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Cindy Lopez
Jennifer Rodrick
English 114B
March 28, 2016
Societies Control on Identity
In our society where conformity is important, all individuals way of being is shaped
according to others and what they have to say. The idea of fitting in is put into everyones head,
where at one point in life they are forced to deal with this situation of fitting in with the people
they are surrounded by. This situation is ordinary in our society and can happen multiple times,
even as one gets older, we may often find ourselves conforming to others lifestyle. Being
different is not necessarily ideal because people have the impression that one must follow the
social norms and not ever challenge them. One must be and look a certain way to please others
rather than please ourselves. The reassurance and acceptance of other people is important to
many so that they determine who they are and alter their identities. Although some may not
realize, society and social surroundings certainly shape a persons self-identity significantly.
Social surroundings are a vital part in the shaping of identities, the environment and who
we are surrounded by has a huge relevance to the results of who we are as person. Also, during
our youth it is when we are especially integrated by society and their ideas of how one should be
and not be. The social norms that are set for us, are seen as a must to live up to. Everyone wants
to fit in and by living up to certain expectations, you are accepted by to the rest of society.
Following what others define as wrong and right has essentially became a custom. No one really
hesitates to question why one must be a certain way and opts to just follow along. What other

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people have to say about one is taken seriously. If people think one is wrong for being different
then one would want to change to accommodate others and meet their standards to be considered
normal. For example, if a person who is well dressed tells someone else their outfit is weird, one
would be affected and want to change to normal clothes to look like the rest.
With teens this issue can certainly be spotted, at this stage in their life I would say that
just about everyone is all ears on how they should look and be; to be cool and accepted. If one
was any different they will stand out and be seen as odd. In The Norton Reader, What Is a
Homosexual? by Andrew Sullivan, we see this situation where he as a homosexual defers his
real identity because of what other people would think of him. Sullivan does not want to step out
of the norm everyone lives in so instead he controls who he is to operate in that environment.
The story of him living as a gay adolescent in high school shows just how much affect society
and his social surroundings had on him. Sullivan states how the homosexual learns to make
distinctions between his sexual desire and his emotional longingsnot because he is particularly
prone to objectification of the flesh, but because he needs to survive as a social and sexual being.
The society separates these two entities, and for a long time the homosexual has no option but to
keep them separate (128). He shows just how he learns and follows certain standards set by
society that are not fit to who he is. His sexuality was not all figured out, he might have not
known what he was, but he was certainly aware of what he was not able to do which is rightful in
the eyes of society.
Doing the normal things any normal heterosexual teen did was something Sullivan was
not capable of. Instead, he found ways to get away of those situations and deferred his identity
by hiding it and getting more involved in his school work. This method of opting to hide ones

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real identity is a commonality and a way of coping for some. Being able to fit in is all that
matters because there is a fear of being different and weird. There is a constant fear of rejection
and the existence of such ideas being public for everyone to know of creates an understanding of
what is right and wrong in society.

People conforming to please others is a huge part of seeking acceptance from society.
Our way of being is shaped by certain situations and people that come along in our life, whether
it is positively or negatively. In The Norton Reader, Black Men and Public Space by Brent
Staples, a Black man, talks about his experiences to being seen as dangerous because of his
appearance. Staples shares that he has had encounters with others, as he is just simply walking or
crossing the street, where people become frightened and cautious of him and what he would do
to them. He states my first victim was a womanwhite, well dressed, probably in her early
twenties. I came upon one evening on a deserted street in Hyde Parkas I swung onto the
avenue behind her, there seemed to be a discreet, inflammatory distance between us. Not so. She
cast back a worried glance. To her, the youngish black mana broad six feet two inches with try
jacketseemed menacingly close. After a few more quick glimpses, she picked up her pace and
was soon running in earnest.Within seconds she disappeared into a cross street (188). Staples
referred to her as his first victim, as it was the first time this situation happened to him. People

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he came across with become worried for ultimately nothing, when he was not even dangerous
and had no intentions whatsoever. As a result of these reoccurring situations, he had to
accommodate and change his behavior when around people. He became more wary and kept
more of a distance in order for others not to fear him. These situations occurred because of the
stereotypes that exist about Black people which others are very aware of. Conformity here is
seen, as he did change his way of being for the sake of others and his own image. He did not
want to continue being seen as this dangerous man just because he was Black. Ones image is
an essential part of our identity and definitely has an affect on how others see us and how we see
ourselves, and here we see Brent Staples having to overcome that issue.
There is always a part in us that wants to be continually accepted and liked by others, and
that is never really the case. We will not always fit everyones ideas of being perfect and
normal, so to fit in we attempt to go by the book. Changes are made in accordance to what is
common in our social surroundings, what other peoples lifestyles, looks, and personalities are
like all influence our conformity. It is essentially as if society and our social surroundings control
us, they have the power to shape ones identities. The invisible strings tug on us everyday, urging
us to fit in with the crowd and follow all these ideas put into our heads by society.

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Societies shaping in our identity, for the most part, is negative. We get the idea that we
have to be someone else rather than ourselves to be liked and to fit in. Our true selves are then
hidden or buried, and sometimes never really found again. There are so many aspects of us being
changed to conform with our social surroundings and our real identity is no longer existent. In
Wings, the short essay Identity Crisis in the Space of Conformism by Jasmine Ruffin, we see
just that. Ruffin shows how the space we live in alters our behavior and brings changes upon our
identity because of our desire for acceptance. She also mentions how this alteration in behavior
and identity results in conformism. Conformism or conformity, is an important concept that is
carried out by many people just to please others and feel right in the space they are in. Ruffin
states that conformity isan issue in the majority of spaces because of the need to escape the
judgment of others. The fear of being judged for being different is a constant factor in ones
head. Usually when one does something that is not right or common in society, we think and
consider what others would say. There is reliance on others judgment, positive or negative, one
always cares what others have in mind about us.
Our society is detrimental and our identities are a huge target that is affected. Ones selfidentity is definitely shaped by the space around us, and society as a whole is the most impactful.
Many ideas flow around carried out by society which influence us to change and conform
according to them. Altering our identities for the sake of being like the rest and having
acceptance from the people surrounding us is really what matters to many. No one ever wants to
be judged and wants to live a live being fully accepted. Society makes us think we must be and
live a certain way to fit in, and that is all it takes for us to change aspects of our identity and
ultimately conform.

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Works Cited
Staples, Brent. Black Men and Public Space. The Norton Reader. Shorter 13th ed. New York:
W.W. Norton & Company, Inc, 2012. Print.
Sullivan, Andrew. What Is A Homosexual? The Norton Reader. Shorter 13th ed. New York:
W.W. Norton & Company, Inc, 2012. Print.
Society Killed The Teenager. Tumblr. n.d. Web. 25 Mar. 2016. (photo)
Society Controlling You. Tumblr. n.d. Web. 25 Mar. 2016. (photo)
Society Art. Google. n.d. Web. 25 Mar. 2016. (photo)