Memorandum

To:
From:
Date:
Subject:

Barbara Kirchmeier
Brayden White
September 6, 2015
Memo Report

This memo explains my former writing techniques and how they comparatively
stack up to the nine concepts discussed in class. The sections below cover the
descriptions of every concept, a claim about my writing, and an example of my
writing to support my previous claim.
1. Cut Lard
Concept. Cutting the lard is referring to getting rid of all the useless
information that is used only to spice up what is being said. Professional
writing should be clear and to the point. All the extra information is doing
nothing but wasting time.
Claim. When it comes to my writing it is full of lard. I need to learn to cut the
fat and stop trying to make my writing sound fancy. I usually end up
repeating myself a bunch of times and making myself sound redundant.
Evidence. I learned that surgery is really scary; I learned that you get a
bunch of likes on Facebook when you post about it, and I learned how much
chicks dig scars. One of the biggest things I learned that my coaches were
right; you should play every play like it is your last down of football. There I
was sitting in a sling realizing that I may never be able to play again. The
thought didnt scare me because I was going to miss football, but I hated
thinking that I was letting my team down and I wouldnt be with my brothers
on the field my senior year. I regretting not giving it my all and I felt like I
wasted my career at Jerome. Another thing I learned was that the recovery
process was really fun. I was able to see my progress and see me grow. As I
was able to do more and more with my arm I started to see my confidence
rise and it made missing basketball feel like a challenge I had to overcome. It
was also nice getting a shoot ton of attention from everyone who was worried
about me. Here I need to cut the lard out. A lot of useless information that
nobody needs to read about. It does very little to add to the point I am trying
to make and it makes the paper read in a very informal, casual way that is
generally not fitting for the purpose of most professional writing.
2. Use Strong Verbs
Concept. Using strong verbs comes down to sounding confident in what you
are writing and sounding educated in the way you present it. The language
needs to be strong and confident so people believe what is being said and
can easily get behind it.
Claim. I think I have for the most part always been pretty good at using
strong verbs and getting people to understand what I am really trying to say. I
dont always use the biggest words or most complicated words, but I use the
best words for every situation.

Evidence. I started off shaky as I tried to get all my movement back but I
ended up catching fire. I was playing outstanding and my team was winning.
I think this is a good example of using strong verbs. They stand out and catch
the eye. They emphasize the action that is taking place and make the paper
more interesting to read which is important when writing on less exciting or
interesting topics.
3. Check Sentence Length, Cadence, and Stress Emphasis
Concept. By doing all of these, a paper will flow a lot better and make it
sound better to the person reading it. That will not only make it easier to read
but also make the information a lot clearer. Run on sentences can make a
sentence hard to read and have less of an impact on the reader. When they
read the proper punctuation should create a good flow and help them read
what is most important.
Claim. I am fairly good at this but occasionally use run on sentences in my
writings. I also do not use the best of punctuation and that causes the
emphasized words I am using to not stand out as well as they should.
Evidence. I sat down to write it and had no clue how to go about it and I
didnt know whether to write it like a journal, or as if I was having a
conversation with a counselor or just make a list. Here my sentence had no
real flow and it kept rambling on. I didnt put emphasis in anything I was
saying and the sentence doesnt stand out. If I had varied the length of the
senetences, having some short, quick statements tied to longer more
informative ones and made sure to include more colorful words, it would have
been more interesting to read. Additionally, changing up the length and
phrasing of sentences in a paper keep the reader more engaged.
4. Keep Paragraphs Short and Use Topic Sentences
Concept. This concept pertains to keeping a paper easy to understand and
easy to follow through. A good topic sentence can help someone decide what
they need to read and what they can skip over. Also a shorter paragraph will
help keep people interested in the writing and help them save time.
Claim. I have a problem with keeping my paragraphs short and I tend to
ramble. That also goes back to me cutting out the lard. I am also not the best
at using appropriate topic sentences. I need to get better and making them
stand out and have them catch the readers eyes.
Evidence. I learned that surgery is really scary; I learned that you get a
bunch of likes on Facebook when you post about it, and I learned how much
chicks dig scars. This is an example of a way I started a paragraph. This
does not have a good topic sentence and it seems much more like I started
writing mid thought. I need to do a better job of setting paragraphs up. If I do
that then the opening line of every paragraph will make the reader more
interested in what topic I am covering in that paragraph. Another benefit for
having a strong topic sentence in professional writing is it gives the reader a
better clue on what that paragraph is about so they may better find the
absolutely necessary or crucial information within the paper.

