Achieved Emotional Autonomy after Devastation

Emotional autonomy is feeling and thinking independently, understanding risk taking,

evaluating pro and cons, identifying consequences and making decision. It is detachment from
parents and the movement into adulthood. Autonomy is generally studied during adolescence by
psychologist, but today is a behavior constantly developing way after the adolescent years.
Emotional autonomy is a natural process that can be disrupted by family trauma and devastation.
This natural process in growing adults can become altered, delayed and perhaps dimmed because
of cruel and unnatural circumstances. Defense mechanism come into play during trauma and the
individual is thrusted far too quickly into decision making behavior that alters the natural
process. (Grant 1997) Victims are thrust into a destructive path against their will without
preparation causing indefinite periods of social isolation.
Antwone Fisher is one such adult whos experienced a disruption and delay in achieving
emotional autonomy. Antwone Fishers memoir is an unbelievable journey from abandonment
and extreme abuse to success with important examples of achieved emotional autonomy. This
biography clearly helps one to understand the difficulties when the natural process of emotional
autonomy is disrupted and the stages that can bring growth. Remembering, mourning, and
healing are three stages that an individual will have experienced that ultimately renews their
abilities to thrive and take responsibility for their own lives. Although arriving to a place of
solace and personal empowerment takes time and effort, emotional autonomy can be achieved.
Skeleton in the closet represent shame, denial and history. We know skeletons usually as
secrets. When exposed, they represent a breakthrough. One who has achieved emotional

autonomy identifies and confronts those secrets. The have made a conscience decision and
determined that these secrets are the culprits that hinder the natural process to grow and thrive.
They consciously remember their past physical, sexual and emotional abuse and accept it as
reality because they were powerless. The reason remembering abuse is crucial in the processes is
that it reinforces commitment to recovery. Antwone Fisher owned every pain of his abusive
childhood. He writes Everything that happened to me did so for a reason, at exactly the right
time, in exactly the right way Well after the storms into his later years, he confronted the
accusers. He held close those memories of his past because those were the things that made him
who he was. There is no way that the pasts ager and shame could internalize with a person who
reaches successful stages in emotional autonomy because the memories help them appreciate
surviving.
Recognizing problems, issues and the disconnects in relationships are a part of mourning
the past. It is a letting go process is a conscious decision to have compassion for ones self.
Emotional autonomy allows for those moment to find health outlets to mourn without distorted
perceptions of ones self and other. Chris McCandless of Into the Wild was an individual who
definitely had a distorted perception of his self. His identity of Alexander Supertramp calmed his
spirit, but he used this identity to disconnect, thus there was no time for mourning. I believe that
the distorted perception kept Chris McCandless in a safe place. If perhaps he was allowed to
mourn, reconciliation could have taken place. Mourning is a process in acceptance and is a
important layer emotional autonomy. Philip G Ney M.D. writes to become realistic about their
relationships, children need to be realistic about themselves.
Making a sound decisions that you may be in and out of breakthrough moments alone is
what achieved emotional autonomy looks like. This ongoing therapy, or healing is similar to

being freed from captivity. It is the continuous process of reminding ones self of safety.
Katherine Porterfield writes an in depth account of captivity from the perspective of prisoners.
Coping strategies in the recovery process are discussed in her Healing and Forgiveness
contribution in the Psych traumatology Journal. Individuals in the piece speak of tools like
meditation, self-talk, and visualization as instruments to remain grounded. Antwone Fisher spent
several decades getting to this healing after the remembering and mourning. Antwone Fisher
says Yes, the dusty winds of my melancholy youth have shifted, and brought to me a fine sunny
day. Im thankful to have found peace in my lifetime This says so much about his achieved
emotional autonomy.
I have considered Chris McCandless far more than the Antwone Fisher story. The what
ifs flood my mind as I considered his journey and the emotional down time that he had to
remember, mourn and heal. I am also reminded about the people he encountered and perhaps
how they could have influenced or hindered the emotional autonomy natural process.
Dysfunction in the McCandless home definitely steered Chris McCandless into isolation that
ultimately disrupted emotional autonomy. The parental detachment in slow motion looks like the
unnatural tearing of paper from a binder. How I wish that he was able to obtain the essentials
before he went off into the wild. How I wish that even in his isolation that he wrote down his
memories, mourned the loss of his family and lived to heal.