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OskarCadena,EmilyBuyse,MoriahReeves,MeaghanMcGann
Dr.Guiliano
StoryLunchProject
3March2014

WhenfirstenteringthehouseofCathyandLoraallofuswerealittlenervousaboutwhat
toexpectbecausewehadneverbeeninsuchasituation.Theygreeteduswithpizzaandcookies
andevenshowedusacoupletricksthattheytaughttheirdogs.Whenweallsatdowntobegin
theconversation,Ifeltthatitstartedoffstrongandstayedtherethewholenight.
Lora,didnottalkasmuchabouthergeneralfamilysituationandherpastlifebutshedid
gointospecifics.ShetoldusthatshewaspreviouslyengagedtomaninNewYorkbutthatit
endedupnotworkingout.Aftertheybrokeitoff,shedecidedtocomebacktoWheatonforgrad
school.Loratoldusthatshewasbisexualandthatshecoulddateeithergirlsorboys,itjust
dependedonwhowastherightoneintermsofthepeopleshehappenedtomeet.Sheendedup
meetingCathy,whosheimmediatelyfellinlovewith,atchurch.
WhentalkingtoCathyaboutherstoryitwaslessaboutherpastrelationshiporfeelings
andmoreaboutwhathadgoneonduringthetimewhensheandLoraweredating.Herparents
hadneverknownthatshewaslesbianandCathyfeltlikethatitwastimetoletthemknow.She
firsttoldhersisterwhosresponsebrokeherheart.ShetoldCathythatit,WouldkillMomand
Dad.Cathywiththosewordscontinuouslyrunningthroughherheaddecidedthatshewasgoing
totellhermother.Herheartbrokeevenmorewhenhermotherrespondedthatherdadwoulddie
ifshetoldhim.CathyendedupnottellingherDadbecauseitwasjusttohardforher,insteadher
momendeduptellinghimherself.ThiswasareallyhardtimeforCathybecauseshewasalways
thedifferentoneinherfamily.Shewasmoreoutgoing,wentoutofstateforcollegeandwasa

lesbian.Despiteallthis,inthepastcoupleofyearsthingshavegottenmuchbetterwithCathy
andherfamily.Now,LoraandCathysmotherevenganguponCathyandpainttogether.Cathy
andLoraseemveryhappywitheachotherafterbeingmarriedfor7years,abidinginwhatthey
seeasaChristcenteredrelationship.
OneofbestpartsaboutmeetingwithLoraandCathywashavingtheopportunitytohear
thestoryofaChristiancouple,bothalumniofWheaton,whoarechoosingtoliveagaylifestyle.
ThereasonwhywechosetositdownandlistentothestoriesofmembersofOneWheatonis
becauseinthepastfewyearshomosexualityhasbecomeahugetopicofcontroversyon
WheatonCollege'scampus.Ahighlightofthisexperiencewasbeingabletolistentotwopeople
wholoveJesusbutbelieveverydifferentlythanourgroup.Wewereabletobehonestaboutour
experienceandunderstandingoftheLGBTQcommunitybeingverysmall.LoraandCathy
seemedtobefascinatedaboutthesmallamountwedidknoworunderstoodabouttheirlifestyle
orevenOneWheaton.Itwasahighlightjusttositandlistentotheirhearts.Theygaveus
opportunitiestoaskafewquestionsthroughoutoureveningwiththembutwemainlywejust
listened.Evenwhenweleft,Ithinkweallcouldhavestayedandlistenedevenlongerbecause
theirstoriesweresounlikeanythingwewereusedto.
OneofthelowsoftheexperiencewasthatLoraespeciallyseemedslightlydefensive.
ShewasverykindtousbutIsensedinherstoryandinhertonemoreofadefensivenaturethan
inCathys.Iknowshewrestledalotaboutcomingout.Eventhen,shedidnotactonthese
feelingsuntilmuchlaterinherlifeafterbreakingoffaseriousrelationshipwithamaleWheaton
grad.Sheclaimedtobebisexualandhavethefreedomtochoosetobewithamanorwomen.
Whenweaskedheraboutthissheseemedoverlyassertiveofherchoosingawoman.Another

disappointmentwasthatwedidnotgettotalkaboutCathyorLorasviewsonscriptureasmuch
aswewouldhavelikedtheytouchedonthattopicbutweeasilyslippedfromthetopicof
Scripturetothebroaderchurch.Itwouldhavebeenfascinatingtohearmoreoftheirperspective
onwhattheBiblehastosayabouthomosexualty.Theonewaywecouldhaveimprovedthe
sessionwouldhavebeentopromptthemtofurtherdiscusstheirBiblicalbackgroundsandbeliefs
nowonhomosexualityandthegay/lesbianlifestyle.Loramentionedshesearchedandsearched
throughtheBibleandscouredcommentariesandcametoherownconclusionthathomosexuality
wasnotsinfulbutdidntfullyexplainwhyorhowshecametothat.
ThemainthingthatIconnectedfromthisclasstomyexperienceisthePrincipleof
Purview.Seekfirsttounderstand,thentobeunderstood.ItwasreallygoodtotalkwithLora
andCathyaboutourbeingfromtheSouth,wheretalkingabouthomosexualityiseithervery
negativeoravoidedaltogether.Thisremindedmeofmyownlackofunderstanding.Ivenever
listenedtothestoryofaLGBTcouple,andIveneversoughttounderstandtheirside.Meeting
withthemwasanamazing,uniquechanceformetounderstandfirstbeforejumpingtomyown
conclusions.Iwasabletostepbackandrealizemylackofomniscience.Idontknow
everything.Idontknowwheretheycomefromorhowtheyfeel.SomyexperienceatLoraand
Cathyshousewasareallygoodchanceformetounderstandonanewlevel.
Whileattheirhouse,Iwasremindedofourdiscussioninclassoveralcoholinthe
WheatonCovenant.Iwasntremindedofthisconversationinclassbecauseoftheissueitself,
butrather,becauseofthewaywewereaddressingit.Justlikeinourconversationinclass,our
conversationwiththesewomenwaspleasant,nonaccusing,andendedwellonbothsides(at
least,asfarasIknow).Thispleasant,encouragingendinggivesmereasontohopethatmore

