Daniel Haskell (Peer Review)

1. Daniel Haskell in Feeling Like a Kid Again talks about a man who found a
solution to his long-lived problem of losing weight. Daniel in Feeling Like a Kid
Again presents cleansing pills as an alternate but an effect route to go about
loosing weight.
2. You have very good flow in your writing the way you presented ideas and
shifting in topics of the paper was very well preformed. You did a very good job
of introducing your quotes and staying within the 90-10 ratio. The detail you used
in explaining how the pills worked and what it did for the body really educated
the reader when was good to put in the paper as just a little bit of detail or insist
into the specifics of what you were really talking about when it came to the
cleansing pills.
3. Move Second to last paragraph to the end of the fourth. By doing this it put out
in the open right away that these pills are fix everything pills. Also clarify how the
pills should be viewed and taken.
4. Add Why you disagree with the refutation. When doing that you show that yes
I see your point but Dalton say x, y, z so this is beneficial and a potential way to
go.
5. Delete The point you made about the amount of people who are happy with
their bodies was a very interesting and a very strong statement. It is a little to

opinionated and can be taken wrong by the reader so taking it out wouldnt create
controversy at the beginning of the paper.
6. Expand More on Daltons view and his take on the way the pills helped and
how other people should go about introducing them to their life if having a diet
problem.
7. I dont think you should change your title because it is interesting and different.
For most people being a kid was some of the best times of their life and why not
go back to those fun times.

Self-Assessment
Participation and Preparation: 4
I have attended every class ready to go and ready with all materials needed. I pay
attention and come into class with a curiosity to learn something new. For example the
way an evaluation should be made about an activity ( Reaction, Interpretation, and
Critique)
Peer Responses: 3.75
I read each paper twice so I was able to understand what the writer was trying to get
across. Even though Megan cut her paper short I was able to give her advice about
position of paragraphs and where great places to explain would work. Also with Leon I
remind him to implement the ICE method that you went over in class and how that would
help the pieces he pulled out of the articles work better.
Revision/Final Submission
Thesis/ Arguments: 4

After the conference meeting I had a very good understanding of what my thesis should
look like. My thesis is arguable and strange. Not many people would think that picking
up trash would change your life. I also explained in the paragraph how that was the case.
Evidence: 3.25
There is three solid points that show how picking trash up is key. I go into providing an
example and stating the reasoning behind using the example. For example the muffin and
how it made me more compassionate in the moment because I knew no one else wanted
to see the muffin.
Organization: 3.5
I used the 6-step oration to right my paper. I think it is very effective when it comes to
organizing my paper because I know exactly what I am talking about and where it fits.
Like how I ordered my proof so that it flowed best with the paper.
Presentation: 3.25
I used the reading out loud method of revision and it was very helpful in helping me find
some of my mistakes in the paper. For example some of the lengthy sentence that I like to
use but do harm to my paper.

In Class Writing Prompt

" Do all things the other things, ambitious things- travel, get rich, get famous,
innovate, lead, fall in love, make and lose fortunes, swim naked in wild jungle [...]
but as you do, to the extent that you can, err in the direction of kindness. Do those
things that incline you toward the big questions, and avoid the things that would
reduce you and make you trivial."

Everything that you do from reaching your goals, playing outside in the rain, to
talk to the girl of your dreams, find happiness. Do things that build your spirit and
turn joy into a state which can't be explained. Stay away from things of
controversy and negativity.

Basic Idea?
Attributive Phrase?
In-text-citation
Language/specialized terms
Syntax, word order, patterns

Do all things in direction of kindness

Introduction ( Summary,Paraphrase, Attractive)

Citation ( Quotation Marks, In-text-citation)
Expand/ Elaborate/ Talk Back

Always frame quotations