The author of this essay is _____Erica Cline_________________________________________.

Online Peer Review of Essay #1

Directions: First, read the paper silently to yourself once. Then, answer the questions below.
When answering the following questions, be thoughtful, clear, and helpful. Use complete sentences and
specific examples. On the writers document, turn on the Track Changes feature (ReviewTrack
Changes): In this way, the author can see what changes you think should be made. Feel free to make
comments directly on the writers draft (New CommentClickType your constructive feedback).

Organization and Introduction

1.

Organization
a. Is this draft organized in a standard pattern: an introduction, a body with supporting points
presented in a logical order, and a concluding section that summarizes and analyzes the
overall significance of the topic? Note on the paper where the organization seems to be
ineffective.
Yes, the essay is organized very well. It includes an intro, 3 influences, supporting bodies explaining them, and a
conclusion. The essay has good flow, is entertaining, and stays on topic throughout.
2.

Introduction: The first paragraph(s) should prepare the reader for the topic presented in the paper.
a. Does the introduction begin broadly and narrow to the main idea of the essay?
Yes, the introductory paragraph explains how her appreciation for English and doing well in school started in
elementary by learning her ABCs.
b. Look specifically at the authors Thesis Statement:
1. Is the thesis towards the end of the introduction? Yes, the thesis is in the last sentence of
the paragraph, which ties together everything said before it.
2. Is the thesis narrow and well-defined? Yes, she explains learning her ABCs in class led to
her love of the English language came into play
3. Is the thesis explicit or implicit? If its explicit, is the thesis too direct? No, it is not
implicit or explicit.
c. At any point in the essay, do you feel lost or confused? No. The section about riding bikes to
Bernice and Martins was confusing at first, because I didnt know where the story was going,
but this part was necessary to explain how she came to know her tutor.
d. After reading the whole paper, explain whether you think the introduction effectively prepares
the reader for the discussion or not. Yes. The entire story is about doing well in school. The
paper starts off in school, then introduces the reader to the tutors who were hired to improve
her handwriting and sentence structure for school, and then wraps up the story with her high
school teacher who, again, is helping her get good grades in school. The paper sticks to the
point it made in the introduction.

Body Paragraphs
1.

Do the body paragraphs support the thesis? Yes, each paragraph explains the narrative behind each
influence of Ericas.

2.

Is there information that does not seem relevant to the stated thesis/purpose? No, the essay stays on
topic without straying to unnecessary information. The paragraph about riding bikes could be
condensed, but still stays on point while painting a picture of discovering the tutors house in the
desert.

3.

Does one point/section logically lead to the next point? Are transitions used effectively? Yes, the essay
flows from one point to another with ease, and transitions are used.

4.

Are there any paragraphs that should be either deleted or moved to another section of the paper? No,
each paragraph seems to fit in its current place.

Conclusion
1.
2.

Does the concluding section sum upwithout being repetitivethe major points/conclusions of the
paper? Yes, it concludes by admitting that she has forgotten some of the lessons, but not the people
who made a difference in her life.
After reading the entire essay, are the following required elements included?
Clear thesis YES
Engaging Introduction YES
Does the conclusion refer to the introduction? YES

Use of Vivid Details and a Significant Point

1.

Are there any unnecessary unnecessary explanations that would be better told through
showing rather than telling?
The only thing unnecessary thing I see, is using unnecessary twice in succession in the
above sentence.

2. What does the theme, lesson, or insight seem to be?

The theme of the essay is Erica having a love of reading and writing, and, even
though she experiences times where she struggles in certain areas, she relies on
positive role models in her life to help her through them.
3. Does the insight seem too obvious or too general?

No, definitely not too general, and not too obvious either.

Style, Mechanics, and MLA Guidelines

1.

Are there any words that are clich, used too often, or meaningless?
None that I was able to notice

2.

Does the writer use the second person pronoun you? If so, circle it.
No

3.

Does the author use phrases such as I think and/or I believe? If so, draw a line through the phrase
to determine if it is necessary.
No

4.

MLA Guidelines
Heading YES
1 margins YES
Double-spaced throughout
YES

Page numbers in upper righthand corner

YES

5. How near to completion is this draft?3

Needs to correct punctuation throughout, needs minor restructuring of some sentences, and needs
further proofreading. Very close to completion at this point.