Home is Where the Heart is?

Emily Renne
Nov. 2nd, 2015
Joan Marcus
Creative Nonfiction

2
Emily Renne
Nov. 2nd, 2015
Joan Marcus
Creative Nonfiction
Home: Is Where the Heart Is?
For the romantics and the idealists who believe in finding their one true
soul mate, I ask you this: How does a person go without meeting billions
upon billions of people, and know when he or she has found the one? While
I dont particularly care about the theories behind this, I propose a similar
inquiry. Translating this question into the context of place as opposed to
people, how can a person leave thousands of miles of ground untraveled,
and know when he or she has found their home?
Ah, home. Where you make breakfast in the morning liberated by the
absence of pants; where you snuggle up with the TV remote and a blanket
and pretend the phone isnt ringing. Lets consider the notion that home is
something more meaningful than a private space within a physical structure.
Ty Pennington, former host of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, proposed
that, A home is more than just where you live; it reflects who you are. If
this defines home, how does one determine if their setting reflects their
character?
I thought I would always refer to my childhood house as my own
personal home. As Ive become increasingly older, experienced, and
traveled, I feel more distance in the relationship I once had with the house I
grew up in over an 18-year span. It looks the same. It shelters the same two

3
people, my mother and my father, and almost the same number of pets
(minus a few cats and hermit crabs).
In my short 21 years, Ive found that Ive connected to places with
more ease and authenticity than I have with most people. While Im not
trying to diminish the significance of humans in my life, I might say that Im
more of a place person than a people person. After departing with my
favorite hangouts and spots in places Ive lived and traveled to, I feel the
same heartbreak I suppose Id feel after breaking it off with a partner. I
document these places the same way others document their experiences
with friends and family; framed photos, descriptive albums, and recorded
memories in my journal. And despite the significance and vivacity of my
memories of these places, I could not pinpoint where Ive felt most at home.
In an attempt to satisfy my inquiry regarding this concept, I
interviewed four people who not only left a childhood house behind, but a
country and a culture. Culture, as its commonly defined, is a way of life;
encompassing a set of beliefs, values, and attitudes shared by a group of
people. Adapting to a foreign lifestyle is underestimated for the difficulty of
its task. These people came to a land where they first saw children walking
around on leashes in the airport, a place where it was socially acceptable
to wear a jogging suit to the grocery store, a country notorious for its
fattening hamburgers and gum chewing, and where its people would look at
them as different, as outsiders.

4
All four of these people leading very different lives had one thing in
common: they sacrificed their home countries to make a new home in
America. Whether the reasoning was to further their education, pursue a
new job, confront family issues, or please a partner, they left a place of
familiarity and comfort to make a name for themselves in a foreign land.
Some were confident in their decisions while some were not, and some
couldnt give me a direct answer as to where theyve felt at home.
I conversed with a factory worker from South Korea who spent his
spare time watching elaborate music videos of K-Pop. I heard the story of a
Swiss soccer mom who owned each collectors mug from every season of
Survivor. I chatted with a writing student from France who learned almost
the entirety of the English language by watching Glee. I learned the tale of
an Indian fashionista who traveled to all but 4 countries before the age of 18.
Maybe these people, who had all sacrificed a way of living to move to a
place where they knowingly would become outsiders, could enlighten me on
this query. Why do people leave their native culture to pursue a life in a
foreign land? When does one feel that they can call this land home? And a
fearsome thought: can a person live throughout his or her entire life without
ever finding their home?
While I didnt expect any of my interviewees to possess the correct
answer to my questioning, some insight proved to be satisfying, and some,
more unsettling. While each individual interview transitioned into the telling
of a stimulating story, the variety of thoughts and experiences only added

5
weight to my inquiry. When does a place become a home? Whether this
may be accomplished through to a strong connection with the people,
infatuation with a city or countrys physical attributes, or the discovery of a
place where you feel most like yourself, this thread of inquiry, which Ive
gathered is subjective to the individual, remains unanswered to me. As I
gaze at the tapestry gifted to me by the native Maori during my time in
Rarotonga, reminisce on the photographs on my wall from months spent
backpacking in New Zealand, thumb through past birthday cards given to me
by family from my hometown, while I sit and wonder in my college town
apartment, I am conflicted. Where is my home?

