Peer Feedback

Peer feedback is due before class on Friday.

1. In Google Drive, make three good (rubric-based) comments to each partner.
2. In Digication, Step 8, copy and paste the comments you wrote.

T.P. 10%
P.O. 15%
Research 15% 40%
Full draft 5%
Peer Feedback 10%
Reflection 10%
She is doing the Peer Feedback (10%) WP2 Rubric today.
She is using a new way to talking about the draft this time, randomly pick an volunteer and share this
volunteers introduction to the whole class ask student to find out:
Looking find out the past, present, the writers focus
She gave this volunteer for good grades and she will drop the lower grades for the volunteers paper.
So a lot of students want to be this volunteer.
Here is the sample introduction:
From penalty to beauty and motivation, the pictures stabbed in the skin, tattoo, are developing
toward a positive way step by step. Nowadays, tattoo is not a simple ashamed pattern, it is an
experience full with joy and body art, rather just a kind of behavior of rebellious phase in
pubertal that against the conservative convention.
In the past of China, about 3500 years ago, if the officers arrest the prison who want to
escape, the adulterous women, or thieves, they will use the needle with color to stab the
prison's face skin as a kind of penalty, in order to let them feel shame. That is the most
original history in China about tattoo. And this old memory forms the traditional thinking that
against tattoo.
In the end of last centuries. Tattoo becomes a symbol of gangster groups because of some
television work, just like the series movies about teddy boys in Hong Kong. Although the
movies tend to represent the good aspects such as the strong brotherhood among people,
the bloody and extreme expression way makes most of people against the tattoo. Recently
decades, the main reason of changing that attitude is the celebrities effect.(Thesis) People
want to get a tattoo with certain meaning just like some famous celebrities. And many people
prefer to have a tattoo in English. Having a pattern on the body becomes a kind of fashion
and beauty. The industry of tattoo begins to boom and many people start to accept it.
From 1996 to 2000 year, there are totally 12 movies about Hong Kong teddy boy came out. In
this series, it describes the normal life of gangster and the main parts of their life are flirting
girls, engaging gang fights and soaking all day and night at bars. There are a lot of blood and
ruthless scenes about the fights. When a gang fight happens, some member will take off their
shirt and show their big tattoo in the arm or chest, in order to be more aggressive and
threaten. Although the director mainly wanted to show the deep brotherhood feeling among
gangster members, the plenty of bloody and dangerous scenes left a really bad influence in
peoples mind. And so do the tattoo. When people see somebody with tattoo, they will believe

that they must be bad boys and then stay away from them. The negative effect was so severe
at that time period that the Hong Kong government forbidden the activities of the main actors
in the movies. When Yijian Zheng was interviewed by the entertainment news apartment of
TengXun company recently years, he said that: The Hong Kong government didnt allow you
to work because you have a bad image, but I didnt change, why you put an image in movie
on me?
Under the influence by these bad boys, people prefer to against tattoo, but as time goes by,
and the guide of famous celebrities both from China and other foreign countries, this kind of
thinking starts to change. In America or Europe, having a tattoo is a really common and
prevalent thing, especially for some very famous celebrities. Because they love to express
their feelings or characters in this way. Then with the courage of these super star, some
Chinese young adult starts to follow this behavior. Recently years, the entertainment news of
TengXun company published a report that described and analyzed the 40 tattoos of David
Beckham, the really famous English former professional footballer. About his tattoo, David
Beckham had said: That is what the most important in my life, I want to stay with them
forever. It reported that: Every tattoo is meaningful, no matter the shape and picture. For
example, in his neck, the Pretty lady is for his only daughter, as a memory of her 4 years
old. The one close to this one is the name of her daughter Harper. The Man of Sorrows is
for memorizing his dead grandfather. The number 99 in his finger means his happy and
magic year 1999, at that year, he married his wife Victoria, and helped Manchester United win
the treble. The company of this report apartment is really popular and famous in China, that is
to say, a lot of people looked through this report, and in this article, I didnt any criticize words,
that means the attitude of writers is positive and they want to let more and more people know
the tattoo culture. Also, many Chinese people gave their praise, they commented I like it or
handsome for most of times, that means people like his tattoo, without rejection.
Not only the David Beckham, many other famous foreign celebrities have tattoos in obvious
parts. For instance, Johnny Depp, the famous captain Jack, Justin Bieber, Katy Perry, Miley
Cyrus and Angelina Jolie. We have already seen their tattoo many times either in movies,
concerts, or TV shows. In some public activities, celebrities, especially for female, will love to
will dresses without sleeve or simple shoes to reveal their picture. They wont cover their
tattoo on purpose, but reveal them confidently, which is a huge different attitude from that in
China.
When people gradually input many behaviors like this, they will change their mind step by
step and then start to follow the new fashion way. The trend that lead this fashion in China
first should also be the celebrities. Many Chinese famous people get a tattoo in order to
indicate their personality or memory a relationship. Wang Fei and Xie Tingfeng have a same
eagle tattoo in their back waist. And they got this picture when they are dating. Because this
couple is so famous that this thing has been reported many times by many different media.
Even for their different period: when they are dating, when they broke up, when Wang Fei got
married, and when she divorced. The media really tried plenty of times to let people memory
their past. It seems become a kind of representative of them. Another tattooed famous
compere and singer in China is Dee Hsu. She has a little elephant in her right hand. She was
emceed a variety-comedy talk show named Kangsi Coming for 12 years, which is her
masterpiece. During all the episodes, we can see her little cute elephant and that is really
impressive. This talk show is very popular that it earned the Golden Bell Awards, which is an
annual Taiwanese television production award, for four times. The reputation of her indicate
that the society wont judge a person by whether she or he has a tattoo or not and we also
allow people have picture in their body in fame. Many other famous celebrities such like Lu Yi,
Angelbaby, Chen Kun and so on.

