Brazil's Deforestation Causes

Drought
by Johnathan Ramirez

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ENGLISH301PAPERJOHNNY.DOCX (108.65K)

T IME SUBMIT T ED

18-NOV-2015 11:59PM

WORD COUNT

919

SUBMISSION ID

602865306

CHARACT ER COUNT

5127

resource? environmentally?

unclear-what's
"one"
and "the
other"?
to exceed
what?

unclear wording. can

you clarify the
causation here?

wait, low rainfall causes low rainfall? you need another

way to explain this
This

wealthiest in what terms?

OK, I believe
you, but you
need to explain
the causation
more clearly:
spell it out. Why
do no trees =
less water?
through transpiration?
how?
show us--need evidence, numbers

in the past?
this isn't what's
indicated here.
What's indicated is
merely that they
know about these
plants, and have
therefor experienced
this in the past. Can
you add numbers of
people affected?

is that the cause? or is it population?

explain
Ah! move this up.

what should they do?

good sources

Brazil's Deforestation Causes Drought

GRADEMARK REPORT
FINAL GRADE

GENERAL COMMENTS

75

Instructor

/100

PAGE 1

Text Comment.
QM

resource? environmentally?

||
Problem in Parallel Form:
Coordinate ideas should be expressed in parallel f orm. All expressions that are similar in
content and f unction should be expressed similarly.

QM

||
Problem in Parallel Form:
Coordinate ideas should be expressed in parallel f orm. All expressions that are similar in
content and f unction should be expressed similarly.

Text Comment.
QM

unclear--what's "one" and "the other"?

Thesis
T hesis needs work:
T he thesis is the central idea of your paper around which all your evidence and claims are
organized. Every single paragraph should be dedicated in a clear way to proving your thesis. In
your essay, the thesis should be stated as quickly and as clearly as possible. In f act, many
teachers will expect your thesis statement to appear in the last sentence of your essay's f irst
paragraph. A vivid thesis statement will announce the steps of its argument, not just provide a
f lat statement of the essay's ultimate goal. T hink of the thesis as a roadmap that gives
directions to your reader rather than as a picture of your f inal destination.

Text Comment.

to exceed what?

Text Comment.

unclear wording. can you clarif y the causation here?

PAGE 2

Text Comment.

wait, low rainf all causes low rainf all? you need another way to explain this

Text Comment.

T his

Text Comment.

wealthiest in what terms?

Text Comment.

OK, I believe you, but you need to explain the causation more clearly: spell
it out. Why do no trees = less water?

Text Comment.

through transpiration?

Text Comment.

how?

Text Comment.

show us--need evidence, numbers

Text Comment.

in the past?

PAGE 3

Text Comment.

this isn't what's indicated here. What's indicated is merely that they know
about these plants, and have theref or experienced this in the past. Can you add numbers of
people af f ected?

Text Comment.

is that the cause? or is it population? explain

Text Comment.

Ah! move this up.

Text Comment.

what should they do?

PAGE 4

QM

apa mla ref list

Use Purdue OWL to discover the proper content and f ormatting of these entries.

Text Comment.

good sources

RUBRIC: EDITORIAL RUBRIC

RHET ORIC (10%)

76 / 9 5

75 / 95

Write f or a specif ic audience and purpose.

ABSENT OR BELOW Audience's needs are of ten not recognized: terms and ideas need explanation and
BASIC
language needs adjustment f or the audience. Purpose (to argue a position
(65)
persuasively) isn't clear or achieved.
DEVELOPING
(75)

Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a position
persuasively) may be unclear at times, and it may not be achieved convincingly.

PROFICIENT
(85)

Usually shows attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and ideas
and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose may be implied, but it's clear and
achieved.

ADVANCED
(95)

Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a position
persuasively) is clear and achieved with style.

ET HICAL RES (10%)

85 / 95

Find, evaluate, select, synthesize, organize, ethically cite, and present inf ormation f rom a variety of
sources appropriate to their disciplines.
ABSENT OR BELOW Omits or uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
BASIC
marks incorrectly. Drops quotations and ideas into text without introducing source.
(65)
Frequently uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources or relies exclusively on one

source.
DEVELOPING
(75)

A f ew errors in discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation

marks. Of ten includes sources without introduction in cases when introduction is
necessary and discipline appropriate. Sometimes relies too heavily on a single source
or uses irrelevant sources.

PROFICIENT
(85)

Correctly uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
marks. Usually introduces each source f ully (as necessary and discipline-appropriate)
reader knows who did the research or communicating, f or whom, and why. Use of
sources is usually diverse and relevant.

ADVANCED
(95)

Correctly uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
marks. Introduces each source f ully (as necessary and discipline-appropriate)
reader knows who did the research or communicating, f or whom, and why. Use of
sources is always diverse and relevant.

PERSUASION (30%)

75 / 95

Compare, evaluate, synthesize, and communicate caref ully, objectively, and persuasively the relative merits
of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values. Integrate this evaluative work into
a persuasive argument.

ABSENT OR BELOW Fails to support claims with relevant reasoning and/or specif ic evidence. Objectivity,
BASIC
balance, and a controlling idea may be lacking.
(65)
DEVELOPING
(75)

Attempts to support claims with reasoning and evidence, but specif icity and/or
objectivity may be lacking. A controlling idea may be missing or implied. Objectivity and
balance may be weak or f lawed.

PROFICIENT
(85)

Usually supports the controlling idea and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough,
and insightf ul reasoning and specif ic evidence. Usually maintains objectivity and
balance in argumentation.

ADVANCED
(95)

Supports the controlling idea and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough, and
insightf ul reasoning and specif ic evidence. Maintains objectivity and balance in
argumentation.

ORGANIZ AT ION (30%)

75 / 95

Organize, f ocus, and communicate ones thoughts clearly and ef f ectively to address a rhetorical situation.
ABSENT OR BELOW Organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic sentences,
BASIC
transitions) may be absent, unrelated to the prompt, or illogically connected. Ps
(65)
contain multiple topics or are disorganized.
DEVELOPING
(75)

Organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic sentences,

transitions) f it the prompt, but may be vague, too broad, or inconsistenly or illogically
linked. Ps may not be unif ied.

PROFICIENT
(85)

Clear organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic

sentences, transitions) f it the prompt and tie ideas and topics together adequately.
Ps are usually unif ied.

ADVANCED
(95)

Clear, specif ic organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, headings, transitions)

f it the prompt and tie ideas and topics together logically and seamlessly. Paragraphs
are unif ied.

LANG & DESIGN (20%)

75 / 95

Recognize, evaluate, and employ the f eatures and contexts of language and design that express and
inf luence meaning and that demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural dif f erences.
ABSENT OR BELOW Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability. Lanuage may ref lect
BASIC
a gender or cultural bias. Design may be unconventional and inef f ective.
(65)
DEVELOPING
(75)

Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors of ten impede readability or otherwise

distract f rom meaning. Lanuage may occasionally suggest a gender or cultural bias.
Design may be inconventional or inef f ective.

PROFICIENT
(85)

Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are f ew and do not distract f rom
meaning. Lanuage respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is conventional
and ef f ective.

ADVANCED
(95)

Outstanding control of language, including ef f ective diction and sentence variety.

Lanuage respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is conventional and
ef f ective.