Jaekyo Shin, 66, South Korea

I met Shin at his house located in a run-down suburb of Syracuse,
NY. Despite the somewhat shaggy appearance of his one-story house, the
inside is decorated with an eclectic mix of Korean paintings and carvings,
photographs of family members featured on each wall, and a television fit for
a sports bar. A television without Cable, Id come to find out, as they
streamed all of their shows and movies from an online Korean site. Sitting at
the wooden table painted gold by the noonday in his kitchen, Shin cradled
his toy-sized dog as he told me his story.

6
A self-described city boy raised in Seoul, South Korea, Shin moved
to Syracuse in 1977. Now flooded with extravagant shopping centers and
the monumentally large Destiny USA mall, Syracuse has undergone
dramatic growth since he first set foot in the city over 30 years ago. It was
just so small then, it wasnt something I was used to, he told me as he
mentally travelled back thirty years.
Shin spoke modestly of the sacrifice he made in moving to the
United States. His wife, Sunny, whom he married in Korea, suggested that
they move to the US. Sunny had family in the Syracuse area whom Shin
knew that she was missing tremendously. Shin justified moving for his wife
by saying, I was the boy, and she was the girl. Back in Korea, Shin worked
a manager-level white-collar job, which he earned through obtaining a higher
education. He was happy living in Korea, but if he was to pick up and move
anywhere, he would have chosen Saudi Arabia.
Shin admitted to giving up his side of everything when he moved to
America. He left behind much of his family, a hopeful-looking career path,
and his preferred place of living in a fast-paced city. It was not easy to
make the decision to move here, but life is sometimes funny, he conveyed.
Evaluating his decision with a retrospective lens, Shin pondered over the
possibility that it may have been a stupid choice. But I was young, ya
know? And young people, they do whatever they want. Whatever they want,
they try for it. Shin had no picture of America or what he was going to do.
He just went.

7
I noticed a subtle shift in mood in Shin. He was gripping his dog a bit
tighter than he was after we first sat down. I asked him if he still would have
moved to the US if the decision were purely his. After a significant pause, he
relayed uncertainty. Oh, I I dont know if I would have come here if it were
only my decision. I couldnt speak English, and I had a good job back in
Korea. If Id have come when I was younger, maybe 13 years old, the English
language may not have been such a problem for me. But I was already 27.
Shortly after Shin and Sunny moved here, their oldest son was born. I
thought Survival Shin said, and he took a job at Stickely Furniture
Company. At the furniture company, he made minimum wage, which was
significantly less than what he made back in Korea. As a college graduate
and former manager, this was a less than ideal job for him. The language
barrier forced Shin under a low ceiling when applying to jobs. Since he
couldnt speak English, working under this ceiling was his only choice.
I asked Shin how he came to eventually learn the English language. He
laughed in response. His dog jumped down from his lap as he adjusted his
position to sit upright in the chair. Day by day. I learned everything day by
day. His friends and family suggested that he take classes at the local
community college to get better at speaking English. Looking past me with a
disconcerting expression and attentive black eyes, Shin relayed how tired he
was at the end of each day. He couldnt spare time for classes, nor could he
spare the energy to go to classes. Working a physically demanding job was
something entirely new to him. In Korea, he wore a suit and tie to a desk-job

8
in an office. Surveying his tall and skinny body structure, I could understand
how working a physical job was a tiresome, stressful adjustment for him.
Shin talked about how the other workers never said anything to him at
Stickley. On the rare occasion that they did, he couldnt understand them.
They would look at me, and their facial expressions told me they were mad
at me. Shin was the only Asian worker Stickley had. On some occasions,
the workers would try and fight Shin, and after ten months, he quit. I
couldnt handle the people looking at me like that.
After Shin quit his job at Stickley, he thought he might make a better
living by moving to Brooklyn. Shin moved by himself. Both his wife and his
son refused to go with him. Consistent with his modest confession of the
sacrifice hed made for Sunny by leaving Korea, Shin expressed no
resentment toward his familys refusal to leave Syracuse with him. Sitting
and speaking very casually, he explained his move to New York, I was used
to big cities. It made sense for me to go there. Once there, he moved into
an apartment in Brooklyn and opened up a street shop selling magazines and
convenience items.
Weeks after he first opened the shop, Shin witnessed a family of 7 steal
from him, prompting him to hire two watchmen soon after. During his
recollection of this, I caught anger and frustration in Shins voice for the first
time in his interview. Exasperated, Shin exclaimed, I thought, How can you
tell your son to steal from me?! Shin claimed it was not something that
would have happened back in Korea. He reflected on the pairs of fathers and

