CHAPTER 2

CREATING BUSINESS
MESSAGES

Audience
Oriented
Purposeful
Economical

Improving Your
Business Writing
To improve your writing skills, you
need
Good teaching materials with
excellent model documents
A trainer (like your instructor)
Practice
An effective writing
process

The Writing Process

Prewriting
Analyzing

the purpose and

the audience
Identifying your purpose
Selecting the best channel
Switching to faster and
cheaper channels

Factors Determining
Channel Selection

Importance of message

Amount and speed of feedback

Necessity of a permanent record

Cost of the channel

Degree of formality required

Factors Affecting
Media Richness

Speed
Interactivity
Verbal and
nonverbal cues
Everyday language
Focus on individual

Choosing Communication Channels

Choosing Communication Channels

(continued)

Choosing Communication Channels

(concluded)

E-mail

What channel is
best to announce
decreased
insurance
benefits for 250
employees?

Fax
Letter
Memo
Report
Telephone
Voice Mail
Meeting
Conversation
Web

What channel is
best for a sales
message
promoting a new
product to
customers?
What channel is
best for
responding to
similar customer
inquiries?

E-mail
Fax
Letter
Memo
Report
Telephone
Voice Mail
Meeting
Conversation
Web

Prewriting

Analyzing the purpose and the

audience

Anticipating the Audience

Identifying your purpose

Selecting the best channel
Switching to faster channels
Profiling the audience
Responding to the profile

Adapting to the task and audience

Asking the Right Questions to

Profile Your Audience

Asking the Right Questions to

Profile Your Audience
(concluded)

Spotlight Audience Benefits

Shape your statements to involve the
reader.
Instead of this:
We are promoting a
new plan that we
believe has many
outstanding benefits.

Try this:
You will enjoy total peace of mind with our affordable hospitalization plan
that meets all of your needs.

Spotlight
Audience
Benefits
Draw on
Familiar
Words

Cultivate
A You
View
Create a
Message That
Suits Your
Audience

Use
Inclusive
Language

Sound
Conversational

Employ
Positive
Language

Cultivate a You View

Emphasize second-person pronouns
(you/your) instead of first-person pronouns
(I/we, us, our)
Instead of this:
Before we can allow you to
purchase items on this new
account, we must wait two
weeks to verify your credit.

Try this:
You may begin making purchases on your new account in two weeks.

Create audience benefits and use the

you view.
Revise these sentences: These are better:

We are now offering

HP computers at
discounted prices.

We are pleased to
announce that you have
been approved to enroll
in our leadership
training program.

You can now buy HP computers at

discounted prices.
Congratulations! You have been selected
to enroll in our leadership training
program.

Sound Conversational
Instead of this:
The undersigned takes
pleasure in . . .
It may be of some concern
to you to learn that your
check has been received
and your account has been
credited for $250.

Try this:
Im happy to
Weve credited your account for $250.

Levels of Language Use

Unprofessional Conversational

Formal

Found in
Some comic
strips, and
songs, some
commercials,
some
conversations,
some IM and
email messages

Business messages,
novels, most
newspapers, and most
magazines

Scientific writing,
legal documents,
scholarly books,
formal essays,
proclamations

Unprofessiona Conversational
l
Examples
wasted
nab
bad-mouth
dough, bread
stewed,
plastered
I aint
humongous
Tight
decee

ruined
catch
criticize
money
intoxicated,
drunk
Im not
enormous
Frugal
decent

Formal

annihilated
apprehend
disparage
currency
inebriated
I am not
prodigious
Penurious
satisfactory

Revise to make the tone conversational,

yet professional and concise.
Revise these sentences:

These are better:

To facilitate contract
ratification, your negotiators
urge that the membership
respond in the affirmative.

We urge you to approve the

contract by voting yes.

Kindly inform the undersigned

whether or not your
representative will be making
a visitation in the near future.

Please tell me whether your

representative will be visiting before
June first

Unprofessional Conversational

Formal

Characterized by
Incorrect
grammar,
unpredictable
sentence
structure,
inappropriate
punctuation,
slang,
vulgarisms

Correct
grammar and
punctuation,
conversational
tone, simple
sentence
structure,
familiar words

Correct
grammar,
serious tone,
complex
sentence
structure,
polysyllabic
words

Employ Positive Language

Instead of this:

Try this:
Employees may use the Market Street entrance during
remodeling.

Employees may not use the

First Street entrance during
remodeling.
We cannot fill your order
until we receive an exact
model number.

We can fill your

order once we
receive an exact
model number.

Hidden Messages
Some words and phrases convey a
negative and unpleasant tone.
They may imply a hidden message
that the writer does not intend.
Think twice before using the
following negative expressions.

Negative Language
You overlooked
You state that
You failed to
You claim that
You are wrong
You do not understand
Your delay
You forgot to

Hidden Meaning
You are careless
I dont believe you
You are careless
Its probably untrue
Im right
You are not very bright
You are at fault
You are inefficient and careless

State ideas more positively.

Revise these sentences:

We must withhold payment
until you complete the job
satisfactorily.
If you fail to follow each
requirement, you will not
receive your $50 rebate.

These are better:

You will be paid promptly once the job is completed satisfactorily.
By following each requirement, you will receive your $50 rebate.

Use Inclusive Language

Instead of this:
Have you called a
salesman?
Every executive
has his own office.

This alternative is
wordy and calls
attention to itself

Try this:
Have you called a salesperson?
All executives have their own offices.
Every executive has an office.
Every executive has his or her own office

Revise to use inclusive language.

Revise these sentences:
Any applicant for the
position of policeman must
submit a medical report
signed by his physician.
Every employee is entitled
to see his personnel file.

These are better:

Applicants for police officer positions must submit medical reports signed by their physician.
All employees are entitled to see their personnel files.

Adopt Plain Language

Avoid federalese, bureaucratese, and
inflated language.
Federalese: Each person to whom the request is herein
addressed is henceforth solicited to submit, or to have his or
her department representative submit, to the Department of
Labor official described above, a comment on whether the
proposed plan, in his or her considered view, meets the
requirements of the 2003 law.
Simple Translation: You may wish to comment on whether
the proposed plan meets the requirements of the 2003 law.

Draw on Familiar Words

Avoid long, difficult, and unfamiliar
words. Use short, simple, and common
words whenever possible.
Less familiar words

Simple alternatives

encounter
extrapolate

meet
project

obligatory

required

terminate

end

Revise the following sentences using

simpler language.
Please ascertain whether Please find out
we must perpetuate our
whether we must
continue our current
current contract.
contract.
He hypothesized that stock He predicted that
values would deteriorate. stocks would go

down.

Revise the following sentences using

simpler language.
Because we cannot
monitor all activities, we
must terminate the
agreement.

Because we cannot
check all activities, we
must end the contract.

Ill interface with Mark to

access his people.

Ill talk with Mark

about using his
staff.

Seven Ways Technology Can

Improve Your Business Writing
o
o

o
o

o
o

Fighting writers block

Collecting information
electronically
Outlining and organizing ideas
Improving correctness and
precision
Designing and producing
professional-looking documents,
presentations, and Web pages
Adding graphics for emphasis
Using collaborative software for
team writing