"That 's right," said W., "now it 's yours.

" He was serious: "The letters,

my letters, sent to the boys, to others, in the days of the War, stir up
memories that are both painful and joyous. That was the sort of work I
always did with the most relish: I think there is nothing beyond the
comradethe man, the woman: nothing beyond: even our lovers must
be comrades: even our wives, husbands: even our fathers, mothers:
we can't stay together, feel satisfied, grow bigger, on any other basis."
I said: "That picture of you in the sojer clothes is delicious." He laughed
very heartily over it. "Ain't it, now? WellI should say so: I could have
passed for an understudyfor Thomas, Rosecrans, Meade: O yes! I
must have presented a wonderful front as I stalked about dressed to
killan N. P. Willis in the uniform of the Grand Army of the Republic!"
Then again: "I was always between two loves at that time: I wanted to
be in New York, I had to be in Washington: I was never in the one place
but I was restless for the other: my heart was distracted: yet it never
occurred to me for a minute that there were two things to dothat I
had any right or call to abandon my work: it was a religion with me. A
religion? Wellevery man has a religion: has something in heaven or
earth which he will give up everything else forsomething which
absorbs him, possesses itself of him, makes him over into its image:
something: it may be something regarded by others as being very
paltry, inadequate, useless: yet it is his dream, it is his lodestar, it is his
master. That, whatever it is, seized upon me, made me its servant,
slave: induced me to set aside the other ambitions: a trail of glory in
the heavens, which I followed, followed, with a full heart. When once I
am convinced I never let go: I had to pay much for what I got but what
I got made what I paid for it much as it was seem cheap. I had to give
up health for itmy bodythe vitality of my physical self: oh! much
had to gomuch that was inestimable, that no man should give up
until there is no longer any help for it: had to give that up: all that: and
what did I get for it? I never weighed what I gave for what I got but I
am satisfied with what I got. What did I get? WellI got the boys, for
one thing: the boys: thousands of them: they were, they are, they will
be mine. I gave myself for them: myself: I got the boys: then I got
Leaves of Grass: but for this I would never have had Leaves of Grass
the consummated book (the last confirming word): I got that: the boys,
the Leaves: I got them."