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Benjamin Nesbit
Debra Jizi
URWT 1103
30 September 2015
Benjamin Nesbit Self-Authorship
Decades ago, Simon and Garfunkel wrote a song called I am a rock, to put
the feeling of solitude and security into a simple metaphor. Now as I examine who I
am, my greatest wish is that I could also find a simple metaphor to encompass my
thoughts, feelings, and values. Instead, as I search for that miracle statement, I find
only a long list of what I am. I am a student of computer science. I am someone who
enjoys video games. I have quite a bit of scientific curiosity. I value time with my
family, and friends. I am not extremely social, but I have no aversion to talking in
small amounts. I dont enjoy partying, but I have no hate for people who do. In
general, I have likes, dislikes, and I just want to live my life in peace. In many ways,
I am not surprisingly similar to my younger self. I was never extremely good at
talking to other people, and I always liked a challenge in math or science. I think the
main difference between me and my younger self is that I was more optimistic and
nave back then. I always thought that I would have a clear answer to everything,
and that convincing other people who disagreed would be fairly simple. Now, as I
have grown and experienced much more of life, I realize its not always black and
white, and that other people are just as convinced theyre right as you are.
In addition to developing a world outlook as I grew, my values were also
influenced by many events in my younger life. Today, I value accountability and

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responsibility very highly, above pretty much all other values. It means a lot to me,
for people to have to bear the consequences for what they have done. I see people
all the time, who dont like responsibility. They run away from it, acting in their own
self-interests and refusing to take the fall when things go bad. To me, it is the
ultimate form of selfishness, since these responsibilities usually have to do with
something you owe to someone else. The internet especially is full of these people.
With a username as a shield, they say things that could never be said in real life,
just because they dont have to take responsibility for their actions. The same with
guys leaving their pregnant girlfriends, or someone killing a family for their money:
Different acts, same logic. They are too cowardly to grow a spine and face life how it
is, so they act how they like, and others pay for it. I think this sense of
accountability and responsibility was strongly influenced by my upbringing in a
private school. There, I was taught simple morals of respecting others, and that you
should be kind and considerate. That has stuck with me my whole life, so when I see
someone else being a jerk, I wish I could hold them responsible.
I would say if any one thing ever helped me become who I am right now, it
would be the general populous of the internet. A lot of other sources of influence,
like my parents and school, were also extremely helpful, but the internet has done a
lot to shape my worldview and values. When I first started getting on the internet, I
was very much a private school kid. I had gone there all my life, and while I
wouldnt say I was completely sheltered, there were many opinions I had never
come face to face with. The internet was what showed me many of those opinions,
and in the process, made me grow as a human being as I came to terms with how
drastically different others can think compared to me. As I browsed through various
forums, I saw people who hated religion, hated feminists, hated America, hated

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Capitalism, hated Republicans, hated Apple, and hated Nationalism. Basically, for
everything on the planet, there was also someone who hated it. This was drastically
different to me, someone who had gone through most of his life surrounded by
people whose values and beliefs were very much the same as mine. It was through
this exposure to different people that I gradually abandoned some of that
optimism/naivety that I talked about a paragraph or two ago, and began to realize
how extremely different others were to me. It was also through exploring the
internet that I developed a greater sense of responsibility, as I saw people who had
no intention of taking any responsibility, and it angered me. For those reasons, I say
the internet was what had the most influence on who I am today.
To be honest, while I have been influenced by a few significant people outside
of myself, I would like to think that most of my self-growth has stemmed from more
of an internal source, and less of other peoples perceptions deciding how I live my
life. With that being said, I acknowledge that a certain degree of control over my
actions is related to a need to be who other people close to me think I am. When I
was in my private school, I was sort of viewed as one of the nerdy kids, which I was.
However, this often led me to not want to betray the expectations of my parents
and peers, and inspired me to work harder on my assignments. However, besides
this small influence, most of my personal growth has been self-inflicted. Many
people have thought different things about me- cool, loser, smart, idiot, etc.
However, when I notice what they think I sort of just ignore it. I try to act not as
others expect, but as my own sense of morals and values tells me to.
Through my life, I have had a sense of curiosity about much of the scientific
and mathematic world. So, when my top character strength was a love of learning, I
was not very surprised. I truly do enjoy aggregating various pieces of knowledge,

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especially when they pertain to a subject I have interest in. While I was in high
school, my computer science class was given 5 programming assignments. Each
group was told to do one over the weekend. However, after finishing my groups
project, I found myself wanting to practice and learn new programming techniques,
so I did the other 4 as well, experimenting along the way to figure things I didnt
actually learn yet. Also, in first grade, when I would get done with my math
problems, I would ask for extra problems so I could have another challenge to finish.
Both of these examples stem from my desire to keep learning about subjects I am
interested in. To be truthful, I never really understood where that particular
character strength came from. Ever since I can remember, since my first reading
experience and even before that, I have always wanted to learn about things
unknown to me. If I had to guess, I would say the desire stems from my parents
encouragement of things like reading and school at my home. However, I think part
of it is just I was born with a curiosity. Of course, I would love to give a better, more
final answer than that, but my conscious mind doesnt go back that far.
My major belief is that all people should be treated fairly and respectfully.
This is where nearly all my other beliefs, whether political, moral, or anything else.
Should people cut in line? Thats not respectful, so no. Should crack addicts get tax
money? Thats not fair, so no. This belief is deeply rooted in my main value of
accountability and respect, and was developed over most of my life. During private
school, I was taught to be nice to everyone, and to not disrespect them. This is
where my belief originated, where I started to develop the opinion that fairness and
respect for all is undeniable. However, this belief truly blossomed when I began
frequenting the internet. It was there that I was really exposed to a lot of the
outside world, and how easy it was for people to be rude as soon as everything was

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anonymous. Also, on the internet, I saw many people who werent rude, and did try
to be respectful. It was through seeing that contrast that I truly began to believe in
respect and fairness for all. I do have plenty of other beliefs I could talk about, but
really all they are is a re-interpretation of my vision of fairness and respect, applied
to different situations.
My values, beliefs, and experiences all make up a part of who I am as a
person. However, I wouldnt I learned anything, in the sense that I discovered new
knowledge that before, I had no inkling of. I would like to use the word clarified as
a better indication of what I gained through this process. Before writing all of this, if
someone came up to me and said Ben, your main value is responsibility and
accountability, I wouldnt be particularly surprised. However, if that same person
came to me and asked me What do you value most in life, I doubt it would be able
to put it into words.