After thousand years, inked pattern isnt a shame or penalty any more, and it wont be a
symbol of gangster any more, it becomes a way to identify personality, it becomes a
motivation and a fashion style. Affected by the influence from both foreign and domestic
celebrities, the number of tattooed people in China is increasing recently years. According to
the report by CNN, an interviewer named Yu Haiyang, who is tattooist, said that: Over the
past three years, the number of customers has doubled each year. My income is 10 times
more than six years ago. And the reporter analyzed that: Getting inked is one way for young
people to forge their own identity and mark life experiences -- bad or good. As matters stand,
the development of tattoo culture in China is successfully and the it will be prevalent one day.

She asked student to find the introduction the thesis(total is 8) and grade it.( around 2 minutes)
She also asked this students to grade the essay thesis.
Students find thesis and she asked few question to guide student to figure out what is thesis, what she
want to students write in the paper.
(Pick 6 students) Highlight the Primary research(_ 9 )-Blue
(Pick 3 students) Highlight Secondary research(_9) -Red
(Pick 4 students) Highlight Interview (_9) green
She asked the students find our the research and asked students to find out the interview. Ask student
wh questions, to lead the students get the points.
I learned a new way for how to doing an example.
She asked a volunteer for giving better grades to encourage students become this volunteer and use
this students paper to be an example talk into the whole class.
She shared this article to whole class and asked students to find the introduction, thesis.
She separate the whole class students for few groups to highlight the primary research, secondary
research and interview part. (Using different color)

WP2 Rubric
Writer's name:
/6 Introduction: The writer introduces the current social attitude toward her chosen issue and then
draws a compelling contrast between the current and past attitudes. The writer provides an overview of
different reasons for this change in attitude and then directs her readers' attention to one very
compelling influence that she will focus on.

/8 Thesis: the thesis is a specific and strong argument about the exact way and the extent to which
her chosen influence affected society's overall attitude. The thesis is easy to find in the introduction. It
is concise while also clearly outlining the writer's big ideas. After reading the thesis, a reader will
know exactly what the body contains.
/9
Primary Research: The writer picks appropriate and relevant source material to include
in her essay. This material helps her support her thesis. The writer does a good job in the following:
introducing the research, choosing an appropriate amount of strong evidence from it, correctly
incorporating the evidence into the essay, explaining the evidence, analyzing it, connecting it to her
thesis, balancing it with her own analysis.
/9
Secondary Research: The writer picks credible and relevant seconary research to include
in her essay. This research helps her support her thesis. The writer does a good job in the following:
introducing the research, choosing an appropriate amount of strong evidence from it, correctly
incorporating the evidence into the essay explaining the evidence, analyzing it, connecting it to her
thesis, and balancing it with her own analysis.
/9
Interview: The writer picks relevant and colorful interview results to include in her
essay. This research helps her support her thesis. The writer does a good job in the following:
introducing the interviewee, choosing an appropriate amount of strong evidence from the interview,
correctly incorporating the evidence into the essay, explaining the evidence, analyzing it, connecting it
to her thesis, balancing it with her own analysis.
/12
Logic: The writer has discovered and presented logical and satisfying answers to the big
questions of this essay. She has considered and answered the most-likely objections to her thesis,
reasons, and evidence. She has avoided making her readers confused by or dismissive of her
reasoning.
/10
Organization: The writer has chosen to present her ideas in a logical way that clearly
shows readers how all the different ideas are related. The writer uses sophisticated transitions to clearly
show the relationships between different ideas.
/10
Overall Focus: The writer has chosen a suitably small issue, attitudes, and reason to
focus on. The writer keeps his/her attention on that reason and and does not stray into little-related
issues.
/8
Tone: The writer controls the tone of her writing. The writer resists the temptation to
state opinions about the change (e.g. whether it was good or bad). Instead, the writer focuses on
explaining how her chosen influence changed society. She maintains an objective, analytical tone.
/10
MLA Style: The writer correctly provides in-text citations for all sources and a Works
Cited list at the end of the essay.

/6 Conclusion: In the conclusion, the writer concisely takes her readers from then to now, clearly
summarizing the role her influence had on society's attitude. The conclusion answers the questions So
what? and Who cares?
/3
Writing Conventions: The writer follows standard rules of capitalization and
punctuation. The opinion piece has a title.
/100