9
sons yelling Nice ass! or other vulgar comments at women in the streets,
and the countless robberies and destructions of property he witnessed. He
expressed a passionate distaste for the people of low educational
backgrounds he ran into in the city. There were many who came to his shop
that couldnt count money. Shin was appalled to run into people who lacked
this skill he considered so basic. Back in Korea, everyone could count money
and read the newspaper, no matter their level of education. After three
years of doing business in the city, Shin decided hed had enough of New
York and that it was time to move back to Syracuse.
Now 20 years later, Shin is retired from working a factory job he had at
New Process Gear. He lives in the same house with Sunny and his two toysized dogs that he did 20 years ago, while his sons have relocated to
separate parts of the country. With zero prompt, Shin abruptly remarked,
The American Dream is crap. When I was young, I thought like this (makes a
big circle with hands), but now I know I have this (makes a small circle with
hands). After recognizing that the American Dream was not something that
worked for him, Shin started to speak fondly of his family But my family is
okay, Im okay. So still I have something.
From the uncertainty and subtle regret Shin relayed in his decision to
move to the US, coupled with my understanding of the adversities he faced
once here, the calming and content aura of which he spoke in somewhat
bewildered me.

10
This confusion led me to ask him my big question: about a place where
he felt most like himself, somewhere he enjoyed living, and felt truly at
home. Korea forget it. I left there almost forty years ago. Thats not my
country anymore. Sometimes you just have to forget. I forgot about my
high school friends, and then my college friends. He trailed off into the
memory of preparing to leave Korea, quitting his job, packing his apartment,
saying farewell to his friends and co-workers. Like a mediator at a debate, I
had to remind him again of the original question. He looked away from me
for the longest, quietest pause hed taken in answering a question. When he
finally he looked back at me, the intent, yet uncertain look in his eyes
answered as much as his spoken words. I dont know.

Agathe Loison-Blanc, 19, France

Sitting in the dining hall on our college campus, Agathe, a French
transfer student whose careful elegance initially intimidated me the first time
I met her, opened up about her personal story regarding her transition to
American life. Her model-like frame and urban trendy style made it shocking
to believe that she ever lacked the confidence to talk to other people, and
that she felt the need to travel over an ocean to confront her troubles.
While living in Paris, Agathe spent entire weekends at her local movie
theater, which she bought an unlimited pass for. Other than watching a
plethora of films, she would later reveal that the dark, enclosed theater was
a haven she used to avoid a culture she failed to identify with. She never

11
had the confidence to approach men in France, and had very few friends that
she spent significant time with. Agathe spoke of the closed-off, unwelcoming
streets of Paris, where pedestrians never exchanged a glance or simple
hello. Even when directing a smile at babies passing by her in strollers,
their mothers would hurriedly walk past her and ignore any warm greeting
attempted by Agathe. As I questioned her about the stereotypes that the
French have of being, well, kind of nasty, Agathe responded, Oh its true.
People are always really angry in the street. Generalizations about French
people being pretentious, rude, and often racist, are absolutely true. In
general, she feels detached from French culture.
19 years spent growing up in the same apartment, going to the same
school, and hanging out with the same people led Agathe to speculate about
life outside of Paris, inquiries that would eventually lead her to the US. While
living in France, Agathe spent a few years studying at the American
University of Paris where she took a majority of her classes in English. Yet
Agathes primary methodology of learning the English language was
accomplished by watching Glee. In a less-than-enthusiastic voice, Agathe
described the ways of French higher education: the walk to class, the actual
class (which held little student discussion), followed by the walk home from
class. French universities do not have campus life the way American
universities do, and in Agathes eyes, were as uninviting as the streets of
Paris.

