Week 12

Revising the Body Paragraph

Course Evaluations
Today is Monday, November 16, 2015
English 1301
Section 003 (8am) or Section 009 (9:30 am)
Please use a pencil or black/blue pen. Preferably a
pencil.
Please answer all of the questions honestly and
thoughtfully.
Please do not include your name or student id number
on your evaluation.
When finished, student proctor will take evaluations to
Room 212 in the English office.

Participation Activity
Please take out a blank sheet of paper and answer the
following questions:
How well do you think you are revising your draft 1.1?
How would you describe your revision process?
Do you feel like your ability to revise has improved?
Why or why not?

A Few Important Updates

There will be two open tutoring sessions for Draft 1.2:
Wednesday, November 18 and Thursday, November 19
Both will be at 6-8 p.m. in room 352 in the English building

There are only TWO class days left!

November 23
November 30

There are only THREE assignments left!

Brief Assignment 9
Draft 1.2
Writing Review

Brief Assignment 9
Objective:To demonstrate your ability to revise paragraphs at the sentence level
Purpose:When you revise papers, you begin by reexamining content and organization of the paper overall
before moving to more specific concerns such as the thesis, introduction, and conclusion. Usually, one of the final
steps involves revising the body paragraphs to ensure that they reflect your intended purpose and reach your
intended audience. This final brief assignment will help you accomplish that.
Description:First, review your Draft 1.1. Consider the following:
Does the initial focus of your draft as expressed in your thesis statement need revision?
Are your purpose for writing and target audience easily identified after reading your draft? If you need to revise
your thesis (and thus, a substantial portion of your paper), or if you need to better focus your purpose and
identify your audience, your revisions of your body paragraph might start with those areas. You may need to
make sure that your main point(s) are restated clearly, and that your readers understand the implications of your
analysis.
For this assignment, use the guidelines from Chapters 4, 5, 50, and 53 in the St. Martins Handbook to revise a
substantial body paragraph (i.e. at least 4 sentences in length) from your Draft 1.1. Paste the original paragraph
from your 1.1 draft into the assignment so that your instructor will be able to compare the original with your
revision. Finally, write a short summary and evaluation of your revisions. Identify and explain which strategies you
used in revision and explain these revisions achieve your purpose for the paper. Also let readers know here which
paragraph, your original or the revision, is the strongest and why you believe that to be so.
The total length of the analysis should be 350-500 words, NOT including the original and revised body
paragraphs.

BA9 Simplified
Original Body Paragraph (please label)
Revised Body Paragraph (please label)
Evaluation of Revision (must be between 350-500
words)
Explain the revisions that you made and how you made
those revisions.
Explain how these revisions improve your body paragraph
and your entire rhetorical analysis.
Explain whether your original or revised body paragraph is
stronger and why.

You must use a body paragraph. You cannot use your

Example
Body
Paragraph
Steele then uses juxtaposition to contrast the struggles, and ideals of early civil

rights movement and its primary goal of integration with what followed. In Steeles
mind the current predicament of minorities is that their focus is almost exclusively
on attempts to establish autonomous fiefdoms by exploiting the victimhood. Steele
writes that: The genius of civil rights movement that changed the fabric of
American life in the late 1950s and early 1960s was its profound understanding
that the enemy of black Americans was not the ideal American but the unspoken
principle of collective entitlement that had always put the lie to true democracy
(454). Steele places these two situations side by side and invites his readers to
compare them. Steeles primary audience, the minorities, has an emotional
attachment with civil rights movement, and by comparing collective entitlement
with the civil rights movement, Steele puts his audience in a moral dilemma. Steele
argues that the goal of civil rights movement was to stop the practice of collective
entitlements which had plagued the American society since its inception. Minorities
have grown accustomed to collective entitlements, and consider it their right, and
hence it is very difficult for anyone to convince them of otherwise. Steele, however,
has put them in a difficult position where they have to either stand with the goals of
civil rights movement, or against it. Steele has presented the civil rights movement

Workshop Activity
Please take out your original body paragraph and
revised body paragraph and make sure that your
name is on yours.
Get into groups of three or four and put your chairs in
a circle.
One at a time, each person in the group will read
sentence by sentence their revised body paragraph.
The other two or three people will comment on each
sentence.
After you are done reading your body paragraph,
please explain to the other two or three people why
you made those revisions.

Workshop Activity 2
Please write down why you made the revisions that
you did to your body paragraph.
Also please answer the following questions:
How did you make those revisions?
How do those revisions improve the body paragraph and the
entire rhetorical analysis?
Is your revised body paragraph stronger than the original?
Why or why not?

Please do not hurry. Just answer what you can in the

allowed time.

Any questions about BA9?

For next class

Please revise your remaining body paragraphs and
conclusion (if applicable).
Bring a hard copy (written or printed) of your rough
draft of your draft 1.2 to class on November 23.
Also please bring your classroom survey (typed and
printed).

Before you leave

No reading assignment for next class. Please work on finishing
revising your draft 1.2.
Please try to go to one of the open tutoring sessions (Nov. 18 or
Nov. 19).
Remember to bring a hard copy of your rough draft of your
draft 1.2 to class on November 23 and your classroom survey.
Turn in BA9 by November 20 on Raider Writer by 11:59:59 p.m.