant so

much to me. I may not be the most healthy person emotionally when it comes to sexual issues,

but I am here and I am trying to heal and I am adamant about learning to help those who, just

like me, look in the mirror and yearn to overcome the stories imbedded by past experiences and

negative expectation. I will continue to learn, heal and teach others.