12
After applying to 17 different universities staggered around the entire
globe, Agathe chose to practice a major in Writing at Ithaca College. Like
many aspiring young adults, Agathe desired the college experience, from
simply walking everyday on a college campus, absorbing new beliefs and
perspectives on social and political change, and going to parties with red
solo cups and a collection of card games fit only for drunk people
Before her permanent move to the US, Agathe was somewhat familiar
with American culture. She and her sister occasionally visited family in
Philadelphia, visits that Agathe expressed strong enthusiasm for. She was
fascinated with American social life. During walks around her familys
neighborhood in suburban Philly, one of her family friends would often
converse with strangers passing by. After Agathe asked her if she knew the
passing stranger, Agathe was bewildered to find out that she didnt, and
rather, that she was just being polite.
Agathe offered an interesting take on the American Dream. Having
been tested on its theory in high school, she studied people like Oprah
Winfrey, and vocabulary phrases such as climbing the social ladder and
rags to riches. I feel like it (the American Dream) is something you can
evaluate when you're done, (whether you) struggle or not to find a job, she
noted. But Agathe also called it out for its hypocrisy. That is, the American
Dreams invitation to foreign people to come and live in America, and its
conflict with the countrys often negative attitude toward immigrants. I feel
like the stuff going against immigration is going against the American

13
Dream, she stated, but then again, I'm here. And its because your
government allowed me to be. When asked about her opinion on American
politics, Agathe immediately responded, I just know that I will never
approve of anything Donald Trump says.
Other than a significant expansion of her previous diet, which Agathe
claims consisted of a lot of French bread, she has also opened up to people
since her move. Shes become drastically more extroverted and socially
involved than she ever was in France, a trait she hadnt exhibited since
before middle school. This was not due to an evolution of persona that she
was working toward or looking for, it was something that just kind of
happened. While enjoying the reunion with her extroversion, Agathes been
steadily escaping the boredom with life she was trapped in prior to her move
to the States.
I feel more at home here than I ever did in France, Agathe asserted.
I dont miss anything about who I was from three months ago. I only miss
my cat. Despite losing the privilege of being of legal drinking age after she
moved to America, Agathe has engaged in more social gatherings in Ithaca
than she ever did in 19 years in France. Regarding her shift in personality,
Im not sure if its because I remember how I was before, if its the American
system, if its just because Im away from home and I didnt really like it, or if
its just the people that I met. The group of international students whom
shes become sincerely close with have been an important part of her time in
Ithaca.

14
As she spoke of the experiences shes had so far in America,
confidence and absolute joy exuded from Agathe. Although she is
considering a visit to see friends and family in France at the end of the school
year, Agathe has no desire to permanently return to the country. France is a
place she found impossible to identify with. Without any yearning to look
back on her life from before, Agathe dotingly refers to Ithaca as her home.

Silvia Christen, 53, Switzerland

A day in the life of Silvia Christen perfectly showcases soccer mom
suburbia. A stay-at-home mom married to her high school sweetheart
outside of Poughkeepsie, NY, Silvia has two daughters who are both enrolled
at renowned universities, and a son graduating high school this June.
Silvia made her move to the States from Lyss, Switzerland (20 miles
outside of its capital in Bern) in January of 1986. Reflecting on her first few
months studying American ways, Silvia exclaimed, Ah, yes! It was during the
presidency of Ronald Reagan. (Laughs) I couldnt believe he was both an
actor and the American president! When I asked her about what she
thought of Reagan, Silvia responded that at the time, her political opinions
only resembled what the people of Switzerland were saying, which she
described as not exactly wonderful things.
Silvias depiction of Swiss views did not portray America and its people
in a complimenting light. The Swiss did not take the Americans gumchewing and greasy hamburger culture seriously. She described the

15
Swiss feelings toward the plaid shirt pink shorts wearing American people
as insincere and silly (this is also a dated perception, as she moved here
back in the eighties). Coming to the defense of her present home, Silvia
mentioned, I always wanted to go to America as a teenager because I liked
English; a lot of the top artists were from here. I always wanted to see it
(America). I would even try to defend them (the Americans) before I moved
because I knew I wanted to come here.
Her love of the English language and desire to visit the country werent
the only contributing factors into Silvias and her husbands move. Bernhard,
her husband, worked at a Swiss company that asked him to relocate, which
would place him in a higher rank at his companys headquarters in White
Plains, New York. In a whirl of excitement, the Christens jumped upon the
opportunity and moved to the United States. Silvia took a job in the
companys accounting department under the name of her boss wife until
she was able to obtain a working visa.
Reflecting on her first few years spent within American borders, Silvia
warmly described them as Good memories. She enjoyed the friendliness
of the countrys people, as opposed to the reserved ways of the Europeans
and the menacing expressions they often wore in the streets. On the
European side of the Atlantic, getting to know someone does not happen
with the ease that it does in the States. You survey a person from a much
more careful distance. The people seemed less critical here, Silvia
summarized after pondering over the enjoyment she took from going to the

