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Memorandum
To:
From:
Date:
Subject:

Victoria M. Arthur, PhD

Raine Yergler
September 13, 2015
Prose Style Analysis

This memo describes the results of my analysis of my writing in the business

prose style. The sections below cover
I used these concepts to analyze my essay titled The Land of The Selfish,
which discussed my solution for one of the many problems addressed in
Barry Estabrooks novel Tomatoland.
Cut Lard
Cutting lard means eliminating redundant, meaningless, and dead words and
phrases. After analyzing my essay, I concluded that I dont include much lard
in my writing. I try to convey my message clearly and concisely. I do use
some adverbs and adjectives, but I feel that they were necessary for
conveying my essays message. I have highlighted examples from one
sentence of my essay:
Methyl bromide is a highly toxic chemical, but is widely used because
of how cheap it is compared to other chemicals.
While the words highly and widely are not necessary for the readers
understanding, they clarify the magnitude of methyl bromides toxicity and
utilization. A few sentences had excessive words and details, but most were
written in a clear-cut manner. Cutting lard prevents the message from being
muddled.
Use Strong Verbs
Strong verbs communicate specific actions. They help to eliminate excessive
wordiness by simplifying the sentence. My analysis revealed that my essay
used strong verbs. Figure 1 on page 4 of this document shows that only 9%
of the sentences had passive verbs. For example:
All options include positive and negative attributes.
I chose the verb include instead of would have. Would have makes the
sentence passive and wordy. Strong verbs simplify the sentence and
eliminate the excess.

Check Sentence Length, Cadence, and Stress Emphasis

Sentence length, cadence, and stress emphasis affect the readability of a
sentence.
Sentence Length. The average sentence length in modern business
prose is 14 to 18 words. While some may be shorter and some may be
longer, the document should have a good flow if the average length is
between 14 and 18 words. My essay has acceptable sentence length.
Figure 1 on page 4 shows that the average sentence length for my
essay was 16.6 words.

Cadence. Cadence is how words interact. The goal is to have a

smooth cadence that is pleasant for the reader instead of a cadence
that is choppy and jars the reader.
Stress Emphasis. Stress Emphasis is the point in the sentence that is
given importance. Stress emphasis is usually at the end of the
sentence or paragraph in the written English language.
All three come together to create a document that is easy to read and pay
attention to. My essay correctly employs sentence length, cadence, and
stress emphasis as shown in the following section:
Publicly owned corporations feel it is their number one priority to make
a profit for their stockholders while increasing or maintaining their
executives' salaries. The pros to this would be that money saved is
money earned. The cons would be the harm done to humans, wildlife,
and the environment.
The first sentence had 24 words, the second sentence has 12, and the third
has 13. None of these sentences fit the 14 to 18 word average, but the
average of the three is 16.3 words per sentence. The varying sentence
lengths creates a cadence that is smooth but not monotonous. The important
information, the stress emphasis, is at the end of each sentence. Cadence,
sentence length, and stress emphasis are important for creating a smooth
and readable flow.
Avoid Needless Business Jargon
Business jargon is words that are not commonly used outside of a certain
industry or may have different meanings in different industries. Because of
the style and content of my essay, I didnt use much business jargon, as can
be seen in the following sentence:

In the corporate world, taste is irrelevant because of the demand for

the product.
While demand might be considered business jargon, it means the same thing
in every industry. It is important to avoid using needless business jargon
because it can confuse the reader if they do not work in your industry.

Using Transitions
Transitions are words or phrases that connect your ideas and paragraphs by
signaling a change. They help a reader easily follow the content of the
writing. My essay employs effective transitions. For example:
The next step in addressing the problem is to brainstorm possible
alternatives.
The words the next step signal a shift in topic. I used this to allow my
readers to know that I was moving to the next step, the next topic, in solving
the problem addressed in my essay. Transitions are important in connecting
your writing.
Recognizing Idioms
According to Business Writing Today, idioms are, phrases that we use all the
time that mean more than the sum of their words (p 92). My essay was free
of idioms. It is important to avoid idioms in business prose because, while
they are commonly used in our everyday language, they will confuse readers
whose first language is not English.
Tone Traps
Humor and sarcasm are examples of tone traps, things that can easily be
expressed verbally but can be easily misinterpreted in writing. My essay was
written with a serious tone, so I avoided sarcasm or humor. I used facts to
convey my message, so I avoided tone traps. Its important to avoid tone
traps because they can misconstrue the intended message.
Keep Paragraphs Short and Use Topic Sentences
Keeping paragraphs short and using topic sentences maintains a readers
attention better because, generally, business content is informative but not
incredibly interesting.
Short Paragraphs. People are more likely to read paragraphs in
business writing if they are short. A paragraph in business prose style

is usually around two to four sentences. Figure 1 on page 4 shows that

my paragraphs averaged six sentences. My paragraphs were too
lengthy for business prose style.
Topic Sentences. Topic sentences inform the reader of the content of
the paragraph and allow them to maintain focus. My essay uses topic
sentences well, but my paragraphs are too long for business prose
style. For example:
A great way to start addressing the problem is to brainstorm
possible alternatives.
This topic sentence informs the reader that the paragraph is going to
be about possible alternatives for the problem.
While my paragraphs are too long for proper business prose format, they
work well in the essay format. However, in business writing, short
paragraphs and topic sentences are easier for people to pay attention to.
Avoid Strings of Prepositional Phrases
Prepositional phrases are phrases that begin with the words like of, to, and
in. Prepositional phrases can hide the intended emphasis of the sentence. My
writing contains too many prepositional phrases. An example would be:
Original. There are alternative growing processes to the chemicals
that are rarely heard of or are thought to be more expensive, less
productive, and a waste of time because big corporations are worried
more about profit and less about quality.
Revised. There are alternative growing processes to the chemicals.
They are lesser known or perceived as more expensive, less
productive, and a waste of time by profit-centered corporations.
Eliminating prepositional phrases in the above example creates a clearer
emphasis on the important information in the sentence.
Figure 1

In conclusion, my writing effectively uses the concepts of cutting lard, using

strong verbs, sentence length, cadence, and stress emphasis, and avoiding
needless business. My writing also used transitions, avoided idioms and tone
traps, and used topic sentences. My writing was not effective in avoiding
strings of prepositional phrases and my paragraphs were too long for proper
business prose style.