5. Avoid Strings of Prepositional Phrases

Concept. Too many prepositions can cause writing to seem to drag on and
makes it very boring. This is a problem when writing professionally. Strings of
prepositions can make the readers skeptical of what they are reading.
Although prepositions are highly efficient and useful when used correctly
throughout a paper, it is wise to make sure there are not too many and to
ensure they are not placed too close to each other.
Claim. This is not a prominent problem in my writing. I use prepositions to
describe locations and how things happened but do not go overboard with
them. In fact, if I had to change one thing it would be utilizing them more
effectively to make my writing more fluid and interesting to read.
Evidence. I went over to the field and dug a hole in the center of the field
and buried my hardware from my surgery in the ground below the field. This
sentence is a great example of over using prepositions. This sentence not
only sounds like it came from middle school but also drags on forever. The
use of prepositional phrases makes it sound bad and turned it into a very long
run on.
6. Avoid Needless Business Jargon
Concept. This means to avoid using words that are specific to only a certain
type of person. A lot of times these words are boring and often have another
meaning to people not familiar with certain industries or groups. Avoiding
these can stop confusion and help keep readers more involved with the
writing.
Claim. This is not a problem for me as I tend to use very basic and
understandable words. If I ever use words that could be confusing I try to
explain them the best I can so the readers can follow along.
Evidence. I was jelling with my friends and everything was pretty good.
This is a good example of when I could have used a better word. I bet a lot of
people reading this would not understand that I meant hanging out. Instead
of using specific terms of phrases that only relate to one group of people, I
should have used a more broad and well-understood term to ensure that any
audience who may read my papers would be able to clearly understand the
ideas I am presenting.
7. Using Transitions: Words, Phrases, and Devices
Concept. This means to not leave readers wondering why something was
said. There has to be a good strong transition between thoughts, whether
that is in the middle of a sentence or in between paragraphs. It is very easy
to add a small transition word or even a phrase to make writing clearer and
easier for the reader to understand.
Claim. This is one of the nine concepts that I am better at. I usually am
pretty good at transitioning in my sentences and in between paragraphs. I
always start my conclusion sentences with things like to sum things up or
in conclusion. Hopefully I will not have to spend as much time fixing this
concept in my writing.

Evidence. Overall, it has been one terrible year for me... This sentence
was the start of a conclusion sentence and I think I was able to make it clear
that I was restating the important parts and wrapping up. I could have used a
stronger one but signal words that are universally known help to make the
work more clear and organized.
8. Recognizing Idioms
Concept. Idioms are phrases that are very commonly used. They have a
double meaning and could be hard to understand if someone is not familiar
with English or from around here. These are not only nonprofessional words
being used, but can also cause confusion. This is why idioms should be
avoided.
Claim. I do not think I use idioms very often in my writing. This has never
been a problem for me. They are so commonly used, that I have probably
done this a few times though without even thinking about it.
Evidence. I was on the clock trying to recover. An example of me using an
idiom and not realizing it. There are important to try and avoid as they can
easily been mis-understood. It would have been more fitting to write
something like the clock was ticking down or as the quarter of the game
was ending Those phrases are more specific and eliminate confusion that
may have arose.
9. Sidestepping the Tone Traps
Concept. This means to be very careful and try to avoid humor, emotion,
and being pretentious. When reading it is often hard to read different types of
emotions and tones, so anything that is said could come off wrong. Also
something that is funny to one person could really hurt another, so it is safe
to avoid most humor all together. No one can ever know who will end up
reading what they have wrote so it is always best to be on the safe side.
Claim. This is a tough one for me because I am hardly ever serious and I love
to be joking around and having a good time. I forget that not everybody has
my sense of humor and that tends to get me in trouble in real life. I imagine
the same could be said for my writing.
Evidence. I learned that surgery is really scary; I learned that you get a
bunch of likes on Facebook when you post about it, and I learned how much
chicks dig scars. This is an example of where I tried to use humor and going
back through it I realize how it falls flat. Doesnt help my paper sound any
better. It actually had the opposite effect when I am trying to write
professionally and makes me sound much less credible. It is important to
stick to a more formal tone when writing professional papers and leave the
more casual phrases and jargon to the occasions where it may be better
suited.