16
supermarket in a jogging suit without anyone giving her a second look. She
was pleasantly surprised by the laidback aura of the work environment she
found herself in. I started to talk more at work. In Switzerland, it was more
serious in the way of work. Here the boss would crack a joke and the people
would talk for a while. I actually thought it was nice and I became more
outgoing that way. Rather than impeding her and her husbands adjustment
to the States, these cultural differences smoothed the transition.
Silvias impression of the country took a U-turn south as we
transitioned into American politics and the concept of the American Dream.
She conveyed disapproval of Americas welcoming lure to a vast array of
foreigners. America has a lot of burden with the diversity that it has here;
all the different people, the fact that we have so many people that dont
contribute to the tax system, and at the same time we have a large welfare
nation that spends a lot of money on poor people. I think its nice and noble
to be caring for people, but for a country to do that is not necessarily the
best thing. At this point in the interview, I started to recognize the cultural
differences between Silvia and myself. Having grown up in a country
miniscule in size and diversity compared to the US, Silvia was not
accustomed to the American peoples tendencies to not only accept, but
welcome people of all different identities. While I cant confidently confirm
that a majority of Americans feel this way toward diversity, I think its a
tendency we find within our countrys borders more often than outside of
them.

17
Silvias viewpoints that differ due to her native culture were fresh,
interesting insights for me. In Switzerland, you have people with similar
goals, and all the people pay into the same system so the government has
more money to pay out. If you have more people who think the same, and
want similar things, its easier for a country to have that. I think that when
you have a lot of different mindsets, people seek different goals, more things
offend people, and its much, much harder to make things right for
everybody. Silvia comes from a conservative viewpoint, but judging by her
upbringing in a small, uniform country, her loyalty to these opinions makes
sense. I think its much, much more diverse (in America) than in
Switzerland, where in Switzerland you encounter a lot of the same people. If
there was a black face somewhere, you would be surprised, without wanting
to be racist or anything, they just stood out because everyone blended
together.
Politics aside, Silvias love for and comfort taken in American society
was evident, which made me surprised at her response when I asked her if
she is often nostalgic for her home country. Yes, (answered immediately) I
do get homesick. I miss the places to go there and seeing my sisters. Its
more so when I watch something on TV, and see perhaps Wyoming, a state
that looks a lot like Switzerland. Its not that I get homesick a lot, my homes
here and we like it.
Silvia takes intense pride in Swiss culture. Our conversation over Swiss
stereotypes made by Americans elicited positive remarks from her: Theyre

18
all harmless and true. The cheese, the watches, well-off people; its all true.
She claimed that every American she talked with about Switzerland was
always positive when talking about her native country. We werent running
away from something there, or seeking something better in coming here.
We basically just came here for the heck of it. There was no reason to move
away from Switzerland.
Silvia relayed that she feels most at home in her house here in
America. Yet moments before she made this statement, she also stated,
When Im back in Switzerland, its almost like I havent been away. I feel like
I fit right in. There are aspects I really enjoy that I dont have here.
Initially, her claims were conflicting to me. But after an hour and a half
spent learning this womans story, I opened up to the idea that maybe some
people can have more than one home; maybe this isnt a mutually exclusive
concept.

Alexia Sing, 18, India

Sitting across from me in her pink argyle sweater and impressively
high-heeled boots, encompassing feet that have stepped foot in all but four
countries, (Finland, Antarctica, Greenland, and Iceland to be exact), Alexia
spoke with pride and wistfulness of her past travels. I guess kind of
everywhere, she responded in her cute, girlish voice when I asked her
where she grew up. Her fathers occupation as a sailor in the merchant navy
allowed her and her mother to literally travel the world as accompaniments