discussionslikethiscanhappeninthefuture.
Obviously,thisexperiencealsotaughtmeaboutUrysprinciplenumbertwo:tostepto
theside.Ourwholegroupjustlistenedasthesetwowomenpouredouttheirheartstousabout
theirlives:past,present,andhopeoftheirfuture.Wealllistened,empathized,andlearnedjust
byfollowingthissimpleprinciple.SteppingtosomeoneelsessideisntsomethingthatIdovery
often.Ioftenwanttotellmyopinion,knowingImrightandtheyrewrong.Itwasgoodpractice
torealizethattheybelieveasstronglyoftheirconvictionsasIdoofmine,butIshouldlisten
withopenearsandanopenmind.IthinkthispracticeisthemostimportantprinciplethatIcan
useinmyfuturelife.
Aftertakingapollofourgroup,weincludedtheresultsbelow.
1.
PriortoengaginginthisconversationIwasverynervousandwasprobablyatleastalittleout
ofmyelement.Itisascarythingtoenterintoaconversationwithsomeonewhoknowsyou
disagreewithsomeoftheircorebeliefs.IthinkcomingintoWheatonIhadaveryonesided
understandingoftheLGBTQcommunity.DuringmytimehereatWheatonIhavelearnedthat
notknowingtheothersideofthestory,inthiscasetheLGBTstory,canbeextremelyharmful
anddetrimentaltobringingaboutanysortofreconciliationorpeace.Ihopethatbylisteningto
LoraandCathysstoryIhavebecomemorewillingtofactorintheotherside,lessquicktojump
toconclusions,andmoregraciousinadmittingmyownignoranceandshortcomings.
2.
Yes,itwasoutofmycomfortzone,IveneverhadaconversationaboutthestoryofanLGBT
person,Iveonlysmalltalked.Sothiswasverydifferent:verygood,butverydifferent.Iwould
lovetobecomebetteratengagingmoretypesofpeopleintoconversationsabouttheir
backgroundandhowlifewas/isforthem.Itendtoonlylooktothepresentandignorewhatmay

havehappened.ThismeansIneedtogetbetterataskingquestionsandlisteninginmyeveryday
life,notjustwhenIplanto.
3.
IwasverycuriousbutalsouncomfortableabouttheideaofmeetingwithLoraandCathy.The
factthatwewouldbegoingtotheirhousetomeetwiththemmademeespeciallyuncomfortable.
Itwasfascinatingtoheartheirstories,butIwishwehadmoretimetohearmoreabouttheir
backgroundandthestorybehindtheirdefinitivedecisiontoliveagaylifestyle.Ialsowould
havewantedtohearmoreabouttheirbiblicalbeliefsregardinghomosexuality.Ifeltthatthey
dancedaroundthistopicalot.Theybothcamefromextremelyconservativehouseholdsand
mostgays/lesbiansIvetalkedwithhavenot.Forme,thismadetheirstoryevenmorefascinating
tohear.
4.
Yes,Iwasdefinitelyoutofmycomfortzonehearingtheirstoriesbecauseitwasjust
somethingIcouldnotunderstand.Asastraightmale,IdonotthinkIwilleverbeableto
understandthereasoningforbeinghomosexualorbisexualitisjustsomethingthatdoesnot
makesensetome.IhopethatIcanbemoreattentiveandjustlisten.However,Idontthinkthat
IwilleverbeabletoagreewiththeirlifestylebecauseIbelievethattheBibledoessaythat
homosexualityisasin.
Overall,ourgroupfeltoutofourcomfortzone.Wewereuncomfortableandnervous
becauseCathyandLoraknewthatwedisagreedwiththembecausewewerescared,never
havingtalkedtopeoplesoopenlyaboutanopposingviewpointbeforebecausewewereliterally
steppingrightintoLoraandCathyslives(goingtotheirhouse)andbecausewefelt
conflictedourunderstandingoftheBiblesaysthatlivingahomosexuallifestyleisasin.
Byengagingintheculturalperspectivesoftwoindividualslivinginanopenlylesbian

marriage,wehopedtogainabroaderunderstandingofaviewpointourgroupdisagreedwith.
ThisconversationallowedLoraandCathytoshareopenlyabouttheirhomosexualrelationship
withoutworryingaboutusinterjectingouroppositionalviewsonthem.Theywereevenableto
communicatecertainthingswords,phrases,actionsthatwerehurtfultotheLGBTcommunity.
Referringtotheirlifestyleasit,limitingthiscommunitytotheirtitle,ormaking
generalizationslikethosepeopleareextremelydehumanizingandhurtful.Itisourhopethat
thepositivityofthisinteractioncontinuestocompelustolistentomultipleothersidesand
storiestocreateadesiretoaskquestionsandseekanswerstosparkincreasedcuriositytobe
moremindfulofwordsandactionsthatmayunintentionally,orintentionally,hurtothersandto
beactivelistenersbyseekingfirsttounderstandandthentobeunderstood.