Hey Lukas,

Synthesis Paper:
You do a good job with laying out the background to your topic in your
introductory paragraph. You state the evolution of the problem of bribery in
sports, which is beneficial to your reader's to understanding of the remainder
of the conversation. One way to strengthen the introduction paragraph
would be to integrate the direct quote of the second sentence cited as
"(LawInfo par.3)." By integrating the quote into the conversation, instead of
blatantly stating it, you will show that you have a deeper level of
understanding of the conversation.
In the second paragraph, there is an integrated quote that causes some
confusion. Here is the particular sentence: Although this is not something
that will affect the outcome of a sporting event, offer (ing) financial
inducements to a student-athlete may be subject to criminal and civil
penalties (USLegal par.4). The conversation you added to this quote leads
me to believe that there is no possible way that outcomes of sporting events
will be changed if players are given financial inducements. The confusion
arises later in the paragraph when you talk about how bribery is considered
as a method of match-fixing. If bribery is a form of financial inducements
that alter outcomes of games, the commentary in the previous integrated
quote is not accurate. One possible cause to the confusion is that you might
have considered financial inducements as financial scholarships.
In the second paragraph there is an awkward transition from talking about
the 1919 World Series instance of bribery, and then talking about
occurrences of bribery in college sports. In your inquiry path it seems like
you talked about bribery in the professional arena more separate from
college bribery. In order to bring about a smoother transition, I would try and
focus on more instances of professional bribery, especially more recent ones.
Including the instance of the 1919 World Series adds credibility to your
argument, but your argument will seem more relevant if you expound upon
bribery in professional sports.
***see the peer review of the inquiry path for an optional route to take in
order to expand the conversation of bribery in professional sports
In the Prezi Inquiry Path review, I have noted a scandal involving FIFA officials
that could help to expand your argument further than just about bribery
involving players.