19
of her father. During her day-to-day life that wasnt spent on her fathers
boat, Alexia attended an all-girls boarding school in India, where she was
born.
Upon the beginning of her long-term stay in the United States which
began this past August, Alexia spent three weeks touring art museums
spanning from Washington D.C. to Boston. A few years ago, shed visited the
country with her father, but had only walked on American ground for a few
days before going back to sea. When talking about her first few days in
America, Alexia joked about a strange first memory: I was near a CVS in
D.C., and a guy tried selling me weed at like 9 o clock in the morning! Like
isnt that too early to be smoking weed?
Alexias ten years spent in her boarding school were sort of a
confinement from the outside world. She knew nothing about popular
culture or boy bands such as One Direction or Justin Bieber until recently.
I didnt know anything. It was like living in Mars, we didnt know what was
going on outside. She watched television shows such as Castle or Greys
Anatomy with the girls at her school about once a week.
After three months at Ithaca College studying Film and Visual Arts,
Alexia expressed a negative perception of American students. Americans
tend to be with Americans. They dont relate to other cultures I feel. Even
the people Ive met who were born in other countries claim America as their
culture. I guess Im the only Indian here. And while shes been exhibiting
some self-improvement, such as eating more despite having fallen victim to

20
Bulimia two years ago, shes also losing attributes she loves about herself,
such as her extroversion. I became more quiet. She reflected on an
experience she had during Orientation Week. She was walking with a group
of people while making conversation with an international student, and
turned to her side to find that he was walking away from her. I thought that
was so rude, she remarked. I thought, maybe people dont like being so
extroverted here, so I became more introverted.
One particular bad experience she took time to chew over happened in
the classroom. Her class was viewing a chart projected on a screen that
featured data on how Chinese and Indians are typically more advanced in
math and the sciences, while a guy sitting near her refuted the chart by
saying that no country was better at such subjects than the Americans. Not
one to usually speak up against controversial comments, Alexia responded to
him, What do you define as Americans? What makes them the best at
everything? The discussion digger deeper into other topics, as the student
further displayed his ignorance by suggesting that culture and change is
unimportant, and that technology and innovation surmounts these things.
With fire in her eyes, Alexia exclaimed to me, But there is software created
in India and computers that are made in China. These things are all
designed by some Chinese guy he claims is unimportant! All this stuff is
culturally dependent. Other ignorant remarks passed at her by students
included Do you all eat curry?, So do you wear one of those head cloths?

21
or possibly the rudest question Do you speak English?, as she was
simultaneously conversing in English with the person asking.
Alexia finds that peer pressure is more prevalent in America than it was
at her boarding school. She noticed that American students tend to be much
more judgmental than what she was accustomed to previously. It disgusted
her how Girls will be like Oh my god, look at what shes wearing! Or say
something rude about another woman. I just dont judge people like that. I
would never. As a faithful feminist, witnessing this behavior demonstrated
by her female peers was disheartening for her.
Given her active traveling pursuits in the past, I was eager to hear
Alexias response to my chief inquiry regarding places shes felt at home.
But she delivered a response I found to be somewhat random, and
unexpected. I guess Australia. The people are really nice. No one will ever
judge you. I see women just driving around in their swimwear and then go to
work in shorts and a T-shirt. And I love watching the people surf. Her
fathers base port was located in Australia, and she would visit the country at
least three times a year when she was younger. It was evident that Alexia
had good memories and a strong connection with Australia, but she also
revealed it was not a place she wanted to live when she was older.
Later in her interview, she rambled a bit about where she would be in
the future and what she would be doing; a rant I was all too familiar with
from performing it myself. She initially wished to attend college as an Art
major, but after criticism from her parents, who suggested shed be painting

22
on the streets of Paris if she were to study Art in college, she settled on a
less abstract major. One thing she knew for sure was that she didnt want to
stay in a town like Ithaca. I just want to be where people are always active,
and doing something entertaining.
Considering the two places Alexias lived in the longest, India (18
years) and the United States (4 months), she did not express a great deal of
fondness or loyalty for either country. And although Alexia spoke highly of
Australia, her lack of desire to live there when she was older did not speak to
the usual attributes of a home. Could it be true that this woman, whos left
few countries on the Earth untraveled, has not discovered a particular place
she wishes to call home? Her arbitrary future plans and lack of commitment
to one country was all too relevant to my own thinking. Maybe Id just
interviewed someone who was questioning the same things I was, and had
no idea if an objective answer existed.