Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Issue #498
April 2016
If you cant comprehend why we dont go around worshiping random rich guys, ask an adult.
Donald Trump never was all that exciting, and I got sick of hearing about his escapades 25 years ago. I
cant recall any stories in which he broke or spilled something in publicunless you count the debate where he
wet his pants as a spillso its hard to see what makes him so entertaining. I think the average person like me is
more interesting because we cant afford to hire someone to cover up our mistakes. Donald Trump is certainly
incompetent enough that hed hammer the wrong end of a nail into the wall and try hanging his big screen TV
from it without a hook, but hes rich and privileged enough to hire an ordinary person with enough sense not to.
Im more interested in the average household out there that cant afford to have someone else clean up
after them when they accidentally drop raw hot dogs on the floor in their living room and the kids end up
squashing them with their feet. Think of the crash you heard from the neighbors apartment when their laptop fell
off their desk and shattered into a million piecesand imagine the looks on their faces! Isnt that a lot more
fascinating than Donald Trump? Ordinary folks are more interesting in part because the rich have the luxury of
being allowed to hide their errors or live far away enough from everybody else that nobody notices.
But I guess some people just go spoony every time a rich celebrity is mentioned. You gotta respect a
man with business sense, hawr hawr hawr! Either that, or Trumps presidential candidacy really is just for the
1%.
Who are we kidding? Its for the 1%. Not just any 1%. The bigoted 1%! One website calls them spoiled
frat guys who act like theyre being persecuted when theyre not.
The people of Chicago managed to shut down a Trump rally in March, but it looks like Cincinnati has
also run out of patience with having a bunch of rich right-wingers stampede into town and leave a big mess for
someone else to clean up. (Remember when the Tea Party left all that garbage on Fountain Square?) The Donald
was scheduled to hold a rally at the convention center in downtown Cincinnati a few days after the Chicago
incident. I went to a sign-making meeting a couple
days before that scheduled event, and we planned to
shut it down too.
But the poor rich Donald got scared!
Once the brainless real estate developer
figured out we were gonna protest him, his plans
were scuttled instantly. He made plans instead to
speak in West Chester20 miles out of town in
presumably friendly territory. He had to speak at a
reception hall that was built for small family
weddings and bubble gum blowing contestsnot a
huge convention center.
I knew I probably wouldnt be able to make
it out therebut I did my part. There was a limited
number of tickets available for the event, but they
were free, and we could reserve them online. So I
reserved a bunch of tickets under a phony name. By
wasting tickets like this, the hall would be riddled
with empty seats.
A bunch of peeps made it out there to protest
anywayin the rain, no less. Best all, there were still
more protesters than Trump supporters. Still, its
surprising the event didnt erupt in violence, since
Trumps followers are known to start fightswith the
Donalds encouragement. This is not new,
incidentally. Back in 2000, some Nazi at the George
W. Bush rally in Devou Park almost got his nose
bone knocked clean through his skull because he
assaulted a young woman. The Republican base has
been starting violent altercations at political events
since at least as far back as 1988, when they were
responsible for violence at rallies for drug kingpin
George H.W. Bush.
The rise of GOP violence and gaslighting
over the past 30 years is a clarion call for their
followers to be shunned early and often.
But dont get any records too close to a light bulbwhether vinyl or styrenebecause it will melt a hole
in them. (I bet you tried it!)
I refer to the decline in sound quality as the Columbia curse. Thats because the Columbia record label
almost always used styrene for singles. Other labels did it too, but I know that when a record has that telltale label
with the orange fading to yellow, the music is probably buried in noise. It was common with A&M discs too.
Ironically, Herb Alpertwho ran A&Monce gave a radio interview in which he said record companies should
start shipping their music to radio stations on cartridges so the stations wouldnt mishandle the records, even
though A&M already mishandled them by pressing them on styrene. Granted, stations did mishandle records,
which I know because I worked in radio. But some stations would copy styrene records to cartridge immediately
and write on the record sleeve, Cue it once, you moron.
Ace Of Base did was full of Nazi-inspired symbolismfrom the name of the group to their music videos. The gist
of the piece is that Ace Of Baste was trying to subconsciously sell fascism to the publicand that it worked,
because they sold millions of albums in America alone.
Why did All That She Wants raise a red flag? The first time I heard that song on the radio, the words
seemed to reflect an already debunked canard that filled talk radio. It sounds like the song is about a woman who
keeps becoming pregnant just so she doesnt have to work and can mooch off the systemsort of like that
phantom welfare queen that Tea Party followers kept blabbering about. Strange how the 1% all claimed to know
somebody like that, when I dont think I ever met anyone who did anything like that. Despite all the mind control
poison that was shoved down my throat at the point of a bayonet, I knew in 1993 that this canard wasnt true, and
I didnt act like it was. Every day, I witnessed the 1% using their clout to evade punishment for their repeated
violent crimes, but I never once saw the 99% getting pregnant just to leech off society. The supposed epidemic of
welfare abuse was an out-and-out hoax. So talk radio was full of shitas usual.
Apparently, music radio was too. Its fascinating that a debut single like All That She Wants would
jump out of the box and be picked up by radio so quickly. Usually, when a song got added by that many stations
that quickly, it was a song by an artist who was already popular. Somebody put a lot of resources into promoting
that song. Why? Was it a special effort to spread the songs message to FM radio after a similar class warfare
agenda had already taken over AM? Incidentally, Ace Of Base was on Festival RecordsRupert Murdochs
record label.
After a while, I just figured the song wasnt really a right-wing fable about someone leeching off the
system, because if it was, somebody would have surely had the guts to say something about it. Or maybe not
since we were living in a time and place that needed Carwatch!, for pitys sakes.
Let that sink in: Carwatch!
Talk about living in danger!
The Dixie Chicks were blacklisted for disagreeing with Bush, but Ace Of Base was played regularly for
years and years? Maybe baseball should have an Ace Of Base Demolition Night.
All That She Wants, incidentally, provoked much amusement when I was in college. We used to make
fun of this song and sing, All that she wants is a Speak & Spell. We changed the song so it was about a persons
arrested development. Its like when Doubles The Captain Of Her Heart was a hit, we changed the lyrics to:
She couldnt wait another minute for Captain Kangaroo.
Ace Of Base. Were they innocent fun, or part of a well-funded right-wing conspiracy to sell the world on
fascism and discredited talk radio memes?
8-year-old saying, Hey guys! Plus all the whispering videos lately.
But now I know weve hit rock bottom. I tried looking for humorous clips of people loudly passing gas in
their cubicle at work, and instead I was confronted with a video bearing this as its description...
Please sign the petition for the Sha Na Na show to be released on DVD.
They could have had a petition about, say, overturning Citizens United or restoring Glass-Steagalbut
instead they put out a petition to have someone release DVDs of a TV show I hadnt thought about in years.
A petition to who??? Its not like the government has any control over whether to r elease Sha Na Na
DVDs.
I dont have anything against Sha Na Na in particular. In fact, they positively influenced me like a lot of
things have. I remember when the group appeared in a radio commercial in my youth. Inspired by this, whenever
my parents asked me a stupid question, I would preface the answer with yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip in a doo-wop
manner. It was the because it bips or if poo or Big Bird special of the era.
But I sincerely question whether anyone in government has Sha Na Na as a big priority. I dont see
Congress falling over itself to pass the Sha Na Na Act of 2016.
When people are more concerned about getting a TV show out on DVD than in making sure corporations
cant keep buying legislators, it sure doesnt bode well for strong voter turnout.
Copyright 2016. All rights reserved.