Example of BA1 (Part 2)

In The Myth of Helplessness, by Greene (Student should use the authors first and last names
when first mentioning the authors names.), and What I Learned About School Reform, by
Ravich, at first they seem to have opposing views (Opposing views is vague. The student should
specific what specifically the two authors have opposing views about.). While they (the) authors
agree that there needs to be some sort of change (The student should state what the two authors
want to change, i.e. the school system.), neither agree on how to change the school system. In
What I Learned About School Reform, the author (Student should state the last name of the
author.), in the beginning of her career seemed to agree with the author (State the last name of
the author.) of The Myth of Helplessness, they both thought that there needed to be
accountability in schools to help the students. Although Ravitch, who agreed with this system
(Student should specify the system.) of reforms at first, seemed to change her mind over time and
started to doubt these methods. It seemed that her work with the government changed her
thoughts on school reform. Both authors perceived the school system as a business that needs to
be reinvented and made efficient (Talking about authors at same time. Good.). Ravitch later says
that over time her views changed and she no longer believed in these ideals. She says that the use
of standardized test has no longer a measure of the students ability, which was its original
responsibility. As a student who took standardized test through all of school, these tests were all
extremely easy (Student should expand upon personal example here.). The accountability that
schools had has been manipulated. By making these tests easier, the less risk schools had for
being sanctioned. This has created a cheat system for schools that do well to receive incentives.
In Greenes article, he talks about how the myth of helplessness, (A comma is not necessary
here.) has held back the reforms need to be passed to help disadvantaged students. He also talks
about how early prevention helps disadvantaged students. I can also attest to that, as I was helped
early on in special reading group, for those of us who were falling behind. Because of this help I
received early on, it led to me taking harder classes in middle school and high school (Better
example, but the student could still expand upon the example and make it clearer.). While both
articles have valid arguments, they disagree on how to improve the school system (This sentence
would have been good at the beginning of the paragraph.). Ravitch sees it as being corrupt and
impersonal and Greene sees the disadvantaged being helped (This sentence also would have been
good at the beginning of the paragraph.). From my experience, I agree with Ravitch that
standardized tests are not a good measure of knowledge. Also, I agree with Greene, that having a
good foundation early on is important to how you progress later on and reduces learning
disabilities (The student have tried to incorporate these two sentences with his/her two previous
observations about his/her experience.). In the end both agree that the system is not perfect and
with help it can improve vastly.

*This is a sample BA1 (part 2) from a few years ago. I have added comments in red where
I believe the student needed to revise. Although this sample is not a perfect example (I
would give this student a high C/ low B), hopefully it helps you to see how you should

organize and discuss in the information in part 2. And remember, as I stated in an email, I
recommend you break up part 2 into two paragraphs. In the first paragraph, state the
overall theme/idea of both the essays and those authors stance on the theme/idea. Next,
synthesize the authors viewpoints by pointing out similarities and differences. In the
second paragraph, relate the authors viewpoints to your personal post-high school
experience. Does your experience relate to the first author? The second author? Or Both?
Be specific with your examples from the essays and from your personal experience.