CHAPTER IV

HELPING WITH
WORDS
As you well know, communication breaks down in the face of stress and high emotion. Therefore,
developing new communication strategies may be the most powerful thing you can do to improve
your situation and help your child. Good communication is crucial in creating space for change to
take place, and it can effectively tip the motivational seesaw towards it. More than that, developing
your communication skills will help you feel more understood, listened to, and better in ALL the
relationships in which you practice them. You might feel tempted to jump ahead to the Helping
with Actions section, feeling understandably anxious to see changes in your childs behavior
and start doing what you can as quickly as possible We urge you, however, to not skip over
this communication section because so many of the active strategies of CRAFT that come later
truly rely on good, effective communication to have the impact you want, which is why we have
purposefully put communication first in the order.
Our topics in this communication section include how to listen more effectively, how to offer
feedback and information, and how to make requests most constructively, with the least amount
of argumentation or defensiveness. We also discuss the importance of validation and empathy
throughout communication, and how to stay out of conversational traps. But we begin with
the overarching goal: keeping a connection and sense of positive forward movement through a
communication. We think of this as keeping track of whether the traffic lights (of communication)
are red or green.

Helping with Words

55

THIS SECTION INCLUDES FIVE TOPICS:

56

1
1
1
1

Communicate with LOVE: Listening

Listening Worksheet

2
2
2
2
3
3
3
3
4
4
4
4
5
5
5
5

Communicate with LOVE: Offering Information

Offering Information Worksheet

6
6
6
6

7
7
7
Communicate
7 with LOVE: Validating and Empathizing
8
8
8
8
9
9
9
9
Avoiding Conversational
Traps

The 7 Elements of Positive Communication

Positive Communication Worksheet

The Parents 20 Minute Guide